Editor's Note: This transcript was automatically transcribed, so mistakes are inevitable. You can contribute by proofreading the transcript or highlighting the mistakes. Sign up to be amongst the first contributors.
Thanks for listening to the Adam Carolla Show on podcast one. Liftman, yep, it even sounds boring, I wonder it goes in the long finger, but when you do get round to it, a good place to start is by reviewing your mortgage. You really never know if there's a better option unless you look into it. That's where the Ulster Bank mortgage team could help. Wherever you bank, get in touch and find out about switching your mortgage to us.
Just search Ulster Bank, switch Ulster Bank, help for what matters. Overrating the only Ulster Bank card and Dach is regulated by the Central Bank of Ireland, etc..
We have everything you need for back to school, like central selected fresh meats, range, mix and match any three for ten euro centric kids water 10 bottle back only two euro and better than half price unselected Kellogg's cereals like Rice Krispies. Seven on the ground now two Euro Sixty Centera live every day.
Well, first half of the show we get in some very topical, poignant police shooting and police brutality and all that stuff. And then Tom Arnold comes in, shot out of a cannon, fired up about the systemic racism and a and a vigorous debate ensues. So that's good listening. We've got that coming up.
And first tell you about that poor talk, USA with AT&T or Verizon maybe or with T-Mobile, you probably with one of them pure talk.
USA uses the exact same network as all those big carriers do. Same tower, same coverage, but it literally half the cost. I'm a customer. You can keep your phone. I kept my phone. It just they just sent me a SIM card and you get the same service. I get the same service I had before for half the price. Unlimited talk. And you can text as well. Two gigs of data, just twenty bucks a month.
The average person saves four hundred bucks a year. Why, why? Why cheaper people. That was my things. Like how do you guys do this. No retail stores, no billion dollar campaigns. You only pay for the data you need. So there you go. The customer service is in the US and the CEO is a veteran who understands what it means to serve. So get unlimited talk, unlimited text, plus two gigs of data.
All you need to do is grab your mobile phone and dial Paon 250 and say the say the keyword. And all of that's Paon to five oh, say the keyword Adam Corolla and get saving. Well, here we are on lockdown. How are you? It's fulker of the Paris Hilton podcast with Chris Booker. We get it. We know you're bored. We're still doing shows with keeping you up to date with everything. Entertainment, a little bit of relief from everything that's going on in the world.
You could get the show on Spotify. You could get it on your Apple podcast or the podcast. One app, whatever you do, downloaded, subscribe and get the fee. The Paris Hilton podcast with Chris Booker and everything that's entertainment will be covered. From Kurla One Studios in Glendale, California, this is the Adam Carolla Show, Adam's guest today, Tom Arnold with Gina Ghairat on news for Brian on sound effects and Dave Domestiques here for good sports.
And now, yesterday, he experienced a rolling blackout. His power stayed on. He just drank too much. Don Julio of Garagos. Adam Corolla, yeah, get it on. Got to get on until we get. Thanks for tuning in and thanks for telling the friend we love that about you, regiona grande. That's right hand valbrun. Tom Arnold is the devil.
Oh it's so funny.
Everyone's wiring is crazy, right?
Like, you know, you take some more than others. Yeah. We're like we're like dogs. It's like I walk into my house. Filles flopped out on the floor. You step over him, he'll lay in in the right. In the right, in traffic. He'll lay right in the opening of the kitchen and everyone walking can just step over him while he saw source logs, whereas other dogs are up on the back of the sofa with their eyes bulging out and head on a swivel.
And it's like, that's people too, right?
Just have the kind of, you know, chillax in reggae listening to whatevers. And then there's the Tom Arnold's of the world who are like it's almost like, you know, it's almost like we're car tires. All right, let's let's do this one. Let's do this one.
Finally, a car tire. A car tire will operate fine with seventeen pounds of pressure in. It's not what you want. You're not going to get great mileage, but you'll get it to work and back with seventeen eighteen pounds of pressure in your car. Tire optimal is thirty eight or 40 pounds. Sixty pounds is too much because it'll work good for a little while. There's going to be a blowout, you know what I'm saying. And so if you take people so you take, you know, you take kalen Kaitlyn's probably got about eighteen ninety, eighteen, nineteen pounds of pressure and it's kind of you know chillax laid back, probably use a couple of pounds in for a little more efficiency.
He'll get you there. Yeah. He'll get to be your car rolls better with thirty five pounds in it than it does at eighteen pounds but it's perfectly drivable at eighteen pounds. You're just never really going to get the full optimal value out of what, what the effort. So the OK the engine is what's turning the tires and the engine. It's just going to work a little bit harder. We look my, my mom and my dad these things are blowouts on a space saver spare.
I mean my my my parents are flat. I mean, there are people that are flat, they're flat tires like they've squared off, like they barely roll. But look, to be fair to my parents in their prime, they're probably operating with about nine pounds of pressure in their tire, which is it kind of looked flat, but it wasn't really flat. And you could move the car like you could move it out of the driveway. You work at your service station.
You weren't going to Yosemite in this car. And then there's the guys we all know.
We all we all know the Nixon and and the Kevin Henshaw's. At least I'll know these guys. And they're Matha Andreas this way. Look, we know the guys that are highly functional, you know what I mean? And those guys are they got thirty eight pounds of pressure in their tire like that engine isn't working, is hard to roll along at at at a good speed. But then there's the people who got too much pressure in the tire and so they're almost fighting themselves a little bit like it ain't optimal.
It's too much. And the metaphor works because you can be too pressured, too hurried, too too efficient in your own way.
You know, at some point you're going to cause your own blowout. Yeah. You're going to have to be able to crack a beer and watch the game on a Sunday and then get back to your optimal rolling efficiency on on Monday morning. And then there's Mike Augusts. Mike August is like at a forty pounds of pressure, which is a good optimal pressure. But there's a bubble on the side wall like that thing could go any time now. You never know.
So it's a defect, it's a defective tire. So think about what your should we add a little air like I would say Tom Arnold, we got to let a few pounds out of your tire. You're walking around at sixty pounds of sixty pounds in your tire. That's too much. Let a little air out little Alara. And then Kailin put a couple of pounds in and siphon that. Yeah, take a little time there. Maybe we can get them together with a garden hose max kind of work this out.
But some people need you know, some people are just a little laid back a little a little too laid back. They still work. It works. You can get around. You're fine, but it's just a couple put a couple of pounds in. You'll have a more efficient experience behind behind the wheel.
I'm guessing that the over inflated tire people of the world, there's a there's a Venn diagram of pretty significant overlap. Of sort of addiction tendencies, you going to be with those people who who are a little over inflated? I think so.
I mean, not everyone, of course, you see that being a common thread.
Well, I've always said the guys with the addictions and I've known a few of them and in my life and grew up with a few of them, Foote was always kind of tapping their foot, always tapping, you know, that they look.
Yeah, they're short of that dog up on the back of the bed. You know, it's not when they're high or not when they're withdrawn, but just they're always that person. Resting state.
Yeah, never the point. Never seems that sort of comfortable. Thirty five pounds of pressure in their tires.
Always the drinking or the drugs is what gets their foot to stop tapping. Always a little pressurized. Yeah, but everyone think about if optimal is thirty eight pounds and maybe you're thirty six and you only need two pounds or maybe you're forty three pounds.
So we just need to back out a little bit of air. But let's just think about getting to that optimal and when you're winning by the way. The tires last so much longer when they're at the optimal pressure, just like the person probably lasts so much longer and you cover so many more miles and you do it so much more efficiently, it's so much more efficient. All right. So there's your metaphor for the morning or the afternoon or the evening.
I was watching hard knocks the other night, which I always enjoy. And I always I miss football and I miss these kind of conversations. I used to be on the losing end of in football, and I told Gary just to whack up the I don't know what the name of the game at the wide receiver coach is, but I do like football because in a world where we're always dancing around everything, like everyone's like, well, you got to understand how that would sound like coming from you.
And I'm like, I don't care what it sounds like coming from me. Here's what I want. And I don't know. But it's how you're saying it, you know? And I'm like, I don't know. I'm just want something. Can I just say what I want, you know, as I go to a fucking sandwich shop and I go, no mayo. It's how you're saying no, man. How about just no matter what it was, all the delivery systems that everyone's like, I understand what you're saying, but I have to vet how you're saying it or how it's getting to my ears.
Jesus goddamn Christ, this is a problem. People you're allowed to tell people, here's what I want and here's what I don't want, especially if you're paying for whatever it is you want or you don't want.
Yes, I. I don't know if I'm supposed to say this or not, but Christie is going through this exact scenario, work exact scenario to your point that, you know, it's rampant in today's society. I'll be very general. I'll just say that some feedback was given on certain underperforming areas of the business. And the the reaction to to send feedback wasn't about the actual nuts and bolts of what needs to be improved.
It was feelings were hurt, like this person feels humiliated.
Well, that's that's a good wake up call to do the job better. Anyway, this is still going on. This is a week ago that happened.
Well, first off, everybody, if you're getting feedback on something that needs some improvement, let's not focus on how it's being conveyed to you. Let's focus on what you need to improve, number one. Number two, this is the New World Order. This is when you're you know, Christi's getting old enough now where she has a bunch of twenty four year olds that she has to deal with. And those people think they all get a vote. There's nobody, nobody to supervise.
No one's above them anymore. It's it's I've said it a million times. It's an army that is all privates or I think better yet, it's an army that's all generals everyone just thinks are general. They don't realize, no, you're private and I'm a general. And I get to tell you what to do. I'm not going to call you fat or dumb. I'm just going to go, here's what you need to fix. So that that is tough.
And it doesn't hurt the Christies of the world because she is established just like you're going to hear. It's not going to hurt the coach. It's going to hurt the guys who get cut from the team and they don't get it.
At the end of the day, like once all this blows over and feelings get mended and apologies get doled out, you're still underperforming. You're still just sort of mid-level junior level or whatever. And you're you're not doing a great job.
A couple of things. Also, what people don't understand is. You want the boss, you want to be on the boss's radar, you want the boss thinking of ways to make you better along with critiques and ways to make you better, do not get on to the bosses list of, OK, I'm not going to talk to that person anymore. Like, I don't want a deal. Right. I don't want to deal with that person. Yeah.
Critical feedback might not feel great, but it's there to improve your performance.
And that's what you're supposed to get from the person who's known as the boss. But OK, so we'll play this hard knocks clip just because I just I just got wood. When I turned it tuned into hard knocks, it was a cold opening and this guy was doing it. But yes.
And still nothing to do with Cinemax show called. Not many people will not listen to him, but play it. Sorry.
Go ahead. We've got to talk about this. This is normal beginning of training camp football. But I'm not going to say, oh, we got time. We got time. Because do we really have time this year? We don't have time. I'm just trying to be honest with you. If you got approval, fucking safety, an undrafted free agent corner. I want the fucking Pro Bowl safety blocked and I want block fucking back. And then if you don't touch a soul with pads on, you will play here.
I don't give a fuck where you came from, what high school you went to and you guys what college you went to. You will play here not for Lin, not for let not go play for a running back. Special teams coach and a receiver coach who was a fucking undrafted free agent. You can't go block. I don't give a fuck how fast you don't give a shit how you run a combine in underwear. If you don't block, you won't play here at all.
So if you have these delusions of grandeur of running out there on September 13th as a third receiver, get your fucking mind right and get your face in the fan. I'm going to ask you to kill Derwin James. I just want you to touch another human being on the inside run away. Are we on the same fucking page? If you want a job, you want to press somebody block the fucking shit out of somebody. I'm not watching the shit pass tomorrow.
Anybody who's up for the job, we got 10 guys get you guys, we know what, a thousand yards with eight other people compete for that third spot. You put your face, man, who blocks them, got their. But if you block somebody who will play here, if you don't, you'll be gone. The great ones find a way to run block, do all the little things, not just splash plays this game that played on Instagram.
Do the fuck your coach to do. Tired of the shit. There's a life change of money that lies between you and number 20. Find a way to do it. Like we got to find a way to motivate ourselves to block this guy. Great guy.
That's Film McKagan or whatever his name is, McKagan or whatever it is. Anyway, he's the guy. Or was that Christie talking to some workplace? I don't know if we have a hot mike situation there, remember?
Yeah. The blocking is a metaphor. She does a blocking tackling a lot of good.
Well, look, everybody, this guy is trying to get you to make the team. So maybe your feelings get hurt, but you want to make the team, don't you? Don't you want to be the person that impresses this guy? Don't you want to be the person that blocks on the on the run play? So, Gina, a lot of the wide receivers are think they're there just to kind of catch the ball. But on running plays, they need to block.
And some of it is really getting down on those guys.
Some of them do and some of them down. And, you know, but if you've got a guy out there who can really tie a guy up and do some blocking, you're going to give that sweep a much better chance to get an extra three yards. And there's nothing worse than the guys in I don't know, maybe Randy Moss may not have done a lot of blocking when he was out there in formation. I don't know. But the point is, is I just like the way this guy can't use everything.
So anyway, I got a little wood and I enjoyed it. All right.
Let me tell you about JB. Well, you got projects to do at home. I bet you do. You don't want to pay the repairman. Do it yourself.
Have a little pride, big or small repairs, home or garage, ordinary household glue. Well, it's just ordinary. You need something that's better. You need JB Weld or proud to have JB well, to sponsor the great. I know the owner. I met these guys when I was at CMA a few years ago, hung out in their booth and they didn't even have booze. I was just hanging out in their boots talking and he said, wow, that's big for me.
Fifty years made in the USA proudly. J.B. Well, you put it in your toolbox. Kitchen drawer, craft drawer, good for metal, wood, plastic and more.
Don't glue it, man. JB Well that you can get it. J.B. Welcome Home Depot, Lowe's, AutoZone, O'Reilley, Walmart, Amazon, Micheal's and more.
JB Well, Chip Hansen is coincidentally on the blower. Chip is the owner president of JB Weld. Good. Speak to Chip. Hi, Adam. Good to see you. Hi, what what's it got the is all screwed up now. No more CEMA this year, but I guess I spoke to you three years ago at SeIma. When was that?
Yeah, I think it was about three years ago. And like you said, you came you came walking by. I think you grabbed us or we grabbed you. It was a marriage made in heaven.
Who was the fella I was talking to in your booth that may have been of like Hungarian or or German extraction? Who was who was like the polymeric chemist guy? I was having a funny conversation with the caterer.
We've got a couple of those. But the the Yen Sorensen's our VP of sales and he's Danish o yen Sorenson.
Yeah, you're probably talking to our chemist is is actually Pakistani. His name is Abdul Razak. You might have seen him, but I think you were describing yen.
I do. All I remember is a peculiar accent in me staring at a wall full of adhesives. Where are you guys out of?
Well, we're we're based I'm based here in Marietta, Georgia. But the facility and the company was started in Sulphur Springs, Texas. So we kind of used Georgia as our sales and marketing base and we've got our manufacturing plant in Texas.
Are people doing a lot more? I mean, I know there's this whole covid thing. The one good thing that may come of this is people sort of heading out to the garage, doing projects, getting to stuff they hadn't got they weren't going to get to or they hadn't had a chance to get to in a while.
Are you guys finding that you nailed it? We have been one of the real benefits of this whole thing. People have been locked out at home. And I don't know about you, but my wife has given me about eight projects that I hadn't done for several years and said, I get these done.
Well, I got to say, everyone don't live. My grandparents were supercheap. But there were also kind of lazy in their own way, and so there would be a broken plate, like a decorative plate, the kind of plate you display, but it'd be broken into three pieces and it would just sit on the shelf where it should have been displayed on, but just laid down because the premise was, is we're going to glue this plate back together one day, but one day never came.
So now you just live with essentially a billboard and a testament, a monument to your laziness, laziness and lethargy, because there was this broken thing and everyone needs to just the plate broke, either throw it away or better yet, get old JP well and fix it today or that weekend. My daughter, I don't think I was telling you guys this, but my daughter is like hyper vigilant. She's like 14. She goes to bed, she shuts the door, somebody turns the light on in the hall and she comes out screaming at everyone like, oh, you woke me up, you woke me.
It's like there's a half inch crack literally underneath her door. If somebody turns the light on or someone is talking in the hall, like walking to their room, she'll run out and start yelling at everybody because she has hyper vigilance. And I was just like looking at it after about the third time where she came out, started yelling at everyone for turning the light on, or Sonny would turn the light on and I would go turn the light off.
It's just going to come out. I started looking at it and I went, I'm going to put a sweep on her door. I'm going to put a door sweep on. And I just went to Home Depot, matched up the rubbed brass or whatever the color the handle on the hinges were part of sweep thirty six inch, cut it down to thirty one and just popped it on. Now she has this light, this sweep that will not allow light to pass under her door and it cuts down the sound and I probably should have put it up for months earlier, but it's done.
It took fifteen minutes. I'm not going to deal with this anymore. She's happy although she doesn't express it verbally to me. And I don't have I don't have to panic when someone turns on the hallway lights anymore. Just get to your shit people. If you're going to do it, then do it or don't ever do it. But stop thinking about it all the time. Sorry, Chip, I got going. No, no, you nailed it.
Everybody is experiencing a whole bunch of projects that they put up and they're doing them and we're glad that they're picking our stuff to do them. And and it's it's a real resurgence in kind of self-reliance and having the time to do it.
I do think there is a straight line to sanity. I mean, I hate to go Mike Rowe on all your asses, but the amount of time people are watching TV, staring at their phones, getting all the crazy, there's another shooting and there's a cop shooting and there's a race riot. And the more time you're spending in that world and not in that garage, engage not not that that process, you know, that that process of like, how are we going to fix this problem or how am I going to overcome this?
It is going to it'll eat your brain, people you really need, even if you're not handy, even if you're not that guy or that gal, you better start becoming that person. Like, you better go pick something. You better go get a bookshelf from IKEA, go out in the garage and go put it together with your Allen Allen Ranch. Are they even allowed to call it an Allen wrench? I think they have to call it like a hex wrench or something.
It's an ELLAN wrench. Is it at Bell and Wrench? So, Chip, God bless you and God bless JB. Well, we appreciate it, buddy. Well, thank you, Adam, and we're happy to be part of your show. I'm hoping you're going to get to Atlanta here and do one of your comedy shows, you know so well out on this Far East. But I see you're out and about. And if you get this way, I certainly I do.
I got I got we're getting to Royal Oak in Michigan. And then where's the other place? I'm going over there to trying to figure it out and we'll figure we'll figure it out.
But I'll hopefully I'll get out of Atlanta and hopefully I'll get out to Atlanta and do a race out there again. Thanks, Chip Hanson.
OK, thank you. Appreciate it, man. All right.
So I played you that one thing. I had another thing I wanted to play.
You guys, I may I may have the ultimate do not attempt, you know, the disclaimer on the commercial that do not attempt usually something impossible, physically impossible, which stands on its front tires.
Well, let's not forget, there are two super insulting do not attempts, and they're both insulting in their own way. There's the Mini Cooper commercial now. I think it was the Humvee commercial where the guy just drove off the end of the pier and the Humvee went into the water and became a James Bond submarine. All right. So they go don't attempt. OK, done and done then. So there's the this is an insane idea. Don't attempt to do it.
One sorry. There are three categories. Now, I think about it. There's the do not attempt insane idea. I'm going to take my Hummer and drive it off the end of the Santa Monica Pier and it's going to turn into a submarine. OK, I won't attempt to do that. Then there is the do not attempt. It's impossible to do the Subaru commercial where all the cars are riding around on their front wheels pitched up at a 45 degree angle.
Do not attempt while. That's impossible, even if you did attempt to do it, because there's no way you could drive a front wheel car, front wheel drive car or any car and get a patient up, get the real facts right, then there's the super insulting do not attempt, which is the person is just driving down an empty highway in Nevada. It's a closed course. Do not attempt a professional drive or a close call.
How am I going to get the van home from the dealer?
How would I. Do you guys have a flatbed? Like, how would I physically get your product back to my house if I'm not allowed to drive it? It's a confusing do not attempt this person is not the only thing I should be attempting. They're not on a skid pad, you know, pulling three GS and sliding through cones. They do close course, do not attempt professional driving. A person going straight down a highway at forty four miles an hour.
I can feel responsible like. I can't promise to not attempt to drive your vehicle after I purchase it that much. I'm sorry. I promise not to go off the end of the pier and I have signed off on not riding around solely on the front tires, but I cannot promise you that I won't attempt to operate this thing. I just paid fifty four thousand dollars for that. I guess I may at some point get inside of it and actually go somewhere.
Drive in a straight line. Yes.
Now I know you use it as a really expensive storage unit, but I may attempt to drop my kids off at their school one day. So you should know up front. I'll say to the dealer, you got to know up front I am going to drive this vehicle home. I now I've seen the commercials.
I understand the waiver here that I didn't hear that they do not attempt the thing you're going to do with it. It's right up there with the beer commercials. Like we can show them holding the beer, we can show them tapping the beverage, toasting. We can't show them drinking. It really can't show it because. Isn't that what you do with a beer?
Yeah, almost always. Yeah.
No, I wait. I get it as it applies the tampon commercials. But a beer.
You'd be surprised how many people do not know how to put in a tampon. Oh really. You should absolutely show that in a commercial.
All right. If you want turn the population.
I these guys I don't want to blow your minds, but according to commercials, this is true. The stuff that comes out of your body during a period. Not blue.
Oh, really not blue. Oh, I'm afraid they think everything I know. Green.
No, it shouldn't be. You should get to a doctor immediately if it's green. Well if they're going to show actual tampon commercials, complete the tutorial. I'm going to start devouring the view because I'd like to check that out. All right.
So that but. In the world of, I would say most improbable, a new leader in the clubhouse for do not attempt may be the progressive auto insurance commercial with the character Motor Hastey. I'll follow the half misapply man his center.
Is that a really, really caught on? Yeah. Great job progressing that sort of joke on the center or something like that.
I need to do that. It was although OK, motor involves a motor and and Senator Santorum's novel of man and horse. That's just a different word. All right. Well, here it is here. Here it is.
And you can you can look at it. He's on motor. He's the upper body of a man of color. And the lower body of a motorcycle. Is that a popular gym? And he's on the treadmill because it's raining outside. He's on deposit.
Do not attempt do not attempt at the bottom of this, do not attempt if you know anyone or you anymore, because first of all, don't saw yourself in half.
Let's start there. You can weld yourself to a motorcycle. Right.
But if you're half motorcycle and you're half human, you cannot attempt to go to a public gym and climb on to the the treadmill. Do not attempt.
One of my many problems with motor is Adam. You know, more better than I do. It appears half of this man is simply replacing the handlebars on this motorcycle because the entire fucking motorcycle and that half a man on top.
Yes, it's half a man and probably thirty one thirty seconds of a motorcycle. So they don't the ratios all off.
No one seems this would be a good 70s movie with the man with two heads. You didn't do the the cool guy whose half motorcycle he's reading on his treadmill.
He's exercising his motorcycle on this treadmill. Again, you have to put the do not attempt. I would argue, when it's impossible to attempt, you don't have to put the do not attempt but do not attempt. And then the other thing that's weird is the guy who walks up to them is this kind of frail, skinny guy and he wants to know how long he's going to be on the treadmill. He tells them twenty minute max or whatever it is.
But he's wearing, oddly, these UFC fighting gloves, which A is weird. Why would you be on the treadmill with your UFC fighting gloves on? And then what were you doing in the gym? Skinny guy with the windbreaker just played out. Sorry.
And it's got a travel mug, guys, reading the book. Also, most cars kind of do want to ride, there's progress, you rarely make solid contact.
You know, it doesn't make eye contact any. The guy at the gym goes, there's a 30 minute limit, like I'd like to use that thing, too. And motors like tell that to the rain, which is it's raining outside. So I got to roll for as long as I want in your gym. Talk about carbon monoxide poisoning. I mean, the guys over there are really sewing machines trying to work out so everyone drops dead in the gym motor.
Make more sense to show what a badass he is and to not attempt if it was raining and he was such a bad ass that he just went riding in the rain.
That would be nice. I hope he gets hit by a bakery truck and put in a coma because I'm tired of motor looking down his nose at everybody.
Sorry, feels like progressive is now foisting motor off on us like defiantly like. Oh yeah. You think this isn't working.
Get ready for more motor commercials.
Yeah, I would like to address them and I'd put up a big slide of the Noyd from Domino's Pizza and I'd go hear that many, many other characters have been launched over the year and they've really just annoyed the public. We didn't warm up to them in year number six. We actually hated them more. That little gremlin that lives in your toe fungus who lifts your big toe nail up like it's a hatch and then dives under. That guy's gone with the wind to that.
Yeah, that that's one of the few commercials that hurt my teeth.
That and his cousin, the mucus family.
A family who moves into your lungs. I don't need them either. Dave, Tom Arnold's here, so we'll talk to him in a second. I just want to clean up Dave. Oh, is Dave on Dave? Sixty six San Marcos, California. You know, I see if I got the wrong one, let's say Dave Hindoo. Oh, Evan, sorry, I was trying to talk to Dave, let's say, Dave, are you there?
Hey, Adam, this is Cassus here. Oh, Kashish, the comedian. Or the dead flashlight or sometimes called into your show. Oh, OK, you're on line two. Oh, I am confused, like a little whacked out.
I don't even need to be screened. Yeah, that's fine. What do we get, a little roulette?
Well, I was I just wanted to sound off on. I just I don't hear much talk in in any of the media about the ridiculousness of all the outrage over the police shooting when no one's talking about the fact that. You know, he was shot seven times in the back because he was leading into his car and the cops couldn't see his hands. This is what they're trained to do because they have no idea if you're reaching for a gun yourself.
And yeah, well, there's just the guy who was shot. The young guy was holding the knife and he was about to walk into like a convenience store. They shot him. And no one is talking about the fact that he could have started stabbing people inside the convenience store. This guy got shot.
I'm sorry. Which guy in the convenience store? What's that? Guy? I'm not sure if I know the convenience store story, you know, this one happened just I don't know about a week ago, right before well before the guy shot for a long time here.
OK, here's here's the thing. Cashes in, everybody. We're approaching this from the wrong direction, as we always do, which is.
Why did those cops need to shoot that guy? And the answer is, is they didn't need to shoot that guy, especially if the guy was fleeing or especially if the guy didn't have a weapon or whatever it is. And like I turn on the news today and it's like no weapon found inside the car, you see. And it's like, well, yeah, but if a cop shoots you when you're leaning into your car, sadly, the cop here's the deal.
Everyone, please. You know, here should be the narrative.
Yes. They are trained a certain way.
We have to understand the truth of this. Well, but here's the thing. Media. These guys have guns and their adrenaline is bursting and they're totally freaked out. And normally something transpired before we see the footage. There was a wrestling match or somebody wrestled some pepper spray away or somebody was handled or manhandled or knocked down or whatever. There was a resisting of arrest. Like there's something to everyone's like, yes, something took place before the shooting. And what took place wasn't the Comley slide into the back of the cruiser or give me your proof of I.D. It was a wrestling match that took place oftentimes before the shooting.
So now everyone is in DEFCON one. Everyone is like highly agitated. The person who fought adrenaline rushing.
Yeah. Thank you for using def con correctly def con those around me again. Wrong. I got it right. I was corrected by trial.
The point is this, the point is this now at this point. The cops can make a noble decision, which is I tussled with this guy once, but I'm going to tussle with him again, although the guy gets the best of them the first time. So it seems the second tussle, they might get the best of you again and or.
I bet he doesn't have anything in his car or possess a weapon or whatever or. He can do this math, I'm the guy with the gun and I'm just worried about myself right now and you go, well, I don't like that. And you go, OK, unfortunately, that's kind of carved into people when you're the guy with the gun. If there's a two percent chance that guy's got a weapon in the car, then you use your gun, because right now you're the guy with the nut and that's how they're being trained.
Also, everyone, the whole nation is ignoring their training.
Well, we were really ignoring this in times like equiv, pretending he was walking into an open field and then they gunned him down seven times in the back. I have no idea what he's.
Here's the narrative. Everybody, please cooperate with the cops. Even if they're wrong, you have to cooperate with them because they're the guys with the GED's and the guns and maybe the training will be better and maybe community enforcement will be better and maybe we'll reimagine policing. But for now. Be compliant and get a badge number if you feel like you've been wronged and here live to fight another day, do not wrestle with guys with weapons, especially when there's four of them, that's that's sick.
My thing is, like I'm not saying the cop is right. I'm saying we argue over it was a good kill or bad kill. Stop wrestling with the cops and you can live to fight another day, perhaps, perhaps in court. And departments like the cops are wrong. I wasn't doing anything. Yep. Happens all the time. Sorry. That's that's this is built in, it's baked into the system. If we're going to hire a bunch of dudes with guns to walk around and try to weed out who the bad guys are and who the good guys are, I mean, it has to happen a thousand times a minute where someone is like he jumped into a beige Camry and he's heading west on Ventura Boulevard.
Of course, everyone in a beige Camry is going to get pulled over. And if you're African-American and they're looking for an African-American in a beige Camry heading west on Ventor, then they're pulling you over. It may not be you. It's probably not you. Good. Just comply and live to fight another day. There really needs to be a dialogue about this nationally. But the dialogue is just, well, cops are racist and they're hunting black people.
That's not going to lead to any that's going to lead to more black people getting killed and more cops being killed. That's that's what that's going to lead to. Or if it hasn't already I mean, we haven't seen the fruits of this movement. That's what it's leading to. More of this. We need some sort of national protocol on. And it's stupid that we don't. We have a whole bunch of guys who roam our our cities and our communities, meaning cops with shotguns and forty fours on their hips.
And German Shepherd said, I'll tear your arm off and we don't have any real protocol with, like, how to interact with them or what to say or what to do or we don't know what they're going to ask. I mean, if you take a look at poor Garagos, this guy, Daniel Shavar, the guy who was executed in Mesa, the cops yelled about three hundred instructions that that guy there were yelling different things at him all the time.
On your knees. Don't get down on your face now. Put your hands up now. Get back up on it like the guy did. Or just stop walking like I didn't know what to do. There was no protocol. We you know, it's kind of funny. It's like they go police need training. I agree. I feel like the citizens need training. That dovetails with the police. So we know when the first off, how many times you see somebody gets pulled over on the freeway and they start pulling over on the side of the friend, a cop gets on the plaza, get off on the off ramp, get off on the that person even know where to go.
You know, I mean, I think we've all been there. We've been pulled over like you guys seeing the rollers have been like, should I pull off the freeway? I don't want to get yelled at for going off the freeway. Should I pull over on the side of the road? I don't want to get yelled at for that.
You know what we live close enough to on a freeway overpass that we hear it, I'll say six nights a week, you know? I mean, just pull over. Pull over. Next exit.
Right, right. We don't even know what side of the car these guys are coming to. God's honest. I mean, you sit there and sometimes that come around to the driver's side like you're on a side street. But if you're on a busy street or a freeway that might come around to the you could be rolling down your driver's side window, hanging your head out the window and the guy's coming around the other side banging on the glass like we don't know anything.
Why don't we know this? Like, why isn't there look, you get a driver's license when you get a driver's license or 700 questions about following distance and braking distance and how far before you change lanes, should you use your signal? One hundred feet. One hundred and fifty. I mean, it's pretty detailed shit considering you're going to have a life of interacting with the cops in your car. Oftentimes protocol, the protocol, if if you have people in the back seat of your car, those people should just have their hands on top of the front seat when the cop walks up, something like that.
Some version of that, keep your keep your proof of insurance. Don't put it in your glove box. Keep it on your visor of your your son visor or whatever. Someone could figure it out. Well, you just have to have a protocol. And then once you have a protocol, that's the protocol. That's what that's what you do. That's that's how we. And if the cop says this or, you know, says that, what do you do?
How do you respond? And then there are things for you to do, like you can ask for a badge number. Here's an 800 number. You can. Hall with the badge number and punch it in or whatever that is, if you thought you're being wrong. Look, let's let's work it out once we get. To the part where we've wrestled and the guy's going back to his car and leaning into his car, we're done. It's too much at that point.
Now we're asking the cops to be better than they're probably going to be. Consistently, consistently. We're not we're not going to be able to get the kind of batting average we want once the wrestling match is over and the guys are going into the car and news, you're not allowed to pick it up from after the wrestling match to the other guy was just walking to his car and they shot him in the back. Like now that makes him seem like homicidal maniacs and that alarms the next group even more.
And now why should you comply if you just have a target on your back, if you're going to be executed, why wouldn't you wrestle with your executioner? All right, everybody, let's do a better job at the news with the narrative, the narrative. It's not it's not racist cops shooting black people in the back. It's scared cops shooting people that aren't complying. And it's an overreaction. I'm not defending the cops, but that's that's where we're at.
So let's figure out the compliance part and then we can move ahead and save some lives. People, if we are, in fact, interested in saving lives or maybe we're just want to keep the narrative going and sell some more soap. I don't know. All right. Real quick, Ken has a rich man, poor man. He's been on hold, so I feel like we should get that. Thanks. Caller caches and oh, someone asked me a question of why did I favorite Bette Midler tweet about saying Malani how to speak English or learn English or something like that?
Because I see I see tweets I like I favor them because I think I might talk about them on the on the show. We've gone into this a lot. I'm not saying endorse my sources. I go, this is something I might want to get into. Oh, God, she's talking. Yes.
I'm so glad this came up, because when people started having a reaction to it, like, oh, I thought of you immediately because how many times did you joke about your buddy Ozzy? Like you've made the exact same joke about Ozzy a dozen times, like he's been in this country for 25 years? You know, jokingly, of course. And like I don't think that there's a reason I don't have a lot of thoughts on Bette Midler, but she's trying to make a joke.
Wasn't a hysterical joke, but there was, you know, a lighthearted musing about, you know, whatever.
Yeah, the difference is, is I don't hate Ozzy. Yes. I think that's the problem. I think I think she probably I think they know it's a joke, but they know she hates her. Yeah.
Yeah. And also, if Ozzy did a 15 minute speech, you wouldn't know one fucking word he said, like, my thing with Ozzy is a he speaks well, he speaks two languages theoretically. But I mean, he's been in this country for twenty five years. You don't understand what he's saying when you're going to lunch run. He's unintelligible. That's my I don't mind the accent part. I mean the part where I literally can't communicate with Ozzy and he's been here for twenty five years.
Ten fifty to Phoenix.
Yeah. Hey afternoon. Yeah. How you guys go. Good. Hey, don't. Hey, our city is paying out, I think, 500000 dollars to cops who pointed guns at shoplifters and families and women with babies. So that cost the city 500000. Are there paying the police union's pay that then you would get change. But we're not going to see that.
Yeah, well, look, the problem is, is there's enough blame to go around. I think I think the deal is, is we should just try to start doing things that make sense.
And I think if we had time, I'd have an interview, a story I had with the police union 10 years ago. But I think that's too long. But anyway, my rich man, poor man thing is counting money. I heard you talking about Ellen's net worth. And I kind of jokingly chuckled that when you're poor, you're always counting what's in your checking account to see if you can make cover the cover the bill. And when you're ultra rich or in the one percenters, you're always counting and letting people know how much your own to keep your net worth, you know, to show your your worth in the world.
And it's just an interesting back and yeah, no, I get it. Like when you have money and you have assets, you do tend to think in terms of like a net worth. And when I was poor it was like a lot of literally counting dollars. Like I remember I went to the ATM once the ATM had a minimum 20 dollars. I had twenty dollars in my checking account, but the ATM charge was a dollar.
So it was like, well over the years, you don't have to carry one box, but you got you know, you thought you had 20, you got 19. If this thing goes through and we don't spit out nineteens, we shoot out twenty. So I literally had twenty but didn't have the vig and I was counting money at that at that point.
But my wife was amazed at me. I never balanced a checkbook. Because I always had money and I never overspent. She goes, we don't balance and say, you know how much you have in the bank. I go, I generally know, but I don't know to that thousand a dollar, you know, I don't know. Duplo relative.
Is that balancing the checkbook? That's a that's that's a big thing of the past. It's a thing of the past. Right.
We learned in fifth grade how to balance a checkbook. And I think in eighth grade it stopped mattering.
I was just balancing the checkbook out of control or was still learning how to edit from Jimmy Kimmel like, nah, look, we don't do that anymore. It's all automated.
Yeah. You're going to have to learn how to cut this audio tape and tape it back together. And I'm like, hmm, I bet they'll have a device for that pretty soon or I'll just be so goddamn funny I won't have to deal with it. How about that? All right. Well, bring Tom Arnold in a second. First, I'll do Bake Me a Wish friend sent me a cake from Bake Me a Wish and it felt like a warm, chocolatey hug.
So many of us are there still can't get together. We're spread out. People are at home. And a nice cake from Bake Me a Wish would go a long way to make someone's day. I mean, I don't know, maybe it's a birthday, maybe it's an anniversary, maybe it's a promotion, maybe it's or whatever.
But let's just do it just because. Why not? People use a little pick me up in these these times they guarantee on time delivery if you'd like to touch someone with a special fresh baked treat. And they got a lot of a lot of variety with many selections. You hop on their website, they're inexpensive, they're fresh and they guarantee on time delivery visit, bake me a wish, dotcom and. Oh, all right, bake me a wish dotcom and use my code is a code.
Adam for fifteen percent off that is fifteen percent off visit. Bake me a wish dotcom. Bake me a wish dotcom and use the code atom for fifteen percent off. All right. Take quick break. Bring in Tom Arnold right after this. Just twenty five dollars, you get one and gives you Asia's favorite stuff Starford brought up from HPF every single month, you get to drink your juice. It's hard to be cool stuff. Fans Adams guzzling. You heard Dick, it's time for another Bawls month of Adam's monthly, not this month includes two Veny Tartaric approved and invented ultra fat instant energy packs.
So you don't reach for that doughnut for shot glass ice molds so you can keep your whiskey cold and straight down the hatch, a bottle of Chateau SPIL to remove wine stains or blood from the fine silk dawning. Of course, a bottle of your choice and the coup de gras. A digital download, the very first basic cable commentary roadhouse. The 60 dollar value can be yours for only 25 bucks at Khairullah drinks dotcom. The Adam Carolla Show presents Tom Arnold's birthday cocktail party for March 6th, but Tzu's here Rob Reiner.
Martin Kov is here.
So is D.L. Hughley. And Pink Floyd's David Gilmore. Oh, we're not done, Michelangelo is here, and the equally talented Tyler, the creator, Lou Costello.
And if he can fit through the door, Shaquille O'Neal, let's get back to the Adam Carolla Show. Oh, geez, that is a great birthday.
Oh, yeah, shackles. My next door neighbor the whole time played for the Lakers. So. Really? Oh, yes. What was that like?
It was great. It was. It was wonderful. You know, the. Yeah, they usually have a homeowners association. You know, they have a lot of rules like you can't put up giant Superman, lit up things in your front yard.
But but he could, you know. Yeah, but it was wonderful. What a great guy. Shaq, I do find him to be one of the one of the great characters of this modern era. If you really think about what that guy has done, I mean, if you think about all first off, what he's done in the business world, what he's done in that amount and commentating world, he's done you know, he's a sheriff.
Yeah, he really. No, he is a sheriff. I know. He's just he's a very interesting character that I. I think people turn into a little bit of a cartoon character. But if you really just took his accomplishments and. Yes. Laid them out on a piece of paper, go, this is super impressive, dude.
Right now, he's not a Steven Seagal sheriff. He's a real sheriff. He's not you know, Steven Seagal, who I've worked with, too, is a sheriff allegedly. Now he's a sheriff in Russia or something. But he would go around showing up at things, arresting people or whatever it is he does. But because Steven Seagal can't even is even a martial arts guy anymore or he was when I worked with him with those with the effects of that movie.
But but Steven Seagal. But Peshek is a sheriff.
Well, let me ask let me let me ask this this question. Everyone listening. You know, for a starlet that's getting a little bit older and getting pushed out of the business, there's always a way to make a buck, you know what I mean? In the way you could make a buck as you could just find some high dollar guys and kind of take them out on a date. You know, I don't know how much of this goes on in the world, but there's always like you get to go out on a date with and possibly have sex with, you know, Jennifer Tilly.
Sorry, Jennifer, Meg, sorry.
I've covered Jennifer. Tilly is one of the best forgot Jennifer. Tilly, is is there better is there a computer is there a more basic version of the plan of the Jennifer Tilly Jennifer who plays who plays my wife in high holidays coming out this fall.
But is there a bar? Just watch your Instagram makes me so happy. Oh, I want to talk about her.
Yeah, but I talk about Meg Berry, the guy from the movie studio.
I'm saying if you were an actress and you're getting into your later later 40s, early 50s, there's always the businessman who's in his 60s who watched you or or rubbed a few out to you back in the day. It's kind of a lot.
Talk about Kevin Kline and and Phoebe Keith.
No, but I hope that. No, that's not what I'm saying. Okay. What are you talking about? I'm trying to think of this. It's a get out of free kind of get out of jail free card that you could play. Here's what I'm saying. No offense. I'm not I'm not trying to besmirches.
Well, well, because if you were to talk about Kevin Kline, if he became let me say this. People love Kevin Clyde. He's a brilliant actor. Everyone, he's hilarious. And then they go, well, you know, Phoebe Cates was sort of in that one movie where she showed her boobs and then what did she do? Let me tell you something she did. She was in the movie where she showed her boobs the one movie, the number one movie where you show your boobs.
That scene, she's so she's double she's got one, number one. And she quit working to raise their children. So she's got to double one's Kevin Kline. She could have had Daniel Day Lewis. She could at any actor in the world, Kevin Kline should kiss her feet every day. I love Kevin Kline. So she's up here. So would you say about well, boy, is she lucky to be with Kevin Kline. I say, fuck Kevin Kline.
He's lucky to be with Phoebe Cates. Anyway, go ahead. You just finish my thought. That's right. That's where I was going. No, what I'm saying is, is, all right, whoever the examples are, that's you can always marry some guy who made his bones fracking. Who 71. If you're fifty two year old, are we talking about OK, yeah. We get back to the honey pot. All right. But here's what I'm saying.
And these husband is the executive producer of NCIS New Orleans. I know what it's like tomorrow, but. All right. Work on the show is there is there is your get. A free card for crazy older male actor who's past his prime, go to Russia or go to North Korea. You know what I mean? Like, you get to be a star. Like what I'm saying is, Tom, if the wheels come off the wagon for you or for I, we can end up cuddling up to some dictator somewhere.
And there would be like, oh, yes, I'm the man show. I love them. And show said to me that they are hair and they live like kings over that. That is your ace in the hole. It's like. But I got tell you, first of all, they like it's like, it's like I'm so grateful that I didn't do The Celebrity Apprentice no fat because that's a step away from fucking Russia. You have to be buddies with Putin like Steven Seagal is and probably should be an action star.
So there's that, you know, but you see guys like Mickey Rourke who Mickey Mickey Rourke. But now, you know, is fine. But Steven Seagal is all eight over there like he's all in this. He lived there. He I believe he lives there, but he sells his he sells Russian goods. That's just saying that which which which is fine. But he's all and he teaches. He teaches whatever it is he teaches whatever form of martial arts.
And I he used to be cheap vote. He first started acting his his movies. He seemed to be very talented at martial arts. What he was theater. Right. By the time we did exit was which is a he he could barely lift his leg. And I was the TMX movie. Yeah. But yeah. Yeah. That blabby you always look for those aces in the hole but that's too much. But he can fall back on a singing career.
Kerney Yeah. From the Crystal Cave.
I'm not kidding. Yeah. Well there has to be some you have to have that head to go how far back to fall back, you know, or you just got to you know, there's got to be something falling back. Like, you know, there's there's a million things to do in America before you fall off that cliff in.
You know, I'm just saying, if if the wheels come off the wagon, Tom Arnold, there's some banana republic where we can go and be hailed as you to do that. You're a baker. You go work at a garage. I would go, yeah, sure.
I'm saying there's always that that round. That's what I'm saying. Well, you know, I don't want to use I don't want play that card. You know, you've set this up for yourself. You could always go, you know, get your license to become a cop because you seem to be the friends of the cop. And you see, you seem to have it all figured out to you earlier. You got all the problems of the world.
You're like no racist cops in America. I got it figured out what we got to do.
Well, what I mean, I think people need to be trained on how to deal with the cops a little bit, but they had to be trained. You're right. There are a lot of racist cops in America. Well, what percentage would you say? I don't know. What do you think?
I would say thirty. It seems like a lot. But let me tell you about racism in their head. They don't even realize that it's a set systemic. They're afraid of they have a fear of black men. I'm going to tell you right now, it gets in your head. You see the you see things. It's like Trump. Michael Cohen always told me he's just got this fear of this image and he's like that old school racism. Where are you?
Like, Oh, they I love black people. They're great at certain things, but they can't like, oh, course, run a country or do this other stuff. But you get it from your parents. I've heard of my grandparents and a lot of people have this well they're good at this and I love them. They're amazing at this, but they can't do this. Well, this is interesting.
All right. So it's tough to get into. First off, like a lot of these big cities like Los Angeles or Chicago, they're not even majority white police force.
Most of the cops are of some other extraction. But that's that's that's red herring right there. I've got to tell you something. These guys in Kenosha, Wisconsin, for example, these guys covid running so hot. These guys are military. They play a lot of fucking video games. I fucking Yuji's are run by fucking Yahoo!
But are we including Hispanic or women or even black cops in the racist cop? You know exactly what I'm saying. A lot of white cops in this country are racist, but there is a racist culture in this country a lot. There's a you have to deal with that and oh, that to I can't go well, but there's one guy that's the chief of police saying that that's what they do. That's what the Republican convention is doing right now. Oh, that's what guy has.
But you've got to deal that they may be would realize it, but I'm asking the but I'm asking the question.
I don't know what you're saying. And that if if LAPD is 60 percent something other than white there, do we want that right now?
Yes. There are a lot of racist cops in this country. There's a culture of racism. This country with Bill Barr, the attorney general, says there's no racism in police departments in this country. That's bullshit. I'm laughing because I said, what's Tom want to talk about? And Chris said, well, they're not talking politics. Well, this isn't politics. This seems like it's drifting into it a little bit. Well, I don't think it's political.
I think it's something that we need to. Oh, I don't care about it. We're laughing. I'm not laughing because it's funny stuff. As I said, Tom Arnold's going to talk about what Tom Arnold wants to talk about. Yeah, I think we're going to know, but I don't. I listened to you.
I thought you had some interesting points of view. And you do have your solutions, but you're missing. You keep wanting to solve stuff. You know, it's like you want to bake a cake without the flour. You want to go, oh, here's what I'm going to do. We're going to do this again. The same thinking. How do we weed out the racist cops that first of all, let's talk about it. Let's talk. Let's admit it.
Let's talk about it. I think it's something we talk about it. First of all, how old are you? We're we're six year old white guy sitting here talking about it. Well, this is interesting because you said your grandmother was racist.
There there's a lot you hear a lot of that old school racism.
Well, here's an interesting here's an interesting subject, I think, or angle on the same subject, which is you grow up in a place and in a time you're a little bit older than me, five years older, me. But you grew up in Iowa. There's a small town, a small town. And chances are you probably were around people who are racist, right? Possibly. Maybe even family members.
Yes, right. Next door neighbor's dog name was the N-word.
I hope you never got out and did it did. That's driving down the road. All right. I imagine the signs you'd have to put up on the telephone poles if he ever got lost. All right. Answers to. All right.
So I grew up in a little black dog. Was it a boy? Yeah.
All right. Black people reckon offended black people. OK, I grew up in Los Angeles with very progressive hippie parents for the most part. And my family was very progressive.
And so I grew up in so in a totally different environment. So I didn't have racism when I was around. I mean, we didn't have no one called anyone anything. I had black friends. I hung out. That was my world. We'd watch roots. We watch all seven or eight, eight episodes of Roots. And then my mom, momma, just look at me every 10 minutes ago. You see what we did? You see how bad we are.
You see what we did. And that's why we grew up.
And I grew up with my friends, Henry and James Boyd, the two brothers, the two only black guys on my football team. And I have to sleep at their house all the time. So I grew up in an environment that was like, what?
Racism. What are we talking about here? Then you talk to Mike Augusts. Mike Augusts was in Louisiana and he's like, oh, yeah, there's there's plenty of racism to go around. And I grew up in North Hollywood, so I'm like, I'm so cal like, what racism we're talking about. So there's an element of where you grew up versus what your outlook is. Right.
My stepfather was a chief of police. Mm hmm. So, I mean, I also you know, but I'm talking about now I'm talking about every one of these situations. A white guy is not going to get shot in the back way or you get shot all the time. But I know they shoot him all the time. They don't you don't see it. I can put one of the news doesn't report. It doesn't mean that has to report it, let's say, to be bad.
They're cavalier. They're they're more afraid of black bad. They just they look at them as less than and scary. But they still shoot white people like they do black people like they do black men. Black mothers have to warn their kids before they go out. And that's a fact of black fathers have to have that talk that you don't have to have with white kids. And that's a fact. And that's that's not right. I agree. OK, that's what I'm talking about.
White. That's that bullshit I'm talking about. But the race is I think that's a higher level. That's not OK right there. Well, so here's what I think. I think it happens, but I think the news, it happens.
You haven't spent a lot of time with these. Yeah, it happens to the you haven't listened to people. You haven't listened to fathers who who are the most successful people. People you respect have had to have the same conversation with their kids who who are elderly. But that's not OK. That's not OK. That every mother, every African-American brother, every mother has to have the same conversation with their with their babies.
How many people, you figure, shot by cops every year that they get that their kids are going to be treated differently? Less said that's fucking bullshit. You know why? Because of. Racism, but how prevalent you think racism is, how would you like your kid to be fucking yanked out of a car, thrown out of the ground because of racism? They don't do that to white kids. That's not OK. White people get shot and that all the time they don't get treated the same and they don't get treated the same.
They don't get treated the same. But you know that that's what I'm talking about, right? That's what that's racism. OK, all right. But they don't treat women. They treat women differently as well. OK, let's fix that. I think they treat them better. OK. OK, but but I'm on the ground too. But I'm telling you, with kids and young people, it's not OK. And that. What if you're saying women get treated better?
Well, that's OK.
Is 100 percent compliance. Like what if we just had a protocol? But let's have that conversation. If you're fucking have to tell your children, watch out, beware this. They fucking are they fucking chase. They're just treat them. Here's everything's great. We're all even in America, everything's all equal except for this thing, you know? And it's a it's a soul crusher, man. It's a soul. You could do whatever you want. It's all you could be whatever you want in life.
But you're going to have these soul crushing experiences where you're fucking the everything is taken out. It's got kicked. I'm laughing because I was trying to take a call about Bette Midler talking. I'll talk about her, too. And I press the button and it was cash. It's talking about police shootings. And then Tom got all fired up saying that it's that they. All right. What about Bette Midler? Well, she's funny. That was very funny.
Like you said, like a comedian. Like your comedian. I'm a comedian. Bette Midler was hilarious. A joke. But then you said, well, a comedian, it has to be. You made the rule of comedy like they can't hate the person to make a joke about that. Well, they can, but I just mean it's better. I think we all enjoy a roast when we know that whoever's roasting Alec Baldwin probably likes Alec Baldwin or whatever.
It's hard to tell, though. It's really I mean, you don't really know the inner workings of a person's mind. You go all these roasts, would you see those old roasts? You don't know for sure who likes you, but you can still enjoy them. That's true. But, you know, making a racist by Madea, that's one with Sammy Davis Jr. on the set this past. The past. Yeah. You're talking about tough old ones are the best.
But I have to say Bologna, you know, it was a birther and she never she corrects a lot of people on social media, but not her husband, who is just vile. Does she do a lot of. Oh, yeah. She says about me better. And that's her thing. Is her social media campaign beat the best. So that's her thing. Is that for bullying? What bullying? Cyber bullying, cyber bullying. That's her campaign.
That's her professional initiative.
Why is it was it ever work? Whatever this whatever the first lady's initiative is like healthy lunches or cyber bullying or whatever, does it ever work or maybe be out of control if it weren't for the work they're doing?
Well, if you start now, you got you're a reasonable you're you're you could you could critically think would your husband is the worst at something that he's the most powerful man in the world. He's not just a guy and he's the worst at that. Well, and that's your thing. Can you start with.
OK, well, maybe this guy maybe it's a type type of thing where you need to have killed somebody in your car to start your Mothers Against Drunk Driving. Maybe it's a reaction to being married to the worst cyberbully of all time.
You should acknowledge that. You should say that every time you give your speech to say I you should be. That's a very honest thing to say. Do I want to marry to you in the tongue? Do it. Do you know? Because that's what you really help people. I understand I am married to the worst cyberbully of all time, but at the time I can't. I can't. But I am married to the worst cyberbully of all time.
So I know that what it's like to live with someone that cyberbullies. I understand this and I so I have also cyberbully, but I also understand what it's like to live with cyberbully. So I get it. I understand everything, Tom. I just do to keep it on track here for a second. And speaking of that, so your podcast. Yes. Who in the bush with Tom Arnold and Sasha. Sasha is so funny. She's a funny, hilarious young comedian and she started working for me few years.
Your assistant? Yes. She lives with me and the kids. The comedy is, as I just said, sort of apropos of not knowing that you were doing a podcast with your assistant. Most people don't. So. Right.
But I said, could you imagine being Tom and Roseanne's assistant back in the day and then. Later on, when the show ended, Chris said he's doing a podcast with his assistant, which is just a weird coincidence. Yeah, how what would it what did you guys had an assistant back the. Yeah, he shouted assistant. Was it insane for that? Yeah, it was. It was. And I recently saw Kim Silvo. She came out to visit the assistant that Rosie and I married on television on Letterman, Larry.
But Velvet officiated it. There is a lot going on during that. You know, she had an Assistant Caveh Leader who I'm still friends with. And they all Kabi Kim at Rosie took a vacation together and took naked pictures and sent it to me. And I think my brother, my gay brother Chris still has them. And let me just say about these pictures, you know, it's like, you know, I just got the I had these videos of Jerry Falwell, his naked wife, and the naked pool boy, which just I had to just we just had to show those to get him to be fired from Liberty University.
And there is a point where I've got his wife. I have to say this about Jerry Falwell's Becky Falwell. You know, she's she's cute. And if you if you could squint at the poor boy, he's got a fucking hammer and a great body. And if you could squirt a little bit, you know, I've been I've been a signal for a load. It courted with my kids and my assistant. You know, if you kind of just push them out of the frame and Jerry follows the corner jerking off, if you can push that out, you know, she's a and I know says a little perverted, but, you know, that's a pretty good that's a pretty good thing.
And then with your wife and you love your wife to death, but she should not have taken those pictures, I think with the two smoking hot young assistants. I just say, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's like and I also think it is this stuff, if I could fuck with me, like, get me in some sort of trouble. Roseanne taking the pictures with the hot assistants. Naked. Yeah, naked.
And you know, this is before they ever really had laws against it. They have laws about anything you like. About twenty five years ago. Yeah. Yeah. You have a gay brother.
Yes. Chris, if he had a dog back in the old neighborhood with the name of my God. Oh my God. These guy that that neighbor. You know what it Artaud, you were either really racist, like hillbilly raises or you hated the hillbilly racist because they're so fucking embarrassing, you know, that it's it it wasn't till after I left how to get what's the University of Iowa that that I said, oh, there's another kind of racism, systemic racism, like there was you either a full filthy N-word, every other word racist that that's what I thought racism was.
And we fucking hated them every fucking day because they're so embarrassing fucking mouth, Bri, that we fucking fought them every day. They were disgusting. You know, I was Jewish to do what? Roseanne she got kind of cancelled a couple of years back. Kind of pretty. Pretty. Pretty much. Yeah. Permanently cancelled. Well, she's accused on hishe. Yes. Boy, what goes on on this dark web that I'm unaware of. I don't know what's going on.
I want to talk I turn out that you're protecting yourself. I turned you know what I do? I go to bring a trailer dotcom and I check and see what use cars are for sale. And then I answer a couple of tweets and then I leave the house. I have no idea of all these groups and all this stuff. Is Rosann into that? Well, yeah. You know, before how do we know she's in? Well, I'll tell you how she says it, but she says it.
But before the show came back, you know, she had she had a lot of she put a lot of stuff out there. So it seems like the ABC people would bid. Hey, we're aware of the stuff you put out there. The she'd already written every member of Congress saying John McCain was a traitor. And and the bastard thinks the bombing was a false flag. Know, so she was already all in with these these cuidad crazy people.
And so you think they would have that OK, zero Tweetie or whatever. So, you know, and so during that time, my my former stepdaughter reached out to me at that, said, what can you help us?
That I and my solution was very and and so I investigated, you know, I had the vice show so people that can you know, and I hosted the Gabey convention. So I do know people, young people that could hack. You know that. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, she had a chance following a couple just total tool douche bags that are these guys that take their profits. And so I got very involved with their, you know, stuff on the Internet.
I got involved with their stuff and she did so.
First off, yeah, she was she did she need money, she said, I have no idea. I do think she should be said she would. She got probably two hundred million dollars in it reciprocates every five years. So. Well, you know, but again, I said there was a night when I like and her boyfriend, my solution for when she started tweeting was simple. Go fuck it. Take your phone and throw the fucking river like there's no way I would have let her tweet you because she when I was with her, like, she would want to quit the show every day.
And, you know, it's always a battle. And I always knew you would be so mad at yourself if you quit the show. And so I would at one point I said to her, my stepdaughter, a phone that went to another server. So her tweets go to this other separate server before they went up the air. And then I said it, just tell her Donald Trump does it, do his own tweets. There's a billion solutions.
Right? And then one night I was like, I was going to go over there to her fucking place. It just take it. You could shut her wife out. There's a lot of where she went, even though well, I think she was in El Segundo when she was filming.
That's where I got at her boyfriend. So fucking lame.
How who fucking lets you know you shut it down or why she didn't you. Shit, if you're Chattaway friend, can you just shut shut her down. Yeah.
You could shut down her fucking ability to tweet, I'll tell you that. Do you think because she you could she could figure out why you're doing.
I promise you there's a way but ultimately you need to just shut it out for short periods of time that you come to her senses or have a very positive intervention with positive people.
How is her what do you think of her mental state right now, do you think?
Well, I don't know.
Maybe. Yeah, yeah, she's fine. I mean, to blame that is is you know, she's, you know, in her show, you know, she does have runs, but people remember the show got canceled the first time. John Goodman wasn't on it the last year, the run he quit.
So, you know, I don't she seems to be having fun. Her son is filming her. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. He films all that stuff. So there's an awareness to that's further, you know. And so I think she's just like any Trump supporter, fucked up. We're still we're stand up with her.
We're stand up with you.
Oh, I love it. I love doing it. I was I would be doing it if I could. Right now. I love doing it.
Would you be if this was a normal non covid year? We have a whole bunch of days. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How many dates would you do?
You know, every other week at least I'd be sober.
Go out somewhere. Yeah. Because I had the kids so I'd be, I'd do as many as I could at least. How old are your kids. They're seven and four and a half.
And divorced now. Yeah. Divorced. Yes. Did you get to keep the house. I did. I did it. I sold the house and it very much downsized my life. And, you know, in February, I had massive organ failure of, you know, I didn't know I was on life support for eleven days. It but I find what happened.
Well, I think it was a combination of I had a really bad flu and a virus and and I think the virus or a virus, the virus did it. But I also with the stress of this stuff with the kids. And have you been tested there? Was it a test when I was there?
But I go, you know, a part of a part of the test, a part of the the big the tests for we were, you know, are you're part of the group.
Yeah. Yeah, I am. And, you know, I'm very close to the hospital because that's where my children's heart camp is, a big camp. I have it. So I'm over there back and forth and very lucky. Very lucky. I got by that, you know. So yes, I'm very lucky. I have very. But I also felt like it was I just put the kids of their mom's car to go to. I we had seen her a little bit to go to parts unknown.
And I remember that night I was sit there like, OK, we're in a guest house because we had to move out of our house.
It kind of and I was like, OK, I've tried to calm down like I do at the end of every day. Usually nothing was like this seemed to be very and then I'm so glad I didn't go to sleep because I was like, I'm going to make myself go to sleep.
Or and I was like, no, this is something different. Something, you know, something is different. I'm going to I'm going to call an ambulance first. I'm going to drive myself to UCLA. And I thought, no, I should call an ambulance. So anyway, they came and first they came into the person I stayed with, set them back. They thought they'd come because the dogs or they it is ambulance that fire. Something, and then they then they came and and by the time they came out, I was having trouble talking.
I was because I you know, I wasn't panicked. I was like having trouble with my lungs.
And then by the time I got down there, I did I usually would call ahead and say to, you know, this person that I work with there, I'm coming in, you know, and I didn't do that. And so they didn't have my my pseudonym with all my information.
So you're always took me a little bit by organs. Shut down pretty fast. Very fast. So by the time I woke up, you know, I was on the but which is a heart lung thing. And then my kidneys said that, you know, I, you know, was trying to figure out, you know, my gay brother was out there with his dog issues with his husband. The he was assuming I was dead. He does have a dog.
Does it add at people or. You know, my manager, Chris, was already working out jokes for the funeral, but I just said by now the the doctors who are the top, you know, the cardiologist, because the kids camp got over there and I said, what do I and, you know, the doctors are working out here like, buddy, you are lucky to be alive if you live and your life will be so different, like you're going to go from here to a residential thing because your heart, your whatever, and there's going to be no war.
Basically, what I heard was no more play with your kids. And so when my guys got there who are very you know, they're a little more I said, what do I have to do to get out of here? And they they said, these are the numbers on each machine you have to hit.
And two weeks later, which was also terrible patient, they wanted me. I want you. So I have the numbers.
And so what if you didn't call the ambulance at that particular time, like, well, I just gone to bed, I'd be dead. But I think I do like I've always had a sense. I mean, I think you have a sense of I'm very lucky. I'm lucky to know that to you know, to know that I'm lucky that I'm very grateful to the people there, the hospital. I'm grateful to those doctors. I'm grateful that they're by that I that are blessed to have had those kind of people in my life.
I'm grateful that the Abos came a second time.
What you know, I don't always picture this. When I when I think of you, I picture you at age 19 or something, working at like the Hormel factory in Iowa where they're making the ham and you taking that knife out of the hot water, cutting a piece of pork and cooking it in the hot water, like, I guess the Suvi now is what Tom was doing. The Hillbilly Sufian. That's going to be my next book back in the day.
But I always I'm kind of picturing it, but I'm not I don't know if I have it pictured just right.
So tell us that sweet hillbilly. OK, I'll tell you that. But I want to say this about calling you is because of a father said you don't have any. If it was just me, I'd be like, oh, obviously this could be OK. But I think what's your father?
You know, fuck, I got a lottery. I got this responsibility. You just look you think of things different, right? Anyway, Hambone, in the Hambo department, you know, we were fat hams on the you know, the headline. Well, that means you cut you cut that off the hands with the electric knife that the circular knife effect. There's this guy up top that skids of spins are with a alola and they come 19 or 20.
Well, I started there when I was eight, but I started livestock, which is a shit job. And then I moved inside of the kill floor. Right at the kill floor is. Yes. The worst place for China. Yeah. They're going to be slaughtered six thousand a day. It's a thousand hogs. Yeah. You've got to make your own blood. Not kosher. Yeah. Kosher at all. But you know, by I'd worked there for forty five years so it's a lot of ranches in there so.
But, but then I got to Hambo which is a little nicer and, and refrigerated so it's a little cooler and so we use the curity.
What happens to the Hormel's. No. One. The thing you're most proud of. So you have to sked, you have to fathom which is really defat you gotta get to the federal court to quarter today of fads like perfect. And then once a while I cut a big chunk of that. You had these boiling hot cauldrons to stick your knife, your circular knife into to make sure it was clean and that cuts of choux I have right off the half and I put them in there, cook up that.
That's what we eat. Suvi. Yeah. Very good day. Yeah. God you know it's so funny when you have a shitty job and I've had some. Shitty jobs, you don't think I got to get out of here? You think I got to get from the slaughter yard inside? Right. You know, and then once you get inside, you've got to go. I got to go from the part where we're gutting these things. Right?
The part where I'm fighting. Yeah. And you keep, you know, thinking in terms of I get the fuck out of here, like when I'd be on a construction site digging ditches, I go I got to get to the point where I'm carrying drywall. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Digging ditches, you know, but you don't really think bigger, which is I got to get out of here when I worked at McDonald's. I got to get to the cash register from the grill.
Yes, exactly. Really what you need to do is get the fuck out of there total because livestock was all shit, little shit, all of their shit. And there's abscesses in your deal. Those fucking hogs that you you know, you got to run them up the chute to get electrocuted. And then you get sometimes you got to fucking, you know, shoot him in the back of the head that there's shit and abscess everywhere you get inside to kill floor.
Yeah, it's fucking horrible. But then you get into Hambone and then you get into the to the smoke smoke shop because everything's cooked there and then you can fuck it. It's a little it's better pace because that's where the bacon is. That's where the fucking and that's a little more elite. And you can start bringing home the bacon for you. Really. You do. You do. You just got to be crafty. You got to keep your car parked a certain place and there's not as much supervision because a lot of that didn't work.
If you could hang out and do the dirty work, like when I started college, I was day college night work there. You could kind of figure out ways to slip. You know, you park your car a little closer, you do stuff and, you know, you just got to work things out.
How much bacon stealing? Were you doing it?
A lot. A lot. I did it all by jobs. In fact, what I what I went to Iowa City. I work in a place called Paul's Discount, and I made a bed. So all these people I made a bed as a McDonald's. You know what you do. How do you do that at McDonald's? Well, how do you make amends? Well, I. I called up the owner who had made yes. I made a big donation to the Ronald McDonald House.
He cried when I called him. Really? Yeah. That I played about Saturday Night Live. Kevin O'Brien. We're still very good friends. He was shocked that I stole had so much. But just so you know, I still get one game box with 6000 game tickets, you know, like for free, you know, probably somebody, you know, they'll give you a little pocket with your cash register and you really got to be a fucking idiot.
You got to really work your numbers when you're wearing your uniform. Yes. Oh, when it used to be a lot of cash.
But you also had to figure out what you took out of the hopper that was in there too long that you threw away like. Right. You have to add that buddy up and go. I take it that amount of money out of the going. Advocates say I threw away this one thing. What is that total? Because your character has to be perfect at the end. So you have to subtract what you allegedly threw away and did it. So, yeah.
So we as you guys know, they have the hopper with the with the grow light over it. And sometimes in my case, somebody ordered like twenty six filet of fish and never pick them up, you know, and then if it sits in the hopper with the heating lamp in it for more than an hour or two hours, whatever the time is, you got to throw it out. So if you're going to pocket cash, you've got to figure out what's in that hopper.
Right, what the cash value is. And it's got to balance out. It's got to zero out it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they let you work the register. I had the grill they just said. But he also there's I remember him staring at me watching me because I was a suspect and he kind of stared at me, watch me for me and the pocket was small and my ass is so big it was tight. So I really was aware of history and I really had to be clever to figure out things.
But he's such a nice guy. He owns all the McDonald's in Iowa City, him and his family, one of the nicest people I've ever met.
But it's amazing that Tom Arnold was a heavyset kid with his job at McDonald's and at the Hormel Ham factory.
But it did you I was that heavy set for Iowa, say, right before Iowa. You were in Iowa. Yeah, but you were definitely Venice Beach. Yeah. Well, Paul's discount. What I would do is Paul's this guy was a sporting goods store at everything. We had goods, we had bullets. We had every kind of sporting goods. And what I would do is I made a deal with my buddy who drove a beer truck and he would come and drop off.
Fifty case of beer cubie is his date. He also worked at the big bar there dormant. He got fired for this too, but he would drop off a case of beer a Friday night before a football game. And then what I would he would Vidia was people would come in and I'd be working. They'd point they put different things in a shopping cart. What they wanted that was the deal is kind of what I paid.
You buy beer at Paul's as well? No, no, no. But they put what they wanted his shopping cart. And at the end of the day, I would make sure that I got everything out and I had a big they they sold these famous big chip bags. And every day I went to. No big Gebek everywhere I went out with the gym bag with a new gym bag, but it was full of stuff, so it appeared like I bought one gym bag is the nobody knew there was a divot manager where I came in and then the manager always gave me a ride home.
So as we got up to the front, he would click off the security thing because I could get all the security bands off of the stuff and I had a thing at home to take them off before my customers came over, picked up the stuff.
What was in the gym bag? Oh, everything.
They cover it with bullets and weapons and whatever. Sometimes a gas, gas lamps and everything. Whatever they wanted, they put in their shopping cart. I put the shopping cart, golf clubs. I had drugs in my shop. It you'd put it in the duffel bag. Yeah. Or else read it out to my car during my shift. If they're like golf clubs or some would fit in there. Hey, if Tom goes to the back of the shop, he's some kind of keep an eye on him.
No, no. But that I called that I made amends to them to instead of a whole bunch of money and an international Iowa GOP. But it was so different. As we walk up to the front, the managers are so nice. I get right up and I'd be right behind you. Just give me a ride home and click. He click off the security, right. It's like, all right, how now how do you make amends with that?
Because how do we estimate how how much in merch you lifted from Paul? I sat and I thought about it. You know what? I first got sober and I, I over I felt like I over. I should give what I like. First of all, I wrote a letter and then I called people and then I said them more than I thought, you know, I thought, what you figure you think it was ten thousand dollars so that it wasn't.
Yeah. That it was. It's the wrong way with you.
Is that was that all part of that seven step. What step is that where you make amends.
Well, the seventh yeah. I think I've had a few people make amends to me. Yeah I you think about people like I have to make amends. You know, you don't make a mess of somebody, you make them uncomfortable. Oh step nine. Sorry. I'm sorry but don't you think I know. But you don't make people like I people there are people that take this program go and make people so uncomfortable. You know, if somebody is hurt, you could also go no thank you to people.
I try. Yeah, well though you could do that. Yeah.
OK, I think Margaret Cho did it to me. Kathy Griffin's party is like we are cool. Yeah. It should be a party, but she wants to do it. But it real quick. But you just have to be more affordable. They should be more formal.
But yeah, I don't know if I would have accepted the invitation because my feeling with everyone is everything. So it's like I had no problem moving on. But, you know, you also write about it and also about your acceptance of people, you know, because a lot of people hurt your feelings. You got to deal with that.
But that's how long your step nine must have taken a number of years. Don't you do that? And how did you you had to reach out with a lot of business owner? Well, that's your now you do club owners, neighbors, you know, not the one with the N word dog. But I mean, it must have been a lot of people. You had to make amends. Well, there was. And then you have to redo it every five years because you think you think I've got it.
Well, you know, you you try to redo it every day. You try to say, wait a minute or every boat you go way. It was I had to lie there. Was I too. I'm sorry. How long have you been sober?
I've been sober for over three years. I had a you know, I was I was taking care of the last you know, the how are you doing now?
What's the what's the protocol now. Like what what what time do you get up. What's the X.
Well, I have kids. I don't have enough exercise. But what about what are you doing in that. I don't know the wellness department or any you know, any meditation going on. Yeah. Any I don't know. Or herbs that are being you herbs at all.
I mean, I, you know, it's the kids that I, we, we exercise, we walk, you know, we're recording. So we try to eat healthier every week, you know, because of, you know, some I'm try to make my organs healthier and healthier.
I go back to the hospital every other week and and that's something that, you know, we try to I mean, I'm very grateful about my life.
I love every day and just try to be a little healthier. Sasha is a very healthy person. It's good having a solid number one, having a woman in the house and she's extremely healthy.
All right. I'm good. All right. You know, I don't know. I'm just being a dad. It's it's a lot of work, I will tell you that. Are you doing OK? I split custody thing. Yeah. Yeah, but they're but they're they're a lot. But I have them, I, I have them. You know, they they their school as well, bed with me and, you know, cyber schooling now or what due to cyber schooling and it it's a little more difficult than you think.
Plus to keep them interested. Yeah, we got a little school house and, you know, I'm not a fan, but the little girl, I didn't want her to even have to do it this year. Preschool seem stupid last year.
Yeah. You know, it's so funny when you have kids and they end up like everyone tells you how important preschool is or whatever it is, and they end up just sitting in a circle looking where they take care for the rich because they're not learning anything.
And this whole thing is like they're not going to adjust. They're not going to be able to interact with human beings because they weren't exposed to them when they were three and a half. Like, I bet they'll figure it out.
They also love being with their dad. You know, I'm 61 and all the above was just fighting fire fighting and this and that. I said, listen, I'm their dad of 61. You know, my dad was 18 when I was raised by a single dad. And when he was 22, he had a four year old, three year old and a one year old. And we always thought our dad was boring. And I look back on that and I want my kids to have as many memories and we do adventures like this.
So we're saying you should sign them up for School of Rock Camp. And I said, my house is the fucking school of rock camp. They make films. We made a video. My kids love the music. They love. If you listen to it, it's harder than probably your parents allowed you to listen to it and stuff. We made a video. You got to check it out. Big Wasabi. It's on our society that we bleeped out the words for the kids version.
But it's really what's going on in our by house because everybody calls me. It says my rep. I called and said, hey, I just want to do it. I see it. Live it with your. Are you guys fucking that they I mean, everybody all my old friends, I go no but they go out if they show because she's thirty eight. Here I go. No but we could be good. Your Rabbi. Well yeah.
Well the guy for the Jewish rehab I go no but I should, I don't think I could at home improvement show on Discovery Judiciary. But people think you should put a light bulb in, you should put the light bulb in already.
But I could you know, coming next on Jewish rehab, I could have started already. Yeah.
Before we let it pass, Tom briefly alluded to playing his former manager on SNL in a sketch. That's the great sketch with Phil Hartman or Bill Clinton.
Yeah, Donald. Oh, now we have to see it.
Thank you. And historian. Yeah, SNL historian Brian Bishop. And with our own Rob Schneider standing. Yes. Do we finally got to have a clip the like? I find it.
All right. Let me hit Dodge here. This is summer to take advantage of Dodge Power, drive home any 2020, challenge your Charger Durango and save a bunch of money. Ten bucks for horsepower is basically how we're going to do this. Charger SRT scat packs 485 horsepower and that would then equal four thousand eight hundred and fifty bucks. Off the line up includes the most powerful SUV ever, the eight hundred and seven horsepower Dodge Charger SRT super stock and more than just power.
First domestic brand to rank number one in initial quality and appeal in the same year as per J.D. Power. And they are the gold standard for this stuff. So get your local Dodge dealer this summer and take advantage of Dodge Power while it lasts. Never been a better time to join the Brotherhood of Muscle with Dodge and take advantage of all the savings at your local Dodge dealer. All right, we got the clip.
I think it's just you paying homage to your. Oh, yeah, that's good. Although this guy's good owner got here. This is a six minute stretch.
That's a quarter pounder with cheese, two fries and a coke. That's Phil as Bill. Yeah, Phil's the best person ever. That's how I complete. Let's stop in here for a second. I'm a little parched from the jug. Sir, we've only been jogging for three blocks. I remember that you asked us not to let you into any more fast food places. Well, I just want to mingle with the American people, talk with some real folks, maybe get a Diet Coke or something.
Fine, but please don't tell Mrs. Clinton, Neil and Jim, let me take good credit, is going to be a whole bunch of things we don't tell Mrs. Clinton. This is the latest word. Oh, my God. Bill Clinton. Oh, my God. Hey. Hey, how are you doing? Nice to meet you. How are you? Oh, that's an adorable baby. What's your name, sweetheart? Her name is Secura Secure.
That means African Princess, doesn't it? Why, yes. She certainly is beautiful enough to be a princess.
So are you going to finish these fries? You want some? Well, if you're not going to eat them, Zarghun, you take good care of your mom. Hello. Good to meet you. What's going to happen next? What are we doing over here? Open hardware. We've all for you, sir. Well, thank you. You own your own hardware store, huh? Yes, sir. Since 1972. Well, good for you. You know, we want to create a network of community development banks to lend money to small businesses like yourself so your boy doesn't like because he.
And good luck to you. I wake up every morning thinking about you. Forget once I miss Mr. President. I'm Kevin O'Brien, manager. There he is. All right. I just want to thank you for stopping by again. Well, thank you, Kevin. You've got a real American family place here. Is it too late for an Egg McMuffin? Well, normally we stop serving breakfast, 11:00, but for you. Thanks so much. Hey, should I scare off some of the big greasy sausage patties you like here at my OK.
McLean Burger Gardens, you, Governor Clinton, I'm a sophomore in college, and I may have to drop out because my parents can't afford the tuition. Speak of the devil. That's one of those mccleen sandwiches, isn't it? Yeah. Would you like to try it? Well, maybe just about. All right, all right, all right, Phil Hartman are so brilliant, not only brilliant, but he literally doesn't miss a syllable that he found from a tactical point of view.
Care to watch the sketch all the way through? He is taking monster bites of those fucking images and burgers and still going like this. You had the foresight to give him some water because he's like chewing and still hitting all his beat.
Yeah, I might be wrong. I haven't seen that sketch in years.
But isn't that one of the very few times he actually breaks because he's eating so much intercepted by warlords?
I got to say that, you know, there's two parts to doing a sketch. One is memorizing the dialogue. And the other part is when to get up and move and where to land and where to be sort of facing out toward the camera and not sort of turning your back to the camera and like, went then to get up from one table, leave, go to the next table, sit down, then when to get up because there's other people are entering.
There's a lot of moving pieces. So it's like you're using sort of two parts of your brain. You're using the dialogue part, which is trying to memorize all the dialogue. And then the other part is then what prompts me to get up and go and then where do I stand? And if you go walk too far and don't hit your mark and you're standing four feet from where you should stand, then it fucks up everyone else who's coming in and the cameras, all the blocking and stuff.
So the idea that Phil Hartman can do and you don't have you know, this isn't like you're doing a play and you're going to you know, you're going to be off Broadway for three years. Like this is one and done. And he's also got all those props, right? He's got his hands are moving. He's got all this stuff he's eating. He's got divot. Farley had one little tiny city anchored in the corner of the table and he stuttered on his one line.
One line, right. Oh, Phil, Harvard's best ever. I have great respect for that, guys. I loved his such. And he also, by all accounts, is a lovely day.
What is amazing, you have be loved. Yeah, a lot of fun. He shall be missed and good this year. Are you doing standup? Are those places open? Yeah, I got a book there Tempy anniversary of September 18th and 19th in Salt Lake City. Oh my gosh. I've got to, I have to, OK. I didn't go there once.
The last time he did stand up, probably January. I thought everything closed. I think I assume everything is closed out now. You can travel around and. Good. And then the question and by the way, whatever that ring rust you think you might have, it doesn't really happen.
The way we thought it was going to happen was that everyone, all the comedians thought you take a few months off, you get out there, you're going to have trouble. Right, because they looked at it like you're a boxer who's not been in training camp and you're going to have, like, the ring. Whereas everyone I've talked to, including myself, says, just go out there and just get right up. You get to do this. You know, you make a choice maybe, but you get to make videos with your kids.
Yeah, that's true. That's really true, though. That is something. All right.
So let me hit simply say and then we'll break and do some news that Tom Arnold know once you feel unsafe at home, period. And that's why there is simply safe to eyes there. Simply safe is where you go. Simply safe. Dotcom, Adam and get a break. All right. Let's take a quick break. We're coming right back with Tom Arnold in the news right after this.