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[00:00:01]

Hey, what's going on, it's Bill Bird, it's time for the Monday morning podcast from Monday, August 17th, 2020. What's going on?

[00:00:09]

How are ya? How are you doing? Asiago in the world is opening up mad. I got the fucking playoffs for playoffs. I got the hockey playoffs on in the background. St. Louis Blues and the Vancouver Canucks going into overtime. Overtime.

[00:00:28]

I've been watching all the fucking hockey I possibly can watch with two kids under the age of four, obviously watching my Boston Bruins. Great victory over Carolina fun series so far there. Two, one, two. Karasek Man, that was like the big thing. He was just like is just boring and blah, blah, blah, just not real hockey and that type of stuff. Then I found out his wife was pregnant. He wanted to spend time with her.

[00:00:57]

I get it, man. Come on. You know, what are you going to do? You know, fucking. Play hockey, you throw it in with no crowd there in a fucking pandemic, you got a kid coming, you know, I don't know, whatever he help when it's a cup, I'm good with that guy.

[00:01:14]

He comes back. I got no fucking problem with that. I'm sure there's going to be some hotheads out there. But there's always hotheads. There's always people flipping out. Jesus Christ, is that what the fuck is that guy's name? ALLIÉS Peterson is the whitest dude ever seen in my fucking life. Jesus Christ. Hitler wouldn't even believe that there could be somebody that white fuck. And by the way, I'm going to tell you something. These fucking dudes in the NHL were obviously still practicing because some of the goals that I have seen, like I know I grew up watching some great players, but the fucking level of sniper that it seems like the average player is I mean, there's barely the goaltender, barely any space.

[00:02:03]

And there just top corner. Fuckin left and right foot right between the body and the arm, God forbid, they got to go east west with their fuckin arms like they're trying to they jumped off a fucking I don't know what else gymnast's when they jump up in the air and they get their body together so they can do little spin around thing. Sorry, that was one of those examples where I didn't know the name of anything I was trying to describe.

[00:02:26]

It really just went off the rails.

[00:02:28]

But I'm enjoying the Calgary Flames series has been a great one.

[00:02:34]

There's a couple of really good matchups where you got like the, you know, the finesse team playing the physical teams of Calgary being physical, Dallas being more of the, you know, the goalscoring team. And I love when the goalscoring team starts pushing back, you know, as a fucking you know, a little kid was born with orange hair, you know?

[00:02:54]

Yeah, definitely. There's always the more physical teams going to win.

[00:02:57]

And you live vicariously through, you know, Dallas stars have had enough getting bullied by the Calgary Flames.

[00:03:05]

They started pushing back in this this last game leukemia's his line is on fire form of fucking Boston Bruins. I love watching him playing well. He looks like he's having a great time out there. Who else is going on the old fucking cream circles got the number one in the fuck and he's got the goddamn orange and white dick stepped on the other day, five to nothing last I saw. And then they came back and they beat the hated Habs. That's just an enjoyable series either way.

[00:03:32]

Just watching it both. Fuck and. You know, I don't know if somebody's going to lose the way that's going to be fun. Like, I really hate the flyers. It's just I don't know if, you know, Philly fans, they always fucking any sort of daylight. They start running their yaps like they've won something. I don't know. I don't know what their deal is, but who else will survive? And I basically have been watching I haven't seen much of the Flyers Canadian series, but and I haven't seen any of avalanche coyotes.

[00:04:01]

But other than that, I pretty much watched everything and I've been watching it with my son. You know, I'm trying not to do any TV time, but if he's looking at the TV and this playoff hockey on, I mean, I got to let him do it right. He, by the way, is awesome, man, like he already can tell, is super, super smart, like his sister, he's got this way of crying and then he looks at you like.

[00:04:25]

Like really like he's he's like. Like, how do you not understand what I'm trying to tell you and it's like really making me. Listen to him. And being like, oh, you want me to shift you over is that I need to cry, I need your diaper changed, you know, and I'm somewhere in, like, the last week of watching playoff hockey, because what I do is I have that little horseshoe pillow and I sit on one of those exercise balls and I just bouncing up and down with them.

[00:04:54]

That keeps them happy, right? And I don't know what happened because he's given like he loves. His mom loves her, absolutely loves her, cannot cannot get enough of her, me just kind of looking at me like. Just kind of eyebrows and move like, who the fuck is this guy?

[00:05:17]

So. And like the last I don't know, I've probably watched like five hours of hockey in the last couple of days, I swear to God, and I've just had him, you know, take it whenever I have a shift because the games have been on all day long, which has been fucking great. So we've just been hanging out and I've caught him. I caught him like during the second day just looking up at me. And I look down at him and he gave me this big smile.

[00:05:44]

And now it's just like and then that was it. We just bonded. He was just like, all right, I like this guy. This guy's cool. It bounces up and down. I go to sleep, I wake up, he's still there, he's still smile and he changes my diaper. This guy's cool. He's not the smartest guy. Takes him a minute for him to figure out what I'm trying to tell him. But it's been like a really.

[00:06:04]

Cool thing, I kind of forgot. You know, like the baby just immediately bonds with the mom, with the breastfeeding and all that, and then the dad, you just sort of like, you know. Sort of an extra, you know, your reoccurring player, like on a sitcom or some shit, there's that fucking cunt in the blues, some of these blues, I just look at them.

[00:06:25]

I respect them. They want a cup and everything, but Jesus Christ, look at their faces. I'm just like, oh, my God, why did we trade away all our tough guys? If any team needs to get fuckin punched in the face, it's this team. And I'm really fascinated by this series right now because it's Vancouver's up to zip two games to none, just like the Bruins were. And I'm just going to you know, they've gotten a little more rough in this game.

[00:06:49]

I am assuming I missed the I saw the first period. No, I'm sorry.

[00:06:54]

I saw right in the second period when Vancouver scored. So we shall see what happens. And I you know, I had put my lovely daughter to bed and all that stuff and and the last two nights I went out and I did my first two stand up spots. Since this fucking thing all started, I did a show, the people in the belly room, you know, the Comedy Store put together a show at the. At the in the parking lot of the Magic Castle.

[00:07:24]

Right here in Hollywood and I did a show last night, oh, my God, and I had not you know, I have done my act since like March 10th. So I'm trying to think like, what the fuck am I going to talk about, I have no idea, you know, started listing my act. I had one bad recording of it. And it was one of those nights where I was just fucking riffing and shit. So it really wasn't my act.

[00:07:49]

So I go up on stage, it's like this wooden thing that they put together some Christmas lights on it shit and everybody's in their cars and they got these little clacker things that sound like fucking locusts, which were really fucking annoying the first night, you know, because we're just we're like, what is this? Sounds like jazz snap and fingers of some shit that come in some beatnik coffee house in the village back in the 60s. You know, when Stand-Up was first getting going right as far as like after the Borscht Belt guys getting going right.

[00:08:19]

So. I go up on stage and I'm sort of, you know, I get the initial laughs. The fuck am I doing in a parking lot, you know, bullshit, trying to trying to get my feet underneath me, just trying to see if anything comes to me. So nothing was coming to me, so I just, you know, I just went to my old tried and true, you know, I just started trashing women.

[00:08:45]

That's just not what I want to do. I want to get away from that. So I start doing this bit. About women, you know, who are smarter and that type of shit and, you know, you know, it starts going down that road, right? And so I do what I used to do. I butter up the women to get them all fucking going. And then I fucking hit them with the overhand left. Right. So I do that.

[00:09:08]

And all of a sudden this woman, I swear to God, sticks her head out her fucking car window like Ace Ventura. She starts yelling up at the store, I can barely see her because people got their headlights on as shit, she just can't fuck you. Fuck yeah, fuck yeah.

[00:09:24]

And she won't stop through the whole bit. Right. So I'm like, oh, yeah, we must be on the debating team when I'm just breaking the balls or whatever, and then I hear this guy voice go, Yeah, fuck you. But he starts doing that. I go, wait a minute, I go, are you with her? If you're good, I go take your fucking balls out of her out of a purse before she bent over the sink.

[00:09:45]

When you get home tonight.

[00:09:46]

Right. You know, the usual the usual sunshine that I bring. So. I continue with the joke and I swear to God. The car backed up and they drove away and two other cars drove away too, and I'm sitting there thinking to myself, like, as they're doing it, like I'm in my head going. My first thought was like, I know I'm on last. Have I gone over? I feel like I just got up here.

[00:10:18]

Are they going to get in trouble? That was my first thought. And then I realized I was like. And I said to the people, I was like, are they leaving? And they're like, yeah, they're flicking their lights and shit. And I was just. One of the few times in my comedy career and like I don't know, in a long time, I was just, like, speechless. I just I really thought, oh, I guess I was hoping.

[00:10:45]

That this white woman fucking act was going to be done. And we could actually get to the truly oppressed people, people of color that started the work movement, but nope, they picked right up where they left off. And, you know, I finished my set.

[00:11:04]

I didn't have I really did not have a good set. And also in defense of the people who drove away is like a lot of my shit is sort of I lead you down one way and then I, you know, make you think one thing and then I say some. You know, it's it's a joke. You can't know where it's going, so. But there's a rhythm to it and you have to know what comes next once you piss them off.

[00:11:26]

And I was trying to remember and I was searching, so it was fucking up the timing.

[00:11:31]

So they got pissed. But to drive away, it's like, really, how fucking old are you? So. I came home after the set and I just was like. I was like depressed. Where I was just like, all right, I get it, I'm the older comic now and I get that younger people aren't gonna understand me, but like, it's not that they don't understand you. It's that they're getting offended, like it's like they're acting like they're old and you're some young punk up there, like fucking shooting heroin into your arm.

[00:12:08]

And all I'm doing is telling a fucking joke. So it was really like. Depressing and just, you know, just a lot of this shit that's been going on on Twitter watching fucking. The ignorance of comedians on social media like attacking other comedians. You know, over shit that nobody involved in the argument was even there, so I don't really know what is going on, but it's just like guys like you literally playing into the hands of people that are trying to censor us.

[00:12:41]

They've they've divided us. And now it's like you don't trash other fucking comics. You can get their phone number. You got a fucking beef with them, have it out with them. Right. I mean, admittedly, I've made fun of a few comedians tweets, but like, I'm not trying to end their fucking career.

[00:12:59]

So anyway, just that whole fucking thing where it's just like this, ever since this whole fucking. Shit, it's like it's just gone so far beyond what it was supposed to be about in this stuff, it's just literally it's like not fun anymore. He used to be fun, like, ta ta. You know, go up there and just have thoughts and just say them it just have a good time and everybody knew you were just fucking around and it was fun to watch other comics catch zone and to see these moments and shit happening and people heckled.

[00:13:36]

You got it. And into it with people. But there wasn't like. This whole, like, political fucking politicized, like we need to end your career now because of this joke vib. That is like it's literally undoing in a way, like, you know, people went to jail so you could go up and do what you're doing and now. So-called open minded people are like undoing it, it's fucking, but it's really bizarre. So. I came home, right, and I don't have any, like, cigars in the house, I don't drink anymore.

[00:14:13]

I'm not a fucking drug user, you know, so. I mean, as far as like a legal ones, you know, so I fucking. I came home like some sad person on prom night and I fucking made a frozen pizza that sucked, I ate the whole thing and had a fucking root beer.

[00:14:34]

I woke up to the morning and it felt like shit.

[00:14:38]

Then Josh Myers asked me, because you're coming down again tonight, and I was just like. Yeah, I'm coming down, I'm going to come back, I got to go back down, I can't end on that one. And I had already talked to another buddy of mine who's actually kind of stopped doing stand up. He's just like, I just don't want to deal with live crowds. I want to write scripts. I just don't I don't want to deal with live crowds anymore.

[00:15:00]

I mean, this is literally conversations like people are having this fucking crazy, so. I say, fuck it, let me get back on the horse, so tonight I went down there and actually found. A recording from my act. In December. And, you know, a lot of it was holiday shit, so it didn't quite work, but just to listen to my act a little, I listened to it and I was like, all right.

[00:15:22]

So I kind of know what I'm going to start with. And I went up there and tonight I fucking killed and I had a great set and I was used to the clack and thing. And I just did two sets in two nights and I feel like I'm a fucking 100 feet tall. I was making people laugh. It was fun. I was silly. Like last night. I think I was just a little walled off and just what I was saying was bad and I got into it, that chick in the car.

[00:15:45]

And I just I think that that's not what I want to do.

[00:15:48]

I don't want to make people leave the show. I don't mind pisses you off. But I mean, in the end, you know, I bring it around, I make you laugh, but I just I fucking hate doing that. So. I ended up having a fucking great set tonight. And so I came home and I wasn't going to do my podcast and I and I come home and, you know, my poor wife had to listen to me bitching last night.

[00:16:14]

So I came home, was like a fucking crushed. I had a great Saddam sighting. I'm so psyched. And I only want to do my podcast. You know, I had such a great set. It's like I don't want to fuck and I want to fuck it up. I want to sit down and eat a bowl of cereal and hang out with you. And she's just like. I thought you were going to do your part podcast. And I was like, do you like not like me anymore?

[00:16:39]

Whatever. She goes, No, I'm just sorry, you know. Hanging out, I was going to watch my show and say, oh, I get it, I get it, you're watching a Real Housewife show and if I come in here, I'm going to ruin it. I get it. I get it.

[00:16:51]

All right. I'll leave. So. For things, she tries to watch your shows and I never shut the fuck up, I mean, she leaves me alone when I watch my stupid fucking hockey and stuff, so it's only fair. So now I'm out here, I'm doing this shit.

[00:17:02]

So I want to thank everybody for fucking who built the goddamn stage out there and all of that shit.

[00:17:12]

They look at that, look at that, I just got a text from fucking Mosch Adam Giles Joshed Amyas because you fucking ripped it tonight. I have not gotten that text. And forever, I want to thank Tammy Jo for setting the whole thing up, she runs the belly room on a lot of, you know, some of the nights when back when you could do stand up in a comedy club, they set that all up. I know there's a lot of hard work involved.

[00:17:36]

They made sure everybody was safe. And like I. Was you know, I was not in like I know when you got kids, they put you in a good mood. But, you know, professionally was not in a good mood, so I was definitely missing doing it, and I swear to God, if they had that fucking thing seven nights a week, I would go down there every fucking night. That's that's how much I miss it, so I want to thank everybody, too, for showing up, sitting in your fucking cars.

[00:18:08]

I hope it made you laugh. I mean, it's just. It's the great it's like fucking. I got a new baby boy, I got a beautiful daughter, I did two sets tonight in this fucking hockey playoffs. I mean, I'm in the best mood ever.

[00:18:26]

So anyways, and speaking just like my my life couldn't get any better, I've been basically fixing up my little office man cave thing here and I got to give a couple of shout outs here, one to Dean Del Rey, who has all these hookups when he hooked me up with these speakers.

[00:18:45]

He found me this like this ventured vintage fucking AM FM stereo receiver for my record player. My turntable to make it sound better, and I was listening to some Zeppelin and AC DC on this thing and he hooked me up. The guys, I should say, that he reached out to and they totally hooked me up. Clip's Clipse speakers. These fuckin things are the shit. I mean, I can't even turn this thing up a quarter of the way and these things are like they've been making them like Handmaid since forever and they look like they're right out of the 70s.

[00:19:24]

I'm telling you something, Don Cheadle character would have sold in Boogie Nights things other shit. And I got to rearrange some stuff so I can figure out where I can put them and. You know, I think late night I'm going to come out here, I'm going to watch a little hockey playoffs, you know, and I'm going to crack some fucking tunes, it's just like it's I don't know, just little things like this music, hockey, making people laugh.

[00:19:52]

It's just fucking awesome.

[00:19:54]

And it's really great considering all the bullshit that, you know, it's another thing to my buddy pass in a way which, by the way, we're going to do the sick is fucking.

[00:20:06]

You know, celebration and memorial show for the great Wayne Previti when. When when all this bullshit is over, I'm not doing it with everybody sitting in fucking cars, we're going to figure out where we're going to do it.

[00:20:22]

And all the guys are going to try to get as many guys from our graduating class of comics, everybody that knew him and loved him. And we're going to do a fucking it's going to be a killer fucking show. There's going to be drinking, there's going to be pizza. The only thing that's going to be missing is hanging out at fucking Dominick's, who's from Boston to remember. Dominic sits right across from the Wilbur. Domino's Pizza, that fucking great bar.

[00:20:51]

You know, they had, like, you know, all the fucking the barflies up at the bar, then they had like the little dance floor area and then they just had the giant slice of pizza, too. You know something? That's a shame. That Dave Portnoy Barstool Sports can't do a review of that one and no longer exists because one of the things he says, the bigger the slices is usually poorer quality, which is so fucking true.

[00:21:18]

But that was not true with Dominic Stewart. It was it was an incredible what it was, was a great pizza. And it was just a ridiculously generous slice that they always gave you. So.

[00:21:32]

I don't know if we'll get hopefully good news. Extra, extra, read all about it all freckles isn't a great fuckin mood. Yeah, but it's really bummed me out. I can't go to the funeral, though. I mean, I just got kids and shit. I just can't do it, can't risk that. And we need too much help. And then I have to come back from quarantine for fucking 14 days. So but all that's going to do is just make me make this night for him even bigger.

[00:21:58]

And he's just such a fucking great guy that everybody I talked to is like, dude, I am fucking in, I am there, whatever. I just have to figure out with everybody's schedule how to make it happen. Probably do it on like a Monday or Tuesday night and. You know, make sure the West Coast guys can get back there and then I know all the East Coast guys are going to show up, so. You know, it's funny, do you wanna hear something crazy, like almost like cinematic?

[00:22:27]

So whenever I would go out. Whenever I would head out with right, I was, you know, vinyasa that was his nickname, right, because he was a you doing which became a right. And he was half Italian, so we call him Vinyasa, right, so he pick up the phone and be like many Asian. You like Billy Red, what do you say? What do you do? That's how it always started. Then we go out.

[00:22:52]

To a spot and then start drinking or whatever, and then we would always end up nine times out of ten, we would end up with this Jack in the Box on Kohanga and Sunset. And. And I would always get the ultimate cheeseburger with ketchup, I forget if I told this story and then I get the and I never understood why the ultimate cheeseburger doesn't have ketchup on it. I don't know why the great first fast food burger, it's fucking great.

[00:23:18]

But they didn't have ketchup and I needed ketchup. Right. So I get that and I get the fries and.

[00:23:24]

I forget what he would always order. But I was reading this other comic that I started with, Dave McLaughlin said he always get the number six, he get the number six, and then he would always get the two tacos. And I'd always think, like, do you get tacos at fucking Jack in the box? If they go to fucking good, you got to get the tacos right. And I always just for some reason, I pictured them like near those hot dogs at 7-Eleven.

[00:23:48]

I just pictured, like, these tacos sitting under these lights, like because like to me it's like Jack in the Box is a burger place and now they're trying to get cute and do a little fucking taco bullshit on the side. Like, if I want, you know, if I want to talk, I'm going to want to fucking taco truck or taco stand. Right. So. Anyway, I was driving around and because I supposed to do a spot at the store Friday night.

[00:24:12]

They had this way that they were working this thing out where it was like, you know, in the over the original room. When you're standing on stage, just to the crowd's left, the performers right, it's his big window and that looks out onto the patio. So they were doing shows, I guess, where you would the comic now stands behind the window, which, by the way, has autographs on it. You're looking through the autographs and then the crowd sits on the out on the patio.

[00:24:43]

You know, but I guess whatever they got shut down because of some bullshit, I don't know what happened, right.

[00:24:49]

Oh, running the goaltender. Oh, my God. What the fuck just happened? Vancouver runs the St. Louis Blues backup goaltender Allen, who's at Bhairavi, who's a fucking coach? What is what is he going to bitch? Come on, man. You fucking love that type of play. That was your whole career. I respect it, too. I think he lost an edge. So what the fuck happened? Yeah, he just lost the fuckin edge.

[00:25:16]

Oh, and he went right into the fuckin used to be called the Post. Crossbar in the post when I was a kid who. And that fucking Bennington dude, whoever whoever the whatever his fucking name is, that guy there, they took him out. This is their backup. He's all right.

[00:25:36]

He's all right. All right. So anyway, so I'm driving around.

[00:25:40]

You know, my spot got canceled. I'm feeling sad and shit. So I'm like, you know what I call it my wife. I'm like, you know, you want wanting to I'm going to Jack in the box. So I tell her the whole story. Why? And I'm going to go and I'm going to get the ultimate cheeseburger with ketchup and fries. I'm going to get those for myself. And then is a tribute a tip of the cap to my now passed away friend, the great late, great Wayne Previdi.

[00:26:07]

I'm going to get these two fucking tacos and see what this shit's all about. Right. So I pull up. To the Jack in the Box, it's like a movie, my friend is gone, I'm going to Jack in the Box is a tribute, right, to get the two tacos with my order and I pull up and the jack in the box is gone. And I'm like, really, I mean, that's one of those universal things, it's like, dude, I get it, my friend's gone, but I can't do this here.

[00:26:34]

And evidently it's been closed for a while and Wayne actually heard about it.

[00:26:39]

Because he used to go there with this other dude, Dave McGlaughlin, right? And they actually like that was like they're like this is just where we ended up, right. And I guess they're they're putting up some 21 story art deco themed hotel there with a pool on top parking underneath and. You know, it's just one of those things, you know, that you know that expression, you can never go home. I never understood that. Like what I can I go home.

[00:27:08]

But it's just means you you can go back, but it's not going to be the same. By the way, I think the blues are on a power play. I love that guy was bitching about the trip, and it's like, if I can trip them, you know, I mean, they really NHL refs do a really good job, I feel, about putting away their whistles and overtime like you.

[00:27:27]

You almost have to fuck. You just got to do something really blatantly obvious. But this is so fucking huge. It's such a fascinating series to watch because I watched the Bruins last year and the way how physical the blues play, it's like you don't want to get dragged into the deep water. You got to beat these guys in six or fewer games. So I feel like this is a must win for Vancouver. I'm calling it right now. If fuckin.

[00:28:00]

If fuckin. Whoever wins tonight wins this series. That's what I'm saying, although they don't seem like they're playing as physical this year. Who knows? I have no idea why. Why are you listening to me give fuckin hockey analysis. I can barely skate.

[00:28:14]

All right. Let's do some of the retail industry in China.

[00:28:20]

Having clothes that fit just right can be a huge confidence booster. How Fallick was that first thing? Her clothes that fit right, right. And snug around your fucking junk. The lady can see which way you fucking Smekal saying and describe any particular issue you run into when shopping for clothing. I fucking hate it. I hate the whole fucking process, I got to go in there and I got to wander through all these clothes that are made for young people.

[00:28:48]

And, you know, I got to try to pick something where I still looked sort of in style, but not like I'm trying to look young. I'm sorry, is wishing sleeze were a little bit longer. Being a medium, etc.. You know what I hate, I hate buying belts, they're either too fucking big or too goddamn small. How about that? All right. Indochine was started on the belief that custom clothing shouldn't cost a fortune.

[00:29:17]

Talk about the convenience of having clothing that fits perfectly at a right price. Yeah, that would be really convenient. I like to is it if you have a custom fitted all right now, it's going to keep you in shape. Because that shit fits perfectly, and then if you you know, if you come home, eat a frozen pizza like I did last night, all of a sudden you're, you know, you know, right where you tuck your shirt and all of a sudden, you know, you're just in that little triangle shows, you know, where it starts to split the shirttails right down there.

[00:29:47]

Yeah. You don't want that. That's not a good look, you little happy trails sticking out.

[00:29:51]

There's a fuckin picture with the Cheeto. You can get made to measure clothing at fair prices, including suits, blazers, shirts and coats. You get to customize everything from the fabric in the lining to the lapels shape and monogram. The choice is all yours. Your clothing is then made to your exact measurements, so it fits you perfectly. The best part is Indo-China suits started just two hundred ninety nine dollars.

[00:30:18]

All custom, all customizations included in No Chino has showrooms across North America. Or you can book a virtual appointment and shop online at Indochine or dotcom and right now you can get an extra thirty bucks off any purchase.

[00:30:33]

I love 30. Who picks 30. That's a great fucking original number. Five dollars off. Ten dollars off, you know. Thirty bucks.

[00:30:42]

I like that off any purchase of three hundred ninety nine dollars or more at Indochine or dotcom when entering BRX at checkout. Be you are that's Indochine or dotcom promo code BRX. All right.

[00:30:54]

Who do we got next year. Policy genius. You know, with everything going on right now, a lot of people are asking if it's even possible to buy life insurance at all.

[00:31:08]

Yeah, it's a great question. Well, the answer is yes with an exclamation point. I'm trying to read this copy and look at every shot.

[00:31:16]

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[00:33:09]

It's nice to get it right. Yeah, I'm telling you, if you got you got a wife, you got kids, you get a wife and kids, you got a life partner, whatever, whatever it is, you got to make sure they're going to be all right. All they should be dealing with when you die is the grief of you not being there.

[00:33:23]

Don't don't send them to the poorhouse, huh? Anyway, beyond these onlookers, about up, beyond age, beyond watch, watching all the fucking hockey, but who do beyond this, beyond these, do you like that Asian snack called Pocky? It's got a little tuna and some crunchy shit. Get some fucking underwear up against a click, it's nice and soft with the fucking model beat about about a boob. All right, Mundy's Beyond's wants to talk about your underwear.

[00:33:58]

I like seriously, they have a lot of feelings about it and want to chat with anyone who will listen. So here goes beyond these. Just wants to feel wants everyone to feel comfy as heck with the freedom to express themselves.

[00:34:12]

Oh, the blue sky. Oh my God. Vancouver is in trouble. Oh, my God, you got to put these guys look it up, look at them, they've all been there, they all been there. They know they know what's going to happen. Just like that. Isn't that fucking amazing, just like that, the whole fucking series just turned around. It just fuckin turned around and these motherfuckers, these fucking Vancouver Canucks who've never won a goddamn cup.

[00:34:46]

It's bad enough they're a Canadian team that's never won a cup, they're also called the Canucks. So they're like Canadian times, two Canadians squared. I didn't see what happened. It looked like it was even strength. Somehow they got caught up. So was that a fucking. Jesus, that guy was so in alone and literally a fuckin penalty shot. Wow. That's huge, fucking huge, but I'll tell you what, it's not as huge as the fucking softness up against your balls and me.

[00:35:21]

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[00:39:05]

You are that Stamps.com enter bar. All right, there we go. Hey, let's talk drums here for a second, right?

[00:39:15]

I was watching this Nico McBreen like drum clinic and he's showing all of this cool shit and I don't know who the fuck shot this thing, but I swear to God, I want to say it was whoever directed Waterworld with Kevin Costner, you know, those epic fucking shots they had where they were like, he be salen one way and like the camera be going the other way. They were doing that while he was playing drums, just going over and going back out into the crowd.

[00:39:41]

And it's just like, I got it, buddy. You have a jib camera. He's playing where eagles dare, I'm trying to see his foot technique. There's no there's nothing on the to show what his foot looks like. And you're hovering over the top of it like. I don't know, like he's playing a ballad, why am I out in the crowd? I want to see how he does it, man. All right. So anyway, I.

[00:40:10]

I got busy and I got to press last week with Wayne dying, so I kind of laid off the drums. It just wasn't what I wanted to do. So as I was telling you, I was creeping closer to the good times, bad times stuff. You know, the Triplette like I was up to 85 BPM. I was within 10 BPM. I played it fucking I got three in a row at 90. I was right fucking there.

[00:40:33]

Right. Oh, look at Ray Bork. He still looks great. He still looks fucking great. What a head of hair, man. God bless him. Good for him. Anyway, anyway, I. So I came back. You know, yesterday and I sat down and. It's fucking hilarious, I was thinking, like, I wonder if I can still play it at 85 BPM and just that thought alone. All of a sudden, I couldn't even do it at 75 bps.

[00:41:09]

But I've been doing this learning, you know, through David Lynch and all that shit, try to, like, relax in a good way, it's just like doing comedy. Last night I was tight. I had a bad set. I got to hit somebody, drove away in a little Camry. Right. And, you know, that's not what I wanted tonight. I was relaxed.

[00:41:26]

I didn't give a fuck. I had a great time. Nobody left from a Prius to a fucking, you know, truck with a lift kit. Everybody had a good time, so. Today, I went down there and I was just like, you know what, I'm feeling good, I'm relaxed. You know who gives a fuck the goddamn metronome? Let me just play this. Have a good time and just look at this. Like the gym.

[00:41:45]

You haven't been didn't go to the gym for the for a week. Right. You're not going to be able to bench as much as you could bench to just go out there, but just get a workout in. And I had a good time. And next thing you know, I was back up to 80 bps, could do 85, but I was fine with it and. I just you know, when when it comes to that part where he.

[00:42:08]

Where it's you got to do the lick like 10 times in a row. I actually I don't know, I relax and I smile and I just think, like, let's see how many I get. And whenever I do that, I all of a sudden I get them all. But when I started yesterday to reply, I've got to I've got to do at least 86 that I can't even do it at seventy five. It's fucked.

[00:42:33]

Oh, Jesus. Who's here? Hang on a second. Somebody knocking at my door. Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba ba. What are you doing here? Hello, how's it going? I'm in the middle of a recording of this. This is an actual. Recording. Come on. Stop making a mess. All right. You didn't tell me you were coming out, I would have grabbed the other freakin microphone and look who's here, everybody else.

[00:43:04]

And the lovely Neya just wrapping up. So I thought I was coming in towards the end. All right.

[00:43:10]

Well, if you want to be on, that's fine. People love you, though. Well, no, it's not that. What are you doing? What are you talking about? What's happening?

[00:43:15]

I was talking about trying to get better drums in now in comedy. And last night I had a bad said I was didn't remember my ex. I was a little tight. Didn't go well. People are driving away tonight.

[00:43:28]

I didn't give a fuck. It went well.

[00:43:30]

And then the same thing with drums if I think I want to do better than I did the day before, you just just that thought alone is enough to somehow mess with your internal self and you don't play as well.

[00:43:43]

I was just talking about that.

[00:43:44]

Oh, that's cool. I thought you came out here because you wanted to talk about the amazing documentary that was recommended by one of my listeners. Tred treated ad like, don't tread on me on Netflix. On Netflix.

[00:43:59]

It's about I don't want to ruin it, but it's just it's just happening in real life, you know, it's so it's not exactly like a spoiler alert, but we don't have to know. We have kind of what we're going to talk about. It was in the news and stuff and, you know, oh, my God, this movie this is a movie, documentary, documentary. The first 20 or so minutes I kind of tuned out, I was like, you know, this isn't really my so white guy of a certain age in a middle of nowhere.

[00:44:28]

He went out, bought a little piece of the American dream. Yeah. In a town that you would never go to. Oh, I would never they would never want me there. They would stare at me like I was in a fucking zoo if I went there, if you know what I mean.

[00:44:41]

So but I have to say so it's it's a story about a man who takes revenge on this town that he lives in, these people in his town who are on his like list, his shit list, basically. And he goes through in this big tricked out.

[00:45:00]

We got a back up here. They tracked this guy. This fucking guy did this, all he wants to do, he wants to start this business and they go, all right, well, you got to hook up your business to the to the sewer. It's like 800 feet or something like that. It was all this money and he wouldn't fucking do it. And he gets into it with the town.

[00:45:23]

He thought they were putting the squeeze on him. He thought there was a reason.

[00:45:26]

He thought it was a good old boy network, he thought, and he was being he was not included in it. And he was being sort of pushed out of it. And he felt very slighted by the men who were in charge of the big companies and this very, very small town.

[00:45:41]

And this is what's amazing.

[00:45:42]

He owned a muffler shop and he was the greatest fucking welder and he could fix anything with the greatest fucking welder he had.

[00:45:49]

Like, that is like an understatement. Like, this man was like, who knew? Like the the skill and the absolute, like, visionary. That's what it is. It's like he's like the classic, like super hero villain.

[00:46:04]

OK, so she's alluding to what he ended up welding together when he goes to take revenge on this town.

[00:46:11]

So basically he gets into with these towns, these townspeople, and there's you know, there's, you know, the big rich family that's been there and they're claiming there for like ages and age, like generations and generations.

[00:46:22]

All right. They kind of like own the town.

[00:46:24]

So when he decides that he's going to take his revenge, what I loved was he gave them a chance. This guy goes out to California, he buys a fucking bulldozer, I figure, and he has it shipped back. And where his muffler shop is, is it's right across the way from the rich family that sits on the board that he thinks is fucking with them.

[00:46:42]

So he parks the bulldozer pointed at. His rivals business and he has a for sale sign on it. He tried to help them out. They were into heavy machinery and this guy was religious and he was just like, you know, he gave them an opportunity to buy it and they didn't buy it. And according to the recording, was was then obviously God wanted him to do what he wanted to do.

[00:47:07]

Also wanted to build a structure across from him that was going to produce a lot of like waste and stuff like that and like debris and things like according to him. And he would be right like downwind of it or something. So he just really felt like they were out to get him. Like there was all this like bureaucratic nonsense, red tape shit to get his business up to code according to what they decided.

[00:47:28]

So he had just had enough and he made a series of tapes where he's just going on and on and on, kind of like a podcast that no one listened to and until the end.

[00:47:41]

And then he fucking reached way long.

[00:47:45]

Long story short, he brought this bulldozer inside to shut down his muffler shop and a little bit of money.

[00:47:54]

And for a fucking year, he worked on this thing for a year.

[00:47:58]

He made this fucking bulldozer. He like it was like he surrounded it, encased it in like. Make metal with concrete. You couldn't shoot at this thing, this thing was once it got going, it wasn't going to stop.

[00:48:12]

It was completely bulletproof. It was completely like fireproof.

[00:48:15]

It was like the like he had like this he had these cameras that he so he could see where he was going because you couldn't see him. And he had like this little like this this pressurized air to to blow on it, to get the debris off. So he gets in this fucking thing, drives across the street and bulldozes his rival's business. He doesn't stop there. He drives down the street.

[00:48:37]

Cops are on the main drag, the main drag of town. It's just like just just games for all the rivals.

[00:48:44]

Everybody who shot on the show, everyone who sat on the fucking board, he bulldozed all their businesses. He was shooting at the fucking giant propane fucking gas, natural gas for the town. Thank God he didn't hit it. Oh, my God. And what ended up happening? These guys jumped up on the tank. They were like, this has got to be a way to breathe.

[00:49:02]

They threw some shot down into it or some sort of fire. They tried to shoot down. You just could not stop this guy. Think he was like an evil genius. And what ended up happening was he ended up like, listen, you got to.

[00:49:14]

Yeah, don't don't you guys I mean, I said the whole fucking time. I know.

[00:49:18]

Even though he talks about the whole thing, when you watch it, it's even crazier than how we're describing it. But like, can I just say that that movie, that documentary spoke to me in such a way that I just did not anticipate, like the catharsis of watching him in this. Like, that's what I mean. He's like a superhero.

[00:49:40]

He's an anti-hero. He was an anti here. It was like it was like it was like a bad 80s action movie that was real. He even had a catchphrase. He just kept saying they messed with the wrong guy. Yeah. That's an 80s. It was it was it was awesome. Yeah. It was really, really awesome.

[00:49:54]

And just seeing him just go and bulldoze these places, it was just like there's a scene in Bridesmaids when like Kristen Wiggs character is freaking out at the wedding, the bridal shower, and there's this kid watching her freak out and destroy things and she just keeps going. So awesome, so awesome. I was like that kid watching it. I just thought it was so amazing that I probably thought it was amazing because he didn't kill anybody.

[00:50:20]

But, like, I just it was so satisfying to watch him bulldoze into these buildings and watch them crumble all around him like, you know, when I felt that, oh, my God, you know, when I felt that I live vicariously through somebody was when Russell Crowe was in that hotel that time. And he got mad at the person downstairs because they couldn't tell him how the phone work. And he ripped the phone out of the wall and he went downstairs and he threw the phone at the guy who couldn't help him.

[00:50:47]

Now, I know you shouldn't do that, but, like, how awesome must have immediately regretted it, but how awesome it must have felt to literally.

[00:50:56]

The thing that you that they can't help you with, to take that thing, like how many times you want to take, I want to take my laptop. I've never wanted to do that.

[00:51:03]

But to go down to the Apple store and just be like then for or just Frisbee it into hell, I wouldn't do it with it.

[00:51:12]

Yeah. All right. Let's say it was just it was just awesome. And then, you know, just the white on white crime, you know what I mean? It's just you love to see.

[00:51:19]

It is just. Well, he was he was international, so. Yeah, he was international news. And then Reagan died the next day and he totally fucking cockblock them.

[00:51:28]

Fell out of the news cycle. Yes, exactly. And the ultimate like the real disrespect. He thought he was disrespected before he was disrespected even more after he died. Now, of course, was a tragic thing. But like, you have to watch it. It's like if you have ever had a feeling of that, you wanted to take revenge, go easy on it.

[00:51:50]

Let's not inspire people to do something. No. Oh, God, no. Yeah, no. Right. Igniting all the insults and whatnot. But let's get let's get back to something a little lighter other than bulldozing everybody in your hometown that you don't like. All right. Do that. Here we go.

[00:52:04]

My girlfriend is jilting me into going to medical school in Russia.

[00:52:11]

She's trying to ship your ass off, actually trying to get ready. You say here.

[00:52:17]

Hey, Bill, love you. Humor. You're an absolute right. Thank you. I am in a real conundrum. This guy, smart conundrum, who uses that word.

[00:52:26]

It really doesn't take a lot to impress you. Who in your world says conundrum? It's not that like odd of a word for people to use. Like people use it.

[00:52:37]

He here's a sentence. Just casually throw that out there and just wow me with it. Go ahead while you with it.

[00:52:43]

Wow me with conundrum.

[00:52:44]

I'm not going to wow you with it. I'm just going to say, well, that's quite a conundrum. That's all I got right now. I'm not going to wow you with it. Sorry.

[00:52:51]

You know why. Jesus Christ. Wow.

[00:52:53]

Worthy word, which is my point anyway. Just keep reading.

[00:52:56]

I wasn't you. You don't want you sell to me a little bit there, right. Yeah. Are you trying to beg your way out of it. I'm impressed by the word conundrum there. I like it. Has Drummoyne. It almost sounds like condominium could have my drums in a condo not deal with your fucking pain in the ass, you know.

[00:53:14]

So so my girl shot it a week without me. I lasted like thirty five years without you. What are you talking about. So my girlfriend couldn't go any further. It's my boy. This is what it's like with you constantly interrupting me. All right, so my girlfriend is Russian American. Her parents are from Russia. Her dad went to medical school there and wants her to go to medical school there, too. When we first started dating, the plan was for her to always go to law school, which is super convenient because the schools in the city where I live, all of this started to come into place.

[00:53:50]

She got accepted to a great school, but now she's changing her mind about law school. Now she doesn't just want me to quit my job. She wants me a guy with a communications degree who barely graduated college to go with her to medical school and enroll as a student.

[00:54:10]

Wait, you know, I have a communications degree, you're going to make it through medical school, although he did use the word conundrum. Wait, am I the dumbest guy with a communications degree? So horrific. I love her, but I told her no many times. And every time she guilt me into telling her, I'll think about it. Well, yeah, she's manipulating. You don't do that. But then she hits me with the if you love me, you wouldn't have to think about it.

[00:54:39]

Move to Russia and go to medical school with me. Oh, God, no.

[00:54:44]

How do you say go fuck yourself in Russian? The biggest part that makes me uncomfortable is that she said her dad will pay for it all. And I know no, dude, you don't want some Russian dude paid for your education.

[00:54:58]

You're going to owe them something.

[00:55:01]

This sounds like the beginning of like some mob movie.

[00:55:03]

He's going to expect him to marry his daughter and be a doctor and make a shit ton of money and have babies and shit. That's what he is.

[00:55:09]

Yeah, well, they're going to bury you out in the snow and they're never going to find you. The biggest part that makes me OK. Fuck that. The biggest part that makes me uncomfortable is that she said her dad will pay for it. And I know any time someone does a favor for you, they'll always ask something in return. I do. I do not want to do this, but I feel like I am in too deep to back out of the situation.

[00:55:30]

You are not.

[00:55:33]

You are not the only way out is to fail the entry exam on purpose, you know, that's the chickenshit way out. Should I go through with it and risk my job savings? Should I go through with it and risk my job? Savings moving to Russia or fail the exam and break up with her. Don't take the exam and break up with her. I know. Come on now. Come on now. Let's let's not be silly. You're not going to actually take the fucking test.

[00:56:03]

That's absurd. You know, I read a great Pablo Escobar quote. About lying, he goes, I never lie people who lied because they're afraid and I'm never afraid. And I was like, wow, he says, when you lie, that means you're afraid this guy is lying because he's afraid.

[00:56:22]

He's afraid of the whole fucking situation. This is a great opportunity for you to go.

[00:56:27]

Pablo Escobar here, Pablo Escobar, that shit. That's right. Get your balls. Yes. You know, back down in your sack where they fucking belong instead of in your throat and just say, listen, I'm not doing this. And she goes, well, if you really love me, you would.

[00:56:44]

And evidently I don't love you enough. Now, Ostrava, whoever the fuck you say, cheers.

[00:56:52]

Dido, I don't know too much Russia, how much Russian do you know?

[00:56:59]

None. OK. All right. Huh? Possible or something like that, it was on Sex and the City, never mind. I just remember in Australia. What does that mean? It just means cheers. I know any Bush thing, I know would you ever go to Russia, would you ever go to Moscow or something? Yeah, I would I would love to go there like it's not a good idea for Americans to go to Russia. Well, you know, I think the people look tense right now.

[00:57:29]

Yeah, it's always kind of tense.

[00:57:31]

And the Russian dudes are fucking hilarious. They're great hockey players. They're tough as fucking nails. I mean, there's a lot to love about Russian people. I feel like they fucking beat the Germans all the way back to their goddamn fucking strudel or whatever the fuck it is they eat over there.

[00:57:46]

I know a Russian girl and she is lovely. I know a girl named Karen and she's the nicest person. Stop calling white women Karen.

[00:57:56]

And now and she's very you know, she's really cool and she's like has really good taste in music and she's very sexy. I think Russian girls are sexy. I think that I like their accent. It's kind of harsh, but it's very much like, you know.

[00:58:10]

Like they're in charge. Sorry, where is this going to bring her over sometime? All right, man to man advice, the guy just set up a fucking threesome there, man to man.

[00:58:23]

Advice to an 18 year old from the Republic of Georgia.

[00:58:27]

Russian girls hit me up in my arms. I'm just kidding here.

[00:58:31]

Now, don't do that because those chicks are super smart.

[00:58:36]

They're playing it like we're in the varsity team. I'm the JV team there on the varsity team.

[00:58:40]

They'll come to my dreams aren't open, so it wouldn't work. All right. OK, man to man. Advice to an 18 year old from the Republic of Georgia, which I believe is like it's east of it's not easterly Greece student in high school from the Republic of Georgia.

[00:58:56]

I have never hated how you started a sentence more ever in my life. You've interrupted me nine times trying to get through this fucking thing. I'm trying to get the momentum of this podcast again today.

[00:59:12]

We had an exchange to you know, you sounded like Joe Episcopo back in the day when he would do Alan Funt, where we thought it would be funny.

[00:59:23]

If you did that on a first date, we would not be fucking married. Interrupt me with that long, slow speaking. The woman who gives a fuck. Oh, my God. So people she she she gave birth about, you know, a couple months ago.

[00:59:40]

She's still recovering. She's breastfeeding. She's exhausted.

[00:59:44]

We have, you know, you only 80 years old. And our favorite song. Ba ba ba ba ba ba ba da ba da ba ba da ba ba ba.

[00:59:57]

Why don't you go download a shuffleboard app fucking blue here.

[01:00:01]

All right. All right. Why are you being so mean? Because you've been annoying me. You've been in. No, you you've got to go with the flow of the show here. You interrupted like nine times. All right. Hey, Bill, I need someone to give me an advice and advice. I love this. I need someone to give me an advice. Oh, wait. It's time. Here we go. Here we go. Come on, play it.

[01:00:24]

It's time to pay your bills. Believe me, this melody, somebody else.

[01:00:34]

I had some advice with an exchange student.

[01:00:42]

What is this? Oh shit. For Music Night. Today I told someone. That I don't want to be their friend ever. What ever even thought? Wait, OK. I love this is broken English Habil Bill, I need someone to give an advice because I don't feel I have no one to talk to. All right. Today I told someone that I don't want to be their friend, ever even thought we have mutual even though we have mutual friends.

[01:01:15]

I have been hanging around this guy for quite some time and we've never got along, especially after he started calling me names and being disrespectful to me. Well, yeah, this is easy. Fuck this guy.

[01:01:27]

He's a bully. We settled after a little quarrel. But today, he asked me if I changed my mind about him and I told him no. Jesus guy is fucking relentless. My friends did not liked it, and everyone told me that I was wrong because he is our mutual friend. I don't give a damn what kind of friend this guy is an asshole and your friends are assholes. I don't give a damn about this guy, but I'm afraid my actual friends will stop contacting me as I am leaving my country to study abroad.

[01:02:04]

These are the guys I grew up with, I don't want to end my time with them on a bad note, but I fucked up because I did not. Said a lie and did not told that fucker that we were good. All right, help me out here, because I did not. Say a lie and did not lie was. Because this is funding, plus I've always had a problem with contacting other men as I grew up without a father and had no one to mentor me.

[01:02:38]

How to behave and what is right or wrong, I'm asking you, what would you have done in my place and what should I do? Should I have set a lie or the truth in this situation? What, you like this guy? No. If this guy's being an asshole to you, fuck this guy. And if you're friends, if you told your friends that he's been an asshole, they're still saying you need to be friends with this guy, then your friends are assholes.

[01:02:59]

And studying abroad is a great way to go get some new friends. You got some fans in the Republic of Georgia. Well, I'm a fan of you for fuckin listening. God bless you. That's what that's my advice. What do you say? Let's say you. Yeah, totally.

[01:03:13]

Would you say this is a bit of a conundrum? I would say that's a bit of a conundrum.

[01:03:16]

But yeah, I think it sounds like you need a whole new set of friends. I think you've got to go fuck all you guys, I'm leaving the Republic of Georgia to go study abroad when I come back. You guys are all still going to be here?

[01:03:31]

Yes. You're all going to still be here given tours of fucking Transylvania. And I'm going to be fucking medical school. All right.

[01:03:39]

Joke trouble with my lady. Hey, Billy.

[01:03:43]

Big brood. That's cool. I only got two and I'm a brute. I think you need at least three to have a brute. Congratulations on rounding off the family with the son. I was talking about how we smile and now big smiles. So beautiful. He's a he's a good looking dude.

[01:03:58]

I'm not going to lie to you. And now you have the full set. I love the podcast. And it especially kept me going during lockdown. So thank you for keeping it going. Me and my lady just got engaged. Congratulations and moved in together.

[01:04:15]

She's beautiful, funny, clever and has a heart of gold and she's black. This is important later. Oh, here we go. Though the world don't move to the beat of just one drum, so I love I love her to death, but she does leave shit on the stairs all the time, shoes mostly. And I try to diffuse this with the joke, which went badly. And I wanted your opinion on what if and if I'm doing what I'm doing wrong.

[01:04:46]

OK, so I tripped over a pair of shoes as I'm coming down the stairs and yelled up to really 30 years after ghost dead and black people are still leaving shit on the stairs. I don't get that joke.

[01:05:00]

I don't either. I never saw that movie. But OK. Oh, you know what, you went you went to obscure it went down like a wet fart, he said. And the rest of the day was a bit frosty. It is. Is it down to me being a white guy saying it, or is it the Cosby reference that makes it seem worse?

[01:05:23]

It's a double whammy, my friend. You not only try to have black people doing this, which is already here. Yeah, yeah. It depends on how you guys joke.

[01:05:34]

And you had to throw in a Cosby reference.

[01:05:37]

Oh, or he said or is it just flat out not funny if I'm no. Stand up. But I ok, I'm no standup but I thought at least it merited a courtesy laugh best to you and your family.

[01:05:52]

Keep doing what you're doing. I think he could have got away with it if they have a playful relationship like that. But then he got to kind of say shit like that and like a stupid accent. You'd like if you went like what what did he say? Let me try to make this funny to you. Yeah, I know, but the thing is, I don't really 30 years after ghost dead black people still live to see you laugh because it's fucking stupid.

[01:06:14]

Because now it sounds like I'm clearly joking.

[01:06:17]

Yes, but if I went like, really 30 years, I have to go down and black people are still living shit on the stairs and then it doesn't work. Yeah, that's true. That's true.

[01:06:27]

Got it. You got to be silly. That's true. Just buy a nice bouquet of flowers and say I'm sorry for my stupid, insensitive joke. It won't happen again. And just just move on.

[01:06:38]

Just player this what it's like. But what is that reference though. I never saw a ghost. That's the thing. People might have seen ghost add more than I thought. But like I know I assume he's dead, but he's still around and only maybe he went down the stairs, he tripped and then he became a ghost and then he was ghost dead.

[01:06:59]

I'll tell you, Bill Cosby could do a TV show like nobody, but that guy could not pick a fucking movie script to save his life.

[01:07:05]

Said, did you ever see Ghost Dog with Forest Whitaker? To remember that movie, no. Did the dog bump his head in the doghouse and then become a ghost dog, something way of the same? I don't know what it is.

[01:07:17]

It was a good movie anyway, that went over about as well as that guy's joke. I know. I know. Right. It's a matter, you know, you just. You're you're a new mom, you know what I mean? Like, you should see how tired she is. You're all over. I'm not. I'm trying to have empathy. You're tired. I was I thought I was up here having a good time, having a good time.

[01:07:39]

And me, you know, I just was, you know, had an exchange student.

[01:07:46]

You sort of like an old white lady named Ethel.

[01:07:49]

And literally during that whole hour, as you were trying to like, you know, slaughter your way through that question, I was picturing that kid like he was the one asking for advice. Like, what if that actually was him? Oh, no, it's not. He would be like my age and he would be dealing with that at that age.

[01:08:07]

Right. And plus, it was from an 18 year old. That question. Yeah, I don't know what you're talking about. What are you talking about? That one man to man advice to an 18 year oh, anyway. So that was a woman. What I need to talk to someone that's that's the management advice I thought there was a woman.

[01:08:30]

No, it's just man to man. Where did you think a woman was? In there? And he said he didn't have, like, a male figure in his life, so he didn't have anybody to tell them.

[01:08:39]

Oh, I thought this was some guy hitting on a chick. I'm an idiot. What? Oh, all right. Well, I still stand by it.

[01:08:47]

Fuck that guy. Yes. Ultimately, stuff like that guy fucked that. Fuck your friends. That's because that sounded like that whole drama sounded like a chick situation. I'm a guy we're friends with him. So, like, you have to be like faggot magic. What are we doing here? Fuck off.

[01:09:02]

Fuck all of you guys. Fuck all of it.

[01:09:06]

Was that exhale like not liking what I was doing? No.

[01:09:10]

OK, all right. I thought, you know, she's all right. Fat wife won't let me work out.

[01:09:21]

There's nothing funnier than just getting to the point and just being the truth.

[01:09:27]

I don't even want to hear the question.

[01:09:29]

I just love like the let's say, a one liner fat life won't let me work out. I love it.

[01:09:36]

That's one of the greats of all time questions. Hey there, Billy Goat. Let's see here. I have a problem and would like your hilarious opinion on what I should do. Me and my wife have been together about five years now and married for two. When we first got together, I was a young stud, my prime shape and crushing ass left and right. She was in good shape too. I used to work out four to five days a week and life was great when we got married.

[01:10:05]

She didn't like me going to the gym because she says I will leave her for a fitness check. Now, the insecurity. All right, I got I got to the point where I had to get her a membership so we could go together just so I could have my joy of pumping iron. But she only went four times and stopped going, pumping iron, pumping iron. You got to do it. This guy is an old school guy pumping iron.

[01:10:31]

And people still say where he was.

[01:10:33]

Yeah, he says it, you know. You know, doesn't doesn't some of your older relatives call people jive turkeys? Uh, I. We're got to watch those dog fucking leave my ears, whatever the fuck that. What does that fucking mean? I just I got it. I got to tell you. So I got to tell you something as a comedian ran, but as a comedian, I respect the balls of an obscure reference. She probably got offended me.

[01:11:06]

Like, why? Because it's Bill Cosby. We all saw the fucking movie. You think I saw every black movie that's out there? Fucking asshole.

[01:11:17]

I think she's just maybe she's really into movies and she's fucking offended that you think that, you know, she would go watch that pile of shit. All right. So anyways, now we just wait.

[01:11:27]

I'm sorry. Just real quick, just before we move on, I do find that, like white guys do have the most random fucking movie references ever. Like nerdy white guys have the most ran. They're throwing it out there like everybody knows I do.

[01:11:40]

Now, do you feel like do you feel like it's it's isn't some of it random? Because maybe they're watching really white shit that you wouldn't watch? Because I think because I kind of get, you know, like you every once in a while, like, you know, some of your your your peeps will be over a house and something will come on that I've never heard of. And you guys go fucking nuts like it's like Frosty the Snowman every year I would watch this shit.

[01:12:06]

I have no idea what it is. So maybe maybe there's some of that. Anyways, I don't want to get into that guy's fucking quagmire conundrum quagmire. We use it all the the big ones. All right. Anyways, now, we just had a baby. Now we just had a baby girl. Congratulations, and we're both tired and out of shape, I want to get back into the gym and get rid of this dead board, but I can't because she guilt trips me saying I could help with the baby instead instead of wanting to get in shape.

[01:12:36]

Also, she always says, I'm going to get ripped and leave her for a skinny girl in the gym and it annoys the shit out of me. That is annoying.

[01:12:45]

But you feel really insecure, like after you have a baby because it's just your body. It's like they don't prepare you for what childbirth does to your body.

[01:12:55]

I know, but she was doing this shit before. Right? But she is like moving up. No, I'm not saying that she should. He should they should get a baby sitter. So she can work out so they can work out together. Yeah, but I already tried that and she went four times. So now, like, you know, listen, one more.

[01:13:12]

I've lost three friends this year to heart attacks and a stroke. Like what this guy's doing is actually. Going to prolong his life, yeah, you know, you don't want to have a kid with the guy and then he drops of a fucking heart attack, I mean, what are we doing here anyways instead of wanting to get in shape?

[01:13:32]

OK, I read all of that. What should I do? I don't want to give up working out, but I also don't want to feel. Be it feel unsupportive as a husband. Keep up the good work. Congrats on the baby boy. I mean, the sea is his heart's in the right place. Go to the fucking gym. That's really hard.

[01:13:49]

And you know what, though? You have to go to the gym now because it's what you feel, what makes you feel good and like she'll get over it.

[01:13:57]

She won't take a purse, just like just have her blow you before you go to the gym and she can relate why that's a good no.

[01:14:03]

You just give her actions this and tell her she's beautiful and tell her she's a great mom and you'll help her out like whenever she needs it and she'll get over it like she's not.

[01:14:12]

I'll take your dick. I'll be like, do you want to hang on to this? Huh. You see this? See this? This is going to walk right out that door. You don't let me go.

[01:14:22]

No. Yeah.

[01:14:23]

You got just sensitive right now. It's a very sensitive time, so you have to be.

[01:14:27]

But she was sensitive before too. Yeah, I know. And it might not.

[01:14:31]

Who knows. It might be a bigger thing. But for now, just like but you should still go to the gym because you know, you need to get your stress out and all that other shit. So good luck with that.

[01:14:43]

Good luck with that. All right. Underrated Arabs'. Oh, God. What.

[01:14:49]

No, I mean, it's not bad that they're. Yeah, I don't know where it's going. I just judged my.

[01:14:54]

You really did it rated Arabs. Well, I mean, you know what I think that bad that that's how you earn it. But that's how you heard it. No you do. That's not how I heard it. That's how I heard it. I was like, oh great. This would be some complimentary considering the beef we've been having.

[01:15:09]

I mean, since since 9/11. This is this is some positive shit I like. Let's bring people together underrating.

[01:15:16]

All right. Hey hey there, Red Bill, though I am a twenty one year old guy from Saudi Arabia. I wish to know if you plan to include us in your next tour. Our government pays good money for entertainment.

[01:15:30]

Well, what are the parameters?

[01:15:32]

I just want to make sure I ain't going over there and all of a sudden I say something to beat the wrong fuckin thing and then I get in trouble. I don't need that.

[01:15:42]

What country was I in where you.

[01:15:45]

I think it was Singapore. Well, I was just going like, fuck, man, you know. You know, you spit gum out on the street, they fucking beat the shit out of you with a goddamn fucking nearest tree or something.

[01:15:58]

He says, anyway, in the last five years or so, I watched a considerable amount of movies and TV shows and came to notice that there's a stereotype, you Westerners, you Westerns have about us, which is that we're either illiterate fucks who live in the desert tending our camels and thinking about blowing your country. Blowing up your country and blowing your country or things or that were buried in money and don't have any problems.

[01:16:26]

Dude, I got to be honest with you, the second you said you're from Saudi Arabia, I just pictured somebody vacationing in London shipping his cars in one car in one place and cell phone his private jet.

[01:16:38]

Right now there is definitely and that's the type of like the Saudi prince that's like, yes, spending money.

[01:16:45]

But I never I never thought the illiterate thing. Yeah, no, I never thought that.

[01:16:48]

But yeah, you definitely have this idea of. Yeah.

[01:16:52]

Oh, and I have the feeling that if I go over to the Middle East as an American, that just we just had so many fucking, you know, not good back and forth over there that I'm going to get the fuckin ass kicking that they want to give our last three fuckin presidents anyway.

[01:17:09]

And I want to squash the stereotype of saying that we live our lives just like you. I myself come from a middle class family and I study energy engineering. This is such a great fucking email. I'm glad this came in. I listen to Western music and I'm familiar with the bands and love the Beatles and Zeppelin. I watch the NBA and even like the Celtics, this fucking guy is great. The Celie's my friends and I hang out in cafes or whatever and we try to pick up chicks.

[01:17:36]

You know, the only difference between us is that you probably do these activities while drinking alcohol when we drink, drink, coffee or any kind of soda and that I have hair and you don't say please can consider touring here.

[01:17:55]

I wouldn't miss it. Go fuck yourself. Well, you know what I mean. That is a great email.

[01:18:00]

That's a really cool. Yeah, all right, that is that did make me think, didn't we have that experience in London, not of like Saudis specifically or anything like that, but wasn't there something when we were in London one time and there was a bunch of cars like really luxury cars that were just going down this one main drag? Oh, no.

[01:18:20]

It's hilarious, though. Those were the princes. The princes were over there going on. Yeah. Yeah. And they were just kind of it was this whole parade was like a display of beautiful luxury vehicles that were just to OK, you want to know what really happened?

[01:18:34]

It was a bunch of rich princes in Ferraris and Lamborghinis driving like in stop and go traffic, just revving the engines. Now I'm the loudest shit really getting anywhere.

[01:18:48]

And they had all these, like, raps on on the cars and shit.

[01:18:52]

And I was I was walking up the street and as they were revving the engine running down like loud as shit is Englishwoman just goes, oh, stop it.

[01:19:09]

It was hilarious. Yo, British Bitti.

[01:19:12]

Yeah, they were showing off. I believe. I believe your people call it Stutman. All right. Now I'm in trouble. I should have said it.

[01:19:21]

I said, what the next ghosttown reference go.

[01:19:25]

I mean, that is fucking up the hey, tell everybody how great my new hi fi stereo is. Oh, it's great.

[01:19:31]

It's got high and it's got FoW. Fuck you.

[01:19:34]

All right. God bless you. All right, everybody.

[01:19:38]

Well, you know, I would love to tour a bunch of places if you know the little ones, the covid cure comes. I'm ready to go. I had a great set in a parking lot tonight, and I'm excited. I'm excited. Takes it back to the old days.

[01:19:50]

Man made no money. It's a bit of a hell gig I was able to get myself through.

[01:19:54]

It's fun make you stand up. I know you've been missing it. Yeah, I did. I did.

[01:20:01]

So. All right. That's the podcast, everybody. God bless you. Go fuck yourselves and I'll check in on you on Thursday.