People realize that, like, if you come back from drug addiction, there's a freedom.
It's like that's how I feel with Korona, like I'm good, like, hey, who's coughing?
Like, let's go. Like, nothing stopping me right now. Just, you know, Mac, as a phone call away man, like we still talk to him every day, I get him back, we can get him back on. Are you still doing your walks to Starbucks? I can see it in your face. He's helping, not the drinks. Hey. Hey, welcome back to the impulsive guys. The number of podcasts in the world.
I can't make this up. I made it up. I make it up every episode. But we're going to get there one day, hit that subscribe. And if you're not subscribed, guys, our guest today is returning to the show for the second time. He's the purveyor of unsafe comedy and has a brand new Netflix special out now called Schult Saves America.
He's one of our favorites. It's Andrew Schultz.
Good to have you back. What happened to the other guy? We don't fucking talk about it. All right? And put that down. Know what happened? It was on when you were on. He was vegan. Yeah. Yeah. He liked animals a lot. Well, I like me. I hear you're good. You're good. Everything's fine.
I'm not saying we should have the other one back, but he was fun, like for banter. He moved to Michigan and remedied student debt. What have you done this year?
Not that. Did he really do that? That's why he did it all really well.
You have to do with the bus. Yeah. No luck.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But but but he's he's editing a documentary about reforming the education system. Yeah. He did want to help you. He seemed like he wanted to help and that's what annoyed me. And without him we fucking pissed me off that.
Okay. What do we argue about sharks. He said he like shark. Oh yeah. Who the fuck like sharks. Who does like him.
We call him. Don't don't defend this. I liked you initially. I don't defend sharks. That's why I'm to sneak up on you. You got to fucking tell you when they're coming. That's got great eyebrows. This fucking guy tonight we're going on Spencer. I don't even know Spencer had eyebrows. He's consistently like this worried about shit. Yeah, this guy's intense. He's worried all the time, like a fucking Muppet. This guy right here to look at this guy.
Oh, wow. Thank you very much.
Puts on leaning in to what they thought there was no it's a joke or whatever, but it's OK. If it's not, take it up with Netflix. All right. We got new Spencer over here full of fucking hair. Spencer had no body hair that Spencer, didn't he? Can we. Yeah, he has. Probably has got here. Oh, my God. I grew back as my friends make fun of me. I did. Because I was a swimmer.
No, no, no, no. You know, you were you look like a swimmer.
Just got off. Rokan literally just stepped out of road. Yeah. Why we did. Rogard You I hear. I just like you guys.
I was going to ask you it's cool to see you do a warm up on a smaller show. That's what I had to do. It's nice job. Yeah.
To get the nerves out, but I've got to go. Is it good? It went fine. Can we get to a I'm pissed off and Mike. Sure. Because he has no fucking etiquette in this group.
You really suck dude. You suck man. I tell you on purpose I have both of your numbers, OK? I purposely start to generate a conversation. I'll say something. I don't know what it is. And then Logan's back and then me and him are having this conversation that every once in a while you just see some random, stupid shit and then you'll pop out.
If you notice, it's not even once in a while anymore. He's barely tech.
He's completely checked out of OK, I like him more than you. Fuck. Come on, bro. I just feel like it pisses me. And then you come back east. I always tell you to come hang out. You never come hang out. You just eat pizza. In Connecticut, they have better pizza.
They do actually really pizza. They do have. I have. No you don't don't don't do this.
No he does not just argue he's dead doesn't he. Why. And he says it's he says it's Lana Logan says Lana.
You told him that was because of my girl. I have a girlfriend and you would know because it was in the fucking group chat, but you didn't see that. I don't know what it is. I just I'm not very good at texting back, bro. Like, this is bullshit. And this is absolutely. She would she would say it, too. She'd say that I don't text back. She'll see me like I'll go comment on your Instagram.
What's this horseshit? He's lying bullshit. He doesn't sleep in this house anymore. I understand why I'm saying he doesn't sleep in this house. It's strictly an office for his twitch streams. That's it. He said during the day he goes to sleep. What's the deal with the twitch thing?
What's the deal? I just play video games, talk to talk to people mostly just talk about like Jake Paul drama. OK, hot topic. Yes. Just another channel for me to go and fucking whack off on camera. Come on. I'm saying OK, but it's quite lucrative. Yeah. You should, you should. Sarwan know.
But also the reason I said I'm not saying you shouldn't do it, but the reason I said to the girlfriend's house is are you guys still together though.
OK, happy wife. Happy life. Happy life is now you know better than anyone.
Yes. Freshly engaged. Yeah I get it. Oh, I threw it out. I threw it out that I threw it out of the way and did all the way.
OK, I'm a curious how did you propose like this Mexican restaurant. Margaret. That's it. No, no, no. This restaurant was like the first time we went out to like a nice restaurant that was like I was back in the day.
Back in the day. So it was like her favorite restaurant. Yeah. Outdoor, outdoor dining. Not in indoor. Indoor.
Cuomo let you give you the special seating Cuomo man you hate. You know, actually, I don't know if I hate them, but it is annoying.
I mean, don't you get annoyed in L.A. like everything down? Like we got new somehow. Yeah. You got you got Cuomo. We got new some. Yeah. How do you feel about him?
I mean, it seems like though I'll close a winery to keep their own open cell phone size.
Yeah, I'm about to say so. Yeah. Creeps me out. Yeah. Yeah. He lives now.
Do they holler at you all and they, they try to like get you guys involved.
Right. I don't think they can turn off our water and power if talks shit about him on a podcast.
If we throw a party I then don't do.
Right. Right, right. Right. You would never do that. No I actually wouldn't. No we don't. Yeah. Really. We just go to Jake's parties and then his show.
I didn't even go. Is that what happened? Has he what have they done. No, no.
No repercussions. Yeah, but they're doing they're doing it. They threaten him. They say we just I just saw them this new some character.
I seriously I just came across a video of man playing yo disgusting hypocrisy. A lot of hypocrisy. But can we if we really want to. Ruchira Yeah.
You got to fight them.
OK, that's the fight. Call him out right now. That's your prep for Floyd. That's tight.
I think you should do it if you would be the law. Now we're talking now we're creating something here for you and Mayweather, Eyeborgs, whatever. Like the Mayweather thing. It is what it is.
Cash the check. But Newsome, if you knocked out Newsome make a lot of people have.
Yes. Outside socially distance at his winery, at the winery. The deal here is, unlike New York, our precincts and districts basically say, yo, you could set whatever law you want. Newsom, we're just not going to enforce it. Like the police departments all said, yeah, we're not going.
He's like he's like, yo, like if you're seen, you know, if you're seen walking around after curfew, you will be cited by police.
And the police are like, fuck, I'm not saying shit, I love it. You let the people go outside the outside, we can't even eat outside.
Well, I know I'm at this hotel, the the the food and hotel shut down. You have to make a reservation to use the gym. Oh no.
But if you want to use a bathroom, if you want to go to a bathroom sized art gallery right now to buy peace, it's fine.
I go for it. You go in the ten, fifteen people in the bathroom looking at art. That's fine. Just don't there's no food. You got a hot take on the vaccine.
Yeah. Take it. Take the vaccine. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah.
Just take it or don't take it like I got it. Or have you got an Korona.
Oh no. Oh no. No. Yeah. Let's go.
We talked about how could I forget when you get one. When you get it while you can't smell.
I can't either. But did you lose, did you lose taste.
Only for a day. OK, and then I came back with it. You you don't let me taste. No, no. I got my taste back. Yeah but you gotta smell shit. I can't smell it. Hey, you're not that sad about it, right. You realize that. More useful. Sad. Yes.
Than it does good. Like when you first you people it smells great. Are you Persian. No. No my friend is but what are you. Listen so we all sprinkle on a half bottle. Yeah we're good. But what are you, what is like. I understand what you are. I'm a muppet remember. We know, I know that like what type of Middle Eastern.
I'm a Syrian extinct kind of thing. It's like Panji. Yeah. I'm sorry.
Country was actually I was the Garden of Eden like yeah that. Was that true or not. Yeah. But we're always fuck. Yeah dude.
Like Tigris Euphrates River is are in our church. This is an honest to God truth. Oh you're Christian. Yeah. Oh that's crazy dude.
That's a rare one, right. I do. Well now when you meet the Middle East, Christians think that Jesus was the last one to meet him somewhere. We learned a lesson that the fuck out of there. We're all on this crazy. So you guys are just holding it strong, even though you got no play in the beef whatsoever. I love just leave go to fucking Glendale with the rest of the people you look like. Why would you be serious?
Still, this is crazy. They're surrounded on all sides. This is nuts for nothing for here.
I mean, I have to say I'm white because they just don't understand what I am. Yeah.
Yeah, I'm still here man. What do they say when you say you're white? Are they like just agree. They're like, OK, sounds good. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Yeah.
You don't look why you say that. Yeah. Yeah.
All of my Syrians look white. This is white. You don't look like you, you don't check Caucasian.
I'm at the TSA. That's fucked up. No. What is that. Cause that's white face.
You're using white. Yeah that's what I use. You know there are racist. Yeah. You're not racist. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You got a good teeth, this guy over here. You're one step away from getting your hold on, George. We were just on the team. He's trying to be white.
That's what is this? You heard the white. There's no George is a fucking serious George. They couldn't pronounce George. They don't have those letters. George Not really. No way. That's like when Asians come here, they just named their daughter Sally. It's like Sally didn't exist in Vietnam. That's not what it is. I realize it's Sally. Nancy, Virginia. My name is Virginia. Pam George and Alison Jenk Jeggo.
I guess that could be I mean, that's weird. That makes sense. You could just invented that. So you're taking off the Prada jacket. I see how different life is different now. Is different now. Well, you're getting money. Wow.
A lot of money. Netflix special I throw it has nothing. Nothing to me. You that dog, that's Ginger Logan's ex dog. He got rid of it with a girl like the girl took it. No, no.
It was violent. It was trying to kill everything. I say you're a wild boy for saying that, bro. The you're a wild boy. That was another thing.
I started to get going our group chat and you just fucking left. It broke my heart trying to just bro out and you're leaving him. That's all I do. I'm going to do back. I can you and I both should know what this is like.
And I guess that we're with. Yes, I'm going to keep on going.
I promise. I'm driving you OK. Cool. OK, sometimes you want to throw out. Yeah.
In this fucking wild motherfucker over here I'm taking Smash and Canseco said that was crazy. Horrible. I thought you message him before and asked if that was OK.
I messaged Jose and she said, well she proved. She proved. Oh that's.
Is that like some shit now. Oh is that some daddy restriction.
I mean, no, he's like we should just move on. Well, I know just to clarify, like you'd have to imagine she's a bit annoyed that her dad is going publicly, tried to fight her ex boyfriend, saying it was because of some sort of bad breakup. Yeah, bad breakup. Nothing but love. Yeah.
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Liberty Insurance is authorized by the General Director of Insurance and pension funds in Spain and is regulated by the Central Bank of Ireland for conduct business with. Still friends with her to this day talk sometimes there's no bad blood. He did me last night. Oh yeah, he did. So Jose Canseco, what do you say, Mike? Yeah, you looked at that one while you know the best part, one short, short time by telling the best part.
Tell me about Kato. Tell me how much I left him on Rat. No response team. I hope I did. Just let it go. Mike, I hope you're well.
I wanted to see if Greg Paul would be interested in a fight. That's the dad.
I'm not sure if Auvil Ryan told you I shouldn't go into too much of the shit, but I think this fight would be he wants to fight. Greg. Paul is your pops. Speed is beat his ass or.
It's tricky, huh? I don't know, man. I think so. Oh, OK. So me Jay called the little brother talked about it this morning. Not so little anymore either. Yeah. Big talk about talked about it this morning.
Greg. Paul, if you say yo Greg, Paul your your facing off against Jose Canseco killed this man. He had it done. He'd rip his face off with his fucking street fight. Different than actual fight. Exactly. But if you say, yo, you guys got to put gloves on and use some sort of strategy, when you say the word strategy to Greg, Paul shorts out, you short circuit smoke comes out of his ears and you just try to ignore your face off anyways.
But he'd kill you in a street fight. Sure.
He told me one of the first times he met me, he said, I've heard so much shit about you, I could rip your head off right now and shit down your fucking throat. I was. That's good. Yeah, he just wants a shit down people's throats.
What's his what's his job. Almost let him do it just to see what the fuck. Yeah, that's some kinky shit.
You know, he actually sent me the nicest messages like two days.
Yeah. He'll do that. So what did he say. I have voice memos on him.
You can hear the drink like in the fucking voice, just like George is coming at you to be it. It is great that he called down because he's in the mountains in a mountain basin. OK, a woman. OK, I think she kind of balances out. There's some equilibrium there. Like he's he's a bit more tame now.
I don't know at that point. Whatever happened, the man who knows. I want to talk about your shit bro.
I should just talk about man. That's all. That's why I was going to I was going to lead with your dad.
Looking at Timothy Leary's acid branch. We're going to ask you if you ever took acid before.
No, I can't fuck with the acid. Really? Yeah, I'm scared. How do you know? I think the like I think I got some crazy in me and I think sometimes. Yeah, a little bit.
And I think that, like, sometimes that kind of a jump starts it.
What outcome are you the guy who thinks he can fly? Are you the guy that thinks he can stop a vehicle, like from going like you know what I'm saying? Like, which one would you guys. I don't know. That's actually that's actually interesting. What do I think will happen if I go crazy?
Crazy. I just had like mushrooms once and I had to kind of like a real bad trip. You really dude, I was a burning man.
I did mushrooms well, and it was bad. Not bad because I had a bad Burning Man trip to really. Really. What year did you go had twenty. Seventeen and twenty eighteen to twenty sixteen point seventy. Yeah I was there.
Twenty seventeen. Twenty eighteen.
How bad was the trip. It was just like it was the weirdest juju remember into the Dragon. That movie is like Bruce Lee or something like that.
Remember at the end when like he has to fight the statues, the statues represent these things.
He's like afraid of OK, that's what it was like for me, like different things I was like insecure about were these statues. I to like the actual art structures though now I don't remember.
So I think they had later you were fighting the structures that you fight in the art pieces. Yeah, they were coming at me and then I'd like open my eyes that day. Come on, stop it. That's not crazy.
But every time I went to try to close my eyes to go to sleep, I was like, let me just go look, it's over. So it was like bird box. You kept imagining, like, your worst fear in life. And you like that. That's horror.
That's terrible. Yeah. Yeah. What the movie's about. Yeah. It's fucked up. You see the way you see your biggest fear. Would you just tell yourself, oh did you just say did you like Bird.
Yeah. That was fun. Yeah. M.G. can we talk about.
I think he did a great job in there having sex. Yeah well no just being an actor. I think you like that movie. No, I think it was so fucking cheap. That's a shit like he can't show you.
Because you're fucking I, I think the idea is called imagination or because of the imagination, I just go to, you know, Syria. I just want to, like, be like if these buildings were still here. It does suck, though.
That sounds really good. But we're going to come in there and like, I don't know, do they need freedom? Yeah. Right now, you have to be loyal to need freedom. That's how it works for us. I think there. Are you guys good over there?
What's going on, Fox? Well, no, he's not Syrian. He's a Syrian. US it's like I said that. And yeah, it's Panji to a country that doesn't exist anymore. No, add the A in front of it.
It's us Syrian. Yeah. Yeah. We were the first.
It's like. It's like. It's like somebody working out. Right. I'm not sure. I mean I. What language do you speak. A Syrian. Come on. So that's like saying come on Sanscrit like yo you know, if something's wrong with that, you know, so many of them are there, they say, yeah, yeah. It's like sand Eskimo's or something like northern Iraq in southeastern Turkey.
OK, Sarah, Kingdom of northern Mesopotamia, yeah, that's Tigris Euphrates, we don't know. Thank you so much.
I said beginning of the pot. So in a way where you're from Iraq, what is this? I was just going to say that. So in a way, somebody named George from the country you pretend to live in now could have invaded your actual homeland in 20 in 2003. And they were just like, let's name our kids after those gassing anybody before Jesus was named George.
Now, but the fact that Jesus was not named George. Yeah. Joe Christian did. And that means they stuck it out for years. Oh, yeah, we were. That's the thing.
Like, if you were if you are Muslim, you could have got flipped. But Christianity came before Islam. So you've been Christian for a minute. So I'm saying like he's one of the real ones.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's Oggi, you're you know, we know who we are. You could be Jewish. Actually, we are. Our language is the same exact. I knew it well. He's smart.
I figured you guys know who. Jonah, who got swallowed by the whale? Yeah, he had to go save the people, you know, he was going to save us, but we were such terrible people, he didn't want to save us.
Got like, nah, they're real. Go get them. And he did it. So he had I have to say something.
He didn't get swallowed by a whale. What happened? It just that can't happen. No, he did. I was in a he didn't I was in a YouTube rabbit hole one day. We all been there and I watched the video on whether or not a human can get swallowed by a whale. They can't. They can't. The hole is too small. You think it's big enough they can't walk away.
It's all biologically impossible. No. Which will get swallowed by a whale. Yeah. Can't get because don't they have like plankton that feels like a filter. You couldn't fit through it.
You're going to keep him in his mouth as much as can a human get swallowed by a whale. Watch this. What if you were swallowed by a whale.
Thirteen million views.
I was one of those views and they say it would never happen.
You could get you get caught in its mouth. I think you just got one lady with a kayak. It just happened. You seen that?
Yeah, yeah. Up, up, up and over. Can you do video? He's not real.
Can you get swallowed by a whale and just keep it up, get a human. Can we go to Cornershop and then do this same search. They can't just go to human and look what a complete zoo is. It's fantastic.
Can a human inhale a Domino's Pizza?
Can that was the most searched fucking term. Wow. Can a human being inhale? Can a human have a baby with a dog?
Yeah, that's a little while ago. You got get a human a baby with a dog. If that's possible, then we could death. Why can't humans. Animals. I love YouTube. I love that. But if that search prominence is indicative of the health of America, like look at this pretty odd look at this farmer's pig gives birth to human baby.
That is insane. We we have to we have to go back.
Yeah. Sorry. Go ahead. Yeah. We just got lost. That's why I was crazy like have and I'll be thinking but I still do think he was swallowed by a whale.
Maybe it's possible dude. Thanks man. It's actually not.
I said all that.
If it is different whales doesn't have a different way of whales.
How much do you have to pay to get a special on Netflix.
A lot. You put sugar in here. Oh fuck. Did I ask for sugar.
No, no, no, no. I know you did it. Yeah, well, you did it. I seen a TED talk, said you did a TED talk. I did a TED talk. It's so interesting. You said, Ted, thanks for coming. My scientists, you know, like my buddy was the guy producing it and he was like, could you please come into this TED talk? Everybody else is scared. And now every year they're not funny or they're talking about like having cancer, which sucks and ship.
It just gets like really fucking four cancers in a row. You're just like, oh, so like, lighten it up. And yeah, I just went and I did it and it was kind of fun and it kind of worked out. It was good.
And the clip I saw was you said, what did you say you were the the snooze. Oh yeah. Yeah. That was a clip I saw. Yeah.
I liked it because you're you're you're bitz on Instagram anyways. Come on. These really like short form digestible. Super topical. Yeah.
What's your focus. The biggest, some of the biggest videos of the year. I mean you took Instagram by storm this year. We had a good year, we had a good year. There will be a very fun transition and parlayed into what the Netflix show. Exactly which I thought was super cool. Yeah. That was cool how that happened. Yeah. Yeah. It's the same format. Right. You're literally sitting on the same set. Yeah.
Yeah. We just filmed it in the same studio. We have a studio in Brooklyn and that's where we, we just, you know, do our podcast and shit and it was just dope.
We like that, you know, I don't know exactly how it happened. I just know that like Mark and I, Mark is over there somewhere over there. So Mark and I were writing them in the beginning and Alex has been directing them and editing them. And we were just making them. I remember just telling Mark, I was like, I think if we do this for four months straight, we'll be able to do it wherever we want if we do want to do it anywhere.
OK, and then people started reaching out and like different networks started offering. And then there's one guy I got involved that I can't say his name anymore. And then he spoke to the people at Netflix and then and they were like, yeah, let's do something, let's make something happen. And then we made the project and then like, weirdly enough, like two days ago or three days ago, he called me after seeing it and he was like, I got to take my name off this.
Why? And he was like, you just you just destroy all my friends, like like, come on. Harris has been in my house, right? Like, I can't. I can't. Just because you pull.
No, I mean, bro, listen, you went on a rampage this year. Yeah. It was tackled. Every topic that no one else would talk about. And in a way that was, generally speaking, too far, pretty much every time, you know. And I think that's your I think that's your fucking trademark. Yeah.
They called me yesterday before it came out. My lawyers called me and we just got off the phone, Netflix, and they just wanted it to be abundantly clear that, like, if they get sued, that's on you. Oh, no. Yeah.
No more that Dana. So it was so so just one sided. Andrew shows on it is. These we're talking about people who are like super litigious, like all like the pedophile motherfuckers, you know, to me, and they're like associated with the Jeffrey Epstein shit and those are most of the investors and Netflix.
So they're just pissed off. I don't even know if they invest. I don't even know if they invested. Do they are they, like, plugged in like that? They might I don't even know. Well, when they put on a show about the pageant kids, I was kind of so I didn't see the pageant.
You had a joke about it. Yeah. Cuz we had a joke in there because I was like if we don't acknowledge this then we're fucking pussies. And I told them that and they're like, yeah that's fine, go for it. But they also put out that piece like about Eppstein. Did you see that one, the four part mini with James Patterson or whatever like that. Yeah, yeah. Not not that. And it was not I was like the four part many it incredible.
Yeah. But he was also for me it seemed like it was kind of like, it was like yeah. It was like Eppstein was the only one and none of us had anything to do.
It was like they almost went as far as like clearing like Bill Clinton in it, like they were like, oh, he was there, but we're positive. So it almost was like, OK, he's dead. So now we could blame everything on that motherfucker. It's the same thing. Is the the fire fist.
Yeah. I mean, like that he's in jail and so now it's all his fault. And everybody else who was involved, like who was the company was supposed to do it. Mark. Yeah, I think like Gary did on the PR for it, and then they had nothing, nothing to do with it, look back to me back to making Meems and sponsor dude with sign.
What if what if I shout a shout out D.M. Do sign real. Yes. Why don't you just Photoshop it the lights out every day. Because he's the real deal. Let's just do one day right in seven different outfits and then just Photoshop it. Maybe get people to come out here and go, oh, you're the guy who's I know though he was probably we went to a club with him once. No, I just going the fucking sign. Yes.
No, no, no. Listen, listen, we went hey, don't listen. We want Marcie. I had made a sign for him, the whole. Oh yeah. That was OK. And Paul is actually a decent guy or some shit. I held a fucking crowd member. I can find the picture of it.
I think I thought I thought he walks around the fucking sign. I thought it was his birthday and it said, like, happy birthday, do we sign? And then in the bottom right corner it said plus LP like really small. Yeah. Then he held it.
That was it. Right. Right. He's really good at holding signs. Yeah.
He's, he's the man. That guy. Let me stop hating. Let me know. His name's Seth.
He's great. And he flips, he fucks with his. He doesn't even talk at all. Yeah baby. And he flips it like. Yeah.
Do you think that there could be a government conspiracy post. Eppstein working directly with Netflix to further clear everyone else that was involved. There's like yeah if Netflix does this for us, we'll give Netflix a huge tax break. All they have to do is clear everyone except for us.
I don't think it goes like that. I think it goes James Patterson, who's like homies with the Clintons. Right. And they're basically like, look, and I don't know what the fuck the Clintons have done.
Like, we make a lot of jokes about it, like, who cares?
But I think Hillary's like a hit supposed to hit exactly like we bust balls about that. But I don't have any proof that she's done it right.
Because she fucking has probably. I know she's a murderer. She's a murderer. You Hillary is a future female lefty percent body count. Yeah, exactly. It's like tough to be friends with her and like stay around but like there. But honestly, I don't have any proof of that.
So what I think it is, is people going, yo, we got to clear our names. Why don't you make something kind of dope and just put it on that guy, you know what I mean?
Like, everybody wants their name to be good. Like that's why Barack's coming out a book right now. He's coming out with a book which is basically like, yo, I would have done more, but I can't because that's how America is built. Right.
Because he was at his lowest in terms of like how much appreciated he was juicing. It was a marketing ploy.
The highest appreciation you can get right now in politics is fifty percent of the country. Yeah. It doesn't matter who you are. It doesn't matter who you are. It doesn't matter if you're the best person in the entire world and you're giving out, you know, lower taxes and everybody's rich, only up to 50 percent of the country can make good any time because you have a party atmosphere. That's why it's stupid politics like do not. It's just such a dumb thing.
It's like you're the guy that lies for the next four years. That's your job is to lie to people.
Rich people pay you a lot of money like a lot of people.
You're just an influencer. You're a man with a sign. You're a mom, you're a fucking man. What it's like you're a Muppet. That's all this was like. Why am I listening to everything you say? Like the four of us here have way more influence over, like, what people actually think and like what they're going to do with their lives than Gavin Newsom. You can shut down a restaurant, but he can't change the way people think.
Like he can't actually get people to go, oh, you know what? I never thought about that, you know? Oh, yeah. Maybe being gay isn't wrong. You know, I'm saying I don't think he has that influence.
I'll get people to hate him. That's all he can do really well, because he's going to lie and eventually just fed up like a thing like you.
A lot of people, as long as there's like sports to watch and like nightclubs, you will get pussy out of shit.
But the second you take away all that, yeah, we have nothing to do. We just start going, oh, this motherfucker line. Yeah, he's a liar because everybody was so fucked up like on drugs and shit.
Now you can't go buy drugs because Newsome said no drugs because of covid. He said no drug. I don't know. Probably sound like that real. I don't know. You just said don't go out anywhere because it covid you can't go outside and buy drugs are going to drop him off, you know, no drugs.
Oregon said mojos or whatever you want. That's right here on my life. What do you think about that? Portland is the worst city I've ever been to in my entire life.
So literally, when it was on fire, I was so happy for me. I've been so happy, like so mad every time. I've never met more rude people in my entire life. Oh, no, dude, I went we were out of fucking the three of us. We're at a place. We're doing shows and we're at a we're like, I don't know, I don't like restaurant.
I know the fuck it was probably a restaurant shop. It was something I don't know, maybe it was I don't know. It was like a restaurant and it didn't have any seating. Right. So I go up to the lady and I go, excuse me, miss, do you know a place that, like has like some seating or some table service like that? And then she goes, she was. Yeah. Do you have your phone? And I go, yeah, she goes, Google that.
Oh. Like on some smart shit. Some like almost I almost reached across the counter and gave her a wedgie.
I'd never felt that way when you want. Almost as I walked out of there like a simp, that's what I know, I Googled leave and went outside and Googled, couldn't believe it or not. I was like, what is happening right now? I couldn't believe someone would be so rude to me. What was your honest response? Oh, yeah. No, no. What was your response? I swear to God, it was I swear to God it was.
Huh? I just couldn't.
And you're from New York, like for you to think someone's rude. That's a big fight. It was.
And you know it because it was like she gave me like an alley oop. Oh, yes. You said you said you are. She went to level four, so I took out the phone. OK, OK. You got something good. You got something me. Right. And I'm about to start typing. She says you should Google that. Wow.
I couldn't believe what she young and attractive, not attractive people in all Portland.
They're disgusting. Every one of them is disgusting, disgusting and pale. Every last one of them. And just fucking like, you know, that Gorillaz song.
I'm happy to remember that, that lumping around everybody's got the fucking posture of what is the guy who owns Scooby Shaggy.
Yeah. Yeah. His posture and every single person is looking for they saw every person has that had on that George wiring. Yeah. Every single person. Yes. And they're all I think is I think I should tell you I'm born in port. I'm from. Why you can't.
Because I can't get worse. It can't get worse. Is this fucking got. No, no, no. I mean even though you joked around about it, I still think you are a little bit of it.
And I don't like you now because of how much I hate Portland.
That's to get the worst city. So it is it's it's white people without God. White people need a little God. Yeah. And they have no God there. And it's just it is the strip club capital of the world. There's nonstop strip clubs because they just are searching for serotonin. They don't know what to do with themselves. Like if you remove God from white people. I grew up with no religion. I don't I haven't I don't know what the fuck is going on, but there's a little part of me.
It's like maybe, you know, got out there pretty cool. Yeah.
These people have now gotten in there, has fallen apart. I mean, to you at a restaurant.
Well, they put together that whole antifa. Is that them. I think. Yeah, right. They just, they just he's got a fuck. Yeah. I got some head nods coming out. Honestly I would join it just so I could burn down the sink. Well I would join antiphonal.
He hasn't hasn't Trump and everybody's been going at Portland because the mayor basically said like yo this is in antifa safe zone. Like y'all come out in Portland. Yeah. You can do whatever you want. Have fun.
Let me tell you something. There is a lot of people that were OK with them destroying that city, OK?
Anybody who's visited Portland has been completely OK with them destroying that city.
They have good donuts. They have great Dave. No, no, no, no. They're great donuts and they have the Nike store, Dave, the Nike store and great donuts. Great donuts, Nike store. But still, if a new kid it today, you're you're Cheiron.
I'm not going. OK, a nuke is weird because there's like after effects of that, you know, people could be like mutant meteor that takes out just downtown Portland 100 percent.
OK, OK, I've got it 100 percent. OK, isn't Netflix headquartered in Portland? I've got my doubts.
Honestly, I'm going to Hulu next year. Doesn't matter to the Oddisee. It doesn't matter at this point. If I found out Netflix was in Portland, I asked them to take down the special myself. That's how horrible it is.
Honestly, dude, it is the worst city. It's so bad as anybody else here. BENTA Well, I passed through once and I was hitchhiking. You were hitchhiking. It was rainy. It was cold. All it does.
But but the guy who picked me up was was was nice. I don't I don't think I have an accurate representation of.
Did the girl have her nose pierced like a September. All they do, it's a septum and they're just waiting to get fucking scooped out.
The restaurant wasn't Dick's last resort like you weren't at some place where they were purposely mean to you, right?
No, no, no, no. Is that the theme?
Their game? Yeah.
They have the best game room. Yeah. So Nike game room donuts game room is they have the Antifa.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're going to get pussy one day but it's going to happen. It's going to happen I promise. OK, yeah. It's going to have something. I know I. Come on. No, no this guy's good luck. This good is good. We have one worker, he's got nine one seven.
We are numbers nine one seven at a party once and got it in it. Yeah. Our fingers up to the webbing.
Are you carrying a fucking ball.
An arrow in there.
Yeah he's a Sagittarius. He actually was that and it wasn't in here.
It was actually in the pool house. No. Yeah yeah yeah. He you smash he he fucked during luau that we threw. The only issue though Andrew was the pig.
The mike had fucked the same girl two hours earlier. That's what's. Oh that was the only problem. There you go. I'm happy you came out to me.
He got to go. She goes, Hey man, you know that girl. No, I like these eggs.
Yeah, I got it. I got to go. Yes. Dylan outside. Nah.
Know he was hella proud he got stuck in wet wipes to clean up Mike's and what he told me, I was like, oh no, but his hair is incredible and he's got great hair.
Good. Looks like you did teeth whitening. You do teeth whitening. And he's a great producer.
So I will say there's one thing on my notes list here that I'm well, this one's weird. Sometimes I like to read where he writes down like a random thoughts. Ever been caught whacking off? Have I have I ever been caught whacking off? Yeah. Have I ever been called out? That's a weird question.
Well, it's just like I don't know all of his stuff. And then there's so much I don't jerk off what saying I don't jerk off you saying I'm not against it, but I don't do it. I don't either. Can't remember the last time you got a girl. You got a girl. Yeah. I got to go and I got to save him for her. I don't have like a crazy I said that makes sense. So like I said, I need to save as much nuts as I can.
Does she. If you. Yeah. Same if you care. Yeah. You told her you're like hey like yo it had been three days you been on your period. Like I whacked it. She's pissed right. Same. Yeah.
Well you, you if you tell your girl that the pawn you backed off to is actually her pawn, does that change it.
Do that it your little boy. You're a wild one for that.
Let me think about that because I set the low key that works that play. But like, like you got baby you got ad revenue. Yeah. Like you hear I'm jerking off to you. Right. And then if only if you're angry at her because you're like, why do you think that's why is you're speaking of which you covered that topic.
Do you mean her topic like.
Well like six months ago and I showed it to her and she was like, that was so mean. You should you should text him. I was like, he didn't say anything. I mean, that was supportive. I thought so, too. You just said, like, big ups, Mike, for like, I hate this one. I said I basically was like I was like, listen, there's this guy. I was going to explain everything flagrant.
They probably know who you are. But if they didn't, I was like Super Town. He's really funny on this podcast.
I really like this guy in no matter what he tweets, somebody responds to the tweet with a video of his girl, like blowing some other guy, right? Yeah. And it's just like it's like you tweet the most supportive thing, like like we got to help starving kids like this person starving. And it's just like and I was like, it's so fucked up and it's just fucked up for you to have to go with it. But I was actually impressed that you could, you know, handle that.
I don't know why. I just never know. You're not fazed by that kind of stuff? I don't know. You got like after you smoke crack for a while, like you just stop, like, thinking about shit like that. Like, you know, people realize that like if you come back from drug addiction, there's a freedom.
It's like, yeah, that's how I feel with Korona. Like, I'm good.
Like, Hey, who's Cofan? Like, let's go. Like, nothing stopping me right now. Nothing like I'm shameless nasco. I got my parents got it.
So now I don't even fucking worry about giving it to them. It's easy everyday. Right. Mask what I was like future mask off the whole whole time dude. Yeah. No you just said that because you got so much shit the last time you said that. You know that what. You got a lot of shit for saying that joke on the last laugh.
I don't even think anymore. I don't get why.
That's why you made a future mask of joke when he said all second time the way got mad at the first time, you know, the first time. Why didn't they like this is really fun. Oh, I got to reusing jokes. It's so funny at least. Funny thing is because the first time he said he said the mask off song bye bye offset.
You said it the wrong the wrong one. I don't give a fuck, I don't care. The guys from fucking Pangea's doesn't exist anymore. No I know. He's like You got a problem with those comments. How would you like it if your home washed away, detached from the rest of the world and say, oh, my God has sunk into the bottom of the ocean? Do you think I care what you do and say I care about tectonic plates separating during supper?
Yeah, that's what I care about. You got to be that guy. You got to lean into that guy. No matter what anybody is going through, you just make it worse. People are complaining about like the house being a master, like at least you have a house. My home is sunk.
Oh, fuck, man, God bless you, you Assyrian. Fuck you, Bingy.
And man, your pension is way better. Remember the club in New York, Penghu? There was a club called Bingy. Yes, it was on Lafayette Street between like that sounds that sounds wacky. Yeah, it was. It was. It was. Wait is that s where is that nose on Lafayette between 4th and Astor.
That sounds like. Being short, no, it was actually kind of like, yeah, like the whole area. Yeah, but it was kind of like a pop in place. OK, but we were young. I was I'm a little older than you guys.
You probably had older, 35, 35, OK? I was like, you're right.
It's like, yeah, but it's like but I'm from Connecticut.
But you were coming down, right? You're not getting drugs in Connecticut. You want the good stuff in Bridgeport. There's some good. And people realize that Connecticut Connecticut has got two of the top five most dangerous cities for New Haven in Bridgeport. Those are those are those are my spots. They still got beepers. They have like, you know, they moved to next Tuesday.
When you call each other, they moved up a notch. New Haven is that that you don't want to risk your life to get a good slice of pizza or to go to Yale.
The only reason that New Haven still exists and hasn't been Pinkard is because of Yale. Like literally that's the only reason.
That's all. Colleges don't put us in the hood. Yeah, it's cheap Linscott. It's cheap land right there. It's a lot. It's a lot of land.
I'm trying to think there's probably some. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cincinnati in Ohio. Oh, Cincinnati. You you see. Yeah, yeah. I remember I was always told me not to leave the campus if I went.
So it's almost like the middle of the ghetto. Yeah.
Someone told me that like in like USC has a relationship with like the gangs in the area and the relationship is basically like, yo, don't touch anybody with the USC shirt. They do that there's like under the table agreement we work with with a charitable organization that has deemed there there little can no go zone for the gang, it's in Watts and they just respect it.
The gang. All right, cool. OK. Can't touch that because you guys are doing good for the community and they're like, that's kind of it, isn't it?
Isn't it strange like the the more moral code that still exists in the underworld, like it's there still there, which was why I had so much trouble with six nine coming on the show. Oh, interesting. Because he was he made his way and built his whole life off of this gang mentality and, you know, running drugs, guns and stuff. And then did the only thing that you can't do in that light snatch it up. You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, but but then he came on the shelf and I realize this is a kid and he's smart, you know, and charismatic, huh? Oh, yeah.
Like when I'm curious about. I haven't met him. Yeah. Like, is he the type that like when you meet them you're like, oh I get it now.
Like I get why people are drawn to on.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He knew about that market. We like you guys completely switched. Yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah he's, he's not, he's not a dummy dude. Yeah. No I knew he was sharp, you know what he was doing. Also multi sorry to cut you but I'll keep on doing that.
He Lokey I think that like what he did with hip hop I think that you guys are doing with boxing, you know, calling out motherfuckers.
Right. Like calling out motherfuckers that won't fight you like when he would calling out all these like gang bangers and shit like that. Like these like real hood ass like rappers and stuff like that.
He he knows on some level, like, they're not going to jail to kill me. So I'm going to call them out as much as I can. I'm going to call their card. I'm going to pull that shit and they're not going to do anything about that. He said that on our show.
He said he goes out, yo, I thought rap was real. I thought, you know, and they start calling him out.
He's like, oh, everybody's faking it. Except except I wonder if you could look at the people he missed firing shots at as potentially the people who he didn't think like, I don't know, like who didn't he take shots at?
You'd have to go back, get back and inspect. Yeah, he didn't fucking fire shots that he fired shots like white guy and shit. Yeah. Well yeah because why that song. Right.
Big time about is he was crashing on his album. Yeah. He really went after them all. I'm saying is this like it's really cool when you're willing to go there. I don't know if he was want to go there or not, but like what you guys are doing at least with boxing, which I really like, is like if you're willing to get in the ring, most people are not right. They're just not willing to get in the ring.
Most people are not willing to fight. And a street fight is different. If they got to throw down, they will. But like, put themselves out in front of people to get potentially knocked the fuck out. That's a lot scary, bro. Yeah.
So you get to call out all these people and that's what we were texting about. It was like you calling all these motherfuckers that call themselves tough, they call themselves masculinized. Do you just call them out and they're going to wilt and then you get to take all that clout or whatever it is that you get to to suck up from that.
I just think it's a really interesting way of going through. Yeah, a lot of people a lot of people wilt under the pressure. Yeah, my brother called out man Paris Hilton on Joe Biden.
He was going for LeBron James.
Gronk. Rob Gronkowski.
Yeah, Gronk is interesting. Gronk is interesting just because the reach and shit.
I don't someone mentioned him for potential fight. Yeah. With me I, i that seems dumb.
He's just a fucking huge. Yeah. He's huge if he's fired up and not.
Yeah I know. I'll be honest. If in two years I would take that fight, Brock, more experience, I would do it, I would do it, you can do it.
But the thing is like, is it going to be as exciting? Because when you have a guy that has reached like that, right. What happens is it's really hard to land the type of shots that like Jake was landing on Nate. Right. You're not going to land an overhand right?
No, no, no. I don't box like that.
Yeah, you like you like you little stick and move and stuff like that. So you might have that Gronk choreographer's LPI two or three years from now.
I like it. Here's my here's my question, though. Well, you know, when people say when keeping it real goes wrong, what happens if because because I think a lot of the horses, Jake, for example, is jet propulsion. Fuel right now is the fact that he's been winning.
You know, he knocked the recently but, you know, recency bias. Yeah. Because it's just like psychological, especially with fights and also sentiment from fans and so on and so forth. But like so he's been winning. My question is this. What happens if he. Gets one of these fights like what happens if one of these motherfuckers actually says, all right, Jake, Paul, let's go to the cash out. So that's the last. That's what I'm assuming.
That's what it is like.
If you can get 50 mil, if you can get 50 mil, you might as well. Most people would fight anybody for 50 mil. Think about that.
Ninety nine percent of human beings would fight anybody because of guns, because a couple of guys, like once he walks in when Diaz or McGregor, the fight street gangs, the winter guy.
Yeah, I don't think I really don't think that he's going to outbox and McGregor or even Nate. But here's the thing.
He can fight for sure. Like I'm not saying he can fight. I was very surprised and I heard he could fight.
I remember he texted you guys. I was like because a couple of my homies, like, are boxers in L.A. and one of them hit me up and he was like, yo, no shit. Jay, Paul is going to knock Nate Robson out. I go, what? He goes, he goes, he was in the gym and there and he beat the fucking shit out of my boy that I like, I spar with and is legit.
And I was like, no way, OK, I am putting money or anything on the fight. But when he said I was like, OK, it might have been legit. Yeah.
All I'm saying is a smart thing to do, but you're going to get to a level where you're going to have to cash out and make sure you cash out on the loss. Right. Until you at the loss knock everybody out. Yeah, it doesn't make sense to big do anything else a little bit out of your reach.
But when I was watching, I was watching sports. The dude the dude is a boxer. He can hit very hard and is good structural box.
Yeah. No, no there's no question. I asked I was talking to Rogan. I was. You should fight Jake Ball and everyone goes and I kick my ass.
They just said I was like, oh, that was just an honest moment. Like Roggeveen fighting his whole life. He goes, Dude, I'm old.
Even if we kick boxing for one leg, kick my legs, start a like that.
His leg kicks are crazy. Now I can kick some of me that cashed out. I mean like what does he want to fight right now. You don't see any money. Yeah, we the last time I saw him in person he was just lounging at the fucking Scorseses. You flew to Texas.
Yeah. Yeah. Did he say if that's affecting. Probably not, because he's Joe Rogan, but his ability to get guys like, is it tough to get people down there? You know what he said he was flying in like two to three guests a week anyway.
OK, so he flies them in, I think certain ones, not me, but.
Yeah, yeah. If I was a scientist, maybe if I got these jokes on the fly. So I made my way out there, but like, yeah, he was having to come out and like, he's just got so much gravity.
They like people are going, I will come. Sure. Because the think about you going that podcast and like listen, you got a book coming out or something like that, you're going to sell copies.
So it's worth it for you to spend three hundred dollars to fly. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You like his new set. It's all right. I mean, like they're gonna they're going to switch it up a bit. Well why did he do that?
I think it's just a part of this, like bigger. I mean, I can't speak too much about it, but like, it's part of a bigger thing. OK, OK. Is he going to try to. Yeah, I think they're going to redo a different I hate this set. Oh.
The Mars thing. Well, I don't know. I don't even know that what I just said that like you see trying to build his next studio on Mars because like he has one hundred million. I mean, why not. Yeah, I don't know.
Maybe, but I mean, he's about the space exploration ship.
I don't think he's going well.
He's already been and just not but well here he he's on the to have you guys done that shit. No, no. I explain to people all the time, everybody scared. Acid VMT is like yeah. Fifty acid trips at one time and it's all condensed into five fucking minutes or ten minutes.
I just did Mike Tyson's podcast before this. I saw that it's why why I think I'm a contact high. Seriously. Because he was smoking the whole time. All the time. The whole time he faced like three joints during the podcast. And halfway through I told him about halfway through he took an entire handful of mushrooms and then nonono an entire half, I'm talking six mushrooms, cap stems, all of them down in the middle of the podcast. Full on, full on.
He said, I do this every day like bowls of cereal, worth of drugs, psychedelics. He said they're out of the box. So I go out there, I'm like, chill the mushrooms.
He goes, Yeah, I feel a little, but like, OK, OK, that's crazy. That's crazy.
I did he did he push you on stuff? Because he'll kind of go in. He did not going. I've seen him. I've seen him. Yeah. I've seen him push people. He didn't. Would you say he didn't want that smoke with you, were there days of hype it up high enough? Oh, him and his boy, they pushed me to do mushrooms. And he did. I know. I did. I did a PSA.
I said, hey, this is what peer pressure looks like. Kids watch this. I don't want your drugs and how they react.
I know. It's cool. Yeah, come up. No one can be upset when you don't take their drugs. Yeah, I had this conversation. Everyone in L.A. wants you to do their drugs. Yeah, dude, I've been in so many parties and and some random person will come up to me, yo, you want coke y me and where did you come?
Where did you get one answer? Half a moment where it comes out from under the desk urinating to where did you and also why me. Why it's always. And is he doing this to everyone now. Does he want to go with you or is it just anybody with more than ten million on it.
If you got more than ten million, they want to do a gun. Yeah. Why do I look like I do?
But you don't want to do a lot of people think you do. I see it sometimes. I can't. No, I don't think so. Maybe Addie's but not Coke. Can't fuck with those two. I don't do drugs. I don't mix with drugs.
Never have fun and try Adderall. Dude, Adderall is fucking. No, no, no. You're not the first guy I've only had.
Portnoy is a massive Adderall. Yeah I could see that. I could see that I've. Yeah I've only had it a few times. I did at Burning Man a stay up. That's how old I am.
That's tricky. Well no you, you take the Adderall to stay up to do other drugs. Well not even I don't, I don't do drugs right now.
You will smoke weed. And then I had Adderall and then we were doing Adderall to stay up at when we were working on the Netflix. You know, Adderall is the cheap man's coke, the coke or meth.
Some people say it's it's like coke just it's just a stimulant, but they call it the treatment. You'll be able to afford actual Coke now because of the Netflix special. But I don't want to do Coke. Well, you wouldn't even be able to smell it anyways. Shultz's look like I have no fucking I have smelled it since 1996.
It's true. I'm never going to smell again. How fucked up is that? If if everything went with it, if everything went to shit, you could start cleaning porta potties and it wouldn't bother you.
That could be the job. There are different ways I could take advantage of this. Yeah. You know how I found out that I couldn't smell I, I was itching my ass. Right. Like, I see this a lot. Like I'm very serious. So, like, I'll just scratch it. It gets a joint effort after and I hours. I couldn't smell anything. It was actually my left hand, so I'm itching my ass. And then I smelled it.
I smell nothing. And then I spooned my girlfriend and then she weighed her.
You made her I didn't make her do anything. I thought it was clean because I went and it's melting and I spoon and then she just goes, Oh, get off me.
What is that? She's your hair and smells like shit dog. And I smell my own hand. I smelled nothing. This is this is like a dirty Sanchez. I had no clue on why. Unbelievable. Unbelievable.
Dude, you know what? Unbelievable.
What was your first thought when you smelled those? You really get in there, though. Then where the fuck is he gone? He's pissed. Oh, there you go. Nice. That was like three weeks ago.
Give me some of that. Give me some of that. How do you make it on all those cameras?
I would have tripped over all of them. Are you fucking kidding me? That's crazy. That's great.
I didn't know you get in there like that. You already know. Why would you look over your underwear? I actually go in. I penetrate the hole a little bit. I swear to God my life. If there's toilet paper in there. Yeah, I suppose. Dingleberry. Yeah, I get the Dingles out. What. Yeah. Dude, I have testosterone right here on my butt. Go over your underwear.
Nah. Sometimes you got to go through. Know what it is. Neither of them from the East Coast that's they don't gamble bro.
You know, in terms of not wanting to go to the bathroom in a garbage can, that's like, you know what we're talking about two very different things.
No, it's the same thing. I take my fingers and I scratch my asshole. And then sometimes it gets a little rare. Sometimes it gets a little red dude. Sometimes it gets so scratched it's a little red and wet.
Yo, I don't like I don't like this at all. And what I don't like about it the most is that you're so comfortable saying it. And I'm like, yeah, this makes sense because what do you you don't scratch your asshole. I mean what do you do. I don't admit that I scratch and now you just did and you looked like a pussy. Do you know it looks like a pussy. Like you sit there like and rub your butt against the chair.
Just get down there like a man with your fingers and digging, asshole. I feel bad for your wife.
And by the way, I just go I Googled her. Oh, you got her.
I, I don't. I don't because show no because tell me when to stop.
That's why. I don't know. Yeah he doesn't at all. I was because I would never stop.
She didn't ask for this you know. I'm saying like she didn't want to be like she's a private Instagram. She doesn't write any of the any of the rest of the fucking shit.
But look, it also is true. She did not ask for that at all. I didn't know I could smell anything. What was your first thought when you smelled your hand and there was no smell like did you think your smell was gone or did you think you might was what you guys are anything?
I'm making this up. I swear to God that making this up, my taste went first and literally it. Happened on. Please don't tell me you found out your taste was wrong because you ate your shit. No, like you put your hand in your mouth. That was a low point. You know, I literally I literally I swear to God, this sounds like a hack joke is not a hack joke.
I was so stressed with the fucking special right. We were working like a hundred fucking ten hours away. It was insane. And I felt horrible because I wasn't, like, satisfying my girl, you know?
I mean, I was like so stress, I couldn't even, like, be sexual at all. So I'm just like, I need to satisfy this woman right now. I'm going down on her. I'm going to work. This is Thanksgiving morning or the day before Thanksgiving. And I went down to her and I and I tasted nothing.
And, you know, there's like a flavor like, oh, you love you girls flip, you know, and there was anything there. And I was like, this is weird. Like, did she like did she just, I don't know, like shower or something. Like I didn't understand what was going on. And then it hit me.
I was like, oh fuck, can I not taste the Y like you were.
Yeah, I was just licking and I tasted nothing and I go, oh fuck. And I ran into the kitchen and I grabbed some dried cherries and I started eating those. Nothing I grab an olive. Nothing. Yeah. And that's how I find out. Did now did you go back and finish the job. One hundred percent no question. Number two.
Excuse bad. I got covid. Yeah. I can't, I can't risk giving you cover. Can you give someone.
Yeah. I put a mask on that General covid.
No dude I'm such a fuck. None of us, all three of us got Korona. None of us could give it to our girls.
I'm sorry. Like all three of us gave Korona. Right. Yeah. We all live with our girls, wives, fiances. Right.
None of us could give it to our girls like you were trying to knock this out, dude. I mean, then we could travel right up front, like, I can't wait to get going to Asia or whatever. Kuwait, right. That was the only place Earth really is Asia, Mexico and Florida and Miami. That's it. One of those to do Miami. I swear. We talked about Arizona. Arizona currently doesn't believe in covid. Miami never, never did.
Never even when they were like today we are at the height of the colvert. They really fuck. No, we're not live is open. Let's go out on Grubman's boat, meet up with purple, Mr. Miami, fuck some hookers and fucking story. Go to space after till 8pm. They didn't give a shit covid never hit Miami. Just never, never made it dude. Yeah. So that was it man.
I just fucking couldn't give it to her and then. And then. Yeah. And we just, we actually shut down the special for almost two weeks.
I was going to say what you're saying. You worked the ten hour days and.
Oh no, we're working. We were doing, we're getting in there like seven and then we were leaving it like for. And I don't mean to be a dick, but it seems like a pretty simple show, right? You're right.
It's right point it seems I get yeah, I know it does seem like that, but the way that we write the pieces, like there's so joke dense there, like we actually there's really boring, but like we write a term paper first. So like we write out an actual term paper that is 15 minutes.
You guys are funny, you're just nertz complete nerds nurse. So it's almost as if people knew how fucking awesome the show was. Like we literally I like the jokes in different colors. So no color code.
There's that one girl in history class that's color coding. That's, that's you scratching my ass in color coding is what I do is I got Andreotti more the brown crayon that you've been using on your paper so much, dude.
OK, so then I almost said something really I'm not I'm glad I to do it and I can't do it. I'm not going to do it.
No white ondes when I watch that show, no white undies out of respect to my girl. When I watch her. When I watch the Instagram. So yeah. Yeah. You're sitting there.
I always ask myself how is there were some segments where you go so long without fucking up.
Yeah. Like and I and I studied your thing. I really did because these were incredible. I shared every single one of them. We all watched all of them. I've never turn my phone sideways so many fucking times. Incredible series of events this year. But I would always I studied it. I noticed. How do they make it so seamless with these long seconds? And I notice your fuckups equal a change of camera, correct, Alexx?
Amazing. Yes, amazing.
That's exactly you and you fucking crush because I would run out of breath because we were doing like the Netflix one is slower because I assume people like sitting down at home and they're taking some time.
But you guys know, like YouTube, Instagram, like you might pop that up for two minutes while you're on the bus, you know, I mean, like you're just in and out. So we want to just lock in and then go. So we would do it super fast and I would literally have to take a deep breath and I just get as much as I could. And then we'd stop and then do the next section we show.
I wish we had one. Well, he he he said, oh yeah. You guys got to see it. Yeah. So we yeah. We didn't, we didn't watch it. No, no, no, no, no.
I'm talking about his answer. No but he sent us here. I sent you guys the special. There are two people I sent the special to you guys.
Is it in the is in the group chat. Yeah. You piece of shit. He asked for our emails you piece of shit. It was you guys and Rogan got to see it. He watched it and he. Well look what if I put my phone. That's why he's still around. Now we all respond. I'll get text Mike. We all get text. You all text back. Yes we did. Because we're good fucking human beings.
No, look at this right now, dude. I'm fucking rogue. Watched it. That's why that's why he made so many, so many schools, so many more text. That was the other hand. I go lefty.
But yeah. You guys will see it when you see it. Shit. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. That really hurt my feelings about tonight. You wanna watch it? I do actually.
Yeah, that's right. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no. I mean technically awful. No, no, no, no.
Technically all four of us who watch it but it's out. You guys don't need the link. It's on Netflix. Wait, hold up. Know what. The link. I gave it to you a few hours early. Oh that's OK. Fuck you. Yeah. I'm rooting for Floyd. I don't know. Yeah, but I'm rooting for Floyd.
So it is what everyone inside. I was with you and I'm like, yo, Logan's going to do this. We're going to make it happen. Well, he's got a fake beard that you haven't even made fun of yet. I know. I know how if you're not a fan of that, I wonder what's going on.
You guys got a fake beer that's happening. What's happening? Get the picture up, please. Well, this is hysterical. He's a fake one. Got implants.
He bit right. You haven't seen this.
Yeah, no, I saw him then turned off comments because people were destroyed. Oh, is that what the. Yes. Oh, is that what you turned off comments. Yes. It's this one fake beard. It's this one. If you zoom in, you'll see it. Oh no, no. But look at the hairline. He hasn't hair since he's twenty years old. Fake hair line, fake beard. Well, hold on a second. I'm going I'm going to fucking do that too.
And rightfully you should do. Oh, absolutely. Well, don't just don't know the last ten years. What are you talking about. All about the supplements though.
Do press conferences. I just need material. This is great.
You've got to go and I will try it out. I mean, I turned off comments.
I noticed that because I was gonna say some dumb shit, not on a completely unrelated matter that looks like an aerated green at the golf course, like when nobody plays golf here, you know the fuck you went to boogie on us. You the way to Hollywood. Yeah. Look at that beard, huh? Like that shit, George? I don't know. Mary, mother fuckers, why are you guys so Harry's hot? I don't know, man, I don't know.
But it's kind of funny because I came. I'm telling you, he's not. What do you mean he's not? He shaves his legs and his natural disposition, his hair, obviously not that hair. I thought it was because, I mean, Seamus is the sixth grade. Yeah.
This is the most grown up. That's a lot of chest hair still growing. Oh, you're sure? I mean, bro. Yeah.
You can't even connect over here. I have no hair on my face. It's all my ass. Yeah.
Yeah. The Italian all over my ass to a great Scottish Scottish.
And my my dad is Irish and German. OK, so white. You're Jewish, so. Yeah. No, you're not Jewish. That's what I said. Most people. How do you think you get away with saying everything they say.
It's a good question. Pretty edgy.
I'm not. Not once have I seen hashtag cancel Andrew Schultz. They've tried. They tried a lot. But then eventually you just kind of like stop because you're like, we're not going to get him out of here. I also don't have like it is the first time in a while I've done anything with the network. So it's like the first time that you can, like, put pressure on a network to get rid of me.
You know, like when you're putting out your own stuff, like you're your own boss, like you can't answer me and then I don't put it on YouTube or something like that, like that's where I'm going to do.
But yeah. And also I think we just go and everybody, like, they start to get it, you know, like I don't think that we're unfair.
Like, I literally just make fun of anybody. You also never you also never apologize. Yeah. Because that's the easiest way to get cancelled. Yeah. Because Yeah. Like why would you apologize if you're what if you're really sorry. Now that's a reason to apologize. Right. Yeah. What if people tell you you should be saying no.
No, because it's like everybody is going to be a little offended by something.
Right. You know, I mean like if you make a joke about I'm trying think like animals or whatever, like your buddy that was here. Right. Like Spencer doesn't like those jokes about animals because he love sharks, because he loves sharks. That was weird.
Can we call him. I saw I saw him the other day healthy. I know you're going to. That was a perfect. Well no.
Just like they made a list. This is funny. They made a list. Vulture dotcom. The best fake is the most teary influencer. Apologies of twenty twenty.
Look at this. What's this. They like. They like broken down. I haven't seen all these but this is a guy in the middle. That's Shane Dawson. What's up with his face.
So he, what he, what he do. Was he like snowboarding or something. You know what he looks like.
It looks like Winburn. He did. So he made some he made some pretty slick comments.
It was it had to do with pedophilia or something like that or like, OK, this one's least concern in their eyes.
I want to superlatives. Yeah. I don't think I want to see that.
I kind of want to see this actually that I know she's a child of six. Yeah.
She's not the most organized receipt for the girl that was like George. Go back to that.
Well that's George. That's George. That's a face was addressing everything this best, best of washing detergent.
Oh they're just. Hello Mr. Clean and is clean wife and sheets. Yes, this is where most genuine Jenna Marbles, that makes sense, at least accountability tries to see that. That's a shame. Yeah, because he needs to put on a turtleneck. Well, yeah.
Yeah, well, you just stop making. He just. No, he doesn't even put on a tear. I just went away. You don't even exist. He went go out and visited Panji. He just said no one is underwater now worth every Jaffrey's.
What worst least fucks given. What's this? I don't know that I haven't watched any of these, but what is this? Their apology videos. What is. They fucked up. That's a guy or a girl. I will not answer this question. I refuse to attempt to answer this question. What is it? It's both. Yes, is the only answer anyone in this room will feel comfortable. Come on with this, I think.
What is it? Does it have a penis or. No, it has a penis, but it identifies as not having a penis. Seems like a good time to put hand sanitizer on, I don't know just yet, you give me something to put him in his mouth, open up. So speaking of sniffing shit, this is a lot of sass, right? There's a lot of sass. And I look, I kind of want to see this.
What if I told you that she's worth more?
What if everybody welcome to my channel? Oh, she's got no. I have been silent for a very long time. I know that's very rare for me.
I've taken a lot of time to do a lot of stuff, but I don't understand.
She identifies as she he he identifies as he. Well, there is an answer here that doesn't affect you in any way. If you just answer it properly. It Jeffrey, I doubt what is the proper answer. Fucking fuck fucking it.
I'm confusing. It is. It's not hateful. No, no. Hey, don't you ever heard of the day I started thinking he is not doing this with the day that we're not doing this? No, it's what does he want to be. He I'll call him whatever you want. He. Yes, that's a fine ass dude. Yes. That's perfect. Cause you go as far as dudes go pretty fine. Is that all correct.
Well you I feel like guys are scared here. I'm out. I'm not. I'm just trying to make sure I get canceled if you don't know. What if I told you that he he identifies as she is worth more than broken from what? Plus what does she do? What does he do. Makeup.
Makeup dude makes it confusing. This shit is broken bro. We might we might need to go to that fucking. You don't know. Oh, I didn't know. I didn't know it was like this. Wow.
Two hundred million. Those are the same onesies. Shultz's were two hundred broken. Got that. Got that wrong.
And I got that but not so what's a she sells makeup. He, he sells makeup. You have to get the highest part. I say something. Can I say something. That to me is branding. Right. If you're a he and you do makeup good enough to be a she. Right. Ugly chicks are going to go. Well imagine what I could do with that. So you see them saying, like, if a dude could become like that, it is know bad, just imagine it, you're some fucking ugly girl and you're seeing a guy become a hot girl.
You're like, holy shit, that's way further than me becoming a hot girl, because guy to hot girl is this far right. Ugly girl to hot girls this far. I know how far he's got to go. I feel as a guy. And then sometimes you look at him and he's like, I see a little finesse. I feel like this is OK. I just suck like, George, get back here. Yo, Tony, Tony, this is me.
I'm like, can I am I can I laugh at this? Like I look at you laugh. I don't know. He's wearing all the makeup he's got. He's trying to trick us. He knows what he's doing. If I wear a Yankee hat, are you like who? Do you like the Red Sox? No. No, you know who I like, right? I like the fucking Yankees. So he's dressed me. He's dressed in a way that makes you go.
You like dicks or not, buddy? Like, what's the deal? Like, he is being misleading. If he's still he is real. I'm wrong. And I look at me. I'm wrong to walk on you. You look like a finance chick, right? I'm wrong to come up to you like. Oh OK. So OK. So let me just let me just pull us back a little from that person and from what is going on.
No, no. Because the question you're asking this is stupid. You walk around boxing gloves, people don't assume you're boxing right. And you can be like, oh, fuck, you think I'm going boxing just dumb. We're fucking boxing the stupidest thing ever.
And then we got to be upset about that. The question you're asking is gender ninety nine point nine percent in life.
You're right, ninety nine point nine, literally. I can walk around this to people gender and I'm going to be right back. But that's true. That's what certain people are trying to do. Cat, you know, best I was part of I just don't understand why it's hateful, like, why do we jump to hate? Why do we there's no confusion. There's no room for confusion.
OK, I think that's the I honestly think that's a problem. That's why I'm so sad, because I've been confused before and I got in trouble for it and I'm allowed to be confused. Oh, sweetheart, I'm going to give you the I'm going to give you the answer. And I don't want you because I want to know. Stop. I'm confused. You listen to me. You got me confused every day. Good. On, you know, the sound on you.
So that's what you are do with the makeup. Listen to me. Go to the different tier charts. Good. You're right. But the difference here is we know these people's pronouns. You do write. I don't write. I don't know. I'm asking you. Everybody here is a bubble. But the bubble. Right. Speak in your language. Right. It feels so stupid. He says he said, what is going on today? I ordered the fucking falafel platter first, he said, laughing.
You're throwing up. It is what it is. We're just rolling with it. OK, just I'm just say it is what it is. OK, we're confused. You're allowed to be confused. That should be the biggest compliment if you tricked me. But but so but listen. But taking it back from a compliment. Take us back to high five but taking it back from comedy. Yeah. What what certain groups of people are trying to do now.
And I'm not saying that's right. To create terminology that can be used across that platform. And I don't know what to answer. Yes, yes, yes. GenZE, GenZE Zaid's Ziman zir like Zimm is for if you're a dude I think zir is four and there's one that's I think is Xes.
I think that might be the sound you make if you get electrocuted. I'm so sorry I so, so much like whatever you want me to call you up and call you. I don't care but you got to make that mistake. Yeah. Let me make one mistake. If I keep calling you after the mistake then I'm fucked up. Yeah. That's first. That's your face. OK, so what do you think about Ben Shapiro who won't seems a nerd.
I first of all, Ben is the most hilarious nerd factional feelings, Max, of a yamaka on your head. Facts, not feelings. Facts, not feelings. Is this facts right here? Is this facts? Did the candles they lit for eight days memory facts. No feelings wrong. He could out.
You want everyone to hate you. He could. I know it's bullshit. You could shake it off faster than you. You can ask about one topic. We start talking about pussy and he's like, oh, well, it doesn't actually get wet to me. But what's the free market say about pussy? He's a nerd. Shut up. And he just goes to colleges and beats up on fucking 19 year olds that just learned about Marxism. You're not smart, right?
He went on one he went on one legit talk show with the BBC and got smoked. Did you guys see that when he got smoked by that Scottish dude? Literally, he got in his feelings then. Right.
I'm getting out of here. I'm not I don't have any more on the left. Right.
Yeah, of course he left. Who was it? Who is the host. Oh, yeah, the British. The British guy.
It's unbelievable. Anyway, it's fine. Shots bet if you had him over here. Yeah. Yeah. He's been on shots have been good for you Ben. If you figured it out. Thug life or whatever. Facts. Not feelings. Yeah.
Where do you go. This is fun. This is fun bro. Listen, it is what it is. I'm allowed one mistake. No you're not. I am. You are allowed to learn more about as many mistakes. You are. You're right about that. But I'm also allowed. What you want is part of that.
If I see you and it's like, what's up, bro? You know what I mean? That's what it is. If I see you and you look Spanish, I start speaking Spanish to you and then you don't speak Spanish. OK, that's my also quickly.
I don't like I don't like what has happened to me. I don't like that I have to look around before I laugh at you.
I hate that you do it, but I don't do it. It's the world I live in.
No, no, no, no, no, no. We decide what the world is. We decide that nobody else besides my sponsors are just dick pills.
Anyways, I don't think they're really going to get mad. They won't get mad. Matter of fact, they love the fact that there's more people in the world with dicks that have both genders. So I can sell this more business. Yeah, you can sell dick pills to men and women. Oh, shit. This is amazing about the corner. The market. Yes. It's not male enhancement pill, just enhancement enhancement to get that clit ha agency sweetheart.
Corner of the market. Corner of the market. Michael. Michael.
How long we've been going. I'm so fucking hungry.
Shopper I'm so hungry bro.
You did Alex Jones for three hours. Forty five minutes. We're going to have Alex here. Yeah.
Dude, that guy's a wild boys. Great, great wild boy because he believes it.
He really does. That's the thing is like some people don't believe it. That's one thing I respect about Ben is that he believes it like Ben. He says a lot of goofy shit and he's like really strict about it. He's. Probably like autistic or something like that, but like he believes it. And like Alex Jones believes in more.
They both believe it, like they believe their shit to the core. So I respect you because you believe your shit.
The thing that we had that a lot of other Alex Jones shows didn't was a lot of alcohol. I mean I mean, unlimited drinking. I was I was at the time.
No, this this motherfucker goes in goes Hambro. He was you see how you're drinking that water? He was drinking hole glasses of vodka like that. Well, and eating pizza. We got Domino's. Interesting. I told him I told him that I talked to a Sandy Hook parent before the show started. They offered me one hundred K to punch him in the face on the show. And did he take it? He walked over and he said, punch me in the face.
Yeah, I love this guy. Punch me in the face, please. And then he said, Oh, you won't do it. He started smashing his head on the counter.
He's a wild motherfucker that he's an intense. You hear what he said this past this past week. We're going to get Biden out of the White House one way or the other.
Yeah, it's a little that's a little. What do you think about that? About killing the president? Yeah, this might be this might be a hot take, don't you, kind of against the president. I just didn't know how far you go, Shote. Oh, you can't kill a president.
Know, right? As illegal as fuck. Yeah. What is that.
The only reason. Yeah. Like a super legal right. And like I don't know. Now you got me such as this comedian brain, like you've given me a problem that can't be solved. So now I'm trying to solve it. Right now all I'm thinking about is like when can you you know.
Well you can't, it's illegal to do it. But the the powers that be my handle it. If we have a president, it becomes like a tyrant.
Well, that's what I'm saying. Like, if the president if the president is like they did kill JFK, then you think they did. They did it. Well, obviously they did.
Well, we talk about the dead, right? About how about the question is who's who's who's who killed who. Yeah.
You think so? Because he promised the mafia shit and then he didn't come through. His brother was shaking shit up in Chicago and he got killed too.
He did get killed. Do. Yeah. He could have done the right person. Real Robert Kennedy family curse is real. Even if you made it out the shootings, you crash your plane on Martha's, you know what I'm saying? Like, oh, it just keeps going.
Yeah, but why do you think that is?
Because they made their money in the drug trade. You think that's why it's like karma coming back. I know they made their money selling drugs. Well really. Yeah. I think they're a part of the opium trade or something like that.
Oh there's alcohol. Yeah. But still they did it off some illegal shit. Yeah. I don't know because it could have been. It could have. He was a thug.
JFK. No his pops.
And then they were like and then they were like it doesn't matter, you know, we finally got the guy who pulled the trigger now you know, because he's dead too.
He got shot just when we were saying if they're dead, you blame everything on him. He didn't even get it. He didn't even say he didn't even get a Netflix special.
A dedicated Navy give him a dead scapegoat, tells Netsky is the best. What do they call a patsy or something like that?
Yeah, that's the best scapegoat. You put it all on them. I think it was Castro. You think? Nah, no, I don't. He's dead, though, right? Castro's done.
Yeah, he's dead. What's going on in Cuba? Like, are we. Well, you can go. We can go party there. Yeah. Yeah. Let's get it back. Like death with.
No, it's, we're cool that everybody's cool and you can't go to because of covid. You can only go to Croatia and Mexico and Miami.
Are they still really rockin with the communism or do they want to start. I think it's like half like diet. Communism. Get up, get out of here with that. Like I get I understand you guys really, like, thugged out.
It was cool, good on you. But I just don't understand why communist countries don't get like a good leader, because at the end of the day, like communism could be cool if the dude leading the country is dope his fosset don't like, you know what I'm saying?
Like, yo, if LP was the fucking leader whose LP and every year was just good, like you call him, LP has shortened his name to to, to do letters.
Oh, because there's LP is also from Run the Jewels isn't he. Yeah. But like you don't have like eighteen million. That's what I'm saying. So like what's, what's your, what's the word.
OK, I thought you knew like a prime minister some shit that I didn't know when you said Alpay Chako Churchills LP was a wild boy church.
He was the man. That's a wild ask you. Have you ever been here is a layer. Yeah. No he's his his war rooms. Churchills war rooms are still there in London. You can go visit them. OK, the real pencil's he used are still there behind glass where they went when the bombings were out. When the Nazis were bombing.
Yeah. With the Lufthansa. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. We really fucked the Nazis up. Smashed them.
I was Sillett bomb the fuck out. Sublett Right.
Just fucking up Nazis. How could you not. But that's like the last like that was the last war that we were probably in where there was like a definite bad guy. Yes. Yes.
Like every other war now is like a little murky is like Vietnam is like, yeah, we're going to give you freedom.
But are we you know, you look back every war except for that one World War Two, when you look back at Korea, Vietnam, I look at them like we were being bullies. What was going on?
These fuckers weren't even doing crazy shit. We were just. And then. It wasn't like then we just wanted all that oil. Yeah. I looked the other way at that because his home team. Yeah, yeah. Well because not because where is the boys?
Of course we need some oil. That's what it is. Let me try to play five dollars a gallon. Eighty nine. Let's go. Treat your women better. Middle East. Why do you think we have to pay? Why do you think we did what we did the pinchy of. Because that's literally what we do. We're like oil is getting expensive history and women bad in the Middle East. That's how it works for both the Nazis. They were bad.
We went in there.
We just mirkin them. Yeah, fuck them up. And the to the Japanese, they try to join up and make a become friends and shit, bro. Yeah.
That was just wild man. Japan's a wild place you all this. Oh you know.
Oh so look guys, you really can George. It is what it is. George we're going to figure your whole shit out. Mike, if you're not active on the fucking group tax, I'm going to be really upset after today. Logan, I'm rooting for you with this Floyd fight. Thanks. I'm rooting for you. Floyd is my favorite fighter of all time. Why would you be rooting for me then?
I just like you, OK? And I do want to see win. Thanks, man. It is going to require a lot of outside sources, you know, or forces or whatever that is steroids, not steroids. An injury to Floyd or that like we have to really get in there and maybe a weapon or a weapon. Corona Oh, we got to find a way. We need to call that ice skater. That figure skater. Oh, they took out Nancy Kerrigan.
No, Tonya Harding, Tonya Harding, Tonya Harding, Nancy Kerrigan. You like that? She did it. Yeah, I told you to, Nancy. Yeah. But in that situation, she did it to the better skater we have. We have to take it.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, you know, it's weird. Have you have you ever had like an interview with Nancy Kerrigan? Have you ever seen like her be interviewed.
Oh, the one who got hit. Yeah. Kind of a twat really.
Like like like like Lokey deserved that may not deserved it, but you're almost like, oops, you know, like I don't know, like I remember seeing a documentary that she's like super salty about, like get her Neil fucked up before, like my whole world.
She spent her whole life trying to do this.
Go again, go next for you. Like it's just four years. It's not like the Olympics.
Every twenty four years you got a small window when it comes to that for ice skating. Did you get like one shot spinning in a circle? I know, but, you know, but a lot of times let me ask you a question about how much harder has spending got as you've gotten older? Dude, spinning. I can't do. That's what I'm getting. And milk. I can't do that to say, yeah, when you were younger, dude, all I can do is drink milk and spend more than I can do either.
So right about that. Fuck you. Okay. Now I feel bad. She shouldn't have done that.
She only had one fuck up and that's your only one. So yeah. What if I told you the guy that did that to Kerrigan, the same guy that killed JFK. It was a girl though. No, no, no, no, no, no.
She got goon's. Oh, that's fucked up. She got herself. No, no, no, no.
Guys can't be beating up women. That's right. She got she's got to go crazy. Oh, no, no.
That's they say to you that killed guy Carol Baskin's husband. Yeah. Is that right. Yeah. No, that same time. The same time. Same place. Similar like the random goon.
You pay a couple thousand dollars to go kill someone, pull it off like pulls it off but gets caught. You get fucking you know involved somehow. Yeah.
I got to eat. I got to eat guys. Right let's go. I got to say that's all. That's all we got. Thanks for coming on a positive.
No you. Yeah. You guys you got to go. Go Ed Schultz, save America on Netflix.
Check it out if the subscribe button. That's got to go.