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[00:00:01]

Dear diary, I've been going out with boys since midday yesterday. My mom is such a bitch. I'm not dumping either of them. I'm going to keep them both hanging on. Cassie Smith is the most unpopular girl in school sex ship bitch.

[00:00:18]

God, why am I such a bitch? Hi, guys. It's Hannah Ferrier here.

[00:00:23]

Welcome to Episode three of Dear Diary. Your effort. What we discuss on this podcast is basically all my fucked up diary entries from the tender age of 12 to the current fucked up age of 33. I am joined by a very good friend of mine, Justin Hill. Hi, Justin. My goodness. Can I just say here we are at episode three and I feel like there are so many things I'm learning about you. You're like a little Pandora's box.

[00:00:52]

Like, just I was I was thinking about the episode where we were talking about you left school in year seven. What's driving to work for such a busy, busy woman? I know. I think sometimes I forget that it's been quite a strange life, actually.

[00:01:07]

Speaking of being busy, busy woman, you literally came in here in like a tornado of, like, handbag, you know, hair in a ponytail. Businesswoman. You literally look like you are taking over the world and you do have some incredibly exciting stuff coming up, right? I do.

[00:01:23]

I do. I am working on launching a new business, which, by the way, is what every woman who's seven months pregnant should do.

[00:01:31]

Oh, just sounds like that's the smartest idea you've ever come up with this. I was so extreme. It's like, you know, I'm either on a sun bed in the south of France for two months straight doing absolutely nothing or I'm doing everything under the sun.

[00:01:46]

I kind of feel like that is indicative of how our relationship is to worry that what we used to have WINZ and be chilling and chatting or like running around like mad doing photos and podcasts and stuff like that. Exactly. But I kind of like it like that, you know, that flat line life just to.

[00:02:03]

Yeah.

[00:02:04]

But I think I mentioned to you that I reckon my daughter is going to be the biggest adrenaline junkie hundred percent because she's getting so much adrenaline at the moment. Basically, as you know, I've left jotting down my last season of below deck Mediteranean, which was an amazing journey. And look, I think, you know, I think a lot of people, when they see me on TV, they they see how, you know, my yachting career has been on TV and what they know what I did six years of yachting.

[00:02:34]

But this whole thing that people don't know about you is that, well, they may not understand about you. Is that you were you doing your job yachting first before your TV show? And so a lot of people might think, you know, and there are cast members that come in who probably thinking more about being on the TV show and less about like doing the job. But that was what you were doing your job and then to be become a TV show.

[00:02:57]

Yeah, exactly.

[00:02:59]

So to me, you know, it's my baby, like I'm thirty three and I've done this for the last 11 years.

[00:03:06]

That's nearly my whole adult life. You know, when I started my adult life, it's just like I can take you straight into the workforce and the toast woman. Exactly.

[00:03:18]

But it is actually like a lot of my adult life and I had friends that I've tried to convince to come and do it with me at the time and they didn't.

[00:03:29]

How much convincing would you need to be living off the south of France and like on yachts all the time? I can't believe that would be a hard sell. I know.

[00:03:37]

But you know what? People are scared. They're scared of change. They're scared to take risks, you know?

[00:03:43]

But fuck, life's scary because for you, it was like a holiday first, wasn't it? And then you were like, this is what I want to do. No, I went on holidays, fell in love with the south of France. Right. Came back and then putting. Oh, yes, that's right.

[00:03:57]

So to me, I went over there and my first season in yachting, Justin, I legitimately landed. I was staying with this hideous man who, like, knocked me out the house. It was like a family friend. And then my first job, I woke up on my first day in yachting with adult chicken pox. What? I'm not kidding. Did you not have them when you were a kid? I guess not. Not really. When you get them when you're an adult, aren't they in your ears, your mouth, your eyes?

[00:04:28]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God, it's horrible. So I got kicked off the boat straight away and highly contagious. Yes. I haven't had them before. Exactly. Then I went back to the crew house I was staying in, which is like a hostel for what is right. And they were like, yeah, you can't stay here. So I was in the south of France covered in chicken pox.

[00:04:50]

I went to the doctor and he was like, you need to stay out of any kind of light. So you're only allowed out in dark because otherwise the chicken pox will Skarbek. So bad, really, it was the Cannes Film Festival, so I had to pay like 280 euros, which back then, so that's in US dollars. Two hundred eighty years is like three hundred and fifty us. Yeah.

[00:05:11]

And I was like 420 Australia or something.

[00:05:14]

Her night was this shitty hotel because everything was booked and I had to stay there for ten nights.

[00:05:22]

So that was my entire life savings change like gone into like your literally your first trip. Yeah.

[00:05:28]

This is like within 10 days or 15 days of getting to France and you'd only been on a boat for a day. One day I started at three o'clock in the afternoon and I was let go at nine o'clock the following morning. God. And then I had to stay indoors the whole time. And you got to remember back then, no Netflix. No, this place didn't have Wi-Fi.

[00:05:51]

Also non English speaking, non English speaking. So no English books. So I went over there with like all these, you know, thoughts in my head of what I was going to do. And I sat there for ten days staring at a brick wall I got while my body disintegrated in front of me.

[00:06:10]

It was the most horrendous experience. No one would say that you're probably quite well versed when it comes to starting yachting. A tiny percentage, tricky kind of way, 100 percent.

[00:06:23]

Next week on next episode, I'm going to tell you about my second job where the boat caught fire. It's all stuff. I'm not even kidding, but I really feel like this first season we need to like and you can't make this. Obviously, I have to tell you, like knowing Hannah, her life is is that is that lack is the stuff catches on fire. And you just you seem to always have crazy stories about stuff that's happened to you.

[00:06:46]

Yes, exactly.

[00:06:48]

So what I decided I wanted to do is teach people how to get into your brain.

[00:06:55]

Not so when you start yawning, you have to do like you're TCW.

[00:07:01]

I, I'm not going to pretend I know what that means. OK, so it's like your personal safety, your first day. What happens if there's an emergency? It say what happens if it's your first season and the boat catches fire off Elba and you fall down the stairs and tear ligaments in your foot and then you're dead by the vote on an island with crutches, you don't know where you are. Just wait for that story in case something like that, for example.

[00:07:24]

Exactly. Very specific there.

[00:07:28]

But it's kind of like you can't you know, there's people that go and study like college and they get a masters like a diploma. Yeah. Or something. And then they walk into an interview and the person's like, oh, can I see your CV? And they're like, oh, I didn't know I needed to print out to say, hey, you know, like and it's almost like your squeeze your college degree.

[00:07:51]

The training I am going to provide people is the street smarts.

[00:07:56]

Right. So I'm going to teach them the street smarts of Yoni's are going to be like all the things that you just would never think of if you didn't know, because we like look at you and we think, oh God, it would be so cool to be doing that job, but how the hell do you get into it? You don't just know someone who owns a yacht and you go on board. Oh, there's actually specific things you need to have done before you even get to your first interview and then stuff you've got to take with you.

[00:08:21]

There's processes like where do you go?

[00:08:24]

What boats? Right for you? There is some boats that are like four hundred and fifty feet. Yeah, they're very regimented, but they're amazing to learn on. But to be honest for me, they're not that much fun. Right? Then there's the one hundred and forty feet which usually comes with the kind of crazy. Yeah I collected Captain. Yeah. Well you know, it's a lot more, it's a smaller cruise to like eight or nine people and it's more fun.

[00:08:50]

Yeah. So it's like this is going to teach you where to go, what to do, what to do before you leave home. Yep. That's going to help you get into yachting I guess, cos I don't know what courses you need to do. For example, my girlfriend did all her courses over here, she went to France and then she found out you need to and one which is a medical I you wouldn't even see two and a half weeks waiting list.

[00:09:13]

Oh my gosh. She was sitting in south of France, not able to look for a job through her baby for two and a half weeks away. So I am teaching people all about the street smarts of how to actually get into yachting and then offering them a support network from day one.

[00:09:30]

Yeah, well, straight through to when you actually get your first job on board. Oh, wow. Really? Yeah. So how can we find out about it, where where we have all the details so you can go on to my Instagram.

[00:09:42]

The link is in my bio or you can visit Oceans International Training Academy dot com. Oh that sounds like somewhere I'd want to graduate from college, learn the street smarts of the baby.

[00:09:55]

That sounds awesome. All right. So we flip open the diary and have a little look at. What stories you've got for us this week, again, we are looking at Hannah's cute little yellow flower, Daisy covid diary, she's got a few pages, a few pages marked for us today. This is going to be very interesting. What's today's story?

[00:10:14]

So today we're going to have a little chat about that complex relationship between mother and daughter. Oh, yes.

[00:10:22]

Yes. Very similar to the complex relationship between mother and son. Well, that doesn't surprise me. At least, Pamela, you might have a few more complexities. A voice that you used to actually talk in your diary voice is actually my normal voice. And I just I had had two dogs I I've blessed.

[00:10:45]

You know, it's so funny with my mom, though, I she she I love her to pieces, drives me up the wall sometimes and I don't have a lot of patience with her, but it's one of those weird situations where it's like I can call my mom a bitch if anyone else does.

[00:11:03]

Oh my God, no. I'll take you down so quick. You will be like at their throat. Yeah, pregnant baby. And all of a sudden I'll be, like, smacking you over the head with that smile on my face or even with the breast. You know, I tell you how fucking big they are these days. I know they entered the room before you do things like when you ran in here before I was like, whoa, coming to my front door.

[00:11:31]

And then I realized it was the breast. Yes, yes, exactly. And my back. I've actually got a masseuse coming to my house this afternoon. As you do know, I have to make it different. Oh, Josh isn't really that good.

[00:11:47]

It sounds to me you say, look, he gave you a baby. That's what he did. And bless his cotton socks, he literally, like, gets up all hours of the night to bring me snacks in bed. Yes. And so I've heard he's just cooking all the time now. It's amazing. We talked about the singing story yet.

[00:12:03]

Oh, yes. This was last week. Just singing and fighting and singing and fighting here, fighting the life of a pregnant woman anyway.

[00:12:13]

So you can call your mama bitch, but no one else can. No one else can. So get ready.

[00:12:18]

You know, you have all this to go through with your your own daughter, who is probably one day in like twenty years going to be doing her own futuristic podcast, being like my mom told him, I'm a bitch and I call my mom a bitch. But if anyone calls my amount of binge watching play.

[00:12:33]

Well, Josh actually said to me the other day, because the thing with my mom. So she has been drunk once in her life. What, she had three glasses of champagne once. Yes, same one. One hundred. Yeah. She got a headache and then she's never drank again. She never touched a drug, never done anything bad. Oh. Been with one man.

[00:12:55]

The thing I'm worried about with my daughter is I'm going to know what she's doing before she even dies.

[00:13:01]

You're going to be like I did that. I know what you're doing. Yes. And I know the signs of what you're going to hear in me.

[00:13:09]

No way she's going to be able to get away with anything.

[00:13:12]

Like I used to tell my mom when I was a stoner. I used to tell my mom that the girl that I was, like, getting high with every night made me cry. Well, it's because I come home with these.

[00:13:26]

Mom would ask me and I was right. I know. And I was like, Ali made me cry again. It's just hard to believe. No, mom. And my mom's like, why do you keep going back to my every night?

[00:13:37]

If my daughter comes in with red bloodshot eyes, I'm going to know exactly what she's been doing. Absolutely.

[00:13:43]

You're going to be like, what do you want to. I know what you've been doing. Yeah. She's going to be like, No, Mom, I was crying.

[00:13:48]

And you're like, no, you weren't. I know you were crying. I've already used that excuse. You were smoking bongs. I know. I know it.

[00:13:54]

But no, I think it's going to be interesting.

[00:13:57]

And I think even Josh was saying the other day is like, what are you going to do? Because, you know, you act like such a little shit on television.

[00:14:05]

How are you going to tell her and not act like a little shit? And I went, no, I'm changing my name when we get married and. Oh, yeah, right.

[00:14:12]

Well, I try and keep your TV history from your daughter.

[00:14:16]

You don't think I can tell you why people are going to be like your had a fairy's daughter. I used to watch her on below deck and then she's going to be like, oh, thanks. Yeah. And people are going to say to her, also, your mom was on a TV show like, what was that like growing up to be like? I'm actually it was before I was born and I really don't know a lot about it. Oh, God.

[00:14:33]

You remember when your mom got so drunk, she fell out of the cabinet and knocked herself unconscious, hilarious, or told someone that she didn't have time to fuck their son?

[00:14:42]

I don't have time to brush my hair here, let alone fuck. Yeah, no, sorry. That plan is not going to work. Nah nah na if I start another Instagram now. Yeah. Like photos of me going to church and you're like why. I don't even know what that is. I know what wine is, they give it to me every Sunday after the bread. Yeah. Wow.

[00:15:07]

So your relationship with your mother was quite different. And you are you obviously didn't get your wine drinking skills from your mother.

[00:15:16]

No, no, I don't know. I feel sorry for her, actually, between me and my brother, she's like, what did I do wrong?

[00:15:23]

You know, what have I done? Yeah, exactly. Identities. So this one this diary entry came in May of 1999. Wow. Just before the turn of the century 1999 made, you know what date it was or she says no, it says week.

[00:15:43]

So it's asked me what week it is. And I've just put a question mark. May some time.

[00:15:48]

Yeah, OK. Too busy going with vague and mysterious.

[00:15:55]

Um, I saw Dear Diary. Heidi's party was great, by the way. I'm also just waiting for this till I catch on with the actual girls I went to school with.

[00:16:06]

My God, I honestly think most of them are probably listening right now. And they're like, because I haven't to anyone's name you have not. And you've also said last names of people as well. I don't know how that's going to go down, but is there like a privacy act or something? You haven't accused them of doing anything illegal.

[00:16:22]

So like defamation or anything like that? Not except Mustonen. You know, she made you cry. Yeah, exactly. The girl who made me cry all the time. Okay, so, dear Diary, Heidi's party was great. It was so fun. And it was too bad that I had to come home to that bitch in brackets. My mom. Oh, God, she's so annoying. She found out that me and Ashley did that lolly in a jar thing and she got so pissed off.

[00:16:51]

Hey, well, what's the Molly in the jar thing? OK, so growing up on the island.

[00:16:55]

Oh yes. Right, Leland. Yeah. You really had to find your own entertainment, of course. Yep. And since I was a little girl, I've always been a bit of a hustler and a bit of a money maker. I'm surprise. And we used to get a like a coffee jar and fill it with jelly beans and then go door knocking and ask people for a dollar and for a dollar. They got three guesses of how many lollies are in the jar.

[00:17:21]

And if they get this has scam written all over it, why would you give your money to a little Hanoverian knocking on your door saying, oh, hi, just for no reason? And we're just like raising money so you can guess how many. And I bet what you're about to say is you change the fucking numbers in you. Oh, yeah, of course.

[00:17:40]

To keep any money, people are like eight hundred and eighty eight and you're like, no, the jelly beans and now two years old, I just ate one on the way here. So it's definitely not it's actually 897 three by the bushes.

[00:17:54]

I know. I got this is the thing is, I'm not claiming I was a very.

[00:17:59]

I'm not mad at you, ma'am. No, not. Well, she was pretty mad at me because she used to get frustrated because I also used to do this thing.

[00:18:07]

So where the ferry came in, yeah, there was a little seat. And I would sit up, I would take everything out my room and set up a name your price garage sale of her belongings, all of my belongings.

[00:18:22]

Rodo So it would literally have name your price.

[00:18:26]

And I used to be I was semisweet. Yeah. Oh my God.

[00:18:30]

And then I'd have a sheet on the floor and then all my possessions from my room on the floor and people would come in and I was so manipulative, I'd put like little bubbles in my hair and put my hair and cute blonde pigtails that he it doesn't melt in your mouth. And I came home one day. I was seven years old. I made three hundred and twenty seven dollars.

[00:18:53]

All of a sudden your mum started this stuff's going missing in the saucepan that I had. It's got me like. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what you're saying, man. I definitely didn't get forty two dollars and sixty seven cents for filling your mom's licorice the ferry terminal.

[00:19:07]

But I'm surprised that you haven't tried to sign me up to some pyramid scheme thing, like why have you done that yet? I just can't get into it because I know that I'd make so much money and so many people are bored. So you was. Yeah, brutal, brutal and ruthless. So my mom used to get so embarrassed like and she was just but it was like she was was getting torn because she's like I'm so embarrassed and humiliated because my daughter's out there, like ripping off the eighty nine year old straight.

[00:19:41]

She's out there like ripping off thieves like eighty nine year olds that come like to have ten seconds on this island. And she's like, but on the other hand she's so fucking good at my. Yeah. She's so good at it and she makes so much money that I kind of can't blame her either because if these people are allowing themselves to get you. Yeah. I of there I mean if you're the idiot I'm all I'm imagining he's like a little seven year old blonde.

[00:20:07]

You walking.

[00:20:08]

I'm just like counting the cash in your hands. It's exactly what I would do.

[00:20:15]

And then like, I ended up because my mom, we weren't we didn't have a television growing up. We had to read and listen to music.

[00:20:22]

She didn't have a television yet. You've been on a TV show for. Oh, yeah. That we'd I never even thought about.

[00:20:28]

So I grew up with no television. When I was ten years old. I went and bought my own.

[00:20:34]

I came home with the television, with your earnings, you name your price.

[00:20:38]

Garage sale. Ten years old. Yes. Oh my God. And it had rabbit ears and it was and mom was like, oh, we'll put it in the Latrobe. I'm like, oh, this is a hard enough area. Productions piece of equipment. Exactly. It went in my room so I could lay in bed and watch television and she couldn't say anything. Was it like a normal size TV or was it like a little?

[00:20:59]

Because I remember growing up I had like a little black and white one. No, no. It was an actual television that you had on black. But remember, it had those they had the fat back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we had the antenna, the rabbit antenna. Oh my God. Said the delivery person's like delivery for Hanoverian. Is that you Mrs. area. And she's like, you know, that's my ten year old daughter.

[00:21:17]

Oh my God. You know what?

[00:21:18]

My other favorite scam, my mom would go to work at a childcare centre and me and one of my friends would go around and we would find every single product in the house that had a toll free number. So toll free, like a free call number. So we'd phone up like the peanut butter company and was and would be like, ah, we bought Crunchie. But Smooth came in the job.

[00:21:44]

So then they would send you a check.

[00:21:46]

Oh, you sound like my boyfriend. He does stuff like that. Any opportunity to complain. Yeah. Oh well the lady was loose for refund. He gets so many refund great things. I'm just, I'm like, oh who cares where you literally were like scamming the poor peanut butter company.

[00:22:07]

Well, that's the thing though is were they are white. So as a child, you were getting checks sent to you by companies. Yeah.

[00:22:15]

And my mom found them. OK, I didn't have a bank on the side. How are you preemies in the bank I was in. Oh, my God. I swear it must have been a lot of like was psychological because I would just get the just real knowing you just doing it for the thrill. Yeah. But also I knew that the check was under Feria so I'd be able to get it someday and my mom found them. I think I had like about eight.

[00:22:39]

In 2010.

[00:22:41]

Look, no offense, but I'm just going to frisk you and shake your hand, but honestly, you didn't notice the tippity came out last week, which is probably how much of my stuff goes missing from my house.

[00:22:52]

It's you. Yeah. Oh, OK.

[00:22:55]

So your mom wasn't overly impressed with these kind of.

[00:22:57]

She wasn't. And especially I think one day she received like a massive box full of toilet paper because instead of sending the check, they didn't have product. What was your complaint about the toilet paper? Who fucking knows? Oh, my God. There weren't three hundred and fifty squares on there that were three hundred forty nine. You said it was three ply. It was actually tipi. I took it around to my neighbors and got them to guess how many plot was charged them for.

[00:23:23]

No it was, I was such a little, a little hustler when I was younger. Anyway, it's crazy. I know. OK, so. So that was the Lalage thing in short. So she found out that Maine actually did the Lalita thing and she got so pissed off, by the way listeners were back to the diary. Yes. I probably should let you know.

[00:23:47]

I so I don't know. My English was really bad, this diary entry. So this is you were concentrating on getting papers? Yeah, I so much hate her sometimes. I've written down all my Lolly's to see if she is has taken and will be taking any she not have she not.

[00:24:10]

Why did you have like a stash of lollies. Yeah. Oh this is from the jar. Yeah.

[00:24:14]

I hadn't given away the lilies yet. Had to sell them again the next day.

[00:24:18]

And you, so you were so your mom found out you were doing these scams and immediately you're like she's going to scare me. Yes.

[00:24:24]

You were a little hustler like you.

[00:24:27]

If your first thought as a child to be like someone knows about my gig and they're going to try to take it from day to ten on me, my own mother.

[00:24:37]

So I counted, oh, my calling card.

[00:24:39]

And you didn't have a TV, so you didn't actually have any references to go off here. So it's not like you were watching a TV show and you were like, oh, that's what happened on that show.

[00:24:47]

How did I learn now? I actually don't know.

[00:24:50]

You should see her face, everyone. Oh, my God. She's literally trying to figure out how she became such a scammer without watching TV.

[00:24:56]

Yeah, maybe it was like, did you go to the movies?

[00:24:59]

They have cinema and books.

[00:25:02]

Books I read like the famous five in the faraway tree. So that sounds about right. Yeah. I love the faraway tree.

[00:25:07]

Oh, I love the main. I can't wait for them to turn that into a like a modern day. Why why haven't they. I don't know. Because anyone is listening. Please turn the far away J-Star white tree would be such I think they did it as it was like a animated TV series. But imagine it as, like a ACG like real life movie.

[00:25:26]

They do a TV series about it, I'm sure. I'm sure they didn't animated.

[00:25:30]

It was like a base of some of the books. You know what I'm like legitimately. Well, maybe not today or tomorrow because I'm super busy, but I'm going to go and read that book again.

[00:25:39]

I actually want you to. Let's do that. OK, let's break it. Yeah. I won't break the far right, the far away trade stories. Let us know what you think of that. Right. So, OK, back to the diary. She not have you and I like Heidi, Ashley, Andre, Sally and Twit Heaps. Those are girlfriends from school. They're really nice. I better go to feed my axolotl.

[00:26:03]

Oh that's right. I had like a weed lizard thing didn't you. Mexican walking fish. What was its name again.

[00:26:09]

Guantanamera. Sorry. OK, there's a reason it was Kogoro in Latin. This was just one of your, like, henchmen that you had to go out and do your fucking to get your money for my son, Axolotl.

[00:26:28]

Yeah, I know. So I had mice before I had the axolotl. Yeah. And my first pet ever was my mouse champagne. And then I had whisky's Chervin vodka, all right. Because my dad would help me name them. And then my mom said, like, stop calling her PED's after alcoholic. Your poor mother who only ever got drunk once. Yes. Yeah.

[00:26:50]

And so my dad named it Guantanamera, but it was a thing between me and him. So we called it Mary in front of my mom, but we called it Guantanamera, which is actually a Spanish red one that I called your mom.

[00:27:06]

Yeah, exactly. Mary, the axolotl. It was named after red wine. I love as a child, you went from like not just the basic spirits of, like, whiskey. You actually went on to kinds of ready. Yes. For a code language with your father. Exactly. Like hard.

[00:27:22]

And I've got to tell you this story. So my first pet was champagne this year. I had it for nearly two years and I used to actually set an alarm and get up early to take it at its cage and into bed with me and it would run around and stuff.

[00:27:36]

I loved this little man and I was sitting there outside, but I wrote it in a bed with It's not a vote and it's a little pet mouse.

[00:27:48]

You've probably had boyfriends that have been worse, like you can tell me. Excuse me, I'm an angel sequences. I was boyfriend to see what he's doing and I was so I was sitting outside. I must have been about six years old and I was petting it and a kookaburra gave no and took it straight, you know.

[00:28:14]

And the worst part was the kookaburra went and sat on this bird feeder that me and dad had made and started smashing against the tree.

[00:28:24]

My God, to kill it in front of me. Blane's Samaj, you were basically just building your empire to get back at the kookaburra effect. Killing champagne. Exactly.

[00:28:36]

Oh, my God. Is that not this sad story as a six year old to have that happen to you? And I'd had her for nearly two years. So my mom had to, like, put me in a cold shower because I was great.

[00:28:49]

It was so traumatic, the horror.

[00:28:53]

I mean, even though you lived on an island with no TV and you were basically had your own mafia, that's an awful thing to say. It really was. That's no, you know, it does explain a lot. Yeah. I feel like it kind of sums up my life. I'm going to go back and see what you want below deck, like, oh, my God, it's when you don't have, like, a fear of kookaburras or something like, oh, I hate them.

[00:29:19]

Oh, you. Yeah, I hate all birds though, because I then got attacked by a talking cockatoo on the island. Oh God.

[00:29:28]

Stories like is like going what am I doing. Don't know where these stories come from.

[00:29:34]

I know you remember back then like you had those butterfly clips with the wings that moved. Yes.

[00:29:40]

So I was walking through the holidays whenever I was thinking, oh shit, I'll get you some knickknacks next week. I'll bring them for you.

[00:29:49]

And this there was a talking cockatoo and it had got out its cage. It was like a pet.

[00:29:54]

And it saw these butterfly clips and came and landed and put its claws into my heart and started trying to, you know, hit the the the the butterfly kind of on springs.

[00:30:05]

Yeah. The wings would actually fly. Yeah. And then I hit the bird and then it bit a hole through my ear. But how good is this? Instead of going home and crying to my mom, I went over to the owner's house, like pissing down like my face is pissing with blood and started screaming at I look like your bad deja vu. I yeah, pretty much.

[00:30:28]

Wow. Yeah. Oh, you were like out for revenge. Yeah. So I went and yelled at them. An interesting child. I really was.

[00:30:35]

Oh God. Just I don't know. I feel like this is actually better than therapy for me because I'm really starting to have a look in the mirror going, oh yes. I think it's probably quite good for everyone else in your life as well, just like makes you go. Ah, yeah, that that makes sense now, except maybe like my future mother and just don't mess with that child.

[00:30:56]

Or I would no doubt anyone say anything nasty about a child. She said a flood that cockatoos after you. That's what I'm really intrigued to see actually, because Josh was such a quiet introvert. Yeah. Like as a child and I obviously was not. So I'm. Really interested to see, like, our genes coming together and then what my child's going to be like, you're going to know fairly straight away, because I feel like you said before, your baby's going to come bouncing out of your hoo ha because it's going to have so much adrenaline for you to be doing.

[00:31:25]

I think you've probably cemented your child to be like you already just from what you've been doing in the last couple of months and how busy you've been. Yeah, I think you, um, or it could lack all go the other way and she could be like, I am not like my mother at all. Yeah.

[00:31:40]

Let's hope she goes that way. I don't imagine trying to deal with this child that I'm describing.

[00:31:47]

Sorry. Imagine trying to deal with two of you. Oh, poor Josh. I know. Hey, like I remember like we'd known I was pregnant for about two or three weeks and we were watching TV one night. And he turns around and goes, Babe, I was like, quiet. And he's like, we're not going to turn like the child into, like, a little madam or like someone that, like, talks back and is always sassy with added shit out here.

[00:32:11]

I'm like, you're like like me. Kind of just sounds like you're asking like, is that child going to be like. Yeah. And how did you approach that where you like. No. Oh yeah.

[00:32:23]

No, I said like yeah she's going to make your life a living hell. Wow. God, it's going to be awful. So you're going to be like on all any scams that she's doing? I think so. I want to do like all that software in their phones and things like that. Would you create. Yeah. No, I we I'm going to like stalk my child so badly. At least then she's going to be your child so she she'll get a way around it.

[00:32:47]

You set up elaborate plan. She'll be like a drug dealer, finds it like she'll be like trading baby formula and she'll be like I've got breast milk if you want to buy. Yeah, exactly. I can sell it to you if you aren't sending formula off to China. So she's going to have like a little garage sale at the front of your house. Yeah, selling your selling my jewelry. Remember that time we do that podcast and I said that my daughter was never going to be like me.

[00:33:13]

Yeah. And she's changing things.

[00:33:16]

Yes, she's like me. Oh, OK. So back to the diary. She said this made me laugh as well.

[00:33:24]

So dear diary shit, shit and fuck. Good start. Lovely language for a twelve year old. Sorry but mum seriously going to kill me while I was cleaning today I put the lamp on my bed and forgot about it and then I just found my bed sheet has become all crackly and flaked off and it's gone through the mattress cupper into the mattress and burnt a hole in it. Oh, but I love this anyway.

[00:33:47]

Kimeli stayed over all weekend and I projects to go on Friday.

[00:33:52]

You like. I've ruined my bed in my bed sheets. But anyway, kimberlites so much more fun and I don't know about you, but like I used to be so sneaky I would do things like that and then I would do these like massive cover up. I want to hide it. Yeah. Oh my God.

[00:34:15]

I'm not surprised because you just told me that you were like that. The muff you had your own my fear as a child and you were running like racket's I think that's what you call them, like schemes and things. Yeah. I'm not surprised that you were doing elaborate plans to cover up. How else did you become such an entrepreneur? Oh, God. What kind of stuff would you do?

[00:34:37]

Well, like, I remember one day, so we had like hot plates, like the thing.

[00:34:44]

And then we had, like, this really beautiful glass, glass or marble cover on it. And I was making Toasties and I must have knocked one of the hot plates on, but the cover was over it.

[00:34:56]

Oh. And I left and then I just had this massive explosion and the glass cover shattered had shattered into like a million pieces.

[00:35:07]

So I covered it up with like tea towels and cleaned it up. And then I got my brother to go and make a juice. Oh, God. And then he left the house and then I went down to Mum's fairy after work and was like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. Scott went to make it. You said he must've flipped.

[00:35:29]

Oh, I thought you set your brother up. You set up, you put her. You know, she was really mean to me sometimes.

[00:35:40]

But you basically you fraud at him, did you fraud for the cop. Think of the word.

[00:35:48]

Oh, wow. OK, so you let him take the fall for you breaking the cover of the hotplates. Yeah.

[00:35:55]

Well, I don't know if my mom actually believed me because I think she was quite used to my little schemes and scam and for you to be so like, oh my God, Mom, I'm so sorry.

[00:36:05]

It looks like my brother did this just like you fucking liar. Just like I know you. Hannah Jane June. Area, I know, but it was so bad because it ended up being that I was like the little girl who called Wolf. Absolutely, because one time I had it was the first time I saw him, Wolf.

[00:36:24]

He sold the ESX, got sold it, sold it again, like, oh, I can sell the meat to you.

[00:36:31]

Who wants to buy the skin? You walk for you. A lovely but you just let me buy it and you could buy the same thing and they was going to have a bidding war and see say you can fit the Hyatt's. It's for the wool.

[00:36:49]

Oh good God. Okay, so you were quite a scam, little child and I was doing cover ups so I got the people up.

[00:36:57]

I think it's honestly as well because my parents were so strict. So I was always trying to find like a way to get around their rules. Right. OK, you're looking for loopholes. Yeah.

[00:37:08]

And we only got 50 cents pocket money on Sundays, which wasn't even back then.

[00:37:15]

I mean, not a lot. When you look at your finances and probably the amount of money that you were bringing in, three of those first 50 cents probably wasn't a lot, because if you're making like three hundred bucks down in the garage at the age of 10 and buying your own TV, you're like 50 cents. Take your fucking. Exactly.

[00:37:31]

I'm fine. I don't need you to financially support me any more, you know, and that's what happened. Like when I left school, I think mom was calling my bluff because she's like, well, then I'm not going to support you. If you're not, I have to go to school and get a job. And this is like in year seven when you were 14, I just turned 40 and I was like, okay, all of our parents have said that to us.

[00:37:53]

Like, if one if at one point in your life you like, I don't want to go to school anymore. They like, fine, leave school, get a job like or not while it's under my roof. And you're like, well the difference was, is that you actually and then it's like not under my roof. It's like, OK, I went and rented my mom was like, whoa, wait a sec. She's like, just a minute.

[00:38:12]

This escalated a little bit better than what I thought it was going to. She's like, I didn't realize you were actually going to move out and actually get a job.

[00:38:18]

Yeah. Oh, God, I it's such an interesting child. But you such an interesting adult, like, not a lot has changed. Like maybe you should put me under a magnifying glass and study me also too.

[00:38:29]

Can I also say this is very interesting that we're talking about what a scam you right as you're about to launch a business. Trust me when I say she's a very responsible adult and she's got a lot to share with you, she would not scam you out of your money. Your business is real and legitimate. Exactly.

[00:38:44]

Well, that's the thing is she's the mouse, not the kookaburra.

[00:38:48]

What I'm going to get eaten today. What do you want to be the kookaburra on the show? I think I'd prefer to be the God.

[00:38:54]

No, I'm actually so excited about this because, you know, there was my passion for yachting was at in question at one stage. And to me, like, I'm actually I think I've kind of found it like my passion is helping young people go and travel and discover the world. And, you know, because I've tried our best before, like, I don't know how most of us would go doing our jobs and having a camera in our face.

[00:39:23]

Yeah. And and a producer. And like, sometimes I'm guessing like, you know, there would be things where you would have to stop doing your actual job because you are doing a TV show as well. And I think that that would be quite a challenge to try.

[00:39:37]

And and you've got you've got to think about people's safety. You've got to think about like, you know, what's going on on the boat. And like, you know, all of the things that are happening to then have someone filming that and have someone, like, going, oh, you know, like now we're going to shoot this. Now we're going to shoot that or this is happening or that's happening. That would be like, yeah, very confusing.

[00:39:55]

Oh, it is. And I swear, season one, I think with I was with Julia and Tiffany and we were kind of just walking around running into things, wondering what the hell was happening the entire time, down stairs, et cetera. Yeah, exactly.

[00:40:08]

We had no idea. No idea. All right. So if you're out there and you perhaps have a diary like Hanna did, yours may or may not be a yellow flower covid diary with lots of cute handwriting. There's a mixture of pain and texture and marker, actually. Yeah. The one page she has, you know, her little, um, sort of like notes that she goes by what the weather is like. Oh, you didn't give us the weather update.

[00:40:33]

Was there a weather update in that entry that you just gave us? Because it is weather.

[00:40:36]

OK, OK, right. So that actually I don't think was on your little thing at the start of the chart. No, where the chart was. I went off my Weather Channel. If you have your own stories that you want to send in to us, were you a little sheet to your mother like Hannah was? Oh, you had childhood schema as well.

[00:40:54]

I mean, yes, we want to hear all your stories. We want photos of your diaries. We want photos of your diary entries. We want to get the spotlight off me and my fucked up diary and get it onto you guys and your fucked up diaries.

[00:41:07]

Oh, no, I'm sorry. There's a lot to go. There are so many pages. We have no. That in your diary and I can see that you've got lots of diverse stories that you can tell us, but if you do want to send us through your podcast pages, you can send them through. And obviously, you remain completely anonymous. You can hit us up on social media at Hannah's podcast, on Twitter and Instagram and make sure that you subscribe on Apple podcast and Spotify and any way you download the podcast and leave us a review.

[00:41:34]

Tell us what you like, what you don't like. I mean, why wouldn't you give us five stars on? And I mean, trust me when I say there are plenty more stories to come from where. Well, and it's given us so far. Yes, exactly. So but I really want to start talking about your stories. Yes. Let's get them. Let's get them on this podcast. I feel like there are going to be people out there who can absolutely relate to what's going on.

[00:41:56]

And I send them through. Exactly. Exactly. OK, guys. Well, Justin, thank you so much. Thank you. You're obviously very, very busy and need to leave.

[00:42:05]

Like I said, I am going to go through your handbag before you leave and taking anything from my home. I've got my sights set on bigger things. Now you've got a nine carat diamond taking a walk out of our house without TV or anything. So good luck, God.

[00:42:20]

OK, I will look forward to speaking with you next week. I.