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Thanks for listening to the Adam Carolla Show on podcast one. All right, well, first half, we did a little audible and we're just going to go with Kirstie Alley for the whole show because she was just so scintillating, so interesting. And I just. I found myself falling in love with the woman, so lots of good stories from her. First, let's about LifeLock. Nearly 50000 falsified unemployment claims in Maryland, more than 500 million dollars in claims Maryland isn't alone.
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Back inside the tool box where we only stop this ride to pick up hitchhikers working on another super set in the 70s, and this ban had me thinking how many bands name themselves after fruit crates, of course, being Moby Grape. But add to that fruity list, this boring band branding with a sweet sobriquet raspberries who through who though the name is lame, they followed the Nashville idiom dump for us. Get to the chorus. There's plenty of room in the back of this van on the tool box.
From Caroler One Studios in Glendale, California, this is The Adam Carolla Show. Adam's guest today, Kirstie Alley. Plus Dave Damasak is here for good sports and now not in the majority and definitely not silent. Adam Carolla. Yeah, get it on. Got to get on. A typical. Thanks for tuning in, thanks for telling a friend. I love that about you, by the way.
I love that raspberry song. It's one of the best just pop songs ever. All right. A little different change of pace today. I spoke to Earn speaking to Kirstie Alley. And I think we're just going to go all the way through with her because she's so goddamn fascinating.
Kirstie. Good to see you. Good to meet you. I'm not even sure if I've met you before.
I don't think we met.
That is weird because I've been hanging around this town for 25 years. You got here before? I did. I think at some point are our paths would cross, you would think.
But I'm sort of a recluse. So unless you were in my living room, it might not have happened.
Well, I've always been a fan of yours, and I guess I caught on to you probably first saw you on Cheers back back when and I was reading about you today in preparation for this. And there's something that it won't it might not mean a lot to people who are listening, but for someone who's done it, meaning Dancing with the Stars, you did a dance where you got a perfect score.
You got Three Tenors from the judges. I am telling everyone that is nearly impossible. Who is someone? You know, my highest scores, like, you know, 17 and a half or something like getting a 30 on a dance is almost impossible. And that means a you can dance would be your super focused. Like you just work. You have to work it and repeat it over and over again.
No, I think it was a mercy fuck, really. I think of older.
They feel sorry for me. So they said I give it every chance. You get the ratings.
If the mercy fuck is like an eight and two nines, but but three tens, they don't just hand that shit out.
I did I didn't work that hard. I tried to work, but my partner yelled at me all the time because it wasn't working hard enough. I mean, when I started it, I wasn't taking it seriously, you know. But towards the end, maybe everybody it's like war or something. It's scary.
I was talking to Mike Augusts, who I know booked you, and he called me the other day and he said I was just on the phone with Kirstie Alley for an hour and 15 minutes and it sounded like I was talking to you. He said, you guys have to talk. Every single thing she said, sounds like it's coming out of your mouth. So I don't know why it took this long for us to get together.
I know. I am listening to I was listening to your podcast with Rob Schneider and I thought, what are we going to talk about? Because you guys talked about everything. It's like there were three. It was like the triplets. And I'm like, what am I going to now talk about? What do I have to say?
Well, you well, we'll delve into we'll delve into everything that you're in. Where are you in Wichita right now? I'm in Wichita, Kansas. This is my hometown.
And I've come here to see my dad. My dad's ninety six. He's in a nursing home and they you know, they've got him on lockdown. So my dad luckily is on the first floor.
So I go to his window and he's ninety six. So I don't know. I have him on FaceTime and I'm at his window and he's deaf. So it's a bit of a. You know, I say no, look at the face, do I look at the face tonight when I'm asking you a question so we can read my lips, your dad.
So you grew up in a like almost a different era. I mean, it was. But I mean, it didn't seem like it seemed like two hundred years ago your dad ran a lumber mill or saw mill or something like that. Your mom was a housewife.
He owned he owned a wholesale lumber company. A lumber company. Yeah. And you grew up in a very kind of traditional way, right? That's right. Yes.
And you went off to college, but you soon dropped out to make your way to L.A., is that correct?
No, no, that's not really correct. I went to college because I was afraid my boyfriend from high school was going to cheat on me because he was going to college. So I just went to college and I took riflery and flower arranging and creative writing. And then when he graduated, I married him and then I married him and then I left him. Then I went to California. Oh, OK.
Sorry for screwing that up. Were you involved or did you work in interior design for a while?
Yeah, I was an interior designer professionally for about six years until like that's one of the things I had all these jobs when I moved to Los Angeles. I didn't really move there to be an actress, but then I decided I wanted to be one. So I had I was being an interior designer there. I'd been one in Kansas for four years professionally. And then when I went to L.A., I was being an interior designer, working in a hat store.
You remember those cowboy hats called Kaspi ID and they sort of they were sort of groovy looking cowboy will for a while. Yeah, well, I worked for Cowsills, I worked for Lucas Castle to it. And then I was a housekeeper for men only because they really appreciate if you make their magazines look nice, put a nice roll, a joint paper, put their towels. I just got so many accolades for my good work as a housekeeper and I decided to not do any housekeeping for any women because they're snobby about it.
And men are like, oh my God, look at the way you put my magazines. Oh my God, where'd you get these flowers?
Well, don't don't you kind of think they're were all attracted to, you know, I don't think they were attracted to me and they didn't act like you were attracted to me. I just think they liked. The way I folded their towels or something, I don't know. Well, you know, I always I always think about people well, but people like yourself who are very physically attractive, like you're very good looking person and. Well, listen, I got a TV, I got eyeballs.
And I don't miss saying it seemed like a lot of people would probably come up to you and say, you should model, you should act, you should you should do something like that. Was that the case when you were younger? Well, no.
When I was in Kansas, people said things to me like, you should stop snorting coke. You should stop doing whatever you're doing. You should, you know, go back to school. You're actually an idiot. Little, you know, chances sort of puts you straight somehow. I don't know. The Midwest sort of puts you straight. They I, I wasn't really impressing people then. And when I moved to Hollywood, I don't think I was impressing anybody there.
I think I got acting jobs like I got to be a cheerleader. I could jump really high. I wasn't popular, but I could jump really high. So I got to be a cheerleader at my school. And then in Hollywood, I you know, my first job was. You know, basically looking like a Vulcan, so I got that job, but this is freaky, you know.
That was Star Trek the movie, I think, right? The Wrath of Khan. Right. And, of course, Veronica's closet. Cheers. Summer school forgot about that movie. Look who's talking. All three of them, I guess, with Travolta, right?
Did was that a Scientology thing? Is that did you know Travolta through Scientology?
No, I had never met him before. In fact, I met him for the very first time when I was really full of myself.
I don't know what movie. I just I just finished something and I thought I was like the best fucking actress to ever hit the planet.
And so I was called about doing this movie with Travolta. And I was so cocky. I was like, well, you know, let me meet him.
So so my agent had John and come out and his agent come over to his house and I met him. That was the first time I'd met. And I don't think he knew who the hell I was really. I never asked him that question, but I don't think he really knew who I was.
Are are you still involved with Scientology? Yeah. How does that play a role in your life? Well, you know, it's it's sort of. It sort of changes, you know, when I first started doing Scientology, like I said, it was pretty it was a pretty good cokehead and I really didn't like the way that I. I didn't like that I had a compulsion, put it that way. So one time I met this girl in Wichita, Kansas, that I didn't even like because to not I'm not going to go into that story.
But I said she said she's a Scientologist. And I said, can they help you get rid of a compulsion?
I didn't really care that I did cocaine, I cared that I had the compulsion to do it. Well, I mean, let's talk about that for a second, because I know what you're saying. It's not like the cocaine persay, you know, especially when you're young. It's not really hurting you. It's not really doing anything or whatever. But the fact that you you would like to quit but you can't quit that part bothered you. Yeah.
The thing that bothered me, like, you know, I snored so much closer to my heart was sort palpating. And then I'd be sitting there ready to go out on a date. I'm snorting coke and then I'm feeling my pulse and I feel like I'm dying. I'm dying. I'm going to die. I want to die every time that I become religious, like, oh, my God, let me die. Are you going to let me die?
That I won't do anymore.
I swear to God, I swear to God, boom, that it would smooth out. And then I'd go out and I'd be like, fine for three or four hours and like snorting much coke. And I'd be like, oh my God. A lot of we got we got. So I didn't understand why a person like me, like me, who I made it through high school and college without ever doing a drug, and I didn't understand how a person like me could become this person that is afraid I'm going to die and actually really afraid that I'm going to die and actually really afraid that I'm losing myself.
I felt like I I guess the best way to describe it was it feels like you're invisible as a being. You know, you're there as a body, but you're invisible. And I hated the way I felt. So why did I just do it? The next weekend that came out? It was mystifying to me that what I went, yea, how old are you at this point?
When I was when I left I was about twenty seven, twenty seven or twenty eight. And it's way after I should have done drugs. I just, I met a guy I fell in love. You had to go. And how about this is the first time I saw the coke. I was like this and I've never done any drugs.
I was like and I went. Oh, my God. I'm going to do this every day with the rest of my life. Yeah, because when I say I hadn't done any other drugs, I smoked pot twice, but I don't like it. Didn't like get down.
Now, listen, I've told people I had a I was too poor to do cocaine. Like when when cocaine was I mean it when cocaine was popular. If you do the math on like cocaine and its popularity kind of mid eighties, I lived in Los Angeles. I was making eight dollars an hour on a construction site. Coke was a hundred and ten bucks a gram. It's a lot cheaper now and now I'm rich and Coke is free. So now would be a good time for me to dip my foot into the Coke pool.
But then I was making eight dollars an hour with taxes being taken out. A gram of cocaine was a day and a half's work for me after taxes. And I remember people around me like doing it and stuff. But it's like when when you're getting eight dollars an hour for digging ditches, how could you get a Coke? Now, if I was a hot chick and I had a boyfriend, that maybe I could pull it off. But I was a dumb dude and I didn't have that.
So that was the only way I would have been able to pull off. But I had a friend. He worked on Miami Vice, the TV show. He came back to L.A. in the 80s. He had really good coke. And I tried it with him and I was like, oh, my God, this is what everyone's talking about. This is awesome. Like, I get it. I get why people get strung out on this shit.
When you try the really good stuff, you go, Oh, I never felt better in my life. And I get why people like this.
I get why they like it and I get why I liked it. But it is like it really is demonic because you know, that it really is that high and something that's this big. And then the next time it's this big and then the next time it's the last this long and then it lasts this long. And finally you're sitting there snorting coke all night long. You're not really high anymore. It just won't work anymore. And then you start getting paranoid.
You know, I've been standing in the drapes looking for the cops, looking for I don't know what the hell. And I just became a loner. I hated myself.
I was horrible. How much would you do? I mean, like, what was he doing?
I really wasn't like a guy who did it every single day, but I would do it three days a week and I would probably snort two or three grams a night. That's two or three hundred dollars. And, you know, I was working as an interior designer. I was making good money, but I lived with someone who was Richie Rich right now, Richie Rich and I, and he had already had his drug days. And so when I was the one that good.
Well, let me try this. So, yeah.
So how long did this go on? I did Coke for about four years. Wow, that's a long time for what you're describing, but I really did go insane. When people say, like even then I remember I was nuts.
I said to my mom and dad, the street straightest people in the world. And I said, oh, just, you know, do you guys want to know what? Would you guys like to try some coke? And my dad and mom are like caffeine, you know, like what would you like to do it? And we don't even know what you're talking about. Cocaine is a drug or drugs. Good. I go, well, this one is this one would make me feel really good.
This is something you might like. I can't even believe the things that I did or said. I'm just nuts.
So what in this period, what are you doing? Are you're working as an interior designer? Yes. You have a rich boyfriend who's older and passed his drug prime only a couple of years older.
But look, like I said, I didn't do drugs in high school or college. Right. When I didn't start doing drugs, I was twenty four. I'm a late bloomer and everything.
So now you feel like this thing has a grip on you? It did.
And you want to you don't like the idea of walking around with something that has sort of dominion over you, right. I didn't it also when I say this, I really want people to understand, not people you I really I was insane and I knew I had made myself insane by doing this, but I didn't start out a lunatic midway through. And at the end, I was a lunatic. I couldn't sometimes I would feel uncomfortable in my own skin.
I couldn't be anywhere. Sometimes I made myself nuts, seriously. I made myself insane. And so I I and because I knew the difference and because I knew that I was the one that did it, I thought if I'm the one that did it, I can undo it.
Mm hmm. So. So where does Scientology then enter your life?
Well, that was the girl. OK, so when I lived with this guy, Jake, who was a very cool guy, he was Richie Rich. Right. Anyway, so his friend, who I also sort of been to high school with, but I didn't really like her, came into town to visit him.
And she and I was sort of being a smartass and I was like, so here, hear your on to her. And she goes, yes, I am. And, you know, she's being real upbeat and I'm being a douche.
And I said, let me just ask you one question.
Is that something that can help me get rid of the compulsion to do cocaine? And she said, yeah, it really is. And I said, well, why don't you give me a book? So she sent me a book. I liked what it said. It described me it described my kind of crazy that I didn't want it wasn't good crazy. So it described it. So I actually picked up, packed up. But listen to this. Oh, my God.
I was on my way to L.A. to do Scientology. There wasn't Scientology in Kansas. And, you know, to drive to L.A. takes two days. It took me twenty six days because I had to score cocaine everywhere I go. So fucking country. And if I had to backtrack five or six hundred miles, that didn't matter.
So you just drove like the cocaine route from Wichita to to Los Angeles with the cocaine route.
Looked a little bit like like, oh, I'm in Denver getting coke. Oh yeah. But someone in Hayes, Kansas has Coke and then, oh, boom, boom, I'm in I'm almost in Tahoe. And the weirdest thing happened when I was in Utah. Oh my God. So it was snowing literally. I had I was literally snow blind from snorting so much coke and it was you couldn't see everything is just a whiteout. So I pull into I don't know what some fancy hotel in Reno was at Reno or Tahoe, probably pull in and a person opens the door and they go, Kirstie Alley.
Now, I wasn't an actress.
No one knew who the hell I was. And I, I thought maybe the FBI was waiting for me or something, you know? And this guy, I go, What? And he goes, Kirstie Alley, I went to dinner with you. Wow.
I got to get to L.A. I got to get to L.A. because this is the kind of shit that's going to get me in a lot of trouble. But then I went to San Francisco and stayed for two weeks snorting coke, and then I went to L.A. and started Coke.
Did you did you sort of know that? You know, I've worked with Dr. Drew for many years, you know, and I think when people know they're going into rehab, are they know they're going into a place to quit doing what they what they're doing. They people do a lot of eating before the diet starts Monday morning. Right. So was that kind of what you were doing? Like, I'm going to do as much Coke as I can do before I get down quit.
It was it was a little bit like that. You know, I had taken on this new boyfriend, the boyfriend, the rich boyfriend I broke up with before I left. And I taken on this new boyfriend who like to do heroin. And and I didn't know anything. I'd never seen anyone. I wanted to know anything about heroin. I never did heroin. But, you know, I remember being at Manhattan Beach and, you know, I had snorted coke and then he was chasing the drug.
Just you know what it is? I really didn't know what he was doing. And then I'm like, oh, I'm in love with you. I'm in love with you. I'm in love with you. And then I said, look, I'm going to go do some Scientology. You go do you go to Hawaii and get some heroin? And then as soon as I'm done with my Scientology, that we'll meet up. Mhm. And so I did that and then it came to it when I thought out or whatever you want to call it.
Yeah. We met up and I was like oh my God. What you know, when have you ever had that moment when you're out with someone or maybe it happens to people when they're drunk and then they wake up and they're like, oh my God, it was that moment you couldn't believe you're with them.
I'm laughing to myself because I'm thinking about someone leaving Wichita, Kansas, to come to L.A. to stop doing Coke in the eighties. It's like the whole story is the little girl. Grows up in Wichita, Kansas, comes to L.A. and starts doing Coke, not comes to L.A. to stop doing coke from Wichita, but so what year is this approximately?
This is nineteen seventy nine. Oh, we haven't even got to the 80s yet. No, we haven't gotten to the 80s because in the 80s I didn't do any drugs. You know, it was, it was sort of the you know, people have asked me about Scientology for my own personal story.
But honestly, when I saw I did Scientology for two weeks and I never wanted to do a drug again, really. I know that's not like everybody in the universe does that, but literally, you could have put up a mountain of cocaine in front of me and I would have fire hosed it down. I had zero interest. I went back to being exactly like I was before I ever tried a drug. I just I always thought drugs were stupid.
Why would you do them? I don't you know, I don't want to screw myself up and stuff. So that was a pretty major thing in my life. And I didn't go to L.A. to be an actor.
But after I thought out, I thought, hmm, you know, sort of rehabilitated, rehabilitated my goals that had long been buried. And so then I thought, you know, I'd like to try being an actress. I mean, why not? I can't do anything else except decorate.
What what was the protocol like? Did you just walk into the celebrity center over there on Franco and I guess or.
Yeah, no, I didn't go into the celebrity center.
There's things in Scientology called Field. It's a field group. So it's like a private, let's say, a private delivery of Scientology services. And what I went there because that's where and the girl that came to Wichita that knew my boyfriend told me to go. So I went there.
What is the protocol today like? Is it is it something you participate in daily? No, I don't participated in it daily, but now it's sort of based, you know, if it's an example would be like if you want to do a let's say there's something that you feel needs to change in you and you want to change that thing. And then so let's say you're a bad communicator. There's a course on communication. So you go in and do a course on communication.
It's Scientology always felt like to me like college meets religion. So you and the religion of it is just really getting you to go back to being some kind of analytical thinker instead of a reactive machine or whatever you become when you not just with drugs but with with drugs. Is a good example, though, because that's an obvious one.
You know, did you did you do it? I'm sorry. Go ahead. Finish your thought.
As I said, once I had a loss, they lost someone they loved and they tried and tried and tried and tried to get over that. And they're just stuck there. That's something Scientology could help.
Did you go to events and things where you see a Tom Cruise or John Travolta or any of those type?
Yet they're of course, if they happen to be there, it's not like I know people go like, oh, you know, someone said like, I know. Who is that? Whether Scientologists I go because there's millions of Scientologists. I know John and Tom, like, you know, John and Tom. They're you know, I worked with John before I was a Scientologist.
I actually met Tom through Mimi Rogers. His first wife was my roommate.
Oh, really? Yeah. And in L.A., obviously in L.A. but what did you guys live in L.A.?
We lived in Studio City.
Oh, really? Well, I'm from North Hollywood. So where in Studio City do you guys live?
We lived on the corner almost like Sepulveda and was at Hazeltine or something. There's these apartments.
There's sort of the kind of you're you're border, your border line. Van Nuys. Sherman Oaks. Yeah, but you don't say that. Yeah. You don't say Studio City. That's right. My mom, my mom's house, her neighborhood got so shitty that they changed it from North Hollywood to Valley Village because North Hollywood had had a little stink of failure on the name. So.
So you get in, you get into acting and you're you're good at it. I mean, you're you're a really strong comedic actress. I mean, Emmys and Golden Globes. Like for someone who didn't really do it in high school or college, you had a real knack for it. Well, I like I said, I'm not even kidding when I say I really don't know how to do anything else, I know how to do interior design. And and I think that I learned how to act.
But say that did you did you study did you treat it like a craft?
Did you know it just in you know, I feel I'll tell you when I feel really humiliated because, you know, I watch the Actors Studio and I hear actors talking and they've worked at their craft and they call it their craft and they. And I have nothing in common with them, and it makes me feel like when if I was ever going to be on the Actor's Studio, which I think I was invited to be, but I don't know what I was doing other than that, I feel like I would be a total disappointment because I like acting just because I like it.
I think it's super fun and I think it's interesting and it makes me it makes my life happy, you know, especially when I do comedy comedy. You probably know that I live a very happy life all the years of cheers. Any time I'm doing comedy. I'm not one of those people that you've met a lot of comedians. I'm sure that they're very serious and they're depressed and they're dark and they're this well, me, it's true that comedians want to talk about the process a lot.
And I'm like, it just be funny or think of something funny and write it down and then say it on stage. It doesn't there's not it's they overcomplicate it with the process. It's a little I don't know, it's a little blowhard. I'm with you.
It's a little pretentious to be around actors talking about their fucking craft and how they came about it and how they I mean, they have the right to do that and they could come to about it in their own mind. I don't when I'm around people, I don't ever want to hear them talk about how great they are, how wonderful they are in their craft, who loves them, who they got. You know, I got a letter the other day from so-and-so saying they love my show and I don't like that.
How about entering? Cheers, like Cheers had been on for a number of seasons, was five seasons, was a huge hit.
I mean, if it wasn't, the number one sitcom on TV was top three. Every week in and week out, you're going to take over. Was it Shelley Long? Was that was Shelley Long is the the show is such a big hit that Shelley Long is going to go off and start doing features, I guess, and replacing her on that sitcom at that time is like playing.
It's like starting for the short for the Yankees at shortstop. Right. I mean, how many actresses would love to have that role that's already been created? I mean, not your role wasn't great, but I mean, a sitcom that's already a bona fide winner in the ratings and a juggernaut. How old were you when you walked onto that set? Oh, my God.
I work on this at eighty nineteen eighty seven. I walked onto this set. How old am I? I was I didn't start acting until I was thirty or thirty one or something like that, thirty, thirty one. So I think I was how I was born. Fifty one. Eighty seven. Does that make me thirty six. Yeah. Six when I did that.
And then how were you, were you pinching yourself or did just kind of take it in.
No I look sometimes my life is ignorance is bliss because I, I was off doing a movie with Tom Bajour and Sidney Poitier so I'm like I am so hot. I am. So I'm in the movie with Sidney Poitier. What what do you like Mike and Tom Berenger just coming off of Platoon. And I'm like, oh my God, I'm everything. So when they called to ask me, the casting director, Jeff and Jimmy Burrows, I guess, had seen me.
I was doing had to do Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, which isn't a comedy. So when they say, oh, we saw you do that. So we want you in our comedy, it's sort of like, what was I doing in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof anyway? So they called me and wanted me to come in and meet Ted and go to lunch and do that. And I'd never seen Cheers. And I tuned in and I thought he looked like Eddie Munster.
And also I didn't know much about the sitcom, so I was like, yeah, OK. But I had only done drama in movies. So I thought, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to do this for a year and show people that maybe I could be funny and then I'll go do funny movies. So that was my plan. I wasn't really scared because I didn't really know the magnitude of. What I was getting into, you know, if you think like, wow, I'm over here with Sidney Poitier and you want me to go to TV, well, come on, you know, yeah.
No, I, I get it. I've kind of been there a little bit myself where you just sort of showing up and doing the work and going home and not really sucking at all and or drinking at all and or maybe it's a way to prevent yourself from being overwhelmed. Maybe it's like self-preservation. You get that.
You know, I had a good I had good jobs over here doing movies. So if I didn't get this, it wouldn't be that I wouldn't be disappointed. But I still had the good job over here doing movies, you know? So it I don't know. I don't you know, I did a miniseries and I got to spend all day with Jimmy Stewart and he sort of wrapped it up for how I feel to every time he said every time I walk off a set.
I think I'm a loser, and every time I get hired, I think I'm a scam artist. Yeah, it's always like, what do they see?
I get it. I get why they want me to be in this movie. And I'm a little bit like that. So we really hit it off because I understand he had monkeys in a lot of monkeys and they'd come in his bedroom with the he and his wife at night.
So he owned Jimmy Stewart owned monkeys. Yeah. And I have lemurs. So I was talking about my lemurs. He was talking about his monkeys. We really hit it off. We're both obviously some kind of freaks about. You know, every time I do, I agree with him, every time I walk up a said like, I'm never going to run again. I mean, what's your relationship with Hollywood these days? I mean, I go in and out, I'll go in and out and work, you know, I think the last time I went in and worked on a series or something with Scream Queens, and then I did the last movie I did was in October, but that was in Atlanta.
So, you know, I don't I have always I love Hollywood. I love acting. I love the whole deal. I just don't take it as seriously as I think I should. And I think that it's probably gotten me into situations where maybe I'm not taking or doing the best work in the world. You know, you mentioned Tom Cruise.
Tom is a friend of mine, Tom, if he when he's going to do a movie months and months, he will work on it, you know, like that one movie, the one last Mission Impossible, where he's being swirled around and all that water in that crazy stuff.
You know, he he was practicing to hold his breath, I think, up to six minutes now.
So every day, every day, day and night, he's in that pool working with the world's free divers, best free divers to learn to hold his breath.
Six minutes so we can do that scene with no cut right now. That describes Tom. I am like, I don't give a fuck. It's a movie. Do cuts.
Who gives a shit? Put a body double in there. It all turned up, you know. So I'm not saying I don't feel like I am as credible.
In that craft, as I probably should be about you, you know, I toggle kind of back and forth like there's a part of me that thinks, don't you want to? Put your best foot forward, like sort of all the time, you know, like you can go do a stand up show somewhere and you can really prepare to do that stand show or you can shoot a standup special and you can really work it, really work it. And then there's another part that kind of goes, well, if you're taking this creative thing and you're kind of turning it into boot camp and in a in a business and you're back in the ninth grade and you want to get an A on your report, then are you kind of defeating the purpose and you always kind of always think.
I think of sports. I think about the guys who had the Hall of Fame careers because they worked so hard during the off season. And then I thought about the guys that wanted to party during the off season and not treat it like it was their entire life. And then sort of who's the who's the joke on? Like, I was watching the movie Rush the other day, that Ron Howard movie about Nicky, a lot of the F1 racer and James Hunt and James Hunt was the free wheeling blonde Playboy guy.
And he was like, Nicky, the summer life isn't to keep working for next year. It's to have fun. You know, like I just won the championship. I want to party. I want to get laid. I want to travel, you know, and I think the answer is they're both right. You know, Niki Lauda and Tom Cruise are both right and and on one side of the aisle. And you and James Hunt are right on the other side of the aisle, too.
And so I think then I balance I think it's about balance. I think it's about saying I don't have to constantly drill and work and rehearse because all it does what happens is, is you do a project or there's a race season or a football season or whatever it is, and you're either in the season or you're practicing for the next season and then you blink your eyes and you spent your whole life basically just rehearsing or playing, but either practicing or playing.
I would say, you know, you treat it like a diet, like you try to have a general nutrition and you try to get some exercise but have your cheat days.
That's never been successful. Yes.
I mean, well, how how is that going for you? Because I know famously that was a that's a that was a big deal for you, the weight and the Weight Watchers and all that stuff.
But I would say, like, how would I like to live my life? I would like to be the best I can be and the happiest I can be with the littlest effort. Right. My whole life, I stayed skinny and fit without doing very much, you know, and that's the way I liked it. And then when I turned about, I think it was about fifty three, the party was over because I've always eaten a lot of if I wanted to forget it, I wasn't even a cup of spaghetti, you know.
Right. I have cups of spaghetti and I could do it till I was fifty three so I got a free ride. Fifty three. Then it became like oh my God this is I don't know, you know, then it was foreign to me in a way and I had to work at it. And it's not like I'm not trying to portray myself as someone who doesn't work hard.
Mm hmm. We sound like it, I sort of would rather not, though, if I don't have to, you know, like you said, I won some awards and I did sort of put my nose to the grindstone and work hard or if it was with a drama. Yeah, I'm in there. I'm learning my lines better.
I'm but I'm not off, you know, I'm not off researching my character, you know, for six months before I do it.
And then when I see certain people who do do that and they turn in this insanely brilliant performance, then I'm like, I need to go off and research my characters.
Well, yeah, so can I.
Back circling back to food for a second, because I, I'd like I feel I feel you. What ends up I I'll speak personally. What ends up happening is if you don't, your metabolism is good enough to take care of not getting fat. So you just kind of eat what you want, you do what you want, that's it. Then a certain point you wake up and you realize, oh, if you just keep eating and doing what you were doing, you will start getting fat.
So then you say, all right, I got to put a little effort in now. I got to work out a little bit harder. I got to do this. I got to do that. And you start doing it and you realize, oh, I have to do that just to stay. Even now, it's not like I'm going to get in shape or I'm going to cut a bunch of weight. No, I have to work out just to not get fat.
It's not like, you know, it's not like you look great at the beach and then you then you start thinking about food a lot because now you're starting to like count calories and calories in and calories out. And now you find yourself thinking about food all day. And any time you start thinking about something all day, it doesn't really work. So the best way, you know, when I was young, I just leave the house and I'd just be gone all day and I wouldn't think about food.
I just eat when I get home now like I'm at home and I'm always thinking, like, OK, don't eat this, eat that thinking, thinking that it's the same with masturbation. Like you go don't masturbate. It's like Pough. It's on. Right now. As we speak now, but you know what I'm saying, you can't sit around and not think about that's why our hands are in our.
That's right. What I'm saying is sitting around and think about not smoking, not mass. All that does is lead to not doing cocaine. It's like you end up just doing it more.
Right, because you feel like I don't know about you and you and everyone else, but this is how I feel like I. I quit smoking for three years, but I've also quit smoking for eight years before or seven years before or whatever. So I'll hit these points where let's say I'm with my friends from Italy and they're all smoking and they never fucking die from cigarettes apparently, and they never gain weight or anything.
So I'm like, I want to smoke too. And I want to eat what you're eating and I want to do what you're doing. It's this bratty kind of it's being a brat. It's like, I want to have that and I don't want that effect that it causes. And someone will say to me, you know, if you just carry a big bottle of water around with you all the time and when you feel like you're hungry, you just drink one of those bottles of water.
You know, every that's every girl in L.A., basically. And or if you why don't you just have that piece of why don't you just have that lemon bar right there, just cut it in half and then you can have it. But there's this thing that will be like, I don't want to have the lemon bar. I want the same kind of lemon more than I had when I grew up. I want five lemon bars, skinny and hot.
Yeah, I know this urge to. I have and, you know, some people say like, well, that's really not true when you get older, your metabolism really doesn't change that much. So what did happen to me? So I'm walking along, doing the same, eating everything and doing everything and blah, blah, blah. And then I'm fifty three. And I guess I'm lucky that I made it that far too.
Well, you know, it's kind of fat because I don't want people to like have to carry me in my bedroom in my house which is on the third floor and I go to bed, I go please don't let me die because I really don't want to have stories about me carrying me down from the third floor and being dead and found.
I'm laughing sorry, but, yeah, no, I love I love that everyone has horrible thoughts before they go to bed. I love that. And, you know, here's an interesting thought, but you tell me what you think. There are people that don't have your metabolism and they don't have your genes. I've I've met women this way. I've met men this way. Sorry. I've met women and men that have fantastic genes and metabolisms and everything.
And then there are others that are constantly working, constantly having to fight that fight. And that fight starts, you know, when they're in high school, you know what I mean? And sometimes when people are blessed with the metabolism and the genes like you and I know few people that are this way at some point when they get older and it doesn't kick in and now it's starting to fade a little. They didn't have the discipline that the people in high school that were constantly fighting it every day had.
Ah, the self-control, you know what I'm saying? Like, they just it's sort of a high school captain of the football team. That jock guy never really got the discipline and the focus that the other guy who was kind of the overachiever got who was lucky just to make the team. And then when it starts to hit, they're not really armed with that discipline for lack of a better term.
I agree. It's like, you know, like people say to me, why have you ever been anorexic? And, like, have you ever been bulimic? No. I mean, I used to wish, like, why can't I try to be bulimic? I stuck my fingers down my throat. I hate throwing it more than anything in the world that didn't work. I don't think I've ever missed a meal in my life. But it's like you say, it feels like it's betrayal.
That's why it's a bratty viewpoint, because you had it really good. You maybe didn't realize why you had it so good for so long. You know, like I said, my dad's ninety six.
He looks like a movie star. He's decided he doesn't even want to walk around, but he's still he's still could walk around, you know, he's still all there. He has zero dementia. Wow.
Why do some people he would spend his whole life. He has a beautiful body. He was like a cross between Robert Mitchum and Rory Calhoun, just naturally, you know, so. And I do know what you mean because I went to school, high school with girls who oh, my God, counting every calorie and their drinking water is I know I keep bringing up the water, but I mean, my God, in Los Angeles, we don't live in Los Angeles.
You don't realize that every skinny woman has a fucking gallon of water with her 24/7.
It's probably why there's always a drought out here. All the skinny bitches is sucking up all the water because. No, it's true. They'll go how much you weigh? Like two hundred pounds. All right. Convert that into ounces. That's two million ounces now, drink half of that in ounces. Take your weight, convert it to ounces, then cut it in half. That's how many ounces you should drink with every meal. It's like 7000 ounces with every meal.
That's right. That's what you should be drinking.
I'm like therapy and I can't you know, when I was little, I dance like I was a little like an acrobat. And then, you know, I messed around being a ballerina, which I was, of course, a diligent ballerina.
I knew you could dance. No, I couldn't dance. I would I wished I wanted to be a ballerina without having to do any work to, you know, training. But the ballet teacher would say, do not ever drink water if you can get through the day without drinking. This used to be the philosophy.
It's crazy. If you hang around long enough, you'll see it all so that when I when I was young and I played Pop Warner football in the San Fernando Valley, I don't drink water. You cramp up with be running wind sprints, nine year old sweating through our jerseys and screaming, don't drink water, don't drink water. Now drink all the water you can.
When I was it's the same way with dancers. It's like don't drink any water or smoke a million cigarettes. Are you eating? What are you doing? Eating, stop eating. So now it's like, you know, now how much, what am I supposed to drink? And then I will go, you know what? I'm going to be temperate. I'm just going to be temperate. How much water sounds normal to me? Well, I think I'll have eight fluid ounces of water, eight glasses a day, because that's what I've been raised to believe is right.
But that isn't what the skinny girls do. I guarantee you.
Well, I want to talk. I know you. You lost your mother early, fairly early 1981 car accident. I want to I want to get into that. I got many more things to get into with you. But first, let me hit Geico here. Right now, Geico is offering an extra 15 percent off on a credit on car, motorcycle and RV policies. That's 15 percent on top of the money. Geico could already be saving you if you were going with Geico.
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I only, I'm only really on Twitter but yes that's a good idea. Kirstie Alley is where you go on Twitter and then she'll tell you when when her podcast is coming out. September, I think. Yeah. Mike August, that is said. You were I had a lot of thoughts about a lot of stuff.
I have too many thoughts about you. I become like this, like raging around like some kind of. Angry beast. I would say. It's weird, when I was a kid, I felt like everyone mellowed out when they got older, but it doesn't doesn't appear to be happening. But I do notice that the men are mellowing out and the women seem to be getting crazier as the years wear on. And I think and I think with men, I think with men, it's the testosterone thing.
Like when they're twenty five, they're all up into everything they want to fuck and fight every night and everything. And then they you see these guys at your high school reunion and they're so mellow.
Once, you know, the male pattern baldness kicks in, they put on a couple of pounds and they just kind of mellow right out women.
They're full of rage because you fucked over so many years.
We fucking hated it that we're like gods anyway. So, yeah, no, I'm not really raging. I'm just I feel like I have a lot of things that I felt. Aren't following suit with what I've known, you know, if you're talking about the political stuff that I look, I was always a Democrat, but what I see now has nothing to do with being a Democrat. And so I it's flipped my mind. It's I don't know what's happening.
And I am trying to. I'm trying to formulate thoughts and, you know, and really put myself to the test, am I a racist? I might not see them. I this did I do this? You know, I know the answer to those questions. And there. No, but you have to admit, like, it's sort of freaky now what's going on. So, yeah, I, I have become more outspoken about things that I wasn't ever really outspoken about.
Yeah, well, it's an interesting it's an interesting time because. I've always been a Democrat as well, but the Democratic Party has gone so hard left that I just disagree with most all the stuff they're now talking about. And I've always thought I've always just kind of cherry picked stuff like I've went. I like school choice. I think pot should be legal, pro-gay marriage, like I like a border that we have to have control of. I mean, to lowering the taxes and lowering the regulation in business, you know, going out there and and getting a good economy like I don't know.
I know you have to find a slot. You have to go. Well, that's a Republican thought and then that's a Democratic thought and then that's a Republican thought. I'm not. So I don't know why you need to do that. My feeling is, is you can be pro-gay marriage Democrat and pro school choice Republican. But why why wouldn't everyone just have both those thoughts? I don't know, because I feel like I feel like thoughts and saying things have now become dangerous.
Here's the thing I really don't like. I don't like that. I can't disagree. I don't like that. If I am being you know, it's like being held up at gunpoint. If you do you agree with this. If you don't agree with that, you're a fucking Nazi. If you don't agree with that, you're a bigot. If you don't agree with that, that isn't true. So it's like this spin that's being put on everything.
And I don't I don't want to agree with everything that everybody thinks is fine. That sounds like a big, general, generalized thing. I don't want to say I like socialism. I don't want to say, yeah, I'm fine. You know, I'll give you an example. I hope this is taking the right way. I feel like if someone's twenty two or twenty three and they decide that they want to be their man and they want to be a woman and they want to have operations to cut off their genitalia, I feel like do I agree that that's a good thing.
No, but there are twenty four. They can do what they want do. When I look at kids who say you know, they're four or five years old and they're wearing high heels and when it dresses, I want to be a girl, I want to be a girl. This idea that we must listen to our five year olds who want to be talk about that and who then and then start sort of going in cahoots with grooming them to cut off their genitalia when they're like some of these guys are like 16, 17.
How the hell?
I mean, I guess because of the age that I live, the amount of years I've lived, all your decisions when you're four or 12 are not necessarily your premo decisions to take you through your life. So I say to someone, no, I am not. I am against people having sex change operations until they were well into their adulthood. Well, then you are this are you are that. No, it didn't. I never felt like it used to be that way.
And maybe that's what you say when you're old. It didn't used to be that way, but I felt like I could disagree without being called something and cancel this whole crazy council shit. I don't think you take people's livelihoods and people's reputations and just even if you disagree with them. So this is where it's gotten very complex with me. I I'm like you. I say I believe in same sex marriage. Good same sex marriage. Good. Ba ba ba ba ba.
Good. Now we have these other things going on that are equally, if not more important right now. You know, we have China doing whatever China is doing right now. I think they're a huge threat. And but we're going to talk we're going to talk about these other things that don't cover the all the basis, I guess.
Yeah. Now we're going to talk about those under for me is human rights.
Those are your human rights to do what you want. But you don't. I don't have to go. Yes. Bravo, bravo. You're doing this. Why do I have to fucking do that? I don't know.
But if I of a larger group of us say what you just said, then no one would have to do it. Most of people are just scared for their jobs, quite honestly, just to say. Yeah, well, that's why we get to say why we don't have jobs. But I mean, the WOAK fucking mob is trying to pull the McCarthyism on everyone. They're hypocrites and they're really bad people, this and this kind of smear campaign where you're not allowed to give your opinion.
And also, it's the media to be to be fair, you know, because I know people. I know really decent people. And I see what the media tries to do to them. And they're not trying to just fact check them. They're trying to take statements they made and then turn them volitionally, intentionally into a bad human, not a human. You disagree with a bad human. And I realize I realize that it works on a large portion of our society and it poisons them.
And it's not it's their fault for consuming everything the media gets gives them. But it's the media's fault as well. I'll give you a perfect example. One of the guys that everyone on the left hates is Dennis Prager, because he's Jewish, he's conservative, he's a talk show host, and he has a he's a very religious man with a lot of very conservative thoughts. I happen to get along with Dennis very well. And we're very good friends.
We don't have much in common in terms of religion or Judaism or anything like that. But I know him is a very warm and gracious guy, gregarious, very kind to my kids, just a fun guy to hang around with, loves to laugh and and a deep thinker who's very decent person and very much into a very loves this country and is a thoughtful guy. He will say things and some of the things he'll say would be, for instance, if you're married to a man and that man is a good man and he's been with you for a long time and he's a good husband and he's a good father, if, in fact, you're not in the mood to have sex with him on any given night, go ahead and do it anyway.
Essentially, you got a good guy. He's he's he's a man, he's Shawny, and, you know, if in fact, he's a good guy now, if he's a bad guy, don't do it. But if he's good, you can occasionally nod if you have a throbbing headache. But if you just like, you're not really in the mood. But he's really in the mood. Just go ahead. That's what he said. Well, then that comes out with Dennis Prager, advocates for marital rape.
That's that's what the headline says. Now, the people that write the article know what he's saying, but they just put it out there that way. And then all the dumb lemmings read the article. They don't read the article. They read the headline. Oh, this guy's he's pro he's pro marital rape. And then somebody says to me, fuck that guy, Dennis Prager. And I go, No, desprez a really good guy. They go, Oh, yeah, the guy who's for marital rape, you idiots just bought all this stuff in the news is the news is really they're getting to the point now where they're there's a fiduciary duty that they're they're actually getting dangerous now because of the shit they're saying they really are.
They're going to get people killed working.
Right. And and the twisty turny, you know, I hear people say, you know. I will say something about Trump, like he's got a big mouth and he and he says everything and he just won't shut up. And I honestly feel like you have this over here, this extreme over here and over here. You have this extreme which is so covert, so twisting the truth, like you're the story you're just telling. You know, that isn't marital rape.
That's a marital Beijing. Right. So which is. And that's what I'm saying. The insanity of it, like someone said, you know, in the Metoo movement, I get it. We needed a movement. So here we have the women are raped. Here we have the women that were molested. Here we have a woman who says, you know, this guy pushed me against a wall, kissed me.
Well, what the fuck? Don't you want me to kiss you like that? And here's a perfect example, Mike. This is a great analogy that I said to many people who have a different viewpoint than mine. My cousin lived at my house. She slept in one wing of the house. I had John Travolta as my guest. He was sleeping in another wing of the house. So in this wing of the house was my cousin and a chef we hired.
So in the morning she comes in and she's almost in tears and you hear what she was doing to her underpants on and he said, he's from Hungary. I would like to have sex with you, the chef. And I said, OK, and then what happened? She goes, I said, no. And I said, What happened? He left. I said, OK, what's your story? Well, I want you to fire him. I said, Well, he came to your door, you standing in the doorway.
He asked you to do this? You said, no, he left. I said, OK. Now what if John came down the hall from the other direction to your door? Of course I would have said, yes, it's John Travolta.
And that was a very it was a very keen moment for me, because in the me too movement, you had women saying this man. You know, push them against the wall and kiss me whatever man it was, and then you have this one who raped. It's like if they're not even in the same league now, but if you if you say that now, you're part of the problem.
Right. But when you say that, which is basically what Matt Damon said, then you get washed out into the cornfield. You are part of the problem for saying things that are patently obvious like that.
That's the woman. And I can say this, that if I have some guy who's coming on to me and he decides to put his arms against the wall and kiss me, I can say, What are you doing? And stop kissing me. Or I can say, yes, that's never happened in my life. Where have you been? Or I can say many things. But the idea that he does that, what are we supposed to really do?
Well, a point that's horrible things. I'm a woman. I get them. But what is the guy supposed to do? May I kiss you?
I really you know, I used to bring this up when I used to host Loveline all the time. By the way, the end of that story, which was Travolta showing up at Yarrie, the Hungarian chef's door later that night in his underpants.
So there. I don't know what happened after that, but I'm saying that's that's the button of the story I always used to tell you. So I used to put it this way when I was hosting Loveline. And when we're talking in the late 90s, I would say every office has a cool guy and every office has a creepy guy. And if the creepy guy now, I'm not saying he is creepy. He just looks that way or you perceive him that way, you're not attracted to him or whatever that is.
If that guy says to the young receptionist, hey, is that a new dress? It's looking good on you, she'll get creeped out by it. If the cool guy comes in, the cool guy can come in and go, hey, it looks like somebody had themselves some fun over the weekend. Tell me all about it and she'll just laugh and tell them all about it. It's the same thing. But you're you're not wanting it from one person and you do want it from the other person.
And and the inherent problem with all this is, is they don't know it. Each person doesn't know it. You know what I mean? Your perfect example, like Hungarian chef, your niece was not into this or your cousin was not into this. John Travolta, she was into it. But the act is the same act or would have been the same act.
It was it was the same thing, the same come on. And and like I was waiting for her to say and then he the chef came in anyway and got in my bed and I'd be like, he's fired. I'm calling the police, he's fired, whatever the degree of it was. But I feel like we've lost the ability to differentiate. And that's the definition of insanity. You cannot differentiate what is what what is what do you know? It's how do you I would be scared to death to if I was a guy to go on dates because it's all about attention.
You know, I've been with some of the most handsome guys in the world and they're the most as fuck and pervy motherfuckers that came down the pike. And they're good and they're charismatic and they can do all the shit, you know, but that's what our job is to be able to perceive and differentiate. You know, we're not always right, but I think we're right a lot. I think there's a lot of things women can do to not be involved in scary situations.
I know that one of my successful actions when I came to Hollywood, I decided I'm never taking a meeting with any man, any place other than a legit office and an office building where there's a secretary and there's this and that. I think that decision really helped me out. I have friends who asked me to go take meetings with them with at some guy's house, who was going to be in Malibu. And they were also going to take a hot job.
And I'm like, now, OK, maybe it's because I'm from Kansas, but I'm like hot tub, Malibu Midnite. I've been taught you're in trouble. That's the danger zone. So I think we have to take responsibility, too, with. And and and differentiate what would be a good move is what I'm trying to say, if I could talk to young women who are pursuing acting, I would say when you're called in for a meeting, make sure it's in a place.
Where there are more people than one person and it's during business hours, I think that would be good advice.
Oh, my God.
Now you are against women and you don't that you think it's the women's fault that these things happen. And I don't. But I just guess that I was taught to put myself into situations with a little forethought.
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All right, so where were we. We were talking about me too.
We're talking about I think what you're talking about here is we're trying to kind of weather whatever we're talking about. We're talking about racism. We're talking about me, too. We're talking about Black Lives Matter. We're talking about all this stuff. It's like we're trying to legislate common sense. Like at some point we just need some good basic common sense that women need to know that, yes, the way our society is and the way young men are and the way the way we craft a society, that if you're twenty five and you're beautiful and you're at a party and guys are drinking, someone's going to come up to you and someone is going to do something that's going to fall under the heading of weird or pervy or out of line or whatever it is.
And we could say, well, that's wrong. It should never happen. Right. Except for probably is going to happen some version of it. And you're going to have to. And I would hope this for my daughter to to have the skill set to kind of deal with it. And I think there's a version of that for just about every facet of our life, almost everything. You don't like a bad teacher, a bad cop. If you're a young black man and a cop pulls you over and he's being rude, we're going to have to figure out a way to deal with that so people don't get killed.
That's what I'm saying. The notion of the fun the cops are, it should never happen or I don't want to live in a world where it happens. Sorry, the world is filled with human beings. Occasionally they're bad. Occasionally they're drunk. Occasionally they're whatever and shit happens. Everyone is going to have to get the skills sort of coping and negotiating and deal with it. If the cop is out of line, you've got to get his badge number but comply live to fight another day.
Or if the guy at the party is giving pervy, then go talk to the person who's throwing the party. But you're going to have to have the skills, these sort of coping skills, these negotiation skills, these life skills, because the notion of we're just going to smooth out the highway so there are no bumps and there no hills and there are no gullies. That's never going to work. We'll make it as smooth as we can, but that the goal can't be zero tolerance for everything.
Everything's always going to exist. We're human beings. I like that, I like the way you articulate that, because it's true and it's we don't live in Candyland, we don't live. You can't make people not say or do anything. And it's such an arbitrary of what might be if, you know, it's walking on eggshells and such an arbitrary what might be said to this person or this person, this person might go insane if you say this thing and this person might not give a shit.
I mean, you know, I remember when we were doing cheers. I mean, my God, we would all be in jail if we had the same rules to follow right now. You know, I remember when I remember when our big game was, you know, we all share the same shower now, the same time. But the big game was figure out a way to get in there and take pictures of. And that wasn't the Internet, but get in there and take photos, whoever is in the shower and shower naked.
And so there were many locks put on the door. We really rigged it so no one could get in there. And then what do you the whole thing. Woody Harrelson room. Yes. And then he unlocked the door, threw me the camera, and I took a picture of Ted. But now that would be that would be sexual harassment, I guess. I think it was just funny and fun. And I still do. I feel like can't we tell when someone's you know, like if a guy says to you, look, if you don't give me whatever, then you're not going to have this job.
That's another thing. That's a that that isn't OK. That is sexual harassment. And that is, you know, basically blackmailing you. Or if someone puts their hands in you in a horrible way and is molesting you, that's a different thing. And if if someone rapes you, that's a different thing. And each of these things should have a different consequence. But if you if you don't look at everything also from that point of view and you look at men and women throughout history, they play games with each other.
You know, they flirt around, they the things that you think are sexy and fun. And it's because of the intention behind it. The intention is good.
Well, context. I mean, without context, you know, it's like it's like I was talking when I was talking about earlier with Dennis Prager. Do you think the super religious elderly Jewish man is advocating for raping your wife? Do you think that's what he's he's pushing that out there? That's his plan for the deeply devout Jewish scholar. Do you think that's what he's telling people to do? Have some context. People use your fighting.
That is about soundbites. This is why I want to have a podcast. It's why I like listening to you. It's like when a person has a point of view if you can hear them out. There's a lot more sane people than we think, but we the news, everything has been turned into a cell. I used to think it was bad before the Internet, but everything's been turned into a sound bite. I could have. It's interesting. I could have interviews that lasted six, eight or eight hours.
I do have someone following me around all day long, wherever I was doing all these interviews, and it's down to a paragraph and a soundbite and whatever they decided to say about me, do you know? Well, I'm done with this, I guess.
And even if someone doesn't want to listen, they can turn me off. But I can at least say something more than something. A two second clever quip.
I always think about the court transcript like you're talking about the set of cheers in the shower and Ted and Woody and everyone else, a match in. If somebody wanted to just turn that into a court transcript and they read it out loud, you know, and then they would lock them in and then he'd climb over the top with a camera and blah, blah, blah, like the court transcript version of everything always sounds horrifying. It always sounds in.
That's what we're doing with the news. We're doing the court transcript version of it. We all you could take any encounter interaction you've had with friends or family members or lovers or whatever it is over the years. And you realize if you turn that into and then he did this and then she did that, and then he said to her, I'm going to kill you because I hate you. Now, you could have been laughing when you said that, but it's in the transcript now.
You could turn everything into a horror show.
And a felony you could make, everyone would just be a felon if you took if you just took the high jinks that you guys played on each other in a very good natured way on the set of cheers and turned it into a court transcript, especially if someone was going for something like if someone is trying to lock you up or get money or whatever from you.
What would that look like? But, of course, causal corbel. And that's what everyone's doing on Twitter and that's what everyone's doing on the Internet, that everything gets put in your court transcript style thing and then pushed out there.
Right. And then there's nowhere. This is my other pet peeve. I have about 5000, but we can't do them all today. But my other pet peeve is that and then if you're put out there to dry, hung out to dry your comrades, your peers do not come to your rescue because they're afraid to rescue you. There have been several you know, if I have a friend who's a celebrity or a celebrity, they don't even know. And I know what their intention was.
And I know that they're a good person and I know what they were trying to do. I'll fucking defend them on Twitter. But believe me, I have I don't think I know who I've met. I've met a few. I've met Jonathan Knight from the back, from New Kids on the Block and Todd Chrisley on Twitter, because they actually jumped in and defended me when I was being attacked.
I want to I want to hear that. I want to hear that story. Hold on, Cursi. Jimmy. Very well.
Kirstie, let me just jump in here. Can you hang out with me and do some more of this?
I can if you can. If you can stand, I can stand. I'm finding this interesting. I'm think I'm just going to call audible maxi pad. I let's just keep going with Kirstie here. Let me just shuffle the deck first. A quick 15 second, JB. Well, that JB Weld is a proud sponsor of the Adam Carolla Show Epoxy adhesives for both DIY and pros trusted for over 50 years available JB. Well, dotcom and retailers everywhere it is, JB.
Well, all right, Cursi, can you hang for a second? We'll take a quick break.
We'll come back and do do lap two. You're all right.
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Well, we're going to keep going with Kirstie Alley here because I'm finding this conversation so stimulating. So thanks for staying with her.
Say simulating could be taken the wrong way.
Oh, yeah, I'm on point. I'd have so many questions for you, but let's talk about cheers and that set and some of the some of the stuff you guys did over there back in the day. Where do you shoot that amount and how many seasons were you on it fixed?
So they did five and then that you did six Wammy.
Eleven seasons. Eleven seasons overall.
So yeah, forever.
If they've kept doing the show forever, I would have kept doing it forever. I was the best. It was it was really a dream come true because I loved every single person on that cast and crew. There was just no bad egg, there was no animosity. We were all very different people. But we all I got it was just the most fun I've ever had in my life.
Did Woody Harrelson was just kind of getting started back then. Right. And he yeah. He seemed like an unlikely star. Like if anyone watches cheers. And they say, Woody, you see Woody Harrelson on Cheers, he doesn't you wouldn't predict that that guy would have such a huge theatrical career after that. He seen his character was kind of well, his name was Woody. And it was it was kind of a weird guy. And he didn't have that sort of matinee idol good looks or anything.
You would have never predicted that he broke out of that and became a huge star, especially leading man. Did you see that in him?
I saw it because when Woody would flirt with me, I was married, didn't stop Woody. Woody would flirt with me.
He was so charismatic, you know, that that I could see that he could very easily be a leading man. And he was always breaking girls hearts. He would he would do is he would he would bring his dates over night at my house. You know what? I never asked Woody why he was doing that. But I guess because I had a big, bad ass house that was sort of cool and fun. I don't know why. And I don't know, maybe Woody was living in an apartment.
I don't know. But he'd bring his girlfriends over and then he would go to sleep, you know, whatever they do, whatever. And then he'd go to sleep and then his girlfriends would sort of come up and sometimes knock on my door. And then he'd broken their hearts. And so I could tell he was a leading man in real life because all the women love Woody Harrelson. So then when I started seeing and, you know, he's so endearing on Cheers, you know, he plays the he's the philosophy of life.
And, you know, he's that sort of the dim witted woody guy.
But he's also the heart and the philosophy of the show. And that's how Woody is in real life. Oh, my God. I'll tell you the funny. I'll tell you the best thing we ever did. OK, so what do you like? Pranks back for that. Fourth, I was filming a movie with John Travolta and we were in Canada and we were filming really late. And I hate night shooting. I just I'm bad at night. And so then this captain came.
We were filming in a an airport and this captain came up to me and he said. My son is handicapped, he's severely retarded, he's been in a bad car accident. If you could come right after you're done filming, if you could just come say hi to him, it would mean the world to him because he just loves you on Cheers. And I said, OK, oh, my God, this is so exciting. So we were filming.
It's two o'clock in the morning. So I go up and here this child in this wheelchair, and he looks like he's about 14 or 15 and he's he's all bandaged and I the cast, the crew standing around a little bit and I kneeled down because he's in a wheelchair. And I go, hi, it's really nice to meet you. And he goes, I love you. And I said, I love you, too. I know I love you.
I love you, too. I'm so glad I get to meet you.
We put his arms on my shoulder because I love you. I love you and I love you. I love you too.
And then he's got his arms around me and I love you. And I can love you too him and sort of looking around like he's like getting a little carried away here. And pretty soon he's like pulls me out of the wheelchair and he has me on the ground and he's like, oh, you, I love you.
I love you rolling around on top of me. Will you guys help?
And the whole crew is now it's like a Twilight Zone movie, the whole crew surrounding me. It was Woody. It was Woody in the wheelchair, it was Woody, he'd come in, he'd bandage himself up, he was like humping me on the floor going, I love you, I love you. And I'm like, oh, this is a handicapped boy. I can't do I can't make him stop because that would be wrong.
And this would have flown into Canada. He flew into Canada to do that prank. Just just for that. Just for that one. Oh, my God. I was and I was crying. I literally he took it so far that I was literally crying and begging someone to help me.
It was a crew in on it. Yes, they Muslimin everyone is in our village here told me he's going to hurt himself, I just been told he's been in a car wreck, helped me Elvis. He's going to he's going to hurt himself. You guys, come on, you guys.
And you got a captain, like an airline captain to come talk to you. Yes.
It wasn't even a real airline captain. He was an actor. That was I think maybe he was like Stan. I mean, not a standard. Maybe he was. And we were shooting in an airport situation. So it seemed very real. But anyway, that was the story of wheat. That was every single day on Cheers for six years.
And he would bring his girlfriends to your house because you had a big house and I guess have sex with them in some room.
I mean, like a guest room went down this way. But a couple of times when he knocked on my door, now he'd been drinking and he knocked on my bedroom door. I remember I married. I mean, there with my husband. Where do we go?
Like when I come out here with me and I go, no, what do you I don't. And you go, c'mon, let's just have some fun. I go, Woody, God, get out. And he is so young, you know, at the time and he would you go, OK, sometimes you would have a girl downstairs and he would still sort of do that flirt. We were all sort of flirty with each other.
Yeah, well Ted's a pretty good looking dude. Ted was good looking.
Ted is a really good kisser. Oh really? Yeah, you know, I had to, you know, 10 hour jacking around the whole show, everybody's always joking around on that show. We're never paying attention. It looks like we don't even even know. It doesn't even look like we're actors at all or that we're putting on a show at all. But then in the scenes where a couple of times I had to cast out of like, wow, cut is like a really good kisser.
And I don't know about other actresses, but, you know, if you're kissing really good kissers who are handsome. It you know, I hear actors go, well, you know, there's a whole crew around, so you don't have any feelings for the person. Well, that's not really. If I'm with some ugly guy kissing him, then, yes, I don't have any feelings for him. But I think it's very hard to be an actor for that reason.
You're not usually going to a job like to the office and you make out not that it doesn't happen, but that you go to your job and you're part of your job is to make out with the guys in your office, right?
Yeah. Actors, you know, it's part of our job to make out with them. And he's a really good he's a really good kisser.
Well, especially if you go on location somewhere. I mean, God, it happens all the time, but how could it not?
Right. I, I actually I never cheated on my husband, but I will say that it was it was hard because here you are working every day, you know, you're on the set for 14 hours, but you're making out with them. You're pretending like you love them. And then it's time to go home and you all go to dinner and you're all sitting with each other and laughing and everything's great and you sort of start falling in love with them.
It's how Elizabeth Taylor was married eighty seven times.
You know, your husband at the time was Parker Stevenson. Yeah. Who is a pretty hot actor himself at that time. Good luck in kind of doing a doing a series. God, what he had a series like he had a few Hardy Boys but also had a few other ones. Right.
I mean, he had he had he had Baywatch and then he had he was in modeling and then he directed a bunch of models. Yeah.
Yeah. His stuff was like a little more serious, a little more crime fighting and that kind of stuff. But he was a pretty, pretty hot actor during during that same time period. Right.
Yeah, and he's a hot guy. But when you go on location and you're. You know, you're you're on location, it's just I mean, imagine I don't think people really I think they can put themselves in the place. You know, if you're going off and, you know, you're making out with Matthew McConaughey every day or something, you might have a crush. Yeah, I don't think people fully.
Understand how they would act or respond in the same sort of situations, which is to say, you know, everyone always talks about, oh, these these Hollywood guys, they're always cheating or the women are cheating or whatever it is. Well, like, if you drive a truck, you're not going to get that much opportunity for for instance, you know, I mean, I used to be on MTV every night. I understand what it's like to go into a bar in New York when my girlfriends in L.A. and have two chicks walk up to me because I'm on the TV that's on in the bar at the time.
So and saying no thanks, but no thanks to that is that is a tougher thing to do than not. It's one thing to like again, it's one thing to drive a truck and not go out hollering when you pull in to Phoenix, like that's fine. It's another thing when they come to you and start talking to you. And I was talking to the late great. God, see, oh, I just blanked on his name, but I'll I'll think of it, I'll think of his name in a in a second from Three's Company, I'm just completely spacing his name reader.
John Ritter. John Ritter. And John John was basically saying. He was just in a book that was doing one of those tell all books, and he was in the tell all book and you know, he's basically saying, I flew to New York, I was at the airport. There's like this great looking chick at the airport. She wanted to know, you know, if I want to share a cab with her back into Manhattan, I said, fine, we share the next you know, we're staying at the same hotel.
You know, she wants to know if I want to have a drink in the bar, the hotel, like. Yeah. Next thing you know, he's in a book. But what I'm saying is, is I don't know many guys that wouldn't get caught up in that. I just don't know.
It's hard not to because, you know, like that incident, like, say you're in that bar, that's hard. But that's one incident probably from one person. But it's like erosion. If you're doing a movie and you're on a set for, you know, if you're gone on location for three months and this person is sort of eroding you, I'm really proud of myself. I was married for 14 years. I never cheated on my husband.
You must have had guys coming at you all day long.
I mean, I did, but I was so flirty. I mean, I think, you know, when I say I didn't cheat on my husband, I'm proud of that. But what I did was even sort of worse because I would say to guys like, you know, oh, my God, if I wasn't married, I would be so into you. I would be so you know, I was like the master manipulator flirter. And when I look back on it, if if my husband was doing what I was doing, I would not have liked it.
And maybe he was I mean, he was on sets, too. But I do think that, like, you know, it's like if you put yourself in a position, you know, you work in a real estate office and you're married. But then there's a guy that comes to work in the real estate office and he's really hot looking and I don't know, maybe looks like Patrick Swayze and he's over there and he sits next to you every day.
Maybe you're tempted a little bit. Maybe you have some temptation going on there every single day. And but now what if part of your real estate job was every day he comes in and you're full and we want you to know when you go show this house today, we want you two to go together, make out with each other all day.
Right then. I mean, it's the weirdest business. And when you really look at it. Yeah. In show biz, like you're saying, it's very weird because they're not really you know, I don't you know, if you're approached by a lot of people, I don't really they don't know me, first of all. So it would be who they think I am, you know, or. Yeah, they think you are or but but people do throw themselves at you.
And it's easy for me when it's a one night kind of thing that that's never been my deal. I've never really been promiscuous. That's never been my deal. But the erosion.
Yeah, they wear you down. Well, also, you know, it's kind of interesting, I want to get back to that part where you kind of flirt hard with them because you guys don't understand that.
And I think there's a big chasm here between men and women, which is guys are very bottom line, like we want to have sex. Like if a guy is talking about cheating or he's flirting with you or whatever he wants to, he essentially wants to have an orgasm. That's that's kind of the end game. But that's that's it. It's very mechanical. You can break it down a whole bunch of different ways. But guys are very mechanical. So a woman who would be saying to a guy, listen, if I wasn't married, I'd definitely be with you because I think you're that hot.
A guy can't really process that, because for a guy, it's almost like saying it's like you're saying, I want to talk about eating a steak. And the guy's like, I want to eat a steak. And you go, yeah, I just kind of want to talk about it. And the guy's like, nobody wants to talk about eating a steak. You want to eat a fucking steak or you shut up. But you don't just want to talk about it when they don't realize is women can just want to talk about eating a steak and never take a bite of a steak.
And the guys can't process that. Right.
But being a dick tease, I think to women, I can't speak for all women. To me being really flirtatious and I know and being a dick tease when I'm doing it, that's the game for me. It's the end game that you're talking about the guys in game. I mean, if I want that end game, I could have that in game. But it's not my game. My game is right.
But he doesn't know that's the problem. What's that like?
This is so mean and horrible. I'm going to say it. I used it went like this. Right now I'm sort of lonely. So I'm going to open this box up. I'm going to take this guy out. I'm going to give you about this. So you're so handsome. You're so this. You're so that, OK, you're boring. Pretty Magnavox, get another boy like that so that flirting doesn't it always made me feel like I wasn't a bad person.
I wasn't immoral because I wasn't actually doing I wasn't actually cheating. I wasn't actually finishing up the game. Right. Became fun to just flirt around a lot. But I could see your point of view. I don't think women I don't think women do think like men.
Well, that's that's the truth and dance.
And that whole thing is is probably more exciting or as is exciting.
Well, here's what's so here's so here's a philosophical question. Oh, God. What you were doing for you. Was cheating to some degree, sort of emotionally or whatever, spiritually or whatever, because you were getting something out of it, you know what I mean? Like maybe we should define cheating in a marriage as sort of you getting something out of it, you know what I'm saying? So it's like a woman could get fully naked and have a man massage her naked body.
But that's not cheating, right?
Well, OK. No, no, I'll stick with me on this. And we're going on a long journey here.
That's not cheating because it's not cheating to her, you know what I mean? And it's not to society either. But if a guy goes into the champagne room and he gets a lap dance, even those pants stay on. Maybe his wife gets angry at that behavior. Right. So so it's kind of it's a little it's not that technical because on one hand you're nude and the guy is putting his hands all over you. On the other hand, you're wearing your jeans and the chicks giving you a lap dance.
But it's it's more sexualized.
But what you were doing is a woman's version of cheating or your version of cheating. To some degree. You were agreed. You are sort of getting pleasure with other guys. But but your version of it is you keep your panties on, right?
My version is I'm taking it as far as I can possibly take it without having intercourse or having other sexual activities. So I could say to someone you I've never cheated on my husband. Right. I understand. I even sort of think it's worse because I do. I think you can also get men to fall in love with you. For real, and you're really fucking with them, sort of it's sort of a creepy cheating, too. Well, so here's here's the philosophical question, which is.
You, in the eyes of society, are not a cheater, but on the other hand, you're getting what you want away from your husband. Yes, I'm a whore. And no, I'm just saying you're being sort of satiated away from your husband. Your husband's not providing this thing. Now, obviously, your husband and men aren't interested in this version of cheating. They're not interested in the let's talk about it. They want to get to business.
So then you could do this with multiple men over a course of years and not be a cheater. Your husband could sleep with some floozy out of town one time and he would be a cheater. Yeah, even though you're both just kind of doing what you're wired to do, do you know what I mean?
But see that psyche that even when you say that I'm not even with anyone right now, it's like when you say and your husband couldn't sleep with someone, I just get like full of rage. I'm not you know, I would just. Oh, but they're not. I see what you're saying. Philosophically, it's. It's sort of one is one and the other is the other, but I don't know if you if you can believe the whole act, I guess that's my definition of cheating.
But what I was doing was.
Equal or I think even maybe worse, because I was sort of a serial flirter did and I imagine plenty of flirting a lot.
I mean, a lot of those guys must have really been smitten with you and thought something may or may happen.
Well, and, you know, I would lead that if this didn't happen with many, many, many, many guys. But I would lead them like, wow, if I wasn't, you know, I don't know. And, you know, when you have those talks on sets, I mean, there's some bullshit, you know, here we are. And you know what? When anything gets into something heavy and philosophical and, you know, like it was like when it goes back to like what?
How did I emote in this? I just want to throw up. I don't know why anyway, but I just if it gets too heavy and philosophical, I always felt like flirting was just fun. But it does have consequences because you are. I don't think it's fair to make people think that you're falling in love with them. Why did you so what did you need? So why would you be why why be married? Was my thought like, why am I married if I'm going to do this?
What did you get out of it? I mean, was it being desired or the attention or what do you see?
Like I said, like for guys, it doesn't really they never did it with anyone that I wasn't, like, crazy attracted to me. So I guess I guess I wanted to. I guess I wanted to have. You know, that I guess that flirtation and that stuff feels fun and fresh and new, and that's probably why people cheat on each other. It's no different. You want that fresh new thing with and there's no responsibility. You know, you don't know what the guy's bathroom habits are.
You don't know what he's like. If you get in a fight with him, you don't know anything really. It just feels like it's fresh and new. So I guess that newness feels sort of exciting or exhilarating or something.
And also, I feel like if you. You know, I think women and God, I'll probably get lambasted for this because but I do think women want to have that kind of love aspect and romance aspect.
And I think men just want to, like, get down. So if you're flirting with someone, it feels like that romantic thing. It feels like the game, the interlude, you know, it feels like what what is it's like foreplay. Yeah. Then it's like, fuck, shut the fuck up. Just close, you know. So so that may be what the fulfillment of being able to. Be romantic in a way and flirtatious like I mean, isn't that how every relationship starts, you know?
I realized it was really interesting was I never, ever slept with a guy. I've never slept with someone the first time if I hadn't been drinking.
What does that tell you that tells you I would have had no sex in my life unless there was alcohol and and now, you know, under California law, that would be rape. I mean, under the new definitions, no, but, you know.
Yes, but, you know, it's true. Like, I would be I don't even really I'll probably drink twice a year. I don't really have a thing for alcohol. But I remember, like, if I if I want to cut my inhibitions down and make myself real brave and gutsy, you know, I'd have a couple of drinks. And I have never slept with a man that I didn't the first time I slept with them wasn't. I wouldn't say drunk, but was had a few drinks when you've been married twice right in your career and you never, never thought about because when you got divorced for the second time, you were certainly young enough to find love and get married a third time.
Never lived with someone for three years after I got a divorce. Oh, do we know who that person is got out now? But if you listen to a podcast of a special episode, I know he yeah I, I just will say, what is it? What's that saying? You jump from the fire to the frying pan. Oh I think you go from the frying pan into the fire.
You do. Either way. It's like that.
Oh Lord. Well maybe you know one. I always wonder. I always think about sort of the burden of being a really attractive woman is like the people. Constantly kind of coming at you and getting into these relationships, you know, I mean, there's a version of life. That is a much slower life. You know, you live in the same town, you're married to the same guy for 45 years, it's sort of you're not having all this temptation, these options, I guess, constantly like being thrown at you.
You identify with this at all that, like, got into this business. I feel like there's a part of me that wanted to be an actor because I wanted, you know, the clothes, the men, the lights, the blue, the all the fanfare.
I want to know why you're on an episode of Love Boat, right? Yes, I've been watching the shit out of Love Boat and I watch a love boat. And then Dr. Drew watches Love Boat. And then we gossip about the episode that we we saw.
But I'm trying to think as I was looking through your IMDB. Was it 1983?
Now, it probably was, because I started to I hadn't been dating Parker very long. And Parker was asked to be on Love Boat. And we were at dinner with the producer and the producer said, would you possibly be interested in doing Love Boat with him and playing his. I think I played his wife and I said, Oh, yeah, I'll do that.
And so that's how I got into that, because that was that was Pritch. Here's for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't do cheers until later.
We're looking at you started doing cheers in nineteen eighty seven. We're looking at a picture you with some serious cleavage. Nice rack. We say that anymore. Oh my God. Love boat man. They let it hang out in that, that show. And you're there with Tom Bosley.
I think that's Tom Bosley from from Charlie's Angels. He was. Yes he was. Was a Tom Bosley. Yeah. From Charlie's Angels. Right.
I think I was I think in the storyline I was trying to make my husband jealous. I think that's why I had that dress line.
I want to know I'm asking for Dr. Drew. I'm not even asking for myself.
But I'm going to ask you I could never figure out, like, where did you guys film that show? Did he ever get on the boat? I know it was all in front of a green screen, but I'm so I'm I'm so obsessed with Love Boat, and I'm especially obsessed with it because I'm looking at it through the lens of this was our society. I mean, on the subject we're talking about on the Love Boat, Dr. Bricker was the physician who was on the Love Boat, and he openly hit on every chick that walked onto that boat.
And those were storylines. That's how crazy our society was back then, that the physician on the boat would openly be sexually coming on to female passengers on the boat. And that was there was a laugh track played behind it. And he would get them back to his cabin and be banging them in his where he conducted his his medical exams and then the low part came in.
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All right. Take a quick break and come back for our final segment with Kirstie Alley right after this.