Have you showered yet? No, I say yes, I'm turned on by that. You just got done. You were like, oh, you are making those noise an our.

Hi, guys, welcome back to another episode of Girls Got Each One Each twenty one first episode of Selimi that everything's different. Yeah, everything changed. Everything in twenty twenty one, twenty twenty is over. We've gone through the vortex. It's OK. You're safe now. Yeah, that was funny. This doesn't change. It's going to be twenty twenty for the next six months. We started this on a sad note. Sorry guys. Hi, I'm Raina and I'm the co-host of the show.

Hey guys, I'm Ashley. This is a comedy podcast. I just want to reiterate that coming in hot into a new year, it's comedy. It's jokes for laughs. You're not into comedy or jokes. This might be for you. We're having fun, fun, fun. It's a comedy podcast about dating, sex and relationships. Yeah.

Let's let's start with something always funny. Let's talk about your vagina. OK, everybody's. But we'll talk about yours, too. Anyways, we're going to take a sponsor. We're going to have our vagina soon. But thanks to you, Cora, for supporting girl's got to eat. Get proactive about urinary tract health with you, Quiara. Right now, you Corra is offering 20 percent off for girls. Great listeners. When you go to Ucore Dotcom CICIG, that's you are a dotcom sluggy and big shout out to Helix Sleep.

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All right. Well, thanks for being here with us, guys. First episode of the year. We hope you guys did have a good New Year's. Really quickly. Just want to do a quick PSA that the Georgia runoff voting is. If you're listening today, Monday, the 4th. That's tomorrow, Tuesday the 5th. We know we have so many Georgia Atlanta listeners. We hope you guys are planning to vote if you haven't already. So most people have early voted.

I've seen so many people vote, but I'm just a reminder to do that. And what it means for the Senate, we're sure you're aware. So just make sure you're getting out there and voting. Just had had to mention it. And we're just hoping for the best. We're hoping to piss off Mitch McConnell. I love that people think I'm like the original Mitch McConnell hater. And I think it was like I think it was the first year of the podcast.

We did like a fuck, marry, kill. And I just said, like, Dusty and Mitch McConnell. I mean, I always hated him. Who doesn't? But it's funny. Like, the hatred towards him is so strong now. And people always, like, tag me in there, like you started this girl.

And I'm like, thank you so much for crediting me. Yeah. He's so hateable. All right. Well I kicked off twenty, twenty one strong as I as I usually do. I've had a lot of sex this week.

I was going to get that you Kaura. Yeah. I actually I'm really excited about you and we're going to talk about my vagina help because I've had a ton of come inside of me and no UTIs. Oh my God. You don't know that yet. It could be, it could be a lay reaction. I usually get quite delayed reaction. Yeah. Delayed reaction yet I get him quick girl. OK, we come in hot, they come in hot and they come in spicy.

Yeah.

But I hung out with my, my Charleston boyfriend, not in Charleston unfortunately, but we had a nice week together and that was fun but I didn't staycation. Yeah it was nice but I didn't tell you this thing that happened, it just made me laugh. Just a little short anecdote.

OK, so for reasons I can't really explain, my vibrator was in my purse. OK, that's totally normal and fine. You don't need to explain anything here, first of all. Yeah. What, whose vibrator is it. And it wasn't like the rabbit, it wasn't like a huge deal to a huge dildo.

It was just like a vibrator, like a little bit bigger than like a lipstick to purse. Companies should be making pockets for vibrators in the first place. And I maybe it should come with the vibrator. It should add more vibrator companies should make a travel mode. And we were walking into the building and we got into like a little tiff. But I was pouting and I realized as we're in the lobby of the building that my the my vibrator has turned itself on in the purse.

I mean, listen, I can relate to being turned off when you at an inopportune time. That's a vibrator, because that's the vibe and it's loud. And I'm trying to figure out how to just like make it not make sound. And I was like, OK, there's like a lot of people around us. I had to get on an elevator and ride up eleven floors and try to figure out how to, like, not keep the vibrator on.

And he heard the vibrator vibrating against like makeup and shit and was like, what is that? I'm like, you couldn't pass it off as your phone like oh my phone doesn't vibrate. And he'd been with me all week. I thought like it didn't even occur to me to say it was my fault because my phone has been I haven't had my vibrate on my phone in like five years. My phone's always in silent. Silent. Yeah. Sorry.

If you need me in the middle of the night, I won't call me from jail.

I mean, I would be there, but I'm not going to know you called so funny that you would be. I am somebody that did need to call. From jail before, so I wish you were up till 3:00 in the morning, though, you still would be one I. That's true. Yeah, I could be up. Yeah, OK. You're the only person that's actually up. Yeah, but I don't know.

It's just funny to be pouting because like normally, like I would like acknowledge it and laugh about it, but you're like so mad and like I had to like go all 11 floors with the vibrator on and then like go into the apartment. I couldn't just take it out of my room. So I was like, I'm going to the bathroom and just like stormed off and like, shut the door and masturbated and was already on.

But I thought that was funny. It's never happened before. I don't take my vibrator out of the house with me that often.

Maybe you should start. OK, let's think about this more. When was the time that you were fighting with or even just like a tiff with a person you were dating and something like happen like that, like something like you couldn't not laugh about and you're trying to be pissed.

I was trying so hard to stay grumpy and like, you just want to acknowledge it because it's so funny. But I was explaining to him I had my way, I had my vibrator on me. Would have been awkward in the moment because I was already just being passed.

Wait, I have mine. OK, so this is something that my ex would tell for like years to come.

We were at a wedding.

We were in the hotel. We're in a really nice hotel. We're in a four seasons. And we were fighting. We always what I like really blue this weekend up. It was not a proud moment for me. So we're fighting in the hotel and we had gone to like an early Catholic wedding, like a 2:00 p.m., whatever, you know, and then you come back and you have all this time before the reception. So we were fighting.

We were like fight and fight all day when we came back from the wedding. And we're still fighting in the hotel. And I got out of my dress and put a robot during the fight.

In the moment, he didn't say anything. But like when we made up, finally, he was like, can we not forget they slipped into something more comfortable? If you're like, I can't continue this argument, it's a lot more like I be terrycloth will make this argument better. I give you weren't Spanx while I'm yelling at you because I feel restricted, you just needed to run free. And I mean, it's so funny. I don't actually you might have made a comment in the moment.

I did it by I didn't lean into it, but like later we got a good laugh about that. I think you even told my parents it's like like a Christmas tree from the time we got the fight and you slipped into a robe. Oh, did you think and let me tell you, because when I was happy to me, I was pouting. So I think he tried to grab me and kiss me while it was happening. I couldn't let him touch me because the bag was vibrating.

And I look, in the moment you're like, I can't wait until this is over so that we can laugh about this. Yeah, and we did. Yeah, I think. Did you have that moment? I my my you know, for me it was more like I can't wait till he apologizes to me.

OK, well I have an update the U.S. might be interested in, so we'll I'll just fill you in.

This was a guy that I went on one day with, had a really good day. We made out and then he he went to Notre Dame and he asked me out again and then just kind of ghosted like I he was like, let's get let's go out again. And then I, like, followed up and then never heard from him again. And then he texted me after Notre Dame beat Clemson on Biden Day, right after we found out that Joe Biden won the election, which is such a great day.

And then he texted me at two in the morning and about Notre Dame being Clemson, we talked about this after. And so Clemson got to play Notre Dame again.

And a few weeks ago, like in December, like, I don't know, right before Christmas, something like that. Maybe let's say it was like December 18th. I'm not sure. I don't I mean, I can look it up. And Clemson beat Notre Dame. I didn't even think about this guy.

I don't think about him. I never think about him. So I didn't even think twice. Like, the last thing that happened was he texted me at two in the morning. I never responded in November, November 6th or whatever. And so I was even thinking like, oh, ha ha, I got to get back to him.

A listener deemed me and she was like, I hope you're going to say something that Notre Dame guy. And I was like, oh, my gosh, that's why I love our listener so much. They're keeping tabs on my we're like, I thought about this person for one minute and I go, Oh, my God, thank you, girl. Thanks for the reminder to message him.

So I could you talk to all of our listeners? I know because I'm on their mom, like, she was like, hey, mom, just don't forget.

And so I text him back, what, six weeks later and was like, OK, I wrote sorry for the delay. Good game, though, huh? And he responded, he was cool about it. He responded and he said, I deserve that. And then that was the end of the night. And then the next morning he followed back up like I was like, we're done with this. I'm not going, I don't wanna go out.

He went and he followed back up and was like, Anyway, want to hang out later. I was like, no, no. And so I didn't respond at all. And then he responded again. So I guess that's a no, which is just like, oh my gosh. Like I'm so, so cringing. Doors close, buddy.

So I wrote back you had your chance smiley face, like, you know, know what this is over like. And then he wrote the only thing that could possibly make me reconsidered. He wrote, yeah, he goes, OK, but what if we beat Bama? And I was like, oh my God, how did you know beating Al? Bermas, my love language, and I was like, I told you. OK, we'll see what happens on the first.

And at this point, I was a couple of days ago, I knew they would never be bamma also, but and they didn't. So Notre Dame lost Alabama, Clemson loss. This is like the first year in like six years. I think Clemson hasn't been the national championship. It's such a bummer. But so he texted me after the game. This is just a few days ago. Again, I'm not this guy. Like, I think he gets really drunk and it's a turnoff.

Like, I think when he was like, want to hang out? Can we go out? If we beat Bama, like it's in the night he's drinking. I'm not into it. Like, he even sent me this, like, weird selfie that he looked drunk. I was like, is this a sext? Like, I'm not this is not good.

And so it was like one o'clock in the morning after we'd both lost both of our teams lost. And he was like, rough night for us or whatever. And I was like, yeah, ha ha.

And then he just kept being like, So are we going to go out? Can we make out again all the stuff?

And I was like, no, I'm not interested in this. Maybe I would do it if you guys actually did win the game because that was like that, because that was a funny bet. And it goes it is a very funny bat. And then he had the audacity to be I said, how draw he was like, you want to make out again? I said, how drunk are you, Lowell? And he was like, I'm really not drunk at all.

And then to text later, I was like, I'm sorry, I'm really hammered.

And then and then he goes, The reason why I never texted you after we had a really fun first date was because, you know, I'm allergic to dogs and you have a big dog. And I was like, first of all, this won't happen at all. You asked me out again and then when I followed up, you like and I put him on blast. If you were to read this, you would know, like, I actually doesn't care about this guy at all.

Like, I'm happy to, like, correct him. Like, that's actually not what happened. And he was like, no, I am allergic to dogs. I'm like, no, I know that you told me the other day. But first of all, we were making on the street, I he said, can I come inside? And I was like, aren't you allergic to dogs? And he was like, I'll I'll work through this guy's crazy.

And then I just think he's so drunk. And then he was just like it was spiraling. He was like, well, what are you doing right now? What do you I mean, it's 2:00 in the morning. That guy really shot his shot. First of all, he tied your sex life to the fate of a bunch of like twenty one year old college football players. Yeah, he was like, if Trevor Lawrence has a good night, can I have a dick sucked?

Yeah, it just it was funny. I wanted to provide you guys with the update. Like, the best part of it was that he knew exactly what to say. Like he was like, OK, what if we beat Bama? I was like, yeah, fine.

But like, it just it's unattractive that, like, I know this is like wasted. And yeah, he blew me off and then he tried to give me an excuse that I saw right through, like I'm over all of it.

I totally agree. And I think that, listen, I think the like we don't rate every person on Earth. It doesn't act exactly how we want after a day. Like, I think that, like, people are human things come up. You're a stranger. And I think that, like, if he texted you like something cute and funny in the middle of a weekday at two p.m. and he was sober, I think it's like you have to write every person off for every little thing.

But this would turn me off and I'd be like, you disregard me. Now you're lying to me. And they give some weird excuse and now you're trying to fuck me at 2:00 in the morning, go way over.

Yeah. And I mean, but at the end of the day, like, I know he's allergic to dogs and it's like it's very easy, but like, I'm never going to date that guy. No. Come in my apartment in more ways than one. OK, that being said, I would like to make an announcement here. This guy is not the catalyst for this, but he's part of a larger he'd like to make it announce.

He's part of a he's part of the big picture is that I'm not dating guys in their 20s anymore.

I'm saying it.

I'm glad you're saying because I've been seeing this for you lately. I really think that you need like a strong, steadfast old man arena now.

And it's not thirty.

OK, yes. I am not saying like, I've just I don't regret any of the young guys I've dated fucked.

Like, that was what I wanted at the time we started this podcast. I was talking to twenty four year old like I've had good experience and I've had bad. But at the end of the day, these guys that are in their twenties are not going to probably be matches for me. They're not really on my level in a lot of ways, just even, you know, career wise, but also just emotionally. I've been disappointed recently a few times.

And it's like, what am I doing? You know, like I really have dated a lot of these younger guys, guys. It's been ten years younger than me. And I really knew that it wasn't going anywhere. And I didn't care because I didn't really care about a long term relationship in that moment. And that's what I did what I wanted at the time, because I I truly believe you should, like, figure out what you want and work towards it.

And so if you really want to find somebody you want to get married, then you shouldn't fuck around people that you know, you don't see a future with. But that's not what I want at the time. And I do want that. And I want to, like, find a really I want to have a relationship and and fall in love. And it's not going to be with these guys.

I'm not you know, I think I'm not I don't like to make huge, definitive statements. Yes. I guess there is a world in which some guy in his twenties could come along, speak on my feet. I'm not against it, but I'm I'm not seeking them out. And I actually took the step of updating my hinge age range. I'd like to make the statement like you saw me I just did today. I started to I said it's a thirty one to forty one.

Yeah.

I think that we talk a lot around younger guys. I just think you make a list of the things you want in in life. And if you're like, I want a serious relationship and these are the things I want. And I said, do I look? It all the men in your life that you are really like best friends with, I look at your brother, I look at the people that you like, really love and that you respect.

And they're all people that are like Super Alpha. They're killing it. They're great at their jobs. They're people that are inspiring to you. And I think it's just sometimes hard to be inspired by people that are so much younger than you on a different stage of life. It has nothing to do with their age. If I was 20 for a guy that was twenty eight would be amazing. I just want to be inspired by somebody who's sort of like done something already and give me some feedback.

And they've been on stage of life. And I think that, like, when I look at what inspires you and excites you, like that is what it is. Yeah. It's just that's an I mean, I talked about this actually. I and we did we did matchmaker Mariah's podcast recently. But I did a reading with Kelly Knight, who has been on our show twice. She's my psychic life adviser. And she basically gave me a reading that said, you're going to find somebody and fall in love and it's going to be something like very not a big deal and like some famous whatever, just like something that really has their shit together, something it's like a big presence, some of that's really killing it.

And you guys are going to be a match in that way. And like, it just clicked for me, you know, like if I meet some guy and he's hot, maybe if I'm on a trip or whatever it is and we want to fuck, that's fine. But like, I'm actually taking the steps hinge being the first thing to be like this is actually something that I don't really need to do anymore. And dating a guy that's ten years younger is very different than dating a guy that's five years younger.

And so I'm still dating someone to date, probably guys that are a little bit younger than me. You know, like again, I said it to thirty one, but and I'm not looking exclusively at his age. You know, I would prefer to meet somebody in the wild, whatever that looks like during a pandemic. But yeah, I just wanted to make that statement that, like, I've love the time that I have thought and date of these twenty somethings over the past three years of this podcast.

But like, things are changing in twenty, twenty one. I want to say that when you and I, you and I had a conversation about my bad patterns about like the people that I pick and what's wrong with them and the commonality between all of them. And I thought it was like a really profound conversation with you telling me like my patterns. And I think when we look at, like, the things that you haven't liked about certain people, we've data that you've dated there is sort of like a commonality that I can chalk up all the behavior to just being young, to just being in a different phase of life.

And when I look at all these different things and like a way that somebody behave that you or I didn't like, it's because they're just not in the same phase of life as you. They just have a mature to a certain level and they're not going to and you can't be mad at them for it. It's hard to be mad at somebody. This isn't like, fuck know something guys like. It's I mean, it's hard to be nice. It's hard to be mad at somebody who's ten years younger for behaving the way that's normal when they're ten years younger than you, you're mad.

You want to be treated like that. But it's normal for them, you know, the general. But it's also guys that are in their thirties and forties are terrible, too. We've said this before, like there's guys that are going to treat women better that are twenty seven, but it's like they're just not in the right. I just need to find the guys that are more age appropriate that still treat women. Well, that goes without saying.

But like I mentioned this in the podcast, maybe last week or the week before I was talking this guy whinge and I shot him my phone number. I just kind of like said, hey, here's my number. If you what we did end up going out, I'm not going to get into it. But like, it just it didn't end well. I don't need to share the details. Maybe I will at some point. I'm just I was pretty disappointed by the whole interaction.

And he was twenty eight. And this other guy, the Notre Dame guys. Twenty eight. I'm like, I'm just not there's a there is a pattern here and it's Yarl's age. And so I'm just going to step my game up. I'm a woman in my thirties. I don't need to be out here doing this anymore and fucking around because I do want to find somebody. We all do, I think. Yeah, well, I'm proud of you and maybe I don't feel like a weight off.

And I felt like when you and I had that conversation about me and my patterns, it felt at least like a weight off to be like, oh, maybe this is a problem. Yeah. This certain thing I pick in people.

So I'm excited for you. Thanks. In twenty twenty one. Yeah. New Year. New me. Really. Yeah. New your new year. New Age range and it's. Yeah. I just can't date enough. It's not like I'm like I did the wrong thing for the past few years. I had fun, I did what I wanted to do in the moment. I wasn't looking for somebody really.

But you know, it's like it'd be nice to have a relationship outside of me. Yeah.

I mean, three of us together. The triple. Oh, yeah. You can't date anybody that. I don't think we'll live on our compound with us for the rest of our lives. Yeah. You have to approve the first thing to happen.

Should we agree or one OK, we've one rack. We're not going to deep dive because Rayna hasn't watched it yet. But we will do what you do. We will do it.

I'm going to watch this week I started Bridgton HUF. This show is so good. It's on Netflix. It's the number one show on Netflix. I'm sure you guys have seen it. If you're not watching it again, it's all I can say is it's pretty much like Gossip Girl set in the eighteen hundreds the period piece. Shonda Rhimes created it. Everything she does is incredible. Like it's it's so Gossip Girl that and there's like romance and there's sex.

And the hottest man I've ever seen in my life plays the lead actor. So we know you guys are watching it and loving it. I'm loving it. It's so different and unique. I just like it. It's like the Queen's Gambit. It's like these people that create these shows are like geniuses. I'm so impressed. I actually. Okay, listen, I like that you brought up this show. I like that you previewed that we're going to give a review of it because now people can watch it and they can be up and.

Yes, that's it. Yes, exactly. So you guys, if you haven't started, binge it and then we'll cover it next week or the week after. Yeah, it's how we were growing. So if you guys today we're going to talk about drinking and farting and. Sever ties in security ring tax, we have Nikki Glaser and she's so fantastic, we're excited to get into it with her. But do you want to thank a couple of our partners first?

Yeah. Let's just go hard with what's going to improve your sex life this year. And that's going to be a new bed for you guys. So improve your sex life, improve your sleep game with a Hilux mattress, I.V. looks mattress. I got to tell you, one of our listeners slid to my DMS either day and she was like, Girl, do you really love your Hilux mattress? I'm like, Girl, I would not lie to you guys.

I would not lie to you and tell you I have a bed. I don't have I'm obsessed with it. I have the moonlight locks. I have it my parents house. It makes me want to go there just to sleep on the bed there. A mattress company. They're incredible. You do a really quick sleep quiz on their website and they'll match you with the mattress. That's perfect for you. We all sleep differently. We want a soft mattress, hard mattress.

We sleep on our back, our side, our stomach, maybe yours, the sex positions you guys like. There's a mattress. It's going to be better for you. That's not included in the quiz, but just keep it in mind. So we want you guys to really have better sleep, had better sex and just really upgrade your mattress game this year. Sleeping on a terrible mattress is just not good in so many ways. And you don't want to go buy like a generic mattress is built for everyone because we're all individuals when it comes to sleeping and everything else that you do in your bed.

So, again, individual sex position. Yeah, exactly.

I'm just trying to think of this like, I don't know, there's some positions I need to be able to anchor my body to the bed a little more like one. I'm getting it from behind. Or if I want to try the new Amazon position. Right, I want to mandible to anchor his body because I'm talking I'm talking dirty to him. Yeah. So I don't know. I have not fucked one of the moonlight locks yet because it's my parents also be super weird, but I've had a few sex dreams on it.

So great for masturbating. It's great for you having sex. Even your dad wakes up anyway. But yeah, they're awarded the number one best overall mattress pick of twenty twenty by GQ Wired magazine. They were ten year warranty. You can try it out for one hundred nights risk free. They'll even pick it up for you if you don't love it. So they're super confident that you guys will love it. I love it. The pillows are incredible. Can't say enough about the pillows, all the pillows.

We don't even know we have all of them. I don't know their names, but they all are great. So you can't go wrong with the pillows. But again, they'll match you to the ones that are better because the way you sleep also is kind of dependent on the kind of pillows you need to support your head, too. So we've just come for you guys is offering up to two hundred dollars off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners at Helix Sleep, Dotcom, Osugi.

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That is a proactive way to handle it. Like everything in the U.S. market is reactionary. So you get it and then and you're like, yeah, and you're in pain and everything hurts and it's like knives in your vagina. So funny you are has been really great. You just mix a pack of you who are into a glass of water. You drink it after sex or whenever you feel like you guys need the support. It's easy, it's effective.

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All right, let's bring Nikki in. OK, we are so excited to welcome back a friend of ours, our attorney guys. She is a stand up comedian and actress, a podcast. I was a radio host, television house. She has multiple specials on Netflix, including the stand ups and bang. And you can see her on the Comedy Central roast and her upcoming podcast. Please welcome to the show, Nikki Glaser.

Hey, guys, I need to be back. We really are like covid and so hot. I'm so excited. We've already been shooting the shit for ten minutes. It's so good to catch up with you guys. Yeah, I'm excited for this. This is like this podcast is the best. I just because I listen to a lot of yours this morning just to, like, get up to date with what you guys have been up to. And I listen to it at two times the speed so I could get through more time.

Have you ever slowed it down. I said that just. Because I was talking about going on a date with Matt Hussey and that she didn't understand was that wasn't a date, was not just coffee with a friend. You said something really fast. You were like, you should have been gray sweatpants or something like that. You said it so fast that I had to listen to it on a half speed like eight times to be like what exactly happened.

And it was like he showed up being greasewood.

I felt I also thought I had a spark with Matt.

See, when he you also like what do you like to me before to like just talk about like so how's life going.

Like just checking in on me like as a nice friend and like you know someone who is in the business too and probably just wants to keep connections going. And I've totally misinterpreted it of like does he like love me. Like is he using his own methods on me. Yeah. And I think he does it to me to text me or DM me and I have to like bring myself back to reality and be like he didn't commit by years, OK?

She didn't pack a stadium. That guy's not interested in me. I know every time he deems me, what I hear him is you can't have him, Noonan. You'll never have a hamburger. If I was like, it's so funny how often that happens. And especially as you guys grow in popularity in like you're just stars are rising more and more guys that are like hot that you're like that want to get to know you because they want to be on your podcast and like, yeah, you know, just that work.

And you think they're trying to get into your pants and they're just trying to get on your podcast. I think you guys are more similar because I don't think that about anybody. Like, I'm like, oh, this is never good. This isn't a thing. And I don't know. I feel like I felt something like I said to my friends, my friend Onya, who always tells me what I want to hear. So I'll send the screenshots to of the text conversations or the conversations I'm having with these guys.

And she'll be like, dude, he's totally into you. Like, he's just scared. He's very intimidated. And then I follow up with, like, more questions to keep it going. And then it falls off. And then that's when I screenshot it and send it to Andrew Callon, who goes, no, he's not like that. He's not interested. And then I get the real answer that I you got to ask a man I love asking men because they'll just give it to you straight or me.

I don't know. I think I'm pretty tough. Love.

How do guys feel about when they find out you have this podcast in which you talk very candidly about your lives? Like, do you would discourage them from listening before you go on a date or before they get to know you? Or do you expect that they just do it anyway?

I never want someone to know before a date. So it's not anywhere on my profile. It isn't, you know. So, yeah, like I don't have a picture of me with a mike or anything on it, but every guy's first thing that they put is like, I'm somebody I'm, I have followers, you know, they took a picture one time, like on Caroline's like after hours and they posted it like with a mic in their hand.

Somebody I actually know that that specific person I don't, I think, feel like more women will go out with men because that men don't see us on stage. I don't know, maybe some do and see the opportunistic way to date. I don't know. I don't think I know they did. I'm not worried about it. But I don't prefer that somebody listens to the podcast before we go out, because I would just like the opportunity to own that information and share it as I please.

OK, that's that's good. I, I feel like I didn't realize until maybe this year these things like hit me, it's too late, but like dating me is a little bit of a liability, like you might get made fun of like you might. But guys are so scared of having their penises made fun of and I definitely talked about penises on stage in the past. I do roasts. People think that I'm going to guys think I'm going to roast them.

You know, men's biggest fear is ridicule. And so the fact that they would even Google my name, pull up a clip. Oh, my gosh. This girl talks very openly about her life. She's going to talk about me. I'm not taking it anywhere from here. And it's just like I think I. I hope that's my new excuse for when guys don't like me. I'm like, oh, they're just, like, scared of me talking about their penises.

And I think that's I mean, yeah, I used to just say they're scared of their, like, feelings for me.

Like, they they love me so much that they've never felt this strongly and it freaks them out. I come. You guys have done that for. Yeah, but when I sent you we're going to have next week I think actually the author of this book that I sent you, I started reading it.

You did write a story too. And it's it makes it it's interesting, it's dynamics, but it's really about how there is a actual statistical shortage of educated dateable men, college educated men, which was an interesting like distinction to make.

But I guess if you. I guess as a girl who's been to college, I mean, I don't really ever go. Have you been to college? But I guess it's just a way to different worldly to just educated in some way. Yeah, yeah. I just met people end up with people that are like them. Yeah. Yeah. I just I think statistically that's that's just how they did the math. I love a man and an alumni association.

Yeah. If you can donate to the alumni association, I don't even care if you went to the school, but if you can afford as you can sort of spend more money on a place that you've already given tens of thousands of dollars to, does that? No, no, no, no. It's a couple nights ago I heard the standup special that somebody was talking about, like I already went here. Why do I have to give you another thousand dollars?

Yeah, unless my name's going to be like at the entrance of the stadium, like, I don't know. What do you what like I want to be have at least one building named after me if I'm giving you guys a dime. You've gotten so much of my money where you must work though. I mean people must do it. Yeah, I'll do it. I don't know who does it though. Like even if my kids went there, I'd pay you their tuition fee, the transactions over name the mascot after me, just like a giant like Mickey walking around.

I would be definitely offended by it. Whatever caricature of me they would put together, it would be offensive. There's no way to do that. Do you do that? Is your joke about you didn't know how you really look till you kind of caricaturists. When I was a kid, there's a failure of me like pre caricature and I'm sitting on this bench. I'm like probably seven or eight and I'm sitting on this, like, picnic that's like just smiling so big.

Like I'm so excited that someone's drawing me, you know, it's like attention on me. It's about me. And then I remember he turned it around and I just like and everyone's like it's just like, you know, I have huge teeth. I didn't know I had buck teeth. And that's like it just started and that was what I knew. That's when I figured it out. That was something wrong with my looks. If you get a caricature of yourself, it gets turned around and you love how you look.

You should walk straight to elite model management, OK? Because no one looks good in those things that if you look good, you are supermom, you are jazelle Andrew and I got our caricatures done in January before my Saint Louis show. We were like walking in front of the theater and we were kind of filming this thing. I was like, oh, this would be fun. So we sat down and they did like a pornographic like they didn't know we were not a couple.

And they made me look at him and like, oh, I wish that wasn't more devastating than the bucktooth. What I like what's hot in it, too. But I still like I was like, this is he's like, can I post? I'm like, this is not funny. I do not like it bothered me so much. It was like, so when you humping your brother. Oh yeah it was. So he was posting it immediately.

It's going to be on the feed and he's going to delete it. Tweet. Hey I.

Oh, my God. We'll get to Andrew eventually. Angela, I don't think it's so funny when people when people tell you is your experience that whoever somebody if somebody tells you, you know, who you look like, do you brace yourself for it? Oh, I am. I have a callus to it doesn't affect me at all anymore because it happens so much where people send me a person on Instagram who looks like me. Yeah. Everyone looks like, you know, so many people do let your whole thing.

Yeah.

It was a thing I kind of started on Instagram a couple of years ago where so many people looked like me. I just started posting them on my story and saying, not me, not me. And they just look so much like me. And so people now think that that's something I enjoy getting. And I've stopped doing it because I don't want any more because it was like hurting me so much. I now I just like it actually helped me accept what I look like to people and be like, you know what people still think I but people don't seem to have a problem with this.

I have a problem with it. But like no one's looking at me the way I look at me, no one cares that much like I heard something recently on Briney Brown's podcast, DAX Shepard was on, of all people. But he told us interesting story that I loved. He was talking about someone he knew that used to work at some clothing store and she used to help women all day, like changing in dressing rooms and bringing them clothes. And this one woman was in a dressing room and she was like, oh, I just look terrible in this.

This color's awful on me and the woman's outside the dressing room who's helping her? And she goes, So I've been with you all day today. And she's like, Yeah. And she goes, What color is my shirt? And the woman's just like, I had no idea. And that was just examples. Like, no one's looking at us that much. I know about you as much as you care about you, even a little bit. No one's looking at my mom.

We took a Christmas picture there day. My mom was like, do not post that picture my stomach.

And I was like, no one would have one. Did you look at my did you even know I was in this picture with you? No one's caring about our looks that much. And I've just accepted like. Yeah, it's it's been a hard road to just accept my looks. And I think I really made a lot of strides this year in terms of just being like, I, I don't want to change anything I like feel really good. And like I like the way I look.

I look at my body. I'm like I like it even on days when it's like clothes are tight and stuff like that, I just try to have complete acceptance and like, appreciation that I fuckin it works. And it's so hard to do and it's so cliche, but I think it's finally like I'm getting it wasn't like you.

You're like you're hot and beautiful. I mean, I love that you say that and just people really do not look like I'll post something and then go back in and zoom in. I'm like, oh my God, do you think that someone's going to, like, notice this thing? They never will. I'm the only person I would ever notice something like that. And it is just like I've this I'm the same way. I'm like, this is what I look like.

I don't know, I'll probably do some like fillers here and there maybe. But like, I'm not going to get a nose job. I'm not going to change my face. Like, this is what it is. And I think we all just take rejection and we're like, it's my looks, it's my looks, it's my looks. It's somebody they don't think I'm hot. They don't think I'm pretty. They don't want to fuck me. And it's like it's it's not.

They went out with you in the first place. They like your looks.

Yeah. That's so true. And it's like I am like I'm getting like Invisalign. You know, I've been doing this for like years and it's just a fix, a little like tooth that sticks out a little bit more than this one. It goes back to my bucktooth thing. I'm just like fearing that I too buckteeth and I'm like this if I fix this and then suddenly someone like loves me, that wouldn't have before. That's so true. What like what is this thing that I've spent six thousand dollars on and so much time and just like pulling it, I'm losing more men by going like oh no.

Before eating with people and being like sorry. And there's like strings of goo coming off it then I will attract people by fixing this.

Mm.

You know, it's just these insane things and when it comes to filler and all that stuff, I really, I saw the stuff kind of fall out of my face. I had gotten some stuff done, I guess maybe December or January. I was getting like little things here and they're very subtle going to someone who is, you know, my friends that recommended like, oh, she's amazing. She's like she she'll study your face and just do very slight things.

And and I was going there and then I saw myself on TV like shortly after the pandemic hit. And I was I cried on this show I was on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? Like Celebrity Edition. I cried during it and it looks like a fake crying because I couldn't. I was like and I couldn't move my face. And I was like, that does even I look older than I am because yes, women can age you. You don't.

And you look beautiful. And I mean, oh thank God. But yeah, we say on the show all the time, if you want to fix all things about yourself, more power to you and you talk for a living. And so if you want to fix your teeth, like fix your teeth, but you're so right, these nobody's going to date. You are not date you based on this tiny little thing about you. And no one cares as much as you care.

No, even a little bit. Never. And like this face that everybody wants, you know, the face it's based on kind of. The Kardashians, like it's I'm not going to ever look like that, so I never I my face will never even begin to resemble it. I could put a million dollars into it. I wouldn't look like that. It's just I mean, I guess I could think you could do it's like a face that you if you.

But I don't want to I'm just I need to find somebody that doesn't want that face and I'm not doing it. And they're going to be my face. I know I because I it's just funny because when you look back and you watch stuff from like the nineties, early 2000s, you're like, oh what a what an amazing time when people just looked how they looked. I know. And like we always talk about the first season of The Hills, you know, Bellisle Oh my God.

I just a nice looking girls. Oh, you got to watch the first season. It's great. They're just nice healthy ashes and healthy and it hit me. Are they just like healthy, normal looking girls? Yeah. Now we're faking health by Khloe. Things that we put on to make it look like we have radiance. It's all just like fake health and and the filters are just so they're ruining everything and everything has a filter. Even your phone, like your regular camera on your phone, is a filtered thing like everything.

Nothing's showing you what you really are except actual mirrors. And it's offensive when you look into one now because you're not used to seeing that. And I can't go on tick ticktock because I get jealous of not people that are a decade younger than me, people who are fifteen, girls who are under age. I'm getting jealous of children and my friend. I'm not one day like my friend I was. She's a model and I would give anything to look like her.

Yet she is very insecure as a model like you don't realize models are like more insecure than women who aren't models. But it's kind of a lot of times true for that whole existence is based on the way they look. Yeah. So and and people are very honest with them. They go into these shoots and people will be like, you've gained a couple pounds. Like no one's telling us that, you know, to our face it's not a part of our careers.

But so she was on Instagram and she was like Nikki. And this was at a time where I had just seen the social dilemma. And remember when we all were like, oh, we're done. We're putting it down for like a week, I, I didn't do an Instagram story about watching it and putting it down. I tweeted. I was like, I can't even get through this because I'm on Instagram. Like, I keep having to posit, like, I'm I I'm not going to learn anything.

I'm not going to quit social media. I just I know I can't even I can't watch this. I keep having to rewind it because I went to check my Instagram. Like, this is like it's not going it's not going to settle it. I kept Googling those guy's name and writing married after it just to see, ah, like wife, you know, because some of them were like so hot. And they're like Wisse Love like my friend said, Nikki, I see you with like one of these like Silicon Valley whistleblowers.

And I'm like, I love them. It's a new type of guy. And like, I would be with a whistle blower, like, yeah, oh my God, I remember the fire festival, doc, the Netflix one. Why was every. So you think that every five minutes to Google that person, every guy, every freaking guy. I mean that is how I find men. Now I want to be completely honest, like I am very uncomfortable meeting men who I don't already have a rapport with, from just watching them move and like be like where I can't do research on them.

I, I talked about this extensively, but I just like am very I hate or. Anyway, let me just say the thing about my mom, your Instagram and because it's just so funny and I called her and I go, how's it going baby? And she's like, not good babe. I'm on Instagram. And it's just like I just I'm comparing myself. I'm looking at Reese Witherspoon, Sophie and I go, don't compare yourself to Reese Witherspoon.

She goes, No, I'm comparing myself to her daughter. I them like her daughter, 14 year old daughter. And my friend is like in her 30s. And like, that is so relatable. I had to get off Tick-Tock because it was just 13 year olds telling me about retinoids. And I'm like, what's going on here? Tell me about your strange days and like different laser treatments for your skin. So I was. So anyway, at that age, it's crazy.

I was I mean, I didn't get pretty to like this week. I mean, I was so ugly at that age. I totally relate to that. Like, busy Philipps kid. What the fuck? Why does that kid look like that? Like, I look back at pictures. We were looking at old photo album. And I was just like I looked at my I looked at myself and I was like I actually wasn't as ugly of a kid as I thought.

My parents just didn't do anything for me. My my hair. I like a perm slash mullet. No cool clothes. Like nothing like it was just like I actually think I could have been OK with my kids so much quicker to as a child. Yeah. Like I a slight makeover. That's so that's really funny that you're that you weren't about looking kid. Your parents just didn't give a shit. No. My sister, my younger sister had to take me aside in high school and go, Nicky, we got to do something about those eyebrows.

And I had no idea. My younger sister. Hundred percent. The first week in college, my roommate was like, can you tell your eyebrows? Or I'm like, no one has told me this. Eighteen years. No one's mentioned this my whole life. My mom just. My mom, she was in a competition with me, I guess, and she went out with my eyebrows up like that. Yeah, I mean, it's it's insane that my mom wouldn't let me shave.

My legs were like wearing makeup was an issue. I just didn't know anything. It's it's amazing that I ever like I got through and I didn't have a boyfriend all through high school. I kind of didn't want them. And that goes to my next thing of like I'm so fascinated by hearing you guys talk about dating and sex and the fact that, Rayna, you just had sex like I am like so like you literally, like, have it on you still you like have you showered?

Yeah. No, I say I'm turned on by that. You just got you were like, oh you are making those noises. An hour ago from a minute ago I was on the bottom actually I didn't even do much. I didn't even do the Amazon. I just pulled it to the side. No, he's there's no way he's like Beda enough to ever let me do that to him. Do you know about it? Until I heard you talk about it.

And you you're damn right. I pulled it up right away to see what that was. And it's much like you guys, I don't think that that would be something I'd be into because I do like being the submissive one. Yeah. But I was, like, excited that we could do that. You know, it's like, oh my God. It's like when Kamala was like like elect. I'm like, oh my God, we can do anything except actually be president, but we can get so you can get so close.

Yeah. That's the exact same thing because it's like she also wasn't full Dick Pegeen. It's like exactly like being vice president is what I said. It's OK, but you got to step it up with the dirty talk, OK? You have to talk really degrading to them while you do it. You guys would be like, great, you have to be like, what kind of little bitch would let me fuck them like this? Tell me what?

Look at you with your knees pulled up to your chest. What kind of man would let me do that to them? OK, maybe I could get into the right. You're like a little turned on. Wait, wait. That is so funny. They're like you told me to do that. Like you're like exactly what kind of little bitch will let me do that? I should get out of fuck you in the ass. Oh my God. OK, so many things here.

First of all, like when I have had anal sex before, which, by the way, I just want to like state. I have not had sex since June of twenty nineteen. I have not I blew one person last year in January and it wasn't even to completion. Like he stopped me in the middle of it because it was so good.

He, he, he literally stopped me.

It was like just to go like I was like oh and then I didn't know that that's not a thing. So I have not had any hook ups. I literally feel like a virgin again. But the times that I did have anal sex, which I, I really love because it's like, it is like what you were just saying when he said when I used to do it, the hottest thing to me was that it's just so dirty and like so many girls wouldn't do it.

Like I love being special. Like, Oh no. Yeah. Like a girl wouldn't normally do this. You're such a fucking slut. Like what's wrong with you? Like almost like I like he would be so turned on by how disgusting I was, which is kind of inherently how I feel inside anyway. So it was hitting. So he would be like I remember he was just like, my dick is in your ass. What the fuck is wrong with you?

You like this, you like a dick in your ass. And I'd be like just that. Like, you are sick. There's something wrong like just like me telling me that like. Yeah. Are you going to do you eat ass. Because I feel like that's even another step. One time I did one time for the same reason. So he was like, you're sick. I mean he was not as happy about that. He he liked it but like because obviously he can't talk right away.

But he like but I didn't have to eat by the way, like you didn't ask for me. It was just like I liked it. But I would have been down there longer but I didn't have to be because he came so fucking fast. I'm like OK. It was like right away. And he was almost embarrassed by how quickly he came because he's one of these guys that thinks it's like it's gay because he probably is. And he, you know, he what he was just like, I don't want to I don't because I was like, I hate your ass.

Like, I was so excited about it and I wanted to talk about it and like, you know, unpack it. Yeah. He was like, I don't want to talk about it. And I was like, I want to do it again. I, like, kept threatening it. But that that really did make me feel alive, too, of just being like, oh, I'm doing this thing that is that so many people can't do and wouldn't do.

And I felt like special. Yeah. Yeah, I totally know. Listen, I gave Roedad to completion like three days ago and you feel so why did you feel. I would say yes. And then you feel so special that not only are you like suck a dick in the car, but like you sucked it took completion. I'm giving, like, five blowjobs to completion the last eight years, OK? Because I know they always just lead to sex.

They're always just like, OK, just like me. It's like someone's driving unless they're driving a good car. I love the road head thing that I love that I used to do with my ex-boyfriend is that when he's driving, you try to get wise, you're giving the blowjob, you try to guess where he's going. And then when you come before you come up, you try to guess. And it's like a game that you can be. With play like you can ever get it right, but like by his turns, you can go like, oh, we're going.

And that's just like a love that yeah, I would love to do that. Like in my hometown, I'm like I think my high school, you know, I just drive around like here's where I, I lost my virginity in the woods. I love there's the tie Friday. It's a fun day that you're in your hometown in your mind because that's where I to be altered to be. You're listening to Tis the damn season. Yes. We're listening to little Taylor Swift.

Yes. It's so good. I know.

OK, well, we are just going to take one more quick break and then we will get back into it with Nicki. I am going to tell you guys about skin care, because a lot of you have been asking why we think that a resolution you can definitely make in twenty, twenty one is to take better care of your skin. It's so important, whatever your issues are with your skin, whether it's dullness, redness, fine lines, breakouts, finding the right treatment can be frustrating.

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I saved the packaging. It's sitting so good, so pretty. I know. It's like decorative.

OK, I'm very excited to talk about that. Yes. New Year, New Me, NewBay, whole new Chukchee, new twenty three point oh.

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Yeah, OK, all this out of here, just like dry wiping our I now you do. I don't know. Now you can just like poop spray dry and just go about your day. Why be dry when you can be wet.

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Oh yeah. There should be one in every you and your guests should be spraying your bowl clean. OK, if one of your guests walks out of your other bathroom and just dry wipes there whole you'll know. Are you even a good host if you don't have a bug cleaner in your father in twenty twenty one? OK, listen, we've been through enough, OK? We don't need to be walking around dirty beholds.

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Hello Toshie dotcom slash get you that clean behold. Yes. Let's get back into with Nikki. OK, so you have had sex in a while. You have been living with your parents. Yeah. So that's probably part of it. Yeah. Yeah. I mean of course I like that. Absolutely is definitely playing a part but I don't know, you know like I said, June twenty nineteen. So it was a long time before the pandemic that I was not having sex and like not hooking up.

True. Yeah. Sorry. Just like I don't know, you know, alcohol really does help make you a little bit horny. I have to admit, I'm someone who doesn't drink anymore. And I've talked about this with you guys before, but like that I'm reaching a point where I'm like, it'd be really nice just to feel a little bit horny the way that like it looks like a couple drinks would make me feel, you know.

But for me, I can't have a couple of drinks, so that's not an option. But I, I just don't I, I don't I don't get horny up enough to want to anymore.

It's so funny that you said that because we just we weren't talking about drinking obviously. Like I'm glad you said that for us. But it's we we have the story. We told it on our live show where I like got kind of a few drinks at dinner, came back to the hotel. This is when we were on the road, one of the two times that we went on the road. And I started like sexting with this random stranger from Hinge that, like, I never I met him and then we just started sexting.

I never would have done that sober. And it reminded me of, like, how alcohol, you know, I hate to say it really does, like, lube you up and get you in the mood, even though it desensitizes your clit. But, you know, like it does. It's a thing. It for sure. It really is.

I used to that's why I had so much sex. And and I don't think it was like false, like horniness. Like, it really it just it let I think I have so many walls up to feel good and that I'm I'm so I like feeling bad. I like I don't like giving myself pleasure. I struggled, you know, I struggle with orgasms, I, I don't, I like I fight them off like I have to. That's why I like like bondage and like being tied up because then someone can force me to have an orgasm and I don't have to like let it happen.

Like I have no choice because if it's up to me I would fight it off because I'm like I don't deserve to feel this good. And so, like, I'm also scared of orgasms. And I've talked about this before and so sorry if I'm a broken record, but like, I just want to say this in case any girl out there also feels this way. I like lose control of my body in ways that, like, I I'm not comfortable with when I come.

And like, first of all, I, I fart literally every time I come. Like I if I have an orgasm when I don't feel it was, I faked it. I because I didn't want to fart. And so I held back like are they are they loud. Yes. Yeah. And they're not like smelly farts because they just like just air. They're just there because like my body is like sucking in things and lots of things are moving around in there and like I don't know how everyone does and fart in my biggest fear is shitting everywhere.

Like what if I what if I let go and it all comes out and like it's OK, I can handle it. Like I know I'm not a bad person if I should everywhere, like I would be OK, but I just don't want to deal with that, you know.

So I mean, sex is beautiful, but it's gross. There's a lot of stuff that happens. I think a lot of people roll over and they like queef really loud or somebody like comes inside of them. Yeah, no, my guys are just happy to have sex with you. If you fart a little, whatever I every time and I have to like be very loud vocally to cover it up and I would love honestly I don't really know. I think I've shared this on my radio show once before.

So this is like a huge and like No one. Listen to that. Besides, like truckers on. So I didn't really get a lot of feedback. But if any girl, other girls out there like fart when they come, I would really like to hear from you. And it's not like gross. It doesn't smell, but it's like it's so embarrassing because it's just like such a stupid sound. And yeah, I but I don't want I'm like by myself.

I think it's what it's like moving a lot like things going on. Yes. You're sucking in air before we move on. Because we do we want to I want to bring something up. You said before at a time and that we are going to talk about drinking. But I looked up what we talked about last time you were on our show, which was November of twenty eighteen. We met you. Oh, my God. Ashley is an episode called What's Your Fantasy Like That?

It's something like what turns what's called what turns you on with Nikki Glaser. Yes. And we talk about your fantasies and what turns you on. But I you and I looked at the episode, notes it was sex positions, anal, blah, blah, blah. But one of the things we talk to you about y is about how you said that you don't want to have sex with people that you don't care about anymore, like made that commitment to yourself.

And I think at least sounds like you stuck to it. Like if you're not in like a very seriously and sharp you don't want to be bothered with it.

It's just it doesn't it hasn't presented itself. First of all, I just don't it's but that's like a double edged sword, because then I have to get close enough to someone to actually want to have sex with them. And that is. Intimacy that I'm also scared of, so there's part of me that does want to just it would be very hard for me to have sex with someone that I didn't care about. And I almost wish that I wanted to.

I'm jealous of people that can have sex with people and just have it be fun because I do need to get fucked sometime soon. Like, it is dire. Like this isn't good and I want to feel sexual again. It's how I feel like my best self, but it's not some I like it to sound like it's some kind of moral thing I'm doing where it's like I only want people inside me who love me, but it's just because I'm scared of.

No, no, no. It's we know it's not like not not that you don't have any morals, but it's it's a level of comfort in what you just feel and what you want. It has nothing to do with like some moral high it being turned on and off. I've had so much sex out of just like, oh, I'm making out with this person. Another dick is out and I'm blowing them. And now they want to have sex and I don't want to let them down.

And I also I guess I could have sex. Let me just do it. And it doesn't feel like I just I'm not horny. And then I have to like, fake being. What and I have to sneak wetness down there. And like, I just want if someone makes me horny enough, I'll fucking have sex with anyone. Like, I don't know. It's just like no one's getting me horny and I don't I, I like, went to a doctor about it because I'm like I need to get so I'm taking all these supplements for my hormones to be horny again and they're just starting to work.

I've been having sex dreams I like have just been getting like turned on like it's it's I feel like things are being turned on again. But I, I have been I have felt very disconnected from, you know, even my special bangin, which is all about sex. I'm like I'm a sex comic. Like I don't even I don't have like a libido anymore, but it's coming back.

I and I'm happy for you. It's coming back. I feel like it's almost like a body in motion stays in motion. I masturbate more when I'm sexually active. If I'm not sexually active, I never masturbate. I don't care. I don't think about it like and I'm also with you that like I don't really have orgasms with somebody I don't care about. OK, I come in two seconds with somebody that I care about and I don't mean in love.

Like I was saying, it's just somebody you have a comfortability level with, someone you can fart in front of one hundred percent and just some of that turns you on. You're right. It's it's just rare. One time I got a laser treatment on my face that was that required. It was like I was the worst thing. Like they burned off my skin and they strap you down because your body thinks it's being lit on fire. So you'll like run away like your instincts will, just like you'll jump up because it's so harsh.

And they gave me, like, laughing gas for it. And I was sucking on that thing and it felt like being drunk. And my friend Carlisle was with me, who knows. I it and I was like, dude, I am drunk, right. Like this is like I wanted to like run. So I want to plan a date like right after I go to the dentist at some point because I'm like that little nitrous a little bit.

I just because smoking hot I smoke pot. But now I'm, I'm, I haven't smoked for like a month because it was affecting my memory and my depression. So I'm just like, I want something to make me kind of like relax. But I think it just has to be like actual chemistry. And I knowing how to do foreplay and make me feel wanted and desired and not just go straight from making out to taking his dick out. I'm so that is like what my new special is going to be about is men taking their dick out too soon and how women feel obligated to do things they don't want to do because a penis comes out and you're like, oh, I guess it's dick time.

Like I didn't know. And so many women just do things because they they don't want to be like, put your dick away. What are you doing like that? Well, give me an experience. Yes. One hundred percent. Yes. We would love to hear about, if you don't mind, the experience you've mentioned not drinking a few times. We know you don't drink, but you read this book that really changed you and I read the book as well.

And actually and I have different feelings about drinking, not drinking. But we would love to hear about your sort of relationship to alcohol and why you stopped drinking. It does not to be a long story. And also before before we get started, I have to say, like, yeah, like alcohol is a lubricant for somebody that isn't really turning you on. But the ideal scenario is somebody that turns you on and gets you like wet and horny sober because it is a thing that happens.

You know, I think we've all had that experience. So I don't want to be out here like, you know, you've got to drink. You've got to drink on our, you know, episode. But it's it's so true of like that the right. That's what's so hard to find is a person that, like you can be dead sober. You guys are even just texting and you're turned on like that. It's and it's really rare, hard thing to find.

And guys have to do some work on that, too. I would implore your listeners to just like, think for a second and think about the times that you've hooked up with someone for the first time where you, like, are like intimate with someone for the first time. Were you sober for that? Like, have you ever been one hundred percent sober and hooked up with them for the first time? And I would I bet a lot of you would say no.

And prior to not drinking, I am I was I never hooked up with one for the first time without a little bit of booze in me. It was that was impossible to me. And I, I quit drinking because I have close family members who I was starting to remind myself of. That caused me a lot of, like, pain in my life, seeing them in that state. And I would I would see. Video of myself and I'd be like, oh, my God, you're turning into that person and just it was and I wasn't doing dumb things when I drank.

I mean, yeah, I would wake up in the morning and be like, who did I text and have all that, like, kind of regret? But it was more it was really about the hangover. In the end, the hangovers were just so brutal that I was losing a whole day. And our time is just too precious to be sick a whole day. And especially to feel like I remember the last hangover I had.

I felt like the worst I've ever felt in my life. I was in the shower like cowered over, like in the corner, just like like shaking. I couldn't eat, I couldn't function. I had to do a show that night and I was it was it was six p.m. at night. I was getting ready for a show and I was still hungover and I was just like I did this to myself. Like I feel like I'm dying. Like I don't want to feel this way until I'm dying and no one feels sorry for me.

You know, I did it to myself. There's nothing good about this. And I got I got to quit. And I was totally scared to do it because I drank every night of my life. It was how all of my relationships were started on. All of my friendships were around drinking my career. But I also saw that, like the people I really wanted to be in my career didn't drink like the ones that had a problem, like fixed it.

Like even John Mulaney was someone for me early on. I knew he got sober early because he was like, this is keeping me from achieving my dreams. And so I was like, if I want to Melanie, I got to clean up my act. And so I bought this book. Alan Carr's easy way to Stop Drinking was the one that I got. But now it's called like the easy way to drink without to stop drinking, without willpower, because so much of us think it's about willpower.

Oh, you're so strong, Nick. You don't drink. How do you do it? I could never do that. You're so strong. You have such fortitude. And it's it's not that it's not about that what this book does if you're really ready for it. And that's the thing is I think you really have to be like, I have to be done. I bought the book and it was on the shelf for a while because I was like, I know this book works because I use the same method, the easy way to stop smoking.

So anyone out there who wants to stop smoking, get that book for anyone in your life who wants to stop smoking just to have it around. So when they're finally ready, they can pick it up. Because you read this book and you're allowed to drink, you're allowed to smoke during the book that you read. And by the end of it, you just you kind of start not wanting to do it anymore. And you just it's kind of like magic.

It just like the desire falls away because we've been brainwashed to think that we need these things to like to, that we think they're bringing good things to our life, like even me saying that, oh, alcohol helps me loosen up and and be more, you know, liquid courage. That is a fallacy. Getting drunk is not courage. It doesn't make it makes you dumber. That's why your clit goes numb when you're drinking like your body has less sensations, you get more retarded.

And I'm using that word like like you retard yourself when you drink, there's no doubt about it. You become stupider. So, of course, you're going to be more courageous and more daring and do these dumb things. It's but you have that in you anyway. But like you were saying, actually, like when someone actually makes you feel horny enough to want to have sex, like, you will do it if, if, if it's right.

But drinking makes you do makes you jump off a cliff before you know it's safe. So anyway, I read this book and by the end of it I was just done. And and it's so many I've talked about on a lot of podcasts and so many people have bought the book and it's worked for them and sometimes it doesn't work. There's you know, I'm also in a 12 step program for like another addiction in my life. So I totally think that, you know, everyone's addictions are different.

Mine to alcohol was, I think, bad because I blacked out every time I drank, even if it was like three beers, my brain would just it's an old Mullany joke, but he would go, we know where this is going. Like your brain goes. We know where this is going. We're shutting down early and just knows. So anyway, I just haven't I haven't drank and it hasn't been it has been easier than I thought it would be.

My life has changed. I can't like all of my success to not drinking truly. And yeah, that's that's kind of what I have to say about it. And it's yeah. It's been nine years now.

Oh my God. Congratulations. Thanks. What did you feel when you read the book. I'm, I'm curious. Well I want actually now I guess to just give us a little bit of our own background about drinking. But the thing that I liked about that book and you introduce me to it was that it reframes your idea of what you're sort of losing when you stop drinking and that you just start to think about all these cool things that you get to gain.

And I did stop drinking for a very short amount of time, and I was sort of similar to you. I was at rock bottom. I've never, like, woken up in a place where I didn't want to be. I think like most people, the hangovers were debilitating to me. I was wake up and just feeling like I said things to people that I wasn't proud of. I overshared. Why did I tell that person that thing? Why did I make that joke at someone else's expense or share something private about a friend of mine?

It just I wasn't proud of my behavior. I woke up the morning after a Super Bowl party that I had at my house and I had said something terrible to a good friend of actually mine across the room at her expense. I'd been hanging all over. This guy was making jokes or obnoxious. I don't even remember. This party that I spent all this money on for other people and I was just like, fuck this, I hate this, I have a business partner that I'm responsible to every day.

I'm hung over all day I'm acting like a piece of shit. And so I was just like, I need at least just take a little break. So I read that book and it's sort of reframes like that. You gain a reversal for me. I gained memories because I'm like, you know, like I will start to brown out after one and a half drinks and people share things with you and you're not present for it. And that sucks.

That was a big reason for me. Just real quick is like telling stories to people when I was drunk and then the next day telling that story and they go, Nikki, you told me this last night and being so embarrassed by that because they're like you were you don't remember that. And just being like and then I stopped telling people stories when I was sober because I was like, I know I don't want them to be mad at me that I already told them this.

So I just started being, like, quiet when I was sober because I was like, I don't want to repeat myself. And it was just like and not making memories. So how many people out there don't remember their wedding reception because they drank too much? So many people don't remember their wedding day and really important things. You know, you might be having fun, but you don't fucking remember any of it. And when you do get sober and you put yourselves in those parties that you thought you were having fun at, you realize everyone's loud and stupid and that it's actually that fun.

It's really like the people that I and I've had a long, complicated history with alcohol, but I've had DUIs and stuff. But my my relationship now with alcohol is like very healthy. I drink, but like I used to black, all black out all the time. I've been like drunk where I had a really bad hangover, maybe three or four times this year. And bad we're like days were ruined where I was like, I feel sick, I can't do anything.

But I think for me a lot of it was just realizing I like myself better sober. I like all my best friends, my family better. So we're the people that I care about the most when they're drunk. Like, I'm like I'm annoyed. Like it's it becomes really tough to be around one drunk person and even worse, a bunch of drunk people. We haven't been a punch drunk people in quite some time, but like, I don't get drunk where I'm slurring, where I'm acting stupid really much anymore.

It's very rare. It's like it'll be like a birthday or like some just some crazy thing. But then I'm like, I, I didn't have any more fun than I would have. Normally I'm a fun person. I'm quicker when I'm sober. Obviously your mind is working faster. I still will go out and party and I'll dance and all this stuff. So it does. I just really like tamped it down but I don't know, there could be a time when I just stop completely.

It's still something that I, I definitely have it under control. But it's like I think I was a lot like you were where I was like, well, being drunk and drinking and being like a party girl is part of my personality. It's who I am. So it's like that's really hard to be like I'm just going to stop doing that. Like, who am I without drinking. Yes. How am I going to do it? And so a lot of it's just getting older too.

Like it's not a good look to be drunk all the time.

It's just so good though. Like that's the problem with drinking and and drugs and everything. Like there's a reason we do it. And it's not just to like have a little fun with our friends. Like once you quit, you realize the feelings that are coming up, like you drink. At least I did even like socially because I didn't want to feel my feelings like it makes everything go away. And and then, you know, I jump to pot.

I started smoking a ton of pot and then I started, like, being bulimic. Like my I started like doing all these different things to self medicate because the drinking went away. And so it's not like it just like fixes everything overnight, but it does make you realize that there's a lot going on. That man, the first time I took a drink of alcohol, I just remember the fucking bliss I felt of like this is the greatest feeling I've ever felt in my life.

I feel so free. I feel so good. Like, why doesn't everyone do this all the time? Like, I was just like I'm the best version of myself. And it's interesting, though, that you do think you're more interesting when you're drunk and a better version of yourself. Yet what you said, actually, literally, I've never met anyone I like more when they're drunk. Well, and if you do, then you don't like them sober.

Sorry. It's like like like you're like, oh, I only like that person when they're drunk. They're the worst. Like there's not. You don't like your best friend's drunk. That's true. I would say the hardest thing and I do drink the pandemic started and to be honest I wasn't around as many people, I wasn't making the same decisions I was before. I'm not out late, so I have a glass of wine at home. I'm not like going hard.

So yes, I do drink now, but I feel like it's just under control in a different way. But the thing that was hardest for me was going out with friends and socializing because no one is the same after a drink and a half and your friends start to slowly slur a little bit, be a little louder. Nothing you're saying is interesting. You're not that funny. You're not that sharp. I hated it. It was the the worst part about drinking.

Honestly, I could date without drinking, but socializing without drinking was really, really hard. And that's why you get new friends.

Yeah. Eventually like your friends stop drinking too. And they kind of learn that, you know, you don't have to do it. And like guys, you drink, you're worthless. I'm not hanging out. You anymore, so you just like leave, they're not going to even realize you left after there two drinks in any way like you can piece out as soon as they start getting loud. And for me, I just my my friendships changed, unfortunately.

And and it wasn't like friendships that I miss because they were all based on drinking. And that's not all of them, but a lot of them fell by the wayside. And then I got a lot of friends that that don't need to drink, like Andrew, for instance, like doesn't drink anymore. And we don't and he doesn't drink for two years. And he never thought he could do it either. But it's just like it doesn't even occur to me anymore.

But I will say that anyone listening that's like I could never, ever give up drinking. I, I used to feel the exact same way. So enjoy it while you're doing it because like I, I wish I had my fun too. And that's also a thing. I look at it like you're never going to drink again. Yeah. I had so much I did. I drink enough. It's like the good times have to end sometime. So can we just touch on any injuries here.

He just walked in. Could we touch a little bit on dating and sex and you know, even aside from the last year and a half or so, like, how was it nine years ago, you know, when you are sober and do you remember those first few days, those first few sexual encounters?

Oh, my God, it was so tough. Well, at first it just dropped off. I didn't even realize it was going to be a a side effect of not drinking, of, like, not hooking up anymore. All of a sudden, I was just like, oh, my God, I, like, never hook up anymore. And I was like, oh, my God. It's like it was just like, oh, shit, I don't even want to.

And it's just I'm not as horny anymore. When I and guys that I was hooking up with, a lot of guys that I'm like wouldn't have been attracted to anyway, you know, like and I'm glad for it because I think I was already a prude. I was very scared of boys. I didn't lose my virginity till I was twenty one. And I only did because I was like able to drink enough to, like, get the courage to do it.

I was so nervous. I'm still so nervous about sex. So, so, so nervous. And then my first I was so scared, like the first guy I hooked up with sober, it was my like the guy that ended up being ended up being my boyfriend, like my only long term boyfriend. He didn't drink, which attracted me to him immediately. I was like, yes, OK, good. And I was so nervous that I wouldn't like him.

Like I that I don't know. I was I was nervous that I would I didn't trust myself to get horny enough to, like, feel comfortable having sex. But that's the beautiful thing about getting horny and that I love about it is that it's like an aphrodisiac, like it makes you drunk. Like, yeah, I do things that make me so stupid. That's why the stuff you say in the bedroom, I'm like, you make like it's so gross.

Yeah. You get drunk like but turned on like midday. I'm like what is coming out of my mouth. Yes. And so that to me is was very exciting when I was finally able to realize that if I really like, I can get drunk with sex and yes, sex can be used as a drug for sure. But and I often did like I would be like, let's go again and again because it just feels so good to just like feel it in my body.

Yes. And that's why it's like it becomes a slippery slope and and you end up doing like we are in grosser things. And but yeah, it was it was a struggle and it and it continues to be like I am just I don't know, I'm I feel just so disappointed in myself, to be honest with you, that, like, sometimes I look at myself in the shower naked. I'm like, you're so hot. Like you don't have this forever.

You are sexy, you're fun, you're cool. And like you're not sharing this with the world. Like someone needs to see this and fuck this and like take like like I get mad at myself, like, why can't I just, like, do it casually. So I am challenging myself, you know, once I move out of my parents house to actually put myself out there and to like I'm like sex scares me more than, you know, performing in front of thousands of people, more than, you know, dancing on Dancing with the Stars on live television.

Like Sex to me is like a one on one date with someone is that much scarier to me. I really I have so much stage fright when it comes to it. Really, I can't do it. I mean, Andrew's dealt with this with me for so long of me setting dates and then canceling them right before, just like being one on one with someone is so scary. I'm scared that they're going to like me more than I like them and then I'm going to feel like grossed out by them and then like angry at like there's I have all of these issues around it.

And I I'm going to force myself this year to actually, like, go into that fear and confront those fears, because I've done things that have scared me in the past and I don't know why I'm letting this fear actually keep me where I am. And like, I'm not trying to, like, go go against it. You know, my instinct the past year has just been, oh, I want to sleep with my ex-boyfriend again because it's easy and I know it.

And he won't have sex with me for some reason because he thinks our friendship is to. Like, shouldn't. It'll ruin our friendship. I'm like, we're not that good a friend, like it's not that good of like you need more friends if you think this is like a great friend. No, it's like. Can I ask you a question? Yeah. The thing that frightens you the most. It sounds like it's not your own rejection. It's rejecting other people like you don't want to feel like you have to reject other people and make you feel bad.

Yeah, I'm scared of, like, being grossed out by a guy in the middle of it and like being like intimate and like being like you. And he's like, oh, like gracefully touch me. Like he, like, loves me. And I have to be like, I hate you. You're disgusting. And I feel like I could relate a lot because I just I and this is something that like I'm always trying to think about, like I have this fear of like just that same exact thing.

And I've canceled so many dates day of like I'm just like I don't want to be in a situation that's awkward for me where I'm not at, like, excited about this person. And then I just sit there with them and this sucks. But I guess my my only advice, because I really do feel what you're saying is like just I think of like, what's the worst that could happen? They're not going to pin me down and force me to hook up with them.

We can say goodbye on the street, you know, like there's there's not going to be a situation in which they are stroking my face and telling me how much they love me on a first date. So I kind of tell myself, like, if I if I go on this date in, this guy's fucking horrible and he's such a fucking dork and he's so not worthy of my time and he's so ugly and whatever, like, I will just have a story at the end of it.

You can text us, you know, like the worst thing that happens is I don't enjoy it. And then we do a side hug and we go our separate ways. Like the worst thing that can happen is you spend two hours with some person you don't like and then you just like say goodbye forever, you know? And then you just I sent a text I want to date with you a guy two date with a guy. And I sent a text to him and said, I'm just feeling a friend vibe, you know?

And I actually was like I was saying it. And I would actually be friends with him because I think we've set up before. We never want to talk to man. But like but you can't be like, let's go back to being strangers. Yeah. So after I went French, I went on a date with this guy who showed up. His voice was so insane. It was the most feminine, softest voice I've ever heard. It was like Michael Jackson, but even worse.

And I was like, this sucks, but whatever. I'm going to sit here, get to know something about him, and then I'm going to hug him on a corner and he's going to go back to New Jersey and I'm going to go home and I'm going to like, masturbate. Like, I think I my mind works so fast and that start thinking the worst and like, that's my self talk is like, what am I scared of? It's just a person I love that it's like I needed to hear that so much.

You really are, for the first time ever from like a peer. Have I heard those? I feel I feel so good hearing that, to be honest with you, like of you being like, oh, he's going to love me and he's going to be a waste of my time and I'm going to feel like ill. I'm like I must like this guy like thinks he has a shot with me too. I can get like and it'll hurt my self-esteem and all these things.

Who cares. Like what is the worst that got out. Like I love that and I really needed to hear that. And I'm guessing other other girls do too because I just that is a huge fear. But I'm going to throw myself into those situations. And I have this year, like I've been on a couple first dates with people that I felt a friend by then. They follow up and they're like persistent. And then I go on another one.

I have to do it again, like, I need to just stand my ground more. And I just want to share, though, that like I have you have you guys ever slide into people's dreams? Like, do you do you ever make the first move or do you just wait for them? Because I started following this guy from The Bachelorette. Have you guys been watching The Bachelorette? Yeah. OK, so there was like a guy that was on there that I thought was like, so cute.

And I, I slid in or no, I started following him and then I saw him watching my Instagram stories. So then eventually I was like this guy. And my my friend again was like, Nikki's intimidated by like there's no way he would slide. He doesn't think he has a chance with you. And I was like, oh, OK, well, I'll just like say hello. So I like slid in and we were talking and that's where that's where I got some bad intel and was like, just, just ask him like talk to him.

And then he like didn't he's not writing. I don't know, like I can't ever tell these guys like me. And I think it's just like very obvious when they do write like I think so because I all slide, I'll do a slide, I'll do a first move. But I then I'm like I will be able to tell if they're into it because they will be into it, you know, like we always say, what is it if you're if you're confused.

Yeah. If they say if they like you, you'll know. If they don't, you'll be confused. So I hate to say that, but it's like I think there's nothing wrong with doing that initial sigh doing that initial thing. But they they will follow up. And I, I totally agree, though, that some guys could be intimidated. I don't say that to a lot of women, but I think somebody of your level, they actually could be.

So I think it's OK to give it a little bit more a little bit more show than they are interested. But that you'll know, I think you I mean, if they are just really not responding, they're leaving you on. Right? It's like, OK, well, I shot my shot. I just maybe they're maybe they're dating somebody. Maybe who who knows and who cares. Yeah, that's true. I'm not scared of the rejection so much, but I do feel like I might need to be a little bit instead of guys coming to me because I'm so scared of guys liking me too much.

I need to like maybe go after. For them, I'm all over the place when it comes to this masculine feminine energy thing, and I but I do think that I know that I'm a masculine energy woman as determined by the book getting to I do that all my friends have read and are now engaged because of this fucking book I talked to.

Take a little more time. Look, if you're worried somebody is going to fall in love with you and have these feelings for, you can tell them a little bit less about yourself. I think I think sometimes I overshare and I tell people a little bit about my life. And so they feel like they have this connection to me and they don't. And it's because I do tell people a lot about me. So I'm very open. I'll talk about my family, I'll talk about our show and my friends.

And I think that I need to share a little less because I think it creates a false sense of security with people where men are like, she's so intimate. And I'm like, no, no. I would tell the garbage man this like he had nothing to do with it. Men don't share their feelings. So they're like, whoa, what is this like? They've never had that with someone. You're like, oh, no, this is like friendship.

And I mean, I read the room. I'm not like ramming information down somebody's throat that they don't want. But I think that sometimes men are like, OK, she's really into this or it's time for the full court press. And I'm not I was just being friendly. And I think sometimes if you pull back a little bit and don't share as much, it doesn't have to speed up so much. You don't worry, something's going to suddenly be so in love with you because they're like, OK, I don't really know this person either.

Yeah, that's a good advice because I feel awkward silences with like, oh, let me tell you about my eating disorder. Like, I just got my. Joe, when I was 10, well, and that's when I just like I just when I'm on a date, that's that I know there's no future. Like, I'm like I'm not into this guy for whatever reason. I'll just start, like, asking them questions, find out who they are, like therapies them.

I'm like, why do you feel like you have walls up? Like it's just like I've come out of these dates where I feel like this guy was like, what the fuck was that like? Why did I cry? You know, like, I just don't. Because at that point I'm not revealing stuff. I'm not letting this person who I'm never going to see again, no personal details of my life. I just start just asking the stupid questions.

We joked about this. I was on a date with that guy with the voice and voice thing is so funny.

And that should be we need a voice feature on these apps.

I know Ashley's been talking about it. I'm like, I have to know what this sounds like. I know because I don't I think that I anybody would have noticed it, but I actually think I'm more into voices than the average person. So because I'll notice something about a voice that I'll be like, I hate his voice and my someone, my friend or my mom or whatever. It's like, what do you I don't hear what you hear. Like, I really am big on a voice because I we talk for a living and I love dirty talk.

It's like kind of my whole thing in life is talking and voices. So I, I'm really big into a guy's voice.

It's hard to get past like I didn't realize I was until the same thing happened to me on a date where a guy showed up and his voice was like, like just like too high and like kind of like, you know, a little like had a lisp to it that I wasn't. I was like, this is Andrew Palazhchenko. I like in my bedroom. Yeah. Never does anyone ever comment on his voice when he was like, there's so much of Andrew out there that girls going into a date with Andrew.

No, exactly. They like Hindenburg's. Andrew was, you know, everything. You know, his entire body. You know, every you know, he's like a mole on his back. Don't know, buddy. Guess you could identify his body in a lineup. Like if he was injured in some kind of like if he was burned, like they would know his teeth like. Yeah, yeah. Everyone knows every part of him. But that must be so nice because women aren't so lucky.

Did you get waxed? He just. Yeah. His body, his body's wax. Andrew, can we see it. Why should we bring him in. Yes. Do with anything else we wanted to cover with us. I feel like we got all we can cover it all with him to anything else we have. OK, let's bring him in.

Yeah. Andrew, should we agree? You agree that you want to get you look fantastic. I'm fresh out of work. We give everybody a big intro on this show. You've been on the show more times than anyone else, more times than me. And actually always because you ask I don't know. It feels like I make a wish thing, but. Yeah. Oh, you're welcome. We grant you that, guys. He's a stand up comedian.

He has an amazing podcast. You can hear me actually. And Nikki on a ton of times called Puddles. Please welcome to the show. Andrew Collin. Thanks for having me. We love you. You look fantastic here. Quarantine body is on point. Yeah. What's going on with you today, Andrew? I got my back waxed. That's why I feel like actually when you touch it and describe it, I mean, I feel it. I feel so like, where did you get go?

What is it? Moist. I feel weird. I don't like it.

I don't I don't like touching his body. Like, we did the choking thing. It was like uncomfortable for me. Like, yeah, that was so funny, by the way. We just feel my back because I never feel confident. Where was the hair all over. I mean it all over. I don't have that hair. Even when you do it it looks how's it look. Is it looks nice. OK, I've always I've been self-conscious about it because women say Bakare is disgusting.

Usually it doesn't bother me. I don't care on a man. I mean, either I don't carry this. I don't I don't want it. I don't I don't I don't mind it. I'd rather hair than I'd rather some hair than no hair. But hear me out. What's worse is a ritually shaved back because I dated the guy that the guy admitted to high school and all the time when I would touch his back, I'm like, what is this stubble?

Who's shaving this?

I'm fucking a hedgehog. That's like going through puberty. Yeah, you can keep a secret. Yeah, they get friends to do it. They all or his girlfriend. Like I was like, are you dating other people? Would you can you shave your own back.

I know not only the one spot here and that hurt the most. Apparently if you shave it hurts more when it's waxed. And so she. Yeah.

So I know what you all feel and I feel like for I don't understand what is happening. Are you what with winter in St. Louis. I don't care what you think is going to happen when you get to say raise your hand. I do things for me and not for other people. I feel no way you just for yourself. It just doesn't make sense. Yeah, OK.

The wax lady asked me, she goes, why are you waxing your back? Did the woman who does this for a living and is profiting from it wanted to know why you're doing this. Are you sure the price you pay is like before I take your money? Are you.

So I said to her, I go, I'm going to Florida. I just went to Florida. I lied. I lied to her because I felt insecure, like the time you had scabies and you lied and said that you. He did you guys. My client said he had a rash on his hand because the nurse practitioner, where he went to go get his scabies checked out that were causing him so he couldn't sleep because it's so much and was my fault.

I didn't know you could get scabies. He got it from a massage place, quote, unquote.

So a Turkish lady used some dirty tea with clean leaves, gave him scabies on the leaves. So he suffered with these scabies for months. He goes to the doctor finally to get it treated. The nurse practitioner is hot. So he then changes her story and lies and says he has a rash on his hand. So he made up something. He scratched his hand feverishly as she went to go get the doctor. And it was like, I have a rash on my hand.

And they're like, oh, you're here for that? He suffered with scabies for so much longer because she was hot.

OK, if you had scabies on your shirt, OK, if you had scabies on your pussy in the hot, Dr. McDreamy, who's a nurse and wanted to date me, I need to clear up my pussy. That scabies. It's like a date. Are you are you dating right now? Are you dating that nurse? No, no. You put me with everyone. He accidentally sent a picture of his dick to his his brothers and his brother's wife.

And because he was sending a picture of himself, he put it on Instagram. So you didn't see he was painting a picture of his full body because he's in a workout competition with his brother and he sent it to his brother. And it's it was a live photo. He's cupping his balls in his dick. And it's like, I'm not covid. I'm not convenient. Your balls, all that's on it. It goes live and you can see everything.

And he was more embarrassed that he was his he wasn't fluffed up and like it looked puny. And then he was that his his brother's wife saw. If you thought you had a chance with your brothers what you wanted to know, why don't we move your bloody crazy? I don't want her to want to fuck me, but I don't want her to think I'm a bit. Why are you with a tiny difference? You are literally the last person she's ever going to fuck, literally.

OK, you never tried to impress someone that you're my sister in law. I want to make sure my pussy is shaped just right before I send her a note for your brother in law. It would be your brother in law. You mean opposites if you're telling me that if you accidentally sent a brother in law.

Now, if you are my sister's husband anyways, I sent and he that listen. Yes.

I wouldn't want my brother. I wouldn't want some. The man that was married to my sister to think I like had a huge pussy. I don't think he married the wrong sister I loved.

By the way, you talking about your pussy last year or whatever you when you did the whole thing about like vaginas all look different. Thank you for that. If any of you. Yeah. You guys both. We're talking about your vaginas right now. You guys say vagina is or your vulva should be perfect. Oh yeah. But they often say it's perfect and you realize that that's just a line. But you do have a leg. It's chubby, but it's like has a it's like so cute.

I bet it got stung by I get it and I like my and tight and yes. Just it looks like a white castle but it looks like a porcupine actually if I could find kind of. Yeah. A fatty pork. Yeah. Mine just changes by the day. Like sometimes. Yeah.

I think I said the best line she does every day too. I'm like who is this boy. Sorry that I look at it. I'm like, who is this great. It's like I never, I never know what it's doing down there. It's the same with my body.

Like I'm people like you have a six pack. I'm like I do today. And then the next day I'm like, where did it go? I never know what's going on with those dinosaurs. Sponge pills that like. Well, it's like like, you know, we'll just like come out of my lips sometimes. It's why I really related to that. So thank you for that. But yeah, back to Andrew waxing himself. But do you think pushes change like balls ball and the heat affects them?

You know, it can be a little it can look a little saggy everytime I look at her and I'll be like, you deflated. Where did you go?

Yes, totally. I'm so glad it's not just me. It's not as though it's better. And you think it's it's a winner post. How do you tie your nipples are hard to when it's cold. Like I always like cold sacket, although I know for some reason it makes me in my mind I want to eat winter pussy more than summer, but it's less like less gay. Yeah. Yeah gamae but I like a hot roast beef sandwich more than Coldren beef so you would think I could take either.

I don't know, I mean I'll eat anything but that's true.

So Andrew, you're movie, are you moving in with Nikki and let's talk about it. OK, so Andrew's moving in with me to St. Louis. We know if he's allowed to bring girls home and Nikki Glaser is just sitting on the couch. Yes, he is. It is his apartment as well. I am allowing whatever he like. Yes. He could, you know, like we all have to respect each other. But I kind of I don't know.

I feel like I like when Andrew. Because I like to hear the stories, I just I'm always very interested and hearing about my friends hooking up, so I feel like I'll I'll be fine with it. I just I hope that it's no one who's just, like, wants to, like, be in my apartment and like is like just trying to get not not that I ever think that that's what someone's trying to do. I'm like the last person to really think that they're like using me or something, but maybe that could be the case.

So I just wish you were. I hope you're on alert for that. It actually kind of like that to be like she just wanted to meet me it loser.

Like, I kind of like actually make me feel I pass out on like a chicken salad sandwich and I wake up and she's in your bed. She's like smelling you can go clipping your toenails like. I know. I was excited to live with you. Yeah. His bedroom is like far enough away from mine. We have like an extra bedroom separating it so big. It's like such a great apartment. I love it so much. I'm so excited.

I wanted to have a roommate. I live with my parents since March. I just like living with people when I live alone. It's like I'm never like when I lived alone in New York, I was doing standup all the time and like out. So I just I only went home to sleep. I don't like being alone. So I, I, I wanted to be my roommate for a really long time. And now I just convinced him that I could never imagine saying that it's like my nightmare living with other people.

People don't know you guys. I don't know how. But Andrew has traveled with you for years doing comedy. So you guys are like best friends. You've traveled yesterday with my dog walker. I usually live in New York. I, I got rid of my apartment and I've just been here and I kind of like it. And they're just I've been able to work from here. So I'm like, oh, I'll just I'll get a six month lease.

So let's just try it out for six months. It's like a it's a short amount of time and it'll be fun. We'll make content. We'll we're I'm starting a new podcast. Andrew is going to be a part of that. So, like, I need a friend here. I mean, I'm desperate for it. I have a burning question for you guys. This is like not sexy at all. Are you are you need are you like a nice, tidy person or just like normal or.

Man? I am.

You know what I'm going to say? I'm normal because I do air on the side of, like, messiness when I'm in a hotel room or when I'm at my parents house and I don't respect it like I am like a slob. And I am. It's something I've really struggled with in my life because it's like something I my sister is neat, my family is neat, and I'm like always been a mess. And I've always felt like it was like, what's wrong with me?

And now I'm just like, it's kind of quirky. I don't really lose that much stuff. Like, I don't care. OK, so you're not like an OCD person. You guys are going to like, fight about like clean up your sock. I think I will be like, you know, a little bit clean up your dishes like don't like. Yeah, well I think we're both the same and I'm going to have a maid just do my parts of the apartment just like I want to draw the line down the carpet.

You're like, don't touch it. Do you guys have separate bathrooms. Yes. OK, I think that is like the key is, you know, it is my worst nightmare to, like, have to shit when I'm around a guy. I've been dealing with this recently and like, I don't know what to do if I don't care, I can fart in bed. Do you have a balcony? Do you have a ball so I can run and jump off of it?

If a man here should know and they have a system, we have a system that goes balcony and he does the balcony and then I can shit or fart or do anything. And so when I say balcony, he just goes, so we got a balcony of this apartment. And yeah, I think we'll just have to get comfortable with that because. Are you OK with him hearing you have sex? Yeah, I don't care. I mean, I actually be pretty proud of myself, but I don't think he.

Yeah I, well I am. I didn't know I was loud but I have she's got to be loud to cover for. Yeah exactly. I fart you know. And so she yells for it's like yelling fire. You should, you should yell bomb every time you fart and get scared. No, no I don't think you're right. I think it's a burglar. We're just like play music really loud. Some guy leaves your house, you're like, I don't know.

Nikki Glaser was like a great she Talika. And I don't think you should make a sex playlist. I feel bad for you. I am having too much like the sex I've had. I've never put on music and I think that would drown out the farts. But I can tell you about it. I never Amusa gone. It's like dead silence. I'm the only person filling the room with sound. Yeah. My family. Yeah. We recommend that.

That's the song that you sing. Yeah. Yeah that's our thing. It's a ballad actually. I just put it to Talia. Yeah. You know to have that beat or be the beat dropped call come coming. The people come. I'm just trying to come up fills me up with come come and beat me up with. Could we all join tomorrow. I'm off the grid. Remember though like you would hook up when you're fifteen. It was always music.

You had that. Yes. The radio. When did you. When did you go to like the radio, because I know how many commercial breaks there have been. I can tell you there's nothing worse than a radio commercial, like if I fucking am something like a used car dealership commercial. Come on down. But I'm not the same company as or 70. I tell you guys this story the first time I ever jerked this guy off. It took about an hour.

And I'll tell you, I know that for commercial breaks came on the radio on Gerima Brad. He's a doctor now for commercial radio. That is insane. You just gave somebody an hour long handjob to the radio. It was Casey Kasem. She just want to know what the number one hit was. So she just like taking a start song thirty seven and he'd start with song six. Not me but Nicki. We recommend the small Amazon. Alexa, it's like a small one.

It's like 50 bucks and you put it next year. But it's also a great alarm clock. Mine has a timer or a clock on it and then you just can like it's so easy to just like, tell it what to place. You're not trying to, like, cue up music on your phone or so. That's good. So when I can put it next to my vibrator. Yeah. Well actually you might like to play my but no I wonder if you could hook up a vibrator to do.

Well what.

Like you could go Alexa put it on medium and others saying that I wanted to talk about is that I had to stop watching porn because like first of all, I can't have sex. I can't have an orgasm with sex without, like, a vibrator. And then it's really like I just I haven't been able to touch Sean Penn.

Right. What do you think? Masturbation. Oh, Arnebeck. Panya, just Ramit in your class. Yeah, really. What did you just masturbate or do you need the vibration if masturbation. I use the clit sucking thing away and so I always have a tool. I could never just use my hand. I don't either. I'm not the we call that the elite. I'm a dick in me. I don't need the vibration. I can just masturbate or not manly.

I come from vaginal sex all the time but all the time when I'm getting like but I don't see the vibration. If there's a dick in me, if there's a if there's a dick in me and there's a thing in my butt like a something epilog or something, then I can come without a vibrator. But then all three is like, it's so good. But I do remember to but like I actually became so good. I just feel like you're just like my head like and you know, like things like and my body's fucked up so I'm like I can go now.

I won't fart. Oh you will. Yeah right. Oh that's what it is. But when everything leaves boy you start pulling your legs. I get shot off the counter and it's so funny. Like I have to take three things off. You're like, you're like oh you do it all at once. You deflate like a ball. Oh my god. Yeah. It's, it's crazy. What. But I had to stop watching I to stop masturbating because I was just like watching too much porn that was like not achievable.

Like I was like, oh no one's ever going to be able to. The stuff that was only able to make me come was like multiple men. And it just that's never going to happen. Multiple men, they had the ethnicity of like a Dave Matthews Band, like the the different make up of and it's just like I don't know that many guys even for this to happen. Do you think maybe, Nikki, you could find a guy that, like, has a phat fetish and you would be like said, oh, yeah, that's true.

Yeah. Like, there's guys like like women don't like fart on KBE. You can find a guy with two dicks and I'm vibrating like, what are there. So you can. But about finger finger pads and those vibrating finger pads I have. Oh yeah. I just need six fingers on your butt. Yeah. I'm sure by that that would be good. I'd do that. Well this has been a blast. We love you guys actually. Finger blast if you will.

So fine. Yeah. It's good. We we are going to miss you, Andrew. What we wish you guys the best in St. Louis. I told you, I don't know if you know this. We're going to go there for spring break. So they usually about an hour ago that she makes all the plans now. So that's what we're doing. I'll be there. Yeah. mid-March, when all the college kids are out, we're going to hit St.

Louis. It's the place I like to call it the body shop. It was Andruzzi going to be waxed for it again. All right. All right. Well, Andrew, best of luck, you guys. We really do want to come visit there. Likewise. Please do. Yeah, we well, can you we know you some upcoming stuff you can't talk about yet, but tell everybody where they can find you guys, your Instagram and Instagram, Nikki Glaser, Twitter, laser dot com and.

Yeah, well, I'll be announcing a new podcast, a daily podcast that'll be starting sometime in March of this year. So check that out and you'll hear Andrew on that. And yeah, just stay tuned. We'll let you know when it's coming out.

Andrew Young, Andrew Colin on Instagram, follow me there. I put live updates of my body and my back. Not no hair. Ever, never, er, no, never. All right, well, thank you guys so much. Thank you. I'll see you in Cee Lo as we can't wait for the podcast to launch. We'll we'll let you we'll let all you guys know when it does. And I'll just take us out really quickly. You guys know where to find us girls.

Got a podcast, Dotcom Girls Godi podcast on Instagram Ash and Raina Greenberg on Instagram. Girls in our score got it on Twitter and YouTube dotcom slash girls gorry.

We'll see you next week, guys. Bye.