So step 1 of manifesting properly according to research and science. 1st, you have to tell the truth. You have to declare what you want. Period. This does not work if you're lying to yourself.

This does not work if you're fuzzy about what you want. And so Meghan already did step 1. She said, I wanna move. She even told us that she'd been wanting to do this for a while. And the only thing that's been holding her back is all that negative programming in her mind.

So now, let's turn to you. Tell me the truth. What's something that you want? And don't be scared to say it out loud. Don't worry, I'm not moving in with you.

But you have to tell the truth. That thing that you have an itch to do. That's what I'm talking about. And if you are so shut down that you don't even know what you would wanna manifest, let's do the exercise that I have shared multiple times on the Mel Robbins podcast. Every single morning, as part of your morning routine, I want you to just take out a piece of paper and write down 5 things that you want.

And every morning as you do this, as you give yourself permission to want things, you're training your mind. You're getting in touch with your dreams and your goals. And if you're having trouble connecting with this, I have a free cheat sheet for you. Just go to melrobbins.com/dreambig. I walk you through it.

You can download it for free and you can also listen to the episode we just did on dreams. It's the 1 we released right before this 1. But you have to be honest. You wanna know why? Because you're training your brain and your brain knows when you're bullshitting, especially when you're bullshitting yourself.

You cannot half ass this stuff. Just listen to this question from Rochelle.

My name is Rochelle. I am from, Ontario, Canada, small town north of Toronto. So for 25 years, I've had a head full of ideas. I've had half assed projects and lots of plans. I chose always wishing, overdoing.

Many of, my blocks were due to fear. Many just basic survival. The idea of goal setting, it really fires me up. The idea of remembering to revisit those goals, that freaks me out. But I just think of all the things that I should have done and, want to do still, that I, again, I thought about over the last 25 years.

What do you have a vision board for? Vaccines like, what are you, a child?

I love you guys so much. What do you have a vision board for? What are you, child? Rochelle. Okay.

So first of all, we love Rochelle. We love everybody. And what I love about her is she's admitting to you that she's been thinking about things that she's wanted for 25 years, And she's never getting past the thinking part. Why? Well, because again, the overwhelm, the self doubt, all of the disorganization, it's stopping her.

That's where manifesting comes in. And she asked the question, vision boards, what the hell am I a child? Let me tell you why vision boards can be important with 1 huge caveat based on science. Vision boards are important because when you take the time to create a vision board, which is basically bringing your dream or your goal to life by creating a collage of images, what you're doing is you are grabbing that dream or that goal that typically, we bounce around in the back of our minds in private. You're pulling it out of your mind and you are grounding it in reality.

And 1 of the reasons why this can be so powerful is because it signals to your brain that this is really important to you. We've talked in previous episodes about the Zeigarnik effect. It creates this kinda to do list in your mind. The other reason why it's important is because when you put a vision board in a place where you can see it, it keeps these goals and dreams front and center, which is really important. But here's the problem.

Everybody puts the wrong shit on their vision boards. You've been sold a bill of goods. You have been told that if you simply create a collage of some beach house or your dream body or a $1,000,000 in the bank or a Maserati, that suddenly, the universe is going to hand you those things. That's not how that works. What research shows is exactly what Rochelle is talking about.

If all you ever do is think about the big thing, you think about the end goal, the beach house, the Maserati, the thing that's like 10 years from now. And then, you create this beautiful collage of this amazing thing that you want. That's a huge mistake. And see, everybody makes this mistake. If you look at anybody's vision board, you know what's on it?

It's beach houses and a $1,000,000 and a Maserati and the the finishing line at the New York City Marathon and all the things that you hope and dream for. And the reason why that's a huge mistake is that if the only thing that is on your vision board is the thing that's gonna take you 10 years to get done, as you sit here in your studio apartment or in the spare bedroom of your parents' house at a desk in the corner and you stare at a $10,000,000 beach house. Oh my God. That is gonna feel so far away. It's gonna feel like you might as well move to Mars for crying out loud.

Instead of that vision board keeping your dreams front and center, that vision board is rubbing them in your face. It's not motivating at all. Why? Because you start to become present day in and day out to how far away you are from that dream of yours. And that starts to make you feel less motivated.

It doesn't surprise me at all that Rochelle has been thinking about all kinds of things for 25 years and yet, she can't get started. And the reason why is because she is making the mistake of visualizing the end. Manifesting is not just hoping and wishing. Remember, for that beach house? Manifesting is training your mind, body and spirit to do the work to make that beach house a reality.

And step 2, to manifesting according to neuroscience. Visualize the steps along the way. This is research from UCLA. In order to make manifesting work for you according to science, don't visualize the end. Visualize the steps and the actions that you're gonna take to get there.

So what does that mean? That means all that hard and annoying and tedious stuff that you gotta do that you don't feel like doing in order to make that thing a reality, that's what you're gonna put on the vision board. That's what you're going to visualize. You see, according to the research from UCLA, brain scans show that when you visualize yourself performing an action, you stimulate the same brain region that you're using when you actually perform that action. So manifesting properly according to science means you are socializing your mind to take action.

Now, what does socializing your mind mean? Because that's the language they used in the study. It means you're training your mind to take the action. By sitting there and mentally rehearsing this, you are telling your mind. You're stimulating the part of the brain that actually is gonna take the action.

This taps into something called procedural memory and it helps you lock in the actions you need to take as a new habit. See, procedural memory is part of your long term memory. It's like writing with your hands or pouring a glass of water. All those actions and habits, they're all stored in your procedural memory. Your procedural memory has all the information that you need in order to perform things like brushing your teeth or walking and talking and when those things get rehearsed over and over and over again, guess what?

They become encoded. They become automatic. The more you think about the steps you need to take and you start to visualize them, the stronger the connections become. And this isn't just like common sense. What happens when you visualize this way is that connections are being made between gaps and neurons.

They're passing signals back and forth. And so before you even take the actions, you are now socializing your brain to get ready to do it. You're preparing. It's super cool. So let's just start with step 1, manifesting according to science.

You gotta claim what you want and tell the truth. So let's say that step 1, I want to train for and I want to complete the New York City Marathon. That is a bucket list item for me. And in fact, that was a bucket list item for me and it's something that I've done and you should do it too. It's amazing.

And so yes, you are gonna wake up every day and you're gonna write that dream down. But to achieve it, please do not spend any time visualizing crossing the finish line. Please do not spend any time thinking about the roaring applause of the crowd as your name gets announced. Instead, what are you gonna do? You're gonna use science because you're smart.

You're gonna visualize yourself lacing up your running shoes when it's 10 degrees outside. You're gonna close your eyes and you're gonna picture what it feels like to be out there on a training run alone. It's mile 13. You're on your own and your freaking earbuds just ran out of batteries and you're 6 miles from your house. And as you close your eyes and you picture that annoying and irritating moment, I want you to feel in your body the sensation of that moment.

And I want you to feel in your body another 1. How about this moment? It's 5 am. Your alarm goes off. You're exhausted.

You look out the window and you see it's pouring rain and it's a Saturday And you said you do a training run. And I want you to see yourself dragging yourself out of bed and pulling on your jacket, even though you don't feel like it and walking out that door. And I want you to feel yourself starting to run in the rain and it's 5:10 in the morning. That's how you manifest because here's the thing. That's what you're gonna have to do in order to achieve your goal.

And more importantly, 5 months from now, when you've registered for that race and that alarm goes off at 5 AM and you roll over in real life and you look out the window and it's pouring, you will have rehearsed this moment. So your brain and your nervous system in your body is gonna be ready for it. You're gonna roll out of bed because you've already been in this moment. You already have seen yourself there. You've already felt the resistance.

You not only know exactly how this goes, you've rehearsed it in your mind and you've now rewired your brain to be ready for it. That's why you can't half ass this. You gotta be dead serious about visualizing the steps you need to take. And so now that you got step 1, which is tell the truth about what you want, get very clear about it. Step 2 is stop focusing on the end and start focusing on the irritating crap you're gonna have to do day in, day out to march toward it.

Now, we're gonna go from the kindergarten manifesting according to neuroscience to Olympic level manifesting. Are you ready? I'm ready, because step 3, to properly manifest according to science, you gotta feel that stuff in your body. I mean really feel it. You gotta feel what it's like to work for that dream.

Now, this isn't just Mel Robbins and this is not even neuroscientists anymore. We're now bringing in the Olympic athletes and all of their team of psychologists because they take manifesting to a even deeper level. When you're on the Olympic team, you call this imagery because it goes way beyond sort of the visualization. An Olympic aerial skier said, you have to smell it, you have to hear it, you have to feel it, you have to feel everything. And so that means as you are closing your eyes and as you are visualizing yourself doing the work and for an Olympic skier, that means before you even get on that slope, you are imagining every twist, every turn, every bump, every jump.

You are going over and over and over and over again. Every twist and every turn. Because remember, according to the research at UCLA, your brain doesn't know the difference between something that happened to you for real and the things that you imagine happening to you. So you're warming yourself up to exactly what you'll feel as you're taking action. There's a huge article about this in the New York Times.

And in it, Bob Sledder Linden Rush, who's an Olympic medalist said, I've tried to keep the track in my mind throughout the year, he said. I'll be in the shower brushing my teeth. It just takes a minute. So I do the whole track or sometimes just the corners that are more technical. You try to keep it fresh in your head so when you do get there, you're not just starting at square 1 and it's amazing how much you can do in your own mind.

And in fact, 1 of the things that psychologists use this for with our Olympic team is helping athletes deal with the anxiety and resistance that comes up when they're about to go back into racing after an injury. And so this sort of imagery, this deep manifesting where you feel it. So what does that mean? You gotta smell the air. You gotta feel the wind.

You gotta really put yourself at the scene. You know, when I was a young trial lawyer, I used to work for the legal aid society as a criminal defense attorney. And when I was, being trained to do trial work, they used to say, when you're talking to a jury, you have to put people at the scene. You've gotta describe something in a way that they could almost see, taste, or smell it, and that's what you need to do. And so here's what I wanna do.

I want I wanna do this with you right now. And so we're gonna use our friend Meghan. Remember, she's the 1 that wants to move from Tampa. And I wanna play a part of her clip where she talks about her fears. And as you're listening to our friend, Meghan, I want you to see what sensations come up in your body as you are listening to her describe all the resistance and fears that she has about this thing that she wants to do.

And fears that she has about this thing that she wants

to do.

My biggest fear is just getting there and then being like, why did I do this? I'm alone. I have no family or friends here. Who knows when my family or friends are gonna visit me even if they will? Am I going to is this going to cost me a lot of money, and now I put myself in, like, a bad financial situation?

What if I lose my job and I'm in a new city? What if I hate it?

You wanna know what Megan's doing? She's manifesting. She is letting her fears rehearse the worst case scenario. She has trained her brain and her nervous system to be terrified of this move. She has a visualizational right that it's not gonna work, that her parents are gonna be mad, That it's a huge mistake.

That she's gonna lose her job. That no wonder she's not doing it. She's using manifesting in the exact opposite way. She's literally, she is systematically through her excuses and her fears and her parents stuff. She is training her own mind to work against her.

I'm afraid of this. I'm afraid of that. It's gonna be like this. It's gonna be like that. You could feel, couldn't you?

When she said, what if I get there and I'm alone? What if I get there and it's the worst decision? I bet you felt your chest seize a little bit. When she said, what if I regret it? I bet you felt yourself shrink a little bit.

See, her excuses have trained her mind and body to resist taking the action. You do the same thing. Every time you look at the thing that you want, that itch that you have, the dream that you have, the goal that you have, and you're like, but this, but that, but what about the other person? But you're visualizing all the negative and this is why you're stopped. And so instead of mentally rehearsing your deepest fears, let's just flip this, try visualizing it being great.

I mean, instead of going, what if it doesn't work? What if it all works out? What if this is the best decision I've ever made in my entire life? Visualize saying goodbye to your parents and packing the U Haul. Visualize yourself alone in the apartment.

Go to that really scary moment where you're there alone and you feel yourself getting anxious, but then visualize yourself putting your shoes on, leaving the house, go into that event you signed up even though you didn't feel like it and bumping into somebody and making a new friend. Visualize your mom calling and saying, I miss you. I wish you have it. And as you look out at the mountains or the oceans or this whole new city that you live in, feel the pride inside yourself that you took the risk and that you're gonna see her next month when you go home. And in a weird way, visualize and feel how this distance and you growing up has made your relationships stronger.

Visualize that moment where you lose your job and going, but that's okay. I didn't like that job anyway. And I've meet met so many people here that now I'm networking and I've just landed something new. Visualize yourself winning. So I think you're getting this.

I know you're getting this. Let me just recap because you know nobody gets left behind on the Mel Robbins podcast. Step 1, tell the truth. Your brain knows BS and we need the truth from you. What do you actually want?

Step 2, you're gonna use neuroscience which means you're gonna visualize and feel in your body all the little things you have to do. The annoying, the irritating. I want you to see it, to smell it. I want you to see yourself falling down or being scared and then picking yourself back up and feel the pride. Push through the resistance.

There you are doing it. Rehearse it in your mind over and over and over. And what you're really doing is you are decoding all the resistance that your fears put in. And you are encoding and rewiring a whole new track, a tape in your mind that shows you doing the work and making it happen. And this is

what Olympic athletes do. This is what

Mel Robbins does. This is what athletes do. This is what Mel Robbins does. This is what successful people in business do and this is what you're gonna be doing now. And so now I wanna teach you something else because I think what's gonna happen is that you're gonna get all excited and you're gonna identify and tell the truth about what you want and you're gonna sit down and you're gonna go to start visualizing the steps and then something interesting is gonna happen.

You might find that something weird happens because this is what happened to Mara and it's extremely common. So listen to this question.

Hey, Mel. My name's Mara. I'm from Chicago, Illinois. I have a question for you. I was just curious, how does 1 tackle overcoming imposter syndrome while manifesting?

So how can I take the steps to work on a business that I'm passionate about, interior design with absolutely no experience other than my own home and planning my own parties and gifting during the seasons and birthdays? When I see these types of businesses online, they really, really inspire me to create. But the thought of me doing it myself is so scary.

Okay. I love this question. This is so juicy and great, and I just am so happy, Mara, that you asked this. So first of all, let's just stop saying imposter syndrome. Okay, everybody?

Because when you're new to something, you're a student. That's it. You're a beginner. That's it. You're not an imposter.

You're not faking anything. You're actually figuring it out. It's part of the process. And so, stop saying you have impostor syndrome because all you do is you have a dream and you're gonna begin to chip away at it. That's what we're doing here.

So that's number 1. Number 2, this is really common. And the reason why it's really common is because your fear is so big and your self doubt is so big and you've never done this thing before. And you can tell based on the fact that Mara was kind of laughing. She's like, oh my God, I kind of love this thing.

And so she's diminishing how big of a dream this is. And a lot of us do that. We kinda make a little bit of a joke or downplay it a little bit or we're nervous about it. We kinda don't even admit it. So first of all, I'm proud of you for admitting it, Mora.

That's step 1, you told the truth. Step 2, the things you need to do, you can figure out because you're a student, you're a beginner, you love this, you're smart, and there's Google and there's YouTube. And that's gonna give you the steps. And those are the things that you need to visualize. So when you sit down and you start to visualize and mentally rehearse, remember you're an Olympic athlete, you're a winner.

We're using neuroscience here. We're gonna decode all those fears and all those bullshit excuses and we're gonna re encode some confidence and we're gonna see you doing it. You might experience not being able to picture yourself in the visualization. This is super common. So here's what you're gonna use.

You're gonna use the power of objectivity. That's it. What does that mean? That means if you can't picture yourself doing the work, pick somebody that you admire who you could visualize doing the work. And there's a catch here.

So for example, you could pick me. You could pick, an interior designer that you absolutely love. There's so many of them online that you could pick from, that you can follow on Instagram, and you can imagine them in there taking the certifications, asking their friends if they could stage their apartment for an Instagram photo shoot, networking with realtors, trying to get a job in a design firm or heck in an amazing furniture retail location so you start to kinda build up the acumen. There's all kinds of things you can do. If you can't picture yourself doing those small steps, put in me or somebody that you deeply admire who's already in the interior design business.

Your mind will allow you through the power of objectivity to imagine someone else. Now here's the catch. Here's the catch. Because remember, I'm the o line. I'm your offensive lineman.

I'm clear in the past. So I'm not doing this on my own. I'm doing this and I'm in your visualization so you can score with the ball. So at some point in that visualization, let's just say you get a job at 1 of your favorite retail stores that sells furniture and is in the design business. And let's just say, you put me in there and I'm the 1 that's managing the store.

At some point in that visualization, I want you to visualize me turning around and extending my hand and saying, come on, Mara. It's your turn. Come here and help me. And let me invite you to join my side in your visualization. Visualize us doing the work together.

It's a super awesome hack. And using the power of objectivity, we can work around that blind spot in your brain until you're ready to fire Mel Robbins from that job. And now you can start visualizing yourself doing all the steps you're scared to take now. Super cool. Now let's get to step 4, because this is probably the most important part of manifesting according to neuroscience.

And I think absolutely everybody forgets to tell you this part. Let's play Cynthia's question.

Hi. My name is Cynthia. I'm from Temecula, California. My question was, Tamelle, how do you, go about manifesting without feeling like a sense of selfishness? I was raised in a very strict health like, household.

And when you asked for things, it was kinda like you had to do something in return. So I feel like when I'm asking the universe or God, whatever you believe in, for my things that I'm manifesting, I feel like I owe somebody something or something's gonna get taken away, so it makes me, a little nervous to ask or manifest.

Cynthia, I gotta tell you. You're right. You're right. When you manifest, it's not selfish at all, by the way. It's an act of self love when you train your mind to help you get what you want.

But when you manifest, you are gonna owe somebody something and you know what you owe them? Fucking work. That's right. You have to do the thing you're visualizing. When you sit there and you intentionally, mentally rehearse the steps you need to take, there is something that you owe the universe and you owe yourself, and that is to take the action.

You're not just gonna sit there and train. At some point, that Olympic athlete has to do the race. At some point, you've gotta make the cold call. At some point, you gotta quit the job or pack the U Haul trailer or get off your ass and do the training run at 5 AM. So you better believe there is going to be something that is asked of you in return.

And that's where the magic comes in, because the magic is in your actions and manifesting according to neuroscience just gets your own fears and people's judgments and your childhood wiring out of the way so that you can take those actions. True science backed manification. It's not as sexy as the secret makes it seem. And it's actually not as complicated as a huge PhD study makes it seem. You just have to do it.

That's it. You have to take the actions. You do owe the universe and yourself something. You owe yourself the actions, the effort, the work that's required. That's what your dreams demand.

I talk about this all the time. You know, we all wanna believe that somehow you're gonna close your eyes and imagine what you want. It's gonna magically happen. I'm sorry. That may happen on TikTok or in Disney, but that is not how the real world works.

The way that you are going to make something a reality is you are going to declare that you want it and then you are going to tediously, annoyingly wake up every single day and push yourself to lay 1 brick in a path with 1 action every day. It's not gonna be easy, but day by day, week by week, month by month, year by year, action by action, as you visualize yourself taking the steps and then you actually push yourself to do the steps, you will wake up and realize you have paved a brick path to your dreams. And you are now, 10 years later, 5 years later, sitting on the porch of your ocean house. You are crossing the finish line of the New York City Marathon. You are making the final turn in that giant slalom race.

That is how this works. So you do owe something. You gotta put your skin in the game and your ass on the line And you do that by waking up every day and taking 1 of those small steps forward that you visualized and practiced and rehearsed by manifesting properly according to neuroscience. Now, let me say the final mistake. You ready for the final mistake?

This is mistake number 4. You get impatient. I cannot tell you how many people literally give up on their dreams and they are 1 audition away from making it or how many people stopped working on their business and they were 1 hour away from the breakthrough that they needed in the financial model? Or you give up on that novel or cookbook you wanted to write because you got frustrated by the creative process? You make the mistake of thinking just because this is getting hard or it's boring or it's tedious, it's not working.

Here's the thing I need you to understand. When it comes to achieving your goals and your dreams, there is no timeline involved. You have to give up the when and you gotta stay focused on the why and the how. And you now know the how. The how is using neuroscience to remove the resistance in your mind, in your nervous system, in your body and then pushing yourself.

Pushing yourself to do the work because manifesting is not magically making something appear. Manifesting is preparing your mind, body, and spirit to do the work to make it a reality. Overnight success does not exist, period. Yes. There are a lot of people that are gotten lucky.

Yes. Privilege is real. Bias is a fact and it is really easy to get jealous. But what you aren't seeing when you focus on the end result is the years years years that went into this moment. Like, a lot of people are looking at me right now and they're like, holy cow.

This is 1 of the most successful podcast launches in history. How the hell did that happen overnight? It didn't. This has been in the works for 10 years. I have been chipping away at it, doing the work behind the scenes before I even launched this thing.

You have to ask yourself, I think, when it comes to the big stuff. Are you willing to work 10 years for it? Are you willing to work 10 years for that beach house? Are you willing to work 10 years for that $1,000,000 in the bank? Are you willing to work 10 years to get that PhD, to heal your trauma, to be happy?

Because that's how long it might take. And if we're being really honest here, if it's a really big thing, it could take even longer. And that's okay. Because you know what? There's nothing more fulfilling in life than chipping away at your dreams and your goals.

That's what gives your life meaning. Achieving your goals doesn't give your life meaning. Working on them, working towards something bigger than where you're at right now. That is where the real secret sauce is. Like, if you wanna be successful in business, you gotta get ready to make a 100 hours of cold calls about your product or about the thing you're selling before you get 1 person that doesn't hang up on you.

I'm not even talking about a yes. And that's where visualization comes in. You gotta visualize the nos. If you wanna be a writer, how about getting ready to write for 5 years? 5 years of drafts, 5 years of what Anne Lamont calls your shitty first draft, Days and days and days of sitting down every single day because this is what a writer does.

They sit down and they write no matter what. Days where you sit there and you stare at a blank piece of paper, visualize that and visualize yourself keep going. Visualize publishers saying no and no and no. And then finally, somebody says yes or you self publish. See, the time and the effort that you have to put in, it's not glamorous, everybody.

It's not easy. And there are gonna be times that you're gonna feel like giving up. And this is what separates the people who achieve their goals from the people who don't, in my opinion. It's this quitting day. It's this moment where you throw in the towel.

If you can go 1 more day, you can you can make it happen, because then you can go another. See, the benefit of waking up every day and using manifesting according to neuroscience to visualize yourself continuing to go forward Is that when the going gets tough, you will have trained your brain and your nervous system that you're the kind of person that keeps going. And when your body and your brain knows that about you, when the going gets tough, you will keep going. So please, once you're honest with yourself about what you want, put in the time, bring a lot of patience. And I promise, if you're willing to put in the work and the effort and you're willing to continue to train your mind to believe that, yes, in fact, you are gonna cross that finish line.

You are gonna have that $1,000,000 in the bank. You are gonna have the happiness and the love and the health that you deserve. You're gonna have the family you've always dreamt of. You will eventually make it happen. I believe that.

Honestly, I just love this shit because manifesting according to neuroscience is 1 of my superpowers. If I'm not talking, I'm probably manifesting something that I want. I currently do not have a beach house. And let me tell you, I have 2 or 3 particular homes in mind that are currently occupied. I have all kinds of manifesting according to neuroscience going on.

I'm in no hurry. I know this takes time. I keep seeing myself chipping away at it. I see the letter I'm gonna write and I'm gonna stick it in the note box. I see myself working to make the money.

I also have done this with this podcast, you guys. This was 2 years in the making before we recorded our first episode. You know what I was doing? I was busy manifesting all the hard and tedious stuff that would lead me here and actually doing it. Another thing I'm manifesting, we are getting this incredible studio space in Boston.

And so I keep having these visions of making the drive down from Southern Vermont. I have this vision of 1 of our team members, Charlotte, standing out front of the building with a clipboard. And she has this little, like, kinda 1 of those headset walkie talkie things on, and she's greeting this SUV that comes up. I am upstairs having stress diarrhea because the Dalai Lama is stepping out of the SUV, and it's coming up to be on the Mel Robbins podcast. And I am managing through my stomachache as Charlotte is walking the Dalai Lama through our lobby and up the elevator to our brand new insanely cool.

This is what I do everybody because it's a superpower. I am training my mind to help me make my big dreams and visions a reality. I'm even doing this for our daughters. I'm I'm manifesting what it looks like for our daughter to, I want her to do it next fall. I'm visualizing her halfway around the world and working her way around the world.

I'm visualizing our other daughter spending late nights in a, session writing her music. I can feel what it's gonna feel like when she calls crying and saying that something happened. And so, I'm doing this for me. I do it for you. I do it for the people that I love.

This stuff is awesome because in some way, when you really get good at this, it is true what the research at UCLA says. You do trick your own brain. When we started this podcast, finally, after years of thinking about it and 2 years of properly manifesting according to neuroscience, I was so rehearsed. I had a major read or whatever the hell the word is that the Olympians use that when I stepped into record our first episode, it felt like I had been doing this for 10 years because in my mind, I've been preparing that long. That's how cool this is.

So let's talk about manifesting. Have you always believed in manifesting?

So looking back, I actually think I did it as a kid naturally. And it's so chicken and egg for me whether I got drawn to neuroscience and manifestation because that was innate in me from a child or whether I now live my life in that way because I've done so much research on it. I I honestly don't know the answer to that. The more I do the research, the more I consciously bring these things into my life. I look back and think, that's what I was like as a kid.

That's what I was interested in as a kid. But I would say that once I studied the sciences in high school and then went to medical school, you know, worked slightly differently in the UK, and did my PhD in neuroscience. And certainly, by the time I got my faculty position at MIT, I was a complete skeptic about manifestation. Those 2 things could not exist in the same world as far as I was concerned. And that's partly down to how I had to live my life as a child because my parents were first generation immigrants from India to the UK.

And I went to school in London, and I just wanted to be like all my friends and do the same things as them. But I would come home, my mother would be in a headstand, and there would be incense in the house. And, you know, there was meditation and chanting and things like that. So I thought, okay, that happens at home. This happens at school.

And I learned very well to separate those things. So then I became a medical doctor, specializing in psychiatry. And, you know, you were diagnosing people with magical thinking and delusions and hallucinations, so you couldn't really say, oh, but I believe in manifestation, you know. So, again, I had to keep those things really separate. And it wasn't really until I started doing my research to write the source that I realized how together these things could be.

Was there a moment where you remember going, oh my gosh. This is real?

Yeah. There are a few because I think these things sort of build up, don't they? So, I was in 2017, I was the world's first neuroscientist in residence at a 5 star hotel in London. So I was already doing quirky things with my career. And, because it was unusual, there was a lot of press and I was approached by Penguin Random House to write a book.

And they said, we've had really amazing books on, you know, 1 on meditation, 1 on diet, 1 on sleep, 1 on exercise. And we think as a neuroscientist, you could bring all of those together. And without thinking, I said, I could do that, but I got an idea about the cognitive science behind manifestation and vision boards. And they just said yes straight away. So I think their response made me think that could be a thing.

But I wasn't convinced myself. So before I started writing, I went on a summer vacation with my laptop, which is unusual for me. And I just started looking into the laws of attraction and trying to figure out, is there cognitive science that can explain these things?

And for somebody listening who does not know what the law of attraction or manifestation is, could you give us your definition?

Mhmm.

They're basically all about the fact that if there's something that you really want in life, then if you think positively about it or you believe in certain vibrations of attraction in the universe, then you can bring that thing into your life. And manifestation is bringing into reality something that you want. But until I started looking into the cognitive science behind it, all the explanations so far had been to do with quantum physics. And for me, as an empirical scientist, that wasn't enough for me to believe in those things. And equally, I I felt very disempowered by the fact that it was happening because of something outside of me.

I wanted to feel like it was happening because of my brainpower and that I had some autonomy over it.

And do you believe based on the research that you've done that you attract things into your life because of your brainpower?

I believe at a 100%. When the book came out, people that I knew personally who were not scientists at all said, I've always been interested in this, but I've never actually acted upon it because I couldn't understand how it worked. But now that you've explained the science, I'm actually doing the steps that, you know, I've heard of before, actually, but that you've repeated in your book. So the writing process did bring it together for me quite a lot, but it was actually the the response from other people. So it started with people I knew.

And then it started on social media just being thousands of people that I will probably never meet in my life saying, because you've put the science to it, it's completely changed my view of of these topics.

So what are the steps to manifesting based on the research so you attract what you want

in life? So it starts with abundance. Now in the brain, we have the strongest gearing that we have in our brain is called loss aversion or loss avoidance. And that was the survival mechanism from when we lived in the cave, which was that if you saw, you know, a juicy apple on a tree and you really wanted it, but you ignored the fact that there was a saber tooth tiger standing next to you, you would die. So we had to want to avoid loss more than we wanted to get reward.

So you've got to avoid the tiger more than wanting the apple. Exactly. And so we're wired toward, as you mentioned earlier, survival. Absolutely. And through manifesting, you're about to teach us how to rewire our brain and train it toward abundance Yeah.

And thriving.

We I I'm not going to completely wire it the other way because there we still need to be safe. Even in the modern world where the threats aren't so much physical predators, there are psychological threats to our safety, like job loss, relationship loss, etcetera. But it doesn't serve us to be that strongly geared to loss avoidance. So what we want to do is balance that out a bit more or in a safe situation, understand that we absolutely can take healthy risks and, you know, believe that there's enough for everyone and and not kind of live from that scarcity mindset. So that's the the first piece.

The second piece is magnetic desire, which we've already somewhat discussed. But once you're feeling abundant, then if you can be really aligned in your head, your heart, and your gut about what it is that you want, then that, you know, that desire, that motivation will keep you going and, you know, help you get the things that you want that you might have given up on. So there is an element of patience required because this process of neuroplasticity involves neurons wiring together to form new strong pathways that are stronger than the pathways that you had before. And so that means that it feels like a lot of hard work is going on. Psychological work is physical work going on in the, you know, pathways in your brain, but that nothing's changing in the real world.

And there's a real tipping point where there's enough neurons in a pathway that certain new habits and behaviors or, you know, being patient becomes easier. And it kind of feels like nothing, nothing, nothing. And then suddenly, oh, you know, things are happening. Things are changing. I'm getting the things that I want.

So if you put those 3 behind manifestation, then that is about priming your brain to notice and grasp opportunities in the real world that can bring you closer to the things that you want. It's exactly the same process as if you buy a new car, you suddenly notice that car all over you know, it's the same. So so it's a brain priming process.

Oh, well, that makes sense. It's why you suddenly see Jeeps everywhere when you are looking at buying a Jeep. Can you explain the kind of neuroscientific I don't even know what the right word is. What is the scientific explanation for why you see cars when you're interested in buying a car or how the new neuro pathways are changing your brain in real time? What is actually happening when you tap into magnetic desire?

So basically, we're overloaded with information constantly.

Mhmm.

And the brain has a natural filtering mechanism called selective filtering. And this relates back to what I was saying about if you leave your brain to its job of just, you know, making sure you survive, it will filter out all those other things that you actually really want, but they're they're not essential to your survival. So that's why you have to make a list or make the vision board or, you know, remind yourself every day of what it is that you truly, you know, magnetically desire to put that to the top of the list for your brain. Because after selective filtering, it does selective attention, and that is noticing the red car or the Tesla or whatever it is that, you know, you're noticing. So once you've filtered out the things that you don't want to notice, then you, you know, you narrow it down to the things that you do want to notice.

And then the third part is called value tagging, which is the brain actually tags those things in order of importance.

And it

does that in 2 lists. So it does it in a logical list, and it does it in an emotional list, and that's where the magnetic desire is important. That's where you say, no, brain. I don't want it in that logical order. I want it in this order.

This is what is really important to me. This is what makes me feel alive. This is what makes me, like, understand that I have a purpose for my life. And it's not just put food on the table, stay in your job, stay in your relationship. It's so much more than that.

So a classic example is, I really want to find a partner and settle down and get pregnant.

Yes. How could you go through the steps of manifestation to help you achieve that?

I would explain the process of manifestation that's underpinned by neuroplasticity, which is a 4 step process. Raise your awareness.

Mhmm.

Focus your attention. Do deliberate practice, and hold yourself accountable. And it starts with raised awareness. I always say that's 50% of the battle because sometimes we don't really know why we're not doing the things we know we should be doing or why we're potentially we're self sabotaging those behaviors. But instead of taking the supplements that would set my body up for good fertility, I'm going out partying because that's the way I think I'll meet a new partner.

So the awareness piece comes very much from journaling or not so much speaking with friends sometimes, because if they're on, you know, in the same place or everyone has an agenda for, you know, your single friends might want you to stay single, that kind of thing. But, you know, maybe talking to a therapist or a coach or doing some proper soul searching, and trying to understand why you're you're not doing the things that you you could be doing, why some of the things that, you know, you're doing really easily, why are they so easy, how do they fit into your lifestyle so well, And and really, what it is that you actually want. Do you actually want to settle down and have a family? Or fine. You know, if you actually wanna be out partying, fine.

Just say that and do it, you know, and be aligned. And and don't kind of do the thing that you want, but pretend that you want something else. It's all about that.

So that's step 1. So step 1, and let's just stay with your example. Somebody who is single

Mhmm.

Who really wants to meet a life partner Mhmm. And be in a committed relationship and start a family. That the first step is for you to take the time to get very clear with yourself Mhmm. About what you want and why.

And a wonderful exercise for that is to place your hands on your forehead k. And ask yourself logically, is this what I really want and why? And then write that down. And then take 5 deep breaths and put your hands on your heart and ask yourself emotionally, why do I really want this? And then write down the answers.

Another 5 deep breaths and then hands on your belly. Intuitively, do I really want this? And again, write the answers down. And, you know, if they're all aligned, happy days. And if they're not, we might have a little bit of rethinking to do.

When I've done this with clients, 1 of the things that's come up is, I really, really want a baby, but actually, I don't really need a partner to get there. So, you know, that could that could change the, I need to meet someone and be in a loving relationship and have a baby. Could just be, actually, what I've always really wanted as a child. I'm getting to a certain age where waiting to have a partner be part of that might mean that I don't end up with what I really want. Got it.

So, you know, that's the most important step.

Okay. So let's say you've gone through step 1 and your your mind, your heart, and your kind of gut, your soul, your intuition is all aligned.

Mhmm. Yes. I want this. The second step is focused attention. So that is at least a month of just noticing what you're doing, what you're not doing in regards to moving in that direction.

What are you noticing?

You know, depending on what your goal is. It might be yourself. It might be your interaction with others. It might be feedback from others. But it's kind of a data collection period.

Because what we what won't work very well in in, manifestation underpinned by neuroplasticity is just jumping into doing without being first. K. So, you know, raising that awareness might have brought up things that you've never consciously known in the past. You can't suddenly then say, okay. I'm, like, on all the dating apps.

You need to look you know, sit back and and see what is it are there patterns of behavior that I'm doing that are leading to a bad result? Is there something that's holding me back from taking the first step that I really need to take? So taking, you know and longer than a month if you need to get to the point where you feel like I have enough data about myself that when I act now, I'll be able to give myself really good feedback. So the third part is deliberate practice. And that is doing the things that you know you need to do to bring the goal into your life.

So whether that's taking certain supplements, whether that's going to sleep earlier than you usually do, whether it's being more socially active than you used to be, and then practicing. And that's an experimental phase. You might still make mistakes in that phase, but course correcting as you go on. Because at this 3rd stage, this is where people could give up. Yes.

And so the 4th part isn't really a stage. It's something like a theme or an umbrella over all of this, which is accountability. So how are you going to hold yourself accountable that you will actually see this through? Now the easiest way to do that is with an external party, like a a coach or a therapist. But ways to do that yourself are, by recording it in your journal and reading back over your journal and, you know, continually reinforcing why I did this, why I didn't do it, what happened when it went wrong.

I use an app called Habit Share. Because what I learned for myself, and this won't be for everyone, but, it's quite a good 1 for a lot of people, is that it's easier to build up micro habits than to start the year or, you know, your birthday or whatever it is with 1 big, this year, I'm gonna meet the person that I'm gonna get married to. And that so I set out 12 micro habits at the beginning of the year. And I pick 3 to focus on for the Q1 of the year. K.

And I track them on this app until they become, like, so habitual that I don't need them on the app anymore. And then I move to the next 3. When I've done that instead of sit instead of setting big goals at the start of the year, I've come to the end of the year and found

that I have 10 habits that I I'm no longer even conscious of

that I'm doing all the time, that are leading to that I I'm no longer even conscious of that I'm doing all the time that are leading me towards that bigger goal or those bigger goals that I really want.

Why are there only 10 if you start with 12?

Well, they don't all stick. You know, I find that kind of along the way, I just didn't actually make 1 or 2 of them into a habit. It's still a bit of a struggle. And I either decide that I'm gonna drop it or I'll I'll carry on into next year.

How would you recommend you'd kinda, like, make micro habits? Or where would you start? Because I know we're gonna get flooded with questions about this.

So I'm gonna talk really directly to you like I would as if you were my client. Great. Which is that the habit that you're working on is not the other person in the relationship, it's yourself. So if the goal is a partnership with someone else, the habits are all around your self worth, your deservingness, what you have to offer in a relationship, what boundaries you will have about somebody treating you in a certain way. And I'm sure a lot more, but those are the first ones, you know, that come to mind.

So for example, a lot of people cast a list of what they want in a partner. And there's 2 things around that. 1 is, make a list of what you have to offer in a relationship, compare it to the list of what you want in a partner, and where all the gaps are, make those your micro habits.

Okay. We gotta stop right here and highlight because we've all been in that situation where we have a friend and we keep seeing this person that we love dating people that we do not believe are up to their level. Yeah. And you do make the list of what you want in somebody else. I've never made a list of what I have to offer.

No. No. Neither had I till someone told me about that.

And it doesn't even occur to me that I would make a list about what I have to offer. How does just making the list of what you have to offer change the way you view yourself?

Mhmm.

So so there's 2 things. 1 is it might highlight gaps between what you think, you know, what you want. But if you're not there, why would that person want you? So if you've got self work to do, let's start with that. You know, that's why I said I will speak to you really directly like I wrote to a client, which is that we need to start here if you want to if you want to get there.

The other 1 is that the focus can be so outward and external that you actually are, you know, not always aware of how much you have to offer. And that's why when, unfortunately, in this day and age, the sort of behaviors I'm hearing about on the dating apps, you could succumb to those. But if you have a very strong idea of what you have to offer, you're more likely to say no to bad behavior. Right? Yes.

It's true. Yeah. I I I just think about this from my own life that in periods of my life where I was, in distress or disassociated or in peak toxic MEL mode in the past, college and law school come to mind. Mhmm. I had no clue what I had to offer, which is why I kept finding myself engaged in toxic behavior patterns and with people that I was perpetuating them with.

And so it makes a lot of sense that if you're not even aware of what your value is, how could you possibly attract something that's of a higher value? Or equal value. Or equal value. You know, 1 of

the things you you speak about, Mel, is, the fact that we love our friends and family and children and pets more than we, you know, show that same care to ourselves. And so, you know, if a habit that you have with your partner is writing them a little post it note of 10 things I love about you, well, obviously, if you're in partnership and they're doing that that back to you, that's great. But if you're single, write down 10 things that you love about yourself. Or say to a friend, I'm gonna send you a list of 10 things I love about you. Could you please send me a list so I can see how I'm viewed, you know, by another person that I know cares for me?

So obviously, there are affirmations, but you can also bring your tribe into, you know, saying, don't forget. This is what you have to offer. This is how lucky someone's going to be to get you. And I don't think we do that enough either.

I'm just starting to think about this because it's kinda sad that we don't do this. And how common is it that you're working with somebody in your practice and you ask them to make the list of 10 things and they can't do it?

I feel like we all have some kind of, like, angel inside us. And if you start, you'll be surprised that things will come out. And that is such a good feeling. And they, you know, they can be really tiny things. And they can be physical attributes, or they can be your kindness and your creativity.

But they can also be your vulnerability or, the fact that you maybe, like, didn't used to be good at asking for help, but that's something that you've learned to do. You know, there's so many things it can be. So, yeah, I would I would love to think that people would go and do it. And I would love to think that people would be pleasantly surprised. And if not, then reach out to your tribe because I'm sure, you know, you'll get inundated with with things that people could say about you.

So whether you're gonna use manifesting to look for a

job or look for a committed partnership or to, I guess I shouldn't even say look for, whether you're gonna use manifesting to land a job or to land funding or to, fall in love and be in a committed partnership or to achieve a health goal.

Mhmm.

Step 1 is the self awareness that comes from you doing the work to get very clear about what you want. And you gave us that beautiful meditation of going from your head to your heart to your gut and asking yourself if you really want this. And you say we should saturate ourselves in the self awareness of it, right, by journaling and talking to a therapist or a coach or a friend that you trust about it. And then the second 1 was noticing yourself.

Mhmm.

Are you acting consistently? What is happening? What's appearing around you? The third 1 is take actions that are consistent with somebody Mhmm. Who is landing their dream job or who is attracting a committed relationship

Mhmm.

Or a becoming a parent. And then the 4th is patience. Is that did I get it? The 4th is accountability. Accountability.

That's right. I don't want that 1. That's why I

forgot it. I want it to just happen like magic. So accountability meaning what? Accountability meaning that you don't give up, that you are still doing the consistent behaviors that you need to to bring the thing that you want into your life. And that either, you know, you find a way of doing that yourself with technology or your journaling or an external party, you know that they'll be asking you in a month's time, did you go on the number of dates that you said you would?

Or did you, like, send your resume out, you know, to as many places as you said you would? And and, you know, with in my work, I always say, if not, why not? If if you didn't, there's a learning opportunity there. But if you did, great. What else can we do in the next month kind of thing?

I love this topic so much. Doctor Tara, I could just keep on going on and on and on, but I wanna take a quick pause, hear a word from our sponsors. We have so much more to cover. Don't you dare go anywhere because when we come back, we're digging deeper into manifestation. And, of course, you're gonna learn the mistake that you're making.

It has to do with vision boards and using glue, all of that and so much more coming up when we return. Stay with us. Hey. It's your friend, Mel. And, you know, I've been thinking, it's time that you and I take our relationship to the next level, that we get off social media and do something a little bit more serious together.

I have this gift that I've been wanting to get you, maybe a little forward, but whatever. I'm gonna shoot my shot. I have created a brand new free 2 part training called make it happen just for you. It is a video training. It's got 2 different lectures in it.

It is so freaking cool. I made this for you because I want you to stop wasting so much time on social media. I want you to stop thinking about what you wanna do, and I wanna support you in taking action and making something amazing happen. The next 6 months of your life could be extraordinary, but it's not gonna happen by accident. It'll happen because you decide to make it happen.

And because I wanna take our relationship to the next level, I thought I'd invite you to jump in this training. Just go to mel robbins.com/makeithappen to get this free gift from me, and And let's take our relationship and your life to the next level. Welcome back. I'm Mel Robbins. I'm thrilled that you're here today.

We're learning all about the science of manifestation and intuition and how to wire your brain to thrive and be more successful with neuroscientist, doctor Tara Swart Bieber. So what are the 3 ways that this changes your brain

or you can change your brain? So the 3 mechanisms for neuroplasticity are myelination, synaptic connection, and neurogenesis. Now myelination, people who do sort of, like, repeated weight training will be quite familiar with that. It's myelin is a fatty substance that coats some neural pathways, making them fast conducting pathways. And there's a reason that we have fast conducting pathways and slow conducting pathways.

So for instance, if there was a fire on the table here between us and you put your hand into the fire, your reflex to physically snatch your hand out of the fire is a fast pathway for obvious reasons, so you don't burn. But your pain pathways are slow pathways. Because if you became so incapacitated by the pain of the fire that you couldn't move, you wouldn't survive. Oh. And that works for many different types of pathways as well.

Mhmm. So but to make a pathway more efficient, we want it to be myelinated. So if we're working on a manifestation, obviously, we want the pathways for the behavior that will lead us to that goal to be more efficient. So just basically repetitive practice leads to more myelination of pathways. K.

So that's relatively easy to do. The the middle 1 in terms of difficulty is synaptic connections. So that's where neurons that we already have in our brain, but that aren't necessarily connected to each other, At the end of every neuron, there's a bulb called a synapse. And neurons communicate with each other because chemicals flow in the gap between those bulbs and form new pathways. So making new synaptic connections is a step up in terms of difficulty.

My favorite analogy for this is learning a language. So I think when we talk about manifestation or other, you know, psychological behaviors, it feels very intangible. But the process is exactly the same as learning a language. So you go from not being able to speak this language at all to picking up the basics to becoming semi fluent to potentially becoming, you know, completely fluent in the language. And everything that we have spoken about so far, it's exactly the same process in the brain.

So the myelination is when you start listening and you pick up, you know, the alphabet or a basic you know, very basic vocabulary, like my name is. And then the synaptic connection is when you can say some sentences that's maybe enough for you to travel to that country on vacation and, you know, at least make an effort. Yep. And then the hardest 1 in the adult brain is neurogenesis. And that's because genesis means growth.

So this is growth of baby nerve cells into fully formed nerve cells that then have to make synaptic connection with other nerve cells, and potentially those pathways get myelinated. So you can see how it's a building up process. Yes.

And you had said magnetic energy. Magnetic desire. Magnetic desire is 1 of the fastest ways to change the brain or it's a required way. Talk to me about how that stimulates 1 of these these processes happening.

Yeah. Okay. Let me put it like this. If you and I both wanted to learn Spanish Yes. And you wanted to learn it because you were planning a vacation to Mexico Mhmm.

But I wanted to learn it because I had a Spanish boyfriend. Who do you think's likely to learn it more or better? You. Yeah. Magnetic Desire.

A real, you know, deep reason for wanting to be able to speak that language.

What I love about this example is that I now understand why manifestation works. Good. So magnetic desire, which you are helping us tap into by asking ourselves, by putting our hands on our head and our heart and our gut, what do I really want? You're tapping into the deep seated magnetic desire behind any change that you want. With that, you are fueling the change in your brain to help you both see more opportunities around you

Mhmm.

And also to help you stay motivated to do the actions. Yep. So it's like training for your brain Mhmm. To be doing the work to make something happen in the future and to help you do it. All of that

and I would just add, even when it you feel like giving up, even when it feels like it's not gonna happen. That's the difference between someone that will manifest and someone that will continually take it this far but never actually manifest.

Is there a trick that you, teach people that are, very negative or resigned or have a, you know, difficult background where they just have a very hard time believing things are gonna work out? Is there something that added that you would suggest to somebody who's like, well, that's never gonna work

for me. I've tried that. You know, that your resignation

stands in your way Mhmm. Of the patients?

Yeah. You know, I actually always struggled with that because I felt like it was such a privilege and a luxury to be manifesting in your life. The first time I was challenged on that, it was when I had my friend Chanel Haines on season 1 of my podcast. She played Tina Turner in London's West End. I asked her the same question.

And she said, manifestation isn't a luxury. It's an essential. And, you know, she came from parts of New Orleans that people would be scared to go to, and she built herself up through manifestation to having the career that she had and being the oldest person that ever played Tina Turner in London. So I think finding success stories like that there's another piece of science that says, if you are trying to achieve something that you've never achieved before, find an example of a person that you resonate with who's achieved the thing that you're trying to achieve. So, you know, anything from playing Tina Turner in the West End all the way down to, where you were saying somebody who's got a lot of adversity who's had difficulty in their life breaking out of that.

Like, there are examples of that in the world. Of course. And and interestingly, because you've already mentioned this, the third part of that is changing your negative self talk.

How do you do that when that is part of the wiring in your brain?

You cannot undo wiring that's already in the brain. Before we understood about neuroplasticity, say that once your brain was in adulthood and certain pathways were set up as they were, like things about low self esteem or, you know, things never working out for you, that that it was impossible to change it. Because, like, it's impossible to change your height once you've stopped growing. Right? But we know that's not true in the brain anymore.

So we know that there's an opportunity for rewiring, but it's not through undoing wiring that's already in the brain, it's through overwriting it, which means repeating a new thought or behavior so many times with such emotional intensity that it becomes an more energy efficient pathway for your brain than the 1 that you've had until now.

How do you do that? So 1 of

the ways of doing it is through positive affirmations. So it can't just be a random 1 that you make up. Okay. So the way that I help people to find their affirmation is if you have a recurring negative thought

Mhmm.

It's not your thought that is wired into your neural pathways. It's the belief that underlies that thought.

Can you give us an example?

That's never gonna happen for me. That's a classic 1. Things like that don't happen to people like me. So and the answer to this will be different for different people. It could be different for you and I and, you know, anyone who's listening.

But you need to, either through therapy or, you know, by sitting down and really meditating on it, say, what is the evidence that things like this do not happen to people like me? And keep asking yourself that question until you come up with the answer. And if the answer is, because I'm a woman or because I come from a lower socioeconomic background or because I'm a person of color or because it's never happened to anyone in my family before. Let's say, going to college.

Mhmm.

No 1 in my family has ever been to college before. So what are the chances that I'm gonna go? So once you've understood that it's because it's never happened to anyone in my family, then what you need to do is is create a mantra or an affirmation that says, I could be the first. That's just 1 that came into my mind, but into my heart, actually. I really felt it there.

But, you know, it'll be very different for different people. That emotional intensity is important, and that's why I can't give the answer to you because it has

to be your answer. When you said could, I deeply felt that. Because for me, it allowed the possibility that it might not,

but

there was something about the possibility of I could be the first 2 that opens the door to then wanting to try.

Or try. Yeah. Yeah. Wanting to try and then trying. Yeah.

And then if you keep saying something that has that magnetic desire

Mhmm.

That's how you start to re what did you call it? Reprogram? Re rewire or just, you know, overwrite Overwrite. The wiring. Yeah.

I love this affirmation. I could be the first because it makes me believe that it's possible because it's core of course, it's possible. Of course it's possible. And I'll I'll just share quickly, like, I I delayed starting this podcast for so long because I just felt like there were already so many out there. If I had had this affirmation, but I could be the first or I could be successful even though there's already all these podcasts.

If I had had that, I probably would've started this sooner. So what do you do once you create this affirmation for yourself?

Mhmm.

And let's just run with this 1. I could be, and then fill in the blank. What's the

steps? 1 for you that really, like, came up in my mind that you could have had, which was I could create a unique niche. Because even though there were so many out there, I think your affirmation would have been I could create something that's not out there yet. You know? I think for a woman, you're just such an icon in this space.

So anyway, regardless of what it is

I love that because I also do think my husband right now is finishing a master's and working on his first book and what he battles every day is this has already been written. This has already been written. And so many of you listening have something that you wanna do and you're like, but there's already a bakery.

Yeah.

But there's so many real estate agents. Yeah. But, but, but there's YouTube. There's this. That if you start to take this 1, I could do something unique.

I could fill a gap. I could do something different. I you know, like, I love this. So how do what do we do once we have something that feels like, oh, yeah. That's it.

I could be.

So remember we based this on an underlying belief that, you know, to do with sort of lack of deservingness. Every time you have the thought that that belief underlies, so, I shouldn't bother applying for that job or that's not gonna happen for me, or that's already been done. Every time you have a thought like that, you replace it with your affirmation.

And you just say it to yourself?

You can say it in your head. You can say it out loud. You can write it out and have it on your bathroom mirror. The the 1 time I remember it got, like, quite I was glad I'd been practicing it was someone openly, verbally challenged me. And I actually burst into tears, but then I said, I think I can.

Wow. That makes a lot of sense, and I want that for everybody.

Like, I

want I want you listening to us to believe that you could be the first whatever or that you could do whatever. And so I think it is really important that you tap into and find the right sentence that kinda has that door open for you when you say it.

So for season 2 of my podcast, reinvent yourself with doctor Tara, I've actually focused on the new science of ancient wisdom.

I want you to continue to think about this goal that you have, to think about this change that you wanna make. Okay? And what we're gonna talk a lot about today is we're gonna talk about this principle that I believe. And the principle is this, profound personal and professional change starts with you. That's right.

Profound personal and professional change starts with you. And change starts with you because the most effective change starts from the inside out. Okay? And so as you think about a behavior change or a thinking pattern change that you wanna make or some sort of goal or dream, I want you to take everything that I'm about to teach you and have that example in mind. Okay?

So that everything that I'm talking about isn't just stuff I'm doing in my life, isn't just stuff that you read about, when you look at the research in terms of habits and manifesting. But you actually walk away with takeaway that is specific to what you wanna achieve. Okay? So good. So you've dreamed with the lid off.

You've written it into the comments. Now let's start by letting me give you a hack. I'm gonna share with you something that I'm working on right now. K? So 1 of the things that I wanna do is I want to drink less in my life.

I have a habit, and I've had a habit for decades, of around 6 o'clock when I start cooking dinner, I typically will pour myself a drink. It's something that I enjoy. It's something that I do as a ritual to, kind of end the workday and ease into being, you know, in the more personal part of my life. And as I've gotten older, as I've started to understand more about my health, I thought, you know, I actually don't wanna be doing that every night. And so, I would make this sort of promise to myself that I wouldn't have a drink, and then 6:30 would roll around.

And next thing you know, I am mindlessly walking over to the cabinet where the gin is, and I'm making a gin and tonic. And it's not that I feel that I have a problem, It's that I was having a problem getting a new habit to stick. And so, here is 1 hack that is based in science that is going to help you make any new habit stick. And yes, this is relating to manifesting. But what is this little hack?

Well, this little hack is something that taps into what's called your procedural memory. Okay? And let me tell you how you use the hack. So with that thing, that behavior change, I saw some of you, writ writing down that you wanna make more money, you wanna stop procrastinating, you want health goals. Here is a hack that you can use using your procedural memory to make a new habit stick.

All you have to do is you need to close your eyes and picture yourself step by step by step practicing the new behavior or thinking pattern. So in my case, this is what it looks like. I close my eyes and I think, okay, I'm in the kitchen. I turn to my left and, I can see the red clock and I visualize it saying 6:30. I feel the pull of the cabinet where the gin is, but I picture myself walking over to where the glasses are instead.

And then I take a glass, and then I picture myself walking over to the fridge, and then I open up the fridge, and then I reach for the kombucha, and then I pull it out, and I grab a lime, and then I grab a soda water, I shut the fridge, and then I pour a kombucha, I pour a little soda water, I take the peeler, I peel the lime, so I get that neat little lime strip, and I pee see it twisting, and I see the little, kinda, you know, like, when you twist citrus, it sort of, like, sprays that little stuff. And then I drop it into the glass, and I see myself picking it up, and I see myself sipping my mocktail. I don't even want the gin. This tastes delicious. You wanna know something fascinating?

Research that has been peer reviewed shows that simply going through that procedure of the new habit or thinking pattern step by step by step, By going step by step by step, you are locking in a new sequence in your procedural memory. And based on research, that 1 time that you do it makes it way more likely that when 6:30 rolls around, you are not gonna drink the gin. You are going to make the mocktail. Now, why does this work? Well, the reason why is this works is because you're using science to rehearse the new behavior or the new situation or the new thinking pattern and to encode it in your brain before you actually do it.

And when you use your procedural memory to rehearse something that you want to have become a new habit or a new way of acting in your life, you're basically putting it in your long term memory. Now what is your procedural memory? Well, your procedural memory is the part of your brain that has stored all the motor skills like writing, like picking up a glass and drinking, like walking. It is all stored in your procedural memory. The reason why you and I can walk without thinking about it or talk or skip or brush our teeth is because we have rehearsed that sequence, that procedure, that series of events over and over and over again.

And now it's locked into my brain, into my procedural memory. Now here's what's really cool everybody. Your brain doesn't know the difference between an event that you have closed your eyes and imagined and an event that you've actually done. And what's happening in your brain when I visualize myself making that mocktail step by step by step by step is I am making connections between the gaps at the end of the neurons in my body, the synapses. And every time I either imagine that sequence of events or I practice it, we're making that connection between neurons stronger and stronger and stronger.

And so, here's what's really cool. What I just told you is manifesting. Seriously, manifesting done correctly is when you use your procedural memory as a tool to train your brain, your nervous system, your spirit to help you feel motivated and to help you do the work that actually changes your life. How cool is that? I wanna be very clear about something.

You know, manifesting gets a bad rap because of the law of attraction, but manifesting is not woo woo at all. It's not a cheesy topic. Manifesting is not just think about something that you want and suddenly it'll magically appear. No. No.

No. No. No. Manifesting is when you use your procedural memory and you visualize the step by step by step actions that you need to take in order to make your big goal or the thing that you want or the new habit to become a reality. You see, manifesting isn't the end, everybody.

Manifesting is the bridge. It's the series of actions that you're gonna take in order to have this new habit. And when you rehearse something and when you encode it in your procedural memory, what actually happens is because it's now something that your brain recognizes, the walking to the other cabinet, not where the gin is, the opening up the fringe and grabbing the kombucha instead of grabbing the gin in the cabinet. When you rehearse this over and over, you are lowering the limbic friction, the friction in your mind, the resistance that you feel. You are lowering that resistance and that is how manifesting helps you achieve your goals.

Because over time, as you sit there and stare at your dream house or you ring the bell at Nasdaq and nothing in your life changes, you start to feel further and further and further away from what you want, which makes you feel further and further discouraged, which means you're less and less motivated to even begin working on it. Like, the hardest part for everybody is to start, and the reason why is not only the patterns of procrastination and anxiety and stuff that you get trapped in, but it's also because your goals feel so far away that you don't believe that just starting is gonna even chip away at it. And so number 1, because it sounds like I just contradicted myself. Yes, you need to have something like a beach house or the NASDAQ bell or the business you're starting or the love affair of your life or the family you've always envisioned or the health that you've always dreamt about. Absolutely.

Swing for the fences. What do you want it to look like 10 years from now? But when it comes to manifesting based on science, I want you to think as manifesting as a bridge. Manifesting is a bridge that's made of bricks between you and the thing that you dream about. And what you do when you manifest is you don't manifest where the bridge is going, you manifest the bricks.

So a great example is a marathon. So let's say that you've never run a day in your life, but your bucket list is to complete the London marathon. Yes. You can put on your vision board a photograph of a runner crossing the London marathon. You can even put the dream that you have in terms of the the number that you want the time to be.

Okay? But you better put a runner in the rain up there. You better put an alarm clock that says 4:30 in the morning because that's what time you're gonna have to get up in order to get your training runs in. You better put a runner that's gripping their leg like this when they get a muscle cramp. You better put up, you know, a vision of you at mile 13 and your earbuds run out, and you still got 2 more miles to go.

Visualization is the bricks. And so what I want you to do when you visualize is instead of visualizing, the marathon, I did it. Oh, it's amazing. And then you open up, you're like, okay. And I still have not even bought a pair of sneakers.

That's not happening, but that was a fun little exercise. No. What you do is you literally visualize, walk into the store and get sneakers. Call your friend who runs and ask for advice. Oh my god.

That's me on my first training run? I've only gone 30 seconds, and I'm out of breath. Oh, there I am running 3 miles in the rain, and I feel proud of myself because I've actually gone out in the rain. Oh, there I am saying, no to my friends. I can't go out tonight because I didn't get my run-in, but I'm gonna go on my big run alone.

That, like, you visualize the annoying, irritating, amazing things. I'm sure people look at you all the time with your extraordinary success, Steven, and are like, how'd you do it? How'd you do it? And, like, do you know how many things I missed that on? Do you know how many like, how like, the amount of work that nobody wants to do because they're not thinking about it is extraordinary.

That's the bridge. Mhmm. Anybody is capable of achieving anything. I actually believe that, because I think human beings are designed to change. You're capable of breaking any pattern.

You're capable of getting control of your health. You're capable of launching a business. You're capable of making 1,000,000 of dollars. You're capable of healing your trauma, of finding love, of doing absolutely anything that you put your mind to as long as you are willing to do the work for it and as long as you give up your timeline. Because I do believe that people who put in the work get rewarded.

Hey. It's Mel. Thank you so much for being here. If you enjoyed that video, by god, please subscribe because I don't want you to miss a thing. Thank you so much for being here.

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