Hey, this is Red Band, and you're listening to the Death Squad podcast Network. This episode of Kill Tony and every episode of Kill Tony can be found at deathsquad. Tv, and now on Spotify and Apple podcast. If you want to check out Tony Hinchcliff's website, go to tonyhinchcliff. Com. Everything Golden Pony, including his tour dates at tonyhinchcliff. Com. If you want to check out the Sunset Strip or get some Death Squad merch, go to deathsquad. Tv. And now, here's a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Hey, this is Rampant. Coming live from the Comedy Mothership here in Austin, Texas, for a brand new episode of Kill Tony. Get up for a Tony. It's Chris. Who's ready for the best fucking night of their lives, huh? Yeah. Oh, my goodness. Make some noise for Brian Redman, everybody. We're here. You're at the number one live podcast in the world. Kill Tony this week, brought to you by ExpressVPN and Shopify. How How are we feeling tonight? How are we doing out there? How about one more time for the best damn band in the land? Huh? Unbelievable. Fernando Castillo, Raul Valejo, Michael González, The great Matt Meeling on the electric guitar, John Dees on the keys.

And this is the great and powerful D Madness, ladies and gentlemen. Wow. We have a fun show in store for you. Before we get started, here's a little bit more from the amazing sponsors that made it all possible. The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin, Texas, is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx. Com for tickets. You guys ready to start tonight's Shell? Every single I have two of the funiest human beings on planet Earth on this show. This is very exciting because this is two of our favorite guests in the history of the show, two residents of Austin, Texas. Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise for Joe Rogan and Matt McCusky. Yeah, baby. Joe Rogan. Matt, you, McCutska. My friends, we're in the firestorm tonight. Very exciting stuff. Very, very exciting. Joe Rogan, welcome to your own Comedy Club. It's fucking amazing. What you've done is amazing, dude. This show is incredible. I'm so happy to be here. It's always fun. Normally, you bring someone surprising and crazy on stage with you. Well, twice we've done that. One time we did it with Post Malone. He had no idea who was going to come on until he was right backstage.

I was like, Dude, come on stage with me. He's like, Okay. And just fucking pushed him through the door. And the other time was Tucker Carlson. We went out to dinner with him, totally tricked him, brought him back here. Tony goes, Bring him on stage. Okay. So he had no idea. He's like, What are you doing? I'm like, We're going to go on stage. He's like, Huh? And then next thing you know, he's out here. Amazing performance. Matt McCusker's return. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Welcome back, my friend. Dude, love to be here. Thank you, guys. You guys know how it works. Over 250 comedians signed up for the opportunity to get a possible 60 seconds on this stage tonight. If I pull their name, you know their time is up and you hear the sound of a kitten. That means they have to wrap it up then or else they bring out the angry West Hollywood bear, which interrupts their set. Then I interview them. We find out more about them and their lives and what they could be talking about and things like that. The whole thing's improvised. Anything can happen. You guys ready to start tonight's fucking show?

I pulled the name. They're going to go grab that comedian from the bar across the street. Poor choices here on stunning sixth Street in Austin, Texas. In the meanwhile, one of our regulars is going to perform to open tonight's show. As of about a month ago, we started a rotating panel of three regulars on the show, and this guy took a week off in the middle. It's been a month since we've seen him. You guys know this guy, Kill Tony Hall of Famer, used to live in his van, has opened the show more than anybody in the show's history. Sing it if you know the words. This is Hans Kim. Thank you, guys. Hope you guys had a good Father's Day. Hope you got to spend some time with your fathers. Juneteenth was Wednesday, so everyone else got to celebrate as well. Recently, I went to a basketball game, and they did the wave there. I've never seen a crime wave in person before. I love the African-American community, don't get me wrong. Who doesn't love a good song? Black people, they've gone through hell, and they've done so much for America, but technically, that is my bike.

I love being Asian. Very tough to be Asian. You guys come home drunk, you can eat whatever the fuck you want. I have to eat food with chopsticks. Whisky makes my chips go soft. All right, that's my time. Thank you. Chops. Hans Kim, did you do a Juneteenth joke and Then a WNBA joke? Is that right? It was just a regular NBA joke. Why were they crying? I missed it. Why was the wave crying? A crime wave. A crime wave. I heard crying. Sorry. I still got a little bit of that. That'll be edited out. It's okay. How dare you? I can't help myself. Hans Kim, how do you feel? I feel great, Tony. I've been having a great life, thanks to a lot of the people on stage here. Tell us about some of the parts that you've been enjoying lately. I went paddleboarding with my girlfriend. Someone I met on the river said he was coming tonight, so hopefully he's not a liar. I did the sunblock on my girlfriend, and I didn't realize that my disrespect towards her sunblocking would show up that night. You could see how badly... Oh, no. She's white.

Yeah. White man's burden, right? Was it a spray can? You keep doing a spray thing. Yeah, it was like, whatever. You just half-assed it, huh? Yeah. You didn't fuck it. Maybe you should break up with her, huh? What do you think? That sounds super passive-aggressive. He fucking Zoroed her. What are you doing, dude? What are you doing, man? You need to rub that lady's back down if you like her. Give her a little that wax on wax off. Oh, Jesus. I'm going to try to keep her. Yeah, be a little bit more precise. Yeah, I for next time. I'm just not used to the sun. No, that'll heat the pussy up. What the fuck? You looked at me like I was going to rescue you. Get the fuck out of here with that idea. All right, never mind. Do you ever... When they have a fever, man, whatever. Is this a regular paddle board you guys were in? Yeah, I got us both paddle boards. So you were separate? I tied us together eventually, but she was going off on her own. She's pretty fast. Wow. So you tied to the back of hers? Yeah, I tied front and back together.

Well, who was in the front? Well, we were just tail, tail, nose, nose. It's a little tight.Tail, tail. Bro, did you get dragged? How the fuck do you tow someone tail, tail? That's horse shit. That's like equity in towing. That shit's not real. If you're going to tow somebody, they have to be behind you. You had the front tied to her. You can't fucking tow someone right next to you, you liar. You just lied, didn't you? She towed you. No. I just see that lady towing you. What was the positioning of these paddle boats?We were right next to each other. Bullshit. It was a raft. It was a raft. They built a raft. Bro, you did not. Tell the To be honest, bitch. You were like, That girl towed you. She did a lot of the work. To her, Huckleberry Kim on the river. Wait, You were with white Sophia. I still don't get it. Her boat was in the front. There was a rope, and then the front of your boat was attached to the back of her boat? No, it was side to side. It was sitting on the same side as a restaurant.How do you do that?You don't do it.

This is This is a lie. This is a lie that he's trapped in that we will never let him live down. Forever, bro, you'll be paddle board boy. That's it. You should put that shit on your posters now. I'll be in Kansas City in July. Kansas City in July. Here comes Paddle Board Boy. Bro, you got towed. She's really good. She's from Austin, so she's really good in the water. San Marcos. I'm not good. There's a Rainy Street joke in there. Anything else crazy going on in life, Hans? Still have my AR-15. I... Jesus Christ. Take it all back. What are you doing with it? I've been showing people. If you know Hans, you know that's so true. That's 100% what happens. It's on my podcast table. Sometimes I do podcasts with it. Hell, yeah. You do podcasts with an actual AR-15 on the table? Jesus. Is it loaded? No. Are you sure? Not really. It's hard to check. If you've ever been on the road with this dude, it all makes sense. Yeah. He can't tell a lie. Yeah. I love my girlfriend. She's all right. Great way to start the show. On a scale from 1-10, I give it an AR-15.

There goes Hans Kim. Now we get to our bucket, ladies and Gentlemen, this is it. This is where anything can happen. This is where we meet everybody who's ever been on this show. Everybody starts here, and a lot of times it ends after one appearance. We never see them again, but you never know. We're going to get it started tonight with 60 seconds uninterrupted by Robert Marbles, everybody. Here we go. Robert Marbles. Thank you, band. I'm I'm not racist, but... Or not but, actually. I wanted to preface that by saying that I think there's a beautiful middle ground between not being racist and finding racism funny. I'll give you guys an example so it's easier to understand. I'm half American. I know that's a little bit of a curveball, but I'm also half Arab. To give you guys a good demonstration of a joke that could be funny was, for example, I was baking a pie for you all because you're so nice, and I thank you all for coming out. But instead of apple slices, I just use bombs. That's one example. I'm also, like I said, half-blood. My parents both speak my dad's language.

They just never taught me, which is fine. When my mom told me that she was why she didn't teach me her mother tongue, she said it was because she wanted me to have her mother tongue. Wow. Robert marbles. Even I. I do this every week, and somehow I'm still shocked at how bad people can be. Every Monday for 11 years, I'm here, and you just blew my mind, Robert. You could have almost done anything other than what you just did, and it would have been better than whatever the fuck that was. I've always wondered what a zero testosterone, Kenny Power's would be like. This is unbelievable. That was my first time, so give me some stars. That was the first time. Are those tears I see behind those Macho Man, Randy Savage, sunglasses? Oh, no. This is not good. I thought it was going to go. Oh, no. Sad macho man. I love it. How old are you? I guess. Okay, dude. 29. 29. Jesus Christ. I already said you have zero testosterone. Don't make me think you're plus estrogen right now. Guess how old I am? I know the mullet and the American shorts takes off some years.

Jesus fucking Christ, dude. Answer the goddamn questions. Were you the guy that had to help Hans Kim untie his boats? Why do you look like this? You look like you're going to arrest yourself at some point. There's a cop underneath this disguise.Thank you. You'll never believe it, but you're under arrest. Okay, let's talk about it, Robert. How old are I'm 29. 29. You just decided to start stand-up comedy. Today, literally, I was like, actually not just today. It was a long time coming. I moved here from Boston, and I was like-Was this the first time you were ever on stage? Yes. Whoa. Yeah. Who told you to do that? Actually, one person said not to do it, and the other person said to do it. So I was like, Yeah, that person who said at that guy? His name's Jason. Jason, are you pointing at him? That's him? Yeah, that's him. My bad. You got him to start? Yep. So you, as great as you are, are out there spreading the word, You can do it, too. If I can do it, you can do it. I didn't realize I did that bad. Damn. Okay. You didn't? Yeah, I'm sorry. You're the only person that performed tonight that's He's literally been in the fucking room the whole time.You didn't notice the audible sound of non-lifter? I mean, it's fair. What's Jason's last name? You guys came here from Cincinnati together? Yeah. What's Jason's last name? El Rod. Is that what he signed up as? Indeed. Well, then, ladies and gentlemen, just to see. We had a couple on earlier, and now for Pride Month, we're going to have a gay couple. Ladies and gentlemen, his better half from Cincinnati all the way from bum-fucked Egypt. Just hillbilly bump in middle of nowhere. Ladies and gentlemen, this is 60 seconds from Jason Elrod, everybody. I like to consider myself an ally. I celebrated Pride Month and Juneteenth at the same time by fucking a black trans woman. I know all you scary Two white boys asking yourselves the same two things. How was it? Did she steal anything? Yeah, she stole my heart. But no, it was dope. We did some really cool role-playing. I swapped races, and she swapped genders. Then she showed me this really cool sex position called the reverse Floyd. Wait. It's where she pretended to find a counterfeit $20 bill on me, and then she sat on my face for 8 minutes and 46 seconds.Danny, yes for time. I had a feeling. I had a feeling this was going to happen. What was that? He got you to start stand-up, and he transferred all of his powers onto you. I've seen him do really good before. Of course, no, I'm just kidding. It's all good. You guys are cool. Jason, welcome. That was fantastic. Thank you. You've been doing it nine months? Because of this show, it's what got me out and doing shit. I love it. Then he told me to go and fucking do it. I love it. I love it. Obviously, by your shirt, I can tell you're also inspired by David Lucas, so that's very exciting. What do you do for a living? I own a small junk removal service. I do Uber My friend, sell a little bit of weed. Okay. Is your father a former heroin addict? Are you the 55-year-old son that we heard about earlier? A lot of guys with junk removal services. You just lug shit out into a truck and take it places. Mostly to the dump or the recycling center, or we cherry-picked the good shit. Damn right. Cherry-picking. I've been there, my friend.Okay. What's the best thing you've ever cherry-picked out of a junk? Someone else's trash is another man's treasure. What's the greatest treasure that you found? A really recent job. I got one of them 70 styles dressers, sold it to my neighbor for $300, and I got a bunch of water-damaged vinyl records, and my homie came, bought those, gave me a hundred bucks. Did he know they were water-damaged? Yeah, he cherry-picked through them and took what he wanted. Okay, very cool. Red Band, did you have something you wanted to say? No, I just records waterproof? Well, the vinyls can still play if you clean them up, but the sleeves are fucked. Hell, yeah. But enough about your buddy's tracksuit. I love it. I love it. What else you do with life? You leave a lovely lady back in since a tucky? I got my eye I got a couple right now, but technically single at the moment. Okay, technically single. What does that mean for a trash remover like you? You fucking... I guess it means if she's got junk, I'll throw it in my trunk. Wait, you're going to shove her cock up your ass?Average white guy size. Okay. This guy's down to party. Jason, you have any other special skills or talents? You seem like you've done some white wrapping in your lifetime. A little chocolate and cheese. I played in a prog rock band for eight years, but we broke up. What did you do in the prog rock band? Played guitar. You played electric guitar? Yeah. Really? Have you kept up on your guitar skills? Fuck, no, dude. I haven't played in Did you sing at all? No. Yeah. D Madness said, Yes, you do. But you can tell that you've listened to the show and you don't want to embarrass yourself. Is that true? No, I don't consider myself. You always say no. No. Here, he says, no. No, I don't consider myself. The weird voice. It works during your stand-up, but it's frightening in real life. No, I would never. All right. Okay, well, guys, I mean, look, you're here, you're in the front row. I think we have another just like the couple earlier. I think we got to divvy it up. One small jokebook for you and one big one for the nine-month veteran who was in the moment.Maybe it was nerves, but you guys come back. Try it again. Keep signing up. There you go. You want one of those? Absolutely. There you go. Okay, there you go. Just go. Go get back to your fucking seat. Jesus Christ. It's the fucking biggest oombaloompa I've ever seen in my life. This guy's the mayor of the lollypop guild over here. He's got Mayor of Wizard of Oz. That's what I recognize that face from. Oh, Jesus Christ. That was frightening. He just did an impression of him. Okay. Another bucket ball. You guys still having fun out there? All right, make some noise for what could be your final bucket ball of the night, Chase Moat, everybody. Chase Moat. Baby, I got you money, don't you worry. I used to be a youth pastor. Yeah, shut up. All right. Now, youth pastor goes by many names. Youth pastor, youth director, pedophile. No, I'm just kidding. Jokes, jokes, jokes. But the answer is yes. I told a little girl her gay friend was going to hell. Yeah, she cried. Her mom yelled at me. I was like, Jesus Christ, lady, I just work here. It's just policy. Don't crucify me.No. I lost that job because I got arrested for smoking weed. Apparently, the churches say agree on some things. Gay people going to hell, weed legalities. It's fine. No. I also met my wife at Bible College. Yeah, you all don't like this because you all are going to hell. We'll get back to that. But I met my wife at Bible College. Classic in bigger events and bigger... He would do Shit for the Warriors parade and stuff like that. That's also cool. Warriors parade. What warriors? The Golden State Warriors. Okay, so you're from Northern California? Yeah, I'm from the Bay Area. Okay. What part of the Bay Area? I'm from Hayward, Castro Valley area, 15, 20 minutes outside of Oakland. So they're very successful, right? Your parents are rich? No. No? No. How many bedrooms was the house that you grew up in? It depends on how old I was. Michael Gonzales gets 15, by the way. That's what he has you paid for. Two or three, mostly. When I got a sister, it became three. Okay. I love that you said the two things that metrosexuals are into are skincare and lotion. I love that you separated those two things. Well, you put Coco butter on your face?What? Do I put Coco butter on my face? I don't think that's it. Nobody really does that. That will clog your pores. You got to get a better lotion. Our senior clogged pore correspondent over here. No, that'll clog your pores. Give me sugar. What's the difference? We sugar water. They just fucking described it. They literally just described it. That's what I was going to say. Shut the fuck up. You little Yeah. I need a locker. Can we get a locker up here for me to shove this kid into? You ever get bullied? Yeah. Really? Yeah. How would they bully you? What would they say about you? Bro, I was the skinny white kid. You're telling me. I mean, I'm still that. I'm 40, bro. Imagine. Imagine 20 more years of this torture that you live with. Imagine being the fat one. That's even worse. What the fuck? I'm skinny. Oh, no, I can eat whenever I want. Oh, Red Band, I follow your Instagram stories. You can eat whatever you want, too. There's just results to your choices. I don't eat what I want because I see you eat what you want, and I see what happens, and I go, Thank God, I don't do that.I often Instagram Caesar Salats. Why would I do that? Even if you did Instagram your Caesar Salats, but if you did, that would just mean that you're Instagramming more food than what you're already Instagramming, which is a lot. It's addicting. Okay. Anyway, He's been hard ever since we talked about taco Bell earlier. You have a girlfriend? No. Have you ever had a girlfriend? Yeah. Yeah? How'd that go? How long were you with her? The last one? About-what? The last one was about a month. Okay. How did it start? Where'd you meet her? Well, I met her about fucking three years ago at this coffee shop with some other friends. I always thought she was pretty, but then we developed a friendship and stuff. fucking Red Band's mom, so we got to figure that out.Oh, my goodness. Wow. It's funny you're laughing, Red Band, because I'm not kidding about any of this shit, dumbasses. So it's funny you're laughing about it. I had that bitch up against a fucking shower, dude. It's funny because I talked to her the other day and I was like, What did you do this week? And she's like, I was working with special needs, and now it makes sense. Oh. Well, Red Band, she sure looked special needs when she was, Sucking on my dick, dumb ass. Holy shit. She's fucking drooling all over the place. It was nasty. She looked real fucking retarded, Sucking my dick in the shower, dude. She said she had a light lunch, so that makes sense. What? She's also bulimic. But yeah, it was a It was a lot of fun, though, Tony. It was a lot of fun in Columbus, Ohio. It was great. Did you eat good when you were in Columbus? Deepy dough. Got to give a shout out to Deep Dough. Pretty good calzone. Deep Dough. Are you talking about Red Band's Mom's Pussy. I was kidding with myself. It was more like a tuna fish sandwich because it smelled down there, Tony.Okay, that's Okay, abort. That's where we draw the line. Yeah, that wasn't funny. You can talk about doing things with Red Band's mom, but I'm saying her Pussy smells funny. I know. I apologize, Red Band. I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't have gone that far, Red Band. Seriously. It's the yeast of my worries. Oh, my God. You're so stupid. Oh, Jesus. All right. William, what else is going on? Been listening to a shit, so don't make fun of me, but I have been listening to that graduation song by Vitamin C just pretty much nonstop recently. I don't know why, but I've been listening to... Wow. Vitamin C is good for immunity, Red Band. I don't know if you know. How does that song go? As we go on here forever. Oh, wow. All the time we've had together. You listen to this with Red Band Mom. All right. Okay, I don't remember the-What else is going on, William? Nothing much. Just been hitting the road a ton, Tony. It's been wonderful figuring out these minutes. It's been a lot of fun. I've been the busiest. I'm 37, so it's what I signed up for, but the busiest I've ever felt in my life.I wasn't going to bring this up, but the bitch who... I'm still doing cameos, and the bitch who tipped me $20 and they gave me a four-star review. I'm going to find you, you stupid bitch. I know you're in... I I swear. I have a bunch of five-star reviews, and somebody today tips me but gives me four stars. Other than that, I'm good. It really bothered me. I was messaging her on the app saying, Oh, my God, what can I do? Let me send you more. What's going on? But yeah, it's good. Just real busy, but it's been good. Did you raise your price yet? I did end up raising it when I started going out a lot just because I was doing, we've talked about, I was doing a shit ton. From the bottom of my heart, I appreciate it, though. It's my I'm a major source of it. I want to genuinely thank everybody, but yes, I did. It's still good. I'm still getting them, but yes, I had to do the price of a little because I was losing my voice. I'm out on the road yelling a lot, and then I get back and I can never rest my voice.You get a lot of orders. He's one of the top guys on cameo. All these celebrities, William's always top five, top two. You think you're ever going to... William, you think you're ever going to stop doing cameo? Shit, Tony, I don't think I'm ever going to stop doing cameo. We did it William Montgomery, everybody. The drawing from Ryan J. E. Belt is in. It's absolutely incredible. Let's see what Chris Rogers has. A new D Madness up for auction in the lobby after this with a bunch of cool kilt, Sony merch. How about one more time for the great and powerful Joe Rogan, everybody? Matt McCusker. He's on tour. Mattmccusker. Com. Of course, Matt and Shane's Secret Pod, the best podcast guests out there. These two right here. One more time for Joe and Matt, everybody. So lucky to get to have guests like this around the corner. I love you guys. Thank you so much. Oh, Jesus Christ. Great stuff. What the fuck is it I have to say. We love you. Hey, subscribe on YouTube, I've been told that I have to say. So subscribe, don't just watch. Hit the notification bell. Yeah, hit it hard.We love you. Good night, everybody. Thank you so much. Thank you. The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin, Texas, is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx. Com for tickets.Go All Aldi with summer barbecue sizzlers, now only 2.99 Each including specially selected Black Angus Ultimate 6oz beef burgers, Butcher Selection quick-cooked chicken filets, and Butcher Selection pork Belly strips. Now only 2.99 each. And there's even more in store. All board be a quality assured. Go all Aldi, while stocks last. Get ahead with your Panasonic heat pump. Sign up for an annual heat pump service with Aquarius Service Plus. 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at that guy? His name's Jason. Jason, are you pointing at him? That's him? Yeah, that's him. My bad. You got him to start? Yep. So you, as great as you are, are out there spreading the word, You can do it, too. If I can do it, you can do it. I didn't realize I did that bad. Damn. Okay. You didn't? Yeah, I'm sorry. You're the only person that performed tonight that's He's literally been in the fucking room the whole time.

You didn't notice the audible sound of non-lifter? I mean, it's fair. What's Jason's last name? You guys came here from Cincinnati together? Yeah. What's Jason's last name? El Rod. Is that what he signed up as? Indeed. Well, then, ladies and gentlemen, just to see. We had a couple on earlier, and now for Pride Month, we're going to have a gay couple. Ladies and gentlemen, his better half from Cincinnati all the way from bum-fucked Egypt. Just hillbilly bump in middle of nowhere. Ladies and gentlemen, this is 60 seconds from Jason Elrod, everybody. I like to consider myself an ally. I celebrated Pride Month and Juneteenth at the same time by fucking a black trans woman. I know all you scary Two white boys asking yourselves the same two things. How was it? Did she steal anything? Yeah, she stole my heart. But no, it was dope. We did some really cool role-playing. I swapped races, and she swapped genders. Then she showed me this really cool sex position called the reverse Floyd. Wait. It's where she pretended to find a counterfeit $20 bill on me, and then she sat on my face for 8 minutes and 46 seconds.

Danny, yes for time. I had a feeling. I had a feeling this was going to happen. What was that? He got you to start stand-up, and he transferred all of his powers onto you. I've seen him do really good before. Of course, no, I'm just kidding. It's all good. You guys are cool. Jason, welcome. That was fantastic. Thank you. You've been doing it nine months? Because of this show, it's what got me out and doing shit. I love it. Then he told me to go and fucking do it. I love it. I love it. Obviously, by your shirt, I can tell you're also inspired by David Lucas, so that's very exciting. What do you do for a living? I own a small junk removal service. I do Uber My friend, sell a little bit of weed. Okay. Is your father a former heroin addict? Are you the 55-year-old son that we heard about earlier? A lot of guys with junk removal services. You just lug shit out into a truck and take it places. Mostly to the dump or the recycling center, or we cherry-picked the good shit. Damn right. Cherry-picking. I've been there, my friend.

Okay. What's the best thing you've ever cherry-picked out of a junk? Someone else's trash is another man's treasure. What's the greatest treasure that you found? A really recent job. I got one of them 70 styles dressers, sold it to my neighbor for $300, and I got a bunch of water-damaged vinyl records, and my homie came, bought those, gave me a hundred bucks. Did he know they were water-damaged? Yeah, he cherry-picked through them and took what he wanted. Okay, very cool. Red Band, did you have something you wanted to say? No, I just records waterproof? Well, the vinyls can still play if you clean them up, but the sleeves are fucked. Hell, yeah. But enough about your buddy's tracksuit. I love it. I love it. What else you do with life? You leave a lovely lady back in since a tucky? I got my eye I got a couple right now, but technically single at the moment. Okay, technically single. What does that mean for a trash remover like you? You fucking... I guess it means if she's got junk, I'll throw it in my trunk. Wait, you're going to shove her cock up your ass?

Average white guy size. Okay. This guy's down to party. Jason, you have any other special skills or talents? You seem like you've done some white wrapping in your lifetime. A little chocolate and cheese. I played in a prog rock band for eight years, but we broke up. What did you do in the prog rock band? Played guitar. You played electric guitar? Yeah. Really? Have you kept up on your guitar skills? Fuck, no, dude. I haven't played in Did you sing at all? No. Yeah. D Madness said, Yes, you do. But you can tell that you've listened to the show and you don't want to embarrass yourself. Is that true? No, I don't consider myself. You always say no. No. Here, he says, no. No, I don't consider myself. The weird voice. It works during your stand-up, but it's frightening in real life. No, I would never. All right. Okay, well, guys, I mean, look, you're here, you're in the front row. I think we have another just like the couple earlier. I think we got to divvy it up. One small jokebook for you and one big one for the nine-month veteran who was in the moment.

Maybe it was nerves, but you guys come back. Try it again. Keep signing up. There you go. You want one of those? Absolutely. There you go. Okay, there you go. Just go. Go get back to your fucking seat. Jesus Christ. It's the fucking biggest oombaloompa I've ever seen in my life. This guy's the mayor of the lollypop guild over here. He's got Mayor of Wizard of Oz. That's what I recognize that face from. Oh, Jesus Christ. That was frightening. He just did an impression of him. Okay. Another bucket ball. You guys still having fun out there? All right, make some noise for what could be your final bucket ball of the night, Chase Moat, everybody. Chase Moat. Baby, I got you money, don't you worry. I used to be a youth pastor. Yeah, shut up. All right. Now, youth pastor goes by many names. Youth pastor, youth director, pedophile. No, I'm just kidding. Jokes, jokes, jokes. But the answer is yes. I told a little girl her gay friend was going to hell. Yeah, she cried. Her mom yelled at me. I was like, Jesus Christ, lady, I just work here. It's just policy. Don't crucify me.

No. I lost that job because I got arrested for smoking weed. Apparently, the churches say agree on some things. Gay people going to hell, weed legalities. It's fine. No. I also met my wife at Bible College. Yeah, you all don't like this because you all are going to hell. We'll get back to that. But I met my wife at Bible College. Classic in bigger events and bigger... He would do Shit for the Warriors parade and stuff like that. That's also cool. Warriors parade. What warriors? The Golden State Warriors. Okay, so you're from Northern California? Yeah, I'm from the Bay Area. Okay. What part of the Bay Area? I'm from Hayward, Castro Valley area, 15, 20 minutes outside of Oakland. So they're very successful, right? Your parents are rich? No. No? No. How many bedrooms was the house that you grew up in? It depends on how old I was. Michael Gonzales gets 15, by the way. That's what he has you paid for. Two or three, mostly. When I got a sister, it became three. Okay. I love that you said the two things that metrosexuals are into are skincare and lotion. I love that you separated those two things. Well, you put Coco butter on your face?What? Do I put Coco butter on my face? I don't think that's it. Nobody really does that. That will clog your pores. You got to get a better lotion. Our senior clogged pore correspondent over here. No, that'll clog your pores. Give me sugar. What's the difference? We sugar water. They just fucking described it. They literally just described it. That's what I was going to say. Shut the fuck up. You little Yeah. I need a locker. Can we get a locker up here for me to shove this kid into? You ever get bullied? Yeah. Really? Yeah. How would they bully you? What would they say about you? Bro, I was the skinny white kid. You're telling me. I mean, I'm still that. I'm 40, bro. Imagine. Imagine 20 more years of this torture that you live with. Imagine being the fat one. That's even worse. What the fuck? I'm skinny. Oh, no, I can eat whenever I want. Oh, Red Band, I follow your Instagram stories. You can eat whatever you want, too. There's just results to your choices. I don't eat what I want because I see you eat what you want, and I see what happens, and I go, Thank God, I don't do that.I often Instagram Caesar Salats. Why would I do that? Even if you did Instagram your Caesar Salats, but if you did, that would just mean that you're Instagramming more food than what you're already Instagramming, which is a lot. It's addicting. Okay. Anyway, He's been hard ever since we talked about taco Bell earlier. You have a girlfriend? No. Have you ever had a girlfriend? Yeah. Yeah? How'd that go? How long were you with her? The last one? About-what? The last one was about a month. Okay. How did it start? Where'd you meet her? Well, I met her about fucking three years ago at this coffee shop with some other friends. I always thought she was pretty, but then we developed a friendship and stuff. fucking Red Band's mom, so we got to figure that out.Oh, my goodness. Wow. It's funny you're laughing, Red Band, because I'm not kidding about any of this shit, dumbasses. So it's funny you're laughing about it. I had that bitch up against a fucking shower, dude. It's funny because I talked to her the other day and I was like, What did you do this week? And she's like, I was working with special needs, and now it makes sense. Oh. Well, Red Band, she sure looked special needs when she was, Sucking on my dick, dumb ass. Holy shit. She's fucking drooling all over the place. It was nasty. She looked real fucking retarded, Sucking my dick in the shower, dude. She said she had a light lunch, so that makes sense. What? She's also bulimic. But yeah, it was a It was a lot of fun, though, Tony. It was a lot of fun in Columbus, Ohio. It was great. Did you eat good when you were in Columbus? Deepy dough. Got to give a shout out to Deep Dough. Pretty good calzone. Deep Dough. Are you talking about Red Band's Mom's Pussy. I was kidding with myself. It was more like a tuna fish sandwich because it smelled down there, Tony.Okay, that's Okay, abort. That's where we draw the line. Yeah, that wasn't funny. You can talk about doing things with Red Band's mom, but I'm saying her Pussy smells funny. I know. I apologize, Red Band. I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't have gone that far, Red Band. Seriously. It's the yeast of my worries. Oh, my God. You're so stupid. Oh, Jesus. All right. William, what else is going on? Been listening to a shit, so don't make fun of me, but I have been listening to that graduation song by Vitamin C just pretty much nonstop recently. I don't know why, but I've been listening to... Wow. Vitamin C is good for immunity, Red Band. I don't know if you know. How does that song go? As we go on here forever. Oh, wow. All the time we've had together. You listen to this with Red Band Mom. All right. Okay, I don't remember the-What else is going on, William? Nothing much. Just been hitting the road a ton, Tony. It's been wonderful figuring out these minutes. It's been a lot of fun. I've been the busiest. I'm 37, so it's what I signed up for, but the busiest I've ever felt in my life.I wasn't going to bring this up, but the bitch who... I'm still doing cameos, and the bitch who tipped me $20 and they gave me a four-star review. I'm going to find you, you stupid bitch. I know you're in... I I swear. I have a bunch of five-star reviews, and somebody today tips me but gives me four stars. Other than that, I'm good. It really bothered me. I was messaging her on the app saying, Oh, my God, what can I do? Let me send you more. What's going on? But yeah, it's good. Just real busy, but it's been good. Did you raise your price yet? I did end up raising it when I started going out a lot just because I was doing, we've talked about, I was doing a shit ton. From the bottom of my heart, I appreciate it, though. It's my I'm a major source of it. I want to genuinely thank everybody, but yes, I did. It's still good. I'm still getting them, but yes, I had to do the price of a little because I was losing my voice. I'm out on the road yelling a lot, and then I get back and I can never rest my voice.You get a lot of orders. He's one of the top guys on cameo. All these celebrities, William's always top five, top two. You think you're ever going to... William, you think you're ever going to stop doing cameo? Shit, Tony, I don't think I'm ever going to stop doing cameo. We did it William Montgomery, everybody. The drawing from Ryan J. E. Belt is in. It's absolutely incredible. Let's see what Chris Rogers has. A new D Madness up for auction in the lobby after this with a bunch of cool kilt, Sony merch. How about one more time for the great and powerful Joe Rogan, everybody? Matt McCusker. He's on tour. Mattmccusker. Com. Of course, Matt and Shane's Secret Pod, the best podcast guests out there. These two right here. One more time for Joe and Matt, everybody. So lucky to get to have guests like this around the corner. I love you guys. Thank you so much. Oh, Jesus Christ. Great stuff. What the fuck is it I have to say. We love you. Hey, subscribe on YouTube, I've been told that I have to say. So subscribe, don't just watch. Hit the notification bell. Yeah, hit it hard.We love you. Good night, everybody. Thank you so much. Thank you. The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin, Texas, is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx. Com for tickets.Go All Aldi with summer barbecue sizzlers, now only 2.99 Each including specially selected Black Angus Ultimate 6oz beef burgers, Butcher Selection quick-cooked chicken filets, and Butcher Selection pork Belly strips. Now only 2.99 each. And there's even more in store. All board be a quality assured. Go all Aldi, while stocks last. Get ahead with your Panasonic heat pump. Sign up for an annual heat pump service with Aquarius Service Plus. With monthly payment options and fast response times, it's the easy way to maintain your heat pump. We know our energy-efficient heat pumps inside and out, and our Aquarius Service Plus packages are designed to give you peace of mind. Panasonic for a greener future. Search Panasonic heating service for more.

in bigger events and bigger... He would do Shit for the Warriors parade and stuff like that. That's also cool. Warriors parade. What warriors? The Golden State Warriors. Okay, so you're from Northern California? Yeah, I'm from the Bay Area. Okay. What part of the Bay Area? I'm from Hayward, Castro Valley area, 15, 20 minutes outside of Oakland. So they're very successful, right? Your parents are rich? No. No? No. How many bedrooms was the house that you grew up in? It depends on how old I was. Michael Gonzales gets 15, by the way. That's what he has you paid for. Two or three, mostly. When I got a sister, it became three. Okay. I love that you said the two things that metrosexuals are into are skincare and lotion. I love that you separated those two things. Well, you put Coco butter on your face?

What? Do I put Coco butter on my face? I don't think that's it. Nobody really does that. That will clog your pores. You got to get a better lotion. Our senior clogged pore correspondent over here. No, that'll clog your pores. Give me sugar. What's the difference? We sugar water. They just fucking described it. They literally just described it. That's what I was going to say. Shut the fuck up. You little Yeah. I need a locker. Can we get a locker up here for me to shove this kid into? You ever get bullied? Yeah. Really? Yeah. How would they bully you? What would they say about you? Bro, I was the skinny white kid. You're telling me. I mean, I'm still that. I'm 40, bro. Imagine. Imagine 20 more years of this torture that you live with. Imagine being the fat one. That's even worse. What the fuck? I'm skinny. Oh, no, I can eat whenever I want. Oh, Red Band, I follow your Instagram stories. You can eat whatever you want, too. There's just results to your choices. I don't eat what I want because I see you eat what you want, and I see what happens, and I go, Thank God, I don't do that.

I often Instagram Caesar Salats. Why would I do that? Even if you did Instagram your Caesar Salats, but if you did, that would just mean that you're Instagramming more food than what you're already Instagramming, which is a lot. It's addicting. Okay. Anyway, He's been hard ever since we talked about taco Bell earlier. You have a girlfriend? No. Have you ever had a girlfriend? Yeah. Yeah? How'd that go? How long were you with her? The last one? About-what? The last one was about a month. Okay. How did it start? Where'd you meet her? Well, I met her about fucking three years ago at this coffee shop with some other friends. I always thought she was pretty, but then we developed a friendship and stuff. fucking Red Band's mom, so we got to figure that out.Oh, my goodness. Wow. It's funny you're laughing, Red Band, because I'm not kidding about any of this shit, dumbasses. So it's funny you're laughing about it. I had that bitch up against a fucking shower, dude. It's funny because I talked to her the other day and I was like, What did you do this week? And she's like, I was working with special needs, and now it makes sense. Oh. Well, Red Band, she sure looked special needs when she was, Sucking on my dick, dumb ass. Holy shit. She's fucking drooling all over the place. It was nasty. She looked real fucking retarded, Sucking my dick in the shower, dude. She said she had a light lunch, so that makes sense. What? She's also bulimic. But yeah, it was a It was a lot of fun, though, Tony. It was a lot of fun in Columbus, Ohio. It was great. Did you eat good when you were in Columbus? Deepy dough. Got to give a shout out to Deep Dough. Pretty good calzone. Deep Dough. Are you talking about Red Band's Mom's Pussy. I was kidding with myself. It was more like a tuna fish sandwich because it smelled down there, Tony.Okay, that's Okay, abort. That's where we draw the line. Yeah, that wasn't funny. You can talk about doing things with Red Band's mom, but I'm saying her Pussy smells funny. I know. I apologize, Red Band. I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't have gone that far, Red Band. Seriously. It's the yeast of my worries. Oh, my God. You're so stupid. Oh, Jesus. All right. William, what else is going on? Been listening to a shit, so don't make fun of me, but I have been listening to that graduation song by Vitamin C just pretty much nonstop recently. I don't know why, but I've been listening to... Wow. Vitamin C is good for immunity, Red Band. I don't know if you know. How does that song go? As we go on here forever. Oh, wow. All the time we've had together. You listen to this with Red Band Mom. All right. Okay, I don't remember the-What else is going on, William? Nothing much. Just been hitting the road a ton, Tony. It's been wonderful figuring out these minutes. It's been a lot of fun. I've been the busiest. I'm 37, so it's what I signed up for, but the busiest I've ever felt in my life.I wasn't going to bring this up, but the bitch who... I'm still doing cameos, and the bitch who tipped me $20 and they gave me a four-star review. I'm going to find you, you stupid bitch. I know you're in... I I swear. I have a bunch of five-star reviews, and somebody today tips me but gives me four stars. Other than that, I'm good. It really bothered me. I was messaging her on the app saying, Oh, my God, what can I do? Let me send you more. What's going on? But yeah, it's good. Just real busy, but it's been good. Did you raise your price yet? I did end up raising it when I started going out a lot just because I was doing, we've talked about, I was doing a shit ton. From the bottom of my heart, I appreciate it, though. It's my I'm a major source of it. I want to genuinely thank everybody, but yes, I did. It's still good. I'm still getting them, but yes, I had to do the price of a little because I was losing my voice. I'm out on the road yelling a lot, and then I get back and I can never rest my voice.You get a lot of orders. He's one of the top guys on cameo. All these celebrities, William's always top five, top two. You think you're ever going to... William, you think you're ever going to stop doing cameo? Shit, Tony, I don't think I'm ever going to stop doing cameo. We did it William Montgomery, everybody. The drawing from Ryan J. E. Belt is in. It's absolutely incredible. Let's see what Chris Rogers has. A new D Madness up for auction in the lobby after this with a bunch of cool kilt, Sony merch. How about one more time for the great and powerful Joe Rogan, everybody? Matt McCusker. He's on tour. Mattmccusker. Com. Of course, Matt and Shane's Secret Pod, the best podcast guests out there. These two right here. One more time for Joe and Matt, everybody. So lucky to get to have guests like this around the corner. I love you guys. Thank you so much. Oh, Jesus Christ. Great stuff. What the fuck is it I have to say. We love you. Hey, subscribe on YouTube, I've been told that I have to say. So subscribe, don't just watch. Hit the notification bell. Yeah, hit it hard.We love you. Good night, everybody. Thank you so much. Thank you. The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin, Texas, is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx. Com for tickets.Go All Aldi with summer barbecue sizzlers, now only 2.99 Each including specially selected Black Angus Ultimate 6oz beef burgers, Butcher Selection quick-cooked chicken filets, and Butcher Selection pork Belly strips. Now only 2.99 each. And there's even more in store. All board be a quality assured. Go all Aldi, while stocks last. Get ahead with your Panasonic heat pump. Sign up for an annual heat pump service with Aquarius Service Plus. With monthly payment options and fast response times, it's the easy way to maintain your heat pump. We know our energy-efficient heat pumps inside and out, and our Aquarius Service Plus packages are designed to give you peace of mind. Panasonic for a greener future. Search Panasonic heating service for more.

fucking Red Band's mom, so we got to figure that out.

Oh, my goodness. Wow. It's funny you're laughing, Red Band, because I'm not kidding about any of this shit, dumbasses. So it's funny you're laughing about it. I had that bitch up against a fucking shower, dude. It's funny because I talked to her the other day and I was like, What did you do this week? And she's like, I was working with special needs, and now it makes sense. Oh. Well, Red Band, she sure looked special needs when she was, Sucking on my dick, dumb ass. Holy shit. She's fucking drooling all over the place. It was nasty. She looked real fucking retarded, Sucking my dick in the shower, dude. She said she had a light lunch, so that makes sense. What? She's also bulimic. But yeah, it was a It was a lot of fun, though, Tony. It was a lot of fun in Columbus, Ohio. It was great. Did you eat good when you were in Columbus? Deepy dough. Got to give a shout out to Deep Dough. Pretty good calzone. Deep Dough. Are you talking about Red Band's Mom's Pussy. I was kidding with myself. It was more like a tuna fish sandwich because it smelled down there, Tony.

Okay, that's Okay, abort. That's where we draw the line. Yeah, that wasn't funny. You can talk about doing things with Red Band's mom, but I'm saying her Pussy smells funny. I know. I apologize, Red Band. I shouldn't have said that. I shouldn't have gone that far, Red Band. Seriously. It's the yeast of my worries. Oh, my God. You're so stupid. Oh, Jesus. All right. William, what else is going on? Been listening to a shit, so don't make fun of me, but I have been listening to that graduation song by Vitamin C just pretty much nonstop recently. I don't know why, but I've been listening to... Wow. Vitamin C is good for immunity, Red Band. I don't know if you know. How does that song go? As we go on here forever. Oh, wow. All the time we've had together. You listen to this with Red Band Mom. All right. Okay, I don't remember the-What else is going on, William? Nothing much. Just been hitting the road a ton, Tony. It's been wonderful figuring out these minutes. It's been a lot of fun. I've been the busiest. I'm 37, so it's what I signed up for, but the busiest I've ever felt in my life.

I wasn't going to bring this up, but the bitch who... I'm still doing cameos, and the bitch who tipped me $20 and they gave me a four-star review. I'm going to find you, you stupid bitch. I know you're in... I I swear. I have a bunch of five-star reviews, and somebody today tips me but gives me four stars. Other than that, I'm good. It really bothered me. I was messaging her on the app saying, Oh, my God, what can I do? Let me send you more. What's going on? But yeah, it's good. Just real busy, but it's been good. Did you raise your price yet? I did end up raising it when I started going out a lot just because I was doing, we've talked about, I was doing a shit ton. From the bottom of my heart, I appreciate it, though. It's my I'm a major source of it. I want to genuinely thank everybody, but yes, I did. It's still good. I'm still getting them, but yes, I had to do the price of a little because I was losing my voice. I'm out on the road yelling a lot, and then I get back and I can never rest my voice.

You get a lot of orders. He's one of the top guys on cameo. All these celebrities, William's always top five, top two. You think you're ever going to... William, you think you're ever going to stop doing cameo? Shit, Tony, I don't think I'm ever going to stop doing cameo. We did it William Montgomery, everybody. The drawing from Ryan J. E. Belt is in. It's absolutely incredible. Let's see what Chris Rogers has. A new D Madness up for auction in the lobby after this with a bunch of cool kilt, Sony merch. How about one more time for the great and powerful Joe Rogan, everybody? Matt McCusker. He's on tour. Mattmccusker. Com. Of course, Matt and Shane's Secret Pod, the best podcast guests out there. These two right here. One more time for Joe and Matt, everybody. So lucky to get to have guests like this around the corner. I love you guys. Thank you so much. Oh, Jesus Christ. Great stuff. What the fuck is it I have to say. We love you. Hey, subscribe on YouTube, I've been told that I have to say. So subscribe, don't just watch. Hit the notification bell. Yeah, hit it hard.

We love you. Good night, everybody. Thank you so much. Thank you. The Sunset Strip Comedy Club in Austin, Texas, is now open. Check out Red Band's secret show every Thursday. Go to sunsetstripatx. Com for tickets.

Go All Aldi with summer barbecue sizzlers, now only 2.99 Each including specially selected Black Angus Ultimate 6oz beef burgers, Butcher Selection quick-cooked chicken filets, and Butcher Selection pork Belly strips. Now only 2.99 each. And there's even more in store. All board be a quality assured. Go all Aldi, while stocks last. Get ahead with your Panasonic heat pump. Sign up for an annual heat pump service with Aquarius Service Plus. With monthly payment options and fast response times, it's the easy way to maintain your heat pump. We know our energy-efficient heat pumps inside and out, and our Aquarius Service Plus packages are designed to give you peace of mind. Panasonic for a greener future. Search Panasonic heating service for more.