Deal with it, at least Pee wee Herman was in an X rated movie theater playing, I'm sure, sit on wee to talk to all his videos.

By the way, if you watch the rest of it and he goes, hey, Twitter world is yours truly every single time, it's yours truly like it's so weird to have a murderer be like a Murli. He basically cut a dude's head off. He did.

And then he's like, hey, Twitter world is. And people say like, oh, yours truly.

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Oh, well, thanks for being here. I appreciate it. Byrd died so 100 percent.

Thanks for having hundred percent. Right. Your for slated to be here.

Oh, thanks for coming though, man. Yeah, thanks very much. How's, um, how's this phase of quarantine pandemic affecting you?

This phase is really I know we had dinner recently. This phase is shift at home schooling. Really fucking changed everything. Changed everything.

I'm so far behind on life. I'm so far behind on priorities. I'm so if I have a kindergartener who is learning how to read. So she's not you know, they say, well, get this book or that book or get this folder and turn to this page and you got to and that's what the teacher says. Before I start every class, please be sure you have an adult there to help you if you need it. And please keep your clothes on for the full session.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Those kids take their fucking club, of course, like Jeffrey Toobin, CNN.

Come on.

And he pulled his dick out and was jacking off with people from the the new on the like a rehearsal for the. Yeah, yeah. He was like and they're like. Mm hmm. And he's like he's like Jack and his dick and then they're like Jeff and he's just like and then he goes like, what is that.

My life. I like to apologize to my family and my colleagues.

So he was doing let me see if I have this right, though. Here's a laptop here or whatever. We're on this call over here.

But he says he thinks he thought he had muted the video, he said, or at least turned it disabled the video.

So then he's got another device over here that he's jerking it to. Is that that's about right. Is, you know, can we pull up some more information on this?

It would have, because I'm a little device.

I thought the story I first read was that he thought he had switched like he got another call on the same laptop or something. Is that not is that not what is happening? You got a hit news.

So I wonder if he I'm sure Fox did him dirty. Let's hear that story.

Uh, let's see here. So scroll down. He'd be thrilled to talk about it, make that bigger for a second. Like the. No, not not that. The copy. And scroll down. So let's see. The New Yorkers and the city was illegally met during a zoom in front of several colleagues. Scroll down. I want to see.

Two people were killed by several that the car was an election simulation featuring many of the biggest stars there has been college with, too, in his defense, he might that might be what he gets off on, you know, election simulations.

Scroll down. Look at this. Does it have his explanation? All right, find the explanation. So did you see O.J. tweet about it? I heard you didn't say. I heard he was like O.J. shit again.

You know, O.J. or Toobin wrote the book, right? Oh, OK. So he covered that trial like in depth. And then he wrote the book that the series was then based on when the series about the trial and about that whole story. He was like the leading expert and O.J. he was like, oh, Toobin, is that what you did?

Like, it's it's hilarious. On his Twitter feed, there's a guy out there that killed two people, this clown in you, Orleans. How many times do you think he stopped writing that book, The Jerk Off? Oh, my God. Problem.

I mean, he's doing it in the middle. In the middle of a meeting. Yeah. Like we're doing an election.

He was like, I just got to get this out real quick. But, yeah, maybe, you know, maybe that's just what he gets off on. I've had midday jerks. Yeah.

That you just Scalise got to you have to get it out like you know what this has to happen. Yeah. You're done it on a phone call like while you're talking to somebody. Not if it wasn't sexually related.

That's my whole point you have.

Yeah. Now how could you ever concentrate on either of those? Well, I just got bored.

Well, you're on like a call with, like, the Credico dispute charges.

Yeah. Yeah. So charge is a jerk at all. Yeah. But I'm on the phone. I'm not in a video. Yeah.

You're not a of shit. Do you have the explanation of looking for what he to was that I'm.

OK, that says, why are men so compelled to defend it on a zoom? OK, what does this say here? He said it was an accident, those are good ones, those are good accidents, has asked for some time off, I guess, with a personal issue. Yeah. Ordinarily, he'd be covering Supreme Court confirmation, of course, so I made an embarrassing, stupid mistake believing I was off camera.

I believe that was not visible on Zoom. I thought no one on the Zoome call could see me. I thought I was muted. So it must be a different device. I think you're right. Go to O.J. Simpson's Twitter account.

He's got like a Best Buy a wall in front of him. He's just got, like, all the porn everywhere.

And he had a Trump book coming out. It's good. That's what it's all getting done. Is that is that the one right there? Yeah, that is, yeah, yeah. Here, put your headphones on. Yeah. But at the beginning. Uh, here we go. Deal with it, at least Pee wee Herman was in an X rated movie theater slated to sit on Pewee to talk to all his videos, by the way, if you watch the rest of it.

He goes, hey, Twitter world is yours truly every single time. It's yours truly.

Like, it's so weird to have a murderer be like a burly guy that committed double homicide is out there, barely.

He basically cut a dude's head off. He did, yeah. When I watched that show, I had no idea.

You know, it always maybe I'm an idiot, but I always assumed he showed up with that knife.

It never dawned on me that she was coming out to defend herself with that knife. And then he took that knife from her and used it against her. Yeah, no, I never I just thought because he's a killer, he had he had it, you know. Right.

You show killers usually show up with their weapon and I guess not maybe not how strong it must have been. Like what? I mean, that is some other levels. Yeah, because he butchered her, but, you know, that's almost capitate in it.

They almost killed, decapitated and and that guy was like, I don't know what, like 28 or something. Right, young man? This dude just fucking ripped them to pieces. And then he's like, hey, to the world.

And people say, like, oh, yours truly yours.

And he talks about like golf and shit all the time.

Guys on the back nine today. I just had a rough day. You'll have a good one. Tom, what are you doing this week?

I'm just about to put a book out called I Didn't Do It, but if I did good his existence, I think if I did it, he's insane.

And then have you seen the interview where he talks about that book and he's like now and he'll preface it'll go that I didn't do it, but if I did, here's what I would have done. And then he goes into exactly what he did. Yeah. Speaking on it like. Yeah.

And then I went around the I mean I would have gone around the back of the alley. Yeah.

And he goes into it and there's blood on him. You watch his Bronco at his. Why is Ron Goldman's blood at OJs house.

He says, I wanna play one on one man. You know, you watch that like the six part I seen the effects series and the actual.

But the I watched them both back to the effects.

One is really good at entertaining the ESPN. One is like the most amazing thing I've ever seen as people that live through it.

You're like, what else could I learn about this? Oh, so much. And that's one of the best like.

Documentaries I've ever seen commenting on, you know, race, America, the culture, that particular crime, the story, and it takes you through every level, it leaves you with absolutely zero doubt about it.

And that even gets that one conversation, I think, in the last episode was like a six part series, remember? And the guy goes here. I was talking to him about it one day and and he was like, you know, I would come up on whatever on Sunset.

And and he's O.J. like, I went down Bundy like I went down, Bundy made left on and he goes and he just sitting there like he was telling me, like he just snapped, like kind of pivoted and was like, you got to go around this way if you're going to come out of there.

That's why I did it. And the guy was like, you just tell me that you killed them. He's like, Yeah, yeah. And remember the juror?

She's like, because they they said he was innocent. Yeah. And like, how y'all like that. And then at the end that lady was like, I probably shouldn't have done that.

You know, they thought he was going to be, you know, a pillar in the community. It was a chance for him to really be someone that could like.

Magic Johnson has done so much for the community in Los Angeles. And so my you got Fridays and all of, you know, hiring people, giving back and working.

None of that for O.J. none of that. Then the the story that I always laughed about was that so he went to prison in Nevada for armed robbery, for robbing his own memorabilia.

Yeah, trophy went to trophies. I did a photo shoot with my trophies. Granted, they weren't Super Bowls. Well, he didn't have one either, you know, his Heisman.

But I just did a photo shoot with my trophies and throw them in the trash, dude.

Well, so when he was in prison for that, he served like seven or nine years or something.

He would be up for parole and he would go to his parole hearing with a board there. And it's very formal, you know, like, you know, stand up and state your full name. And and then you have to report on how prison has been going for you there. And then they would say, you know, you're up for consideration for parole. And then they would go, have you ever been accused of a felony before? And knowing full well who he is.

Right. And he would have to be like, yes. And and they would go, what was the for what was the crime you were charged with? And he would have to be like. Double homicide double and then they would go. Would you explain the circumstances of that charge? And he would have to walk them through that whole case at the parole hearing and be like, but I was found not guilty and they'd be like, interesting.

OK, didn't you actually know about that overlook?

Yeah. And then it'd be like, you're not going to check my files. I got the sheet here. Double homicide. Double homicide.

Not guilty. Excuse me. Not guilty. Hey, Twitter world. Hey, Twitter world.

It's yours truly. Yours truly. Guy that killed two people got away. He doesn't he feel like he killed two people. Got away with he's calling out people. Yeah.

He said damn I killed two people. Got away with it. The last place I'm going to be is on Twitter. You'd never see you would never fucking hear. That's got to be the. Yeah, nobody would.

Just the narcissism. Right. Because you're like, I need some type of it's crazy is no checkmark. I noticed that Twitter is like we're not we're not going to verify verified killer verified content like there it is.

It's got almost a million followers. Hey, guys, hello to the world.

Oh, yeah. His bio is Twirler World. It's yours truly. You don't see it here.

I say just playing a little game. I didn't kill anybody, but if I did read this entire book on how I would have done that shit into you.

Remember that he, um, the book, if I did it was like supposed to be I don't know, I guess the the Goldman family was able to, like, stop it, stop it and obtain the rights.

Right. Because of the civil ruling. Right. Because that he's liable for like thirty million dollars. So then they got it.

And what they he wanted to put if this small on it. So like if is in the. I know he wanted it big.

Sorry they made it small the Goldman family size so that it looks like it says I did the confessions of the killer. Yeah.

Yeah.

And then he's like and at the bottom it says with executive or exclusive commentary, he did it by the guy that, you know, I didn't know they did that exclusive covid he did it by the Goldman family. Yeah. Good for them.

I always remember the line that resonated with me most. And that that that made me so sad for that man was he said, my son has is a footnote in this. Yeah. Double murder he is. Because it was all about O.J. and Nicole. Yeah. And that was he was just this afterthought and that dude was brutally butchered.

Yeah. Just a good start until that documentary I realized like just how bad it was.

Yeah. It was pretty, pretty horrible man. But you know, the glove didn't fit so you must acquit the quick. Yeah. How about that. He would go to a hypertension, Medicaid pulling on the glove.

He's like, oh guys, come on man.

Oh I don't fit the thing fit. And a man who has gloves that don't fit.

Yeah that's that's the defense. Oh, imagine having a pair of gloves that don't fit.

You know what? I don't we don't even need to go to the jury. That is a great. Yes, yeah. Yeah. Let's go of holy shit.

He's not guilty because I do all my stuff and all my life perfectly. I have custom gloves. His face, when he when he puts them on him, he makes a face, he goes, Hmm, mm hmm.

He's going to watch fights like his lower lip, he's like, man, should I come in over these rubber gloves? Oh, come on, man, I wouldn't wear out. Uh. All right. He's got. I'm trying to put on. He's like my suppose as far as I can go here. See would try the other glove watch, she's going to go see, like, grimacing.

I mean, get that. Yeah. Shit, man, it was easy to kill these two people and put the gloves on, but he's little kid gloves.

I can't put my hands in these. What happened was my son had gloves. Yeah, he's 14, so I murdered him with his gloves on my son's. No, he's just which I do. I can catch a ball with his gloves on. The scene around the scene around, you remember when it when the verdict came, it was like I think it was like a seismic shift in the earth here, crazy cheering, people crying.

And so it must have been nuts to be here for that. Yeah, right. Because what it was like 1984 and the trial, I think. Yeah. I remember when he was arrested, it was wasn't it June. Wasn't it June.

I know I had just gone home for the summer. It was around that gym when he was on the 405 and in 94 right now was it Al Cowlings.

Check if that was June Bronco.

Yeah. June 13th. Yeah. Because and he was formally charged June 17. I was at basketball camp at University of South Florida. Well, on people during the trial, and it was like the you would go to the dorms because summertime and go play all day and then go back to the dorms and then we went for the morning. They're like, all right. O.J. Simpson was arrested for murder. Let's play some basketball, we were like, what the fuck, everybody really play up?

And they're like, don't let it be a distraction.

We're like, what are you talking about?

It was a double murder. It's bad. But come on, man. We're going to fucking drive off.

Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Jesus Christ. So we were talking I was going to say, could you imagine getting stuck on that case?

Oh, no. Because this is a juror. Have you ever been on jury duty?

I went to I went to jury duty, uh, to see if I was going to be selected once here. You know, who stood up.

Directly in front of me was Adam McKay. Yeah, the the director writer and.

And I remember he he had a script with them and everything and. I I talked to him for a moment and I was like, oh, man, like he's like a real. Activist type, I think he is. So I was I was going to be like, how are you going to get out of this? But I was like, not he wants to be a part of this. This is his civil duty. And I was like, I must say, racist shit about you.

And he was like, what?

But I remember I remember that I really didn't want to get selected. And I I lucked out. I went through the whole process. I didn't say anything about people's race.

And that's good. Yeah.

And then and then they were like, you're you're officially like you have to be available all week, but every day you call this number and then we'll tell you whether or not to come in. And so every every morning you'd call it like 8:00 a.m., and then you're not needed today, and I just looked out for the week, that was it was my only experience.

You're lucky I threw it in the trash for years. The notice, you know, because I remember in high school, I did it so many times.

I did a whole report on Al Capone. And I remember I'm pretty sure it was him that said, I refuse to be judged by a jury of my peers too stupid to get out of jury duty. And I was like, well, how the fuck to get out of jury duty?

And he's just he's like, you just throw in the trash.

So, yeah, there's no signature required. There's nothing. So forever. I threw it in the trash and then one day I got this. I mean, a red envelope like fire engine red. Yeah. Yeah. And I was like, I better answer this one. So I did. And I remember when I went down and I walked up to the window, is this black lady behind the booth?

And you got one of these? And I was like, Yeah, what is that? She's like, you know, what is this trash I got?

Let me ask you something here. This is a it's a summons, which is a suggestion you'd like me to come to court, but it's not a subpoena. Subpoena.

I have to fucking be here or there's a failure to appears a lot of legal shit to go. But a summons is like, hey, we'd like you to if you can.

And she's like, look, you're not wrong, but she goes, you wrong. You go head over there. And I got on I got on a five week case. I was on them over a month long.

Oh, I remember this. Yeah. Wasn't this a big drug case? Huge. And they're like guns, right. Sickler who lives that too. Yeah.

You're like, hey man, they were I'll be like Los Angeles where specifically I'm like, why? Why do we have to be specifically that?

I live in Sherman Oaks at this address and they're like, OK, and these guys will do the old mafia thing. They would they had the piece of paper and they would write as you talked.

They would look they'd look you in the eye like. And everybody was like, oh, wait, what happened? I remember this thing. Yeah, yeah, because so what was the case? The case was a major case. It was major.

It was over a million in drugs, over a million and cash, guns, everything hidden in washers and dryers. It all happened in the parking lot of a jack in the box with a picture of a minivan. It was fucking insane, straight out of a movie, straight out of a movie, and it was put to wire tap. It was an open and close like DUI.

You don't know what you're getting into. Nothing.

And they had gone through like you said, I've sat a full day yet of jury selection, maybe a day and a half. So by the time they had dismissed so many people, there were only so many of us left that I knew I was getting picked and I got picked.

And then we were in there and then everyone started talking to each other.

The whole jury was like, yeah, you're not supposed to tell anybody. We're all going to five weeks. We're all going to lunch gone talking about the case and shit. And then one guy goes in and he's like, yeah, I was in the hallway telling this juror right here that we couldn't get the wi fi and then they made me come out, singled out. And they started asking me questions from the whole courtroom. Yeah, like I was going to be in trouble for talking about the case or something.

And I was like, now, like I was just asking me about wi fi. And he was telling me that our information is public. So I was just curious, is that is that the case?

Your Honor says every night we had to walk these ladies to the car.

And here's the other thing that's that's scary as fuck to these guys were smart courtrooms are open to the public. So they would have I mean, they'd have ten people sitting in there with the tats all down the face and shit just staring at you, staring at you, not looking ahead at the case, not the jury.

Yes. Yes. The whole time it was scary.

And then they would be like Ryan Sickler, who lives at 227000 and not the the defendants would write shit down.

Yes, they're right in your eyes. Like right like that.

Didn't you say, like, do I have to give my address. Yeah. I said, do we have to be specific. You don't have to give your house number. But you had to say this, you couldn't say Los Angeles. It had to be where. Hmm. And then and then I got called back again to jury duty. That's now off. They no longer put that out.

Really, it's because it'll say there's like things on the board.

We'll say, answer those three questions, your name, whatever.

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That's no days wasted that CEO bears. But this last time was the best. This this was like my paranoid schizophrenic. Wait, another area. This is another jury duty. This was like two years is maybe not even a year and a half or so ago.

And I get to go to Santa Monica and I get called for jury duty, and you don't even it wasn't even a selection. It was like you're on this case. Like when I got mailed, I'd already known I was on this case. So the guy comes in, he's like, listen, I'll be straight with you. This is a homeless guy.

It's a if we if we can get a decision today by four o'clock, we are done for the week. It was Monday. And he goes, if not, we're going to be here till this thing's done. And this guy is a little off his rocker and he's representing himself. So we all start walking in the courtroom. And as we're walking in, the guy standing there and he just he keeps going. The sun, the moon, the truth, the sun.

Have I told you the truth? And I was like some shit that's definitely going to be coming out here in a little bit. Yeah. So he's representing himself was totally wrong. Always, always solid advice. But ended up what it was, was he was a homeless, I believe, a vet who was being kicked out of this building, this this facility, because he was just too rowdy and they didn't want him anymore. But really what was going on was it's a whole behind the scenes thing where they got to rotate bodies out of these places.

And if they don't, they don't get the grants and they don't get everything. They got to keep taking care of people. So sooner or later, they got to push some people out and they pushed the problem one out.

So these people were arguing that this man went crazy at a place where crazy people were supposed to go crazy.

Like, no offense, but that's your job, right? You signed up for this, right? This man is doing what he does at the place. I told you I was going to be crazy when I got here. Yeah.

So they were thinking this was a simple case before us.

We're like, well, wait a minute, this guy's you're just going to shove him on the street and let him be crazy on the street like he's where he's supposed to be.

So he kept going and everything the attorney would say he would get up and he would he would try to repeat, oh, he'd object.

He'd be like, I object. Your Honor, the judge was so patient.

He's like, you can't do that here. Like, I'll let you know. And you can do this. I don't know.

And he would be like, I, I what was the what he said I move to strike that Your Honor to God, the judge, just like we're all over there laughing, you know, like we can't help or die. Yeah.

And he starts asking each individual juror because you know, you can release some jurors. Yeah. And he would start he'd be like, what's your name like Tom. Like Tom. Have you ever had season tickets to the Lakers games? And you're like, huh?

He would ask it like now have you ever been to a sporting event? Yes, he's had a bar code in his life. I want him out here. He would do, I swear to God, like the scared code. Scared of you.

OK, yeah, but he was a mason. And that was the thing he knew, because the one guy was a Mason that he was questioning on the stand because he cross-examined everybody from the from the mental house. Yeah. The you know, the place. And the guy is like, I'm a Mason.

He's like, oh, you're a Mason. And he knew everything about them. He did. Yeah. Like those, you know what I mean. Like, yeah. But he he was like, what. This and this and this.

And the guy was answering all those questions. I was like Tam's guy knows a lot.

And then he finally turns to the all of us and he goes, Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, three things always come out. I go hear it.

It is the sun, the moon and the shirt that was like, I know it.

I know I told the dude next to me, I go, that's we're going to hear about this on the Internet later, write it like we did. So we go back in and we all meet.

So it is hilarious.

We all go in and we we're actually we're actually torn like the crazy guy's going crazy where he's supposed to go.

Like, we don't really want to find this guy guilty. But by the rules of the law, we have to say he did violate the law. So we had to say guilty.

And one guy on what was his violation of the law like what he do, he was like he attacked a couple people, like the employees in there, and he was just being loud and he destructive.

He would destroy he never hurt anybody, but he would go after those guys, but they would come at him, you know, so he'd fight back. He kick holes in the wall, just tear the place apart. Yeah.

So one guy on the jury was like, I'm just going to go not guilty. So at least one of us, we have a clear conscience that none of us really wanted to do this. So we go in and we and it's three fifty eight.

And they're telling us if we don't get in there right now, we're coming back to Martin. None of us want to come back tomorrow. So we go in and, you know, we say unanimously he's guilty and these people are, you know, celebrating and shit, but they had no idea how close it really was. So now this crazy guy is homeless today. Damn right. So I go outside, I get my paperwork all signed and I go outside.

And here he is on the ground, arrested knees in his back, arms behind his back. And he's screaming. And I go off to a cop and I go, What? What are you guys doing? This this was the guy I just walked out of his case like this.

He goes, Yeah, man, he took his skateboard. The guy that that ratted him out, he took a skateboard. He went over and he fuckin trashed his car like he just started beating it in the park.

And I busted the head that everything. But guess what? He what the jail had a place to sleep. Oh that's right. Smart is do you have a roof over your head. Food. He's like if you go make me homeless. I was over that.

He fucked that car. It was all trashed in the parking lot. Yeah.

One of those log skateboards he just started beat the guy's car. He knew it. He backed by the parking lot.

They tackled rally shed, fresh out of pocket. A guilty verdict like a second later.

Yeah. Oh, my God. The sun. The moon, the truth. I threw a subpoena in the trash.

A subpoena. Yeah, I'm not doing that. Yeah, why?

Just didn't want to go. Did they ever fucking find, you know, because it was a it was like from another state.

There's an open file somewhere out there on do not say where the fuck that.

Say ten ways to get a note from a specialist post.

I tried, I postponed it like but they don't get out of it. You got to do it. Yeah. Please.

Schedules tell them you're a full time student. Cry hardship date someone in prison. Really? Skrull. So I don't believe in draconian drug laws, I don't trust policemen, I deal with these kinds of people all the time.

That one actually number eight might be the one I deal with, these kind of people. I actually don't want this guy.

I remember being like, I wonder. How this is going to go and the the judge, when we were a huge pool at that thing, said, does it matter if you work and it doesn't matter if you harbor prejudices against other people, you're still eligible to be a juror.

And I was looking around like there goes that because I thought the same thing and the judge said the same shit.

He said, look, if you are racist toward Latinos, if you're what do you call it, against the police, if you're whatever, that's fine. And he said, you know, and so the guy said, well, we do. We get out of jury duty. He said, no, no, no. You go back to the main floor and they'll put you into a system and get you on a case where there isn't that oh, you know what I mean?

Like, you're always going to have police in the law. Yeah, but it will be a lady, a white lady that might have been. Yeah. Shoplifting or something like that, you know what I mean?

So you're not getting out of. No, you just said a bunch of racist shit in a court of law.

Yeah. And they're like and then they're like, you know, you're still good.

Yeah. Now we're going to keep you. Yeah. Everybody knows about you now though.

But go down the floor one. But OK. And we're sending a racist guy down for one. I've got a striped shirt on, it's coming down right now, right? Everything's on record, too. That's it. It's tape, it's recorded. Now, here's the shit you said back in January about Latinos right here.

You said the dirty spics and the tacos. You're like, right? Uh, you might like back in your day, my day in the in the early Sickler days. I mean, you've definitely been with some hose, right? We were talking.

We were talking about how how some of the hose you've hooked up with and like nasty shit, right? You go like, oh, they're like Mom's now, like we looking back on, like 15 years ago.

Your hookups like that. Somebody's mom now. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

So my favorite hookup stories, but I don't know if it's cool to see them on the side of the side after this is over because I bring them up at the pet store.

OK, so do you remember that one that you told me about?

You told me it was like, oh, my gosh, is this the one I talked about on my arm last time where the girl wanted to blow me while I thought a.

Know she's a mom and a teacher.

Oh, my God. Yeah, she. Wait, she just dropped that on you while you were shitting.

No, no.

She was I mean, literally on top of me reverse cowgirl and try to stick a dry finger in my ass. We talked about. Right. I was like, whoa, you have nails. And like, you know, how about you spit on it?

And you just wore maybe a little.

Yeah, but maybe even a little like look back a little. Some kind of head's up to something about to happen. I just I saw an arm go, but I was like, what the fuck.

I was like, oh, oh hey bad. Didn't you have one?

And then shortly after that I said, it might have been it might have been postcoital. Yeah. That she we talked about that.

Then she's like, you know what turns me on? She's like, you know what I'd really like to do? And I was like, what? You know, like after that, what is what's next? These dry fucking finger, my butthole. And she's like, I think I'd like to give you a head while you go to the bathroom. I was like, that's, you know, me. I'm like, that's impossible to be P and like, Yeah, yeah.

I was like, no.

And I'm like, You mean you want to suck my dick, want to take a shit like this relationship?

So it's like going to work out how or how is that, how is that enticing.

I mean, look, I don't mean to king shamer.

No, there's listen, there is no king shame at all. I mean, I'm as dirty as it gets when I want to be too. And freaky is a good thing.

You told me to a girl that, like, scared you, right?

Didn't you say there was a girl was a girl we talked about to the press her head on my head so hard that and the first thing she said to me, to me, she was a waitress I met at the Grove.

This is a long time ago. And then like, she wanted my numbers on here, my number, and she hit me up like a week later she comes over on night and the first thing she does is takes this bong rip.

That's so she hadn't smoked weed in a long time.

And she just rips this bong and she rips it so hard that she starts coughing to the point where I'm not laughing.

But she's pissed off because it's not funny to her.

She starts puking. Right. She's throwing up from it.

And I'm like, oh, this night's over already, you know what I mean is over already. But she rallied and still wanted to have sex. And I was a guy and I was like, well, brush your teeth and rinse your mouth out.

And she did. And she got on top of me and she pressed her.

She she told me she was just coming off this medication she was on and she was getting these these zaps.

She kept saying, like, oh, there's another one. I was like a watch.

Like, I'm coming off of my whatever it was, I don't know, like feel good medicine. Yeah. And it was given her the zaps throughout the evening.

I was like this chick and she put her fucking head on my forehead and the first thing she said and she was pressing hard to and she said.

You fuck my pussy now, I'll let you fuck my ass later. I was like, oh, my God. And I went to turn my head and I couldn't. And that's when she bared that.

And I'm telling you, dude, she pressed so hard, I thought my skull was going to cave in. I didn't enjoy any of it. I was trying to tap out. I was like, I couldn't talk.

Like, I don't know if you've ever had your head pressed really hard right here, but it's stunts. Your speech, I was like and finally I took my head and I turned it as hard as I could and I got I swear, I got like a mark from how the fuck are you doing?

She's like, I mean, I'm into that. I'm like, I can tell you, you're insane.

You got to give some people a heads up. That's all I want to say. There's no shame, Jambos, but give somebody a heads up. If you're a finger and a dry finger in an asshole or just straight up headbutting people, it's aggressive.

But I'm in if you can just tell me about it.

The two that I was actually remembering, we're different. Great. Great one was you're like, I met this girl. She's the one who told us this years ago.

This out here. Yeah. Latina girl you're dating. And then you go, yes, yeah. I wasn't expecting it, but she put me on the street.

She did on the street. That's the same one. OK, here. I'll even lay into it a little more for you, too, because this is you might you might remember somebody come back to you.

But I drove I dropped her off at her car. Yeah. She just just was like I was just being a gentleman.

Like she came over to hang out. We didn't even hook up in the house. Right.

And I was like, let me she parked like a block or two away. And I was like, let me just drive you to your car. And I did. And when I pulled up, she just, like, straight down on it.

So I was like, oh, this is a nice girl. I want to see her again.

Yeah. And I did.

And she's like, I want to eat your ass. And I was like the same girl. That's the same same girl as either you thought these are two different hookups. Yeah. What I'm about to say.

Yes, I was like, I don't know. But like I don't know, like I had tacos and shit earlier today. Like, I don't know if you should be back there ac like we just met but OK.

And she did. And I was like, you got to be careful. Like you're just yeah. I was like, look I'm telling you, I'm warning you now you got to be careful. I absolutely farted.

And she said and dug in harder.

It was like. I've read Jackie Lewa and Jackie after that, I told Jackie, like Jackie, listen to this shit. I told her Jackie would always look at me, she'd see me around.

She just go, Hmm, all the time. That was her of it. Oh, she's a mom. That was like she was a mom, but she was a mom when that happened.

I remember you told me that I was like, no, you're like, I, I didn't get hard.

Or I was like, man, I don't like where it is.

You girls like your your your butt and your and your farts.

I don't know about all of them, but those two stories for sure. I mean blow you all you shit is like that's just it's too much.

It's too much. I gave it a go. No fuck no.

You ask, you want me to say yes but I probably should have for the story. But I, but I don't think I could, I don't think, I don't know if I could get my dick hard while I'm shitting. I could be wrong. I don't know. We'll see. I'll try it at home by myself one time and see what happens when we talked about this, about the fact that we had hooked up with girls and we're like, they were so nice and probably moms now.

And then we put a call out to like super moms and they went through, like the emails, a bunch of them.

And they said, this is the this one trumps all the other emails. This is the top this they said this is the top email.

It says, I am a retired super mom. I love sex. I was wild in my 20s. I had numerous one night stands or flings. I've had threesomes, two females, one male, two males and me more than once. And yes, with different guys. I have had foursomes, two females, two males, three males and me.

I've been to wife swapping parties and took part fucked while people watched. I've been tied up to a St. Andrew's cross and played with by numerous people. I was blindfolded and guarded, so I agreed to limits were adhered to by a dungeon master the same night I was Thisted.

Well, whilst giving a blowjob.

Yeah. Well, yeah, yeah. While getting a blowjob and then in all caps. Amazing. Then went home with the Dungeon Master and a fuck buddy and had the most amazing night ever. All this happens under the secret whore rules and BDM swinging mantras of safe, sane and consensual protection. One hundred percent.

But since I became a mum that all sex I mean I've seen and consented. I think so. I think when you're like, when you're like all systems go like these people though, it's like the big. I want to know what makes her say now. I know, right?

Since I became a mom and a wife, the other play partners have drifted away. As life gets real, real life gets in the way. And I wouldn't change that for all the clocks in the world.

I know, but my love of sex and cock hasn't changed.

I still get what I need from the Dungeon Master I married. His cock is more than enough to make me feel like a whore in my early 40s. We women love sex as much as the next guy love the show. We often flash our chests at each other and yell secret time much love d Ireland. Wow, the island jeez. And the secret times. Obviously a nod to Berts. You of course special. So 100 percent. Yeah one percent I lots of cocks in her life.

I don't know if I could. That's a lot to live up to.

I know. You know like. Yeah. Because I know you don't judge someone's past really.

But if they're like if you were dating her and you like her and she was like ice get fucked by like four guys in a night, like, you know, I'm like, yeah, I don't care if it's the one on one stuff.

I don't care. Yeah. Any of it. I don't care. I'm into it. Whatever you were driving your business like actually blew. I will get in first.

It was amazing. I went last year. I got ok.

I don't know, I've never wanted to shove my whole arm up a chick either. Like it doesn't, that doesn't turn me on.

No fisting doesn't like I had to get a condom out of a girl one time and that was just embarrassing.

And for both of us. Yeah. How far up did your hand go? I had to go up there, man. I had to go. I'd say it probably got in here. Wow. Like in here. What one fist. But I say I was here, you know, I was going to longest fingers. Which are these two here. I was trying to get I can feel it. I'm like, I'm so sorry.

She like she's just covered her face the whole time.

Yeah. You're like a doctor. I think you could get it. Like this is your post.

You probably know about anger or something. I don't know about how I could get some chopsticks, maybe get this motherfucker.

It was up dude. I just had a flashback to another girl, the one that stayed that one time.

Remember, I was this is the one I thought you were going to bring up, because this is the one that got me in trouble because I joked about her with Christine and she stole my email password. That was wild, so I met her at that show we did. What was it called? Pepper bellies. That sounds right. Right. And remember, it was like a club after the stand up show.

So the next night we got on like our feet were sticking to the floor like that because people spilling drinks on it, like you guys want to clean this or no job.

And all over the floor now. Yes.

And I met her there and then she took a fucking greyhound to come see me from.

I don't think maybe I was a couple hours away and stayed for, like, the night and we didn't have sex.

She did she did do some other things, but we didn't have sex.

And then she left and she was telling me a story about she had just recently found out her dad had like a double life, like this whole other family in another area, which so seems to be popular now that I've been podcast and talking about this shit.

But he had a whole nother family.

So I'm telling Christine in an email about it. And she was like, because I just started seeing somebody else, I think not long after that.

And I said, well, this girl likes this girl knows who are, dad is and how many families he has. Yeah.

And the girl who stayed and stole my email and told me that story chimed in and I was like, how the fuck.

Oh, shit. So she saw what I wrote to Christina. Wow. Yes.

What I remember also is that you had told this always stood out to me is like one of the weirdest red flags. But I've encountered it before. They know when you go like like what's your dad do or something and somebody goes like, I don't know. Yeah, I don't. What do you mean. Like do you know him. Yeah. What's he do. I don't know.

I'm not really my baby's gone all week. Good at this job and comes home on the weekends like.

Well yeah it's such a strange thing right. There you go. Like a lot like what is this. What do you do for a living. I'm not really sure. But you know your dad and, yeah, you don't know what he does. Mm hmm. Does he work for the FBI or. Yes, I guess he's a construction worker, huh?

That's. OK, yeah, I've had I've had a lot of freaks, yeah, that are now mums that are now moms. Yeah, some of them were moms when I when I was with them. Yeah. And and now they're moms. If they're not I mean almost all of them. Yeah.

Yeah. Good for you man.

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Have you had sex with anyone that's past that's died that you know of. I have. I just recently in the last couple of years, some girl and I back when know when I was in my twenties died. You had sex when she was dead. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, well, that was fucking her. Was one of those who died during this Demidov. Oh no. You know what I mean.

I'm getting older now. If I had somebody I was inside of is now perished.

Had they die. I had cancer. I think it was cancer. Damn that is while it's going to start happening so much more now hearing about people getting sick and dying, it's just going to happen. Yeah, because we're you know, you're in your 60s. Hey. Thirty six men. Are you forty six, seven or seven birthdays in March? Yeah. Yeah, baat turns 48 next week, I think he's older than me just a little bit, yeah.

Oh, I didn't think it was yeah. 100 percent older.

He's 100 percent older, but looks good, takes care of himself, and that's going to live forever. Now, what's the Kool-Aid and everything else.

I mean, he will defy all of it for sure. He should be dead already. He's already defying everything.

Yeah, right. What's the nastiest, freakiest chick you've ever hooked up with?

Hmm. I think. I mean, I know you had, like, unprotected sex with a girl, told you she had AIDS and all that stuff. Yeah, that was pretty bad. I mean.

She she yelled at me for not coming inside her, you had that happen, I've had girls get mad about it. Yeah, like it's time I pulled out, so and she's like, what are you doing? I was like, what? I wanted that inside you, like, oh, I was thinking about not wanting to risk factor the race, I was respecting you.

Yeah, not one. They're like no idiot child. Yeah. So she made me go again to do that. Damn. And you did that. Yeah.

And then again, I would I would never now I did.

And then a few times actually I was like, how about the other holes. You were in there too. She's like, yeah, of course. Why do you ask. Yeah. She was pretty nasty I think.

I mean, definitely nobody ate my ass and then I farted in their mouth and then they just put your mother tongue and they buried it. And even harder I was like, oh, man, yeah.

I'm definitely not kissing you after this. Uh, I mean, trying to think of the I told you about the the girls that told me later that they wanted to hook up with me as a threesome. And I remember and she was like, we were going to hook up with you that night.

I was like, how'd you ruin it? How did I ruin it? I ruined a few of these.

I remember that. I think they did one of them had called me and I just, I don't know, probably didn't respond the way she wanted to or something. God, I don't ever want to hear that. I know. And then she goes, this is like months later she goes, you know, that we were like we had planned our whole night to, like, have a threesome with you. And I was like, why are you telling me this?

She was like, isn't that crazy? Like, tell me that. I was like, Yeah, I'm twenty. I don't know. Man three or something. I'm 22. I'm pretty young men. And I was like, what? I'm not even prepared for the information, honestly. She goes, you know, the craziest thing is we ended up having a threesome that night with Woody Harrelson.

Now that he's married, he's married. Maybe not that way. Yeah. Yeah, Haralson, yeah, they hooked up like cool, thanks for letting me know, though, have I told you that Woody Harrelson story about smoking weed with him and the homeless guy? Mm hmm. So you did? Yeah.

So when I first moved here, a roommate, I had gotten that movie Ed TV, if you remember at TV, it was Matthew McConaughey being followed around.

It was early days of reality TV. He was being followed by a crew of cameramen and Woody Harrelson played his brother. My roommate was the cameraman in the movie, This Is It. And they were having him wrap parties at the end of it and stuff.

And he knew I smoked weed. And he was like, Yeah, it's 99. He goes, Listen, we're Barney's Beanery right now. Roll a couple joints and come over what he wants to smoke. And I was like, fuck, yeah. And I drove that little Honda Civic with the original rims over the hill to Barney's Beanery. And then what he comes out with, just the two of us, comes out to smoke with us. And we're standing out there and we're smoking and this homeless guy walks up.

I'm never told you this. And he goes on, Woody Harrelson, give me twenty dollars.

And what? He starts laughing. He goes, All right, I'll tell you what. I'll give you twenty dollars if you can name three movies I've been in and he's like, OK, ok.

And I'm like, oh shit. I wonder if this is what he's like. All right, go ahead. He gets money train. He goes, that's one. He goes white man can't jump because that's two and he goes cowboy way.

And what he goes, how the fuck do you know cowboy way you slept underneath that billboard. All songs that. Oh I almost forgot what he gave it to you. You guys had a fuck. Yeah. That one. Those cowboy way. Like I slept underneath that billboard. Also the. Out of it all, anybody's word is that Kiefer Sutherland and Woody Harrelson, the cowboy way, they're hilarious.

I see that movie I saw full charge and I saw what's his name in a fight on the street.

Remember that? What what is radio? What's his name?

Oh, yeah. From Jerry Maguire. Yeah. Come on, man. Cuba Gooding Jr.. Cuba Gooding Jr.. Yeah.

Yeah. We were walking to the cellar one night. And this dude was out on the street like breaking up fights and breaking them up. Yeah, yeah. So like this dude was like two guys or scrapping because walking down, I guess, what is that? Lower East Side walking down the street.

And, you know, when you start to see something like that, a scuffle two blocks away, you're like, oh, there's Michigan, you just keep walking your safe distance, you kind of observing it. And we keep walking closer. And then this dude's like, no man.

And then shove in. The other guy's, like, really swinging, breaking them up, pushing back.

And as we get closer, we're like, let's radio, let's radio the fuck out of your radio. You're radio, fuck you radio.

And now he got in trouble, right. Didn't he get in some shit now he's canceled or something. Those new charges. Yeah. O.J. is going to be clowning him in a minute.

I'll call radio.

Damn. Was to say, has been filed. Groped a woman's breasts actor has been indicted in connection with the second incident, did not elaborate on where he touched her other last year. That's from last year.

Men going back to this shit. I had Kate Kennedy on the honey recently. Yeah, you've had all my emails. And she was telling me about her sex capades and oh, she's had some sex capades.

She's been waterboarded for a porn scene. I was waterboarded and she's like, I had a Hitoshi on my pussy.

And I'm like, and you came from that. She's like, so hard.

I was like tied and hung upside down for seven minutes. No one had no one had been longer than, I think, three and a half.

She said she's like, I started as an assistant for this dominatrix cup or the BDM cup. And the woman the wife was the camerawoman. And the husband would dominate these girls and they would go out in the woods and she's like, you know, we'd bury girls up to their neck. And something like, why? Like, this is what people. And she goes, and then the school bus would come home at three o'clock. So from three to three thirty, we had to be quiet while kids were getting off the bus because we couldn't be screaming sexually in the woods.

I was like, this is. Fucking these people, right? Yeah, yeah, this mom now, she had some stories I remember she told us some wild stories because I think she said that her whole thing was she enjoyed it like, you know, recreationally for a while.

And then she was like, did it pass teaching seminars? Yeah, teaching then stepped it up.

There's like a safe way to choke. I had a guy on the on the Patriot show. The Honey do with you all tell me that he was he's recently divorced and he's out there dating now. And he went out on a date with this girl and she was like, choke me. And he's like, Ryan. I choked her. He goes, I am choking her so hard. I go, I know what you're going to say. He's like, I thought she was going to pass out.

And she grabbed his hand and said, Choke me like a man, you pussy.

So we like a fucking. Oh, have you had that you here? Yeah, I've had you've had that choking. Yeah, but like like don't be a bitch. You really choke me.

Like where I really think I'm going to fucking crush your esophagus. And they're like, you're you're you're a fucking bitch.

I feel like it's weird to do it to someone I like, you know. Mm hmm. Like I guess I could see doing it to someone.

You you just like you motherfucker. Yeah. You fucking bitch. And like, really, you know. That's I had a girl that one time, this was in my 20s one, it wanted me to choke her out and I was just scared because I was like, what if I kill you? You know, what if I suddenly kill you? It doesn't matter that you wanted this.

My fingerprints are all over your fucking neck, you know what I mean?

Like, you ain't going to be able to be like, no, I wanted this.

I'm I'm going to prison. Right, for murder. He write a note, first of all.

And there was no videos back then, so she kept telling me to do it. And then she did. She passed out a little bit from it. I fucking shook her scared and she came back like that.

And I was like, bitch, you can hold your breath from now on, like, I'm not going or near your finger. That's how we're going to get around this loophole. Yeah, hold your breath.

I worked I worked at this office in my 20s where the main guy had a really cute second secretary. And this other dope that I worked with was hooking up with her. I was like, you're hooking up with her. That's crazy, man. He's like, yeah. And then like a week or two goes by. And I was like, So how's it going?

He was like, man, really? Like, we're young, we're 21. It's like I never had somebody really want me to hit them like that. And I was like, what do you mean.

He's like, I mean really wants me to hit her. And I go, like what? Like you're smacking her around. He goes, it wasn't enough. She wanted to get fucking decked, you know? So I go, he's like, I don't like it.

He's like, but, you know, she made me like, really punch her. So and then he goes, she's all bruised up putting on like extra makeup. But she loves it was like. OK, yeah, drive them right to the police station being like, look at this motherfucker did this.

Yeah, so he said he was he said he's going to keep fucking her while she healed and then you got to take care of her and then you want to be a then it's going to be done.

Yeah. That happened to a friend of mine he went to he played baseball, University of Maryland. And there was a girl groupie that just like the fuck all the guys on the team. And it was his turn. And they were like, just be careful, man. She's she's a while. And he's like, what do you mean? You'll see she's a wild one and.

He got with her and that night there, he said they were in his room and it was pitch black, dark, and she's like, I want you to punch me.

And this is what she says to him, When my boyfriend fucks me, he beats me and I love it. He's like, Yeah, I'm not. And she's like, Now you're going to punch me in the fucking face. And he's like, I'm not I'm definitely not going to punch you in the face. And she's like, You will. And he's like, I'm not like I'm getting uncomfortable. Like, I really don't want to be.

He said, I'm not like your boyfriend.

Yeah. I'm not like your boyfriend, the guy that you love. And he said it's pitch black. And he said out of nowhere he just feels this.

He realized what it was like or she was on the bottom and she threw up uppercut underneath his. He said she can back that on his chin.

He said he keeps that like clap the go study.

So far, he didn't know what the fuck was going on.

He said he turned her over and he goes, and I just fucked her in the ass. And she loved it.

Like, that was his like, I'll punch you in the face back. But he said his he was bleeding like his lip and gums were bleeding is like, what the fuck are you doing.

She was lying.

All the while I was like, you're going to be you just brought the fuck would clap if you're naked alterable it's pitch black and you trying to figure out what to totally disoriented that, by the way, that could end in a murder easily be like an OJ murder.

Like I don't know what happened. I felt it and I just I snapped.

I forget that he punched her, that she's like, that's you had anal sex with me last night. She said, he's like, you punched me in my fucking face. Like, look at my teeth in my mouth. Lick my lip.

Look, look at me once my mouth. My boyfriend. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry about your mouth. Oh, my God.

Oh. Oh my God.

Yeah. My boyfriend doesn't do it like that when I get my boyfriend. Yeah. When I see everybody on the team. Jesus Christ, man.

It's superintends, I'm trying to think of I mean, I've had some wild strip club experiences I showed up at.

I went to school when I was 14 and 15. Good Lord, and they took me in the back hoo hoo to hell, took you out for staff. Who how'd you know that would let you in at 14?

I just acted like I was older and they were like, yeah, you seem like you're older. You seem like you're older.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's so young. I know. And I was like, I'm thinking about throwing a party here and then we'll come here. Come here. And they took me in the back and like it was the dressing room. So all the strippers were walking around. It's the UN's sexiest thing. Yeah. So I thought I was like, oh this can be awesome. Maybe like the finger in each other and stuff. And then it's like smoking, like eating Doritos, complaining about their rent.

Yeah, it sucks. My landlords and I alone. Yeah.

I went to this party one time a friend of mine was getting married. You met him. You met er.

Yeah it's all say and he was having this party and I was working at the time.

I worked the late shift at UPS, shout out the UPS Baltimore Primary, Juanjo Avenue and I didn't get off until like two or two thirty. So they were doing a part one, a private little thing at the house. Then they were all going downtown to like the block and everything, and then they were coming back at two for round two of this thing. So I'm going to meet them for a while, really round three, because so I get back, I get to the place and everyone's catching me up.

This is the dominatrix that had been here earlier. We went downtown. We called her to come back again. And so she does, she comes back and what time is this right now is probably two thirty three o'clock in the morning. That's fucking late minutes late. And she's there and. I walk into a performance that's already happening that's crucial to what I'm about to see. Yeah, I walk into this woman by herself, there's no bodyguard, there's no nothing.

This woman is by herself in a home. And I mean, obviously, we're all good dudes. But that's crazy to me to think that you would go into strangers, 10 guys, you'd be easily overpowered, whatever. And she's on the floor and she's got her legs all spread and she's not attractive at all, and I'm Hallowing everybody when I was gone, you know, this has happened like this is what's going on over here. And like so they pulled me aside, like, you have seen this shit earlier.

His dad put a strap on on and fucked that girl in front of everybody, but unlike his clothes, his dad fucked her in front of everybody in his clothes. And I'm like, what?

And they're like, in this bitch is nasty and everything.

He looks nasty. Hey, Dad. Come on, man. Come on, Dad. And as we're talking. Tom, as we're talking, I just look over and something starts coming out of her fucking pussy and it looks like it looks like intestines. It looks like the lining. And I'm I'm freaking out like I'm like, what is.

Oh, my God, what is that like? And what I didn't know because I had walked in pre or excuse me, mid performance.

Yeah.

As this she had shoved a kielbasa up her pussy and she's now she just shot it out into some guy's face like they would get on their hands and knees in front of her pussy right here. And then all of a sudden this thing's hitting them in the face.

But I'm thinking it's like her pussy falling out because I didn't see her put this shit in.

And it looks like you're dying. You're dying right now.

Yeah.

The uterus is falling, looks like the flash coil, and I am losing my mind like it turned me off and it just turned me completely disgusted with the whole thing.

They're like, no, you idiot, that's a kill box.

Oh, I'm I'm dumb shit. I'm it's a fucking source for such a proposal.

You missed that. She did it like two minutes before you got there, were you, dummy?

So then she starts going around the party and she's like, we're all sitting on like a couch or whatever, and she's just going around to each guy and she's putting her. It's the ugliest pussy I've ever seen in my life. And she she's just putting it all in everybody's face. And she gets up on me and she just she's like, you know what, you can pass just this is fine, you know? And she's like, oh, what are you gay?

And I just start I go, Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm gay. I'm gay. I'm gay.

Get that fucking shit over a hundred percent out of, like, keep up the move.

Do when I was I remember when I was 15 in the strip club the first time when I was 14 I was in South America. But when I was 15 and I walked into that club with a group of guys and they walked into the back then like some of the strippers came over.

And this old ass stripper, like in retrospect, she's probably, you know, I don't know, maybe in her 40s, late 40s maybe.

But I'm like 15. Yeah. She squats over my face and she goes, likit.

Oh.

And I was like, well, now it's probably good for her that a 15 year old then. Right? I was like, man, I'll come on.

And I was like, no.

She goes, why do we even fucking clean this thing and point? It was like, I don't even clean this thing. And I was like, oh no, I don't know, maybe just regular.

I like it. I want to like it. I'm too young. I'm a sophomore in high school, like, yeah, fuck that.

And she's like, you're squatting over me, you know, like I listen, when everything is going on in the world as is, you need to take care of yourself, right. You need to take care of your mental health. It is a necessity, not a luxury. And guess what? Taking care of yourself doesn't have to break the bank. Investing in your mental health has long term benefits, and with tax base, it can actually be affordable.

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I had a girl one time at night shift in Baltimore, so Night Shift was a fully nude strip club. So the way it worked in Baltimore was wall like here. If if they serve alcohol and topless only. Right. Fully nude is no no alcohol.

Yeah, that is a California thing too. It was there. Florida done. Fuck whatever the fuck they want to do.

Yeah. You can bring in New Orleans booze. Needles.

Yeah. And they're fully naked.

So what this joint did was they would charge you a twenty dollar fee to get in, but you could bring your own beer. That was the loophole. They figure it out so you could bring a case of beer for you and your buddies. They would keep a cold and serve you and you tip the you know, the waitress will work around. Yeah, that's it.

But you pay to cover charge to get in. And that way they got their guaranteed money.

And this chick comes up and like, let's say it's you and I were sitting here side by side.

I'm on the left or on the right. And she. She sits in front of us, facing us, and then she turns around. So now her legs are like this and her back's right here in front of us and her long hair is right here.

And she rolls her legs over her head and she hooks her left leg on my left shoulder and her right leg on your right shoulder.

And we're just my buddy. We both have baseball hats on. I don't know what's about to happen. And she claps our heads together like fucking coconuts.

Dude, I. I saw stars.

I was ringing and then she just starts slamming her pussy in our faces, like, violently, because I'm just I'm still shell shocked from the fuckin coconut know, like bam bam bam bam.

I had at all.

But like, you know, like she's like that's what I like. I like people. I'll be back she fuck.

And then I just look over my friend because it was like a bam bam bam bam bam. And she was done.

She controlled all like we had no say what it was just like being fucked up and then looking around, you know, you ever get knocked under the ocean by a wave.

So you come up, you know, like what the fuck is up or is down, is that a pussy?

And I look at him and I go, Dude, your face is wet and glistening. And he goes, you're still it.

You God that we went in the bathroom to scrub left.

I was like, oh, oh yeah.

These girls, this this this was a strip club in Melbourne, Florida, which is not the primo area you want to go to for a strip club. You want to go down South Florida or Tampa or something. Yeah, Tampa sounds.

Tampa is where it's at Miami. I mean, in Lauderdale, they're like it's going to beat you. I mean, those strip clubs stay open till like six I mean, I guess 24 hour. But people are going in and out of it five and six in the morning. You know, you'd go there and come out with the sunrise. I had another one where my buddy was getting married and we went to Vegas and they said, I don't go I don't do VIP rooms and shit like that.

Like, I'll throw you a couple of bucks. Listen to you. Tell me about how your forensics major at UCLA and then I'm out of there, you know. Yeah, yeah.

You know, no, I haven't been to one in God. It's been years. We should we should go to. I haven't been one in years. Yeah, it's been a long time.

I went to one with for a bachelor party like more than ten years ago. Yeah. That's that's what I'm saying. I go for his bachelor party and he's like, we're VIP and it we're doing and I'm like, that's fine. You know, you get married, we'll go, yeah. You know, it's like ten of us. Yeah. So you know me, I get in there and I see this just gorgeous black girl and I'm like, this is the girl.

I want to hang with me back here all night. So and she's super cool. Smells so good, so soft.

Little tiny black girl with, you know, just curves.

Have you ever the the comedy lady that knew that you liked Roseanne. Oh, God, you added that the dog. We have really got.

Yeah, I remember, um, but this girl had those I mean, those big heels. Yeah I know the long crazy glass ones or the See-Through ones, whatever. Yeah. And she and I are just, you know, stripper hitting it all. Yeah.

You know, we were having a good time laugh and talk and whatever hanging out and then she starts dancing for form and I'm in a chair and it's not that much different than this.

And she gets up on it like she puts her heels right here on the sides of the chair and she has her, you know, pussy right in my face. And she slips the heel, slips off the thing. And it it cuts. It gouges down my side.

OK, I'm in I'm in a VIP room that's pitch black dark. There's probably twenty, twenty five other men doing whatever they're doing.

You can't really see they're not far, but you can't really make it out.

And I just go oh like I scream. I'm like oh my God.

And this bouncer comes running in and she's already like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Oh my God. Oh my God. I am bleeding like through my shirt. I'm like, oh my God. And I lifted up and the guy's like, what happened?

I'm like a fucking thing. And they they're like, get out of here, get out here. You're disrupting everything. I'm like, I'm pissed.

And they they they refund me all my money. Like, she's super apologetic, give me my cash all out and they would just hustle me out of there and I am just bleeding through my shirt.

Yes.

Just sliced it right out those fucking heels. The slip slip off that chair.

I went to a bachelor party where it was the like the triple eight ball, you know, it was what, the triple a triple a single day like it was.

Oh, you know, baseball. OK, yeah. Beguilingly is single.

I still drive into the game.

I mean, there are dogs in this pound and and and so we found the gnarliest one and we were like, let's get her for the bachelor, you know, because he was like he had pointed out, like, look out Grossinger's or like we are going to sit through this shit.

And so another one I went to a bachelor party was had like hotter girls.

Whenever you go walking with a group of guys, that's when the management's like, there's some money here.

You know, these guys are going to spend money. So the guy pulls me aside and he's like, oh, you know, we set this up. You guys had this area above. I'm looking around and like there's there's it's hot girls.

And he's like, yeah, you know, whoever will send him over there, I go, Hey, what's up with that one girl she, like, cast on her arm?

He's like, I guess she does. And I go, what's what's the cast? I mean, she's dancing with, like, big ass cast look like she was in a car accident.

He was like, we'll give you a discount.

Those guys don't give up. Don't give up. Yeah. It's just whatever the cars he's like twenty ten bucks.

Just got a cast I had when I first moved into the neighborhood I lived in, in North Hollywood. Like I've said before, the building next to me, the first night there, the police came over and let us know there was a gang that would frequent the building. There was a body shop on the street. That's first night I'm there and I jog and all the Mexican dudes tell me you're the only white boy in the neighborhood and shit like that.

And I was like there was a strip club right at the end of my street. And I was like a friend of mine. And I was like, Do you want to go there and check it out? He's like, I do. I really do. I will go. I still had a Maryland license, driver's license. And we go in and the bouncer was like, I'm not really supposed to take out a state. I was like after I looked around, I was like, I'm good with that.

I can leave. And he's like college in. So we go in and we sit down at the bar and, you know, like it's sort of like cheaters.

It's got that long runway, you know, those beaded curtains I throw up and it got a long runway and they can walk down and all this shit, this fucking chick throws the curtains open and she's she's fat.

She is a fat, chunky lady.

And she is in the doorway with sitting on her butt, but she's holding her own legs by the ankles up here. OK, OK.

And she walks the runway with IPASS using her legs like poles with her ass, comes all the way down like this and everyone's like, they're going crazy.

And I'm like, what the fuck is going on? It's so gross.

And they are eating it up, eating it up. And she comes down, she gets right in front of me and she smiles or titties are all there and everything.

And then she does a 360 like around me and smiles again.

And I was like, I'm fucking out of here. I got to walk.

I realized that the best is is your your former, you know, colleague.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Look at this. I got some. Yeah, that that from that's from going to a. Strip club of sorts. Well, it was a massage parlor, you probably should beep his name to be funny. Did he went to a massage parlor, which was but then you go down south.

He went to like Torrance or something. Oh, I thought he went to south of the border. No, he I took him south of the border. He could go wherever.

I mean, I took him to a strip club down there, but he got it from a place here in Torrance where he went and a friend of mine took him and kept telling them, like, you wouldn't believe how beautiful the women are at these massage parlors and they're stoners.

And if you saw him in a bar, you'd break your neck to look at them again. You'd be surprised how many women are worse than sex.

I want to go. So every Sunday, this is back when The Sopranos were on, he would he would come over and then and and my roommate would go get showered.

And I'm telling you, like, he was going like first day at school or.

Yeah. Got like, excited to be there. And then I would already have my body high and he'd be like, let's just go another time. Yeah. He would get pissed. So this one particular time, same thing, he goes and gets showered. He's all excited. They're going to the massage parlor tonight. He's going to get laid. And same thing with smoke, a little weed.

And and then he flexed on the guy's like, you know, you do this every time you come over, you get me all excited to go. And then I go and he's like, ah, fuck, it will go.

Do you want to go? Right. I'm like, I don't want any part of it. And we used to have DirecTV so we would get the East Coast Sopranos feet.

We'd get it at 6:00, which is why he came over early and I was like, I'll wait till nine. You guys go do the thing.

I got shit I'll do. And they call me on the way back, they're coming back. He's like, it was great. The girls are so beautiful and just amazing and everything. He said, I'm like, you had sex.

It's like I can't watch you work on your.

And the next morning, it was a Monday because brands were on Sundays when we didn't have to work that day. That's probably why they went. And sitting in the living room and he just throws his bedroom door open, he is sweaty, he is disheveled looking, he is clearly has a fever like his doesn't look and he's like.

Hey, I think I got something I'm like, what do you mean, you mean like calling? It usually happens sinus infection.

Can I show you? I don't want to see your dick or anything. It's like kind of it's kind of not on my back.

I'm like, I don't know. I was like, I don't think it happens that fast. Like this is this isn't even 24 hours, you know, like you sure. You wore a condom? I definitely did.

And then he pulls up like his shorts and he shows me the inside of, like, his where his groin is. And it's just it looks like chickenpox. It's like these red. I was like, dude, she had obviously an outbreak.

Yeah.

And not only you, every guy she fucked that day is going to get this now, like, oh man, I'm really disappointed in myself.

I go, well, you just bought genital herpes. Yeah, it's not a good decision. You should be aware that he went that day right to the.

Yeah, I sent him to my doctor and he's like, I got it. I got to take medication now for the rest of my life. I'm like, that's what happens.

Like you went and you fucked the sex worker who wasn't clean. And now you have that.

I guess I'm a sex tourist.

Remember, he was so depressed. He was so depressed. I remember his depression, his depression was bad. And then one day he started taking like, I don't know what it was, Zoloft or whatever. Then I'll never forget the light.

He he had a couple suicide attempts during that time. Scarers, I should say.

Yeah. Scarers. He was very, very depressed for quite a while. It was wearing on me and I'm sure you want me telling you about it. And then I was like, you got to do something, bro. You got to go get on some kind of medication like and I swear, it was like two days later he came home. He's like. You know, I go, you want got a haircut, he goes, yeah, you know, sometimes a good haircut makes you feel nice.

I said, I don't know what fucking medicine you're on, but you should be a goddamn spokesperson for that because it's been two days. You're going to kill yourself the other day. Now, haircuts are like you feel wonderful, like you keep saying all that thing. It's got to stop and smell the roses.

That was the advice he'd always give you advice you'd hear in common. Shit.

Yeah. Like Hallmark Cards gets the word, you know, like my mom just died. Oh, and the diet, that diet, he was all he was just out of control.

It was the it was this was a made you feel like like you you have gained so much weight living with it. Yeah. Yeah. But you would see him, you'd be like I got my shit under control.

I got my shit. Yeah. Yeah. I had this guy that I had fruit this week. You know, you look at somebody like I had water yesterday to me there's a Pepsi.

Pepsi, Max, Max a dinner was we live near the mall. So he'd walk over and get the six pack, a Cinnabon, the big ones. Yeah.

And he would eat if you picture him in a box is top three bottom Haiti, one, two, three, four.

And he'd eat the middle out of five and he'd drink an entire two liter Pepsi max. That was dinner.

But then I got diabetes. I believe I got diabetes.

And then I'd wake up in the morning and for breakfast he'd have the rest of five and all of six and start another pepicello spaced it out.

And I'd be like, I, I got diabetes and overstand. I'm like, you have an insulin pump that's attached to your body that administers insulin on a timely and a timed based manner. Yeah. And you're eating like that. But I can because I have this, I'm like, no, it's not how it works.

That's not how it works. Just doctors definitely. No, you should go Sentebale.

Like now you need all this sort of body you add to the doctor and all the diabetic why the medical community develop this stuff.

This is strictly so you can eat Cinnabon.

How many grams of sugar, how many grams of sugar are in like a large Cinnabon?

You got to have one of those. If one makes you feel sick, by the way. I mean, it smells amazing.

They taste great. That's why they make the minis. So that's that's in a full size. There is no way that's all it is. Seventeen. It seems like it would be more than that.

It seems like it'd be one hundred. Yeah. Do a large one. Yeah. What does that say. Go back up real quick.

Sixteen grams or about four teaspoons of sugar.

It looks like it's only ok I thought.

Yeah but well they're better than I thought. Leave it there. Three of it there. So he would eat. That's a lot less calories than I thought. Only one hundred and fifty calories and a fucking large Cinnabon. It seems like a lie so much. I don't think that's I think that's a cinnamon bun. I don't think that Cinnabon. Oh, that's right. He is right. You put in cinnamon roll, go to Cinnabon, BAEO and see.

Yeah, there you go. You had it on your drop down there. In about that classic role, the classics, you may get a dozen Emmy, almost a dozen classics this one time, Tom and I want to finish up a cup match that we did a PSA.

And there's the classic role right there. Yeah, that looks more like fifty eight grams of sugar. Oh, that's so much. What's what's 58 times six a. What is that like three hundred fifty.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, but what about calorically. It's eight eighty five.

That's like almost fights over 5000 cows. Three days worth of food.

I had it in 12 hours. What. I got a pompon I got, I got to work out later. I'm going to walk the walk. Where are you. Where are you going. To Seattle. Later, man.

Jesus Christ. He's.

Oh wait and then wait. Look, a Pepsi Max nutritional info.

Because that's got to be he's doing math in their Pepsi, Max, so this one time we go shoot this PSA and we were dressed like Harville and Teddy.

Yeah. From the company. And you can see the donut shop. Yeah. And I meet Tom there and he's coming to buy donuts for the family to threaten us.

It says no sugar to shoot this. And that might be now, you know. I mean, they might have. But go ahead. And he just wanted a regular glazed donut, you could not think of what they were getting. Look at this girl. It goes, give me a dozen Oreo classic.

I still anytime I see the word or hear it, I say classics.

And I looked that girl looked at me. She didn't even look at you. She looked right at me like, what the fuck was he thought about? And we're dressed again.

I started laughing so hard. I'm like a big you read glazed.

Guanglie said to me, it doesn't mean the old classic class the fuck is a classic of the old classics.

Doesn't you class girl look like well?

Well, it's a classic. I think you know me when you got the most of the class.

Um, all right. So the honey do is you rock and roll and it's hilarious.

Thank you. Highlight's, you are so funny. I watch them all the time. I watch them all the time.

That's all from you guys. I just do it. What Nadav and everybody here at IMH showed me how to do.

No, it's great. And you got the Patriot on going. Yes, I agree with you all.

Subscribe to my YouTube. Watch the honey do every Tuesday four episodes. They're still chronicling Joey Diaz's life story. Real.

That is going to be man, that's going to be like an HBO series when it's all done.

I want to precedent's like an album or something. Yeah. I mean, it's going to have to be probably a four fucking sided album.

It's because it has like the whole. Right. We're I mean, we're at nineteen I think eighty eight. We've done like eight episodes. We have thirty more years to go.

I mean I don't know if the podcast going to last that long. Oh yeah.

And the patron is called the Honey Do with y'all where I do the honey do with y'all. Yeah. Yeah.

And the website Arien Sickler dotcoms. Everything go there for all of it. Fine. All the social media, Ryan Sickler and all social media.

Ryan Sakurako. It's always fun man. Thank you dude. Thanks. Love you man. I love you too.

But no one goes topless while the other wears the shirt. Tell stories in bird snowmachine. There's not a chance in hell they'll keep it clean. Here's what we call sandbaggers. Okay. No scrapes, a bit of booze, amateur pathology, dirty jokes, raunchy humor, no apologies. Here's what we call so you focus on Katie.