
Getting Older, Hotter, & Wiser (ft. Heidi Klum, Laverne Cox, Aly Raisman) [VIDEO]
Call Her Daddy- 260 views
- 25 Sep 2024
Daddy Gang, it’s time to change the way we think about aging. Hear from Alex and three iconic women - Heidi Klum, Laverne Cox, and Aly Raisman - about how their perspectives on getting older have evolved over the years and why we shouldn’t be afraid of aging.
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What is up, Daddy Gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper, with Call Her Daddy. Hello, Daddy Gang. Welcome back to another episode of Call Her Daddy. I am so excited for today's episode because, as many of you know, I recently just turned 30 years old. And I have a lot that I want to talk about today because my perspective on turning 30 is so wildly different from what I thought it would be when I was younger. 30 years old sounded so freaking old. And then when I got into my 20s, I think I really viewed the number 30 as, oh, that's probably like... That's just when the fun ends. This is where it all ends. You turn 30 and it all changes. And I will be honest, I myself in my 20s getting slightly anxious each year that I got closer to that number. Because when you think of 30, it feels like there's this connotation that comes with it and an expectation of once you hit 30, you essentially need to have everything figured out, right? Everything needs to be settled and lined up. And if you don't have every single aspect of your life in order by 30, you're fucked.
And through this show and therapy and talking with my girlfriends and just growing up in general, I have learned that truly that could not be farther from the truth. But I'm aware, obviously, that our perception of aging as women is so warped and so fucking negative. We all feel it. We all have experienced it. It is so wild and disturbing to me that there are literal middle school girls on TikTok doing nine-step anti-aging skincare routines. Okay, did you just hear what I said? Not high school. Middle school young girls are doing nine-step skincare routines on aging. I didn't even I don't even know how to put fucking lotion on my face. I don't even think I put lotion on my face in middle school. I used some water, a Dove soap bar, and we kept it fucking moving, okay? I didn't even understand the concept of aging. But it feels like, unfortunately, I feel like each generation is just getting worse because of the accessibility, obviously, to the Internet, and all the procedures, and there's 19 million fucking products available now, and just overall anti-aging, the pressure is everywhere. But ironically, I realized it takes just aging and evolving to grow out of giving a fuck about it, if that makes any fucking sense.
And that's what we're going to talk about today, because honestly, now, to me, 30 feels young, and I feel like I'm just getting started. So today I want to have a conversation around aging with a few women who have sat in the Call Her Daddy studio with me. They all have very different opinions and experiences, and I think there is something to be learned from every single person that you're going to hear from today. So Daddy Gang, let's get into it. Allie Raisman, Laverne Cox, Heidi Klum. Welcome to Call Her Daddy.
Thank you so much for having me. Hi, everyone.
As women, we are constantly judged. The older that we get, the harsher the criticism becomes. Everything from how we look, how we dress, who we're dating, what age we're dating at. And men don't experience the same ridicule that we get. And so I'm curious what your experience has been as a woman in the public eye and out of the public eye with age.
I get the mini skirt question all the time. Like, so how long are you going to wear mini skirts? That is always a question. A mini skirt is always very, it's very much a thing, I guess. And I've said many times, I'm like, I probably will be walking around at 70 if I I feel like it, still with a mini skirt if I want to show my legs. I don't know. I feel like this is the process. So I look at it very how it is. You know what I mean? I see all my flaws when I, well, not so much anymore because my eyesight is getting worse. But I see my flaws, and especially when I have the magnifying glasses, obviously. But this is it. That's how life is. You climb, you get older, and then it gets It goes down the hill again with our looks and not being plump anymore and this, that, and the other. But at the end of the day, I still look in the mirror and I feel good about myself. I still have the passion for shopping for fun things and putting on fun outfits and doing my hair and do my makeup.
Maybe if that passion for dressing up and making yourself look cute or what do you think looks cute, maybe then that's different then. But I don't have that yet. I still have the fire in me, even though I'm 50 now and I can see the 60 over there, turning 51 in June. But it's still like I love fun things, and I'm still running around the beach with my boobs hanging out, and I don't really care. And yes, do they look like how they look before I had kids and they suck the living daylight out of them? They are different now. And yes, thanks for pointing it out. It's true, they're different because I had four kids, and I breastfed them. And yes.
So when someone asks you that about the mini-skirt, does it annoy you, or is it just you don't even think about it anymore? How does it affect you when people do objectify you to be like, No, you're too old to be doing that? How does it feel?
If they think that, so be it. I don't care. Again, I feel very strong with myself that even though people say those types of things, it doesn't really get to me because I don't see it that way. I look at myself and yes, my legs do not look like your legs. You're in your 20s. So it's very different, obviously. But I still feel okay with my legs, and therefore I go for it. And who knows, maybe when I'm 60 and we sit here again, I might be like, I'm done with the mini skirts because I don't feel it anymore. But as long as I feel it, I don't really care what people think or say to me. I really don't.
What I'm getting from you is you don't give a shit. People can say, Oh, Heidi's gotten older. Heidi's done this. Or when you hit 40, maybe when you hit 30. Everyone had something to say, especially because you've been so public and your job has been a lot of it is your looks.
I always love when I pull up photos and they're like, Oh, look at you here. Look at you there. You're chubby here. And then you're super skin. I'm like, Yes. Also what you don't realize, I have four kids. So I've been pregnant. And then once you've had your baby, it's not like your stomach is flat immediately. So you deflate a little bit. Everything is still a little bit pudgy or whatnot. And I had that four times. So in, out, in, out the stomach. I mean, it stretches to beyond and back. So I love always when they get pictures out and they're like, look at you here. Look how plum you're here. And I'm like, Yes, I'm pregnant here.
I guess my question is like, when these things are happening, like someone pointing that out, does it bother you at all? Or are you You don't care. No. That's what I was going to say is, I feel like you have such a unique energy that I think is enviable, truly, from women. I feel like a lot of us in the industry feel so frustrated by the fixation. I get comments of, You're too old to be doing that now. I'm like, I'm what?
What do they tell you, you're too old to do?
If I'm going out and drinking and having a fun night at a party, it's like, That's really immature. And you're too old for that now. I'm I've said it before.
I'm like, I want- And you're what? You're 27? I'm 29. Yeah, this is crazy. So now we're dead or what? At 50, you're dead. You're almost 30. You're going to be dead soon.
I'm dead. I'm literally dead. I'm not allowed to drink alcohol now or no. They want me to sit at home and drink my alcohol. Or dance. Don't dance.
I mean, sometimes I will be in the club and literally I might be the oldest person there. I love it. But again, I really don't care.
That's what I think is something that I think is a It's a unique perspective. And I think we're really fortunate to have you as one of the people that's going to speak on this, because I feel like the more we can have that mentality as women of like, I don't give a fuck. Oh, my God. My legs aren't there. Obviously, why aren't we fixating?
We all have one thing in common. We will all die. There will be an end to all of this. So why listen to all this negative noise? Surround yourself with people that are great, that are positive. Shake off all the nonsense and just do you. And do you however big or small how you want to do. Some people want to cover up great. Some people want to be religious. Some don't. Do what you want to do. We only have that one life until we die.
Marry who you want to marry. Yes. Be with who you want to be with. Wear as many mini-skirts as you want to wear and rock it.
I mean, I understand you have to do whatever is allowed to do. I would never go to a country and obviously behave like that. I'm always very respectful of every... I don't want to step on anyone's toes.
No, I think truly, it couldn't be a better answer. I hope a lot of women take that from... I get a lot of women writing in of people are saying, I'm either dressing too sexy at my job, and I'm just wearing a pencil skirt. And it's like, no, it's because the men can't control themselves because you're dressed appropriately. It's like, not... We can wear what we want to wear, and it shouldn't be like, you're a slut because you're wearing that. That has nothing to do with anything. It's just like, why do we have to judge women on what they wear, what they look like? Let us just fucking live. Yes. Amen. Yes. So the main thing that I took away from Heidi is how she essentially fully rejects anyone's opinions around aging. And she has so much self-love. It is infectious, and it was infectious when I was in the room with her. And I want to also be very clear, it is not lost on me that Heidi Klum is a freaking supermodel. But I do think it's important to note that if we've learned anything from women sharing their stories, it's that I do not care how beautiful you are or how successful you are.
Every single woman experiences the universal feeling of being objectified, of being shamed for aging, and being told what we should and should not be doing when we hit a specific certain age, right? There is no right way to tackle each age, and there is no right way to act at each age. No one is too old to do anything. In my opinion, I feel like we need to stop saying someone is too old to be doing something, or too old to be wearing something because... And I know this is a really simple concept, but because we don't speak about it this way, it does sound funny when you say it. Isn't the goal to get older? No? Isn't the goal in in life to get older. We want to live a long, happy, healthy life. Why are we shaming people for doing that? And I know I personally have not experienced motherhood, but it was incredibly empowering hearing Heidi talk about embracing her body, changing throughout having children. I feel like a lot of women experience the stress on some level of wondering, what will happen if I get pregnant? How much weight will I gain?
Will it be hard to bounce back? Will I be sexy anymore? Will I be able to return to my pre-baby body? What I'm realizing is all of our bodies will change every single year that we're alive, and every day that we get older. No fucking shit, that is life. It is a privilege to age. So I don't know. It's just really odd to me that this concept is made to feel so fucking depressing and scary for women, obviously. No man hits 30, and everyone's like, Oh, God, it's going to... No, they're like, he's entering his prime. 30 for women versus 30 for men is just different, as is every fucking thing in life. Men have an experience, and everyone is like, yay, and women have an experience, and there's 19 different daunting facts that someone's going to fucking give you, right? Something I want truly everyone to walk away from this episode gaining is more of that Heidi Klum self-love energy. Again, I'm aware I was in the room with a supermodel, and yet I'll be I remember feeling so confident in front of Heidi, and that day, just being around Heidi, because the way that Heidi spoke to me, and about herself, and women in general, was really inspiring.
And I left wanting to just treat myself more that the way she does, right? Be more confident, wear whatever makes you feel good, embrace changes in your body, and essentially do what makes you happy, and fucking enjoy yourself. Okay, so I'm very excited to get into my conversation with Laverne Cox now, because with Heidi, we were talking about essentially, rejecting this fear around aging, and Laverne does an incredible job of explaining where this fear comes from. So I just wanted to talk to you about the fascination of women as we age and the fixation on our looks and our bodies and our sexuality and how we express that and how you felt about it with society and also within yourself.
I have internalized so much ageism for years until maybe three or four years ago, I lied about my age. I started lying about my age when I was 27. So So I think this would have been 20 years ago. And it took me many years, really, in therapy. But I really started working on it in 2018. I started really trying to unpack the stories I told myself around aging. Part of the narrative that I said is that I'm not hirable, I'm not fuckable, I'm not datable over a certain age. And that age was 35, honestly. So I was like, I just won't be... When I turned 40, I wasn't 40. And I started to unpack all of that, how I'd internalize that. And then I started looking around at my life, and I was like, Well, I'm over 40 and I'm working. I'm working a lot. I had a boyfriend at the time. I was having sex. So I apparently was fuckable, datable, and hirable. And so all of the myths I had about being a woman of a certain age weren't actually the reality of my life.
I've had conversations so far, and this is really helpful, where a lot of women, including myself, it's like there's this fear that we are... Our worth is predicated on the way that we look as women. And a lot of it, we've just been objectified, and people will be like, Oh, you're not hot anymore. Or now you have wrinkles. Or, Oh, you're saggy tits. Or you're this or that.
All that's real for me. I think that even if I weren't an actress working on film and television in high-def, that would be an issue for me. I'm 51 years old. I feel really blessed that melanin is such a wonderful anti-aging thing. But I'm also afraid of aging. I'm not afraid of aging. I'm afraid of looking old. I am. That is the truth. That is the reality. And there are things that are happening as a 51-year-old woman, even though I think I look pretty good for 51. There are things that are happening that I see, and I'm like, Okay, I might have to deal. I'm going to have to address this. And And there is a lot of anxiety that I have about getting older and looking older.
And when you say that, though, Laverne, just to explain to people, as a woman, why do you have anxiety?
It is tied to the patriarchy and misogyny that I've internalized around my value, for sure. It is definitely tied to being commercially viable, being sexy still, being photogenic, all these things, magazine covers, runways, red carpets. It's tied to my work, but it's tied to my sense of feeling attractive. I have a partner now who just is so turned on by me, which is so awesome. It's great. But that's not... I've learned, too, that... Men have always been attracted to me, not to be. I'm not that I'm fooling myself, but I I've been in a dick car for 30 plus years, honey. It is what it is. When I was younger, I maybe valued that, but I'm a grown woman. It's not about that. It's about how I feel about myself. It's what I want to see when I look in the mirror, honestly. But it is about... So much of it is about viability. Kimberly Foster, who has this great blog, YouTube channel called For Harriet, talks about the beauty hierarchy and talks about beauty as capital. I interviewed her on my podcast. And beauty is capital. When you look a certain way and the hierarchy is a white supremacist beauty standard.
It's a young beauty standard. It's fat phobic. It's all the things, right? And when you're higher on that beauty hierarchy that is And determined by capitalism, and age, and racism, and fat phobia, and all these things, there are things that you may or may not have access to. Beauty isn't enough. There's so many beautiful women who don't get access to those things. So it's not always enough, but there are things that you might have access to because of that. So it's about capital. It's about having capital in a capitalist society. And luckily for me, I didn't feel beautiful growing up. I always wanted to feel beautiful. I didn't feel... I feel like I was a late bloomer. And so the beautiful thing about my childhood is that the emphasis was about my talent and my intelligence. And I know that I'm not on magazine covers just because I can quote Bell Hooks and intersectional feminist thought, that I'm cute. I can take a good photograph, and I know my angles because I practice and I'm not a America's Next Out Model. And so, yeah, a lot of my work is about how I look. But I also know that there are younger women.
There's always a younger woman who's prettier than me. There's tons of women who are younger and prettier. And what else is there? So it's hard. It's hard. And I don't know if I have an answer. What I do love love is that at this age, I'm going to be 52 in May, is that there's less... I get fewer fucks at this age, and that's amazing. And I'm able to care for myself better and set better boundaries. I have resources for skincare. I'm grateful that I... Even the black, don't crack thing, but I've taken good care of myself. I've never done drugs. I've never drank in excess. All those things aid you. I stay out of the Sun. So I'm grateful for all that stuff. But when the age starts showing, I'm probably going to have a facelift or do something. I'm probably going to do something.
Of course, I'm like, Oh, I think I would want one, too. And then I'm like, Pause. Why? And I think that's where There is no answer today. And I think that's okay.
There's great facelifts, too. It's really interesting. The early maintenance facelifts, allegedly, according to Lauria Hills, some of the celebrities who were in their late 30s getting facelifts, allegedly. I'm like, And they look good. But hopefully, I won't need one anytime soon.
You look fucking amazing.
Thank you. I think I clean up nice. I think I look good in the morning, too, sometimes. But it's on my mind. I'm over 50. It's on my mind.
I love what you said, though, and we can even just end it on that because I agree. There is no solution because it is rooted in the patriarchy. And you're right, there is social capital that you can gain. If you are more attractive, you can get these things. That's not going I can't fulfill you in life, but it is a fact. But I do think you're so right, broadly, as much as it's been told to us as women, when you get older, it's terrifying. I have found about to turn 30, and everyone's like, oh, my God, are you so nervous about being 30? And the work that I've done on myself in therapy, I'm finally absolutely fucking not. I'm not scared because I've never felt more sure of myself. I've never felt more confident in my own skin. I was so insecure when I was younger.
You have a career, too. For me, so much of my life is about a career. When I turned 30 and I had not made it yet, that was my trauma. That was the age. The big age thing for me was that I hadn't achieved my goals yet. When I was 30. I was I was to be a superstar by the time I was 30, and I was far from it. I wasn't one when I was 40. I was going to quit acting when I turned 40. So a lot of it was around success and milestones around success that I had set for myself that didn't happen. On on that timeline, God's time, not my time. So a lot of it was about that. But I was just on the cover of British Vogue with some amazing women. And Salma Hayek, we were talking, and she was saying how wonderful it is for her in her 50s, and that the opportunities are different. There is something wonderful about this age. There really is. There is wisdom. I know better. I treat myself better. There are certain things that I will not abide. I have seen some of the fruits of my labor, and that is unbelievable.
I own a home. I own two homes, which is condos, but still, I'm a condo girl. I couldn't deal with a house. Houses are too much maintenance, especially when you're traveling. Life is good, and I'm so blessed and so grateful. And what I'm most grateful for is I've done the work. And when I say the work, because I've done a lot of work. I've done the work on myself so that I can I can actually be in my body and be that kid who disassociated because of trauma. I've done specific trauma resilience work so I can be in my body. So I'm sitting here now, I feel my feet on the floor, I feel myself in this chair. I am in my body and inhabiting it and at peace in it. And that's amazing. I love my body. So powerful. These are really wonderful things. And it's so funny because when I'm looking back on 30-year-old Laverne, who just was constantly picking myself apart. And I look back at pictures and I'm just like, Bitch, the metabolism, just the metabolism. You should have been so fucking grateful for that 30-year-old metabolism, that 21-year-old metabolism, when you were beating yourself up, it was such a waste of energy.
But the only way you know is to go through it.
Daddy Gang, I think that Laverne did such an incredible job of explaining women's worth being so heavily tied to their appearance. As Laverne said, there is always going to be a younger, prettier, hotter woman out there. So how can we build ourselves into someone that we're proud of outside of our appearance, right? When I look at my life, no matter what the fuck my face looks like, I have built this career I have built amazing friendships. I have built a healthy, incredible marriage so far. I have interests and passions, and perspectives that could never be taken away, no matter how fucking saggy my tits get. Okay? These things could be rock bottom. These things could be to the motherfucking ankle, slinging it low, okay? But I still have my... Well, maybe I wouldn't have my career. No, I'll just start doing more audio. I'm just kidding. The point is, I will still have my career. I will still have those relationships. It doesn't fucking matter. And I want to say to the Daddy Gang, if you're stressed about aging and how it's going to change the attention that you get from men or the the way that you're treated in society, my advice is to first acknowledge that you cannot avoid aging.
You need to build out the aspects of life that have nothing to do with how you look and find self-worth outside of your appearance, right? Building a full life for yourself is, in my opinion, now that I've turned 30, it's how you build confidence. As I'm going to continue to age, I pray, when someone is describing me, I hope that my appearance is the last thing they mention. If anything, I'm happy if they don't even mention my appearance. At this stage in my life, I would be so honored if someone said, Oh, Alex Cooper, she's super smart, hard working, fun, great to be around. Not just like, Oh, yeah, she's so fucking hot. There is so much more to me. There is so much more to all of you than just the way we look. Don't allow anyone to reduce you to a visual, because Bitch, visuals get boring. We're always like, what else is there? What else is new? We don't want to just rely on the exterior. And I think that gets lost on us a lot. A lot of it has to do with vanity. I myself constantly find myself being like, Alex, Stop.
Why the fuck are you dissecting what you're looking? Do I need more Botox? I know I need to do a better job, and that's why this episode is so important to me right now. So I am so excited to have you guys listen to Ali Raisman on this topic. Ali talks about how her life at 30 is not what she planned and not what she expected. She thought she would be married with children at this point, but she is currently single. And I think So many women can relate to the concept of, you have a certain idea and plan and milestones that you want to hit. And then all of a sudden, the plan is out the window. You didn't hit any of those specific milestones. Your life looks way different than what you thought it would be. And it's hard to not feel like you're doing something wrong. But it's so inspiring to hear Ali talk about, while it's not what she expected, she has never felt more sure of herself, and she's never felt happier as someone who just turned 30.
I feel like maybe my experience might be different than some other women, and I feel very grateful that I feel like the older I've gotten, I think the more confident I've gotten in myself. And I actually hope that a lot of women or all women experience that. But I think that, as you mentioned, there is ageism in our society, and people are really critical of women. And I feel like as I've gotten older, I have more figured out who I am. I feel like I've come into myself more. I feel like I'm more in my I'm more comfortable. I feel more relaxed. I still obviously have many days and moments where I still have so much work to do on myself, but I feel more confident in how I look now than I did when I was in my early 20s. I think that maybe that just comes with time and age and maybe just doing a lot of therapy and also recognizing if I go on a date with someone or I'm friends with someone and they don't make me feel good, they're being mean to me, that's not someone I want in my life.
And so I think learning the importance of support system and community and surrounding myself with people who are there for me and challenge me in ways that's healthy and help me be better, I think has been very important.
That's beautiful. I appreciate you sharing that, too, because I think that gives women something to be hopeful for that they can get to that point also, because obviously, I know in media, it's just like when women get older and we're just like, oh, she's old now or whatever. It's just frustrating. But I remember I wrote down your teammates called you Grandma Ali at your first Olympics, even though you were only 18 years old. You were the grandma of the team. And I think the industry of gymnastics as a whole, it views your worth basically in its prime as a teenager. And so aging, I think, becomes a little bit more exacerbated in that community and in that field. How has that complicated your relationship to aging? To be called a grandma at 18 years old, I'm like, you couldn't even have a legal drink. You couldn't even run to I was actually...
It was in 2016, when I was 22, they called me Grandma, which is still 22. But still, it's funny. Yeah, I think that that is interesting thinking about, and I feel like they still joke and call me Grandma. So I think I always maybe felt this pressure to be a mom figure, and I didn't want to let anyone down. I always wanted to just make sure I was saying the right thing and doing the right thing. But I feel like even at 30, I feel like I'm 22 now or how I wish I felt at 22. I still feel young and I feel good, and I feel like I'm excited to get older because I feel like the older I get, the more I figure out my style or what I I feel comfortable wearing what I want to wear. I feel more comfortable in my body, as I already mentioned. I just feel more comfortable speaking up for myself. I think that it is something I think about, though, where sometimes I'm like, I can't believe I'm 30, where I feel like... I think society is hopefully changing where 30 doesn't feel so old anymore, but it felt like it was so old when I was younger, and now I still feel so young, and I have so much of my life.
But I don't It's funny when I hang out, though, with people who are in their early 20s, depending on who it is. It's funny just to see the age difference or seeing myself in them. It's just interesting. I feel like with gymnastics, I had teammates I had friends at all different stages of life. I had some friends who are much older than me, some who are much younger. And so it's just really cool. I also feel like age doesn't matter at the same time. If I'm hanging out with one of my teammates who's 22 and I'm 30, it doesn't feel like Or maybe in a good way, I feel like I'm 22 with them and we're having the best time together. So I feel like as I get older, it doesn't really matter, but we make it matter so much. But there is so much pressure with how we look. And I admire so much the people who are as they've gotten older, they just have been so honest, who are in the public eye as women of what their experiences because it's hard to share their experience. And I also I think you and I were in a time where it's so much more acceptable to talk about things.
It's cool to be vulnerable where I can't imagine 10, 15, 20 years ago being so famous and the things they used to write on the tabloids. And maybe 10 years ago isn't even like, maybe it still is happening today. People are still brutal. But I just like, sometimes when I look back at some of the articles that they used to write about people, it's just horrific. And I can't imagine what so many female celebrities have gone through, the trauma of that. Through my life, my weight has fluctuated and people, of course, have written mean things online, which is just it's terrible But for the women who are literally gain a pound in a bathing suit, and they write the nastiest things about them, it's just so mean. And I can't even believe that's something that is allowed, that people do that. It's just like, no wonder women feel So much pressure.
You're so right. And I even think when you're saying that about those tabloids, just the effect it then had on more young women that are sitting at home looking up to these women, and they're like, this person is fat, or this person is so anorexic. And it's like, how are we writing this on tabloids? Because then if a woman, if a young girl looked at those things and was like, but I look like that. So am I fat, or am I anorexic, or do I have an eating... Whatever it is, whatever the tabloids felt so comfortable to write, I agree with you. I think it's It is there's so much emphasis on women's looks from everything externally. So it's hard as a woman to not think like, oh, my God, am I getting older? How do I look? And we all will have a moment where we deal with that. But I love what you're saying. And it made me excited and happy for women if we can look at it this way, where you're like, I feel so much better, and I feel so much more myself, and I feel the same. People keep asking me, how do you feel when you're going to turn I'm 30 soon?
And I'm like, I feel like I'm already 30. I feel like I'm 35. I feel like I'm 40. I feel like there's a shift that happened recently for me where I feel so much more sure of myself, and I feel so much more aware of what I want, and who I am, and what makes me happy. And I look back at my younger self, and as amazing as I was, and I want to cheer myself on back then, I'm also like, Girl, you had no idea of so many things. You allowed certain things to happen to you. You wouldn't speak up for yourself. You weren't self-assured. You weren't confident. There's so many things that came with experiences and growth. And so it's like, when we look at all these younger women and sure at face value, when like, what? Because men are like, oh, those 18-year-olds are so hot. Okay, but I feel so much better now than I was at 18. And not to say that 18 wasn't fun, but we have more to look forward as women. And I think if that is what the narrative can be, more women will celebrate each other rather than comparing, and freaking out, and wondering, what do I have to get done, or should I not get anything done, or how do I look, and what am I doing?
Embrace that aging is a privilege, and it's fun, and it's like, oh, my God, I feel better than ever. And we're both about to be in our 30s. Let's go. I feel like this is going to be the best decade yet.
Yes. I'm so excited. I also think when When you were younger, you did the best that you could, and we're all doing the best that we could. So I feel like we're often so hard on ourselves, but we all did the best that we could with what we knew and what we had at the time. But I think to people's questions, too, and people are like, How do you feel about turning 30? Why can't we just be like, Congratulations, that's so exciting. Making it more of a positive because it is such a privilege to be able to be 30 and to be able to feel good and to be healthy. And I think you're right. I think there There is this fear that a lot of women have where it's like, oh, my gosh, am I still going to be attractive as I get older? But I think it's sexy and attractive, and it should hopefully be to other people. When you're more comfortable in our own bodies and in our mind, that is more... Hot. Yeah, exactly. It should be more attractive.
When I see a woman that's in her 40s, 50s, 60s that is walking around just confident, I'm like, oh, my God, I want to be her. You can feel it. But again, it's because she's gone through shit, and she now, like you said, I don't care anymore. You don't care about those little things that just like, growing up you do. And your frontal lobe hasn't even developed to what? 23? So yes, I'm excited, and I think that you're right. It's instead of saying, How do you feel about turning 30? It's like, Oh, my God, I can just see it on you. This is about to be your best year yet. I can just tell you're radiating your lobe.
Wait, are you telling me? Or you're just saying the world?
But I'm telling you and everyone. Okay, okay. I'm telling It's all of us. And girls, it's about to be the best ever. And so every year that we continue to live and get new experiences, it just gets better.
Yeah. And also people don't talk enough about when you're in your 20s. It's like you're figuring out who you are. And to any person listening in their 20s, I wish I could go back in time and tell myself, you can and you should communicate what you need. And if someone doesn't listen to you, that's on them. And they don't deserve to be in your life if they're not going to be supportive. So I also want to normalize that when you're dating in your 20s, it's important, it's cool. And it should be the cool thing to empower each other, to ask for what you need and be supportive. And if you both realize this is not a fit, that's also cool. You both wish each other best go on your way. But I want young girls and women to, whether they're 21 or 30 or 40, to feel empowered, to know that what they want is allowed and it's okay. It's important to find people who support that and a partner in dating who makes them feel good. They should also empower their partner to also speak up, too.
I just love Ali's mentality on this entire topic because she feels like a breath of fresh air with her view on turning 30. A lot of my friends are turning 30, and they don't all approach it with such excitement, understand understandably. But I feel like Ali was able to put into words the beauty of taking the time to figure out who you are and truly getting to know yourself, because working on yourself and discovering who you are does not stop at 30. If anything, in my opinion, 30 is like a fucking awakening, okay? 30, in my opinion, is right when you really are starting to get a hold of what you want, what makes you happy, who you are, what you value in life. Confidence is a really big word that I, in and of self, I could do 40 fucking episodes on confidence. But I think when it comes to aging and confidence, there are two ways that you can look at it. You can look in the mirror and you can go, Shit, I have wrinkles now, and I'm not as young as I once was, and I will never look as good as I used to, and I need to do everything I possibly can to stop this, which is allowing, again, aging to just completely destroy your confidence and own your life.
Or you can do the alley approach, which is to look in the mirror and go, damn, Look at everything I've accomplished, everything I'm equipped to do, and what an amazing life I've built for myself. And it's just going to keep getting better. And I love that Ali takes this approach into dating, too, to all my single daddy gang out there. When you get older, you are not going to accept the same shitty treatment from guys at 30 than you would when you were 20. Having all of those years of experience means years of recognizing red flags It's maybe engaging in some of the toxic and being like, No, no, no, bitch, you literally couldn't. You couldn't trick me into your trap if you fucking tried. I know what toxic looks like and smells like. I'm not fucking interested. I know that red flag. I've been there before. We go through shit, and we learn from our experiences, and years of dating will lead you to know what you don't want to put up with in a relationship, right? So Daddy Gang, I hope hearing from Heidi, Laverne, and Ali, just like, I don't know, maybe it helped shift your perspective on the importance of accepting and embracing getting older.
It is so deeply ingrained in us to fear aging and to to avoid it and feel the need to put ourselves down and feel like we aren't as valuable the older that we get. I think this is especially true if you grew up in a household where maybe your mom was always picking herself apart, maybe making very negative comments about her body and her wrinkles, not liking the way that she looked in the mirror. It is really hard to break out of that way of thinking. And if it's not coming from your household, you're definitely seeing it on social media. Every single post these days feels like, it's like, buy this, put this on your face, sleep with this thing on your head and get this procedure. And here's a 10-step program of how to basically not look like yourself. It is everywhere, and it is all too much. Life goes by so fast. I don't want to spend the majority of it feeling insecure and dreading, if not the most beautiful aspect of life, which is getting older, having more life experiences, having more time with friends and family and holidays and all of it.
We just get to experience more. I hope when I'm 40, I look back at turning 30 and think, wow, I had so many amazing things ahead. I didn't even know how good it was going to get. And that's how I feel now looking back at my 20s. I also know there's a lot of women listening today, and we could be at complete different points in life, right? You may be listening, and you may have three children, or you may be listening, and you are currently single. I want to make sure it's clear, this specific conversation I'm having today with you guys does not revolve around the specificity of your relationship status, your dating life, your home life. That's not what this is about. It's a mindset. The point is, after listening to this episode, I hope that you can completely change your view to reject anti-aging culture, reject the negativity you see online, reject the ads and the constant fixation on the external things, and choose to focus on being happy and being present and living life the way that you want to, and not allowing yourself to feel defeated every single year that you get older.
But instead, which I'm trying to do now, is feel so grateful and excited to get to know yourself a little bit more every single year. So Daddy Gang, I love you. You sexy, beautiful, spicy little bitches. Cheers to getting older and to being alive. I think that it sounds so crazy, but it's like, when I see these things on social media of people judging someone for getting older, I'm like, Bitch, you would be so blessed. You would be so blessed if you're looking at... Look at the way we look at our moms and our grandmothers. I sat with Matt's grandmother the other day, and she's 100 years old. In December, she will 101 years old. And the way that she talks about her life is so fucking inspiring. And she has that thing that I admire so much when I was talking about Heidi, that confidence of just, I fucking love my life, and I love my family, and I'm just so grateful to be here, and not letting these little things make you feel like you're in a cage, and you're uncomfortable, and you want to get out of your body. Own it and have a good time, because we're fucking here once, and I know it's corny to say, but I think we I fucking miss that sometimes.
I think when we're on social media all day, we're writing these things down. I'm like, I need to get this done. You don't need to do anything that you don't want to do. And so next time that you're feeling insecure, pause and go touch some fucking grass, because I have been doing that lately, and it actually really fucking helps. Okay. I love you, Daddy Gang. I hope this episode was what you needed to hear this week. I will see you, fuckers, next Wednesday.