Don't drug the team.

Don't drug the team. Don't drug the team.

Dawn, grateful wench. Yeah. You're, like, moaning. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

No. Yeah. Yeah.

No. Get back in your seats. How does

that look? Better or worse?

Better. Better?

It looks amazing. Cheers. Just just let god go with you.

But, like, what can I not say?

You can say anything you want.

Can I talk about

Put the microphone in front of your face? What is up, daddy gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper,

with call her daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Hey. Tonight's about to get weird.

Okay. Cheers.

Let's do a quick little prayer.

Let's do a quick little seance. Art father who art in caller daddy, how

how will they

come? How will they be thy saying a lot of bad shit tonight.

0. 0. 0. 0.

Thy kingdom come. I will

make I will make him come, and I will not sound dumb. Amen. That's not a

prayer. No. Yeah. That's my new religion.

Do you think any of your exes will be watching tonight?

Hopefully, if they have a phone. Those poor brokies, those little weird freaks. Do you go for broke men? Sometimes. To humble myself.

Halle Batchelder, welcome to Call Her Daddy. You may be wondering why we're dressed like this, daddy gang. I don't know.

No. We're, like, back. We're, like, we're in New York right now. You're back to your roots.

Oh. 0 my

god. Really gets oh.

0. Imagine if we knew each other when I was in New York. York.

No. You would be dead. No. You wouldn't be alive.

I wouldn't have my career.

Yeah. I bet your funeral, and you wouldn't have your career or your husband.

I would definitely not have my husband if I knew you.

Not have

your husband at work. We also imagine if we knew each other when you lived in Boston.

No. I wouldn't have been

a bottle girl. I would have just become friends with your dad. Much if I had fucked your dad. Wait. That's not funny.

Isn't he happily married?

No. He's happily married. But, like, imagine if Alex Cooper was my mom. And I was like, Alex, what's for dinner? And she's like, I just signed a $125,000,000 deal.

Let me just preface this with anybody that's driving, in the car on the way to work because they could be on their way to work. They could be nursing their child right now.

Hopefully not.

They could be doing something wholesome. It is about 7 o'clock at night in Los Angeles, California. It's so hot. No. It's so hot.

We gotta take the shit off. This hood. We are sweating, and we're drinking martinis, and I'm sitting across from Halle. Now I discovered Halle on TikTok 1 day, and I said, I'd like that bitch. I would like to be friends with that bitch.

And then I ended up starting a company, and I was, like, oh, I can be friends with her and I can work with her, which is pretty cool. And Halle is going to be launching her podcast tomorrow. Extra dirty episode 1 comes out, so cheers. You fucking did it, bitch. Yeah.

Should we take this shit off? Yeah. Maybe not the sunglasses, but at least this.

No overheating.

And then let's recombe your hair. No. Wait. I

look like George Washington the third.

Last time I saw you was in, oh, Los Angeles.

Yes.

And Matt and I were putting you to bed.

Yes. That was the scariest thing ever because I was cross faded on that fucking PJ back.

Talk about that experience. No.

They were like, yay. Yay. I don't know. Like, Wiz was playing, like, his music, and I was like, okay. Like and you were like, yeah.

And he was like, wait. Have the whiskey and smoke the blonde. I, like, don't smoke weed at all. So when I hit it, I was, like, so paranoid. I think sweetie thanked me for being there.

I go, you're welcome. I don't know. So we're on the plane.

I turn around, and Halle has her hands crossed in a prayer position, and she's not moving, and she's not speaking, and she's not making eye contact with anyone. And I kept turning around being like, Holly, are you

Well, I'm, like, with my, like, boss, this girl that just signed me to the company, and, like, I was just I I don't smoke at all. Like, I'm not a smoker. I don't smoke weed. I don't like downers like that. I like uppers.

So I was, like, a little confused of what's going on. I was trying to play it fucking cool, and I was supposed to go from landing from the PJ, and I was like, my plan was to Uber TeleX.

And I'm like, what time is your flight? I've never heard of a flight taken off at, like, a steady 2:30. And Halle's like, oh, I don't have a flight. I'm gonna get 1 though. And she is blazed out of her mind, not making eye contact with anyone still, and she has glasses on.

And she's like, no. I'm gonna catch a flight. To which Matt says, excuse me. You're not going to LAX. You're coming home with us.

I was like, gay. Yeah. I mean, the thing is I woke up in your guest bed on top of the covers. I didn't even take my clothes off, didn't even tuck in. You had gave me a whole house tour that I don't even recall.

I woke up, and there was, like, a desktop right in front of me. I clicked the name, and it goes Alex Cooper, desktop. And I go, fuck. No. Not today.

And it

was, like, noon. And I could hear you guys downstairs making coffee, and I was, like, calling, like, Lauren. I was calling all my friends being, like, I don't know if I can go downstairs.

This is terrible.

This is, like, a, like, this is a nightmare. No. That was fun. No. That was fun.

How would you describe your personality when you're drunk aside from the wandering eye?

Creepy fucking bitch. I feel like either I go mute, like, you don't know if I'm, like, drunk or not, or I'm just, like, completely an extra version of my extra self. I don't wanna cause a scene. I'm not, like, confrontational at all. Some people, when they get drunk, they're, like, mean and rude and confrontational.

But, yeah, I'm very chill. I'm also, like, very, like, a respectful human being. I feel like I'm just, like, down with, like, the vibes. I'm just trying to like, I don't wanna cause a scene.

Are you someone that is going to drunk text people? Are you drunk texter? Yeah. Oh.

Yeah. I mean, like, who's not? Like, I don't know. Like, grow up. Wait.

But I, like, have had a couple, like, drunk text situations where I'm just, like, some there's me there needs to be a child lock on my phone. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know?

Once I send this nude to this guy, and it was a video. It's like a cinematic masterpiece. And I was using, like, a bright pink fuchsia dildo. And I was absolutely plastering myself with it.

Oh, Holly. What? Are you in your bed?

Yeah. My twin bed on Nantucket.

No. Yes. You're doing this in Nantucket.

Sent it to the wrong guy. His name started with m. The other guy's name started with m, but the guy I sent it to was, like, this guy named Matt from, like, sleepaway camp when I was 14. And I was like, he had a blessed day that day. I don't fucking care.

Did you realize that when you were fucked up, or did you realize in the morning?

In the morning, he thumbs up it. He didn't even reply.

He's he must've known. He was like This ain't this ain't for me.

He was like, yeah.

In that moment, question, do you then decide cinematic masterpiece, should I actually now fire this off to the right person?

It's too late. It was too late. The person I wanted to even fire it off to, I think, didn't deserve it. I think this random guy from sleepaway camp deserved it more at this point. No.

But my drunk texts weren't even, like, where you at? They were just, like, like, very well composed, like, sex with, like, an intro, 3 supporting arguments, and, like, a closing statement. I'd be like, this is a cinematic I gotta I'd be like, I wouldn't even regret that. I'm gonna die

on this hill. Someone publish this shit. How the fuck are you, like, writing that shit when you're fucked up?

AI, Charge GBT. Give it to me right now. 123.

Holly, I fucking love you. Okay. Where did you come from? Like, I feel like you crawled out of the hole. Like, were your parents strict with you growing up?

Like, what was your what was going on?

I mean, they were, they weren't strict at all. Okay. I feel like they had expectations. Like, you have to get good grades, make your bed, don't get pregnant. Although, I did once, but, like, don't get pregnant.

Okay. So my parents can be strict sometimes.

Oh, okay.

Like, when I would throw parties in college, there was 1 time I threw a party in college, and I had all my friends over. It was, like, for my friend's birthday. And, like, 1 of her girlfriends, like, threw up all over my parents' carpet. The cops had came, so everyone was, like, hiding in a room. They went up to, like, the 4th floor.

I live in, like, a brownstone in Boston. They went to the 4th floor into my parents' room. This girl threw up all over, like, my parents', like, a $100,000 carpet. It was horrid. It was a fucking crime scene.

Okay.

So they found out. I've never seen my dad so mad at me. I thought I was cut off for good. I thought I was cut off for good, so I signed up for seeking arrangements.

No.

I was being the most. I was so extra. I was, like, seeking arrangements near me. I'm done. There's no way.

Holly. I never went on a date, but I signed up. You know, I got chlamydia once.

Let's talk about chlamydia.

Twice. Oh. Sorry. Told you. Yeah.

Tell me about your time.

I mean, I got chlamydia once. It was with an older gent who I loved. Really? I didn't love him. I just loved how rich he was.

I don't know. He was so rich. Like, we'd go to, like, a bar, and he'd be like, what are you gonna drink? And I'd be like, I want a spicy margarita. And he'd be like, okay.

A spicy margarita too. And then he'd be like, how much should I tip? A thou? Should I tip a thou? He, like, abbreviated a thou, and I was like, tip a thou?

Yay. Yay. Yay. And then he invited me to the Bahamas, and his friend had a private island. And, oh, it was just all the things.

Epstein. No. No. I'm just kidding. I'm sorry.

This is going this is getting crazy. No. No. Stop.

No. But he would, like How old was this man? He wasn't that old. He was, like, 38.

How old were you at the time?

23.

Okay. That's good. That's good.

He was weathered, though. He looked stressed out. He looked like a leather couch. Like, he looked like he was stressed out at work. Like

What was he up to? What did he do

for work? He was a hedge fund owner. Owner?

Wait. That's hot.

Wait. Owner is not the right 1. Is that a thing? CEO. How did you meet him?

Nantucket. That's

and he didn't have children or kids? He could've. That you know of. Could've.

He got me pregnant.

He got you pregnant?

No. Yes. That was the same guy in chlamydia, but I thought the chlamydia pill was postponing my period. So it was, like, double homicide. Pow pow pow.

Ally. Ally. What?

Can I not say that?

You know what? I think you fucking should say that because in the state of the motherfucking union of our country, you had a right.

And thank God I was able to have an abortion back then. Honestly, I don't I can't even imagine if it wasn't an option to me.

So Imagine you as a mother right now.

Like, right here. I'm like, hi, father Cooper. Shh. I'm doing an interview. I have big tits.

Can I

even breastfeed? Wait. Okay. You?

I think so. It's under the muscle. Yeah. I continue.

Okay. You no. You that's what I remember. You drunkenly in the back of the car with Matt and I on our way back. You were like, guys, I have something I really wanna talk to you about.

And I'm like, oh, we're gonna talk about extra dirty, whatever. You're like, I kinda wanna go bigger.

I stand by that.

You wanna go bigger? Yeah. How big are your tits?

Well, they're alright. 295 cc high profile. And everyone thinks they're real. Everyone thinks they're real. No.

Like, when like, oh my god. Like, everyone thinks they're real. They don't, like, fake. Because the tits I had before, I gained a lot of weight, then lost a lot of weight, and then gained a lot of weight. So it kinda look like a rock and a sock.

Like, picture a rock and a sock. You know, you're swinging a rock and a sock. It's like a weapon. Okay? So, like, I filled that up, and I went conservative with the cc's, but they don't look fake enough.

If if I'm going under the knife

Pop it up.

Make them look fake. You wanna go bigger. They bounce still. Like, fuck that.

You don't want them to bounce?

Not really.

You want them to just be I want

them to be sat and listening to me.

Wait. You went to Catholic school? Yeah. It's it's shocking. That's literally makes so much sense.

I went to Catholic school also, so

I can

say that. Oh, yeah. Just a lot of repression and

It's like caging a wild animal and then sending them free into college. From 5th through 12th grade, I never had class with the male. I'd slept with 1 guy, and I'd done, like, 1 line of Adderall. And I was like, I'm a freak. I'm so crazy.

And then I got to college, and I was like, wait. Dick?

That was insane. So high school, you were pretty tame?

So tame.

What was your first boyfriend?

He was, like, this very religious, went to the brothers' school, all boys Catholic school, was, like, captain of the hockey team, very nice guy, very religious, massive dick. Wait. I know. I miss him. Okay.

Where is he now, you think?

He has a girlfriend. Oh. He's, like, 57. Are you 58? Yeah.

In grass. 5 foot.

But but the big dick.

He was a tripod, Alex. The walking tripod. If the wind gusted him right over, he wouldn't be standing right up.

But to have that as your first experience, it's a little intimidating, though.

Well, intimidating for everyone else. Like, after him, it was like, what is this? What did I sign up for? Why did we break up? It's ups it was, like, upsetting.

The second guy I got with after my ex had a micro penis,

literally my pinky. What did you do when you saw it?

It wasn't a seeing it thing. It was like, is it in yet? Is it in yet? I had no idea. It was like this bit.

I swear to god.

You've actually tried to have sex

with a micro penis. I I did have sex with a micro penis.

What position worked the best?

None of them. We're in I was on a beanbag in my friend's, like, common room in college.

It was

So disgusting. Wait. Oh, boy. Can we talk about karate? Yeah.

Kumbaya.

The karate kid is here today.

Guys, it's a fun fact that I am a brown belt in karate. I did it for 9 years. I wasn't, like, an athlete. You weren't gonna see me in soccer or hockey or I don't know what whatever sport. Track.

No. Like, none of them. I my parents are like, you should do karate. And, like, that's a sport you put your kids into when you're, like, 3, and I was out popping my fucking pussy until I was probably 17.

Hold on.

I'm a brown belt. Did you get, like, bullied for this? Yes. So I for a period, I stopped, and then I accidentally, before sweet 16, got alcohol poisoning because I was 14. I'm youngest in my grade.

So it's, like, before I switched 16, I, like, drank too much. And my parents, like, you're grounded for 9 months, and you have to do karate. And I was, like, alright. Like, fuck. And I'm, like, 14.

Like, guys are just starting to notice me. And I have to go back and put my gi on. I'm, like, a little brown belt, and I'm like I'm like, yeah. And, like, I'm like, guys aren't gonna fuck with this. It's true.

Give me, like, a hand move. What would you do?

You'd bow first, be respectful. I feel like I was

I can't

I can't really get into the grooves.

It's the

I used to, like, do the job. I used to judge, younger karate students.

What?

I was that good. I was so

good at karate. Do you use any of those moves in the bedroom?

Probably. I'm violent in the bedroom. A man hates to see me coming. Holly,

can we talk about your dad?

Yeah.

Let's talk about the finances.

Let's talk about the

finances. Are you still using your dad's credit card to this day?

Yeah. I mean, yeah. I mean, that's actually a sensitive topic today. I got a text this morning being, like, in the group chat, my dad goes, I just canceled the JetBlue card. Good luck.

Love you. To my family group chat, I go, wait. What the absolute fuck? He goes, yeah. I don't use it anymore.

I'm like, but I do. What do you mean?

What is the JetBlue card?

Like, his card we all have in Apple Pay. But it's like monopoly. It's like bang, bang. It's like, oh, bang. We're at dinner.

Bang. You know? I could fly around the world 17 times

ago. So you got cut up on the JetBlue.

No. Yeah. We're done. The Blackheart, we're so back. The Blackheart hates see me coming.

It's nice that he's not a sugar daddy. Like, this is your actual dad.

This is my life. It's the sugar daddy minus the sugar.

Do you think he'll ever cut you off?

No. Because, like, he really wants us to be safe. He's big on safety. Like, the reason why he would never, like, disclose his credit card number for the black card, he does not let us do subway transportation or UberX. Like, it's I'm not kidding.

Like, it's he, like, doesn't feel safe with that. He also doesn't feel safe with us having a bad haircut I can't. Or bad hair or, like, bad clothing. He doesn't feel safe, Alex. He protects our safety.

I can't. I literally can't handle you. Okay. So it's all about safety. Yeah.

A new bag, safety. Yeah. New hair, safety. But also, like,

but also, like, nice interior design makes me feel safety. CB 2, safety. Williams Sonoma, safety. Revolve. Safety.

Revolve. Revolve makes me feel safety.

So let me get this right. Do you have a, like, you can't spend more than this in a month or no?

I'm not disrespectful. K. I don't wanna abuse it. It's not like I'm going to Bergdorf and, like, popping my absolute pussy at Bergdorf while he's not there. Yeah.

But when I'm there, we're popping our

fucking pussy at Bergdorf. If you ever go too hard, what is, like, a reprimand from your father look like?

It's an email.

What?

It's an email where it says purchase activity not detected or, like, purchase activity. I wasn't there. And he sends a question mark, and we just usually don't reply. Stop. I'm like, trash, spam on my quiz list.

Okay. Let's talk about your dating life. Okay. Let's talk about your dating lives.

Okay.

Do you have an age limit? Diapers. No, Howie. What?

Is that bad to say?

What's funny is I was thinking, like, 85, 65.

Yeah. Diapers.

Old man. I don't Oh, you're talking about old man.

Yeah. An old man with diapers, hospice, diapers. Wait. What? Who I thought I was talking about younger?

And that's a problem. We had to talk about that after.

Okay. That was weird for me. Can you tell me what is oldest you've gone on a date with? Date or fact? I don't know.

The oldest guy I slept with I don't date a lot.

Okay. Right. Sorry. No dates. Just fact.

But the oldest guy I've slept with is probably 52.

Okay. How was that?

Good for him. I sucked him sideways and fruition. He saw sunset.

Was he single?

I think.

Have you ever had sex with a man and then realized he was married afterwards? Yes. How do you handle that?

I mean, what that's not my problem. If you are hooking up with me and, like, you're in a relationship and you don't disclose it, I don't see how that's, like, my issue.

It's not your issue. What is the most expensive thing a man has ever bought you aside from your father?

That's a good question, actually. I mean, these guys this man thought he bought my tits. What? This is actually a really good story.

Share it with the class.

So this is the guy I was seeing at the time. He was in London. I remember FaceTiming him. He was horrible to me. Like, he'd be like, I'm getting with this influencer and that influencer.

I'd be like, okay. But I'm like, I'm so cool with that. Whatever. And I would be like, I think I want, like, new tits. And he was like, I think I agree with that.

Like, he was horrible to me. And then he goes he's like, it's 6 AM in London, and I'm so fucked up. I've stayed up all night. Like, I'm gonna Venmo you 10 grand for your tits. So him and his best friend Venmo me for each tit.

So the East think they own 1 tit. But then Wait. They Venmo'd you? Yeah. They Venmo'd me on the spot.

Him and his friend? Yeah.

But then my mom was like, wait. If you really want me to pay for the surgery, just get your real estate license, and I'll pay for it. So, like, MacGyver on the fucking keyboards, I studied so hard. I got my real estate license in, like, within, like, a week and a half. I swear to god.

And these fucking dumbass billionaires, I pocketed their money so quick. So you fucking later.

You had 10 k for your tits from them Yeah. Pocketed. I

just paid for them. I never sold a house ever either.

I fucking love that for you. No. Yeah. Have you ever signed an NDA? Yeah.

Oh. Haven't you? Like,

what? Tuesday.

For, like, a I know you can't talk about it, but not for, like, business.

I've never signed an NDA. I don't know.

Jake said yes.

Yeah. I mean, I've signed a couple, but, like, for, like, guys I don't even think deserve them. Like, YouTube guys, I'm, like, be so fucking for real right now. You sign that date for me, babe. No.

Have you fucked someone that does YouTube? Multiple. I should

have my own channel.

No. Wait. But you've never fucked David Dobrik, have you?

I'm taking out my sunglasses for this. Ew.

Okay. Are you fucking weird? Eyes my eyes are, like, where am I? Okay.

Wait. My eyes are, like, where am I?

Wait. Yeah. Where am I? Okay.

That's You thought I fucked David Dobrik? No. I'm out

of here. Can we keep that in? What is the weirdest thing that someone has asked you to

do in bed? You know, what is the weirdest thing? Probably the weirdest thing of guys, anything ass related. This 1 guy got an all fours, and he was arching his back, and I was eating his ass out. I didn't love that for me.

He loved that for him. Also, there was this 1 guy that had the extension bar. I told you about this.

No. This fucked me up. Talk about it. Go.

I'm gonna no. I'm not this is hog tie was fucking light work. The hog tie was not even the part I this part of the story I didn't even, like, explain. This guy had an extension bar, and he had shit, like I hope you can see this right now. He had, like, the clanks here and the clanks on each ankle, and there was a bar in between my legs.

And if you move your legs, like, another inch, you can't go back in. So if you move your legs another inch, you can't go back in. So I was in, like, the splits for, like, 3 and a half hours, And I swear to God, I wasn't on a flight back from LA, like, cross eyed dislocated.

Let me just say this. Halle and I are sitting next to each other in LA having a cocktail. Besties. We're whispering sweet nothings to each other.

They were like, I love you.

I'm asking her just about her escapades. And she starts talking about this machine, essentially, that she

It was giving Home Depot PR haul.

It's like a curtain rod between her fucking legs, but there's a spring. And when you said that so are you is this happening when you're getting fucked from behind?

No. So, like, I was on my back in the hog tie. That's what that's what made it crazier with the hog tie. I was in front, and I felt like a chandelier at 1 point. Yeah.

He put the bar over his neck at 1 point and then flipped me over. It was I I can't move your legs. I I thought I pulled a hamstring, Alex. I thought I was needed PT after this. Wait.

What?

I had recently watched the,

Wait. What do you watch?

Jake Gyllenhaal show. Oh, you thought I was about to say I got a video of it. And

I was like, I wouldn't be shocked.

No. I, while she was explaining this to me, had watched the Jake Gyllenhaal show, if any of you had watched it. Mhmm. It's, like, presumed innocent, and the girl is murdered, and she's wrapped up in a hog tie. So aside from a hog tie, what is, like, a weird thing?

Like, a weird thing that would make, like, Halle Batchelder be, like, that definitely was on the Richter scale of, like, weird that a man has done to me.

I mean, nothing makes me blush, but this 1 thing made me fear for many lives. I'm not gonna lie. Like, this man was love bombing the absolute fuck out of me in a way where I was, like, aware it was happening. But there was 1 night he called me, and he always would call me, spend 2 hours on the phone talking about fucking nonsense. I I don't know what the fuck he's talking about.

I'm trying to go to bed or order Uber Eats. I don't know what the fuck you're saying. So he called me up, and he's like, I wrote a short story about you. And I'm like, oh my god. Like, trying to be, like, so cutesy and, like, interested.

What was it about? And he's, like, I wrote it about you, and, like, you were my muse. And I was, like, I've never been a muse before.

Right. Like, tell me everything.

I'm, like, tell me everything, every fucking detail. This story was basically, like, this random girl gets set up with this guy that works on our ranch, and they go on a first date. It's a blind date. And, like, he, like, teaches people how to shoot a gun, and she's like, I'm scared of guns. Anyways, she's like, whatever.

They continue dating, and she keeps using the gun to, like, masturbate, like, fuck herself with the gun. She's, like, popping her pussy with the gun while he goes to work.

Okay.

And I was like, okay. This is a really good story. So he's like, yeah. Like, then she uses the gun. It's like a rifle to pop her pussy out of work.

Blah blah. Anyways

Where is this going?

1 day, the end of the story was he walks in because he forgot his wallet or something, and she's, like, using the rifle to masturbate and accidentally shoots her whole fucking head off. Like I go, that's so sweet. What? I'm like, we're so in love. So I'm like, this girl blows her brains out, and I'm I'm on the news.

I'm like, what? I'm like, I've never even talked about masturbating with this guy. But all of a sudden, I am popping my pussy with a rifle. Dude, isn't that fucking insane? I feel So, like, he walks in and, like, it's like he, like she's like, oh my god.

And he walked in. Like like, what? Here's the thing. I do feel like life is about how you handle moments, and I do feel like of any woman in the world for a man to share that kind of short story. You are the type of person that could maybe handle it better than another woman.

Because, like, some bitches would just literally start, like, crying on the phone being, like, why would you tell me this? But you're, like, sister, baby.

I said thank you. Owe.

And then when you got off the phone, do you, like, call your friends, or do you just, like, pick back up your

because that one's I mean, like, I can, like, handle a fucking weird weird, like, dirty text or whatever, but, like, a weird 2 hour story about, like, how I blew my head off with a rifle via via masturbating. I didn't really know what to handle. So, yes, I called my best friends. I was like, I don't know how to handle this well. I'm about to visit him, whatever.

And they're like, honestly, period. And I was like, period. Per, let's still do it. I still visited him, and I came.

Halle? Yeah. Halle. Alex? No.

I couldn't get on that flight. I'm too paranoid. I think he was gonna fucking kill me. I mean, your podcast is gonna be fucking insane. You're literally lounging, like which story should I tell about him?

The hogtides?

I wouldn't even consider that bad sex. That was good sex.

You enjoyed that?

I like that.

What is the worst sex you've ever had, or what would you consider bad sex?

There was this 1 guy I hooked up with where he had, like, this weird baby fetish. Oh. Like, where he thought it was, like, a doll or, like, a baby doll, and he was like, oh, my pretty little princess. My little girl. My little pretty little princess.

And I was like, who the fuck do you think you're talking to? He's like, just my pretty little princess. You're gonna be talked in bed. And I was like, do you need to be fucking murdered? Because I don't know if you're talking to him right now.

No. That's a day but shit I'm not into. Freak of

the week.

I'm gonna ask you some rapid fire.

Okay. Who is the

most famous person in your DMs?

You know this.

You can't say it.

You want me to say it? No. We're here.

Or do we wanna let you, like, hook up with him first and then Yeah.

I mean, I don't want people to hook I mean, like, there's a lot of famous people in my DM.

How do you handle that? Do you like that?

No. Well, I mean, they're all fucking weirdo losers. I feel like, as of growing up, I feel like I'm like, oh, it'd be so cool to, like, fuck a famous guy, and then you're like, oh, these famous people are fucking weird freaks. Like Scott Disick? Get out of my DMs.

You weird fucking weird freak.

Okay. Have you ever hooked up with your friend's boyfriend?

Yeah. Well, like, it's Memorial Day weekend, and, like, she consent it. I mean, like, she was, like, stuck them sideways. I said, I'll suck them diagonal.

No. Can I tell the story?

Yeah. You should tell the story. You know

what I mean? Who it is.

No. Like, please tell the story, because I wanna tell the story so bad. I think it's hilarious. It shows how close me and Lauren are. She loves this story.

Is she okay with it going public? Okay. So Halley and I are with Lauren and we're with Graydon, and I don't know what happened, but we all started talking about sucking dick. And then all of a sudden, you guys both turned to me and you had this, like, sadistic grin on, and you're both like, oh my god. Should we show her?

And I'm like, show me what? And you're like, let's show her. And Lauren was like, show her.

You go, I need another drink before you show me. And then you took, like, a massive gulp of a drink, and you go, okay. I'm ready. Yeah.

And they pull up their phone, and they go, this is a video of Halley sucking my boyfriend's dick.

Yeah.

And I'm filming it. And I'm like, hold on. Hold on. Just for context, daddy gang, her Lauren is my Lauren. Like, they are best friends.

They do everything together. And how long have Lauren and her boyfriend been together?

4 years. 4 years. Okay.

So they show me this video. Honestly, great work. Great work by you. I learned from the best. And Halle is

I'm really good at sucking dick ass. Wait. Don't

No. Why do I caught that? Like, this episode keep that in. Anyways, so I watched this, and it was a masterpiece. Like, it wasn't even like a weird video.

It felt like we were all in this together kind of vibe. Like, Lauren was, like, moving to make sure she was getting the right angle. The boyfriend was having a good time. You were having a good time. Yeah.

I think she had a ring light. But but how the fuck do you and isn't it, like, now, like, a yearly thing? Yeah. Because she doesn't like to suck dick. What is this?

Well, like, it's like our inside joke. Like, she doesn't like to suck dick, and I was like, oh my god. I'll do it for you, and, like, we're all, like, really good friends. Like, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

She's so confident. Like, she's too confident. She's so hot. She's, like, she's so hot.

How many times have you done

this? Like, 4 score. 7 years ago. Multiple times. Well, like, 4 times like, 3 or 4 times.

And how do these nights begin?

They begin with the plant the seed being planted. It's like, okay. This might happen later. But, usually, it's always on Memorial Day weekend on Nantucket. Like, we go out.

We go to Crewe. We have a couple cocktails. Champagne's flowing, and then someone's dick is being sucked.

And if it's her boyfriend's, do you leave the room after and she fucks him? Or what is happening?

So it started was I wanna watch them have sex. Like, I always was curious how Lauren fucked. I've never seen it before. So I, like, wanted

to watch never seen it before. So, like, you often see your best friend have sex.

I mean yeah. I mean, like so picture this chair in the room. Okay. And they're, like, fucking on the bed, and I was just kinda, like, sitting there with, like, my legs crossed like this. And I was, like, kinda like a weird creeper.

You're literally, like, smiling, like

I'm like, cheers. I have, like, a notepad out. I'm like, alright. This was okay. There you go.

How did you feel? Were you at all turned on, or were you just, like, fascinated?

I was, like, turned on, but I was, like, no. I don't think I would 3 I I don't think I would have a 3 way with Lauren.

Interesting. But you would suck her boyfriend's dick Yeah. While she watches.

That's, like, not that intimate. Like

It's not that intimate.

I would never, like, hook up with Lauren. Interesting. Like, I've had many 3 ways. Lauren could never be in that situation. Why?

I don't think she would wanna be in that situation, first of all. And second of all, like, I think Lauren has too much respect for herself to be involved in whatever situation I wanna be involved with,

but she'll let you suck her boyfriend's dick.

She honestly looks at it as, like, me She's like, oh my god. Like, he's a good dick. I'm sharing this with my best friend.

Oh my fucking god. Dude, that's some confident ass bitch that would be

like the most confidence I've ever seen now.

Because she's not even, like, worried that you guys are gonna, like, ever do anything with your back.

Never. Ever. It's insane. She's like, I want this for you. I wanna share this goodness with you because you are my best friend.

That's how she looks at it.

And does she also say, like and also because you're so good at sucking dick?

Yeah. And also she's like, I don't wanna suck.

So you do it for me. And I

have oral fixation. Like, I used to bite my nails until I got them done. We we we I hate to vape. Like, sucking dick calms me down.

That's the promo. That's the title.

Who needs therapy when you have dick?

So you've had multiple threesomes?

Many.

What is the weirdest threesome you've ever had?

The weirdest threesome I ever had. Thank you for asking.

You're welcome.

It was during COVID. I don't cut that. You can't The

way that you start stories, like, it was Memorial Day. Like, the specificity.

No. Like, this 1 girl was hooking up with this guy, and I had hooked up with 3 of his brothers. Like Oh. We cut that out.

We're at a

house already, and she's hooking up with this guy all day. And I I had a guy at the time, and, like, I had FaceTime sex with this guy in the bathroom. So I was, like, popping my pussy in this bathroom, and then I, like, was done, whatever. I came out, and this couple is still hooking up. And I was like, well, now that I'm here, now that I'm aroused and ready to fucking go, I'm ready to fire off.

They were like, why don't you join? And I was like, okay. It was, like, the couch, like, the living area of this, like, small ass Boston apartment. Oh. And they were doing blow.

Wait. Can I say that?

Yeah.

So they were doing blow. And she was like, let's let's just like, it'd be funny if we, like, both did blow off his dick. So, like, 1 of them be sucking, 1 of them be doing blow, suck blow, suck blow, suck blow, the whole rotation. This girl ultimately, like, takes off all her clothes, and then she starts, like, riding this guy, and then I sat on his face. And then we swap, swap, swap, and there was, like, the human centipede situation, reverse.

Did you enjoy that moment? Like, did you actually have fun?

Yeah. It builds character.

What is the biggest lie you've ever got caught in?

I didn't give you chlamydia. I did. I did though.

Okay. She's What is your favorite sex position?

You know, I would say on top. It's quickest and easiest and gets them out of my apartment quickest.

You get those new tits, it's gonna be quick.

You know, you're like, pow, pow, pow, pow, pow. But I also like doggy, but guys do not like to have doggy with me because there's not much recoil going on. It's like a negative recoil. It's like putty. It's like Play Doh.

What? Because the tits are in the front and there's nothing in the back?

I thought I would get fake tits and distract from my, like, lack of ass. It's like putty ass.

Have you ever been in love?

Absolutely not.

What's your most controversial opinion, do you think?

Anal is pleasant. How if you're hooking

up with someone 10 times, how many times are you doing anal of those 10 times?

I mean, I've probably had more anal at here. No.

Stop. We kidding. Wait. You're, like, you're hitting the anal train.

I mean, I'm a good candidate. I don't like food. So, like, there's only in me. Can you see that?

Have you ever gone back to front and gotten a kidney infection?

Yeah. I think I have a UTI. I think I have a UTI on my LV right now.

Are you able to come from anal? Depends who you ask. Wait. What?

I don't know. Who have I faked it for?

10 times of sex, how many times are you faking your orgasm?

Usually not. I'm actually really good at finishing.

Do you use vibrator?

It's like my superpower. No. I just use them as a dildo with a heartbeat. Usually, it's just me on top actually riding into the sunset, and then whatever you wanna do with me after is

Are you often making eye contact during sex?

Yeah. It helps me. It does. Yeah.

I couldn't tell if you would be someone that's like, I'm not gonna go deep emotionally.

How ugly they are, honestly.

Okay. Let's talk about your podcast. Okay. Extra Dirty. It comes out tomorrow.

Yes. How do you feel about it? I'm excited. I just feel like I wanna get some unhinged shit Yes. Online again.

We gotta bring that back. So I'm excited to actually tell a good fucking story.

Yeah. There's no censorship.

There's I need no censorship.

I'm excited for you to talk about your life because I feel like the fact that you have garnered such an audience already and people love your debriefs and, like, everything about your life, but you're right. Like, it's so tiny the amount that you're able to give because of how salacious your stories are on TikTok. You are giving, like, bite sized information, and people are loving it already. And so I feel like the concept of you actually being able to sit down for, like, an hour at a time and give debriefs that are there is literally nothing that you can't say. No 1 is telling you, like, Hallie, that's too much.

Hallie, that's not enough. Like, you can say whatever the fuck you want. It's kind of exciting. I'm very excited. It's gonna be really good.

It's also like a breath of fresh air.

I feel like a a lot of people are so filtered just

online in general. Yeah.

Even if it's, like, not, like, a salacious story, whether it's it's just, like, pointing out your flaws.

Yeah.

I really wanna get into that and just, like, have, like, a true life online experience.

Have you ever felt like you overshared too much on the Internet?

I overshare all the time. I mean, I've overshared to you. Yeah. Like, you you're like, okay.

Do you ever regret it or no?

With you or online? Both. No. It's just, like, what makes me me. I overshare, and, like, I feel like that's a real life experience to be oversharing.

It sucks, and you're gonna deal with, like, the repercussions in the morning, but then, fuck, you get through it. And, honestly, it builds character.

There is nothing I'm more excited for than your show. This will

be so fun.

Truly. Every Thursday, Halle Batchelder coming to you live extra dirty. It's gonna fucking happen. And by the time this is out, daddy gang, Halle's show is coming out tomorrow on Thursday, and we will be in New York City partying and celebrating. I love you.

Thank you for coming on and spilling your secrets. And now let's go to dinner. I love you so much. Love you.