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Hello and welcome to Khairallah Classics for Saturday, August 15th, 2020.
My name's Chris Laksamana, executive director of the Adam Carolla Show with me as always, Parola Archivist's super fan.
Geovani, I never left. I've been in the basement this whole time. That is completely true. But I'm back with digital has a basement. They don't tell you guys about it.
Hell, we told you not to say anything. All right. You know how the show where you're going to play some clips over the last 11 plus years of podcasting and I'm excited. We got some really good ones. This first one is is an awkward one. We'll get to in a moment. First, want to remind everybody that there's never been a better time to switch to Geico, save an extra 50 percent when you switch by October 7th. Visit Geico Dotcom to learn more.
Now, earlier this week, we got some, in Brian's words, bad news and good news. But really, it was just great news.
Brian, another prank kind of hit. The bad news is a prank very reminiscent of the infamous April Fools Day prank that he pulled on a few years ago. Brian gave it to help health update. That was phenomenal. It really I we were applauding in the engineering room. Oh, that's cool.
I didn't know how excited everybody was because they moved on and it was like, oh, cool. But they're not, like, addressing it the way I want everybody to address it because I was freaking out. Like, I feel like my favorite team, like I was a Sonics fan growing up. So, you know, no everyone. But it felt like my favorite team won the championship. And I was like, oh, that that's great. Or like I won the lottery, but not a lot like thirty four hundred dollars off, like a scratch off ticket.
So but it's still win. Yes, I was, I was like I like fist pumping. I was so excited and then was like, you know what, I got to do it. And I went to my email and actually back in June when Brian first announced the great spots or everybody's freaking out about the new medicine and he's talk about the symptoms, I was like, this sounds exactly like what you describe with a vast and like you said, but like this medicine is like supercharged silica.
It's like a smart version. I said, you know, I'm not going to have thoughts and prayers, bullshit thoughts and prayers I have. As for your tumor, because your original tumors going bye bye and now it sounds like his original tumor shrinking and that's like the best thing ever. So I read some of the email and then he was so happy. He replied, I mean, thank you. And he never replies the email. So that's a huge check.
Rides over the moon could not be happier.
But gee, I think it's time that we bring Brian back to Earth. We have a clip from 2010, and I love this. I totally remember when it happened. I was here and it was it was something that Adam would bring up for years. It was akin to dossing noted.
Yet Dawson putting the wrong cheese in his calzone or little Kimmell I didn't really know what that was, but certainly they are not putting the toilet seat up, things like that. Like there are certain things. The parking lot. Flem Yeah, exactly. Or with me when I, when I did the sweeper or some stuff like that.
This was one of Brian's for years.
Adam would always bring it up and we have the clear my father doing his best wasn't at double check. Double check. Triple check. We all have them.
And here's Brian from 2010. Right? Indeed. This is a really funny clip. It's actually a listener request. You guys never play listener requests. We have like one hundred plus requests on a stack of things we haven't found yet. I haven't found I am searching. They don't have a lot of lights in the basement. So as Adam Carolla show for twenty six, Nick Swardson, Brian Bishop, Susan McCalpin filling in on news, this is Post.
Theresa Allison. We're trying to figure everything out. It was once from October 13th, a released following October 14th of 2010. It starts out with an opening a little bit. Does not really pissed people mistake this one. They think Adam's up more upset. That is what you listen. We'll talk about it when we come back. Adam Carolla show episode four twenty six. Nick Swardson, you a little bit of sports, a little bit of news and you get the opening uncomfortableness.
And it's a listener request from Keith Dellinger. The Dellinger Brothers have tie or two of the biggest Khairallah fans out there. I love these dudes. They love everything Adam does. This sort of thing Adam does. And this is his first of two requests today.
Thank you, Keith. Oh, yeah, get it on. Thank you. No choice but to get it on, man. Get it on. Good Sebald Brian.
It's got to get funny.
You brought your pup in with you tonight. Correct, nice. What's your dog's name? Charleston, Charleston for short. Yeah, how long have you had her?
We rescued him out of the rescued. Rescued? He's been rescued by us. You went in lower down from a Huey. That's right. Shoulder roll.
Or you when it got down. Yeah, we we we zip lined in, you know, zip line, you know, dropped in Cuba six months ago.
Could keep the filthy dog on my pillow and the filth. Here's the thing. You freaked out about the pillow, but not freaking out. I didn't freak out, but you did. You know what? You are on a freak out, which is you better.
I mean, I'm interested in people's process.
Susan Macavity you. She's been here before on the show before. Good to see you, sweetie. Good to be seen by you. I just mean sometimes people come in here, oftentimes women, but on the occasional occasionally we get a home.
A fella comes in here and they do the show and their guys and gals especially that like to like put their feet on the sofa, for instance.
It's one of those things where they just take they're wearing tennis shoes and they literally sit in a way where they'll just put their feet like this. And like I've seen people sit here and at a certain point it actually looks like they're trying to clean their shoes off on the sofa. And I thought I would never go on to someone essentially walk around on someone's sofa with my feet.
It feels weird to me, presumptuous. And I'm like, I pee in the sink, by the way. But I it feels weird to me. And our floor here, the carpet here is akin to the carpet that's at the airport security at Burbank Airport. It's it's not it's not great.
Falsus has ever been cleaned. Yes. Oh it's it this carpet has been clean. It's a true. Oh it's, it's true because Donny and I had our our biggest fight we've ever had in our lives.
I cleaned you twice for carpet.
You've cleaned it or I've paid Gary to clean it both. I've cleaned it once and then the blowout was Gary cleaned it. Would you like to discuss how that blowout unfurled? No, not really. All right.
I'll then I'll tell you, for three months I've been saying to Danny, who has a home shampooer carpet cleaner sort of thing, the kind you rent from the store, one of the ones you buy at IKEA or something, the kind you buy instead of rent.
But either way, it worked. And this place has been filthy ever since we worked on the hammer. Because the thing about like independent film people, they claim to be sort of caring about other people, but not free workspaces.
There was just food all over the place. And every time someone knocked over a cup of coffee or something, they'd dab it up with their shirt sleeve and they did walk away. The place was disgusting. And I'd been saying to Donny for about three months, hey, man, you know, every other week I bring in that carpet shampoo or I'll get Gary to do the carpets up in here. And you go like, yeah, all right. And a certain point when he stopped doing it, I'd start saying things like, Hey, Donny, do me a favor, put it by the front door, like I'd be on the phone with him at home, you know, put it by the front door right now.
So tomorrow morning when you come in, you don't forget it this time. And he'd come in the next day and I'd be like, where's the carpet? And he'd go there, just casually go, that's not here. And somewhere between 12 and 18 times I announced to my assistant, Jay, I said, You know what, Jay? You know, if it was a fucking minibike bike park.
All right, you know, let's take that again.
You know, if it's a fucking mini bike part, he would not forget it, just like my wife doesn't forget anything to do with Bruce Springsteen, but everything to do with everything else. So I said, you know, if I had to do with a fucking taco minibike, you would bring it in. You know that, Jay. I'm saying to him that morning I came in here that about noon and there's a huge minibike part sitting on the table right here in the kitchen, literally less than an hour after I said I said, that's Jay.
And then I said, Don, wear this minibike part come from. And he said brought it from home. And I said. At that point, it was like it was almost meant to be. It's like some sort of cosmic alignment of whatever theory. And I said, Donnie, how many goddamn times are we going to. And I did the one I always do. You're in my warehouse for free. Can you fucking show me some dignity and bring the goddamn carpet cleaning thing in here?
And at this point, Donny does what all good chicks do. Yeah, fuck you. Now he storms out to go get it. Except for now I'm the bad guy because I asked him to bring the carpet cleaning equipment twenty eight times. He ignored it every single time. But I was going to pay someone. I never said for you to do it. I was going to pay Gary to use it. And now you get to be pissed at me.
How does that work?
Well, there's one where we were in the middle of construction. We were putting up the window and there was drywall going. We were putting up the window. This this window. We OK, you and your dollar, Gary. Yes. Did that. Thank you. And at that point, I was operating completely on my own, staying up till 2:00, 3:00 in the morning. How did you remember the minibike part? It came from eBay on UPS.
So my front door was sitting at my front door so small, like lugging a carpet cleaner and throwing it in the back of my.
But, Danny, honestly, honestly, is it my job? I clean the warehouse constantly, but the Lamborghini part, let's not get into it. I know it's a joke. I know you're joking. By the way, Danny has so much insane hubris that when I say to him, you know, your Mustang's been on top of my car lift for three years now. He yells at me, your Lamborghini parked in there. And the bumpers, all of the parts are all over the place.
And I go, my Lamborghini, you're coming back at me. My Lamborghini is parked in my warehouse. And there's parts and there's parts. But parts in a box that are slid under the back of the car. That's your comeback, Mike. My car's on my property.
I'm what else you got? Your Lamborghini. Your kids are living in your house. You really do speak to the common man. I listen, I'm just saying, Daddy, that's not what you call a comeback car. It's not like I'm going to go take a good, hard look in the mirror after that. You know, the kid. But he's right. He's right to say, my friend, you've won this round. Thank you. Thank you very much.
Yeah. All right. So anyway, he flipped out and went home to go to go get that he did the of fine. You want your fucking carpet.
And by the way, it's up my I want to clean the carpets where you were with, with now Sago's is fine and he storms out and there's a part of me wanted to like run out in the parking lot and go like all right, forget that is pardon me. I thought, well I guess I'll be getting my carpet cleaning machine in here. So let's not interrupt this angry process. And then he drove angry in a mini, which I don't recommend anyone doing.
It doesn't look right. We have a little daisy in you and your flower holder and you're driving and burning out.
Yeah. Drove home, got it and came back. All right. Suzy has the news. Nick Robertson's coming in as well. Hey, Susie, sir, let's do some news right now.
Five from the International News Center next to Tawny's mini bikes. This is the news with Susie McCommon. Anyway, by the way, ball.
Brian took one of the pillows off our sofa, put it on our filthy floor, and his dog is now scratching itself the top of it. You did say semi passive aggressively.
I want to know what what people think. You want to know what I was thinking. The pillow had been cast aside to the end of the couch for quite some months now, and it was underneath another pillow and it was a mismatch pillow. So my mind, this is an extra pillow, this pillow that people don't use. So I thought this dog needs someplace safe to sit on and there's a picture dos and clean up his dog shit from our floor.
What can I say this about people's dog.
If I was wrong, I apologize now seem to me to be an extra. I am I am never I'm not offended. I'm just confused. And it gives me a little insight.
Well, that's that's all that's but seem to me to be extra people bring their dogs on airplanes.
I'm sitting at a restaurant dining. I was sitting at a restaurant yesterday sitting next to a table next to us, was sitting with their dog on their lap. I used to have a makeup artist at MTV that would hold a dog while she applied makeup. I'm not allergic to dogs or anything. I just thought to myself, Hey, bitch, leave the fucking dog at home. You're doing a job. I don't I'm not allergic to dogs, but some people might be.
It's weird that we have this thing where we're fucking nuts about, like, second hand smoke and we're crazy about peanuts and allergies and mold and all this kind of shit. But somehow dogs and I guarantee there's more people are allergic to dog tanner. They fly on airplanes. We're all the fucking just recirculated. How does that work? And I know people like their dogs. I like my dog, too, but I leave it the fuck at home when I go out on the road.
Well, here's the thing.
You know, my my wife, that he's adorable today. And I was asking about the pros and cons of the job of the office like I was the boss, like, and the pros and cons. And now she goes, oh, good news. The dog friendly. There's dogs all over the office. I think that's a cool thing. I think it's a cool thing for people to have at work.
I, I, I like going here 75 percent of the time. I know.
And it's dog just runs over people. And licks their balls and jumps up on stuff and craps on the floor, and then they always talk there. He talks to his dog as if his dog is trained, his dogs is trained, is the dog is on The Simpsons Christmas or Snowball? Snowball. Yeah. No, that's that's the cat. Oh, no. Laughter Sounds a little helper. Yeah. It just runs around, knock things over. And then Dawson says in a surprise tone, what's his name like.
Boo Boo Boo. That's not the boo I know. Really. That's the only boo I'm aware of when it knocks it over.
I like dogs, but it's weird.
It's weird that people taking a pillow off someone's sofa, putting it on the floor and then putting your dog on it is weird.
It seemed extra. I will. I wash the pillow.
You don't have to. I think I only care about the content. Listen, I pee in the sink and eat shit off the floor. I don't give a shit myself. I just I find it. I don't I don't think I would do that. That's all I'm saying. Well, it's consistent with people putting their feet on your porch. What do you do? You come down with people putting their feet because you encounter a climate of just casualness.
Yes, I'm sure as a compliment. Yeah. Is the guest feel so comfortable? Well, but clearly they're wrong.
But could you imagine. Well, could you imagine walking off the street in our case, a semi filthy parking lot coming into someone's home and literally walking around on top of their sofa? No one would ever do that. Right. But when Sarah Silverman or she's just one of those chicks who sits that way, sits with her sort of knees bunched up against her chest, and she has both her kids flat down on top of the sofa, that's just sort of wiping your feet off on the sofa, essentially.
All right. I don't know, sound like a super gay Tony Randall or something. It's weird to me. But you're wearing sweatpants, so I am a slob.
I it's to me, it's not the slobbery part. It's it's the entitlement part. That's the part that feels weird to me. Yeah. I would happily IP and people sinks, but I don't come out and announce people's. Yes. Yes I have. Yes I have. Yes I have. Yes I shall. Just because of lack of motivation for walking the extra two feet to the toilet or was the toilet. I find a convenience what have you.
Sometimes I can look myself in the mirror and pose down while I'm urinating, but I don't come out and announce it.
I would just like convenience out of your argument, by the way, that is by no means more convenient. Oh, yes, absolutely. Whatever. That's crazy. You want to know I get so much done.
Lamborghini's, you have a grandson. You know what you give me a lot to think about. Yeah sure.
I just had a vision. You have a whole line of like success speeches, you know, like motivational speeches all based around the idea, the germ of the idea of the idea right in the sink, time-Share Shavar and literally a Shavar because I shavon peeing in the same.
You be like Tomu. Yeah.
I want to get this yacht up you in the sink below. Oh God. Do I miss Tovo. You're a coward. You can't make money because you're around your pussy. I come over here and coffee cup Vietnam with forty brothers and sisters. I work washing dishes. Now I have got the bitch, I have Lamborghini Guyto and Murcielago bitch and I live in Big Home with lots of bitches with boob jobs who sit on the deck of my cigarette. Both Tom boobage shame you I think Tom vew Tom, who was an inspirational like these guys from the 90's, not inspirational.
He inspired me to laugh. You know, these guys used to do these infomercials that came on and like the early 90s where it's like, hey, you sitting around, you make when this guy was I think it was Vietnamese, his crazy broken accent, and he would basically call you a coward, like, really challenge you to buy real estate with no money down and make money. But he would also show you the spoils of his riches. He delivers the speech from his yacht.
He would do it from the yacht and he'd have hot he'd have hot chicks dancing around on the deck of the. Yeah, I think he went to prison, by the way. He must have violated some some RICO act. There's something he's now in the joint anyway, Soozie. Yeah. Sorry. The news, the newspaper. Big news.
Big news. Behold the shiny brilliance of GQ 2010 bald top one hundred that is fingers crossed.
Yes. The most powerful men who are physically challenged.
And I say that right. OK, good.
So do you want to guess I have about like maybe thirty people here.
The commish, Michael Chiklis.
No, no, no, I'm out. Yeah, you're out. That's all I got.
I just had the prysner the commission zayat check so I got Ross Perot. I don't count.
You can't count black guys here because they shave their head. Yeah, that's Willie. Yeah, exactly. The Jordans definitely voluntary. Top ten. There you go. Nice. You're in there. Yeah.
What a crazy time we're living in, Bryan. I don't I know I tell you this all the time, but I'm telling you, there was a time called the 70s and 80s where if you shaved your head, you're like a fucking hint your Bond villain or something. Like it was insane. And now you turn on these shows like you did. NFL shows, these weekend shows, and there's like three ball. I saw sitting there one black guy in two white Trent Dilfer and whatever, and everyone just bought a hassle back to sitting there.
Everyone's just bald. It's like that was insane. You would have to grow it out even if you could just grow it on the sides back in the day. It's a horrific look.
Yeah, it really was. You had to. Yeah. Sorry. Yeah.
You looked like you looked like the guy from Rocky Horror Picture Show. I know. Knickknack or whatever his name was. All right.
Who do we have? We got Larry David. Hmm. He's right. OK, all right. Got more money than Charles Barkley. That's number one. Charles Barkley. Yeah.
It's number one on the more powerful bald man. I don't know if he's the most rebounding. Yeah, I know. Not in order. I don't know if it's in order to park.
How much money you make, how much pussy you get, I think is how much pussy you got.
Yeah, I think the guys just go through a window. Yeah.
Barkley pulled a Fatty Arbuckle, ironically shoved through a window once. All right. Who else. Anyone surprising on there? Sean Connery.
There you go. Bond villain. Well, Bond, while he's Bond, any females undergoing chemo treatment that they can really toss on, there doesn't seem to be any more. Sean Connery, what's up with him? Is he done making movies?
Yeah, I think he's out. Hmm. Than is he. You think he's coming back. But Brian, he's got to be eighty, right? He's got an Oscar.
He's got tons of bond money. So he makes movies at his own pace, which is to say rarely.
I like him because whenever he opens his mouth, he says something about crack and a woman enjoy it.
He's old school. Yeah. Him and Deacon Jones. If I could listen and wax on about how to treat a lady, maybe forever. Deacon Deacon Jones.
You can do that, by the way. I think you're about to tell you they were played that an NFL network that's still gets run.
It's the greatest. They do this thing. Deacon Jones, all all pro defensive end for the Los Angeles Rams. And they had the sit down interview with him. And like I looked like mid seventies could have been a couple of years after he retired. I could have been in later part of his career, but look like, I don't know, seventy four or something. And he was just sitting there and I guess he got there was just time and you guys aren't old enough.
But every time the 70s were fucking horrific time filled with retarded hippies who should all be thrown in fucking ditch and burned right now.
But every time you'd go like well look, you know I would follow the president. I mean, you know, if you go like you go, you know, the president twenty years from now, if he said we're going to raise tax and then some bitch in the seventies would always go if he don't you mean he or she like, there's all that kind of stuff. Or if you went well, if the airplane pilot, you know, if he told us to put our.
You mean he or she there's all this bullshit equality going on. Turns out guys are better, but either way there's all this bullshit equality. So every time you fucking said something, you have some cunt to your left correcting. You know, she couldn't go he anymore. You have to go. He or she maybe he got caught up in that. But Deacon Jones, I'm asking like, how did you get to the quarterback so fast? How did you whip the weakside offensive tackle?
And he went, well, I found out when you go upside a man's head, a woman, and then like you go, if he literally took a pause, he said, oh, a woman. And I go for a moment, the disoriented. And that is what you to get by them, I guess, get out the front door in certain instances and others, you could get to the quarterback. But either way, either to get into your car or Bart Starr, but either way it disorients them when you literally give them a head slap.
Yeah. Yeah. Invented something. He invented the head slap and they've now outlawed it.
But Deacon Deacon Jones used to go up side and just sitting there with those bloodshot eyes or woman or that his heart was in the right place. I love that idea that they just play that on. The NFL Network, by the way, was trying to be gender inclusive. All right. Maybe we'll find it.
I'm sorry, Susan. Where are we? OK, we're listing the the most powerful bald men in America, which I think is proving to be not that exciting. I mean, I'm now going to add Deacon Jones to that guy. God, he should be on there. Michael Stipe.
But again, very unusual choice, right? Yeah. Hulk Hogan, Mike Tyson.
I can see maybe twenty years ago, uh, Mike Tyson.
Poor Hogan. Yeah. That hurt. Yeah. All right. Yeah. All right. All right. All right. Moving on about the fifth time I say, all right.
All right, moving on. That's my code for moving on. Continue. Right. Thanks for the heads up. OK, OK. Yesterday I made more news that morning. All right, good. All right. Yesterday, that's Tuesday. Officials said a ban blocked the 101 freeway in Hollywood in four in the morning for an impromptu concert that jammed traffic and tested the patience of commuters. I heard about that. Yeah, this was big for people that.
Are in the immediate area, and this was a hardcore hip hop band out of Orange County, which to me says Counterplan, I don't know if they're black, I don't know.
All right. Well, the whole thing is, is when someone's blocking traffic here in Los Angeles, they're white. You can pepper spray them and drag them away because you don't have an incident. I've had the Mexicans chained themselves together and lay down on Labrang. Then they fucking clog up the whole fucking city for three hours. And why don't we just fucking empower cops to pick people up and drag them off or pepper spray him or throw him in a fucking squad car?
That's what I think drives me nuts. Well, I had a similar incident years ago. I was in a movie. Oh, yeah. And in order to get some publicity, we staged like a like a PETA kind of protest in on Hollywood Boulevard. And everyone got naked. And then really. Yeah, we stood on top of a bus is very similar.
And I know I lost to you until I said naked bitch because it was the sequel and never told what movie I'd like.
I mean, check it out. That's actually the score.
That is the score from Harvard. It was called the Games People Play.
Yeah, but we got like a low budget, low budget atrocity sum game. So you're going to get they said so the producer said, you know, we should do what yours is approximately. This is like two thousand 2000 said we're going to get all these hot chicks, those three guys and three girls, and we're going to get them on to, say, Sunset or Hollywood on Hollywood. Hollywood Boulevard, right in between. We're right in the middle of right in this.
But, you know, right on the walk of fame, right in the walk of fame.
And we're going get you on. What are we going to get you naked?
We're naked. We're spray painted, though. So I took a second for the nudity to kind of occur to the crowd.
And that's when all hell broke now. Totally naked. Totally naked. Now, if you're going to get spray painted, how about you put on some panties? That I would have voted for that, but I was not in charge. She's go totally naked. Yeah, really wasn't my idea. And they spray, but it gets a little weirder shell like they airbrush you when you got on the roof of a bus and we now we're on the roof of a bus and we're holding rabbits, rats.
It keeps getting weirder. Uh huh. And there was a faux PETA protest, kind of the you know, now what color they paint.
Yeah, black. Oh, so the guy said black Fonz's. Yeah, that was the look. Right, exactly.
See, I when I get my cock painted right, I tell them to go with vertical stripes. It's because it makes it look longer. Good cause you know what I mean. Horizontal stuff makes it look you know. Yeah. Well you want to go that way. I think you might want to go that, you know, it depends on your crowd that you're trying to hit. Right. If you got a good crowd out there, you got a length crowd out, you got to do a poll so far.
Yeah, they they got to do a poll. Paul Yeah. Popl So they paint. So you get totally naked, right. They spray paint you. Right. And I didn't want to bust out this detail, but you were so just interested in the story that I knew I was going to have to get naked. And so you're nice and then they give you rabbits and then they give us rabbits, which is seems reasonable. And you go up to the roof of the bus.
Correct. And we're holding the rabbits while somebody hop on the Internet or something, find me a picture. And then in the movie, the games people play, I think it's Hollywood. Somebody did it make did it make money? Any money? No, it made no money. It was never released. But it was a major ordeal. They have there were helicopters.
It was like the O.J. It was like I remember when we were trying to get my movie The Hammer into theaters. At a certain point, Ian Bernfeld, our producer, just pulled me aside and said, your Cockerell, we're going viral.
Yeah. Yeah. Well, indie, I saw the I love the hammer. Oh, thanks.
Yeah, but evidently not.
If I'd painted my cock, we would have had more eyeballs on that thing, so I'd hire me as your publicist.
We could find that movie went online or something. If you were selling you. Are you naked in the movie.
I, I'm naked. Yes I am. Yeah.
You'd have to be naked in the movie. Would have been really pretty ballsy to go up there. But you get nude and get on this bus right now. What happened? Did you get arrested. We got arrested. Cuffed really? Oh yeah. Spent the night in Gen Pop and in general population of our population. What they do, they put a coat over you. They did. Yeah.
They they had these you know, we kind of looked like it was like scrubs kind of. Mm hmm. No I know.
In Gen Pop. But when they were actually arresting you, do they have like female officers arrest you? Do they they cover you up? Well, we were sort of covered, you know, with the black paint. But no, no, we got into the cop car. We just pure paint straight. No, no, no.
It was it was sort of like it's simulated a bikini if. Oh, I see.
Mm hmm. I could dig that.
That's news. And and again, no hesitation when the when the producer said, I bet you get naked Sparano bikini, go get arrested.
No, I'd want to bump for that. I mean, you're going to get arrested. You spent the night in prison.
No, I loved it. It was really exhilarating. Liberating. It was very liberating. Yeah.
But then and then incredibly and. Climactic because nothing happened. Mm hmm. And then the movie came out the next day. I know, I never say never out. OK, well, let's let's do one more quickie and I'll bring I just found out Deacon Jones audio.
Oh, really? Yeah. All right. This is Deacon Jones, I don't know, from one recorded off TV and put on YouTube. So the audio quality is a little iffy.
But you get I mean, you can hear clearly, all right, to give myself an initial head start on the path. In other words, an extra step, because anytime you go upside a man's head or a woman and they have a tendency to blink the eyes of close the eyes, and that was all I need.
He's talking about football like it's not talking about, hey, what's the game of life? It's like it's pretty much just how do you do it? He goes, I can get an extra step on the tackle if I go upside a man's head or whatever.
But since there's no women playing in the NFL, it's really and it's it's insane that he wove it into the description.
That's what happens when you're I think you're under pressure to be politically correct or a woman. And by the way, let me just say this. He didn't say, you know, you know, humans blink when you hit them. He said any time I or, you know, meaning he's gone upside a couple times. He's definitely done the swim move on a bit shorter. She probably didn't do her chores. Yeah, she was asked for it, no doubt about that question.
All right. Quickly, quick last one will bring Nick in. OK, this will bring us to Olympia, Washington. A nice young man was interested in becoming a state trooper. He was undergoing the process.
I thought that was a civil rights leader. Olympia, Washington. And some attorneys said, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Upside her head like she had it coming.
Yeah. Shall I continue whenever you hear this? Yes.
That's when I knew. Mean, when I know my name is Tyroon. We've got a code worked out. This meets fire needs continue. OK, and that also means that. All right, I know I'm just oriented. I feel like I've been hit.
I'm sorry that you're doing good. Thanks, buddy. So are you. Thanks. Olympia, Washington. OK, this guy is trying to be a state trooper. He's undergoing the whole process. He should come in for, like, the last thing, which is. Yes. Did do a lie detector test. Right. So he's in there. He's getting the lie detector test. One of the other cops comes out and they kind of breezed past his car and they noticed on the seat, on the passenger seat, there's a book that says how to beat a lie detector test.
Wow. I think is, you know, preparing, thinking of head. Sure. And so anyway, so he kybosh the deal. Obviously, I was shocked, said Heather Anderson. And who wouldn't be?
Well, I mean, here's the problem with the lie detector. What aren't trying to be a cop? Every guy who want. Here's the deal. The guys who want to be cops, these guys were sort of usually the guys that were on the football team, not great students, not good enough to go to the next level with sports. So just a jughead, guys, from your high school. And I know I speak ill of the cops all the time, but for for a reason, there's motivation for people to get into.
Like when somebody says, I want to be an attorney, there's a good chance the guy's a douche. And when someone says, I'd like to be a meter maid, there's a thousand percent chance that guy's a douche. And when a guy says, I want to be a publicist, there's a two million percent chance. Like I said, do you? And when someone says, I want to be a cop, that's kind of saying this is I wouldn't mind Mason somebody roughing up.
It's uncomfortable. You think about like a cop. I wouldn't want to pull people over. I wouldn't want to give him a ticket. It would ruin my day to ruin everyone else's day times. Twenty five a day or thirty a day. I mean, fuck, we were driving back from Orange County today and we passed a whole bunch of CHP guys just standing there along the freeway holding guns, holding radar guns at people that, you know, we're doing eight miles an hour past the speed limit when it's completely safe.
So if you're the kind of dick who'd like to do that for a living, well, I'll bet there's a couple of skeletons in your closet that you were not a wallflower in high school. I bet you did a little partying. I bet you've ripped a couple of bong loads. I bet you've gotten in a couple scraps. I'll bet you had a little history. No, not a not a horrible history, but the kind of history that would make you feel weird if someone was giving a lie detector test and want to know if you'd ever tried an illegal drug, because the answer has to be yes.
Yeah. So then you freak out, then you get this book, then you're stupid enough to leave it on the bench, your seat, a bench on your truck seat, and then they find it. Who would think that a cop would come out and look in the car like I can kind of see his point? Yeah.
I don't know whether they go out to search the car or they just going to lunch and look. They're going to lunch. That's what it sounds like to me. All right. Well, either way, we don't need need him as one of Olympias finest. So that's not all right. They did us a favor. Stifle yourself, baby, but keep warm because we're going to finish the news. Good.
We're just going to interrupt it with more news with Susie McCarthy coming up. Good to see you, Nick. Hi, Nick. Exploding all over the place these days, Nick on the carpet.
Nick's got a new new show on Comedy Central Tuesday nights, 10:00. Seen a couple of spots for this. Also is at the Comedy Central building the other day and saw a bunch of your posters up in the hallway and elevators and all that kind of stuff. Good to see you, Nick.
Thanks. Good to see you, man. Nick. I'm trying to think what Nick has done a whole bunch of roles and a whole bunch of films that you've all seen a million times, I'm guessing, pop up and like weird shows. There'll be a movie happening and then I'll fuckin dance around like a fucking gay guy or, I don't know, some shit.
Yeah. I mean, benchwarmers plays a guy playing like Blades of Glory. People definitely know you from. Yeah. Yeah. Grandma's boy is boys big one.
And how does that work. How does the whole Adam Sandler thing work. Because I've seen you over at the compound over on it so lot had a few times. There's a little empire over there. Yeah.
My favorite part is Adam's got offices on the Sony lot and my favorite part of it is that it's the Judy Garland building real, you know. No, I didn't. It's like a big picture of Judy Garland. Well, that's his. You mean the place with the wooden floor? Totally. Yeah, that's the place. Yeah. It's really it's like a kind of a cool old house. It's got a great vibe. Yeah, it's in there.
And then there's like Sandler. But how does it work. Was Sandler does Sandler movies and then puts his compadres in those movies oftentimes and then. Right.
And then other times he just produces the movie and. Yeah. You guys star in them. Yeah. Like a movie. Like Benchwarmers. He called me up and he was like, hey, I got this idea for a movie, you know, you want to write it and then, you know, me and this other guy uncovered who wrote Grandma's Boy with me. Yeah. We just we wrote it up and then, you know, he called up Spade and Schnieder and, you know, then they talked to John Heder, Napoleon Dynamite.
And I mean, yeah, just like Adams is so psychotically creative, he just sits around and just he'll just call randomly, like, I just feel like a movie.
Want to write it. I don't want Nitpicked, but they should have they should have walked Rob Schneider intentionally. Yeah, they should they should have put him on because he you see Peter and Schwartz and weren't. Oh no. Peter and David Spade weren't able to play ball, but Schneider was a ringer. Yeah. But I would put him on. I would have walked him. Maybe I'm thinking maybe I'm overthinking this whole. No, no. I could have walked him intentionally and then got back the heater again and won every game.
That's all I'm saying. No, I didn't bring that up now.
We just did win it. So you're just I was trying to send Nick a a script and Nick was in Canada shooting, I guess, in a movie. I was in Michigan, you know, show Michigan. Sorry. Yeah. Shooting a movie. And what movie is that? It's called Thirty Minutes or Less. It's the guy who did theater and that's the director of Zombieland. Did you think it was me and Jesse Eisenberg from Social Network and Danny McBride.
Wow. And Aziz Ansari. Jesus. That's a nice guy. I saw Social Network and does incredible. Eisenberg might be nominated for an yeah. He was fucking unreal.
I mean, you know, I've seen him in a lot of other stuff, you know, Adventureland and Zombieland. But, yeah, he he did a such an amazing take on it. I mean, yeah, it was fucking such a subtle performance.
He got those guys and you have the director of Zombieland. Yeah. That sounds like a pretty good pairing. It's cool, man. Yeah. It's like a dark action comedy. And Danny McBride's fucking is the genius man. Yeah. I'm just such a eastbound and down fan. And that dude just he was incredible in the movie. I mean, there was like it's kind of dark moments. So there's like moments where he had to cry and moments were like if there was like some intense shit and he just was like, really on point.
When's that coming out? That's coming out of next summer. And so let's talk Comedy Central for a second. Tell us about this sketch. It's a sketch show, right? But it's a sketch basically. Yeah, it's a sketch show, but it's it's different than like Chappelle or Demetri where there's no live crowd. I don't walk out and talk to people, you know, I like. Yeah, there's a little thing, but yeah, they just segway into each other.
So the sketches just keep going. It's fucking weird shit and it's pretty filthy. And how many, how many do you have in the can. We did seven are they're all done. Yeah they're all done. So yeah it's Tuesday nights and yeah it's good, it grows into itself. I mean like it starts, it starts off a little you know, it's hard as shit to, to make a sketch show.
So tell me about it. I know it's kind of horrifying. It's hard.
I tell you this is filmed. But you know, when people complain about like SNL, I always tell them you don't know how fucking hard it is to do sketches every week and you're not going to hit home runs. Yeah. Time's eleven sketches a week in and week out. Yeah, I know it's hard and it's mostly because so much has been done. I mean there's so much content. I'm. So many shows, and, yeah, it's hard to people are really quick to be like fucking elements like fucking Jesus Christ, I don't know.
You're in the room, Don. I was just showing me someone you care about. You snuck up on me. I didn't say lame. I said gay. But either way, I know what you're saying and I apologize. That's fine. No, it's fine. Totally understandable. All right.
Should we try a little what can and complain about us that we're doing now? You guys can jump in another way.
I met the ones you did once where he did slap and convention.
Yeah, it was a it was a fucking cock rodeo.
No, it's to me, Deacon.
I'm the minister of defense. I think I know Reggie White was the minister of defense and the deacon was a deacon. It was something the deacon. You know something.
Well, by the way, do you need a nickname when your name is Deacon Jones? Not such a bad ass. So where you the minister defense is pretty bad ass, right? That's pretty good. That's Reggie White because he was very religious. Thought Deacon was the first minister of defense. Maybe he was. And then Reggie White was the second. And it's really great to be deeply religious and a three hundred and thirty pound black man, because whenever someone asked you a question, I was like Reggie, two years ago, you said you never play football again.
Now you're back playing with the Packers.
Why he'd be like God told me to do. OK, no more questions.
Like there's really nothing to follow up to it. Did he say anything else? Did my name come up? There's nothing. Is it? God told him to and just walks away. Yeah. Yeah. Nice. So where did you meet Deacon? I met him through J. Moore. He did. Sure he didn't. Episode of J.
More movies to have the more sports. Yeah. It was a show on ESPN.
Right. It was actually a really good show. And he had Deacon Jones is one of his first guests. Oh really. Yeah.
It was pretty fucking intense and he said he was very nice. We know you're huge. Deacon Jones fan. You want to come on out and meet us just like this, Deacon?
And he's just like, oh, no. Was just like, oh, like he brushed my hand.
He has crazy bloodshot eyes. I know he does. Looks like he's fucking angry. He looks like an angry dad. He looks like he fucking ate Jamaica like. Yeah. This just so crazy black. I don't even know it's possible. And he just talk shit like it's like he's like seventy years old and he's like I'm better and all these fags and playing those stupid rules and they're bad.
We didn't have rules and pads. We go outside of man or woman.
Scary. I think it went to I don't to like Mississippi Valley State or some shitty little school. They got like scared everyone.
And that request from Keith Dellinger on Twitter, If you want to request a clip, you can tweet us at Geovani, Georgia, or at Chris Laksamana. Email us Classic's Adam Carolla Dotcom or on Instagram, Facebook, wherever, wherever.
Now, you mentioned that that clip, Adam wasn't necessarily Matt. He wasn't angry. All agree that he wasn't angry, but Brian started to dig a little bit of holes.
That's what you hear of all in the clip at first. You know, I must ask you why you did that then. The dog's, like, really digging into it. But at first, Adam, that thing he did, he says he doesn't airports and airplanes now was like, oh, let me hear about your dog. So he brought in a new puppy. Oh, yeah. Once you get it. So he's like super friendly at first.
And then he's like, oh, see, you took a pillow off my couch and put it on the floor. And he's like, he's totally set them up for a surprise, like, oh, it's a rescue. Like you have a photo. Albums like Adam's a completely different goal in mind. It's so funny to hear him like almost like a predator reaching for the prey, like a Discovery Channel special.
Right. I remember when all this quarantine business started happening, I had to go to Brian's house to set up his studio with sound effects and everything and I a job. And I saw Charlie there and the his dog. And all I could think about was, man, the great pillow debacle of twenty four. This part was that then Donny got involved was part, it was about the minibike. Adam started yelling at him instead of Brian and that's my favorite part.
Would you get the transit of Yell. And then he came back to Brian. It's, it's, it's great that he's trying to defend himself, running off and being upset about Adam having his own Lamborghini parts of his own warehouse.
Thank you, Keith, for questioning that. Also want to thank Matosi Madison Reed, Mr for sponsoring this podcast. All right, guys, if you're working from home, you're staring at your your co-workers gray hair on video calls or maybe just staring at the reflection of your own hair, thinking about coloring it. You're not alone. It would be a good idea. And if you want to do it, Madison read Mr.. Is what is what you want to use it as a gray blending natural color for your hair and your beard.
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Again, that's code Khairallah. All right.
You keep telling Adam you're giving his beauty secrets. I'm going to leverage it for higher position within the company. I'm going to push you out of human knowledge belongs to the world. You all right.
Let's get going with the next clip. It's another request from listener Keith.
He was drunk and watching drunk history. He would like to humbly request when Derek Waters was on the show for classics we played when he was on a twenty fifteen, we haven't played games on twenty eighteen. So we're playing that. I'm Carolla Show twenty to 42. This is from January of twenty eighteen. It's Derek Waters. RJ Bell's on and on this portion we have Genographic and Brian Bishop.
Check it out. Good day, Jeanne, a great day to you and Boldrin. Hi, Daddy. Derek Waters is our guest. High drunk history, fifth season premiere, Tuesday, January. Twenty third, 10:00 p.m. on Comedy Central.
People love the show. They're getting all year now at the point where it's nice. We get the big names who want to come in there and do it.
At first you start with, you know, your Dr. Drew's of the world bottom of the barrel for cancer for Dr. Drew, I.
I want to think simply save for sponsoring this half of the show. Go there and simply save dot com slash and get 24/7 protection are only fifteen bucks a month.
Always great to see, Derek. So we have we're going to do some drunk walking, right. That's all right. We're calling it. That's where we have to sort of guess if the drunk guy has the answer or not.
I think there are the history questions too. Yes, it's an oh my gosh, nice.
It shows a little something called preparation and gumption, something your dad would have liked many times. Yes, he would have.
We're talking off the air about swearing and we were talking about whether it was good or bad or funny or whatever. I've always found as a guy who who've done like, you know, podcast and then done like Dancing with the Stars and all sorts of terrestrial radio and all sorts of cable TV versus being on Bill O'Reilly show versus being on late night shows or whatever, that you have to adjust for every single format. And that's why it always bothered me when I did a show and they'd go the dance with stars.
We would always be like, you know, this is prime, like this is network. This is like I know what they were saying. But you do that your whole career. You do it every day in life when you think about your friends you're talking to versus your mom's friends. Exactly right.
You talk differently around people, you know, or when you know people than other people can hear you and you try to kind of get it to the level of where you'd like it to be, but not go past that. That level is different in front of your in-laws meeting your girlfriend's boyfriend's parents.
You know, it's a different situation. But with these stories, you're either funny or you're not.
You know, I always thought it was like a like a greater challenge to try to be clean and funny.
Yeah, I grew up loving Simbad and I don't know if it was because he didn't swear. And that's all I was allowed to watch. It was the windbreakers. But I genuinely like Sinbad.
Yeah, he was known for wearing snowmobile apparel, like he literally had like a bib overall down onesie. I saw him do it stand special, like a blue or purple like I mean, it's stuff you use if you're a professional snowmobile ride like this. Not not not if it was just a weekend thing, but like a full time life your whole life. Yeah.
What is let me ask you this is a controversial question, but, you know, you see Sinbad back in the day. You fast forward to a lot of the.
Yeah. Like a lot of the rap. That's more of a street smart street clothing. Yeah. That's nighttime's. Yeah. That's going out. Yeah.
I Baumeler I've seen a lot of brothers, a lot of, a lot of rap artists and stuff on SNL for instance out there where in a lot of layers, you know, timberland boots, a lot of multi parkas. Yeah. Pointing at seeing, you know, in a pretty controlled environment in terms of temperature. Yes. Climate feel that feels like a weird fashion trend to dress like you're doing the Iditarod except for your indoors and you're under the lights.
Like, I just feels like it's a weird trend, you know what I'm saying? Like, yeah, used to be very starter jackets that you would wear the starter jacket everywhere.
And that became, I think, cool to be like temperature doesn't bother me.
Oh, maybe it was raise reason. Lower my quota bill. Yeah, you may be cold but I'm warm.
OK, I feel like there's let's see, there was a P. Diddy and then who's the guy who.
Wrote the song where he gets to go, yeah, and the poor ginger guy has to do all the heavy lifting, watched it on. It was from SNL, was it. Oh. Think of The Wiz Khalifa song. Yeah. Oh, it's really far from a farce. If you're like.
He was pretty layered up too. I can tell you the studio in New York, this industry. Hey, you know, I don't know if you ever done Letterman.
I like they thought that was nice.
Well, I didn't want to assume that. You didn't want that. I didn't want to assume that you did.
No, I wish I did. But no, I got to tell you, as a guy who's a sweater, everyone telling me I did Letterman twice, everyone telling me how freezing it was in the studio, words of music to my ears. I loved every second of it. Like, I'm always a big sweater and it's like it's freezing in there. And I'm like, good, because I'm only going out there for nine minutes, tops. And then I'll go back to my dressing room.
It makes me so I sweat so much and I need a new deodorant. Do you want to use a you lie to say, all right, yeah, a couple of things but nothing.
Yeah. Hold hold on.
First things first. New Year's resolution twenty seventeen. Demand more from my deodorant. So now that I'm done with that Rezo I'll give it to you please. You demand your your your deodorant. No you demand so. All right, here's what I do. Here's my here's my scent regimen. I like all the Tom's of Maine stuff. I like the toothpaste. I like the deodorant, like all the natural stuff. Not because of my health break. It just it's weird that the crass the worst for every.
Here's the worst. Here's the ugliest of all the Americans. You know, when they do the toothpaste and it has flavor crystals in it and then five power zones and and like a gel spine and they're explaining to you this green stripe is for cleaning. The red stripe then comes in after the green stripe and cleans up after the break. This one is an antifungal bacteria. And it's like, just give me some toothpaste. Kind of it doesn't weight.
I don't need all the crystals and all the stripes and what everything does, it's it's goo. A little mint. Right. And I don't need all the weird flavors and everything. Just go Tom's of Maine, just go. You're kind of spearmint and just toothpaste flavored streams drop. Yeah. I don't eat none of that. No it's not for kids.
You'd think so. But you're starting to see it for adults now.
Also the deodorant that smells like deodorant like this is the power stroke. You know, it's the red zone power stroke sports sent by men in. And it's like it's literally smells like if you looked up deodorant in a dictionary and could sniff the page, it would smell like red zone, power, stroke, whatever about an ambush, mountain ambush, red zone power stroke by men and Shilat. And it's like you smell it. And when you smell that guy, if you smell his deodorant you realize, oh, I am smelling your armpits now this is, this is what I can't mistake this for anything else.
The best I've found also I don't know if you guys are with me, but I feel like the roll on is weird. Anyone used to roll on anymore. No. Like middle school football.
Like the oh no no man band has no roll on one of them.
This is what I was doing. I have to use now. So I'm glad I don't like this sticky and liquid. It doesn't feel right now. It doesn't.
It was a big thing in the nineties. I know, because it was I was the prime demo as a teenager. Gel the gel.
Weird. Weird. I don't, I don't like when you twist it very homoerotic like when you twistin. Why am I putting on your first that makes the area.
What. Yeah, the one thing I want to keep dry. But on the other side of the spectrum the when you said flavor crystals everyone's like, oh you just got to use to shred the crystal on your underarm.
Here's my here's my my attack three. I got like a three three pronged attack to send, OK. And not always used by the way, that caveat first. OK, but here's what every guy needs. You need some deodorant that is just basic. Tom's of Maine, just sort of regular or just whatever or you could get. Now people are going to make fun of this, but get the baby powered sort of short, just the white stuff that just has like a baby powder and it's just a light set.
There's nothing smells fresh and new or clean or something. Doesn't smell anything like the odorant. Do that then have a can of the spray on baby powder. Sure. Again, have a can of the spray tan. That's for hitting outside of the shirt. I actually did that today. I had a shirt at undershirt that's a little funky town and I don't know what to do with it. I just give it the shot. You just give it the shot from outside you.
Yeah, that's basically leave a mark. You get invisible spray. OK, yeah.
You get the spray, you get spray for the quick hitter. OK, you get the again just the regular you know, Thom's or whatever or or. Sure. Where. Just a white baby powder, whatever plane for hitting the bear pits, and then you get some kind of spray cologne, nothing over the top, nothing to musky or anything like that. And occasionally, if your head starts smelling because you take a shower in a few days, you give it the shot and you kind of walk through it, wow.
You don't blast it on the restaurant. They just give it to the you weaponize it. OK, that's my move. I like. Wow. Yeah. And also I'm dressing for success this year. You have a lot of coats on right now.
Oh my. I'm like a rapper.
I used to do two undershirts, not just so I want to have like a sweat stain in high school and then. But your undershirt is covered in perspiration.
Can I say this where we are way, way too. We as a society, you know, you say you can't judge or everyone's not judging, but I got to say four things that are basically out of your control. Let's say high school, your skin is kind of out of your control. Like it's it's a genetic hand. Yeah. You you get some people have beautiful skin and other people get acne or they get whatever they have scarring or they just dark circles under their eyes or puffiness under the eyes of guys go bald when they're younger.
Some guy, you know, you're sweating. Everyone thinks it's like, oh, look at him, he's a nervous mess over there or whatever. He must have committed a crime or something like that. Some people just genetically sweat under the arm. Some people's feet get sweaty. Some people don't sweat at all. It's deflection. What's this judgment? Oh, it was so much judgment on what's going on with your hair or your skin or whatever. I'm not I'm thinking about trumpeter's his medical workup.
But Dr. Drew is just saying to me, when they were like yelling, you know, how can you eat Kentucky Fried Chicken and be healthy? It's like he's got a good genetic hand like that. That's it. He doesn't he doesn't have the disease that a lot of people have at age 70. And there's so much so much of what we have is genetic. You just take right. Guys get penalized. Right. Girls get penalized for having wide hips.
You know, all the things we can't control a lot of people, a lot of judging and then not so much on the stuff we can control.
Oftentimes how we treat our kids, we don't know. I can't judge. You know, it's like that's a what is that? Why why? That's what lets us know we're animals. Because you see that kid thing that's within your. I'm better than you. You have. Right.
You're sure you're born shorter or you again just take something like skin. Right. I took tetracycline in school like it was. I like not washing my face. No, I was watching my.
Yeah. Oh yeah. Right, that's right. So we have to ascribe things to it. Like you eat a lot of chocolate though so I don't eat chocolate. You eat a lot of chocolate. What do you do. Take the Hershey stuff to squirt it straight up your ass or just put it in your mouth or how much chocolate because your skin you eat, you ever look at pizza, you see that layer of grace all the time. See that?
That what do you eat? Pizza. Oh, who does? Hold on. Hold my pizza. I'm not done yet. You must eat a lot of pizza. That's why I see I don't eat pizza. See what I have. I've combination skin with oily t zone but I don't need a lot of pizza. You must because you're weak. Yes, extremely. I'm lactose intolerant. Yeah. OK, I don't, I'm not that way. You can go to your gluten free party.
All right. That's the worst. And also my favorite is when you say like something's wrong with you and you're with someone you just met and they're like, well, this is what you need to do that makes me so happy. Like, you don't know me. Yeah. Tell me what I need to do and how do they know? How do they know? You don't know me. You don't know what my parents did. Your parents talk to you?
I got the conversation from my wife last night, and maybe it was time to talk to my 11 year old son about his ding a ling with feelings that he might be having for air.
And did your wife hear something that or she's just looking at the clock and seeing that he's 11. Maybe you should talk about it. When was something.
Oh, now I think there were like watching they like binge watching, stranger things or something. And he was kind of next to her on the sofa, kind of strumming his guitar. Oh, no. And I told her, you know, guys, that's kind of a default setting.
You know, I mean, like, let's let's definitely make a draw, a firm line in the sand between masturbating and just kind of thinking. Sure. Yeah. You know what I mean. Like it's like scratching your beard. Hey, you know, when guys are jogging and you see them at a red light, they're just sort of in place. Yeah, it's kind of that we're not sprinting. We're not going anywhere. We're just kind of holding pattern.
It's keeping the dust off, you know, staying away. Yeah. That's all the shows boring. You got to fiddle the fiddle. Right.
Right. But that's a kind of that's a little default setting for four dudes. So who's getting the talking to Sunny or Linnett?
Well, I had to give her the talking to the sunny also get to talking, but, you know, not in front of my family. And here's where anyone should know. It's true. If you are going to do it, though, do with the comfort and safety of my own living room.
Sure. That is. It's my script.
Oh, here's a quickie for everyone. I never thought about it. I then had to say to my wife that, you know, I didn't get started till high school.
I was like in the tenth grade before I start. And I know it's hard when they all live in the same room. And I realize that's that's that's late. But now and then I start to think, well, if I'm late, what's the average like? You know, on my on my schedule, I don't have to talk to the kid till the tenth grade, but. Where's everyone? Give me a number. There's a difference of like in high school, there's a finished product when you know, but you're the finished product.
Oh, well, I just I remember being obsessive.
We had a pretty white trash neighborhood and everyone had an above ground pool. And I mean, my friends were really excited about the pool filter. I was like, oh, yeah, making it is.
Yeah, yeah. And every single time it came, it was my turn. The mom would always come out.
I was always a sicko just lounging over top of the pool and immediately start screaming Marco Polo or watching your swim.
Not on a high school. Yeah. I mean when you get to that age, like I tell you what to do then yes it's true.
But my friends were sickened when I didn't mean something.
Yeah. When it became not disgusting when I did that and not like. Did you touch yourself. Right.
So you want to feel good.
So, Dawson, Max Patta, look, I need an edge here. I got to talk to this.
I know this answer because we moved when I was in eighth grade, December 12th. It was before that end of 6th grade.
OK, so, so well, it has no. Man six, sonny boy kid, that's bad news for me. And when should I expect him to start smoking two packs today.
Hey, maybe there's a correlation. Max Patta. I was a healthy thirteen.
Eighteen. Thank you. Did you stay to stay. Stayed home. I was, I was sick but I didn't.
I was old enough to not need a babysitter, you know, to know myself. Thirteen Bryan age.
I suspect I have vague memories of his early fifth grade but I know for a fact at least by sixth grade, while you're on the cowboy, you're there.
Oh, boy. I'm on the clock for the next summer between fifth and sixth Jesus. I'll be right around that area.
Worry. Actually, we're producing a profit. Let's do it with a purpose. As I said. Wow, I got to get moving.
No one ever involved in sixth grade, no one ever testosterone going. No one ever talk to us about anything, right?
Did you, Chris, do an informal poll of those guys polls and find out when everyone else died? Because this is starting to worry me now. The sixth grade talk. Derek, where were you?
I know you're playing it a little close to the oven. Oh, it's a boxer. Briefs here. But come on, let's let's have a no.
I would say I remember the first time that happened. I would say sixteen six in a finished product.
Yeah, I know. That's what that's where I was. I was old. Yeah. Because I didn't know what was happening. No, sorry.
I was in seventh grade. I just remember I remember the sock that that's the part. And it really messed me up because I remember I loved baseball, I still do. And even though I'm from Baltimore for some reason my parents give me a Don Mattingly poster and that and I realize like this, it's like you're staring at I was staring at of that was like the first thing I saw.
It was in head judgmentally.
I was somewhere I like baseball cards. I was on a baseball card shop in the guy had that exact poster and it really freaked me out. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a little kick. Yeah.
Did you ever get busted at your friend's house right away. What was a friend's house.
Didn't you go. Oh well that was no that was an insane story. That was me sleeping over at Ray's apartment, his parents apartment.
And for some reason I was sleeping. I was sleeping on the floor. I was always like to me, if you are wall to wall carpet, like I grew up in a real trashy house beater and wall to wall carpet. It's kind of a big deal. And these guys, my friends who had apartments, all had wall to wall carpeting. It's kind of cool. And sleeping on the floor was cool for me if you had wall to wall carpet.
So I was just on the floor and Ray had a magazine. This is back when you knew like like witch friends like this friend has electronic battleship and this friend has an Atari in. This friend has a minibike like you had your friend separated by what they had is one a second genesis one later on it became porn like, hey, this guy's got this porn. Ray had a magazine called Frisky, like a total 50s, like back when chicks had huge areolas and big, like, swing and banana tits.
And they there'd be a picture of them, like fixing you a cocktail with a beehive hairdo. But there were topless where they were like their grandma's underpants, like the White-Out lipstick. Yeah. But yeah, they're just kind of like they weren't the fake ones and they weren't the wave models. They were like these. Weird kind of 50s, 60s boobs, you know, and he had this magazine called Frisky and I was like, oh yeah, and hey, that's me.
He was like he was had like a babysitting gig or something in the apartment above us. And I was like, I'm going to go, I'm tired, I'm going to go retire. But of course, I was grabbing frisky. Yeah. And I had the bed sort of blanket on the floor, in the pillow, on the floor, maybe sheet on the ground is laying on that.
Oh, we're looking at Friskier as you describe her. Wow.
Well, there was quite a few, quite a few episodes for you.
It's not the Rose Bowl. You've got to give up, by the way. Imagine you can't get go back. Imagine I get the Don Mattingly poster and that episode of Friends that that issue of Frisky. I love it, too. Like, I'd love to be able to explain this part of the discussion I'm going to have with my son. Eight pages of sizzling color like you have seven hundred million hours of anal porn on your phone. And I had eight pages in color and at the bottom.
Why does it say Irish she publican and Brenda in need? I have no, we got open. We can probably find the episode. Are the episode the issue of Frisky anyway? Redknapp is show frisky. I was like, oh man, this in my life. And I was just looking at it because before, before any of the masturbation kicks in, you just stare, just stare at it. I was just like staring at it. And when I was staring at it and Ray's mom, God rest her soul, Irene was like, I had arms.
She came and I threw it under the blanket.
And she's like, oh, look at you there on the floor. Come on, let's get you up. Let's get your bed made. Let's let's do it properly.
And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm good. I'm good. And I like I have the magazine, like under the blanket. I'm like kind of cradling it. I'm looking, oh, no, I'm fine. I'm my I live in a barn with horrible parents. I don't care.
This is such an upgrade like Spud in Trainspotting now under the sheets. Yes. So she's like, go, oh, she's like, I won't have it, I won't have it. Get up you. No one's going to come sleep over at my house and sleep on the floor. And I'm like, well I am. Let's buck that trend. I'll be the first. And and she's like, no, I'm not on my watch. Like I'm not going to sleep on the floor.
And she's like, get up. And I'm like, I'm good. And she's like grabbing the blanket, like trying to pull it for me. And I'm like holding pinching it under my arm with this frisky magazine. I'm fine because I couldn't think of anything more embarrassing than this magazine falling out. Right.
But also standing up with a boner. Yeah. Yes, yeah. So we're arguing we're fighting over the blanket. By the way, I have a lot of this in my life where it's like, you know, like where someone goes like you talk to the person you go, I'm not going to come out to Chet's party this Saturday. I just got got too much on my plate. And then that person goes, Cheskin, really be bummed out.
And then you go, I don't even know Chet that well. They're like, I feel like Chet would feel pretty bad. And you're like, well, I feel like fine. And I told them I already email them. Yeah, Chet's not.
And you're like, well, can't you just go find me? Can't you just get on with your goddamn live alone? You've got to delete that. For the third time. I told Irene old Hopper, I'm cool on the floor. Like, OK, fine. Like I would have just left. I go to sleep on the floor, maybe got a bad back, but she was like, no, no. So, so like we stood up and I was like still holding the blanket in the first few magazines.
She's like, give me the blanket. Like I got the blanket. Just go ahead, make the bed up, get the mattress out or whatever. She's like doing it and she's pulling her head again.
And I'm like, OK, like this. The only time I'm an atheist, the only time I ever really believed in God is what I went like, take the blanket. And she like took the blanket and slowmotion and like spread it out in such a way where the magazine just stayed under the blanket the whole time, like it never popped out or hit the ground. And she made it and she like stood there and she was like, there isn't that pattern.
I was like, yes, yes, it's a miracle and it's a miracle. Right. And the next and then they got back and I was like, oh, my God, you can't believe what happened.
Your mom came in here. I had the Frisky magazine.
She pulled the thing apart. It was epic. But she never saw the magazine. She never saw it. It was it was a it was a miracle, I tell you, a miracle. And then the next day, breakfast at his mom's Régis pancakes, he was like, hey, mom. Yeah. Hey, you know, Frisky magazine. Yeah. Adam had it under the covers the whole day. That's why he was argue with you. And I was like, oh, no, no, no other way to go.
No other. Better way than that. How do we get a no extra sorry? Yep, and one of the weirder uses of a buck slip, I went around Caitlyn Kaylin is he was 11 or 12. Boy, Dylan was 15.
Makes sense that what Matt Pontarlier Seagrove pleasure starting at age 12 and Gary was 11 or 12 in the pod and first class or just on terra firma.
This might have been obvious in Orange County or Globe-Trotting International Playboy professional, but in the pool was anyone like in a household that, like, talked about masturbation being OK?
Oh, no, no. I don't want to have a mom and dad to do that. Did you or did your I agree to you, like a lot of people are like, you got to figure it out. There's a whole there's a group of people there's two groups where they go like, oh, my God, if you talk to most people whose parents spank them now, people go like, oh, my God, you don't put your hands on it.
If you talk to, the kids will go, oh, no, I deserved it. Yeah. Like, I need every time I should have, I should have. In fact, I deserved it. That's fine. Like, they'll do that. And if you talk to most adults are like, you know, you really have to talk to your kids about the sexuality and about the changes and what's going on. And if you talk to it's the only time.
I'm glad my dad was, like, lukewarm on a show like, thank you, Dad. You never gave me money, never paid for college. I bought my car and never talked about anything. Thank you for this. One of you not communicating with me, which is we never had to have this weird conversation.
But as a good parent, I must have the weird conversations, the one area I'm OK with the big government, because at least for me, I'm sure for a lot of us there was health class school and the boys like girls.
I'm totally OK with Mrs White or whoever Mascoma. Sorry, get that banana and put the condom on with your mouth.
I had I remember my cap hammerhead like a light outlet standing in front of the class. He said, this is a man and this is a woman and I'm plugged in the light.
I remember that just being the coolest thing. Wow. But the clothes when you put it. Yeah, yeah. You want to make your light up. Yeah. But Three-pronged I feel like I got to ground the closest I ever got to like a sex talk was my high school girlfriend and my family. We were going to Cleveland, Ohio, see the opening of Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, not to date myself.
And she had a real crazy mom, everybody knows. But she called me and she's like, hey, just so you know, my mom's on her way over to tell your parents that we're having sex.
Oh, my God.
You know, my parents thought I was going to wait till I was, you know, married, you know? And so I was like, do I let this Wicked Witch of the East, like, do it or should I? And so I went downstairs and I told my mom and I started with this mom, you know, I'm getting married, right?
Yeah. So she's like, yeah, yeah. It's like so we like have I've had sex with other people. She's had sex. Other people will be like lost her virginity together with like two people love. She's like, have you told your father. And I said not. Yeah. And then I go and I remember like Monday Night Football is playing. It's like a beautiful fat man, like eating his chips, you know, after forty hours working that day, I'm about to ruin his dreams and he dead.
Mom's coming over because she found out we're having sex. If she wants to talk about it before the trip, he opens his eyes and just because she's pregnant and I said no, OK, that's a good way to get out ahead of that.
Now, my grandmother would tell my grandmother would make comments like she saw me once and she said, you have hair on your legs now. That means you can have babies. She also asked if a very old world.
All right, if anyone at the table, I'll bring it back to New World. You want to know if anyone at the table and they would room job wise, you know?
And do you want to buy one, one of the more intrusive things?
She said after being married to my grandfather for fifty years after he died, she was really in a a funk for a number of years. And I went to her house and I said, like, how are you doing? And she said, you know, I can't stop thinking about, you know, your grandfather.
Everywhere I look, everywhere they live in a small house in North Hollywood. I open that, open the door or the closet door. She is overcoat hanging in there. I go into the the den. I see his typewriter there and his study. I go to the bathroom over the cupboard. I see the water soluble lube. I sure that's a good thing. It just stopped at the typewriter or the oversized print dictionary.
Had to go for the lube, had to go for the lube and lube. The works, not the museum had ended with the water lube, not Waterloo.
Waterloo. This was my Waterloo. Yeah.
Abha. Oh my God. And you knew she was serious because she is Water-soluble.
She stood there as well to live.
I'll say one of their best. Bushin my grandmas. And she needs lubrication for grandpa. And now he's going to buy a on a brass band that I remember as a lad. I think he may have had some fun with that on there as well. Waterloo Green, Graham Grampian out at all saying, wow, I'm gonna embarrass the hell on my grandson, why couldn't you stop that? The goddamn typewriter? Why are you telling your boys to kill yourself?
Why not whack it again, Waterloo? You'll never whack off and raise mounds of apartment. Oh, out, Otterloo, that better make an appearance on the. That is that'll be a standalone category. Waterloo. All right, where were we? Derek Waters here.
Waters what drunk history.
So we're going to play our our game, right? We're going to play drunk walking. So Dylan went to a bar.
He went to Idle Hour in North Hollywood. Great bar. Yeah, quite a watering hole. Nice.
Where is that? I'm from north. Is that what it looks like?
A barrel place with that one barrel. Yeah. My friends are bartenders.
Oh, there. Yeah. By The Odyssey. We're Big Odyssey that has like big layers. Like we have Kim Kardashian sex tape on sale. Like weird. That place used to just sell and rent like regular VHS tapes.
And then in the past a huge porn section. I remember first moving out here. I mean, my friend would go there and buy stuff together and then we would trade it, which now that sounds that's disgusting. It is. But it's to the same stuff. It's weird.
Yeah. I mean, I had effective last few trading sessions trading, so I had a friend who worked at Dalys Junior and they had a nice section of magazines, so he was lousy with porn. And I'd come over mine every once in a while. But I got it. Made it.
I don't want I used to work at Tower Video and there was a porn section and the only reason I know that this porn existed was someone rented it and it was called eighty seven and still banging.
Yeah, there is one. Yes. All right, let's let's do a little drunk, let's do a little drunk walking. Here we go. Drunk, walking drunk wants to know if you know that non-drinker should know your alcohol. It's time for drunk walkers because you are drunk. Oh, right. So Dylan, when he asked questions to stick with the history theme. Yeah.
Because that's whether or not this particular drunk who's answering the question knows we're going to guess yes or no. OK. All right.
So our first our first contestant is Alex. He's twenty five years old. I went to Orange County College. Wow. She was great. She she's a personal assistant and she's learning visual effects makeup. Here's your question.
Mm hmm. What event started? World War One. Hmm. That's a deep part.
But is it wasn't it wasn't pertinent.
Yeah, well, there was all I know about what was Fernan and then Archduke Archduke's.
And what about what was the sinking of the Lusitania? That's what got the U.S. involved.
OK, all right. Well, that makes me even more right. All right. No, no. Women don't know anything about a this. Oh, now, come on. Now, the students, they're not war. They're not war people. Yeah, she seems savvy. Yeah, she seems very subtle, very quiet. Very quiet. I say no there. No way. Yes.
Oh, it's so out there. What's that mean. Popular band Franz Ferdinand oh, hit the later 90s, lots of who's that and people kind of going back and checking it out. That's our only that's our only chance, right? Yes.
It's so out there, I'm gonna say yes. OK, what event started World War One? Was it the bombing of Pearl Harbor?
That's my lady.
I said this is going to be tried. It was cute that she was she she responded with a question or an actual event thing.
Yeah. OK, this is Monica.
She's thirty eight. She went to college in Budapest, Hungary. Nice. And she's a personal trainer. Right.
Which country which country gave the United States the Statue of Liberty? Yeah.
Now, let me ask this. We asked Dylan about this. She's a personal trainer. We're looking at her. She's beautiful. She looks fit. She has a cocktail and we're shooting her outside, which means she's smoking. Oh, yeah.
Yeah. She went to Budapest is probably European. So she's drinking and smoking. But she's a personal trainer because I'm imagining if we shoot you outside and you're holding your any pictures of anyone holding their drink outside means they went out to smoke. Yeah. The smoking porchlight. Yeah, of course. I'm not judging. It's against that. She's a personal trainer. OK, now she gave us she's a Statue of Liberty right from the right. But the, the rub here, she's Hungarian.
I think she knows. We wouldn't get outside if she said no. That's where I'm thinking I think the nose was shot inside. Oh, OK. Interesting pattern, Jane McGrath, that is that.
But sometimes the Europeans are more worldly than us ugly Americans, so they know more.
So I'm going to say she does know, OK, I'm going to say this. I always drunk. I'm going to say she's she's a trainer. All right. Yeah.
The other ones I said I'm going to say she knows as well as go off the board, try to catch up so she does not know. We've got a funny answer here.
OK, which country gave the United States the Statue of Liberty? France.
Yeah, that's my lady. I want her to be my trainer. I want the other one to be my sister. She was smoking my face.
I'm doing push ups.
This is Tim. He's twenty seven. Went to Rowan University freelancing in the entertainment industry I love.
I don't know. I'm sorry. I didn't hear the last part. I mean, he's freelancing in the entertainment industry. OK, he's a lumberjack. Unemployed. Yeah.
Which two cities did the U.S. drop atomic bombs on during World War Two?
How does he know Hiroshima and Nagasaki or the super blow hardy Hiroshima?
I love the way the forty seven years of Hiroshima. Now you got to change somehow. That didn't work. People didn't record. People are confused. Like what? Where who got third bomb?
Yes, we get it. You're smarter than we are because you pronounce things differently. We get it. It's such a blow move. All right.
I'm gonna say yes. I think this guy reads. I don't think he knows both the cities. I'm going to say no telling them about. Yes.
Getting back to my musical references, there was a hit song from the 80s called Enola Gay. Dossani remembers that sound familiar, sound familiar? Wow. Of course, the Enola Gay, the name of the airplane that dropped the atomic bombs and all of us, the name of the mom, I believe of the pilot. Yeah. And it's like OMD. Now I'm impressed. Yeah. Yeah. You might you might not like your nose. You know the song.
Yeah. It holds up.
Yeah. I mean, it sounds like it was from two thousand 17, 16 December 16. Now you may not you may know the song and you may not know it's about the plane, but sounds exciting. It sounds like the same to damn. It's good. Balmond music. What does everyone know this or get a shout out. Well one of the games. But they also had to be side, which was Amelia Earhart's plane song. Yeah, but.
Now, Jason, you know this song. I am familiar with the name of the song who, if you had played it for me, I would have said no. So you had to grow up here and have KROK for this song to be familiar. Amazingly, Spotify lists this as their most popular song. It was out here was on. What is what year is this Haiti.
This is the only one I know from India. Well, you've done this pretty in pink right here. Yeah, it's about my grandma's regime. I'm really all right.
So I'm the only one with the Enola Gay song. Yeah. Yeah. All right. But Franz Ferdinand, we're all on board with you. All right.
So this guy is a dude. Dudes know more about war, but he's a young dude, you know, and he's pretty.
He's pretty. Pretty. People are dumb. Yeah, except for me.
So we say, what again, Derek? I'm going to say, yes. You know, I'm sorry. I don't think he knows both of us. OK, saying this one.
Yeah. Mm hmm. Brian. I have I'm playing from behind, so I'm going to say he went to college in New Jersey in a small school.
Rohan, I looked it up, so I decided I'm going to say, yeah, he knows.
Going to say he knows as well. Which two cities did the U.S. drop atomic bombs on during World War Two, Hiroshima and Nagasaki and Hiroshima?
That's right. All right. What's the score score?
Yes, Derek and Adam are tied three each. Jean and Brian are tied at one. All right. Well, let's just have this be the tiebreaker between Derek and myself. Sorry, guys. All right.
OK, this guy is 40. His name is Ayten. He went to university in the Philippines. Developmentally disabled children. Good for him.
And the thing I like about this guy's got a Pabst Blue Ribbon tallboy in one hand and Tumbler in the other. So his two fists in it, which are which are like, yeah, his job stresses him out.
Yeah, I respect that.
I mean the two opposing sides of the Civil War. Oh now come on. Is that really a tie breaker?
And specifically, are we looking for the Union in the Confederacy or North and South? Well, we OK.
Oh well, I think. I don't know. No, not well known, except he went to the A.C. Union in Confederacy as only that's only except I'll let you go there.
I my think as healthy north and south, though, in the Confederacy, I guess that means no.
And he's from the Philippines. All right. That's why I went to school. Well, but he looks Filipino. Yeah, shifty. But he's not a nurse.
He kind of said, all right. So you say he's going to say north and south, but when pressed or not going to get union in Cuba? I don't think so. All right. So Texas. No, I say yes.
Name the two opposing sides of the civil war, the north and the south. Yeah, baby. Oh, the Confederates and the North.
Brewers, you idiot. All right. That's a big win for you. No better Derek Waters. Thank you, everyone. And that was Drunk History's Derek Waters back in 2018, Adam needs to get on that show to be great on it.
Oh, easily do it in a heartbeat. Yeah, Drew's like a super fan of the show, too, Derek. And if Derek even did Durjan, what Adam Drew could make it happen. But Derek clearly, I think clearly expresses he wants Adam to do it. Yeah, I think those things were Adam's like.
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All right, let's get on with another clip. What do we got?
We have another hilarious segment from the Anchorage show, this time from Episode seven seven nine featuring Matt Paxton of Hoarder's, Alison Rose and Brian Bishop. This is from March of 2012. This is Matt's interview. You'll a bit of hoarders talk a little bit of news, a little bit of a supercut. Check it out. Good comparison. Thanks for having me, Matt. You know, for the TV show Hoarders, just talking to someone about this compelling stuff, season one and season two available on Amazon.
And if you're going to get season one and season two of Hoarders on Amazon, keep the pirate ship afloat, baby. Go down, call it dot com. Click on the Amazon banner and then you get the hoarders and that's what you call a win win. How did you get started in this? And I failed at everything else and pretty much was cleaning up houses for 12 bucks an hour.
And how that work, I mean, who were you going into houses like after people were deceased and cleaning? I did one crime scene and that was well, I didn't mean people die.
No, I actually did a crime scene, really. And there was brains all over a tub. And I was like, I'm good. Like, wow.
Was it a murder or was it a it was a fail with the fail. It was a he tried one way to kill himself, didn't didn't succeed, and then slipped and killed himself that way. It was awful, really. He tried to shoot him, hang himself, but he ended up drowning and it was the guy body been there for like a week. It's horrible.
I wonder if he's like, I'll just rest on it and think about tomorrow. I'm going to take a bath.
Basically, Whitney Houston's down at the end and it was just way this way. Did he try to kill himself by hanging himself in the shower?
Head broke and it's not funny. Oh, the shower had broke and then he hit his head is had to drown in the water.
The water turned on in the water and we found the water turned on. Yeah. So that's what alerted the people. Was the water been running for a week.
And so the body that so point being why didn't want to do that.
So now think about what I clean up now. It's not so bad. Yeah.
Matt told me off the air he was this close to not beating off that night.
My yeah. That's how horrific that bloated, weak old body was. What a hero. Yeah.
What a hero. I did my play but it is persevered to we're time out. I have some cars back there and I'm, I'm a car hoarder.
I think you run into guys who hoard cars with acres and acres and acres, just acres and acres and acres full of old rusty cars. Right. One guy we've actually had a Batmobile from one of the original Batmobile. He's just sitting out in a field.
And is there anyone but you also said off there that somebody, some folks hoard high end cars. Oh, yeah.
With one guy had like fifty fifty Ferraris.
I don't know why shop hoarding as opposed to just being a great question. Yeah.
What's the difference for me. The thing to do for me, the definition is if your collection takes precedence over your family and your friends at home, then you're done.
Family and friends aren't as cool as the Lamborghini.
We're you sell your kid for a for a car twins. And when you refer to your twins, you mean your cars. Yeah.
OK, first of all, that now way to not just give me the floor for a second.
Everybody shits out a kid these days, right? Yeah. The world is filled with them. We have them in all different colors, but they only made a couple hundred Lamborghini Miras. You understand now if it was the other way around and they only made a couple of hundred kids and we were lousy with Miras, well then I would feel differently now wouldn't I?
Adam, you know what I see here?
I see a bunch of people care about this. An intervention, early intervention.
Who's got the Lamborghini on a safe place. Yeah, the van. All right. You're you're you're I don't know why you're Mike is driving me insane, because at what point it's in your right.
I don't know when it's said better time. I think you to just make it a little bit lower because it's just going to pull it down. There we go. Yeah.
So the guy who had the fifty Ferraris, he was too. He was he just wouldn't let go of anything, just dying. And it was like, you're dying to sell this stuff, man. Like let's let's move on. You clearly have buyers like it's a phone call. We could have all fifty sold. It's not about cash.
Why not let him die and just give the money to his family? Yeah, it was a wish of the families. We do a lot of estate cleanup stuff to work. Families just don't know what to do. And so they guys come in. And I mean, our job is to just clean up a big mess. It might be on hoarders, which is horribly disgusting. Right. Might be just a big mess that you're not you're not mentally disorder, but you just have a hard time.
I think I because I grew up in secondhand clutter and sort of chaos with almost no square footage. I hate that feeling. Your place is very organized, man. I'm trying. It's is very I mean, this there is order and there's structure and purpose to everything in this place. Oh, really? The exception of that table in the back. Which one?
Well, I'm Canticle stuff.
Otherwise, yes, I'm I'm attempting it's just there's a weird thing and you can help me with this. And by the way, you know, I get into this thing all the time where I argue about this with my wife all the time. She's like, listen, you can't train people. They just are who they are and what are you going to do? And I'm like, no, I don't accept that I. You can train people and people don't to change, alter or whatever, but I have a dumb gardener and my stupid gardener would leave.
Now here, here's what here's what happens. Honestly, when the kids arrived, when the twins arrived, I built the gate in front of my pool so the kids wouldn't drown. I knew statistically that that was an issue. And I built another gate in front of some French doors so the kids wouldn't drown. But there was a third gate sort of in the back of the courtyard that the gardener would use to pass through from the courtyard to the pool area or whatever that he would often leave open.
And I told him a thousand times, shut the gate, shut the gate. The kids play in the courtyard. Mama's in the kitchen. It's always the same story. You know, whenever the kid drowns, it's never like, well, we throw him in a pool and then we went to Maui, although that would be refreshing. It's always like I was in the kitchen. I was looking at them in the courtyard. The phone rang. I walked away.
I came back. Two minutes later, the boy was gone. And then we found him in the pool and the paramedics couldn't whatever. And I said to my wife, who was obsessed with filtered water, the kids are going to drown in the pool because the fucking gardener won't shut the fucking gate. And we told them ten times and he wouldn't do it. And then I started yelling, my wife, you must go out there and check after he leaves because he's too stupid.
And finally, I docked him 50 bucks. I just said, you know what? Sorry, Herman, you've left the gate open 20 times. I beg you to shut it. You won't do it. You're now out 50 bucks. And every time you leave it open, I'm going to hold back 50 bucks. And guess what? I never let you get everything you want, but people can't be trained.
They're just going to do what they're going to do. Both fucking shit. Take fifty bucks out of their wallet. That won't leave the fucking gate open. All of a sudden they get smart. So that's total bullshit. They could have done it. They didn't do it. And it drives me nuts. I actually get more angry. I wish that he would just go fuck you and leave it open. The fact that they can do it is the part that bothers how good a gardener is.
That's why, you know, I don't know his work with topiary.
He's a nice enough guy. I just I only had only reason I keep up because he works with his wife. And I watch her and I look at my wife and I go home, I like that. Look at that. That's a tough life. Would you want to take you once you were hell, he had no choice. Maybe he's going to drown himself in the pool. Point is 50 bucks. He me fired me. I trained him in 10 seconds, 50 bucks.
I took away boom gate closed. Logic on that is he he doesn't have mental disorder. He can follow that logical transgression. He understands risk reward. He understands compensation. Yeah. Our hoarder's man, they are disabled. They're mentally disoriented. What what is that disorder called? I don't even know. I'm a trashman. I'm not a therapist. The kind of shit, shit, shit out what I should know, I wrote a book about it.
I shouldn't be called something. I think they're probably talking putting on a wristband for you.
One worried about it. It's all the same, is the same sort of thing. And everybody a lot of it comes from OCD, believe it or not, like. Oh yeah. Inside and they can't do it perfectly. So then they don't do it at all. And the brain shuts down a lot of times there. I mean, like half of the house is perfect or real. And then they they get to this other half and they they can't do it today.
So they're going to do it tomorrow and they really believe they're going to do it.
So when you when you walk into a space, you do a lot of judging. Well, my job is technically to not judge at all, but I do a lot of I everything up I have about when I walk in a house. I got about ten minutes to figure out their entire life story because I got to have a strategy to know how I'm going to attack this mentally. I mean, picking up poop is picking up poop. It's not really that hard.
Right. Know, I do the worst. I get dead animals in the shit every time, really, that every I mean, 40000 pounds of shit, 40000 pound human. That's a big apartment. It was. Oh yeah. I see. That's oh over the course over there is no no. That was a house.
Forty thousand a house.
What happened on twenty tons once for ten years to hold on a second. Yeah they have a whole lot flush all that.
Matt was also telling me that night I did masturbate that I get this close this close but still this close. What if. Matt, Matt. Matt.
Oh the porcelain that clean them right up.
So you went into one house that's like Shangri-La and got 40000 pounds of it. Sounds like a lot more than it really is. It's about it's about ten of those forty yard dumpsters. Oh that's a lot.
So about ten of these rooms, a forty yard human shit. Let me tell you something. I got it. I got a twenty five yard dumpster over at the other warehouse which is being gutted. That's a big dumpster, 40 yards full size. Yeah but it's a foot high. Yeah. Yeah. That's, that's the biggest dumpster. They make it cars in there. Is that. Yeah. And why, why, why would you want to put my two cars in now.
I don't think I like cars as an example. Are you saying I should put cars in there. I'll drop it because you show up. That's fucking forty yard dash around here.
How much car parts do you buy new or do you buy.
I don't do but where is that extra White House for parts I don't want. OK, I do not want to buy the extra car parts but I get the phone call from last, the guy who built the race cars and he's the Porsche dealer. Yeah, he's the enabler and he always does the thing. We're like Turk Johnson is getting rid of his entire clothes ratio short throw a box, all the comp boxes for the roadsters. He's got three of them and they're all rebuilt.
And they'd normally be like three grand apiece. And your roadster needs a comp box on it and you don't like it. And if we start running at Road Atlanta, you're going to need a shorter box or whatever. Anyway, long story short, I can get all three of them for five grand and then it's like they notice. And I just kind of I always got like and he's going to throw in three rear ends and I don't know how many of them are good, but there are 200.
So we should we need those anyway. And it's like I end up going higher and then I get them. So that's what happened. I used to try to help everybody that he had the money in the space. Yeah, I got piles and piles of shit. And when you race, shit breaks all the time.
Well, I mean we joke, but that's a legit issue. Like sometimes you actually do need the stuff and if they don't make it anymore, they don't. You do have brakes. And the thing is, is for every different track, you need a different set of gears and all that same same logic.
But the story is yet two hundred dead cats. That's what I'm cleaning up and they'll give me the same story so I won't get back.
I need this shit house. For example, where was the shit house in Maryland? You could actually see the University Of is on the campus of University of Maryland. You could actually see the football stadium and the person that was living there, she was young, like fifty, living in a medical toilet. You just strap herself in. And she lived in about a one about a two foot by two foot area, like a cockpit. It's not not a feel good story.
And where would she defecate? She would just defecate right there and. Take the diaper and throw it in the hallway. Oh, so the diaper got tossed, diaper got tossed, it got tossed in the hallway and then it just filled up, filled the shit out. Now, so who contacts you?
Usually family or like social services or fire rescue? A lot of times I'm their last resort. Like no one else has tried to help them. Right? If they can't work with me, they're going to lose their home, their kids. Let me tell you how I handle that situation and how I clean that up as I go in there and I go house insured.
I just go in there and assess the situation. Then I do that move where I just pull the gas hose off the back of the stove and I just sit out front.
Maybe I return a few phone calls there at a certain point, light a cigarette, and then I do the slow motion, the slow motion flick. And when that cigarette flies in slow motion, we all know what's going to happen.
So think that's right. Just like it's like in con air. And I just start walking away and the whole place goes up in a fuckin mushroom cloud and nobody sheds a tear.
And we do that. There's nothing we could do about it. Act of God. Moving on. We actually did one.
How bad that was. Smell the smells that we did.
One house that was so toxic we weren't allowed to we had to bulldoze it. It was just it was horrible. You went to legally, we couldn't bulldoze it because it was so dangerous that we actually had a way to burn it.
We do it controls in what was in it shit and cats and paper. It was really near the Chesapeake Bay.
So it's too close, right? Yeah.
Should the new normal Tuesday, what do you do with the person? How do you ask the person.
Yeah I, i that's my job is to really get them on my side and get them, try to get him to take therapy and try to get him to understand that the right thing is to change and is not always the easiest thing in the world to do. I mean, I've been I got punched by a 75 year old lady. Oh yeah. Flat punched in the face.
Well, I used to when I used to do earthquake rehab work, I would go into the units of the crazy people lived in the subsidized housing like the church restoration work. Yeah, I did work for the city of Los Angeles, which was crazy old people living in bachelor size apartments, all the piles of that stuff. Oh, yeah, right.
I saw a guy who had nothing but the one panel of the milk carton with the missing kid cut out and piled to the ceiling three times twenty all the way across. In case he saw the kid, he could pull it back and remember which one it was. And guys that just everyone cooks with a laugh, by the way, it all smells like fucking fried hell crazy guys, you know, shotgun underpants, Jake. I mean, just weird, unstable dudes and no square footage.
And you're having to go into their place and explain to them, we have to take apart your kitchen. We have to take apart your badge.
Not enough space to turn around if you had to. Right. You got back. Back out. Yeah. I mean, the first thing that hits you is the smell that the space heater and the shitty carpet creates. And that piss, cat piss and cigarette smoke makes it really interesting.
Yeah. See, I have clutter pack rat tendencies obviously not on that order, but for me it's because I can't make decisions.
You choose not to make decisions.
Yes, I put it off. Well, you know, I he did the tudo with you. I really did Swordsmith Judo. You choose not to make this. Well, that's its choice.
You can live this way or not. It doesn't bother you. Yeah, you're right. So how do I get through that, though? Somebody will make you do it someday. You know, you don't have a reason to care. Interesting. That's what I would be happy to pay you fifty bucks to make a decision. OK, when we decide, I decide that I'm going to do it tomorrow. All right.
Shall we play a little totally topical TiVo trivia. And you don't end up like when I taught guys the last thing you want is Michigan, which now know the worst. It's rock bottom for Moseby. That's why I use big commerce. Dotcom. Yeah. Hey, that's why. All right. Shall we do a little totally topical TiVo trivia?
Let's do it. Let's play totally topical TiVo trivia time today. Well, I came to five last play of the game. Yeah, we are this is the actual TiVo description of the movie. So as it reads minus the names, we had a figure of the celebrities. You think you'd have to figure it out, but it usually takes a couple tenths of a second, especially with Paul. Brian over here, he's crushing. I have my moments.
I never had a moment since. Never had a moment.
So when you think you know the movie, you shout out your name, OK?
My name, not the name of the movie. You bring in your name, you're ringing with your name. And what's my name? Yeah, I'm Pete Adams.
Too soft because I get a fake name, the half the half syllable that I've been burned too many times. Pete it's the definitive sound spot.
I mean, if I ever I'm going to call it I'm gonna use a different name to Sallerson. It's not going to work me.
All right. Everyone ready to go? Yeah.
All right. When an unmanned locomotive. Pete. Pete. Crying Oh, oh, shit, oh, I. Five seconds. Out of control, whatever it is, that should be a by unstoppable from 2010, unstoppable, Brian's on the board, unstoppable. Yes.
Coastal Oregon kids follow the treasure map that Pete.
Oh, let Matt. Goodness, yeah.
1985, we're talking. You're right. Passengers and crew enjoy a wild party aboard an airliner flying from Los Angeles to New York.
Oh, man, it's oh, Brian. Matt Buty playing or something. What is it, Saul playing.
So Brian is correct from 2004, so. All right. What is what is. Let's try not to go anything. What do we have here? We have difficulty. Brian's got to.
Right. Yes. And Pinhas one has one.
He's on the board demanding the release of a political prisoner, a terrorist and his gang, Brian, die hard to hijack the U.S. president's plane.
Pete. Pete. Air Force One from 1997. Now look out right up to. All right, a produce supplier finds love in New York. Oh, Matt, it's a splash from 1981.
Oh, nice job. He was a today. Yeah, I did. His brother his brother wanted to work together and do anything because of a time warp.
A supermarket worker, Pete Brint, Pete Damit.
Let's see. Lausch. Donna, The Revenge of the Dead, whatever the fuck that is. I don't know.
Did you Buzz? Can I keep hearing it? Everyone's up to everyone. Did you jump in? I did.
But if one was on the table dead at a supermarket and I know this finds himself fighting in medieval England.
Oh, man. Bill in Ted with a chainsaw.
Oh, it's no, it's that redheaded British. Brian, it's it's Bruce Campbell in.
I said it, I said three seconds and I don't know what Bruce Campbell with the chainsaw, Allison, the rest of it is for you and a 73 year old snowmobile.
I knew it when he said supercurrent, people dead. It is army of darkness.
I don't know. Yes, I knew it. I fucking knew that movie, the stock when it was all right.
A blind X Colonel Pete Pete of a woman from 1932. All right. Wait a minute. Let's have three. Oh, look out. Do I have to. Yes. Oh, shit.
An FBI agent.
If this is the point, I'm going to burn this fucking studio point break trades physical identities with his nemesis, Brian. Face off. Sorry. That's my fault. Pete, you fucking said I love you.
I love you. Dirty play.
It's in my top one and a half.
Unable to find gainful employment to underachievers, establish a revenge for hire.
Brian dirty work from 1998. Jesus Christ. Now what you have is I mean, that will be no.
All right. For Florida for three to worry. All right, here we go.
I'm going to make a comeback. I got one in Moscow. Well, the Griswold's.
And family. Head to buy station wagon, Alison, Alison Vacation will accept that from 1983 National Lampoon's Vacation, a woolly mammoth.
Pete, Pete Ice Age from 2002. Oh, tied up.
Tied up. Or is this the tie breaker?
One less, Alison and Misket is our second to last answer. One of you get it.
It's a great victory. All right.
A record company employee has just wow.
Say Fi. High Fidelity has just a few days. Brian now can't go over the win.
Get rid of the Greek from 2009 and win. Damn it, you and your tan from Thibeault trivia time tomorrow. And always wins. God damn it, they're doing a movie podcast. Yeah, you get a little now. He's good, he's good. But if I could have got face off, but I got the FBI. If you listen to Keanu, I did. If you listen to me and he was acting in that movie at a certain point, he goes, I am an F B I.
And we always make fun of it. So when he got singsongy with this, he led you and he led you with it. Yeah. What's your first.
I thought it was a good thing. I will take the credit for your loss. Thank you. Face off. That makes it better. Just play the sayonara drop. We're just I just literally said face off eight minutes earlier. All that with the chemo brain tumor. Yeah.
He's got a brain tumor too, huh. Bragging about it for three years now.
It's a laughing matter that's shrinking. I can show Joe. Hey, that's the way I deal with the pain. Alison, give us like another news story and a half.
Now, the rest of the news has something to cheer me up.
Jessica Simpson was on on air with Ryan Seacrest.
She began talking about her amorous feelings. Ever since she's been super pregnant. She said, I am definitely feeling intimate. I'm kind of unstoppable at the moment. Like the big O is the biggest, oh, ever. And evidently, her fiance, Eric Johnson, she about him. She said he's always ready. He's always ready.
I just did The Tonight Show with her and she's turning into like a crazy hillbilly like she was turning into.
Well she's always well, reverting back to. Well what I'm saying is, is like, you know, there was The Dukes of Hazzard, her in the bikini and dancing around and like Daisy Dukes and holy shit. And now she's just this huge. She's going to recover from a woman who with a crazy laugh and too much hair. And it's this kind of this weird like I can't believe I'm at a stage in my life where it's like if she offered up the pussy, I'd be like, you know what?
I just topped off on pussy, but come around and have like a like a blanket trying to sell your candles. You know what? I'm I don't have my checkbook, but if you come back around in a couple of months, maybe, I mean, you know, I got to buy like magazines. I'll come around.
Yeah. Yeah, that's right. I mean, she is like big and crazy and she was like cackling. And, you know, I thought that's the one things. Yes.
And you had said that she's much bigger than the magazine photo. And I just thought you meant much more pregnant. But when I was watching the show, I thought she looks like she's gained weight all over. Right. You know, women often do. But, I mean, she looked very serious.
There's a lot of her. Yeah.
And there's a lot of her. But I'm just saying she's making she's talking about food and she's making noises, you know? I mean, all I'm saying is she's doing that Jenny McCarthy thing. Right.
I wonder, though, is this the same personality she's always had, but now there's so much more of her, you just find it unattractive. Whereas before it was kind of like Chrissy recopied, here's here's what you can do.
There's a great market for people that are marginally talented and that market is putting on weight and then taking the weight off and then talking to women and kind of going, ladies, you're not going to hear from all these dainty chicks that are size zero. But I'm a real woman and can we talk? And that's what they do. And then they come out with a clothing line and they do the whole thing. Meanwhile, there's nothing there like Jenny McCarthy.
There's nothing there. She's totally unfunny. Here's how you know, Jenny McCarthy, incredible hack. She wrote a movie. She directed a movie. She starred in a movie. It's called Like Dirty, Stinking Love or something. It's horrible. It's a horrible movie. So when you write, direct and star in something and it sucks, then you suck. She was like cackling and laughing and doing things. But there's always going to be a market for that.
Ladies, I'm keeping it real. And forget about all these Pixie's that don't eat. I like to eat for dinner.
When you write, direct and star in something you suck or just something that's not good, you suck. I am tired of people write, direct and star and essentially create a movie which is nothing more than a 90 minute calling card of how good is your idea, how good are you, how good is your writing, how well did you put it together. And that movie fucking sucks. But you still get to be funny somehow that your mantle of funny doesn't go away.
He's always been telling us she's funny. She's not from day one. Jenny McCarthy. Now that's her thing show coming is a bitch. I can't stand her. I cannot stand her her fucking charity. And she never she would never do Loveline. I fucking went out to Canoga Park and did a fucking retarded Candie's charity for like ten hours. And she was like, oh, Adam, I'm so thank I owe you I owe you big time. And then she stiffed us every fucking day because she's a bitch.
What do I mean? Why she's not fucking. She's not. No, I'm saying I wonder why she wouldn't do Loveline. Oh, no, she was supposed to. She just we sent the car and she never came out. She's a hot blonde who gets her way and gets to do whatever the fuck she wants. Fuck her. She's getting old. No one's going to want to fuck her in another three years. And she's not talented but wrong about vaccines.
And she's wrong about everything. But she gets graded on a curve. She gets graded on the. Oh, you're so. Oh, you belched. Oh, I get it. You're blonde chick with nice titties who belches now I got a boner fuck. You try to say something funny. Saw your movie baby. It sucked. It sucked. Thank you. Now you start sucking it. Shut up.
Please don't care anymore. I just a microphone. I can't stand the thing where it's like you're not funny, you're not interesting, you're not anything. But there's some sort of hook where you used to be fat. Now you're skinny or you're, or you're blonde and you're cute, but you just let you pass gas and you talk about it. Am I right, girls? I'm feeling and it's as I. Oh, shut up. You don't offer anything.
You're not bringing anything to the party at all. It's just the anomaly of seeing a hot chick who's talking about breaking wind. I'm Matt. Almost didn't beat off to that.
A little later, HBO is canceling luck after the third horse has died during production.
And that was Matt Paxson back in 2012, a little bit of news to the time capsule. Remember when people went outside and things were happening out there? We had lives, lives. All right, well, we all of know in 2012 was the great year and a 20 20s of the apocalypse here.
Yeah, I think there was a math error. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Let's get going with one last clip.
And hopefully there are no matters in this one because it's a hard game to keep track of, not really for the fans, but for the staff behind the glass every once in a while.
And I swear it's not there's less than a dozen examples. I'd say it's closer to four, but it's happened.
The last game that that happened, outbreak changed to that score.
And I want to change that. OK, well, this is a milestone. We're going to play once a tower like. Hold on, let's go. The score is like what happened? And the new dosser or Gary or some combination of all three of you that comes back goes, oh, yeah, we have the updated score.
It sounds like that Gary did not mean it did happen during the Gary era.
All right. Well, and I feel like I heard you in the booth, so you can't play well. I don't know what you're talking about.
I look at you. I mean, I don't get I don't mean to get stereotypical here, but math is kind of my thing. All right.
Is it a milestone here? The fiftieth installment of the Rotten Tomatoes game, this Roman quarter of sixteen twelve.
This upset had everybody on it. It's like a smorgasbord of people Mario Andretti, Mark Duplass, Patrick Bryce, Matt, actually, Brian Bishop. This just actually Gina, Brian and Adam, this from July of 2015. It's the very next game after William Shatner, the very last one we played fifty installment this one around minions. I don't even know how that can be a theme, but let's find out.
All right, let's hear the theme song, man. He's the guy with the fresh, rotten movie game. Which temporarily fit physically. Actually, he needs a fix in the game, the. Jenny, his father, still gets the credit scores that brought in a fresh. So the Champions edition, all right, here we go.
All right, so the movie that's going to be number one at the box office this weekend is Minyans. And I know out of that that may not be a movie that you're excited to see, but I imagine your kids are. And so you might have to sit through it at some point.
Yeah, I can't time. I can't it's it's not. Is it Pixar. Disney. No, it's it is Universal Pictures. It's a spinoff of the Despicable Me.
It smells of less than Pixar to me. Like to me the Pixar stuff is so amazing that there's no reason to see the other stuff. But if you're a kid, you have to be entertained all the time. So I get it.
And those little guys just talking in tongues, right? Yes. Like weird religious, like speaking it. Yeah. There's a little bit of Spanish thrown in there, but yeah, it's kind of pidgin English. There's so the minions of the little yellow guys that were working for Steve Carroll's character in the first two films and now they have their own movie with an all star cast. And so I'm using that as the theme for today's game.
Good times. So first up, Sandra Bullock plays a character named Scarlett Overkill in this, got one of her big movies that really cemented her as a star a few years back, the 2000. She plays an FBI agent who has to go to a beauty pageant in Miss Congeniality.
Mm hmm. Well, I mean, I think they made it, too, out of this one, right?
They did. William Shatner and Candice Bergen. Yes. People like that. I don't think critics loved it. Could be. I mean, critics like Sandra Bullock a lot like. Right.
She's probably because she's she's good. No. One, she's attractive, but in a non-threatening way to women like women sign off on her physicality. Yes. They go just pretty enough. I'm OK with you being attracted to her. I'm not. And then there's others you're not supposed to be attract.
Jennifer Love Hewitt does not get the same level. But there's there's a weird thing that women have. It's kind of a weird thing. Guys don't really have that. Like when we see the guys from Magic Mike and the chicks are into the guys from Magic Mike, we go we get obviously he looks he looks great. But women have this thing where it's like, oh, come on. Versus Yeah, it should be fun to be my sister in law.
Sandy Bullock gets that seems to be the only color Sandy scholarship. And she also seems to be one of these people who seems to be a genuinely nice person that sort of pushes through or bleeds through her performances.
She seems like her decent and well-adjusted. Hmm.
Although she was with Jesse James for a while, right? Yes. Like, that's kind of that's kind of a weird dark side for her. I think she's rebelling.
Was rebellious. I don't I don't know German. I don't know that there's a woman alive, whether they admit it or not, that doesn't hear that motorcycle drive a little bit, see the bad boy, dude, and get just a little moist, like no matter who they say they are, how refined or how much they say, you know, oh, those smelly guys.
And they're always in the barroom brawls and they're settling arguments with their fists and stuff like that. Just for that ten seconds when they hear that bike, that hog just sort of rev up a little bit. It's just it's in them eight pussies. It's in them. All right. Let's see. I'm going to say that the critics were decent to it, but not great just for the kind of big budget thing it was. It also was one of those movies that may have had the name before it actually had the script.
And I'm going to say. Shit, seventy one just Casani bollocks in it, I said 73 and I think I might be low. This is actually a pretty good movie. 42 what?
This is a good movie. Yeah, but this is big. This is sort of big budget comedy, which critics tough on these.
I'm genuinely surprised this was not a bad movie at all.
Formulaic, predictable, but not bad, but 30 percent, I would say formulaic with the hook title, with the big campaign behind it. Comedy is not good for the critics.
Yeah, shit. All right. All right. Well, at least we're close. Yes. All right.
Next up, Jon Hamm also appears in Minyans as the husband to her character. His name is Herb Overkill, and he also appeared in Bridesmaids. Hmm. He was Kristen Wigs kind of friend with benefits early on.
Oh, yes. Right. He was the guy that she was growing. And anyway, he makes an appearance. And the problem is I've used a bunch of other Jon Hamm movies in the game. All right. Critics should love this. I think they did. Now, this is the sort of the opposite of the Bullock movie. This is snuck up on. People got a lot of empowerment. Yeah. To it and starred before they were stars.
Yeah. I'm going to say the critics have this one at ninety three.
I hope I'm close to that. Seventy nine. Ninety five. The I know the cricket.
I see you're a little more in line. I agree with you in terms of my personal opinions, but I was, I thought I was too to body too much poop and too much all that stuff.
But you have to understand the way critics tank, which is if it's girl power, you can add 15 or 20 percent, depending on a lot of it is the topic. And what's going on now, the body ness or whatever.
Yes, if this is a bunch of Miss Congeniality would have been higher. No, because that's that's formulaic. And one check and she's already established. OK, and it's ten years earlier as as a star. Look, this is basically like you like old school, right? Of course. All right. Old school's got a much lower critical score than this.
Of course. Why? Yeah, because it's guys it's a bunch of dudes being bad.
Yeah. I'm not empowering for chicks to shit in sinks.
Glad, glad to see it's a 90 percent.
Yes, but the people have it now. If you look at the old school people, the audience score versus bridesmaids you'll see maybe inverse.
That's right. OK, OK. That's how it works here. All right.
Next up, another voice performance in Minyans from the great Michael Keaton. I'm going to go with a 1980 movie, that or 1989 movie that ushered in a new era of superhero movies.
The original Batman movie, the original well, maybe not the original Adam West, but. Right. Was he was Keaton the first Batman after they dusted it off? Yep. He was for two movies. Wow.
When they fanboys were incensed at the casting, they hated it even for the second one. Now the initial one was announced then.
Yeah, they hate everything. That's an outro. If someone announced to fanboys your cock just got six. Mm.
Wider again. Right. It's that's true to the original property. Yeah. The Internet. I furious. Exactly. No like seriously there is no tension ever human being. If there was an actual Batman and you cast him as Batman, they would be incensed right over it. And then they all come around. Bruce Wayne is Batman. How dare you convert and destroy my childhood. Right. And then at a certain point, they like the guy and then at a certain point they announced the new guy and then they get all fucking their panties in a bunch.
Once I chilvers can be bad.
Bad new guy is no Michael Keaton. Right, right.
All right. So the first one. Oh, boy, I have no idea. I really have no idea.
I think the one that has Jack Nicholson is the Joker directed by Tim Burton.
I think people looked at it as kind of the new Batman, and it was very important to an eleven year old balding Brian. So I am impossible being objective. No idea.
I'm going back to seventy one.
I said eighty because I think it might be a few newer reviews in there. So I said eighty.
Adam, I am constantly impressed by your wild ass guesses. 72. Wow. Yeah, well it's like it was a good movie I guess, but it's a no no.
It's back before these kind of movies were being taken, taken seriously.
I agree. All right. Here we go. All right.
Next up, Geoffrey Rush serves as the narrator in Minyans, and one of his more recent iconic roles is as a language therapist. Speaking therapist in The King's Speech. Mm hmm. Well, of course, was nominated, right, so did not see the whole thing win best picture.
Yes, it did. Fuck, you didn't like that much.
I hate I really I recognize that it's a good movie, but I dislike the fact that it didn't take any chances. Very soft around the edges. And it was everything the academy is supposed to love.
And it was just so it was like, you recognize it is safe, it's good, but it just didn't hold your interest.
It's a good it was just too safe, too milquetoast, too soft, too on the edges. OK, but the kind of thing critics are going to they're going to give or do they. Mm.
Oh I can't. Eighty nine says the critics. 94, 94.
Oh I needed those five points as well. Not only did he get the five points there, but I mean the five points between us right now, the extra five point swing, I was I was going into the fifth round with a comfortable maybe ten or twelve point lead and now it's all knotted up.
Fuck. There we go. All right. I love The King's Speech.
Last one, based on the character that started this whole franchise, grew voiced by Steve Carell, who may or may not make an appearance, won't spoil minions for you. But he did a movie in 2013 where he plays a magician with Jim Carrey. This just came up two days ago. Burt Wonderstone, Incredible Burt Wonderstone.
All right. We know it's going to be low. And sometimes you do that move where you go. And I burn burn myself both directions on this one. Right? Go. Yeah, it's like, oh man. Like thirty five. Thirty seven percent.
And then you check and it's like nine percent and then there's a part of you that goes, of course why would it, why would thirty five percent of the people like this. It's that bad. Brian and I got to be really close.
So your strategy of going bad does not come in. You want to try and get as close as possible? Well, I'm I'm I feel like I'm clinging to maybe a half point lead at this point. Yeah. Or it's tied up. But either way I'm pointing. Yeah, well I'm not I'm not going big or small here. I'm going to, I'm trying to nail it.
This is the kind of film that I'll watch just because Steve Carell in it. And why the fuck not it. Spoiler alert. It was one of those movies that sort of packed along. Had some you know, first off, OK, I get the idea, like the idea was fine. You know, this guy's a washed up, you know, Vegas magician with a sidekick and too much tanning cream on and all that kind of stuff. And it sort of moved along and it had James Gandolfini and even more popped up in it and stuff like that.
And there wasn't a lot going on. But it's Steve Carell in a crazy outfit and he's making it funny. Yeah. And it was fine. And then it got to the very end where they were going to resolve everything. Right. And the big trick was we're going to put the whole audience out with gas. We're going to pump gas into the theater, and then we're going to pick up every limp corpse and drag them out to the middle of the desert.
And then when they come to they'll be in the middle of the desert will be the greatest illusion ever times. How many shows a week? How many people do you lose? Because they have a bad reaction to the piling bodies up in the back of a cube truck and pulling them out out in the middle of Henderson County and dropping them off on a patch of land. It's like people wouldn't again. Yes, I don't know how many people go into anaphylactic shock after being put out or how many people just fall over and hit their head and have contusions and swelling of the brain.
Like it was like one of these things where, you know, and I know people go, look, it's a comedy, it's a broad comedy, come on. And it's like, I'm there. But you're asking me to go along on this ride. Take me thus far. You brought in Jim Carrey. He's the edgy illusionist. You're doing all these. There's a love story woven in here, like, OK, I'm sort of with you now.
How do we resolve this? And it's like it times nine shows a week when I pass everyone out, drag them out to the middle of the desert and and did a lot of jarhead for that show.
Right. And did you consult on how that trick was going to work?
Like, Oh, yeah, we're going to knock them out and take them to the desert just so those things are kind of I could enjoy that. And then then. All right, let's see Andretti's call in any minute now.
So I'm just going to say get my ass handed to me in this game. And I don't like this trend of jumping out to a lead and then watching it all fall apart in the fourth quarter.
Prevent defense, man prevents winning it.
Jim Carrey did some kind of fun stuff in this movie. This is one of the first movies I reviewed for Bollywood.
And I remember thinking it's bad. But it's not horrible and I don't understand why people are so against it. It wasn't a great movie, but it wasn't a couple laughs.
All right. Or 19 percent. I said 90 percent. Oh, shit.
I said 19 percent.
So whatever the score was going in your kill me when you said 35, 37, because it's 36 percent said nothing else.
Wow. This is a very this is this is a crazy score in the sense that on a movie like this, critics at 36, almost for sure, the audience will be 61, 62, just because the stars involved. And just because it's big and shiny and things are moving around in their pass, you know what I mean? Like, this is audience thirty three. And in a movie like this, Matt Atchity only speak if you agree, but a movie like this, this kind of movie, like we all get it with the merchant ivory stuff where the critics have it up here or the the aforementioned King's Speech, which maybe the people don't appreciate it as much as you want, but this kind of movie for the if you told me the audience, is it thirty three percent, I guess the critics, I'd be like, oh now are single digits are now digits.
This is very rare that the critics are higher than the audience in this one.
I agree. And collectively it's well, it's Jim Carrey and it's Steve Buscemi and Alan Arkin and Jim Carrey. You know, Steve Carell. This movie should be much funnier than it is.
All right. We all guest we both guests 19, which means that fuckin hit on the button, five percent bonus thing that I somehow enacted insanely in some weeks ago may have come back to by your own petard.
Bit me in the ass. Oh, Adam. Fifty five.
Brian, 62. Well done. All right. So finally, a victory here. Mad at you. The Everyone Rotten Tomatoes game can be played here on Wednesdays. If you listen in and also go to Rotten Tomatoes, Dotcom, get all the information and listen to the podcast and Rotten Tomatoes podcast episodes Monday and Friday on iTunes. And I guess again website, right? Yeah, we played it Wednesday at.
And that's how Minyans can become a theme for the Rotten Tomatoes game. I'm convinced back in 2015.
All right, that'll do it for Carol. Classic's want to remind everybody once again that right now Guy Geico is offering an extra 15 percent credit on car, motorcycle and RV insurance.
That's right. That's 50 percent on top of the money. Geico could already save you. So what are you waiting for? The time is now head over to Geico dot com. There's never been a better time to switch the Geico, save that extra 15 percent when you switch by October 7th. Geico Dotcom to learn more. All right, Carol Classic's returns tomorrow to make sure to subscribe to the Kurla Classic Speed to get that podcast. We'll see you there.
My name is Chris Laksamana. That's superfan Geovani.
We've got more clips tomorrow. Get on.