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Hey, what's going on, everybody, it's time for the Thursday after Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning podcast, and a very rare video addition where I actually have a guest. I figure with the new normal in the pandemic and all that, I would bring somebody that just been such a huge fan of for almost 10 years. We have Casey Matthew from from the gas monkey garage show, whatever the hell it is called, fast and loud and his own place cases paint shop just south of Fort Worth, Texas.
Yep. That's where you're at. All right. Well, welcome to the show. Thank you so much for coming on. Thanks for having us on. All right.
I got to ask a number of questions before we get going, because I have a I don't know, when I got the car bug, I always liked him. But just later in life, I think it was moving out here to the West Coast and then just seeing all of these cars either that I wanted in high school or some of them that I drove because things last so long out here, I saw like a Pontiac TI one thousand, which was Pontiac's answer to the Chevy Chevette.
I've seen a couple of those weird ones are like some of the most random like who cared about that car that much to keep that thing going like it. You remember the Chevy citation? I remember a citation. I learned how to drive on top of it. All right.
Well, the citation was one of the shittiest, just weirdest looking cars. It didn't know what it wanted to be. It was sort of a sedan, sort of a hatchback. And my buddy had one in the radio, was literally turned sideways and put the numbers was still like that. So it was somebody the rumor was that when they designed the car, they forgot the radio. So they just turned it to the side and slammed it in. So fit.
Yeah, wherever wherever would fit.
So anyways, through that and getting in the cars and buying an old truck myself, I started watching on Discovery all these channels, and then fast and loud came out and I became a huge fan of just the whole process, everything from haggling for the car all the way to when they finally take it to you, which was to paint the car.
So I was wondering. I have a million questions, I guess, how we just started. How did you get started?
I started with one of the coolest jobs I think ever, like restoring cars and painting cars and all of that type of stuff.
Well, I grew up in it, so my dad owns a shop and still runs it today. So he did more collision with a little bit of restoration mixed in there. And then as things progressed and my passion towards the restoration and the painting, you know, grew the collision world just wasn't for me because it was kind of one of those things, you know, you get in Iraq and need your car by Monday. So it is like you did the best job you could in time.
You could. And then my OCD was kicking in and I wanted to do better. Well, then I was taken too long for my dad, we argue, and, you know, so I moved on. So I found another job and then lied my way into a painter's job knowing took me serious as a painter. Because your dad's not really. Yeah, my dad said I can paint good. Nobody takes shit serious. Right. So work my way up and then, you know, got to the point where my side work that I was doing was making more than my job that I was working.
So I had to make a decision was I going to venture out on my own and do my own thing or stay working for somebody else? And was that when you were over it?
Was that when you were with your dad or was that was a couple of years afterwards that jumped around from a couple of different body shops after that, trying to make more money and go to like bigger shops. So, like, I worked at a Cadillac dealership for a while in that kind of thing doing that. So we decided to start our own shop, open cases, paint shop. I mean, 17 years ago now, I guess, and you've had it that long?
Oh, yeah, I've had it for Gas Monkey, so don't get so yes, monkey was just sort of the a side gig while you were getting this this this pain thing going your own paint shop going. Well, we were going for a while so I started the shop, did well and then did really bad as I started learning. The business is very hard. You got to put almost as much into running it as doing the work and all I want to do is do the work.
And I wasn't running the business side, so we started going broke real quick, pulled back out, bought a house, sold everything that I had. I had a Cadillac forty nine sedan. It had a super duty we built and a couple other things sold all the cars, bought a house, built a shop, went back to work for another shop and did that for a while and then ended up getting burned out and decided I was going to go work for Coca-Cola and paint cars.
Only I was like, I'm just going to paint for people. I'm not going to rebuild so I can do anything and kind of get in the rhythm of working with gas monkey a little bit in there. This is my other shot prior to closing it down and move into the house. And I painted a couple of hours for Richard. I've known Eric since we were in high school so that I got the beard that was like a nail, but I haven't seen that since high school.
It blew my mind. I a bit like how he's got such a jawline and you don't see where he's got that. You almost forget the like ten years.
Hey, just out of curiosity, why is there never enough time? You guys always seem like you're up against it. I know part of it's the drama when they put on a reality show, but I just feel like you're building these cars for people that obviously have money. And it's always like, I got to get this car done by Thursday. And I always think about what the guy doesn't want it anymore. I mean, yeah, working on the thing for fucking a year or whatever, how long it is.
Yeah. I like what is it about like when you are doing your shot, because I think there's a lot of people that have gotten inspired by guys like you and they want to start their own shop. So when you what was some of the pitfalls like you're like, OK, I'm going to paint cars, I know what I'm going to charge.
And then you're painting cars, you're busy as hell.
But on the other side, you looking like, holy shit, I'm going broke. How did that happen? That for working, you weren't like you weren't charging enough money or it might.
Yeah. And I think where I learned my lesson the most was quoting jobs. It's extremely hard to quote a job for somebody when you're restoring a car because over the course of time they changed their mind or you come into a fork in the road and it's like, hey, you know, we ran into this problem. We've got to address it. We go this way or this way. And when you quote something, the customers got that number in your hands.
If you tell them, yeah, you're looking at 20 grand hypothetically. Right. And then you get to 20 grand and they're wondering why the car is not done. Well, you just six months ago, you added thirty thousand dollars worth of shit, you up your budget but didn't allow to pay me anymore. So we finally broke through. And as we kind of grew with the show and talking to other shops, I realized that that's the worst thing you can do, is just get a job.
And really nobody in the industry that I would. And by no means my discrediting anybody. But I would say the bigger reputable shops charge by the hour. So we're seventy five dollars an hour. And at that point, I don't care how many times you change your mind, you know, then you can decide you want this motor. Well, I got a bonus check on you. This motor. Well then it's not in their head. It's like, well it's just an easy swap.
You know, I wouldn't say just out of curiosity, what kind of person thinks, like mid job that that they're going to not only change the engine, they're going to add a bigger one, more powerful. That's not going to be more money. And then what if you already ordered that other engine? It's on the way. What do you do with that? Just take this. I don't even know how much fucking things weigh, but just take it back.
It's like we've got it out of the box and mounted it, not one anymore. Look, I'm not going to eat the parts, but they think you can just magically put it back in the wrapper and take it back to the store. And they're like, oh, cool, you installed it.
Yeah, we'll take it back because you live in Texas and there's so much room out there. Do you have enough room to go for a walk on your property?
When people do shit like that to cool off, we do shoot guns, blows up. That's big problem, too. I'm also guessing another thing that I always I see that I gravitated towards what you do. In fact, I thought you were really funny on the show was you seemed like you were also a Ford guy.
When you have that amazing that Frankenstein F1 hunter that you had and then you had a car that I never heard of was a Ford custom line. Yes. I look like Ford's answer maybe to like the Bel Air. Yeah, it's the custom one. They're all kind of like Fairlane based. But then they had a couple of different models, just like the Bel Air and Bel Air, too, and all that kind of stuff.
So that was the entry level and then the Bel Air was the higher one top. So like in my version of the car custom line, kind of Nidre main line, and then they had the Crown Vic with the crown. It was the Bel Air Ford.
So has anybody done sort of the mob family tree of of cars where what I what I've been told by car guys is back in the day, you know, everybody now will make an entry level car like Mercedes will have a car like a college student could afford. And back in the day, if you drove a Mercedes, that meant you made it. So like what? GM Cadillac was the top then? It was like Buick. Then it was like Oldsmobile, Pontiac and then down to Chevy.
Is there any way to find. Because I remember as a kid when that was starting to get phased out, but I still remember with the camera, there was the rally sport, then there was the Berlin netta and then there was the Z twenty eight. The Firebird had the regular Firebird, the formula for one hundred and then the TransAm. Is there anything out there where if you're sort of a nerd for that stuff like myself that you can read up on?
Because I always get confused like with S.. Like a DeSoto or Packard with a part of Ford, GM or Chrysler with their own thing. Right.
Man, there's so many car companies that have been out there, manufacturers that have come and gone as to like acad like that was an awesome place. I've been to the Packard plant up in Detroit and that's just that's a really neat place. Shambles now, unfortunately. But all those I'm sure there is you know, I've never looked into it. Just you kind of zone in on what you're you're hot about with us. It's for trucks. So I haven't really gone down the road of doing that much, much research, I guess, as far as like the tree of.
All right, so are you still are you just painting strictly right now, just painting now we full restorations, so you do all of that stuff.
So do you do all of that, too, and then paint it? Yeah, I've got three guys that work for me full time. Well, two guys and a girl that work for me full time that they're a part time helper. At the first of the year I actually shifted direction, I guess you could say, with the shop and let the entire shop go and then refresh, because I was kind of losing the passion for it, getting a beat down the way things were going.
It's having a hard time doing some things. I was moving the shops to construction and everything else. So now we're in our new shop, hired some guys that have been around for a while and been buddies. We kind of hung around and worked with me, but never work for me type thing. And then Koening came back. So we've got a really good crew now, but we did full restoration from from ground up. The other thing we don't do is interior work.
Well, I know.
And stand up whenever I get burned out, which happens like some of it's just because of the travel. And then other times it's just your act just slows down and it's like, God, I'm so sick of these jokes. And then you feel this guilt because you got the responsibility for the acts. Are you going to there for the crowd? You got to figure out a way to get excited about their cars. I don't wanna get you in trouble here.
What are their cars that roll in? We're like, oh, God, I got to redo another one of these.
Like, yeah, there are I have found I felt like when I was watching some of those shows that almost like a hacky topic for a stand up, I kind of felt like Mustangs were we're done like everybody had one of those as separate from those and cameras and everything.
Yeah, yeah. I kind of feel like all those muscle cars because I've, I've had two cars built and I'm I'm finishing right now.
So I want to tell people what it is. But like, I was sitting there nervous to call the guy. I got this thing built for my dad and he had a fifty nine four door hardtop, Chevy Impala, white with red interior. And it was a really rare car as far as it didn't have that that sort of fastback it was more of a straight and went down like that. And when I called my guy up. Like, he almost did a backflip because he was like, oh, my God, I would love to work on that car and I kind of got the vibe from him, anything but yet another Mopar, another thing that isn't as shall be trying to be as shall be.
It seems like I kind of got to ask you, I kind of got bored watching some of that Meakem thing because we got another road runner coming up.
It's just like, how many times can I watch the same remakes in the same way they clone them all, though? They'll clone that five hundreds. You know, it's not a real car, but it looks like one and all that stuff, too. So you kind of get bored of seeing it. But as a builder, for me, I mean, I like topping the last build. So trucks all together in on any truck.
Just about your favorite. What are some of your favorite films you've done recently? I'm extremely happy with my green truck. We just rebuilt that way.
What was wrong with that thing? You gave me a ride in that and I don't think the camera worked. I was trying to be cool, just going like I know this guy doesn't want to kill, kill me or kill himself. You went down that that road when I was out in Dallas, I was doing a show and I got to ride in that now famous truck and you got me by the end, I had my feet up on the dashboard like.
I mean, your trucks faster than that. Yeah, when you wrote in and pointed about six hundred or so of the wheels and now it does a little over a thousand. The wheels. But but it's a different truck before it was just plain that to listeners and to me at the wheels, because I know you lose some horsepower with the whole thing going through.
So there's great horsepower, which is horsepower measured at the flywheel, and then you lose a certain percentage of horsepower at the crank time. You go through the transmission drive shaft, rear end and through the wheels. So putting a thousand of the wheels is probably somewhere in the eleven hundred and fifty crank horsepower. So it's a substantial amount of power, but it's full chassis, Bill.
I mean, it's a big issue. Why did you have to modify on that truck? So when you stomped on it, it didn't literally just flip over it.
Give the power to weight ratio is was hard. Getting the weight ratio of the cars are two on that truck because you want to try to get as equally balanced as you can. So if you have all the weight in the front are always in the back, you got to hit the brakes and it weighs too much in the back. You can push into corners. So a good 50 50 weight ratio is always nice.
So what do you do, like on a truck where, like, so much of the weight is up front? The back end is just a bed. What do you have to put back there? We try to put a big fuel cell on the back. So like, my truck's got custom built tank in the back behind the rear end so that we get as much weight on the back side of the action as possible, just like the motor is usually up front on the Front Driveline Center.
So move that back batteries to the back, that kind of thing. So when you start to get lower on fuel, do you find the thing gets more squirrelly or is it not that noticeable?
It's not super noticeable. Not not so much that you would be worried about it, I guess you could see you basically have to be like a test pilot and aviation. You put you put this monster engine in there now. So when you go down the street, you obviously don't want to screw up what you just built. So what are you going, like, 60 percent? I guess I give it to the floor. I build it to go all out.
So it's just everyone just got it every time I play with.
I don't want to jinx you, but have you ever taken somebody's car out to test something like that and ended up hitting something or getting in? And I never know.
But I'll call you what I do in Cusi out for sure.
No, no, no. I don't want I don't want to do that. All right. So I got to ask you this. This is another fanboy question here. How do you do a burnout if you've never done one and you don't end up on YouTube as that guy who thinks he's spending his wheels, but he's actually burning out his clutch just to smoke in the clutch?
Yeah, I guess it kind of depends, you know, is it a manual transmission automatic? It's not a man just at the brake and the gas at the same time and it to the floor. And if you got enough power, you'll break it loose.
If you don't, you just look like a chump and then mail transmissions on a stick. How do you do it on a stick. I'm afraid I'm afraid I'm going to burn out the clutch of my truck. It is more difficult because you've got to they call it Aalto, so you've got to use your heel to hold the brake and then use your toe to to work the gas while you work in the clutch. He's still got to kind of do the same thing.
It's just so it is the same thing.
Yeah. Or you can just rev it to the moon, double the clutch, you slam on the brake. I've seen guys do that. Do you see the car jump five feet, then stop and then just depends how you want to look. Like my charge got a line lock on it. So if I were to go to the track, you press the brake, activate the solenoid, it holds all the pressure to the front wheels and releases the back and then you can just let the clutch out and have a go and then you just flip the switch off and release releases solenoid and get your releases the brakes at that point.
All right. Another question I've always wanted to ask you. What do you think about rats? Are those so like in the paint world when they look at that because there's some pretty crazy rats and you look at them and you spent all this money, took the car apart, what is in the paint community? What are you guys thinking about those things?
I think they have their place, I think, on some of the newer cars that if you want maybe obviously for advertising, they have their place. You know, you wrap your car with whatever it is, you know that for advertising. But, you know, there's some things that you can do with some of those wraps that won't hurt the paint versus value to. Right. So you wrap your car, but you want to get rid of it in five years, but you've changed the color.
You devalue it because everybody wants that clean car facts and they'll wonder why the cars wrapped. So I've seen a lot of these guys, especially exotic cars. It won't change the color to be a little different than the other guy, that they'll wrap them and match colors and pearlescent films and whatever it. They don't bother me, I mean, they're expensive. I can't believe how much it costs, you know, some of those things I know I just bought right before the pandemic.
I put a clear wrap on my Jagwar just because sometimes it sits in the sun and I don't want the pain to fade and all of that type of stuff. So it's still the same color. But it's kind of amazing now, though, where if somebody were to sort of rub up against that, they can't scratch the paint. So that's like a cool thing when you're one of those custom paid jobs there. Way more coats than what what the factory paint was, or does it all depend on the customer, what what they're looking for?
We pretty much do the same thing on every car. So when we call, file it and check for highlights through the car. So what your eye might see is flat. You know, when you put a light next to it and you'll see the ripples in the paint because of the light. So usually we'll run lights down the side of the car, make sure that we went down. It's all smooth. So when we put a clear coat on, it will follow that down the same way we usually do between five and six coats to clear in the car.
But by the time we get done with sanding it to both, it's probably brought it down to about two. Maybe two and a half co cleared and so much of. In more clear doesn't necessarily open that up to give you two to fix all those imperfections. Yeah, we can move the line around and everything like that. So it helps the fact that you put so much on. But aftermarket clear coats are very, I guess, advanced in a way to.
Right. So it doesn't take as much clear for the protection as people would think. And that's just a misconception. People think, oh, the more the better, not necessarily the more film that you get, just like anything else. Right. Like if you the more film build, the more brittle it can get to see put 10 to clear on a car, get a rocket. It can blister easier than two coats because it will have to flex because you'll hit some kind of stuff that you've just learned through the years.
And people drive the car back and then you're like, I got to do this all over again.
I kind of I kind of take out a little bit on that. So I'm really we used a BASF things. So I like talking to the reps in the guys that are the chemists that are working with it. So I try to stay on the leading edge of all of that to know like what is a good film built. And we check our film ever painting too. So we'll know if we put on too much or if we're going to have problems because more clothes, more coats are clear.
You do. If the bottom doesn't drive it for the top tops, what they call like a skim over, then the bottom side will actually react and give you solid paint job.
So what is the technique when you go to spray it on? It's not like some kid just coloring in when when you got to be like a certain distance. How do you stop it from like dripping in like practice, practice, practice.
Yeah, he's good guns to get your dad make you like I don't know, have a piece of plywood and just work.
You must have had you do that before you actually had you like what was the training before you actually sat down.
I'm talking like a barber where they have like a balloon and they let me give you the straight razor.
Mine was more let me fail. I think I learned more from my mistakes than I do being taught. And I learn a lot better when somebody just lets me do it and mess up. Like I almost feel like I get nervous when people are trying to teach you too much, it's hard to process it. So over the years I've learned a lot by screwing up. Then I have talking to people, you know, you take in the information you read on the tech sheets, you kind of know you're supposed to do, but those are generally shot at it like seventy degrees, right?
Well, sometimes we're ninety five or one hundred degrees in my booth so that she really doesn't mean shit. You know, it's like how do you have to adjust that.
Most of the time is like a drag, so we'll put a code of clear on and then we can fingerprint it, like we'll wait till it starts drinking a little bit and then we'll put our second one on. And then depending on the temperature in the humidity outside, we'll add a little bit of time. Perko So like my first coat between my first and second coat might be 15 minutes of between my fourth and fifth, might be 45 minutes or an hour because you're trying to let a gas out, get the solvents out of it so you don't entrap them underneath everything.
That's that's what blows my mind, like people just think, oh, you paint cars like this. Nothing to it, like your coloring in something and the level of science that is involved in this. And then also, I also love people that start their own businesses. And I follow you on Instagram. So when we see you, you're going to like these these car shows recently. I think the last one I saw you going to like Orange Beach or something in Alabama, was that right?
So how important is that for people starting off with, like a shop to have to be in all of these shows? I would assume that if there's a local car show you starting out, you're small, you want to be there, set up a booth, meet people, and then it's almost as what is so much like comedy.
We just start in your town, get to know all the club owners, and then all of a sudden you're trying to, like, go national.
How many of those do you hit as far as during a normal year, 10 to 12? We try and do maybe one a month, maybe more, depending on the distance. So, you know, the farthest we've gone away. What is it? Did you go all the way out to Jacksonville one time or something? Yeah, we're going to Des Moines. We've got we've got a lot of places. And I mean, there's there's good and bad with all of that, right?
I mean, we're we're booked. We're busy. So if you do too many shows, I feel like it can almost be just as bad for you to go out and say you're too busy. It's like, well, don't go to KC. He's got too much shit going on. So I think there's got to be equal balance of how much you want to put yourself out there, because if you advertise for work and work and work and they just keep telling everybody, you can't do it, sooner or later, you're known as the guy is too busy getting my stuff.
So it's been a really weird way of trying to keep because if we go and advertise or we do a lot on social media, we get a lot of emails. Well, the more emails you get. And you can tell, hey, we're 18 months or 12 months or 24 months out. Most people are instant gratification seekers, so they're going to go to the next shot. So it's. I guess I'm more looking towards like a steady group of people to do work for, and so we do a lot of work.
We have a lot of rework. So I will go out and then the customer, they like to build processes will send another car. So we kind of got some clients who just build one car after another and they just keep doing what? Those are great, but advertising's good and bad. I'm sure you've been there, too. It's like you do too much. It's almost too much to do too little than your money.
I had a dream last night that I was watching myself on an interview that I didn't remember doing, and I had a panic attack. Oh, my God, I'm putting myself out there too much because that that is definitely. A thing in my business, it's weird, it's like podcasting, because this is just sort of like a weekly show type of thing, so even I'll put myself out there with that. It's not the same thing I feel anyway.
As far as like if you do.
I have a thing in my business where I try to always avoid ever going on a show unless I have something, there's a reason I'm there. Like I got five lines in a movie. They want me to come on and sell the movie. You know, obviously I got to do that. But like, that stuff, I call it extra TV.
Where it's like, hey, you want to be like I've ever been offered this, but like, you know, if you've already been out there and you did the whole promotional circuit and then like one of these game shows, we're doing a podcast hosts, you know, like dude or whatever, you know, like flattered.
It's like you want to be asked what? Like, that's one of those things where you really have to sit there and think going like, all right, is this going to be like a cool thing? You know, I go on to anything I want is for charity, so that's a good thing.
But is it I just don't want to have that person and how I'm going if I have to look at this fucking guy's goddamn bald head again, which is everything that he's now going to right underneath this, you almost want people to want more of you instead of always seeing you.
Like, I will see more of this or whatever. We see more of that. It's like, oh, yeah, he's just always there. Yeah. And that's the next thing. We'll see him next week on another show. You know, it's like you want to be able to seek out more than you want to be, just the norm.
Yeah, I've learned a lot about that, watching how Chris Rock does it and the Beastie Boys back in the day watching them where they would they could play the game so good. I mean, Chris, I would see just because I was a comedian, but I was saying just as far as, like, seeing him in a movie or TV, they had, like, that perfect timing of of this.
There's a thing where you want them to like, man, where are they? And then but if it goes too far this way, then they forget about you and they always seem to know right. When, like, oh, shit, they're going to do something.
All right. Or like the Beastie Boys drop the new album and then they would do like a tour. And then when the tour was done, they would come on Letterman, they would play whatever the song Sabotage back in the day, and then they would do the tour and then just go on and they would have for years. Right where you right. Is you started to think they're going to put out something else. It was bam, there was the next one and the the next tour.
So it ought to be known as more of the elite. You know, it's like you pick the right gigs and that's we do that with the shot. Like not that we like to tell people we don't want to work on their cars, but I do this because I want to do it. It's a passion. I don't want to get burned out on it. So I want to do cars for people that have the same passion that I do about the car.
I don't want to do it for some guy that just just has mine does not do this. He just tells you to build something, doesn't really care about the car, doesn't make plans for the car. It's going to sit in his garage. Nobody sees it.
It doesn't do me any good to put all of my heart and soul into something that's going to sit in someone's garage. And it's never seem like I get it made money. But that's not advertising. You know, you're doing big cars.
You want them to be out and you see, yeah, that's another thing I don't get about making this one. They'll be like, this isn't all original matching number, blah, blah, blah. And the car is like fifty years old and it has two thousand miles on it. And I always think, like, what was what is the purpose of owning that car. There's a Mercedes Benz I always forget. What literally looks like remember that show Speed Racer Noya, way back in the day, has had a really long hood on those long nose and you're literally riding like you need goggles.
West had one around Castile's and one of those beautiful cars I've ever seen. And they had one of those for sale on one of these shows. And it was like, you know, like that car, like at this point, like 10 years old, 12 years old, how long they made them. And this thing had like fifteen hundred miles on it. And I'm just thinking, like, the car was like a million bucks or something crazy like that, some crazy astronomical number.
And it's like you never even took it out to like the track because I get like, OK, I'm going to spend a million dollars on a freakin car and drive down the street.
Some asshole in a Prius me is going to fucking t bone me and then be like, oh, sorry, sorry about that. I kind of get that. But I've never understood. I hate to keep going back to the show you were on, but like I remember when they went out and they bought a Ferrari that had a bent frame. And I distinctly remember somebody saying, like, yeah, when you buy a Ferrari, this is what it should look like, like you should drive this thing.
I mean, obviously, you don't want to wreck it, but in a way, I actually respected the person that wrecked it more than the person that keeps it pristine, owns it for 20 years and then shows it. He's got eight hundred miles on it.
It irks me on that kind of thing, because it's like these cars are no investment. I mean, not for like I could see, like, the crazy Bentleys and one of one and a collection of these are the they only made three of those have a certain point, I guess, that they they might keep going up or whatever. Right. With me. None of that really matters. I guess, you know, some people have their niche that they want that car.
That's what they're after. Somebody could bring me a matching number one of one sixty nine COPO. Hey, I want you to put on a chassy big break, shake the mother fucker and yank all that shit out and throw in the scrap. And it didn't matter to me like I'm all about how did you get to that.
Because I always like with my truck, you know. I mean, I used to make money in this business, but when I had money, there was definitely a temptation to do to it a little bit. I mean, not what you did. I mean, I couldn't I don't have the skill set to drive yours, but like, there was definitely there was some things that I maybe wanted to do to make it a little bit faster. But I was I bought the truck.
It was just so all original. I didn't want to mess with it. And I and it shifts on the column, which I thought was the coolest thing ever.
And everything was going on when I was like, is there any way to five speed overdrive on the column and all the shit up and down the old cars coming closer to you or your like you got on the other side?
Would you guys like. Yeah, man, I don't know if I could do that. So is that something you always had, just not a sentimental person or you just know how to make it better or I guess I'm sentimental in the fact like I've had my green truck since I was like. That was like 14 or 15 years old when I got that green truck to start with, so, like, I've never gotten rid of it, you know, in the title on it.
It was in my mom's name. I was too young to have a title in my name then. It's my name now. So it's like my mom's name that was sold me. So, like, that's sentimental. But as far as, like, the parts or whatever, like I want to get in my vehicles, any of them and enjoy them to the nines. So I feel like, I feel like I'm in the model club and I've got this all my life.
It's like I get the nostalgic of that in a way. It's like you can do 30, you can't stop. It's hard to steer. You got no. He is like, how enjoyable is it really to drive around in that where me. I went to the track yesterday with my truck to the road course and I'm out run and brand new three fifties run in with brand new car that's in and out running Porsches like that.
Yeah that's cool shit like going down the road.
So what's it like after the race when you go up to the guy with the shelbie or something like that and you just pop collars on, you walk by.
And just keep walking like they'd look at you like, damn it, because they see an old truck, they think I got a brand new Porsche, I got a brand new Vette, I'm going to kill everybody out here. I just got past my truck. What the hell? You know, and then they're pissed. Just win. Like mentally. You don't say anything. You just drive off and leave and let them. Thank you. But those are the kind of guys that come to you.
How do I make money as fast as yours and then you make money? So I went out there. I mean, not only you have the power, but then I would think, like, because you don't have all that shit in the back. Is that what keeps it lighter?
It's cool, Chassy. So it's a roadster shot. It's all C, C, six Corvette geometry on the front. So it hangs like a brand new car. It's it's absolutely absurd. I mean, back tires, three forty five racing cars all the way around. What can I do with my truck?
Because when I take a turn it like even like 10 miles an hour, I literally have to reach under the seat belt, slide into the door and start by.
Lower in that dude a little bit. Those pictures you send me, it's. Not that far off. I mean, I thought it was I thought it was four wheel drive. I wasn't sure I have a thing with lower trucks. I mean, if they look like yours, that's one thing. But, like, I just feel like it's a truck, you know what I mean? It's it's like it should be a truck. So there's nothing I can do.
There's no Swabia or update that. You could add a sweetheart at the front of it. I think I think those trucks had an option of a sweep bar maybe.
Well, your twin I mean, I don't know if they are not one of the few things I actually know how to do on on a I just knew how to do basic maintenance. But like, if I go to change the oil, I don't know, you had this on your minds. Sixty eight. The drain plug on the oil plan across this piece, that that's like part of the frame. So it's going to all the oil is going to come down and go all over the place and kill me.
Because when I got the truck, one of the first things I went out, I bought an oil filter ranch down at the thing and I was all excited, like, you know, I was going to dress like Fonzie, my little onesie, get under the skin and just change the oil. And I was talking to a buddy of mine. I was like, why the fuck would they design? And like you said, that's just how it was back then when I was doing the chassy wasn't talking to this guy.
And then they just got a. And that's how that's how it ended up being. Yeah. All right, I got it. I got to ask this, too, OK, so I started to get on to the topic of, you know, oh, my God, I don't I'm going to paint another one of these. I could really do this with my eyes closed. What are your top five favorite cars? That you ever worked on, be it like because you always want to work on it or it was kind of like, you know, when I bought the car from my dad when they were just like, I've never.
Who the fuck brings a four to a fifty nine Impala? And I would love to redo this car. What are your top five.
There's you know, we blew through him so fast on that show is hard to really even keep track. I could have name all the cars that we did on the show. There was one in the very beginning.
Either way, did you guys really build them that fast? Yes. So we didn't sleep much in the beginning. We were in proving grounds in a way. Right. So if it was a single episode show, it was two weeks.
We had two weeks to build the car. And if it was a double episode, like if it was like, see you next week, it was four weeks. So generally in the beginning it was three or four days of bad work, five days maybe. And then it would go to me and I would paint it as fast as I possibly could. And sometimes I had help and sometimes I didn't. And we would paint them and four or five days, bring them back to final assembly and be done with them.
It was. It was. Terrible. But why now, just I think just because the stupid TV show schedule, like. I think a lot of it had to do with us trying to prove that we could do it. So I think that's what made the show what it was. We set the grounds for doing things that most people would say couldn't be done or that said could be done. And two weeks after that. So, like, every time we said we were going to do something, we nailed it.
And I think the show grew. The production company really liked it and just kept buying episodes. So when I was working at Coke, Richard called me and said, hey, we want you to do this show with us. And I was like, all right. I thought I was joking because I know he shot a couple of pilots before trying to get a show and this one stuck.
So I had like, it's a great story. And then the genius, too, of that. It was called fast and loud. And I'm a fan and I still call it gas monkey because I would only say that and they would sell their merch. Like branding is it's awesome. And branding, like he's an incredible business man. Yes.
So I also like what he would do, the used car salesman, the gimmick stuff.
You see, this guy grew up in this this is totally like in his blood.
Yeah, for sure. So I had twenty four hours to make the call. Woke up my wife that night. She told me I'd be crazy if I didn't take the job. Went down the next morning, called the guys at Coca-Cola gave them. I told them I'm not coming in, I'm quitting. They understood it was still nuts. Then work to work. Work for Richard Medially in Dallas every day for. Four and a half, five years or whatever it is.
When I work there, I mean, it was it was cool and I don't regret it. I miss I guess the biggest regret of the entire thing was the home, you know, missing my kids growing up. I was gone so much. I was one of my favorite episodes.
But then I knew you were leaving, too. Yeah. You painted it at your house and you just seemed like you were totally at peace, which you don't see on the show, because that's part of the drama, the show with the grind.
I'm not shitting on the shop because I think it's amazing what they do there. But you were you were back sitting on your steps. Is something going? I miss my kids and blah, blah, blah. And as a comic, I was relating to that where we had it was a point in my career where I got so busy.
And, you know, when I'm selling tickets, then it just becomes like, well, what is the point of this?
As I was like walking to do shows and I would see, you know, boyfriend, girlfriend, husbands and wives sitting out having dinner on a Friday night. And I was feeling these feelings is like I would fucking love to do that right now. Yeah. And then you feel like, who the fuck am I to be thinking that as I'm walking to this comedy club where everybody bought these tickets, they they would love to do this. So I was like I.
I know I have an awesome job, obviously, so I need to find more of like a balance. So when you left the show to do your own paint shop, but when Aaron left the show, I was like. You know, as a fan of my back, I want to keep seeing those guys, their chemistry is amazing, amazing. But then it's just as far as someone who travels and is away from home. I was actually, like, happy for you guys.
And also speaking up, Aaron, isn't he doing like I thought I saw something on the Internet where he was doing something where he was going to be making parts for F1 hundreds. Am I crazy? No.
So they worked on where they called, like, slick side trucks. So like early 60s. So call it like 60. Was a sixty one, four or whatever, the street, what makes it slick side, I don't know what that means is they kind of make like so that borderlines are more sloping. So they, they're kind of known as the slick side. And then my truck and your truck are known as upside because of the bump on the side of and seventy three to seventy nine.
They kind of curved in. So they call them dead sides. So they've all kind of got like square by Chevies. You know, people call them square bodies, but they were like seventy three to eighty six or whatever Chevy trucks and they've all kind of got their little nicknames that people call them. But he made a kit for those that changed it, lowered it and changed the geometry of the steering. Straight axles are known for being like you can get death while go on the highway.
So he made some brackets and kind of bent beams and does little things in the front to get the geometry right.
You want to go down the highway? I need to know this because I'm trying to get death.
Wabble. So with a straight axle truck, the steering connected and it's all on one side kind of get to where the wheels will jump off of each other if you don't have the the right angle. So the more it was it Kastor, you get you like when you turn your wheel and you let go in your car to kind of correct itself because your center line is laid back and that caused the wheels to correct themselves. Well, whenever the caster is to straight up, you can get to where that wheel isn't being forced straight.
You're kind of don't get where they're jumping around on you. So he changes the Kastor angle.
Are the that's that's beyond my. Well, you know what, I flying helicopters. There's a thing that can happen called ground resonance. Where is it from? Ground Sky was I just seen this these people there's somehow something goes wrong with it when they set down with the way they set it down and what's going on where I can't I already forget this is embarrassing how it happens. But literally you sat down and the thing started shaking. I should lift up, but it's people freak out.
They don't happen. A living thing just shakes and falls apart like the cops car and Smokey and the Bandit and shit like this. Yeah. And I've seen that also with like motorcycles with where they they start doing like this thing. There's a great video, scary video. A guy on Instagram starts having that happen and he's on the highway and there's a tractor trailer. Right next to him, he goes down like a stunt and slides underneath the fucking truck.
And he's like in jeans, so it's like the momentum he got road rash, but he didn't get squashed. I don't know how it happened and he got up. He's like, oh, ripped up and bloody. But he's like, it's all right. I'm alive. I'm alive. Like, that's how it ends. And it's just like that right there is why I would never fuckin ride a motorcycle. So. All right.
So let's. Let's talk to your website here. So it's Casey's paint shop, dot squarespace dot com. Is that it? Is that right? That's the way it came up. Now, I don't know shit. I think it's just Casey's paint shop. Dotcom, I think. Andrew, you got to help me out here. I looked it up. It's I like those cases. Paint shop, dotcom. And then it says, Squarespace, I have to get the work done a little, try to learn how to run a website.
I don't know.
And I had to, like, call my cell phone and like, it's case paint shop, dot dotcom. But when you go there, redirects to the Squarespace, but it's all across the squarest or whatever.
But he had it right. All right, well, just out of curiosity, for somebody who would want you to paint a car that they're actually going to drive and risk, you know, smoke it off. Yeah, like how how far? Like my next car that I want to get. I want to get a sixty seven Cadillac Eldorado, and there's a couple of colors that they had that year. This one that's between a grain of blue, that is it's just one of the most beautiful cars I've ever seen in my life.
And it's really my style where I am not a going fast guy, as you know, giving me a ride. And I know I do. Yeah, but you need guys like me. Some guys like you seem cool. You got to have the guys like me out there. So we got to have fun to tease.
No, dude, like if I could just have that car and smoke a cigar and drive down the fucking street at the end of all of this, turn around telling jokes, you know, and my kids turn out to be decent human beings like, you know, my wife stays with me. I'm done. That's all I need. So if I if I were to get this car, I don't want to put you in a corner. I can edit this out here.
But how far are you back up right now for like a full mil? We're probably over a year, probably. If I just want to get a train, if I have somebody and you paint, it kind of depends on where we were in line with the bike shop is.
If our fab shop, if we do a good job at that shop, body shop goes quick and sometimes we are looking for fill in work, but something like that wouldn't take very long to paint it just be the matter of taking it apart and put it back together for you. Right. So. Man, just be one of those that is almost a case by case, really, in a way, just depends on where the shop is at the point.
You know, like if we get them on a day like that, I'm seeing a lot of daylight because what am I got to have you at some point? Something that I get I got to have you paint it because I was sold on your stuff when you did at least taught.
Oh, yeah. Some sort of white car or something. You did that lace top. I thought that was like the perfect car to do that on. And it was like your idea. And then I also liked how after a while you got annoyed by putting clear on a petina car, which just I just felt like you felt you were the invisible man. Well, it's like they wanted to see us paint something. I'm like, you know, we're not doing shit.
Right, but just. Putting or not painting anything, but they wanted to see us doing something, and it almost seemed like. Then for a there's like a short stint there, we did a lot to get burned out and I was like. We don't have to do this shit like I just do not do it at all. We don't like a clear made the whatever the chemistry of the rocks made that stop. No, it doesn't. No.
So, like, after a couple of years of clear coating, one of those, we've had a couple that we've seen in the Russkis growing underneath it. And it turns the rust white under the bottom side of it because it's almost you're not really stopping anything. The only way to kill Rust is to neutralize it, which means the blast to chemically neutralize the rust. Pretty clear on it just. Kind of, oh, I thought I thought it once again, my poor science that looks school for a while, but it comes off.
There was no oxygen being able to like you sealed it off like a sandwich. It would stay. You would just cryo freeze it.
Now, I did a couple trucks a couple of years ago. We did a forty nine, four and a three Chevy. We took the same three, four years ago now and we just got fried in really good clean them up and kind of gave like a sheen. And then if you wash them, I mean rust needs moisture and stuff to grow anyway.
So as long as you just take care of it, it usually doesn't get any worse. You know, if it's cleaned off where you have the biggest problem is whenever the dirt is inside the quarter panels and, you know, when he gets Wednesdays wet for a week or whatever, that's too bad. So we just quit doing it.
And if people wash their car or rub off on them, so we just we've got a 60 for that customer actually came today to drive for the first time and two years. We can build this truck for him and it's a petina truck and we just cleaned it and it's good. So it's not clear.
Maybe that's I'll just find something that I can just deal with that I don't have and just drop it off and then I'll see you in a couple of years and let me know when it's done.
Yeah, it's I like weird shit so I hope whatever I bring that I if I have to work again as a comedian. Casey. All right. I plan I plan on bringing you something at some point.
So how about we wrap up with you telling people where they can what's what's the next big event that you're going to be out at you once a month thing? You got any family? Can they even have those things right now?
We just got notification today that. Do you know what FEMA is now?
FEMA, it's Special Equipment Manufacturers Association. I think that's right. A huge show that's in Vegas every year, usually around Halloween, right after Halloween. It's it's massive. So it's like all the manufacturers come together. It's just a place where you can go and learn everything about the new stuff coming out for the next year. And usually for the past seven years or so, we build a car. And you debuted at that show. So that's where my green truck was built last year.
And it was put in BASF Buth, which is our paint company that we use, which is it was a huge deal to me being a painter and having a car paint booth. This is a hard gig to get. Yeah. So I was extremely excited to be in there, but they canceled it. So we haven't been to a show this year yet. Now, I don't know if we're going to do it. I think we're just going to probably take the rest of the year.
I often see in twenty, twenty one, you know, I don't really know what else to do.
And I think that that's where I'm at. We're toying with an idea of possibly doing something back east.
Then I got to I got to figure out how am I going to get there. And I mean, I got a brainy baby boy at home. It's like, then what? I'm going to do that gig and then come back and Pontin for forty four days. It is it is a crazy time, but I don't know, I guess hopefully, you know in twenty, twenty one we're all working again. I can pick you up with some, some sort of weird vehicle.
I should have made a list of some of the shit that I like. It's a lot of like. Just don't know, I mean, I like those old man executive cars from the 70s. Oh yeah, I like those to like Kabal those those things and CEOs are fun there.
And I kind of left all the muscle cars, but I feel like that was like a high school phase and and I feel like those are sort of baby boomer cars in a way where it's like that's the car they wanted when they were in high school. So then that's their dream to get it. I get that where I think I kind of look at like those early 80s, like monarch Carlos, Oldsmobile and Buick, they're coming in hot and like we're restoring a ninety three Mustang Cobra right now for a guy.
I mean, that's like I'm, I'm thirty seven. So we've got cars that I wanted in high school. I drove a lot of fox bodies. Well now guys that are my age that wanted those or had those when they were younger and started to make some money. It's weird seeing the emails that we're getting now about restoring late 80s, early 90s cars and trucks and like, that's not bad because I still drive a ninety five lightning every day. So to ninety five, not old, I just drive my line and people like, hey, restore this.
I'm like restored. I got two of them. You want him to you one of these you know, but they're like I want to restore pristine. And you don't think that's 30 years old already.
You know, it's like wow.
And I guess one that I like the best truck. I think that the last twenty years. Well, I like that that Dodge Hemi. Fifteen hundred short bed. Yeah. Before they messed up. I don't like the front end right now.
The little T trucks they have a little in Missouri. Yeah. Yeah. That was, I liked it and there was a blue that they had that I liked and there was a black and I was wondering like so classic me if I get that thing I don't want to take the hemi out the original engine and all of that, something like that. What would you do with that thing? What would your first idea, if you want to make like first of all, like when you look at that truck, what are your feelings of it?
I mean, as far as coming straight from the factory, the power and all of that, you good?
That's one my wife are talking. My son just turned fourteen, so we're looking to buy him something. And probably next year or so someone would be able wear that a little bit. I don't want him to restore anything for him, but if we could tinker with something along those dodges are reasonably priced. Dodge doesn't really hold their value very well anyway. So, you know, get them out of those lower it, you know, put some exhaust on, just kind of make it needs some nice wheels.
I mean, it's hard to get power when it's in locks. And what else do you do to really except throw you would you would you mess with the engine at all or.
Oh yeah. Twin turbines, although really I, I can't leave anything alone. As far as motor goes, they're never fast enough.
So maybe when I get out there, if you teach me how to drive faster, maybe I'll, I'll, I'll bring you something fast. But I'm probably going to bring your grandpa cars.
You're going to bring me a Dodge truck and want me to put a Prius motor and or something to that.
I had a Prius for nine years. They're fucking amazing.
Don't don't even start with that. I will I will defend that car at the end of the day. As far as like for what it does, what does it do?
Tell me what it does, what it does.
Do you have a friend in your life that never needs anything, never bitches, and always has your back and always there for you? That's what OK, I don't have one of those, but I guess that's what the Prius is. No matter how bad the gas prices got. I like I would I was always under forty bucks. Dude, I live in L.A. There's no place to drive fast unless I want to like, do a line of coke at 3:00 in the morning and then jump on the highway.
But even then they're going to be doing construction and slow everybody down. Right. And then when gas prices were cheap, I would be filling that thing up and I would be laughing at the pump. It's like would it's what I paid in high school for my fucking car, for gas. So in defense of the Prius, they never said that they would line up with your Frankenstein truck. OK, they just. I'm going to send you this picture and you're going to laugh.
Are you so my brother in law has a or had a Prius, it's you're describing exactly how it was I gave him he worked at my hot rod shop for two years and he drove a gold Prius and I made him park around the corner. So I don't park that from a shop. It's terrible. Then we would get to where we're taking it somewhere because it's like he's like, do it won't take gas, we'll just go or whatever. And then prices gas shot up and like they had a shortage of gas.
This is a couple of years ago now. And he's like he's like, man, you guys make fun of me, but I'm the only one drag my shit to work.
You know, I'm like, I don't want to hear about what happened when gas prices were low. I would get gay best when gas prices came up.
People become like, I can give you a ride, Amitiza.
How do you like that? Nothing worked out, I was going to buy it for the shop or for the loop center that we own, and he ended up selling it. But I and I washed it and they took a picture of me washing it because I thought, I'll never drive this car and I own a car wash. I was like, well, I'll clean it up, form whatever. This picture haunts me because it comes back on your news.
I do remember this, you know, and you're like, damn it.
I'll have to send it to I'll never. I'll tell you this, I know another car that I think is the shit for what it does, a smart car. Like I look at that thing. Notice I say this to the end, you know what I like about a smart car? This is the Californian.
I think it is. No, no, don't disrespect California. This is all a hotrod culture. I'm from Massachusetts. I just look at it like that's what when I was a kid, a little kid. And you had like a go cart. That's what the fuck you wanted. Like, what if this little go cart could do like 80 miles an hour and they built one? The only reason why that car sucks is because there's somebody in an EF three fifty tailgating you behind which I can't go any faster.
I totally get. But as far as zipping around L.A. and I mean, the only thing easier to park than that would be like a fucking motorcycle. So I don't know. I try to I try to separate. I don't judge everything on the basis of a Ferrari. I just look at like I try to keep it in the class that it is what I'm basically say in cases. I think I'm a better person than you are.
What it boils down to, I'm not as I enjoy the environment. I just sent you that picture. Did it go through?
Listen, I live near an ocean, so at some point I had to talk down to you because you're in the middle of the country. That's that's what's done now, right? I'm kidding. It's all. Anyways, I just want to thank you so much for we finally you know, we're trying to I've been trying to get you on this thing for a long time, so I'm so psyched that you finally did it. Thank you for letting us all know about what it is that you do.
And people out there, I know those people wanting to start their own shops, stuff to watch out for, especially that part where you started and you had all this work. We were going broke like that. That seems like a hit book to me. It's hard. Yeah, it is.
But the great Casey Matthew Casey paint shop Dotcom is the website. He'll paint it if you'll drive it, right? That's right. That's basically it. All right, Casey, thank you so much for coming on. I really appreciate it.
Be all right. We'll see if you're ready. Yep. Go for it.
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Catch my breath before I start to get in on this. And hey, what's going on, it's Bill Burr and it's the Monday morning podcast, ETSI, it's a special edition of the Monday morning podcast is what it should be saying. Every once in a while, I'm graced with the guest and, you know, so you get an extra episode this week.
All right. So it's an extra hour in your cubicle that you can actually not want to kill yourself and going to get right to it.
My guest this week is somebody I've known, I think, for about 17 years. I was thinking Jim Florentine.
Jim Florentine. Yeah, man, it's good to see you. Yeah, it's probably better. I mean, we didn't you know, we never did too many gigs together or anything like that, but we were always, you know, you were doing your thing. I was doing mine.
But you came up in Jersey and I was the suburbs of Boston. But I always felt like you guys, you, Norton, Vohs, that whole crew, you know, Vice probably started in the 70s, but I'm just like you guys kind of the same thing where you weren't in New York City. Like we both had to, like, migrate there.
And I feel like when I started, I started coming down in New York with Patrice in like 94, 95, moved there in like 95. And I don't think I saw you when you had the long hair. I think you had your hair cut by then, didn't you?
Yeah, well, 92, 93 is one. Me and Norton started going in New York City and just, you know what? No really part of us.
Yeah. And then about 94, 95. But whenever Kurt Cobain came out like 93, like 94 when he died or when he came on.
Well, know when that when that he came out in like 96 Dole right now, he came out in September of 91 and then he died in April 94. And I only know that because of.
My love of metal and metal was over, and all of a sudden I thought he was a douche when I first saw him, when he was doing like making fun of the tap on solos. And that smells like Teen Spirit. I knew he was making fun of metal and I just was I thought the guy was a dick. I'm one of the few people who admits that because everybody I've talked about this in the podcast, people seem to like when they bring up that Nirvana album, nevermind, everybody seems to act like like they knew that this that there was going to be this total shift in music and, you know, there was something in the air and all that.
And it was just it took I didn't get Nirvana until after in utero. And then I saw them in when they did unplugged. And right as I started to like them, Kurt killed himself.
Yeah. I mean, I think it's like in an album in the beginning. And you know what? It's weird about that. It's like everyone thinks that that was the album that changed. I mean, it kind of was. But it wasn't their music specifically.
It was MTV and Radio decided that that metal wasn't cool anymore and they were going to stop playing, you know, but how do they like collectively like that is amazing that that album came out and the second that came out there was like all of a sudden all the bands I was watching weren't on MTV anymore.
I remember even Madonna was a bitch and she had some fucking catty little interview with Kurt Loder.
And he's like, hey, you haven't made too many videos off of this album. She goes, well, why should I make him? You guys don't show him and you don't show my videos anymore. And she kind of went right at them. And then MTV, like a bunch of pussies, started showing her videos. Like right after that, like, I would have been like, well, fuck you, you're old now, you know, slowly.
But now what happened was they you know, now Pearl Jam came about the same time they just saw MTV basically decided what what was popular. And and then every radio, as soon as they started playing Yvonne and Pearl Jam and I was the hot new video, every radio program across the country goes, okay, that's all we got to play now. And they just totally discarded the metal.
So once that happened, though, like that, they have like some fuckin Bilderberg Group of, like, radio stations, like they have like a conference.
You know, this is just one guy like, you know, one big program or probably the guy from fucking 100 in New York or whatever a douche bag was. And he started going, oh, you know what, Nirvana is the new or Pearl Jam. And then everybody out there on radio station, what's New York playing in L.A. playing this all.
We got to play it and then they just pop it. Just, you know, it's like a TV business.
One show successful on the try to put fifty more out like that, because I remember that that was overnight and I know I'm old now, so I don't pay attention to like music changing. But that's the last time I remember was just like I thought it was going to be like Headbanger's Ball and fuckin you remember that the top was that thing that that guy who tried to dress like a head banger but wasn't the guy was from like fucking Sweden. I'm a European guy with the blond hair and I'm curry.
Yeah, yeah. No, no. Is he not? When he was that one of the original guys. No, he was like, they got to wear a leather jacket. They had to fluffed like blonde Farrah Fawcett. Yeah. Yeah. That was Adam Carr. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So he used to host that top ten thing.
And I swear to God, like the top ten was like eight metal videos and like maybe Janet Jackson would slip in or and Jody Watley, they'd be like one RMV thing and and then some like new kids on the block thing or something like that. And then the rest of it was all fucking Guns and Roses, Skid Row. And I thought it was going to be like that forever, obviously.
I mean, it was a young kid. I didn't know that music changed. I thought, disco sucks, but I have to bring this up. I talk to you right before we started this thing was how I was trashing a lot of the metal videos that I saw.
I came home one night, like late at night. I put on like VH one and I was astounded. And how bad? Some of the music was that I listened to and some of the videos like there was one quiet riot, one where they actually sort of rapped or did some sort of scratching before their song came on, I want to say it was about Russia.
I don't know if I don't know that one. It must have been later one. Yeah. And I combine shit, but I like I know some people think I don't know that I don't like metal, I like it, but I don't look at it like, like with like just, you know, with blinders on. No, no.
I mean if you look back at those videos because a VH1 classic plays them all time medal mania, I'll pay like four hours. I'm a fucking awful Ronnie James deal. You know, I love Ronnie was a great dude and, you know, I personally know.
But walk around with a sword and fighting these demons and, you know, saying, come on, you're you're playing a man and he's going through the woods and he says, hey, did you mean when they were out, though, when you were a kid, you thought they were sick. You're like, did you see the New Deal video? Dude, it's fucking unreal. Yeah. Yeah.
And then, you know, they always and then the other like the poison's always had the hot chick and Erdoğan's always had that. It's like, holy shit. Do you see that hot man as she fucking hot. You look back like she's not that hot.
No, no. They've got all they were awful.
It's funny because we're going to have Nancy, Nancy, Nancy, Nancy and Ann Wilson from heart on our show in a couple of days. And me and my friend Eddie, we're talking how we used to jerk off to Nancy Wilson because she had the big tits and she had the cleavage.
You know, those, you know, natural. Is that the redhead of them? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just Ginuwine. They always had to tits out, you know, they had to in the 80s. And I was like, that was that's what I jerked off to when 87, 88.
Do you remember when the other one got real fat and they tried to shoot around it by doing like an extreme close up of her face. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And they tried everything that they could. She went she was sort of like the original like fat chick from like Wilson Phillips.
That she had like I don't like when people get fat and they complain about this business and the pressure to stay in shape, it's like you want to be on a stage and eat whatever you want and it doesn't work that way.
You have to come into this business of fat fuck. Like if you come in that way like it's the fat fuck, then you're all good. But you can't become fat in this business. You're going to you know, you're going to get trashed.
Yeah, absolutely. I mean, yeah, she was she was hot in the 70s and she was you know. Yeah, she definitely put on. I was I was reading an article on them. They were saying how the record company was so afraid to tell her just to lose weight that she was the record company, you know, brought the band in without her and said, please talk to her because we don't want to piss her off, but she has to lose weight.
And the band went to when she got so fucking pissed, she left the record company. At the time, I think it was Cappadocia like, fuck them.
Yeah, I was wearing like this. We're all like that leather and stuff. It's not a good thing. There's a couple people who got fat. George Thorogood got fat. You still wore those, those snakeskin leather pants and went to some fucking blues festival. And he was there and he came out with these fucking things.
Dude, he looked like he just had a kid. It was it was awful.
And it was like one of those things where it's like, dude, you got to do something, wear a button down some jeans and hit the fucking treadmill. It's just one of those. If you're like in this business. Absolutely.
You can't you can, you know, losing your hair or anything, you know, like that's you know, this is a mine. And I'm just saying, fuck it. I'm just letting it go. Yeah. Yeah, it's I'm starting to go in the back and I'm just like I what am I going to scalp the back of my head and then have that shit put in the front? I just I do this when I look at it.
You know, if I was going to be the next Brad Pitt, it would have happened by now. I'm fucking you know, it's like I'm 44 years old. What am I going to fucking be some 50 year old sex symbol? Yeah, you know, I'd rather be the just the, you know, to I do a podcast, tell jokes I'm good at.
You're right. I can make my fucking rent.
I don't need to go there and get my fucking face yanked back and have some pubes taken from fucking my dick stuck on my head.
I mean, no matter what, this business is going to be finished with me at some point.
So I've kind of made a rule that I am going to try to look like a fucking human being at the end of this, you know, unless unless they so get like the facelift down, if they get it down where you actually can still look like a human being. Right. I've been talking lately on stage. Have you seen that that synergy, Genex, or whatever it is, you know, like those. Yeah, yeah. Those guys I looked that shit up like those old guys who are shredded.
It's fucking on HGH. That's what I thought it was. Yeah. They're they're there on their own fucking that's why that guy has that tone like he wants to fight his kids right there. Shit. My kids. You feel like he's getting ready to snap so.
Like, don't they say that that's a cancer causing, like the HGH? So like those guys, there's this first wave of old guys they're probably going to fuck and something bad's going to happen in four to five years and then they'll use them as guinea pigs. So I figured by the time we get there, it's like Royds now, like back when we were kids.
Royds, you know, the shrink your balls up, you get fuckin titties. It was horrible. And you fucking died. And now but now they got that that's synthetic stuff.
They got the clear that they just keep making it better.
So real quick, if they if they come up with a fuckin pill for a full head of hair or, you know, anything, or if it just feels like your head's on fire for a minute, I would do it. But like, as far as like scalping the back of my head, there's no fucking way I'm doing it.
Yeah. I mean, yeah, I'm on the fence about that, too. I mean, yeah. I mean, there's never been a sex symbol at all of a sudden that 44 not even George Clooney made it like 32 or 33. And that was like late. He was always he was like he was around for ten years, do a little bit parts and all of a sudden they got E.R. or whatever, and then he became a success.
So and plus the advantage of kind of being a mess is no one really pays attention to your aging as much as like like if you're in that People magazine's 50 most beautiful people, people always say the funny shit.
Oh, my God. You see, someone saw what happened to her, what happened to him. It's like, dude, what the fuck happened to you?
You think you're like, you know, under glass, not aging. So, yeah, you're right. You're right. I just I try to keep it as low maintenance as possible, jeans and a T-shirt and fucking whatever.
And I brush my hair and I'm fucking doing it.
You know, I don't want makeup on when I go on TV. I don't know. I don't want to know. We had that got serious. I got a I don't you know, it's funny.
I like how we're acting like being a sex symbol is actually an option for us.
Yeah. I don't like where it's going now. We don't want that.
If we just took care of ourselves a little better week, I would look when I was in the late 80s, early 90s when I had long hair, I took like Bon Jovi's whatever style he had or David Coverdale from Whitesnake and I got a lot of fucking ass. So I was almost considered a sex symbol back then, even though I wasn't I wasn't sure.
But you can be a local sex symbol.
Well, I was in Pennsylvania. I was a fucking twelve on a scale of one to ten because they were still five years behind the whole, like, you know, long hair thing. So I would always go down Pennsylvania, just fucking clean up that's.
How do you ever go back there? Like, is that like you're Germany, like David Hasselhoff? Do you ever just go back to Pennsylvania, do like a book signing or something?
Not because once I cut my hair, they cut me off. They no longer like I was over. They they were mad. They're just like my in Metallica cut the hair. All the half their fans were pissed. Yeah. They cut their hair with Felicity. Yeah. Who cares.
Oh so that's going to change the music. So yeah they turned on me.
Pennsylvania town just before all my listeners trashed me for knowing the Felicity thing, I took an acting class with a girl who was on the show. There was some show called Felicity and every guy like fourteen year old boy. I love this girl, Felicity.
And then she she got her, you know, I'm going to play softball now haircut. And the whole fucking show tanked. And this actress was a little bit older. So she was she came in just bitch. And one day because she finally had a fucking regular gig or something like that, she wasn't one of the main people. But, you know, she was on like three, four fucking episodes this season. And this chick cut her hair and like 100 people lost their jobs.
Yeah. So that's how I know it. People I could see I could see that.
I remember Cheryl. I always thought Sheryl Crow was hot. I always thought something she said.
And that moment she came out with that fucking soccer mom hairdo for like a year, not off.
And it was really short of fucking you. You can't do that.
You can't as a woman, if you come into the business, forkball, hot or whatever, you have to look that way.
The whole it's the same thing. It's the same thing. Like even as a guy, as a guy, if you're coming in and you know, you're all shredded and you have abs and that type of shit, you got it.
You have to you can't get fat, you know what I mean?
Unless I guess you put in some trying to win an Oscar, but you can but you then have to go back and lose the fucking right.
Absolutely. That's the thing, dude.
So if I look like fucking Ron Howard, you know, it's I basically I realize now that I'm losing my hair that I'm going to look like him my whole fucking life, which is really disappointing that, you know, there's no you know, there's no fucking problem.
But you're forty four. I mean, you'll you know, when do you think it made the career might start slowing down? Do you think you got to lose fifty fifty.
I think when you think it's going to start doing what I'm doing right now, if I just do it, if I make money off my podcast and I make and I just keep putting out specials every couple of years, I'm fucking good.
Like my free time is priceless. Like, you know, you get into this fucking business and they start going out, you know, like you just think that you want a TV show.
And then I know you get kind of close to it. And I mean, I don't know, like your show.
If I was going to do one, I like a show like yours, that metal show where it's like it's that's taped in pretty much real time. Right. Maybe a couple of pick ups or whatever and real time for people not in show business.
It's just basically, you know, thirty minute show is shot in like thirty minutes. And maybe if there's a couple of flubs, if you said the. Name of an album rang, you might have to go back and rerecord that, but like those one hour one cameras, those are that's 12 hours a day, like five, six days, I think. Was it five days a week? They shoot they shoot an episode every four days and they start the next one Friday and you just keep going.
I don't know, I guess it's like three months of your life, right? To. I would rather just go slug it out in a strip mall and just make money that way and then just come back here and then fucking play guitar or fuck around.
Absolutely, man. I love taking time off. You know, you got to do it. Absolutely. Just, you know, because I was always like I would work on holidays. I'd feel like if I didn't get on stage in two days, I'm like, what am I doing, man? Fuck, I'm going to be rusty. Shit. I'm one of my one of my doing my career. Everybody's passing me by and now Mike gives a shit.
Yeah. No, now you got to like when you guys tape like you're out here right now in Los Angeles to tape. Like how many of that.
We're only doing what we're doing. Six episodes. This we already taped to a few months ago or whatever we're going to put them. But yeah, we take two episodes in a day. We take from three to seven. We knock out two two hour episodes in four hours. Basically, we're like an hour break in between. That's awesome. Yeah, we just got married. I notice shit, you know, and I mean, it's not like I got to study it.
We got, you know, guys from Iron Maiden and shit coming on, which I've been fans for years. I just feel like I'm just interview one of my idols and as a, you know, a camera, which is awesome, Jesus Christ, it's not too much risk.
You you're like you're like you've quietly created you created cocreator on this show now.
But no, I mean, I pitched it with, you know, my buddy Eddie Trunk. He's a deejay in New York and he's been on for a while with labels and stuff. We became friends. I go on his radio show and we just, you know, debate metal and he goes, I'm going to try to get this as a TV show.
Do that guy is on like a whole other level, like he has to be the biggest metal fan ever.
That guy like I like he takes it all like really like seriously.
Like, I feel like if I could get into a debate with debate with him and he could actually convince me that kiss is just as relevant as the Beatles.
He can sing seen. I mean I can sit there like I love AC DC. Right. But I mean they're not on the same level as the Beatles. They're just not, you know what I mean. Like, it's they're just not. No, no. I love those guys. I'm not trying to not battle of the bands or anything, and I love those guys to death.
By the way, I thought that was hilarious where they described your your show, at least on Wikipedia. They said that that metal show is the The Tonight Show for AC DC fans.
Yeah, that's the greatest phrase ever. Who came up with that? I don't. I have someone in a review of someone that came that a show and reviewed it or something because they wanted the VH1 wanted to say it's it's the view.
It's a cross between The View Headbanger's Ball on The View. I'm I get that fucking nobody. I go, No one that likes hard rock metal watches the view once. Not don't say that the not it's successful show and like and they wanted me to say that in interviews and I would never say it. And like they were getting really pissed. Like he's got them to say it's like I'm never saying what is wrong with them, just them in general.
See, that's right. When I hear stories like that, I just like, how do you just not go? That is the dumbest fucking idea. On the you know, I just feel like sometimes they just have to say something to justify the fact that they have a desk, because if they if there's if there's they just want to be like, oh, it's Headbanger's Ball meets The View. I came up with that. That was my contribution to that show.
And now I want to go create something else. I guess that's how they go up. I'm really not trying to sound like a bit of an asshole, but I am here now.
You have to be because it's like, come on, we know like, no, that fan base, when I go to an Ozzfest, I can go up to 20000 people. Do you watch The View? And the fucking about 19000 would punch me in the face for even asking them that. No one would say yes.
So why are we going? It's a cross between Headbanger's well and the viewer. So there's a guy if I saw it because I was telling myself I saw that I got the view. I'm not watching that.
And you know what their thought is? Their thought is, well, this is a very male demographic. We got to get the females in there.
So then they throw in the view and just, you know what it is, they can never make enough fuckin money. They just never make it enough. They always have to do it. And then they got to add some extra fucking thing. And then when it nosedives, then they'd put it on you. Yeah. Yeah.
And then you would have to bear that cross once you're on that show. That was like The View. But you had Ozzy on it and you were like, that wasn't the idea, you know, and the other person gets to just skate away. I know I've been lucky because, you know, the producer gets it.
And, you know, we fought for what they really I think originally they wanted to be like a rock of ages type thing to goof on the 80s metal.
They wanted us to basically dress in spandex and put wigs on and, you know, go through all that stuff.
And we're like, absolutely not. Wear three fucking guys with no energy. We're not physical. We just sit there and we'll talk heavy metal.
But I don't I don't we don't make anything bigger. We're not flashy. We don't dropkicks.
I got to admit, I've been real jealous watching some of the people you've gotten to talk to, like just knowing you have iron made.
Iron Maiden is one of my big like, I fucked up that I didn't go see them. I could have seen them on the power slave tour. I forget what it was. My dad was pissed at me as something I fucked up like two weekends before and somebody had another ticket and it was like, you know, I was young enough where I still had to ask permission. Still living at home like sixteen, seventeen. I was just like, yeah, I got to let the old man cool off and I can't make that one.
And I actually think my friends did even make it to the show. They got so hammered. My friends were idiots. But that's one of the big ones. And you I saw one time I was flipping through and I saw you had Jason Bonham on and, you know, John Bonham freak. And I met him one time at Guitar Center and somewhere in Florida. I don't know why he was in there.
He he was living down in Fort Lauderdale, Coral Springs a I think he still lives down there, Jason.
Oh, okay. Yeah, well, I ran into him and he was cool as hell. He liked comedy. And I got like, you know, cell phone pictures back then. I was like a flip camera and they usually awful somehow it was fucking great, which is this awesome picture, me and Jason Bonham. And then I left the fucking cell phone in the goddamn cab on the way to the airport.
And I had never sent it to me, sent it, emailed it to myself or anything. So I was flipping through the fucking channels.
Dude, I'm such a John Bonham like freak that when, like like when I shook Jason's hand, like I was thinking like he shook his dad's hand. At some point he had to have, you know, like you walk around going, hey, dad. But it's just like I literally felt like, I don't know, I was like the biggest fan boy ever. So when I saw that you had them on him on the show as it's like Jesus Christ.
Yeah, I mean, I would think I would have like had to call security if I actually got to sit down and ask them and it would be like 50 million questions about his dad, which is probably sick of answering.
I think he you know, he doesn't mind that, though. He does that whole Zeppelin thing. And supposedly I heard from a reliable source. It's going to be something going on with Zeppelin at the end of the year. Oh, is that right? Yeah. I don't the guy wouldn't say what he's like a famous photographer who's really close with Jimmy Page.
Well, I thought I thought Jason played great during that last reunion that they did for the head of Atlantic Records when he died. Yeah. And what I loved was he just he was doing like an amalgam of, like, studio and live shit he heard his dad do.
Plus he he had a lot of him in it, like I thought that he wasn't.
I mean, that's got to be terrifying because like Zeppelin fans and like drummers like I hate like I look at like there's a lot of people do like drunk covers on YouTube and they'll do a drum cover of, like, fucking, you know, some Zeppelin song and somebody will kill it.
And some will be like, good job. But there's only one John Bonham.
It's like everybody knows that this guy doesn't think he's fucking John Bonham.
He just loves the guy. And it inspired him to learn how to play drums and learn how to place.
I've even seen him like Jason Jason Bonham, who have like, you know, him playing drums and he's fuckin killing it.
And some would be like, you know, yeah, but he's nowhere near his dad. And it's like nobody is right. And he doesn't have a T-shirt saying, I'm really near to my dad when it comes to drums.
It's just so fucking annoying. And I don't even know why I read the comments. I think I just read them just to see that just to get mad. Now, of course, because not sure if John was still around and Jason told John goes, I'm out of Zeppelin. And they hired Jason to play drums. And you go, hey, you know, you need his dad back. There is no right, no John, but he's not around.
What are you going to do? So fucking just let Jason be Jason, right.
Which is why I don't mind when people trash Wolfgang Van Halen. I want Michael Anthony back there. It's fucking annoying. They finally got David Lee Roth back in just. Get Michael Anthony back in there. You can never he can get that will never happen. How does Eddie throw his son out of the band? Oh yeah, you know what I mean. That's the problem. And Alex is the uncle. He has to leave. He's got to throw his son, Wolfgang has to leave.
You know, Michael still want to show Michael and Sam are doing our show this week. Oh. Where are they going to be with their tape on our show? Oh, is that next? Yeah.
Oh, you want to come out of your out you want to come in the tape. And I miss everything. What is it like? I think it was Wednesday. Wednesday. Of course I'm going to. OK, so it's time for a little advertising. All right, people, stamps.com, here we go. There are too many what ifs when you go to the post office.
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I actually sent me a text. Hey, saw you stand up the other day. Really funny. I'm the guy who rented you the current Avis, which is beyond creepy and I'm a dude, so I can only imagine how that would make a female.
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That's one of those ideas where I'm just like that right there is why I'm not a billionaire, because I just look at that, like that idea was just out there and I just did nothing.
Why didn't I jump on that? Like YouTube? That's one of those ideas.
Anyway's. But now I'm telling you about them, so you got to check them out. These guys are great. All right. Because I've actually done half the shit that they do here.
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Legal some. I fucking miss everything, and then we got Steve Harris tape in that same day two from me. Course you do. Why wouldn't you? Why wouldn't you? And then they're raffling off a John Bonham drum kit. Yeah. Yeah. And John Paul Jones are coming out Thursday. Can you make that?
Oh, you know, he's got some insane stories, but isn't in a prison in a metal band. Is Steve Gorman from the Black Crowes.
I did his podcast. If you ever I don't know if you know, I'm sure you would tell me about him. Oh, my God. He's got some great.
And I'm not going to tell any of them. I'll tell them to you when we're off, just to give you just some of the stories. But I mean, I don't know what he wants out there. Plus, he loved him. So you tell him better.
But how the hell did I get to know him?
I think I do on his podcast as I got to know him. And the Black Crows came and they were playing the Palladium one night, did some epic, like three hour show, like the first half was acoustic.
Then they came out to the electric stuff was incredible.
And he's one of those just really just, you know, you know, been through it and back and back again, you know.
So just totally down to earth. Totally cool guy, man. He would be great. I mean, I don't know if Black Crows are to Rolling Stone that would fit in the Black Crowes.
Yeah, well, I'll tell you, that guy would be fucking amazing guest if he told half the stories, just one or two of them. They're just really like, you know, it's you know what it is a comedian. We have a bunch of stories, but so much of it is solo shit. And as much as you might not get along with another comedian, you don't have to go out on the road with them.
And it's just that thing of like, you know, I've done a couple of comedy tours and it's just like, you know, there's always there's the late guy, there's the fucking loud guy, there's the dude to snoring.
You know, there's always. There's always.
And you have to learn how to get along with those people. I don't know how the fuck these bands do it.
I don't either. Man being on a tour bus for friggin six months at a time. No. Ebanks And they all got that fuckin story to like this. Second, the tour ends like they just they just all leave in different cars by then and they don't talk to each other for, like, fucking eight months. Yeah, it's unreal. I mean, I don't know.
I think that's I would have been with my friends if I was in my early twenties. When you don't recognize, like, hey, shit's getting out of control with everybody's relationships, we need to have a sit down here. And you just let it get to that point where the level of resentment is so high, you want to give a fuck that you're playing arenas.
You're going to walk away from that.
You can't get along with the bass player does. That doesn't make sense, right?
They are, yeah. Speaking of which, I will get Aerosmith coming on a show this week.
Of course you do. So of course you. Who else you got that I'm not going be able to come until I finally have a fucking hook up in this goddamn well actually why they're going to tape on Sunday. It's not Joe, it's not Joe and Steve, and it's the other three, Brad, Tom Hamilton and Joey Kramer, that's even cooler, though I know we want to say that the unsung heroes of Aerosmith. Yeah, that's even cool.
I don't want to talk to Steven Tyler about fucking American Idol. I don't give a shit.
You know what I mean? He said he's done, though. Yeah, I know he has done. But I'm just saying I didn't want to revisit that or any of that crap. So we got these other guys coming out. But there was a point where they weren't that dubstep fans always been fighting for years. There was a point that didn't even play for two years. And they were doing a gig over in like the BI and they were getting like five million dollars to headliners this big rock festival.
Right. And they had to do the gig. They weren't going to cancel it. They didn't talk to Tyler for two years that Tyler didn't they didn't even talk to him before he walked on the stage. He didn't even rehearse with them. He didn't you know, for that one big show that he played the first time they saw him in two years is when he walked out, when they started, when they opened up were like sweet emotion when he hit the microphone.
That was the first time they even song. That's how much they hate it.
Really? Yeah. He what? He didn't fly. So then when they did the show, was he still putting his arm around.
Yeah, he just went up there like nothing happened. But then you saw like six months later I had another gig and fucking Joe knocked them off the stage. They had a plot, they had a whole stage going out to the crowd like a little thing. And Joe freaking nudged him and he went flying in a crowd. He broke his like his arm or something like that. He had cancel the tour.
And Joe was like, I do that to him all the time.
But you could see he did it on purpose. Like you. You made me sit home for two years. That's what happened.
I don't know, because he was just think of us as a fell off.
I thought he fell off the stage and then he got mad because nobody in the band ran over to see what he was.
Well, that's if you watched a YouTube video, Joe Najem, and he goes, I do that all. You do that all the time to each other. But he he was right on the edge. You could say, hey, I got him on purpose.
But just imagine that's like sports right there. I know. Is that it was he going for their head that he hit him with the shoulder?
Is that an elbow game? All right. Oh, fuck away from me.
But he can't get mad at the other guys. Didn't come to the show's got to keep going. They just kept playing and hoping he was going to crawl back up.
Wow. But just imagine as a comic like, say, you know, just three or four of us touring together, right. And then all of a sudden one guy is being an asshole and doesn't want to do the tour six months from now. And we got to sit home for two years and can't play. Right. That would drive. That would drive me out of my mind.
And then he goes on and does like a reality show. Yeah. I mean, Joe Paragould doesn't just join another band, go fuck.
I got to get up on stage. They sit home and do nothing.
I saw Joe Perry project when I saw them at the the House of Blues. Oh yeah. Yeah, it was cool. And then, like, you know, when you know, when they come to L.A., all the musicians, so many of them out here, it's like New York.
So who came out like came out a couple other guys like slashes the shit.
He came out and jammed with the opening band. Like he doesn't he just doesn't like he just wants to play. Speaking of torture, I mean, it must have been torture for him having to wait all those years for Axl before he just finally said, fuck it, I'm going to do my own thing, you know? Well, that's the thing.
And people always ask if you're going to do, you know, vacs or whatever, got the original band back together, first of all. And that broke. So that's not going to happen. They only do it when they broke Axle's band. You know, guns is huge still. And over in Europe, they perform front of like 30000 people. So he's got money and makes money. All that's a friggin financial whiz. He's fucking get in that.
He owns, like half a Starbucks. He's good. And, you know, Stephen, the drummer is the only one you know, he still has some money, but, you know, he could use it. Is he who wrote most of the songs is like a fucking gypsy and just lives in a frigging, like, RV and just travels across the country so he doesn't need any money.
What band is he? And he was selling the rhythm guitar player and Guns of Roses. Oh, yeah, yeah, he is. He and the Juju Hounds was.
Yeah he did a couple soul bet you solo records to say don't need the money but eglash even said he goes, look, he goes, I'm in my fucking 40s now. He goes and if we ever got back together the original band and the opening band got off stage at nine o'clock and Axl didn't want to go on. Eleven thirty were to make those fans way he goes. I'd walk out the fucking door on the bus and I got a B in my bed by fucking ten o'clock because I would never put up with that.
I'm not going to sit, I'm not fucking sitting around for two and a half hours.
See that to be. The problem is that they when I read his autobiography, you know, the few books that I've read, if you ever saw like a list of the books I wrote, it'd be fucking hilarious. Like a couple of classics, kind of Montecristo, right. Prints in the paper, some shit. And then the rest is just all of crap.
Tommy Land is one of my favorite books. I mean, The Hammer of the Gods. I'm reading that thinking that they were really sold their soul to the devil. Right. Other than just some bad shit happens in life sometimes.
But I remember reading this one and just going like, why there's a point in the book where Matt Sorum finally just goes down and knocks on his dressing room drawers or is his trailer is like, get the fuck out here, the fucker we don't like.
It just seemed like everyone was just sort of appeasing every demand that he had, I don't know, because they were doing drugs and stuff.
And like, as long as I got my little fucking pile of heroin over here, it take take control the name of the band.
I don't give a fuck like all that crazy shit that he did. Oh, you actually got like one of the few, like, sit down interviews with him, didn't you?
What? Axelle Yeah. Yeah. What was that like. It was a he's a good dude man. You know, he's just lucky. He's a hermit. He's friggin private. He doesn't want any publicity. You know, he just like sits at home and when he feels like going on tour and he tours and, you know, he's a maniac, I mean, like, you know, just that he he has everything has to be 100 percent perfect for him to go on stage from the put a song out.
That's why it took them so long.
But he's a good one, a perfectionist. Jimmy's up to perfection. Perfectionist. Yeah. And he just and but he's got a great sense of humor. He's just a down there dude. But and there's so many rumors about the guy and we talked about he goes, I don't even he goes, what am I going to do? A dress, a different rumor every fuckin five minutes about me. You know, the London press said like a year ago, said that he just he kills all the neighbors dogs.
He he'd be back, all of them with his truck. And then he runs back over me. He's like, what am I going to do? Am I going to go? And he goes, some people think people think I'm this big, his asshole, because whatever. I just. How many rumors do you come up with?
That's that's the next one. Like, you know, I said alien.
We already got that one runs over the dog and he runs over them again. Yeah. He runs them over again. Jesus.
He's like so he goes it just is so much, you know, bad shit about me out there he goes. And he addressed the whole thing about being late. He goes even as a kid. My job was right next door and I would still be a half hour late. I'm always just running late. I'm an airhead when it comes to that. But he goes, I like everything to be perfect, whatever I do.
And it just takes, you know, but be an head like I don't know where my car keys are, but when you hear 80000 people with their what the fuck, where are you? Energy or whatever, they perform to 30000 people. I think, you know, there's no there's got to be something wrong with you.
Like you're sitting backstage at an improv or a theater and the opening act got off. And you just sit back there and you hear the crowd like and you sit there for an hour and a half like, I'm not ready.
I'm not ready now. Yeah, they can wait another forty five minutes. There's no way we would do that in a million years.
No, I would be so afraid that that would be the last time anyone would ever come to see me.
I absolutely wouldn't even do out of respect for the fans. I would do it out of fear of going back to what the fuck I used to have to do.
You know, speaking of that, how much how much stand up do you. They have to do like during the year now with all your your projects, and I know like two weekends a month I'm out, you know, do it yourself.
So you're doing it then? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So, you know, do funnybone, you know, improv.
Do you still go down to like the clubs in New York or anything.
And once in a while I do the cellar, you know, killing me, man. I'm like I feel like I'm the only guy. Like I go down to the Comedy Store and like the the improv out here. And like when I think about all the guys that I started with and all of that, like, I don't know, like a lot of them, they just don't come around to the clubs anymore. Maybe I need more of a home life.
You've got a kid now, right? Yeah, I got a kid.
So that's tough. You know, I. Right. You know that totally. To do a cellar spot, a 12, 10 and it happened and get home, you know and know running late and then I get home on like one, 30 or two. So I want to hang, you know, just be, you know, talking shit, you know, catch up with everybody and then, you know, he's up at fuckin seven.
Yeah. You know, and it was amazed at how Norton could you know, once he got the Opie and Anthony gig, I remember like a few times I sat in for him and I would go out and try and do stand up that night. And I was already wiped out. If I had done the show that day and then try to get up at, like, you know, five thirty in the morning, like he's been doing that for like, what, ten years?
Yeah. Twelve years and ridiculous. I don't know how he does.
He's a maniac. Yeah.
Sleep during the day. How does he do.
Yeah. So he takes a nap during the day but still it's like you know, he gets the early spot, you know, he gets probably done by like 10:00. He said he goes to bed at like midnight and gets up at five. Fire in his brain is that quick, like he is one of the quickest minds, no. I've never gone in there and I've seen him just like like not on even gym, like if he's tired, his brain always seems like it's like sometimes it's sometimes computerized.
Because he's so fucking miserable that anything I've set him off, you know, I love what he does.
I like how he's into that UFC shit. I like when he has the guys come in and they do the holds the like choke them and you hear that fucking noise he made.
So he put that on a loop.
I watched that one time when I was on a road, just fucking laughing my ass off for like like just killed like a good ten minutes on the road.
Just die and laugh and get these guys, put them in chokeholds, they freak. And I was like, yeah, this guy like what did he do.
He took it. He kicked him with his shin like. Right. Right, where you get a Charley horse, right, and the look on his face was so priceless, it was like one of those pains that was so severe, like it it was like a pause before it set in.
And then he literally looked like nauseous. Right. And I remember Kenny was upset to go. And he's like, the guy didn't have to hit him that hard. Those. He be enough to hit him that hard.
But it was it was worth it.
He's a trooper, man. He really. He is man. That guy deserves everything he gets because, I mean, that guy would get off a plane on fucking Christmas Day and do three spots at the cellar until all the comic strip. I'm like, dude, you could take a day off your family. I got spots I got to do. Yeah.
You remember that show where we used to go down when we do the food spots at the cellar and we would do them and then you'd play everybody would play chess and just shit on each other if you weren't playing chess upstairs at the olive tree.
You know, I love about that. Thank God nobody was because I'm so fucking codependent. If they were all drinkers, I would have been boozing, like, every night with them.
But thank God they weren't.
So everyone just sat around like. Like Patrice never drank. Yeah. Jim doesn't drink bottles. Didn't drink. Yeah. None of those guys drank and I remember.
Getting into this this cycle of going down there and doing like a 12, 12, 13, I was Davutoğlu was always a 12, so be on after my 12, 45 to 50.
And then you just sit there and you always be like, I'm going home early tonight. I'm going home early. Next thing I was like 4:00 in the morning. The amount of times I took the subway home.
You take the sex from Astor Place, I take it up when I was living with fucking Bobby and we'd be getting off the train and the sun was coming up and people were coming out to go to work and it was so fucking because it was kind of cool.
But then also I always felt like an album because I used to be like a morning person had like a paper route and all that type of shit.
And then you get in that awful cycle where you'd go to bed at like seven thirty sleep till like three or four.
And then you just wake up and do what, get breakfast. And it was time to go down the fucking cellar again.
Yeah, that's that's a I you know, I live with Norton for like four years and that that was his schedule. I would go to bed at like two. I was never six o'clock. I go to Dota two and get up at ten. He was a guy you know, it's seven in the morning. He'd still be up. And then I have to wake him up like six o'clock. I go, Dude, you got spots, you got to celebrate eight o'clock.
I'd be waking him up at six o'clock. And how long did you live with him?
Like three, probably three years. And you guys were you guys seemed like you'd be able to get along good? Absolutely. Yeah, we got along great and we lived right outside the city. We paid like 300 bucks. We we had a I had a girlfriend at the time. I lived with us. It was 900 bucks for rent. So we split it three ways. Three hundred bucks apiece. Perfect.
We're fucking five minutes away from the G.W. or the Lincoln Tunnel was beautiful, was a shithole that was fuckin mold all over walls and stuff. We didn't care about 300 bucks. It's fucking beautiful.
I lived with Bobby and we almost killed each other by the end. And but I actually learned how to let shit go.
Like Bobby has this great thing where he can get past shit. And I didn't I didn't come from a school where you got past shit. It's like you did something to me and then we had fuck you, fuck you. And then the shit was over. But I learned through him how to be like I do.
You know, you don't write somebody off because they spilled orange juice on your fucking little kitchen TV that you had their, you know.
But we lived in L.A., we lived three people in a walk through one bedroom apartment. That was one bedroom and then it was like a sitting room, right? And they actually use that as like the bedroom. And then in the living room, Bobby had a pull out couch that he slept on.
It was ridiculous in the room. Anything entertainment brought a check back there.
He always fucking walks through like Bobby put like a shower curtain.
It was fucking hilarious. And the guy always would come fucking and he fucking like, try and peak in to see the chick you were with.
Oh yeah. You know, not during but like afterwards when you're fucking laying there.
So one time Bobby fucking you know, the dude came walking through so Bobby was naked and he was underneath the covers.
So what he did when the guy was coming back, because when he come back as the way you were laying in the bed and he'd look to see, I don't know, see your titties or whatever, Bobby pulled the covers off of himself and was laying there totally naked and in the dude came walking in locked eyes with Bobby and Bobby, just like, what's up?
He never did it again. Really. He never did it again. It was fucking it was brilliant.
Was fucking brilliant. Is classic Bobby Kelly.
Like, you know, I would have sat there for fucking four days trying to figure out how I'm going to approach this subject with him. He just got right to the core. I'll just show my junk.
Right. That'll freak him out. And I don't have to say anything. It was it was fucking perfect. That's great.
I used to have a roommate where his dad used to come home. I want to look at the girls that were we brought home. Oh, yeah.
It was real creepy, right? Yeah. You know, like he fucked one of his son's girlfriends after they broke up.
It's a younger guy now. I mean, you know, he was like twenty. He was probably like forty five and we were twenty something like that.
He bald dude he wasn't good looking at all or anything like this. Yeah.
So he's old. So I remember one time like we were we only had one bedroom where shower and we had these two girls there and I was on the floor one he was the son was in the bed with the other and he comes home and he's peek in and they turn a light on and he looked and I forget.
So he looked at the van and he couldn't really see. And then he looked around, he saw this girl and she was fucking fat. That's what I got. And he's like, who the fuck would orka down there now? He said that that. Yeah, what did the girl do?
Say we just got to get out of here and we just to drown them out, try to we didn't drown at all because it was it was awful.
We were we were like I was trying to hold it in because it was pretty fucking funny. Who's that orca? Yeah.
Dude, you had that. Yeah. I never had like, I could never hook up with somebody. I was some of my friends. They could just hit anything that fucking moved just for the numbers I always had. They had to be some sort of like some sort of attraction.
I remember a couple of times my friends like to what the fuck?
And I was just like too gross and they'd be at least like a blow, you know, I was like, yeah. So I try to do that one time and they're hooking up with this girl.
And she was, um, she just was fucking I don't you ever hook up with a girl. She's like young, but she wears like an old person's perfume. Oh, it's not like she was fucking eighty.
Oh, she smells like she was fucking eighty and that's all I could remember.
I just remember banging a doggy style with my head turned to the side.
Yeah, it was horrific.
No, that's that's that's bad. Yeah. I went through that phase for a while, but then I needed, you know, and I to be quality. But there were times where because I had quality to it, I never saw it.
Like there were certain guys I saw, you know, they'd bring girls down to the cellar. I was never go brought girls down to the cellar. I never like I never trusted like I just feel you just bringing them down to the Lion's Den.
Oh, yeah. Yeah. You know, I know if someone didn't take her, at the very least, you know, I would go down there and take a pounding, some epic fucking pounding everyone. One night Patrice was get was going after Norton and Norton had some girl there and they got into it a little bit.
Yes, because no one doesn't like that, like, you know, he says something because Petraeus will say something that a girl or something Norten doesn't like to, you know, if he perceives he's which totally makes sense, which totally makes sense.
But, you know, Petraeus, once he saw that, that Jim was annoyed, it was fucking hilarious.
It was really, really fun. Jim really got mad.
And, you know, of course, you know, they squashed it the next fucking day. But what Petraeus said that when I brought a girl down, she said something stupid. While you're sitting at the table, he's trying to be nice. And she just said something and I forgot what it was. Petraeus just lay it into her and the girls like, I want to go home, get daddy.
Why is he so mean? Yeah, that's always bad. And I'm like, yeah. So he's an asshole. I don't know. You know, I thought he was my friend. I don't know what I would say to me, mom, like, that was fucking funny. You deserved it.
But I wasn't gonna say that, you know, Petraeus and Keith Robinson, if they were ever there together, it just was like, why would you do that to yourself? Like, I didn't have the skill to still get laid after parading the girl past those two fuckin guys because they were either going to trash her or they were going to trash me and make me look like an asshole. Or even worse, I really took some epic, epic fucking poundings down there.
I was not good at that. It took me it was not good at that game, just sitting there trash people because the way I learned the game was it was serious. And you went right for the fucking jugular. Like Bobby has that a little bit. Right. Which is why we probably almost killed each other when we were living together. But I don't know, you know, what I wanted to talk about here? How far into this hour?
By the way, you're a fucking great guest. Thank God. I appreciate that. You know what I mean? There's nothing better than when somebody comes over and they can just shoot the shit the worse.
You know what? If somebody comes, they're like, I imagine on your show would be like, yeah, you had one of the greatest albums of the 80s.
What was that like? And they were like, oh, yeah, that's nice.
Yeah, it was good. It was, you know. Yeah, it was. There were some other ones that were good too. But that was.
I know, but I mean it's we always discuss that and lucky that guy Eddie Eddie Trunk, that's, you know, one of the hosts. He's been in the business for thirty years. So he knows these guys well before he'll go. Look, that's just guy's a tough interview, right? Say March or you can't get much at him or this guy just talks. I'll keep going and going.
So we got to cut him off so he knows which who's been I guess you can't name a name, but who's been, like, just the toughest, like, you know, who's tough to interview, but a great guy, one of the great Lemmy from Motorhead, because he's an old, cranky British guy. I love Lemmy. He's my favorite one. When he passes, man, it's going to be a fucking San Bruno. Yeah, I saw that documentary on him.
He's just a legend man, but he's he just gives one word answers and, you know, he needs a few cocktails and then the lighting up. And if we're taping at 3:00 in the afternoon, he's going to have a few Jackson and but he just has a lot of one word answers because.
No, I don't I didn't like that album. To me, it was terrible. And that's his answer. He's not being a dick, but that's just the way he is. So it's tough to get stuff out of him.
He makes he's a funny dude, gives me hope.
That guy that you can booze at that level still do you know what I mean?
Sixty six years old, smokes two packs of cigarettes a day. Marlboro Reds drinks a bottle, at least a bottle of Jack Daniels a day and still does, you know, crystal meth from time to time and been doing it for since he was Jimi Hendrix roadie back in the day. So he's been doing it since the early 70s.
I watched a documentary on him. Yeah. He just decided to try. Like every kind of bourbon or every kind of scotch, I don't know what it was, and he had all of the bottles, like on his windowsill, on the floor, going up a bookcase. I mean, it looked like like if they ever said, hey, Bill, this is all the whiskey you and your friends drank over the last twenty five years.
And with him, I think he was just knocking them out. I don't know. He's he's he's a lot more hardcore to Keith Richards I ones like Keith Richards with the drugs.
And, you know, I read Keith's book also, of course, because that's my library. He seemed like he said like basically, you know, I think he has a drink every now and again. But like since basically from 1980 on, he's been clean. But like the publicity publicity that he got when he was doing heroin and getting arrested and everything, like he was never able to shake that.
But he talked about, like, the way he did Coke. He goes, you don't sit there and just keep doing it is like you do a bump.
Then you get on with the party, whatever you know, and you don't get so fucking high, you got to keep doing. He seemed like a really, like incontrol kind of user anyways, you know what I mean? He didn't like I mean, as a comedian, my all the reference is always like, you know, the nuclear holocaust comes, you know, cockroaches and Keith Richards people.
He's going to be shooting heroin into his eye. And I just kept hearing that. And I thought that that's how the guy was. And I guess he wasn't at all. Yeah.
I mean, I think he had like a good 15 year run from like 65 to 80 where he was just, you know, progressively drinking coke and stuff like that. But then he stopped. So he's not really dead. But I mean, he's been doing it since, you know, 1970. That's unreal.
Well, considering also that Betty Ford clinic didn't come around to like, what, the mid 70s, even probably 80s.
Yeah. So, like, nobody really knew like that first, you know, wave of people, the Elvises and them, you know, just people not knowing that somebody has a problem and they need like an intervention. I mean, if you were getting high from 65 to 80 and you figured out in 80, that's pretty good. Yeah, I think I got a problem with that shit.
And like the level that I like to drink, I'm not an alcoholic, but like, you know, that stupid joke, I'm not an alcoholic, but I drink like one.
Yeah. I mean, I don't do Lemmy level of drinking, but like. I haven't drank in like a month, just took a month off and. I don't get like that, like, oh, wow, everything's awesome, and it just makes me want to every day, it's like I'm adding to the equation of how much I want to drink.
Like after a week, it's like I'd love, like fucking four beers and then the second week, God, I'd love a 12 pack. And now it's just like I want to drink like Lemmy feel like I have to drink like that and then realize oh you can't do that. Then I stop, then you stop. I like cold turkey but I'm not like. Funding for it. I just fucking like it, you know? Yeah, absolutely, man, I was never one of those.
Like, my grandparents always had like a drink at the end there. And I, you know, I'm like like as a comic, we never did that were like, hey, you just got to fucking thank God you guys didn't.
Because I would have if you guys did, I would have. Yeah.
I never it's like I'm if I'm on the road about the fucking Fort Lauderdale for three or four days. Yeah. I'll have some beers after the show, maybe a couple shots. But you know, when you're home doing comedy sets in New York like now, I would never even think about having a beer or anything, thank God. But now as I get older, I'm like, yeah, I have a glass of wine, I have a couple, but I don't go that far.
And that was never my I never had that problem with the alcohol. I always just wanted to get a little buzz on just so I can wrap my checks because I had no Awasthi. Right. So if I had a little buzz on, I'd fucking have some balls to go off to say that I was like, that's really why I started drinking.
That's why I never get into drugs. I see my buddies doing coke on Friday night, right. To go out there and they would do Coke and they would just fucking just spend 300 bucks and just fucking want to talk all night. I'm like, let me just have fuckin a six pack and let's go to a bar. Yeah, they go rapert check.
What are you guys doing. You're not solving anything over there. I'm fucking talking to American Indians. Who gives a fuck.
Do you know somebody told me a story about Petraeus recently. I know I never heard this one was about he was talking to his mom about trying weed.
He tried a couple of times and was like and then, you know, tried it, got high and then just got the munchies and ate. And he told his mom he was just like, look, I'm just going to fucking save the money that I would have spent on weed and just go buy the food.
Just fucking get right to that. And it's just such classic fruit trees where he was always analyzing and breaking shit down that he didn't have to go through fucking twenty years.
I do it.
I got I have some friends, you know, in this business and outside of this business who have been regular users, like fucking getting a bag of weed every fucking week since we've been like fifteen right through get married and having kids and.
I mean, I guess it's all right if it doesn't get in the way of. Your life, but, you know, I got a couple of guys. It's just I don't know. At some point, like I feel like a fucking thing with my boobs is you can fool yourself by sitting there drinking like, you know, if you're sitting, like, in a parking lot, you know, shotgunning beers. Right. It's pretty obvious that, you know, you're too old to be doing this, but you put on a sport coat, you know, whiskey bar.
All of a sudden you feel like there's this sophistication to what you're doing. It's like now, dude, you're getting loaded.
You did this outside the Worcester Centrum before fucking Judas Priest concert. You're still doing it.
Yeah, it's just you put in scotch in a glass now instead of drinking fucking beer out of a can in the parking lot, you know, and trying to class it up a lot. I never drank wine. I like wine for fucking pussies. Wine. I'd see my friend. What the fuck are you drinking? Wine dogs. Good as nice. And Mallat like what a fucking queer you are. And now I'm like the last five years of my life I've been to wine country twice.
I'm like, this is awesome. I've also I hate this bottle. I hate that. I like it. It's a horrific hangover, but I hate that. I like it. To me, wine was it was something that rich people did. And then it was like the soccer mom thing. Like there's so many soccer moms out there, like they're running. Joke is, is if it's after four o'clock or after five o'clock, you don't have a drinking problem if you sit down and have that glass of wine.
But from what I've heard, you know, having kids in that type of shit, you need a couple of shots at the end of the day.
But you have drink. If you drink, you know, find some good wine, you won't get a hangover.
I like Borrello, my my girls, a big wine wine connoisseur, and she knows she was mine's like fifteen bottle, twenty dollar bottles and I was getting headaches. I, I'm fucking up at the forty a bottle and then it's fine. You don't get headaches at all so it's not, it doesn't have to be one hundred dollar bottle but yeah. No wines have wines. Good.
Now I love it. I'm like this is fucking great. It's nice and mellow.
And she bought a meal and I got a little buzz man. It's like I get a little buzz on like a glass and a half. I'm like This is fucking awesome. These would take me like fifteen beers. Yeah. Now you know what's weird? I'm drinking fucking I'm drinking fag beers now I call them all the microbrews and stuff and I was never in that.
And I was like, fucking what are you drinking. What the fuck Al tastes like.
Just give me a fucking Coors Light, give me a bud, stop with this shit. And my my my girl and our whole family drinks all those. And I used to make fun of, like, the fucking fag beers. Now can I can I want a Coors Light. I want to Bud Light. I'm not a fucking fag beer. I don't want to weed out summer. Fuck you. Right. And now that's all I drink. Is that right?
Yeah. I go to the microbrews just because I feel like I'm sticking it to the man. But then I'm like, who is the man? The guy who makes Budweiser? I love that guy. Like, I'm actually upset that Coors Light for the first time ever, outsold Budweiser.
So technically, Budweiser isn't the king of American beers right now.
So I've been ordering more Budweiser, trying to help them get up and over the bar lately, you know what I mean?
Yeah, but I'm telling you, retain their title, those microbrews and all all shit, those of ales and stuff, they don't give you hangovers. You I mean, if you have a plan. Yeah. Because it's it's pure.
And I never bought that shit. I'm like whatever. And I come to you know, it's just better for you.
I thought the hangover just came from fucking you know, you get dehydrated with all the alcohol. Well that's good too. But they're just, you know, especially the light beers. They're doing something to it to make it light. It's not fucking natural.
This is such a classic fucking like barroom. Like none of us know. We don't know what the fuck with.
I know. We don't know what it's like. It's like the alcohol takes out, you know. Yeah. The life experience process. Do you fucking drink? There's some guy was screaming at me, what the fuck are you getting a light for?
You know, it's the hardest thing when you're dry to watch as those fuck and Sam Adams commercials like they they have to be responsible for so many people losing their sobriety when they sit there and they're fucking snorting the hops like goddamn Tony Montana.
They got one recently. The guy literally jumps into the beer. He's like swimming in beer, really. And like, when you're not like when I'm drinking, I don't even notice those commercials.
But when I'm not drinking and I fucking see that, like, I actually get angry at the people at Sam Adams, like like I don't know who came up with that, but they're making it so fucking appealing.
That I don't know, they annoy the shit out of me. But we're running out of time here. We only got like I mean, I guess I can go as long as I want, but I don't want to fucking I go by the the old showbiz adage of leaving them wanting more. Yeah. But that's why my podcast like 18 minutes to what I fucking love your podcast.
Really. I mean Paul versus like Paul vs. get does a great he does a great Florentin really telling you it's it's he got me.
He's the one who told me that you would do because I know you're doing it.
He's like totally like you got to listen to Florentines. Oh. By the way, your podcast.
What, where can people get it on iTunes is comedy metal midgets. It's called Jim Florentin Comedy Metal Comedy. Yeah it's on my website. Jim Florentin dot com.
I'm trying to think how he does the impressions of what? Are you kidding me? It's garbage. It's a fucking joke.
Yeah, I know. Some guy tweeted me out dagos. Dude, you sound so miserable when you start your podcasts off. Oh my God. I am. I'm fucking. Yeah. Fuck this is my office by myself and something fucking bothers me like I'm going to do a podcast about it. I'm fucking. Yeah, I'm angry. How do you think I know you're a big Miami Dolphins fan from knowing you're all these years, how do you think they're going to be?
I think they could be pretty good.
You know, they got new coaches and they got fucking old man Parcells out of there. What is fuckin ancient 1980s? Let's get some big bodies on the defensive offensive line to stuff the run. Yeah.
Meanwhile, it's been a passing league for the last 15 years, you fat asshole. So thank God he's gonna fucking write a piece of shit. And, you know, they got a new guy in there, used to run the Green Bay offense and they got that tannahill guy, a rookie quarterback, and they got a couple of veterans. I'm psyched. We'll see.
I mean, they might go ten and six, nine, seven, probably. But, you know, New England is a fucking monster.
Are always going to be Shaq and Brady man.
Yeah, we got lucky going to the Super Bowl. Peyton was out and when the Ravens beat us, they just fucking choked.
Yeah, absolutely. No, I don't. And the Patriots in Miami's division, I got no problem with them because that's a well coached team and they just fuck and they go for the kill. They don't sit on leads when they're up twenty three to still throwing bombs. I love that.
Well, I know what you're going through as a fan because I had to deal with fucking Dan Marino like I just was, he just was unbelieve like to me that guy is the best quarterback I've like.
He's, he's the guy that I saw go from the college to the pro level and make it look effortless.
Peyton Manning's a close second. Yeah, but, you know, everybody all these guys fucking break and Dan Marino's records now, it's because of all the rules changes that they have. Murray, I always joked that Marino would throw for 5500, 6000 yards. He had nobody.
He had no running game.
One of the one of the things that I always talk about on this podcast is the fact that people give him shit that, you know, he didn't win a Super Bowl. And it's like the guy had no fucking defense.
You guys had like two white cornerbacks. At one point we had the Blackwood brothers, Kyle and Lyle.
Lyle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was like nine white guys on defense. Do we Coach and Berg. Yeah, yeah.
Doug Batterers and Alicia, you know it. Marino has told me a story because I became friends and because I worked on inside the NFL with them and he's like my ultimate idol.
He's the fucking greatest dude ever.
Marino He was Tom Dantas coordinator, defensive coordinator, Tom Oliver Doherty, who was the biggest piece of shit. He'd fucking rush three old white guys and they would just keep that's why Brian was a fucking genius against against my only against Miami. The guy was unbelievable. He'd rush three old white guys and they just leave another guy in the Bledsoe, a six against three, the quarterback. And, you know, all the time the. So anyway. Seventy four to San Francisco Dolphin Super Bowl, a forty Niners Dolphins all have a daddy in the team meeting that a deep for the defense Saturday night before the Super Bowl told them, look, I don't know what, we can't stop this team.
I don't know what to tell you. I got no plan. And Marino heard that he goes duty because just because I'm going to lie to him, he goes fucking lie to him and just say, we got a plan because I would do it out to my offensive line all the time. You coming back and you could block Bruce Smith. No, I can't. You can't. He's a fucking pussy. You can block them. Just fucking get him on his knees because I knew he couldn't.
But I gave the guy encouragement. Yeah, because Dan Marino had he had no running backs like Delvin Williams, Tony Nathan, Kareem Abdul, Jimmy Smith, yet nobody. He had one guy, Kareem Abdul Jabbar, getting twelve hundred yards one season. He only had one running back rush for a thousand yards and a seventeen year career. Right.
And then he also had he had Don Shula who the game had passed him by. And then who do that. Jimmy Johnson. Jimmy Johnson. Jimmy Johnson seemed like he wanted him out the door the second he got to Johnson hated him.
Right. Morial told me a great story real quick. He said that's, you know, we're going to go along. If he hated fucking no Dan Marino, he hated Jimmy Johnson. Jimmy Johnson was a dick to them and there was no reason for it because I bought into his plan. But so anyway, he said that one time he goes, you know, Coach Shula, Shula was a coach.
He goes, I'll tell you.
He goes, Sulla had a dog named Zamka, our fucking bulldog named Zanca. That's a fucking coach. He goes, Jimmy Johnson and a little fucking Yorkie that he would bring on on the team planes. He goes, What? We're trying to play Buffalo in a championship game. And he's in he's in the first seat in a fucking plane. Pet and Fluffy goes, How am I going to fucking win when a coach brings a fucking six pound Yorkie named Fluffy and he's fucking got on his lap fucking pet.
The thing when Coachella's got Zanca, that's a coach.
The Deaver talk about getting annoyed with people talking about him not winning a Super Bowl.
You know, not really. He just said, look, you know what, it's a team game. What am I going to do? You know, you try and that's all you could do. But he he said everyone brings up the fake spike play. He goes, you know, because he works out of New York on CBS. He's always in New York. And he's like all these jet fans called you. Dan, you know, I hated you back then, but I do like that fake spike.
You killed us, you know, and he's just he goes, I just can't get over it. Just get over it already. All right. It was friggin 1991.
Get all right. When he did that, what did that do to them? That knock the door?
They were they were eight and five at the time. The Jets, they were going they were on a roll. They won like six straight and. Moreno did the fake spike, and they didn't win another game the rest of the year, they went eight, eight and then they went one in 15 and they went to Win32 after that game.
What is with fucking New York and Boston? I don't know if anybody else does.
They're always into like that old lady curse jinx.
Like you didn't win another fucking game after that because you sucked. That's a lot. That's why.
Because you didn't fucking you weren't ready to play, not because he like that whole curse of the Babe horseshit. Yeah. It completely ignores that the ownership of the Red Sox were like, you know, they could have started the clan with some of their fucking ideas. And like the whole game changed once Jackie Robinson went in, they completely fucking ignored it.
And then also, let's say that even if they weren't racist, like what the Yankees did going from, you know, I mean, they got Babe Ruth, they bought him, but they got Lou Gehrig to Joe DiMaggio to Mickey Mantle, man.
That's like it's like going Jordan to Jordan, to Jordan. One fucking franchise did that. And that was the real deal back then when you had to spot talent and they came up through your system. And it's just like. You're never going to see that again, like especially now like I'm not a big fan of these like these pylon teams, I thought was really weird that Miami got, like, the shit that they did. And it's like, why doesn't anybody shit on the Lakers?
Like they do just basically every fucking year, what my team, the Celtics, did in 2008, we bought that title. Yeah. You know, but the Lakers do it every fucking year and they, like Kobe's got five championships. One more. You know, he equals Jordan. It's like Duke Jordan had Luc Longley and it my listeners like Bill, we've heard this is the only time. Go fuck yourselves. I don't give a shit.
Luc Longley and fuckin Bill Cartwright at Center.
And the only the only big guy that I remember them signing was fucking Dennis Rodman. Yeah, Rodman, the guy from Detroit. Yeah.
And they had him during his last three productive fuckin years. But like Scottie Pippen, that was his guy.
They had blonde hair, dude, and BJ fucking Armstrong. Give me a break. Yeah.
Oh, you're right. Absolutely. But also and respect for my listeners, my hatred of the Lakers is so fucking blinding that it really kills any sort of rational thought.
Having said that, I love Kobe.
I love his mentality. I love when he doesn't win a championship and he doesn't just go water skiing right after he loses. He fucking goes right to the front office and it's like, what the fuck? Yeah. Get some guys like. I mean, that.
I wish everybody would do that.
Absolutely. I hate when they fucking smile after I just lost a game. Oh, they start hugging it out. Yeah. They start hugging and shit like that and as a it going and you just look at the last second in a fucking field goal, a 47 yarder and then you're smiling. Two seconds later, Ratnam on the head. What do we do. That is Comics' if we have a bad set and fucking like, yeah, let's go.
Yeah. I mean, sell CDs. Hey, that was fucking great. Yeah, it's insane back. I'm miserable.
Absolutely not. Well, let me ask you this last thing I got to have you on again. I would like every guest could be as effortless. I'm telling you.
I appreciate you, Dom. Rare is another one. Just fucking sat down here. We just came in the house, shot the shit upstairs, came down here, turn on the mic, shot the shit, turned it off, walked upstairs. It just it was seamless.
But I was going to ask you, like this new thing that hopefully it's just a fucking little blip.
Actually, it already feels old to talk about is this new thing where people will film a comedian at a fucking comedy club and then you put it up. You have to apologize for a fucking joke. Is that the most insane fucking thing?
It's it's it's it's brutal. It is just fucking the biggest, biggest bunch of fucking pussies. Well, you know, I love it. Every joke that they've done it. The crowd in the club is laughing. Yeah. And then they go, it's sparked outrage. It's like where.
Yeah, it's a tattletale or they're fucking little fucking. Oh, I'm going to tell you. Did I say I was saying I go back to the come into our work and filming us at a moment that they think we're doing something wrong and they're giving it to the boss which is our audience or the public, and going, hey, do something about this. Look what they did. Yeah, that's like I said, if we go into someone's work tomorrow and the guy smoking pot at fucking lunchtime or he's looking at porn, his computer when he's supposed to doing his fucking whatever, but doing his fucking spreadsheet and we go and we film, I go to a boss.
Look, he was looking at porn.
What are you going to do about it? But even then even then, I don't think that's a fair comparison because trying out new material is is not smoke and weed at work. He's you're doing what you're supposed to be doing.
Some of the best bits come out of doing something edgy. And there is a style there's shock comedy, there's dark comedy, there's all that type of stuff. And if you just fucking sit there and act like you hired this guy to look at people are in here by fucking opinions.
Let me I'm sorry. I was just I said, imagine if Red Fox and, you know, it's Sanford and Son Days. He was a filthy comic. I mean, disgusting on stage. Imagine if people were were recording him and going, listen to this.
He know how to show a show on and off the air.
I know he's talking about eating some girl's asshole, you know, and when no one talked about that in the fucking early 70s, I don't think people care about it would be if he said something about the president or if he said like this.
Like that whole Dane Cook joke that he was basically letting people know that this edition of Batman isn't as good as the other one. That's the way I looked at it.
That's what I got out of. Yeah, he just said it's a shitty movie. Yeah. And then people get out. He's advocating. He isn't he isn't such it's just I just stay out of the clubs.
Do you know you know the wrestling. The WWE had to apologize. What did it. Because they made a joke about what it was such a fucking great joke.
This manager is is talking shit to the crowd about, you know, the wrestler that he's managing and he's going, you know, so-and-so, whatever the guy's name is, he goes, he's like Kobe Bryant in a Colorado hotel room. Unstoppable, right?
It was. And he delivered it. But it's funny. Yeah. And he not only did he have to apologize, he had to apologize to somebody, a specific person who wasn't Kobe or the girl. Right.
I was Mike something or other. I remember, you know, reading and passing.
But it's like it's getting to the point of like it's sort of ick. It's ridiculous. But I look at it like it's kind of scares me because it seems like. If allowed, it's the beginning of like you're going to like start censoring people. They say in the beginning, don't film the comedians. That's another thing, too. None of these comics uploaded that shit to try to reach. Anybody else other than who the fuck they were performing to, you know?
Absolutely. And you know what I mean it someone made a good point, my friend was saying, because you know what I mean. Basically, what they're doing is it's illegal. They're illegally recording you. You have to in most states, you have to have permission to record somebody. They're basically doing is doing is illegal by secretly tape recording us. Right. You know, comedy clubs need to what they have to do is they have to fucking leave everybody's phones and cell phones at the fucking at the bar before they walk in the room.
Oh, they're not going to do that. They're not going to do that because they want to turn over the crowd quicker. They don't give a fuck. I know.
It's too bad someone that you considered considers art should do that. Look, leaving your fucking phones in and because put them here, put them in.
But I do notice, though, the only people that they ask to apologize are people who have like hit TV shows, you know?
Absolutely. So I think I think I'm safe. I don't know about you.
You I don't you know, it's VH1 classic. It's like a basic cable. It's only and it's like the NFL Network. We're only in 40 percent of homes.
And you know what I actually think? I think that they weigh that into consideration. Those groups where they sit there and they go, OK, how big is Jim Florentine? How big is Bill? How big about this guy?
Or this guy has got, like, you know, whatever like, well, remember when Corolla made fun of, like, transgender people or whatever he goes? I don't know what the hell they are or whatever his joke was. He did it on his podcast and they tried to go after him. Nicole, what are they going to take away his podcast? It's his own podcast, right. He's got like dotcoms, you know, like fucking advertised or whatever.
Then he doesn't have any.
So he didn't know he didn't apol because they couldn't do anything. That's perfect. He's got his own network. What does he get? What are they going to do? They try perfect. He didn't say one word. Fuck you. That's perfect. I know. That's how I look at the system.
I think. Why why do you want to go to the next level where all of a sudden you have to start apologizing for trying out material? You know, if I was sick of doing the road, I would I would be more apt to want to go. That that other boat, but like, I don't know I don't know if this is supposed to be about you, I'm sitting here. No psychoanalyse comics. No, I hate it. It's it's the worst thing that can happen.
The comedy. It would be like I don't want to take chances. Well, I just look at it. Look, if there is the style of comedy that those people who get offended are looking for exists out there, OK, you didn't go to that show. You know, you didn't have to click on it. You didn't have to listen to it. You chose to listen to the fucking thing and the guy who said it. Didn't choose to film and upload it, somebody else did, so I don't know.
I'm talking in circles here. My mom is 74 years old.
She's super religious right. And she's just watches, like, touched by an angel all day. And she's been at all my shows in 20 years when the two of my comedy shows. Right. So I wanted to it like six months ago. Mom, come. No. She goes, no, I don't like the words that come out of your mouth. Are you going to make me uncomfortable? I go, look, I'm going to be clean tonight because I was working on a clean set and you know what she said?
She goes, Yeah, but I don't know about the other acts on the show. I don't know what they're going to say. So I'm going to stay home. That's how does a 74 year old woman get it but nobody else does. I don't know what the other acts are going to say. So I'm going to stay home. Right. It makes that choice.
She didn't want to go into that situation, but had she gone down there, she knows what she's getting herself in.
Exactly. Then she goes, well, I made that choice to go down this filthy even though my son was in. But I went to a show. How does she get it?
Why does that bother you that she's only come out twice? No, no, not at all.
Because I could feel uncomfortable around in the audience.
I saw this on TV one time. I did George Lopez. Joy did standup on it. I said Penis in my act. And she's like, oh, I can't.
You embarrass the family. You have nieces. What they saw.
What do you I go, Mama, if I start thinking about my fucking ten year old niece when I'm writing jokes, my career is over.
Now, how did you with the mom is religious. Is that we do you did you rebel against it of brutal. Yeah. It was brutal. Yeah. Yeah.
How bad did she make you dress. Like all the boy. All that stuff and you know sign me up at Catholic schools my whole life, you know, put in I'm from.
Oh my God. Oh yeah. From you know, kindergarten basically.
At what point were you deciding that this wasn't the road for you, was it what the priest was saying or like what was probably after like the third?
Because all my friends from in public school and I want to hang out with them. Right. I was hanging out, you know, and I just hated it right off the bat. And they were like, no, it's a better education. I'm like, how is it I got a fucking priest teaching me math? He doesn't know how fucking math a nun is teaching me fucking English, you know? Yeah. That's a better education, right. You know, even in high school, my fucking.
So what, you went all the way through to senior year.
So senior year. Wow. Yeah. I got thrown out to two schools for being out of control. And what was on it, what was that was out of control? Why they had these they were bragging, you know, they make the announcements in the morning, oh, you know, whatever, you know, so you have to say a prayer and all that shit. So they said, oh, we just bought these wrestling match. We spent a lot of money on it for our gym class.
So please take care of them. So fucking my next gym class. Later that day, I fucking cut them up with razor blades. It was like fucking three thousand dollars worth of wrestling match.
And I cut the fucking stage curtains to why I don't know, just because they said take care of them because it just didn't really take care of them, you know.
OK, fine, I'm going to cut them up with razor blades. And how did you get cut? Well, they didn't know it was me.
They knew it was from us, from our class, because we were like the last class of today, like eighth period or whatever. So they know was somebody in our class and it was only me and two other fucking derelicts in the class. So they narrowed it down to us three and they had us in the office every day. We know you did it. They'd punch me in the face, smack me, pull my hair, stare at the wall.
And I'm like, OK, fine. I would stare at the wall. I wouldn't admit it. I had to fucking swear on a Bible. My mom took me to our local priest and she goes, I want you to swear on a Bible. You didn't do this and I swear in a dialogue and I didn't do it now, which is hilarious if you don't believe in this shit.
Yeah, yeah, I'll do that. If I can be a problem, give me a whole stack of. Yeah. Whatever book I don't give a shit what puts slashes book elsewhere.
So did you start partying in that stuff.
You start to get into the weed and drink and probably like fourteen or fifteen. I was good in sports like baseball. I was on the freshman team, I was playing on the side. I played on the varsity team as a freshman. But then like sophomore year, I sort of get into the.
And you played varsity as a freshman. Wow. Yeah, I was a lefty pitcher.
I was really good at some point. I was a good head or two. I played first base, but then I just started drinking and getting into smoked pot and cigarettes my sophomore year. And that was it. So did you did your mom. Did she. My dad was passed. Did your mom know you were doing any of that stuff? I'm not real excited.
All the brothers, they were kind of like, you know, that's why I saw metal, though. Bring them to concerts at fourteen. I saw fucking AC DC Waban Scott, I know you have your old Kid Rock.
You said the power age to know was it was highway to hell. Jesus Christ, I'm all for Ted Nugent at Madison Square Garden, and I saw him act and I forget who else I think it was Def Leppard maybe what bon like two times before he died because my brothers would bring me I was 12 and they were like 18 and like all we want to bring up. So I saw all these shows.
Holy shit. Insane.
So you would go from Catholic school to then going down to one of those goddamn shows at 12. Yeah. Partying with your older brother.
Yeah. They would get me high. Absolutely. Yeah. Dude, you had a fuckin awesome childhood.
That was great. I mean I was angry because I was fucking stuck in Catholic school and shit like that, but.
Yeah, but that was absolutely my older brothers who bring home albums like all those Black Sabbath and his Ted Nugent and Aerosmith. Michael, it just fucking great. That's awesome.
My younger brothers got that out of me. I was second oldest, so they.
You know, I didn't know shit like my first album was Mitch Miller Sing along with Mitch in the Gang. OK. You shouldn't even know who they are. Lunine I know. Yeah, they're like Poca. Yeah.
Won't you come home, Bill Bailey. Like that type of shit. And then I got Arrowsmith's greatest hits was my first foray into like fuckin real music. But my first concert was Doc and Judas Priest.
I no. Oh yeah. Now yeah that's right. I was I thought it was a loudness. Was Doc and Judas Priest loudness opened up for AC DC on the who made who tore that Japanese heavy metal band the still around.
Are they really. Yeah. We were going to have the guitar player play on our show, but he had he couldn't get over.
Have you gone out to go see any any of bands from like that that aren't like huge like the Metallica is the acts that are still playing arenas. Like I go out to Vegas every once in a while doing a gig out there and I'll see, like, slaughterers playing with, like fuckin Warren, a couple other guys. Have you gone out to any of those shows?
I just saw Sebastian Bach last night at Nokia.
Oh, you did? Yeah. Yeah. Was it wasn't. It was great. Yeah. So he still could sing. He's got a good band behind him and stuff so yeah. I always go see shows now.
Is he going to get together with Skid Row.
He wants to. There's one guy in a band that doesn't want to do it, you know, the other guy can rob a few soul was. Yeah. He was a drummer. Yeah. Rachel Boehland has to basically make something to say about guitar player.
So who doesn't want to do it? I think Rachel, a bass player, he hates abortion so much that he won't do it. And they got offers like a hundred grand to do festivals overseas. They could do well.
What kind of money does that dude have, Rachel?
I don't know. I guess he gets to publish it on those first couple records. You know, Youth Gone Wild. I remember you everyone.
I would think that that would be trickling down. Now, the kids are just down like it is, but they're related to sports stadiums and shit like that. I guess he's got money coming in. We were watching me, my buddy, out last night, every time I come back, because Sebastian film the first TV show last night or something, so every time he played a Skid Row song, I got Rachel could buy another house because he has to pay for that.
It goes to how many times a bashing does anything on TV or put a DVD out of those because Sebastian write those songs. So Rachel did. Rachel and Snake wrote us.
I love that. His name is Rachel. Yeah, I know. Why is it Rachel? I don't know. Rachel Bohlen. I'm not sure from Europe or something.
Now is Germany Jersey white trash like me.
All right. What are we got here? We're an hour and 20 minutes and it just keeps getting more interesting. We got to do a part two at some point when I'm in L.A..
Yeah. When are you going to come out? I come out back out in October. I'll be back out.
I was thinking the last time I think I saw you in L.A., I ran into you at the forum for that AC DC concert.
Remember one of the greatest shows I've ever seen in my life? Yeah, we caught it early and Frayn's fucking voice sounded great. Fucking killer. All right. Well, let's wrap it up here.
Jim Florentine, your website is Florentin Dotcom, your Twitter, Mr. Jim Florentin and my podcast comedy Mental Midgets on iTunes.
And when can we see the next editions of the season? That Mel show starts August 11th on VH1 Classic one classic.
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