Transcribe your podcast
[00:00:01]

This is exactly right. Hello and welcome to my favorite murder, the Minnesota in Georgia's closet. That's right. And Karen's second bedroom. That's right. What do you call that room? It's a guest room gastronome because there's only two. So I don't want to start counting off extra bedrooms because it ends the list ends at this one.

[00:00:42]

Well, you've actually had guests and you're in that second bedroom. I, I think I have to call mine a second bedroom because there's never been a guest because it's purely for the bed. That's the guest. There's no bed. There's a fork. There's it's like almost like a do not sit here.

[00:00:57]

If you're not Vince or George are saying, oh well then look, that's how you want your house to be. What better time than the pandemic to have a house like that right now?

[00:01:06]

No one's will be perfect. How are you? Perfect. Good. How are you? Good. I'll be honest. As you know, I just had to take Georgia. George Miller, please don't take me to the vet to take my dog to the vet because she's I could tell she had like a bad tooth. She looked unhappy. She was she's she does some Loman's and she's been drooling a lot. So I had to drive her up there and on the freeway up to the vet.

[00:01:34]

I had a panic attack on the freeway because it all kind of started to start sitting on me of like, what's happening and right. Is it I was like, oh, no drive to pull off the freeway and start breathing weird or whatever. And then this voice, I don't know where it came from because I never am this nice to myself. This voice came in that went, of course, you're having a panic attack. What are you supposed to be doing?

[00:01:58]

Of course you are. And then it all went away almost immediately.

[00:02:01]

I think I watch it and be like, yeah, it's all right. Yes. What the hell are we supposed to be doing? Treat yourself like George is George is truth.

[00:02:12]

Be gentle with your gentle drawl a lot because you're smiling, because you're rotten to the core. I just looked over at her laughing and then she started. She started laughing. Oh, she was her tail. Can you see that?

[00:02:29]

Gee, you like your tail. Oh, there's a tape.

[00:02:32]

Here it is there. Right. There it is.

[00:02:35]

Hey, OK, we got a frank one too. All right. This is the. So no, sorry, but I forgot we're recording.

[00:02:45]

Oh, I was just holding up my Skype to my dogs on a podcast. Guys, it was my appellee. I know it's true. How are you guys doing? We're here for you, everybody. I'm in my closet because it sounds good in here, but I think I don't think I can do this anymore. No, you're going to have to search. This is going to be your homework assignment. Search the rest of your house for another spot.

[00:03:07]

You can do it. Yeah, I'm doing it up in that attic, girl. That's the third bedroom, actually. The crawl space. Yes.

[00:03:19]

You get in there. Should we read stuff? Do you want to go first? I think it's time. The subject line of this email is Who Killed Big Daddy? MFM gang. I've been listening to your podcast for years and I've always meant to send in this story. It's not my hometown, but it is about someone I knew. Fabio Simoncelli was a hairstylist, educator and the VP of a hair company originally from Canada. He split his time between Toronto and L.A. He had a huge welcoming smile and he was known in the hair industry is Big Daddy, partly because he looked like a big, friendly Santa Claus and also for his big friendly heart.

[00:03:54]

I only met him a few times, but he was seriously just a good guy. Everyone who met him liked him. He just had one of those awesome personalities. OK, we get it. So something that's going to happen to Big Daddy. Oh, great. That's it. Set it in the subject line in January. Twenty seventeen. We were shocked to learn that Fabio had been stabbed to death in a brutal carjacking outside his L.A. home. In broad daylight, he was discovered by his own daughter.

[00:04:22]

And that's horrible. Everyone who knew him was devastated. It was a huge loss. It was a brutal crime and it seemed a bit fishy. His expensive car had been stolen, but then ditched not far from his home. Why would you kill someone for their car only to ditch it? A couple blocks later, shock turned to anger. Five months later, when we found out that his wife of 20 years and her lover were arrested for first degree murder.

[00:04:45]

The two allegedly had an affair and decided to kill Fabio for his one point six million dollar life insurance policy. Reports say that the two were partying in Vegas shortly after the murder, even though publicly she was playing the sad widow. Both alleged killers are still awaiting trial, apparently slated for this spring or summer. I hope that once the trial is over, justice will be served for this amazing guy who was taken too soon. He's truly missed. Thanks for all that you do.

[00:05:13]

Virginia from Ottawa, Canada.

[00:05:16]

Oh, that's so sad. And to have his daughter find it on. If that was part of the plan, what an evil act will do it, but that would have been the mother's plan. So I mean, that mother. Maybe it was like, oh, God.

[00:05:31]

But but also just like so shortsighted and awful. Horrible. Know another horrible email. Thank you.

[00:05:37]

That's what it's all about. OK, clap, clap. This says Steven. My uncle was murdered by a serial killer. Yes, I. Then it starts. Yes. I just channeled my most YouTube ask click bait title, but I promise it's worth it. At a live show in Columbus, Georgia, beautifully covered serial killer Donald Harvey. However, a specific murderer was left out. Arguably, Donald Harvey's most violent murder.

[00:06:02]

That of my great uncle. Oh, yeah. It's just like, great job, Georgia. You fucked up, which is a really great way to tell someone they fucked up. I don't feel attacked at all for. Oh, good. Yeah, because you are I'm from Bum Fuck London, Kentucky, which apart from priding itself on giving Colonel Sanders his start in opening the first KFC restaurant. Yeah. What more do you want. I know. Which is celebrated every September downtown in the annual World Chicken Festival in which they bring in the world's largest skillet and serve chicken in it.

[00:06:35]

I swear I'm not shitting you right now. You can Google this shit. London also gave Donald Harvey his career as an orderly at Marymount Hospital. Oh, yeah.

[00:06:45]

And he was the angel of death who killed like eighty something people. And he was awful. And I definitely left some stuff out because it's hard to talk about that stuff on stage.

[00:06:53]

And this one is also when people have A-T, when their victims are up in the eighties and when it gets that high, the research becomes so intense, it becomes really problematic because there's so many people to name and talk about. And our show is only two and a half hours long.

[00:07:10]

So, um, OK, so Marymount Hospital, while he was there, he unfortunately crossed paths with my 81 year old great uncle in 1970. This was actually unfortunate for both of them. Their relationship really kicked off when Donald Harvey tripped over my uncle's drainage tube and ripped his catheter out of his penis shortly after. I know rumor has it that my uncle started paying attention to him and frequently calling him a demon from hell.

[00:07:38]

The rumor was that for some reason my uncle was suspicious of him. And when Harvey entered his room in the middle of the night, my uncle hid behind the door and hit Harvey over the head with a urinal, and he knocked Harvey unconscious and then poured the contents of the urinal on him. An eighty one year old?

[00:07:58]

Yeah, he was taken to the emergency room on a stretcher while my uncle told the orderlies that he thought he was a burglar fucking with a serial killer. Now we get to the murderer.

[00:08:07]

Why are you sneaking into an old man's room in the middle of the night? Because you're a serial killer. Because you're a killer, right?

[00:08:14]

Once Harvey was released and went back to work, he once again snuck into my uncle's room. In the middle of the night. Georgia mentioned that one of Harvey's favorite means of punishment was to use improper sized catheters on patients. OK, Harvey proceeded to give my uncle a size twenty one catheter intended for a female instead of the standard size eighteen for males. And then I never do this either. But I'm not reading the next line. If you want to read more, find more about his awful deeds, you can do so online.

[00:08:42]

My uncle immediately went to shock and fell into a coma shortly after he died four days later from the trauma he suffered. The entirety of my uncle's story is featured in the book defending Donald Harvey, written by his attorney. So here's a few updates for you. As you all may know, Donald Harvey was beaten to death in his cell in prison in twenty seventeen by another inmate, James Elliott, who has since been charged with the crime. As for London, Marymount Hospital is now closed.

[00:09:07]

And not only did they close, they tore that bitch down not long after.

[00:09:12]

I guess that's our way of saying, hey, we're sorry. We knew this guy was causing deaths of patients and swept it under the rug to avoid bad press. We'll just tear the whole place down and pretend it never happened. Sorry for the big fat fucking bummer, ladies. I love you all dearly, and you'll never cease to make me feel better when things seem too dark. Please keep fighting the good fight and don't you dare stop recording. Stay sexy, Sarah.

[00:09:32]

Wow, Sarah.

[00:09:33]

Sarah. That's probably easily our most catheter based email that we've ever had, which is automatically uncomfortable for everyone involved.

[00:09:45]

Consider stories, guys. Send us your catheters. This guy just got a call out Regathered and Cathar stories.

[00:09:56]

We're just like those late night reruns. I used to constantly wake up on the couch at like 3:00 in the morning with a really loud catheter commercial. I would just be like, oh my God, it's happening in my life.

[00:10:08]

That's what you get when you watch old timey like detective shows is just catheter and mesh sponge. I don't know what they're called truly heart to heart. And then. Yeah. Don't feel Yoma mesothelioma if you or a loved one has mesothelioma. All right. All right. Ready for this next one, more badness on the way. My badass aunt stayed sexy and did not get murdered. Hello, amazing lady Steven and furry creatures heard the request for survival survival stories in the latest Minnesota.

[00:10:40]

And I figured I'd send this one. Last week, my mom and I were on the phone. Hello, social distancing boredom. And I was asking her what it's been like living so many places that have an active serial killers. During their collective reign of terror. They moved to Rancho Cordova, which is a suburb of Sacramento, during the height of the east area rapist, Golden State killer from the Bay Area where the Zodiac Zodiac had been active years earlier.

[00:11:06]

Good old Northtown, the 70s, am I right? Yes, you are. Then my mom says to me, you know, your aunt was kidnapped as a teenager, right? What's all caps? Apparently, when my aunt was 16, she had just gotten her driver's license. She wanted to run to the store one night and my grandparents reluctantly let her go.

[00:11:25]

She just needed one thing and it had it had been cold. So she ran in and left the card door unlocked so she could jump back in quickly. After she got in and started driving, a man set up in the back seat and pulled a gun out, told her to keep driving or he was going to kill her. He had he had her drive to the beach about an hour away, forced her out onto the beach where he raped her and then started choking her.

[00:11:48]

So my quick thinking aunt pretended to pass out and played dead. This asshole then got in her car and drove away thinking she was dead, leaving my aunt stranded naked on the beach. She made her way back to the highway where she got help. The police caught the guy in my aunt's car and he was arrested. Found out later that he had raped and killed two other women in the area. Shortly before he tried to kill my aunt. Many years later, my grandfather told my mom that he had a bad feeling that night when she was leaving, and he almost got in their other car and followed her just to be safe.

[00:12:21]

But he decided not to because he thought that she would be upset. And then in all caps, it says, Always listen to your gut. My aunt stayed sexy and went on to become an amazing human who, despite having many awful things happen to her somehow has managed to be one of the most positive and kindest people I know. Love you ladies. Give Elvis a cookie for me. Stay sexy and don't get covid-19. Laura.

[00:12:43]

Oh, my God. What a harrowing story. Yeah, it's so crazy what some people go through in their lives and can still be positive afterwards. You know, it just makes you not they flourish. The fight you're having with your neighbor, right? Exactly. Exactly. It gives nice perspective. Yeah. OK, this one I was going to read last week, but then you read that one beautiful one and there was no way to follow it.

[00:13:05]

So let me. OK, this one's called Nannas Condoms.

[00:13:12]

Nice call. Nice editorial call on the fly, Georgia. Thank you. You're like, let me follow that up with nannas condoms. Let's try nannas condoms. Hi. I'm such a fan of the podcasts. Well, you created and you each as human beings. Thank you. This is mostly a bad ass Grandma Bragge story, but in the theme of grandparents squirreling things away, my Nana Bonnie was widowed at thirty seven, losing her 40 year old husband to pancreatic cancer.

[00:13:39]

Oh, she was the strongest lady I've ever known. Got a job, raise their three kids on her own, sent them all to college and never remarried or even really dated. She always said she married her husband for life and wasn't interested in anyone else.

[00:13:52]

Oh, shit. I'm going to crush.

[00:13:54]

I know she was the kind of lady that walked a mile every morning well into her eighties, made the best grits, quilted Christmas stockings for my future children. She wouldn't get to me and always asked me if I wanted a cup of coffee as she made hers. Even when I was like eight. I could go on and on about her, but I'll get to it. Do you want a cup of coffee? Eight year old?

[00:14:14]

It's oh, that's so my aunt Kathleen. The kitchen coffee and like always having some kind of a like and Simmons.

[00:14:24]

She's Danish on the table. Yeah. My little slice of Danish. Yeah. Oh my God. Eight year old Karen. How do you take your coffee. I mean, I just love the way everybody else is having it and then get me a beer too. I'd rather have that cap on my dad's beer. After her husband died, she found out that she no longer had a need for certain items. My thirty seven year old Nana walked into her backyard gardening sharbel.

[00:14:51]

My thirty seven year old Nana walked into her backyard gardening shovel in hand and proceeded to bury her unused condoms. And then it says in all caps, because obviously I wish I had asked her more before we lost her seven years ago. Oh, my sister, mom and I can figure out is that she was too much of a proper Southern lady to risk making the man blush when you saw the condoms in the trash. Yeah, I honestly don't even know.

[00:15:17]

But I smile to think of her digging in her backyard thinking that. Was the best place to dispose of condoms. She knew she didn't need since the love of her life was gone and I smile thinking of the person who I hope has since discovered this buried treasure. Stay sexy and be like Bonnie Anna in South Carolina.

[00:15:35]

Oh, Bonnie. She was like, well, it's just not we just can't have people looking at these.

[00:15:40]

I don't it's my business.

[00:15:42]

It's just not proper. You can't flushed down the toilet. Oh, that trash man. He'll go right down the street and start talking about my conscience. If I throw them in there, they go right under the geraniums. OK, everyone in South Carolina, dig up your yard and see if you can find 1970s condoms in their dark world.

[00:15:59]

They are.

[00:16:00]

It's their Trojan brand, but they're filled with glitter. OK. Bonanos, an innocent man, gets hit by a flying pickle bananas. A Texas woman wakes up with a British accent, Bonanos a duck, enters a pub, drinks a beer and fights a dog. I'm Kurt Braunohler and I am Bananas.

[00:16:25]

I'm Scotty Landis and I am bananas.

[00:16:28]

On each episode of the world famous Bananas podcast, Scotty and I serve you a steaming hot pile of the silliest news stories from around the world.

[00:16:36]

It's a lighthearted look at our big stupid planet, and we invite you to laugh with us and add us as we try to make sense of it all. But wait, there's more.

[00:16:44]

We have guests, glorious, talented, hilarious guests who give bananas its pizzazz.

[00:16:50]

I might get sued from here to kingdom come for saying this, but the Bananas podcast has more pizzazz than any other podcast since 1992 and I don't care who knows it.

[00:17:00]

So whether you're bored at work or in your car, bored at home or buying boards at a lumber yard, it's time to stuff your ears with bananas. New episodes of Banana Slip on to Apple Stitcher, Spotify, or wherever you listen every Tuesday to put down your tacos and pick up our bananas.

[00:17:15]

Now with more pizzazz, bananas. Hey, all, we are Wendy and Beth, she's Wendy and I'm Beth, and we want to tell you about a podcast that we host called Froot Loops Serial Killers of Color, Froot Loops as a podcast about true crimes committed by people of color and the victims that we don't hear or know much about.

[00:17:42]

Contrary to popular belief, not all serial killers are straight cis gender white dudes. No, ma'am.

[00:17:48]

Join us at Froot Loops as we tell fascinating stories of true crimes committed by people of color and their victims that often go untold by the mainstream media. As we dive into these cases, we get into the historical and cultural context of the crimes and the criminals in order to get a sense of what might have influenced the perpetrators and led to the crimes. Well, that's right. New episodes drop every Thursday on Apple podcast, Spotify, Stitcher or wherever you get your podcast from.

[00:18:17]

So until then, look alive, y'all. It's crazy out there.

[00:18:26]

This is my last one, it's it's an uplifting one, I won't read the subject line because it's it's an indicator.

[00:18:33]

Hello and welcome back. You might be my favorite one yet. Hello and welcome. I live in Washington State and here we have a restaurant called The Rack. Sorry, the rock.

[00:18:49]

I didn't know my glasses on. I'm going to make this. I want to plus this one plussed up. I mean, honestly, the rock sounds more of a restaurant than the rock.

[00:18:58]

You know, I was thinking of like a fun place to to drink and dance and show your rock off to people. But don't don't they call, pull, pull, pull tables, rocking the balls or something? I don't know. Yeah, yeah. Rack them up. Rack them up. Anyway, she's talking about the rock, the restaurant, the rock. Basically a fancy bar, a bit fancy bar, food, pizza with strange hipster ingredients.

[00:19:20]

They have these drinks that are made in little sand buckets like the kind you give a five year old when you go to the beach. That's hilarious. No, I'm using the Instagram. We want plates where they just it's just photos from restaurants of people trying to put kitschy food on kitschy fake plates. This would be perfect for that. But you can't use these are there drinks are in the buckets. That's how big they're mix drinks are. This is like this is a party bar for sure.

[00:19:47]

So this person says, sorry, one night of a few of my friends and I had too many buckets and we were obnoxiously buzzed after we left. Don't worry, we had a designated driver. We hit the back roads and drove past an Italian restaurant. As we drove by, I looked at the window at the exact right time and saw a girl collapse outside the Italian place. I screamed for my friend to pull into the parking lot and I was basically out of the car before she put it in park.

[00:20:12]

The girl I saw collapsing was having a seizure. My years, my years of Grey's Anatomy training kicked in and I turned her on her side, made sure someone was calling 911, etc.. Paramedics came and helped her. Turns out she was an employee and was just trying to have a smoke break after her stressful night. If I hadn't looked over at that time, if my friends and I weren't responsible with a sober driver, things could have gone so horribly and someone could have lost their daughter, sister or friend.

[00:20:39]

I don't remember her name, but if you're in. But if you're a murderer, anyone listening just know that I think about you often and hope you're OK. It's nice to know that even after mass amounts of alcohol, I can act correctly in serious situations. That is the best feeling. Stay sexy, have a designated driver and binge watch. Binge watch medical shows that you can be a doctor when you need to. Dev, I love my Grey's Anatomy training.

[00:21:03]

It wasn't like it was. It was training for me using Dev.

[00:21:07]

I'm very proud of you. I love that you got involved. I love that you were drunk, but still paying attention to other people. But you won't die from a seizure. As a person who's had many of them. It's very noble. But you're you're not a fuckin 9/11 responders. So just relax. Just kidding.

[00:21:24]

Just kidding. Just kidding. Care and take it all down. I literally I woke up and she had she had called the ambulance. I would have been like, what the fuck? I have to pay like seven grand now. Yeah. That was I used to always tell people that if I even slightly thought I might have a seizure, I'd be like, do not call 911 one. I can't pay for it as they're freaking the fuck out. Yeah.

[00:21:43]

I'm like, too bad you have to freak out. It's worth seven thousand dollars to me. Maybe. I mean, let's talk about the health care system right now. Oh, my God. You OK? This one my last ones called Corona Coronavirus. Bright spot. Hi all. I just finished listening to Monday's Maxcy said where you asked for uplifting stories amid this time of fear and uncertainty. So I thought I'd share. I work as a nurse and the level four neonatal intensive care unit.

[00:22:09]

We're very sick and very tiny babies are cared for. And as you can imagine, many of the nurses and staff working here are women with families and young children. Now that all the schools and daycares in Minnesota have been shut down, these families have been left without child care. However, as soon as it was announced the schools were closed, other nurses in the unit without children immediately started volunteering to provide child care for their coworkers who were left in the lurch.

[00:22:34]

The front desk. I know the front desk secretaries are now working on putting together a spreadsheet to coordinate people who are available to watch kids and those who need childcare. Needless to say, I love my coworkers and I'm so proud that we have built a community that is willing to help each other out in the most dire of circumstances. I hope this story helps you feel a little less like the world is falling apart and makes you feel a little bit better about your fellow humans.

[00:22:57]

I'm about to cry. Yeah, that's me, not the letter. Stay sexy and do something kind today, Jane.

[00:23:03]

P.S. You have quite a few. Mănescu You Serena here on our unit, who knew that people who help care for the tiniest and most vulnerable patients would also have such a fucked up hobby. But thank you, Jane, for sending that. I love that.

[00:23:19]

I also just having been raised by a nurse, nurses are so no shit. And they're just about like, let's take care of the problem and solve it and get it moving forward, like it's very similar to teachers where my sister was like, yeah, they told us in one day that we were no longer, like, going to be teaching that the kids weren't coming back to school. She goes in four hours, we had an at home teaching system set up.

[00:23:45]

Like, it's just so it's yeah, there's nothing powerful woman.

[00:23:50]

I swear to God. It's just like if people just get the fuck out of the way, we could really get some stuff done.

[00:23:55]

It's doer's. We're doers, you know, doers. We have had little choice. That's what we were raised and that's what society expects from us. But that's what we expect from ourselves. Shub, which is nothing. And also then I was just going to say and some of us have had a ton of doer's and so we're just ready to go with all we drink so much doer's in our life.

[00:24:14]

It seems like that was a fun pun. Georgia, you didn't. And I got too far away. Shit. Say it again, Doer's. Was it too. Is that too top shelf. I only had Karen Kilgariff and a time of crisis. Oh my God. She's racking up or she's racking them up. Rack them up at the rock at the rock get a bucket and drink it with your friend.

[00:24:39]

Drink a dirty bucket from the party supply store. Drink your full Long Island iced tea iced tea out of it.

[00:24:47]

Get your audience motherfucker in a bucket. You said the rock. I tell you right now. Thank you. Whoever is in charge upstairs that I don't drink anymore in this time of crisis because it would have been me on the phone with people. I shouldn't be calling and telling the neighbor stuff I shouldn't be saying and oh my God, the out of control robe in the street type of shit.

[00:25:14]

I would be doing this. Yeah, definitely trying to be careful. I'm definitely trying to be careful because. Yeah, I know me, I know me better than anyone.

[00:25:24]

I heard my neighbors next door for a second the other day. I thought they were having a party but they were just both singing Put your head on my shoulder at the same time, clearly drunk, yelling it like yell, singing it.

[00:25:35]

So first I was like, you can't be having a party right now. And then I'm like, oh my God, they're just doing it together. Did you start screaming, singing it back with them?

[00:25:42]

I said, shut up. No, I just kind of sat here like, oh, that's funny. Like, I don't know why that made me.

[00:25:49]

So at first I was like, stop gathering in groups of ten or more. I was like, oh no. It's like a couple slow dancing in the front room drunk 2:00 p.m..

[00:25:59]

Yeah, why not. That's what you got to do it.

[00:26:02]

Listen, look, we're all in this together. Where's Elvis? Come here, Elvis. We're all in this together and indorse.

[00:26:10]

I got it. I'll get later. Well thanks for. Please write in. Please don't send us your catheters. Send us more positive stories. Send us stories about how you're coping and what's going on.

[00:26:20]

We want to hear stories of positivity from the quarantine because we know they're out there. We see them on social media, but it's more fun to tell everybody at once.

[00:26:27]

So if you have them, let even the little things, little things, big things, we like it all. What what else are we going to do?

[00:26:35]

Seriously, my favorite murder at Gmail and you know, and stay sexy and don't get murdered.

[00:26:41]

Go by. Elvis, you want a cookie?