Hello and welcome to a happy place, our sacred little corner of the world where we get to be ourselves, warts and all, and celebrate the beauty in that I'm focusing on today, I'm catching up with the gorgeous Stacy Solomon.

The reason I like being meticulously organized is because it does make me feel in control. It definitely does make me feel like there are certain aspects of my life that I can 100 percent control and then I'll forget about the things I really can't.

I don't know about you, but I cannot start work until my surroundings are neat and exactly as I want them. In fact, right now I'm in my little office and everything is organized perfectly in my books are all neatly slapped on the shelves. My desk has all of my little notepads in piles. It's nearly hooved and smells linen fresh just how I like it. I love you guys, but I couldn't have started chatting to you until that was done.

That's definitely something Stacy and I found we have in common during our conversation. In fact, she's written a whole book about it called Tap to Tidy. But before we get into that, a big thank you to we do for sponsoring this series of happy place. We do are a professional haircare brand to look out for the planet as well as our hair multitasking at its finest. Now, look, my hair care standards have dropped considerably during lockdown. I can't get my hair cut, although I will confess I have tried to trim it myself.

My hairdresser will absolutely kill me. There's nowhere to go to make it look grateful for that help somewhat. But I have been using weed's moisture and shine conditioner and it's kind of made me fall back in love with a little bit of gentle pampering here and there. My hair is thick and it also can get really ratty and knotted at the back as it's getting quite long again and just nutty and gross on it. It's sort of quite course as well.

So I do need something like this. It's going to make it feel really soft and luxurious and lovely, especially if I'm doing stuff like this podcast recording or zoom taking meetings. I do want to look nice. I don't want to have, you know, hair like a bird's nest on my head. I do want to kind of feel good as I go. So this stuff has massively, massively helped. Honestly, is there really anything better than that freshly washed hair feeling?

I'm not sure there is. We do moisture and shine conditioner is made of 95 percent natural ingredients, including naturally activated rooibos leaf. It's silicone free. And because it's professional haircare, it has two patented natural conditioning technologies so that it's designed to instantly hydrate and tango, essentially. So the end benefit is my hair feels moist and soft and not like a nest and it's colored hair friendly.

So while I'm at home and I cannot wait to see my hairdresser is taking care of my Cullity. Can we all just have a little good hair day right now? We need it. And because all the ingredients are cruelty free, vegan sulfate and silicone free, I feel even better about myself for doing my part in looking after our planet. I promise you, making small changes like switching to we do hair care will have a big impact.

To find out more, visit w w w we do at dot com forward slash happy. You can get yourself some exclusive little offers while you're there too. Right. Let's do it. Here's the show.

Stacy, I'm so happy to have you on the podcast, how are you, are you good? Yeah, really well, thank you. I'm so happy to be here. I wanted to do this for ages. Oh, I am. I'm so, so glad I. I love following you on Instagram and ahead of this today, I've been stalking you with a little bit more diligence. And at the weekend I actually cleared out my cutlery drawer because I was like, Stacey's just got it all sorted.

And in my drawer there were sort of pens and things that come out of Christmas crackers. And it's like, what is all this stuff? What is it? You're inspiring me massively because I like things to be a certain way in the house. I often just don't get around to, like, properly sorting out like the junk drawer and there's a cupboard in our bathroom that's full of random random things, like none of them have any connection whatsoever. And I really need to get a move on.

Your books inspired me in that way as well.

So your your lovely book, I've got it here. Top to tidy up. I believe you've got it there. I've got a little early copy.

Lucky me. So it's all about organizing, sorting and I guess what sort of making sense of life because it goes outside of the home. It's it's such a I guess it's attached to how you feel mentally, emotionally, physically. It really is so much. It resonated because if I don't have, say, in my kitchen looking how I like it in a certain order, I cannot start work. There's no way I could start writing or start working on a podcast episode because everything just feels totally chaotic.

And I wonder if you during the pandemic you're organizing and tidying has gone off the chart because we are so out of control globally.

You know what I think is always off the chart because I live in a mess and I'm constantly tidy. You know, it's one of those things where, you know what? It's like fun when you've got loads of kids and a busy work schedule and a partner, you do often find yourself just living in a mess. And it's those moments where you go, right, that's it. I'm just going to sort this out because my brain feels like it just can't function anymore and you get something out of it that it gives you the motivation to do it.

It has to be done like, you know, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I literally just come in the door and I'm not doing this because I can't be bothered. But having the motivation to do it comes, I think, from making it a bit more of a fun thing rather than a tool.

So when I started doing that studies, it was all just for my own benefit. It was all for me to see what it looked like before and then see what it looked like after I had, you know, spent some time with me and it just felt like I was rewarding myself.

Yes, I made it worth it. And it made me think, well, I'll just throw the ball from nothing because I'll get to do what I told you or I'll get I'll get to get something from you. And I think the yeah, I would love to live in Tidy Haven Sanctuary, but then there would be no tax today. I wouldn't have to do anything with this. It would always be organized. But the reality of my life and situation is, is that it's no, it's always a mess that needs taking care of.

So I think for me it was more of a motivational. What's going to make this fun for me? What what is going to give these everyday things that I have to do anyway, a bit of life.

And yes, I think that genuinely the reason I like being meticulously organized is because it does make me feel in control. It definitely does make me feel like there are certain aspects of my life that I can 100 percent control and then I'll forget about the things I really can't and the things I have to just let go of because they are not in my control at all.

I know what you mean, I, I feel the same. It it does just give you a sense of safety. I think knowing that, you know, you can control bits of your life that sometimes do feel really chaotic and hectic. You know, you can have agency over them still. And, you know, you say in the book that if your house is tidy, you will feel happier, calmer and more in control.

I wonder when you're feeling out of control. So it is because of the House being a mess or it is just circumstantially something's happening that you don't have control over. How does that manifest for you? What happens? You know, for me, I know I get so ratty, I usually will go to anger quite quickly because I don't like being out of control. So that for me is like pure rage and anger. How does that manifest for you?

My out of control manifest in fear? I think so. I have like a really weird fear of death. So the minute I feel out of control, I just think I'm going to die. I know that sounds ridiculous.

Wow. No, it doesn't. It's so weird. I just. Yeah, when things go wrong, I just immediately my brain goes to the most intrusive thoughts they possibly could. And I just think, oh my gosh, this could happen to me tomorrow. And then I could I could not wake up or it's just so strange. I've had it since I was a little girl. I don't know what it is or why. I wrote about it in the book I did before this book where I genuinely it's just the most intrusive thought process and I hate it.

And so the only way for me to completely block out those thoughts when I'm feeling out of control is to focus my mind on a task and that can be either tied in something, organizing something, or it could even be just sitting there and making something like a craft in something or just find something out and going on. What can I do with that? And my whole brain then has to focus on the task at hand and all of those faults that will sit there and haunt me and scare me have no time to be in my head because I'm completely focused on one thing.

So, yeah, I think that my when I feel out of control immediately, I go to worst case scenario.

I think the catastrophizing element of it is really common. I had it quite recently. Again, I haven't had it maybe since I was a kid, but I've certainly had it probably over the last 10 years on off when my anxiety has been worse.

And it's so interesting you brought that up because I had a really bad episode of it a couple of months ago where I was having really awful catastrophizing thoughts. So I didn't want to even say out loud because it just felt so terrifying. And I was again, looking for ways to sort of make that dissipate or lessen and like, what can I do? And I actually spoke to this really wise person that I know who does sort of like healing therapies and stuff.

And she came up with a really interesting way of thinking about it or analogy. And she said, I don't think it's because I was going, oh, my God, what if I'm having a premonition or, you know, I was making even more of a catastrophe by worrying that what I was thinking was then definitely going to come out.

And I was like, well, she said, look, the secret, they say whatever you think will manifest that. I thought, I just can't keep thinking these things because it's going to happen. I know.

Well, Rhonda Byrne, who wrote the secrets actually on this series, is well, she's an amazing woman. You've got to listen to that episode because she said some profound things. But I had the same feeling. So I'm a big fan of that book and that sort of way of thinking. And again, you think I'm having a premonition or if I'm thinking about it so much that I, in turn, like you say, attract trucked in. And you know what?

The one thing that just put that fire out for me was this really brilliant friend saying to me, there's no connection to reality. And what you're thinking, she went, I think you feel under threat because of the job that you do and you've got mass judgment. And also there's this whole cancer culture thing right now, which I think we're probably all slightly terrified about on a level that we're going to say or do one thing and then we're never, ever going to work again or we're going to just vanish into the ether.

And she said, I think you feel so threatened by that and a low level worry about that. You're putting all of it into these scenarios of, you know, other people being sort of cancelled or going from your life. And I was like, oh, now that makes sense. That to me makes sense. And I can logically see why I'm having these really illogical thoughts.

So maybe it's worth looking into the root of why you have it, because that really helped me out, that one.

So I went to I went to hypnotherapy Reiki CBD because it became it actually became an obsession like this whole process. And it was. Yeah, for years you just really controlled my life. And in the end, I think what I got from all of that was when I had Sacket 17. You know, when you're a teenager and you go through life and you just like I'm invincible, the thought of death doesn't even cross your mind. No, you're just completely invincible.

You're never going to get old and you're never going to die. And I remember feeling like that as a teenager when I gave birth to that.

I think it was so traumatic that it just clicked something in my brain that made me go. I'm really vulnerable. In one day I'm going to die and anything can happen to me, I think, because giving birth is just so it's just so massive, isn't it? It's just such a massive trauma to the body. And I was just I just wasn't ready for it. And I think from that day, I just felt so vulnerable and I never checked out.

I never I never knew anything about therapy really or or trauma or anything like that. And it just built and built and built. And I'd never felt safe since. So, yeah, I think I can logically see what where it comes from, what it boils down to. But it still doesn't stop it from sometimes just manifesting itself and just coming out whenever it decides to do so. I just I don't mind because of of that I can put in place so that when it does come I can recognise they say, OK, this is coming.

I feel this way. What can I do to to take my mind off of er well that's it.

Because sometimes it's more damaging to go oh well if I try these things maybe it will go forever or you know we're constantly waiting for like I'm constantly waiting to. Yeah. To not have. I specifically get night time panic attacks and I haven't had one for ages and I thought oh maybe I'm, you know, all these different things that I'm trying, they're gone forever. And then I had one the other night for, you know, because Rex had woken up in the night.

I started panicking that I wouldn't go back to sleep, which means then of course, I didn't. And, you know, I am still going maybe if I try this one new thing, it will completely be eradicated. And I think that can be quite dangerous. Whereas actually, if you just think, you know what, I might deal with this for a long time and there's nothing wrong with that, you know, as long as you find tools to help you cope because you don't, of course, be in suffering and pain the whole time or stressed out or having, you know, when you have intrusive thoughts or OCD or Puro is horrible.

Like nobody wants to experience that. But if you can find coping mechanisms, I think without assuming there's this magical cure, you can live with it. And you and I and I love I love the fact that, you know, for you, really simple things are helping you. It's the same for me. Really simple things. Help me like going for a run go and walking like that for me is an absolute must for you. It's organizing and it's crafting.

And I think that's why we have to be careful to really look at where we're getting our influence from.

It doesn't have to be meditating. It doesn't have to be anything that's a modern day sort of prescription to help you cope. It can be whatever you like. And you found something along.

All of these things are forms of meditation. I think that ANSYS cooking craft in all of these things are just a different form of meditation. I could if I tried conventional meditation, which I have, I cannot sit there and let my brain be empty. It's just an impossibility for me. So that kind of meditation doesn't work for me. That doesn't mean it won't work for somebody else. And that doesn't mean that a million other things can be your form of meditation.

I think it's to to be able to focus on one thing. I remember when I when I was younger and I learnt the piano and I kid, you know, it was probably the only time as a teenager, I didn't have a thousand things buzzing around in my head because I could only think of how I was learning the piano. And it's little things like that that are the real forms like that. You've just got to find your home and find your thing.

And I've definitely accepted that there are parts of my personality, like the intrusive thoughts, like the obsessive, worrying about certain things that are just going to be there. Sometimes there were, sometimes there are. Sometimes it feels like they're not there at all. But if I accept that they're part of my personality and I just it's a work in progress and I just constantly find new tools or the same old tools to help me. When it gets worse, then it's never more manageable and actually can be enjoyable, even sometimes more absolutely, because it acts as a catalyst for you to try new things, which is a really beautiful thing.

And that's the whole point of the book that you're showcasing, that I'd love to talk about the time that you had your your first kid. So you were you were super young. You were you were seventeen. We've talked already quite a bit about control. And as we know, there's there's nothing more out of control than having a kid, you know, from, as you've just said, giving birth to then having a small human that you've got to keep alive.

How out of control did you feel at that point in your life?

Oh, completely out of control, but not just out of control. Out of my depth. Not totally out of my depth. I felt like I had made a really terrible decision. I felt like I'd made a crucial decision because I didn't really have the means or the emotional ability to look after this child. I even now zachy thirteen this year, and he's an incredible young boy and I'm so proud of him. But I even now look back and feel really guilty about the way that I was as a parent when he was a baby, because I just wasn't I wasn't good.

And I know that obviously you shouldn't say that yourself. But, you know, I look back and that is just the way I feel about the situation. I didn't want to be his mum. I didn't know how to be his mum.

And I found it all very, very difficult. I felt so out of control because I just didn't know how to love him. I didn't feel that rush of love that everyone said I was going to feel. I didn't know how to do that or what to do. But I also had no money. I had no support system. All of my you know, my my mum and dad were work. My sisters and brothers were at school.

It was just me and this baby. And obviously they were there and they were amazing and I couldn't have done it without them. But it was the most daunting, scary time I can remember in my whole entire life is the most it's the most overwhelmed I've ever felt.

Well, obviously, you know, at that age, often that is a time when there are so few responsibilities.

If your college or you've started work already or whatever, you don't have any.

And you had so much responsibility at that point, was there anything that helped you kind of get through that time?

Yeah, I mean, first of all, my parents, like, they were incredible. I had I was still at college. So three months after I had Zak, I went back to finish my A-levels and he went to the creche inside the nursery they had and it was an adult learning college. So they had a crash course over at seven in the morning, two or three o'clock in the afternoon. He was in that crash for three months. Oh, bless him.

Honestly, I honestly can't tell you I feel guilty about the whole. You mustn't know, I know, but it is what it is, isn't it? Then you have more children and you get to spend more time with and you think, oh, God, I spend more time with that one than this one.

But, you know, they're all good kids and they're all good people. So it is what it is.

So that that was a bit of a I fell in control about my studies so I could still go back to school and do my studies. I used to be really meticulous about every week I'd get a gyro and milk vouchers and stuff like that. So I used to really try and make that work and stretch and last I didn't have extra money for like milk and stuff and nappies. So everything from the Giro had to be written down where it was going, what it was going on.

And I think probably after I had that was when I started to realize how important it was for me to have some sort of organization in my life, because otherwise I would have failed my A-levels. We wouldn't have been able to afford anything, had to be organized about childcare. I had to be organized about everything. So I think it really kicked me and pushed me into if you don't sort yourself out, you you won't survive there.

So funny, because this week I was just sort of personally thinking about this kind of subject matter a lot because I often look back, I guess I could probably safely say the whole of my 20s and I've got so much regret about so much of that decade and so much guilt about either bad choices or mistakes I made or just not keeping my mouth shut when I should have. And, you know, of course, that's what being younger is all about.

When you're a teenager or in your 20s and then hopefully in your 30s, 40s, onwards, you can unpick all of it and make bad choices, whatever. But I mean, I still go to therapy all the time. And I was talking the other day about trying to find a better place in all of that. And I guess the key being forgiving the younger version of me and also loving her, like finding some love for that version of me because I can so easily go, oh, she was such a stupid twat like so Malfi one idea.

And that is my inclination naturally to just go, no, I don't want to. I reject that whole decade of who I was. Can you find love for that version of yourself? But then.

Oh yeah, I definitely I, I think it's okay to look back at things and go, bloody hell, I wasn't proud of that or I wasn't happy with that because no it would, it would be impossible to believe every single decision we've ever made as human beings has been one that we're always proud of and possible with. But I do have I do forgive myself of everything, like I genuinely forgive myself of everything. I am just a human being and I can only do what I do.

Life happens. You make decisions. And that is er and I look at the present a lot. So I look at my children now and yes. Although I do, I do get a tummy ache sometimes I do get a funny feeling in my tummy when I think about certain things and how they played out and what happened. I look exactly what's going on now. And I just think you know what, you've done an amazing job. You are an incredible mum.

The boys I've raised, I'm so proud of. Honestly, couldn't there's nothing I'm more proud of them. My children and every single one of them has had a different upbringing. Every single one of them has been born into different circumstances with different parents, with different lifestyles. And they're all really good people. And I just think that goes to show that, you know, no matter what regrets I have, no matter what happened in the past, ultimately, if you love them, adore them and and do your best with your best is right or wrong or whatever, ultimately it's all going to be alright.

Yeah.

And it's about it goes back to the to the love doesn't it. Like there's so much pressure on modern day parenting that you've got to do things a certain, a certain way. And, you know, I think we can we can kind of assume that this is more of a problem for mothers. You know, I think for mums there is so much pressure and guilt on whether you're working or not. And that pressure doesn't apply in the same way to dads.

Still, you know, we can we can see that and it can feel really heavy. And, you know, I as a working mom, I've always worked. I do struggle with that sometimes. And the things I should be doing could be doing better or whatever. And it just goes down to the love, doesn't it?

You do you love your kids? Do you do you love them with every ounce of your heart and body? And are you showcasing that? And that's all you can do really at the end of the day.

Then who's it for? Who are you working for? For them. Like they know that they know. It's also for us. Yes, we have to do things for us, but ultimately we can't take it with us. Nothing we do in life we're going to take with us so they know they're loved unconditionally, whether their work or not. I think it's different pressures for men and women. So for mums, like you said, I do think there's a.

If pressure for us to be this all holy being the little of grace and God, honestly, it's a huge pressure. But then under the pressures that Joe's under and I just think they're very different. He has the opposite.

He has the vision to want to be taken seriously as a parent. But actually, I don't that's never are they kind of like the sideline and mums knowing all mums do best. So we categorise parents, mums and dads differently and we put different pressures on them and give them different labels. But ultimately, exactly what you're saying, fairness. At the end of the day, if we all just love these humans and that is all they ever have from us, that is enough.

Yeah, that's what we that's all we that's all we can do. The rest is out of our control entirely because they're their own little people and we have to sort of let them get on with it to some extent, much like myself. And I don't know if you like this terminology, I feel slightly queasy about it. We're in blended family, so I don't know what other terminology to use. That's the way, I guess the the modern world describes it.

But we both have blended families. I've got two teenage step kids who are 15 and 19, and I've been in their life for, well, ten years now. And I'm always interested in meeting other parents that have a similar set up as to how you found that integration of having all the kids either living at one place at one time or coming and going.

How have you found there are your steps with you? Like one of them is now at university, so he never comes home. He's literally having I mean, even during the pandemic, he's having the time of his life. He's got a wicked little gang of housemates like new friends, and he's just loving being independent. So we face time most days and he's just having a ball. But my stepdaughter, much like when they were both younger, they lived down the road.

So they come and go whenever we'll have her for a week, a weekend, a day, two weeks, a month. It could be just totally flexible, which is lovely. And, you know, we've just tried to bring them all up, as, you know, full sibling. There's no half about it. They're just brothers and sisters and they all really love each other. How has that process been for you?

Yeah, I mean, none of the boys ever go, oh, is my half brother. It's not even it's not even a terminology in the house. So, yeah, we are exactly the same.

I think when when there's children from different relationships, whoever's not living in the household, I think is a much more difficult dynamic to navigate. It's something that we found really difficult to navigate because ideally in our world, we'd want them all here all the time together. And that's just not how it works. So we have to navigate. We try and make sure that when everyone goes their dads, everyone goes to the other parent so that when they're all back, they're all back together.

But it doesn't always work out like that. But we do try and make it that way.

And then I guess the dynamics for the parents are really difficult. So there's this weird I mean, every step mum ever written about is like evil. I know. I hate it is so horrible.

It's much harder for me. It was much harder for me to build a relationship with Jo's child than it was for Joe to build a relationship of mine because that fun loving, happy go lucky man that comes into my life is always more exciting and has a better. Yeah, I think they have an easier time than the one meeting the evil stepmother who's going to give them a poisoned apple.

I know it's the worst and it's still in storybooks today. You're like, can we move on and get a new story about stepmom's?

There's a nice one. Nice story about that moment. I think that has been really difficult. And it's still a work in progress, I think, because you are constantly trying to balance being there for somebody and wanting them to be a part of your family without being intrusive and making them feel as though you're taking over something. So it's a real find balance. And yeah, I would say it's a work in progress that I think will always be working on.

But again, I know it sounds I'm repeating myself. I just feel like if they all know we love them, wherever they are, whatever they're doing, that is all we can do. And there'll be days when it's really good and everyone's getting along and everyone's, you know, like The Brady Bunch. And then there'll be days when everyone hates each other and, you know, they wish they lived with their dad. So, yeah, that's a family life, isn't it?

That's that is family life. It's never perfect, is never neat and tidy, and it's never exactly what you want it to be. It's it's absolute chaos. It's so complicated. And like you say, it just has to come back to the love time and time again, because I feel like I've personally been questioned on Instagram when I've written something about, oh, it's my step daughter's birthday. I've had people go, why are you calling her your daughter?

You know, she might feel less of that. And also, I know know the terminology has absolutely nothing to do with my dynamic, with either of my stepkids. But equally, I don't want to say my daughter, because that's not fair on her mum, because I didn't give birth to her.

I questioned anybody who questions those kind of dynamics. Yeah. That they have any understanding for. Blended families, I do question that because, like you said, if my sons were having a birthday party at their dad's house and their dad's partner, who they get on with very well, who are really lovely people said, oh, here's my my son, I would find that very difficult to manage. I would find it very difficult to take in. But at the same time, if it meant that late and felt more comfortable, would I sacrifice my own emotions?

Yes, but I do think that everybody is tiptoeing around to make sure that they make everybody happy. And that's what a good parent does, you know, and you just have to do it your way and whatever works for you. I have people questioning me all the time, like, why isn't your son in all of my pictures? Why don't I name him? But that's not a choice for me to make. He's not my son to, you know, publicly have him on show.

And, you know, anyone who understands blended families will understand that straight away. And I think it's only people's curiosity that makes them all those questions, because I don't I really just don't think they understand. I don't think is I don't think they mean to be hurtful, even though it does hurt us because you you think, oh, my God, I'm doing my best here. And that's all I can do. Yeah. I don't think they mean to hurt people by what they say.

And I just think they they really are just curious. Yeah.

And I get that because it is you know, it is a situation that requires a lot of time and thought and it just has to be right for you and it has to make you will feel good. And you say in the book, you know, so often with parenting, we think that we've got to always do what is exactly right and we often forget what makes us feel happy.

So, you know, there's a lot of should like you should do this as a mom. You should do this as a dad rather than what's going to make you feel really happy right now, which in turn will make your kids happy.

How have you navigated that one of navigated by I think just by being a parent of thirteen years, like genuinely seventeen. When you've got a baby and everyone's looking at you like, oh, that's disgusting. You're a tramp, you just really quickly learn. So get a thick skin and go, you know what? If people are going to judge me anyway and are going to hate this decision that I've made in life, I might as well do it my way.

Yeah. You know, I remember turning up at playgrounds with that when I first took him to school. And Mum's just not even wanting to talk to me because I don't get it.

Who wants to sit and talk to the eighteen year old girl when when you're in your 30s that they had nothing to say to me and nothing in common with me. So I did understand it. I didn't I didn't feel like they were doing it to be nasty. I just thought I feel I've got nothing to say to the eighteen year old college. So I remember just thinking, okay I just have this, this is my situation is unique to me is what's happening in my life and I can only do it the way that I'm doing it.

I don't have any other option. Yes, it would be great if I could chew up my organic food and spit it out directly into my baby's mouth every hour. That needs feeding, but I don't have those choices. That option isn't available to me, so I'll just do it the way that it works. And I've carried that through with all of the boys. You know, sometimes people will even judge you for having an iPad or even just any little things.

I mean, people will judge you on everything in parenting, because whether we like it or not, there are rule books and guides, too, and people telling you the best way you could be doing it. And there really are better ways for everything. You know, there there are better ways to feel. There are better ways to entertain. There are better ways to educate. But ultimately and all say the same thing every single time. Yes, some days I'll cook him a home cooked meal.

Some days I'll give him a pot noodle. Some days, you know, with some of my children, I managed to breastfeed with some of them. I really couldn't do it. And I think that, again, the message just is if you love them, that is all. That is all you can do. You know, and as much as we'd love to, in an ideal world, be able to do everything perfectly all of the time, it's just not it's just not feasible.

No. And I think the judgement comes because people want to feel like they're better and doing something really brilliantly. And it's really horrible feeling because there's loads of bad habits we've got into it all. Still end up sleeping in the bunk bed most nights because Rex just isn't a great sleep his age. I should be going, mate. No, go back to sleep when you're right.

But I'm tired, I want sleep and I want him to go back to sleep. You know, if I looked in a rulebook to probably say I had to keep going in and out every ten minutes, I'm not doing that, you know. I mean, I think people that in that circumstance have nailed to sleep. They want to feel better about themselves. Oh, God, that's quite good that I've nailed that one. And she hasn't you know, it's all just about we're all coached.

We're all trying to cope and we're all trying to get through it. And sometimes you might feel elevated because someone's not doing something as well as you. It all just needs to be a radical. It because at the end of the day, for them, if it makes you feel good about themselves, good for them. And, you know, fan, I have three boys and they will spend the majority of their life not in your bed and not giving those and not, you know, not having that one on one time with you.

My Zacky, I love him so much. He's very sensitive. And actually, I've had him I've had him with me longer than most boys, I would say. But he is starting to like, take off and be on his own. And I'm so glad that I slept with him in his bed. I'm so glad I had Barth's with him. I'm so glad I did all those things with him, even though every rule book told me not to, because it's is gone now.

Well, this is it. I always think, oh, my God, when they're teenagers, I am going to be so much more panicked than going out. I may not know when they're coming in. I definitely won't be sleeping then. So if I have to sleep in a bunk bed, I'll sleep in the bunk bed. You obviously generously share a lot of your life on social media and your and you're very sort of personal private life being at home and whether it's crafting or cooking or being with the family, are there ever times when you feel vulnerable doing that or you kind of want to hide away and not put that side of yourself out there?

There's times when I feel vulnerable in general, but I actually find myself saying that out loud to other people makes me feel less vulnerable about what it is. But I remember a few months ago, I just felt stupid. Do you ever of those things where you feel like an idiot and everything you say and do. Oh, my God. Just everything I say and said and did I just feel, oh, how cringe. How embarrassing. And I was reading myself up about it and I just thought, what is wrong with me?

I don't know if I was due on or war, but I just had this like confidence crisis. So I just said, I just said all my stories. I'm having a real confidence crisis. Everything I do is annoy me and embarrass me. I feel like I'm embarrassing myself. And when I said it, so many people are like, oh my gosh, I get those days. I have that. Don't worry, it's in your head. It's not you, blah, blah, blah.

And just having that having someone with common ground, you genuinely feel like I genuinely on that platform feel like I'm never alone, even when I'm having a rubbish day. I feel like it's such a nice feeling to know that, that, you know, it's so true.

But look, going back to the start of our conversation, you know, I, I don't actually know apart from you now, anybody else that has that horrible, obsessive catastrophizing thought thing, I often in the middle of the night will go, what's wrong with me? Why am I such a freak? Why is this my tendency to to fall into this horrible negative vortex whenever I'm trying to go to sleep or feel relaxed? So I'm glad that now I've heard you say the same is that lovely sort of connection, but also suggests that you're not alone.

Like it's a horrible thing to feel alone.

Yeah, it really is. And I think especially the pandemic is really hot in there. You know, you can be surrounded by your family and people, but still feel like, oh, my God, I'm on my own and no one gets me at all and I'm a weirdo or whatever. And having having socials, I think when is navigated properly can really be a savior in there and just make you feel less ridiculous.

No, I agree. I totally agree with you.

And, you know, you've but the thing is, you know, not only are you getting help from that yourself and I feel the same about social media, but it's a transaction that most definitely goes both ways. And you've got an amazing platform with really, you know, your your fans are so engaged and connected to what you're doing all the time. And I think you probably underestimate how much you've helped other people in all sorts of ways. Obviously, you know, you're giving all these brilliant crafting tips all the time.

So people go, oh, God, I could do that in my free time because we're in a pandemic. There's nothing else to do. Like, that's a lovely gift. But actually, you've done it in so many ways. And as an outsider against someone that follows you on social media, you know, one thing I think you've really help women with is feeling confident or at peace or having acceptance around off physical bodies because there is still so much toxicity out there, especially on social media around the female body, what it should look like or what is acceptable or what is a beach body and all this strange new stuff that we've, you know, in the last sort of 100 years come to really feel ashamed about our bodies.

I mean, there's always been sort of silhouettes through history that have probably been more desirable in culture and around parts of the world. But it seems like Shame's and new thing like you should feel ashamed if your body doesn't look a certain way. And I wonder at what point in your life you started to cultivate that really good relationship with your physical body and have that sort of self-love.

I guess I genuinely have never. I had some insecurities when I was pregnant and after giving birth, but before then, my sister used to call me shallow.

How awful. Oh, I thought both of you hold. I don't know, conventionally beautiful what a guy like, you know, if you look at the models in the magazines. I'm not one of them, but I've always thought, oh, really?

You are. You're gorgeous.

I mean, like, big, smaller, whatever, just goofy, whatever. And I've never noticed it. My sister would say to me, me and my sister laugh about it now because we would go out and we were on holiday with our family once in Turkey or somewhere like that. And I think I've just not long had that an awful lot PSINet back.

I was like, wow, look at what it looked like then and where we looked. It was always know what it was. I was really quiet until nine months pregnant. If I'm completely honest with you. And she was like you, you will shallow our size. You would walk down that beat as if you you were amazing. But I don't know why. I've always I think I've just always convince myself that if I think I'm really beautiful, other people think it's.

But they do. But that's how it works.

Because it's a confidence thing, isn't it, that you're walking around feeling as beautiful as we all are in our own ways. I mean, we're all uniquely beautiful and we're all uniquely special and we're all uniquely, you know, doing our thing. But that's not for the people to decide for. That is up to you. And I think you've nailed it and you always seem to be very consistent with it. So I'm so glad that comes from such a place that it's authentically always been that way for you.

That's so brilliant and I think so rad. The first time I realized people didn't think my body was that nice. Oh, that sounds really it doesn't bother the. So I know it was I was on I took Zachy on holiday and I don't know where this was hiding somewhere but a it got pictures of me. I mean I was wearing a strapless bikini thingy and obviously all devout kids. You strapless bikini isn't like here is almost bottoms are.

So they took pictures of me somewhere and then put me in the paper and the headline was they put me next to Louisa Johnson, you know, that really lovely singer, really lovely girl. And they put me a picture of me and a picture of her. She had a sort of like Honeck bikini on. I had my strapless one and they just said the headline was Top Flop. Louisa Johnson Show. Stacy Solomon had to wear bikini Pallone's are like as if she would ever want to be a part of that kind of narrative.

Yeah. Louisa shows Stacy Solomon had to wear a bikini as like my boobs were so saggy. It was, oh, it's sagging in top floor. All this horrible stuff about how sexy. My very first time I was like, whoa, oh, no, no. I'm not talking about, you know, I just mean, where does this come from? An anarcho. And that was the first time I think I've got to say something about these because I don't feel uncomfortable in my body.

And they're putting this message out that I should feel uncomfortable in my body. So what I did, I called it out and just said I've I'm really proud of my body. I like the way that I look. And I don't support this message in any way, shape or form. And I don't want anyone to read this paper and ever feel like they're not good enough because they look like me.

What a load of shit. I mean, it makes me so angry. And I've I've had similar where I was, you know, I was on holiday and I just had honey and my boobs were still so full of milk and hanging all around the place. And I probably had a strapless thing on, too. And they're all over the shop. My gut was hanging out and it was it was on again on some sort of magazine saying, oh, you know, thank God, you know, sort of real bodies after having a baby.

It's just the body. Everyone, after having the babies got big saggy boobs and bits of flesh. And what the hell?

They're pretending to be nice. But actually, if you spot someone like my sister, who's naturally extremely slim, very, very slim, she had her babies. And literally the day after you looked like she'd never had babies before, she would then look and go. So I haven't got a real body then because mine. Yes, mine doesn't have the lump. Mine doesn't have the.

And I just think, you know what, fuck off. But I genuinely think it's real. What is this body. That body just body like bodies is you're right. You're so right because it can go on the opposite end of the spectrum and where they pretend to be celebrating somebody, they're always making somebody feel less. It's so shitty.

I absolutely hate it. And I love that you are, you know, without even having to battle that narrative, you just positively putting yourself out there in an authentic way, which is beautiful. And as I said before, highly encouraging for all of us women, for all of us, and to be men who have, you know.

Exactly the same body hung up, so it's beautiful for everyone. People think it doesn't happen to boys.

But my boy, I remember a couple of years ago, Leighton sends me so when women are growing my six pack and I thought, well, well, because every single toy he ever plays with as a frickin six pack, every action figure, every superhero, every anyone he looks up to or aspires to has like these lines across the stomach. And he and he he genuinely was like, so when does mine come in?

Oh, that's not what it is.

Just, you know, it's a body toxicity on every level. And and it isn't exclusive to women. You know, I think we're seeing more and more rise cases of men having that sort of body insecurity and also along with that probably dysmorphia a lot of the times as well. So it's just brilliant. The you know, that is something that you're deeply passionate about. And it helps me as well. You know, I still get insecure about things physically.

And I think I try to follow a lot of people on social media that are purely authentic. So personally, for me, thank you so much for doing that.

There are so many brilliant things in your book and your Instagram. One of the things that struck me and I actually wrote down in my notepad because it's something I'm going to start doing. I'm going to end on this tonight because I've never heard of this before.

But one technique you have to make your bed look neat is to get a coat hanger and run it along the side to get the duvet tucked in. Right.

This came about because I love getting my nails done right. I really enjoy it. Sometimes I like I'm super long and I don't want to ruin them. And there's so many household chores that just ruin your nails every day. And talk in the bedroom was just my nail nemesis. And I could also I hate ironing compared to iron and I certainly don't want to be iron in bed and doesn't even fit on the ironing board. You know, it means by the time you find one bit and, you know, folded over, it's crazy.

Really bugs me. Yeah. So I genuinely I wouldn't like a hard wooden coat hanger and I like the duvet across it and then use the hanger to shove it right down the sides of the mattress and it pours it so tight that it looks like it's been I and my nails. It's genius to me.

That is a Hotelbeds, that is a hotel standard bed and I haven't tried it yet. I read it in the book last week and I was like, I'm writing that down, but it's going to be a new thing that I get the old coat hanger, I run it along.

Oh, I love your change. I'm so into that. It's going to so many of these things. Oh, my God. It's such a lovely book. And and I so appreciate you talking today. And I love what you're doing on social media as well.

So thank you so much, Beth. I love you.

Oh, I love you, too, Stacey. Solomon, you wonder being if you're already racing to your bedroom to try Stacie's Hanga Haak, there are plenty more utterly genius ideas in her book, Tap to Tidy, which is out now that haggag thing that's changed my life. And I mentioned my chat with Rhonda Byrne. Oh, Rhonda Byrne, you can always go back and listen to that and a load of other great episodes, too, whenever you want, by subscribing to a happy place.

A massive thanks again to Stacey to we do natural hair care. The sponsors of this series. To the producers of this episode, Matt Hale initiatory to rethink audio and subliminal. Lovely love for listening. Take it easy, guys, and I'll see you next week.