Editor's Note: This transcript was automatically transcribed, so mistakes are inevitable. You can contribute by proofreading the transcript or highlighting the mistakes. Sign up to be amongst the first contributors.
On today's part of my take, we have three time Super Bowl champion recurring guest Willie McGinest talking about NFL coming back, Tom Brady with the Bucs, Cam Newton in New England. We also have Dungeons and Dragons, where we continue our quest, our adventure. No spoilers, but if you don't like Billy football, you will love this episode.
Ultimate satisfaction. We have hotsy cool, thrown a little bubble talk and were brought to you by our friends at the cash app. My take is always brought to you by the cash app known as the easiest place. Send money to your friends. It's the safest. Also huge news. The cash app has just signed on to bubble Wallis's team. So they're going to have maybe you maybe see a green racecar coming soon. And we'll check out the cash app.
So welcome to the family bubble was the cash app family. You'll love it here. The cash app is the best app in the world. It is our favorite app in the world. It's the number one social distancing app in the world. And guess what? Cash is gone. No more cash. Don't use cash. Use the cash app. It's the best way to go about your business. And of course, when you download the cash app, enter the referral code bar stool, you'll receive ten dollars and ten dollars.
Go to the ASPCA. Use that ten dollars. Buy yourself something nice. Buy yourself some new shoes. If you're Billy, throw it towards that. I don't know. Buyers of a bit better attitude if you're Billy. Buyers of non-alcoholic beverage. If you're Billy.
Buy yourself a lot of things with those ten dollars and ten dollars. Goes to the ASPCA, download the cash apps and the apps or Google Play store today and get involved with the cash. OK, let's go. Violence in Iraq. Red carpet welcome to part of my take presented by the cash app.
Go download it right now. Use Code Barsa, you get ten dollars for free. Ten dollars, the ASPCA. Today is Wednesday, July 15th. Fuck, man. It's July 15th.
Yeah. Oh, fuck. It's tax. Dad is tax shit. Extended that shit in the mail virtually declared. I declare an extension. That's all I can do. Right. I'm getting nervous at July 15th. Nuccitelli. Why? No NFL should be here soon. We should be right before training camp. Yeah. Gotta be positive. I'm gonna be positive. I'm trying to be more positive. But this I feel like these this next like we can a half, two weeks is going to be make or break for the next six months to a year.
We have baseball hopefully starting next Thursday. Basketball bubble's going scrimmages about start hockey and then training camp. If these can go on, we're off without a hitch. I think we're back. I think we get sports back.
So I at the very least, I think that the NFL is going to happen. I think that it is. I think they're gonna make out a way, if I would. The only thing where I'm like, I'm well, I'm like, I'm on. I'm like, oh, maybe not. I got our way for a cabinet with a child inside. Oh, no, no. Dispell. Okay, let me out.
Well, we disavow that. Yeah. Yeah. Course. But there's so much cool stuff happening in the NFL where it seems like we're not going to have like we're being kind of like all this awesome storylines are being dangled in front of us. I feel like it's too good to happen. I hope that I'm wrong. You know, Hank's been going through with Tom Brady in Tampa Bay, Cam Newton in New England. The Redskins are changing the name, hopefully to the red wolves.
Dan Snyder, if you're listening. The red wolves as a way to go for this. There's so much cool shit.
Brewskis is 75 in the new Madden. Insane. Just insane. It's not that bad, huh? Who's 79 last year? God damn it. I just feel like we're being set up. I feel like he's about to go where he gets. Okeydoke. Of all time. We're good. We have. The bubble is going. We have. The snitch. Phone is working. Sham's and Shefi are now taking over all reports. The Schmidt snitch phone is working.
We had a Kings player break the line for seemless and then get busted, which I actually think it's worth it. Yeah, it's fine. Depending on what you're ordering. Know anything. Right. Like if you order seemless and it doesn't come to you, you have to go meet them. Right. There's no what you feel like. You're leaving the guy out to dry. If he's just standing there with your order. Right. It'd be actually a response for you to not go meet him.
So that's happening. Everything feels like. Come on, let's go, guys. This is July 15th is we are balls deep in summer.
That doesn't feel like the snitching is actually getting pretty hilarious right now. Yeah, because they there are players that are reporting on other players for breaking, courting, and I can see their point. If you're gonna be playing, it seems the playoffs and you see hypothetically, James Harden walking his way across campus to get a lap dance on the east side when you know that he should be in his hotel room getting a lap dance in his room. I would immediately pick up that phone.
I would I would deputize myself on the spot as a carrot.
Yeah. Just not knock out some of your competition. Russell Westbrook has. I have a Riley for that. Okay. Russell Westbrook has Corona virus. Good thing he can't past's his teammates. Oh, that is good, didn't he? Yeah, that's good. Not a.. Good thing he does not. Doesn't pass haha to his teammates. Good thing he's alienated all of his teammates and has no one to pass to. Right.
Again, some nerds are going to be like Yorkshire's. Like Tunis's. A game is fucking fraud. Triple double ours. James Harden he hurting Ken James Harden was late getting to the bubble. That's weird because he likes to travel so much. That's good. Yeah. Travel dude. It's Fouquet's. It's a Crabb's room ticket. It's gather stuff.
I had an idea, though, about how the NBA could kind of police this because you run into a weird area when you're asking players to narc on their opponents, their potential opponents, people that could knock their teams out of playoffs. They should just round up an all star team of carrots, just like with barbecue, Becky. All the words ever between a Becky and a Karen, I feel like a Becky Fox, a forked twenty years ago. And Karen is like an older Becky.
Yeah. So you get all the Kerins together. They wear the uniform of like a baby shirt. They've got they're like Super Ten husbands behind them kind of having their back, but not really like just to dispatch all the big carriers that you've seen online for the last two months, put them all down in Orlando monitoring the situation, have them just narc on everyone.
Yeah. So I have a team actually higher that like the Lakers should hire their own. It's almost like a SWAT team they bring in. OK, watch everyone else. I like that.
So instead of so the league could hire a SWAT team to bring it. No, I'm sorry, but if a team smarts difficulty, they get their own secure rights. Yes, I like that a lot. I bet you Gerow more.
He's already figured this out like the advanced analytics of of knocking off one of your opponents every two weeks for coronavirus algate.
Oh, yes. Okay. So you're not talking about policing your own team. You're so like private and getting everyone else out. Yes, yeah. I've got a lot. We've got a big series coming up against the bucks. We've got to have we got to stick it Keryn on Janice's ass to make sure that he doesn't do anything improper.
What happened to all the golf fans out there that are no longer allowed to call in rules violations at the U.S. Open? They're just sitting around with a thumbs up their asses. They're looking for jobs.
Speaking of golf, our guy Brooks going up against Tiger and Rory is there threesome on the six major what's it called?
The six major, what is it called? Gick Travelers Morio? I think not to put pressure on Brooks, but I expect a very good. Very good. Thursday and Friday from him. He rise up against those guys. Come on. Absolutely.
And it's gonna be on the feature group. So even if it's not on TV, I'm sure we'll be able to find. Sure, won't we? I'm sort of stream there. You can watch it on. That'll be nice. It won't be on TV.
In baseball news, a lot of Major League Baseball teams are selling cut outs to their fans. So if you want to put a cut out of yourself in the stands and or the Mets are doing this, the Mariners are doing this, probably a couple other teams are doing it. So you can actually have a picture of yourself as a cardboard cut out sitting in the stands at home games this year. If you play like five hundred bucks, I like it.
I think that we should put together some money and maybe get some cut outs. Gets it. Well, I was gonna say cut outs of us.
Or maybe just what if we had cut outs of just Tim Tebow at Mets games or Marlins man.
Yeah. Marlins member, huh. A million Marlin Marlins mean if Marlins man is who I think Marlins man is, he would be buying all the Cut-out he's probably already done.
Yeah, he he's I'm just saying some people lost their fastball. He's purchased. Not saying he has.
What we should do is we should get pictures of wood. Remember, would the guy from the Meems the corona virus. Meems.
Oh God. We was like ten years. We should buy a a shitload of wood cutouts and put them in the stands. I like Mariners games, Scott.
That really does feel like I put him in, put him in the stands at Mets games and have Turbo's cut outs sit next to him with Woods forcers wins foreskin in his hand.
Oh, man. That's that's what we got to do once it all ends. Once sports to come back in two weeks, we should do our Mount Rushmore of holy shit that happened.
And we'll just go through all of it. Tiger game. Well, and the NHL has done a great job of not letting anything it. We don't know if the NHL is doing good. And I heard that that Austin Matthews has Corona virus, which sucks. But besides that, I haven't really heard shit from them.
The NHL is doing what they do with their injury report, their do lower body upper body. They're just the whole book. We have a league.
Yes, the NHL is handling this the way that the NHL handles their season normally. Yeah. Which is we're going to not publicize anything.
Don't tell anyone when any of this is happening, we'll just surprise them with the Penguins versus Blackhawks on NBC. That's all they're going to do. OK, let's get to are hotsy cool thrown. And then we have Willie McGinest coming up. And then Dungeons and Dragons awesome episode with Tim Woods, who's become like an all star in the party world. We love him. Hotsy Calderon is brought to you by Bud Light Seltzer. Try for yourself. See why the great taste of Bud Light seltzer is putting all others on the hot seat.
So remember to use Code PMC on Drizzly to get five dollars off your first purchase, a Bud Light seltzer delivered right to your door. Do that use. GMT this weekend, Ondra, as we get five dollars off your first purchase of Bud Light, Seltzer delivered right to your door.
Hank Hotsy calls on my hotseat is Michael Beasley Beasley The Easy My Boy he's super cool biz got signed to and that's I was hyped seem short and in the bubble.
Yeah. And then today it didn't say reported positive for Corona virus just said Michael Beasley has left the bubble. No it wasn't like, it wasn't like a team transaction. It wasn't, it was a weird, it was just like left his bong in his corner. Yeah. Like Michael Beasley just bounced. Yeah. He showed up was like I never left.
I got as much money.
I did read that he did have coronavirus and he was sent home. Oh yeah.
Said that I saw people speculating. I didn't see any any big J reporters reporting on it.
He said Michael B I saw him say, he said my mom's excuse me. Shaam said he had coronavirus reports.
Michael Beasley's positive test creates uncertain roster says with nutsedge from NBA sky like the bong thing more.
Yeah, he he left his bubbler is what we're going with. He did not leave the bubble like he's made 33 million dollars.
I would also say that if you test positive for Corona virus, probably the first thing that you should not do is get on a plane and fly back home.
Also true, although with thirty three million dollars, maybe he's flying private. That's also a good point. Yes.
Can you name all the teams that Michael Beasley's played for the Lakers, the Kansas State Wildcats, the Timberwolves play in Memphis?
He's played on the Heat. The Timberwolves, the Suns. Back to the Heat. The Rockets, the Bucks. The Knicks. The Clippers. The Lakers, the Nets. Is he a super spreader? I think so. That's a hell of a he had it starting in 2014. He played on a different team. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven years in a row, counting the nets.
Super cool measly because he spreads viruses.
OK, who's your cool on my cool throne is SpongeBob birthday. Oh, shout out to our darling Jake and discussion pelt's yeah.
Oh shares a birthday. That's beautiful. Everyone was shot. Skirvin birthday is actually tomorrow. It's today. Today it's Wednesday is Wednesday, July 15th on. Wish him a happy birthday please. That's the first thing you can do when you wake up. They say 1986 or 1936. Wait, when was SpongeBob 1930? Eighty six. Eighty six. OK. So he's 34. Four, five. Thirty four. Thirty four. Can't do math. He's one year younger than us.
Wow, that's wonderful.
Funny that. Yeah.
I feel like SpongeBob Mibs have been dying out recently. I'm selling SpongeBob Meems if they're a stock. And by the way, I am considering making it about star means.
Yeah, I would have also. Yeah. I'm considering making an algorithm to tell me when to buy. Which stocks. Just based on what Meems or Will Smith go on. Really? Yeah.
Will Smith entanglement Smith selling that buy, buy, buy.
What isn't interesting. You sent the 50. We actually never talked about table with us just having sex.
That's like the way that you would explain it. Fair to your lawyer. Yes. OK. Got it. The tango. Did you guys see the text exchange of the D.M. Exchange between 50 Cent, not Rick Smith. Yes, it was 100 percent. 90 percent real. How 100 percent? Because it's 50 cent.
There's no way that was real. I would bet money that it was real. Why? Because it's 50 Cent. And he's absolutely reckless. He's reckless. He also makes stuff up.
I know. I bet you Israel. On what? So. So there was a couple. There's another comedian to that. Also, like D.M. Tim, who was someone that Will Smith followed and he deemed them. It was kind of like shitting on him. And then Will Smith is like, I'm blocking you now, OK?
But to reset here, 50 Cent reached out to Will Smith after he did that entanglement thing. Yeah. And was like, hey, is entanglement just mean? She got her back blown out. Yes. No ways out. Real.
That doesn't sound much like an entanglement if it's entanglement. That's more like a weird Kamasutra position. Not just like pounding a doggystyle. You know, that's pretty straightforward. You never get entangled if you're just hit from the back.
Hank? I don't think so. He said then she said only she can get permission for somebody, blow her back out. And they said, fuck you, 50 and 50 cents. Wait, what? What would I do?
OK. So it's not Will Smith because Will Smith doesn't cuss. Yes. Yes, he does. What about. No, he doesn't.
No, he doesn't. We'll psychologist Will Smith doesn't have to cost to sell records, but I do. So fuck him and fuck you too.
After 50 Cent got away. What Jada said during her red table talk, he shared a screenshot of a fake D.M. message he received from Wilesmith.
That's almost worse. Actually, he said that I'm reading a Web site, Capital Extra.
Got it. What I do, I mean, I'm reading a Web site. What if we sent Instagram page, which.
No, better yet. He made that up, is what we're saying. This is 50 cent legit leading. Allegedly. No, that's fine. It's more fucked up that 50 did that than it was if that was real. Like for him to make that joke behind Will Smith's back and then put it out. That's worse. I understand why my 50s got targets on his back.
I don't think that was real. I don't think it was real. Well, we think that's a Photoshop. That's hip hop lately, ARCOM. You never know these days. You don't.
I'm just waiting for Takashi's six nine to weigh in on this. You said 100 isn't real.
As Michael Beasley didn't have Korona, 50 Cent sent that D.M. in your son. And the Roses first name is Thug. Yes. Got it. OK. You also you realize that the other person who thought it was 100 percent real is Steven Shay. That's not good company when it comes to Gobal Things online. Yeah. Good point. That's tough.
Yes. But I'm sticking with it. OK. PFC, what's your hotsy Calderon? My hot seat is Trey Twingo and Nick Merks, both recurring guests on the show within the last, I think, month or so, because a video came out online yesterday of a bear using nunchuck. I saw. So it turns out that bears actually can use weapons. Nick, you laughed at us. You made it sound like like we were idiots to think that a bear or a gorilla would be able to pick up a nunchuck.
If a bear can pick up a nunchuck, a gorilla can pick up a fucking rocket launcher or a gorilla, a gorilla would be able to fly like a Blackhawk helicopter appears able to use these martial art weapons.
I was the first thing I thought of as far as like Jesus Christ. This guy this bears got it all bears Zula hilarious when for some reason, even though he was a bear who's deadly, using nunchuck, which are also deadly. It made the bear look cuter and made me want to go up and just boop. It will look like he was like scratching his back. Did I get the sense somewhere that he was trying to get to like they scratch their backs on trees and stuff?
When a bird sees a nunchuck, they just think backstrap, right? Exactly.
What's what percentage of like. You think that was real? Yes.
Yeah. Yeah. The bear was real. Wow. No, that was a video. How is that fake mcclements. Like, what do you mean? What do you mean? I mean, someone who was with you today. Who could it be? Are we living in the upside down world?
There was a bit of I mean, this bit, Hank.
It's a real bad. Hank, you're not believing your eyes, but then you believe 50 Cent is posting a screenshot.
Bears can catch fish with their bare hands. I'm pretty sure they can use nunchakus.
The 50 something looks fake, VCR, whatever. Why? What app? What app is those Instagram gems? But it doesn't Instagram. TMZ don't look like that.
Zahed would beg to differ. I don't know. It's all one system. OK, what's my cool throne is O.J.. Is on the cool, thrown back in the news big time. O.J. did not wear a mask at his big birthday extravaganza in Las Vegas. And so that led to a lot of people making jokes about how O.J. is on the loose, trying to kill again.
And in the same couple of days, same 24 hours, actually, the Ford Bronco is coming back. So big. Come on.
It's 1995 again. Bill Clinton's dick's getting him in trouble. I want to Ford.
Baseball. Hasn't Leyb not disagree on these? I want the old ones. I want an old Bronco. I like the new ones. No, I don't like the new ones.
Also, you've got to. I feel like you have to. You got to let that you to let a couple models go before you hop in. They give you just by the first Bronco, there's definite gonna be a try. Gonna be like ship blown up and like weird stuff happening.
That's kind of what is attractive about the Ford Bronco, though. It's like it's definitely a car that you get into expecting to die. No. Yeah, there's definitely. Yeah. But I would rather die looking stylish in an old one than a new one.
Yeah. If it was an old one that was like, you know, a retro. Yeah. Yeah. Retrofitted.
That could be kind of cool. But I think the new ones look awesome. Just a good rule of thumb in general, if O.J. is doing anything. Just do the exact opposite of what.
Oh jeez. So wait. Are you also a liar mask? No, I'm not saying that. No, Joe, it's say change a life.
According to according to numerous blue checkmarks I've seen on Twitter, you should be wearing them.
Wear a mask. Yeah. Wear a mask. People, unfortunately, after that rant, thought I was specifically talking about John Rothstein. I am not John Ross. Dean is a saint. He's doing everything genuinely. I'm talking about the people who are just looking for clout.
I am wearing a mask. Yeah. I also feel like. Yes, we're pro man. I'm also an idiot. So you probably shouldn't. Like, if I am feeling the need to speak very publicly on something, chances are I'm not that informed about it. So I'm quietly wearing a mask because people smarter than me have told horrendous crime.
And then I was going to have on my other cool thrown entanglement. But we already got to that.
All right. My hotseat is my emotional well-being because I'm having a little bit of a earmuffs, Hank. Tony Soprano member, when he was watching the commercials and he started crying. I have watched two sports highlights in the last week that have made me teary eyed. I watched one make sense. I watched the Wilson interests or sorry, not with some chairs. Miguel Montero, Grandslam NLCS game one. We were in the bleachers for that. A lot of us have ever heard a stadium against Dodgers.
Watched it got teary eyed. The second one, for some reason I was right, was on Twitter. The World Cup women's final ninety nine. Brandi Chastain, known as our name. Yep. That is Renee. Yeah. Brandi Chastain hitting the winning piqué started to tear up. That is bad. It makes sense. You know, I miss sports so much. I miss the moment that I get chills and I'm starting to well up on highlights that like why we are because we as a nation need something like that right now.
That reminds us that the U.S. can be better than everybody else in the world and stuff. We have there's been a severe lack of that in the news recently. So going back in time to 1999 and seeing that, seeing that utter domination and then she took that, it is bad to fucking though. I was just sitting there like laying in bed, kind of welling up in, like, man, I really miss this.
I actually cried at Warren Sharp's thread the other day that he put online, which was just NFL coaches realizing how to hack the rulebook to their advantage and remembering those cool plays like the the play where Jim Harbaugh or John Harbaugh cried and complained to the officials for like a week after we lined up a a tackle that was eligible without having to report is eligible because there was a guy in the line of scrimmage. Then there was Bill Belichick taking a safety and Al Michaels getting like super excited about watching that for the first time.
That made me tear up a little bit. Yeah. And Mike Vrabel staring down Belichick as he wasted like 60 seconds worth the clock time in the playoffs.
Seeing the sports moments gets you chills, gives you goose bumps.
I thought you were going to say that you cried when you saw the Boise State highlight against Oklahoma. No. You had. Oh, I had Omaima seven Mortlock. And now I'm in life. And that the end of that game was probably the best end of any college football game I've seen. And yeah, that was classic 15. I was so convinced.
It's like, dude, how could Boise State beat Oklahoma, its big laterals baby home. Adrian Peterson is a beast. We need laterals. All right. My cool thrown positive news. The first vaccine for a coronavirus looks like it is like a month away from being able to start being mass produced.
A month away from final studies. Month away from final studies. Yes. So what's that? A month away from progress.
You better start talking. It's Adderall right now. What you say. Shit. We need it now. Yeah. So if it's a month away from final studies, then it has to get certified afterwards and then we're fine.
It's like they're injecting people in, like people are getting and they're cool about booze. It's actually boosting their immune system. I don't want to tell the people who are the guinea pigs right now, but like if you feel like you have a side effect, just be cool about it and don't make a big deal like diarrhea. Not a big deal. You know, little sleeplessness. Not a big deal yet. Don't hold this up. Dark thoughts. Not a big deal.
Just just let us get there. Do you remember? You might not remember this because it's a massive, massive store in Washington, D.C. back in like 2001, 2002, I think there was a Redskins cheerleader excuse me, a TBD Washington football named cheerleader that was in the news because she got a flu shot and after her flu shot, she couldn't talk anymore. She couldn't walk anymore. She was like trying to walk down this path and being interviewed by the news channel.
And she was just like physically falling over and talking in this weird, weird voice. Everybody was like, oh, my God, the flu shots bad this year. And then it turned out like a week later she was faking the entire thing.
She was saying she was saying that when she was able to run backwards, she could speak normally and talk normally. But for whatever reason, which was walking forward and it was Desmarais, something, go look it up online. It's an all time hilarious YouTube.
It was later than that. It wasn't 2004.
I think it was like 2001 some sometime around then. And it's it's so fucking funny to watch. I don't know what her endgame was in this situation, but for some reason she thought to herself, you know, be awesome is if I got in the news faking those two now.
It was 2010. Yeah. 2010 was a real member is very much on the Internet. Yes. Yes, she. Yeah, I am sure that Inside Edition.
2010. OK. It was 2010, but it's a very funny to flip regardless. Yes. Watch. It is very funny. A YouTube clip.
All right, Billy. Well, thankfully, you guys only took one of my selections.
I made a whole list because when you go last and Hollis Hotseat forty Niners Woo. George Kittle has said he will go to training camp camp no matter what, if they get his contract signed or not. I'm on team page. George Khil trending. Yeah. Oh, hotseat. Forty Niners.
Know what he should do. He should just change his his position in his Twitter profile. Like Jimmy Graham tried to do after the fact. He should just call himself a quarterback and try to cash in on this Patrick Mahomes money.
Yeah. A couple more hot seats, but. Oh, go ahead. I'll get Hotsy. This is the last you're going to talk. Perfect.
Well, squirrels are the plagues, so they're on the hot seat. Why did we. Why are we testing squirrels?
Yeah. Well, how did you get the bad Billy? Oh, no.
So I decided that if the bats are living in my ceiling, most people run into bats because they have rabies. But if the bats are like living on my roof, I'm running into them at a higher rate than other people.
So they probably don't have rabies. Why are we testing squirrels for a black plague? They have the bubonic plague. Yeah, I know. How do you how do you determine if a squirrel is feeling sick or not? I'm looking by observing a squirrel.
I'm not trying to be WOAK, but I'm just asking questions that are they testing every squirrel or testing dead squirrels for all types of diseases?
It seems a little convenient to me if a squirrel dies and just happens to have the bubonic plague or recounting that towards bubonic plague.
Statistically, someone walked by and was like, well, look at this squirrel. Looks like he died from the plague. Let's test it. No way. Sphere questions, right? Question. Maybe if testing centers were squirrels, why I'd be OK with the sorry population a little bit.
There are too many squirrels. Nice growth. Britney Spears dad is on the hot seat because everyone thinks he's free Britney. It's trending on Instagram because they think Britney is being held against her will by her dad.
Some fact. Now, Tom Cruise has her. Tom Hanks excuse me. Last hot seat is Julian Maxwell Maxwells. She's being sent to prison for one year. She's not going be safe there.
Wait. Cool. Thrown. Malibu, you skipped over the trials.
Not up for a year. Yes. So she's got a lot of prison time, so. Fuck. Anyway, she would have Jillian Maxwell gets fuckin jacked in the next year. She just does nothing but prison yard workouts. Prisoners. Well, yeah, she shows up to court and she's wearing like sleeveless shirts.
How do you pronounce your name? We've said it a billion different ways. Gilan gallon Hilli Glisan the a dead cat. Gil Jizzy. Maxwell Jizo Lane. She's insurance's supermax. Well, prison jilli.
OK. All right.
Cool. Thrown beef. Burger King's figure out how to reduce environmental impacts of cow farts by feeding them different diet.
Mr. Ramsey. Yeah. Was the spokesperson for it. Sweet. Yeah.
Friend of the program. So how are they? How are they eliminating cow farts?
They're feeding them different types of grass. I'm pretty sure it was like wheat grass or something.
Make the cows go on dates and then they will try real hard not to fart from the holy cow.
Good point. Anyway, last call thrown that I had down, I thought Jasmine easily take has ever been a better fought than like a second you get out of a date.
No. And you like get to your house, you get dropped out of maybe or you drop the girl off. And then immediately just like let it rip. A long car ride is up there.
But yes, Joel McHale, that that scene in Ted. Yeah. He goes one day with Mila Kunis and she walks away and he's just like, finally farts.
Yeah. Yeah. We're now writing the plot to Ted. Cool. We're closer to Bulldog's. Yeah.
We just got to, like, let Ted happen in our brain naturally. And then we're like, OK, now you we are dumb enough to finish Bohner Dogs. They're feeding them lemongrass, by the way.
So I think he doesn't get to Tanji. Last one is billionaires are on the cool terms. I mean, a bunch of money during covert.
Anyway, that's a big word to bad people of wealth. That seemed like that didn't really make sense. Everyone got richer.
Flautre rice. I just was thinking about the rice in the rice. Like a lot of rice. A lot of rice.
Yeah, someone's going to have. I don't know how they're gonna do it. Yeah. What do you mean do the old like they showed checkable living a million and a billion with rice. And it was insane. So every every dollar. What was it. One hundred million and a billion or what was it. Can't remember how they did it.
There's nine hundred ninety nine. Whatever. Nine thousand nine hundred million and a billion. But it was like they showed in Reiser's like this is, you know, one rice has one dollar rice, Billy inversed million. And they showed how how big like it. You know, a pile of rice as a million. Yeah. And then the pile for a bill was massive.
They were showing Jeff Bezos worth. Yeah. So here's another cool throw. There's a lot of speculation. Maybe by the time this podcast comes out, something else will will happen in the news. But there's a lot of speculation in D.C. that the Redskins are the focus of a big investigation. I don't know if that what's going to happen with it, but there's there's some issues in the front office. Apparently. Allegedly, no. Let me put it that way.
And I'm told James Friday is Daniel. Yeah. It's a lot like the jeans Friday thing. I'm told that The Washington Post is the ones that are investigating it. I'm putting on my tinfoil hat. Jeff Bezos has wanted to buy the Redskins for the last like three years.
Is this like a billion style coup? Who? That's actually smart. There should be.
So it's not billionaires versus billionaires. It's like this is like mega billionaire. Mega is millionaires. Right? Right. Humby winners billion.
Which is fucking crazy to just give us a billion, Jeff. We'll be nice to you. We can be bought. What he got.
Well, The Washington Post was throwing shade at the Redskins for how racist their name is, but they're named after a slave owner.
So that's true, Billy. The Washington Post, also leather reporting have had. Oh, you got him. The reporting has led to how you feel about President Xi from China. You got say they also expose him. So it's impossible to say if they're good or not. Mm hmm. Who knows?
All right. Let's get to our interviews. We've got Willie McGinest. Then we've got Dungeons and Dragons before we get to Willie McGinnis. We have some great news for you coming from our friends of Peacock. Peacock is the new streaming service from NBC Universal. Great Entertainment is finally free. It's got hundreds of hit movies, thousands of episodes. Your favorite current shows, timeless classics, timely updates. And best of all, it's free. The genres are endless from comedy, reality, true crime, sports drama, kids and family news and even some new original shows.
So here's some shows. I'm going to be watching 30 or 30 Rock Parks and Rec.
Cheers Sike, King of Queen's English Premier League Olympic Doc in Deep with Ryan Lochte. That'll be good. Friday Night Lights, Hank. Law and Order is for you. Yellowstone House. Storage Wars. Meet the Press. NBC Nightly News. Oh, my God. There's so many show Top Chef Masters PND. They got it all. So you got to go right now. Best streaming, best to TV. You can watch for free and upgrade. For more on your TV, phone or tablet.
Go to peacocke TV eCom to download and start streaming now. That is Peacocke TV dot com. To download and start streaming now. One last time Peacocke TV. All one word dot com. To download and start streaming now. OK, here he is willing McGinnis.
OK. We now welcome on NFL Network analyst three time Super Bowl champion and also recurring guest. So welcome back. It is Willie McGinnis. We appreciate you joining us. Willie, we're going to get to a bunch of stuff. First, I want to talk to you about be the Change, which you're working actually with our good friend, Julian Edelman, which is to help Reg get people to register to vote before the election in November. And you have two events coming up, right?
Two events coming up in the next couple of weeks out in California, is that right?
We have a bunch of events coming up and one, unfortunately, had to be put back. The one that was at the forum Inglewood area, because it called it. And, you know, we had to make sure that we were you know, we were doing things right. We just shut down to get out here in California. So we're going to do some stuff digitally and online until we are able to. The company gathered to have the big event and be the change is just something that myself and legends grand athleisure wear came up with.
There's a lot of guys, you know, going out using their platforms, whether they were out there, march or protest and use their their ears, the Rams, their their Facebook or whatever. And, you know, we're talking and we want change. But being the change is actually going out there and building and making that change in your local governments or whatever. And it's tough to get younger people, especially in the inner city, out of the house to go down and registered to vote.
So we came up with something cool. We're going to make these cool ladies. Julian is helping us out. Man is spreading the word. And I appreciate him and love him for that. There are a lot of different sports stars, entertainers. Snoop's a big part. It is the Black Music Coalition. There are a lot of sports organizations in the NFL and to MLS, NBA, everybody's coming aboard. Ad agencies to purchase these hoodies. And what we're going to do when people actually come out and register.
We're going to give they May 30. The change who. We're going to make them really nice and fashionable, and that's Lockhart man teaming up with people, just actually trying to do something to be the change.
I like it. My only problem with that is when it comes to Julian Edelman, he's going to want a sweatshirt that just barely covers up like his nipples. And just like shows off the delts on Trap's little black shows. Yeah, he's gonna want to show off his body a little bit.
So you should probably make, like in Ezekiel Elliott size hoodie just for him to wear if you really want him on board this, you know.
You know him well. Can we customize that? A lot of a lot. We give him a lot of gear. Nice goody bag. So he's already posted on his story. We probably thought back up so people can see it again. But that's my brother, man. I got a lot of love for my respect for him. And he gets it, man. If you're going you want change, you got to be the change you got. Go out, do something.
OK. So obviously things have been weird because the corona virus and everything that's going on. Are you 100 percent confident sitting here right now they're going to play NFL? I want to say I am. I mean, I'm not on a board on my pay grade. It's not that high that I could tell you, hey, the season is definitely gonna going to happen. But all indications point that there is going to be NFL season and we are preparing for that as the NFL, as the network that I work for the league under the NFL umbrella that I work for.
They're putting on a different protocols in place. And everything that I'm told is that we are definitely having an NFL season.
So you. So just a little tip here. Don't say the first part that you're not on the pay grade for. You need to speak confidently about it, because what's happening right now in society is a big game of telephone where you tell me that we're having NFL season, then random people ask me because I'm an expert in their eyes, which I'm not. And I can confidently say, yeah, I was talking Willie McGinnis, we're having NFL. So then eventually all of society is confident and then we don't even know who told us we're having it, but we're all having it together.
I got you, man. I think, like I said, those those those made decisions are going to come from the NFL office. But what we're preparing for and what we're telling everybody that we are having this season, and that's that's what's happened. So, yes, I'm I'm the messenger. Yes.
Have you seen those helmets that they're putting out that have the integrated masks in them that's supposed to, I guess, deflect a lot of those spittle and like, you know, moisture that comes out of your mouth during game? Like I. Can you imagine a player actually wearing those if it feels like it would be insanely hard to catch your breath in those things?
Well, I mean, if you think about the shield that players wear, it covers the nose in the eyes and part of that tube. But if there's a shield, it's not like it's wrapped around your face and there's no air or circulation. So I have not seen it, heard about it. But, you know, like I said, they're taking all the precautions that, you know, that that are possible. So if that's what it has to be, man, to make this season, go and protect all the players and protect their families, then that's that's what we got to do on the board with that.
How do you think Cam Newton is going to fit into the Patriot Way, the Patriot Way? See how you put that this not as a player, as the Patriot Way. And that was one of the things that I wondered about. Cam is very smart. Cam now has a huge chip on his shoulder and he's in a position to go to a great organization and prove that he still can be Cam Newton, the MVP that we saw a couple of years ago.
And I think like any other player, whether it's Corey Dillon and Randy Moss, any of player, high profile player with the big ego and personality that's come into our organization, they quickly find out it's about team team reigns over individual. Listen, no matter who you are, a bigger personality is how good you are with draft pick. None of that matters. And players respect that. They respect the fact that all the players in that locker room get treated the same and the same treatment.
Everybody getting held accountable. Everybody prepares the same. And the rules are in place for everybody. There's no exemption. So I think he will respect that. And I think he also respect that he's going to an organization has had a lot of success without him. And he can be a part of something really good if he buys into it.
So who would you who would you think is going to go further in the playoffs this year if you had to put money on it right now? The Patriots or the Buccaneers, they're indifferent.
There are different conferences, man, so they can both go far. How about this? Have a picture it. Tampa Bay, Super Bowl. And then now when we just break even with a split down the middle.
So if that happens, would you be rooting for the Patriots or your friend Tom Brady? That's tough, man. You know, ask tough. You know, the Patriots, you know, New England is my home. Tom is my brother. I don't know, man. I got it. You know, whenever I watch these games and I've got brothers on each team, I've got to be unbiased because of my job. But that's the tough man, because you want to see them both have success.
OK, so a tie in the Super Bowl. And then they everyone gets a win. Were you supportive? Were you surprised at all that their dad, Tom Brady, left New England? Did you see that coming? That there was maybe a little. I don't. I don't know if it was friction between Belichick and Brady, but just, hey, we've been doing this for 20 years. Time to move on kind of thing. I can't say that I'm surprised, but what I can say is I know that, you know, both sides wanted to work it out.
It just didn't happen that way. And I think the fact that Tom wanted some long term instruments, he felt like he had a lot left in the tank, that he was still playing at a high level. And the fact that the Patriots probably offered something that he wasn't comfortable with and, you know, he had to make a decision. And I left New England, too, and went to Cleveland. That's one of the toughest thing for a player to do after a number of years calling some place home.
This is where he's had all this success, all his friends, family. He's built that organization, helped build that organization, all his ties. That's the toughest thing to do in the world. But at the end of the day, you've got to do what's best for you and your family. And I think both parties understood that it's a tough conversation that he had to go in and talk to Mr. Kraft. He had to have that conversation with Bill Belichick.
And I guess they agreed to disagree and go their separate ways. I think Tom has been filling some kind of way for the last couple of years. That is what he's been wanting, you know, to get that reassurance from the organization. And maybe he did feel that way when the deal when his deal came up, when he was a free agent. And, you know, sometimes with the Patriots, they move a certain way and you can't be disrespected by and you can't feel a certain way.
And I certainly went through that myself. But you got to understand within this business, and I know you've got to go right here and you've got the best player at that position ever. But it was emotional and it came down to two sides just not agreeing going forward.
So when you went out to Cleveland, when you decide it was time for you to move on from New England, what was? Was there a moment when you joined the team and you realized, wow, this is is really a different way of doing things out here than they do in New England? And what was that moment for you?
Oh, absolutely. I asked them, you know, familiarity there with Romeo. Now, he was the head coach. He was my day coordinator. So, you know, the only thing that I knew was there was a great organization, the fans of football out there, Cleveland, as a hub for football. And I knew I would know the defense inside out because my head coach was my coordinator at the time. So that wasn't a problem. But when I got in the locker room, culture wasn't there.
The mentality wasn't there. It wasn't team over individualism. It was opposite. And we didn't have enough guys to buy into where Romeo Crennel was trying to put in place. And that was, for me, the discouraging part for my three years of being there. A lot of selfish guys, a lot of guys that didn't work hard. A lot of guys that put themselves before the team and didn't really understand and want to learn what it took to be a playoff caliber championship team.
And I think that hurt more than anything, because you got a guy like me that that's all I know. And I'm coming in and I'm trying to do all the things that I've been doing for the last 12 years. And you get a handful of guys that get it by and with the majority of the guys that could really affect the team and make us better did. And that was a problem. And that was some of our best players.
So you made headlines actually yesterday. I think it was something similar that you can speak on saying give Matt Patricia time in Detroit to build. Now, the storyline that always the media runs with and I think there's some truth in it, is when Belichick checks, guys go somewhere else, they want to have that culture that they had in New England. But there's not the Super Bowl success to back it up. So it's a little bit harder of a sell.
Do you think that's a fair thing to say when talking about a Matt Patricia or Romeo Cornell in Cleveland, where it's hard to sell to guys that this is the hard work you have to put in to get to the finish line if you've never been to the finish line?
I think it is. And I think even when Bill Belichick came to New England, there was a rebuild. You know, he kept he kept a few guys in the locker room that he knew fit the criteria and fit the mold mentality. Physically, physically or whatever the case may be. You know, the Ty law, myself, Troy Brown, Bruschi, Lauren Malloy, like he had a handful of guys and he said, I'm a build around these guys.
And then I go out and I was shot. I'm a draft, then go in free agency and we built them, put the other guys around them. And I think when whenever you have somebody come from a successful program, the fact is and people expect instant success and it's not a overnight process. It just doesn't happen like that. Matt, Patricia has won more than anybody in that organization. He knows how to win. He's very smart. He's been in a lot of different systems.
So it's coached a lot of different guys, a lot of different ways. And when you have the knowledge of how to do something now, you need to the pieces to. To his staff when he first got there, wasn't even on board with how he coaches the preparation and the mentality. All the different things that all the other coaches in New England were all on the same. All on the same way. So your coach has got to be on the same page.
And then the players, if the players are not buying any, you see those players leaving out of there. If they're a distraction and they're not buying it, then how you speak for them to go out on a football field and execute at a high level and play on a certain level. So people got to understand the game of football and how it works. Got to have the right pieces. You got to have the right mentality. You got to be able to have time to build a culture.
And I know the NFL right now, everybody wants to come in and win right now. It just doesn't happen like that. And the teams that do, it's rare. The teams that do, that's rare. But how long does it last? It's the ball consistency, you know, and it's about building. And sometimes you're not afforded that. You know, see, coaches get fired in one year. You're not afforded that time. Yeah.
I think a lot of people are forgetting about judge going over to New York and adding on what you said. The Giants feel like an organization that would be more willing to give time. Given how they've dealt with coaches in the past. They might give him three or four years to rebuild this thing as opposed to just saying, OK, one or two seasons, you're out.
But in your opinion, if you look at this new crop of Patriots assistants that have gone out across the league, whose stock would you be buying more? Would it be Floras would be paid, Patricia, or would it be Judge?
Well, you mentioned Billy Joe. Billy O'Brien was there, too. Right. He was known as the quarterback coaching and calling plays and working with, you know, with Tom. And he went to the Texans. He's had a lot of success. He's been in the playoffs, I think, three out of the five years or four and five years he's, you know, in the last five years. So he's had a lot of success. As far as a competition like it, you've got to look at your staff.
You've got to look at how much creative control you're going to have with building your team. Do you have the ability to go out and pick your own players or do you have a GM in place that you have to run things through? So I think every situation is a little bit different. Being in in Miami, you know, Flora has brought. He has somebody as a GM who understands that this you know, his dad, Greer, was in New England.
You know, Chris understands what is going to take it. He has to have that patience. But you've got to get the right guys in there. You see some of the best players that were in Miami, not in Miami anymore, because maybe they wasn't buying into what they were trying to push. And I think that's the difficult part, to get the best players to the free agents, to whatever everybody on the same court to understand we're all equal.
We're all equal. It's just tough in the NFL these days. So whether it's the Patriot way, whether it's with Seattle built, when they had Sherman and all those guys fighting to whether it's Alata, the Brotherhood, whatever you come up with, you've got to create that. You got to have everybody on their roster buying into that. And if they don't buy into that, they shouldn't be on your roster. So I'm always curious. The you know, from a fan's perspective, how attached you are to your personal accolades, your personal records.
Cause I always assume everyone's a little bit selfish. It's a team sport. It's the ultimate team sport. But there's a part of you that's like, I want my records to stand. And you may not have even thought of this, but you have the record for most sacks in playoffs, in playoff history. No one's even really close right now. Terrell Suggs is a three and a half behind. But, you know, he's at the twilight of his career.
When they change the playoff structure to seven teams and only one by, is there a small part of you that's like shit. Guys are going to have more chance to get games under their belt and possibly break this record and take this record away from me.
The first part of your question is everybody wants individual success. And if you're if you don't, you shouldn't be playing the game. You shouldn't you shouldn't have that certain respect about yourself. You should always want to compete and be the best at what you do. And if records and accolades, it's come along with that. And that's great. I mean, you've accomplished something. What? You should all fall under the realm of tea. And if you have team success, that means a lot of individuals are having success with their plan at a high level.
Now, as far as records, it's a single game sack record in the playoffs and it's the overall second record in the playoffs. There's two. So my thing with this records are meant to be broken. But for me to have that record right now to me is special because I earned it. The other hard part about that record, guys, is you got to get to the playoffs. If you don't get to the playoffs, then that individual record doesn't apply to you and you can't ever reach that.
So you have to do what you've got to build a good team. So my record comes a way of being on a good team. Being able to get to the playoffs, to have the opportunity to make big plays in the playoffs so high. You know, I every year you cook, you cook it up where you look at it with mine. The team still comes first, that the team will go to the playoffs. Those records don't exist.
I think you answered my question, too, by correcting me about having the individual game record as well. What how many sacks was that?
Four and a half. I think our fight against. Jacksonville. OK. And who is the quarterback? Then? It was left, which I not think they switched out to draw. Yeah. Let me see your account, though, because, I mean, he was so slow, like every sack on him that, you know, count counters half guard had that cool hat, but not really anything else. Yeah. We're in a cat or an account that has half a minute left, which would take three seconds to throw the bone once he saw his wife.
So I was like a you Moloto many rounds is pretty good. Is the order outdated? No one is going to. Right.
You'll always have that alltime clip of his offensive line carrying him down the team, winning a game on a broken leg. That's sick as hell. It's four and a half I'm looking at right now, four and a half sacks in 2005 against the Jaguars. There you'll go. Any I looked at you. There's a picture of you. Just basically it looks like you're giving left and Nogi is bully. And he was pretty fast that day and he was getting away.
That's the fastest guy you've ever seen that. Who is your favorite quarterback to sack?
I probably paid Manney man just because he was so tough and so good. And you always got the ball off. He always knew what you were doing. So when you got a chance to get paid, Manny, that that that felt that felt really good. Did you ever sack Philip Rivers?
I don't know. I'm not sure. You know, I'm pretty sure I did. If I did not know. I don't recall.
You'll recall him like on the field because he's famous for never cussing on the field and he like compliments a little bit. He'll yell, I got to be just more swear.
I've never heard it. I've never heard him say a curse word. He talks a lot of trash, but I never heard of curse.
That always seems more annoying to me. Like I'd rather have a guy be like, fuck you than you gotta be like, God dang it. You know that.
Yeah. And you know, it doesn't stop. Like, the guy never runs out of air so that shit can cost it all game lol. Yes.
All right. I had one last question. We're talking to NFL Network analyst Willie McGinest, three time Super Bowl champion again. He is got a great thing that he's doing with our friend Julian Edelman and a bunch of other people trying to get people to register to vote before the election. It is called Be the Change. So go look that up, Will. He's also posting on all the social media at Willie McGinnis on Instagram and Twitter. Do you know Urban Meyer?
Not well. I know he is. We've we've said hello. OK.
So you're an ambassador, USC. Have you worked that angle yet to get him to be the head coach of the Trojans and restore some glory there?
Those conversations, I would say, probably happen. I'm not officially on the staff. I am an ambassador with the football program. I am around. I am active. I am really close with the athletic director, the director of athletic, Mike Boehm. And I'm also friends with the coaches that are there now. Urban Meyer name has come up. I don't know if he was offered an interview. I don't know if he wanted to interview or nor did I.
Do I know if the university wanted to interview annoys the great coach. Is one a lot of football games. He has a lot of respect. He's not coaching. So, you know, we'll we'll see what happens in the future right now. USC has a head coach. You have a lot of new coaches that they just hired. And, you know, they're trying to put it together and figure things out right now.
We need USC to be good again, though, because USC, like PAC twelve, has just been out of the picture and USC not being good. It's always kind of a bummer because it's one of those historic programs that when they're in a game, it always feels a little bigger.
It is, man. And, you know, it's it's not about the PAC twelve. It's about national championships. You know, we need to set our sights higher and understand what USC tradition is or what USC football is. And I get there's a lot of new nuances to the game. Well, it wins football games is being tough and physical in the trenches, dominating and taken. The opponents will. And I think when you talk about USC football and all the players that come to that system, it went on to the NFL.
They carry that with them. And, you know, it's special. You don't ever leave USC. It's a family. I just think that we need to remember that, incorporate that back in these young kids, young men that are coming and develop them, teach them how to be young man and exist and do the right thing in the community, but also incorporating and still what being a Trojan really means from the time they get there to the time they leave.
So our goals is national championships and week. We can go ahead and take the PAC twelve along the way. But. The SLR should be national championships all day, every day. Yes, I will, Willie, thank you as always. Been fun to catch up. You're always. Welcome back on your recurring guest twice now. So we appreciate your time. And we appreciate you telling us that the NFL season is going to happen, which you said 100 percent.
Willie McGinest guarantee it's gonna happen. And now we're going to tell everyone else that, OK.
Hey, man, do you think. I appreciate you guys. Thanks so much. You really appreciate it.
That interview with William Get US was brought to you by simply safe.
What's the number one sign of a bad home security system? What's a home security system that's so complicated that you'll never use it? This is exactly the type of system that simply Safe has spent a decade fighting against. They believe that simple is safer. A home security system that you don't use is worthless. It's exactly why simply safe is the home security for right now when feeling safe at home has never been more important. Simply safe was designed to be easy to use while protecting your whole home 24/7.
Ordered online with the click of a button, open the box, placed the sensors, plug it in. Your home is protected around the clock. No technicians, no sales person has come to your house to disrupt your home. You don't need to pay an outrageous monthly fee or sign a two year contract. Simply Safe was named best overall security system of 20-20 by U.S. News and World Report and their 24/7, 24/7 professional monitoring and emergency dispatch starts at just 50 cents a day.
They should actually just install this in the bubble in Orlando. Every room, every player should have their own simply safe system that calls the police. If they tried to escape the bubble, go to simply safe dot com slash p.m. t get free shipping and get a 60 day money back. Guarantee that simply safe dot com slash p.m. t make sure they know that our show sent you there. And now Dungeons and Dragons enough.
Something completely different. OK, it is that time of the week every other week. It is our good friend Tim Woods. We are continuing our Dungeons and Dragons adventure. It's great to see you, as always. Can we great to be here. Can we do a quick recap?
I think to little Voodoo's long or the short part of it is that Billy's in trouble. But you tell us exactly where we're sitting and who's next. Absolutely.
For sure. So the situation is. Yeah. Billy is in a little bit of trouble because Bezerk or Billy had while we were in the village of greenies trying to stop the cult of the dragon from attacking the castle, greenest keep, as it were. That was being besieged by these cults with their giant dragon lengthen up his billy hit successfully jumped on the dragon's back, gotten on her good side for the most part, and convinced her with a couple of really good roles to kind of a TACA.
You know, in between the armies threaten everyone a little bit, but then eliminate the leader of the cultists before getting ready to turn upon his teammate upon reconsidering options of his workability, decided to try to fly away with the Dragon Lenehan and kind of join the cult. But unfortunately, not before Naum the Barbarian was able to leap up and pull Bezerk or Billy off of the back of the land. Ethan, Len, Ethan flew up in the air, gave a sad and sorry look back to her Goliath friend, but made no efforts to rescue him as he flew off while the rest of the cult of the Dragon has now fled from the village of Greenest.
And everyone is now a funny thing is their priority is celebrating how much we are all the heroes. But as they crowd into Vanc US, it becomes very clear that they don't want to get in between us and visit our ability right now because we just reading body language. S.H. aware that there is some tension at the mayor.
It's not beyond. Yeah.
In theory, I do want to highlight that the turn order for today starts with Erlick of all the characters. So you, Erlik, would have a chance to kind of like intervene here or do whatever he wishes and say he would go and then Norn would get to go before bezerk or Billy has a chance to do anything.
So that would be the turn order at this point. I would also highlight, Sir Oh is rushing in and kind of putting a hand on Naum the Barbarian shoulder.
It looks as though we don't have time for whatever whatever's going on here, there's going to be prisoners that they're called got away with real important. Right now we've got to rescue the ligers, if that's all right.
So so I was going to ask that what is our mission outside of torturing Billy and making him squeal? What should we be focusing on board? Definitely do the first part.
Absolutely. Absolutely. In theory, it's becoming clear that right now that the town of Greenest is worried still, because while the cult has fled, they apparently fled with prisoners. Everyone else is celebrating. But sir oh, sir O is paying attention. And he is aware that right now this might be a small window of opportunity for us to follow the cultists to wherever they went and try to rescue whatever prisoners they might have brought back to their camp with them.
He said they must be camp nearby. Whatever you need to do here, we can throw preserver billion in shackles up. We could do it. Yeah, I don't I don't personally condone torture or whatever you need to do between your teammates. You've got to work after yourselves.
But there is also a daubing cleric we've seen rushing around healing people and that door is also stepping forward. And he seems to have some ideas also on how you could get busy worker Billy helping you again, that dwarf is saying, I've got some magic, that if you need this wild card over here reined in, there's a spell I could put on him. It would give you control over the mazurka.
Just saying that's an option, too. So I would ask early at this point, Erlik, in theory, you've got the jump on everybody else here. You just saw Norm get pulled off the drag or get pulp as worker Billy off the dragon's back. They both kind of landed on the ground. And it looks like they mean business, sir. Oh, is suggesting peace. But we can do whatever we like. What would you be thinking of doing?
OK, Billy. Yeah. Let's go him off his, if you would like to, you know, finish the job. The players only meeting right now. Thank you for your suggestion, Kocho. Yes. We're gonna go after Bill. We're going to go ahead and just noted hit option.
Fuck him up. He puts his hands up and he steps back. Sir, I was not getting involved in this, but Erlick, you have several options at your disposal. I know that you have eldritch blast would be a very powerful attack, svelte. You could launch and preserve your ability right now with no penalties. That would be until he attacks you, your main avenue for attacking him. Would you like to throw a Eldridge's blast to him?
Absolutely. In theory, I'm going to add blast of Blasim up the ass.
You can aim for that. Certainly. And if you roll a D 20, you would have a plus four on your attack roll with this Eldridge blast to go after visitor Billy.
Check that, Jake. Check six. He had a six. Six plus four is gonna be at ten and checking Bazooka Billy's armor class Berserker Billy. You wear heavy chain mail and you wield a shield. Your armor class is pretty high. Ten is not hitting you until you see this charge up ball of fire being thrown at you by the norm. No more luck. You turn and you easily sidestep. No attack. So, so far, so good.
You are resisting the assault so far. But Wayne.
That would bring us, you know, what's what's Billing's like to do. What's Billy's mental acuity like? How easily tricked is he.
In theory, spells that would mess with him. He's somewhat resistant to because he has good wisdom, but his intelligence is just average.
Just checking. That's right. If we like we exploited his love of dragons and we built a fake female dragon that was like that was presenting herself to Billy and lured Billy over to the dragon.
I didn't when I get in it. Yeah.
I'm saying like a Trojan horse. Like we're inside the bombs. Yeah. So when Billy tries to make love to it, we just shoot out various or if this is an attack. Can I build a fake dragon to entice Billy.
I would let you use your minor illusions spell to create a fake dragon. It wouldn't be a super large dragon, but it would be.
It would be a big draw, a big enough dragon. Billy is looking for a rebound relationship.
He has an appealing, attractive dragon, it can appear, thanks to your illusion magic. Are you making it appear around you in the Barbarian?
Yeah, I think I think it's around all of us. But I'll go next and I'll pop. Yeah. Yeah.
So we're all inside this dragon, but big cat is closest to the edge. Like the whole. Like I'm like my friend. My mom's right behind the dragon's mouth. So when he goes in for the kill, someone fucking just smash them in the face. Absolutely.
So from inside this, like, hologram, you can all see out of this dragon just fine and you see Bezerk or Billy turn. And at first, Berserker Billy. Yeah, your eyes widened because you see a dragon appear out of thin air. But make an intelligence check. This would be a D 20 plus zero for you and see if you can tell if this is an illusion.
So I'm rolling plus zero because there's one going at determining the wreck. Zero. Only my intelligence seems very sidestep.
All that's fine. Rule 14 plus zero 18.
I am double checking what the number is that you need to get. Wayne, I'm sorry to say, is barely able to tell that this is a illusion. You can kind of see the ripples on the surface over with that role. I would say you can't see inside the dragon, you're just aware it's a fake.
But I noticed that you said that he can tell kind of that it might not be a real dragon, but does he even care because he's just so like but sprung over dragons that he just might be like, you know what? I'll take what I can get. Right.
In theory, you're looking at this and it looks very realistic to you. I mean, you can make whatever decision you want regarding this dragon, but you do suspect something maybe a little uncanny about it.
We just need a little bit like a dragon. So he starts thinking with little brilliance, then a big build.
Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Or you're maybe developing some thoughts about this dragon. But normally you'd be up now besought before predictability goes. What would you like to do?
Okay. I mean, I. I think I was going to smash him. Right. Like, we got to start working, weakening him because he's about to go and trying to fight back. Right.
So we have to just go full on Maila. Yeah. Like can I just smash, can I smash him. Absolutely.
If you jump from out of the illusion I would actually give you advantage on this. You'd be the one person to get advantage right now. We could roll Tutee Twenty and take the higher number. I just ask before you roll, are you also going reckless?
You know, reckless? Yes. Gain. Yes. Then I knew the answer to that. Yes.
I'd say that I'm going to let you get something called double advantage. You can roll three D twenties. You're taking my. All of that. OK. Here we go, I got three rolls them and give me that black tie.
OK, roll one 13 14 roll to. Well, Slevin, why did you want that one? Is that waited? No, I didn't. Are you waiting? Done. Three.
32. Not bad. Or T-Mac. So 13 was the best of them. And with a plus five. That is an 18 total. On your attack as you swing your axe.
And 18 is just barely a hit against physical ability. So you are dealing damage and you are wielding a great sword. I believe that is right. So as you bring your great sword down upon Berserker Billy, you are. You got very good. Damn it.
He has a total of 14 points of damage. I'm sorry to say to be Zerk or Billy Zirkin. Billy, your total hit points, if I can check those. I'm sorry.
You just had 14. Yeah. You have a 17 total hit points. Visually, you're already down to three hit points left.
There's no way where you're basically. I'm a cleric. Right. You're basically dead.
So bezerk or Billy, that would then bring us to your turn. You've seen Naum jump out of the giant pinata. Illusion Dragon and attack. You got a pretty good strike on that.
And, you know, you are brought down to your Nene Leakes by the strength of that attack.
What would you like to do right now? So I'm a healer, right? You are a healer. I can heal myself.
You can heal yourself. I just will warn you about this.
Healing yourself will be what you would do instead of attacking, which makes you very useful to your teammates in combat, but unfortunately means you have to make a choice. Are you gonna fight right now or you're gonna heal yourself to keep yourself alive?
I'd also like to point out that if Billy tries to heal himself, he'll just buy some supplements from China that don't work at all.
Yes. Well, I think so. I think it would be pretty useless if I don't hear myself. Even if I kill one of them.
By the way, are we all in agreement that we just want to kill Billy and then we'll have Jake be part?
That's fine. Yeah, I know the torture at least. But yeah. Yeah, I know. I'd like to. I'd like him dead.
I want him DADT dead. OK. Is there an escape option.
So bizarre or. Billy, I have to agree with your healing option being one of the best ones. But escaping is something that you could do after you either attack or heal yourself.
You know, so I can move to run for it. Granted, me would be able to chase you and still attack you.
They call that of your action and move.
So why do I. Bye, Dad. What do you do? So is there. How's how's my role? Has my dragon friend doing it since she's gone.
Gone. Julie. Disappearing into the distance zone.
You couldn't run after her.
Okay. So I could heal and run away.
I will warn you, if you heal and run away, then they're just gonna be able also catch up to you and get in tack away.
Right. What's the point of escaping if they think you're dead? Just kidding.
You could choose not to run after and just fight back.
They might. You're either going on the run and you're going to the garbage choices. Yes. Put up your fist and fight back.
If you focus on just running and not healing, then you would get to run with your move and your action. And then they wouldn't be able to chase you and attack you. They just be able to chase you and essentially keep speed with you. And you'd be right running with them right behind you, basically.
OK, well, you know what? It's fight or flight, and I have no flight, so I think I'm going to fight back.
Great. But can I do like SMI healing to get shot off?
Just either do it or don't.
You could you could either heal yourself or you could attack. And if you attack, I would warn you, you can activate your war cleric ability to attack two times. OK. I just want to enjoy doing it, talking twice or healing.
I just want to try to kill Norm. And if I kill Norm, then I'm the strongest. So that's the only thing I wanna accomplish.
I would like to kill do is concentrate all my attacks on naught. Great. Go for it. Apsley, they're gonna.
You'll forget to do 20 rolls and you have a plus four when attacking with you on a plus with a hammer.
So what's what's Norm's hit points. Norm's hit points. That fair's fair. I'll check that for you as well. Herm's got a hefty twenty three.
It's gonna be ten by six. All right.
So I got two more. You also that you know that Norm is raging and takes half damage.
I mean, this was okay. So I'm really in a no win situation, really.
Is there any sort of like just like a situation that you made yourself when you tried to kill us? Well, I thought you. Well, you know what? I'm going.
Is there any way outside we thought you thought we were gonna take your side. Yeah. Just fighting ourself. Let's just. I lost your mind. People that really own the lives and tried to kill us. This is not unprovoked. I just tried to kill Norm. Okay.
Because I want to show I'm the strong is the start. I have no beef with. I will against. Before you thought I was just gonna let my man sit out there, get a tie on? Well, he hasn't been the best, all of us. He I think I'm pretty good. All yours, unless it means who is you? We just your unit. Okay. You know what? I'm just going to attack him and then Bindley.
I also want to let you know one other thing. If you substitute your Warhammer attacks for one attacks, spell that you have the ability to reach out and inflict wounds on someone basically rotting their body away with death match. So that would only be one attack.
It's all riding on a single roll. OK. Let's do it now. No, with that, it's much more.
Billy, I want to put out maybe an alternative situation here. What if you just went after an enemy, a common enemy of ours right now and you tried to get back in our good graces by taking out somebody that we're going up against? So we'll have to kill.
OK. What is their option like that?
You do see many cold this still trying to flee from out of town. Who the townsfolk are like throwing rocks at and stuff. You could rush after one of them and hope that your team is merciful. You do that.
I mean, to be great, honestly like it. One way to get back on our good side is to help us fight this bigger battle because we don't want to be wasting our time with you. We wanted to win the game. We want to get a kill screen.
OK. Hope. Hope your teammates are merciful. I don't think they're gonna be merciful.
I want to win the games. Hey, guys. I think I'm going to go. I'm going to go. You know, I'm just going to take no one with one big dice roll.
It's not. I would do in the black.
Do I take you and roll. I take one Rolling's spell. Yeah. So old. All this and dark energy. Cote's norms era of their zuercher Billy's hanta. And we all hear the bellowing of Kovacic somewhere else.
Guy. OK. The ram alone. Now think about this.
I'm more confident that you guys would not community mercy. No, you're right. You were asking for the right choice. March. All right. Here you go. I would have crushed and I. No bitch. Okay. One, two, three, roll.
And it's a well, not great. Twelve. Yeah. Plus four is what, six here in tax spells. So a 16 and against. Norm. Norm. I'm sorry. You say your request is a 14. So that's a hit against you. OK. And I will roll the damage.
Holy. How much damage you are taking now? It is gonna be a lot though, as it seems like all this just. Okay, let's. Twenty. Which means maybe treading along your arm, rotting away your flesh.
It seems like it's already there. She's got grace plus three.
Go 16. Damn it. You can those half because I'm reckless right now. So here's the thing.
Normally Range gives me like half damage. And then from a spell like inflict a wound.
So strong guy. I'm fine. At least one guy you would take in 16.
So you're at six out of 16. Let me make a little note of that and something. You are at, I think, three or four right now.
He's at three. No, I'm at seven. I had twenty three. Um, it's. Yeah, I'm seven. Well, you're at seven.
That's absolutely right. Exactly. You got sixteen. It's good. Good. Cause if you wanna rate those down.
All right. Perfect. Awesome. Good job, Billy. Fucking needed.
So Bazooka Billy, that's your turn. And that is nearing the end of your term.
I just kill myself. I coach Phil.
I said ya gotta stop hard and go out with. We've got to worry about those prisoners catching guys.
Like that'll bring us back to you. What would you like to do? Is there like is there anything like a little different an attack? Like some, you know, like pull his eyelids off or like something where it's like he's gonna be alive, but he's gonna be in a lot more pain forever. Yeah, I like Hitler.
Get his eyelids off and then make him go hang out with the yelling. Do you ever take off both of his legs and then keep going with him? So he's just permanently in pain, but not dead. I'll say this, you could leap at him at this point with your dagger and your dagger could probably deal enough damage to finish off his rocker Billy, so you could attack him with a dagger. And if you knock him out, then at that point you have a lot of liberty to do.
Do whatever kinds of torture or harm due to his body. Knock him unconscious.
Is there something I could do? Because I feel like it's only right to let Big Cat or PFG deliver the final. No one goes there, please. I just want him dead. I just want him dead and out of the game. All right. I'll die. Kill my saccotelli. I was going to put a dagger down here.
Absolutely. If you roll the dice. 20 plus four. That is your dagger attack bonus. Ten. Ten. A total. Ten. Total. No. 10 total. 10 plus four. So let's to Apsley.
So 14 is not quite a hit against plunging.
You're trying to. You're a no. So it's like you try to jump up, grab his belt and then pull yourself up onto a shoulder to get him, like, right in the eye and he knocks you free and throw my body weight out and I walk small body.
You are not you are no more lost. Yes.
And you're going to use a ritual knife, a ceremonial war on NEWSNIGHT alone.
We're gonna get back to DeAnda in a second. But before we do, we'll talk to you about me undies. My favorite underwear company in the entire world. Have you ever considered the underwear that graces your nether regions? Well, you've got some important stuff down there. You got to take care of it. And thankfully, Mundy's thinks about it all the time. Which is why they're changing the game with their softer than soft sustainable on these and fun prints and lots of colors.
You can be totally comfy being you inside and out. It's always a good dick day in Mondays. That's what I always say, because it's true. Me Ondes is my favorite pair of underwear that I've ever worn in my entire life. You know, it's the worst possible thing ever. It's an empty underwear drawer because it's all in the dirty laundry. Well, it's a good thing that you can just get him beyond his membership and erratic to eradicate that terribleness forever.
Muni's membership is a monthly subscription. It sends new pairs right to your door. So you get to keep your undies drawer stocked, fresh and fun. Plus, with member access to site wide savings and exclusive sales, you can easily and affordably build a quality collection of super soft undies over time. That's one heck of an undie upgrade if you ask us. Mundy's offers matching pairs where you and your partner can order undies with the same exact prints. In other words, you can match your bottom half to your better half.
They're available in sizes X, extra small to for Excel and it's a great offer for our listeners. For any first time purchasers, you get 15 percent off, plus you get free shipping. It's a no brainer, especially because they have 100 percent satisfaction guarantee to get your 15 percent off your first order free shipping. And that guarantee good to me, ondes dot com slash take. That's me, ondes dot com slash take. What if we just cut Billy's tongue out and then he's just not allowed to talk or say his turns and we have to.
We control him that way. We have to interpret for him.
In theory, Wayne, it is now your turn. If you have a sword that could do that quite effectively.
Small body. Yeah, I just like to fuck him up. Honestly, I just like to kill Billy. Like, whatever whatever attack gets me closer to murdering Billy. That's the one I want to do. Absolutely.
Looking at your weapons, you do have a story called a rape, a fencing sword. There's a very sharp blade. You've heard all that out. And you could attack him with a plus four on it. Yes, I would like to do that.
I would like to take my sharpest weapon and put it in the most sensitive part of Billy's body and kill his doolally.
He's obviously trying to block your attack right now. So if you get a critical hit, you will hit him right where you are hoping to hit him as he gets gleni. Otherwise, the higher you get, the closer you got to his volmer.
OK. So what am I. I'm an A plus four. Is that what you. Plus four in calculus form on Piaf's.
Here we go. Here we go. Seven, come on, seven plus four and eleven. He's got good armor. We hide is all rock and this attack is not getting a second to stab him in the mouth and he just steps back.
I have more of a chance, I thought here. Let's see. Strong guy. All right. I guess I have a good. Yes, you have got to help me. God damn it. We got him in the weight room. Losers and one cheek in this game. Peyton. All right. Kill him. I want to kill him.
I don't get to go any plus five. I hear a great sword. What do I need here? What do I need? You get on like a Ford.
We just barely got him with an 18. So 18 was the magic number last time. I will ask again an important question. Are you going reckless at this point?
That means I get another rule, right? I get two rules. You have to. All right.
Totally right. So. Yeah, right. What is the elim ending here? I what point total do we have to get on the day I get to eliminate them. Yeah.
Five on this and you need to get an 18 to hit him. So a 13 or higher. So I get two roles together here.
Here we go. We can do it. I might kill you.
No, you're fucking dead set on. Why did you leave? Why did I do that? Bill Murray here. Fuck. I'm bored of this guy's like shit. Your. Didn't even need my second role.
Billy, I'm sorry to say you just took sixteen points of damage, which I'm just double checking whether that is.
It's not in the insta kill. Oh, it is enough to take you down to the ground and you are knocked out. At which point people can just decide what's in your bag. Enough.
Look at my tie. I thought I was gonna bag and yet you would draw on his face. Let's let's humiliate him.
That observer, Billy, there's actually one chance you still have his arms turned finishes in your term, Comess. You need to roll a deep 20. And if you get a nine or higher or less, a nine or less, you slip closer to death. If you get it 10 or higher, you're doing OK and you get a 20. You actually wake up and you get your whole turn.
So I can a chance. If this is weighted, you're going to be in trouble.
We'll just roll giveaways when one sided dice. No, I'm I'm I'm rolling the black dice that big had asked for earlier. Well, you were all alone. Look out.
That's a sick guy, I say.
I don't know. It's just it's like I say, as he goes, a dot, dot, dot. Is this a bottom? No. You're showing.
Yes, a lot. That's it. That's it doesn't matter. He's going to get mad. Doesn't matter, right? He's just dead. The dog is at the bottom. And unfortunately, that means he's slipping closer to death. If someone hits you with a weapon at this point, the Zerk or Billy, the character is officially dead. And at this point, we see from the walls and elf wizard waving at us and this leaf builds character. If the Zerk or Billy Dies is in here, this very frail looking elf wizard with a book on his back.
So if I die, a frail elf was ill. You're dead. You ever play? Jake is sitting in your seat and Jake is going to be the new reporter guy that we had.
And then someone's going to blow a statue to memorialize you and we're going to hear that we're going to fucking kill that as well.
That, in theory, is the elf wizard is the reporter, Kyra. Yeah. Yeah. He's got a lot of papers on and he's got some glasses on. And it looks like he's been recording this whole thing for history sake.
And he gets on Twitter. Whoever is controlling that that elf character, they'll be the next person to show up. But if the Zirkel Billy rolls that two more times or if somebody so much as Swing's one weapon in his prone body, and that is the end of his workability story and he hasn't woken up, unfortunately. So that brings us to Erlich. Erlich, you're standing over him with a knife right now in your hand. And this would not be the first time that you as a warlock have probably like ritual sacrifice.
So what's up? You're like a pro at this kind on my like, you know.
All right. So I'm rolling. Absolutely. If you want to attack him on the ground, it's very easy to roll with advantage. And if you hit him, then that is the final blow against Bazooka Billy in that case.
What's the advantage?
So you start you were the advantages, you old two times and take the higher gun that got out.
And I got three the first time. Twenty 20. I check that. Check that. Yes, Jake. Check it. I trust no one.
And and in that case, the gnome has definitely done this before I think. And he's just reached down slowly.
How would you you want to kill this zuercher Billy. I. I want you to tell me. Hold on. Describe it slowly and really take your time on how you're gonna kill him.
I would like to go ere take the ears off first.
Then the eyeballs. Then the nose. And then just slit his throat. Oh, yes.
Does that play well? What if you give me was the Colombian necktie and Raftis wrapped his tongue around his neck and. Yeah, sure.
Go ahead. I say I stay here. I get you anything. I got it. Then you see a grayish reddish blood flowing forth from the Goliath's form as it seems like his life leaves his body. And Berserker Billy goes cold before you. I believe also Erlick, you have an ability where you actually you don't rip off the souls of people you kill, but you get extra hit points from them. So you feel a little charged up as you deal with killing blow to the cleric of Kovacic.
But he lies dead before all of you now. And the whole town was watching.
And they go to lose their dog.
And this can villagers are like pretty horrified by what they just witnessed. It's another idea that we shoot out of here. I go to the gulag. Now. A girl is dead. I saw a slip off the crowd. No, you're. Yes. Jackson Hole. Well, I like leaving room. No.
He could sit on the couch. You're dead. You should never have tried to cross. Now we should. We should make Jake write a history of what just happened.
We have Billy be like a pedophile and his best friend. Jeff. Jeffrey. Yeah. So we had to kill Billy because of his crimes against humanity.
Jay now heads up a binder, and it's just all full of pictures of Gilly Maxwell and Billy Bezerk or showing out a party.
From now on, for all of recorded history, people referred to the devil as just Billy.
Yes. Yes. Welcome. Thank you. I first of all, say, Jake, excited to have you. This is very great. And I'll also just throw it there for saying goodbye to Billy. At the very least, I'd put out the offer that if a particular monster catches our attention and we'd like Billy to get to roll for that monster or even to take on some decision making with that monster, I'd be happy to give Billy a monster now that unfortunately he's lost.
His character had been retired from the game. Jake, welcome. I had done. And I'm very excited, you know, to hear what kind of a character you'd like to play.
But so far, I do have this elf wizard prepared who has a great spell caster historian and master of knowledge of all things magical. They are a little bit intelligent, focused compared to some of the other characters that we have in play. But that means that you can do the best job, like rolling knowledge checks to find out secret information about things in places that we go to.
Yeah, to be honest, the physical description you say with the glasses was really spot on. So I think we're on the right track.
I love it. Fantastic. So your character at some point I will ask, what is your elf wizard's name? But you can take some time on that. You don't have to have an answer right now. But they've been, you know, hanging out in the village of Greenest, probably for a lot of reasons, didn't leave this castle when it was under attack. And you've just seen this party with adventures come riding into town, saved the day, and then apparently hold one of their own accountable for treason and executed him before the whole town's eyes.
And you're gonna be able to record everything about this town's reaction of horror to this, although it seems like reluctantly at first. And then increasingly the town is gathering in closer. They want to, like, remove the body of Zerk or Billy, but then otherwise thank the rest of us for driving off the drag and driving off the cultists, saving the town. And there is one young man who I'm gonna see to the Bard. Definitely. But you record this all happening, wizard, but to our bard, Wayne.
He just approaches you. And it's a young man, maybe a teenager. And you said, hey, I just want to say what is really entertaining what you did. I had a really good time watching you guys is when he reached into his pocket and he pulls out a healing potion and just hands it to you. And then he just walks off, says nothing else. He just walked right and hands.
He uses the healing potion warm. It's like warm potions aren't supposed to be warm.
So you've now got at least one free healing potion as a reward from this tax. So that seems to be like what they wanted to give you, just free of charge. And yeah, we can do whatever we want at this point with the finishing blow is delivered by Erlik. So, Wayne, the celebration is beginning.
It's all dampened by the death of the Circleville. Otherwise, the town is pretty excited to celebrate their survival at least. OK.
So with the healing potion, my good friend, Norm the Barbarian, he's injured, right? Can I give it to him to shotgun? Yeah.
You know, you absolutely could give it to him to shotgun. He can totally drink it right now. And he would regain a total of bud can be about seven hit points in all. Not that much currently, but still helps a little bit better than you were doing. And once you rest tonight, you will be back up to full hit points and full spell slots for everyone. With the exception, of course, of our deceased character.
Great. OK, thank you. Those are delicious Bushlike.
You're welcome. So. So what's the game plan here, guys? What should we do? We've got to figure out. We've got to go. There's a goblin that's fucking around people, right? They said they took the prisoners.
So we have to turn prisoners back to the cult camp. And in fact, Wayne, you see one person in particular on a crutch. Seems like a guy with a shaved head.
It is kind of limping around camp saying, like, we need please the prisoners. And he's really riled up about the prisoners. He seems to be like, I lost somebody, my master. He you keep hearing him say my master Leo and was captured by the cultists. They are camped somewhere nearby here. And Coach is sir. Oh. Is tapping him on the shoulder like it's OK. I'm putting a group together and you know, he has his eyes on you.
He's hoping that when you're done partying, maybe after resting tonight, you'll be ready to set out to try to rescue these prisoners.
Yeah, let's go. Let's go for Leo's. And that guy sounds like bad news. Absolutely.
So you're looking to go save. It sounds like this one guy is seeing his man. Mr. Leo was and was going to ask more about that if you want, but otherwise you can just set out right now or you could set up the next morning when we've all had a chance to heal.
I'd like to ask what what relation Leo's in has to this guy as a master? What is his significance in this story?
Absolutely. Go right ahead and roll a persuasion check on him. That's gonna be a D 20 plus five for you.
13. So 18 total. I'm sorry.
It's actually a plus four. So you got a 17 on that. It's still very good. And he says, well, my name's Pilo and I am I'm a young monk in training. And you just like put the crutch to the side and do like a kung fu stance. Kind of. It's obvious that he is trained in martial arts, but he does not really have the ability with his broken leg in a splint to effectively fight right now, it seems.
He says, I got hurt during the attack by the Colts, but my master LEOs and he is a member of a group called the Harpers, the Harpers are a secret society throughout the world of fair roon, and we keep our eyes on evil people like the cult of the Dragon. My master has been spying on this cult for quite some time, and he has valuable information on how this cult could be defeated. Unfortunate they've taken him as a prisoner.
I think he thinks he's still spying on them, but he's only got a matter of time before they execute him. If you could rescue my master, that would mean so much to me.
I feel like we go rescue. Do we rest on for the night? Get some shut eye. I'm down for whatever.
I mean, I feel like everyone's on a high right now for killing Billy. There's like an extra jolt of energy. That's right. Hanks just got beefed up from in his mass almost perfectly. OK. OK.
Hey, you got like three extra hit points. And unfortunately, the only injured person we have right now is Norm. Maybe not too worried about that.
Yeah. Not the strongest one. OK. So, yeah. Let's roll out. Yeah, let's go. Let's go see what's going on. Try to rescue Leontien.
Let's do. Absolutely. Pilo is so excited that you are going to go investigate this right now without even resting. He thinks that's very heroic of you. If you have any other questions for him, you are more than welcome to ask. You got a good role. But if you are setting out, then we can start traveling following the trail of this cult. And as we follow their masked footprints of this army of like 200 cultists and drakes and kobolds who had been fleeing into the wilderness, it becomes very clear that up ahead.
There is a watchtower of some kind. And it looks like there is at least one human in a dragon shaped helmet who is up there keeping an eye out with a spy glass. We also, I'm going to say, can see from kind of the tree line that he has at least one Kobel next to him. But we don't know how many people are up in that watchtower exactly. But we do know the cult camp seems to be up ahead right now.
This is mere UPL.
So it's enormous turn now actually normal. Would you like to do.
Can I throw a rock at the dude standing in the window? Absolutely. You could try to throw a rock at him for sure. Yeah. And this tower, it's gonna looking out over the trees, it has plenty of open windows, space. You could chuck a rock in and knock him out. Possibly. I'd warn you then the kobold would probably see that happen. Are you are you trying to do it in a way that the Kobold wouldn't say?
Those are a little lizard. Yeah. We have one, right? Yeah. What if you threw him up there?
Oh, we have Bob Costa and we have come with us. Yes. Oh him. Can I throw him. Knock the dude out. And then he can be like, yo cobalt. If other kobel if you want to survive, fuck and listen up. We're about to rule on these idiots. Absolutely.
In that case, yes, you could use him as a projectile and that would hopefully knock out the human. And then he can uncurl from his cannonball position. Talk to them. Go ahead and roll. If you're raging when you do this, you can roll with advantage. You have to roll.
OK. What am I looking for here? You're looking for at least a fifteen to hit this guy.
You think you give a plus five on the road two times, you're trying to get a fifteen or higher problem.
Seven, seven, 14, 14.
And that was 14 after the plus five. Going for the 14 before the plus five. So 19 total.
Yes. You throw Bob Costa up there and he just collides with that humans head. And they both get really hurt. The human gets knocked out and falls to the ground. Bob Gosta, because you rode just well enough, is lying on the ground with his eyes flickering slightly. A 20 would have kept him fully awake. But as he passes out, you've got a 19. He's just as it's cool, it's cool. And you hear the chittering of like four kobolds up there just trying to figure out like, what was this guy's deal?
Why do you just jump in here and knock the human out? He's always a weirdo, but they don't think that this is a threat necessarily. And they seem to be focusing on Bob Costa now. He's just mostly unconscious now at this point, unfortunately. But it does seem like now we could just try to maybe sneak right by this watch tower potentially. And so that would be a nice Segway to get us to the elf wizard's turn. So LG Wizard, I would let you know at this point.
Would you have let this in theory, you could, of course, do what everyone in town or you could follow this group back to the Colts camp? Would you have made it if you you're following them, would you have made it clear that you were following them or following them, like, secretly?
You know, as journalists, you're really supposed to be transparent with the subject. So I don't want to go behind their back. You've got to do everything ethically smart.
Very different than the great call because you're not the sneakiest necessarily. So that's pretty good to be up up front and honest about it. So I would say that you can approach them in the woods if you hear who this is it Elvan historian from town who is joining your party and you have seen them sneak up to this watchtower and apparently distract the people in the watchtower. Would you want to start approaching the camp and getting a better view of it?
Yeah, that would be great. You always want to have the best view possible. Absolutely. In fact, since you said that, I just highlight your seeking Past the Watchtower. You hear these four kobolds poking Bob Costa, the kobold up there, but they're not paying attention to you. But that Watchtower would be the best viewing point, you think. But up ahead, you can still clearly see a whole lot of tents. Some of the tents are big.
Some of the tents are small. There are humans and kobolds all around these tents. And some of the tents seem to have cook fires nearby. Looks like a lot of these this year, cooking dinner after their big battle with all of us in the town. And you can see in the distance one really big tent that has extra nice red and gold insignias of drak and heads on it. And just beyond that tent, there's a cave entrance that leads into the wall of like a kind of canyon cliffs side.
So what you're looking into is a kind of valley where all of the cult, this camp is splayed out in front of you. There are way too many. Call this for us to fight alone. That much is clear to you. What would you like to do here?
So to be clear, it's either go on the Watchtower or right through their camp, correct?
In theory, yes. Unless you've got a better idea. And in theory, you're not the best like disguising yourself or any of the things that might be tricky for getting your way through the camp.
So noisy up in that. Watched you go up there and shush them and say, hey, there's no there's no covering in the press box.
Yeah, I could do that. Or I can get a full view of. Right. Everything happening in front of me. See what's happening in the town from a close up angle. Yeah, you call Jake. I'll say this.
You could if all you want to do is focus on finding out more information around here. You could roll a perception check and that would tell you more hidden things that might be around here. Or you could try to clear up the watchtower to get a better view that way. And I just say, as the wizard, you have the most options for hitting lots of people all at once. You could climb that watchtower and do a sonic boom spell where you clap and instantly everybody around you is just thrown out of the watchtower, basically.
That sounds fun. Let's do that. That's a very good one. Absolutely. If you climb up the watchtower, all of the kobolds are distracted by Bob Costa. So as he's lying there, I'm going to say he's a mute. Are you trying to hit him with the spell that are unconscious, Kobold friend, or are you trying to save his life? I think we save.
You see four other Cobalts who are all not looking at you as you let off your thunder wave spell.
It's like a ruche throwing everybody back a blast of wind and they roll two times and hit the lower number. And because of the disadvantage that they had for being surprised by the barbarians throw you, you see the unconscious human up here as well. You clap your hands and all of the kobolds, all four of them go flying out of the tower, crashing down below. Unconscious or dead. The tower is now cleared out. And you can clearly see all of the camp before you, all of the dozens of tents.
The cook fires the big what you think is like a command tent where the leaders might be. And you can see the cave entrance. But now you can see two other things as well. You can see behind one of the smaller tents, all of these five people who look like they are tied with their hands behind their back, two poles, big like tent poles that have been driven into the ground when they're tied by their hands so that they can't escape.
It looks like five prisoners, more or less unconscious with kobolds poking them. And the other thing that you notice is that up on one of the mountain ridges nearby, there is a dragon who is lazily sleeping and scratching her chin occasionally and then like turning her head over and sleep. But she's sound asleep right now. But this is the Blue Dragon, the length on zero.
Should we leave it here? Should we to stop here that we just stumbled upon a dragon. It seems a good, good, good. Sound good.
Because otherwise we're just gonna attack the dragon and. Yeah. And there's turn the whole thing. And I mean, it's a perfect place to end. We literally just found another dragon that our dearly departed friendly to preserve would love to try to fuck. Unfortunately, he's no longer with us. I'm not trying to fuck this round. You know, we should all try to try just for fun. Yeah. Yeah. It's like we're gonna fuck this dragon named Billy.
Does seem like this is this is the dragon who really had become friends with. So, yeah, we're we're now going to get out. Yes.
We're. I feel like we're right in there.
All right, Tim, thank you, as always. Has been fun. We'll see you in a couple of weeks. Appreciate it, man.
Such a pleasure as always. Take care, buddy. Thanks, Nancy. See, it's him.
Love you guys. Two days shy. To say. Priest. It was.