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Dear diary, I've been going out with boys since midday yesterday. My mom is such a bitch. I'm not dumping either of them. I'm going to keep them both hanging on. Kathy Smith is the most unpopular girl in school sex bitch.


God, why am I such a bitch? Hi, guys.


It's Hannah Feria here. You probably know me from a little show on Bravo called Below Deck Mediteranean, but I've decided to start this podcast so you guys can get to know me on a more personal level, because let's be honest on the boat, I'm at work, but here I'm just here to have a laugh and have fun. So this podcast is basically an idea I came up with a few months ago, and it's me opening up my diary to you guys to hopefully let you in and make you laugh.


Because when I found these teenage diaries, I certainly had a few chuckles myself. So I've got my very good friend from Sydney head Justin, who's here to help me today. Thanks so much for having me on these podcast. I can literally see your little yellow flowered diary on the table. It's very nineteen ninety nine now. We met at a very interesting circumstance at Fashion Week and so Bujji it. But I think we will probably like the least 30 people there, right?


I think we were yeah. I met Justin and his partner in line, which I don't actually line up. I think they probably thought I was a bit of a stuck up bitch until they realised I wouldn't line up for anywhere, whereas I was like, let me in. I'm happy to line up to let me in. Exactly. I was like, you guys just want to come back to my place and drink whilst we did. And that was a fun night.


It was such a fun night. So. So this little podcast that you've got, super exciting. I can't wait to see what's in the pages of this diary, but like. So tell me what what is it about what what are we going to hear today?


OK, so basically I came up with this idea when I was moving house. So as you know, I'm six months pregnant at the moment. Oh, I thought you just had a big lunch. Yeah, it's just Takase. So it's six months pregnant. I was moving house about three months ago and we came across a stack of diaries from my teenage years and early twenties. And we honestly, man, the girls had a read through them and it was kind of scary.


I was 12 years old.


This particular diary I have in front of me, I was 12 years old and I'm reading it going like, oh, my God, you're the devil. And my girlfriends are going, oh, my God. That sounds exactly like I was going to say. Have you changed much since you wrote these diaries or.


I I thought I'd actually changed by reading these diaries. I swear. It's like a little mini Hannah. Yeah. Devil child, I love this. This is such a good idea. So are we literally going to flip through the pages and like so we're going to flip through the pages.


I'm going like probably one of the funniest extracts to read to you today. And I'm so happy that I'm pregnant because I feel like I've locked my man and you seal the deal. I've got the baby on the way. He can't leave. No, this is what I'm finally opening up about. What a devil I had lie to you forever. Say, now is is a great time for you to bring out little mini devil child. How exactly. Exactly.


I wonder, like for me, I'm thinking of like this is going to be stuff like I'm not God. I was totally like put in detention today, like, you know, doing this. Is that the kind of hand that we're going to say or we like a very prim and proper hand? Oh, no, I have lots of boyfriends. So I think like so I really had to do the calculation, said this here in front of me is my diary from nineteen ninety nine.


Oh gosh was I even born. And I don't I, I know I'm showing my age. I don't even when I'm on the boats nowadays and I get sea bass. Yeah. I'm like what are you doing here.


You were born in nineteen ninety five. It's like go home. Just before the millennium you can remember Will Smith and he's called Millennium Song. He's no, no I just, I, it always shocks me and then I'm like oh nine ninety five. Yeah that makes sense. You're just fucking. Oh yeah. Because if you think about it, someone who's born in ninety five he's actually twenty five which is not super young, it's really not but I just feel like ninety five was yesterday.


Yeah. Yeah literally. Yeah. Like you remember twin absolute when that bug was. Yeah it is.


Yeah. Yeah. And did it know it came in twenty twenty instead of exactly like coronavirus. All right. So maybe we should open up the pages and have a flip through like I'm, I am super k. Oh my God. I wish you guys could see these days text and there's all sorts of stuff in here. Where are we to. Ninety nine has. Q Did you ever sign your signature for a lack of celebrities last name, your boyfriend's last name, would you want it to.


I don't want to marry. Oh yeah. But I also signed an autograph in about 10 years ago in Paris as Cameron Diaz. No. Yeah. What this Japanese group of tourists or I was Cameron Diaz and I didn't want to take away. My God, that's so weird. When I was in Japan, I had long blonde hair and I was. I thought you were Cameron.


Do you know almost, I would say, to interview the cast of The Avengers.


And I think that they thought that I was like a fat Chris Hemsworth. Oh, well, they just ask you. I'm running up to me and they're like getting me to give me give them my autograph to them.


And I was like, OK, that's fine.


Say, I would I would not kick a fat Chris Hemsworth out of my way. It's lucky that for to the same time you have having this baby, I tell you what you sell and I buy it. OK, so I love that. I like opened it up though as well. And so at the top of the diet says the date wake and what the weather is. So I've broken down what the weather is. Oh wow. Hot means really, really hot.


Yes. Fine means hot writing things right. Oh yep. Miserable is cloudy and thunderstorms so I'm glad twelve year old me. But you know what else really scared me. The start of the diary is like Dear Diary, Merry Christmas. Happy birthday. Good luck in nineteen ninety nine for my birthday. I got heaps of stuff from my dad from the body shop and I got a really expensive watch which was probably about forty five dollars because back then that was really expensive.


So you talking body shop. Was it the. Because remember they used to do like white musk sprite. Yes. That, that I went oh my God, you get the little baskets and you were like, I have a bath. Oh I'm so used to we are so old. It's scary. So basically the first page is like me listing like an a spree that everything I got for Christmas. Nike skate shoe. Wow. Sports Girls Shorts and Alanis Morissette Sady.


Oh my God. That would have been jagged little pill always from day. Red Earth. Lip gloss. Yes, body glitter. Oh wow.


You were like the poster child for the 90s when I pretty much was a surprise present a bike. Oh wow. So what scares me, it was a rich girl. This was me in January. Yeah. You starting out like six months later. OK, I am a completely different person.


Oh, wow. Even your writings change. Yeah. So you still love hot above the the letters. I'm j ok. But this everything would have been cool back in the 90s and like Dear Diary, how do you do to him. Like he says that the diary doodah diary. Boohoo, weep, weep. Oh my goodness. You have right on the like catchphrases back then. It certainly was ok. I need to find this one diary entry that we're going to talk about today.




So basically does the really interesting thing I found when I was reading these diary entries from what I'm thirty three now, so that's like, oh my God. Twenty years ago. Twenty one years, just quietly vomited everywhere. Oh my God. So this was me twenty one years ago. So the thing I found interesting though was that the issues that I was having at twelve years old at kind of the issues that I've been having for the last ten years as well.


Really. Yeah. But just in a different context. So I guess twelve year old Hannah is very similar to thirty something year old Hannah. Yes, that's right. Now they have a baby in slightly bigger babies. Oh my God. I need to get these stuff. They said that you guys could say this. She's literally resting them on the table here just so that takes the pressure off her back.


I seriously I was a double date before I met, and I now I didn't know that they got that right. And I, I had to go out west. I drove an hour out west to a specialized lady shop, Priscilla. And she was like, yeah. And she was like, oh, it's fine, try this. And then she came and she's like, oh, no, you've got a big problem. Wow.


Yeah, yeah. Two big problems on the front of my body.


OK, so this one is about boys. Naturally, naturally. So we're in June, literally halfway through the. OK, let's not forget I started out in January excited about body glitter. Yes I can. And Red Earth lip gloss. Yes. And this is where I am in chain. Yes. Dear Diary, I'm going out with Bo. I have been since midday yesterday because, you know, we put a time frame. Absolutely. P.M. We started one day of Ussery Yeah, it's now Monday, the Queen's Birthday, I like Heap's and I just can't lie to myself and say that he's a good kisser.


Not really a really bad bad enough to try any way to get out of kissing him again.


How you wish, Shadi? What was I doing kissing him when we'd only been going out. Oh wow. OK, I'm like I definitely didn't make him Wabo.


I wonder what he's doing now. And his wife is now like, oh God, he's such a bad kisser. I think she probably graduated to being bad in bed. I'm going to go hand in hand. Yeah. Yeah. Don't judge a book by cover unless you like your diary, ok. He says so basically to set the scene. I grew up on a very small island and it was somewhere where a lot of people would have like holiday houses.


Right. So he lived in Melbourne, so I was already at 12 years old doing long distance. Wow. What island was it? Dangar Island on the Hawkesbury. Yeah. You see, I grew up in Tasmania, also an island. So we're not all in many lines. You go right.


It's all the same. Boys, boys, boys. Exactly. So he was there on holidays. I think June would be what, half year holiday. Yeah. Yeah. Like yeah. Mid year holidays. Yeah. So he was there on holidays and we were going to do a long distance relationship. God after twenty four hours a day. Oh yeah. We were committed. Yep. With the bad tongue kissing and all way. I'm sorry. Let's get back a little bit.


You were doing tongue kissing at twelve years old. Well how else would he be a bad kisser. Well I don't know that picture. Yeah. Yeah. Oh ok. Yeah right.


You definitely setting the scene here for what happened was like OK so I'm not, he's definitely a bad kisser but bad enough to try anything to get out of kissing him again. He says that him, in spite of his brother, his real name, wife. Oh I'm sorry, is this actually made up. Oh, and Spider, they sound like characters from home and away. Are you sure that this wasn't like your like forgetting that this is not a made up situation?


No, no, no. This is like these were real life boys, not just posters on your wall. Yeah, no.


One hundred to say. Yep. Oh my God. Oh by the way, I've just looked up like we have to go back to this other diary entry. Oh my God. It's so good. Sorry, Justin. I'm just going to stop the podcast for a sec. I want to have a quick chat with you about today's sponsor care of. Yes. So Carol is a wellness brand that makes it easy to maintain your health goals with a customized vitamin plan that helps you feel your best today and supports you long term.


Now, these are these things we were looking at. They do like a little vitamin pack for you and it comes delivered to you individually, like packaged, right?


Yes, yes, yes, yes. They have a new line, the skin and hair collection. It helps you work on your beauty goals from all angles with a combination of targeted ingredients for your hair, skin and nails, which, you know, I'm obsessed with. Yes.


And I was looking to add their protein powders. And, you know, I've been working out a lot lately and I am in the market for a new protein powder so I can actually wait for these to arrive. They have got ingredients like I saw organic cocoa and pink Himalayan sea salt. Oh, nice.


See, but I did actually go online and do their quiz. It was super quick. It was five minutes. Obviously they suggested the the prenatal for me at the moment. Who's probably won't do the same for you.


Just a no.


All of a sudden a beautiful long Dio's and luscious long actually it's not clear the skin and hair and the sleep because I'm always after a good sleep. So they had like an online quiz you actually do.


And it tells you what kind of like it asks you a few questions and at the end it says what we recommend. Yeah.


So ask you questions about like your diet, lifestyle, health concerns, what you take at the moment, what you're looking to kind of improve on, and then it basically spits out what vitamins are good for you. And I know. Right?


So the good thing with Karev is its expert recommendations, but you can adjust your pack at any time, so what you receive is totally up to you. So that is always helpful. OK, so in your little diary there, if you got a discount code for us.


I do. I do. I do. So you get 50 percent of your first order with care of go to take care of dotcom and enter code. Dear Diary fifty. OK, so if you miss that it's fifty percent off your first case of audit go to take care of dotcom and antico diary. Fifty d i a y five zero. You welcome PayPal Gitari. I'm so confused, I don't know what to do before Beau asking me out, I liked him and I would have killed to go out with him.


And then he asked me out and suddenly I got really scared and I don't even know if I like him. And that is called dating in your entire life.


Basically, this is what I mean is I swear, I just matured. Really. And so then twenty four hours later, you're dating. He's also critiquing. He's kissing, kissing, OK. He says that him and Spider are coming on the first and second week of holidays. I want to I won't be here on the first week, but I'll be here on the second. And who knows what will happen. Oh, my God, it's so dramatic.


I'm such a scandalous scandal.


And I'm like, honey, you're 12 years old and your tongue kissing him, well, this is going to happen. She's dead. So this is where it starts getting really funny. So did I let you in on a little secret? I'm two timing. Oh, my God, you hussy. Oh, I never thought I would, but I am. Yes, I'm going out with bow and bend the thing. Oh, my God, Ben.


The third. The third. Because in primary school I dated a Ben and then I dumped him for his best friend Ben, and that this was high school. Ben So it was the third Ben I dated. Wow. So even getting nicknames here. Yeah, exactly. And then listen to this. It's pure evil. I don't think I'll dump either of them yet. I'll keep them hanging. I only say Ben the third on the train and that's hardly ever.


And then there's also that guy that sits on the seat next to us that drools over me. Maybe he'll come in handy one day.


Oh, you are literally keeping your options open. So you are like having your cake, eating it, too, and eyeing off a lovely pie beside you is yeah. Goodness me is legitimately crazy. Twelve year old Hannah was crafty. Twelve year old Hannah was the devil.


I swear it is OK just to dissect this particular part of the diary, because I feel like there's so much therapy that needs to go into this. Twelve year old, if you like, a therapist could have a lot of fun with this diary. Yeah, Hannah, there's a lot we need to unpack here.


As they would say, I would definitely think they would be booking me in weekly for like the next year because if that's what I'm like at twelve, gosh, you'd double triple timing boyfriends critical of them.


Twenty four hours later, you're not sure if you want to date them anymore. I hate to say it, but this sounds very familiar. Like I feel like perhaps I can relate to a lot of what's going on here, which is not strange because me as a thirty something year old gay man is pretty much a teenage girl, 12 year old girl say this is why since seventeen years old, my friends have been primarily gay guys.


We just relate to each other on the same level. One hundred percent. So I guess like reading that firstly it was such a shock and that's why I had to go back so many times and read it and go like, are you sure you were twelve? Yeah, because that sounds like to me like a six year old does. And I guess what scared me is, like, I'm having a little girl. So what, like that you have got all of that to come.


I know. And not at sixteen or seventeen. If if she follows in your footsteps at the age of 12, she's going to be like triple timing boys. That's what I'm so worried about. And I feel like after your partner, I really hope so. I was shy and an introvert and I think you still hear. Oh, my God, that's that's Murphy's Law.


You are one hundred percent going to get like a little wallflower daughter who's going to be like, oh, my God, my mom was a slow I'll be like, stop watching your mother, you know? But I feel like it's definitely way too old. I feel like when I look like I will go to like a corporate box these days to go and see, like a performance or something. And someone will bring their twelve year old daughter who's like they're asking for a Sprite and you can see how young she is, innocent.


And I look back at what I was like at that age and I'm like, it doesn't fit those. Oh yeah. I mean, obviously, like you said in January, you were worried about or you were your main concern was body good. Oh, yeah. And then somehow, six months later, you've turned into Heather Locklear on Melrose Place.


You know why? Why I went to a slut school that explains. I'm sorry, I OK, you said judge, but my school was sluts. Makes a lot of sense. I only went there for, like, a year and a half. Right. You came from that.


But it was a hussy, you know, sexually free school, shall I say. You know, we used to, like, take out dresses like. Hamas, yeah, in them, and we'd want our socks up to our knees and them have like the kneeling rule and things like that way you had to, like, kneel down and have your skirt. Oh, Jesus.


I was like, honey, we went, well, what are you talking about? Getting on my knees? No, no, no. But I mean, what I mean is please let me explain is that I have heard a lot of girls who went to private schools would have to have their skirts. They would have to, like, touch their knees if they were kneeling down on the ground. So in order to measure that, they would make the girls kneel and they skirts had to hit yet.


And if they had, then they'd be in big trouble. And some girls used to like him knees up and their parents have to like buy new skirts because they would do this role where that would mesh them. And yeah, that was long enough. No, no, no. We definitely didn't have that. We didn't even really like I spent half of year seven, I think. So I was 13. I spent half of year seven like smoking bongs in the school.


We hardly had a show up to school. So in my mind now it's like, thank you for creating this picture in my mind. Now you are kind of like Britney Spears in the Hit Me Baby one more time film clip where she used to like using that school and she had like that short skirt on it. Yeah. But I was like, no, I was like the I was more like the grungy. Oh no saint actually. Right, right.


Yes. Now I hear. Yeah. I wasn't the cute little sexy one. No I was not OK. I was like the grungy one. So do you feel like things have changed a lot?


Well, I think like I guess looking at that, you go bringing those issues into your twenties and thirties. Like, how many guys can you date that's acceptable. Yeah. When do you because like I find as well, like, I work a lot in America. I work a lot with Americans, American and Australian. Dating is so different, so different. Like in Australia, if you meet someone that you like, you stop dating other they say, yeah, whereas in the US you kind of go multiple.


Right. Yeah. And you have to have the conversation. You have to sit down and have the conversation will be dating now. Yeah. Are we exclusively dating. Because if you're just dating you can still date other people. I feel like in Australia it's like as soon as you start seeing someone I guess I, I kind of feel like as soon as you kind of go maybe date number two. That's pretty much it isn't it. This is what happened.


I think we were me and my partner were together like a month and I had the conversation with him. I was like, oh, hey, like we dating other people. And he looked at me like I'd grown another head because he's conservative. So he was like from like weeks ago. Yeah. I thought, you know, when you asked me how I was about, we were excluded and then were you like, oh yeah, me too.


I was like definitely not being dating other people.


It was a little I was like, oh yeah. No, a hundred percent. Yeah, definitely. We're definitely on the same page of the diary.


I mean but I kind of feel like like I was saying before, that sounds very familiar because the first thing you said was like he asked me out and then I got really scared. Yeah. I feel like that's absolutely something in your twenties that you experience where you're like, oh, I really like this person. And you almost get like a mental image of what they what they are as a person. And then it becomes real and you're like, whoa, I'm not sure if I was ready for this.


So this is the thing. I'm going to read you this one. It was it's actually the diary entry before that. Can I read before the prequel. The prequel. OK, so dear diary, I'm so confused. I don't know what to do before asking me out. I liked him and I would have killed to go out with him. And then he asked me and suddenly I got really scared. I don't know why I keep telling myself it's because he lives in Melbourne, but I know I'm lying.


Maybe I should just check myself into it and see if my old heart can catch up. Oh, what are you doing? Just follow your heart. Twelve year old hand on my old heart. That's a young fucking high.


Absolutely sure that this is from when you were twelve, but it's not from like a year ago. No, look at this right now. Another problem is Irion, which was my best friend at the time. I was going to say this another boy. No, she wants me to go out with him as well. Since I got home, I haven't thought about anything else. I'm so scared, but I don't really know why. I mean, it's not like I'm fucking frigid or anything.


I should know. And he's weird. Frigid. Yeah. See, that's how, you know, it's from the nineties.


She's not frigid, is she. Yeah, but I just have a really bad feeling about this. Anyway, I'll talk to you real soon and tell you what's happening. Love always, Hannah. Yeah. And then like I remember when I dumped him. Oh. Which is the diary entry next day. Attari OK, so we've gone from one diary entry is he's asked me on. I don't know how I feel. The next diary entries we've been we've been dating for twenty kids and the diary entries I've dumped him.


Yeah. So this is a three day relationship. No look.


So this one when. From June oh to and then it went to August. I'm not very organized, but I explain myself to my diary. Yes, dear diary. OK, OK, give me a break. I couldn't find you kind of low anyway. Having having a boyfriend. Right, exactly. OK, no one always such a dick. So that's what that little thing was, right.


Oh my God. Number two, a dump. And the third because I never see him. OK, so in between June and August, you'd broken up with Bo and also started dating Ben the third. No, that's in the thirties. Who I was. Two timing all of course. Right. OK, yeah. Yeah. OK, so you've ditched both boys.


Ditch them and then so Sam, let's leave out her last name is the most unpopular girl in years. Seven. Oh my God. Such shit that she gave me a filter for Mary who was my axolotl. My ex. Oh yeah. Yeah. I feel, by the way, a filter for the tank. Right. I want a tank. And so then we went to see the movies and then this one. Number five, you would never guess this one.


I stole Sam's boyfriend. His name is also Sam and he's totally gorgeous. And I didn't just go out with him because I could steal him off.


Sam, he's actually really not seriously so. Right.


So let's set the scene. You have been to timing someone in you and you ditched him and the other guy that you are two timing him with. Yes, that girl is a man who is like my arch enemy. Yeah, right. She was like she's so unpopular. She was like the head of one group as the head of another group, naturally. And so naturally, she's the Britney Spears. Christina Aguilera. Right. And so now you've stolen her boyfriend.


Yes. And I'm going out with him, but not just because I could steal him. He's actually really nice. Yeah. I'm sorry. Who are you trying to convince here? The diary or yourself? I think myself. It's so weird. I love it.


We sat together in the movies yesterday and I didn't get on to him.


Oh. Oh my God. These terms are just so 90s. I love it.


But we held hands and you strike my IQ sucks shit you stupid and what is going on? And then I go on to talk about leaving the group that I sat with. But I don't want to get into smoking or drinking or drugs.


Oh wow. You're smart going. Yeah. Yeah that worked.


So I'm going to leave that for the diary today because I feel like that's a lot to dissect. That's a lot going on there. I feel like your life at that time in a period of what, like three months. Yeah. Has been incredibly dramatic. There's been a lot going on. Who would have thought I'd end up in a traumatic really. I know. Who would have thought we'd see you on the show that follows you alive and that drama would follow you.


How very bizarre.


I swear. I think like if you look at like pop culture today, like so, you know, like Samantha in Sex in the City is where she's dating that guy who she really likes. And for Samantha to be exclusive, that's like a massive naks, all the boxes. But you did it. You had the small penis, right? The one very large small box that he did not take. Exactly. So I feel like in your adult life had sex.


Yeah. Or a small penis is the equivalent of not being able to make out with me when I was OK. Yep. Because I don't know.


I feel like in your twenties that stuff is a deal breaker. Yes. You know, for some. Not for some. Yeah. But then you hit your thirties and you start like you've been there, you've done that. You know, the caliber of your woman around. She's two times people who sell in other people's boyfriends growing up like I have experience. Yeah. And I don't know. I just feel like in my group of friends and like the women that I've had relationships with and friendships with in my life, the whole sex and everything just becomes less important when you start realizing that the world is full of fucking douche bag.


Yeah, absolutely. I had a theory where I I think that when you start like seeing someone who is the one, I feel like your intimate relationship is different. Yeah. Like I feel like when you're single and you're hooking up with people, it's one type of intimate, kind of like sex and whatever, and it has a different motivation behind it. And you have different things that you want to get out of it. I don't want to get out of it.


Yeah. When you start, like, actually seeing someone and you're like, yep, I'm in love with this person, like my heart like hurts when I think about me. Yeah, it's completely different. It's a different type of love. And like this is not just from me personally, but like even speaking with girlfriends, I find that that hair. Ripping, smashed up against the wall kind of sex happens when you're dating the narcissistic, absolute psycho sociopath behavior long past.


Exactly. You have the really good sex with the really bad men. Yeah, but it's not to say that the sex with the good men isn't good. No, it's different. Good. Yeah, it's different. It's caring. It's kind. It's lovely, you know. And it can be that and naughty. Exactly. And often a bad decision as well. Yeah. Yeah. So I think, you know, I don't know, I guess I just think that those things are less important.


The older you get, like if you look at your partner and you're like, I can tell that you'd make a great husband and a good father. And then you look at the guy who, you know, is like texting five other girls and says he's working every Friday night. It's just do you find because I found this in my circle of friends that so you're saying like, you know, 12 year old Hannah was kind of like setting the precedent that then when you went into 20 year old Hannah, you probably were like they would do breakfast to you, but then you get to your old Hannah and it's completely different.


Again, I found in my circle of friends that people mature at different levels. So I found myself like particularly in my 30s, looking at other people that I'm friends with who are whinging about the most trivial things, about someone who is a great life partner, who, you know, who takes a lot of boxes and they're like, oh, but like, his job is really shit. Or like he's you know, he lives in the suburb.


And I find myself just going, oh my God, you have got so much maturing to do because that's sitting in a circle of friends is not everyone matures at the same time.


And I think as well, like what's important to one person is an important to another. You know, I think that can change in 12 months time. Yeah, it can change in six months time, apparently. OK, you can go from body to time timing in six months. In my world you can. But no, I think it's like your priorities change what you want shifts. Like, I think it was kind of different for me as well because I spent like ten years basically traveling and bouncing from country to country.


So I never really wanted to me. It was like if I met someone, I kind of had to have the whole package because it's like, well, if I'm going to stay in Sydney, why am I here? And that's a complete turning point in your life. Like you literally go, OK, I call this person has to be the perfect person, because if they are, then that means my job changes my changes my city that I'm based in, changes my friend group changes, everything changes.


And so you're right, they do have to, I guess, meet a particular kind of criteria. Yeah. And I think it's really hard. And I'm just sitting around listening at the hip hop in her eyes, he takes someone else's. He is he's so gorgeous. And I think that I gave him such a hard time when we first started to do that song. I like you. I just I mean, I'm sure that Bo would disagree with.


Yeah, I saw in the third I'm not agree that you are hard to do or demands to. Woman I wonder what Sam would say about it. Because such shit, Sam, like all I'm saying is he lived with like twelve kids. Oh she's doing alright then. She, she looks happy.


Oh that's such a shame that she looks like she's probably got a mortgage and he's having a great time with her twelve kids. Yeah exactly.


Yeah I know. But I think, I think that's like kind of what happens is I was like meeting people and I was like well you need to be worth me changing my whole life for. And that's a lot to ask for someone. What happened in that episode of Sex in the City? I can't quite remember almost how she didn't keep dating him. But it was a moral dilemma, wasn't it? Because she was like, yeah, they went to therapists.


Yeah, I remember he was trying to work out, like, why they were not connected, because that's not something you really want to say to a man. And she ended up just letting it out. And then in the end she kind of like ended up with someone who was probably more physically ticked all the boxes. But then, you know how she was the guy's name was that Jared? Remember the guy with the vodka model? Yeah. And then she did end up with the guy who was gorgeous, but he also had a big heart as well.


But then she was the one that was like I'm not sure if, like, if this is wrong, need to concentrate on me. So it's funny how that kind of follow through with her as well. Yeah, but it's actually funny, like especially with Sex in the City, like I used to look up to those women so much, they're actually really horrible women. Sarah Jessica Parker said that in an interview. Yeah. So they were like, oh, you know, do you relate to Carrie?


And she's like, no, she's like carries a spoiled brat. Yeah. And I was I read that and I was like, oh, my God, how can you say that about Carrie? But she's actually right. Carrie was very self-centered, very selfish. Even I remember when. Big bought the Politically Incorrect made, and she just Moranda sitting in the box, and it wasn't like when Miranda called her, it was that whole Oh my God, I'm so sorry.


It was back to you in a bar. Oh, yeah. You know, I've got like it's like. Oh, what about your friend? Yeah. Yeah, nice. Carrie would always ditch her friends for big for eight and for whoever. Yeah. God, we're so getting off topic. We really are. I mean so many life lessons that have been learned from Sex and the City. It really is. There really is. But I think honestly, it you know, to wrap it up, I think when you have a situation like, say, for example, I did at 12 years old, you know, at 12, that's what you do is kiss.


So kissing pulled it. Yes.


And it is obviously a barometer for you in particular for your relationships to come. Yes. And, you know, because you're not frigid. No, I'm not fucking frigid. Thank you. But I won't just get on to anyone.


So if anyone in the US is listening to this, should you explain what frigid means?


Is that in Australia that an Australian thing, like maybe it is so frigid is like you're not scared of what's the what's the US term? I like it would be like you're not. I'm trying to think what the term would be. I'm googling a frigid oh finish.


Like prude. Oh yeah. Like prudish and conservative.


And go back to that bit of Phrygia in Urban Dictionary. It says Frige. It is a midget who lives in your fridge. The reason why you never hear a word, you're definitely not a fridge midgette. Not someone who's frigid, someone who has never been met. Snog shifted, a.k.a. Frenched. So it is like frigid is someone who has have a tongue kiss basically commonly used in Ireland. I don't know why I suddenly started using it. I was definitely an Australian.


Tim. It was, wasn't it. Yeah. Like if you were dating someone and you wouldn't kiss them, you were frigid. Oh, you wouldn't. But to me it was like you wouldn't hold their hand either. Oh yeah. Yeah. That as well. Yeah. Oh my God. I'll never forget the first time I kissed the girl. Oh, all right.


I want to hear about this now. It was a girl who I her name was Rebecca. I remember her, her name. And I was petrified because like at that age it was probably around the same age as you. I knew I was. Honey, that was my first kiss. Oh, sorry. Are you kidding me? I yeah.


Definitely was like more attracted to the boys and I was going to school with and the girls obviously didn't you hadn't really thought about it a lot then. But yeah I remember kissing her, I just remember it being very wet and like. Yeah. Messy. Yeah. No, no. And the thing is, is like you know, when you're, when you're a gay man, you for the most part, the reason you like to kiss boys is because you like the manly and you know.


Yeah. It's probably, you know, the things that a lot of girls like to kiss a girl. And I've I have kissed a lot of girls since then and like, kiss my best friend and stuff. It's very different. It's very like, you know, everything's soft and supple and very, very gentle. Singing Man It's like beat on beat is like sandpaper on Sampo. I guess it's hard, but it's also sometimes a little bit weed.


Yeah. So yeah, my first kiss with a girl was, was it felt foreign back then. I was like well I'm not sure I'm into this at all. Yeah. Sorry to that girl. Rebecca, you probably turned in that instant like that. But you know. Thanks Rebecca.


I was also married with the milk down heaps of kids. So it's what they do with it, right?


Yeah. I remember my first kiss was on Dangar Island and it was with the. So there's only one little general store. Oh yeah. On the island. Or as we would call it, a shop. A shop. Yeah. Yeah. So it was with the son of the owner. Oh.


But he was so scared that we were going to get caught kissing because we were going to like have our first kiss in the cubby house in the park because you it so he was so scared. He was like no, no, no. And being the hideous bully I was like yes, yes, yes, yes, no. I arranged my friends to be lookout. Oh my God. Like the entrance, like to the street that would come in and like one near the Bowling Green and his dad would come along in case anyone came along.


It was funny so that I could go like, OK, look, everything is covered now. There is no reason kill you.


I know. And I was like the poor thing was probably like eleven.


You you were like, OK, what if I could have put into place. He said, I can seal the deal like I'm going to hire my friends to be look out. We're going to find a secluded location. You had this like locked down. I did wonder you managed to make a baby with that man. It was a strategic little thing, I tell you. Wow.


It's kind of. You, though, when you look back, the you just like, yeah, you kind of I used to, like, push boys around a lot.


Well, look where you are now. I'm still doing James. So this is the thing I love about my partner, though, as well, is he knows when. So the thing I've always found when dating men is they are either too soft and I will kill over them.


Yeah. Or they're too strong and they end up like semi abusive. Yeah. It has to be a nice, nice middle ground. Yeah. And that's what Josh is. He is like strong enough that he knows when to say no to me. And I know and I have said like, you know, I am the you and you are the me relationship and our partners are each other like we are the flowers and they are the gardeners. And I also know when to stop, when to keep back the water and be like that.


Yeah, exactly. Come if anybody you know. No, we're not going to have that. And no I'm not I don't know what you're feeling at all. I'm gonna say no to me. Exactly. So no, Josh definitely knows when to pick his battles. So he's been getting up at four a.m. every morning because me and my daughter need cereal. Of course you do. So he knows, like, don't battle me on that one, Luckett's or anything other than cereal.


Oh, no, no, no. Where he has gone. No, I haven't had weird cravings that night like I did ask him the other night at like ten to ten to drive like seven suburbs to get me this raspberry cheesecake from this twenty four hour diner. But cheesecake. And he did say no to that one. Oh what's so rude.


He knows occasionally you're like I am holding your child in my body. Yeah. Yeah. Well I'm part of a cake. Interesting.


Like it's on lockdown. Yeah. All these Facebook groups about being pregnant during coronaviruses on lockdown. Yeah it's a really. So I was actually I joined a mother's group about four years ago because I was so fascinated by how these people use that. Right. Yeah. Oh really. It wasn't that I was like a mother.


I had to lie and make up two children to get into this Facebook group. Oh, wow. I can't wait to see what Dalmau does with that kind of area. Too secret, but not existing children four years ago. Yeah, exactly.


But I was just how we treat Roxie and Bunny, the two dogs I like. Oh, God, what am I going to come out? You have the dogs now. Dogs, James, I was so fascinated by how they lived their lives. You know, I like because I was just like I'd go to the States ten times a year and I have my summers, Air France and these guys would have mortgages and asshole husbands and sons so fascinated.


And then this group on lockdown in it's like the UK and Australia. Yeah. And this woman the other day was like, oh, I'm eight and a half months pregnant and my husband wouldn't do this thing. So I said that, you know, my child actually wanted it and went and did it. I'm like, it took you eight and a half to work that out. I would be like saying that within the first twelve weeks I'd be like, the baby wants cheesecake.


I legitimately told Josh I was pregnant on a Wednesday. On a Thursday. I was like, oh, the baby doesn't want you to go away from work this weekend. So, yeah, you're going to have to stay. I'm so sorry. Wow. You just rolled that out again. Twenty four hours. I know she's got these feeling. People say this is I only need I don't need eight and a half months to work out how to manipulate and OK or be a better kisser.




I could just wrap it up really quickly. So I reckon that is enough of my very fucked up diary entries. And can I tell you, like, OK, so we can paint the same for people. This is one diary that looks like it's maybe got 50 pages in it. And this is one of many diaries that you found while you were moving. Yeah, there are so many stories, so many gems like this.


These things can go from like A to Z in six months time with you from body glitter to boys in pashing. What are we in for? I come. It's really scary. The the the fascinating thing I found was I actually ended up being quite a good writer in my life as I got to my late teens and early twenties. And when I started travelling, obviously, I was dealing with very different issues. Very. But some of the stories and how I told them was actually quite nice.


So I'm so excited to share my very fucked up Tiree and Chase with you guys. And I want you to share your diary entries with me on people. They would absolutely have them. I'm sure people listening to this have probably gone from my childhood diaries. They must be someone I want to hear them. Yeah, I had a diary. I'm sure I did. I think it was like a Stars and Moons diary on the front. And I used to I mean, very much.


I mean, I describe myself to people as a professional show off. And because, you know, I do red carpet that had and it was my way of storytelling. I do the same thing. Yeah, yeah. Well, I reckon what we should do is. So I want you guys to tweet us with your diary entries to us on Instagram with your diary entries. And I want every week whatever diary entry I'm reading to you guys. I want you guys to send me something and then I want to share it with the listeners sliding to those DMS and make sure you censor out anyone's last name.


Welcome, Sam. Oh, yeah. Or if you say suck shit, Sam, you know, it's obviously we don't want to know exactly who the person is, but I am so fascinated to see the entries because, I mean, yes, you're a professional show.


But when we were kids, man, I mean, this stuff that you used to get up to and write about. Oh, I know.


That's why I'm honestly, I reckon half my motivation for doing this podcast is just because I'm really fucking nosy. But I want you guys listening to be like part of this journey with us. And I want you to have a laugh with us about all these diary entries. Let's do 80s, 90s. Yes, 20s. And today let's get into it. I just want to I want to be nosy and read other people's diaries. Intruder's Tagus on Instagram, follow us on Twitter, give us your stories.


And they could end up in this podcast.


They downloaded your EFTs now from Apple podcast Spotify or wherever you get your podcast from.