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Let's start to show you this, this is fair to bear. No one came in looking good, looking good. He's Krischer, I'm sorry. Just put the pedal to the metal. This is a perfect way to start off the show, 12 years in the making. It's going to be a fucking shit show, but everyone's going to it's going to be a hundred percent.

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I wouldn't say like gays can do whatever they want.

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It's a it's a civil rights law. Protects workers the same way that, you know, that that's what the Supreme Court upheld today is not that gays can just on the news, I'm a bit on the news, but that's what you said.

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Also, gays can do what they know and that's it.

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And they can do that what they want. You do.

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You know, I've been I've been extremely focused on like I've read a book.

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I was thinking on this quarantine. I read a book about, um, about slavery. I read a book about you did do I listen to it on audiotape? I just feel like I felt like it would ever be going on. I should listen to I should listen to these audio books about North Korea, about slavery and about the total massacre in nineteen, 1921. Those are the three ones I've read and I've watched a lot of wilding out.

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I've watched an obscene amount of wildling out, I have watched so much wilding out that I could actually give notes and I'm shocked that there's no one in standards and practices at MTV that edits these guys like a bad 1980s pitch for a movie, like a comedy movie, like it's a professor who starts off with some real history stuff.

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And he's like, let's just watch it out. And then the students are like, he's cool. You know, I know who Azealia Banks is now. Good. I watched her cry on while now he did.

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Oh, The Wilder now is a great fuck what you cry about. Holon Wilder. Now, I want to be on Wilder now and I want you to be on Wilder now. And I want you to be on next to me on the other team. I'll be on the platen team. You'll be on next team with this.

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Could this could probably happen dude. It would be terrifying. Like do you think you could rap battle the way they do? They're really good at rap battles. So are you familiar with Wilder now?

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I know of the show, of course. Yeah. It's a question.

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I don't know if we're going to celebrity and then and they do sketches at first and then they'll do like they'll do like dozens. And then it ultimately ends with like we'll end with more than that.

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But the highlight is the rap battle between the two teams, in my opinion.

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And everybody takes a turn. Everyone takes a turn. And there and men, there are some good ones. If you watch top ten wild and out closers. Yeah. If you watch the number one wilding out closer, it is fucking awesome. I mean, I got to be honest, I love the show, but I love hip hop. And I'm told you, I'm obsessed with the eighty five s show.

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Yes. And so they had to do they had Trinidad James on today. Yeah. Dude, Trinidad James does this.

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This is a show we shot out to dad we need to steal from. They do such big fucking things. Where on what on eighty five.

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S show the. No you know what they did. They bring him in. It's like an interview. Remember you said you want to interview people. Yeah. You said there was a football player. Can we interview him. Yeah.

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They bring him in. This is legit. I mean for podcast level like where we're all at they are making a fucking TV show. Trinidad James goes in, sings one of his songs and then one of his new songs. They do an in-depth interview with him while like I think I think just young guys is smoking weed, but they do an in-depth interview. He's fucking amazing. It's great. And so. Yeah, so those two guys training is dope.

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He sent me a package. I just picked it up. So thank you very much. Did I got it. Yes. I fucking I swear to God dude, he, he talked about openly about depression and about writer's block.

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Who's fucking amazing. It was amazing.

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But my point is those two guys got me in a wild and out there and Bean got me in a wild and out and I have been literally binge watching what's so what's the best finish to a while.

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Can we apply. Watch it. Why not? Because I get flagged. I was on television. Good point. Good point. Good point.

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It is. It was, it was one with I don't know, I only know like a couple of the people on the right there.

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No, it was true that for real. What are you talking about? Yeah, man, I saw that.

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No way. Yeah. How do you know him? I did, um.

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I did a full size run, the sneaker show. He's he's one of the co-hosts of that. For real. Yeah. God damn it.

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How do you know so many more famous people like I'd be the celebrity or if someone said, who knows more celebrities, you go as Bert, he's a fucking whore, like he'll do anything. I know no one. I know no one. You know, it's like we were talking to that person of the day. I don't know any managers. I don't know any agents. I don't mind. Yeah, I don't know any execs. I definitely don't know any exact now, but that's strange.

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Oh yeah. Yeah. A lot of them, they get fired. There's no such thing as an exotic anymore. Charlottes All the executive guys are looking for jobs.

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Yeah. Now you know, if you you know, if you know.

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I don't even know. I know your manager Josh, you know the fucking the worst is.

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So I did I'm sure you've done these. So everything's changed in our business where, you know, if you're watching this, you know, we we go in for meetings to, like, pitch ideas. Right.

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And usually it's a whole fucking affair, right. Where you they're like, first of all, it's the scheduling. And then everybody caravan's over to this.

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But, you know, networks building. You go up and you wait and then they it's a whole charade and now it's all on.

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Zoome You just sit at your laptop, which I love, I fucking love. I hope we never go back to going in person.

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But so I'm in one of these zoo meetings pitching a show. It's a it's like a cool show.

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The show your is it show I'm thinking of. Yeah. Yeah. The one I talk to you about. Yeah.

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So it's a pretty and I have, I have like big. Producers attached really big, really big. The biggest, yeah, so I watched one of those new shows last night. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So we're sitting there in this room meeting and then the executives come in and I, I recognize I know one for sure because from memory.

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So I was like, oh my God, how are you doing? And then the other people are like, hi. And I'm like, I meet you. And they're like, I know you. And I was like, I. And so that's when you start to go like, fuck, I just forgot who that was. Yeah. And then I go, you know, I think the last time I saw you to the person I know, I'm like was in the lobby of this other building and the person goes, no.

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And I was like, no, this is like everybody watching this. And I was like, what was last I saw you? And they're like, well, we were at your show, you know, when you had your big show at the whatever theater.

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And I was like, you're at that.

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And they're like, well, yeah, we came backstage and then the guy like, yeah, I came backstage too. I was like, now they all knew I was like.

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I was like. Now, you're the guy that I know and you're like like that, and it was and then and then you just have to switch it up, you're like, I got it.

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Yeah. So anyway, here's the show idea I want to talk to you guys about.

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It's the worst I can be you.

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I was in a pitch meeting last week, but I won't say I won't say it's in case they say they don't know it's them, but if they do know it's them, then they know it's them. A beautiful executive, probably the prettiest executive I've ever seen. Guy or girl? Guy and no cute girl, girl, girl, girl. Like like the kind of person that in the zoo meeting.

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I knew we were all looking at their square like everyone was looking at their back. And look, she was that attractive. And she said one of the first words out of her mouth is, I'm a huge fan of Tom Cigarette's for real.

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And that part of me was like, she knows that I'm Bert, right?

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She's aware that I'm not. And I was like, yeah, I still love him.

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And this is the other guy. I love him. That's what he did.

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How to go, how the pitch go that no one's to know about it. Yeah, I don't think it's well, to be honest with you, it was it's the term doing the. Yeah, that's what I'm doing. I'm filming.

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And I was looking for a partner in financially if I can afford to do it on my own. But it's like if you can get money to do it. Yeah. Better and get paid, that's great. And then some of the places it was just it didn't make sense to me because I know how I take in content. Yeah. And if you told me that so we'll go back to eighty five. But you're burping a lot today.

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No I know I just hotdogs. Chinese food.

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Oh yeah. Yeah I know.

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If they were going to do a tour in a box and go explore the country post covid and with what's going on, what's going on with the covered like I got out and so and so look the second cow had got it and didn't die.

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I'm like, yeah, you don't die from going. Yeah. Apparently no one dies. So can you talk about that or Noel Coward. Well, just like I mean for our audience, I like about the symptoms. Yeah. Yeah. So give people like a summary of who that is. If they don't know towhead is my friend.

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Yeah. Yeah. But a long time friend of yours. Yeah. I've known him for, I've known him for as long as he's been married. I'm probably seventeen years. Yeah. He's a radio DJ in Tampa and had you on early, early in your career.

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Oh like he had me when I was still featuring he'd have me come in and do radio. This is when he was doing I think am and I am. Yeah. He used to do a sports talk sports. Hilarious. Yeah.

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And so shows you at the radio world how they work. Like this guy can talk, just give him a mic. And so now he's got the biggest show. I think he's got a big show in Florida.

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Yeah.

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And and he, I posted online, he's like I got covid and I was like he's like this is the face of covid. And he I will be candid. I know he's watching this. I love him to death. He makes us look like fucking male models like this guy. Like we look like we were on the cover of Men's Health.

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But trust me, we all like to eat. Yeah, but OK. So Yeah. Is how they got it. And by the way, I remember like he's the guy you go to where you're like, Doc says my blood pressure is up. He was like, oh don't worry about it. Yeah. He really goes, oh yeah. Mine's one to ten over one seventy five. You're like, oh fuck.

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He's a guy that can't get it down, you know, and he is the most calm, like calm and relaxed.

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He's very shrewd ever. Ever. And he's I've known him forever. I love him. But he got covid and he's like, yeah, no symptoms. I was like really sick. Everyone else got sick.

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No. Let's see what he says. Let's call him. Do you think he'll answer? Yeah, he's one he's one of the people that introduced me to Warren Sapp, he did? Oh, we never got in touch with Warren. Yeah, I know. You know why?

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Why?

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Because Pete, his buddy Pete, who lost his virginity in a car and guess what song was playing Monster MASH.

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What a horrible thing to lose your virginity to. It was the MASH, it was the monster mash, Domoto MASH, it was a graveyard. I wonder if what if he sounds really sick.

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Uh. You should answer his phone. I'm covered it all right. Hey, how you doing? How are you doing? Bert, I think he's going to answer.

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It sounds like he sent me to another. Can you text me zap again?

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Yeah. OK, can I text him, please? No one ever can I just. No, no.

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Can I just. TOMINAGA Doing two beers, one cable. We want to talk about the covid. Call us.

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Can I just dictate for you to know and you can decide whether you want to say nope, nope, nope.

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For Warren. Nope. Why let's keep moving forward. Why can't I'm not taking your phone. I'm suggesting.

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So the point is what what the point is, if I was going to watch one of my more of someone IDAG like say like Mark Norman, put that said on on much more call it on YouTube's YouTube and it went great. I don't want a network involved. Yeah.

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And I want to go on YouTube so I can watch it whenever that's all. Yeah.

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So I was like I kind of was like I don't know if I want to partner. What are you going to do? What do you do for the film. Do it. Just do it. I just bought a bunch of equipment. You did. Yeah. When you like two cameramen, we have a producer working on it. I got and they're coming with you for the whole trip like magic ninety D and a nother cannon. I've got a I got five lavalier five lavalier mikes and filmed the whole thing.

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What are you going to cut together. One thing or a bunch of clips. I don't know, I think just a bunch of clips and just put it out daily and just and put some standup like some standup that I can burn through. Yeah. That that isn't going to work in this. I think that's really smart, man. Yeah. And I was like, I think I'd rather do that than like, like one of the places was like, would you be ready to, to air it in November.

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And I was like, oh it like Saturday. And they're like Oh we want to wait till November. And I was like, OK, I'm not going to do that. And they're like, yeah, because that's just the turn around on the network is they want to give notes and they want to.

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Yeah. You're like now so you're going to control it yourself. I'm in control myself. Making myself. I can't wait. So now I think it's really cool. Are these guys going to be with you on the bus and the camera guys? Yeah, yeah. Two cameramen on the bus. Guys, you know, or new guys. Jarman's is my cameraman from birth Conker and my cousin Andrew. And then we'll all have mikes will grill out. We're going to have a we're going to.

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Who are you bringing on the road with you? Dave Williams and Shane Torres and Aziz Trejo. All three. All three. And then for the whole run.

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Yeah, for the whole run. Oh, wow. Ron's drive and how excited I.

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I'm so everyone's excited really Thursday night. That's exciting. I can't fucking wait for shows and say I know I'm already written like like so are all the three guys all doing time.

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Every show. How much time. Uh do ten minutes each. Yeah. You know everyone fuck around and then just party the whole way there. I think those, those we approach the road so differently.

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I know what I think about it sometimes because like I would be so upset to if someone was like and then we'll party the big what are you talking about. What would you want to do? Just sleep and stuff.

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Yeah. Like like, OK, ready? Yeah, I've already fantasized about this. Yeah, leave Thursday night at 11:00 drive to Phoenix, OK. OK, six hour drive, seven hour drive and a bus.

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Seven hour drinking around sunset around seven o'clock.

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OK, so by the time we leave, I should be pretty fucking wasted.

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I cannot wait. Like, I can't wait for the bus to start driving and everyone to make cocktails and everyone to find their feet where they're going to sit for the rest of the trip and then just be like someone be like, hey, does anyone want a pizza? Louis, you're already rubbing your things together.

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Skipper Fingers. Guys, I can't wait. I can't wait.

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I know I already know some jokes. I'm going to tell you in in God you're so excited.

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I can tell it's like genuine excitement. It's so upsetting. I'm so excited to tell jokes again because, yeah, I went through today and I went through because I had I mean, we were talking like we're friends who are texting like I don't feel comfortable getting on stage and charging people money to see me on stage. But remember that fucking numb nuts that drugs people. You know that guy.

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I know who you were talking about.

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OK, I think I'm totally past him drugging me now. And, like, I kind of think it's cool down those bars. I'm like, that's a pretty cool fucking story. I guess now you're into it. I'm like, wow, do it again. But so he immediately he'll use like, you know, he's what has been the weirdest businessman in the world. He's a weird guy. Do you remember when he said he goes, oh, here's my here's my idea, OK, or technology.

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It's for everybody. And then the people who get the worst, it's I switch with the people up front, all the people that got busted. I moved them to the back, they of the back. And then I take all the people, the back row and they go to the front, all the people. The back row paid ten dollars. That's all they can afford. Well, now I'm going to give them message, like, what about the people in the front row that you just move to the back there to be a little upset?

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You know, fuck them. Not the way to do business. Sorry, there's a go. It makes sense. It makes sense. But he was like he was like, I don't know, I just had a special go out. I'm going to go to Asia for four months.

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I don't I'm not really I'm not really sure why I shouldn't use the special. Of course, this is the biggest media thing that's ever happened in my entire life. This last tweet, I said, all right, why wouldn't you do special? Why would I take all that pressure on me right now? But he goes he's like, you know, he's like, are you charging ticket prices?

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Yeah. And he was like, are you comfortable doing that? I was like, I already had a new hour. I was touring in theaters. But when the covid kicked out. Yeah. So, like, I have an hour. I love this. For the record, anyone listening to Ari feels like if he doesn't have an hour prepared for you, he doesn't want to charge you. I shouldn't speak for Ari because he will charge you anyway.

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Yeah, but but he he thinks about his fellow man a lot with that stuff. He does. He really gives a fuck about it. He really gives a fuck about the customer. Well, I did. I do too. But I think at a certain point you're like, I'm I'm I've been doing stand up for fucking twenty two years. I'm going to be able to do a really good show 90 days off. I'm going to be fine. Like I it's all I know how to do for a living.

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My brain thinks that. Are you. So will your first set be Friday in Phoenix and as your first set since covid started.

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Yeah, I'm going to tape it, yeah. And then I think I'm just going to put it online. Really. Yeah. Right. But you're going to fuck around. Yeah. Oh yeah.

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I love being on stage. Like fucking around on stage is the my favorite thing in the world. Like I have jokes that aren't really totally written yet that have kind of like, like figure it out and things have changed like so like the way I write a joke hasn't changed, but the world's changed a little bit. Yeah.

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So I want to know what your angle is going to be on all the race stuff.

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You know, I don't you know, I've always been fascinated by that, by whatever that fucking shift in the in the ethos or the, you know, like in the in the world is just about cultural differences.

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This is fast apparent these last three months, but particularly the last month has an impact on what what is perceived as funny.

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Like it changes things. You know, comedy changes every few years anyway. And there's sometimes there's moments that have felt like there's no way that what happened is not going to affect the way that like that your perspective is perceived.

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You know, like so it's really interesting to see where people go and they won't be exactly the same.

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It's so fascinating because, you know, part of what makes great comedy is the danger and the and the almost like tightrope walking of it. Like it makes it great.

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So I don't know, I, I definitely don't like I was watching.

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Andrew Schultz has such great stuff on what's going on on Instagram. Yeah.

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I just I don't really care that much about political stuff I like and I'm blessed to not care a ton so I don't like I don't put eggs in that basket.

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But I do enjoy football. I mean, we've worked together our whole lives.

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You know, I love the dangerousness of going into a scary territory and trying to work my way out of it.

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Yeah, but. I don't know, it will be crazy, especially going to Birmingham, I'm doing I think we're doing New Orleans. We're doing San Antonio. Are you going to open with hey, guys, you want equal rights? How about don't burn these businesses like something like that? Yeah. Yeah, something really aggressive. Go at them. Yeah.

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You know, the nouse if I wanted to. Rioting is not the way to get what you want guys like something like that.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on guys. A did you see the fucking video.

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You know how hard it is to be a cop. Start with that. You know how hard it is to be a cop.

[00:22:48]

Did you see the video of the people in there in their apartments and the and the the protests are going down and they're videotaping and they're going, yay, yay.

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And then a brick comes through the window and the like, motherfucker, they're like, now we're on your side. The windows are closed. No, we can hear them. We're on your another brick through the window now.

[00:23:08]

It is fucking this is on where where you see it. I have no idea. I saw it online. There was a there's a guy who is doing prank. It was an article I read a couple of days ago. There's a guy doing prank videos where he's going up to white people and he's saying, get on your knees and apologize for being white and white people are doing it. What?

[00:23:25]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's a it's a prank video. He's doing it. He's pranking, he's doing a live stream. And he just walked around New York and he was like, hey, I work for Black Lives Matters. In order to show that you support the font, you support us, get on your knees and apologize for being white and white. People are like a sure thing. And then he's like, say it saying womens like, you know, I'm trying to think of the right words.

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I don't want to. I don't want to not mean it. And you're like, that's a good fucking good person. Going like on her knees, on her knees. I pulled up. You can find this guy.

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I guarantee you, I saw it on some on some article, but it was like, it's fucking comical.

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Jesus. I actually thought, what would you do if some guy said, get on your knees?

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No, no, no. If he said, hey, man, do it for black lives matters. No, he said a apologize for being white. Fuck you.

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I have such a problem with people telling me what to do. Well, yeah, that's why I mean, I could never. Is this I'm certain this isn't him. No, this is my God, I just wish I could I wish I could possess his fingers for a second. No, I know. And just right in the thing that we need to watch and the funnier one, the funny. It's kind of sad when you see that because you're like the is doing more harm than good.

[00:24:38]

I think he's a YouTube personality that did get on your knees and apologize for being white on YouTube personality. But the funnier one is the fucking people in their apartment cheering on protesters in the press.

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And you find that don't know brick through their window. It was fucking comical.

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What do you think he's typing? I don't know. This is my favorite. Protesters get a break through with. No, no, he's good for good. Imagine if he was like who the authorities relied on, they they're like, can you like CIA? It was like like if it was, can you do a D?

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And he's like, nothing comes up, guys, I'm not getting a lead. Keep them on the phone longer.

[00:25:28]

Want to know if bin Laden is in Pakistan? He's like, I type. It's not there. I drive. I'm not getting anything. Oh, all right. OK, the gays.

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You said you wanted to know what was going on, so I have not. No, no, that's not what I said. I said I haven't read the news. So you tell me big things in the news. Go to your Google News. Big things you said were going on. I stopped reading. I stopped reading the news. I texted you. I said, I won't read this. By the way, I got this from Stanford.

[00:25:56]

Did you understand? Stand up.

[00:25:56]

Went off the news for thirty days now, all completely off the completely off news for thirty days came back and he was angry that not enough had changed. Really? Yeah. He was like I fucking knew Tom Brady went to the box. I was like, that's all you care about. That's all I care about. I got it. He loves the football, right? He loves football. Yeah.

[00:26:16]

It's so interesting. You don't think of, like, Stand-Up as a joke if you don't know.

[00:26:19]

He got into hockey recently, like because it was like fun to drink to and watch. He just got into hockey was like, yeah, let's give hockey a shot.

[00:26:28]

I tried getting into NASCAR. The end of a NASCAR race is pretty good. Like eight laps to go is good, but my watching a NASCAR race gets very tiresome.

[00:26:37]

Yeah, I've I've never understood it. And then. I never understood it then it's one of those things where people who I wouldn't suspect our fans told me that when you go, it's insane.

[00:26:53]

Going is amazing. Yeah, going to it's amazing. We went to Talladega and sat in the infield. So amazing experience. It's overwhelming. It's fucking great. But I tried to get into it. So I went to Talladega and I enjoyed it. And then I was like, if I could find something to love, like why wouldn't you do that? Like like, you know, when you're a kid and you heard about cutting and you're like, I going to try that.

[00:27:11]

Maybe it's like, you know, cutting. No, like when you cut yourself. Yeah. I remember when I you didn't have to hang onto it. So you've never heard of things in life. We were like like kids are cutting and then gone. Like I wonder what that's like. I should try it out.

[00:27:25]

Nope. Well, when I heard that people were cutting, I was like, oh, that's sad and fucked up. I don't want anything.

[00:27:30]

You never tried it a little bit? Nope, definitely tried a little bit. Did you do it when you heard about bulimia where you like?

[00:27:35]

I'm just going to go stuff myself and you know, but no, but I definitely I would I don't like throwing up.

[00:27:42]

Well, yeah, I know. It's like. Do you like open wounds on your arm?

[00:27:47]

No, I would do it. It was, it was I would do it like in in areas. Well you did it. Yeah. Not a lot but like a little bit to deal with. I didn't even deal, I wasn't dealing with anything. I just wanted to see what like what the draw was.

[00:28:00]

And what do you think. It's weird to cut yourself. It's like really weird. Yeah. Here get to see if you have a razor blade.

[00:28:08]

It's fucking bizarre. You should cut yourself.

[00:28:10]

Do right on your arm. I did it right on my arm, I did like a cross with a razor blade and it was crazy to go into the skin. You see it. Did Albert Senior see this? No, no. This is back when you didn't share stuff like that with your parents. I mean, what do you think he would say? I am thinking that he would be like, what the fuck? How old were you when you did that?

[00:28:29]

I was probably ninth grade.

[00:28:31]

Eighth grade. Can we call them? No, no, no, no, no. There's a lot my dad does not know about me that, like, he would be like, what? Why the fuck would you do that? And then he would change the way he looked at me. Yeah. Like, so I can't. Yeah. These are things. Yeah.

[00:28:43]

I'm feeling those vibes right now. Do you remember. You remember. I did the I did that. I had that video that I shot in the in the beach house and that was when you, you and Chuck were staying with me where I was trying to catch the green flash. You remember that now the green flash.

[00:29:00]

It's like when the sun hits the horizon, it's a green flash pops up. I set up a camera on the beach in Clearwater and I was videotaping it.

[00:29:08]

And then right as the sun hits the horizon, I cut to me in a thong in the in the kitchen just going, oh, the moon's coming up. Like, Can I just show my ass? I'm just grabbing your dad saw this or. So I guess my someone's like, oh, starting to put things online and my dad's in his office. OK, I'll check this out on YouTube and he goes and he goes the greenfly.

[00:29:30]

Oh you know, my dad can't believe he got the green flash camera.

[00:29:34]

So everyone goes right into his office and he plays it and he's like, oh, speed up to speed up a little bit. Just get to the green flash and then it cuts.

[00:29:43]

It's like, oh, you like sunsets. Oh, you want to see a sunset. And I turn around, it's my ass.

[00:29:48]

My dad called me immediately because why would you do something like that was like that was in the beach house. You put on a Speedo, a thong Speedo in the beach house and dance like that. That's in the kitchen. And I was like, yeah. And he goes to fuck is wrong with you. Like, what if someone sees that they go, I want to see it.

[00:30:03]

Yeah, it's the whole point. He's like, yeah. I mean I had so many jokes.

[00:30:07]

I tell them a joke. And he would go he would be like this calm, no, no, no, no, no, no, we're going through a thing right now. Really?

[00:30:15]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What's it about? Nothing. It's not bad.

[00:30:19]

It's good, but it's just it's a very long story. This podcast is brought to you by forums. If you are not listening to if you've not heard me talk about him, then you're not listening. 66 percent of men start losing their hair by the age of 35. And once you've noticed it's thinning, it's too late to do something about it.

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[00:33:04]

I mean if it wasn't for the last five years. Yeah. Do you think he would be like my son.

[00:33:11]

I think I saved it at the buzzer. He did.

[00:33:13]

I think, I don't think he'd be like ok he really does not me, loves me, loves me.

[00:33:19]

Of course I think he just, he doesn't, he can't really wrap his head around what I do.

[00:33:24]

Like I'm write a joke about him.

[00:33:27]

That was cool though, when you did Tampa last and he came out and took his shirt off and he went on stage. Yeah. Yeah. That was he likes that. He's, he's fine with me and like we're good like we can hang out. We talked on the phone all the time. We a great relationship.

[00:33:38]

But what I do for a living or what I find funny or what makes me giggle like he doesn't he doesn't like if you pitched him like I'm about to get on the bus and then it'll be party the whole way across.

[00:33:50]

Well, my friends, we're going to grill out and just party the whole way.

[00:33:53]

Goddamn it, don't fucking don't do that. He already told me not to do this tour. He's the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard of. Our country is going in the middle of the second wave and you're getting on a goddamn bus driving across country trying to catch this fucking thing. He's going to ride the second wave of this coronavirus back to L.A.. Bring your kids, kill your fucking God. Why the fuck would you do this? That's why my dad looks at things.

[00:34:11]

And then I'm like, Dad, it's going to be fun. We're going to film it. He's like, I don't see this fun hanging out. Your family's fun. He's he does not he does not get he does not I don't say he doesn't get my personality, but like there are parts of me that he just looks like.

[00:34:25]

Yeah, like I said, I used to joke something about abortion. Doctor. Oh. How do how does someone become an abortion doctor? Is there someone in med school thinking, well, I want to work with kids, but, you know, on one level these lollipops around and I want to meet chicks, chicks who fought chicks, you can blow loads.

[00:34:45]

And and so he said he called me up, his one of his friends told him that joke. And he's like, why? Why? I mean, he was why would you tell that?

[00:34:55]

And I said, It's funny because no, it's not abortion. It's not funny. He thinks it's a sad thing. Why would you it's not funny that someone becomes trying to help women do a hard time in their life. These women want to make that decision. Was it was not funny when you break it down like that.

[00:35:10]

Yeah, but like, I thought it was kind of funny, like, yeah, you could take that speech and make anything that funny. I mean, that sucks the most. When it was a done, somebody thought it was funny.

[00:35:21]

I liked one of the jokes Burt did and he told it to my dad. My dad just looked at it like this. OK, and then called me up, I was like, what are you doing? It was like my dad I think my dad would love Sebastiaan. Yeah, yeah. Because my dad. My dad. My dad. Yeah. I don't, I don't think. Yeah.

[00:35:36]

That, that observational humor and you know he loves Seinfeld. He wouldn't like, like I don't, I don't know if he'd like your standup.

[00:35:45]

I was just thinking of, like, my own dad, who's like he's just like he thinks it's disloyal to watch other standups. I'm like, you can enjoy other standing because why you're my son. I'm like, I know, but you're not abandoning me. I just go watch other people. He's like, Now there's only one stand up.

[00:36:06]

Oh, my dad is oblivious to the fact that there are other people go, you know this Joe Rogan guy, right? I go, Yeah, OK. Hey, what's his deal? Like, I don't know. What do you mean?

[00:36:17]

You've got to tell me something about the guy because I see the stuff with Elon. Why would he make that guy smoke weed like we didn't make him smoke? He's a grown up dad. He's a guy.

[00:36:26]

I mean, we were putting it out there. I mean, I don't know. My dad called me.

[00:36:28]

He goes, You're your friend. The way your friend has won over me is there.

[00:36:48]

Can you grab a paper towel or something? Sorry. Oh, fuck. Thank you. Thank you. I watched someone put together a clip of the five hardest times. That was so funny. I laughed again watching it. And I woke up in the morning with Lee-Anne and I watched it with Lee-Anne again.

[00:37:04]

And we got another Diet Coke. I just spit on this one. I laughed so fucking hard that that was funny. Who put that together?

[00:37:12]

I've no idea, really. Maybe my team might have read you some wonder. Yeah. Crowd surf. Thank you.

[00:37:18]

Veha that was fuckin. I love laughing more than anything. It's the best and it's the best.

[00:37:25]

Tell me some news. OK, I didn't finish telling you this though. This is the best. My dad he goes, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's your friend.

[00:37:31]

He goes your friend just Rogan guy. And I go yeah he goes got a big contract Spotify.

[00:37:41]

And I go, yeah, yeah, it's pretty awesome. And he goes, they're going to reach out to you for something like that. I go, I don't think so.

[00:37:48]

He goes now I go I mean you'd kind of have to build it up to where somebody wants to do that and he's like you to work on that. I was like, Yeah, thanks for the advice back. Yeah, thanks. And I just found out Chip and Joanna Gaines.

[00:38:04]

Yeah, I knew they got their own network. I didn't realize it was replacing DIY network.

[00:38:10]

They have a network replacing DIY, so they're getting rid of DIY network. I heard. Is that the network they were on. No.

[00:38:16]

So they were on HDTV, right. AKB is like, it's like it's more feminine. It's like more like design friendly, like more like pastels. And like let's just we don't need to tear the room down, let's just rearrange it. Yeah. And DIY is like let's tear this barn down to the ground and then let's build it up in this remote location like everyone in DIY Network's got a beard or a like like very insensitive jokes often like like I remember it's like very tone deaf.

[00:38:50]

I remember watching one in the girl the girls like. So you guys are going to help me move this stuff. I heard both of them say if you don't move this stuff, he's got a picture of you in a dress. You want to show that to people.

[00:39:01]

And in my head, I'm like, it's not like, yeah, people that do it all the time. Like, I think you're missing the show. I get it. Yeah, but Jim and Chip and Joanna are doing they have a whole their whole fucking network will just be programming of them or they'll program other thing.

[00:39:16]

I think they are the presidents of this network and we need a show on this fucking network. Now, listen, I know we've talked shit. I've talked shit about them in the past.

[00:39:24]

I think maybe it's a good way to sell them. Well, that's why.

[00:39:28]

Because it's all about acceptance. What show are we going to pitch, Chip and Joanna? It's a lifestyle network and I am the lifestyle comedian. I have a flip flop line.

[00:39:43]

Another sign of a signature summer look, your signature summer look is really taking off. It's blowing up. Everyone is now reaching out with their own signatures, our look.

[00:39:51]

And so there's a lot of things like I think I'm a lifestyle brand, a lifestyle comedian, and I'm the only lifestyle comedian, top five lifestyle comedians, lifestyle comedians, lifestyle comedians, OK? OK, Margaret Cho, no, that's not the lifestyle, she's just Asian, but, you know, I mean, Asian can be a lifestyle like that.

[00:40:15]

But I wasn't suggesting that Asian is a lifestyle. I'm saying that she has a definitive lifestyle like she parties, too. Sexually, she's sexually liberated.

[00:40:24]

I think you're missing the brand lifestyle brand. Pull up lifestyle, pull up the definition of lifestyle.

[00:40:30]

Glock, Glock, Glock. Hey, Glock. Nevada, Nadav. Lifestyle, the way in which a person lives right denoting advertising a product designated to appeal to a consumer by associating with a desirable lifestyle, my lifestyle and the lifestyle comedian is a nice cocktail, right?

[00:40:54]

Yeah, a sunset, a cigar, maybe a hit or two off a joint, an open faced Hawaiian shirt, a visor, maybe a little exercise in the morning. Right. Little treadmill action, treadmill action and some comedy.

[00:41:08]

That's my lifestyle. Right. I tailgate at my own shows. I'm a tailgate guy, like I'm I'm like I'm like a lifestyle brand. OK, so now give me lifestyle comedians like Margaret Cho's.

[00:41:21]

I mean, I guess I guess she I think I think she's veered away from it, but she was like a sex lifestyle. That's what it was. That's what I was thinking. OK, I'll take it. I'll take it.

[00:41:29]

Margaret Cho, the sex like dungeon.

[00:41:32]

Yeah. And like being like sexually, you know, comfortable with whatever you want, whatever you desire.

[00:41:39]

That's what I thought of her. OK. OK, I like it. Like she's like whatever you're into do it because that's what she does, OK.

[00:41:46]

And she's open about it. Chelsea Handler was a lifestyle comedian. Sure. While she was like she stopped. I think now she's really sort of hardcore lifestyle comedian.

[00:41:54]

Now she's really put her. What about your boy, Stan?

[00:41:56]

Hope I got to tell you. Isn't that a lifestyle then? It's definitely a lifestyle comedian. Yeah. I got to give props to Chelsea Handler with props or do y because I used to.

[00:42:05]

I used to not. I don't I don't like getting political, so I used to be turned off by comics that like would get political on their feet.

[00:42:12]

But then I thought what a great look at her. Amy Schumer, this is going to fucking not everyone's gonna agree with this, but they had a lot to lose by getting political more to lose than to gain.

[00:42:24]

Right. Right. Correct. Sure. I guess you could make that case and then kind of cool.

[00:42:30]

Like, remember, we were talking about blocking people and I don't want those people on my feet anyway. Yeah, that was like kind of a good move of, like going, oh, here my politics. I don't like you anyway. Oh yeah. Get the fuck out. Yeah. I only want like minded people with me. It's kind of interesting.

[00:42:45]

Like I really kind of it's funny when you tweet like I tweeted something I don't know, a week ago or so. It's making fun of Trump because he wrote the most insane tweet.

[00:42:56]

And like there are people in the comments who are like, Goodbye, Tom, like I'm done with you for this.

[00:43:03]

I'm like, OK, sure, I can't buy. Yeah, it's kind of interesting to watch. Like, I'm not a fan of like what happens. I noticed a lot. What happens is you see actors tweeting politics. Yeah. They're simply doing it because they know that insurers work for them.

[00:43:20]

Like if you don't, there's something that does it because that feels like that's you.

[00:43:24]

You cannot work in this business and be conservative. You will not work in this business. I mean, just what's his name? The guy is on Guardians of the Galaxy. He they just had a video of him, Chris Pratt. Chris Pratt had a shirt on. The other people had worn and co-opted for alt. Right. It was it was the flag for like Delaware or whatever. It's like, don't tread on me.

[00:43:48]

And they fucking lit that guy up like, oh, they went after him.

[00:43:52]

And by the way, did you see what happened with Gundi, you know, the head coach of Oklahoma State? Hold on. No, I don't know what you're talking.

[00:44:00]

OK, do you want to. Do you want to. Yeah. Where were you going to say? I don't know. You said you were about to say something.

[00:44:08]

No, no. Do you want to know this? Yes, I do.

[00:44:10]

So my Gundy is the he's been the coach there for a while and he's like, you know what I find refreshing this o own like one America network, which is like it it looks like a college, like a D3 college set and production level.

[00:44:29]

And they're basically a hard right leaning praised the president network. It's nonsense. It's propaganda. He's like finally a refreshing network that just gives you the news, which is the way which has happened.

[00:44:41]

Well, that was like his opinion a while ago, like he just said that and people were like, whatever, dude.

[00:44:47]

Like it was it's not a big deal that that's that's your opinion? That's fine. He he has there's a picture of him. I know if it's with his sons, but he's wearing a T-shirt from the network, says, I own network.

[00:44:58]

His star running back was like, nah.

[00:45:00]

And was like, I will not be associated with the Oklahoma State football.

[00:45:05]

You. Yes. Over this shirt. And then other players are also like, yep, no, I thought it was Owen, as in Oprah's network.

[00:45:13]

No, no, no one American is how they. Yeah. He's like, nope. Not going to play with you.

[00:45:19]

Not going to play for you if you wear that shirt. Are you serious? Yeah, it's kind of I think I think those are like Gundy's kids or something then.

[00:45:26]

But yeah, they're like now we're not on the same.

[00:45:29]

I don't know enough about that own place to. It's hilarious. I've never seen it is but it is. Here's all you need to know.

[00:45:38]

Trump has now been is now being like this is the network to watch.

[00:45:42]

He's like he is announced that Fox is over. He's like Fox used to be good and now they're not. So he's like owns where it's at.

[00:45:51]

Owen is a reliable journalistic place to go for nation.

[00:45:57]

So wait, so it's so embarrassing, dude.

[00:46:01]

It's so it appears so. But here's where I go.

[00:46:04]

Like, no, I mean I'm just playing devil's advocate right now. Like so then.

[00:46:13]

This is not the greatest thing to say and what's going on, but then tell me what political views I'm allowed to have now. Yeah, you you make a good point. You make a good point. I can't have a differing views. I mean, I don't I don't I don't know this coach and I don't even know anything they've ever said. Yeah, but tell me what I'm allowed to say or allowed what shirts are allowed to wear. Yeah.

[00:46:32]

So that we cannot like because. So like you're making a point. That's a valid point.

[00:46:37]

And at the same time, like, you know, it's kind of some things are just about reading the room. Right. Reading the moment like just poor timing, things like that. Right.

[00:46:49]

So if you look at like the current climate of the week and the month that were in and then you're you know, you're a player on a team and you see your coach wearing something that anyone with any sense would associate with just a certain point of view.

[00:47:07]

And that's where there is a power structure in that he is your coach, he's your coach. He's the guy who tells you what to do, you know? Yeah.

[00:47:13]

I mean, like, if. I can't imagine. I don't know, I just know so many fucked up people that have fucked up views. Yeah. That I just I don't you just block out there. I don't I've never really cared about someone. I've never cared enough about someone's views. Yeah. Fucking runs my bus driver. He said some pretty fucked up things about white people at times. Yeah. And I just go I start giggling. Yeah.

[00:47:36]

And I go yeah. OK. I can actually see part of that point.

[00:47:39]

I think part part of it probably most people are like that. Yeah.

[00:47:43]

I just I it is because what are you going to do.

[00:47:47]

Navigate like are you going to do a full questionnaire when you meet people. Like what else do you think.

[00:47:51]

And then like just or it's like, it's like it just becomes a super slippery slope of like. If you don't and that's a little bit what's going on in our country. And by the way, I shouldn't even talk about this at all. I don't even know really what's going on. But like like I shouldn't speak I shouldn't speak like this because it's not my place, but like. What if I like something and it makes me giggle like like I then all of a sudden like, OK, like the fucking hardest I ever laughed one time is when you're up here and you're like, I worked for a retarded person and it made me laugh.

[00:48:23]

And now I'm accused of a hate crime because it's a bad word. But I couldn't help it the way you said it made me laugh. And then it's like so slippery like and and now you're going to start saying, like. So if I like if I like Bill Maher and I wear a Bill Maher shirt, they're going to cancel me because I like some people will. Yeah.

[00:48:40]

Yeah, the whole world's changed. OK, so tell me just tell me the brands and the things I can like so we can just get this or why don't we have the state dictate what is allowed and then once they do then we'll all know what to do and we'll get in lock step and make sure that we're all on the same page or we can be diverse as fuck. I don't know about this own place that end up white, right? Like racist.

[00:49:03]

The shirt is like I, I think the the more insane thing is his commentary about the network.

[00:49:11]

Like the shirt, a shirt. I don't know. Sure it's a shirt man, you know, like wearing whatever can show you where was. See the problem is, is like someone like Lee-Anne who is not savvy to the internet. Yeah. Her friends are sitting there talking and they're they're playing a video and they're like this. It's a Denzel Washington clip. And it's clearly not. And it's not a great it's not one of his best represented moments, right?

[00:49:33]

Yeah. It's like it's it's Denzel Washington and Lil Wayne talking about how racism isn't real. And I go, hold on, guys, let me just stop you. All right?

[00:49:42]

There I go to Washington and Lil Wayne are talking about anytime you have who type in Lil Wayne and Lil Wayne, not racist or whatever. I don't know. He's never going to fight it.

[00:49:54]

But like, it's it's and it's like, yeah.

[00:49:59]

There you go. Is it Morgan Freeman, Morgan Freeman, Denzel Washington, Lil Wayne. OK, and so I go, hold on, stop right there already. This is nonsense. What they're saying is nonsense. And I can guarantee you, just based on what you're hearing, this sounds like someone's talking points and someone's agenda. Like you're only getting a part of this interview. Yeah. And it sounds like they've ripped it and put it together. I go forward to the very end, find out who produced video and the like.

[00:50:24]

That doesn't matter. It's an interview. And I go, no, no, no, it does matter. It does matter who cut this clip together, but it together cut to the very end. It's Prager, you. And you're like, OK, I can't you can't trust this fucking video. That's Pettigrew's like I'm going to say name bleep it out. Fuckin buddies, really? Oh, yeah. And so you can't you can't trust it because it's it's it's take it's from one side of the narrative.

[00:50:49]

But how did how did they get Lil Wayne and Denzel and did they just pulled the clips off of different interviews. Oh. So they didn't interview them. They just grabbed a clip of Lil Wayne thing and cut it together and cut it together, going, this is what. And it feeds into a part of the narrative in this country that maybe people want to hear people go, that's interesting. And you're like, it's not interesting. It's horseshit.

[00:51:10]

It's your it's the problem with what's going on. Is it to polarize sides? Yeah. And no one's just like all of a sudden I got on to someone. I watched Bill Burr and Rogan this weekend on the treadmill. And there's a part of Seattle that's been. Yeah, but I watched Bill Burr and Rogan talk about it.

[00:51:27]

And then I go online and it seems like it's and then someone compared it to this place in in Scandinavia that I went to that was really fucking cool.

[00:51:35]

And I was like, oh, wait, hold on.

[00:51:37]

So wait, how the fuck do I know what it really is like? Apparently, they blocked off like eleven square blocks in Portland. In Seattle. Yeah. And Antifa or some presence is black lives matter is is running it. It's a police free zone. Yeah. And I watch Bill and Joe who I obviously I'm friends with and I love, but they're like this isn't going to end well fuck that, that's bullshit or whatever. And then I go and I was like from Ari's perspective, he's like, oh, he didn't say this.

[00:52:02]

But that I remember Ari telling me, go find that police free zone in Scandinavia. It's pretty fucking amazing. And me and Mark Norman went there and had beers and smoked weed and fucking walked around and saw drawings and it was cool shit.

[00:52:12]

I was like, well, I wouldn't mind one of those in the States, but I don't know what it is because I can't get anyone to tell the fucking truth anymore. Right. It's just two sides. So you get this one side. I'm not saying jump. Joe and Bill are those guys, but like, you get one side, then you get the other side. You don't get like, you know.

[00:52:26]

No, it's true. Because the other thing is to the point about like, where do you get things you like now the burden people finally understand that the burden is on them. It's on. Yeah, you. It's on me.

[00:52:40]

It's on us to you have to figure things out because if you just go well I'll just I'll see and it'll tell me or Fox will tell me that's not the news.

[00:52:49]

No, I need I, I the news is only on own. One America on network.

[00:52:54]

I saw something on the Tucker Carlson. Right. Yeah. And and then I was like, I was like that made sense. And then I was like, wait, hold on. And I was like literally I was like, I wish I just had a link to the video going, oh, here's the other side of that story. Yeah. So you hear the other side immediately.

[00:53:08]

You have to search it out yourself. It's crazy. You do. I got to be honest with you. That's why I just give up.

[00:53:13]

Yeah, I just which is also what I think is a very relatable feeling and probably what honesty, what majority people do is they go like this is way too much stuff.

[00:53:26]

Yeah. Way too much.

[00:53:28]

If or what happens is people watch one or the other, like they'll watch the Fox News thing or the MSNBC thing, which each of them clearly has a bias. Right. And it's leaning left or right.

[00:53:39]

And then you get into like what you want to hear.

[00:53:43]

You're like, tell me the perspective, the way I want it, I want to hear it. Oh, and I was telling someone the other day, I was like, I don't like I don't like the righteousness that happens when you see a video online of someone doing something and you go look at that fucking piece of shit and then you can't say maybe I could be a piece of shit. Know, we talked about this on one thing that one time about you got to realize you could be either or the fucking people.

[00:54:06]

Everyone forgets what it's like to be in road rage where you lose your fucking mind. You start saying, shit, I'm not racist. I never totally want to go back to the country. But guess what? I've been told to go back to my country a lot.

[00:54:16]

You have been. Fuck, yeah. What do you mean?

[00:54:18]

I was traveling abroad for travels.

[00:54:20]

You know, people would always tell me to go back to America like so many times that it happened that I got to the point where I was like, it's kind of hurtful. Like I'm just trying to hang out. I get it. I'm louder. I'm giving your kid Skittles in a village and they don't have their teeth. But people babies go home, go to America.

[00:54:36]

I had a woman in Vietnam tell me I need to leave them alone.

[00:54:39]

Never come back, go back to America like I would because I was giving her kids Skittles and I'm going to play with my face.

[00:54:45]

And so they go they put their hands in my in my beer and I go or they scream and then I give them Skittles.

[00:54:52]

And she was like, yeah, we're not set up for Skittles. Like we live in a fucking village in the middle of the jungle. Like you can't just load my kids up with sugar and fucking bounce. Like, now I've got to deal with this shit. Get the fuck out of here. Yeah, she was squatting, smoking a cigarette. And I want to see if I saw you come out of the jungle.

[00:55:08]

My kids and you, they're playing with your beard and you're growling and give him Skittles. I'm like, I've seen this story before. And can you imagine if I walked? Usually ends with a warrant.

[00:55:18]

I walked out of a jungle and you were just living in a little village in Vietnam, just a little village.

[00:55:25]

And you saw me come out of the jungle with a backpack on. Oh, this is like the movie Platoon.

[00:55:33]

Shut the fuck up. Except we're not firing again, you know, am I right, guys?

[00:55:37]

There's kids who want some Skittles like I was a fucking night. And then they had beers, I start drinking. A lot of people have pointed out you say that word funny here. Yeah. Namir nightmare. How do you say nightmare like that? You're saying it wrong. Nightmare. Yeah.

[00:55:52]

A nightmare. A nightmare.

[00:55:56]

Nightmare, not a nightmare. Saying it like some worse. A nightmare. Well, you're saying like a nightmare. Like a reflection on a wall mirror.

[00:56:03]

It's not exactly nice to meet MERS nightmare.

[00:56:10]

No nightmare. There you go. See it. That's that's not a nightmare. Nightmare. Say it. We'll put your headphones on. It's a nightmare. Nightmare. No, not nightmare. It's a nightmare.

[00:56:25]

OK. Go ahead. Nightmare, nightmare. Oh, shut up. Yeah, I've been saying it wrong my whole life. I think so, yeah, I've noticed it too.

[00:56:38]

And then people started to message me about, like, how can he says that I was stupid? And I was like, I'll find out.

[00:56:43]

Night. Nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare. I had a nightmare and a nightmare. You're getting their nightmare. Nightmare. Why do I say nightmare? I don't know. Nightmare, nightmare. Nightmare, nightmare.

[00:57:02]

Agree to disagree. OK, all right. I smell like shit. I think. I think he just wait for me to get my headphones.

[00:57:09]

It's not exactly exciting. It's fun. I would be excited to. This has been a very political podcast. We should shift. OK, well can I read you the news real quickly? I read in the news, I'll tell you, it's real or not real, OK?

[00:57:21]

Supreme Court says federal law protects LGBTQ workers from discrimination. Federal civil rights law protects gays, lesbians, transgender workers. The Supreme Court ruled Monday the landmark ruling will extend protections to millions of workers nationwide and is a defeat for the Trump administration, which argued that Title seven of the Civil Rights Act that bars discrimination based on sex did not extend to claims of gender and identity, identity, gender identity and sexual orientation.

[00:57:46]

I can't believe that was something they're still arguing about. Wait, hold on, you're telling me someone could get fired because they're gay or like like say say you showed up to work one day and all of a sudden you're in a dress, your beard shaved and you're like, I'm Tammy. I'd be like and then I could go, you're fired. We don't let that happen in our workplace.

[00:58:08]

They're saying that, yes, some people do that and they're saying that now that's a no no in 2020.

[00:58:16]

Yes. That just passed. Is this that's fake then. That's real. That just happened. Today, what the fucking shit, yeah, yeah, six three opinion, are you serious?

[00:58:33]

I can't kid who who doesn't think that you can like who gives a fuck if someone's gay.

[00:58:41]

That's I think that's part of the. Yeah, but why would someone give a fuck if someone was gay? Some people I don't know.

[00:58:47]

I mean some people do that coming from the guy who says I definitely want everyone to come and me you.

[00:58:55]

I know this is real or not. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh, surging Korona Coronavirus case raises fears of New Lockdown's Sharp. Increases in the number of coronavirus cases diagnosed in states across the nation have some local elected officials considering pausing and reopening their economies, pausing to fake news that is fake real issue.

[00:59:17]

Rising number of cases are the hitting hardest in Sunbelt states like Arizona, California, Florida and Texas.

[00:59:25]

June 29th. I'll be in Arizona, June 30th. I'll be in Texas over the other ones, Alabama, Birmingham.

[00:59:32]

I'll be in Birmingham here in California, Florida, Texas, Arizona.

[00:59:36]

Yeah. Awesome. Yep. That's why we're doing a drive in movie theater tour. Texas has reported more than 2000 new cases a day on four of the last five days.

[00:59:47]

We but it's a bit less this less ICU visits or something. No ICU visits are up, OK?

[00:59:57]

Give me some more fun news. It's the opposite of what John Krasinski does, it is what does he think he does? A show called The Good News Network where he just shows cats playing or something.

[01:00:07]

Hmm. Oh. I'm looking at other stuff, see what's exciting, you know, give me some give me some celebrity rag stuff. You want some good celebrity? I love celebrity gossip.

[01:00:26]

OK, on. And oh, in the meantime, I look up, you pull it up, will you, celebrity gossip, go to news right. Here we go.

[01:00:35]

Open a new page, go to Google News, get nightmare out of there.

[01:00:42]

No, no, no, no, no, no. Stop, stop right there. Stop, Starbright, go back. Go back, go back. Just get it clear. Get a clear to be clear. All of it. Yeah. And just click news now. OK, ok.

[01:00:53]

You're not because it's still nightmare news and it's you just googled nightmares. So all your news is about nightmare. That's true.

[01:01:05]

Nothing.

[01:01:05]

Nothing in Google News. Well this is again this is getting heated.

[01:01:17]

I've never, I've never heard. I've heard that. I've never heard him talk back to his boss like that.

[01:01:23]

I'm not talking back to Tom like that.

[01:01:25]

Oh, good for you.

[01:01:31]

Good for you, I. Good for you, Spider. This is for you, pal. All right, can you can we type in something, though, just so it is?

[01:01:44]

I do see that it's an all night marinus. So what?

[01:01:47]

Be a new type. OK, no, it's not about now. I'm explaining how the Internet works, OK?

[01:01:54]

When you type in celebrity gossip, it pulls up news that is about celebrity gossip. It doesn't bring up celebrity gossip. So what should we do? So if you go to Google News, so if you go to go click the Google Button that you see there, click Google, click it now go to over to the far right, you see four boxes top. Get out of there. Get out of there. See the boxes on the right. Far right.

[01:02:16]

All right. Yeah, click. That one's going to say news. See news. Good news, quick news. And now go over to the left. You're going to see entertainment over to the left, yellower. There you go. That's celebrity news.

[01:02:30]

OK, fouth Matthijs, you guys, I'm not saying that I am your boss, but boy, you'd be on fucking thin ice with me.

[01:02:42]

That may be why I wouldn't bet as a ringtone oh, for sure. Hmm. Kareem Abdul Jabbar. Why he got on the one. There we go. You want to read that one? Nope. OK, Howard Stern, Howard Stern, did you see that?

[01:03:00]

Yeah, that wasn't like now here's the deal. It's like I understand his defense is that he was doing a parody of Ted Danson and Whoopi Goldberg, but it is in that back then, he thought that was a funny way to approach it. And today he would approach it differently.

[01:03:15]

Yeah, I agree with it. I agree. I understood that was a parody of Ted Danson and Whoopi Goldberg. Oh, it is. Yeah. Yeah. But it still is him saying the N-word a lot. Yeah. Yeah, of course. But but still it's fuckin.

[01:03:28]

I don't think no I don't think you should be cast over that. What do you think. Although it was a pretty aggressive blackface. It's pretty aggressive, it's pretty aggressive blackface, but he's the idea is like I'm mocking the real person that did this.

[01:03:41]

Yeah, I'm mocking the fucking idiots that did this. Yeah. Poor Robin, man. Did you see Robin in that clip?

[01:03:47]

She's like on the mike. You can tell she's like, oh, Howard.

[01:03:50]

Yeah. Speak up a little bit more. Yeah. You're using the N-word a lot.

[01:03:54]

I only saw a snippet of the whole thing. How long is it? It was like three minutes. It's like and she yells the whole time she's like, you can tell this.

[01:04:01]

She's like the N-word just has such an effect on her that she's she's not like she's in my perspective.

[01:04:09]

She was she comment on that. She just I don't think she did. Not just all Howard Stern.

[01:04:13]

I liked what he said. I like Howard Stern said it was like, listen, that was a long time ago in 1993. The problem is they had a clip, I guess they had a clip of him saying on The View that he had never said the N-word, which is such a fucking stupid, like he's a fucking broadcaster. He talks for a living. Yeah. He had never said the N-word. And then they played that clip of I never say that word and then him just dropping Dada's.

[01:04:36]

Yeah, we all take dumps and sometimes they're clean, sometimes they're not. And you can use toilet paper if you're an animal or you can get a Toshie with a tissue, you use 80 percent less toilet paper. You're treating your butt the right way. You're getting that high pressure hose wash in that hole to knock all that nasty chocolate off of it. This this is like a bidet attachment that clips onto your existing toilet and sprays your butt with completely fresh water.

[01:05:06]

This is an important point to make. Some people think you're spraying toilet water from the actual. No, it's the water that you're you know, it's like sink water. It's it's fresh water. It's spraying right into your ass and removing all that.

[01:05:17]

Kakha And you don't have to worry about, you know, smashing turds up in there because you're spraying it off and you have a clean, fresh hole that somebody can screw up if they want to.

[01:05:29]

It's absolutely fantastic. Started just seventy nine dollars. Go to hello toschi dotcom bears' get ten percent off your order. That's Hello Toschi dotcom bears Baycrest get ten percent off your order.

[01:05:43]

Thank you Toshie. So all right keep going. News wise I like this new segment. Barbra Streisand buys Disney shares for George Floyds daughter. Yeah.

[01:05:52]

What about Apple shares maybe. What's Brian Austin Green grabs lunch. There's like a celebrity thing that you would like.

[01:05:58]

I don't know who Courtney starting is. I don't know either. I don't know. Travis Scott is what I don't know.

[01:06:04]

I know he's got cool shoes like that's it. He's really just busy. I don't know what he does.

[01:06:08]

He's a he's an artist. He's a rapper. I never heard one Trevor Scott song you probably have.

[01:06:13]

This is like what you're doing. It's like your drag stuff. I definitely have not. OK, go to go.

[01:06:18]

Five finger death punch. Just see who this is.

[01:06:21]

Brian Austin Green. No, I don't know that. OK, back up. Sorry. Back out with this. Five finger death punches. Ivan Moody gets guitar lesson from I don't know what that is. Quibbles, tick tock, burn up the chart. Cardi B gets major. Did you see Cardi B and Takashi six nine did a knock Khateeb Nicki Minaj into intercutting six nine did a video together. I saw that a video came out. I didn't watch it.

[01:06:52]

Nicki Minaj is so fucking hot. Yeah that's like a fantasy of mine really.

[01:06:57]

Yeah but.

[01:06:58]

But Nicki Minaj like not just like she's just so fucking hardcore. Yeah.

[01:07:03]

And like I, I what do you want to do to her.

[01:07:07]

I just hang out with her just like fucking watch her get her hair nails done or getting makeup done. Get ready to go out, be in the car with her, have her get us out of the club early and be like yeah, fuck them, fuck them.

[01:07:18]

And like just with her nails flipping around, she is so fucking hot. She is so fucking hot.

[01:07:24]

We I bet I don't have any game in my bag to pull her.

[01:07:27]

I would agree with your bet. But you think you can pull Nicki Minaj. No. At all. I don't think. I mean I can maybe get a conversation going. I don't think she would be like, what are you doing later. I could probably talk to her for a few minutes. Yeah, I think she's so fucking hot. Yeah, she is.

[01:07:44]

Look at. Look at. How's the video? Uh, it's all right with Nicki Minaj is topless in it, so that's cool. I like I mean, she's got like stickers. They're fuckin Takashi's six nine guys. I'm fascinated by them. I'm not I'm so fascinated by the fact that he went into the witness protection program, snitched and came out. You know, I told you Darnell Rollins called it he what he's saying is going to be bigger coming out of that.

[01:08:12]

But he did. Yeah, I said, why? And he goes, Because black people don't fuck with Tokarski 069. It's white racist white kids because that's who buys records.

[01:08:21]

And he is doing he's doing the thing they want him to do. And you're like, oh yeah, I'm surprised that she did a song with them.

[01:08:30]

I think to have a relationship like I think like maybe she signed them or something because this isn't their first song together.

[01:08:37]

Oh really. Yeah. No, this is like, like he they've been together one the maybe they dated. I don't know. He's a fascinating fucking kid.

[01:08:44]

I don't think so. I think so. His face tattoos are like fascinating.

[01:08:48]

Might be the wrong word is what I'm saying.

[01:08:50]

Maybe not. But he's you've got to admit he puts out hits. He does. Oh yeah. Dude his his the Guba Goober's a good song. OK, you heard it. I don't think so. We just put on headsets and just listen to it a little bit. I know, I know you don't have to play it but we can listen to it. Right, and then Tom Go actually has got a pretty good beat. All right, pull it up for it, we'll play it for so Malfi today.

[01:09:22]

You know, he's just a character. He's doing he's mad at you. What does he think of me? Because I think he's just, you know, sick of you. What do you say?

[01:09:29]

He said you're making extra work for him. I kind of enjoy this relationship that you guys have going right now. Yeah, it's so nice to know when the cameras come around he turns into this character.

[01:09:43]

Yeah. Can you believe this is what's up? I am digging this so much. OK, hold on, hold on.

[01:09:53]

Hey, you know, it's going to snap at one point where I'm going to go, hey, this isn't a game anymore. And it's going to be like, you're goddamn right it isn't.

[01:10:04]

I don't know, I like it, we worked out our beef, so I don't really you know, I was just a little bit we're doing. No, no, I'm saying he and I had this one. Definitely not a bit. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So, all right.

[01:10:16]

Let me come to me.

[01:10:18]

Let me let me hear the song, by the way.

[01:10:23]

What? Nothing. OK. Let's see. Here, we got to cut all this out. That's fine. And I press pause. Yeah, I see how it goes off. I like how my views is that having enough? 346 million, he's broken records with this music video and the one after this and the most views accumulated in a 24 hour patrols. Wow.

[01:11:10]

Yeah, he's the kid is. Wow. I mean, this is next level. That's that's more views than any of our episodes have right now.

[01:11:20]

It does. It's got more views than us. Yeah, that's crazy.

[01:11:24]

Do you think we could do a video similar Meenu freestyle. There's your problem right there. What?

[01:11:33]

I don't think the freestyle is going to help us, dude. I think if we write our raps, it's not a freestyle then. No, but we write our raps. We I bet we could write a song and beat him. I bet we could actually.

[01:11:44]

But who's going to produce the song? Do we'll produce a video. Who's going to produce the song? Me and you. We're not going to hire a real producer. You're fucking Scarface.

[01:11:53]

Scarface was our face Cezar face surveys. Wow. You know what I'm saying. Oh Zah face. Yeah, yeah, yeah. OK, and let's do it.

[01:12:00]

Let's we can beat that kid. Think so. Fuck yeah dude.

[01:12:04]

So I mean are we going to do it like we're going to do. Like booty's right.

[01:12:07]

We got to have. Oh gross. OK. Yeah. Leighanne and push. Don't get mad and get mad in the back of dad. You think we should maybe do a cast like dumb, stupid or dumb? Do I can fucking I logic and thing?

[01:12:22]

That is true. And you think I should go for a casting call?

[01:12:27]

You say you think our our big booty girl should be our wives. No. No. Or you think they should be like I think we should dance. Oh fuck. Yeah. Let's get dancers like that. Yeah.

[01:12:35]

So I thought oh let's get to oh Tom, Tom, Tom. Thongs and stuff. Thong spilling paint on them or smacking their asses or spitting on them like just fucking fun stuff.

[01:12:44]

Fun stuff. Dude we can, I bet we could come up with that. That's all you need is a good beat, a catchy beat. I bet you'd fuck around with a with like a drum machine and come up with one. A dun dun dun dun dun dun. Yeah.

[01:12:57]

You're interest bars at me now just I love this part of the show.

[01:13:02]

When we get bars we haven't really we have never done it. But you know, you can ship. Yeah.

[01:13:12]

I've been watching too much wild now. Wild and ouch. That's when I shall get this stuff done up. Wash it out because I've got clown got a snout. Don't know what I'm talking about. My name is Bert. I like your skirt onto your shirt. It's gonna hurt you. OK, we're good.

[01:13:30]

That was really good. I mean, how do you do that. Like do you think that like are you upset? Yeah, because I feel like we could do that.

[01:13:40]

I just if we had the assets he has, like if we had like if you put us into a fucking studio. Right. With a real producer. A real producer. Yeah. I guarantee you we could do that.

[01:13:50]

I mean, there's a better there's real producers out there that might hear this and offer their services.

[01:13:55]

OK, no, I'm talking now. I could one. I'm talking a big one.

[01:13:59]

I could text. I can text. You have hip hop friends. I could text.

[01:14:05]

I'll show you who I could text, please. But I don't know, like it might ruin my relationship, you know.

[01:14:12]

Come on, why would you even be friends with them if you don't use them for the for this stuff? Like what's the point of having what's the point of having a celebrity friend if you can't leverage stuff out of them? Right. OK, come on.

[01:14:27]

How many times have I called once for you. Yeah.

[01:14:31]

Hit the digits. Just call him, just call him and be like I can't call him right now.

[01:14:37]

Why? Because now I'll tell you right after this. OK, I'll tell you about this. What do you think.

[01:14:42]

OK, like do you think. Tell me who you think we would vibe with hip hop artist wise, the best, like who do you think we could go into the studio with, like Migas we wouldn't get along with? I don't think they get our style. Hmm.

[01:14:56]

I think Puff Daddy is too flashy for us. Will Smith and Jazzy Jeff.

[01:15:01]

Or to work harder than they are.

[01:15:04]

Clan is a little up our speed. You tell them Wu Tang story on your special.

[01:15:09]

I did. OK, we're going to pass on Wu Tang Clan then. Yeah. Thanks for watching the special nine.

[01:15:14]

So let's see. Yeah we could, I mean we could get connected. We have connections to them. If you kind of support Heelys local we could do something.

[01:15:24]

Go ahead. And I bet Russell Peters knows a bunch of hip hop guys.

[01:15:27]

Definitely, yes, he definitely does. Can we call Russell Peters? He can get us some some studio time.

[01:15:34]

Dude, I'm guaranteed I guarantee we could put out. How about this one?

[01:15:40]

How does he make his money calling Russell right now? Russell Yeah.

[01:15:45]

I guarantee you we could do it. I ran a marathon without any training, I could definitely put out a single you forget, I'm a lifestyle brand. We need a summer jam, dude, we need a summer jam, we'll make the summer. You have that where your phone just stays on call and you're like, well, I have signal. That's all right, OK. You're on Wi-Fi. Really?

[01:16:10]

Turn the Wi-Fi off. I don't know. I've been trying to debate. I wanted to drink today. Yeah, you should do it. Hey, Teladoc, I don't like this game we're playing.

[01:16:17]

OK, Bother's and the Davidov a knock it off.

[01:16:21]

Luckily I smell like shit but see it's now I'm on barres. I have, I have three or four. You're on the right go in the right direction. You got bars. But I'm saying like what's going on with this rap about it. Come on man, we've got to get loose.

[01:16:37]

If we're going to be able to do this for real, we've got to get loose. Trying to call Russell Peters.

[01:16:42]

Uh, he's not answering my Skeeter's.

[01:16:46]

I don't know, but it doesn't need to be. You know what I like about you? The what? That I'm confident you're not afraid to look stupid.

[01:16:54]

Hey, do you remember the time that I was really upset about something and you said, hey, Burt, remember, you're just a comedian.

[01:17:01]

And I went, Oh, that's right. I totally forgot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't mind. Wait, I want to do your would you rather thing that you did on Twitter.

[01:17:09]

OK, like I want to pull it up actually because so you kind of made.

[01:17:14]

Yeah.

[01:17:15]

I can't believe that anybody disagree with this but I guess I can. I put out a good tweet today saying that those tide pods feel like fake tits. Hey, we have go back down for a second. I forgot to notice, guys, we have added more Dillons to the store.

[01:17:30]

If you try to get the flip flops, these flip flops last week, they sold out really quickly. Well, we've added more. They're all sizes are available. Go to there's a link in my Twitter bio and the hats.

[01:17:42]

Look at that. Oh, they went up today. They went up today. Yeah. Oh, they went up at four. Oh, shut the fuck up. Yeah. So did people. What happened. Did they sold out. They sold out of me.

[01:17:53]

Oh fuck. Oh fuck. I want to be a part of watching that sell out.

[01:17:57]

It's just what was happening while we were here. Oh that's great. So yeah. Gets a free water flipflops if you want some. There's a picture of me you throw up that day, things can go. I can't believe this didn't get more. Hold on a second. This the link you sent me to the video we did last week where I go, I fuck dogs or whatever.

[01:18:16]

I said, uh, it was so well done. What do you mean hot dogs?

[01:18:20]

One. Oh, yeah. Oh that's exactly what the promo. The promo. So well done. That starts. You know who did that promo. Who you're buying it off.

[01:18:28]

I can't I can't decide if I'm going to go along with this bit or if I'm just going to be nice to him.

[01:18:32]

Not a bad he said the dog the hot dog thing is funny. If you think Tom had to pick one of us to stop doing two Bears one game or to keep you on board for producing, who do you think you pick?

[01:18:45]

Did I walk away right now if you want me to. No, no, no.

[01:18:48]

I don't want you to. Jesus Christ, you are a fucking can't imagine being your boyfriend.

[01:18:53]

You are quite right that a little bit. What would it be like to be your boyfriend. Hmm. Try it out. Lots of pizzas, lots of.

[01:19:02]

I don't like pizza. How did you get that body ice cream? I could see being here makes me shadow.

[01:19:10]

You really eat ice cream. Is that hard to believe with a grown man, eat ice cream? Who doesn't like ice cream and eat pizza? What argument is this?

[01:19:20]

We all go many pizza, not all Roman ice cream. I'll say that argument. I'll say this is not this is not a solid stand for something.

[01:19:28]

I'll tell you something. Personally, I want to say something.

[01:19:32]

I'm really like. Like if I see a grown man walking down the street with an ice cream cone, I stay the fuck away from that grown man. OK, if you saw a dude walking us through that ice cream cone, just calories, calories, calories. Mm hmm. Oropesa calories, calories count, no, yeah, you need pizza. You do not need to eat ice cream. Every time I see someone with an ice cream cone, I go that someone is totally out of control their life.

[01:19:56]

What? Oh, I've never seen someone with an ice cream cone and then like, oh, I'm so happy for that person. I know that's someone that is someone that's shoving calories down their throat and is clearly out of control. And for pizza, it does not apply. Pizza's dinner.

[01:20:11]

You've got to eat pizza. You've got to eat it. You do not have to eat ice cream. I've not had ice cream. You can skip pizza. I'll call my daughter right now. They eat ice cream every fucking night because they're children. Yeah. And so and their children. So they've no responsibility. But a grown man doesn't need this.

[01:20:25]

I feel like this is not really about ice cream. I like you call. I feel like you're just letting out your Nadhum feelings.

[01:20:30]

No, no, no. I've always felt like this. I saw a woman one time with a fucking waffle cone dipped in chocolate filled with ice cream.

[01:20:39]

And I thought, what do you not have you not heard anything about what's going on in the news? You're eating fucking ice cream like. You don't think I actually know why would I? I mean, like, everyone likes it, but if it's a birthday party or something, right. But like, I wouldn't like it's Tuesday. Let's have some ice cream.

[01:20:57]

But what if somebody was like, hey, it's Tuesday. I got this amazing ice. Can we try it? Like, I want to try it and want to try it. I don't need to really. I do not. You know what? I never told you what?

[01:21:06]

I was really bummed out. During I'm serious, I've thought about this a lot, I hope this isn't real. Well, I don't want to deal with the feelings. What is it? It's not that's OK. Remember, we did the weight loss contest. Yeah. And we hadn't eaten really anything carb or sugar wise.

[01:21:26]

And I don't know how long. Yeah.

[01:21:27]

So we weighed in and Joe was like, what are you guys going to eat. I'll get it tomorrow.

[01:21:32]

And you're like, oh Peter, Peter I want to doughnuts or something. Oh I was like, man, I want pizza.

[01:21:41]

I love I fucked up for Krispy Kreme doughnuts back to back to back to back to back after a nap yesterday.

[01:21:46]

Dude, you've been going crazy with this shit. You told me that you fucked up McDonald's the other day. I tell you that on this podcast. Yes, dude, I think you just get four donuts yesterday for I couldn't stop eating. They got them for me for Father's Day.

[01:22:00]

And so when I told them it was like this weekend, oh, because I'm on the road next week.

[01:22:05]

But yeah. But how did donuts how did donuts differ from ice cream donuts. A different donuts man thing on it.

[01:22:12]

Yeah. I go after breakfast was done in a cup of coffee. It's a breakfast. I have a drinking problem.

[01:22:17]

OK, and so but ice cream.

[01:22:20]

Are you guys going to work at this hotel. I guess not. I don't know. I can't tell if it's real or not. If he's like because like when people that aren't funny try to be funny, sometimes they mess up. Yeah. And so I feel like you guys, you think that there aren't a lot of jobs.

[01:22:33]

I love coming in my wife. That's nothing wrong with that.

[01:22:37]

No, I do love coming my way. I, I believe the way. Yeah I couldn't I if you see poor pictures of men licking ice cream cones, you know they don't serve ice cream fucking prison. Why not. It would be shit.

[01:22:49]

So what about a bunch of guys. Just, uh, they're like, look at this.

[01:22:54]

Let's see. Yes. It is kind of a funny image, but I am going to come sharing an ice cream cone.

[01:23:12]

Yeah, that's fucking great looking. An ice cream cone is so hard to be manly and like an ice cream cone. Pull up, Joe Rogan eats ice cream. Well, I bet do you think the last time Joe had ice cream you can never find he likes ice cream. Yeah, you be like I eat it every night. He likes ice cream. There's no pictures of Joe Rogan eating ice cream now, but he likes ice cream. Yeah, yes, I remember.

[01:23:39]

I remember he told me one time it was getting back from vacation because, like, I put on like 10 pounds. I go, how? He's like Boston ice cream.

[01:23:45]

I eat it every night. You're I swear to God Postern ice cream. He said it was like a vacation thing. I remember it. I was like, but he talked to me. He goes, I eat so much. Passed an ice cream. Yeah.

[01:23:55]

So if you. OK, here's a question. If you had to choose, you can eat whatever you want, but you can only have water for the rest of your life.

[01:24:02]

That's all you can ever have is water. Easy. Hold on. I'm not done.

[01:24:05]

OK, or you can have chicken is your only protein you can ever have for the rest of your life. Just chicken. You can eat fish or fake or anything. You can have all derivations of chicken you can have on pizza. You can have it on in pasta. But chicken is your protein. But you can drink whatever the fuck you want with the right. Definitely the first thing I'm going chicken now. I'm definitely on the other side. Why the fuck would you ever do that?

[01:24:25]

Because that's what I prefer. No, I do chicken and then I'd be cool. Just chicken.

[01:24:30]

No, no, I understand that that's your choice. I know. I'm trying to tell you you chose wrong. No, I did not. I'm going to explain to you why you chose wrong, because all you get is water. Yeah, that's that's fine. I don't mind. You have a beer. You can have like a fine Gatorade. Fine, cool. Fine. No rupiahs. I can drink warm water and cold water. Oh that's exciting.

[01:24:48]

Razzle dazzle. I like it. Water it cold. Yeah that's enough.

[01:24:53]

OK people lemon in your water. Oh, you know, we got Georgia a refrigerator for her bedroom and she just put water in it. That's on Brand for Georgia. Yeah, I just got it. Fucking lucky.

[01:25:05]

She's got Gatorade, root beer, Sprite, Lacroix's Diet, root beer, Cokes. She's got everything in her fucking refrigerator. Yeah, I got her refrigerator. All right.

[01:25:13]

What would you rather. All right. So this is what you tweet it. You go, would you rather dunk play, scratch golf, run an ultramarathon or be able to hit a home run off a major league pitcher?

[01:25:23]

Now, I got to tell you, for me, this was so I was I was fascinated that people actually had differing opinions.

[01:25:30]

So for me, it's like I'll walk you through it. OK, let's start here. If you can play scratch golf, you have to I mean, that's cool, but you have to, like, probably be an active golfer, like I've played golf before, but it's not like I have a passion for golf, you know, or I would be playing all the time.

[01:25:47]

Yeah. So, I mean, would it be cool to do that?

[01:25:50]

Yeah, but since I'm not, you know, I mean, like I'm not into golf, like I don't really care. Run an ultramarathon. I have zero desire I'll be able to do OK.

[01:25:58]

And then your last option was hit a home run off a major league pitcher. I think you just been. Or would you rather play professional baseball? No, no, no.

[01:26:07]

Because if you can hit I mean, how would you even know you could hit a homerun off of Major League pitcher unless you're playing in the majors?

[01:26:14]

I was watching Sammy Sosa and Mark McGuire started for 30 and I was watching them hit home runs. And I was like, what would you rather have the ability to hit a homerun or the ability to don't like to hit it the way Mark McGwire was?

[01:26:27]

It's more to my and by the way, if you just dunk no confidence and I'll tell you why you're wrong, OK? Tell me. OK, yeah. Because dunking is never comfortable.

[01:26:36]

What do you mean? Like you've ever dunked like a nine foot rim. Sure. And it's never comfortable. Your wrist always hurts. You always have Katzir and you're like, fuck, how come I didn't? Because I can't palm the ball. So I've got to like kind of kind of like slam it in. Yeah.

[01:26:48]

So dunking never feels great. By the way, this is what someone wrote to me and I actually have to agree with this person.

[01:26:55]

You're hitting a home run would feel perfect. Now I'm going I'm going to break down all of them and give you pros and cons, because I don't think you really thought it through the way I have.

[01:27:04]

Now, hold on, though, because like I'm thinking of also like of the sports you listed for me, hands down. I played way, way, way more basketball, then tried to run play baseball or golf, like not even comparable. So to me, like basketball was something I played all through childhood, all through high school, all through college.

[01:27:24]

When I moved here, I used to play pickup.

[01:27:25]

I played a lot of basketball. Yeah, I haven't in years, but I used to.

[01:27:29]

So for me it's like the one that you listed, that was something that I did. And plus dunking is phenomenal. I don't if you ever played in a pickup game where somebody dunked, but it always made me feel like, oh, God, like you just it's it's a it's a showstopper.

[01:27:43]

It's like having an amazing closer it's such a dick move to play in a pickup game and dunk.

[01:27:48]

Well, no, I mean, sometimes it happens, sometimes it happens.

[01:27:51]

You're like, all right, we get it. You're good. You're better than all of us. Exactly. It's it's such a big deal.

[01:27:56]

OK, the scenario is not what would you rather do, play basketball all the time, be professional about the scenario is like is this is Mickey Mantle organisms, right? Yeah. We're all of a sudden you're like we're all sitting like Rogan's compound and he's got a basketball hoop together NBA center to me.

[01:28:13]

And then I can go, oh, you know, Tom can dunk. And everyone's like, wait, what? So it's not that. It's just, you know, Tom can dunk and you're like, wait, hold on. What? You're like, oh yeah, I can dunk.

[01:28:23]

And they're like, shut up. This happened to me, by the way. This exactly. I mean, except I was I was the person going come on to freshman year in college.

[01:28:30]

Oh, I thought, you know, freshman year in college.

[01:28:33]

I'm in my dorm room in the freshman building and there's a kid down the hall, goofy kid. He had like that surfer's cut where, you know, like white boy wear it like hangs over.

[01:28:43]

And I yeah. Yeah, I like this. And we're talking whatever.

[01:28:46]

I think there was like a basketball in my my dorm room and he was like just saying he was a country kid and he was like something that came on. He goes like and you can't fucking dunk.

[01:28:55]

He goes, I can do a 360 dunk and I go, OK. And he was like, do you want to go see. And I was like, Actually I do.

[01:29:03]

And we went over to the gym and this dude, he was like, Yeah, I go, come on, he's six feet, maybe six one lanky, like lean and like I said, like very unassuming.

[01:29:13]

And I was like, you can do a 360 dunk, boop boop, bam.

[01:29:17]

And I was like, what the fuck? I mean it was alarming.

[01:29:22]

So then so then that's the ability. OK, or or uh were were and were doing were the Dodgers game and they asked us to come early. Yeah. And and I go and they're taking batting practice and like you guys wanna take a few cuts and I'm like, actually Tommy you fucking hit a home run. And everyone's was like bullshit like I bet he could. And you're like they're like, no, you like I play a little baseball and you go up, you take a bat and it's just beep and you just crack one and you get to witness everyone go what the.

[01:29:52]

Yeah, ok. Or or me and you. Vacation, we're in Hawaii and and they make copies and they go, hey, we're going to do a celebrity golf round you, Tom, Kelly Slater and and Laird Hamilton. Right. And we get out and you show up in, like, fuckin Jordans and a fucking sweatshirt and you are playing scratch golf, but you don't have to. You just get out there and you just everything you like.

[01:30:17]

I played a little when I was a kid. If I play too much, it starts getting bad.

[01:30:20]

And I know one of these two, OK, or or or like just go, hey man, everyone's around you.

[01:30:29]

Like, I bet I could run to Arizona, you know, like what, like 150 miles. I could do it. I could definitely do it. And they're like, no fucking way. And you could run a hundred bucks. And what you don't remember is well you don't know is that that feeling of accomplishing running one hundred miles is euphoric. Yeah. It's if you become the guy off.

[01:30:49]

The thing is though there really it's it's what you value the most like. It's what you value the most.

[01:30:54]

So if if you if you first of all, if you want that thing of like I'm just thrown into a random foursome and I'm a blow their minds, then you pick the golf thing if you go.

[01:31:04]

So what's most valuable to you, to me is still dunking Hunter. It's like not even close man, because I'm also you're also like saying like I mean, I guess I'm taking it sort of retroactively because I'm imagining all the games I used to play and having that ability.

[01:31:22]

And that's it's a game changer.

[01:31:24]

It would be, you know, euphoric, like you described to be able to do that in a game.

[01:31:28]

I don't know. I think I'm trying to think I think probably because, you know, I got into it not like I mean, like I tell you for last.

[01:31:34]

For me. Last for me.

[01:31:37]

I mean, I would care less about the home run than the ultra marathon.

[01:31:41]

The thing the thing that entices me about the ultra marathon, by the way, I'm contemplating running one is, is that is that what you just did?

[01:31:51]

The what the fuck? Yeah.

[01:31:53]

Because if you do it, then everyone's like, you ran an ultra marathon. You're like, yeah, it's fifty miles. And they're like, wait, what if it's actually a hundred miles? It's called the Javelina Jandro type that in the Dobb if you can javelina Gendron.

[01:32:08]

And and so when you say that a dinner party runs like, hold on, you ran a hundred miles and you're like, oh yeah. And they're like, we had the idea that you would blow that.

[01:32:18]

Takasugi six nine in the middle. It's the sixth time. The joke I told the other is I've been taking so many vitamins, my pissants like to you six, nine. So, like, when you tell that to someone, they go like, what the fuck like that the blowy OK or big wave surf, you could logit big waves.

[01:32:39]

I mean I think it's dope. I thought you were going to say I'm pretty sure I could do it now.

[01:32:45]

I definitely can. I do it. But I think it's dope.

[01:32:49]

But again, like you have you have to have the desire like I really like.

[01:32:56]

Like hyper, like racing, right, driving fast. So if you threw that in there as like an act like you could set up, I would pick one that would move closer to the top because I like it. It all depends on what you like. Yeah.

[01:33:08]

I mean, you know, a guy who goes out every weekend playing golf right now, like every weekend and listening is like, oh, it's definitely golf because he plays golf.

[01:33:16]

I think it was an interesting conversation. I went back and forth with a couple of people and they were like, who gives a fuck about dunking and always hurts? And I was like, yeah, I don't, you know, even just being able to dunk. I don't know if I care enough about dunking or I never enjoyed dunking every time I've done it. It's not been fun really. Yeah.

[01:33:33]

It's been like, like I, my wrists always hurts and the next day I'm like, God damn it man. It's about the professional athletes feel like the feeling of the crack of a wood bat to send it 370 feet.

[01:33:46]

Yeah, but that's cool. That's got to be cool. It's overwhelming. But I think out of all of them, the ability to blow away foursomes mine and play scratch golf, the ability to go in.

[01:33:55]

And really, what was the last time you jumped in to force them to it? When was the last time you the.

[01:34:03]

Pebble Beach right before I started the tour, OK, and the time before that, do you remember? No, but I'm a pretty good golfer, so I can play pretty good golf without playing at all. I can go in and play pretty good. How did you get good?

[01:34:13]

Because I'm white. It's my privilege. It's I grew up around country clubs. I mean, do you play a lot.

[01:34:18]

Yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. You did play. I mean they drop us off of the course when we play.

[01:34:22]

Eighteen in the morning and eighty in the afternoon. Oh Jesus. So I went out. This is how I mean I'm not saying I'm like the greatest golfer, but I'm pretty fucking loud, you know. We did what's the called what's the place of golf.

[01:34:33]

Top stories are good golfer.

[01:34:35]

Surprisingly enough, I would say no, no. What happens is like that's basically the top golf is like going to a driving range for hours.

[01:34:46]

So you get to just see, like, who has a nice swing, you know, I mean, like you have a good swing and you were accurate and, you know, we were drinking just fucking around.

[01:34:54]

But you can tell that, like, you have you have a golf background. When we played, we played. I think it's Spanish. No, not Spanish. We played it one of the maybe Pine Pangloss or whatever, Spanish or Pinetree or whatever up in Pebble Beach. Yeah, we played one of the courses before and we played with this Canadian couple who plays a lot of golf like that. All the things that I do not play enough where it's like, well, so we get out to a par five and I had an eagle, which is like a really big deal.

[01:35:22]

Yeah, it is. And and they were like, what the fuck? And of course all I care about is videotaping it. Yeah. Just ripped off my shirt and then the next day I hit another fucking eagle and they're like, did you had to fuck the Eagles? But then I'm all over the map for like like seventeen out of the holes. But every now and then I can just. Yeah. Fucking I could definitely see that.

[01:35:40]

It's, I think it's we've got to wrap this up. We got to get going so. Oh yeah.

[01:35:44]

It's called five thirty. OK, we got to go. All right. Hey guys. Hey uh sorry if this podcast got a little political today. It's not us, it's the world.

[01:35:53]

And go see Bert on his. It's hard being a cop tour.

[01:35:58]

It's going nationwide right now, but no one goes topless while the other wears the shirt. Tom tells stories in third machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean. Here's what we call sandbaggers. Okay. No scrapes, a bit of booze, amateur pathology, dirty jokes, raunchy humor, no apologies. Here's one more call to Vegas on Katie.