Happy Scribe
[00:00:01]

This is exactly right. Hello and welcome to my favorite murder, the many, so that's right. That's Karen Kilgariff over there. That's George Stark way over there. Hi. Well, what's up? Everybody going on? What's up? This isn't the episode where we talk about that. But just keep in mind, let us know what's up in a couple of days.

[00:00:41]

Oh, George and Frank are letting us know what. Sorry, they're out. I have neighbors who are partying and I want to judge them. And I want to like, you know, call whoever. But then I remembered and all they're doing is like every once in a while there'll be one dude that goes like, whoa oh, like super loud with a guy.

[00:01:05]

And there's, you know, like the the old rebel in me is just like, fuck them.

[00:01:12]

And then I remembered in my when I was in my 20s and we sublet at a house, we made the next door neighbors move away. Oh my. Sell their home and move away. We were so loud.

[00:01:24]

Every single I am like, do you think it's like an Airbnb or sublet next door. It's a sublet. But it just started. And I think it's like people that are excited to have the place that they have.

[00:01:35]

Maybe it's really not so. So George, like my dogs will bark if a car door closes because they assume it's always coming here. And yeah.

[00:01:47]

Anyway, so they were like, no, that would drive you crazy, that would drive me fucking crazy.

[00:01:51]

But it's like it's a little bit like it made me go like the first wave of emotion was like God fucking damn it. And then I was going to like text, you know, text the owner or whatever, because he's super cool guy. And then I was just like, if I could have five friends over and you'll have one and be a dude that yells, woohoo, I would do it right. Totally. And it's also like you were that person once.

[00:02:13]

So I was that person to say, I'm jealous of those people. I've ruined people's real estate investments. I've ruined with my alcoholism. I've ruined plenty of other people's goodtimes. I can say where you've been, though. I figure I've been the Google guy. I've been in love with the blue who followed the woohoo guy around from party to party. I mean, there's so much that I just kind of like I was standing in my bathroom because the it's really quiet in here most of the time.

[00:02:44]

And then so it's like, well, it's literally like this guy's having the time of his life. But I'm like, you know, I love that he can still woo hoo. Meanwhile, you're fuckin quarantining and like, masking yourself.

[00:02:58]

And I, I don't get to drink Malibu coconut rum the way I really would like to. Sometimes I don't get to it. And this. Well, who is willing to smack down his gullet just partying in my face right here, partying right in my face and I have to take it and I have to eat it.

[00:03:18]

And that's my lot in life because the life I already lived, it's a test from the prom.

[00:03:23]

It's like if you were Buddhist, this would be the perfect time. It's you know, what it is instead of calling and being a narc. But the question I have to ask myself is, how do I get some more woo hoo into my life? Because it's not impossible. I need to open up to it. We all need and just pay a little extra woohoo in our lives. I need to find some my God. Dude in Chicago short.

[00:03:43]

Oh, no, no, Gary, you need to be the woohoo guy that that you want to see in other people.

[00:03:50]

No, I don't want to do the wooing anymore. I've done it all. I've been the guy I have the woohoo boyfriend that you want to see in other people. Yes. I need to start taking applications for woohoo guys in my own backyard and stop being jealous and and trying to keep up with the Joneses in the others. There's definitely the cargo shorts. There's puka shell necklace. There are flip flops for laughs I'm sure. OK, whatever it takes to get him into the into the yard to your just have a line up a bunch of white claws down the driveway and he looked like a white cloud.

[00:04:27]

Wow. And you and you line them up right into your heart.

[00:04:32]

Get over here, you little so-and-so. Bring your chairs over here. It was a real this just happened like ten minutes before we started recording and I was like standing in the bathroom, like, they're too loud.

[00:04:45]

And then I was like, what are you fucking hip? You're a hundred, dear. You're a hundred, you're a hundred, you're bitter.

[00:04:51]

And you made people move out of their homes and you were so loud.

[00:04:56]

That's amazing. OK, OK. Anyway, so my apologies, my apologies to everybody and everyone else's stories.

[00:05:02]

You guys send us your worst partying or. Oh no. Send us your worst Nabor stories. Right.

[00:05:07]

That's a great idea. Creepy, crazy weirdo neighbor neighbors that almost made you move or made you move or like what did that what's the worst thing a neighbor has done that like or that you've done to other neighbors? True, true, but we do want remember, not just like don't complain about your neighbors, we need there needs to be an element of creepiness, a good story, part of it. Something creepy. Yes, exactly.

[00:05:34]

Make sure that there's something there's something out of the ordinary. And again, we don't want hometown murder stories like we still want fucked up. So keep sending those checks. Yeah, but we're just trying to give you a little bit of an idea. Like, here's the thing. It makes me think of like everybody in college lived in fear. It didn't have to be like right next door, live near a creepy person that later on you're like, then we found out blah, blah, blah.

[00:05:57]

Like the manual labor was an asshole. Cat started disappearing and then it turned out, had made a cat army, and yet they all attacked.

[00:06:08]

Are you ready?

[00:06:09]

Yeah, well, that was the cue. And then they all came over the hill. Cat. Oh, motherfucker. Here we go. Be like, take me. You're like, fine, you insight's hold my wrists and sacrifice myself to the take me. OK, ok, we do it.

[00:06:29]

Yeah. Do you have a do you have a sweet ending. I have a funny ending. OK we go first.

[00:06:34]

OK, well this first one is badass grandma and a family murder rate which is a great combination. Hey pals, I've been listening for the last few days and I can't wait to listen every Monday. Sorry. Hey pals. I've been listening for the past four years.

[00:06:52]

Hold on sir. I was like, wow. Hey pals, I've been listening for the past few years and I can't wait to listen. Every Monday and Thursday I wake up excited for my morning commute. Oh, this must be an old one.

[00:07:08]

Anyways, like Karen always says, everyone in the eighties got divorced giving me four grandmas. And then in parentheses, I'm I'm twenty one. Well, honestly, I'm kind of glad it all happened because all of my grandmas or my best friends, they're all badass women fighting thirteen different rounds of cancers, the patriarchy all while raising a ton of children. One of my favorite stories is how in the last two elections, all of them secretly voted for Hillary because they all wanted to see a woman in the White House before they die.

[00:07:37]

Yes, they all are married to very conservative men in the South and didn't want to cause drama like the Southern Belles.

[00:07:43]

They are, but they wanted to see that dream come true.

[00:07:46]

And we I knew that we all, like, knew that was happening, right? Yes, that's definitely. Yeah. And you can do it again this year. Everyone more so we're so OK onto the murder is what it says in the event that wasn't me to you, my mother's step mom, my Mimi is an icon who drove sports cars in her twenties but became a Southern housewife who's now obsessed with Magnolia and keeping her house beautiful. When I was younger, I was staying with her and I asked how her dad died being nosy.

[00:08:16]

I thought it was going to be a heart attack or something. However, I was immediately shocked and interested when she told me he was murdered by my great, great uncle, a twelve year old murderousness dream. This story is sort of unclear because this happened about seven years ago. However, it was something like this. My great grandfather was with his brother chopping wood when his brother decided to start hacking away at him with one of the axes. My grandfather began to run away while being chopped up.

[00:08:43]

They lived in the middle of nowhere, North Carolina. So the next closest house was about a house was about a half a mile away. As he struggled to run, he got to the neighbor's home and as he got to the window, his brother hit him with the axe for the last time and he died. As he was hit, he fell into the window covering it. And blood highly disturbing the family. Watching the evening news, the family said it was like something out of a horror film.

[00:09:08]

Imagine it. A bloody, chopped up man falling into your living room window while you watch the news. My great uncle was then arrested and he admitted that he did it because he was jealous of my grandfather's success. He killed him in hopes to acquire his land and other possessions. Thankfully, he did not receive any of it. My grandmother got remarried and her youngest daughter now lives in the same house he bought for them. That grandmother outlived three husbands, the other two dying of old age Abadie.

[00:09:35]

What can I say? I was truly lost track of the grandmothers at this point. Well, anyways, thank you for all you do. As a kindergarten teacher at a school who decided to open during this pandemic, there can be a lot of anxiety involved and very true. I'm in nursing school while teaching and I've been exhausted a lot of days, but I love Mondays and Thursday mornings. Thank you for giving me a little break twice every week.

[00:09:57]

I always look forward to love y'all, Dylan.

[00:09:59]

Here's Dylan here in the world, being a teacher and studying to be a nurse. She's just like double downing on all of us. It's a boy Dillon in and he wrote him. So it's a boy Dillon being a teacher and a nurse. Amazing.

[00:10:12]

I know it. I love every aspect of it.

[00:10:14]

I know. Welcome, Dillon. Well, you've been here a couple of years. He's been here a couple of years. I originally. Your first line that you've been listening for a couple of days, like the sirens did leave that. Wow. Yeah, fuck. And that family was never the same. Who got who was watching?

[00:10:32]

That is probably also it just like you're you're just out, you know, in the country in the olden days chopping wood with your brother and suddenly he just tries he kills you. That's insane.

[00:10:43]

Like chop chop wood and then you turn and chop again.

[00:10:46]

But this time it's your brother.

[00:10:48]

Yeah, dude, OK, this one's called. It's a summer camp murder. OK. Hello, Karen, Georgia and friends. Thank you for having me. Now, it's not technically a home town, but I did spend 11 summers where this happened. So I think that counts for something which. Absolutely. Here we go. They said, like most kids growing up in a predominantly Jewish suburb in New York, I was an avid sleep away camper for most of my life.

[00:11:13]

Let it be.

[00:11:14]

It's like it goes without saying. Yeah, that if you grew up Jewish in any way, shape or form, you went to camp totally.

[00:11:21]

We were we were hardcore camp people, your camp people, because our parents are like, get away for two weeks. We can't fucking take the minimum if not all summer. Exactly. Let it be known. I was and still am obsessed with my camp experience and literally had the best time of my life there. I have some of my best memories from camp to absolutely. Despite the events that had occurred on the camp property in the nineteen forties and since I fear authority and getting in trouble and changing all of the names in the story.

[00:11:50]

So back then the camp was actually an adult resort.

[00:11:55]

And as for your interpretation and was owned by John and Laura Baker, when John Baker died from heart disease, his distraught wife found comfort in a new lover who will who we'll call Henry. It was actually the resort's chef. Sorry. Any time I talk about a camp fucking like camp or resort in like the Catskills, I just think dirty dancing the whole time. Right? Yeah. So he looks. You're just seeing it. Yeah. It's all unfolding in your mind.

[00:12:20]

Yes, always. From early on, Laura felt that her relationship with Henry wasn't built to last and it says they did get married. Yeah. They look and it happens sometimes, but Henry became extremely controlling of her and the property being smart because she's a woman. Laura had a document created stating that in the event of her death, the property would be given to her two teenage sons. Oh, soon after Laura and Henry decided to divorce, Henry found the document.

[00:12:48]

You guessed it. He was pissed. A few nights later, Laura had planned to meet one of her sons and his girlfriend for bingo in town. When Laura didn't show up, his son went to the camp to see what was going on. Upon arriving, he entered one of the main buildings to find his mother dead from being bludgeoned with a hammer. Oh, when the police investigated the scene, they also found Henry's body and concluded that he had taken his own life.

[00:13:12]

Unfortunately, since Laura's sons were teens at the time, they were too young to take over the property. So it went on to be sold to new owners, eventually becoming a summer camp. So you can only imagine the rumours and stories that circulated throughout the years. The building had the building where Laura was murdered, became the arts and crafts building, and as an indoor kid, I spent a ton of time there. I was young at the time, but there's no age requirement for knowing when the vibe is spooky.

[00:13:38]

Oh, but not spooky enough for me to play sports. So I continued making mediocre summer camp art in the murder building for many years. I think the building is now the camp's main office. Stay sexy and don't marry the chef from an adult resort and maybe find somewhere else to do your arts and crafts. That's what I mean.

[00:13:56]

He's kind of explaining. Isn't that basically the sorry. They're kind of explaining the premise to Friday the 13th. Oh, we're film series, right. Isn't that the one where Jason's in the lake, part of the thirteen? I don't remember. Stephen. No one on Elm Street, right? Yeah. Do you know where that takes place on Elm Street. Oh yeah.

[00:14:15]

Do the Legends of the Night of the Living Dead. I think that's the zombies. No, no. The ball is at the moment Camp Crystal Lake. The negligence of the camp staff. Yes.

[00:14:28]

Oh, I got to drown in the lake. Yeah. Yeah, right.

[00:14:32]

But it's like it's camp is scary just on its own because you're out of the woods. It's cabins. There's there's really no there's like minimal adult supervision. Right.

[00:14:43]

And so much it's all about activities happen at night. Like you still are doing things at night and walking around. Yeah.

[00:14:48]

Oh my gosh. Going around and trying to hang out in my camp and in the Santa Monica Hills like it was you had to go like long trails of dark surrounded by forest. It was fucking terrifying.

[00:15:00]

Dude, I went to camp well because I went to the same camp, Camp St. Andrews for like twelve years or some insane amount of time. I loved it to Catholics can do it too. But we the one of the camps that we went to, because it kind of change everywhere based on where they would rent. Right. And one time it was in the Santa Cruz Mountains. Oh, where at camp. Kill people and that the Santa Cruz Mountains, where lots of bad stories that we have talked about on this show.

[00:15:27]

HEARTT Yes. Wow. Welcome, welcome to Camp Kids Camp, everybody.

[00:15:33]

I like it if you have any really horrifying camp stories and they have to be true. No creepy past as you 14 year old nerd. That's right. OK, ready for this one? Yes. We just started friends. I'm just going to jump right in. I spent a portion of my upbringing in southeast Michigan, but my dad's family comes from the west side of the state. My great grandpa, Richard, was a police chief in Wyoming Township.

[00:15:55]

This town had a local pastor who I'll just call Pastor Frank in nineteen thirty nine. The 18 year old daughter of Pastor Frank died of a heart attack and was buried following a very brief investigation. Years later, Pastor Frank came onto the police radar because he was accused of attacking a church elder with a lead pipe.

[00:16:14]

This is the game clue, but I don't appreciate. This is great. It's not even creepy about that. It's a fucking game. And how dare you? You can't repeat game. Still a great game, by the way. You guys should. We got at the beginning of quarantine, played it twice. Loved it. Haven't thought about it since, but it's a great game. Now you have to move on to watching the movie and everyone love the movie.

[00:16:33]

The movie is a serious. OK, now get let's get real. The accuser also suggested Pastor Frank tried to give him, quote, chemically tainted candy. Basically, my great grandpa got super suspicious and he found out that Pastor Frank's first wife had died and, quote, untimely death in Illinois several years earlier against the advice of his fellow officers. And seven years after the death of the pastor's daughter, my great grandpa brought Pastor Frank into the police station.

[00:17:02]

After being questioned, Pastor Frank confessed to not only attacking the church elder, but poisoning his daughter with cyanide. Oh, my God. The crime had been committed on a Sunday morning before the pastor went to deliver his weekly sermon.

[00:17:16]

Dude, what the fuck says that right there?

[00:17:19]

Pastor Frank was found guilty and sentenced to life in prison. Years later, when asked why he was suspicious of a young pastor committing murder, my great grandpa responded, quote, He was a man. And one thing I learned in World War One is that men are capable of anything. Unquote. Words to live by, which it also says that I've also been interested in true crime since I was very young. And although I think there are so many problems with policing and I fully support actions to divert money to other resources, I can't help but wonder if my great grandpa passed down this interest to me.

[00:17:52]

He died well before I was born, so unfortunately I never got to talk with him about it. I am now a clinical psychology PhD student studying the assessment of the dark triad, psychopathy, narcissism and Mac and Machiavellianism. Oh my God. So safe to say. I feel I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. Yes, you are so good.

[00:18:15]

I want to look up the dark triad.

[00:18:17]

How come I thought you were a kid and you did like the testing to see what you're going to be when you grow up or your fucking career counselor wasn't like, guess what, you could study if you wanted to. Like, why didn't they tell you?

[00:18:28]

Because even if you could have, they would have been like, oh, that's inappropriate for girls. Right, right, right, right. And also, you won't even take your SATs because you barely got a class. Goodbye.

[00:18:39]

If you can't write a book report on Silas Marner, if you don't read Siljander sorry can literally be barely graduating high school. So that's kid if you're only going to write book reports based on the picture, the cover art of the book, fuck you wrote. Even have the Cliff Notes. Karen, can you please just pretend I used to truly write, write book reports based on picture. Just be like this is the moving and unequivocably story of an old man with a beard.

[00:19:08]

Just describe what the picture is. Yeah. Thank you so much for the podcast. You're both so great and I hope you're each hanging in there despite the wildfires and the pandemic. Thank you. I don't really know how to end this so well. Tell just it is are so endings are the hardest in writing. So I'll just say stay sexy and always suspect cyanide poisoning.

[00:19:30]

Yeah. Kayla amazing. Was amazing. I want her to finish school. She can tell us like I get a psychopath. Right. Who's like a murderer. But then what. But then also joining the priesthood and becoming a priest or whatever like is is like you're purposely trying to trick people. Yes. It's like a purpose. You know, you're going to going to and want to hurt people. And it's a cover that. Yeah, yes. It's a cover up.

[00:19:57]

It's so extra. It's very much what those people do. They're like, what's the best way to get people to trust me without being trustworthy? And I don't want to kill strangers. I want to kill people who trust me. Yeah, the park. I mean, dude, OK, what is it all about? This one's called morbid themepark story. Nice. And it just starts my queen. You asked for more themepark stories and having worked several hellish themepark performing contracts, I finally have something to write all about.

[00:20:29]

Disclaimer if you think sketchy, dangerous theme parks died with Action Park, think again. Oh, shit. The summer after my freshman year at college, I got a job performing at a theme park outside of Pittsburgh called Idlewild. The park opened in eighteen seventy eight and honestly it felt like it had not been updated much since then. Take over and run away the slivers alone.

[00:20:56]

However, the park had added several outdoor performance spaces where I had the joy of performing and the heat and the rain for crowds of usually less than 10 people all day. Every day. Yes, do it.

[00:21:08]

That's called that's called working on your car. That's right. The most popular show we did was one where I had the great pleasure of wearing a giant tiger suit in which I got to enjoy the aromas of three other people's buckets of sweat for thirty minutes at a time in the blazing sun. Oh, shit. Here's the worst line I've ever read. Sometimes I even got to have some spider friends in the head with me now and then. She writes, so fun.

[00:21:36]

Spiders crying.

[00:21:39]

I can't I don't like surprises in your either. And you're like a six year old walking around this shitty theme park and then you walk by a fake tiger that's you can hear humans screaming from within.

[00:21:51]

I got a ghost theme park. OK, OK. Anyways, the premise of the show this is necessary to the story was that thank you for saying that. Was that the tiger Daniel was trying to convince his friend Katerina Kitty Cat to go on the roller coaster with him. She was very scared and didn't want to. But Daniel, in a very creepy, nonconsensual way, kept pushing her to do it until she agreed. More problematic, throughout the show, we constantly pointed to the park's old roller coaster, the roller coaster, it's called.

[00:22:24]

This thing was built in nineteen thirty eight. And even though it allowed kids as short as thirty six inches to ride, it didn't even have seatbelts. Sorry, wait three feet tall, three feet tall. When you become a parent, you speak. You say how your kid is. Thirty eight months and thirty six inches tall. And please know that people without kids don't fucking know how tall. Don't know, don't care about the specific. Congratulations on being in the 90th percentile.

[00:22:51]

We don't give a shit. We know it's your life. We not to speak our language. We're happy for you.

[00:22:58]

We are. We just want to drink ok.

[00:23:02]

They're like so do we. That's when they started the mom wine. That's why we're all having drinks. So we talk about this. So it didn't have seatbelts. Nope, just a little bar. I refuse to go on it because it seems so rickety and always felt weird about promoting it in the show. But kids went fucking bananas for both Daniel Tiger and the Rollercoaster, so there wasn't much I could do about it. One day, while getting ready to head over to the Tiger show, we got news that a three year old child had fallen off the roller coaster.

[00:23:30]

No, and was being flown to the hospital in critical condition. However, our show is about to start, and since it was one of the park's biggest attractions, our supervisor made us do it in the midst of the chaos. So here I am in a tiger suit, singing and dancing about how fun the roller coaster is moments after a helicopter left the park with an unconscious child. Oh, clearly everyone in unusually packed audience knew what had happened. And through the mesh cartoon Tiger Eyes, I received the dirtiest looks from parents who seem to think that I had any autonomy in this situation.

[00:24:05]

Family, either that Daniel the Tiger or you're projecting knew it would just be all right. Yeah. Family by family, the crowd started to empty out, tossing back disappointed handshakes, shakes as they left. Right before Katerina agreed to go on the roller coaster, a supervisor cut the sound and announced that Daniel had to take a nap. The show was canceled for the rest of the summer. But don't worry, I still got to wear the tiger suit for a meet and greets.

[00:24:31]

I've tried to find more information on the child many times since that day, and I've never learned what happened to him. The kids running the rides at this park seem like they were thirteen and it should have never been a child's responsibility. Determine that another child was safe on an octogenarian roller coaster. The roller coaster is still open. And finally, after almost a century, has seatbelts today sexy. And don't go to sketchy theme parks, especially during covid Zoey.

[00:24:58]

It's still open. It's still open.

[00:25:00]

They just added seatbelts or. Yeah, at first, when you first started telling stories like, oh, well, like more action park style things than it's like, yeah, more tragedies. I mean, cause whether they're an unincorporated Brando theme park or some fucking local government, so they don't have to. Safety checks and shit for the big ones, I mean, those accidents happen all the time. It's horrifying. I have no aside from funnel cakes and corn dogs, I have no fucking interest in going to an amusement park ever.

[00:25:30]

I mean, I know there's some good ones, but I have to say that the for the future, for three years from now, when we can all start going back to them, there's nothing better. The best ride right now at Disneyland is a California adventure, and it's soaring over California, although now it's soaring over the world.

[00:25:49]

I never got a chance to get on that one. Oh, my God. You have to. It's so. And there's no risk because you're actually not going and you're just in this thing that gets lifted up and get you get moved into like it.

[00:26:00]

I went on the I went on the Tower of Terror right before the wheat Rice Krispie treat. I kicked in and I had to leave. Oh. So I didn't get a chance to go well and I had to. Did you go up, up, up and then back down. I like you had to walk is the most.

[00:26:14]

I was on that right now I think it's hydraulics. I get it. I love it. It was like the most fun I've ever had. And then we went in The Muppet three days. Right. And I fucking had a I lost it. I had a panic attack. I ran out of there and I was like, we're leaving right now. So I didn't get to go on soaring over whatever the fuck. Oh, because you had to cut your cut your day short.

[00:26:32]

I think I'm going to edibles. You you just you know, it's going to happen to you and you don't do that in public right now.

[00:26:40]

You can't surprise ride edible. Definitely overseas overstimulation edibles are not a thing not not a theme park. Not at the place. It's like we're we're bending over backwards to blow your mind and you're like, oh, hold on. Let me take a little bit of this first.

[00:26:57]

Yeah, that was twenty Georgia. She made a lot of mistakes. Hey, I really that's why we have this podcast.

[00:27:03]

No judgments. Bonanos, an innocent man, gets hit by a flying pickle bananas. A Texas woman wakes up with a British accent, Bonanos a duck, enters a pub, drinks a beer and fights a dog. I'm Kurt Braunohler and I am Bananas.

[00:27:24]

I'm Scotty Landis and I am bananas.

[00:27:27]

On each episode of the world famous Bananas podcast, Scotty and I serve you a steaming hot pile of the silliest news stories from around the world.

[00:27:35]

It's a lighthearted look at our big stupid planet, and we invite you to laugh with us and add us as we try to make sense of it all. But wait, there's more. We have guests, glorious, talented, hilarious guests who give bananas its pizzazz.

[00:27:49]

I might get sued from here to kingdom come for saying this, but the Bananas podcast has more pizzazz than any other podcast since 1992 and I don't care who knows it.

[00:27:59]

So whether you're bored at work or in your car, bored at home or buying boards at a lumber yard, it's time to stuff your ears with bananas. New episodes of Banana Slip on to Apple Stitcher, Spotify, or wherever you listen every Tuesday to put down your tacos and pick up our bananas.

[00:28:14]

Now with more pizzazz, bananas. This just starts. Hi, everyone. I just realized I have a good weird pervert's story for you with a flight attendant flair for space.

[00:28:32]

What is what? A kickoff. What more does one want? I love space. When you're a flight attendant, many people ask you your weirdest or worst experience on a flight because many people cannot fathom the idea of spending your life on a plane when airports are such pure torture to so many. While I've now lived through restraining aggressive passengers, strange and wonderful encounters with celebrities, horrible weather diverting to a different airport unexpectedly, unexpectedly, and working long, crazy hours when things go wrong, I don't think I can top the story that one of my favorite senior flight attendant attendants told me back in the day.

[00:29:08]

Things are a lot more relaxed in the way of security, but our main job has always been safety first, service second. That means looking out for any signs of danger, making sure people have seatbelts on when it gets turbulent, and also things like monitoring the laboratories for anything wrong. One day my friend was walking the aisles and giving out water as usual when she passed by one of the laboratories near the back of the plane and noticed a weird odor.

[00:29:33]

It smelled like smoke, which is always a huge emergency because fire on a plane can be deadly, but not cause for panic. A lot of people will sneak into the laboratories thinking they won't get caught sneaking a few quick puffs. They always and this is in parentheses, they always get caught. I've had friends whip open the doors the second the smoke alarms go off and catch people red handed. Holy shit. She then realized after a second sniff that it wasn't normal smoke.

[00:29:59]

Oh, yes, that was marijuana. Smell great.

[00:30:03]

So she does the normal knock on the door. Hello. Are you smoking in there? No response. She knocks again, saying hello. Are you smoking in there? Nothing. I'm coming in. She unlocked the door and then in parentheses, yes, we can do that, Rob. It's just good to know. Yeah.

[00:30:20]

And opened it before staring in shock on the toilet was a man smoking a joint naked. He was, however, completely wrapped head to toe in plastic wrap, which she quickly closed the door and went to her in charge flight attendant and told him what was going on. He immediately stomped to the back of the plane and yelled to the man that he was to put his clothes on right now, or the authorities would meet them on the ground and arrest him.

[00:30:45]

Like I said earlier, it was a different time. Not sure when exactly, but definitely before 9/11, these days of a man was caught with all that. The police definitely would have been called and the man might have been charged. But back then, he was allowed to just walk off the plane like nothing. If you behave from now on, it's like you can do the bad thing. But when we tell you you have to behave, you have to comply and then you're fine.

[00:31:09]

Oh, you say that the saran wrap.

[00:31:11]

OK, wait, I'm going to finish this then. I have some ideas. OK, so thanks for reading. And if you know a flight attendant, buy them wine and press them for juicy stories because we all have them also. We really need the wine right now. Since covid started, thousands and thousands of flight attendants have been laid off and many of us have been left devastated by losing a job that we live with all our hearts and those who could never imagine anything worth giving up flying have been forced to find something else and start back at square one.

[00:31:41]

We are resilient and we can't wait to fly again, but we are also heartbroken to have our wings clipped. I'm lucky enough to work for an amazing Canadian company that did not leave us completely out in the dark, but many others are not nearly as lucky. Stay sexy and always wear shoes while going into the airplane bathroom. Lots of love aerial area.

[00:32:01]

Can we have a moment to fuckin shout out flight attendants? And I mean, you and I have experienced so many of them and they're just the hardest working badass people.

[00:32:13]

My deal, even before all this stuff does so much bullshit, so much bullshit, so much bullshit. And they always were. I mean, all the all the ones I've dealt with. And I've also had some in my family who are just they're pros. They know how to, like, handle people. They know good psychology. They know how to get people to do things. They can immediately be like tell what kind of person they're dealing with and know how to switch over to whatever the fuck.

[00:32:40]

Oh, my God. And then also not deal with your bullshit and be good at it. Yeah.

[00:32:44]

And so and there's so many who have lost jobs. There's been huge layoffs seriously everywhere. So jobs have to deal with so many assholes. Double asshole.

[00:32:53]

And just I mean, yeah, here's my theory about this guy on this plane. His story to go back to that. The first thing I thought of was because, first of all, how stupid you have to be to smoke pot on a plane. Even if it was nineteen seventy four, it was like the height of it all. But the saran wrap, I was like, is it a like a crazy guy who was trying to lose weight?

[00:33:16]

And so he was like, yeah. Sweating it out in the. Yeah. He's like doing a sweat thing. Maybe some weird actor or or.

[00:33:24]

Distance runner, maybe he read in Marie Claire that this is the best way to lose weight is if you're if you're like in above the earth and in air and you reckon you wrap yourself.

[00:33:33]

This is the way to lose weight. This is a new step on sex tips that involve a scrunchie. Oh, no. Scrunches INSETs.

[00:33:42]

That was a real that was that of my act. That was a real headline on Cosmo one time, like 10 great sex sex tips for Thanksgiving or whatever, and one involves a scrunchie. And I was just like, what is happening?

[00:33:58]

What is happening?

[00:33:59]

Don't put a scrunchie on anyone's balls. Friends like that's just unnecessary. We don't know. Are you sure it's not in my hair? Like, it's not just to tie up all your stuff, get it out of the way. It's got to be it. OK, this is called Rabie story. And then it says in the title, Robi's still exist. We are talking about people. No, that's right. Yeah. And then it says with bonus crazy hitchhiker.

[00:34:21]

Great start starts. Howdy. I'd like to preface this story by saying I love my fiancee deeply.

[00:34:29]

You know, it's going to be good. Yeah, very good.

[00:34:31]

And then it says, But Lord, has he done some dumb shit before we got together? And yes, his name is Robbie. They do still exist. Name so my fiancee Robbie likes to tell me tales of the adventures he's had before we got together. Stories like how he jumped off a dam into water that was over a hundred feet below, how he threw house parties with nothing but strangers.

[00:34:57]

That's like your neighbors. Yeah, how he has been in multiple bar fights, etc..

[00:35:02]

And then it says he was a whack a doodle alcoholic slash unmedicated bipolar.

[00:35:12]

The scariest and most interesting story happened to him one night on one of his typical and then in parentheses, what the fuck? Three a.m. cruises around town. So per his usual routine, Robbie would casually decide to get up in the middle of the night and cruise around in his Camaro, his literal pride and joy while listening to music, being the offensively over trusting person that he is, he decided to pick up a hitchhiker that he saw on the side of the road during one of these drives, the ride starts out normally once again.

[00:35:41]

What the fuck? And who does this with them? Listening to music and Robbie asking a hitchhiker where he's headed this side of the road. Guy names a town that's within 30 minutes. So they began to head that way. About ten minutes into the drive, the hitchhiker pulls a knife on my fiancee. He holds a knife near Robbie's throat and tells him that he needs to hand over all his money and cards or he will fucking die.

[00:36:06]

So what does my fiance do with his midlife crisis car? He speeds the fuck up.

[00:36:12]

Oh, Robby starts going seventy and then eighty and then ninety down this back road. All the while the knife is still held up to him. Robby looks over while holding the pedal to the floor and says, I'm ready to die.

[00:36:27]

Are you fucking Robi's Robi's? Fuck yes, Robbie. Robi's. Yes. Apparently this works. The knife goes down. The hitchhiker goes silent. Yeah. Robby slows down and tells him to get the fuck out of the vehicle and the hitchhiker does as he has told.

[00:36:46]

Oh, I guess the moral of the story is stay sexy and don't pick up hitchhikers at 3:00 a.m. or maybe ever.

[00:36:53]

Jesse, that's Jesse and Robbie are our favorite pair of our favorite couple. I think John Cougar Mellencamp wrote a song about them. OK, I just want to say this. We were being very facetious about Robbie. We were we were being judgmental. You were putting a lot on him. But guess what? But if you're going to go out at 3:00 a.m. and your Camaro and pick up hitchhikers because you like to listen to music and meet people or whatever your reasons are, then you do that like the warrior Robbie, and basically you're ready to die to do that.

[00:37:28]

And then if the people are going to threaten you, you're like, yeah, I expected this. You double down because it's 3:00 at night and I'm being crazy. I want to get crazy. I got to fucking like dude on his way to the office, you know? Right. You're out there to, like, mix it up with the bad boys and you because you are the king of the bad boys.

[00:37:48]

Your opening is experience is to tell your future fiancee about. So she's all like, that's crazy.

[00:37:54]

But inside she's like, my heart is racing. I love him so much.

[00:37:57]

She'll never be bored of you if you have no holy shit. Can't you can't be Jesse. And she's like, tell me everything. She's like, I want to hear it, Robbie, I'm ready to die.

[00:38:08]

Are you ready? I mean, it's the ultimate upper hand. Also, just remember that in any situation, you don't actually literally have to be ready to die. You have to be a good actor and you have to be willing to say the sentence and roll the dice that maybe the other person's like, you know what, I. Actually, let's do this and ideally be a man, I'm guessing, to name Robbie, that I'm seeing Robbie as being a bit broad chested, maybe better, even barrel chested, kind of like a he's got like a Motorhead shirt with a fleece over it.

[00:38:39]

Definitely. That's Robbie. So, you know, he's going to pull that off. He's going to pull the are you ready to die?

[00:38:47]

Robbie can pull that tonight. Is that it? Now you have one more. No, no. Do it.

[00:38:52]

Oh, no, you don't go. Keep going. Keep going. I want to ride that one slower. That was a perfect ending. That was the perfect ending. Philosophically, Robbie.

[00:39:07]

And high fives to all the flight attendants out there. And yes, we're thinking of views and, you know, God and Robbie, buddy. Yeah. Yep.

[00:39:15]

Link arms, everybody, because we need to we need to support each other. That's right. Tough time.

[00:39:19]

We're here for you. You're here for you and you and us and everyone and all the materials and also stay safe and don't get murdered by Elvis.

[00:39:29]

Do you want a cookie and.