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Thanks for listening to the Adam Carolla Show on podcast one. Hi, this is Danny LaRue of the real GM radio podcast, and I am picking the Miami Heat over the New Orleans Pelicans and their game on Thursday.
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Well, in the first half of the show, we go through all the staff's proms and all the official particulars of everyone's problems and some crazy stories out there like that. First, I'll tell you about LifeLock. Cyber criminals are taking advantage of the vaccine rollout to deceive the public, including websites selling fake vaccines, fake online ads and texts that put malware on your devices. It's important to understand how cyber crime and identity theft are affecting our lives. Every day we put our information at risk on the Internet.
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Knowing you prevent all identity theft or monitor all transactions that all this is, but you can keep what's yours, yours with liveblog identity theft protection. Join now and save up to twenty five percent off your first year at LifeLock Dotcom with promo code Adam. That's twenty five percent off LifeLock Dotcom promo code Adam. Who was Sherry Crandall? My mother was kind hearted woman, why was she brutally murdered inside the Maryland hospital where she worked and how is the killer still on the loose?
I am shocked that we haven't found the person. In Washington, D.C., crime reporter Paul Wagner joined me as I investigate this cold case with an unforgettable twist murdered in a safe place. Season two of the award winning American Nightmare podcast series, a WTOP production subscribe today on Apple podcast.
From Carillion Studios in Glendale, California, this is The Adam Carolla Show. Adam's guest today, the co-writer and director of loss level, Joe Carnahan, with Genographic on News & Balde. Brian on sound effects and now. Wardrobe by Bodney five hundred. Adam Carolla, yeah, get it on. Got to get on a choice to get on a mandate to get it on. Thanks for tuning in. Thanks for telling a friend. We love that about you.
Right, Genographic? That's right. And Valbrun, I don't do math.
I just show my kids. Yeah.
Joe Carnahan did the gray Smokin Aces ateam.
Why? Oh, no, I love smoking aces. Wasn't the gray the one with Liam Neeson, the wolves.
Yeah. Yeah. It was ironically, the one where Liam Neeson used too much Grecian formula and distracted me.
Fucking movie was called The Gray Right. He was a grizzled leatherneck who was working the Alaskan pipeline, who, you know, lost his family. And, you know, Liam Neeson when he shot the movie was sixty one, not an ounce of gray around the temples. No salt pepper.
Do you think he knew he was going to be on the poster and was like, I'm not lying. I think the gray is about me.
I don't know. You know, it's an interesting thing. We can talk to Joe about it. But if I see a movie where the guy's some hotshot Manhattan attorney and he's sixty two and he's got black hair, then I think, well, maybe the character dyed their hair.
But this guy is working in a roughneck leatherneck as it roughneck or Leatherneck. I can't remember Leatherneck or whatever Alaskan pipeline oil company. His job is to shoot wolves and it's just a bunch of dudes whacking in the middle of the frozen tundra. Like even a guy who cared a lot about his appearance would probably let it go for that little period of time. And then, you know, before you come back to see your new girlfriend in town, you go for men, you go for the just for men, then.
So, Rubberneck, what's up with you then? It's a leathernecks for Marines, leathernecks, a Marine and a roughneck is is a is a driller, is an oil guy.
But don't you think a lot of guys could have went from the Marines to the pipeline?
Like, I feel like so I feel like there's a lot of the Marine a pipeline pipeline.
Yeah. There there's got to be a lot of roughneck leathernecks out there. Leatherneck roughnecks. Yeah.
It's funny, I was just teaching the five year old tongue twisters this morning, so I will add that to the list. Roughneck Leatherneck Revenants Leatherneck, you see, barely got there.
It's hard, by the way. I think Brian and I can both agree there is a new leader in the clubhouse with a bullet up. Movies you have to watch with Sonny Moss level is the ultimate Sonny Adam movie night.
The movie the card has come in to promote is legit fun. It's a really fun movie and it's good. It's it's a timeless movie out of it. Basically it tomorrow meets what was the other one.
I was going to say rinse, repeat and do it again. Kind of like, you know, but it's got the edge tomorrow. Elements meets, you know, like smoking aces. It's shoot him up. It's a lot of blood and violence. It's yeah.
It's great. It's great. It's an action action. Action packed Groundhog Day. And Joe does a lot of comedy in his actions because he's done action movies, Bad Boys for Life. Smokin Aces is that way.
And you'll you and Sonny will love it. It's fun. Well, I cannot wait to see it. I couldn't get it to work on my phone.
But just how you want to watch now. Now. Yeah. All right. And yeah.
What happened to the school, to prison pipeline.
Remember that the roughnecks of Pipeline Pipeline.
Yeah. Or maybe that maybe it got canceled. Maybe they canceled the case. They took a break but for covid.
All right. So what do I got here. Why don't I want to talk about we got funny the I guess the burrows of the John Muir.
I can't remember which one baseball team I got, I guess a high school out heroes burros out in Burbank, I guess. Oh yeah.
Ball team got suspended for taking a picture like a team picture.
Oh, it's got a it's got so much being being seventeen or sixteen.
And this this. Well it's I want to say covid but it's really just covered in Los Angeles. If you are on a baseball team in Texas, then you could probably go out and shag some balls.
But God and to make matters worse, it was something the moms set up. So the moms want the you know, they want to make their moms happy. And, you know, this is a picture that the seniors do every year. And the moms were like, well, you know, our kids get to do it. They're seniors. So they put them in the picture. The kids got in trouble. They pled down to a suspension. They were going to cancel.
I think they were they were going to cancel the whole rest of the season of baseball for.
But I don't also, you know, it's like this disserved, right? Well, it's that thing when we talk about where you set up something that's unreasonable, you basically say to your seventeen year old stepdaughter, your curfew is 8:00 p.m. on Saturdays. And then at some point you catch her sneaking out of the window and then you go, you've betrayed me. But yes, that's what people do when you ask them to do unreasonable things and then the punitive part is the part that just takes it to the next level.
But what kind of baseball season are they even going to have?
I mean, I'm trying to say I always played football and baseball in high school, and baseball seemed to be starting time of year a few months after football.
Right now, baseball is a spring sport. It starts right about now.
Yeah, that's. I'm sorry. Yeah. Oh, so much. Yeah. As I said. No, no, this is the time of year. They should be. I mean, I can't imagine how much more must say for sport than baseball.
Everybody out. You just keep your contact. And so yeah.
Well we're getting a little too heavy handed in the symbolic department because the answer everyone would give is, well, there's nothing dangerous about what they're doing. But it sends a message what to seniors to to to the elderly. Like who is it sending a message to? I feel like there's a context. These are 16 year old healthy guys. They're not in danger. They're outdoors. Let them let let them attempt to salvage some part of their of their high school.
So there was that there's a conceivable problem with their indoors, the rubbing up against each other, posting up whatever, playing defense like they're all handling the same. But it's understandable.
You can make a case for baseball to play outside in the public has made for this. I know what what could possibly be safer than the outfield of a baseball team? I mean, it's literally the social distancing is off the fucking charts.
Every once in a while there's a pull hitter and they put the shift on. And now.
That's right. They're called Crowder on the right. Now, we got the shortstop standing on second base. But other than that, I'd say be safe.
What was that story, Max, about it? Yeah, we play the news clip from our Play the news clip.
Younger baseball players under the lights tonight at John Burrow's high school. The field off limits for all varsity players right now. That's because five weeks ago, eight varsity teammates took photos on campus, unmasked and unapproved by the school district. We're sorry.
It was just the moms. The kids did it to make us happy is what it was. It's because, you know, when you buy your book, you want to be able to see your kid's picture of the year. We took the pictures with my son briefly and then right out to the pictures. We see social distance permanence back on Burbank Unified Team.
The shoot, a violation of Kobie protocols, and she agreed to take them down. Superintendent Matt Hill telling the Daily News, I have decided to delay the return of athletic conditioning for the John Burroughs high school baseball team by one week so that the team can review health guidelines and safety protocols. The boys in the photos can return March 15th. Burbank Unified is hoping their mistake is now a lesson. There was a consideration to cancel the varsity season. So this is over pictures.
At least one teen parent has publicly complained about the discipline handed down by the district, calling it unprecedented and egregious abuse of power.
But the superintendent is standing his ground and says the teen can safely return to practice next Monday or the Monday before or that or any other comments before or any fucking Monday.
When I do. I like the part. I like the part where we're going to give him a week to think about what you've done.
Yeah, they're going to your first off, how long does it take to review a guideline? Dickhead, what does this dickheads name in Burbank? Fuck this guy like, listen, I put a mask on, OK? Stand six foot apart. Fine. How long did that take that that a calendar week. It's it's scary and kind of Orwellian.
And Matt Hill, superintendent arow outside on a bench facing the same direction over coughing on each other.
You know what I'll get I'll get audio because I'm pretty sure that Conway is having Matt Hill on tonight.
Oh, good. So I'll see if I can get audio from that.
But it's it's the bigger message is we're talking about with Burbank, who is coming down on tin horn flats for reopening outdoor dining are never closing. Outdoor dining is. Yeah, there's nothing dangerous about this. But I'll tell you what's dangerous. You disobeyed us. You disobeyed us. And now we're going to have to make a example of you and. I don't know that we should have that kind of relationship with low paid embezzles that are making bad policy, I feel I don't think you're going to be shocked by how much the superintendent makes.
Oh, we are. Well, medium paid embezzles that are setting that they're setting policy. Maybe you're not our fucking overlords.
Jesus Christ. This is this is interesting. It's kind of interesting in that. What covid has done, it's kind of struck a chord for people one way or the other. So for people I was talking about this with Drew, I think maybe Mark Geragos, but covid itself didn't really make anyone fearful.
It unlocked whatever already resided in you. So if you're a non fearful person, it didn't unlock that much. If you're a fearful person and then unlocked, supercharges superstars, it's stuck to your core.
So it didn't make you this way or make you that way. It just sort of excavated this this thing that was in you. And the thing I'm sort of learning about government is to those who really want to rule it is given them free reign to rule. And for those who don't really want to impose stuff, it's given them free rein to not impose. So California is filled with horrible politicians who are just itching to impose shit. You know, we love we love.
Like I said, if you go to the beach and you see the rules in California, there's many, many more rules than there would be, I imagine, at a beach in Florida, for instance, because they're not as itchy to impose rules. We fucking love imposing rules. And if you think about, you know, everyone from Gavin Newsom to the head of the teachers union to the nudniks over there in Burbank, they're like, oh, good, we get to pounce.
But that shouldn't be your impulse. That shouldn't be your impulse. Your impulse should be, let's fill the potholes. Let's keep the street lights on. Let's not have the power go out when there's a quarter inch of rain. Let's not run the sprinklers on the side of the freeway when it is raining. Those should be your impulses, not let's fucking get to get in. Like here is our excuse to pounce. Yes.
And you know, what a great example when you said that about the beaches in Florida. Last time I was in Miami, which was years ago, there were no signs of any kind. And it was a gorgeous day. And the water was like glass and nobody was in it and everyone was on the sand. And there's no signs. And we thought, well, these idiots, you know, we just ran into the water. We get the whole run ourselves.
Didn't know there was just a massive infestation of jellyfish. And what our friend Joanie got stung pretty bad, but everyone just hit on her, right?
Yep, that's right. But everybody everybody local knew that there were no signs. You just kind of know like, can you imagine if there was jellyfish in Santa Monica, the amount of rules.
There is some running in the water.
You know, if you do pee on your friend Filmon, put it on put it on the fans, because I feel like that.
Be a great way to get out of the great way to get out of the gate. Get that?
That's right. Adam, would you like to know how much Matt Hill makes? Oh, yeah. Superintended of Burbank right now.
This is from twenty nineteen. The most recent data I could find and it has inched up every year. So do the math.
But as of twenty nineteen total pay and benefits, three hundred and twelve thousand dollars superintendence get paid good money. My thought was like a buddy makes some good coin.
All right. Well now rich douchebag Matt Hill is punishing guys fucking and by the way, they're kids, they're just kids. They're not in any danger zone. Part of this was again, this sort of spread the news that this is going to affect everyone equally, which is it's a it's a ploy. It's attacked, it worked. And now we have to discipline the super healthy sixteen and a half year olds. But this and we have to we have to put the same protocols and their life as we do with the retirement home.
It's just not it's not a good approach. It's not you know, what's what's you know, when you run a business, you kind of go you know, you go, OK, we have a website, we sell merchandise on the website. Which items sell the most? Which items sell the least? It's a constant dance of, well, if something's not selling, we should get rid of it, but we should get more of the one. But it's not a will print up the exact same amount of everything and and go about our lives.
Because you can't run a business. You can't run a restaurant that way.
You think so? So why the hell do you does the the food runner for you always come up with fifteen veggie sandwiches and fifteen meat sandwiches feel running a business. Yeah right.
Well you're right, it's, but it's, it's bad business. Now the problem with every production where they go and get lunch is there's always one nutty usually the hair lady who's vegeta. Harian, and there's 30 other people on the crew, but for the one Nuti one, they just get the veggie platter, they just go, well, we're going to subway, so get 10 veggie, 10 steak and 10 turkey. But meanwhile, this one, the nutty prime veggie, she has an eating disorder.
She's not going to eat the fucking sandwich. I got to tell you, I think my idea for the veggie sandwich is is even greater than the veggie pizza. And I'll tell you why.
Thank only because I feel like a veggie pizza is still a pizza. A veggie sandwich ceases to be a sandwich.
It's still a pizza. You sell it on bread. Yes. Agreed. All right. So. And in this world was come in here, got off the freeway and somebody had bumped somebody again when the cars were perfectly fine and everyone got out of the car and just started standing in the middle of the off ramp.
And it's just it's it's weird in a world where information is so easily shared that we never get the word out for certain things. We've got you know, we do a pretty good job with masks. We did we do not do a good job with anything to do with that.
And like Gina's example, the jellyfish that affects a very small number of people, a self-selecting sample might want to jump in the ocean who don't know what they're in there at that particular moment.
This affects everyone around you and your fear. It impacts people for miles, people you'll never meet, people behind you. You have no concept of.
Yeah, I mean, if you bump someone else's bumper and you get out of the car on an off ramp or the middle of the freeway, you're fucking up the entire system miles and hours.
Right. And you're doing at times X amount X amount a day. And L.A. has so much traffic that people are always in bumper to bumper and they're constantly tapping each other, doing no real damage. Just get the fucking message out. I it's it's it's all right. I sound like an insane person. I'm moving on Maxo. Pada has, let's see, trending topics. So he has some stuff for us to get into. This is just stuff that's trending, stuff that's on the Internet stuff.
People are talking about stuff sometimes I'm aware of, but oftentimes not. I'm I'm surprised like about stuff I know about and stuff I have no fucking idea about. Yes.
A lot of people, you know, treat us like well has been trending topics in China's news. Yes. These are stories, things that have happened in the last 24 hours or things. These are things that are bubbling under the surface. People are talking about. It's a trend. It's becoming a thing.
That's that's a good point, because there's lots of stuff that I don't bring up in the news because it's not a news story, but it's a good trending topic. So thank you for making that distinction.
Thank you. And thank you for doing the dumb guy voice. When you're when you're when you're reading the tweet, I'm pretty sure.
What's the difference. All right, give us one. Give us an opening salvo here. The song. All right. I'm sorry. The song. Mexico, as a matter of fact, so much about them, that's a part of Mexico makes a pattern, that's a pattern oh for Mexico that up to where they stand, no more than five foot three had horny, hungry Asian pygmy road trips with caroler and sleeps in a drawer. These good with the ladies Filipino man who took a school bus trip all around the state.
He got a big appetite, likes to clean his plate, his real name, drugs, a mother, but not to Adam. So we change that shit up now. We call him Hexapod. Up next, a pat on the back so that. Oh, my, so proud of. Love it, I love that and the clean the plates department dinner last night came via Oklahoma City was all are you serious?
I collected in Oklahoma City and I ate that shit last night for dinner. Yeah.
Good for you. How does that how does that transport you just haven't you just carried on the plane like my sister Chris. Yeah.
Who do I look? All right.
I looked it up because I was a little unclear on the food because to the Chris Bernard beer barrel, a cask. I guess that would be all right.
So the thing about the airport that's fucked up is you have these arguments about your toothpaste. You know, it's like it says four ounces. Right. But it's almost empty. Yeah, but it's three point seven ounces is all we can. I know the tube is empty. Yeah. But it says four ounces. You've got to throw it away or you can brush your teeth here or whatever it is. As I told you guys, I brought a flask once the flask was seven, seven ounces went through security guy made me go back around through security and dump out three and a half ounces of.
But thank God I just drank it. Standing by the trash can never felt more like an alcoholic than standing at LAX at seven forty two in the morning just sucking a flask.
And I would call that an indicator. Yeah. And then. And then.
And then next level which is take a drop off the flask, shake it by my ear, you take another, hit it off and shake it again.
Well you can't simply say I'm shit, you ain't getting it all. You're getting three point five ounces. That's right. That's the whole thing. So here's the science of the airport. The airport is you can't bring seven ounces of tequila on this flight, but you can bring three point five and the flasks says seven. So if you dump half of it out, there's no clear window viewing on the flask. It's not graduated. It's not like the guy weighed it when it was full.
I said to the guy, well, how are you going to know there's half in there and not three quarters of stuff.
It's like, oh, no science, no.
Went back to the security line. It was comical because Chris and Mike took my bags and stuff. So now I'm just traveling alone with a flask that's all out there.
You know, you've made it. It's all people know.
It's girl at seven forty five on it on a Thursday. It's just walking through Alex rattling this flask buys. You're going huh. Taking another slug off it.
A flask on the baggage claim. Everyone's doing their bags. Their bags on the luggage. Yeah. I was someone else's flight of the gate check. I was like then I put the flask alone in the dog ball where you're supposed to put your keys and your cell phone and then I just follow the flask.
Of course, I'm not in the same security line as I was where the guy spotted the flask. So the guy, the guy who spots the flask is way over to the left. Yes, I'm going back through security. I'm getting pointed to the right, you know, go that way. And I'm like, OK, now there's zero context for this flask.
So now I'm just going through the flask and this guy's just looking at me like no toothbrush, no socks.
Just just loose TMZ the next day. Yeah.
So fellow traveler walks by you wide eyed fucking man himself.
Yeah. I don't think TMZ is there at seven a.m. on a Tuesday. Mm. That's true.
But yeah, that's so just for everyone's edification, I went and looked online like what are the rules.
Because it's pretty, it's a lot of gray area if you're bringing, you know, eight ounces of steak and some mashed potatoes and God knows what, some veggies. We all know you can buy food on the other side of security and go on to the plane. But how much food? I mean, you couldn't bring a honey honey baked ham.
I think you are you. But I can certainly have something to fly back with. Pizzas. Yeah. Let me answer this for you. My mother, Jewish from the Midwest, carries on her lap a giant bag of half frozen ribs, rib tips, tri tip, all the stuff from our favorite barbecue place in Kansas.
And just sit sit on her lap so you can.
Yeah, my mom would come to visit and bring a couple loaves of Salvado bread from the Bay Area.
Mike August travels with, like the jumbo nut jar and the five different kinds of jerky. But then. Now I'm getting back to my toothpaste being over four ounces, or it's whatever they consider a liquid, because remember a long time ago I told the story that I was coming back from New Orleans and they made me throw away all my butters.
And peanut butter is liquid or gel or they decided that was a liquid.
I'm saying, you know, I don't work for al-Qaida, but I just hope there's no ham bomber because I feel like that is a potentially there's a lot there.
You can get a lot of high explosives in it. And a ham turducken.
Yes. The turducken animal. Right.
You know, Carnahan, his next movie, Ham Bovver.
You know what they should do at home. You know, in movies, when somebody thinks they're getting poisoned, they have the person serving it. Take a bite or take a shot of it in front of them to see if it's real.
So, Gina, you just ate the nut butter in front of them, or you should take a swig of your toothpaste. Yeah. And then if you ingest it, you're OK.
That would be way too much thinking for those for those people. And as I've stated on stage, if anyone is listening and has the entrepreneurial spirit, you could get a pickle barrel size flask and just write three point five ounces on the side of it and they'd be like, OK. All right. Hey, Bob, get the pallet Jack and help him out of the plane. All right.
Let me hit someplace safe and then we'll we'll get into trending topics.
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It'll be at your house in about a week. And once it gets there, just takes about a half hour to hook it up and stick. Batteries last up to ten years, simply safe dotcom slash and go there today. Customize your system and get a free security camera that's simply safe. Dotcom slash at. All right. Let's take a quick break and then we'll come back with trending topics right after this.
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You know, I don't know why you think of this, but first off, giving cutesy names to things that are miserable, like if Gina, let's say, needed your fibroid scraped. Yeah, sure. But what if the gynecologists like the little Fibi scrapie. Oh.
Oh, fantastic fibroids. Yeah. Now you feel good about it. Is the same fucking horrible procedure. It's not only is it the same horrible procedure, but now I'm kind of worried. Now I'm creeped out.
We're given stupid names to, you know, what used to be trick or treating or, you know, what was a prom or what was you giving it a euphemistic cutesy name where you fucking do it from home does not make the experience any less miserable.
And and now I'm not only miserable, but I now feel insulted that I don't know out of I I enjoyed the stay at homecoming dance many years in a row.
Ryan Bishop, I know we should work out we should work out a prom.
You know, we should work out a prom power ranking right now.
Oh, OK. So at the lowest of the prom power ranking high school prom is you being a senior and you being at home now. I'll do it. I'll do one better. You being a female senior and you being at home, that that is the lowest. The second lowest is you being a male senior and being at home. The third is you are a male or female senior and you just go to the prom. Fourth is as we climb the ladder to the penthouse, the prom penthouse, the prompt house.
Who use that? Oh, OK. The climbing the ladder is you going to the prom when you're in the eleventh grade because a senior chick asked you to go.
Oh sure. Oh yeah. Oh, I had my friend Chris was a stud. When you're a stud 11th grader, you'll get the senior chick asked you. That's that's a step higher. And then, of course, you'd go to your own senior year. Maybe the pinnacle of the prom is you attending. The pinnacle is you going to your prom in the 11th grade, asked by senior girl or boy, however that worked, you attending your own prom and then you also attending a private school prom because the all girls, you know, Sisters of Mary Leaphart, Sacred Heart, asked you to go to their prom.
Yeah. And I guess the highest would be going the highest would be the senior chick at the All Girls Academy asking you to go to her prom when you're in the 11th grade. Wow. I think that Brian does resemble anything that I.
I will I will posit that I have the widest range. No one can beat me on the range of outcomes I mentioned once on this podcast. I believe we talked about it. I was flown from from the Bay Area to Kansas.
Oh, that's right, Kansas.
To go to a senior prom from a girl who who I had met the previous summer and we'd stayed in touch. That's a fucking baller move.
Yeah. So that versus my own prom.
I was basically set up with a near stranger, a freshman who was the daughter of a coworker at the grocery store that I worked at.
She was like a 45 year old bagger or chukka or whatever. And she and I ended up going to the prom with her daughter because I was such a loser in my own town that I was too chickenshit to ask anyone to the prom. By the time it was like three weeks away, it was fucking late.
I went on a date and like, I kind of like your daughter doing anything and fucking three weeks. It was pathetic that I was flown to Kansas. That is the full spectrum.
Because, Adam, what I was going to say is the only thing they think it needs to be tweaked in your power ranking is the ultimate is you need to switch those. The ultimate is going to your own school's prom with the senior. That's better than going to somebody else's school. Sisters of the Sacred Heart.
Well, I'm doing it as a collective thing, which is all of the above.
OK, great. Perfect. But like Brian and Brian's example, to be the stud at your own school, I think is the height of height. The prom king is. Yeah. The nuts right now.
Like if it was popular at the other girls school, as I'm flying to Kansas, I'm like, I have my prom.
Well, I'm actually going to modify mine now where and I have two thoughts on this. One is it shouldn't be an all girls school because they would choose boys from another school facto.
It's got to be not just another school that you get asked to go to the prom, too. But, Jean, I'm not following your logic exactly.
Being so the ultimate in like the best prom experience would be being the cool guy at your own prom, because everyone can always hide. If I just had that, if anyone knew what I was really doing, if anyone at my school knew that I was popular, I'd be king. Because that's what you want, right?
Yeah, but it still doesn't get you the bragging rights of Brian's travel or having Brian brag, too, honestly.
Well, as a second class self deprecation, I'm saying if you're a dude and a senior chick asks you in the eleventh grade to go to your prom, that's that's big time. But it turns out we have an expert right here on staff, our own math, the porcelain punisher. Matt went to three proms and was prom king.
That's right. I got the trifecta, baby. How when I was a sophomore, when I was a sophomore, I was dating a girl who was a junior. And so at my school, there was prom for both juniors and seniors. So I was her date for her junior prom and then was still with her for my junior prom. And then I was a swinging single for the senior prom and got got prom king baby. Now, hold on a sec.
God, please take this in the spirit in which it's intended to be good. But I have experienced incidents of ironic homecoming queens and ironic that.
Know what I mean?
Don't mean pig's blood on.
You know, what I'm saying is, is instead of picking the captain of the football team, you pick the guy everyone thinks is gay who doesn't dare you? Well, I'm not saying you're all the way gay, but what I'm what I'm saying is, is a suspect. Kids will have fun. It's the Richard Cam incident we had that we had in the gymnasium where the goofiest guy from parts unknown who barely spoke the language, a kind of guy who walked around with an attaché case.
You of those like remember those guys like like from high school, there's one weird kid who wore, like, wingtip shoes. You are like dad's. Suit, shoes like dress shoes and carry a briefcase.
I'm sorry to bring this up, but, you know, Randy wearing what he wore to high school every day, his suit and his Looney Tunes tie because he was a manager at one of the food stands at Magic Mountain and he wanted to look a fish from school.
Yeah, Jimmy is still dealing, I think, in a therapeutic setting with taking his dad's old attaché case in as a book bag and being labeled Briefcase Joe, just because they seem cool at the time, like, hey, dad, you're done with this briefcase.
Make celebrities read mean tweets. That's right.
Probably. Probably. I'm no psychologist, but I bet that was born from that. And anyway, so prom legitimate prom king, I guess we'll never know.
I guess some people were shocked, not going to lie. But, you know, it happened.
They have the story was it was it. Was it based on. What would be your your most logical decision, it usually goes to the captain of the football team or the best looking couple or something like that. That was captain of the tennis team.
Oh, Jesus Christ. It doesn't help his case. Yeah, but see, here's the point, ask me who the captain of my school's tennis team was. Who is the captain? How the fuck would I know that was the answer? I don't even really know anyone who played tennis, but. All right, captain of the tennis team. Yeah.
You know, I was big in the theater department. I was on the student government. I think I was just sort of well known, one of the only kids that had been in the same district since kindergarten all the way through senior years of being a father was just a lot of legacy.
Do they? They voted on it before the prom.
So did you know going in? They had finalists. So I knew I was one of the three finalists, the three nominees.
If mom and dad, they use the super scientific way of tabulating votes by holding their hand over your head and seeing who got the most applause or how did we figure that?
I think when you again, it's all blurry at this point. It wasn't that important of a moment in my life, you know.
Oh, stop. You're bring it up every day. But to my memory, everyone, like, filled in a ballot as they arrived, and that's what they counted. Hanging chads, I get it.
That was they're handing out the ballots.
Prefill, they handed out handing out candy. Everybody has an incentive. That would have been nice. We actually have a picture. This has come up on a different show. I don't know how you can share Keelen. Yeah.
Here's your ballot and your fun size pack of Cabbage Patch or sour pension. Simpsons. Yeah, Simpsons Vitamin. We got a picture of you at the prom. Yeah, it's going to be I don't know how are you going to worsen my prom. My buy my prom date died like like three years later. Just like drop dead an hour after your sister. Well she probably wanted to die during the actual prom but later on, just like had some heart condition or something.
But my prom date went to another school, too, because I was like all all the hot chicks have been spoken for on this campus.
But I think if I if I wander off campus, I could find the all girls school and find a hottie over there.
And, you know, for them, a little less psychological baggage, you know what I mean? Like, I don't want to be seen with parole and then see these people on Monday morning, but they is one and done type situation. I think we could do it. All right.
Where does this fall in the rankings? Because, one, I went to prom alone senior year. Oh, really? And then to I also went to prom while I was in college. A senior girl asked me to go to prom with her, and I did. Yeah, that's good.
That's that's that's a couple of bonus points there. I was trying to figure out some of this stuff's a little bit like when you're playing cards and you're like, oh, I got a full house. Well, I got a flush. Yeah, but it's not a royal flush. Well, which who wins?
Like, some of this stuff needs to be figured out. Yeah, but I would be interested in everyone's prom experience.
Dawson, did you always study looking at Studley? Matt It's got the. Oh, he's donning the crown.
That's right. Wow. Oh really. Wow.
Yeah. No way someone could have handed you that for the photo.
You're the prom queen.
Stop it. She kind of looks like someone explained to her before the prom, like, well, you know, tradition is you do make out with the kings.
But don't worry, I'm some stud from the football team. So she had a look.
What? I can't imagine you in a prom. Well, I. I had a girlfriend during prom times who went to public school.
So I did go to two. You went to private school and then I went to my own. You went to private school. Yeah. And so you're two primeur. Yeah. That's a it's a fraternity.
My best move was asking a senior to the freshman dance and she said, yes, that was my wife. Why?
And that's a power move legend. I was awesome. That's that's a move like I could see you like that. James Spader in pretty. In Pink.
Yeah, just a blazer with the cuffs rolled up your loafers and no socks in the stairwell with the tie undone.
Hey sport, you got a senior to go with you in your what would be tenth grade.
I it was it was either ninth or tenth. Oh ninth.
That's a that's a fucking coup.
That's unheard of.
And maybe nine that. Yeah. That's a different level. That's that. You think it's one grade. It's a thousand years between ninth and tenth. That's right. Yeah.
I did not, I had you know, I knew I had zero chance with her, but it was the whole you know, it was a win for me. She said yes. It lets the rest of the student body know who's in charge, I'm not messing around, that's a power move.
Yeah, Mike asking Lisa Loeb out makes a lot more sense now. It does.
There's there's a context for it now. I still feel bad for her. Did she missed out?
Yeah, I whenever I see her, I think she she, she, she's smarting.
I can see it on her read. I can read people pretty well.
It doesn't have an album in a long time. It's true that she kind of kind of hit the skids. Yeah. She's never. Yeah she never.
She never really. Yeah. It was kind of like in one of those cop TV shows from the 70s where the cop shoots a civilian. They're just not right. Again, they can't pull their gun.
They're second guessing themselves. That's what's happened to this kid metaphor.
So you're too primeur brines to one and a half. One and a half primeur to both.
I dare you, I, I went to my junior and senior prom with, you know, because I had a ducky, I was, you know, sort of Andy and I had a Deqi. I was really Nande, but I did have a ducky and my junior prom.
I went with another guy, my senior prom, I went with Ducky and he's the one that got pissed at me because afterwards a bunch of us got a hotel room at a holiday home, which I don't think you guys have here, which are all over the Midwest. That's the Holiday Inn with a pool in the lobby. And like everybody loves the holiday.
And there was a traveling there was a traveling hockey team that was partying in the hot tub. And I wanted to party with them. And so he was very, very upset.
Yeah, I've always said hockey players quietly get the most tail.
Yeah, they they they do a good job with their PR like that kind of led all the NBA baller guy over there and all kinds of. But it's the hockey guys that really score.
Yeah. They're kind of low key too. Yeah. They keep it that way. All right. We have trending times. Yeah. So I got some housekeeping I got to take care of first. First off, a lot of people asking to to get in on that deck fund that we talked about a couple of weeks ago.
I do not have a deck fund. So if you see anything that's not V, but also I appreciate everybody reaching out, but I won't be doing that. Just I don't I don't know. It's kind of weird and promising to put your names on the deck, but I do have a wedding update.
So we are talking about last time like, oh, I don't know if it'll be ready yet.
We were planning on getting married and if September was the date and like, I think I think it will be back to normal by then or at least close to wearables. And so Jen and I were talking like I think so, too.
The way it's kind of going, everyone's getting vaccinated and it looks like things are reopening. And we think we could be the first real Reija of twenty twenty one. Oh yeah. As far as like weddings go because. Right.
Everyone's pent. Yeah. Nobody's been to a wedding in, in a long time. We could be, we could be the first ones. So we're were getting really pumped about. Then our wedding planner calls and lets us know that the guy who owns the venue, our venue that we that we paid for has skipped town.
And he is he is gone. And we have no idea where he is. And we basically don't have a venue anymore.
So, yeah, it's funny. We shouldn't be laughing. Oh, yeah, it's crazy. I mean, it is funny. It's just like what's so. Yeah, she told us that there are a lot of upset couples. I mean there couples are supposed to get married, they're the end of this month and who've paid in full. We just paid the deposit. He still took it all and nobody can get a hold of him. The guy who owns the actual land or the building, it's like, yeah, he hasn't paid for months.
Nobody nobody could get a hold of this guy is just off the grid. He is gone. He's now responding to anybody. And that's where we're at now.
It's like the music man. So there's no deposit insurance, like who's going to give you money back? It's just they they said because there's a lot of people involved, like vendors, everybody like who were a part of this of this venue. We're just like if anybody finds this guy, there's going to be lawsuits and they will just let us know.
But wow. Yeah. Look, if you get that new deck rocking with writing could be.
Yeah, that's looking pretty nice.
Now, I'm going to use a term that Mike Augusts uses quite often. I'll bet you this guy's an empty bag. Like he's definitely gone through all the money. He snorted your deposit months ago right up his nose. Yeah. And so even when you do run the guy down, it's going to be get in line. I got a couple of I got some child payments on behind on. I got a bunch of people in the family.
Yeah. All right. Yeah. So well so what now. Now what.
Well now we're just we have no idea what we're doing. Like maybe we just came here in our backyard and just cut our guest list into, you know, a third of what it was and. Yeah. And just.
See what happens, I mean, people stand out there in your dickless yeah, backyard, standing in the mud in the so embarrassing dog shit everywhere.
Question, you're actually you're kind of answering it right now by your by your joke.
But one thing I personally haven't run this by any but one thing I would like to do since I'm real casual, I like a good hammock, I like to chill in a park. I don't like fancy shit. That's not my thing. What if we did, you know, whatever socially decent, whatever did matter. What if we did an outdoor wedding with, like, really cute, like blankets and pillows for people to sit on?
Or is that too, like hippie Lane Bryant?
I don't want to please. Why I signed you up. Yes. OK, I love like like movies in the park and everyone has a little picnic blanket.
We have to wear suits.
No, I got to tell you, the only thing I don't like about that is the best part of the wedding is the eating part and the sit down eat. Is it. That's a slog.
No, but if it's like Japanese tables, so like you have a table, it'll take off movies.
And I would never go to a movie in the park on the friendship over going to like you going to go look, I obviously take the food seriously, so that's number one.
So I'm sorry. You have to His Highness has to sit in a regular chair.
Brian, I'll listen inside.
OK, well, if you really think about it, we're kind of funny in the movie department now because we remember when I was young, there was a movie theater and I was just a movie theater. Had they all had the same seat, you know, low back, whatever. Right now, the options for movies are massaging full recline, drink holder and graveyard. Yeah, those are like that's how much range we have. Like, you can just go sit on Edgar Allan Poe tombstone and four and four and up sell.
They'll give you a beanbag to sit on. Oh my gosh. Yeah.
I'm kind of with Brian, you know. You know what?
I'm going to file this under what I'm going to file the outdoor movie at the Hollywood graveyard or the park or whatever it is.
I'm going to file it under couples massage.
Sounds cool, but it's really just watching some dude goose, your fucking wife four feet from you, you know, and you get damp and don't realize it.
Yeah. Sitting in that park, you are right.
It's it's congruous to like, you know, the the chasm. However, I would take 5000 couples massage this before I went to see a movie and a fucking you know, I moved here 18 years ago.
You know what you know, what was the sort of accommodations department our version of, like the couples massage that always sounded better than it was. And thank God for Airbnb, but it was the it was the bed and breakfast like you get to share a bathroom with eight people.
Yeah. It's like there's a weird chick that grandma, she doesn't speak a lot of English, but she makes breakfast at nine and you go, or where are we at?
Oh, you're in the bedroom where our teenage son killed himself several months ago. Oh, there's weird rules like about like when you're coming home, like you can go into town and like have fun and stuff. But I come back too late. You know, you wake everyone up like which key works night.
The whole the actual the Airbnb part is great. That's you and all your friends taking over the house. The old model of just the B and being born where there's other couples and people walking through the kitchen and stuff. It sounds good. It's like the couples massage or the graveyard movie showing.
It is not it is not good. Yes. No, not at all.
Right. So I don't even know. I want to talk more about your wedding.
So it's all dual wedding means half the cost. Oh, you're in. Yeah. Yeah. So Japanese.
Now, if this is a romantic comedy, you and Gene are going to realize you love each other halfway through the ceremony.
Yeah. So that's a possibility.
I do. I do love Chris. And B, I mean, it's kind of funny if you put Jen and Andy together, they look more like a couple than you and me though.
And he's gay and she's right. Yeah. Andy and Andy would be gayer and yeah. Jen would be cheating. Right. Yeah.
So. The Japanese table, I'd like to explore this because I got to sit down when I eat, how's the Japanese table or don't you go to OK, so there's Japanese restaurants in and, you know, like West L.A., Culver City, and it's super fun and it's like a long table.
You sit on like cute satin pillows and the table comes to your table would come up to little room like your back on, like how Mr. Miyagi used to drink tea.
Yeah, but you don't have to sit like, you know, now I get it. Yeah, you go. No, you're just you're chill. You're kind of leaning your chill in. It's like think about like a hookah house, you know, like everyone's just kind of like in like a year and like your name is worse than A, B and B.
And then what happens when you want to lean back and loosen your belt and you fucking fall all through the year?
It's the best part about sitting in a chair when you're eating. Is the lean back move overdone it a little with the baby back?
Yeah, I just think that sitting on the floor is even more relaxing than like having to sit in a stuffy chair out.
And, you know, my aunt used to keep score at the ball games, but also bring her own like a padded seat. But it had a back on it and she would say, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Or maybe we combine the ideas and go full Passover Seder, because that is when everyone brings a pillow to the chair because we're all supposed to lean like we're royalty because, you know, we were all enslaved. And so they say, why on this night do we leave? And it's that's why. So maybe everybody just gets a nice pillow behind them. I'm going to nix that idea as well.
Oh, my God. I hope you guys on a slab indoors, limited ventilation, plenty elbow room and plenty of space to lean back.
Yeah, we'll get your recliner, Adam.
Yeah, I like that movie theater recliner. So now I'd like one of those mani pedi recliners, right? Oh yeah.
The massaging one where I can put my feet in something sexy. And then what do you do with the what do you guys do with the menu. Dear, dear. You try to be everything to everyone or do you go fuck it, we're just going this one direction like look, I could keep going down this rabbit hole, but it's not going to please you.
If I had it my way and I don't, it would just be all like hot dish casseroles and stews. I understand that that's not going to work, especially for, you know, a semi Jewish wedding. My mom would kill herself, but but no, it's it's it's good stuff.
My mom never flew without baby back ribs. Yes.
I feel that Jewish lady in Kansas, I have gone to many weddings and many wedding receptions in church basements with, like, egg salad and like white bread. And we don't roll that way.
That's not our vibe.
You know, everything's at the Ritz Carlton or at the you know, my bar mitzvah. We bust people to a resort in Excelsior Springs, Missouri. So that's you know, you don't just you don't just get married in a church basement from where I come from.
I like Chris. Yeah. Oh, that's great. We would never.
That's treif. That's not kosher. Yeah. What do you got? What do you think about Chris? Well, we, we actually did it. We went to the tastings.
We already hired our we already remember you to sacrifice what for my mom would you taste.
How'd you work that out. Oh why do you taste. Things are the best. They just they just stuff you with food, they give you their best offerings are trying to get you to take everything we got. We did the we played it safe.
We got a chicken dish and a steak dish and then like vegetable sides and things like that is it was kind of like the hot thing right now is like like the farm to table, kind of rustic, whatever, and rustic.
That's what we got. It was it was great, though. I mean, we found really just a really nice place and the order to like that, they pass out during cocktail hour, you know, gotta do the crab cakes and things like that.
Oh, I know. We were ready to go. This was going to be this be a very traditional wedding. We're not sitting in a park on blankets.
This very traditional this was going to be like this was going to be traditional. Yeah. Yeah. The venue was called or it is called the sandbox. The website's still up, but their Yelp reviews are not doing so hot right now. Yeah.
Did you get your deposit back from the caterer? Well, so we're working on that to you because we signed a contract that I mean, no matter what, we you know, it's a deposit. So it's just we have to we have to figure it out because this is kind of a weird case altogether.
You're right. Right. Technically, we could still just get the food. But they're based in San Diego.
If we want them, if we want to get married in Long Beach, that's a whole different thing.
So it's a beautiful place. Yeah. It's just temporarily closed. Temporarily closed. I mean, had they had the county's biggest disco ball, so bummed that we're not going to be utilizing that.
How big is the biggest disco ball? It looked like it was like six to seven feet in diameter.
Wow. Yeah, it was huge. The thing missing is mass, I wanted to be a part of the ceremony and to not be procured. Well, well, other venue, you would think, but I mean so well, I know he just yeah, I don't really know if he owned all the stuff in it, like it's an indoor venue.
So it's just it's just the guys got the guy I thought he was. I know there's a part of me that thinks, look, we were in the pandemic. There's a chance the guy died. But then it's like there's like you say that he was like one person who was able to get hold of him months ago, was like he was taking care of a sick family member in Mexico.
And then that was the last we've heard of them. So where's everyone's money? That doesn't explain that. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, gosh, I was so upset. But I mean, there are couples that should be way more upset than us because they're supposed to get married very soon.
Taking care of a sick, sick relative in Mexico is something you would say if you're, you know, coming out of work, absconding.
Yeah, it's Akagi, you know. When are you getting married?
I don't know, and that's the thing, I don't know how to plan this in the middle of all this Michigan and you know, there are concerns about my dad. Some things I was frankly, what I was thinking was doing to weddings and just doing one. That's just like signing the paper, signing the paper. Oh, my God, I can't believe we got married and then do something more official when we can. And what I'd like to do is do it.
I mean, whether he remembers it or not, that'll be up to him.
But do it at my dad's facility and just have him there.
And then, you know, we could do it again the next day and he'll it'll be a fresh ceremony for him.
But I would like to do something like that and then and then do the regular, you know, for everybody.
Maybe later on he would your mom insist on there being a ceremony that they could all attend or can you do the courthouse thing and then a reception?
That's. Yeah. And I'd like to do something like that because traditional stuff makes me very nervous. I everything that normal people do is not how where my comfort zone is. I don't know if it's I don't feel good enough for it or it's too weird for me. It freaks me out. So kind of passing it out in a way it feels more comfortable to me if that makes sense.
Were you freaked out by your bat mitzvah? Yes.
Oh my God, yes. And like we're talking about prom. And I had like my blood went cold because that was very like as my dad would call it, a supposed to. So I wonder where I got this from.
But it's all that like traditional like prom and getting married and having kids is all shit that feels very foreign and very alien to me.
And I'm not down. So, you know, I'm working on it, you know, but I've plenty of years. I'm twenty eight.
I'll get it. But not a lot of runway in front of you. The only other thing I wanted to do is are you guys familiar with Pioneertown kind.
It's the best in Joshua Tree. It's right near Joshua Tree. I spent a lot of time down there and there is right behind this great saloon called Pappy and Harriet's, which has become like the place like when there's Coachella now that it's two weekends, you know, Paul McCartney during the week in between shows will go play Pappy and Harriet's. And so now it's like a thing.
But behind the saloon, there's a whole fake Western town and I really want to get married there, but I think that might be a little too involved.
Well, I like the Joshua Tree thing. Like, it's in striking it's striking distance for everyone because everyone that used to get out of town, would you guys consider that a schlep or would you go?
Well, I think I think in a day when I'm not myself, but most people are looking to get out of Dodge. Pardon the pun. I think it would be welcome for most fun.
Yeah. Good to know. I'm glad we talked about destination wedding you can get to easily and by car.
Yeah. All right. So nice job on the trending topic. Thank you. Yeah.
We got some fucking personal wedding talk to you again. OK. All right. Let me hit Geico on them. We'll bring on Joe Carnahan. Deon Durant. Well you probably do one or the other and then you got your automotive policy. How about you get your bundle on it? Geico Geico makes it easy to bundle your homeowners or renter's insurance along with your auto policy is a good thing too, because you've got so much to do around the house already.
So go to Geico Dotcom, get a quote, see just how much you could save when you go to Geico Dotcom and get your bundle on it. Geico Dotcom. Well, very interesting. An accomplished writer and director and producer, Joe Carnahan is going to join us right after this. Hey, Geico, do you own the rent when you do one or the other? Right. You know, it's hard work out their own rent and you want to save some money.
How about your bundle? Bundle your policies at Geico. Geico makes it easy to bundle the homeowners or renter's insurance along with your auto policy. It's a good thing too, because you got so much to do already. Go to guy could get a quote. See just how much you could save at Geico. That is Geico Dotcom today. That's Geico Dotcom.