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Hey, what's going on is Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday morning podcast from Monday, August 3rd. 2020, what's going on? Where are you? How are you everybody you feeling mellow me and you know something, I got to fucking this song in my head any time I watch the Houston Rockets and I see James Harden.
Every time I see them, all, I think is me and Mrs. Jones, we got a thing going, Oh, that dude looks just like Billy Paul and I know it's wrong every time I see a.
I mean, I know I'm watching you, but all I'm thinking is Miss. Yes. Mrs. Mrs Joe, Joe, Mrs Jones, Mrs Jones, what is that song about, is it about the obvious? Is the dude fucking around?
You know, having an affair or as someone suggested on the Internet he's talking about getting high was oh shit, it's like two meetings, Mrs. Jones.
You know, you got to Jones. We're going to meet the same time, you know. Tomorrow. Even though we know it's wrong, right? Anyway, I got to be honest, I actually haven't really been enjoying the NBA games with the virtual crowd. You know, I think it's all right. The NBA was like notorious for constantly cutting to famous people sitting on the side of the fuckin. In the crowd, like, who gives a fuck, you know, holy shit, it's it's the guy from the Phantom Phantom of the Opera.
Look at him. He doesn't like that call.
Why do I give a shit? I know there's a bunch of hockey yesterday, but somehow I ended up missing, I missed all of it and my Bruins lost to the Flyers and some cunt sent me a fucking email from Philly because what else would they be doing other than celebrating a fucking hockey win in August? Fucking douche even brought up the Eagles.
It's just like, why would you do that to a Patriots fan after he won six? You know, I don't understand bringing up the fucking Eagles, but because you won the last one, we beat you that what? You went one on one with us. You fucking tube puked in the fucking huddle on the final goddamn drive. Great, you finally won a fucking Super Bowl first title in 60 years, all right. I mean, I guess if you want to talk shit about it.
I actually literally have to remember that loss, that's how many fucking. Fucking titles we want, but this is a big thing. How long will it be before the Patriots want another? What's going to happen? First of all, the Patriots won another Super Bowl of the fucking flyers and they have like a 50 year drought. All right. So is that was that like the playoff game? Bruins, flyers, overreaction, bees in danger of earning low seed from round robin.
You know, I don't get. Immediately go to the playoffs here. The Round-Robin Flyers beat Bruins in NHL Round-Robin game, OK? Or stay hot. They stayed hot, OK, stayed hot from what this was like the first game back, you talking about the exhibition? Well, the way their last few wins at. All that much, you're not the Philadelphia Flyers remain on a roll, the Flyers beat the Bruins four to one in the first NHL return to play Round-Robin game on Sunday.
Heading into the pandemic pause, the Flyers saw a nine game winning streak and against the Bruins being that the Flyers won on Sunday and also their exhibition game against the Penguins. This team has been on quite an upward trend just because I mean, that's a bit of a stretch, wouldn't you say? If you fucking won eight games four months ago, I had a four month layoff tie, these guys just keep rolling along, get take the last 200 days and play.
All right, I guess that's worthy of talking shit, I have no fucking idea. I don't even know what's going on.
I mean, are you really going to count this? You're going to count this as a fucking Stanley Cup win if you win. This is like when the Redskins won that Super Bowl in the early 80s when like some of their wins with like with like scab players and shit.
I don't know, I do know this is if there is a way to fuck it up and give somebody an unfair advantage, the NHL will figure out how to do it. So I don't know. I have no idea how the whole round robin thing went. All I know is we're one game back and the Flyers beat the Bruins and evidentally they're on one hell of a one game roll.
Yeah, well, good luck to you in the flyers, sir.
I don't give a shit. I actually like the flyers and.
You know, I can actually remember when the Bruins won, when when their last cup, you know, it's that fucking song, Joe Bartnick sings. Have you ever seen the Flyers win the cup? Have you ever seen the Flyers win the cup? If you have, you must be crying because you know you're close to dying. Have you ever seen the Flyers win the cup? I mean, Jesus Christ, if I could talk talking shit you. It's time you won.
Gerald Ford was in office. The big University of Michigan star, yeah, so they go, congratulations to them. I think the Celtics lost. We lost to the. Milwaukee Bucks are looking great, there are a number one seed in the east. You were wearing these uniforms, like, what the fuck are those? It said Cream City on it, a cream colored jersey, and it said Cream City.
I'm like, what in the fuck is Cream City? Milwaukee's one of my favorite cities.
I I've been there a zillion times. I love it more and more every single time. And I love when people say, where would you live? I said, Milwaukee. They always look at me like I'm fucking around, which is I'm like, great. The secret is still not out. All right. Milwaukee Cream City.
I looked it up. And it has to do with the fact Laverne and Shirley got so much Dick during that sitcom, not kidding Cream City, it's because of the the brick. I guess that cream colored brick cream city is a cream or light yellow colored brick made from a clay found around Milwaukee.
Wisconsin in the. The men know Menominee River Valley.
It's so weird how we went in there and just committed genocide against the Native Americans, just completely wiped them out and then just and then named shit after all of them on the western bank of Lake Michigan, these Brecksville, one of the most common building materials used in Milwaukee during the mid and late 19th century, giving the city the nickname Cream City and the bricks, the name Cream City bricks. Characteristics Cream City bricks are made from a red clay containing elevated amounts of lime and sulfur, this clay is common in regions of Wisconsin, especially near Milwaukee.
When the bricks are fired, they become creamy yellow in color.
You know something, Dean Del Ray keeps showing me the shit, he goes, he's like on Instagram. Following this cheap houses account. And so many of them are like in the Midwest. And I will tell you something, right now, there is nothing more scary than a super old home in the Midwest, every single one of them looks like fuckin Ed Green is going to be coming down the goddamn stairs there. Absolutely terrifying. Those old houses with the fuckin wood and all that, because they're always empty.
You know, in the middle of fuckin know, when you like Jesus Christ. How many crimes against humanity have happened in this fucking house? I saw one. The middle of Kansas, there's a school for sale, an entire fucking public school, you know, big fucking brick, brick ass building enough to hold all those baby boomer kids way back in the day and all the land.
They want 25 grand for it.
South Texas buddies of mine that make movies like you should fucking buy this thing, you'll have a location for the rest of your career, this fucking school could be a goddamn office building. It could be a nut house. It could be a school, a precinct. You could dress it up, anything you want it to be and just fucking become the Tyler Perry of the middle of fucking nowhere in Kansas.
You know, none of them bet on it. You know, I can only imagine the fucking problems that are in there, but but you've got to see the picture there. They're saying they still have the old fuckin desks in there.
When I say old, fuckin old, like Little House on the prairie, old, maybe not that far back, but like desk kids probably used to dive under when they would take like they would do those practice. The Russians are coming to bomb us anyway.
So Milwaukee, known as Cream City because of the Cream City Brick. Who the fuck? No. Anyway, so I was last night, my wife was watching this friggin show about a serial killer. And I'm like, I don't I don't want to watch this right before I go to bed, she's like, No, I just want to say it's like really interesting. Came in the middle of it was about the Golden State. I'm a sad warrior.
The Golden State killer, that guy, you know, where he just fucking raped and killed all these fucking women and then that shit that came along. You know, where you send your DNA into the Internet, one of the dude's relatives sent it in and it was a close enough match that they knew was part of the family. And they kind of narrowed it down to this guy. They waited for him to have like a Fresca or some shit, and they took the kid out of the out of the garbage and had a 100 percent match.
And they fucking caught this guy. Right. So I'm watching this documentary, and I got to tell you something.
There's something wrong. With one of the people in that family, I just don't buy anything that they say it. It seems like they're just saying what they're supposed to be saying, and I got halfway through that and I'm like, wait a minute, can in a serial killer?
Is that like, you know, if you got, like, music in your family, if you have a serial killer, you know, and all of a sudden, you know, it skips a generation, but then somebody just sits down and can play the fucking piano. You know. Does that happen with like let me see, let me look that up. Now, the fucking stupid thing. Oh, my God damn search engine. Is being a serial killer.
Genetic. All right, I'm not the only one who asks this question to all circles have a genetic predisposed position. No, I mean, is it hereditary? That's what I mean.
No, no one was dumb enough to ask this. I didn't know how to spell it. Her H.E.R read already her red. Heredity hereditary of what is it? Oh, my God. No, they just refuses. Can your genes make you kill, but they don't mean tight genes, this is genes G with a gene. All right. That's fucking hilarious, I got to wait for a fuckin goddamn Ford pickup at. Warning this product is not safe to alternative cigarettes, it was a pickup truck.
All right. The killer read his Bible, he drank heavily, it was the fall night of 2006 when so-and-so walked out of his rural trailer in southeastern Tennessee carrying his 22 caliber hunting rifle. His estranged wife and his friend and I pulled up. Top of the world, Shubra, eight times killing her. He used a knife. To cut her head open. He then chased his wife with the knife and a machete. What in the fuck? There he told his frightened children, come tell your mama goodbye, because as last time they'd ever see him, Rakshasa, his wife managed to slip his grasp and escape.
Is this a movie three years later in a county court? The dude admitted to the whole thing. He said he had snapped. I'm not proud of none of it.
He told the jury convicted of felony murder, he faced the death penalty to save his life. His legal team took an unusual approach never before. They said he had a generic variant on his X chromosome, the one that. All right, well, OK, so you got a bad chromosome. You got to go. Job is very crucial. Jesus fucking Christ, as I looked up a fucking recipe, I don't even care anymore.
You know, that's my ongoing complaint here, any time you like. Hey, what's a good pot roast recipe?
You've got to go through fucking three pages of, you know, we got pot roast was always one of the meals that just brought our family together, the smell of it searing in the kitchen.
My mother would always hug me and Mrs. Jones, and that's how we found out she was fucking a fat guy down the street, that she called her her little side pot roast anyway. So you're going to need to fucking Sprague's this time. You got to read like a whole goddamn. Soliloquy, is that the fucking word, the whole goddamn thing, they're just to get to it? I mean, you look up how how do you pour cornflakes on milk?
You know, cereal is really a dividing issue in the breakfast world. I mean, personally, I love it, but there's other people that just cannot handle milk because they're lactose intolerant. Obviously, this really affects the cereal lobby.
I remember when I was a kid, my parents wouldn't buy me chicks, so me and my little sister decided to try to make our own chicks.
Can scroll down 10 pages, take your favorite cereal, pour it into a bowl and milk.
Anyway, I watched a lot of friggin TV, I didn't see the F1 race, I knew there was an F1 race, but I also knew that Lewis Hamilton was going to win and he did. And I was like fucking 30 points ahead. I did watch the last lap with that high pitch guy was just screaming. And Lewis Hamilton is falling apart and he still wins the race, he just wins every fucking race he already has, like a fucking 30, 40 point lead.
I mean, he's just too goddamn good. The guy won the race on like three times, like fucking Stroker race. That shit's only supposed to happen in the goddamn. In the movies, I actually kind of stopped watching F1 because I was starting to have this irrational hatred of Lewis Hamilton simply because he was so fucking good and was winning. He was so good. He was making it boring.
Then I'm like, why am I why am I bothered by this guy dominating like this?
It's like, well, you know, because I turned on to see a race, I want to see racing, I want to see passing, I want to see excitement, I don't want to see. And Lewis Hamilton is the first one out of the first ten.
And we all know that the race is already over, even though there's 70 laps left.
I will tell you a great documentary. You got to watch you got to watch the Robert Foster documentary, a legendary record producer who just has, like, this gift.
Where he can, you know, here ahead, make a hit and all of that, but I'm going to tell you something that you watched this documentary, this dude is the closest thing to like if like Ron Burgundy was that was a real person. I mean, the guy's fucking ego is like. I don't even know where to begin the stories that he told about himself. None of them had a left turn, every one of them was I had to do this and I didn't have enough time.
And I fucking crushed it. Like when I was a kid, my mother played on the piano and I immediately said, that's an E, and she was like, what? And I was like, that's an E. And she was like, oh, my God, he has perfect pitch. He was telling these stories about himself. Then he told this weird story. I like his fucking. He had like four or five sisters and his mother every morning would feed them like soggy fucking corn flakes and then make him bacon and eggs with toast every morning.
And you're like, oh, there it is. You were the little prince and all the other ones were like scrubbing the floor with toothbrushes, and at no point was he sort of a little like, you know, his fucked up shoes. They're playing favorites like that. The best part, right, is all the people around. Who are just sitting there talking about how fucking amazing he is. You know, none of them questioning the guy's ego, this point fucking poor woman.
I don't know what he had on her, but she's just like, you know, it's about time he did Broadway. I mean, she's literally pointing to a fake watch watching her wrist.
Is there going like fucking I don't know, I can't even get in. It was like. And then Barbara Streisand told me she wanted an album that was all synthesizers, no drums, no bass, no French horn, no bassoon. And I got to tell you. I killed it. This guy goes like he's the greatest keyboard player I've ever heard. And I've played with Herbie. She's talking Herbie Hancock, right, and then they cut the David Foster and he's working with Chicago.
And he literally takes the horn section out of Chicago, he Debord's The Fuckin Band. He's better than Herbie Hancock, and then you watch a terrorists singing one of the songs, I am a man who will fight for your.
It's like. That's better than Bow, wow, wow, wow the fuck out of here, we had Cokely with Miles Davis. This fucking guy is right, and I will always love you. Anyway, check it out if you get a chance, check it out. I mean, it is amazing what the guy has done, but Jesus Christ, what a fucking ego on that guy. And then. Those fucking kids come on, and evidently this guy was like one of the worst fathers ever as far as just like his kids, even his kids were sticking up for them.
Maybe it's true. So, yeah, I was bored and then he left like six, seven months later, but, you know, he's still a great dad. He did the best he could. It's really bizarre.
All you need to do is just see the picture that that is promoting the documentary. It's him with like seventy two Oscars.
I mean, sorry, what are they what do you call his fucking music wins Grammys and he's just sitting there next to him like yeah, I'm this fucking good.
I got a great idea for a promo, everybody, how about I just sit here with all my trophies? But apparently he wants an Oscar because he wants to be an EGOT, that's another thing, he lists all his trophies and goes and I still feel my trophy case is a little light.
And it's just like, gee, why don't you just tell people that it's time for the gun show? Anyway. I think the only reason why Chicago didn't get more shit for the songs that they did in the 80s was because Phil Collins was doing all that other stuff. Phil Collins for some reason became like the Bee Gees. There's always one band that just takes a fuckin pounding. You know, I don't know who it is this decade or the last decade.
I remember two decades ago it was like Nickelback. And the decade before that, who took the pounding? Um. One of those rap metal bands probably. I got no idea, there's always just somebody just out of know, I just all of a sudden everybody was buying their albums, then out of nowhere, they just get a ton of shit. So in the 80s, it was like Phil Collins, maybe Milli Vanilli. The 70s, why can't can't say that in the 90s, it's the decade after when people then look back.
Going like, hey, man, that band's fuckin lame, it's like, oh, the one that we all listen to. Now we're all trying to walk away from the style man. Sorry, I have no idea what the fuck I'm talking about here. It's 22 minutes and maybe it's maybe it's time. To do a little bit of fucking reads here, people, I'm actually I'm trying to put together a. A fucking stand up tour here. Because at some point I also have to go out, I got to earn some fucking money here, you know, got a house to pay for, I'm trying to figure out how I can do it.
Like the show has to go down where nobody at the show. Gets. Gets covid, obviously, so that's the part that we're working on. Oh, it's easy to protect the person on stage. You know, but it's the people in the crowd, they're like, how do you work if you get one of these stubborn fucking people that refuses to wear a fucking mask or the ones that walk around wearing the mask and have it underneath their nose, what do you do with that person?
I don't know, but the mass shaming is getting crazy. I saw this one, this video on Instagram with these two what sounded like young people were just yelling at this fucking look, the woman retired, which this old white lady with white hair and shit that is yelling and it's like we fucking leave her alone.
She's somebody's grandma. Parent, you know what I mean? She has it, she's going to fucking die from it and they're just hounding her, screaming at us and she comes over and she fuckin coughs on him, which is inevitable. It's like, how much shit can you give you a waitress before you know she's going to spit in your fucking tea? You got to go easy on the fucking sitting there yelling at him. Then when somebody coughs, someone call the police.
That's it. Call the police. And then they both get fucking charged with being dosis. I hope they put them in the same goddamn cell. Anyway. What else? I'm sorry, I'm in a fucked up mood because I saw yet another thing happen to a comedian where it's just like.
It's accusations and then people just like sign off on it before the person can even defend themselves. I mean, you just sitting there going like, were you there?
Aren't you like me, like, I have no idea if this is true, I have no idea if this happened. I don't know if it didn't happen. I just know there's some people saying something happened. And then my favorite my favorite fucking thing is the bitter ass comic, you know what I mean?
Who uses. That situation as an excuse to air their personal feelings about that comedian's act, I mean, how fucking low can you go? Jesus Christ the fuck somebody's laying in the side of the fucking road for all you know, could be innocent and you take the time to be like, you know, it's always like, you know, I can't believe this fucking guy, bla bla bla bla bla, the shit they just been accused about. And then there's some sort of criticism about the act.
I thought his biggest crime was that he was called the comedians, just like, wow. Wow, what kind of fuckin person are you? What kind of fucking person are you that you take a fucking that use? You know, people are trying to suggest it's a sexual assault happened here and you're going to use that platform so you can get out your fucking bitterness about where your fucking career is.
Unbelievable, un fucking believable. So this person actually made a video.
And in the video, you know, the part that I love is the fucking sitting there saying how there are people around him were advising him to not say anything, just let the news cycle pass. It's just like. I don't understand why the accused person can't defend themselves. It's fucking nuts, and I don't get how all of these people are signing off, like, yeah, this makes sense. This seems like the right solution for this.
So I'm actually. You know, happy the person ignored and actually made a video and hopefully people will start doing that again in due process will return. And hopefully this time due process will actually work for victims if they were actually victims. I mean, isn't that the logical way you should be looking at this rather than just being like somebody said something happened? All right. That's it. That means it happened. Hey, I'd like to defend myself. Now, you shut the fuck up.
All I need to hear is an accusation.
I don't need any fucking evidence whatsoever.
Blows my fucking mind. I understand regular fucking people. They're bored right now. They're in the middle of a fucking pandemic. So, yeah, throw someone to the lions for my fucking entertainment. But to see fellow comedians jumping on this shit. And you want to be like, oh, so evidently you were there. You know, is it something I don't know what fucking evidence you have that makes you that, but when it really comes down to it, then fucking say is it always comes down to they then they don't like him as a comedian.
Jesus, what a complete fucking piece of shit person that you would do that to somebody, you know, not saying whether the person accused is innocent or guilty because I have no fucking idea. You know, that's why you have control. All right, let's do a little bit of reeds here. Let's do some reeds. Let's do some reeds.
All right, he everybody helix. All right.
Not being able to sleep because of today's politics, your love life and all the other drama mentioned shitty sleeping conditions on the road you've had to deal with.
Oh, Jesus Christ. On the road. I've had beds I've been afraid to climb into. And I just you just do it. You've got to make it around. It's got to get your DNA on it. You know, I'll tell you, a bad one is when I used to stay in those fucking motels, when the doors opened up out of the parking lot and every time a car would pull up, I'd see the headlights underneath the fucking.
Underneath the goddamn door, you just going like just one good fucking kick. And that door is going to come flying open and I am in here without a weapon. I tell you, I understand people buying guns when you fucking stay in a goddamn motel that opens up into the. To the goddamn fucking parking lot anyways, he sleep makes personalised mattresses made right here in America.
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This is really fascinating. I almost want to use this for something that I've been doing with my drumming. Hang on a second plan. The workout that your body is truly ready for, check your progress in real time and finish your workout when WOOP has let you know you've pushed your body hard enough. The key to Woop is that you wear it all day long and never miss a beat up, has a really smart charging system where the battery pack slides right over the top of the strap.
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That is amazing that they have that technology where you can really break down like I mean like that you're turning yourself into a friggin race car. I mean, as long as they don't share it with anybody, I'm sure they won't.
I've been doing this thing with drumming as I've been, you know, the drum lick that has eluded me forever and I've really realized it was it's the bottom. Good times, bad times thing that I've been talking about forever. It's just alluded to me because of my practice.
Was flawed, I would try I didn't have the technique and then I would try to go too fast, too quickly, and then I would get discouraged and I would move on to something else. And then I would come back and I would do the exact same thing that, you know, led to me not being successful the previous 59000 times.
So. What I've been doing is before I played drums is a stretch for like 20 minutes because I'm fucking old. To a really good long stretch, I get totally relaxed. And then I go in the drum room and I just start playing and I play slow is past that as possible, just like really slow and just slowly warm up my my hands, my feet, legs in the whole thing.
And then when I go to do the good times, bad times thing, I just warm up super fucking slow. And just gradually increase it. And I don't have any goal. Other than I am going to practice this like really slow and then I'm going to ramp it up to where it's comfortable.
And then push myself a little bit, and that could be a little bit further than what I did. Yesterday or could be a little bit slower, I don't care, I'm just going to fucking do this, so I've been doing that. And when I play, it's like I'm going to be really relaxed, so there's like these two bars that I play when you come out of the solo before he plays that lick fuckin 10 times in a row, back to back towards the end of the song.
And what I say to myself and those two bars is I just say as I'm coming up to it. As I just say, I just tell myself to relax. And who gives a shit? You know, if I pull it off, just make sure you get that first one. And what's been happening is, is I'm actually staying relaxed.
And then when I get that first one and I come into it. Relaxed and I get that first one off, I just sort of lock into it and now all of a sudden. You know, the speed is coming and I've been able to play it last night, I got the 16th, not triplet three times in a row at 90 BPM in the song is 95, the closest I've ever got.
I can't play it 10 times in a row, but I did play the 10 times in a row, like at 80 BPM comfortably, and I almost played it at eighty five before it sort of crapped out.
So now I'm just like, great. So then I went back down to like 75.
And I just sort of played the whole song, jumped around the song like the sheet music and just sort of locked that in, that that just feels relaxed and regular. And then I ramped back up to 80, which was way easier at that point. And I just sort of played that.
And then I stopped. And I don't know if just that's been working for me, because I've I've I think pretty much everything from paradiddles to everything, I never fully got up to speed because I am really fucking impatient and I sit down scatterbrained and this like 50 fucking things I want to learn how to do. So I do all 50 things for like 18 seconds each. And and nothing really gets better and it all gets fuck and it's all sloppy. You know, then it sounds like shit, so I've had to figure that out about my brain and now when I sit down, I have to have my brain, like, totally clear.
And I really have to just be like, no, we're just working on this. We're just working on this. And then I apply a bunch of shit that I learned from Dave, like back in the day when I wish I could actually go get a fucking lesson, you know, face to face is. I've just I just applied all of this stuff as far as, like, relaxing how I'm sitting. And. I don't know, I think if you go beyond that, if you have a good teacher, if you really sit there and figure out how your brain works and what you're doing to contribute to not being successful, I mean, I came in last night, you know, I was like flying.
I was like, I can't fucking believe I did all this. That's the fastest I ever played that.
So. That's that's going to be my new my new approach when I'm downstairs. I always get nervous when I start talking about drums for too fucking long that people can be like, all right, but we get it. We don't all fucking play drums. All right, Stamps.com, everybody, as we slowly adjust to the new normal, it's just how it's going to be forever.
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A guest in your own home. All right. Here we go. Hey, Bill, I hear you on the wife feeling like you're a guest in your own home. I'm an airline pilot and have been home way more than ever, which I took as a good thing. But apparently I'm screwing up her and the kids routine. I just keep biting my tongue, thinking what the routine would be like if someone wasn't off working to pay for all this shit.
Rant over. I love the podcast. Stand Up and F is for family. Thanks and go fuck yourself. Yeah. I mean you got. You need to understand her and she needs to understand you because like I always see, like with professional. Sports athletes, right, professional athletes. They provide an amazing, obviously, lifestyle for everybody to be living, but then like they're not home a lot.
So what happens is everybody gets into this fuckin groove. That doesn't involve you, and then all of a sudden you come home and then, yeah, you do disrupt it. So yeah, so there's that weird thing that she is right, that you are disrupting the routine. But, you know, it would be nice if she also acknowledged that you're paying for the routine, but that's not how it works. You know, I found that when you when you actually make a good point with the woman, that automatically means that you just somehow threw something in their face rather than you brought up a point to defend your own position where you don't need to throw it in my face.
I didn't throw anything. I just said it. Trying to give you a little bit of perspective, it sounds to me like you on some level think what I just made was a great point and you can't really refute it. So now what you're going to do is act like I was that somehow by me bringing up a great point to shine a light on my position is somehow being rude to you. My supposed to just sit here and be a fuckin punching bag.
That is fucking amazing that you're a fucking airline pilot, so you probably have like 300 people's lives in the palm of your hand for the better part of anywhere from three to six hours.
And you have to handle that. You have to fly instrument every fucking flight. Right? Anything above. Oh, my God. I already forget anything above 18000 feet. I think you automatically fly instrument. I don't know. But I'm back into flying, baby.
Ba ba ba ba ba. Flying twice a week and I wish I was flying three times a week.
My auto rotations are getting really, really good. Last time I flew. I was really working on that last part of it where I don't bring the nose up, you know, and make my RPM's go up and I lose my airspeed to stay level and just wait to do that. That flare, once I get that down, once I get that down, and then there's the last little part, just leveling out and pulling power right before you settled down onto the ground.
I had did a great flight, went out to Camerino Airport the last time, and I used this for flight app that I literally sat down and I watched this guy give like an hour and seven minute instructional thing on. And now I get it. And one of my favorite things about the app is they actually have a 3D picture of whatever airport. So if you're not familiar with the airport, you can actually look and get a up of 3D visual of what the approach is going to look like.
You combine that with the map of the airport and then you take an airport that you were totally unfamiliar with. I would never say that I'm familiar now because I hadn't gone to it before or hadn't gone to it in a while. But you're just so much you have this picture in your head, you got all the taxiways and everything, you know, the runways that you got the whole fuckin layout and.
I actually feel confident now because that's one of the ones that's really busy a lot, and I would get anxiety when I would come in there, because you want to talk quickly, you don't to step on anybody and you don't have to have the time to repeat anything to you. So what I would normally do is just transition, which means I would just ask to fly through their airspace, which is the easiest thing. But this past time, I actually did some paid work at the north pad that they have there or whatever and.
I had a great time, although I got a little frustrated, some stuff where I'm really learning as it's just like drumming is that, you know, I've really been like holding on too tight with the controls as you want to be. Like the looser you are, the more information you can take in. As far as like what the helicopter is telling you, most importantly, which way the wind's coming from. And I started to do that last time because I had a couple, you know, I came back was just like the first times I soloed where I would go into the downwind and all of a sudden the fuckin low RPM horn would come on and I.
Think, oh, my God, I'm having a fucking engine failure. It was just because I was gripping the throttle too tightly and I was overriding the governor and I did that a couple of times. So I really had to think about it. But like all my instructors have always said, you're going to be like with your feet on the pedals to have all your weight, like on your heels, like super light. And when you're pushing down either your left to your right foot, the other foot is not even touching the it's barely touching, I should say, the other pedal and.
I don't know that you just want to like. Because I don't know what it is like. I don't know, the more nervous you are, the less comfortable you are, the more rusty you are, just the tighter you hold holding on of that thing and then exactly what you don't want to do, which is fight the thing ends up fucking happening. And it's the same thing. It's like playing some drum like that super fucking fast is if you tense up, it just all goes to shit, so.
I don't know, like I said, I'm flying a couple of times a week, I'd like to fly three. Three would be fucking huge for me as far as.
You know, because it always ends up being like a three, four day layoff, as opposed to like if I flew every other day, how good I could get would be awesome. So but I also have responsibilities here at home, so we'll figure it out anyway. Babbling now, babbling on. All right. Let's read the next one here. All right. Aging out. Oh, sorry. Geston in our own home. Hey, Bill, I hear you on the wife on.
Oh, sorry, I read that one.
OK, aging out of Moto GP Hely. Hey, hey there. Billy Birkerts instead of my kids love your stuff, yada, yada. What makes Rossi's age impressive is OK.
So Valentino Rossi is like 41 years old and he's still competing at the highest level in motorcycle racing in the world. And he gets on the podium still like once a season or so. So I was like, well, you know, it is the machine and all that.
What is? What is it about his age, why is it so hard to keep writing at his age? Does your body break down taking all those genes obviously fallen off the bike? And so when he was the person says a the usual stuff that a lot of this is what makes it impressive. The usual stuff that a lot of athletes go through, injuries that build up over the years since is not being as sharp as they used to be. I didn't think of that, getting tired of the travel in the media circus, but also B, since he started riding in the lower classes in 1996, it's incredible that there have been endless changes to the rules regarding tires, electronics, engine sizes and tracks coming and going from the calendar.
Yeah, that's like a Belichick thing, like how you're successful for that long, because usually you win a couple of Super Bowls, all the other coaches break down what you're doing and totally steal what it is that works. Indianapolis Colts see in Moto GP right now, there's an insane amount of young talent coming through the lower ranks. Fabio, let's catch. Orara was 19 when he entered the top class. He won the junior world championship, the class below Motal to Emoto three twice in a row at age 13.
All that be fucking cool to watch. Can you watch that anyway? I would love to see 13 year old kids future stars fucking ripping it up you want at age 13 and 14.
Marc Marquez was one of the youngest world champions ever. In twenty thirteen at the age of 20, he won the motor GP thing. It isn't that riding at his age is impressive. The top Isle of Man teet riders are thirty, forty, forty eight and fifty one. And that shit is crazy. What's impressive is that he's been able to adapt to the changes in bike's tires and riding styles over the years while staying competitive with the younger guys. Cheers.
Come to Japan some time and go fuck yourself. Oh, I love to go to Japan and one of my favorite riders already forgot his name because I'm new to the sport is a great Japanese writer in Moto GP who had an incredible race. I think the first one.
It's always good to see new blood coming up in the ranks. Yeah, Japan is definitely, definitely on the list.
I got to make that happen, obviously, when it's when we go back to the old normal anyway.
All right, guys, who won't let you split the check? Oh, wait.
There's a great documentary, too, out there about the year Mark Valentino Rossi switched from Honda to I think he went to Yamaha or Suzuki. I think it was Yamaha, so. You know, he was he was winning and he was just the shit and he was running for Honda, which is like Lewis Hamilton, who's the shit, and he's driving for Mercedes. So there's a lot of critics of F1 who are saying, you know, Lewis Hamilton wouldn't be as nearly dominant if he was driving for somebody else because Mercedes is the best.
And it's also like, well, Lewis Hamilton is also the best. So Mercedes wouldn't be winning at the same clip, you know, and I think both Mercedes and Lewis Hamilton would obviously agree to that. Right. Well, the dumb ass is at Honda. In early, this is funny, after I just gave a shout out to Japan. I'm not saying they're still dumbasses, but they made a dumb ass move where I guess Valentino Rossi was getting too much fucking credit, they felt, and they said, hey, it's not just the Ryder.
It's also the bike they made some they alluded to something that while he is driving, riding a Honda, so that pissed off Valentino Rossi and he switched to Yamaha and everybody thought he was nuts because I guess Yamaha, wherever the fuck he switched to, wasn't winning shit.
And not only did he go over there and immediately made them a winner, he won the championship the very next year, which, from what I can tell, is unheard of, having what little I know, watching F1 and watching an amazing driver like Daniel Ricardo, you know.
Switch from Red Bull team to who the fuck is he with now, I forget who was with me. He was with Renault last year and this year I think he switched again.
And, you know, it's it's little like football where, if you like, one of the worst things to be is the top QB prospect in a draft, because you're going to go to some shit fucking team with no offensive line and then people have who knows how good she could have been if you maybe the third ranked guy and he actually went to a competitive team that had an offensive line with an older quarterback and they worked you in, you know, and he had a good quarterback coach.
You didn't have fucking a new QB coach every fucking year. Like happens to a lot of people out here, so that really is interesting anyway. All right, guys, who won't let you split the check. What's up, Bill? Love the podcast. OK, one thing that I find extremely annoying is the the guys have to pay convention on dates. I'm in college and the guys I date are in college. So I know that neither of us having that much money, neither one of us has that much money to spare.
It seems kind of fucked up to me that being in a relationship is like a money saving tool for women and a huge financial burden for men. Yeah, I would say that I think it was that way back in the day because women weren't allowed to work and then also once you married a guy like he could fucking lord over you when you were like his property. So you could even vote, I mean, to try and balance it out somehow as you had to go out and go buy by the sarsaparilla.
Anyway, some guys are adamant, adamant about paying for dates. I always was. Even when you're sincerely, sincerely offering to split parentheses, not some fake. Oh, my God, no, you don't have to do that bullshit. All right. This is like the coolest chick ever. She wants to pay. She's owning up to the fact that chicks do shit like that. All right.
Which and this is what I wish happened in politics. So they wouldn't be screaming and yelling where you could just be like, hey, you know, oh, you know, Obama fucking drone bombed some weddings and, you know, he kind of blew the oil companies. OK, I can definitely give you that. You know, having said that, you know, this guy trumps a little out of line here. You know, then you could actually maybe have a fucking conversation.
So of screaming at some old lady because she's not wearing a fucking mask, she's going to be dead, so leave her alone anyways, which also puts me in a weird spot because it feels like since they bought me, bought my meal, now I owe them sex.
Yes. Like prostitution, but with food as an. Intermediate step, all that considered, what do you say to a dude to actually convince him to let you pay for yourself?
I don't know what you say, because that's a weird thing that's got to be a weird thing for a woman where a guy insists to pay because then you've got to be sitting there going like, all right, what do I have on my hands here?
Do I have an old school gentleman who's going to take his coat off and let me step on it as he walks over a mud puddle, whatever the fuck that is, or.
Do I have somebody that's going to be shoving their dick in my face because they paid for my fuckin steamed spinach here? Well, that's a hell of a thing, Nancy.
This is why I wish more women wrote in on this fucking podcast. Well, Bill, maybe if you didn't trash them every 10 seconds, they'd fucking listen to this shit. Fair enough.
Yeah, because that's interesting that then you're going to be sitting there being like, OK, I'll let you pay for this.
But, you know, that doesn't mean, you know, you can take old Hank out and fuck in 20 minutes when we're back in your Prius.
Yeah, I just I would tell you this, at this point, the way things are now, I would be terrified as a young guy out there as far as just like.
All right. You know, I'll tell you this to all the young guys out there, if you even get a hint of vindictiveness or craziness, you've got to you got to just fucking walk away like De Niro and he just got to stand up and just fucking you just fucking walk. You know, I don't know. And then women, I don't know, you got to come up with some sort of fucking. It's going to be there's got to be some sort of well, that doesn't really work if the guy's a monster.
I don't know if there's really no solution, because human beings, male and female, are just inherently fucking flawed. I will say to women out there, young women out there that are dating and all that shit, you know, there's plenty of fucking dojos out there where you could learn some fucking grappling and jujitsu. That's my thing.
I really think every fucking woman should learn how to do that shit. And then they probably abused that power, too, but, you know, whatever I'm just saying, like, he could fuckin. You know, if somebody is going to sexually assault you, they got to get in close. All right. So if you're good at fighting on your back and you can put that person in an arm bar and there's no ref to tap out, you fucking blow out his elbow.
Nothing kills a hard on like a broken fucking up or just put him in a triangle.
I mean, I got to tell you, I would think. No matter how much a guy outweighed you, once you I mean, you know, I shouldn't say that I should ask Rogan this, but like at what level belt? OK, does weight class not matter if the other person has no grappling skills whatsoever, has no idea like, oh fuck, they just did that, which means in another half a second I'm going to be in a triangle or an arm bar unless I do this.
I just think that would put you in like a tremendous, tremendous fucking advantage. That's something I really want to do. You know, with my kids, I hope, my hope that, you know, this fucking this thing ends soon and he could just teach your kids how to, you know, defend themselves. Against, you know, psychos in life. And then you just teach him, like, never abused this power and all that shit, which I think is part of the dojos responsibility down there, but I would definitely say that Kaguya, you know, how to choke people out just to go fuck and walk around choking people out.
It's another thing to watch, if you knew your kid was a psychology, then fucking let them learn how to do that. Can have some Kobrick in. Jesus, it's a fucking quagmire. All right, father in law offers car, our dear Billies, our us.
Congrats on baby number two. Thank you.
He is amazing, by the way. He is amazing in watching my daughter interact with them is just one of the coolest things ever. She's head over heels for. It's so awesome. Anyways, I'm 30 years old and just married the woman of my dreams. Congratulations. She loves the outdoors, is a drop dead 10 and is in residency to become a surgeon to boot. Dude, you fucking hit the lottery. I work in the non-profit sector and loved it but was unfortunately laid off due to covid.
Sorry to hear that.
I haven't owned a car for ages because I live in a PNW city. With great public transportation, what is a PNW city? What in the fuck is that mean that I'm supposed to know that P and W. Meaning says PNW serial killers across the Pacific Northwest, that's hilarious that I just looked at PNW and immediately said fucking.
Serial killers, all right, Pacific Northwest City with great public transportation and protected bike lanes, don't worry, I'm a biker who stops at stop signs and I don't wear that silly spandex shit. Dude, I love a bike lane. I wish they actually had him here in L.A. instead of spray painting bicycles on the street.
Mean like there's your bike lane. New York City has some great bike lanes where you're on the other side of parked cars and it's fucking amazing Jersey barriers and all of that shit.
Anyways, my new father in law reached out and has offered his 2000 to Lexus with one hundred thirty thousand miles on it for just below Kelley Blue Book value. It's a good deal, but I worry he might hold it over my head in some strange way.
We haven't always gotten along for a few reasons.
He's an asshole. He talks down to my wife.
He believes if you aren't furthering science, you're not really working. Do I buy it? Fuck no, thanks. And I hope the family is doing well. Now, fuck this guy if what you're saying about this guy. He's an asshole, he talks down to my wife. Now, fuck this guy, for all you know, this is the type of guy, if what you're saying about him is true, there's something wrong with the car.
You know, and I had a buddy of mine, remember, a long time ago, way back in the fucking day, a buddy of mine when I was a kid, he bought a BMW. Off a doctor and we were kids, man, when I say kids, we were still, you know, teens early, twenty twenties, and he sold it to my buddy and we were driving home. I saw this blue smoke coming out the couple of times out of the back, cigarettes, burning, a little oil, whatever.
And then all of a sudden, like, it just started sitting weird in the back. And finally, a body of ice knew about cars as put it up on the in the lift their. And they saw that had been in a major fucking accident and the frame had been bent and this guy didn't disclose any of that. So the fact that this guy is a scientist.
And, you know, in defense of him in this time, if you aren't furthering science as far as working on a cure covid, I mean, it's probably the most important work right now as far as the world economy goes. But I would not do that. I wouldn't do it. If, you know, if you got money to buy a used car, I would buy something else somewhere else. Yeah, yeah, that's definitely where fuck, you know, you don't want that guy getting in any call you've got, you've got to keep a guy like that at arm's distance.
I really believe that you're cordial. You have to respect that. That is the father of the woman that you're going to marry and all of this shit or that you're married or whatever.
You know, she always got to be respectful, hello, goodbye, but you don't got to let him in. All right. Worried about college, OK. Hey, Bill, I love the MP and I've watched your Conan appearances at least a million times. Thank you. Conan's the best. I'm a 17 year old girl and I'll be a junior at the University of Florida.
All right. Go Gators by the end of twenty 2020. Go Gators. She writes, I took a ton of advanced lesson classes in high school and now I'm three years ahead.
What of 17 year ago, I'll be a junior. She's crushing it. At first I thought this was great. The faster I start school, the faster I finish, right. I didn't want to waste my entire youth slaving over textbooks. My issue is that I've been so focused on academics that I lost out on a lot of the experiences my friends were having in high school. I didn't go to parties, prom, homecoming, football games or even my graduation ceremony.
I'll stress that this wasn't because of my parents. I'm just insanely introverted and none of these things seemed appealing. Well, I can relate because I didn't go to most of those things either. Now I'm basically a socially awkward weirdo and I'm worried I'll be 50 before I even have my first kiss.
Everyone says college is the best time of their life.
So how do I put myself out there so that I can make some friends and maybe even find a special fella?
Oh, that's adorable. Thanks. And I think it's pretty mean that people are always telling you to go fuck yourself. Look at you. You got a good heart.
You're motivated. I'll tell you this right now, you're a catch and a half. All right, so any guy is going to be lucky to be with you. So I was totally introverted.
You just have to like. You've got to forgive yourself and not beat yourself up, that you're introverted and that you're shy. So just start putting yourself out there baby steps, you know, what about but just baby steps your way out there and gradually, you know, open up. You know, if you don't speak up in class, just say, all right, I'm going to answer one question today and I'm going to get over that. And I mean, that's how I did it.
Now I baby step my way into being a comedian. I started any opportunity I had to take a public, any class. I knew I would have to stand up and speak in front of the class.
I would do it. And once I made that decision. I started to have. You know, I allowed myself to be not good at it, I allowed myself to be embarrassed, get dry mouth and all of that stuff, once I was just like all this stuff is going to happen and all of this stuff is normal because the way I'm wired, I just need to move the ball and inch in the direction I want to go every day. Right.
And once I did that.
I grew by leaps and bounds as far as like my confidence, so this is something that is. Is a great thing that you can work on and it's totally fixable and then also just start going to Florida Gator Games, you know, I heard the SEC might have some games this year. Just go to the games, put it out there that you want to go to the games, but you need a crew to go with. You fall in with some people.
Now, here's the thing. Considering you've been introverted and all that, I'm a little worried that you're going to fall in, you know, with some you know, they're not worried. You know what? You're going to here's the thing.
Just go with your gut when it comes with friends. All right. If you're feeling that the people you're with are cool and they're good people in your clicking with them, continue to hang out with them. If if they're not, don't be afraid to fuck and move on.
It's no different than being in a relationship boyfriend girlfriend with somebody. You know, it's you just got to listen to your gut. So there you go.
So congratulations. You'll be fine. All right.
Rambo helicopter. Bill, with your knowledge and understanding of helicopters, yeah, pretty limited. What's your take on the helicopter scenes in Rambo's in the Rambos?
Well, I always love them.
Obviously, this is what I'll say about not specifically Rambo.
I'll just say in general in movies is. When somebody is getting chased and then they run over and just start, they start up a helicopter like it's a fucking car and then they just drive away. That's the fucking most hilarious thing, especially. If it's like a turbine engine, like a jet engine, like, you know, there's a whole start up procedure that I've well, you guys should check it out, look up a star 350 start up procedure.
And there's a thing when you go to start it up where the engine is heating up and it gets up to a certain temperature like 700 degrees, and then you have to back it down or something like that, roll down the throttle. For a few seconds before rolling it back up, or you could actually burn down the fucking helicopter, you could actually have a fire because of what's going on in the background. So whenever I watch one of these movies and somebody gets in, even if you fly what I fly, it's there's a whole start up procedure, especially if the fucking engine is like ice cold.
And, you know, you've got to let the belts roll. You got to let you know, roll up the power. They got attention. The clutch light has to come out. There's a hole start up.
I mean, you can just you can fucking do it. I guess you could just do it, it's not good for the engine or anything else, and I would be nervous about that. But I guess my option was getting eaten by fucking zombies. But even then, it takes a little bit for it to roll up to fuckin speed. That's my only issue about it, and then also whenever they shoot out the fuckin tail rotor and then the person just spend, spend, spend, spend, spend, spend, spend, spend, spend.
You know, any helicopter pilot, say, a brand new the second you start spinning as you roll down to the detent is what they call it. So then it's basically putting it in neutral. So now what's keeping the main rotor turning? Is the ship falling rather than the talk of the engine?
So. Whenever you've rolled down a neutral so neither one of those the the the tail rotor are not working now and the main road is still spinning, you're not dealing with the the engine turning that any more. So there's no torque wanting to turn the ship in the opposite direction at the main rotors turning. Jesus Christ. So, yeah, you would roll down.
And then with your paddles, what you had left from the oil, if they, you know, they shot it out and then you don't have that, maybe you would. I don't know. I've never had my tail rotor shot out.
So anyway. It's just you know, you know what, I talked long enough that you ended up learning how what little I know about fucking helicopters, I know more than the average person, but I don't know shit. And that is a great way to go in life. Just know you don't know shit because then you'll be open to learn new shit. By the way, Mrs. Jones was written by a guy named was performed, I should say, by Billy Paul.
And I actually went down a rabbit hole, listen to that guy, and I learned about some other singers that I had never heard of, like if you Google Billy Paul. He ends up he talks about the singers that he was influenced by and what's really cool is it's really a lot of female singers because he feels that they did more with their voices, which I thought was really interesting. And then he brought up this guy. Shit, where the hell is he?
Let's see here. Nina Simone, Johnny Mathis, the older style silkiness. And then there's a guy, Jesse Belvin said, one of my favorites, they used to call him Mr. Jesse Belvin. And this guy helped write Earth Angel, and unfortunately, he did a show in Arkansas, he was died when he was 27, got into a head on collision in a car.
And back then, you know, those cars were just, you know, the engine just went right to your fucking chest, had a head on collision and died, unfortunately, at 27, super talented kid. He did a a mixed race show him in another, I think, African-American act in these. Old racist white dude showed up, yelled a bunch of shit at the stage, which, you know, is the N-word in a bunch of other ugly shit, and then were kept pleading with the white kids to get up and leave.
And there's a theory that he had his tires slashed and that's what caused the accident, and if that's fucking true, then what kind of a fucking human being could do that to somebody like and feel no guilt about it? And at the end of their life, you know, if you have any sort of belief in any sort of a high power, not think that you're going fucking directly to hell for that one.
Fucking brutal. So I don't know, I got to tell you, I wish I was better at writing scripts because to me that's like there's a fucking movie and a half there. What happened, like, no no investigation, just I don't know how the fuck did they figure out all these years later or did people know back then that it was possibly the tires were slashed? I don't know. There's something to possibly look up. Jesse Belvin. Jesse Belvin.
All right. That's the podcast, everybody. Thank you so much for listening. It's so great that sports are back. And I'm hearing this news that they're able to test get test results quicker.
I think that that's going to be our way out of it. Just it's going to be testing and.
Eventually, the quicker you can test people in, the more inexpensive it is, the quicker you'll be able to figure out who has it, who doesn't in your quarantine. And I think we're going to get out of this stuff. All right. And if that, you know. Don't yell at people who don't aren't wearing fuckin masks. I mean, I understand getting them out of stores. I get that at this point and I understand why people are yelling because financially everybody's fucking hurting at this point.
But screaming at them is not going to it's not going to help, I mean, look at me. I tried to fucking make fun of them and I never got more negative fucking. Shit in my life, I will say to people who don't think you should be wearing a mask to maybe watch some international sports and you'll see that everybody is wearing masks. And so you don't think that it's a conspiracy against your guy, which I understand why you would think that, because he has been under attack the entire fucking time, as all presidents have been since Bill Clinton.
You just under attack the entire time. You're trying to run the country, which is not fucking helping us out. All right. But anyway, that's it. That's the fucking podcast. Thank you for listening. Go fuck yourselves and I'll check in on ya on Thursday.