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Well, longtime 60 Minutes producer IRA Rosen is going to be joining us to talk about all those iconic 60 Minutes stories. And we got the news coming up as well.
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But you can keep your job. Is yours with liveblog identity theft protection. Join now and save up to 25 percent off your first year at LifeLock Dotcom with promo code. Adam, that's twenty five percent off. And LifeLock dotcom promo code Adam. It's time to check Adam's voice mail. Hey, a funny thing about Andrew Cuomo, huh? He went from Emmy Award winner to get an Emmy Tud.
You can leave us a message at eight eight eight six three four one seven four four. Speaking Emmy Award winning, our next guest, IRA Rosen, has won twenty four Emmy Awards in 40 years.
Is that correct?
Yeah, I only built shelves for 20 of them, so it's a problem.
Wow. New book, Ticking Clock behind the scenes at 60 Minutes available now on Amazon. Well, this has always been one of my favorite shows, so I'm interested in all that's gone on behind the scenes there. So welcome to the show.
Thanks for having me.
So you show up in 1980 as a segment producer? No, I should.
I showed up as a as a little picture in 1980 with barely enough journalism experience to to to get a job as a copy boy in Long Beach, California. And what happened was Don Hewitt had seen a story I'd done locally and liked it. And Don was Don was the creator of 60 Minutes, and he operated out of a sense of touch. He didn't need a resume to say if he liked you, I didn't like you. And when I sat down with Don, I told him that I learned the art of storytelling from working the lights in the Catskill hotels, the comedians, Henny Youngman, Jan Murray, Red Buttons and what their genius was.
They told a joke like, Take my wife, please, for words. Beginning, middle and end has motivation or I'm going to take my wife to a place she's never been before that kitchen. So, yeah. So, you know, it has that sort of rhythm to it. And that's the way I always thought TV story should be told. I said this to Don and he says, me too. That's where I learned storytelling. And so he walks me down the hallway into Mike Wallace, his office, and he says, it doesn't matter if I like you.
He has to. And don't try to make me at first comfortable. Mike wanted me to be uncomfortable. So he sits me down and he says an amazing question. He says, I know what I could do for you. What could you do for me? And I really didn't have a good answer because I couldn't think of one. And then I noticed was a tennis ball in the corner of his office. I said, you play tennis? And he said, What's it to you?
And so I said, well, I was on the tennis team. And he said later he figured he get six months of tennis out of me before firing me. So that's how I got my start with a guy in 1980.
Did Wallace was it. Am I remembering, right, that Wallace son is the one who at that tragic accident in Greece, like he fell down a mountainside?
No, you're right. Yeah, I know he had he had two boys, Peter and Chris. Chris, you obviously know. And Peter was the one who was hiking in Greece and fell off the side of a mountain. And Mike didn't hear from him for a few weeks. So he went back to Greece and he was the one who ended up discovering the body. You know, Peter was on the way to a monastery to visit an old monastery.
And can you imagine looking down the side of a mountain and seeing your son's body at the bottom? And it changed his life forever because he decided at that point that he's going to take up what Peter wanted to do, which was being a journalist at the time, like was doing fluff commercials and cigaret commercials. And he had kind of a lame show on TV, but he decided to turn his life around and he went into CBS News and he took a big pay cut.
And and, you know, the rest is, by the way, during that period of time, he got friendly with Richard Nixon. And Nixon had offered him the job of press secretary, which Ron Ziegler later took. And so Mike had a choice go to be Richard Nixon's press secretary or start the show that this crazy guy thing you would want wanted to start, which was 60 Minutes. Pretty good choice.
How many years is 60 Minutes been running now?
Fifty three. I bet that's crazy. One second only to South Park in terms of longevity people.
And also there's been a lot of fun, a lot of satellites. I don't mean satellite stuff, but I just mean they're 60 Minutes Australia right there. Sixty minutes. And Europe, I guess they've they've franchised.
Right. They franchise the name, but they can't franchise the magic. The magic is the art of storytelling, which you do and which you know, anybody who's kind of does this stuff for a living does well. And what do you what's the secret sauce of 60 Minutes is? Tell me a story. And that's Don actually wrote a book called Tell Me is the. And and that's what was ingrained to us at the very beginning when when I would be doing this book, you know, some people take notes, I would be writing stories, you know, from from what I did, you know, I mean, I met Marlon Brando and, you know, Marlon Brando was in his time, the world's greatest actor.
And he and I got to know each other a little bit. And he I call him up on a on in April when it was his birthday. And I said, Hey, Marlon, happy birthday. He said, What is it with you guys? Birds don't celebrate birthday birthdays. Trees don't celebrate birthdays. Animals don't celebrate birthdays. Well, I'm just calling out to wish you happy birthday. I don't care. And then he would call me up.
And by the way, that check that he never said, hello, how are you? He would just start talking and you would last ten minutes and then he would just abruptly hang up. So one day he calls me up and he says, you know, these people who had these great reputations, who are really assholes. I said, Marlon, I got to meet somebody at a local bar. And he said he ignores the comment and he said, Charlie Chaplin, great reputation, total asshole, William Saroyan, great reputation and total asshole.
And I said, Marlon, listen, can we talk about this later? And then he starts reading me Saroya and in that Brando voice and needless to say, I stuck around for the duration. That was pretty cool.
Ultimately, we we he, Mike Wallace, myself and him had dinner in, you know, in off of Mulholland Drive. And Mike can't resist himself and Marlon can't resist. So he says to Mike, You know, Mike, I admire you for a long time for your acting ability. And he says, What are you talking about? I'm a journalist. No, no, you're a great actor. The raised eyebrows, the look of astonishment. You know, you're a genius.
So Mike decides to give it back to how did you get so fat? And he said, well, I'll go to Baskin Robbins. I can't decide what flavor ice cream I want. So you end up ordering every one, every flavor they have. And I bring it home and I eat it all. At which point he says, Mike, I'm sixty seven years old. I don't need to establish my reputation by showing America what an asshole you are.
Let's just be friends. And I, of course, go crazy. So Brando had one final conversation with me after that. He didn't want to have much to do with me after that dinner. So he pulls me up and he said, You play the stock market. I said a little bit, I don't have much money. He said, well, let me give you a tip. I said, what's that company called Apple? I said, I never heard of it.
You said, you will. I'm telling you, trust me, put all your money into it. So I go to Wallace and I say, hey, Mike, you know, I just had this conversation. Brando tells me about this company called Apple. You said you're going to buy the stuff. I said, are you crazy? Why would I take a stock tip from a guy who can't decide what flavor ice cream will. Wow.
What year what year was the apple conversation? Just like eighty four. Yeah. And Steve Jobs wanted Brando to do commercials at that time, so he approached him and you know, you know, he so he found out a little bit about the company. The company had obviously gone public, was being traded, but people didn't. You know, it was I'm sure some people focused on it but not a lot.
I was just literally in my shop an hour and a half ago looking at the apple. So I have the first race car that Apple sponsored back in 1980.
So they were they were doing well enough in 1980 that they could sponsor a Porsche nine thirty five for a season, which is an expensive car to go to Lamarque or to Paris or France, race at Le Monde, race at all these these big races.
But it is weird when you're looking at the car and you just looking at the pictures and the old pictures of the car and and I it's funny because I do always think of Apple's kind of a new new company. But we're we're we're now kind of knocking on the door.
Fifty years, right. I mean, if they were sponsoring a nine thirty five in nineteen eighty, nineteen eighty one, that wasn't two guys in a garage at that point. I mean they were selling some units.
It's kind of crazy to think that we are coming up on I mean, I don't know, we're. Forty five years. Forty six years after somebody could figure it out. But yeah that's what I was doing two hours ago, staring at an apple livery on a car.
I don't own any stock either, but I should have. I bought the car. Who did you. I'm looking down these lists list of host through the through the years and I have my favorites. You know, Ed Bradley left this too early. Was he the bad? Everybody loved the guy, everybody wanted to work with him. He had just this magic about it. He would he would take his suits and he would just change his entire wardrobe and throw it away every three years.
Before we move from Ed Bradley, I'm sorry, you may know where this is going. Can you please, as somebody with some insight, tell us about the earring.
The world stopped turning when we saw the earring. Yeah, yeah, Ed was, you know, Ed loved his jazz and loved his music. And he would go he would become a major fixture at Jazz Fest in New Orleans. And one day he just decided to put an earring on. You know, the fellow musicians got him into it and he just wore it. And, you know, it fit perfectly with him. It was a great it was great now.
Yeah. You used to go down there and play. There was there's a song, 60 Minutes man. And he'd got he'd take the stage of whatever band was playing it and he'd play tambourine. He was just cool. And I think he paved the way for the old guy.
Ering I got to believe without Ed Bradley there would be no Harrison Ford earing, you know.
And I think you're right. I think you're exactly right. Yeah. Once again, the white man ripping off the black man's culture every time a man so I like I'm going to go for a deeper cut.
I always like Scott Pelley. Am I saying the same way, Scott Pelley, Scott Pelley? Yeah, Scott Pelley, I don't know why I like that guy. I like that. I mean, Harry Reasoner was awesome. Mike Wallace, of course, Morley Safer.
I mean, I don't know.
Will we ever how can we ever first off, what kind of numbers was 60 Minutes doing at the height of its powers?
Because, you know, it was always appointment viewing Sunday night. You know, you could hear the iconic opening, the the stopwatch ticking. Yeah. Like, was that was that a top five show?
Top three show was the number one show in the country, probably hitting 30 million viewers easy. You know, I wrote in my book that it had an audience that rivaled the Super Bowl today at its height. And that's what was so amazing when they they kind of gave me a job. They were the number one show in the country and they assigned me to the number one correspondent in the country. And you were mentioning those people. I mean, Scott is a master at putting together a story.
He's he's a he learned from Don that sense of storytelling. Harry Reasoner was another one who was a genius. He did the story. You may remember it. He what they were selling off the movie Casablanca. And they were they were selling it off piece by piece. And he did a story about that. I mean, who would ever think of doing that? And he said in a tuxedo and he said, you know, everyone remembers who they saw the movie Casablanca with.
And if she's looking in right now, here's looking at you, kid. And he took it, took a belt. And, you know, it was just magical. You know, Morley Safer going down on the Orient Express, the last train ride in Europe, and the majesty of that. Harry did a story once, which I always loved about old people driving in Florida, you know, where where the problem is, you know, so on one hand, they can't drive.
But on the other hand, if you take away their license, they're dead. They're dead. They're just going to sit at their home and die. So so the judges end up letting them keep their licenses, even though some of them are half blind. And it was just it was a story that 40 or 50, whatever number of years later, it's still it's still is is it has resonance to it. People still remember that story.
I could remember I have these weird little flashbacks. I the the the pieces like when they interviewed Muhammad Ali.
Oh yeah. And he I think he would pretend to fall asleep and then pop up and scare the crap out of I don't know who was trying to think of who.
Well he's probably been on multiple times there. Weird little. No, no.
But that was that was a fantastic story. The producer on that, John Hamlin, actually had known about that little scene beforehand and was able to sort of, you know, have it play out to play a little bit of a gag on it. So, yeah, I know these are incredible stories that that were done. They stay in your house. Do you guys you guys know that story?
60 Minutes was never not on there. And there is one and there's one. And I won't I won't help you at all because I just have this little glimpse. But I was probably watching when I was 19 and it struck me as bizarre. They're interviewing some Idi Amin type, some guy who was the tyrannical ruler of some banana republic or something. And he was there were asking him up there, interviewing him at a big gathering and outdoor gathering, a festival, a celebration of and and whoever is interviewing him said to him and he was like, you know, out of central casting with the big general outfit on and everything.
And they said to him, in your country, there's so much oppression of women and and rape. And the guy goes, look around. Do you see anyone being raped? And I just remember thinking he was at a cocktail party, like in the palace, you know? And I just remember thinking, what an insane statement. Like, how can you say there's rape in my country? And look, look, we have an open bar. We have a cheese platter over here.
You know, you don't see anyone being raped in any other.
Great one was, of course, when Mike Wallace interview that the Ayatollah Khamenei, where he sat there and he said, you know, this is the hostages are taken and this is. The first big interview with the ayatollah. And Mike says to him, you know, Anwar Sadat, who was head of Egypt at the time, Anwar Sadat, called you a lunatic. Not me. Forgive me. Not me. Not me, Kim. Right.
And you could see, you know, the ayatollah is not even looking at my kids like, you know, the sky fly on my suit. And then suddenly he looks up at the guy and says, basically, you know, Sadat. It's going to get his and he got it right. He was exactly we all know what happened later on. He was assassinated.
I mean, there must have been I mean, it's still going on, but there had to be a kind of a high fear level going into some of those places because.
Well, you did a story. I have it in my book where I did the story in Pakistan. And what happens is you feel the danger more sitting in New York City or in the US when you're in Pakistan, you don't feel the danger. And this is like right after 9/11 and like an idiot, I decide to go to the local Red Mosque where this guy Rozzi was. His English was better than mine. And I figured, oh, you know, he speaks pretty good English.
How bad can I be? Was the al Qaeda guy inside Islamabad? So I go in, I do the interview with him, and it's a pretty good interview. And, you know, he he's he's completely insane. But, you know, whatever. Nobody's perfect. So they we go into the back of the madrassa, am I CBS fixers? And suddenly the two of them are yelling at each other Urdu and like, I'm shaking my head, you know, I'm smiling.
Yeah. You know, this is cool. And my CBS guy takes me by the shirt and grabs me and holds me out into the outside, gets me into the car, and he starts heaving. And I said, what just happened? And he said, well, they were talking about making you another Daniel Pearl. Daniel Pearl was the journalist who had Reinstein and they're talking about making you another Daniel Pearl. And I told them that if they kidnap you, my brother is the police chief in Kohat, a nearby town, and he's going to track every one of the members of your family down by a morning and slaughter them.
And this is how they talk in Pakistan.
And that bought me a minute, you know, like I'm sure you, you know, get slaughtered or you will end up in New York.
So they we got away. But I had no idea what was going on.
In the book, you say Katie Couric is lazy. Diane Sawyer, Two-Faced and Chris Cuomo. I was entitled.
Maybe we should talk a little about that. Chris Cuomo sat in the news now, certainly with his with his brother. What do you mean by entitled?
Well, actually, I didn't say that was a tabloid headline that was taken out of context that. No, actually, I. I work with Chris and I actually kind of liked him. He was he was very upfront, very direct. And as I wrote in my book, you know, I was wrong about the guy. He was able to turn his style and his personality around to sort of make something of himself on CNN. And he made that persona kind of work for him on TV.
What I actually you know, when you when the book gets sort of taken away from you in a in a tabloid world, you sort of lose control of it. But actually, you know, Diane Sawyer and I did some amazing stories together. She's she's an amazing TV correspondent, writer, storyteller.
And so, you know, I'm proud of the work we did there.
Well, walk us through the process. So I think I think a lot of Americans are a little jaded and they think, you know, while the reporter sits down and reads the teleprompter that someone else loaded up and, you know, travels around, does an interview and stuff. But they probably don't know how involved they are in the in the actual story. So, like, work it from the pitch. I mean, I guess I've been in writers rooms a lot, not not doing news, but you do comedy and you go, here's my pitch.
Here's what I think would be a good idea. This would be funny. We should do this. And the you know, you kind of spitball it and sometimes they work and oftentimes they don't. But at some point if we go, OK, let's do it, then you're the person that has to write that script and sort of bring that thing to fruition, to life. So just sort of walk us through, you know, Monday morning or do they give you a Monday?
They give you Monday off.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. No, no. What what it no, it's not Monday, OK. But what you do is there's something called the blue sheet system, which is a quitclaim deed on a story. Usually in the old days, it was whatever was in The New York Times that day, and and you try to get your blue sheet in, and then if you do, you own that story. But a lot of times it's just reading magazines, talking to sources.
So one day, one of my favorite stories, I was reading a magazine about truffles, you know you know what truffles are black truffles, truffles, dogs, them out in the ground in France.
Right. Piggly pigs. But the pigs ended up eating the truffle dogs and.
Oh, yeah, dogs do it now.
So what I discovered was that the Chinese had found the truck, you know, and a handful of truffles could cost a thousand. Oh yeah.
I remember this very well. I know the story very well. Yeah. I like bootleg truffles.
Right. You got it. You got it. And so in China, they, they found a knockoff. What.
Not the China I know now.
They found a knockoff with the truffle that they, they were, they were feeding to the pigs as a sort of waste and they said, the hell with the pigs, let's feed them to the French. So they started exporting the the the Chinese truffles that tasted basically like rubber. And they sent it to France. And then the restaurants in France started selling them to the American visitors, you know, black truffles. And so they said, well, they're black truffles and they're in France.
So they're black truffles from France. And the dumb American visitors didn't know the difference. Oh, this tastes so good. It's like rubber had no smell. It was, you know, so I did. So I said, how about that story? And the guy is a little skeptical. And I said, no, no, no, it's a great story. And, you know, it has a little bit of a it has food and an exposé attached to it.
So I said, OK, go for it. So I go over to France and I meet up with old girl Bon Urbani, who ran the largest truffle operation in the world, and she ends up going truffle hunting with us, wearing a full length nginx mink coat with Lesley Stahl. And and it was just the most fun story. And then in the end, we end up confronting one of these people who repackaged the Chinese truffles as French truffles.
So it had a bit of an investigative story to it. And when we screened it, the executive producer walks in and he said it says, so this is the mushroom storia. And so Leslie says, just watch the story, shut up and say, OK, so we watch the story and jumps up and said that that's a 60 minute story and that's like the highest compliment you could get. So it's the beginning, middle and end of it is the producer.
Certainly sometime most of the time finds the story, puts it together, researches it, writes it. And, you know, if if you're in the hands of, you know, my two favorite correspondents were Lesley Stahl and Bill Whitaker in the hands of those two, they elevated Mike Wallace when he did an interview, turned a B into an aide. That was the real genius of Mike. He was he could look at a total stranger and know exactly what button to push to drive them crazy.
He he was he was a master at that sort of thing.
What so when would you what was tape day on 60 Minutes?
What would you do if you put together the stories in an edit room. Right. And then you go through, you know, revisions. And then what they do is on Friday afternoons, the correspondents tape the intros that you see every Sunday, the night the producer behind it, the best credit in TV, and and then they put it together in the control room. They're marrying your story with what you see at the beginning of the the piece intro, and that's when they marry the ticking clock and all that stuff.
So it's basically all packaged on Friday night. Unless they're crashing a story and if they're crashing a story, it would be package sometimes literally it could be live or it could be maybe an hour before air before the seven o'clock hit time. And, you know, that's happened to me. I did a story even in the old time. I did a story once on Jesse Jackson running for president the very, very first time we taped it that Sunday morning and done you its office.
And I edited the piece together. And then we married it, you know, half hour before broadcast.
What year was the truthful story you recall? Oh, boy, let me think.
And maybe Chris can look it up, but they know I'm one of the largest.
You could go on YouTube now, and it has, like, you know, several million views, pieces or, you know, I think twenty, twelve, twenty, twelve now.
Is that it is it is really the truthful story. And I'm not just saying it because you're here, but that's really the genius of 60 Minutes. I'm from North Hollywood. I grew up eating macaroni and cheese from a box and, you know, spaghetti sauce from a can. I don't think I even tasted a truffle, sadly, at at 2012. And I was fascinated. Riveted. But, you know, you're so used to news. I guess the real key is how do you take this thing?
That doesn't inherently sound interesting. It sounds like a mushroom story and make it super fascinating, you know.
And what do you do it? Yes, I I'm a little lady, and that's helpful. So if I get bored, I just move on. So what I what I did in that truffle story, one of the elements that I was amazed by is that it's Sunday church people, you know, put money into the contribution plate, right. In France. They put truffles into the contribution.
And I heard this. I said, are you serious? Yeah.
You know, farmers, you know, they just throw a vegetable.
Yeah. And so I got a film crew to go there. Think about the expense just to get the farmer putting the truffle into the contribution plate.
And because it was just a moment that you just will remember, it's also I feel like it's an easier pitch if you say to Lesley Stahl, like you want to go to Beirut again or hold on or I have a killer idea where we end up in France.
How about eating chocolate?
You're exactly right. When I mentioned it to Leslie, she just said, I love it. We go, yeah, she ended up bringing her husband. You know, I knew it.
It's so listen, it's it's wandering into the shot like the guys figure this out is Adam Sandler, you know, like, hey, we're doing another movie in Maui.
When he was there, the last thing about the truffles, we ended up there's there was a guy in the south of France, Bruno and Bruno is the largest restaurant tour for truffles. They would fly in on helicopters just to eat lunch in Brunos. And the number one dish was a boiled potato, little cream on it, a little salt and pepper and black truffle on top. It was to die for you figured, wow, huh? It's all in the technique.
Yeah, man, I can taste it.
I can smell it. Yeah, I did. Is there anyway. All right. You know, it's good. Even just a truffle oil or even those. I'll tell you that.
I'll tell you, a typical vegetable oil does not come from truffles at this long as it smells like it, that's fine. I I on a completely poor guy. Side note for those are trying to stay Quito and you get those cheese chips, there's a little round, sort of a crisp cheese, crisp things. There is one that's cheddar with truffle. Yes.
Goddammed delectable ticking clock. The name of the book behind the scenes at 60 Minutes available now on Amazon.
IRA, this has been delightful. Well, thank you so much for having this.
This has been a lot of fun. I have to talk about the truffles story. It makes me hungry. I think I'm going to get some mac and cheese and get some truffle.
I and thank you so much for joining us. Let me hit the relief pan and then we'll do some news. One third of Americans suffer from nausea, though.
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All right. We'll take a quick break. We'll come back with the news right after this. Give me the great news with Genographic breaking five weird crime protest parties, give me news, but, you know, dressed up, I saw Joe Biden coming out. Big news with Gina, Gina.
The news with the crowd, we haven't heard anything about the Chris D'Elia story in a while, and the headline just popped up saying that he is facing a new lawsuit that accuses him of violating federal child pornography and sexual exploitation laws, including soliciting more than 100 sexually explicit photos and videos from a woman identified as Jane Doe, who was 17 when apparently when this went down, she had reached out to Delilah in September of 2014 via Instagram, never expecting a reply.
Delia was on his Under No Influence tour at the time they communicated on Snapchat. According to the lawsuit, Delia's career took a hit last June after multiple women accused him via social media of sending graphic messages soliciting sex. In some cases, the women had gone to see him in person and described inappropriate behavior seeking sex. Five of his accusers spoke to the L.A. Times. Some of the women were underage at the time. And I have a statement from Jane Doe.
This is what she said in a recent statement. She says, When I was in my final year of high school and still a child, I was groomed by a celebrity. Twice my age. Kristalina abused his status and fame to lure me in, take advantage and manipulate me when I was at a vulnerable age. I want any of the girls out there to know that they are not alone. And it's time to get justice for the mental and physical toll he has put us through.
You know, I always talk about like how insidious something like being addicted to gambling is, you know, because everyone always talks about addiction to drugs, alcohol, pain meds and, you know, that kind of stuff.
But, yeah, you can you can make it you can be an alcoholic and put in some good years.
Hell, that's right. Right. Some great plays and movies, you know what I mean? Be celebrating. You're going to be celebrated like you can be on Vicodin and keep your day job for a while or whatever. But I always said, like, when you're addicted to gambling, it just fucks you up immediately. Like you just go right through the money and look no further than lost in America.
But I think about like when you have kids, you kind of go like and it used to go like, here's what I would wish for them. Here's what I wouldn't wish for them to think about.
A kind of libido like a sexual libido that's a little off, you know what I mean? Like you like you. Like underage people. Are you like young girls are young boys or or it's just this crazy appetite where it's like every time I go on the road, I got to hook up with somebody. I can't just, you know, beat off and go to bed with with the rest of us, you know, with your plastic cup and your red wine.
Sometimes in a mug.
Yeah, depending on. Right. The point is, is you realize like how many of how many prominent people will just be undone, maybe not in the past, but from this day forth and we're now on the clock.
Just what a what a what a life, career and all encompassing destroyer just being essentially going.
I like young chicks, you know, I like I like a lot. I like young and I like a variety, you know what I mean? Like, I can't get enough. Like just if you and by the way, once you're once you're kind of burdened with that or saddled with that or whatever it is, that's just kind of your thing. Like like, you know, it's not not here to defend pedophiles, but give me 20 minutes.
I'm saying this is I bet those guys wish they weren't into that shit, show what they are and now it shall destroy them and destroy others and destroy their families and their communities. And it's like there it's it is. It is. You know, you should hope and there's kind of a weird thing like you don't want your son to be a eunuch, you know, a healthy libido. But at some point you would wish for them this sort of balance, you know, like, well, have a few girlfriends in college and then meet somebody you marry and stay married forever and have intercourse with that person.
But when it's such a fucking it's such a career killer now or just being into something weird like Armie Hammer, you know what I mean? Are Marilyn Manson like Armie Hammer? I still don't really know what he did other than was weird, which is kind of enough. Chris D'Elia.
I don't know. I don't know everything about the underage stuff. Some of the non underage stuff just seemed weird, you know, just kind of creepy. Like I am a good looking guy. I'm a celebrity. Like, come up to my room, I'll answer the door naked, you know, like.
But time and again. Those moves where it's like they were eating at a restaurant and he stood up to use the bathroom and the next thing you know, he was rubbing his ball sack on the back of my neck, like, does that ever work in lost weight?
How could it work? Must. We were so it was interesting.
We were sitting in a synagogue and he said he had to use the bathroom and I felt his his penis rubbing the back of my neck. It's like, no, not his penis, his right. How does that work? Does it ever work?
It must. It must. Why else would they try that? Yeah. It was not in their repertoire. Yeah. Like, why does the picture hit and I throw a screwball if it doesn't work now. Yeah. Sometimes get knocked out of the park.
Sometimes it's a numbers game noted the one, the one that they always do. But I just don't think ever works. But Brian's right.
We only hear about it when it doesn't work, you know, because then the governor sat down next to me and he picked up my hand and he put it on his crotch and he asked me if I if if I liked scrambled eggs for breakfast. And I ran out of the room crying. But you don't hear the stories where the governor picked up my hand, put it on his crotch, and I blew him in the limo.
That's between us. Yeah, it doesn't make it out.
Brian's right. There may be very many success stories that we just never hear about.
Think about every sports cheating scandal, doping or deflating the ball or whatever, like anything involving the Patriots building the other team sidelines. It must work. They must go on all the time. Yeah.
So Chris D'Elia, who I haven't really heard anything from, has he been alarming?
I don't think so. How good? I mean, in a agent dropped him, manager dropped him.
In a weird way, you think about stuff like anyone who got caught up with me, too, during covid has.
The timing's never good to get me to.
But the covid timing, if you live in Los Angeles, is pretty good because these guys and I know it from being there were, you know, fixtures at the Comedy Store, fixture at the laugh fixtures at the Improv. You just see that every Saturday night, every Wednesday night, they were just there. And so be super weird because it would be super obvious that you weren't showing up for a reason, but now no one showing up for any reason.
So it's not it's not nearly as glaring. But anyway, well, he's been funny as shit on the show when he does Jean-Claude Van Damme. And I hope none of this is true. But you got to you've got to listen to everyone's story and weigh the evidence and we'll see where this one goes down. I still still don't know what's happening with Armie Hammer.
Well, we'll say on that. But he does have a quote that the L.A. Times picked up.
And I think this was this is from YouTube.
Let's see, the date of this is February. So he said sex. It controlled my life. It was my focus all the time. And I had a problem. And I do have a problem. It's not like months down the line. Everything's better. I need to work on that. Well, it's kind of what I'm saying, like, yeah, you know, somebody is going to have to make a movie.
Where the story is. This kind of knock around comedian, maybe journeyman, journeyman type, you know, been on the road his whole career, you know, not a headliner, persay, and had the reputation with getting with all the waitresses at the club and taking home the groupies or the fans back to the hotel that night and cheap motels and all that kind of stuff.
And just a just a profile of a guy who was like a kind of journeyman. I'm not talking about a guy in his 60s, but just the guy had been at it since nineteen twenty and it's now 35 or something. Does set, you know, at the Laugh Factory on a Sunday night, somebody in the audience sort of discoverer's him, wants him to make months and make him the new host of The Bachelor or whatever it is.
And this guy does the math like if I get high profile for ten seconds, there's going to be 2000 people I betted on the road for the last 20 years. It's going to it's going to be a shit show immediately. Like the only reason this guy is existing is because people don't know his name, but he still gets to slide into the club, do a set, you know, gets paid. And so now he's got you know, he's got his crappy manager and his flunkey agent and they're both telling him, like you got to do.
Is this your biggest break your life that shows the number one show on TV? It's a number. You'll have the number one spot on the number one. And he's like, well, but he's been saying to the manager the whole time, what are you doing? I can't. But where's my break? Right. Right.
It's good to I mean, you got to imagine there's people that are thinking about thinking this way now, right? Like, yeah.
And like like Brian said, you know, we don't know about the ones that did do that, did do the math because they didn't become a household name and they didn't get busted.
Brian says the sack on the back of the neck works every time.
That's what the dotel talking about himself. That's right. Let me tell you from empirical evidence, China hand on the crotch.
I take your hand, I put on my crotch. Is that is that ever going to.
Well, maybe it works in a in a domestic setting. I don't feel like it works in public. Right.
It depends on what I'm doing in my head. Remember you said like, if it's if it's unwanted and the guy is not hot, it's always, you know, feel it's an assault.
But if this is someone you're into, am I down? I even if he was super, super hot and I was down, I would still be put off by that move because.
Because that's mechanical. That's something he's done a hundred times. Yeah.
You can't go after a girl like Tina with self-esteem. You think your self-respect.
You can't. Well, I you I told you when I first moved here, I went on a date with that dude and he we sat on his futon because the couch was too rich for his blood and he whipped it out and he wouldn't let me out of his apartment.
So let's do this.
The futon is diabolical because if you have two glasses of wine, you can't get up off a futon. You literally are essentially like a turtle that's been flipped on its shell. There's no getting up from a futon and it is a strangers.
And when you put when you put the turtles purse on the opposite side of the door, that's something that's probably another move you've done before you smartened up that time. Oh, yeah.
No way to get my purse. That's right. They work. Smart guys. Tahera Sorry.
Who else what have you done?
Well, let's move on to Alec Baldwin and Hilaria. They welcome their sixth child together. This is now Alec's seventh child. Only five months after she gave birth to their son, Eduardo, Gloria broke the news on Instagram with the photo of little baby Lucia alongside Eduardo Romero, Alejandro, David, Leonardo, Angel Charles, Rafael Thomas and Carmen Gabriela Aguilar. Yeah, yeah. So the math will tell you that this was probably a surrogate since this was five months after she had another baby.
But in true Alec Baldwin fashion, standing by his woman colorfully, there was a little back and forth on her, you know, on the the post from a fan who was questioning a lot of this and said, who is the mother? She wasn't pregnant. She gave birth six months ago. If it was a surrogate, just say that if the baby was adopted, just say that if the baby was the product of an affair and you've decided to raise it with your wife, just say that if you don't want that person, if there's more, if you don't want to say anything, why don't you stop constantly posting and begging for click bait?
Just raise your hand. Just raise your hundred children in private. To which. Replied, You shut the fuck up and mind your own business. Yeah, kind of what I'm I'm with Alec too, and I have pictures of your kid, regardless of where they came from, an our obligation to tell people how you had the child.
I yeah. Let's not forget, he was one of the early pioneers of almost being canceled with his piggy phone message with his daughter was.
Yes, that was over two thousand five or six.
Because I remember I was when I heard that I thought we were doing the morning radio. I think, oh, I think I think it would have been six or seven because I think we were doing the classics show there. And I do kind of remember who I was. And it was like I that was much ado about nothing. I'm sure he was at his wit's end with his crazy ex-wife and scheduling and like, you know, saying, like, I'll call you, I'll pick you up at this time.
And she never picked up the phone and she was probably Kim Basinger was probably fucking with her had and he just went off because he's just, you know, he's that guy 007. So says Max iPad.
But it's like, remember, remember how we went nuts on that whole picking?
And also you're the product of Kim Basinger and Alec Baldwin. No, you're not going to be hurt in the looks department like you know what I mean.
That's just that's just a dad from the New York area teeing off on us, on his daughter.
And and he said rude, thoughtless pig. Right. That's where that that anger was coming from.
Not, you know, trying to destroy her self-esteem in the looks department.
I was going to say I do have a picture of this person these days in Ireland. Yeah, I saw I was at the roast.
I hung out a little with her at the roast.
She's, you know, six foot three. And she's I not. I imagine so. Yeah, she's a pig. Then you should be hunting for truffles.
There you go.
Yeah, she's a bit of all right. There's nothing I don't think there's anything Kim Basinger can can produce that's going to slide below an eight. I think that I feel like that would be mathematically impossible.
Me to see most of her movies. Yeah, well, not rotten tomato. All right, let me hit Geico here. Do you owned your rent, your home? Will you do one or the other. Right. How about you get your bundle on with your automotive policy. GEICO makes it easy. Let's go to Geico Dotcom and get a quote and see just how much you could be saving. When you bundle, you're either homeowners or renters insurance with your automotive policy.
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All right. Let's do another one, Gina. All right. Well, this one is fantastic.
And I can't wait to show you the the video. A plastic surgeon in California was multitasking his virtual traffic hearing so that he could do it while performing surgery. And the state medical board isn't super happy about it. Dr. Scott Green joined his Zoome trial in full surgical scrubs from the operating room and informed the other attendees that despite being in surgery, he could totally proceed with the trial.
Fortunately for the patient on the slab, the judge said he would need to reschedule for when he wasn't literally cutting someone open. Here's a clip from the actual trial. It's it's pretty funny.
So unless I'm mistaken, I'm seeing a defendant that's in the middle of an operating room appearing to be actively engaged in providing services to a patient. Is that correct, Mr. Green? Yes, sir. What should I say, Dr. Green? But I don't know that I do not feel comfortable for the welfare of a patient. If you're in the process of operating that I would put on a trial, notwithstanding the fact that the officer is here today with another I'm another surgeon right here who is doing the surgery with me so I can stand here and allow them to do the surgery also.
Not at all.
I'm I don't think so. I don't think that's appropriate. I think we're going to have I'm going to come up with a different date when you're not actively involved or participating and attending to the needs of the patient.
Let me see if I can get a different date here.
I kind of like the cut of this guy's jib nephew to the cop. To the judge.
Yeah, he's giving them the high hat. Was he?
That was traffic. There was a traffic court thing. Yeah. Because the biggest insult.
So and I don't know what the infraction was, but if it's a chickenshit infraction, the biggest insult like. Rolling through a four way stop sign on a Sunday or something like that is that you got to like go when you got to, like, put your shit aside and go to them, you know, and then if the cop doesn't show up, they'll dismiss it. They have to sit there for a long time. I think I think the doctor was kind of like, I'm fucking busy.
And again, if if the guy plowed through a farmers market and took out a Cub Scout troop, that's something.
But if it's a chickenshit kind of nuisance time-wasting a ticket, then good luck to the other doctor. Work on shit.
But how would you feel if you were the guy with the anesthesia in your arm or over your mouth?
Well, that's true. Less work to you now.
Otherwise, he said the other guy was working on him with that surgeon. I don't know what that means. And who the hell knows it's an elective surgery, right?
He's a plastic surgeon.
The guy was probably a skin graft victim. Ash probably getting a sack tuck. Yeah.
Or or like a foreskin restoration or something.
Something, you know, at taxpayers expense. Come on. You want to pay for this guy's foreskin restoration?
Yeah, well, you know, I don't mind, do you? Now that I think I'm all right.
But yet yet this hero can't conduct this business.
It's interesting. I have no idea.
I haven't I haven't gotten a ticket in a while because my head is on a goddamn swivel. And I've also figured out cop patterns.
I don't think people I don't I don't think people fully understand patterns and cop patterns. And I shall I shall give you a for instance, there is a red light. I obviously drive through all red arrows, but I now drive through I drive through a red light as well. And it's like at the end of my street and it's one of those little streets that goes out into the big street and it takes forever. And I drive through it every time because there's no cops, there's there's no cops around.
I mean, you could get unlucky, but you look right down the boulevard and you look left down the boulevard and you look in your rearview mirror, you don't see any cops and just drive through.
Now, as I always say, most people would never, ever do that, but they will happily go on a stretch of PCH on a beautiful day in Malibu and be driving at sixty three miles an hour in a forty five, you know, down the hill after you pass Pepperdine. And that's where the cops are.
Yeah. The cops, they figured out patterns, they're into patterns. They're not, they're not into going out and riding random tickets. They understand it's a long stretch of highway. People are looking at the ocean.
You're like going down a hill by the stop sign at the bottom of the hill. The people, because you're momentum just always going to roll through.
There's a four way stop sign a block from here. Everyone here has gotten a ticket at that stop sign because it's not that the cops are randomly driving by the intersection. When you roll through it, they get it. That's what people do. Yeah, nobody but me drives through red red lights. So there is no pattern. There's never a cop. If everyone did, then they would. But everyone but but the way people's brains are is they would freak out if you go through a red arrow.
But they have no problem sailing down PCH at fifteen miles an hour and that's where you get the fucking tickets all the time. So once you kind of understand like kind of where the cops are like number one rule of where cops are downhill. Yeah. They're always they're not on the uphill side. So speed on the uphill side and then slow it down on the downhill side. They love to like on the two freeway. They love to back it up.
They love to be waiting on the onramp so you can't see him. And then you're just sailing down the hill. And they also know everyone's driving a modern car where 78 miles an hour on a clear day just feels like nothing when you're just barreling down the hill.
But understand the rhythms of traffic cops. And then what you have to do is you can break all the fucking laws you want, but never, never do the California rolling stop through the four way stop sign.
That's where they are. And when you're on PCH and you pass Pepperdine and you're heading down that back hill fucking for that for that quarter mile or half a mile fucking slow it down when I must have been here a few years when I rolled through a stop on.
Western in East Hollywood, I had my car impounded, really? Yes, it was very late at night. I was coming home from protests. Know, I'll tell you, I was I was coming home from a friend's house in Venice.
I still had my suit on because this is when I was working in men's suiting. And I rolled through a stop, a dead neighborhood in East Hollywood. And I got lit up by two women and I couldn't find my license.
Turns out I had a hole in the lining of my purse, but I know that time. So they impounded my car. They they were going to leave me there in the middle of the night with all of the stuff they took out of my car. And I said, can you give me a ride home? And they said that was against their policy and somebody had to come get me. So after begging and begging and begging, these two women finally gave me a ride home.
My car was impounded for four days just literally because you couldn't produce a license.
I couldn't find it. I was like, I swear to God, I have a license. They took my car. They impounded me in the middle of the night. Yeah, well, good news is in Los Angeles, that wouldn't happen anymore. Like, you could get pulled over with no license, no insurance and like ten DUI in her past. And they just go, fuck it, I got this backwards. All right, let's bring it home, baby.
You got it. I'm Genographic.
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Dotcom slash Adam. Oh, right. I'm going to label that show interesting.
And also lots of thoughts, I think.
Paul Wagner for zooming in American Nightmare Season two, of course, I arose Rosen as well, ticking clock the book and Reno, Virginny Street Brewhouse, March 19th and 20th. Doing stand up there come on by now are also doing the jam in the van out here on March 25th, two shows and Dawson's going to be opening and Adam Ray's going to be up there to see this show tomorrow dot com for all that and until next time. This is Adam for IRA and Paul and Gene involved Sam Mahola.
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This is Daniel LaRue of the Real Gem radio podcast. And one of the biggest stories going on in the NBA right now is the Utah Jazz. The Jazz are dominating the NBA regular season. They have been the league's best team so far. Whether you're counting it in terms of record or in terms of point differential, they're outscoring teams by basically 10 points per game. And it is a fantastic story. They have been absolutely excellent so far. But one of the fascinating dynamics is that over the last couple of years, the Milwaukee Bucks have been the league's best team during the regular season.
And they've not only fallen short of the NBA championship both years, but actually they haven't even made the NBA finals yet. And the Jazz have had their own playoff shortcomings. So it is an open question whether those will carry on or whether this is a brand new jazz team. Excellent play from Mike Conley, Donovan Mitchell, Rudy Gobert and many others is fueling their attack on both ends of the floor. Hi, this is Daniel Rouf from the Real Jam radio podcast.
If it's February, you know the pro basketball leagues and the drive to the tournament are ready to take center stage in the pros. The Lakers Bucks and seventy Sixers look great early, but the smart money might just be on the nets this year. In college, Gonzaga, Baylor and Michigan seem to be the teams to beat. And let's not forget the NHL, PGA and the UFC two all season long. But online, Donette has all the pro basketball, college and other sports action odds and ends all for free fall long at that online dot net for all the action that online always available online or on your mobile device.
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