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What is up, Daddy? Gang, it is your founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call Her Daddy. I haven't smoked in so long. I always just take edibles.

You better not.

I'm going to.

You better still keep your shit together.

I'm not gonna be able to ask you a question.

I don't have time to fucking carry this interview for you.

I'm gonna be fine. Okay, but we only have one later, so don't hog it. I guess we can just. We'll just start. Fuck it.

My name is Chelsea Handler. Joy. Chelsea Joy Handler. And I'm at Alexandra Joy Cooper's house, and we're recording her. Who's your daddy?

Fuck.

Call her Daddy. Call her Daddy's podcast. And we're smoking because the last time I saw you, you were bitching at me about hating you the first time I met you.

That is not true.

Yeah, you were.

This is what happened.

No, no, no, no. Why don't I tell my version and then you can tell your version?

Yeah, you.

So I came over to your ridiculous house that had no parking. And that was so. And again today. No parking. So I went over to this house that you said, don't worry. This isn't my house. Like I care. And then I. You told me to lie down on a couch like I was about to get examined by a gynecologist. And so I had to put my feet up like a little girl in nursery school and sit there and be interviewed. And I was like, who is this person? Because my PR team was like, you have to go do Alexandra Cooper's podcast. She's the it thing. She got some ridiculous deal, and you have to go do an interview with her. I go, sure, no problem. And then the whole time, you're like, do you hate me?

Oh, okay, first of all.

Which is so annoying when people say that. Yeah.

I'm like, do you hate me?

Oh, that's all People say to me is, do you hate me?

Because just to be fair, I'm a big fan. I was so nervous I was shitting my pants.

Well, now I'm a big fan of yours.

Oh, thanks. I know the rules of switch. Okay, question. Where did you park today?

Well, funny you say that because I was driving myself today because it's raining and I don't trust anyone to drive in the rain, even my driver. I'm like, listen, buddy, I actually think it's fun to drive in the rain in la because everybody's such an idiot.

Pussies.

And I like, I like the rain. So I tried to park on the street and then there were about 40,000 signs that were deterring me from doing that. And then I saw Alec, my publicist, and I said, can she please open the fucking gate to her garage or driveway so I can park in the driveway? And then he's like, oh, it's not open. And I go, no, it's not.

So, so did you park in the driveway?

Yeah.

So you have a parking spot?

Yeah. Well, that's typical for a guest when you invite them over. You want to know is to provide parking.

I'm going to tell you the truth of what happened.

Why am I going like this? I've already stoned.

Yeah, bring your, like, sit like a hobbit sitting like this the whole time. We're like, hey, okay, listen to this. Last time we recorded, which is almost a year and a half ago.

Excuse me.

It's okay, Hawk, you're long. You did that to me on your podcast. You were just coughing my face. And then I got Covid after it.

Oh, I just got Covid too.

You gave it to me.

No, I got it on Christmas. Oh, I had the flu. I was getting you the monkey pox and I had monkeypox and well, yeah, a couple of other things.

Okay, listen to my side of the story. I'm sitting, waiting for you, shitting my pants.

I hate this. I hate that you would feel that way.

I was just nervous.

I know.

Chelsea fucking Handler. So it's like one of my first big interviews. And so I'm sitting there and all of a sudden my assistant at the time is like, chelsea Handler's there and I'm waiting for you to pull into the fucking driveway. Cuz I had a driveway and I moved my fucking car for you, by the way.

Don't add like I had of a driveway.

Like I have a driveway.

That's so cool.

I am so privileged. I have a driveway. Fuck you. So then I walk out, and at the time, none of my team could be there, so it was all virtual. I walk out, and I'm looking for Chelsea, and Chelsea's nowhere to be fucking found. And I'm like, can you call Chelsea? Like, have her team call her? Like, she's not in front of my house. Your high ass was three houses down parked in front of another fucking house. I walk up to Chelsea's car also. Everyone.

Oh, yeah, I remember the hot. That's pretty. Everyone. I was high.

Everyone. Picture this. You're about to meet Chelsea Handler for the first time and have her on your show. Like, I'm all of you watching, shitting my pants, and I find this woman in a car, and I'm like, is. Is that her car? I go to the window, and I knock on.

Was it a Subaru Outback?

And you open the door, and I just get hit with a bunch of just, like, absolute paraphernalia. And I'm like. And you're like, hey, where am I? I'm like, hi, I'm Alex. So nice to meet you. I think you thought I was the assistant. You're like, I'm going to a show. My show. And then we went in, and then I wanted to make you cozy, but you were a fucking dress, and you were a slow. And you were, like, sitting like this, and I was like, we need to. So it all went well? And it went well.

Yeah.

But I did ask you if you knew who I was. I didn't even know where you were.

I didn't know where I was. You think I knew who you were, but I know who you are now. And it's very. Makes me very uncomfortable when you talk about me in that way, in that regard, because I'm just. It just makes. I don't know, I become shy. But I'm glad that we're friends now.

Me, too.

And I respect you. I want you to know that. And I'm really, like, impressed with everything that you've done. So now that you have my attention, we can have a more prosperous interview. Total wrong use of prosperous. Like, what am I? Like, I work in it. Like, we've had a prosperous. Like, we've yielded prosperous grains. This harvesting. That's what I almost sounded like.

I really appreciate your attempt to integrate the word prosperous.

Yeah, yeah, I know. That was.

You sound smarter than me, so.

Well, what does that mean, though?

You know, like, washed yourself. Okay. We did your podcast the other week.

Oh, yeah. That was fun.

That was really fun. And now we're here. Congrats on your new Netflix doc. Not Doc Special.

It's a stand up special.

I know it's a special. I said doc.

Sorry.

Now I'm already high.

I'm a doctor first of all, and you should know that. And all your viewers and listeners should also know that I am a doctor. I'm a farm to table gynecologist and I perform all sorts of. I can do so many things medically. I prescribe medication, drugs. I've injected about four or five of my friends with Ozempic because I realized I didn't want to use it because it's silly. Like I, it's, you know, for heavy people. I have people coming over to my house and I was like, okay, I can see you at 1, I can see you at 2.

Can you believe the amount of people in LA that are using?

Everyone is on Ozempic. I have someone that's gonna backfire. Something bad is gonna happen. It's a miracle. It's too good to be true. You can just make people who've struggled with their weight their entire lives thin. It's a miracle.

You know what's fucked up though is I have someone in my life that needs it medically and it's completely sold out.

Tell her to come over to my house. I'll inject her tomorrow. What time does she free? I can, I'll open up, I will inject.

Do you have it at your house?

I have a semaglutide. Well, so my doctor, my anti aging doctor just hands it out to anybody, right? And obviously now I can't say her name. But she. I didn't even know I was on it. I went to dinner or I went. She said, oh, if you ever want to drop. Because I said, she goes, if you ever want to drop five pounds, this is good. And I came back from a vacation and I injected myself with it and I went to lunch with like a girlfriend a few days later and she's like, I'm not really eating anything. I'm so nauseous. I'm on a zempic. And I was like, I'm kind of nauseous too. But I had come back from Spain. I thought I was jet lagged. I had been gone for like a month and white privilege. And I was. And I was like, oh, I. I'm nauseous too. And then I'm like, but I'm not on Ozempic. And she's like, are you sure? And I'm like, well, what is it? I go, I'm on Semaglutide. And she goes, that's what it is.

You look fucking great.

No, I'm not on it anymore. I stopped taking. That's too irresponsible. I'm an irresponsible drug user, but I'm not going to take a diabetic drug for, like, I tried it.

Yeah.

And I'm not going to do that.

You're not going to do it anymore?

No, I don't. That's not for me. That's not right. This is just.

We're starting, essentially, the episode with just, like, Discovery.

I'm on it right now.

You're not a fucking doctor.

No, I'm not a doctor, but go.

To Chelsea's house if you want to get on ozempic.

Yeah. Make an appointment with. Well, with Alexandra.

Okay. So your Netflix special, Revolution. Sorry, Revolution. What is the joke that people are loving the most?

I think my brother. My brother telling me that he had to have children. I said, what to my brother? Like, why are you even a father? You know, you're not very good at it. And my brother's turned into quite an asshole as he's gotten older. And he was like, chelsea, I have to think about. I had to think about my legacy. It's like, who's behind you, Abraham Lincoln? What are you talking about, your legacy? You think people are thinking about what's going on with you after you're dead? I'm like, no fucking way, buddy. No one's thinking about what you're gonna leave behind except for you. I'm like, your legacy is that you're my fucking brother.

When I saw that clip. Let me be so clear. I clipped it and sent it to my fucking brother. I'm like, don't you fucking forget it. I said it. My whole family.

Yeah.

Like, it's a good one. The whole thing is amazing.

Well, thank you so much. It was a really fun special to shoot. Like, I love it. It's very hard for me to watch myself in anything. And when I saw it, I was like, oh, this is great. Like, I was like, yeah, it worked out. You know, even when you're confident, you're insecure. You know, it's all. You know, it's all one big, hot mess all the time. Look, I was confident yesterday what happened. But, yeah, it was fun to do that because my brother had seen my set. I was running it for, like, 100 shows, and so my family had seen me at various times. And my brother's like, oh, you sure do a lot of material about Simone with The sun and the moon. And I looked at him and I go, would you like me to do some material about you? No problem. So then I incorporated that joke.

That must be so terrifying to be related to someone that does standup comedy. Because it's like you're at the crossfire and you're just like, just wait for your turn. Like, I would be terrified. I'm sure my siblings are terrified that I talk about them on the show, but I don't really. But, like, if you want me to, I will. And then I can't promise, obviously what's gonna happen.

I've made a lot of mistakes doing that. Like talking about people without their permission. Yeah. And I think that would be a good piece of advice actually for you to rethink about that. Because I definitely, like, you know, if I didn't think it was a big deal for somebody, I just assumed they. It wasn't a big deal. And like, some people are really sensitive.

Can you give us an example?

Oh, God, there are so many, I mean, where I've just kind of told someone the truth that couldn't handle the truth and not in a mean spirited way. Like, I want to be honest with you because you're a woman and I want to be honest and loyal to women. And I'll always tell you the truth. I'm never going to lie to you. And people don't like that. And then they found out it's abrasive and I know, I own it. It is abrasive. It's like not welcoming, you know, so.

You have to watch yourself a little bit more.

Yeah, I mean, just be a little bit more mindful, just in a nice way. Like not to be a cunt. You know what I mean? Like, I'm a cunt and I have to. Sometimes I remember that other people are not like me. They are very sensitive to criticism or even like, you know, and it's an invasion of their privacy. My family has no choice. I mean, they just don't have a choice. Like, they understand I'm not going to abuse you, but I'm going to call you out. I'm never going to lie. I mean, they say I lie about everything, but they're wrong. But I've crossed that line before, of course, with my family members. And I don't cross that line where it's, you know, mean spirited.

I get that. Okay, fair. Your ex directed the special and he did it while you guys were dating. Then you guys broke up and the special came out. How has the breakup affected the way that you feel about your special.

Oh, like sweet. You know, it's sweet. It's like one of my favorite moments of my career and I got to share it with somebody that I was like, you know, madly in love with. It's super sweet. It's probably the sweetest thing that I've ever done. Like, in terms, I'm not a very sweet, like, you know, romantic person. I mean, I'm, you know, sweet.

But why did you guys break up?

Well, I just don't want to really comment on it any further because it turns into a headline and I'm not promoting a breakup from six months ago. Like, you know what I mean? I'm here to talk about all the other things I'm doing and I understand people are interested, but it's just like, it's run. It's. It's run out of gas.

I get it. I respect that answer.

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So you're single now?

I am.

How is it going?

That's funny.

Why?

I have a. Listen, I have. I have like a really enjoyable relationship with myself for the last few years when I've realized like the importance of actually spending time alone without tons of people around. I've actually meaningfully spent time by myself to see what was up with myself. Right. And I've really genuinely enjoyed getting to know me. And I have a lot of respect for that time where you are out of a relationship or right before you're going into a relationship to really be mindful of that time and the space that you have so that you can show up in like a really good way for any relationship you're in and to know when to take a time out. A lot of people don't seem to know that it's time to take a break.

Isn't that so that I feel like that period. Everyone has that moment of like, oh my God, I hung out with myself for so long and I actually, for the first time fucking enjoyed it. And I got to know myself and I was like, oh, this isn't, this isn't bad. Like, maybe I don't need to be in a relationship to feel fulfilled. I feel like everyone Goes through a period of their time where they're like, I'm so comfortable with myself. I don't even want anyone unless they're, like, great to add on to my life.

Yeah, well, I think you have to always set your standards where you want people to meet them. Like, if you don't have any self respect, which so many people seem to suffer from, like, you know, what do you think you're attracting other people who are going to disrespect you? Like, when you think highly of yourself, you attract a higher vibe. That's just the way it is. And, like, it's better to have a high vibe. Like, I've been low vibe. I know what that's like. And it's infective or like, infectious. No, it's infected.

We're infected by.

My vocabulary is everything. And it's just.

Okay.

It's invective is what I meant to say. And yeah, so it's like, it's good to just, like, get to know yourself. Like, I went to. I remember going to Whistler. I bought this ski Chalet on FaceTime because I was so scared Donald Trump was going to get reelected. And I went to Whistler. I got into Canada. They were so strict with the quarantine because they wanted. They think Americans are disgusting and they don't want us there. So I got a work visa. I got everything so that I could go to Canada and ski. Like, all I cared about. I flew my dogs and I there. We get there, we get down, we land in Canada and we land. I had chartered a private plane. I can't tell this story, actually.

Why?

Because it's illegal.

This is.

Oh, it's illegal. You can air all of this. But I'm not going to continue this story. What happened was illegal, okay? And it wasn't because of me.

This is the best. Fuck. This is so classic. Tell the world.

This is so classic. You have no idea. You know what happened. So I get to the airport and this guy is like, oh, they're turning planes around in Canada. I mean, in Vancouver we could get turned around. I go, well, who are you? And he was like, I thought he was a customs agent. And he had me on the phone with customs. I was talking to them about my work permit. I'm like, I did everything by the book. I hired, like, an immigration person. Like, this is going to get me in. What's your problem? And the guy was like, I don't think we're going to get in. I don't think we're going to get in. And then finally I realized he was the pilot. So I had been listening to this fucking pilot telling me that I had to call this person and this person and show my paperwork. And I go, wait, what are you. You're the pilot. Why do you have. You have no jurisdiction over what's about to happen right now? Just like you're flying the plane. Let's go. And he was like, I can't. We can't go up there. And I go, look at me.

I need to get to Vancouver. You're going to fly this plane to Vancouver, and if we get turned around at the border, then that's on me. And then, unfortunately, I have to fly all the way back with you. So I promise you I am gonna get into fucking Vancouver. And then we got there, and the customs guys came on the plane, and they were like, welcome, Chelsea. We missed you. Yeah.

And you got in easy.

Oh, my God. Yeah. Because Canada's awesome. And they know that I'm. Yeah, I support them. They're. They just want to get along with everyone.

So you left out the illegal part.

Yeah.

Okay, good. You know what's really interesting is when you said, I can't, but I really.

Want to tell the story.

I want to hear it.

So it's very. I'm having a difficult mom right now because it's such a good story, but I can't.

But we want. We want you.

This is what I mean about getting people in trouble. You know what I mean? I can't do it.

We're not going to do it. When I. When you were about to say, but, like, if you want to do it. No, we don't want to do it. You can tell me after.

I need something to. Is this my drink?

Yeah. Yeah. Pour your water. You know what's interesting?

Pour your water.

Pour your water in your glass. I should have done that.

I felt like I was in nursery school for a second.

Pour your water. It's interesting when you just said that about, like, oh, I can't tell this story. You were saying, like, I chartered a private jet, and you said, oh, I can't tell the story. I thought because you're, like, a successful woman, and I guess we just always get shit on. You were going to say, I can't tell it because it's coming off as to, like, privileged, rich dick.

Well, I'm not going to lie. I did. I mean, yeah, I do charter private planes. Not all the time, but. Yeah, I'd love to fly privately all the time.

And I like the honesty.

I mean, I.

Now we're a little. Are you high?

Yes, very high. I'm very stoned.

I'm trying to focus.

And especially with you, it's very dangerous territory because you're like.

You think you can keep.

You think you can get in there? Like, I can see what you're doing. And I'm like, no, bitch.

I saw your face when I asked you about the relationship, and immediately your demeanor went from like, I'm just out at Alex's house, to, well. And then you were like, fuck, I don't want to talk about this. I had to ask. I wouldn't be doing my.

But we're having such a good time. Why bring something like that up? You know what I mean? It's like, wait, why?

Because the people want to know.

I know.

I could be half friends, half.

Okay, well, obviously, I'm going to have to fuck somebody else publicly pretty quickly to get everybody to move on to the next conversation.

You do. Do you have a pattern with a specific field that they're usually in?

Oh, everything. I mean, I've dated every. I have dated the most random people. There is no type. I've look at the people that I've dated. There's none of them have anything in common. And I look at them all and I'm just like, you know, what's the connection?

And you haven't found it?

No, I haven't. I don't know. What do you think it is?

I feel like you're a very. Like, at the moment, you'll. Maybe you're looking for something and you need it, and you go into it with that person, and then you leave and you're like, I didn't fucking need that. And then you meet someone very different. You're like, maybe this is what I need. But you're all you need, sweetie.

Yeah. Thank you. Okay. Can you write that down in my notes section? Do you have my notes section, Alex? What was that? You're all you need, Then put it in quotes and then write caller Daddy.

I think that's the worst advice I ever gave.

Yeah, that was.

That was fucking stupid.

Yeah.

Okay, let's talk about settling. Okay. You're single. We all have a friend who is either settled and we're like, oh, well, fuck them. That sucks. Or they're on the path to settling because they'd rather be in a shitty relationship than no relationship. What advice do you give to women who feel like being in a bad relationship is better than being alone?

Oh, I don't know. That's really Hard for me to even understand. I think that's. How could you be doing that? That's like, you don't have any self respect and you could be so much happier. Like, that's so desperate.

Yeah. It's like they need to. They need to get on the path to being comfortable being alone. Because then you'll see, like.

Well, just don't settle for anything. Like, why? You don't have to settle for anything. You have to raise your game. And then everything meets you, where you are, you. I mean, think about things ending or like, I don't know, like breakups and stuff. Like, it's always a good opportunity. Everything is a good opportunity. The good experiences and the painful ones. And if you didn't have painful experiences, you'd be really fucking boring. The only difference is now everyone shares every experience, you know, so that used to be different. Like, most people wouldn't be, like, talking. Like, I talk and be open, but I've always been open because I'm not trying to hide anything. You know, if I'm doing, like. I talk about whatever.

I'm.

What's going on with me. If I'm into therapy, I talk about that. If I've been to drugs, I talk about that. If I've been to rappers, I talk about that. You know, Like, I'm not. There's no mystique. Like, I'm not trying to, like, keep anything away.

You should go back to some rappers.

I know. I think I'm in the mood for a good rapper. That would be fun. Oh, let's line it up.

You are due for a good rapper. I mean, 50 was, like, iconic, so I feel like the only person I could top him is, like, Lil Wayne.

You see that happening? Me and Lil Wayne. That's funny.

Or what about, like, I don't know.

Yeah. What am I in the. I think I need to go somewhere I haven't been before.

Where haven't you been?

Like an adventure, you know?

Have you ever dated a doctor?

No, but I would love that.

Yeah, I would love that for you.

Thank you.

What about the pilot? Was he single, you think?

I was interested in him after the way he behaved at the airport.

But you know when sometimes you fight and then you, like, realize, like, that.

I'm not trying to fight you.

Weren't the girl picking on the kids in, like, class, the cute guy.

I want to know about your relationship with your boyfriend.

No.

Yeah, I do. Who's interviewing you?

I'm interviewing you.

What's the dynamic there? Because I have to tell you something. When I saw you at the Amfar event. Yeah. I was surprised to see that you had a long term boyfriend. Like, I kind of judged you in a way. Not. Not in a bad way. I just judged you as the type of person that wouldn't be in a long term relationship.

Why?

I don't know.

Explain. Get to the deep.

I'm just now asking myself that very question because I was. I was like, oh, yeah. I mean, what does he do?

He produces movies.

Okay.

And he knew your friend who gave us the mushrooms. We were at a really nice gala and Chelsea and her friend were indulging and offered my boyfriend and I some.

Chocolate mushrooms, which I highly recommend for any gala.

I really love that for you because I was like, oh, like, I've never done mushrooms. I've never done mushrooms.

Oh, really?

So I was like, I don't feel like at Amfar, it's the first place. And Chelsea's like, oh, I'm going. And I didn't even know you were fucking hosting. She was going up in like. She was like giving a full speech. Two seconds later, after I see she's on fucking mushrooms. Chelsea's on stage at Empire being like, hello, everyone. I'm like, what the. I would be in a hole cradling myself. Well, I gotta try mushroom.

Yeah, I know. Well, you're pretty amped up to begin with, so I don't know, maybe I.

Should chill it down.

Yeah, maybe because you would be like. You wouldn't be able to shut the fuck up on mushrooms.

Oh, yeah, I would hate myself. Well, also, I'm having to interview you. When I'm high. I'm usually silent, but I'm having to, like, really, I'm forcing myself to speak.

Don't you think it's more fun to be high and social? I mean, I love to be high alone too, but I like being high and social.

I don't know, I think I'm really more of a high alone.

Oh, I'm more. What do you do? Like, do you play games or something? Or, like, are you playing Fortnite?

Playing my Xbox and joking my boyfriend off? No.

Are you on a tour on Atari? Do you play Atari?

What the is that? No, I'm by myself watching, like a movie. Like a normal.

Yeah, yeah, that's. I mean, that's me. Every night.

Maybe if I ever do mushrooms, I'd do it with you. No. Then you'd probably never be my friend.

Oh, no, no, let's not do that.

Okay. Okay, Moving on. Why do you think you're so normal.

Because I like normal. It's more interesting. I think normal is very interesting because nobody's really normal. I mean, nobody's really boring. Everybody has something going on, you know, I mean, some people are really annoying and so it's hard to figure out what that something is or, you know, you don't have the patience to even deal with finding out. But everybody has something to say and like people's past and their childhoods, like I find everybody to be pretty interesting.

I agree.

Like I could talk to anyone and just interview them all day long.

I'm just saying I do like that about you that I feel like you're like somehow living a seemingly normal life and like you're pretty fucking famous.

Well, I mean, I'm flying privately with my dogs to Canada to a house I bought on FaceTime. And so like, obviously it's not that normal. I like to have things outside of just my professional career. It's taken over a lot of my life for a lot of many years and I really needed a timeout also to be like by myself. And now I'm ready to rumble again. Like and when I'm in the mood to work, then everything works. It's easy, you know. So I had to really arrive at a moment where I got it back and I'm hungry and I have ambition because for a couple of years I really did not give a shit. I was like, I'm just going to go to Spain and hang out at my, you know, other house.

Fuck you.

That we have to edit out. That we have got to edit out.

Fuck no. Do you know how that goes back to what I was saying? Like, oh, the private plane. Do you know how few people are have self like yourself made? You've come up, you've made it on your own self made.

My father was a used car dealer.

No, like you youu goddamn so do you know what I mean? Like, I think you have the right to. I'm. I'm kind of sick of people being pissed when people.

I don't lie or pretend you're not. Whatever. I'm not lagging. I mean I'm not gonna even say anybody's name that I could think of. Some wealthy millionaire. No, I just have a really nice life. Yeah, I'm not like a, you know.

And you're not gonna hide it.

No. And I'm in love with Elon Musk. Okay, let's talk about that.

That's the.

That's the most fun thing that's happened.

That's your Next man.

I can't stand Elon Musk.

That's your next guy. Would you ever go on a date with that man?

No. What? When does this come out?

February 1st.

Okay, so I'm about to host the Daily Show. I'll be about to host the Daily Show. I specifically asked the EP of the Daily show if we could roast Elon Musk physically. I'm like, he is such an asshole that we were allowed to actually, like, go after, like, looks. Okay.

Okay.

Because he's so, like, repugnant of a person. You know what I mean? Yeah.

And would they say no?

No, they. They were like, let's go for it.

Oh, that's nice. Okay. This will be fun for you while we're high on.

I think I just asked on that chair.

It's fine.

Oh, no, it's. I didn't.

We're moving offices.

Alec, would you mind grabbing me some lip balm? I feel like I'm about to swallow my tongue.

That's why I was so. I think I've now been just talking to you like this.

I like the way that you twitch around while you're talking. You're like, I can't.

I can't.

You're like, start talking. You. I don't know if you're mimicking what I'm saying.

Are you saying that Tourette.

Yeah. You have a tic.

Do I? I'm trying to get cozy these chairs when I'm wearing real things.

By the way, this is a great.

We haven't moved at all.

This is a great episode.

This is great. We're flowing.

It's awesome.

We're vibing.

Yeah. We're gonna have to do this once a.

Once a year. So listen to this. On your show, we did, like, let's answer some questions. I figured I could give you some topics, and I want to hear your take on them.

Okay.

That's fun, right?

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, we'll see.

Okay. What is your take on posting your significant other on social media? You're like, stop talking about it.

No, I like doing that. I've never done that before, so that was fun for me. It was funny. Like, I knew how annoying it was, but, like, I. I liked it.

You did?

Because I've never been public like that, and I felt that way and, you know.

Yeah.

So why not?

It was kind of cute. It was, like, very unexpected.

Well, and it's also sincere because I'm not, you know, full of shit. I mean, if I'm doing that, I mean it.

What do you think? About when people get nervous that their partner won't post them on social media.

Like, that's annoying. Anything that you're arguing about with social media is annoying.

End statement. Yeah, absolutely.

I also.

Yeah, put that in my notes.

Right.

Chelsea Handler.

Exactly.

Anything that you argue about.

And then what was the other quote we came up with earlier? You could. You only know what you can do.

No, it was like, you. You only know what you can do. I said, you only know. No, I said, you only what? I didn't say that.

You're.

You're all you need.

You're all your need. That's the title of this episode.

You're all you need.

You need. Sweetie.

I didn't say sweetie. No.

Do you get nervous when people come over to your house and you have to interview them for beside. Aside from me? Like, are you.

No. I don't know. Why. I don't know what's wrong with me. But nothing in me gets, like, nervous. I get. The only nerve I get is to make sure that I, like, do a good job and I give my audience, like, an entertaining episode. Obviously, if I'm having to talk about some, like, serious shit, I actually, like, get off on that. I'm like, let's go.

Like my breakup.

Yeah. So why the fuck did you. You're like, please stop. Yeah, I was excited, but then I'm swerving, right? I'm being respectful.

Yeah. Yeah. Right? Yeah, yeah.

But like, if you want to give undertones.

What the fuck is going on over there?

Yeah.

My God. I'm like, are you. What's happening?

Oh, yeah. That looks nice. That's a nice color. What is that?

I don't know.

Sounds like you just ate it.

I did. I swallowed it.

Okay. You're taking.

That's how you put lipstick on. You didn't know that? That you just put in your mouth and swallow it?

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Okay, what are your thoughts on reigniting friendships with people you've had a fallout with?

Oh, that's a good one for me because I have a lot of friendship endings and, like, yeah, I always go from people. Like, I go from group to group to group. And I do that a lot. Reigniting. Yeah. With the right people, for sure. Yeah. Because, you know, you do grow up and, like, whatever you thought about or disagreed about, you know, you mostly forget about, and then you're just, like, hanging on to the energy. So I definitely believe in reignition. Reignition. Do you see? I mean, I keep looking at the camera. Every time I say I. Every time I say miss if. Stop it. Every time I missay a word, I look into the camera.

It's been, like, multiple times.

I know. And it's so not me because I'm so, like, vocabulary. Like, I read everything and I care about fucking words. Yeah.

Try to convince us now, but it's not.

I'm really smart, you guys.

We can tell. Why do you think you're bopping from friend group to friend group? What does that mean?

Oh, I mean, I've done that my whole life. I've been multiple friends groups. Not friend group to friend group. Just having relationships end.

Got it.

You know, and not being. I don't think that's a bad. That's such a bad thing either. You know, like, people move on. People grow apart. Some people grow back together. But I don't think friendship, like. I think it's an evolution. Everyone has their own evolution. And if you're not on the right kind of frequency, you're not. I don't know. I just think people have, like, fantasies, and, like, they're romantic. You know what I mean?

Your ex. People want to see something play out.

Yeah. I think. And people are really. You know, one of the cutest things was, like, people would come up to me, like, screaming or us on the street, like, oh, my God, you've renewed our, like, my faith in love. And I believe I'll be in love now. And I believe that everyone has their person. I was like, I believe it, too. Yeah. I mean, if I fell in love like that, like, I'm. I mean, then anybody can.

Do you think you can fall in love like that again?

Yeah. Now that I'm open, I felt it. I'm in bloom. I'm just, like. With Elon Musk.

With.

Yeah, I'm having Elon Musk, baby. I'm actually having triplets.

What is your take on when people post crying videos on the Internet?

Well, I mean, I think when it first started happening, it was interesting, but now it's, like, too much.

Right.

I don't like the Internet.

I'm scared of, like.

I just don't. I just. It feels like it's a black mirror. You Know, I just feel like we're living through Black Mirror, and at any moment, the world is going to implode because people are just crazy. Everyone's crazy. Everyone's hooked up to a device. Things. People aren't normal. After the pandemic, it's just the. The world's on fire. I mean, I. I don't mean to be a Debbie Downer, but we are about to blow up. It's not looking good.

It's not great.

Better to be in a good mood about it, I guess, right?

Like, go down smiling.

Yeah. I don't. Living in fear. Write down don't live in fear.

And write down go down smiling.

Yeah, right below, don't live in fear.

Okay.

We should come out with our own dictionary of phrases.

The quotes that we're spewing this episode.

Are going to be really hard for me to come back from football.

I know.

I'm not into it. I'm not into football.

I wrote these being like, we're gonna be. This is like, the upper section. No, I was saying I was writing the take on, like, it was gonna be an upper section. We're like. We're in Black Mirror. We're literally gonna die. Everything's falling apart.

Well, that's a real fun topic, by the way, so thanks for bringing that up.

I know I need to.

I'm trying to end it up on.

My next dry January.

Yeah. Seriously, you want to talk about Harvey Weinstein next? I mean, why not just fucking.

Dude, are you doing Dry January?

Try January. No, I'm not drinking because I'm hosting the Critics Choice Awards. But this will air after that.

Wait, what? Why aren't you drinking before that?

Just so I look great.

Yeah, it's more for the looks.

Yeah.

Not for the feel.

No.

Yeah, I tried it. I lasted four days. Then my boyfriend and I, the other night, I was like, have a drink.

It's so fun to drink. Don't overdo it so you don't ever have to give it away, you know, just don't ever overdo it so you don't have to stop doing it. One of my boyfriends once said that to me.

That's a great bit of advice. Yeah, I'll keep that one. What is your opinion on adults who go to Disney World with their partner and, like, they don't have kids?

Oh, definitely against it. That's so stupid. I don't understand. When I was insulted as a child going to Disney World, I was, like, 6 years old, and I was like, oh, really? I'm supposed to believe that there's a bunch of grown mice running around trying to take photos with us that are also in a good mood. You. I'm like, I thought Disneyland was a sham. When I was six years old, I went off on my father. I was like, I don't want to come back to this place. I'm like, it's a joke. I'm like, this is like Valentine's Day. I mean, I couldn't believe. And they don't have alcohol there. Even at six, I was looking for a cocktail. I was like, I can't survive this place without a drink.

I love this answer. Also, my next question was gonna be your take on Valentine's Day. I think we covered that one.

Oh, my God. You can't ask that. Be asking that question to people. Why?

What do you think about Valentine's Day? Do you know how many people love it?

You can't be asking that question.

What if I was sitting here? How about this? What if I was like, oh, wow, Chelsea. Like, I really like Disney World, and I also really like Valentine's Day.

I wouldn't give a shit.

You would just be like, yeah, it fucking sucks.

Yeah. Stop talking about it, please. I don't. It's like, people talk about Burning Man. I don't like to hear about that either.

Oh, my God. Do you ever go to Coachella?

I went once, but I wasn't there. I just was with the A's off, so I was like, backstage. I didn't go.

Another relatable moment.

Yeah.

I feel like that just is awful. Burning Man. Have you ever been to Burning Man?

No, no, I'm not down with that. I don't want sand blowing in my face while I'm tripping on whatever drug I'm on. I want a sand. You have to wear, like, a gas mask. And it's so ridiculous. I mean, people show me pictures, and I just. It just seems like some place you go to have an affair, right? And then, like, have communal living or something. That's what my.

Can't relate. Okay. When I was bringing.

Have you ever been a Burning Man?

Absolutely not.

No, no.

Things like that. Whatever that is. That's not a concert. I'm terrified of concerts. I can't. I just don't want to do it.

Yeah, I feel. I mean, I'm not terrified, but I prefer not to go.

I guess terrified was a little aggressive. I just would prefer not. I want an assigned seat. What would you. What would you feel if you saw someone get proposed to in the middle of Disney World.

I love that.

I.

After I tell you that I will never go to Disney World. You asked me. The next question is, when I'm there, what I'll do if someone has proposed to. I like proposals. I think that's sweet. Yeah, I do. I think that's sweet. Like, I mean, in Disneyland, obviously, that's ridiculous, but whatever. I don't care enough about any of it.

Would you be upset as someone proposed to you at Disney World?

Well, nobody would do that, right? Nobody wouldn't even go, no, I wouldn't. I wouldn't go. They're trying to propose to me, but I refuse to go to Disneyland, so they can't propose.

Oh, my God. So you're okay with public proposals?

Well, not for me. I mean, I don't want that. But. But yeah, if you want. A lot of people like that stuff.

Really?

Yeah. Really? Yeah. The same girls that want to talk.

About Valentine's Day want to get publicly proposed to.

Well, not everyone wants publicly. But everyone. Like, I mean, not everyone, but most women want to be proposed to.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just mean, like, in public.

Yeah. Right.

No, that's like, at a sporting event. I would say no.

No.

Even if they were the love of my life.

No. No, definitely not. Yeah.

Absolutely not. How do you feel about shower sex?

Oh, no, not into it.

Me either. Last time I did, I got a yeast infection.

Oh, yeast infections are the worst.

Okay, what do you think about nepotism, babies?

I couldn't give a shit about that. Everyone is so bored. Like, obviously, if your parents are both actors, you're probably going to be an actor. It's so stupid.

It pisses me off so much. I'm like, why do you care?

And every industry that, like, anyone with. Yeah, sorry, I interrupted you.

No, no, I interrupted you. I wanted you to keep going. You're being funnier. I don't have much.

Oh. I mean, it's just ridiculous. Like, obviously, you know, if your parents are both fucking rappers, you're probably gonna be a rapper. I mean, it's just unbelievable that people are so bored and that this is a topic of conversation. It's so lame.

I agree. Like, when you and Elon have children, it's not Elton.

Our first baby is going to be called Elton. Okay?

Elon and Chelsea with little Elton. Obviously, Elton's going to be swinging the big black platinum card.

Yeah, well, by then we won't even use credit cards.

Elon will figure, first of all, it's.

Going to be a late. It's going to be a middle to middle life. To elderly pregnancy.

Oh.

Because I'm 47, so the baby might take a little bit longer to cook. So let's give it like a three year window. I'm not really good at cooking anyway, so I'm sure mine will be a little bit off.

I think scientifically that just actually made actually quite a lot of sense. What my question is is this.

I believe anything we're saying makes sense.

I don't think any. I don't know even what I'm saying. I think nepotism, babies. You're so right. What do we want them to do? I've been seeing a lot.

Like, they are fine.

Right. Literally. What are your thoughts on kids sitting in first class?

If they're not annoying, that's fine. Yeah, but parents paying for their kids to fly first. Yeah. I mean, I would put my kids in coach.

Me too. Middle seat, motherfucker.

I'd say that now, but maybe I wouldn't.

They're going to be flying on the pj.

Yeah.

How?

They're just not coming. They're not coming on.

You'll send them to Disneyland?

Yeah, they go to Disneyland every. Every other weekend.

How do you. What kind of traveler are you? Like, are you an anxious traveler? Like when you're at the airport? Like, what's happening? I'm trying to picture.

No, I'm not. I'm not anxious.

You're not?

Not at all. Traveling is a relaxant, actually. I love it.

Oh, really?

Like being on planes. I mean, you know, I don't like being. Going to the airport, but I like being on planes. And I like reading. I read lots of books when I'm on planes. I never can get on the WI Fi, so I don't have to worry about being involved in any of that. So I'm like away for four hours and I like, either watch something or I read it. Like the other day I was flying somewhere, Philadelphia to Vancouver. And I read an entire book, this book called the Great Alone by Kristin Hannah. And it's like 600 pages. And I read it in one flight and I was like, fuck yeah. And then I read another book the next day because I was like, oh, yeah, I want to read another book. Because you forget how great reading is.

So good.

Like, it's just so good to be lost in a book that has nothing to do with anything you'll ever experience in your entire life. And you get smart. Every time you read a book, you get smarter. Like you understand another world or you have a glimmer into that back to airport.

Sorry, I'm swerving back. What is the biggest sin someone can commit on an airplane?

I have a barefoot on their bare feet. It's disgusting and it should be illegal. And I want to make a video for all airlines because it's like, it's not fair. People. My DMS are filled with bare feet on planes. People send them to me. Like 30 people a day send me a barefoot on a plane or in an airport or on a train or on a bus. One flight attendant DMed me and told me that a guy brought mussels onto a plane and he had the shells and he put them in a plastic bag. He was eating mussels on a plane next to a person. Like, there are rules that need to be said out loud. And I found out Catherine, you met her. She's my co host on my podcast, Dear Chelsea Catherine, who I love, until she revealed that she travels to the airport with a dozen hard boiled eggs in a Ziploc bag. I almost stabbed myself in the vagina. I could not believe her. And I looked at her and then I looked at her husband and said, what do you have to say for yourself? She's with you and you didn't say anything about this?

He's like, she loves eggs. And I was like, hey, guys, you can't do that ever again. You can't bring 10, 12 egg. You can't have any hard boiled eggs. When you get on the plane, eat them if you like them so much. You can't bring those on a plane. And she was someone who would also have seen someone with a bare foot and been like, gross.

So does she still work with you?

Yeah, she still works with me, but it's caused a chasm.

It hasn't been the same since.

Well, I just have to keep an eye on her now because I don't know what other shenanigans she's up to that she thinks is cool.

I think that's a cardinal sin.

It's pretty. Yeah.

Try to say the word. Go ahead.

I can't. I can't say it. I can't.

We're gonna say volatile.

No, it was a V. No.

And it wasn't vagina.

No, no, not. Yeah, well, there are other words besides volatile and vagina that start with a V. Virginia.

Okay, listen, I need to recalibrate my brain. How about this? Ready for this one?

Yeah, I'm ready.

You're known for being very honest. What's the hardest thing you've had to tell someone?

Oh, God, all the time, but, like.

A hard one where you actually struggled a little bit and, like, clenched and then released before just releasing.

I mean, nothing that made me, like, clench. It's never that hard. I mean, there have been harder ones, but nothing where I. Things I've put off that I was like, I'd rather hope that this disappears so I don't have to address this.

Like, and does and it. Does it usually include you or are you just like, a bystander witnessing for, like, a friend or a family member?

Both. Both. Yeah. If it's about someone else, I have tend to be a little bit more hot.

Really?

About the defense of that person. Yeah.

As opposed to it being about you.

Yeah. Like, I'll put up with a little bit more than I'll let my friends put up with.

I think, oh, maybe we'll be friends one day.

I need someone to stop threatening our friendship. You know what? You've been like this ever since.

I'm saying I want you to be.

We are friends.

We are.

Well, yeah, we're friends now.

I just wanted you to say it.

But stop threatening it. It's so annoying. I want you to defend me just now. We're in a friendship.

I can flow.

Yeah.

I get all nervous. It's exciting. Okay, listen to this one. I'm just saying that to buy myself time because I can't read. Okay.

I was with Jennifer Hudson at the talk show, and she was like, they were. Had the blue cards right behind my shoulder. And it was so funny because I remember it reminded me of doing a talk show. Like, I did Jay Leno the first time. And he was, like, talking to me like, I was that lamp behind you. And he'd be like, yeah, so what'd you do for this summer? A break. And you're like, hello.

At least I'm making eye contact, right?

Yeah. No, well, people are much better interviewers.

But, yeah, but back in the day, I'd be like, hi, Chelsea, how are you doing? You're like, I'm over here. What personality type complements yours the best?

Strong and confident.

Good answer. What's an insecurity?

You've dealt with someone checking my phone.

Can I tell you a fucking story?

Yeah.

When we were doing your podcast, I. We remember, we got asked a question and there was a girl being like, I went through his phone. He's got prostitutes. And your. It was a big story. But your answer immediately, I, like, noted it that you were, like, very adamant, which, of course, it's like, not good to look at someone's phone. But you were Like, I could tell there was something personal about how you were like, don't fucking check his phone. I also wanted to be like, Chelsea, like, let's use up on her a little bit.

You're like, you don't ever check someone's phone.

Is this something personal going on? And I could tell someone had checked your phone because the way that you answered, I could tell it was coming from personal experience that it's a huge violation of privacy and you were frustrated about it.

And I've also checked someone's phone. I've been that person when I was younger, and I've done that. And that is no way to behave. It is not dignified. And you're going to find whatever it is you're looking for. Yeah.

Did. Did. Did you find out the person checked your phone, or did they tell you?

It was revealed to me because they.

Had something to confront you about.

Yes.

Isn't that interesting, though? Because that dynamic. I've done it also. I've checked someone, something. But it's so interesting because who's in the right, though? Because it's like, no, no. It's almost like, Nolan Boyd, whatever you're bringing up, because you checked my fucking phone and went by my.

Right, right, right, right, right.

So anything you're saying, I could have fucked Elon yesterday. It doesn't matter.

No, but also, if you're looking, you're gonna misinterpret almost everything and think. I mean, I know I did that. I had a boyfriend where I was. So he was cheating on me, by the way. And I found plenty of text messages to confirm it. Like, I'm. That's my own problem. You know what I mean? I should never be in a situation where I have to look at someone's phone. My friend was joking yesterday, and she said, I. Look, she was looked through her daughter's phone. She goes, I have to read her phone every night after she goes to bed. And I go, oh, my God. But as a mother, I totally get it. But as, like, a lover, it's really pathetic.

Well, yeah, because. Do you think you were giving vibes?

No. No, I was up to nothing. Ever? Never. I don't have the personality to be a liar or a cheater. I don't have the. I barely have the energy to be in one relationship. I am very into being alone, as we've discussed. So it's very hard for me to even give that up. You know what I mean? But I tried, and that was a good example. I'll do it again, you know, But I don't remember what I was even talking about.

Doesn't matter. You're just.

You're doing great. Yeah, yeah, write that down. You're doing great.

You're doing great, sweetie. I think that's a Chris gender line, so don't quote me on that. Okay.

By the way, those Christian. Did Kris Jenner send you that pajamas? Her pajama set?

I'm not on the list.

Well, you need to get yourself on that list.

Is it good?

Yeah. She sent me this silk pillow. It's, like, the softest thing I've ever slept on.

Put in a good word for me now that you know we're close.

Okay.

Give her a little, like, she's a nice girl.

Okay. Well, I just forwarded her a video of somebody doing an impersonation of her on Instagram, so she's. It was this girl, Anna Roisman. She's really funny.

Fall off and be like, oh, my God. By the way, we call her Daddy Girls. Nice.

All right. Yeah. I'll definitely mention that the next time I bump into Kris Jenner.

What is an irrational fear you have.

That everyone hates me?

Really?

Yeah. I can get, like, that, where I think the whole, like, oh, everyone thinks I'm bad or not or too difficult or whatever.

I can confirm that's not true.

Oh, that's really very sweet of you. But, you know, while everyone's listening, I want people to know that those thoughts that you have about yourself are, like, they happen to all of us. And we all have moments of insecurity. No matter how confident you may think I am listening to this or that or you are, whatever, whoever in your life you look up to and admire, know that. Like, you know that we all have that voice in our head that tells us we're not as good. We're not. Da, da, da. And then the other voice is. The real voice is, like, when you know you are valuable and that you're lovable and that you bring something to the table that nobody else brings. Like, listen to that voice.

That was really wise, Chelsea.

Oh, really? Love it.

I thought that was very. Yeah, it's, like, relatable to every single person listening.

Oh, yeah. Good.

This was pretty fun.

I know. So our top the. Out of the two times we've hung out, this is my favorite time.

I think this is good. I think we should.

Oh, three times we saw each other at the Amfar thing, so that's like, you know. But this is my favorite time. So we'll do this every year. I'll come every year. Yeah. Oh, yeah, definitely. You should be getting high all the time. Anyway, good today. What's next for you in the next minute?

Not like right now. I know you're driving home in the rain.

I'm gonna host the. Oh, I'm gonna host the Daily show for a week. Yeah, I am, I am. I'm thinking that I would. I'm really interested in getting back into the late night game and that is the perfect vehicle for me. And if everything goes the way that I think it's gonna go, you know, that might be a more serious conversation.

I can speak for everyone. We would fucking love to see you on television again.

Yeah. And I'm in the mood.

Well, if she's in the mood, it's going to happen. Chelsea Handler, thank you so much for coming. Call her daddy.

Oh my God. Call her daddy. Woo.

Dude, that was great.

It was. That was really good.