Transcribe your podcast
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Hello and welcome to my favorite murder, that's Georgia Hard Start. That's Karen Kilgariff. I was going to call it a maxi code, but I think we've gone into the whole joke. Yeah, but one too many. One too many times. I mean, we're going to have to start recycling our hilarious jokes because what else is there's only 12. That's right. And there's only three of them are period jokes. So if you want this to go ten years, you're going to have to hear some of the same.

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Hold on. Who wants it to go? Ten years. Wait a second. Wait a second.

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What are we doing? Six and three quarters. So hard.

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Really interesting right now.

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Say, how many years do you think it's going to go to? 15. Oh, somewhere in between and 15. Then does that the queen. OK, great. 13. That's perfect. Is there is the queen on your mug. Is that what the queen. Oh no. OK, no, this is one.

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This is a thing that I've always thought was hilarious. It's a line of cards by someone named and painter. I don't know if that's a real person or not. Yeah. But it's like she says, it's a 50s picture and it's like you can lead a horse to water, but I need a triple espresso. It's very much like office humor. I love those.

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It's like an old timey lady with like, I'm going to kill your husband kind of thing.

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Yeah, I found a card from my mom and it said, it's a lady that's like looks like she's from the forties and looks like it was taken from a cigarette ad. And then it's this typewritten thing over it that says maybe I want to look cheap from my mom.

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And I said, well, that's the last thing that I would think that you would be into. Like I would. I don't know why. I don't know why I find it delightful and oftentime build this line, especially this one's a little muted. Usually it's more the comedy's more along those lines. And it just always makes me laugh. There's like magnets.

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Yeah. You find really funny in like a Madison on like the main drag in those like those like hipster kind of alternative stores that have tons of gifts and socks and. Yes, like prayer candles but with like Cher on it or whatever. Exactly. And like these are like you like retro stuff but you also like a sharp sense of humor. It's a great thing. And I had this friend that I used to work with, Karen Anderson. And finally one day she goes, You love that, don't you?

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And I was just like, what do you mean? Every time it was her birthday, anything? I always got her that card. I was always giving her those magnets. And she's just like, yeah, you're you're really into this. And I'd never noticed before that it was just this weird kind of go to thing that I have. I it makes my life so much easier as far as giving gifts to you, because I would never have gotten you one of those, because I feel like she thinks this is cheesy.

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But I've seen you with like a couple different versions of it, thinking like someone must have given it to you and you just kept it.

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But but like, it's like when someone gives me something I was trying to, like, look at it like, what are they trying it? You know, it's almost like a person going, this is what you seem like to me. Oh, yeah. So you can't really deny it. In fact, I'm pretty sure a listener gave me this. I'm pretty sure I've seen them for sure. Backstage at live shows, someone is giving you like a makeup bag that says that on it or something.

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I want to live sheep. I don't know. I think it's funny. I'm a I love that and I love that. That is so true about gift giving. It's like someone saw a thing and thought of you, whether it made them think she'll she'll laugh at this or she'll cry at this or it's like when when you get a black cat and then for the rest of your life, your family gives you black cat stuff. Yeah, my sister is she only gets black cat stuff now almost driver and say yeah, no.

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Like after while she really. Oh good. She's never big enough to tell me. My mom got into chickens and for years and she was like, if I ever fucking see a chicken again I'm a lose my mind. My mom penguins. Shit we that's all we got ours penguin shit. You say you like one animal and that's the rest of your life you're done for also.

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Because then I think people have like a natural like, oh it's fun to get a person a thing. If you see the thing they love, this will make them happier. That's a nice idea. Yeah.

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Meanwhile, you're over there with your penguins surrounding you going other I like other things as well. You're up to your fucking beak and penguin shit at that point.

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I've seen that movie. I know. Yeah. The goddamn figurines are everywhere. There are all over the place.

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What's up. How are we, how old are you people give you as gifts. Um, let's see. Vince gets like this is really good at it. It's annoying. What does he get me?

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Is he the kind of person that listens to stuff you say six months before Christmas or the holidays and then writes it down and then you're getting it as a gift? Yes. Do you know how stressful that is as a person who kind of bad at gifts and I can't keep I gave him a gift today. OK, I got. Something I wanna go for, Chris. I mean, he celebrates Christmas, but I was like, you need this today instead of in two weeks.

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So, you know, he we've come to this place in the quarantine where it's like no one's going to be in our house for a while. So let's just be comfortable. So we took out the like mid century modern West Elm like beautiful chair. And he got a straight up lazy boy like this, like called the company. I was like, give me a lazy boy. So, yeah, just like kind of killed me. A little insight as someone who's very, like, stylistic, you know how everything in my house.

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Yes. Thank you. Exactly right.

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Like when he moved in when he moved in with me, partly, I'm sure had to do with the fact that he had moved to L.A. with no possessions at all. So I was like, sure, you can fit in my house with all my things.

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But like, you're bringing you're like you're like college fucking coffee table or whatever. Yeah. That one IKEA bookshelf that everyone's had, that's either white or black or a fake wood. Right.

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That I have just like fits right in.

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So now the La-Z-Boy, I feel like they now understand that people want the comfort and the style. They've updated their shit. This isn't one of those. OK, yes, they do have some good ones.

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I know he wanted it like, you know, he and his dad used to have them and it reminds me of his dad. And so it's like special. And also Kristen Bell does ads for that actor. So I'm like, well, that's the actress. If she says it's OK, then I'm OK with it. Yeah. So we got him that and now I'm just like getting him Christmas accessories for that, like La-Z-Boy to, like, build off of it.

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Sure. I need a little side table where you can put his beer. Yeah. And like a little couch where you put his computer and it's like Joanne is a TV guide.

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So that really is that I mean, that really is if you are into retro stuff and that is very routine.

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That is like nineteen seventy five.

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My opinion. Know you're totally right. Wait is it a Naugahyde like a brown Naugahyde chair that reclines. No, it's like it's one of those, I don't know, Naugahyde is fake leather. No it's like corduroy, it's like blue corduroy. And it's the one he had at his dad's house. It must be. Yeah. And it's like it's puffy. It's like the bottom line. Like he didn't want a fancy one. He wanted like the cheapest kind.

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It's so loud when he has to like, you know, the leg thing and yes, part of it put the leg down. It's like like yeah. The cats. Yep. That's the declaration. You're either going back for the evening, coming down to go do something now you never on the couch with me. So like sometimes I have to be like, can you just come sit next to me. We haven't touched in like three days and he's like I will in a half an hour.

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I just need to keep my legs up there. It's pretty cool. I definitely use it when he's not around.

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Yeah, they really I feel like the lazy boys. It's a it's an American hero edition for a reason. Yes. We had a green Naugahyde one, which is, you know, just green fake leather, all of green fake leather that we used to fight over. And then when my mom got home, I was like, everyone had to clear the area. That was her. That was her spot. That's awesome that everyone was like no one tries to take it from mom.

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She's a fucking nurse, first of all. And she's been all day. And she'll hug and she'll freeze you with her eyes. So you you had you you just have already learned your lesson about that. But, yeah, I love that. That's fun. Yeah. So that's it. That's it. That's it. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to our podcast Huckerby. We'll see you in thirteen years. When we do our last episode, what do we take.

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A thirteen year hiatus. Hey. Hey. How many quilts do we have left. What do you got. What are you doing. Well loving look. Oh well we have to talk about the final episode of Murder on Middleby. Is it murder in Myrtle Beach or on Myrtle Beach on we should say though, there's no beach involved in that TV show in Middle. And the name of the town is Madison, which is also his name.

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It's on Stephen Merchant on Myrtle Beach. Well, Myrtle Beach must be the little neighborhood. So still be in. I don't know.

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I mean, I don't know. I don't know what they're doing, but let's call him a final sort of final episode. What a final episode. You and I were texting beforehand. And we're like you said, you thought it was this person. I thought it was this person.

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You said, how about a friendly five thousand dollar wager, which I was joking about, by the way, you know, you're right.

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I was like, yeah, absolutely. And then you're like, you know, we share all our money, right? Because it wouldn't have mattered.

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I could just move. Yeah. Some money from this side of the bank account over to. That's exactly I felt very strongly about whom I pick was. And then of course and I might as well say, because I'm sure it's I think I said something about it last week, which we don't know.

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We actually don't know who the killer is, which is how I got. Out of paying Georgia five thousand dollars, pay yourself well when the charges are brought, I will send you a check, but spoiler alert here so we can actually talk about, oh, yes, spoiler, spoiler. Definitely. Go watch this if you haven't, because now all four episodes are so HBO and and it is really good documentary filmmaking and fascinating. And it goes on.

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He made this thing for ten years and it's his family. It's like it's it's really fascinating. It kills me.

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The dad stuff is so hard to watch. The every part is.

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OK, you're right. Yeah. That's in a show of hard parts for me. The dad part is the hardest.

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Well, because now they're here, it feels like you're dealing with someone who is very different than your average dad.

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Yeah.

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And doing things that and you want to say, yeah, I want to stick up for him and he can't do it because it's his dad and he still wants a relationship.

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But I want to be in the backseat of that car out front and be like, what are you fucking talking about? It's just that it's the thing you realize where if you when you love someone, it's impossible to understand their motive because it might crush you, you know what I mean? Very true. And also the he was pulling some things while talking about his side, which was all the son was asking for, was just explain to me how things ended up like this.

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And in doing so, he begins to completely shit on the mother and who she was as a person, which I was like, this is not a good look for you. And it is not making me think you're any less guilty or it's not making you think you're a good national version.

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Know and imagine he is not guilty and he's still just berating this child's your child's dead mother.

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Yeah. Who do you think you are?

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I think that's what really triggered in me, is that this father clearly has no understanding of how anything he does or anything he says affects his own kid who has pure intentions like your dad or a piece of shit, whether or not you killed the kid because you're kind of an asshole, but your kid is pure at heart and has good intentions and lost his mommy. And you're such an asshole.

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You know, it's the coldness is shocking. And it's a kind of thing where I'm coming from people who are not entirely like forthcoming or feelings oriented, warm kind of. It's like to a degree, but it just isn't acceptable. It isn't acceptable for somebody to do that to the memory of it was just like a shocking moment. And you see him anyway.

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This is so much spoiler, but it's a real personality disorder that that man has for sure. And and clearly. Yeah, because because the proof is in the paperwork that they find. And yeah, I really thought it was the sister. Yeah. And the sister showed all these signs that I was just like, oh. And then I was just like kind of building the story around what I was looking at and also based on what other people in the show were saying.

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And it was just it's so great to watch one of those things that make makes you go, I'm positive this is it. Oh, my God. It was entirely wrong. Totally. That's kind of what I think a lot of true crime is about. Yeah. She's actually a lovely person that your heart goes out to because she's just doing her best with what she was given, just like him with massive trauma. She was there. It's like, yes, if she saw her mom's dead body, like, it's unreal.

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How do you get move to fucking Argentina or whatever and like join a family that hopefully seems pretty together and you're like, my heart is warm for her that she has this welcoming family now, this and that she did the things like when she finally gets to say her side of it, it makes so much sense. And it's really healthy of like I want to get the life I wanted. And I know that's what Mom would want from me. I was blown out at that turn.

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It was real. But also that's the filmmaking part, is they lead you down these paths, they lead you into that kind of like, oh, I know who it is. And then those turns are just like such good lessons.

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Well, initially, what I think happened and this is giving that father a lot of letting him off the hook in a way I don't totally want to. But I think that maybe it was some of his shady associates that sent him a message or took collateral. I went to claim their collateral. So I don't totally think that it was him who attacked her, but it was because it would make sense to me that because of him, these things happen.

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And that's why he won't discuss his shady doings, because he's putting his son at risk, too, perhaps, or he still he's still responsible for it. It's still you know, he could still be. Tried and everything, so right, well, but then also the the thing that is so fascinating about this whole story is that that's still just one piece of the pie because it's like it could be the ladies from the tables. It could be people.

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She absolutely she was starting to bring in like sex addicts and people who didn't have the money. It could be it's a spouse of one of the people who she of not scammed but whose money she took. And it was their entire life savings. And that spouse got upset and killed her easily.

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I mean, but who knows? I don't think so. But yes. Oh, please let there be a season two as quickly as possible. I need to see that paperwork we need to get into. It's just like, oh, my God.

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Anyway, this is all speculation, by the way. Allegedly, allegedly, allegedly, allegedly.

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And also spoilers. Ramah, like Spaceboy, left, right and center. These people stayed for the spoilers. Spoilers are these people stayed because they watched it. So they want to be they want to hear the discussion. That's right. That's right. That's exactly right. Boom. Now, I went to the other end of the spectrum, and once I was finished with that show, I started watching Murder on the Bayou. Have you. It's older.

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Have you watched that? It's showtime now.

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Oh, that is it is a story about a town in Louisiana, a small town where women who and the local press, they kept being referred to as women with high risk lifestyles start showing up dead. And it is one of the most heart wrenching things to watch.

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It's it it really is about the this line between poverty and not poverty in America.

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It's about drug use and the way people get eaten up and and the value of human life based on how much money you have in the bank or the things the decisions you've made that have led you down a path.

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But you. Yeah, I mean that you don't there's no out.

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I mean, it's really it's a very it was a very kind of I didn't do it on purpose as somebody had recommended it to me. And I started watching it and just went, wow, this is like this is the story that you should definitely watch after murder in Myrtle Beach, because it's like, OK, that's the story we always get in true crime about. Can you believe this beautiful rich blonde mom was murdered in the middle of the day?

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And then you switch over to this other show where it's like I've never even heard of this story of I think it ended up being seven or eight women, the bodies being found all over this town over a very it was like a couple year period.

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But it's shocking and it's yeah, it was it's I'm still in the middle of it, so I'm not sure where we're going. But, man, is it like disturbing and and and, you know, stuff needs to get done.

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I think I think they're always remember about stuff like that, like especially for people listening who who like our show is when you see stuff like that and you say to yourself, well, they were they were living a risky lifestyle or they, you know, were asking for it somehow by doing it, why would anyone do those things? Is that both you and I lived very risky lifestyles. And, you know, I was a drug addict or an alcoholic.

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It's I by the fucking grace of God, am I was I not deeper in it then than I was?

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Well, and there's a really great reporter in this TV show that is talking about how that phrase got used and how unacceptable that phrase is that that basically it was a phrase that was being reported on because the sheriff used the phrase and it was essentially telling the town, you don't have to care about these women. Don't worry. It's not like it was a way of them basically saying they're not not causing a panic by saying they by implying they brought it on themselves.

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And it's so crazy to think of like when you hear that phrase, you think of, like, OK, they must have been on the streets and like a total, you know, meth head or whatever, when really it's like we've all fuckin done a little coke at a party and gone to a second party and there was a Coke there.

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And if you if that that is a that's a person they would label someone who's putting themselves at risk when really the amount of people who do those little things and get away with it so they don't think of themselves as at risk is most of us, you know, I'm sure at least the fun and and in a town like that, you start doing something like meth where you're addicted the first, second, third time you do it, then you're in a lifestyle that it doesn't really matter what your life was before that because you just need then you're just kind of in it.

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And it's just a fascinating it's such an interesting, fascinating story that should. Really needs to be told and is told beautifully, it's shot beautifully. It's just it's and the people it's just fascinating murder on the bayou.

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Yeah, it's been up for a while. It sounds familiar of it before. Yeah. But I just assumed it was like one of those, you know, the how the ID channel sometimes does it like murder in the south or in a red bra or whatever.

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Yeah.

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So I just I think, I thought that's what it was and then. Yeah. And then someone said no no it's you should watch it.

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It's great. I have a couple podcast I'm listening to and a book I'm listening to that is definitely like I'm going to decide to bake bread now because I just want to listen to this book kind of. Is this going along with more of your cottage court stuff that you've decided to get into? No, I've given up on that. And now I'm following this new. So what's going on? Did you order bees? Where how far along are the bees?

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I haven't ordered bees, but I'm following a bee lady that I am obsessed with. So many people tag me in her shit because she's just incredible.

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You sent it to me or just sent it to me. It's the lady cupping handfuls of bees to get them out. And I just wrote back, you've lost it.

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I was telling you, it's not just me and girls like you're out of your fucking mind. You lost. And I don't know what this is. This woman is calling her the Instagram is Texas Bee Works. Her name is Erica Thompson. She's a beekeeper and she does beaute really beautiful, like a Asmar style, you know, stories about her going to save all these bees and how and what she does. And it's so fascinating and she's so cool.

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Like, I want to get a non-alcoholic beer with her if we're ever in Texas again. She's amazing. So Texas Betaworks works. I'm digging awesome. And it's important. I make jokes. I'm teasing to her because it's fun, but it is important because we can't lose the bees. So anyone that's doing that work, it is crucial and and I know that. But it won't be back. Don't worry. No, this other stuff doesn't have to do with my cottage career.

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But like listening to a book, it's a little house on the Prairie.

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It's How to Knit. And so your own Bonnet by Amelia Bedelia. Oh, cool, great. Adelia OK, I do this with me. And she didn't know what the fuck out of her mind. That lady didn't clean for shit.

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She made a bigger mess. She was the part.

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It was not this books by Brit Bennett and it's called The Vanishing Half. It's so good. It's like the generational stories of each person in that family and what happened in them and how they got there. But essentially, it's twin. The story revolves around twin sisters and one of them vanishes and the search for her. But the like the twin who stayed like her daughter and her husband and what happens to her life. And the daughter goes to L.A. and becomes attracts like it's just but it's like heartfelt and beautiful and really well written.

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And it's just great. Awesome. And then I have to podcast and listening to, you know, how I love, like sleeping podcasts that help you go to sleep at night, like sleep with me. There's one that I've been listening to called Nothing Much Happens. It's hosted by Catherine Nicole Nicholai and she has this beautiful, soothing voice. And she writes a story that's like straight up.

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It's almost like a fairy tale that she writes this beautiful little story where nothing much happens. But there's still like a lovely so that if you want there are almost cottage horror stories actually there she lives in a cabin. It's no, I'm being honest. This is she finds a kitten and invites the kitten into her house and misses her cat ever since then. B, maybe she'll do one with bees. And she tells the story twice, once you 50 minutes story that she wrote and then tells it again slower and your time out within five minutes.

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But the stories are beautiful. So even if you can't fall asleep, you're listening. So that's great. Nothing much happens. Nothing much happens. That's such a good idea. That's that's like Rosemary in time, even though the murders do happen and it's crazy because they're groundskeepers essentially everywhere they go someone gets killed. But it's the same feel of British rhythmic speaking and kind of low key that no one yells. There's no gunshot. Right.

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And you just let yourself in the cabin with the Kotsay stories. You know, that's great. It's very smart. And then the other one is, have you heard a terrible thanks for asking.

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No, yeah. So my friend Melissa Boyle texted me this link to it, and I've seen I've seen it on iTunes a million times, but she sent me specifically a link to like that. She did it. Her name is Norm MacInerney.

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And she did a three part story about like childhood trauma, which is such a huge epidemic. Now they're saying. So that was really good. But then I was looking at other episodes and it's just a really like it's a cool podcast where like, you know, when you ask someone, how is how is everything? And they're like, fine. Well, these are all interviews with people. Wish it was not fine, you know. And it's really it's it's it's like a higher level.

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Smart people produced podcasts, you know, and it's really cool. It's really good. That's cool. That's terrible. Thanks for asking. Terrible. Thanks for asking. That's good.

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I should write that down. Yeah. You like you know what I. Yeah, because that's what I love. I really love people telling a story. That's what I love about this is actually happening is people who are past the trauma point that can go back and say, here's listen to this, here's what happened. What happened to me. It's it's so I love that this is so I found this podcast because people were posting like, say, their top five podcasts and showing them to us as like, hey, you are on my list, which is lovely and thank you everybody for doing that.

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But on many of the lists, there was a podcast called Let's Not Meet. Have you heard of this? No. OK, the host's name is Andrew Tait and he basically reads sometimes they're from Reddit threads. Sometimes people email them in. But essentially it's a horrible moment, a scary moment, a creepy moment from someone's life. And so at the end, it's like, so guy from the water park, let's not meet. And it's this it is so good.

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And and when it when I first started, I was like, oh, it's not the people telling the stories themselves. So I don't know if I like that. It's like nursery episodes later. I was just like I have been bingeing it for like three days. Like what kind of stories? Like just oh, it's like it's basically red flag bonanzas, like your worst day or I did something. No, no, no. Your worst like moment of we moved into this apartment.

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OK, so here's the one I'll tell you the one that got me hooked. And this was like on in the first episode, a woman's on the road for work. And so this group of people from her work are staying in all the same the same hotel together. And they have to go to work every day. They come back at six and then they go out to dinner together. And this one day, so this one day, her friend from work has the room across the hall in this hotel.

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They come back at five that a little early. They're going to go down the pool. It's like their last day. She walks into a hotel, her hotel room, and she realizes someone's in the bathroom. The first thing she assumes is that it's that it's the hotel cleaning lady. Yeah. And so she says, oh, hello, is someone here? And then just some lady walks out and she's holding a bag and then the woman realizes her stuff is all on the bed.

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There's stuff everywhere. And she's like, Wait, who are you? And the woman goes, No, no, no, it's fine. I just I'm leaving. Don't worry, it's fine. She looks over. There's a mini like a like a baseball bat that you would be given at the at the at the ballpark. I'm like a night or whatever. Yeah.

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There's one of those laying on the bed with a flashlight taped to it. There's all this weird shit all around and the ladies walking out with a bag so she stops or goes, hold on a second, are you taking any of my stuff? And she goes, No, no, look, it's all my stuff opens the bag. The lady like she looks into the bag. None of her stuff is there. So she just she's so weirded out that she lets the lady leave her friend across the hall who had just been walking into her room, kind of hears this and comes out.

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So she saw the lady leave to and then they're both kind of like, what was that? So they go. So her friend comes back into the room with her. They start looking around. Stuff has been moved around. A bunch of her clothes have been stuffed into a bag. Her passport's been stuffed into a bag. There's all kinds of things, influx of like it looks like she was about to get robbed. Yeah. Yeah. And they're looking.

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And then she goes into the bathroom and realizes some of her medicine has been stolen, which I took to mean like Valium like that. I know they're not taking your fucking Wellbutrin or whatever. Yeah, exactly. So she calls down to the front is like, hey, just you know, I just caught a lady in my room and they're like, that doesn't make sense. They call the cops. The cops show up and they take the report there.

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But they're kind of like, yeah, you probably like they're kind of giving her the we don't believe you or or did you take to someone. Yeah. Yeah. Did you give your key to someone?

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This doesn't really make sense. Whatever. So the cop, they take the report and they leave.

[00:29:35]

And then her and her friend go into the bathroom to check if there's anything else missing, and then she notices there's a bunch of drywall on the bathroom sink, so they pull the mirror. No, no, no, no. From the wall, there's a two foot hole. That lady had been living in the wall. Holy shit. So apparently when they built this hotel, I'm just telling you, the story that I heard was like word for word.

[00:29:58]

But she had basically crawled in there and was living in the walls of this hotel so she could go into any room that she could get access from that inner walk space. There's like a.. So when they look into the hole, there was a pillow.

[00:30:13]

And so they thought the the baseball bat with the flashlight was like her thing in the wall that she walked around with.

[00:30:20]

Did they catch her? Yeah, don't tell us anymore that I mean, the thing about that is like why would you make a mess? You're spoiling your entire, like, operation.

[00:30:30]

The girl was coming back for two hours because every day she came back at seven. There's there was like she knew there's a documentary.

[00:30:38]

Hey, that's what's that documentary about the hotel, the motel owner, the.

[00:30:44]

Yes, I've seen it where he's peaking down. Yeah. What's it called.

[00:30:48]

The guy. The motel owner who can peek into his rooms.

[00:30:54]

Vince has laid all the way out and that boy is completely flat. It's like it looks like a massage table. I told him I asked him to get me something that only he knew where it was.

[00:31:03]

And he goes, why don't you do it? Which is if you know, Vince, the least Vince thing that's ever been said. He's never said that to me in my life. This is the great lazy boy uprising was like, OK, well, just tell me where it is and these elaborate instructions.

[00:31:19]

But I was like, OK, what is it? Well, Voyeur Voyeur on Netflix is about a motel owner who, like, built his motel so that he could watch people. It's a really fascinating documentary. The thing I just want to say really quick about let's not meet. There are so many stories where young women say, I didn't want to be rude, I didn't want to be me, and I didn't. Did it? I wasn't sure what to say.

[00:31:49]

And we've gone over this. I didn't feel myself kind of thing.

[00:31:54]

But then most of them, because they, you know, whatever happens, they're like, but I had this feeling. I had this feeling. Or they tell stories of their mom being like, get the fuck away. And that's how they got away from a person. But it's it's really if you are like a young woman, it's a really good lesson of like just things to consider, just things, the possibilities of the way people try to get into a building when they start out real nice.

[00:32:22]

But if you contradict them at all, their personality changes like those kinds of things that those red flag moments that I every time I listen, of course, I was creeped out, but I was also like, good to know. Yeah, good. That's good to consider that when you hear experiences of other people standing up for themselves, you're more likely to do it yourself. And that's happened to me like when we first started the podcast, like when fuck politeness first was a thing we were talking about.

[00:32:45]

I like went this is a big deal, but I like went to this gym that was like a private gym. They were promising they were going to help me with my back, but he didn't explain anything like this is like big guy. And he didn't explain really how the back works and how it was going to help me, but was really pressuring me to, like, sign a fucking five hundred dollar contract when really I he had not convinced me at all.

[00:33:10]

But I didn't want to be rude. And I had gotten like my ID out and my credit card out. And I was about to do it because I didn't want to be rude. And then suddenly I was like, how am I going to tell the podcast about this? You know, like I've been saying fuck a million times. Like, they're not going to I have to live up to what I'm saying. And I was just like, never mind, I don't.

[00:33:29]

I'll call you. Bye. And like, took my shit and left and was yeah, it was fine. And he was an asshole about it. And I was so was glad I did that. Yeah. It's hard, it's fucking hard so.

[00:33:41]

Well especially when someone has kind of lured you with quote unquote kindness. Right. That's why I think it's so interesting to check that same thing happened to me at a vet where this vet I Frank, was like doing these weird yelps. And I thought that either he pulled his back, he did something, and I was really worried about him. So I bring him in. And this guy who I'd never I'd been going to this vet for a while and all of a sudden it was a new guy and he started immediately started trying to sell me these homeopathic remedies.

[00:34:10]

And at one point and he kept saying he needs this and he needs that me.

[00:34:13]

And finally I said, why don't you do the x ray first? Because we don't even know what he needs. And then this guy got so pissed he was. And then I just was like, they they went and took the x ray. I made sure that Frank's back wasn't broken. Nothing was like over. And then I left and I never went back. I was just like, you got to be fucking kidding me. Like, that guy was so aggro and sheared.

[00:34:35]

And this second I asserted myself. He was pissed like and didn't think he had to keep it from me, that he was pissed. Right. When it's like it's it's rude to you about your natural fucking response. Like if you're giving the hard sell, I get to say, hey, stop giving the hard sell. Right. You don't have to scream it. You just get to say it. Hey, I'm not going to buy a bunch of homeopathic shit when we don't know what's wrong with the dog.

[00:35:04]

Totally.

[00:35:04]

And that was like, oh, well, I guess you like he had all these reactions where I'm like, you're crazy. This is weird.

[00:35:10]

So it's not OK now. Oh, that was like three years ago, man. It's hard, but it's important. It's never going to be totally comfortable if you're not comfortable. Saying calling people out, it'll never be comfortable, but I think that that's not true, though, to be like the practice of it makes you comfortable with it because you get to prove to yourself that it's actually you're right and it's not that big of a deal to do it.

[00:35:35]

Like you might you might have a little bit of a but it's going to be way more comfortable than people getting to manipulate you and take money out of your hand because you're trapped by that. I don't think it'll ever be comfortable for me, but I think what I've learned is that discomfort is OK sometimes. Yes. And and like being in a not happy, everyone's stoked. And I didn't upset anyone. Situation happens. And it doesn't mean you're a bad person.

[00:36:05]

It doesn't mean you ruin someone's day. And it doesn't matter either. It's you know, it's hard for someone who, you know, is like taught to be nice all the time and is scared of not like even having to wear a mask in public is hard for me because I can't smile at people and show that I'm friendly. It's like a dog wagging its tail. You know, it's like it's been really insight, insightful insight.

[00:36:30]

Young to me. Well, because I think having to put that down for a little bit, you get to question what that is actually about. Right. Because it's not about everyone's happy. That is not true. Like just because people are smiling or laughing doesn't mean people are happy at all. Right, means people are being manipulated into feeling pressured to act that way. And I think the feeling of like what's what's the truth of this scenario as opposed to make sure everyone's, like, showing their teeth.

[00:37:05]

Yeah. Or you can control every situation as long as they know you're friendly and you're friendly. And so they're not going to do bad things to you and you're friendly. And so no one will be mad at you. Or if you fuck something up, it's OK because you're nice and friendly and so they won't hate you. And that's right. That's about me and my insecurities.

[00:37:23]

And I think it bites you in the ass later, because when it doesn't work out or whatever, then you're really mad and they have like a recoil feeling that makes you feel worse, you know what I mean?

[00:37:33]

You get yourself into this kind of it needs to be this way and it has to do it's like a lot of rules that actually don't apply to anything.

[00:37:41]

Luckily, there's a little I've got a little Janet and me where I can turn a smile into an angry, an angry smile pretty quickly. Do you know what happened to me? I had my first experience of asking someone to put their mask on in public. Oh, back. Which, God damn it, that feels good. Can I tell you it was my fucking pharmacist?

[00:38:03]

Oh, well, the people who should have a mask on in my mom and pop pharmacy that I go to indoors, indoors, dealing with the medicine of sick people.

[00:38:16]

And he doesn't have a mask on. And this ridiculous guy who works at the counter, who I've been, you know, he's just he's an employee there. And I've been he's known me forever because I'm highly medicated. So I've dealt with him a lot. You know, he's an older guy. And so he like, you know, seems like you should wear a mask around this older guy to make sure he stays healthy. So I said, like, why doesn't that guy have his mask on?

[00:38:37]

And he goes, well, he's the owner, so I can't really say anything. He he he says he puts it on when he comes out from behind the counter. But it's like it's there's an open window. It doesn't it's open. So I said, well, I should say something. And and then he goes, do it. He whispered to me, do it.

[00:38:54]

It's like, OK. And it's so not like me, you know, to call people out. Am I fucking. Hey, sir, why don't you have a mask on?

[00:39:01]

I said it very curiously and and he got so I thought we were going to fight and he got so sheepish. Oh it's in my pocket. And I was like, well, there's sick people here.

[00:39:11]

And he and then he made some excuse about on the phone how no one can understand him on the phone. It's a little shit. Sorry, Rudy Giuliani. That's not true. That's right. So that is he took out his try it and put it the fuck on. And I think my Wellbutrin is going to be free from now on from this fucking look.

[00:39:27]

But I like how many articles we all read that it's if you're indoors with no windows or no direct ventilation, you have three minutes for somebody that has it and could be symptomatic, would be spreading it around. And you could be in a Walmart. Yeah. Yeah. If there's one person in Walmart that's not wearing a mask that has it, you've got three and a half minutes in that building before you could possibly inhale what they're exhaling.

[00:39:56]

Nobody on. Wal-Mart's not wearing a mask, though. It's oh no. Everyone's they're not mad. They're not fighting with the greeter. Everything's fine. It's just so inconsiderate. Like at the same time, there was a woman there who was clearly ill from something. And you're not wearing your mask and you're handling her her fucking meds.

[00:40:12]

It's just unpredictable.

[00:40:14]

Wow. Well, good job. Thank you. I felt really it was fun. It felt good. And it also sounds like you did it right where you didn't. It wasn't you didn't have to scream or point your finger. It was a genuine question of, hey, am I wrong here or shouldn't you, the pharmacist, be wearing a mask? It's the thing of raising your voice so that everyone's going to hear it is so hard to do when you're not like that, but you're calling attention to yourself, which is, you know, the trick of that.

[00:40:41]

Yeah, you go really? You're just like, no, no. And you should be just me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me a. a fuck you.

[00:40:57]

Look, here's what you do. You put up the Paulie Walnuts devil finger, pointed him with your index and pink pinky and index out. It's like it's like rock and roll but to the side. Yeah, to the side wall.

[00:41:10]

Hey man, this is Devil Horns Metal concert. This is well great. Don't do they don't do the wrong one or the thing. You're a Satanist.

[00:41:17]

If you go down that's you trying to find water but oh you got anything else or should we do. Those are those are my things. Should we do a little. What's going on. On the exactly right network. Yeah, let's do it. Hey you guys, we have a network, right?

[00:41:38]

Well, what's exciting is our our new law and order SAORVIEW recap slash true crime slash interview podcast called That's Messed Up, hosted by Kara Klencke and Lisa Drager. Hilarious comedians who are so funny such they're so good.

[00:41:56]

And that premiered on Tuesday and they had the cast member, Kate Burton on. And it's it's such a good podcast. They're so funny and great. And if you like law and order, law and order us view whatever you can get on there, you'll know exactly what they're talking about and it's just the best. And you don't need to watch the episode to know. It's just they're really funny women. If you think we're your aunts, these are your fuckin aunts, like these two women, they're like, you want them at your family parties.

[00:42:26]

They're just such incredible, funny people. So check that out, please. That's messed up. Yeah. And another new exactly right. Podcast tenfold more wicked, which is killing it and doing so incredible. You guys love it and we love that. So they're continuing the story of Edward Rohloff, so make sure to check in on that. Yeah, that's really good.

[00:42:49]

Oh, I'm going to skip down because my friend Michelle Buetow was on bananas this week, got a hilarious stand up comic. She good friend of mine. She also has a book out. It's just came out, I think, Tuesday. It's called Survival of the Thickest. She is hilarious genius. And she's on there with Kurt and Scottie. So that's going to be a very good time. She is a fucking national treasure. She's the greatest international treasure, really.

[00:43:13]

On murder squad, Billy and Paul discuss the unsolved murder of 12 year old Jennifer Odom. She disappeared after getting off the school bus on February 19th, 1993. Her remains were found six days later. The case is unsolved. And, of course, Billy and Paul did an incredible job of covering that case.

[00:43:30]

Yeah, that's really that's good million. Danielle, over on. I saw what you did, the movies they're talking about this week on fame and step up on the prequel to step up to the streets.

[00:43:44]

So so go. That came out on Tuesdays and go listen to that on Steven Rae Morris and Sarah IR's podcast, The Perkasa Talk. Lemberg talking to people because they can't talk to your cat. They speak with author and editor Stephanie Cook. So make sure to check out the cast.

[00:44:03]

And of course, this week on I Said No, guess you'll never believe it. But Bridger has on the great Georgia hard Stark disobeys him and brings him again.

[00:44:11]

Yeah, I think I did good with the gift. I think I did really good. Do you want to give us a hint when I tell you not? Do you know I got him my OK. My thing when I buy people gifts is I put in the work and I put in the word vintage and whatever state they're from and find a souvenir like a vintage souvenir from their state. It's a great idea and it's a great ticket. It's my favorite.

[00:44:32]

And then the other thing I got was, oh, wait, sorry. So what was what did you find? He's from Utah. I had to ask Jay so I can like a shot glass. But then when I was on it, I also found so there's this artist named Amber Cher who draws these beautiful state park drawings. And then she goes on to Yelp and finds the state parks review and she finds one star reviews of state parks and puts a quote from that review beautifully across her drumming in state parks.

[00:45:06]

So I got one from a Utah state park and it said it disappointed us in beautiful script or something like that. Gee, it was like, oh, it was a disappointment to us.

[00:45:20]

Which I just I love it. So that's her name's Amber, Cher, Cher, and the Instagram is called Sub Par Parks. And now and I think this is just there's there's like beaches that say not worth the hype. And there's a mountain that says went on for too long and then a rocky outpost that says nothing, just rocks total total rubbish. Not very interesting, quite boring. I've like these beautiful drawings that she does. Wow. Oh, that's great, Michael.

[00:45:52]

Amazing. Nobody needs to have seen this lake that she took from a Yelp review of a fucking park. So just genius.

[00:46:02]

But actually, I think Roger and I had a really good time talking to him. Isn't he the best interviewer of all time? Good.

[00:46:08]

I felt like I felt like we were best friends, even though we've only talked at parties awkwardly, like twice. He doesn't drink. Right. Right. So I, I don't I don't think so. OK, well then I, I we spoke with drinks at parties a couple of times, but I felt like we were best friends. So yes. He's so good at it, you know, he's a great listener. That's, that's what it is.

[00:46:28]

At the end of the day that's kind of the key to all hosting. But he's a great listener and he's it's like he's meant to be a podcast and he's just kind of built for it. Yeah. And especially around that idea, because it's totally it suits him perfectly. Such a great idea. And I felt like I was in the room with him even though we were on them. It was cool. So check out.

[00:46:47]

I said no gifts with more. All right, well, should we move into this special, this special, this very special episode? Yeah, you want to tell them about it, what we're doing. So we're going to do another Q&A, which we've done a bunch. But, you know, how many times can we talk about picking one big horse or 20 little horses or whatever? So we decided to guide the Q&A this time and give and offer our unqualified advice on on low stakes problem.

[00:47:17]

That's right. So that's that's how we phrase it, because we know, especially a year like this, there's people who would probably want to bring up really big, very philosophical problems, difficult problems, which we empathize with you. We are there with you. We don't have the answers to those problems.

[00:47:34]

Pretend we're your sister's best friends who've had a couple wine coolers. Like that's the advice we're giving you, is like like you're you're adamant strong. You better take our advice, but you don't have to. You probably shouldn't. And also, we're in the Taco Bell drive thru. So either way, we're all going to be happy at the end of this year. Either way, it'll work out fine. Right? Right. That vibe, what we're giving, I am excited.

[00:48:01]

I feel like I feel like we're going to be good at this. This might be an offshoot podcast that we should have done this whole time. Yeah, that's true. So we should definitely start more podcast. That's what that's what I'd like to be doing.

[00:48:12]

So we had Jay and our new awesome social media manager, Aaron, collect your questions. There were so many good ones that I kept seeing.

[00:48:22]

So they better be in here or Jay and Aaron are fired easy even as Christ come on and fire them with me now.

[00:48:33]

And I also say that I've known, Aaron, our new social media person since live journal days. And we've been friends since then in real life, not just on live journal. So that's really exciting. Nice old. It's fun. It's very exciting to get to pull our friends into it. It's what we get to do with the podcast. And now we get to do it with people that we work with. It's just like, oh yeah, we're building this company and we definitely know lots of talented people.

[00:48:59]

I feel like I've always supposed to be closer friends with her at some point in our lives and now this gets to happen. So once we get to see each other in person again and not on a zoom meeting, we'll be aggressive.

[00:49:09]

So just, you know, I would say just to help that friendship, let's cut out the part where you threaten her job.

[00:49:14]

I would say, you know, but that's me being judgmental. Yeah.

[00:49:18]

But also, like, if I'm going to be friends with someone, I need to have an upper hand somehow or they're not going to be friends with me because I'm terrible. I hope my therapist is listening to this because I'm terrible and you don't want to be friends with me, really. So I have to threaten them. I see.

[00:49:32]

You know what I mean? You absolutely always have the upper hand. Then they can never love me. Friendship, the mailman man threatening. Keep it. Get that upper hand live journal, whatever it is. Right. Hopefully we can address a problem like that in these questions.

[00:49:49]

All right, let's do it. Go you go first. Right. I'm going to close my eyes and point. OK, this is from Shantal. Brian.

[00:49:58]

Brian, my live in boyfriend wants to split the fridge in half like we're roommates. I just need to know I'm validated in thinking this is weird.

[00:50:10]

A thousand percent. How but Karen, can I what if he has, like, food allergies and food? She would have said it. You're right.

[00:50:19]

It is their right that is. But I feel like I went on a date with a couple with the guy a couple of times where for me, when I order food, it's like you get that and I'll get that and we'll have these everything like I love that. I'll never order my own entree. And he was weirded out by it. And but eventually he understood it because he was raised in a house that was like, don't touch my fucking food.

[00:50:40]

So maybe it just takes time. But but there she it's her live in boyfriend, which to me, unless she I think she would have specified if they'd just moved. Exactly. Exactly. So to me it feels like because we've gotten a couple roommate questions and so I will put this out there. I think sometimes you choose people to live with for fun times because you have a great time at a bar and a that time somewhere else.

[00:51:06]

Living together is a totally different story. And that's when the mask comes down. That's when the truth comes out. Yeah. So I, I would say yes to split. What's the threat that he is interpreting from combining food like is does that mean that he's also only buying his own food and you're buying your own food and and if you eat my food I'll be mad like don't touch my top anod because I don't touch it, it's mine.

[00:51:33]

I think there's a discussion to be had around this area. And if you shonto bran bran, the question is ask yourself how you feel about it, because ultimately this is the kind of thing that you have to start, you know, in the beginning. In my early days of being in relationships, it would always just be like, what's he doing? As opposed to what do I want to be? Yeah, and there's a lot of that kind of like, oh, I hope he this, that or whatever, as opposed to me going, yeah, I don't this is not cool to me and I'm not going to do this with you.

[00:52:07]

I think this thing I think the thing to think of like is. Yeah. Is this a pattern that he's starting because I think doing something new after having lived together is a sign that something isn't going right for that person. And if you really look at it, that there might be other signs that things aren't right and that might be a problem with you, not the way you want to live in a relationship and not a way to connect with someone.

[00:52:32]

Is he speaking to you through putting a piece of tape down the center of the refrigerator and basically saying, I need better boundaries or I need you to get out of my shit or whatever it is?

[00:52:43]

Because also this might point to a discomfort about money and that money will kill a relationship if you have different attitudes and and approaches toward how money is spent and how people handle money. It's a make or break thing that you can you can handle for a while. But it it'll come down to it eventually. So it like I bought this and I don't want you ruining it or whatever.

[00:53:11]

You just have to figure out what if that matters to you. But another way to think about that too is if he has an issue, if that is the case and he has an issue with money, which absolutely could be a thing, and he's not talking to you about it and instead putting up these weird, arbitrary rules, do you want to be with someone who won't address a big issue? Right. Yes, for sure. Can't find the words or can't actually have an honest conversation.

[00:53:34]

Also, maybe he was just like, you know, like a superstar frat boy and he's like, I don't want to let go of these my old days at the blah, blah, blah, which is another kind of thing to figure out, you know what I mean? Where it's just like if you're in a relationship and you live together, what are the levels of what are the boundaries? And those things need to be kind of declared. And the reasons why should maybe be out there, you know, because it might not be that big of a deal.

[00:54:01]

Totally OK, but where it's weird, I think we covered that. It is weird, don't you, to stop hiding shit in his top, anod that he doesn't want you to see money, money signing hundred dollar bills.

[00:54:15]

Maybe he's hiding your engagement ring and his top. Don't touch it because but I'm not going to give it to you for eight months. What. Don't put it in there. OK, this one I picked because we got so many of them that this is just the easiest way to say it. But this question was asked a bunch of times in a bunch of different ways. And this is from LJ Favourite's. It says, Is it better to have, quote unquote, closure or just let a relationship friendship fade away?

[00:54:49]

And so so lots of people trying to talk about that in different ways, friendship wise or relationship one. OK, so like dating wise or I don't think there's a such thing as either of those fading away or closure, but closure makes people go less crazy. And if you really do care about that person or did it one time, the best thing to do is to give them closure or to have an honest conversation. I think you're right and saying I think closure is a bit of a fantasy.

[00:55:18]

Yes, because that's like saying and now I say this perfect thing and then the problem is solved and we never have that problem. If I explain it well enough, they'll understand that'll never happen. But if you do it with integrity and you know you did your best, then whatever, however they react is is on them and it's their own reaction. It's not about you. And I think going away from the relationship aspect more and going to friendship, which I think is the much stickier area, because I think every I'm assuming this person is maybe a little bit on the younger side where it's like is if it's a friendship, it's so much harder when it's a friendship.

[00:55:55]

Yeah, I kind of almost not even talking about that because I'm bad at that, too.

[00:56:00]

Well, everyone's uncomfortable about it because there's something. But that's like, say you're friends with someone in college now you've moved out and you live in the city. But suddenly the things that used to make sense to you five years ago are no longer OK with you. And what it really comes down to is you asserting yourself to say, hey, I don't want to do this anymore or I don't like this anymore or this doesn't work for me anymore. And sometimes we get so cowed by other people's potential reactions that we just swallow our own needs because this person has set it up.

[00:56:36]

If you say this to me, I'll freak out. If you do this to me, I will I will go crazy and attack you, whatever it is. That's just that person basically saying I always get my way so you don't have to live by those rules and you don't have to. Live anywhere you don't want to live. I think it's also important because in my mind, it's like, OK, you the thing that the problem is you've seen the way they are and the thoughts they have and the beliefs they have on Facebook.

[00:57:01]

And you don't want to be friends with someone anymore who's a fuckin A.I.M. or whatever the fuck. And so you just want to you they keep trying to be friends with you. I think in that case, you can fade them out and just not or I don't know. Well, but it's almost like the conditions or the circumstances.

[00:57:22]

There could be a million different ones. But at the end, it's the discomfort of a person who's continually trying to be friends with you and you don't want to do it anymore. And sometimes it's like sometimes you're just not answering a text four times in a row sends that message and then that's that. And if that's the place that you're at or there at, like there's there's not a lot of point in kind of like trying to get blood from a stone.

[00:57:50]

I'm picking up picking up on a message like it might be a good thing to go, how much do I do this where I'm not picking up on the message someone sending I want this isn't working anymore. Yeah, but I'm just trying to nice it out or I'm just trying to like, keep it going if that's what maybe if you if you're feeling like that's what's going on, that's not a really a very healthy friendship anyway. Yeah, that's true.

[00:58:14]

So you kind of have to do it where it's like. Yeah it's sometimes, sometimes it's a bummer maybe that you're still going to see them or it's going to keep coming up. But there's kind of no point in in going back over and over to something that that's really not working for you. I think it's an important thing to think about, too, is that you're going to outgrow friendships. That's just how life is. I've seen people who try to hold on so tight to their high school and even elementary school friendships in their friendships and their twenties that were based on going out or, you know, between your job, between boyfriends, jobs and it's OK.

[00:58:54]

And you're not a bad person for outgrowing those things. And life is long, hopefully, for you. So it might come back around. But you don't you don't need to keep those friendships or relationships to be a good person. And also, it doesn't it doesn't have to be the last chapter like you. It doesn't have to be like that. I think that's that closure problem is you thinking I go deliver a speech and never speak to this person again.

[00:59:23]

Sometimes people just fade away. They don't like it. You don't like it. But that's kind of that's how life is. And also when you're younger, this was a big realization for me in therapy when my therapist said, how many close friends do you have? And I said, thirty. And she went absolutely nuts. And then we talked about it and I was like, Oh, that's true. They're not actually my friends. Do you call them to talk to them about things that bother you?

[00:59:46]

Would they come and pick you up somewhere, blah, blah, then stop calling them? You're close friends because that's not accurate. That's socializing and trying to seem popular. Really. You have about four people in your inner circle and those people should understand you and love you no matter what the things are that are going on in your life.

[01:00:04]

And if you have people that that get really either Geggie or like very reactive to if you're having a hard time, that's not a good friend. Like, you have to really start analyzing what you need in friendships and how people support you as a friend and how they allow you to support them. Yeah, it's a bigger deal. It's not just like who you meet for to go to the party with, you know.

[01:00:26]

Definitely. OK. All right, here's my next one. Sarah Lovegood says, How do I stop looking at people from my past online? I know it's I know it's detrimental to my mental health, but I can't stop. Love you guys. X, X, X, X. That's what online was created was. And that's why it's so hard not to do it well.

[01:00:52]

And also maybe ask yourself, why is it detrimental, huh.

[01:00:56]

Right. Because you don't want to see people happy than that then maybe. Or not. You don't have any you didn't get the right closure. Right. Right.

[01:01:04]

Or like are you living in a weird fantasy world where seeing them is hurting you because they seem like it's it's a thing of like you're buying into social media. So that maybe is the detrimental part where it's like that they all seem to be at a party or they all seem to be beautiful and, you know, it's just fake.

[01:01:25]

Or is it that seeing other people happy makes you feel like it's that you that it takes something away from your happiness, that that other people can't be fine without you and other people can't move on with? You know, it impacts you and your happiness when that really doesn't match. I'm really good at not looking up exes and ex friends and that sort of thing, because it's almost like I put them out of my head at that point. It's like they can go on and live their lives and be who they want to be.

[01:01:55]

But it doesn't take away anything from me. It doesn't like it's not going to add anything to my life if they're happier than I am or if they're thriving and I'm not, you know. Right. Well, and part of that is because you have a happy relationship. So oftentimes, I think when people are online trying to dredge up some stuff or whatever it is, it's because there's a lack in your own life.

[01:02:21]

So knowing you're not going to and that person, it sounds like they already know that that's not that they're not going to get anything from doing it. They're just doing it. First of all, I guess what, you're in a quarantine. No, you can do whatever the fuck you want. And the struggle is real with scrolling like you're just going to keep looking for stuff to scroll about. Right. And like so, you know, do a puzzle, start painting to get a different get a hobby so that you can you get a hobby where you're starting to learn something to learn to play the guitar, learn a thing where you're you don't know how to do it now.

[01:02:58]

And in six months you might actually really know how to do it so that you are living a life where you are benefitting yourself as opposed to feeling like this outsider that's looking into the bakery window at everybody else's life. Start building the life you want.

[01:03:13]

It's almost like if you're continually if you're continuing to work on yourself, which is something I always feel like I'm doing, then it doesn't matter if someone's doing better than you are, worse than you because you're always growing. And so someone beating you at fucking life or having babies or whatever isn't a person who has gotten over you and is better than you. It's just someone who's working on themselves. And you could have one. Also, it's not a contest like it's sadly it would be easier if it were a contest because then you could pretend like you were ahead or behind and have emotions based on those fantasies.

[01:03:50]

None of that's real. The being online isn't real at all. So go on there. Have the feeling festival that you want to have. Enjoy it. That's part of what it's all for and then come back out of it and make sure when you come out of it, there's you're building a life around you that you actually like just as much. And also you can just block them too.

[01:04:12]

Or very true, give your best friend your Instagram password or whatever. And when you want to look at it, she should have a series of questions to ask you before she gives you the password back. Are you have you been drinking? Yeah, it's about that. Are you right? Be honest about the drinking and I'm going to ask you, I have a do a breathalyzer test and some other results. Also, here's wait. Here's an actual this might help if you're already in it.

[01:04:41]

Look, you've already you're drunk and you're in it. You're looking at your ex-boyfriend and he's got three new girlfriends, all incrementally better than you and all these different ways. Check out of that current fake reality that you are actually making up in your head and start. You can get a little pad of paper and write down all your worst memories from that person, because romanticizing people is a is a one way street that you are doing all by yourself.

[01:05:08]

So you're basically telling yourself a sad story about how sad it is for you on purpose just to pass the time.

[01:05:14]

Nobody, OK, nobody changes significantly unless they have a ton of fucking serious help. So whenever a girlfriend would be like now he's with so-and-so and everything's going to be. Right, it's like, well, he's still going to fucking show up forty five minutes late to your date, like he's her date, he's the same person with someone else. It's he has not changed because that person is so wonderful that they made him want to change or made her want to change.

[01:05:42]

It's the same person you had in a different relationship.

[01:05:47]

That is part of the reason why you broke up. Exactly. Exactly. And if it's a crush thing, just start. This has helped me a lot, getting like general self generating a crush online because somebody looks a certain way and says a certain thing, reads the books that you fucking think are cool.

[01:06:04]

That's all fake. So start going. He's rude to waiters. He doesn't like dogs. Like just start making a list of things you couldn't live with. He actually has he has the kind of breastwork breath where it smells like he doesn't floss. Oh God. There's like kind of deal breaker things and just go if you're going to picture all the great things that you're totally making up anyway, make up equally bad things, love and counteract your own fantasy.

[01:06:31]

I love it. OK, listen to this. Like this is from Spidy Vitti. Great. And I don't know if this is true or not, but it really sounds true and I really love it. Hi. I found a bull in my room in the shape of two hands cupped together, which I have never seen before.

[01:06:49]

It's very it's very detailed. You can see all the little hand crevices and make out fingerprints. None of my flatmates, a.k.a. roommates. Thank you, British's person for your condescending translation. We know what a flatmate's know where it came from either. How do I find out where the bull came from? It's a fucking mess which she has a crush on you. Does this mean that I have someone living in my attic trying to get some kind of message?

[01:07:15]

My flatmates are convinced I purchased this weird bowl a while ago and just forgot about it. But that's just not true. Please help Zwick's. OK, so embarrassing. Sorry, when I was in junior high and reading like Witchey books that I'd steal from the fucking chain bookstores, what was the one like, you know, the Dream Dictionary like Terowie which books. And one was like take a photo. If you want someone have a crush on you, take a photo of yourself and wrap and wrap it between two mirrors.

[01:07:45]

So I snapped off the mirrors from a car. No, what is the what is the makeup that's from that they have the museum on in Hollywood, Max Factor. So I snapped off to Max Factor mirrors that I had stolen from Target and I and then you rubberband the whole thing together. And I was like, how do I get to Brett's house to hide? And they had to hide it in their house and they'll fall. I know, but I never went to their house, but I was like, ready to fucking witch this shit up.

[01:08:15]

And that's what it sounds like to me.

[01:08:17]

Yeah. Is there anything in that bowl? What or how about getting those fingerprints process?

[01:08:23]

Right. That's a great idea. What if he would if I had done it and Brett had found it and was like, why is there a photo of Georgia? And then he calls the police?

[01:08:33]

Yeah, well, here's a couple of possibilities that I'll throw out there.

[01:08:37]

If you guys had a party recently in you and your flatmates had a party, just a quick one after the pub, maybe some drunk came in and they shoplifted it from somewhere and left it in your house, maybe your neighbor, maybe your there's a there's a couple of let's not meet stories about people finding stuff in their house. And it was people breaking into their house. So the fear is real, but it's so specific.

[01:09:03]

And in a bowl and Ardie bowl, I feel like it's like one of your flatmates girlfriends, like got the wrong room. It was a yes, it sounds like an ashtray, kind of. She's in community college, what do they call community college in fucking England.

[01:09:18]

They call it the Metro Down School in the Metro.

[01:09:23]

And I'm saying secondary school secondary hedgerow. Here's the thing.

[01:09:27]

Go get a fucking nanny cam, stick it in. Your flatmates are fucking with you. Yeah, the insult suck.

[01:09:37]

I was about to ask this question and then and then I saw that it's from Steven Rae Morris.

[01:09:43]

He's like, I snuck one in.

[01:09:45]

I appreciate the who would be better at dodgeball. Can I tell you? I used to play like hipster dodgeball.

[01:09:53]

You remember, like in the late 2010s, it was like history. Course you did. And I like you, but I was bad at it. But I'm really competitive and get angry like I had to take a Xanax before because I would just get so hyped up about it.

[01:10:07]

I imagine that you would wear like eighties style the shorts with the white band around the bottom and then like wristband sweatband. Stephen SweatBand. Can we include the photo of me playing in my dad in this dodgeball outfit, knee high socks, vintage Duncan. Do ask him to put that question there. So you see that picture? Because then we have to start talking about your problem with online reality, you know, online reality, Georgia of Dodgeball era was very depressed and anorexic, so.

[01:10:40]

Well, I will give you if you're good at dodgeball, I will just say no, I didn't say I didn't say I'm good. Oh, I said, OK, sorry. You just I just I play to look cute. I wasn't good. Oh, OK. What was that. Is that the question would between you and I would be better. Be better. Yeah.

[01:10:57]

Oh I mean I'm just saying if it was tetherball I would know the tetherball.

[01:11:03]

Tetherball was my passion. My one three four. It was my girl. Oh yeah. You just can't catch it.

[01:11:11]

There's all those weird rules about how you could touch it and not touch it. Oh so. And my grammar school, Wilson School, so competitive. Everybody, everybody was like crazy about tetherball when I was growing up tetherball in handball.

[01:11:27]

This kind of handball though not like the Middle Ages. Oh yeah. Well yeah.

[01:11:31]

Yeah. OK, how about this from Illana Banana. OK, what's the best way to remind people your birthday's coming up without appearing self-absorbed. Oh my God.

[01:11:40]

Tell me please. I am so bad at birthdays. How do you do it.

[01:11:46]

Oh you're saying just be direct. No, I need to know. I don't know.

[01:11:49]

Like my friends have all have birthdays it turns out, but I've never written one of them down and they'll be like, hey, it's my birthday.

[01:11:57]

Like what. How do you. I think you have to say, OK, here's this is this is I think this question is hilarious. I think it's definitely from someone who is twenty six, OK? Oh, they care about their birthdays, you mean.

[01:12:09]

Yeah. When you get older, you stop, you really stop caring. And it's not so much like, oh I fear being older, which I don't. I actually really adore being older. But the idea that it's birthdays are just like New Year's, they're just like the prom. You're making up what it needs to be for you to be happy.

[01:12:27]

And it never, ever it can't do it. I completely disagree. Your birthday is for everyone else to feel good about themselves. So unfortunately, right now in quarantine, it's very odd because people because, you know, when we're not in quarantine, we can say, hey, my birthday is this week, Friday, and I go to the roost and people want to go out and party. And so having your birthday as an excuse and then they also don't miss your birthday.

[01:12:52]

Everyone's happy. It's not for you. It's for everyone else. But in quarantine, it's all about you. And I just I when I find out that, you know, one of my ten friends who I give a shit about, like had a birthday and I fucking missed it, then I feel awful. Like I want we want to give someone attention. Yes.

[01:13:13]

And you should feel awful if it's one of your ten good friends because you should have written it down by which you and I have done where literally every year I was like is the 13th. Right. The 11th. The ninth. I know your sixteenth. Right. I only had oh you're the only person whose birthday I know like I've been since I get wrong. When we hired Jay, the first thing I did was say go around and ask everyone what their birthday is and put it in our calendar.

[01:13:40]

But we're not addressing the question and we're just now talking about ourselves. I think the thing is to do is write, OK, you know what's great right now today? Text all your friends. Hey, I've got a new calendar app. When's your birthday? I'm putting them all in my calendar app. Nice, right. And then they'll say, yeah, good one's yours. Yes. Yeah. And then actually do it. I'm actually like recently I said to my dad, he's like, well, let me know if you need any help with the podcast or anything.

[01:14:06]

And I was like, you know, you can do is tell me when it's my siblings birthdays or anniversaries. And so now that's his job is my brother. My God, every fucking year for the past 15 years, I've got two days later wished him a happy birthday because I just completely forgot. So that's my dad's job now.

[01:14:23]

So I think I just love that you're that thing you said at the beginning was like it's about everybody else and then you're just like, and I don't participate.

[01:14:30]

It's love. Your birthday is for everybody else. Yeah, that's a I think that's the perfect solution.

[01:14:38]

Like, don't do it around your birthday then that does make you look like needy or whatever you're worried about. Do it three, four, six months away. It's the only seem like you're being considerate to other people and you got a new app for your.

[01:14:51]

It's the only reason I missed Facebook is that I just keep missing people's birthdays. That's right.

[01:14:57]

If you're on social media in any way, birthdays are pretty shitty, I think.

[01:15:03]

Yeah, but not everyone's on the same app and you don't check it every day. And I think I think a text and then it also. Yeah, it makes them be like, oh I should know there's two. Yeah. I think that's I think that is the perfect plan. I'd also just begin to release the concept of birthdays being the way people show you they love you, because that's not it's not that I like that it happens much more.

[01:15:26]

If you can just open up to other times of the year where people can love you.

[01:15:30]

Were you smug in that store in Madison with all the tchotchkes and you say Karen would love this and you send it to her for that reason? Not because for no reason, it's their stupid birthday and fucking time doesn't even exist. There's no fucking calendar.

[01:15:45]

That's OK. Go ahead.

[01:15:46]

OK, this is from Jamie Lee Inc. Hey there.

[01:15:52]

How did you guys separate your spiritual lives from your parents, i.e. not going to church temple, expressing doubts, etc.?

[01:16:01]

That's a great question when I can be very specific about this. When the in the nineties, when the beginning of the spotlight Catholic priest molestation cases began, my mother was like, that's it. I've had it. And I was like, I'm not going to church anymore. So then my sister and I jump bandwagon on her and we're like, Write us either and my dad down cousin live it.

[01:16:28]

Really. My father was livid. My father still goes to church every Sunday. He was raised in an intensely Irish Catholic family. They used to say the rosary every Friday night while on their knees in the fucking living room. It got said on TV they did it to you didn't go out for Friday night until you did that like intense, intense. And I didn't know that. Yeah. So it's a big part of my family. But I think well, first of all, we were just willing to fight with my dad, which was.

[01:16:59]

It was scary and very loud, and you had your mom on your side, which probably helped a lot. It helped immensely. But also it was the kind of thing of ultimately you can't I mean, it doesn't being forced to do something is going to automatically make you not want to do it anymore. So if my dad knew his stuff, he would have been like, great, never come out again. And we would have been like, miss it, the incense or whatever, which is what ended up I ended up doing when I got into my 30s.

[01:17:29]

And I was like, well, actually that made me it did make me feel good to have structure and to be thinking about something like once a week instead of just myself every goddamn day.

[01:17:39]

I do. I think with Judaism it's a little and because we were so lax, it's easier. But I didn't have a bar mitzvah and I did have a really unpleasant experience with Hebrew school. And so then and then, you know, with punk rock and sci fi and shit. Yeah. I just really anti God and that and that in the structure and, you know, organized religion rebelled against that.

[01:18:07]

Also its spirituality is in you. So they can't really what you believe or don't believe. You know, if you're if what you're saying is I don't go, I won't go to this place anymore, I won't do this thing with you. That's you living your life. There's not a lot there's not a lot they can do. Well, this is a good one come any job interview advice, I'm about to graduate nursing school and I'm a little anxious about some curveballs.

[01:18:34]

They might throw my way if they. Sorry, that's Julian. Sorry. That's Juliana Jorges. When they say, what are some of your weaknesses? The correct answer is, I don't know. I guess I sometimes I just try too hard to be perfect. That's always the answer. I don't know. Sometimes I get too invested in a project and just give it, you know, so much like they just want you to be there. I'll do a bit more old fashioned.

[01:19:01]

Like, here's my piece of advice for you is when you go to be interviewed, pretend you already got another job. That's better, because when you're in a job interview, what people are looking for is confidence and experience.

[01:19:17]

And so if you're there like kind of in that I hope they pick me mode, which affects you mentally and physically and kind of go out of style, then they'll they'll see you as lesser if you go in with kind of confidence and a like a bit of a spring in your step, like you're I'm the one you should pick.

[01:19:38]

And it's up to you whether or not you want this. But but actually, I already have another gig. You're lucky to be bathing me kind of thing. Yes. That's it's all about confidence because and we all know this once you get the job, it's all about confidence. You're trying to tell that person I'm I'm smart, I'm competent. I have I have what it takes to have this job. So you have to believe it and you have to convey it.

[01:20:00]

And so that you don't you don't have the choice of being not being confident because you just won't get the job if you go in there kind of like hoping with that kind of pick me, that energy never gets picked because you have to think if they're interviewing ten people, they're going to be looking for the person that kind of comes in and shines.

[01:20:20]

So think of yourself when you're really shiny, what the circumstances are when you feel that way about yourself and then fake it in that way and also dress up no matter what job you're fucking interviewing for, where your fucking nicest you don't wear a fucking ball gown, but like your Sunday best, like look like you give a shit what they think about you. And so you look like clean cut, you've got your shit together and you cared about this interview.

[01:20:51]

Look like you care about the interview if you really want the job.

[01:20:54]

Yeah. You know. They're like that nurses really overdress, why is nurse wearing a fucking ball gown and glove and finger gloves?

[01:21:04]

I wear that in the E.R.. OK.

[01:21:10]

This is from H. Heintz, a random woman had been giving my cell phone number to companies that Spam call me for years, literally has been happening since I was in high school, and I'm twenty eight now.

[01:21:24]

The only thing I know is that her name is Lindsay. Any advice about how to get it to stop change your phone number.

[01:21:34]

Mean it's high time. I know you think everyone has ever known you is going to call you and be like well this is not her number anymore. I guess I'm never going to hear from her again. Click It's just change the fucking phone number. Change the number also to it's easy to random women out there. Don't give out an actual phone number to an actual wrong number. That's an actual number. You're fucking someone over. Yeah.

[01:21:57]

Whatever that person's doing and for whatever reason they're doing it, just remove yourself from the situation. It's not interesting. It's not there's no like you're not going to get revenge or something.

[01:22:08]

It's just, you know, being weird. I don't want to give you my number instead of and also say it with me now, eight six seven five three oh nine.

[01:22:16]

That's the number you give out, right? All the youngsters who've never heard that song that were just like, oh, wait, it's not the it doesn't matter what company. Write it down. Eight six seven five three nine with whatever area code change that number. It's it's time to update it. It's going to be good to shed a bunch of other people that, you know, make them work for it.

[01:22:38]

Yeah, why not. Oh, here's the good one. This is from Hanner Banana ninety three.

[01:22:43]

Hey it's got to be a banana or ninety three asks how do you know what to talk about in therapy every time. Sometimes no pressing issues come up and others feel too big to start talking about and then I'm just like cringe face emoji when she asks me what I want to talk about.

[01:23:03]

Oh go dancer.

[01:23:05]

Talk about this. This is you talking to your therapist about how hard it is for you to crack open and you're worried about levels, sizes, blah, blah, blah.

[01:23:17]

What I hear is that they provide you. Yes. It's not a one way street.

[01:23:23]

It's a two way street. That's such a that is such a great point. I have a big, hard time with this. And my main therapist now is catching on to this that like I need you to talk. I need you to talk.

[01:23:34]

And the reason is because I don't I don't open up to people and I need you to pull it out of me.

[01:23:41]

And that might take six fucking months. And that's OK as long as they know that. Also, you don't need to go to therapy with a monologue and any good therapist will know that, you know, this is awkward for you and weird and like with my mom, that my therapy with my mom, I was like talking to my therapist about it.

[01:24:02]

Like, I guess I'll just let her leave and I'll say things when I need to say things. And she was like, that's not your job. Like, you don't have to give it over to the therapist. You just have to be there. It's not your job to to know how the therapy session is going to go.

[01:24:18]

And also, this is actually we can widen this out to life. Yeah. Is you don't have to control interactions. You don't have to control anything. It's all an improvisation. So you can show up and not know and just be quiet. You can feel awkwardness and do nothing about it. You can sit there and be people aren't going to be like, what's her fucking problem like? That never happens. That's just anxiety in your mind going it's supposed to be this, but I'm doing this.

[01:24:49]

That's made up. It's you. So if you go to therapy and you have something that you think is wrong size that you want to talk about, you need to start talking about what you're that that's the first step worry of. I'm not sure how to do this. I need you to help me more. Well, the first the two things I've learned is that the moment, the times when I go into therapy being like I have nothing to talk about are the best sessions deal with sessions, because sometimes it's like I need to talk about what Vince said to me this week.

[01:25:20]

And it's like, well, then you're only talking about that. But when I have nothing to talk about, then some weird shit that I didn't expect comes up. And that's when you're the most honest and, you know, the most insightful. Yeah.

[01:25:31]

Like, let it surprise you, because when you have a plan, oftentimes it's like I'm here to lodge my complaint. Right. And it's like that's actually kind of not that interesting because you're not talking about yourself. Right? You're trying to get someone on your side. So to get to what you can do and like that's valid to. But if you actually want to make a little internal progress that you can feel you're going to have to barf up some shit.

[01:25:56]

And sometimes. Well, I just and say and that's that's a way harder thing to do. You can't just do it on your own. Like, it can't just be that if you have a therapist that sits there in silence, like an 80s movie of. It's I would never be able to have a therapist like that.

[01:26:13]

Yeah, it wouldn't work as a joke in my family when we went to family therapy is that when I was a kid? Was the therapist always says, and how does that make you feel?

[01:26:22]

And it's just like, Shenae, why are you asked? That's a terrible fucking leading question. Of course, that makes me feel shitty when my brother fucking punches things like what do you expect? But the other thing, too, about that is like opening up like that. It might take a long time and you need to come every session with an issue that you want to discuss. And that's OK. They're finding out about you and your personality. And then suddenly in month five, they they have they have been there for all of those problems you've had.

[01:26:53]

And so you finally trust them and they can ask some question and also those awkward silences that I've always felt like I needed to fill. And that was my responsibility. If it's awkward, then it's my fault. And how am I going to fix that? Is that not everyone feels those and silences don't have to be awkward. They could be thoughtful and they could be well.

[01:27:13]

And there's more people than you in the mix so whatever you're feeling doesn't dictate what's happening. It's like that's just that's something that you have to deal with and like. But in a therapy session, if you're starting to feel like there's a way to do it or something or that there's some that you're being judged, maybe then you have to talk to your therapist about that and you have to put it on the table because then whatever information they give you will let you know.

[01:27:42]

Should I even be in this therapy relationship with you? Are you not the right there? They might not be. Yeah, but I feel like more often than not, their intuitive enough to know what you're doing and what angle you're trying to push and how you're trying to lead it and how how deflective that is about. And I'm talking about you person, but I'm talking about me, how deflective it is to always have an issue to bring and always have a thing you want to talk about and intellectualise your issues, that they're fucking smarter than that and they know.

[01:28:16]

And eventually they're going to figure out a way to break that down. And that's when you get into the real the real shit.

[01:28:22]

And look, it's scary to do that. It's very hard to do that. And to start really getting into real shit is it doesn't happen the first, like you're just saying, the first couple months, like you do have to kind of get warmed up and and get to know each other and get into it a little bit so that they can start guiding you through to the places where you really need to go to be talking about yourself, because ultimately that's, you know, the first four years of therapy.

[01:28:51]

I had so many complaint lists and things I needed to report on and and I was right, you know what I mean? There's my mom was sick. My job to my sister. This my there was lots of stuff.

[01:29:03]

Eventually, though, you you start to. You start to realize that all of that is your way of deflecting and your way of basically pointing the finger at someone else because you feel like if you point the finger at yourself, you're going to die. Right. And you're not it just takes a long time. It's patterns that they notice. Whenever my therapist is like, well, I remember one time you mention this and it's something I said three fucking months ago and it mirrors what I'm saying today.

[01:29:34]

It's just it blows my mind because you don't think they're paying that much attention, but really they're not. It's just who they know who you are at that point. Right. Which is comforting the guys. That's it. That's what we're doing. That was our. That's the advice Q&A. Yeah. Did it help? We'll never know. All right.

[01:29:52]

Fucking here is my fucking ray is after four years of trying and one traumatizing loss, I spent today wrapping gifts for my seven month old daughter's first Christmas despite covid. I am so excited about my first holiday season as a mom and then a little heart.

[01:30:11]

Congratulations. What an amazing moment.

[01:30:15]

Such an amazing holiday. Because of that, I know there's nothing better than kids in the holidays. It really makes it real. It's so sweet. That's the reason for the season. And cats and four cats too. OK, this is from Piper Brinn, my fucking her is that today I'm celebrating seven years of recovery from my eating disorder. Oh, yeah.

[01:30:38]

Thank thank you, ladies, for your transparency about the topic and other mental health issues on the show. You both serve as a constant inspiration. And I am so thankful for the podcast. Congratulations, Piper.

[01:30:49]

That's huge. Seven, seven years. That's huge. That's incredible. It's great. Wow.

[01:30:56]

OK, this is from the fan called. It's from Liani and it says, My fucking array is I'm an indigenous bead artist. And in mid-September, I put a call out on Instagram for people to send me their extra or unused beads so I could put beating kits together for incarcerated indigenous people in Canada. Wow.

[01:31:18]

The response was enormous. And we have received literally hundreds of pounds of beads and beading supplies. We're going to be able to supply many correctional facilities with beading supplies and even have enough to offer kits to other organizations that work with indigenous families, people in recovery and at risk youth. To many indigenous people, including myself, beadwork is medicine. I'm so grateful to have such amazing Instagram followers who have come together to bring this medicine to indigenous people who need it.

[01:31:48]

Fucking hurray. And then on Instagram there at only child handicraft, so only child and then handy with an eye crap's.

[01:31:58]

That is awesome. Amazing. Honey, that's beautiful work. And I bet you there's a ton of Bernadino Crafter's Beta's have leftover beads that would love to get in on that action. Absolutely. That's so rad. That's great. OK, let's see. This one is from Bonsoir Ryan. And it says this is also from I believe from the fan called and it says Fun fact at the top. I apparently can't spell hurray without spell check.

[01:32:29]

I get it.

[01:32:30]

Anyhow, after nearly a year of random episodes of excruciating abdominal pain, I told my anxiety around hospitals to take a walk and went to the doctor. So that's big.

[01:32:42]

She sent me out for an ultrasound because she suspected it may be more serious than the ulcers I thought I was dealing with. Twenty twenty has been a party. Lo and behold, she was right. I have been developing gallstones and it had been going on for so long that my gallbladder is pretty much just a sec rough.

[01:33:00]

Oh, I had my consult with my surgeon this week and I'll be getting my gallbladder out just before Christmas. What a kind gift body. You really shouldn't know. Thankfully, it's a super minor surgery, so I'll be able to go home a few hours after. Oh, thank God. Yeah. And the recovery time is pretty fast anyway. Don't ignore your body signs of distress and fucking hurray for doctors, especially during a pandemic where your goddamn masks and for the medical advances we've made throughout history that taking out an organ can be considered a minor thing.

[01:33:33]

I love Ryan. P.S. If you're concerned about having gallstones yourself, talk to a doctor. Google is not an adequate substitution for medical care. Don't make my mistake of trying to self diagnose and treat.

[01:33:46]

Oh, that's such an important message because especially right now, I'm not going to the dentist, which is really hard for me and troubling. And like, I could have some mouth cancer at some point, just like go and get these little things that have been bugging you. Like you, you shouldn't be in discomfort and you shouldn't be in pain.

[01:34:05]

It's a sign of things. And, you know, like what you just said when you let things go or you don't address things that you're worried about, your anxiety starts telling you terrible story and then you're in a whole other area that you do not need to be in Georgia. You don't have mouth cancer. You just don't it's not true.

[01:34:25]

It's a thing of like when you've been in pain for three and a half years or dizzy and you don't know what it is and you're just too scared to go to the doctor and then you go and it takes one fucking appointment with the right person to fix it completely. And then, yes, you can pay attention to other things. It's sometimes just like a good dentist that puts his hand on your arm and says you don't have gum cancer, which is what I thought when I finally went to the dentist after four years of not going and I had split gums and all these things that I was so I was just like, he's going to send me from here straight to Cedars because this is so bad.

[01:34:58]

And I was telling myself all those kinds of stories and he was just like, no, none of that is true. You need to go to the dentist and get your plaque removed. That's all you had. That was inspiring to me as a mammogram. And I'm 40 now and I haven't had one. I'm really scared of it. And you had one. And it was scary, but it was. Now, you don't have to worry for the next couple of years about this huge thing.

[01:35:22]

Right. And just like so many things, it was only scary beforehand. When you go to and I'm sure you know the place, UCLA is the greatest and the people that work there are amazing and murdering those work there, there's all kinds of lovely people all over the place.

[01:35:38]

It is not a scary experience. There are really qualified women's medical, women's nurses, medical techs and doctors who know exactly what they're doing. They guide you so nicely and they know everyone is scared because it's like, oh, this possibility is so worrisome and they're they're so good at guiding you through. It's the unknown, I think, in every facet of life. That's scary. And, you know, yeah, if you take care of yourself, there's always a way to figure shit out and just.

[01:36:08]

Yeah, and just the story you tell yourself is usually a hundred times worse than the reality with anything. Everything we've answered, every question we've answered today is that the reality is that not knowing and not asking and not finding out is way scarier than knowing, because then you have no action steps to take and you don't know how to move forward, which is the most important thing in life, I think.

[01:36:30]

Yeah.

[01:36:30]

And also sometimes people don't know it's your birthday and you're fine and you're the only one that knows it's your birthday and it'll be fine. You'll be fine. Yeah. Yeah, you will be all right.

[01:36:42]

Well it will be. We plan it. Well, look, once it's over and we did it all together back in December, it's the last couple of weeks of twenty twenty, we're all getting together. A silver lining is dawning. Good things are happening all over the place. I saw on CNN, I saw a clip on Twitter of thing on CNN. A 90 year old man in England got vaccinated for covid this morning and they interviewed him. It was one it look it up.

[01:37:13]

It's so funny and great. And he's so he's just said, I haven't died so far. I might as well keep keep living. It was the greatest quote. Yes.

[01:37:23]

All people I love like there's the here comes the sun, everybody. So it now more than ever stay sexy and don't get murdered. Good bye. Yeah. Elvis, you want a cookie and that boy.