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[00:00:00]

Hey, everyone, welcome back to a proportional response podcast. First of all, I'd like to acknowledge the lack of frequency in my uploading of these episodes. It is a mixture of me being busy and also not planning ahead enough. I'll probably stay the same with this lack of frequency up until I finish my exams in early May. But after that time, I would like to start uploading was a bit more consistency. So if you're enjoying these episodes, I guess I guess that's something to look forward to.

[00:00:38]

Has also been suggested to me by a couple of friends that I should upload these episodes on Spotify. And it is something that I would like to do. But again, I don't think I will get around to it until after I finish this semester. But nevertheless, thank you for the suggestions. Today's guest is Cameron Dixon is another long time friend of mine going back to primary school. And I absolutely loved recording this episode. I went Round Comes House before work last Sunday and we had a really frank, honest conversation about school, about relationships, about mental health.

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And I want to applaud, come on. Being so open and willing to talk in depth about his own experiences with these subjects, what she will know is not an easy thing to do at all. So I believe there's a lot people can take from this episode in particular. And I'm really looking forward to hearing what everyone thinks about it. So without further ado, this is my conversation with Cameron Dixon. So I'm here with Cameron. Thank you for joining me.

[00:01:51]

No additional noise. Let's just jump straight into some questions you suggested to me before when we met out for coffee is that you've actually enjoyed being an academy more than you've been enjoying university life. So we went to school together and we hung out with each other quite well. Yeah, heaps. Maybe that's why you're like one of those guys. Maybe explain about why why you feel this way.

[00:02:19]

Yeah, and I definitely enjoyed Academy more. I think a lot of it is because when you're in Academy Awards. Oh, I can't wait to get to uni, you know, I mean, I can't wait to I've always wanted to do but I didn't really have an idea of what lonzie I think it was kind of like put it on.

[00:02:34]

I've always wanted to be a lawyer because you kind of expect especially if they said, you know, Binkie. Yeah. The expectation almost is that you're going to go to university. Yeah. You're going to go to uni and like I don't know.

[00:02:46]

I think one of the reasons I found Academy so good, especially, was just kind of how you see the same people every day and it's very comfortable. It's very comfortable, like you're at home with your parents or your dog or whatever. And that's the other day with your best pals like you, of course. Yeah. I mean, all the other times of high school are fantastic and shout out to them.

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There's quite a large pool of friends as well.

[00:03:10]

Like, no, but like, seriously, you joked about them. Like, I feel like you're one of those people that sort of like jumped between. You could sort of like make conversation with anyone like you were in the class with that.

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That's true. No, I definitely I definitely did jump out for sure. And it was really good because everyone was so sound. Yeah. It's so easy to do that. But maybe what makes it more enjoyable than university? Because there's a lot of perks to university. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you obviously have more freedom. You're learning more niche subjects. So what is it? Maybe that's what makes it explicitly better or is it more of a social life?

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I think I think it is the social aspect and.

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No, that my friends at Univocal Great, you don't see them get past you. I think it's just like I said earlier, the kind of comfort sage kind in a nutshell, you know.

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I mean. Yeah, and you're hanging out with people every day. And I don't know, it's very comfortable. And to be honest, everyone can look back and say, this is bad. I might be working in 10 years time. So all you do is fantasy. Yeah, because they watched me not being positive. But I definitely remember, especially as five and six thinking, wow, this is cost that I think this is the peak I like.

[00:04:26]

It's all downhill from here. Yeah. I remember like driving to school and just thinking I was the boy rocking out for a third period on labor. So someone signed me an already fantastic doing absolutely nothing like sitting back and mauls. Yeah. Leaving. I really go into Morison's for lunch. Just be like this is fine.

[00:04:43]

Well I really liked about school which I haven't quite had in university. Is that sort of community you get with the teachers like all the like when you go by the time you get to like sixth year, fifth year, you can walk through the halls and like Mrs. Parks and their cars and stuff and speak to me or Mr. Bandelier be like, oh, hey, you're like walking through the halls like and all the teachers know you from like. Yeah.

[00:05:08]

To modern studies. All the ones I focused more on. I quite liked that aspect of it. Whereas like you don't really go up to your lecture and then just go, hey, that's a good yeah. No, that's totally true. And it's funny you mention that because I've actually tried to do that as I try to like have that relationship with the university leadership. And they just lucky that one time I closed my lecture by the person. I mean, it was like, you know.

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Yeah, I know. Exactly. It's just it's a different world and it's weird. And I remember I think it's one of my first days at uni. I walked up to class and I had my guitar with me because I was going to play the lottery ball because I was going for like a music audition, audition for the word Yasaka audition after. And they walked out and I said, well, I did it. I started to sign these two boys and they were like, you asked my students, listen, I don't know.

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Yeah, foreign students. And they're these German guys, as you say, it is unbusy. And then it's kind of like, yeah, yeah. We're obviously very focused on the work. And like, I don't Interbrand people in that way. It's not everyone's that way. Yeah. And I was sitting there thinking, this is no craft here. I mean, there's no one here. Everyone's sitting in opposite side of the room, just two spaces between every person.

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Yeah, massive way. The one thing I want to do is get to know people. But then you get that like that stigma of like your flatmates and all these other weird gay unions. Like I speak to everyone asking all these questions. You know, I'd like to try hard almost. But school, that's just the norm. The person that's kind of loud and wants to chat, that's everyone knows. Everyone knows. Everyone you know. Yeah.

[00:06:37]

Yeah. Yuni everyone's afraid to raise a hand and it's crazy. And it kind of hit me quite hard because I went from being a person that was so outgoing and so confident. Yeah. To sitting there in L.A., I don't know, 190, 250 people just dead silent. Everyone's on their phones every. Yeah. Hot. And you're like, Jesus is really not nice.

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I was the same because well, I don't know about your course, but when politics in first year, it's like a lecture of like five. Oh it's huge. Yeah. Yeah. Like everyone like tries to set one city apart until like they can't do that. I my job and then you have to sit beside someone. But again, no one raises the worst lectures when they try to interact. Oh people understand. It's like can someone because no one wants to stick their hand down to 500 people.

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Yeah. It's like worse than that because that's all you've got. It's like I'm going to make the worst. I might know the answer. No, I'm just going to be branded as the idiot end up at the beginning. So yeah, I can I can definitely relate to that. And yeah, it's just totally different though isn't it.

[00:07:38]

Yeah. School. You put your hand up, you get it wrong, everyone's kind of laughing and everything I know, even not just like well who cares if you're like half the people are probably thinking the same thing. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. It's not it's not an issue at all. And I say that not university should change because I don't know anything about university. Totally. Yeah. Objectively say there's a change, but it's just such an unwelcoming kind of atmosphere in Iraq in there.

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Yeah. In all kind of like people that you know now are on the same course. Yeah. Halls or home or whatever. And you stick with them or you walk in by yourself and you're set in a group over there. I could sit with those boys and you're like, nah, nah, nah. You just said just today, just as of today, next week and next to them. And then you're going to start with some weirdos.

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You've got no one else, you know. So it's it's a phone.

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I spoke to other people about you, and I'm glad you've had them. I'm glad you got it. Yes, I do. Yeah. Cheers. Well, it's just like. Oh, it's just something that I've really noticed a difference in from school, which I much enjoy school. And you're totally right about mentioning the lectures compared to the teachers point of view, because that's another relationship you lose and it's just you have to try hard against again, I guess.

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Yeah. Well, it's something I spoke about with Noelia briefly, but like universities like or academia is built on the premise that you're meant to be wrong and then you're corrected and then you get a better argument. So literally makes no sense that, like, someone should say something wrong and they'll be like, oh, that goes, yeah, yeah. Think, Oh, they've messed up. Yeah. Because the whole point of it is being wrong and I'm proven right or saying something and then proving your point to be right.

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So I feel like it's weird that the higher we seem to go, the less that seems to happen, even though theoretically it should.

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Yeah. Yeah. No, it's a very good point. You also mentioned being in holes and you all the people I've spoken to on this podcast already being torn. And Fraser and from my own experiences, we all lived in Aberdeen, went to the same school, but we stayed at home when we moved to university, whereas you took the other option and you moved into holes. So and the thing the main trend that I found when I was speaking to Don Fraser is that we were not getting a word we suffered socially because of it, even though it had financial benefits.

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Would you say that you were glad you did it?

[00:10:13]

It's a tough question. And I think Puji I think I would have stayed at home had I not wanted to get in. Strathclyde, I know this sounds weird. Yeah. My whole time since Strathclyde and move away to Glasgow because like I said earlier, everyone's got that kind of image. Yeah. Yes. And you've got that way. Yeah. Do the unions. Right and everyone's right. Obviously looking back now, it's totally subjective. It's up to you if you're going to enjoy moving away or.

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No, I don't.

[00:10:41]

I would have. That's another that's another topic. I these women as a whole saw so Salwan Strathclyde that when I go into Aberdeen, I was like, well, I need to get away a bit. Yes, I've lived in this same house like you're here. And I was not changed and it's a lot closer.

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Walked in and I was like, oh God, it's a lot easier to exoticism of my house.

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Yes. And so I was like, I just go and eat something a bit different. And I noticed very early on that I was like, no x my flies when I only had one other flatmate.

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The other guy moved out within two days. Yeah, I remember that. Yeah. Mason moved in. Anyways, I know it's pretty early on that I was going home a lot like a lot and I still do to this day, even though I'm in a much better flat.

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Now how much is a lot like every weekend. Yeah, every weekend. I still do. I still do. And I still do not because. I come home to walk my dog and stuff, and I like getting out of poverty. If I stayed in that, I was just drinking and stuff, you know, I mean, I didn't I never I've never enjoyed that culture. Yeah. And so I go out and I'd be out in the countryside just like you as well.

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Yeah. Get out walking the dog, going up hills like it. Just that was the best part of my week every time.

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Well, and you spoke about earlier going back to school, it was comforting being at home, being next to the school. So you may be searching for a comfort zone when you're going back home. Yeah.

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You've had kids out of there. Cause I was classed as. Exactly. And you come home. It's not as if I was coming home every weekend from a month to do a washing and I wasn't. Yeah, I was coming home because, like, I felt very comfortable. Yeah. My best, like my parents, I don't my best mates. Pretty sad, but they are. And my brother and sister as well and like I don't know, I'm a dog but I love just coming home.

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And I'm to be honest, looking back, I'm really glad at Strathclyde.

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I'm so glad because I feel like I I'm the type of person that would have gone down that scene, all just partying all the time and game like little guys. Because, you know, I mean, all I'm going to go out Friday is in class, me and all because I still got the fear missing. Obviously, when you're at home and you see snapshots of, like, your pals going out and stuff, I'm sure you got that, too.

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Yeah.

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But in the long run, you wake up the next day, you feel great and you're like, this is fantastic.

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This is a whole extra day. Yeah. The last part of going out is that like you feel like you're just the next days. Oh boy, you can't say anything because you sleep forever and then you feel rough when you get up and it's just like, oh my God, I've just wasted a day for that like long period. Yeah, I know what sounds like a I like I do like going out now and again ever the this is going to be.

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Oh yeah. Yeah. I kind of feel at home right now and not go to class as far as like this. And there's not much better than just like sitting back with the group of pals and having a couple of drinks and. Yeah, it's funny, it's funny. But you're right, in the next sometimes year like this is too much and it can be quite depressing for people. I've spoken to law people about this way. They go out, let's say, every Friday or every Wednesday or.

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Yeah, two or three times a week where it doesn't matter the amount. And they always say all the next day, I feel awful and like I always feel down and like you like cutting back or not. And I say the worst thing is probably the best things I've done. Yeah. Yeah. Unaccented. Coming back from going out, yeah, that's what it made it about, just a few more proactive in the next day.

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Actually, I think mentally and physically it's helped a lot. And because I think firstly, a lot of people have this information where, like, they go out heaps all the time and they all you got to do it next year.

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You know, you're fresh, just like fresh every day. Yeah. And they go all the time. And I'm sure that I remember you mentioned that you kind of felt like you missed out on that phrase in life. Yeah, Don, probably then I saw it like that. But but you don't actually miss out too much. Looking back, you like everyone that I've spoken to, I don't speak for everybody, but everyone is. You like Christ.

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I would not be thirsty again. I would never do that.

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I would never do food. Although my first year was probably my second year yet because I really didn't like drinking when I get out when and when I first left home. So like second year was like my first year because I like got into it. Yeah. I started going out like every week or so. Every Friday. Yeah I remember that. Yeah. Because I was able to get a bus home Friday the other day on weekdays, even though it's less expensive, I can get a bus home so I'd have to stay in town obviously in love with it.

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Yeah it was, it was good. But like, like you said I would I'm really glad I stayed in Aberdeen like I didn't have much of a choice because I didn't get anywhere else. Yeah. But like I did apply for like Starland. So if I got there I think I would have instead of you saying that you think you would have got sucked into going out with tons of people, I think I would have just been like an introvert that stayed in my room like my time and just played bass for by myself, which obviously wouldn't have been good.

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Yeah. What's your plan for next year? Because I remember you saying you like moving to.

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Yeah, I'm pretty keen to move out because, um, well, I've lived at home for those first three years of uni and I feel like this fourth year college I have more yeah. I have more friends in actual uni rather than just at home. And I feel like it's a good sort of intermediate sort of stage where like if I was to do a masters somewhere else or get a job somewhere else, it's not just like thrown into the deep end.

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Yeah, I've got to move out. I'm like experienced for the first time, as well as experiencing full time employment for the first time, not so very mature. So if I was like to move out next year, maybe with a couple of my friends who also live at home or maybe someone else, then it would be a good stepping stone.

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Oh, yeah. And I know you did your target market, which is probably so good for you because, you know, like you said, you've got to. Oh yeah. Years. Yeah. So much longer than most people my age. Yeah. So that gave you that experience life. Because that's something I could not do. That's a huge aspect. Yeah. You get away like that. Like well yes.

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The longest I've ever been away from like my parents and but then at the same time I was like so busy that I didn't really have the time to get homesick. But, uh, yeah. And I think I'll be good like socially as well for last year, like, I don't I like I feel like this year I'm a lot better, especially because like, well the last couple of years I've been able to drive. So I'm able to nip in and out of town pretty quick.

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But just like I can't I can never really invite people like back to my house. So, like, where do you live for like half an hour? And I'd have to drive back to the vet. Yeah, back to the beach and be like, gonna have to pay twenty good guests coming and going. But yeah. So I don't know. But like yeah I come back and we can like watch a film a mile so we can avoid pre drinks or something like my there's a good and garage nearby.

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Yeah. That's a selling point. We can go, we can get a class meal deal with a good voice and Doug Roberts. Yeah. Fantastic. And a full time but yeah.

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So I think it will be nice to like be able to say hey you want to come round to mine, we can watch film or like a long day if you need, because I know right now you spend a lot of time at uni and then you get the bus back. Sometimes it should be the car or get the car. Yeah. Or sometimes be nice to you just like finish your day, you know, earlier, you know.

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I mean, yeah, I could just be able to just go home and then come back. Yeah. I'm not really an option because it would just be an hour in the car and it changes so many things because it changes like that.

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You can join the gym in Aberdeen instead of. Yeah. Then you can like not drink during the day. That's bad. But you can be like I could just go to the ball and try to play with you. You. Oh yeah.

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In the evenings when I go in. Especially during weekdays. Yeah. I can't really drink because I would drive home so I could be invited to events with my friends. I've got to like have a coke and so what. Everyone else is having a pint. Yeah. I just like slightly annoying and like I went to a pub quiz for the first meeting the other day at the pub. Yeah. And I have to like, not drink, whereas, like to drink.

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Yeah, yeah, and it would have been a lot more like fun because everyone gets a bit tipsy. You're sitting there again all the time. Yeah. I was the one still didn't win and I was the only survivor when you're there. Yes. I was actually Claus's chief as well. Yeah. It's cause it's cheaper than buying the drinks to ask you this because they get more friendly and we're good to you. He told his dad how cheap the drinks were there.

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And it's like, do you think she'll be me to smuggle this? Like it could be your local. It can be funny or cheap. It's a was like, yeah, I know. Why is it one. Yeah. Those are Moratti for like two pound like five quid and. Yeah I don't know what they're doing I think is some like weird stuff going on there. Yeah. It's so cheap. Oh they're fine. Yeah.

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It's so cheap but yeah. So well it's, it's, it's interesting you say that because that's so slightly different to what everyone else has said. Yeah. In a way that like everyone perceives like when they stay at home. Oh everyone looks like in lots like super enjoying themselves, they get to go out. Whereas like sometimes like people like you are saying yeah that's no actually ideally what I would like.

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Yeah, yeah. I made some really good pals from I thought that's for sure. Yeah. Like you share with like four or five other guys or something. Yeah. So I made, I make it elsewhere definitely. But I mean. Again, like I said earlier, you know, you sometimes don't like the things you're in. So maybe if I lived at home, I might have been so much you guys. I wish I'd done that. Yeah.

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So it's good to see, like, nothing's perfect. And, you know, especially on, like, Snapchat and the social media, you see people in their flats. You see people going out, I think, oh, they they have a closet. Yeah, well, social media is just another topic altogether. So comparative. So like highlights real. It's like it's not really a true reflection of what everyone's experience. Yeah.

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It's actually it's definitely saying that in terms of living in places is especially important because you see all these people moving into flats, they all cost sniffly something to drink as much as I can. Fashion Week photos are going up, left, right and my new best. I love you. I mean, when I realized, oh, you'll meet some really solid people at the same time. It's not for everyone. Yeah. Awesome. Well, going back to sort of school, you you had a relationship during school, a relatively young age, it wasn't super young like, but it is.

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And it was in high school a couple of years. So when I spoke to Dawn about like her relationships during academy, I asked her about whether she'd sort of developed soft skills of like being able to communicate your feelings better because of these relationship or relationships that you've had. So would you agree with this like. Yes. That she'd be a better girlfriend because of it? All right.

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Well, I don't think I'd like I'd be a bad girlfriend, but I completely agree. And yeah, no, I completely agree. I think it's because you just someone completely different, like when you're younger. It's all like not like lots of guys. Yeah. Yeah. Well still any any sort of emotion you sure you don't get like dance for. But it's not something you do, you don't meet with your best pals. But apart from that.

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Well what I've learned from listening to podcasts or talking about this subject. Yeah. It's not like guys are brought up in opposition to women like you're like so-called like a pussy or just a sissy or something stupid like that if you show feminine quality. Yeah. So the fact that we're told like don't be that kind of makes it more tricky for guys to show those classic feminine qualities of like sharing your emotions.

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There's definitely a week when I was younger because I was like, no bad guy, but I definitely was like less nastier than most people, you know? I mean, I like. Yeah, you weren't that you weren't like that had demonic. Yeah. Now the country is like, yeah, I'm going to go yeah. Yeah. And I say we need you this. Yeah. They shot evolutionism for four days. Yeah. Oh. Does it mean you watch the Disney Channel.

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We could have made this whole forecastable some far above a certain songs. Oh yes. But I'm like oh I see. Like me and Eulogio last night.

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So that's kind of how I grew up. And then when you meet someone else, like obviously I had a girlfriend in school for a couple of years.

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Yeah. It's really nice because they there's so much back. Well they're not so much bad guys are fantastic too when you get to that level. But we can have that intimacy.

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Yeah sure. Honasan. And they really helped healthy their problems and then. Yeah I'd recommend it. Yeah.

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Like I didn't, I never had those relationships and an academy. So like I'm pretty jealous of the fact that like you and Dawn are just people I've spoken to on the podcast about like plenty other people don't done. But I'm quite jealous of the fact that you've had this like only recently, like almost pretty much as I started this podcast, I felt comfortable, like expressing how I feel about things. Yeah. Whereas I feel like you've been able to do it for like like you said to me, has been pretty confident.

[00:24:17]

And like, even if your opinion isn't one that's like super popular, that you just own it because, you know, it's like your opinions about how you feel and even you like talking about relationships is something that's like no other guy that I've spoken to about doing this podcast has been up for doing well. Yeah, no, I yeah, exactly. I mean I think thing in my relationship was in school it was class. I mean it's good.

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Yeah. And it's something that.

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You want to you want to Brandao, because I know, for example, you didn't have religion in school, and because of that, you kind of feel like, oh, it's been great to have that by the same time, it doesn't have to be someone you're going out with, that you speak to about these sort of things, you know, as a group of parent or a best friend, because I've not been in a relationship since then. Yeah, I've had at first I thought, Christ, there's no one that I can share my troubles with, especially when the troubles are that person.

[00:25:10]

Yeah. And then you start to realize, you know, your best pals around you and your parents like honesty, your speech, your parents. And if your parents are not people for you, that person, I don't know, then find that to find the people that are because there will always be someone that's willing to listen and someone that cares, you know. Yeah. And obviously, when I had my girlfriend in school, she was that person and she was the best person I've had for that.

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But since then, you know, I've found I've got some awesome friends. Yeah. Like you said, guys, at first you kind of especially you first meet them. You're not emotional like this is good. I'm not going to say that. But honestly risk it. They say possibly I'm having a tough time and this is going on because if they really care about you, they'll be willing to listen. Yeah, yeah.

[00:25:56]

I mean, it's also maybe a point of your friends are doing less towards your friends. Even if you don't have a like you're not going through much. It's maybe a part of you should go up to them and say, hey, I saw you down. Maybe you want to talk about. Yeah. So how are you feeling? And instead of just waiting for them to say, yeah, I'm fine, I've got to say no, actually. Yeah, because that's the immediate thing is just say yeah yeah yeah.

[00:26:22]

No one ever says yeah yeah yeah. Oh yeah, yeah. Exactly. If they do sound fine because a lot of people do just feel like well if you ever wanna speak about telling me exactly. And then they will they will definitely want to it.

[00:26:34]

Well that's a good sort of segway into like you broke up obviously with your girlfriend. We've briefly mentioned and you've also mentioned to me before, like we were speaking about you like came out and I was like, hey, I'm feeling this way now. You sort of like, shared with me that you were like maybe having difficulties with mental health. I don't know how best to work. Yeah. So what made first of all, what made you so comfortable enough to come?

[00:27:04]

Like when we were having lunch one day to say, yeah, I've had these sort of problems? I think the main thing is because I was so uncomfortable at first. So it was like over a year ago that I started, you know, going to the doctor about it. Yeah. And I was so uncomfortable, I, I did not want anyone knowing about it because it is a weird example. But, you know, when someone's disabled.

[00:27:24]

Yeah. And they walk into a room you kind of like, that's the first thing you kind of speak about, you know, and then they always say there was like, this is the last thing I wanna speak about. Yeah. I kind of felt like if people knew I was doing this, they treat me differently, you know? I mean, and that was cause the last thing I wanted, I was like, I do not want anyone doing this.

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I don't mind if people know I'm upset, but this sort of thing is totally different, you know?

[00:27:44]

I mean, it's an insecurity. It's it's scary. Definitely. Yeah. If I was like like we all have it, like with our parents or. Yeah. With personality. Like, if you think if you acknowledge something then that's just going to be like even though it's like the most like small insignificant thing. Yeah. That, that's the thing that's going to be like Oh yeah. Oh that's you've hit the nail on the head.

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That was it for so long.

[00:28:05]

I was like so I only told my best pals, I mean my best pals mean literally like three people. Yes. And my mom and dad and I was really upset listening to opinions about it because yeah. They were the ones imagination. Maybe this is all because I wasn't myself. Like you mentioned earlier, I've always been someone that's happy to speak to everyone, make sure I was having a good time. You know, that is what I'm like.

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And then I was kind of noticing I wasn't like that anymore, you know? Yeah. I wasn't coming out as no one's fault. It's not my fault.

[00:28:30]

I just wasn't is not a rational thing. Yes. I don't really want wanted I wanted to do my best to really become myself again. Yeah. So I at first I, I was definitely not comfortable speaking to people, but the more that. I spoke to people the more I realized that a lot of people don't care and people like aren't going to judge you for anything like that at all.

[00:28:51]

White also says that the amount of people I've spoken to, especially after doing this podcast, actually people seem to be more open to sharing stuff with me, which is actually really nice. Yeah, but like quite a few of my friends have just come up and said, yeah, I like I struggle like I have really bad days where I just like, can't get out of bed or whatever. Oh. So I think it's like a completely common thing.

[00:29:13]

Yeah. And it's just like on a scale of how badly you you get these problems. Yeah. But it's definitely a more common thing than I think people actually realize. But going back to what you said about being like your bubbly self, that's what immediately caught me by surprise when we first talked about it, because like you're outside perceptions of people which are like exacerbated or made like even higher when you see people on social media like, hey, I'm having a great time and I'm doing this and I'm out with my friends and whatever, that you immediately think, oh my God, that person must be so happy.

[00:29:49]

And they're constantly on a high and they're having a great life. Whereas like and that's like a naively the perception I have of you all the time because of our experiences together in school, that you were like you said, you're always that guy, that sort of like talking to people and making sure they're having fun. Yeah. Now, when you say you're having sort of like problems mentally, what's like these different aspects socially that immediately saying, oh, my God, I would have never thought about.

[00:30:19]

Yeah, yeah. Which is a weird thing, but people maybe need to realize more is definitely like you said, it's, it's daffner more common than you think.

[00:30:27]

And I use that as a scale.

[00:30:28]

I don't think I'm that bad. I mean there's people that are way worse than me. Yeah.

[00:30:33]

But it's ups and downs like there's obviously things are going to trigger, like if you lose a family member or things like that, you know, that really put you in a really depressing place. Yeah. And that's totally normal. And that's kind of like what I've learned from this is at first I thought I was totally not normal.

[00:30:50]

And the more you think about it, the more you realize everyone's in this position, the more normal becomes.

[00:30:55]

My only problem with it is some of that kind of learning over the years is there's not one fix for everyone. Yeah. You know, if you go to the doctor or you say, I'm going to change my lifestyle, it's not guaranteed to work for you because it's not like a broken leg where there's a procedure a doctor can do. Fix it six months time, you're back to normal. It's not like that for everyone. You know, it's not one size fits all.

[00:31:18]

Yeah, I don't know that saying yeah. That's a good thing for Jews mean. I mean it's not. Yeah. It's not as if I'm going to go to the doctor and get these meds is going to help me. Yeah. You go. I just find what works for you. Yes. But also with the the going to the doctor is that when it comes to mental health problems, like if I broke my leg, the first thing someone would say to me is you need to go to the hospital, you need to go to any or you need to see a doctor, whatever, like physical ailment you have.

[00:31:49]

Yeah, the immediate reaction is you need to seek help. But when it comes to mental health, the immediate reaction is I need to keep this to myself. Yeah. A great which is so weird because it's completely like, oh, that's why I say cognitive dissonance. I say, you do this. Yeah. I mean, I don't know enough about it to be like, oh, I'm an expert. Do this, do that. I don't, I really do not know.

[00:32:10]

It's just my own experience. And you've got to find what works for you because going to the doctor for me. Right, I went for almost a year almost like. Yeah. Every so often, you know, I mean, going to the doctor was class at times and then at other times it's terrible, depending on meds, depending on how you're feeling, because you get yourself kind of a depressing cycle because you kind of brand yourself. They go on, go back and finish you.

[00:32:34]

I mean, go back like, why am I doing this? So that wasn't exactly how I fix things like go to the gym helped a bit more like you find things that work for you and obviously not as Alaskas or about.

[00:32:46]

As a resort, it can definitely going to start again yourself. Yeah, could I ask, were you actually diagnosed with.

[00:32:54]

Yeah, yeah, you are. And I still I don't have the depression stuff anymore. I still got anxiety. Yeah. Which is kind of like for me is the fear of going places to fear seeing people, the fear of doing things. Yeah. And but yeah you do get diagnosed I sort of thing.

[00:33:10]

But like what I heard in another podcast I listened to was the um in Scandinavia they don't actually like is the perfect place. Oh yeah. Like Scandinavia. The Norwegian schools. Yeah. Prisons. But yeah they don't label like if you had depression or anxiety they don't say you have depression. Yeah. They go through, they are having bouts of depression or you're experiencing depressing thoughts. Yeah. But it's like the fact that you're labeled death, you have anxiety or you have depression.

[00:33:47]

Yeah. Creates like a permanency of it. Yeah. So like you suddenly you're in the mindset because you're being labeled, you have this, there's almost no escape because of it. So like you said with going back to the doctor now and again and you just feel like you're getting in the cycle sometimes, which changes all. That's because you maybe because you're being labeled as this thing and then suddenly maybe through like your consciousness and unconsciousness, you're actually thinking there's no way I can actually get out of this.

[00:34:17]

Yeah, that's that's a fantastic point.

[00:34:20]

And because the way it kind of works, I wish it was more subjective. Yeah, she is more test my test because the way it works is basically like I went Yeah. She a paper. Yeah. And I basically like tic halberd out of ten. Are you feeling normal. And you're like 97. Let's out bed. Yes. Yeah. Or do you try stuff like that. Yes. And you get like this online type thing as well.

[00:34:41]

You do, you fill out early signs and it's very like do you sit in the box when like I said it, it's not like a broken like everyone's is different and it's different. And every class, if it is something like you said, well, at least in my opinion, I don't know for sure. But the classes and it was kind of like you have you're struggling right now, but we can try to change that. Maybe education, maybe not.

[00:35:01]

You know, I mean, yeah, I don't want to undermine the people, feel these feelings for a long time. Yeah. But like that feels like sometimes you just put in this box and there's so no escape from. Yeah. And also the there's different solutions to different problems. Is that like it's not always like medication that can be like anti-depressants or anti anxiety that come from like everything like you could like I know you like going on walks with your dog or going to the gym or something like that.

[00:35:32]

It's a form of all day depressed process. Yeah. Like it doesn't end soon as people think of like anti-depressants or going off mental health issues, the media or my immediate reaction is I think medication and like actual like pills or something. Yeah.

[00:35:49]

Excuse you mentioned because I saw, I saw on video that I read and read, it was a huge amount of it. And there's this boy and he's all and I joined the gym and I used to be depressed. I'm not depressed anymore. I think it's pure jealousy and it's kind of like where you call them out. Yes, I know Gothia right. It's kind of like, you know, they kind of running they're going to the gym is going to cure your depression.

[00:36:11]

And, yeah, going to the gym will definitely help some people. But it's such a subjective thing. Yeah. There's people are going to go to the gym and feel so anxious. They're going to rock up. This is not my scene. Yeah. Why do I just raise anxiety. Yeah, exactly. So yes, there are some people that helps. Yes. Going to lots of people helps. But as I said before, there's totally different scale.

[00:36:30]

You don't know what's going on inside people's heads. Yeah. And it's not a one one size fits all I say.

[00:36:36]

Yeah, there is also an aspect that I like with mental health and most of these issues come from being deprived of something. So like you can say, this is absolute rubbish. Why would maybe get from you? Is that like you had this person as well in a relationship and then you were obviously so close to them you could share intimacy with them. And then sort of like when that ends, you're deprived of that and you have no way of sort of filling the void here that you had there.

[00:37:08]

So it's like so like these I don't know how to work this now.

[00:37:17]

Yeah. So like so maybe it stems from like you're trying to fill the void that they didn't have. Is that something you've ever considered that.

[00:37:24]

Yeah, no. Daffner. I think when me and my girlfriend broke up, I found that really tough period and that kind of like triggered all of it. Yeah, I think. I think you're totally right, because when you lose someone, whether it be someone you're going out with or someone passes away. Yeah. Which we all we all experience don't get along. You know, we have periods where we feel really low. Yeah. And is trying to find someone to kind of fill that.

[00:37:51]

Yeah. No, I agree with what you said. I found it really tough when obviously I broke up my girlfriend school, but we broke up, I did break a leg, but I found that really hard.

[00:38:01]

And I know you're right. You do you do lose a lot of kind of yourself in that.

[00:38:06]

Yeah. And that the whole thing that I struggle with in mental health, my whole whole process comes down to losing myself. Yes. Just trying to get myself back, you know.

[00:38:16]

I mean, so what can people like me who don't necessarily probably on the lower spectrum of having mental health issues that can from your experiences, obviously you can't speak for everyone, but like working people like me maybe do for someone like you having a bad day, what's something that I can do? Is that as easy as just going up and saying, hey, do you want to chat or.

[00:38:42]

Yeah, well, like I said before, I obviously. Or is it just leaving. I'm not sure about Ebola that I'm not an expert on this. I yeah. I don't know anything about it. Well you can only speak for person. Yes exactly. Yeah exactly. And then why I would say is kind of can I touch on what we spoke about earlier where member I was like or usually like I think go out, someone just be like, hey, how are you doing.

[00:39:02]

Some guys guys don't really do. Yeah, but it goes so far. Honestly, if you're out like a pie or something or anything and you're just speaking to someone honestly, like you'll probably speak about the football. You speak about the six nations where you speak about girls, you speak about cars. I don't know. I just mentioned that, if you like. So how how are you getting on, especially if, you know, in the past, it's easier also to do in a one on one situation.

[00:39:28]

Yeah, yeah.

[00:39:28]

Don't do that group. Especially like if you hear about something, if you hear someone's ground's passed away or something, it honestly goes so far, in my opinion, at least just to message them or just hold them. Yeah, it's something so simple. Something so simple. Yeah. You don't need to go out of your way and send them this huge part of you that I love you so much. I mean, the world to me, you just needs to have here if you want to, if you ever need someone to listen, because that means the next time that person is feeling low or that person doesn't want to beat someone else, they can turn in like, hey, join me for coffee and you don't need to speak about it.

[00:39:58]

Just speaking in general class, you know. I mean, yeah, it's even a distraction from whatever experience. Yes. Distractions are so important.

[00:40:06]

But it's also acknowledging, I think, the like people are going to have days where they like they feel the weather may be out of character. Yeah. And you're just going to have to sort of accept that they're not going to be like the high energy, like bubbly self all the time because of these things that they're maybe going through. Yeah. And you just got to acknowledge that and maybe respect their distance as well as saying, hey, if you want to talk about it.

[00:40:32]

Yeah. Yeah, no, exactly. Yeah.

[00:40:34]

Um, so you used the gym and walks with your dogs to talk as like we said, um, quite a few times as your personal experience. It's like we're not trying to. Yeah. Marginalize everyone, but like was the that was something that you like to use.

[00:40:53]

Yeah, definitely. I think the gym can be class or people because it's kind of a chance to fill free time almost because all of us have work to do. Yeah. Or have uni or have school. Yeah. And we all have time where we get back and kind of sit on my phone or do nothing. You think I'm going to turn this time into positive instead of overthinking. Yeah, and that's exactly I did. And it was so good for so long.

[00:41:16]

I kind of abused it last year. But what do you think. Like you mentioned earlier, your insecurities kind of rule how you feel. And I felt so insecure because obviously, I mean, everyone's got a million reasons to be insecure and like, no one should have them. And I kind of used the gym because I started going every single day. I started abusing, like not products, but I was taking, like, different kinds of pills.

[00:41:39]

They're they're illegal. But taking them. Yeah, I go I go in like the kind of shape I wanted to be in. And then you realize there's nothing to tell you to like. Why did I do that?

[00:41:50]

You know, I mean, that's really good to hear because like, I'm the same like when I go to the gym, I don't feel like great because I am pretty skinny. So I know people are like, oh, wow. Like, he's not even lifting that much like like you think it's ridiculous because like even if someone like slimmer than me comes and the last thing I think is, oh, look how little I left, I couldn't care less.

[00:42:11]

One person's lifting, but it's like when you go that's where you start thinking. Yeah, but yeah. So it's quite cool to see, like even when you get there, it's not nice. There's always something else that you want. Yeah. Like perfection is never and also because there's always something else that you need to get like once you like. For instance, like once I got like absolutely wrecked, like I'm looking like a smoker. But there's always something else that I would want to get to, like make me feel complete or something as incredible.

[00:42:53]

When you think about how many insecurities you have anything to like the best seven people. You know, I'm not gonna name people, but we know some people don't have to say mean anything. They can't have insecurities. Yeah. Just wait till they're drunk before you even ask. So it is scary. It's weird. It's weird. And the gym is the gym is fantastic because if you use it not in a way where you're looking in the mirror every time and you use as a way to think, do you exercise class or not?

[00:43:20]

And if you use in a way we think and I just take this, I need to get bigger arms. And he's get that abs.

[00:43:25]

Yeah. And that's probably why he entered into it. Like I struggled to like going on again, because my main motivation, like I said when I talk about briefly with Fraser, was that he did it to get bigger for football. Yeah. And I wanted to, like, be better football because he would have that physicality. Yeah. Which probably spurred him to go as often as he did, whereas I would do it probably just to look better.

[00:43:49]

Yeah. Yeah. So like that's not a high degree of motivation really. So it's probably why I don't go as frequently as I would want to and I do it.

[00:43:57]

It's all about it. It's not bad because like people go to the gym to look bad. Yeah. That's when it kind of takes over your life and you think, yeah, I need I mean because you're literally basically just doing it for others at that point. Yeah. Yeah. Exact problem yourself. Yeah. No Hunter S. Thompson. Yeah. Well I was really great actually. I, I really thank you for talking so openly about the book, about your own experiences, because like I said, when I well when I start this podcast and I was telling my friends about it, one of my friends was like, you know, I think it's a really great idea, but I think you're going to really struggle to get people to actually speak with you about the stuff that you want to speak about.

[00:44:35]

Yeah. So it's always so great when, like I say, for instance, to you, hey, would you like be interested in chatting with me on the podcast, then you say, hey, yeah. And then you messaged me with like the stuff that you pretty personal. Yeah. But then you're like really open to talking about. Yeah. Because like we said, it's something that a lot of people experience and I can only think of like obviously like not a crazy amount of people listen to this, but like even like just mean you talking about it is really interesting to me.

[00:45:06]

So even if no one else listens to it then it's good. But we've enjoyed it. Yeah. Like other people who do possibly listen I think will gain an awful lot from like especially guys I think because it is such a stigma to talk about it. I think that's the thing as well. You know, everyone goes through three breakups at some point. Everyone struggles. Like you said, it is kind of a scale mental health. Yeah. And everyone's going to try fine things like the gym or walks.

[00:45:30]

You know, these are such common things. And, yeah, obviously, you know, a lot of people uncomfortable to speak about it. But when you do like, you realize it's not it's not too bad.

[00:45:39]

Yeah, well, I'll jump into the questions, so I'll just answer these and you can fire back and answer. And we don't need to like, go into the studio with her and. Yeah. So do you have a go to snack. I do.

[00:45:53]

I really like American candy, which is quite odd. I like like Hershey's bars and one of those Reese's piece cups. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Are you more of a digestives guy. Yeah.

[00:46:04]

Yeah I respect that one person or page everyone should follow on social media. Oh I actually you don't use social media. I don't use social media to you. I use Facebook often but I don't use like inStar or even if it's just like. A regular it doesn't have to be like a celebrity or something. I watch BT Sport. Yeah, they don't get highlights. I don't know. Let's go. OK, Charles Michel, do a guilty pleasure.

[00:46:33]

Yeah, that's pretty obvious. And it's actually like my music in my movies and stuff. And I've always been to like High School Musical. Well, one direction they can like always see that I'm not the most modern guy and it's so obvious in my guilty pleasure. I've got so many but is a genuine pleasure. I do go home and listen to that song. Yes, I think it's class, but everyone's got their own music too. So. Yeah.

[00:46:55]

Favorite curse word.

[00:46:57]

Definitely. I think it's a fantastic where, you know, growing up in Canada, you didn't really get where say that's a Scottish. It's a very, very Scottish word and it's cos I really enjoy using it.

[00:47:08]

What's your favorite quality about yourself?

[00:47:11]

And probably my positivity saying that I used to struggle with a lot, which I've kind of started doing again, which was always in my school days. You know, that ability you want to impress is laughing and smiling like, yeah, it's so contagious to be around someone palsies positive I that some of the ivy.

[00:47:28]

Do you think I've got a good shape.

[00:47:29]

And one thing that you'd like to improve about yourself, and probably my confidence in social situations, especially like most times I struggled, you know, go into shops are going to change things. Yeah. I'll just be like being myself at all times because that's the main main point of this podcast I find is, you know, just be yourself.

[00:47:50]

Yeah, definitely. Let's call Twitter and thank you for joining me again. It's been really great.

[00:47:57]

So that was our conversation. Listening back, we were probably a bit harsh on the on the university experience because I do love going to Aberdeen Uni, but I think it was important to highlight the areas that we don't necessarily enjoy compared to being an academy. And it will be interesting to see if other people agree with us. Once again, I'd like to thank them for joining me and sharing his experiences and thoughts on difficult subject. If you enjoyed this, you can follow my Facebook page, a proportional response with Sean Walker.

[00:48:34]

You can check out my website and listen to some of the recommended episodes of other podcasts I enjoy in between these ones, of course. With that said, thanks for listening and you'll hear from me again pretty soon.