Well, hello. Well, hello, Robert, how are you? There are many, many pictures behind you that are peaking my interest, the wall of Martin.

No, that's not true. There are people up there. There's Phil Hartman. There's Eugene Levy. Mr. Ed Grimly over here. No. Yes, I've heard of him. You and your characters. Hi, everybody, welcome to the podcast. Today, we are in for a treat, we are with the great Martin Short, who is without a doubt.

The most wickedly mean funny man in the planet, and you know what, he gets away with it with that look, you know, he comes at you with that look, he's got that shaggy like mini David Cassidy hairdo go in and, you know, the crazy eyes. And like his energy is that of like a sweet little kid. And he's just made and really funny. And one of the great creators of of comedy, you know, characters that that we've maybe ever had.

And I'm really psyched to see what's going on with Martin Short. So here go. How are you holding up on my.

It's like the shining at my house, but better whether it's really what it's like, you know, it's like there's a lot I have a lot of room, a lot of rooms. People can get lost in them. You know, we can write.

We are immensely, immensely rich. And but the other thing is that I was always up. I'm going to bed. I just kind of go, like, going to bed again and I just go to bed is unbelievable.

You just the new meaning to new meaning to the Peggy Lee song. Is that is that all there is that's out there.

That's what hap that's the song that plays in your head when you're an alcoholic and you win an Academy Award. That is that's what he had everything to live for.

He just won an Academy Award. But BU's took him down.

Hey, are you drinking more? I know this is going to come as a shock to you, sir, but I haven't had a drink and going it'll be 30 years in a week. I understand that, but that wasn't my question. What are you up at Lake Muskoka? No, I am in Pacific Palisades. Would you rather be at Lake Muskoka? Well. First of all, I'm not on Lake Muskoka, I'm on Lake Rosseau in the Muskoka Lakes, is that by me saying it was Lake Muskoka and you being on Lake Rosseau is like me saying how city of industry.

And you're like, No, no, I live in fucking Bel Air, you idiot. Is that the same club?

And it's like saying, Oh, you're Canadian. So what's Palafox like? Well, you know, there's no it's it's not based on a big education, but it doesn't matter. I remember as a kid, I used to be very excited because I only watched American television when Buffalo, which was how we watch television. I was in Hamilton, Ontario, would mention Canada. I felt like a ride. And I remember it was the Olympics and I was watching them on NBC and they said, and this skier is from the city of Ottawa.

No, they didn't. Yes, they did. And I felt excited. And yet. Defeated Ottawa. Well, I look, I spent a lot of time trying to. Do it like like a deep dive on the difference between Americans and Canadians, because I've spent so much time up in Canada working and and I and I love Canada, but I'm always realized I think what I come away with is like we feel like we should all be exactly alike.

We look sound alike. We're neighbors, but it's a different country.

It's a very different country. And I always assumed, again, as someone who grew up fifty five sixty miles from the border from Buffalo. And only watched American television. I used to think that, oh, we're exactly like Americans, and then I moved to the States and all that, but then the first time I worked in London, England, I had to be there for a couple of months and I realized that I felt more like I was in my Canadian growing up city, Hamilton, than Los Angeles for sure.

That makes perfect sense. It's a different it's just a different thing.

Are you familiar with the Halifax explosion? Is this a band, oh, Martin Short, they're coming to take that little ribbon off your it's called the Order of Canada.

It's called knighthood s, OK. Well, I'm just saying there should be a law like you can't get the Order of Canada if you don't know about the Halifax explosion, here's all I care about.

How many times have you been on David Geffen's boat? It's all I care. It's all I'm interested in. Well, many, many times.

Many, many times. Yes.

I fear that if I was ever on David's boat and I don't think there's an invitation forthcoming particularly I'm not and I'm not in a million billion years.

Not in a million billion. No.

And but I would be like based on that one film whose name escapes me. But there's a lot of them, you know, it's not enough that I could have done going to have I mean, big deal. It's not going to happen. But I'll tell you what's not going to happen.

It's not going to happen. And I, I he wouldn't be like spear fishing with me off the back of the boat. Right. That's not happening.

You might be surprised. Really? Yes. Because my my fantasy of it is it's like Bruce is over there, he's got the six string, he's working on one of the Dowa non hit songs. I learned that phrase the other day when it was a review of the of the concert for charity in New Jersey, that that they all did, they said Springsteen sang another one of his dower non hits. It made me laugh.

Yeah. For a guy with a bunch of down on hits, he's done pretty well.

He's look, he's my guy. That's his side of me is. But I but I picture him like he's in the corner. You're doing your thing and like who. Like who. Who I just. Who else. Like it's a thing that that boat it's really it's like being invited to one of your Christmas parties. Right. Well, you know what it is. First of all, it's his boat. So you can't I don't feel free talking about his world and his boat and his guests.

I do. It's a stupid thing. We invite him on.

I'm sure he'll do this because he is a podcast and not. I feel that way. Yeah, he's he's one of my I mean, he's his he's one of my favorite that talk. Let me ask you about your life with Oprah.

She's here right now. I know. Put her on now. You are very Oprah's with Oprah, are you not? I am close with Oprah. I'm probably more close with her, with Ellen. She's also my neighbor. Have you ever said, OK, have you ever said to Ellen or Oprah, I don't need a big like, how come I just need eight million dollars? Please give it to. If they could, they could and wouldn't miss it.

They're both so rich, I know, I know, and and they I've said to Ellen, just give me a house. Because she's got seven thousand houses, but you have a house, you have a massive house. I know, but I'd like to scale down like anybody. My kids are out of the house. I'll take one of Elon's shiek. He had a tear. How I'd love to I'd love to see your scaled down, I'm telling you, I'm ready to listen.

But this house is my it's my only extravagance. This house is my only extravagance. It truly is. I don't. Will those teeth were cheap. Well, but that's that's a write off. Yeah. I understand. It's a right to smile for me.

Smile. It's literally the cost of doing business smiles for me.

Wow. Amazing. Right, it gets no, but you could get snow blindness from that smile is like looking into the sun, as they say on Parks and Recreation. It really is. Now, here's what else I need to ask you about.

I want to hear about the more about the you you have your face on a postage stamp now, too.

I do. That's really. That's amazing. Did you pose for it?

Did you send him a picture? Do they just go online and Google Martin Short and like.

No. Well, you know, no, no. They said they wanted it to do deal with characters. So they did ask for kind of suggestions of different characters that I had done. And that's the post. And then a very youthful, optimistic, boyish picture.

Oh, I like that. It's the looking up in a way is is what sells it up in a way up, up and away. What character did they put on the stamp or was it various ones? I believe it varies.

What I believe is Jiminy Glick. Jackie Rogers. Ed grimly there might have been more jimminy made it.

I mean, I don't mean Medoc because I love Jiminy Glick, but that's that's you were on you've been interviewed by many, many times.

Jiminy Glick is my favorite. I was Jimminy interviewed me in a sauna. I do believe.

That's right. We always ended each show, prime time Glick in a steam room, as you should. Yes, Jimminy is one of my favorite concoctions. But how much of Jimminy was our our former mutual manager, Bernie Brillstein? Oh, not no.

There was no Bernie and Jimminy because Bernie was more like, you know, hey, kid, two things. One, hello. Until I can't remember my favorite my favorite Bernie quote was. Never trust anyone whose last name ends in a vowel. And I said, well, mine does because it doesn't count, it's silent.

He once told me a long story about how he'd been burglarized in 72 or something that, you know, he and his wife woke up and there were four guys on the bed with guns and they kept saying, show me the hand. And I said to the hand, what do you mean, you know, the hand, the hand the women have in their closet, you know the hand with the rings on it? I said, who has that?

Go upstairs. Nancy has to trust me that every every every wife had a hand with rings on them.

Show me the hand. Yeah, I don't think those guys that showed me the hand. And then at one point and then the end of that story was that the guys took jewelry and then they said to Bernie, and if you've never seen Bernie Brillstein, I advise you to Google him because this will all fit. And he was just the larger than life person. But anyway, he he said I was naked in bed and the guy said, no, don't leave for 20 minutes.

So he didn't have a watch. So I counted that 20 times, 60. And at the end of that, I got up and I said, hey, fellas, are you gone? And my wife screamed, Why are you calling them fellows? And I said, What am I supposed to call, hey, murders? Are you gone? Hey, fellas. Ballads. Bernie was our manager and Bernie was the manager. Everybody, everybody from SNL from the day.

And he's one of the great. You spoke at the eulogy, the famous I mean, I was I was the emcee the eulogy, and I remember I had a lot of jokes. I opened by saying a man who loved everyone, a man who cared about everyone, a man who only wanted his enemies success, isn't it a shame we're not memorializing a man like that today?

But I remember I had a lot of jokes and Bill Maher followed me and Bill said. Jesus backstage with Marty, he's like eight pages, I got three jobs, I feel like he started writing when Bernie got his first cough and ninety eight.

I Bernie's memorial service is legendary in Hollywood, was at UCLA, it like one of the big theaters there, and everybody in the world really saw Russell Royce Hall and Lorne Michaels and Brad Grey kind of produced it, if you remember.

And I remember us all being backstage and talking about who is the order of who was going to speak first.

And at one point there was going to be. The mother, the surviving members of the Muppets, who Bernie represented, Kermit the Frog, was going to sing Rainbow Connection, which is gorgeous there as the great guys.

Yeah.

So and I just remember Lorne saying, all I know is no one follows the frog.

I have a chapter in my book called No One Follows the Frog. It's one of the great things. It's very good. It's true. You can't follow the frog now. Frog killed that night.

The grown men were sobbing. I mean, like, well, there's something about that song and Kermit singing it. Forget it.

It's like and also I don't know if you explain it, but Bernie represented Jim Henson, Henson and hence the that's that was the the connection for that the young frog.

But that was at Royce Hall and that was when my opening jokes, I said, you know, the last thing Bernie had said to me was, Kid, you're going to play Royce. Solomon kills me.

Hold that thought. We'll be right back. I know what I've always wanted to ask you about. Yes, in the end, I'm drawing a blank on the title because the great Christopher Guest movie.

That you play the agent, the famous oh, the big picture, the big picture, OK, yeah, who if someone's someone's done a lot of research.

No, no, no, not a lot of research. It's always been one of my favorite movies. The big picture, if you haven't seen it, it's amazing. But you in it, my good friend, are fucking beyond belief. And I'm convinced that you were doing my agent at the time, Michael Black.

Do you know many people thought that and that was not remotely true. Not remotely and not remotely. No. I never even ever in my life met Michael Black. And I know it wasn't it was a last minute decision, in fact, even the hair was made up like in the morning, they sprayed it and we curled it and it was my hair and and Christopher latenight. So there was a lot of you know, there was a very funny script when we were playing around with it.

But as far as the character and the look in the thing, it was just kind of, you know, Chris is a great improviser. So as a director of great improvisation, of directing and suggesting things. And we were that was we only shot two days that. But I remember the second day I had these wells because we had so many lifts on me. Yeah. But we couldn't hide it. We couldn't hide it. Normally when you do lists like that, you hide it with a wig.

Yes, hide it. Because when I did behind the camera, we did, we had a lot of hair, so it just pushed it upside. Well, second seconds, I'm going to jump with it. But Chris and I later thought that we missed a great joke, that we should have had the first scene. He should have had just big bag. And then the next time you see the bags out there with no explanation, it's such a good.

So you had you did the one behind the candelabra. I did. And maybe it was inspired by your performance because you never know where ideas come from.

But but the the pull then that that was a fact is that was a great look. I loved that whole I thought it was a brilliant, brilliant, brilliant movie. It's good. Really phenomenal. Oh, thanks very much.

Because what I realized is, is when you pull your four head up, it pulls your eyebrows up. But then if you close your eyebrows while your eye close your eyelids or your eyebrows are up, it's unnatural, can't be done in nature.

Do that at home and on your treadmill right now, listening to this, you're driving.

You pull over looking. All your guys. Are you are you tough guys? Are you tough guys?

Because I know when when a whole bunch of dudes get together, alpha males, they talk cosmetic surgery. Well, I know I do. And served me you do serve me just fine. You know what I'm saying? I need to talk a little bit about three amigos. The Lillian guest joke is one of my favorite jokes in the history. You don't think that was an appropriate thing to do?

The little children who couldn't speak English? It make about it. It was actually Dorothy Gesher.

That's right. Of course, it's even better because it's Dorothy Geshe. It's the lesser known gifts guest. Sister, it's. It's just fucking it's beyond belief. I heard I asked again, Lauren comes up a lot in these conversations, probably because I have I have people on who I admire and love. And a lot of you guys come from SNL.

But I was like, I love that movie. I particularly love the first half of three amigos because. Oh, yes, well, of course you do, because by the second half, the director thought he was auditioning for the fucking Milagro Bean Field war.

I haven't. Yeah. Don't you just know he said it? Of course he did. That movie is I also. My other favorite thing about that movie is the tree that sings only public domain songs.

Of course, we're no fools. You know that Sam Kinison was in that movie. Cut out what? Really? And so is Fran Drescher. You're kidding. What did they play?

What were they in Sam play? We were strung up, captured. I can't remember anymore who captured us. But then there's this lunatic who comes across grinning from across the river just.

The knife that was Sam on a stretch and Fran played, I believe, the wife of the studio head who fired us.

Oh, is that love? It is love. It's involved in this somehow.

No, but he wasn't her husband.

I kind of I really can't remember because they never even made it cut. Yeah, yeah. We just shot them. And I have not seen that film since we made it because as you know, you go to so many test screenings and you're so kind of exhausted, burned up. And and I certainly never told my kids that I'd made it because you don't want to keep coming home and seeing what your your nine year old, you know, is watching the same thing.

Eight hundred times. But one time my son Oliver came from a friend's house. He was about 10, said, hey, dad, did you know you made it Western? I said, yes, I did. Yeah, I sure did it.

It's so genius. And is that what started the big Steve Martin? Friendship, well, Steve wrote that Steve, the the the writers in that film were Lawrence, Steve and Randy Newman. So much idiots. Those guys were the losers, but Steve, you know, when you make a movie, as you know, you get you could be in Yugoslavia for three months with people and you get intimately, you know, everybody you know who's sleeping with everybody.

You know everything but everyone who is Steve Martin sleeping with Che, OK?

And you know everything about everybody. And then you never see those people again for for 30 years. But sometimes you make a conscientious thought and say, you know what, I'm not going to be that person for that. And I think Steve and I did that. That that that's that's all. We continue to do our little shows today. I I know and I want to talk about that, because I've also been inspired by that. I want to I want to trade stories from the road with you.

So can I just check messages?

Yeah, sure, I. Once was invited to walk with Steve Martin. And one of the long walk, we just just go for a walk. Yes, just go for a walk with with with with Lauren. And Steve Martin and I thought, I've arrived, I this is it, I am officially in in Hollywood, I'm going to sit at the feet of the icons of comedy on this walk. This is going to be revolutionary. And we walk to Steve's house and the flats of Beverly Hills.

And Steve came out and they the two great men began to walk and I walked slightly behind them, listening avidly. What block goes by, nobody says anything. Another block goes by, nobody says anything. Finally, longas those are nice socks. Yeah, I got it, Burnie's brown. I think they're more of a tan. Exactly. Another block. Nothing that's for us was so I got out of it. Is that all there is?

Well, Peggy Lee made that all. You know what? You know what?

And I don't want to be negative because that's not who they didn't want to talk around me is that you're trying to you're going to say the.

I think because I heard about that one. Yeah. And Steve said I only learned one thing today. You don't talk around civilians.

There's no one meaner than the lovely Martin Short, and I do thank you so much. Thank you. It's just the fucking absolute best.

Have you ever been heckled by an audience member? Not often, I mean, sometimes sometimes when we do a piece where I'm a puppet, Gymnich puppet and Steve is the marionette, and we would show pictures of different political people, and especially in election time, right or left, you'd be heckled. But the people being heckled, I've never really been heckled.

I usually get in an attack mode. I hate hecklers. They're selfish. They're drunk. Right. And they're saying we're going to interrupt every four thousand people's enjoyment for our own thought.

Right. It's bad. Yeah. I heard there was a very funny story that Billy Crystal tells where he was doing and he was doing Trump jokes and a woman stood up and started screaming at him saying he is your president. He is your president, show respect. And he said, you know, you're absolutely right, and I've heard our president and I've heard him deal with hecklers, so I will feel the same way, he said the security get her out.

And I think that's kind of damn genius. That's really that's the least funny.

I've heard that. But no, I've never really had to say I never did standup clubs and it was never in the clubs. Right. I was in Second City and I was in improv groups. And then by the time I was doing concerts, it was like, you know, bigger people, more distance. And so I wasn't in that thing where you just, you know, Jay Leno and Seinfeld, all those guys have a million stories of dealing with drunk.

And when you've done so much Broadway, when you're doing like the people with the rappers falling like crinkling, falling asleep, cell phones going off, how do you how do you deal with that?

You know, I do have this thing I am constantly aware of how much the tickets cost, how much the the babysitter cost, the dinner, and so, like, I don't break up one time. Bernadette Peters and Mark you a good girl. And there was a party, a separate party that's on the floor above. And so in this big dramatic scene where bup bup bup bup bup bup bup bup. Now, that made me laugh. And it was during a preview and I started laughing.

Burton started laughing and Neil Simon came back and he was a little pissed off. He said, you know, they've never seen this show before and they'll never see it again. So it's nice for them to get an authentic version of the show. Oh, yes. Oh, yes, Mr. Simon, sir. But he was absolutely right. Simon says, dunked on, Neil said, But Neil Simon, when are you and Steve going on?

Well, who knows when anybody's going back on the road?

Well, I don't know. I mean, we were booked in April, May, June, July, August, September. And I'm I don't know. Certainly it seems like it's going to work when there's a vaccine.

And also, I mean, for drama, people sitting six rows apart, perfectly fine.

But for comedy, that's disaster. Disaster. And then one of the actors six feet apart on the stage, I don't know. I think it's all going to be unravel.

And I just want to see you. I want to see you in a surgical mask, do the show. I think that's titillating on a certain level to me.

Yeah. Yeah. I think I tend to mug. So I think if I could have a mask that was very tight that would mug with my face. You don't mug Marty who? I don't know who's told you that you're not a mugger. You know, who was it?

Told me. Oh, my priest during confession. Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. You're telling me I saw your last movie. Thank you, Father.

How do you get two stars on the Canadian Walk of Fame? And and how is the Canadian Walk of Fame any different than the Hollywood Walk of Fame?

Other than it's in Canada, obviously. Well, the Hollywood Walk of Fame, as you know, you pay, but to be Canadian Walk of fame is pure honor. I got one for for being my friend and the other one for CTV who so I was. I'm part of that. I see. Now, it's true, the Canadians, that, again, we're back to like the case, like they take. Fairness. Very seriously, how dare they?

Yeah, well, you know, it's a social democratic country. I mean, the things that are fascinating to me, you know, I'm an American for 20 years, born Canadian and also a citizen of UK peace.

But through my hedging your bets everywhere, I really how many passports, how many passports are on you at any given time for.

Also Irish, but so the things that that that torment many aspects of the United States are things that, you know, like socialized medicine we've had since sixty one. So there is no Second Amendment. So there's there are people have guns, but you can't just take them to church for the hell of it. So there are different, you know, and also there's only thirty four million people in a landmass that's bigger than the landmass of the mainland of the United States.

Why have I never seen you water skiing? Um, I'm a slalom.

I mean, I just I don't understand you. Like, you're the one of the mares. You're one of the cultural icons of the Lakelands.

And I've never seen you on the back of a schematic.

I know. And you're not going to either because I don't want it. Doesn't that kind of accomplishment means nothing to me. I have a competitive nature, but it's not what in sports you may be stunned to hear this, but it's more in other aspects like. But you are like a bit of big job, correct? I do like my my. Yes, yes, I am. I'm just going to say yes. Yes. You just admit just admit it.

Finally, be honest to the people because I've heard your podcast and it's filled with lies and that's yeah. You are a jock and you should be proud, proud of. But but no I don't I don't want to go. You and I used to want to ski, but I'm old now. Remember, I've been ravaged.

But you're the most youthful spry. You have the spirit of a preschooler.

Yes. Yeah. Well that's called dementia. It is. Um, what was the meanest thing Jiminy Glick ever said? Do you ever. One joke is Jiminy that was so mean. You're like, wow, I don't know. Jimmy goes mean you're you're nice. Mean Jimminy mean. No.

Dave Foley from Kids in Hollywood said you've created a character who's as mean as you really are.

I don't know. I mean, I it was interesting. You know, it was done a little more like a movie than you think you would know because you did it twice, but it was done in the sense of, you know, you do a pass with someone and you take a little break and you'd say to let's say it's Alec Baldwin. Like when I was doing Alec Baldwin, we took a break. And then I said, Alec, what else should I ask?

He said, Ask me about women. Just ask me about different women. And I'd say, OK, so you've been with many women, Senator Feinstein. Oh, listen, she's when you have a senator knocking at your door to the morning wanting in, what are you going to do? Better not come in. So he was there.

And then after that, 14 minutes or 15 minutes of raw footage, we cut it down to a scintillating five and a half. So there was never a time where you really thought you were going to offend someone. I'm in love with Edie Falco. She was answering something. And I went, just because I asked you a question doesn't mean I need an answer. And she was kind of startled. And I think that in her life, there's nothing wrong than some shushing you you know, I once said to Mel Brooks, what's your big beef with a Nazi, you know?

And he said, I don't know the route, you know, but I said to Spielberg, what are you going to do? The big one, the one that connects to people? And then we had one of the few things we planned and one of those interviews where I told Steven at one point when I asked you a question about how do you see filmmaking, your filmmaking kind of ramble on and look off. And as he did that, I slid out of the chair and the camera followed me over to craft service right about five donuts and filled my candy, then slithered back as he's still looking off, going on about his career and then got in the chair.

That's in Stevensville, covered in candy.

Just I mean, did you ever think you'd have that life when you were a kid? Did you ever go this is where it's going to lead to that kind of just deliciousness? Well, no, because I think that. You know, again, growing up in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada, and, yes, watching television in the United States, it seemed like I was watching television on the planet Neptune. There were products that I was dying to taste that we couldn't wait, you make it sound like you're behind the Iron Curtain.

Well, I'm saying this is the early 60s. So, like, please don't squeeze the Charmin. You know, you didn't have to have toilet paper. One of the first one of the we didn't we had newspaper with one of the first thing I ever did was when I came, the United States went to a storm really is soft. And and then the cashier said, please leave me alone. And the toilet paper's over there now.

And then I remember Boscoe there was Boscoe. I like Boscoe. Boscoe is there was a chocolate drink you can get in can. So. So as far as becoming I mean I used to have a fantasy television show in my attic and when I was 14 Amazigh I was on NBC, on NBC every other Tuesday. And that was your schedule. Yeah, well I was, I was it. My fear was if I did a show every once a week instead of once every two weeks, it would get in the way of my imaginary film career.

Yes, but it was all in my head because it was nothing realistic. And then I took a year off university and got into the show Godspell with a lot of great people. And in that group of us, Paul Shaffer was the first one to go to New York. He was now being asked by Steven Schwartz, who wrote Godspell to be a player for the Magic Show. And I remember Gilda Radner, we were dating then and I phoned her.

We phoned him. And Gilda said, Paul, what about New York actors like. And Paul said, well, I don't know, I maybe because you're my friends, I think you guys are just as talented. And when we hung up, oh, he's so sweet, it's we unbelievable. That's the best, Gilda. Ah, God bless her.

What an amazing. Yeah. How great was her. Oh how great was her. How great is your lack of English?

It's it's frightening. And we'll be right back after this. There's a couple of things I want to ask you about here and look at all of this. Look at what? Look at all of this crap. Look, I just want you to be impressed. With, you know, here's a different here's a different system. Yes, please. It's like you in the president. Yes, you can have lots of prep, but if you don't read it, you don't read it.

Well, and let's face it, you know, you have read it. Let's face it. You said it. I thought it was Victoria Jackson. No, no, it's Bernie Shaw. OK, well, I'll be fine. It's called walking through something. All right, I need to know this, all right.

Yes, I have a thing like remember remember the old days of Vanity Fair in the back page, they used to have the Proust questionnaire. What's your greatest extravagance or your favorite journey? All that stuff I always bought. I thought it was lame, stupid.

And so I had my version of it called the the Lowdown and. OK, so here's my question to you.

And it's on the level of Proust, I think the level of intelligence of these questions is on par for that. I think you'll be up to it.

It might be Proust, like I said, Proust. Proust. I'm going to look that up. Yeah, I think it is, I think. How do you pronounce Vengo then go back and do it? I fucking knew it was the only two types of people in the world.

And God, if which would you rather see? Yeah. A UFO, a ghost or Bigfoot. And if you did, would you report it to anybody? Would you say anything? Well, that's a fascinating. A for maybe I know you had guess what would what would terrify me the least, you know, and I think I'd be frightened of Bigfoot. Yeah, mainly because of the breath and a ghost. I mean, it was Casper. Great.

If it's me, it's satanic. I'm not so happy now. And a UFO. You mean like a saucer that flies low and flies up?

I think that you I keep coming back to this lake, Russell, but like there's like probably bigfoots and flying saucers all the fuck up through that area of the deserted Canadian areas. No, you've never seen anything weird like that.

The Northern Lights, have you seen the northern lights? So, you know. Yeah. Wow. But you have to understand that Lake Rosseau, my cottage.

Cottage, he says cottage. It's massive.

I've seen it is I would say we are three hours north of Toronto. So you're not exactly in the Arctic. No, but that's like a typical American. The Ottawa the.

Are you near Vancouver if you're in Montreal, is that question.

Do you like French Canadians? Yes, I do. French Canadians. They have an accent that it's got a little bit like a harsher version of a French song.

I manjula that on. We eat the fish, so it's a fascinating it's a bilingual country, that's what would you have voted for? Not that you could have. They almost like literally voted themselves out of the country like 15 years ago. I think if only that would have been done.

It only lasts like that like one hundred thousand votes or something really close.

I believe what would happen would happen there a little bit was, you know, I don't think the cities were voting that way, but maybe rural areas were.

And then someone did the math and what it would cost the new country of Quebec and how it would be prohibitive, you know. About 100 years it would take to get back into swing. It's a lot of maple syrup. So now would they do that kind of plebiscite? It's completely God bless Canada.

Do you remember the worst review you've ever gotten? That's a long pause. This is the longest pause. Well, you know, I'm not I'm I'm not a big review reader, I think. I think that actors should be very, very delicate with their own egos and esteem and figuring, you know, we're just filaments here. So I don't think it's good to go to your way to read mean things. I know that when I've been doing Broadway shows and we're heading toward New York, you have to read.

All right. You have to read them because you're you know, you can still change and improve. And Neil Simon used to do his shows in Chicago first, and he would actually get the review from the Chicago Sun-Times reporter and then go out and have lunch with him the next day and really pick his brain. So he tweeted, it is like this is all part of the process of developing a new show. But I think that I tend to not aggressively look for reviews.

So I don't know which would be. This is what I know I know that some people like me, just in general, comedically, and some people hate me, but I know that the people find me boring and hate me. I would be bored to death having dinner for sure, yeah, 100. I only like I only want to dine with the people that love me as long as they pay. I say the same thing.

I keep it very simple. I like anyone who likes me.

Absolutely correct. I think that makes great sense. Right.

I'm, I'm, I'm not kidding. It's y y y barking up the wrong tree.

But not only that, there's a very good chance if your esteem is as it should be. Is a very good chance the people who don't like you once you've invested in them and try to figure out why they like you and spent more time with them, you'd find them dull and boring and wouldn't like them. You're very good about that.

You always you have you have your group of people and and you are like, look at peace with your vibe. I get that's what I've always gotten off of you. I think I think that's true. I think I am at peace with my life. I, I you know, I think it's an awful, awful scenario if you really don't like who you are, because we were born and we die alone and this is us and you can try to improve.

I'd like to be the best version in the wisest version of myself the day I die. But I think that to that, like, seek out why people don't like me. Why don't you like me? I'm telling you, it's just it's not healthy for sure.

It's not. And I also think that just in terms of comparing, you know, one's work against peers and what have you is another another Folley, I think I think we're all here for for different reasons. And one person's failure.

We're looking at someone everyone's unique. I mean, don't you think don't you think after 30 years of doing what you do and you really look at your career objectively, including books and things that no one else has had your career, no one's had this kind of career. You are unique. And to be in show business, that's to be admired and same I feel the same with you.

It's the same. There's no other. There's even there's no that. Martin Short. You fucking kidding me? Did you really mean and like that's at the end of the day, that is really what what I what one should aspire to, as opposed to taking off boxes of arbitrary accomplishments, I guess is what I what I'm getting at.

Right.

Yeah. I mean, I do think that some people I have never, for example, been in show business to try to win over the admiration of strangers. That was not so important to me. I was just I just it was really fun. I did it in university, but I was in premed and then I was a social worker, never thinking that you could really have a life and financially support yourself having as much fun as I did doing plays and Shakespeare when I was in university.

And then when you find out that you can do that. There's no greater know lottery win in the world. I would I started I'm from Ohio and I started as a kid. It I don't even think I had a clear understanding that I would be famous if I were successful. Like fame didn't enter into it at all. Money certainly didn't. And then when you it was like some day someone said, hey, by the way, if you get if this happens, you're going to have that too.

I was like a great but I would have done it regardless. But that's also because I have no other talent in the real world at all. May not on your plate, according to you, you're quite the jock now. Yeah, I guess I could. I could get my knees blown out playing high school. It's like it's I just it's it's amazing to me that we got to do what we what we do.

It's shocking that we that we were able to pull it off because coming from where we come from, although you were we're very blessed to be to come out of that time and place in Canada where so many funny, smart people were there, I think. Right.

Well, I think what was I was lucky because I start the first year I was quote unquote in show business was when I was twenty two.

And in that group it was nineteen seventy two. In Toronto where Gilda and Andrew Martin and Victor Garber, Eugene Levy and Paul Shaffer and Danny Aykroyd and John Candy. But we were just happy to not be in school. We were happy to just be getting, you know, some money and we could drink and laugh and have fun and flirt. And that was the that was the unbelievable energy of it. But there was this group of people that were bursting to find an outlet that would define them in an era where it wasn't didn't really exist.

And then Lauren started SNL and Andrew Alexander started TV and suddenly there was a vehicle for such a person. You look at someone like the genius of John Belushi. But had there not been SNL, he wouldn't have been in the movies because he wouldn't have had that stepping stone, he might have been that a pilot didn't get picked up. Might have been the third lead on a Rozanne show, just kind of saying, are you going to finish that?

That's on. And that would have added to. This is the only one so so it is endurance and it is talent, but it is what did you as a funny famous sketch, I think was in your era on CTV of this is the weirdest pitch, but this is what it is.

It's Christopher Cross run like the wind. You know this? Yeah, it's the recording of that song. And someone is playing Michael McDonald. Yes, that's right.

It's it's the most brilliant thing I have ever seen.

Was it the red that it was the era where Michael McDonald was seemed to be on every recording? Yes. I just saw him running from one recording studio, putting in his background vocal, getting and driving and going to another record.

If you haven't seen it, it's so that's you know, that was that was that was the kind of that I must admit creatively. And it made it easier than Stevie because we didn't have an audience. And because, you know, the most intimidating things you're going to see can be read through because they're like everyone was so brilliant. And if your piece was approved as it had to be approved by the group, no one was saying, oh, look at SNL, that you can have a piece that you really thought was going to kill in that dress that doesn't get anything.

And then it's gone SGB. There was no one saying, oh, it was just on it made it. And so the oddest ideas like that could not only get filmed, get aired, but will be remembered for years.

Three years later, I get it. I think I keep thinking I would love to have been at the table, read discussion with like, what do you think? Well, I'm thinking it's Christopher Cross is recording Run Like the Wind and I'm going to play Michael McDonald that I'm going to do my piece and then I'm going to leave. But then I forget that there's more to sing in. The songs have to come back into the studio and I just can do that five times.

That's that's what it is. Really great. Do it. Shoot it. And it's fucking amazing.

Yeah. Well, I remember always discussing because you'd come up with a piece that like I wouldn't do Jackie Rogers Jr., who was now Bino singer.

But it's a out why final.

Why what where does that come from?

It makes me laugh. It's OK.

Well, it was because I'll tell you why. I did a piece I wrote a piece called Jackie Rogers, Senior Old Mother Nature. She loves me. And the premise was that Jackie Rogers Senior, who was this cheese ball lounge singer, had filmed a special nine years before and been killed doing. It was called Old Mother Nature. She loves me. And at one point he's singing to a squirrel. Pardon me, miss, but I never miss a real life squirrel.

But you see in the corner a lurking cougar. And the cougar then attacked me and killed. And they were now releasing this special nine years later. And I needed a son to come into the circle. I'm saying I miss my dad. I hope you will. Thursdays at 9:00. And that was Jackie Rogers Junior. And I'd seen a picture of Mickey Rooney Junior, and he seemed really pale. That made Jackie Minor, but I never thought I'd do them again.

And then I get seventeen notes from the cast and, you know, let's say 14 weren't applicable. I didn't agree. But there was always those other three that were just made it so much better. Nothing and not enough tour. Because a good note, as you know, doesn't go away now and it doesn't matter where it comes from.

No, but you were you were allowed to do those kind of insane ideas. And without anyone saying, well, it seemed funny, but the audience didn't like it, so therefore you can't do it.

How did you know then what the audience did or didn't like? Would you be out on the streets and you'd hear anecdotally? No.

You hear? No, no. I mean, look, this was on at twelve thirty on Friday nights till 2:00 in the morning.

Prime time prime viewing time. Everybody is watching. Yeah, exactly. And so it really was about people just you just kind of went with if the room if the smartest people in comedy who were in that room were laughing, then you felt confident. Who do you think is the who's the funniest person you know? I don't know. I know too many. Too many. I mean, really, I know I've known the funniest people from John Candy to Steve Martin to Billy Crystal to Dennis Miller, our mutual friend, too.

I mean, so many people. Christopher Guest. Christopher Guest once said to me, I was making a film. Captain Ron said, Martin, what is this all about? I said, Well. I know he taped the movie Just Nature. I said, well, I play a man with two children who inherits a boat. He said, I didn't say spoil it for me.

I mean, you can't you can't make it up, who's your first friend in Hollywood, FirstRand? First friend in Hollywood, Mike, first female, first famous friend or first friend, had to be famous.

Well, you know, because a lot of my friends I knew from back east and then we came here. But I guess, you know, Steve, maybe maybe Steve, because that was the first time I was living in L.A. doing that film and Chevy. And, you know, I remember being amazed to meet Jamie Lee Curtis because she was going out with Christopher when we were doing SNL and ridiculously beautiful, ridiculous. Walked in and so sweet and funny and loose.

And you kind of. And she was also the daughter of Tony and Janet Leigh, I mean, come on, nothing happened. Yeah, this have one last really, truly important question. Yes.

Is there a song lyric? That you one day wait, wait, wait, what? That's what the fuck they're saying, like, I'm kind of obsessed with song lyrics that people fuck up and that they don't know. I had somebody talking about the Van Morrison song Brown Eyed Girl, and I thought the lyric was going down on an old man for a transistor radio. I'm like, you know, I don't think I think that's what it is, is that it is what it is.

Do you have your version of that? No, no, no, no. What a bad last question.

I now see this is this is why I mean, why have you all the last questions?

Well, I mean, I didn't want to have to say that, but why should all of us just think it?

You like that? The last question. Fine, fine. You were awesome. I love you. You know I do. And I love having you on this year. I mean, Dorothy Gish couldn't have been a better guest if I had her bladder rotting cadaver. She couldn't have been.

What a compliment. As entertaining as you think, your little one, it was safe.

What do you. And don't get covered by now. See, he's right. I have to go to St. Elmo's Fire.

I hope we have professionals around me protecting me from myself.

Yeah. You are the trump of podcasting. I am. Maybe it is. We'll see it. Maybe it is. Maybe it isn't. We don't know. We'll see. That's right.

I'm just going to I'm going to use that answer for everything because it just inoculates you against any responsibility for anything.

Yeah, that's good.

And also, you always know when the big lie is coming, when the story starts with and someone said, sir, I am a steelworker and your wisdom makes me cry each morning. You know, it started off as a big, big ball that.

Sir, that's the tell. Yeah. Because he's so desperate to be called sir by anybody.

That's that's interesting. Sir, sir, sir, you saved our country. First of all, they never called you sir.

And you haven't saved the country so that everybody get out of it when this is all over. Let's let's catch up.

Come on. All right. I would love your I would love that you were awesome. By Robin Faymann. Thank you.

You know, I feel having just spoken to Mr. Short, as I always do after I've spoken to Mr. Short. Just taken with the fact that he's so funny, but also I'm just deeply wounded by his comedy. Because no one is immune, if you're there with them, you're going to get the charm and the brains and the twinkly eyes and you're going to walk away and then die from your stab wounds before the EMS people can help you. That's that's sort of what it is when deal with Martin Short.

And today was no different. Anyway, I hope you liked it. And I'll see you in the next podcast of Literally with me, Pablo. You have been listening to literally with Rob Lowe, produced and engineered by me, Devon Tory Bryant, executive produced by Rob Lowe for low profile Adam Sachs and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson and Chris Bannon at Stitcher. The supervising producer is Aaron Blair's talent producer, Jennifer Sanders. Please write and review the show on Apple podcast and remember to subscribe on Apple podcast, Stitcher or wherever you get your podcast.

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