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Thanks for listening to the Adam Carolla Show on podcast one. Here's to choir singing the exact same peace and love. Did you spot the crucial difference, a small difference could be crucial even when it comes to loans, if you're thinking about a personal loan to keep independent money to can help you compare loan rates in seconds to find the best rate for you at Sicarii from the Competition and Consumer Protection Commission.
Today's episode of Carol Classics brought to you by Madison Reed. Mr. Look, we're all working from home. And when you're looking at your screen, you see you see the image of what you're what everybody else is seeing, and that's you sitting there with your gray hair on your video calls.
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Hello and welcome to Kuryla Classics for August 29th.
Twenty twenty. The show we highlight the greatest moments of the Adam Carolla Show by playing you some clips over eleven years of podcasting.
We got a lot to choose from. We have incredible show for you today. My name's Chris Laksamana, executive producer of the Adam Carolla Show. And with me, as always, Khairullah, archivist's super fan.
Geovani, everybody home. Chris, I'm great. Thank you again for coming together.
A very nice crowd, classics. I'm super excited to get to this. But first off, I want to remind everybody about Geico. There's never been a better time to switch to Geico, save an extra 15 percent when you switch by October 7th. Visit Geico Dotcom to learn more. All right. We're going to start off with a listener request. This is from at far from human. And he writes, There's a Khairallah episode circa 2012 where Adam and a guest talk about what to do when a bear approaches.
You can play that clip, Geo, where we get this cool show, seven twenty seven featuring Greg Fitzsimmons Algebra's and Brian Bishop. This is the first or second up of the second episode of 2012. So after the State of the Union, this is the first episode with a guest. Greg Fitzsimmons is always hilarious and he always loved to get himself in there. Very early on the show comes back and he gets some sort of tactic. Probably makes sense.
This is a hilarious clip of what to do when a bear is going to attack you during Allison's news. You also get a little bit of other magic that I threw in because it was it was very hilarious. All ViSalus requested extras, quite a few of them. They lined up for one of the funniest cool classics ever, starting with this.
The Bachelor premiered last night, 16th season, averaged seven point seven four million viewers, which was down 13 percent since last year. Wow. And I bring this up just to ask, did anyone watch? Is anyone going to watch? I have a record and I plan to.
I just love it in the news.
I love the fact that this is amazing. Get chicks together who probably and I'm looking at 30, 25 chicks and 19 of them would not give this guy their phone number if they're at a TGI Friday's and he sidle up next to him at the bar. But as soon as you get the chicks together and you say you're all competing for this guy, all of a sudden fucking hair extensions start flyin with the nails, are convinced that they're falling in love with him.
I feel like that's real. It's like episode number three. They're crying already. Tammy and Tiffany are getting a fist fight, crying over this one guy who they never would have fucked in college. Yeah, yeah. I think in the Middle East, this is what happens. You know, you you're in a harem. There's one dude, and he can pretty much choose whose wife, number one. And it gets it's not even about the guy, some smelly fucking sheik with a towel on his head.
But you're it's the cat fight instinct kicks in, you know, about him. And my thing is, if Will Arnett lost some weight, he would look just like the new bachelor.
Everything's just all I think about is Will Arnett. You know, he was he was with my wife before I was. Man, you've got a real problem. Really. How does that work, what you say about it?
Well, I appreciate you taking the picture that Will Arnett. Or was it wrong? I think it was drunk. Will Arnett before he got sober. Mm hmm. Yeah, not not enjoyable, apparently. Really? Yeah. No, no. I'm sure it was really awful. Mm hmm.
What else did you say? I'm a worn out fan. Are you? I mean, no, not not as much as I am a Greg. Well, you know, fans dog. What's that. Somebody got to fuck Amy Poehler. That's not going to be me.
Parks Recreation and the Fitz dog.
That's right. Mm hmm. When's that film where the after party. I'm waiting. All right. Anyway, so the guy looks like a chubby Will Arnett and he has a much better relationship with his mom than I do.
Super Bowl ads have sold out at record high prices. Advertisers paid an average of three point five million dollars each for 30 second spot. And thus far, 70 30 second spots have been sold.
Highest rated television show in history was the Super Bowl last year.
Mm hmm. That'll be interesting. And then they'll, you know, and also they replay the spots over and over again and nerds talk about it, right?
Regular people. Mm hmm. I usually get so drunk, I forget about the whole Super Bowl. I mean, I forget the commercials at hand because I'm going to refill whatever it is I've been drinking.
And Jimmy Kimmel s this year. Yeah.
God willing, if he has a party, I should be there. Last time I learn that it was OK, well, so that'll just keep coming up, I imagine. Yeah, yeah. Are you part of the whole Kemel invitation? I've been there. I've been there twice. But it's awkward because I like Jimmy and he likes me. But I don't I wouldn't pick up the phone and go, hey, can I come over your house on Sunday for football?
And I'd love to. I enjoy it. I know a lot of the guys, but it would cross a line. And yet I don't think that he has any real impetus to call me. So, no, I'm not part of the crowd.
I'm I'm sort of on the side.
He's he's he's curtailed his football Sundays. We were just having a laugh with Austin about it.
How Dawsons was super funny. I was chuckling heartily.
Dude, it was one of the more uncomfortable moments of my life when I had to tell Dawson that he'd been cut from the radio to be to be fair, you didn't do it.
You let Jimmy do it to a national audience.
Still uncomfortable. Yeah, sure. Yeah. I mean, people were cut later. Husan just awesome. Yeah.
I could tell he wanted to thin by not but but just by once.
Yeah. Yeah. And I think the problem was he brought over a calzone with the wrong cheese that he chamsai. I totally stand by it and there's a mixture of mozzarella and jack cheese. He always said every pizza place. In fact I would bet that your beloved pizza man in Phoenix uses the same fucking trace blend on his pizza. As I put it like that, Jimmy will get you fired for the last cast. The second the last time I was hanging with Jimmy.
We're standing by Chris's pizza oven eating fresh bread. So if he hears this podcast, he's going to fire you from this show. I guess that much power. No. One.
No, to explain the other reason why you're banned from football Sunday, I didn't know it was a bye week for the Chargers home. It's like I was in charge of game breaking up, but apparently the wrong thing to do.
He walked into Kimmel's house and said, why are my chargers not on one of these twenty eight TV sets? And everyone looked at him, said, Your chargers are autobio.
To be fair, that was a little more of a dick than that. Yeah. All right. Yeah.
See I could be friends with because I'm not, I'm not good as a friend like Jimmy's like the kind of guy send you an email and something good happens and he's he's just like does the right thing.
He's a great host and I don't ever stop to think I could do it. Oh. Literally walks you out to the car. Yeah. Helps you into the car. Like I mean his and it's food for his family's just fucking hugging, kissing and calling and hanging like it's, it's nonstop. Yeah. I mean I went out when I, when I was in Arizona doing a show a few weeks ago, we all went out and there was Jimmy and his dad and his sister.
And it's like that all the exact opposite of the Corollas. Yeah, exactly the opposite. My dad doesn't know. I don't know that he knows my sister's name. He certainly doesn't know. He one time one time I said to my dad, and this is this is when I was doing Loveline. This is like year number eight and a half of me doing Loveline.
I said, you know, drew this or Drew said he'd call and drew something or other. I just said, Drew. And I said, I'm going to see Drew later on tonight. So I'll ask Drew. And he said. About friend Drew, and there's a guy who's named Drew, who's one of Ray's friends, who I don't know, and my dad assumed that's the drew I was talking about after I'd been paired up with Dr. Drew for a decade.
He had no idea. I mean, he knew who Dr. Drew was. But when I was saying Drew, he thought he was talking about a guy who I barely knew who was a friend.
How am I supposed to know that? That's right. All right. So anyway, yeah, you're not good enough for Kimmel.
And evidently neither was Dossett.
Well, I know you. I had a good two years over there with really, really good pizza. Every Sunday. I would argue that I'd be stupid not to show up every Sunday.
I would I would also say that was very uncomfortable for you after the show because we did it on the air and it was it seemed like a bit.
Yeah. And then after the show, Dawson said to me, but seriously, that was a bit right now. And he died. That was tough.
I even emailed Jimmy and I'm like, So I'll see you Sunday.
And so the reply was the most, why did it say I could feel I could feel the no punch me in the face.
I know you don't get it. He was not a joke.
He wrote that. Wow. Was that in all caps? He doesn't even need it, didn't have it was it was in Greek, it was all caps, it was bold.
I mean, Will Arnett and if we learn that God really, really means like a rude will are now, you know, I mean, I know I'm not the first person that brought that up, but I mean, that's that was it.
That was a real good. Welcome to Hollywood moment. Yeah. For Mr. Dawson here. Yeah.
Whose idea was it to do it on the air? Um, I don't know.
It seemed, you know, it's funny because it's actually easier for those involved to do it on the air. Absolutely. It's except for went off the air, the person says, seriously? And you go, yeah, yeah.
I kind of I kind of walked in on it. I gave them yeah. I gave them every opportunity. It was what was what was more embarrassing that.
Are you assuming you're going out to Lisa Loeb?
Oh, I'm not embarrassed about Lisa Loeb. She just fucking lost, you know, where are you is the real life right here, brother? Yeah, I love me some me Lisa loves like a hot female Will Arnett, you know what I mean?
Plays acoustic guitar, you know, I mean, I've been trying to place her. Yeah.
What if this turns into the way you deal with all relationships in your life, Mark, and you come on the show. Yeah. Yeah. I want to ask your wife, can you come on the show? I need a divorce. Yeah. Yeah.
Now, seriously, after the show, were you serious? What what happened with the Lisa Loeb just just to catch everyone up?
Well, she was going to be a guest on the show. She was doing this with Lisa Loeb finds a husband reality TV show, No. One single. Obviously they're promoted. Tournament of Love.
I was single, eager, and I just said at the post, show me and fuck. I'll go out on a date with her. I'll ask her out on the air and I find that a little bit.
He showed up wearing his best chance and surfer flip flops. I did. And I said to him, like way all gussied up for and he said, going out with Lisa Loeb.
And I said, You're going on a date with Lisa Loeb. And he said, female will.
They said, yeah. And I said, You're going out with Lisa Loeb. And he said, Yeah. And I said, how is how did this work? And he said, Well, she's single, isn't she? And I said, Yeah, well, she's coming in in an hour. Yeah, well, I'm going to ask her out. And I said, Oh, you're not going out with Lisa, you're going to ask her out.
Skipped a crucial step, skipped the part where she says, yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.
Abduct probably would have been a better word at that point. Yeah.
It's like saying, oh, I'm going to be knighted. I just haven't told the Queen yet. Yeah, did you. And he's doing a biography on me.
Yeah. You're just sitting there on one knee looking around what it's going on. I'm not feeling a sword on each shoulder. It's yeah.
Yeah that's. Well also you're not you wouldn't have dated Lisa Loeb. You'd be dating Lisa Loeb.
You know, she's not exactly at the peak on the way down that I thought would work in my head that you are.
But you were on your way down. Now you're moving laterally, though. It's not like you were moving up and she was moving down. You were just sort of sliding sideways and she was she was coming down. But Lisa Loeb is cute, sold some records and dated one. Dweezil Zappa. Is that true?
That's right. So that was the way she was. You are now sure.
When to bring it up on the air because she said it'd be a little bit more, you know, less.
Less, yes. Yeah. Well, I also think Lisa Love's got to be a vegetarian and you look like we only eat meat you can smoke in front of her.
Yeah, no, no. Yeah. You'd be like you'd be like, hey, I got a song and she'd be like, that is not the way to play it. Acoustic guitar. She'd constantly be telling you how to strum that guitar. It wouldn't work or it wouldn't work. It would have just been, you know, eleven to fourteen months of insane sex and then a whole bunch of good stories.
But it would break up songs that you knew were about you. Yeah. Aren't you, for the rest of your life. That's right. Sex because she's kind of crazy, insane, crazy, crazy sex.
It would have been months of it. You don't want that. No. Yeah. No. Yeah. You wouldn't want to.
You want to be in a nationally renowned recording artist. Right. Right here. Right. But bad move. Yeah.
Mm. I made out with her sister in New York about really fifteen years ago. Really. Really. Have you ever told that story before. I hear that I feel like this is the first time for that story.
It was a pilot. We were both doing a pilot together. Debbie, their name, Debi Love lived a little bit in the shadow. Lisa was at her peak.
Yeah. Point right. Younger sister hungry. Yeah.
She's got press and flirty a little. Was it never sorry, Saga? No. Hmm, mm hmm. Thought about Lisa Loeb later, though. You know, when you when you only make out, you got to finish the hour.
Yeah. Ladies, let it be known that that's her. We're going to get the job done one way or the other. Yeah. With or without you. What's your preference, though, for the two girls? No. What's your preference with or without sometimes?
Is it actually without we'd like you to hang out and finish the job yourself, but we will finish with or without you.
To me, the factor is the perfecta. I see you jerk off to you. I make out with you, I jerk off to you. Then we fuck.
Where were you when I was trying to get a date with this low?
I have used all of this stuff you say. You still live in San Diego and second concussion, first escapable. And I'm tired of talking about the avocado festival and shit about Alan Parsons anymore. All right. I'm sorry I the for the first time and I'm on drugs that should make me feel.
But that song did it.
Yeah. Oh, song. Speaking of jerking off, by the way, you know, after two weeks off with my kids and being around the house 24/7, you know, just skating tubing, fuck and movies. How can family purity they went back to school and for 48 hours I have been making up like I can't stop jerking off, like almost like there's equilibrium. I need to now I need to get all that good family feeling out. Right.
If the can't get the right counseling one like is a constant. But Jay would be the Jay's constant. Yes. And see if.
My God. Has it felt good. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Voice is in a brace. No wonder. Yeah. Right.
The carpal tunnel syndrome. Yeah. You're doing the stranger. Mm hmm. Hmm. That's on the left hand. Hey now how does it work with your wife.
With the beating off.
Did it next to her while she slept two nights ago. She really waited for the waited for the regular breathing.
Mm. And wanted to have sex with her the night before. Shot down and have sex that night. Shot down one hand, forgot one of her shirts. That is the rag that's into the hammer, like a fuckin like an alpha male, you get a puppy, a T-shirt that smells like.
That's right. That's right. I love that. That's right. I waited for the regular breathing and then that meant she was asleep. She was asleep, but alive.
And I just very gently thought about Lisa Loeb and Will Arnett together, which, by the way, is a great pairing.
Yeah. And I worked it out, it was good, I like that was the breathing like before it becomes regular, irregular, but why?
Well, she she doesn't snore, but she's got a little there's a little bit of a little bit of that. Got a little traction. Mm hmm. Have you ever done it in the bed with your wife. Sleep now. Really.
No. You know, here's the now you know. Well, first off, I changed my game. I don't I don't do it in the reclined position anymore, it's too it's too dangerous. You get in the shower. Yeah, I'm, um, I'm upright, you know, and I'm not always in the shower.
Too dangerous for what objects that might be in that year.
Well, first off, the the back in the back, it's just it's a mess. I mean, like petechiae. This is. Yeah.
I mean, gosh, I did come up during the innovations of when we're doing the man show, I came up with something called the Belly Zamboni, which would actually clear up this problem is that in Wikipedia it should be.
So, no, I've never I am now. I've trained myself, by the way. I can do it running from a Kodiak bear. That's how I've trained myself. And I will train my son that way as well. You know what I'm saying.
Thought you're not supposed to turn away from the bear. Oh, no, I doesn't. I oh, you're running backwards at a certain point, if I can time it just right as the bear comes up to me, I can time it right. That's the only thing that will stop the Kodiak bear in its tracks, literally in its tracks.
Just literally just the threat of Pinki will stop Kodiak Bear and of course, the humiliation, the way when that Kodiak bear returns the Kodiak bear camp just on by another hiker. What did he say to you as he just. Yeah, right. I've come full circle and they never put that in the parts in the camping pamphlet now. Dead. Yeah, they never. Yeah, they never put in run backwards and cherkovski diagram. Yeah. And they talk about pepper spray and by the way I like that thing.
We were trying to make yourself bigger. Yeah. Like a Kodiak bear weighs seventeen hundred and fifteen pounds. Fitzsimons how much you weigh. Buck fifty eight hundred fifty pounds. So you balloon up to 160 to about 160. Now the barrel weighs seventeen now fourteen hundred pounds more than you like that. Making yourself bigger when the thing goes back on its feet and it's 11 feet tall and weighs 2000 pounds. Yeah. Who cares. Your buck fifty or one sixty five.
Yeah. You're still fucking hard to enjoy. You're still just a fucking nugget to the bear. Right. I've made myself bigger. Oh yeah. It's like an aunt making stuff bigger to your shoe. It's like I'm at a red light next to a portion and I'm revving my Prius. Yeah. I'm going to make it bigger now.
Now. But a shot at Jess, that'll stop it on so many levels. I mean, there's the shame. There's the physical stickiness. There's the confusion. I mean, yeah, confusion is just happened. What happened? How could. Yeah, it buys you precious. And then also, what does the bear say to the bear wife? I was chasing a scared campany jism. Right. Right. Three times this week.
Then the he is now the key is you've got to train yourself to get turned on by a giant Kodiak bear. That's my point. You buy fur coats, you make massive dioramas, you build in the garage and you just keep practicing, running back and jerking off.
So I do cover the entire garage floor. Forest gravel train. Yeah, I do. I have some of the guys who actually work work at Disney actually come by and set the stuff up for me. Giant bearskin rug. The barrel. Yeah. Yeah. And I put it up on a hat rack.
My son shake it and go, oh, I'm going to invite our children in midstream.
They're gonna learn all right. One day. One day that'll be them jerking off and running back to God. It will be hand to God. That's an heirloom that that bear that'll go to your great grandkids.
Someday it'll be like, well, those Johnny Cash songs, you know what I mean? Like a boy named Sue, like like you're pissed at me now for making you shake this hat rack with this bare skin on it while daddy beats off on it.
Now you're pissed, but you'll thank me one day when you're being attacked by Kodiak Bear. Yes, you know what I'm saying? Yes. It's a Johnny Cash.
What if intuits a Globe song sung by Will Arnett?
Mm hmm. Jesus.
What if Kodiak bears go extinct in a few generations? Will your legacy be tarnished?
It'll work on any bear, especially the pandas, because you didn't have to move. You just stand there while they. Yeah. Mm hmm. And when you're running backwards, here's the key. Got to keep the pants from being around your ankles. You got to remember. Right, zip fly. Work it with the balls inside.
Oh, yeah. You can't go you can't go home with. Excuse me for being the first. Why are the balls going to get in the way. Let them out for one aerodynamic drag. Oh no one. OK, that makes sense. Number two, if you have a fairly prodigious sack it will, it'll do a sort of counter pendulous sort of thing and it'll throw you right off the trail also.
But there does catch you No. One, your balls out of the way. Nobody wants the sack exposed. Right.
If you've seen the bears, well, reach inside your pants. That's known right now. Sack in. And by the way, you know, it's not like it's ninety degrees up there. You might be in eight, ten thousand feet then oxygen could cool.
That's true. And if you're going to ejaculate, the sperm could freeze on the outside and not you could never really get the reaction that you need to hit the bear in the face.
Is that been frozen sperm blockage and then it like a sperm puck.
Listen, you factor in everything from the way in to whether you drank pineapple juice. I mean, it's all it's all it's in it's in the handout.
You've seen the Winnie the Pooh cartoons, you know, when it looks like he's got honey all over his nozzle. Yeah.
Yeah. That ain't honey. That was your. All right. You're all right, baby. Right. That's the news, I'm Alison Rosen Zeybek. That was the news with Alison Rosen. I feel high right now is anyone's feeling. Yeah, a little bit. Show me show me the arsonist and Will Arnett one more time and then I then I'll be able to sleep tonight.
Well, you know, when they do those movies where they put you in the fat suit, that's that's that right?
Very much so, yeah. Amazon. Oh, my God. Love me.
All right. As Greg Fitzsimons talking about what to do when a bear approaches you. Now you mentioned that Greg always likes to come in a little early. He does. Whenever we schedule him, he's always in. He's always here about 15 to 20 minutes early. And I met on the calendar. But that also makes sense. I'm like, let me be the first guest because people like let me be like drop off. And like my New Year's resolution is I'm a good cop, my podcast.
So, Greg, make sure he's like the first guest on our show.
But also when he gets here, he's always very early. And what he does, he'll hang out in the engineering room. So before any appearance, imagine Greg is sitting in the engineering room looking through the window and Adam sees him. So it's kind of funny. And Adam will usually bring him in early just because he's here already waiting.
So we like to only vibing him. We have problems that we never mind bringing fits Doug and one of my favorite guests. It comes in, always brings it.
Yeah. When I finally get a tally, he's probably up over 100 episodes by now. That's incredible. Yet so many classic moments, as you guys have heard from these episodes. All right, let's get going with another clip now. Something that Adam always likes to do is break down certain songs and we'll get to some of those today.
This one is Atlanta Rhythm Section's imaginary lover, Adam Krall, show 720 to five episodes prior, Andy Dick Marshall Cook, Alison Rose and Brian Bishop. This is when they're promoting that football movie. They did that. Adam had a small cameo role, and this is from December of 2011 and went on Rhythm Section's Imaginary Lover.
Check it out. The news with Alison Rosen. She read some news from her iPad. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. Alison. And when it's time to wrap it up, you sign it up with it because it's. Jerry Sandusky back in the news today. He waived his right to a preliminary hearing and he is maintaining his innocence. But here is the best part of the story. His lawyer, Amendola, said it would be, quote, naive to think that university officials had responded to reports that Sandusky was having anal sex with a 10 year old looking kid in a shower room and that their response to that would simply be to tell Sandusky, don't go in the shower anymore with kids.
He says it's naive to believe that that's how it happened. And to anyone who might believe that, he says, I suggest you dial one 800 reality because, you know, sense.
But guess what happens when you call one 800 reality? Hit it. Gary. And so, Gary, do it like this. No, no, wait. Gary, thanks for your call again later. Oh, come on, get ready. All right.
Not really. Gary doesn't have that one figured out. Here we go. Hey, guys. Welcome to the hottest place for triple action. Get ready for your first impression, because I sure is just 99 cents per minute, which first damage your car in only two minutes from my one on one talk with a hot guy getting you brought to you by National. So obviously, he didn't realize this is what happens. Right?
I mean, people are kind of having a field day with it.
I feel like any here's here's the two things I know. If I miss Dayal, if I miss a digit when I'm dialing, I will get a crazy foreign accent on the other line. And and if I go somewhere else on the web, that's a digit off, it'll be something gay. Yes. That's those are the two things I know. And I'm not happy about that as a society.
In fact, the preponderance of not just gay stuff, but more porn on the Internet makes it so that certain things are impossible to search for. Mm hmm. In fact, if you have any sort of gynecological question, you don't want to be searching.
No, I said this earlier today. One time I was trying to find something about the Golden Girls. You can't even search Golden Girls. Oh, man.
I was trying to give my daughter one of those muff warmers for, you know, it's cold outside.
I was trying to have a lemon party. Mm hmm.
Donald Trump is not going to be hosting that debate that he was going to be hosting, that only two Republicans agreed to attend. He pulled out saying he opted out of the debate because he is unwilling to officially rule out a third party run for the White House. He said, it is very important to me that the right Republican candidate be chosen to defeat the failed and very destructive Obama administration. But if that Republican, in my opinion, is not the right candidate, I am not willing to give up my right to run as an independent candidate, therefore, so that there is no conflict of interest within the Republican Party.
I have decided not to be the moderator of the Newsmax debate, but most people feel that this is disingenuous and that actually he pulled out because only two people decided to show up.
Yeah, he didn't want to look bad, so he pulled out.
It's like canceling a concert where you you know, you have a thousand seat hall, you sell 41 tickets and you say, well, somebody's got heat stroke or something. But it's really if that place was sold out, you're going out on stage, right? Yes. I'd find some Atlantic rhythm section music for me, by the way. God damn. I like to drive around, listen to 70s and 80s stations and and realize how much.
And realize just how much I hate certain bands and how much I loathe them and how little I knew I hated them. This sounds like a different version. I don't know why I mind it now, this part, Sir Benjamin. This is a different version, this isn't never to you. That's the car wash version. Well, that's a weird non is that the Atlantic rhythm section? That's that's a rerecording I could tell Dorson from the first fucking lick of the guitar that was a bit slower and weird.
I could tell by your face that it wasn't right. And I don't even know that fucking song. I mean, I know it. I hate it. Don't get me wrong, I would never buy an Atlantic rhythm section if you put a fucking gun to both my kids heads and said, look, buy one Atlantic rhythm section and I'd be no, I'm sorry, I just give me a moment, say goodbye to my kids.
That would be. Would you say goodbye to first though? Don't answer that.
OK, see that because you as you were saying earlier, you can sniff out stuff.
Oh they sing so into you, which is this is a song that I remember hearing when it came out and it just fucking haunts me. So listen how shitty this fucking piece of shit is. It's such a piece of shit. Listen to go to. Of course, there was voodoo in the badge, where was it for you? Do I keep mine in my bag? Sometimes I start now. It was captured by a stash, but he couldn't catch a ride.
There's voodoo and your standing helplessly. The song was top 10. You don't get it. Here it is. So the song gets played frequently on the 70 station and I just always scream at whoever's in the car. Does anyone like this piece of shit? What if no one's in the car? I fucking yell it to the fucking headliner and to the heavens. Nobody likes this song. There's nobody who's ever like I want to hear So Into You by the Atlantic Rhythm Section.
Sounds like a shitty version of Busgang. It's like someone said, Hey, boss, come here. Let me hit you on the head with a skillet and I'll give you an ether. Right now I want you to crank out a shitty song. I am sick. Find me the lyrics to this song. When she walked into the room, it was number seven. It got to number seven, John High and has some fucking crack. The top 10 are.
We're so goddamn dumb. Yeah, we get it. You're into you are so into you. So in you. When you walked in the room there was voodoo in five in the fives. Oh in the bad chuffs. Wrong.
All these the vibes. But some people call their bad their vibes like oh good.
I was wrong for twenty four years.
I want to turn it up to him because he does say Vibs, he said by right, stand by your style. Could you get your eyes down here? How did you get this song with a top 10 song that continues to be played frequently today? It's such a fucking nauseating piece of shit. What was her style that captured him anyway? She was captured at your view and her badge. And listen, if I was a fucking city of Atlanta, I would strip these guys of their name and go, listen, you boring, fucked out piece of shit of a rock band to give us our name back here, just section.
Now, that was the that was the promotional material that already fucking used to try to get it on the air. Was the bag full of video he oversaturated. Oh, this. Let it go. Let it go. Here's where it gets real heavy. It's going to get going. Is it going to break down? It was a top 10 saw. Of course, there was payola being given around. There's no record executives, there's no program.
There's no program director who sits down and gives us a spin and goes, hey, man, we got a hit. We have a hit. Yeah. You got a case where the fucking Bolivian marching powder and three blondes, please. Nobody listens to this. This is a zero. Oh, it's going to keep going. And also, I love when a piece of shit won't die like someone goes, you know what? We should take another lap around shit park with this horrible dirge it while we're at it in the park.
Yes. Yes, you're right. With black hair, I have to say, how many people are trading? They never trade raven haired beauties with three blondes. Yeah, sorry. Well, they're coked up know sisters. And I would like to know what's up. How they see the redhead in the 50s. All right, wait. I mean, I think the sun just keeps going. What's the part where he goes? You and me. Me to you.
Oh, we were we're driving to Fresno and the other Atlanta rhythm section song came on and I just and now I don't wanna hear spooky rather spooky is a piece of shit to.
Let's let's listen to this, let's listen to another I mean, somebody somebody needs to stop these ass wipes. I mean, there should be enough for the person who blessed, you know, the blacks want restitution for slavery. I want restitution from the Atlantic rhythm section for so into you an imaginary lover. Right. And what what did this get to on the fucking charts? They both got to number seven. I wonder if they're like, fuck, we can't break out of seven.
How slow in rhythm was talking about masturbation? I think song about being off in the shower. Yeah, I love her. Yeah, yeah. Because he's like the I like because, you know, when the others turn you away. Yeah. Right. Oh right and left. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like it's like my badge in the room. Is that like no one think about the badge in the room, it's like when you walked in the room there was patch on the air with.
What is the real life situation? Here's the part I love imagination's I read. Now, look, I don't mind the part where the guy from RCA Records dumped off a mountain of cocaine to the program director to play this piece of shit and got him fucked and bought a mistake. It's called payola. It's what we used to do. And thus the song got played and played and played. And thus it got up into the top 10 on the charts.
Wasn't exactly a mountain. Sorry, Jack. Do we have to continue to punish ourselves for this mistake? Do we have to continue to hear this on the 70s? Yes. When will the curse be lifted? How long do you pay? Are they not allowed to play like Led Zeppelin songs on the 70s buddy in classic rock or classic radio? Nobody wants to take any more chances. They are all scared to fucking death and running for the hills or anything out on ever young punks about them.
Your chances not playing a super slow, shitty song. It worked then it works. It's such a piece of shit. Got the Atlantic rhythm section is fucking horrible. God damn. I hope they're gone. I just hope they're not bringing any pain to a new generation of poor people. I mean, I hope they're playing a fucking Waffle House in Beirut and then being busted after they're set. They have to pay right now. I want to erect a Waffle House House in Beirut and then book the Atlantic rhythm section and then grab a handful of sand from the desert and get a good fisting for this fucking the pain and heartache they've caused in my life.
Happy start us just because. Oh, that's right. That makes sense. Yeah, right. No, no, seven everybody. Top ten. Top ten said that's why you have to throw that fucking top ten I Where the fuck did Rosalita. I forget about John Hyde. Let me see it as high as Rosalita. Bruce Springsteen's Rosalita got my guess. Twenty three on the last seven and a half minutes of glory.
Let's, let's try to figure the figure that one out or you know, find out how high peace, love and understanding got to or something like that. Find me. That's so I can never ever stop vomiting. All right.
Where were we? Well, Jessica Simpson is going to receive three million dollars watch from Weight Watchers and watch after she has her baby.
Oh, look, are you carrying your pounds and her breasts? You do this thing where people get fat and then just lose weight and then it kick starts their career again. I'm not in I'm not down with that.
I'm only down with that as a career option down the line. Mm hmm.
Is it an option for dudes who are the dudes who do this?
I mean, once Greg Tommy Lasorda. You're right. This one is Dan Marino. Yeah. Jared Yeah, that's right, Jared. Wow, man, the overunder on Jared, you know, 11 years ago when he hit the scene, six months. Yeah, yeah, Adam, would you ever gain weight for the money? I mean, you're for a role even. Would you do it? You're talking to a guy who made fun, you know, talking about a guy who called Mountain Dew, Nektar, Cotard's for years and then did a commercial for them.
I think a radio spot you're talking about a guy who had his ear probably trumpeting your willingness to sell out.
Mm hmm. You're talking about a guy who was rejected from the North Hollywood Taco Bell application, denied imagination. Unreal.
Wait a minute. That sorry. Bad vibes of pagination unreal, denied, denied neither peace, love and understanding. Nor Rosalita hit the hot 100, but imaginary lover dead and so into. You know, they both got in the top 10. So therefore that list is meaningless.
Is there any other conclusion to draw than the list is utterly meaningless. Rosalita does not crack the top one hundred and so and you square in the top 10.
So it's a good snapshot of the time. Oh God. It shows how fucking stupid people are and how much payola was fucking going on back then. You it's impossible to hear so into you and go that's a hit. It's fucking impossible. You can't do it. It's such a piece of shit.
How good ol days is those days at least still dresses the same.
All right, where are we. We were talking about your willingness.
Oh, I get a Taco Bell commercial. Yeah, I would pack on. I'd pack on the pounds.
Sure. And that was another classic Karola song, Breakdown of Imaginary Lover. All right, let's get going with another clip.
We got another listener request and and we're getting some music today because at Lipshutz tweeted, I love Khairallah Classics.
Can I make a request? When I was a kid, I wanted to be a radio deejay. And I love the tool box with DOS and hitting the post. But here I'm doing Mellencamp. I Need a lover. Intro was hilarious.
It never ends at lip out, you know. Totally correct.
This was my favorite toolbox because Adam because dossing did it live in the show. Adam asked him for it and it had just one of those interests that never seemed to end.
This made the ACE Awards that year. Adam Carolla show 21 78. Jeff Cicero's in studio Genographic Brian Bishop. They have dorsum. Do a series of toolbox intros is like a segment as opposed to just the opening on the show, which you guys should do. Again, this is another one of these.
Why? I agree completely. I love I love when Dorsen does he does the toolbox live in the show just because anyone can kind of laugh and you hear everybody's reaction because we play them before the show and it usually just really clean. But Adam's cracking up and students as Brian and Gina.
So, yeah, we don't or we don't get that part back up on our own. But you can you can feel when it happens.
And just a reminder or maybe even a heads up for people, when we say hitting the post, something that radio deejays do is they'll talk up a song and they'll go all the way till right before the singer starts singing and they'll end before.
But yes, exactly. Let's check it out. Dorson hitting the post. All right, we've got Chet Waterhouse, we got the game and we got a new Dick Bank song, oh, we got the tool box with Mike Dodson, my so dos and how you feeling?
Always good. Somebody tweeted me this song, which I didn't really think of at the time. I was only think of in terms of the lead in. It's got a it's got a great long run up for you to talk over.
And I don't think of it as a tool tune, but arguably could be a tool that I do. I know this song.
Yes, you'll always know the song. I would never Dossani ever, because I know all the songs, you know, so I would never give you a neon sign. I'll always be a hit. It's all right. So you don't know the song. But but I guess Brian, I'll fire it or Gary I'll fire. But you don't know the song Gharial Fire. Reducing that Gary will fire it and then you'll have to talk it up FMJ style and you have to time it right.
Got to hit that.
OK, I could you just just to be sure.
Just give you the name and title of the song just so I know it now.
OK, you're going to know it the second it starts. OK, I'm ready. Unless we want to go slightly more knowable Sheriff.
Well that's the sheriff thing is what scared me because I heard you mention sheriff before and I'm sorry. I'm unfamiliar with all of that. Oh, don't be sorry.
Oh, now you're sheriff. Hold on. Now you want to try, Sheriff? I think you're going to know. Well, it's a weird play, the sheriff one dos and don't do anything. Let's hear.
Deputizes Cassio. Sheriff of DFL. Here's a song by a gay guy. Yeah, Dawson's pretending not to know, so we think it's strange coming back to all of this. This is yeah, this is one of my karaoke numbers. And this is a palace for children. This cruise is going to be great. Maybe they should be playing as the kid stands up and jumped off the eight foot wall for you. Yes, in front of our kids and I'm going to drop their ball.
Christmas party here, Gina. Oh, good. We did the right thing to do, and that's what. And I love this stuff. You know, this guy, this is a cool and. This is Mattrick, NASA baby. This is a three quarter inch dry. It's got a Branker bar on it. I'm going inside Truls with you, but this is all big tool. But this is a diesel tool problem with this song as it pertains to tool tunes.
Is this trust the limiting tool tuning guilty pleasure? This is not a great song.
No, it is not. It is not. But you would be humiliated. Oh, absolutely. They have that. Here's what I have to. It has to be a good song. I have. Well, it's tough. I mean, that's real subjective. But my two criteria is I only have two. I don't really have three. I don't have. That has to be a good song. I have the I would turn it up if this popped up first.
I would thank the Lord that it came on to the radio and then I would turn it up and then I would roll up other people's windows, not just my own. I didn't want I went double barrier barrier. You roll your everyone windows up, I'll go up with mine, do what I'm doing, I triple pane, triple glaze everybody. And I put I put argon gas in between me and the car next to me. The signal would be that embarrassed to have them hear me.
So it's what I turn it up and what I be humiliated if other people heard it.
I appreciate the good song part, I appreciate. Well, I mean, I get it, but the debt that can be tough to settle. These are two that I know these I'm locked off on the some of the songs. Well, our subjective.
I appreciate your appeal. Yes. To the one who came up with the idea of dual iTunes. But why do I have to say this is a guilty pleasure? If you like it, that's on you. But this is not a good song.
Yeah, but the problem the problem with the reason I think we need to reformat tool tunes.
I'll hear you out is there they're probably we've probably come through 50 tool tune songs or maybe there's some are obvious. We shut case and I could say I could probably pick out eight or 10 that I would call not good songs, but I'd still like to say there were two old tunes and it leaves it up to opinion. As long as I can say I'll turn it up and the window's going up as the volume is going up, then I then I can define failure as a tool to list in their own heart.
Because to you this is this is.
No, but you have to you have to agree with me. You have to agree. No. If I said, hey, when I hear Eleanor Rigby, man, I turn it up. But that window's got to come up. I'd be embarrassed. You got to go. No, that's a good song. God put it on in a party and not have any problem with that. I'd be on my playlist at a party. I wouldn't apologize for it.
No, we have to. Everyone has. The one thing about the tool tune is everyone needs to agree.
At least on turn it up and the window. Yes, on those two. OK. All right. This is a snap on July two. I do have a submission now that we're talking about it, if you don't mind.
Well, can dos and talk it up? Oh, one hundred percent. And he knows it 100 percent. This happened to me on the way here. Windows down, sunroof open. Love this song.
I think Brian would agree with me or at least be familiar with why I would love it and stopped at the light.
And I was so humiliated that this dude was looking into my car.
I took a right and said, this is already good. It's already race. I took a right when I needed to go straight to my basic maneuver. Yeah. So I was embarrassed.
But it's something that I love and you're all going to be familiar with. Oh, well, let's see, Brian, it's all good, this is all good, but I mean, whether I know it's a good song or not because of the criteria that she turned and she wanted to turn it up, but she turns that on myself from the situation. Well, let's hear it.
Kicking off another soft set of the hair on the tool box. Remember, my friends this afternoon will laugh a little bit with the laughter. Five after. Let's continue with Chicago tonight. This we keep this on, please. This is an archetypal tools here. This is OK. I think I keep going. I not technically you there was a solar projects when you hear, you know, I would be restrained by the elements. And I know the video is more oh, it's the best video that people are pissed at me for saying you can't.
He's singing in a dojo. And then through the with the paper panels, you see parts of get to say, I will take a right turn into a dream, an island society. Brace yourself for this chorus. Oh, I'm sorry. This is the song that makes it impossible for me to explain to my wife. Chicago was once good training montage. Wow. Right? Yes. Mr. Yanagawa got enough. I hate to break it, Brian, but there's some sheriff elements in this with this keyboard's and everything has a real time.
Against the background, you have to listen to it during your off day, all right.
OK, well, I got to tell, so somebody gave me a tall order for me for Dorsami because it's got a long buildup. OK. You'll know. You'll know the song.
I don't really it's not too old Toony, but it's knocking on the door.
Here we go. And we are rolling right into another fine set of the hands here in the tool box, my friend, stick around, because dusty roads got to look at traffic coming up for us in just a little bit. It's brought to you by Toyota's U.S. car, Chad show and RV sale, plus gun show. You can get what you want and make a clean getaway. That's this weekend at the county fairgrounds. Remember the laughter at five after an hour, commercial free every single morning with Obree and Hope here on the station that delivers all of the hits all the time back when he was called Cougar.
First name still, George and I started out as Johnny Kruger, but wasn't enough with John Cusack long buildup, he went to John Mellencamp and now he's thinking about changing the name to John Camil and Cooter, coming up after this. I'm going to take a call for a free tickets to that RV show and go on sale this week at the river from Orange County Fairgrounds. Will take Karten right after this. Hey, John, what do you need?
Apparently, you need to keep talking. My friends also want to remind you we got another run block this weekend. That's right. Two, three, sometimes four song sets from your favorite artists right here on the tool box. John wanted to go for about two minutes and 40 seconds here, folks, the engineer was getting a little edgy at the beginning of this song, Winley. Mike, but not bad, because I've got a couple more. It's brought to you by CompuServe.
They're still around and so is this intro. If you want to hear something, give me a call at 800, 800, it's all request our coming up at 10 o'clock on the tool box. Wow. Wow. Well, we have played this game several times on the morning show, and that is the greatest talk up I have ever heard in my life.
Instant Emmy Dawsons going for them. Hey, I can do better. Holy smokes. Efforts made by Winston and smoke comes out. Wow. That was that was awesome.
And I got to say, it's tough because I somebody tweeted me that song and I knew that it had a super long run up and but I but there are five places obviously where it sounds like it's about to kick in and. Yeah. Some impressive some really.
And that was once again my favorite of all of the toolboxes when Dawson did I need a lover. You should have seen him live. He was squirming.
He was sorry, is still impressed. I found his tweets about it. He's like, oh, my God, it's still amazing. This is Adam Gräßle, 21 78, by the way. I think we mentioned in the intro. Yeah, I was killed. Have seen what it was like in person.
Yeah. Instant Aizawa we knew the second we saw this is we're crying.
Laughing. Whole segment is hilarious. I'm not Telapak. I agree.
And I always love that segment. All right. Let's get to another listener request at technobabble, too. Writes, Hey, for the next gorilla classics. I'd love to hear when Adam starts to complain about how for one one doesn't work. When he tries to look up information on a business phone, the guys start to mock him. Well, we got an Girlschool 21 57 featuring Ari Shapiro. He's not in this portion of the opening of the show, Jenah grad and Bryan Bishop.
This is from September of twenty seventeen. I remember writing the sidebar for this episode live, and I'll share my thoughts on that after we listen. Check it out. Good day, Genographic to you and Valbrun, you're not chocolate covered bacon archerfield from 2013, so this will never work because my life is a never ending host of experiments that never work when I'm there and then work when other people show up.
But I never do the four one one operator thing with the smartphone except for there's simply one place and one place only I, I do it with. Uh huh. And there's a Chinese food place that's near my house.
Tell my grandmother what to do please. And I tend to like when I'm walking like I was walking Philly cheesesteak the other day and I said I want to eat here later on tonight with my family. But it gets a little crowded on a Saturday night. So I shall make a reservation at this Chinese food place, a nice place called the New Moon Cafe. And it's in Montrose, California.
Nothing about this sounds very Chinese, but I can never get through to the four one one. I can never they have multiple locations and I try Lokken Yata, California, I try Montreaux, California, but they always give me the one that's on Figueroa or whatever and downtown also, whether it's. Whether it's me talking to Siri or whatever the hell her name is over there, yeah.
Shouldn't we factor in? Meaning when it says what state or what what city and you name the city, and then it gives you the one in downtown L.A., shouldn't it know that the city you were discussing, especially when he said that's the city? And again, I say I say the same thing with the Lexapro or whatever the name of my surgery is up. There's too many names in my head.
My point is this. I I tell them to play eight seventy the answer in the morning when I come walking in to listen to Dennis Prager in the morning and every 13 to 17 time I hear the answer by pump the volume seven and they just play that thing. And I'm like, sweetie, we have a history, don't we? We have a rich history of me. Yeah. Saying this every day. I thought part of the deal was they start to recognize your pattern a little bit.
And since the only time we ever play this music is when you misunderstand me, go ahead and strike it out. Just go and strike it out. And by the way, when we play your pump the jam music instead of my 870, the answer and I immediately hop on it and say stop. Shouldn't that work into artificial intelligence, which we never listen to more than one point seven seconds of what you've put there. And yet we listen to hours of the other thing.
At some point you have the correct patterns, start working it. All right. So I thought just for fun, I oops, I would try this just to see if it did if it were it was as horrible. And now I find myself yelling all voice command stuff I find myself screaming at. But I thought I'd try just to see. How it worked and I'll let you guys hear it and see if AT&T directory assistance, your AT&T account will only be charged when everything is provided for your city and state, like Dallas, Texas.
You can also search by phone number, Montreaux, California.
Natural California, if that's not right, she go back. Oh, no. Are you coming for a business or residence, a business? OK, see the name of the business you want if you don't know the name of the business? Tell me the type of business you're looking for.
New Moon Cafe. Searching in and around Madrid and Los Angeles cafe at seven 735 South Dakota Street.
OK, Gary, when you go on your website, there's one in Montreux, right? Absolutely. You can see repeat, hang on and connect you.
I don't want to be connected because this is the one in downtown. If you go on the website, there's one in Montreaux. So then I call back and I say another city. I say LA Canada, and it sends me to that one again. So then I try again. But this time I got an angle. Are you ready? It's going to be super satisfying.
You know, this is known as the twist. This is the twist because I'm going to go with type of business.
Oh, yes. Well, I want to direct resistance. Your AT&T account balance charged with a listing is provided to come back. You can say connect me to your city and state, Montrose, California.
Natural's California, if that's not right, say go back. Well, which are you calling for, that business or president? A business. OK, see the name of the business, and if you don't know the name of the business, tell me the type of business you're looking for, a Chinese food restaurant.
I'm sure you were unable to find what you're looking for. OK, wait, is what God damn here said to you? Go on the website, New Moon Cafe, Chinese Food, Montreaux, California. Why is it not why? It's the only place I ever try to get the phone number from because I don't need anyone else's number and I'm just trying to put a reservation in when I'm walking the dog. Why? What is that? Gary, what is that?
Is it just me? How come nothing works for me? It is not an instant.
You are squarely in the minority of people who still use for when I was just math I think.
But it could work. I mean having money, putting it, putting attention towards making that technology better.
I think it's just stalled because it's not being used.
But there is a new moon in Montrose. Yeah, there is a Chinese food joint in Montreaux. Any other method used to search for it will provide it.
Whether you do a Google search or Siri.
Yeah, try Siri. I don't think I have Siri either way. Either way, you hold down your home button. I can't. I can't. I fell off. All right. I can't. I can't do it. I just can't explain someone else. Why do we have for one more look, why do we have an operation like I'm just trying to get me the number I know we had for one one. I didn't know it.
Still an option. I forgot you taught us something today. Well, I. Well, first off, I have heard people talk about giving you the four one one on something because they don't say you're sorry.
I no, they wanna they give you the four one one so you don't have to call the nine one one. You are hip and with it. All right. Well, look, you're making fun of me. But what I'm saying is, is it's up and running. Yeah. It simply gives you the wrong location. And it seems to work. It just doesn't work the way you'd like to work. Now, again, they're not putting a ton of work into infrastructure, let's say, over there, but.
Why not as long as what what if I just wanted to one in downtown, then it would work, right?
Oh, I'm wondering if that location needs to register with one woman and just never bother you if you don't vote.
So once you give them the four one one on what's going on, dude. Well done. All right. I'm just saying that it's my life and now I don't really know anything else. So what I do as I when I'm done walking, when I'm done screaming at the phone, walking dog, going like a bad person where I have to hold it in front of my mouth and scream out. And then I really start screaming when it's type of business because like Chinese restaurants, I now never heard of nothing there.
But anyway, when I get home, I go on the computer and then I just get the phone number off the computer. And then I just called up anyway. So that was that was enjoyable.
I just I don't try things that often once in a while. I do. And I just they never work. I can't even handle the kiosk at the airport. I have to hand everything to my August. Oh yeah. I'll screw that up too. I just I'm just bad. Outsource your reservations about Vegas. It's a it's a combination between being bad and having a magnetic sphere around me that screw everything up. And that was that I'm trying to get four one one to work.
Jill, what do you think about that? Oh, time for you. I was typing, you know, over one hundred words per minute, so angrily. I was just I was like, no, please, no.
Why why would you do this is so embarrassing. And the gag was having a fun roast, but I was like, oh, man, somebody just has to do Adam's dentist idea. But with his phone, we have to dart him and wake up in a cab and tied to a chair with splash water space. And here's a basic function whose wipers with double swiped. OK, show me. OK, repeat that back and forth, back and forth and maybe teach them a little racing technique at the same time.
But my whole life is dealing with olds and trying to show them how technology works and every single one of them believes are coerced. And it's like, no, no, you're really good at this thing. Just apply that to this thing. Yes.
It's no secret that Adam and technology don't mix, but that's a self-perpetuating myth that he has about himself and he's missing out on the techno future. He needs to bond with technology, become Cyborg Adam 2.0 like Uber. Jason and Jason X look just like anything you got to want at first and then you'll let it happen.
And I don't know if we need to dart him and we need to do this for his own benefit. His family will appreciate. Everyone will be happier. We'll do it. Steven will be happier. Yeah.
Exactly what happened at the end of the force it upon him gharial work a shift.
We all know we're doing just each more Mac stuff and then I'll explain why Mac stuff sucks. You guys are idiots and I'll show PC and then you'll come and go. I like PCs too and then we'll hang out. We'll show them house phone works and we'll throw his phone away and give him an Android phone and everything. Be great.
It seems like a daunting task. I'll think about it. All right. Let's get going with another clip now. We're going to twenty eighteen just a few months after the four one one incident to the very first podcast that I produced. This is January 2nd. Twenty eighteen. When Adam came back from his trip from Hawaii.
Yeah. Once again, this is the State of the Union show. This time I'm Cruel show twenty to thirty times freshman Lou. Well they got a little talking about that Jena grad debut, something we didn't know she could do. She's never been to me, apparently. And then Adam breaks down the midnight train to Georgia. I think we played part of this before, but I cut out entirely new clips. So whatever you're hearing has never been played on classics.
You check it out. All right, so that was a ton of fun, there's so much more to report from that and we can sprinkle it in throughout the week, Lou, where you have to do it now.
Well, the the I will ümit complaint.
The one well, here's I was at the loo. I was right for complaints. Oh, well, look, you have to know the things. It's a big fat tourist trap. I mean, you have to understand that. But the deal so they say we really get to enjoy things through the eyes of your kids, like seeing those kids on the front of that catamaran whizzing through the ocean with the breeze in the face and laying down magical. On the other hand, you can be miserable when those little bitches don't appreciate stuff.
Sure. As well that one must be not. Nothing can be a two way, one way street. There has to be if it brings you delight to see them really appreciating these events and these gifts, then why then not then when you see them open a soda, take one, drop off it and then like dump it down the sink and go, well, then that's going to make you miserable for the same reason you couldn't enjoy the high, you couldn't enjoy the low, or you can be miserable over the of energy into the hard sell on kids now.
Yeah, I'm ready to go.
You go to a Lou Owl and like as a kid, all I knew from Lou I was watching The Brady Bunch. Yeah. And it was like, oh my God. Oh yeah.
The girls in the skirts, coconut brown also like lost in space was a more realistic TV show to me than The Brady Bunch because that I could picture like some time in the future, they made spaceships and he made friends with a robot. There's a pedophile up there with him and everything who's always scared. But The Brady Bunch took place and our time with real parents and real kids staying in like real hotels of real love and affection and like going places and sitting at a loo out together and all the time.
So my whole life, I've always been sort of and I knew it was a tourist trap and I knew about all the stuff.
But who cares? They're doing the show. At some point, they turn around and scan the kids and all the kids. And I think we had four or five kids, they're all kids are staring at their devices, there's hula chicks up on stage and they're like hitting the drumming up. They're shaking and shake and shake, and they're all just staring down at their devices. And then at some point they're like, we're bored and they just get up and leave mid show, mid hoola show, mid hula for the kids know I have something like this.
If anyone's going to join. Yeah, it's for the kids who were born, you know, up until nineteen seventy five and then had some sort of major head trauma where they didn't advance past the age of nine.
Not these kids, they have a tablet, they're ruined. How are you going to have these chicks up there and these dudes up there shaking their ass. How's it going to compare to anything they have on their tablet. They all got up and left. Then the wives all got up and left.
And then it was just me and Sal and Danny, two sheets. And I'm like, we're not going anywhere.
And the kids were in seventy five. You had an advanced past the age of nine, right?
There was no dad, there's no hey, you're staying and watching the show. And I was like, what do you want from me.
Well if you do that then they just complain. Then the wife presumably had to take care of the kids but they didn't obviously like you hanging out either. So they took off. Everyone just took off. And ironically, the guys who paid a buck 17 ahead, those guys were staying. The three to two paid. And it's expensive. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's always nice to see, you know, eleven hundred dollars get up and walk out.
But I was like, we're not going anywhere.
Leave her drink to give the joke was on them because at the end fire torch dude came out. That was the greatest thing I've ever seen in my life. Yeah. Yeah. So they must fire torch guy. How is the food. Because I can imagine it would freak the kids out to see a pig roasted in the ground. The, the, the pig was they did parade the pig around a little bit. They did like a victory lap pig, but the kids didn't really see it.
That's where the food is fine. You know, it's a banquet. It's just banquet. Yeah. It's a tourist trap, you know, food. I tried some poi just to say I did it. Just liquid. Nothing is the paste, it's paste. These are like really nothing. Yeah, it's a it's a zero. And so I'll, I'll keep it at that for day because we have Gina, we have Paul and also the State of the Union as well.
So why don't why don't we start with you, Gina. What would you do?
Well, for the first time in years, I, I honestly can't remember the last time I did this. I did not go anywhere and I did not do anything. And it was the most restorative rejuvenating, self reflecting week that I have had in recent memory. I needed the sleep. I needed to just sort of like be walking on the beach and thinking about a lot of things and thinking about my upcoming year and thinking about my past year and reconnecting with friends and making a lot of phone calls.
And it sounded like it was going to be super depressing and boring. And sometimes it was.
But overall moments of despair overall not going right from work to, you know, jumping in the car and going on the road trip or who has the plane tickets. We got to leave tonight. It was absolutely necessary. It was what I needed.
Well, obviously, travel can be super. It's intense with kids especially, but just in general, it's just the whole TSA business and also then for you, if you I'm all for the part where you just go, you don't have to go anywhere, but you do have to go the beach. You have to find a body of water and walk around truth. And I'm going to be there. So every day it was Latza, you know, just taking pictures and walking around and getting some exercise and a lot of thinking.
And it just it was really, really necessary. And I didn't realize I had a doctor's appointment and, you know, working on some stuff. And she's like, so how's the sleep and how's the short term memory? But I said, great. She goes, Oh, you're cured. I was like, of course I'm cured. Don't set my alarm for 3:00 in the morning anymore. I don't have a morning show job right now interrupting your sleep.
Exactly. Just just alarming me out of my circadian rhythm every night. So just having this time to just sort of sleep again and thaw out and feel human again was more necessary than I even realized.
Side note made at the breakfast table, the girls brought up Spanx. Do they do anything? What do they do? Yes, they do. And then somebody one of the girls said they just basically move fat from one place to another place, but they don't really get rid of anything. They just sort of move it. And I said they work like the undergarment version of a leaf blower. You don't actually bring anything up. They just turn it around.
It just looks better on the side than in the front. Right.
We'll just put some of your fat ass in the neighbor's pool and that his in his driveway. He'll put it yours. Right, right. So chill you got. There's see, there's a song you've never been to me, you've been Charline. I've been to death over the pain could be a tool to the most children.
And she gives a speech in the middle of it. Oh, you put the kids in know in the husband it's a lie.
Yeah. You got to find out why. It's one of my favorite songs.
Yeah, I remember we just went on vacation. We we went to Cozumel and Key West and had to. I just I just needed to chill out.
There is a I've never been to me buy Charlene. That's the way I know it's so good.
Roll your windows up, windows up. And we've got songs we cousins talking part. No, this is amazing time. Have we discussed this, you know, discontented man and a rich man to bring a little.
That's not all bad love.
Early eighties things you never do. But I wish someone had done to me one to break it down. She's talking to her old self and Georgia. And California and. I miss the preacher man and the preacher's daughter. I saw him up banging the son of a preacher man. Yeah. To bring, you know, this on this show years ago, that's familiar, but I know there's one more verse and in the speech, this lady she's beseeching to just walk away because I have this need to tell you, there's a music video for one more today.
You might want to share. How you got to parse it for saying, you know what, I think I just jumped in my mind, you know, there's some guy who at the time of this tape at the time they laid this down, nineteen eighty one to eighty seventy nine, figure it out. Except when they're laying this down, you know, there was a dude. Who is at the now when they're laying it down in nineteen eighty one, he's 53 years old, but he played keyboards with Grand Funk, Vanilla Fudge.
It was in The Wrecking Crew. Yeah.
He played with seventy six. Was it recorded in seventy. Look it up again. Yeah.
Yeah of course. 76 released in 77. Wow. Wow. All right. So perfect. Still a decade earlier the dude was playing in front of forty four tops. Yeah. Just but you know this guy was playing with Martin the Hoople and stuff like that and they were doing the greatest music ever. Now he has to sit in because he needs that gig after the divorce and he's become a session guy. He's still trying to keep the long hair, but there's a bald spot in the middle of it and there's always some discussion about 38 special.
Let's see, it would be on outlaws getting back together, this number one hit for Motown Records.
So you know that he was part of that.
You know, they just shifted, probably was probably part of that great era, you know, 10, 15 years earlier.
Now he's forced to sit there and play for this bitch who's giving us her recipe for life. All right.
So next, very slow rate and the I love Michael Jackson. Please remember what damage control and showed them what I got close enough to get back and get some that. But then, all right, strapon, I hear you got to do it. You know what, you see this, it's a. A fantasy we created about people in places like the city, we is what you know, which is you get that little baby you're holding and then you fought with this morning the same one you're going to make love to you tonight.
That's love. Oh, I love this song.
All right. Well, just don't play it, but find Midnight Train to Georgia as long as we're talking about. I had some thoughts. Good. So, Gina, you been to paradise and I just went to you. I realized I hadn't been to me, not been to Redondo. I've been 97 degrees move. Like to be sure, I had not been to Hermosa. OK, so that's it. Yeah, that's that's what I did. I like I like that.
Yeah, I like that. That was great.
Almost the top that what you do.
But as you know, the kids, at least at a young age, are having a little kid is a get out of trouble free card.
When you get older you to go to Hawaii like Thanksgiving, right. Exactly. Well, that was unfortunate. I was a sickness, but like, you know, there's no plans for Christmas. Everyone's got to come to us. If you want to come to Christmas, come to us. My parents came down to visit a couple of days before we spent Christmas at home. Christmas night. We made dinner, invited a couple of friends over who are, you know, out of towners for families from Pittsburgh and New York.
They brought their little girls and Kristi's family.
And we had an awesome Christmas night, Christmas at home. And then we do what we do every year. Her family, I think I've mentioned this before.
Kristi's family's been going to his ranch in Solvang, which isn't sort of the Santa Barbara area north of the Dutch area, very much in this race, actually, a working cattle ranch, but it's also a resort. And they've been going there since he was a baby for 38 years. They've been going to the ranch every year. And we went for the thirtieth year in a row from my wow, eleventh year.
And it's nice. They very much trade on nostalgia and memory up there because they go up and they see the friends that Christie literally grew up with this ranch every year.
It was fun. And like you mentioned, seeing everything to the kids eyes like this ranch is fun. It's a fun place. It's a it is like an all inclusive kind of thing. We're making all the food. You show up, you see order drinks, whatever.
And that's always been a lot of fun for the ten years we've been going, Chris, know, as a married couple or a couple. But this year with Tessa as a 15 month old, it's like unlocking a new level of a video game, like seeing her explore all the stuff there is for kids, like she went to parts of the range. We didn't know, like we always like her. What are what's over there? Oh, well, let's keep walking to the bar.
You know, in years past now, it's like, oh, Tessa, let's go follow her. She waddles off and find something to play with, like, oh, what a great area for kids and oh just so cool to see her.
Like Kristy probably was at her age exploring this, this ranch of exotic and very cool.
She is an actual person now. I mean last year's Christmas party, mobile and very mobile, a thief with very sticky fingers, purses.
Christie got Christie got very ill the last day she got she got a flu. And so I was on baby duty. Twenty four hours, which I'm happy to do because, you know, I love that. I'm happy to help out. But man is tiring when you're chasing around in now mobile and now very interested in everything. 15 month old she is. She is excited and excitable.
Well, enjoy those fun.
Look forward to the loopholes that they don't look for to tell you that was crazy driving up through Santa Barbara, through Carpenteria, through that whole area.
That's where the fires were very recently because of like a week ago. They were still burning to see.
We're driving along Highway 101, which is the major highway up there to see both sides of the highway blackened from fires.
You never see them, never see that and see how close it came to homes like it burnt there. So here's the freeway. Here's your six lane highway.
And then here's a row of palm trees and then houses, a row of houses and then the beach, you know what I mean? Like, these are oceanfront houses. The palm trees burn. There's like candlesticks, like burnt out candlesticks. There's charred, burned.
And then the house is just firefighters saved all the houses. It was amazing, amazing job. He saw signs over homemade signs. Thank you, first responders. Thank you, firefighters.
And they did an incredible job, from what I can tell, because there were just huge swaths of land burnt to a crisp right off the highway and then homes, immaculate, perfect homes that have been saved.
So it's crazy to say thank you. Signs as known by the homeowners, but as known by the firemen, kindling for that cardboard.
Yeah. Going to actually spark the next fire like the Blues Brothers.
Please put your signs down. Yes. One last thing.
I went to a barbecue with some former coworkers over at the sauna and we had a great time. And every year, good buddy Josh Pfleger, who was the Assistant PD over at The Sound, makes this New Year's dish. And I had him send me a picture of it because I really, really wanted you to see it on a day that Vinnie isn't here. His New Year's pot, you can throw the picture up is chopped up kielbasa, OK, chopped up hotdogs, a pork roast.
Then you throw that in a pot and cover it with pirogies and mashed potatoes. It's called Jugo Home. It literally looks like the visual representation of a heart attack. And that's what they do every year.
Oh, I love it. Out of a redneck gumbo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like it.
It looks delicious. I will let you find the lyrics Max Pada to Midnight Train to Georgia and then Brian can some of that up.
I was at the hotel, I was laying in bed and I was thinking about that song Midnight Train to Georgia Classic.
Enjoy that song a lot and always enjoyed this song. And I was thinking about it too much force.
And then I realize she's singing about a loser and she's a bigger loser. She's going to get married to this unemployable, waiting for this kind of guy like this guy can't. This guy came out here to make it to be a star, but in fact, man is going back with his tail between his legs.
You, Gladys Knight and the Pips left of his world. He told them to f off and then he went that way and they didn't have a lick of success.
And now he has to go back to Georgia and drive a truck right here. And the pips, that same georgiev, then don't let him get off easy either, because issues like she goes superstar, but he didn't get far, like rubbing it in the Greek chorus and keeping it real. Yeah, yeah. Not even any extra work. I see him shitting on her point. With co-dependency, I'll be with him. She's going to look at the future, can this guy have he's going to knock her up and then he's going to split up, I believe, in his web of wild, wild, brown and.
He kept dreaming. Listen to the rub it in. He stopped for sure, but it didn't get far, like I said, a song about to feel horrible. I wrote a song about you. Oh, that's awesome. No, not good. Oh, no, no success. Dreams don't always come true. He. For example, keeping it real, he pawned all his hopes and he also blew producer, but that's like 80 dollars extended version, but he was driving a truck.
Then he said it was. She said not even on the midnight train, so I was thinking about this song I'm singing about, this guy's a huge loser, and Daniel pointed out at breakfast that she's a bigger loser because she's following a life of mediocrity and success and no money. She's broken. Why is she so attractive? It sounds like a douchy actor. I want to try to stay home and earning money those 11 years. Right. All right.
So we cut to 12 years now to tell their kid, like your dad spent a little time in Hollywood. The pips pop in, but you didn't get far. All right. You're out of the picture falling around everywhere.
It's like he even sold his car for a job interview. Mr. Smith, I see you spent four years in Hollywood with an actor who wanted to be a superstar, but he didn't get far enough for everything.
Right. People with you.
So the the.
So I started thinking about it and I thought, all right, not only is a song about a loser. But the second thing I thought about, I said. I bet the song was written by white dude, maybe even a Jew. Oh, and then I started thinking, I don't know why, but this is the most soulful song.
It's done by a black woman. So I don't know why. But I know this wasn't and couldn't have been written by Gladys Knight. It has to be some dude. Whoa, white dude, country dude.
OK, country dude. We know what this is. Or, you know, not a name you'd recognize was out here playing like came to L.A. was playing like semipro football with Lee Majors autobiographical, the Six Million Dollar Man.
He's the loser he has. He called up like Lee Majors on his hit home when Lee Majors was married to Farrah Fawcett. And she said she's bout ready to get on a midnight flight to Houston. Not a sexy he goes to Houston, thought midnight train to Georgia would be a lot better than midnight flight to hear somebody like the general vibe, more of a thought, and then wrote the song sort of about himself coming out here trying to be a songwriter, whatever, and switch to midnight, train to Georgia and blah, blah, blah.
So there's year, there's year after day in music, music, history of it.
Now that I'm breaking down midnight train to Georgia, along with Brian to Brian really jumped in there, too. He was like he was really enthusiastic about the pips in person, like never before.
Far the out, but never get far. Yeah, I love that song. It's so good. But Adam, Adam had a lot of thoughts about it when he was hanging out with Danny. Two sheets in Hawaii. So there you go, another classic song breakdown before we get out of here. Want to remind everybody once again about Geico. Right now, Geico is offering an extra 15 percent credit on car, motorcycle and RV policies. That's 15 percent on top of the money.
Geico could already save you. So what are you waiting for? Get to it. There's never been a better time to switch to Geico and save that extra 15 percent. When you switch back Tober seven, visit Geico Dotcom to learn more. I want to thank everybody for requesting those clips. If you want to request a clip, very easy. Just e-mail as classics to Adam Carolla Dotcom. You can tweet us at Geovani, Jorgo, at Chris Laksamana or on Instagram, Facebook.
Find us. Let us know what you want to hear. We love playing these clips for you, Carol. Classics returns tomorrow for our Sunday episode. So we'll see you there. And of course, lots of money. That's super fan Geovani. Thank you. Long ago.