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The blast from our past network, hi, this is Jonathan Stark, Charlie, from house to and from Friday night, kid. And you're listening to Podcasting after dark.
Lock your doors, close your windows, turn out your lights for chills and thrills await you. It's time for Podcasting After Dark with your host Corey Stephenson and Zach Shafer. Stay with a friend. Say your prayers as grisly ghouls close in to seal your doom.
Tonight's episode, Ninja three, The Domination, starring show Kazuki, Lucinda, Dickie and Jordan Bette. This week on Podcasting After Dark, we learned two very important lessons from the 80s one, only a ninja can kill a ninja, and two, there is absolutely no man escaping back then at all.
I'm Corey and I'm manscape Zac and I.
Yeah, buddy. Me too. By the way. I am manscape Corey. I wouldn't have it any other way. I know.
And this week we are talking about Ninja three, the domination, the domination.
If this was made in the 90s, it would be mortal combat the damage. Yes. Yes, it would. And oh boy, oh boy. There's a there's quite a few like Mortal Kombat connections sort of.
But, you know, but we'll get into all that kind of stuff as we sort of break down the movie and dig into the whole experience.
But Zack, since I'm sure running this one and breaking it down and this was my pick, what is, if any, your connection to this movie?
Well, first of all, I'm so glad you chose this movie. It is it encapsulates everything that podcasting after dark is all about, minus a few things here and there, a few chest hairs, tufts of black hair here and there. But now this movie, surprisingly, I had never seen this one.
I'm very surprised by that, by the way. Yeah. Look, it was always at the video store. It honestly, the box are really freaked me out. I love ninja movies. I've always loved ninja movies. I love martial arts movies. But this one just never appealed to me, which kind of doesn't surprise me because the people at Cannon were kind of like wolves. Or Sam Furstenburg, I think was not surprised that this wouldn't appeal to the ninja audience.
No shocker there. And and then I my familiarity is mostly with Electric Boogaloo, with the documentary about the Canon Film Company, which if you haven't seen it, we've pimped it out a few times on this show. Definitely check it out because it is phenomenal. Yeah, that's my familiarity with watching it there and watching clips of it. They're going, oh my God, why have I not watched this movie?
I need to see this now. Thank the gods for Corey being my bro. I'm from another Mohideen and the rest is history, man.
I'm like, terrible with these stupid. Puns or whatever I'm doing tonight anyway. Yeah, good, as long as you're enjoying it, that's all that matters. But yeah, that that's my the familiarity with it.
And dude. Yeah, like for me, you know, you're always have me like break down the cast for the movie or whatever, like, oh there's going to be easy one like two names just like Tucker's like to me.
And honestly, like I would say like 10 percent of the entire cast has pictures on IMDB, like 90 percent of the cast has no pictures at all.
And it's like, OK, bad scenes. That tells you something. You did say earlier that this kind of it sort of encompasses what Wattpad is all about. But I would say this is probably one of the best examples of what the Canon Group gave us in the 80s. And you can say that there's maybe other better movies out there. I'm doing quotes, you know, from their catalogue. But I think this one really just encapsulates every zaniness that that they sort of, you know, went with back in the day.
And, you know, and when you look back at canon movies so fondly, I think this movie really just exemplifies everything that we love collectively about canon movies.
Essentially, you know, it's so bonkers. It is fucking bonkers.
Yeah. I envision if there was like a metaphor, if I'm using that term correctly, I just picture a big fan, like a box fan, you know, from the 80s that you put the box in in your window and. Yeah, right.
And I picture a box fan and a guy behind the box van with a big pile of shit, like a big pile of shit. And then there's a big white wall in front of the fan and he just dumps the shit into the fan and it sprays all over the wall. And that is what this movie is.
But by shit, you mean in a good way the best kind of like way, you know, like like the best shit.
If if there ever was a thing that, like, good shit could be a thing, this would be good shit, but it's literally shit that's good shit versus bad shit. Take the box of good shit and just throw everything at it. I mean, this movie has possessions. There's movies like The Exorcist, this is like Flashdance. And then you throw in just the 80s ninja craze and it's everything. It's everything. And it shouldn't work, but it kind of does.
As far as our good buddy David Irons knows about me specifically. I love me some neon.
I love me some arcade games. This movie's got both and it's got a dancing montage, albeit short.
It should have been a lot longer.
So that's that does enough for me. Yeah. Yeah, buddy. Yeah.
So the reason I picked this movie, I don't actually have any strong connection to it, meaning I don't have like a story that sort of goes with it. To be truthful with you, I wasn't a big fan of ninja movies back in the day, but I had a friend.
It wasn't Luke. Luke was more my horror movie friend, my buddy Robbie. He loved, you know, ninja movies.
So I saw a bunch of them with him, you know, enter the Ninja Revenge of the Ninja like all that shit. Right.
And this one is kind of in my memory, they all sort of blend together except for this one. This one stands out and rightfully so, because it's just it's zany. It's crazy. It's it's bananas.
But I didn't watch it, you know, a lot on my own. I didn't kind of go out of my way to watch it. I was always like, OK, yeah, it's that movie. It's the movie I've seen with my buddy.
But like, you know, we're a year into podcasting after dark. And I feel like we need to touch on a ninja movie because ninjas were such a huge thing back in the 80s. Like Ninja movies were so frickin big back in the 80s. And I'm like, we got to touch on this shit, you know, like we got to talk about ninjas at some point.
But truth be told, I probably won't have another ninja movie on my list.
Maybe maybe if we go long enough into the future, we might see the the hunted with Christopher Lambert. I kind of like that one. That was like early 90s, wasn't it? Yeah, early nineties. Great.
And if I remember correctly, they treated the whole ninja thing a bit more respectfully, like they tried to show them a bit more realistic and everything in that one in the haunted.
Well, yeah, that was Ninja versus samurai. Right. And I have some problems with that one. Specifically, Christopher Lambert being kind of a pansy in that movie, kind of a puss like he was you know, he wasn't like he was he was stumbling and bumbling women towards him.
He saw the hunted. Just out of curiosity, I'd say about ten years ago, OK, I haven't probably seen it since like nineteen ninety five.
Oh, okay. Yeah. I mean this movie you're talking about specifically. And Ninja three really was the reason for the American Ninja movies, because Cannon was like, look, this movie isn't going to do very well. We need something that's a little more ninja ask. And they made the American Indian movies, which obviously kicked off a whole other craze. Right.
So so let's establish the fact that this is the weird third in a trilogy, although none of them are really connected to enter the Ninja, Revenge of the Ninja and then Ninja three, the domination and the originally, from my understanding, or sort of like the the urban legend as it goes now or whatever, is that this whole had a different ending to this movie. And basically she Christie, played by Lucinda Dickey, was going to overcome the bad ninja and then basically become a ninja of her own.
And then moving forward, they were going to continue this as a series with her. Correct. Is that how it was supposed to go down?
Yeah. Yeah. And I would have been totally OK with that. Yeah. I mean, she's she's the star of the film. You know, you go on IMDB and she's listed second, but because show Kazuki was Kazuki is a bigger name I guess, than she is in the action genre obviously. Yeah. But yeah, she would have been great. She's, she's fantastic. I clearly could have seen a franchise built around that, but they just obviously didn't have faith in it.
She she was doing break in and break in to rate around the same time.
And so and they had like a I think it was I think she would she did this then she went to go to break in and she cut her hair super short.
So at the end of this movie, when she comes, it's like the very end, like last ten minutes, you can tell she has a wig because they had to go back and re film the ending to change it to what you see here. But boy, oh, boy, is that wig so very apparent.
Yeah. I mean, I, I actually prefer with short hair.
I think she looks awesome and well I will say that my, my wife was very intrigued by figuring out what her hairstyle was in this movie, like her normal star, not the not the last ten minutes of it, you know, but the normal hairstyle.
She's like, she's like my wife's like, it's like she shaved her head and then let it all grow out like the same length, like, you know what I mean. She was my wife was just trying to figure out like what the style was. And I'm just like, oh my God, the style is called nineteen eighty four is what the style is. Yeah.
I was going to say if, if it was a style, the closest proximity would be Gene Simmons hair sans makeup.
So and if you don't know what Gene Simmons hair and face sans makeup looks like in the 80s, check out the album Animal Eyes or lick it up. And those are great versions of Gene Simmons and all that glory.
Very Gene Simmons esque on a beautiful woman.
Yes, Zadik of a very bad hairstyle on a very gorgeous woman.
Yeah, dude, she's like she was like that. That's Rock Star Dance Girl Fitness. Look that. Like she's beautiful. Yeah, she was, and she's was a trained dancer, which is why she was able to sort of, you know, pick up all pick up the action moves and stuff and look convincing doing it, she said in the interview on the Blu ray. By the way, we're listening where we reviewed the or we used the Shout Factory Blu ray.
The collector's edition won. And she talked about in the interview, you know, it's just like dancing, like karate is just sort of another form of dancing in that regard.
So she kind of picked it, picked it up a little bit easily, but she wanted to do more of her stunts. Unfortunately, they didn't sort of let her do a lot of her own stunts, even though she she seemed very capable of it. She she was like she was very fit and very physical, of course, obviously didn't want her to get hurt.
And I think at this point, they were really grooming her as the the big cannon girl. And she was supposed to go off and do the King Solomon's mines and stuff like that. But, you know, obviously, Sharon Stone went off and did that. So I think around this time frame, they were grooming her to be the big girl at Cannan.
Yeah, she should have been. I mean, you're right about the dancing or she's right about dance, martial art and dance being so similar. I think that was the other thing, too, that this this not this movie in particular, but martial arts movies, ninja movies around this time, you know, there were so many and not just like you said, not just the ninja movies, the original one. Enter the Ninja with Franco Nero. It's pretty amazing seeing Franco Nero, a.k.a. Django, the original Django see, you know, with a samurai sword and being a ninja.
But, you know, I think of like movies like No Retreat, No Surrender, which incorporated breakdancing moves into the martial arts. That's a great cheese ball martial art movie. I think of the movie Only the Strong that came out in the 90s with Mark to Cascos. You have that infused capoeira martial arts in it. So that had that more and it took place in Miami. So it had that whole kind of Miami dance vibe to it.
Yeah, shit like that. This would fit perfectly in that she she didn't I was looking at her resume. She pretty much didn't do anything after the 90s, you know, early 90s.
Yeah. And on the documentary she mentioned, you know, that she basically just stayed home and raised her her kids, you know, and I think her husband worked. I don't know what he does or if he's an actor or whatever, but she seems very fond of her time with Canon and seems very fond of the fans of this movie. And both her and the guy who plays Billy Secord sorry, Jordan, sorry, Jordan Bennett.
And he he was like a more of a stage guy and everything, but very interesting, like cast around the two, like capable people, meaning showcase show Kazuki and David Shung that being the two, like martial arts capable people in here, it's like it's very interesting.
They chose to go with somebody with like more of a stage background and a stand up comedy background and a more of a classically trained dancer as your lead who honestly had no acting abilities. And she she said in the interview she started to learn acting like after this movie.
So which is interesting.
But I think she does a great fucking job in this film for, quote unquote, not being an actor or classically trained or whatever. I, I never once was like, oh, that's terrible.
I was it was more like, oh, it's canon, you know, it's silly. It's Canon, you know, she's good, she's really good in this.
But this is a who's who of who smoke because it's literally people you've seen in bit parts. I used to goof on that as I got older and more a little wiser to films with when I watch a movie with my brother Eric and we'd see like thug number to write a bunch of movies. And suddenly now thug number two is the lead villain in a movie. And like, it's not very convincing. That was thug number two.
And like every other action movie back in the day and now the lead villain, like he like, moved his way, way up the the casting couch, I guess.
I guess I mean, I think I said that about Billy Drago when I saw him in Delta Force Part two.
I'm like, come on, he has balls shot off in the beginning in Invasion USA, he was like a lowly thug. Now he's the lead cocaine dealer. No, I'm not buying it. Not buying it nowadays.
I would have been like, cool.
And by the way, the ball shooting scene in Invasion USA is still one of the best scenes of any movie that we've covered on this podcast so far. You're welcome. And that's Canon.
But yeah, no, and like you said, show specifically show Kazuki, you know, the guy, he actually didn't do a lot of films as well.
However, I will point out a couple American movies. He was in the nineties, sorry, late 80s, early 90s. One being that are both worth checking out. Aloha Summer is a great coming of age. Drama takes place in the 50s, 60s in Hawaii, and I think he's like the father of one of the main characters.
But it's got, you know, the it's got chosen from a critical part to it's got Don, Michael, Paul, Chris, make peace.
That's a great, like, fun kind of 80s. You know, like 50s type movie coming of age movie and then the other one being Blind Fury with our good boy Rutger Hauer Bleicher Cheese Ball Fest, and it's so much fun. And he's in that as well.
He's been in a I mean, he's he was a black eagle, which always touted as one of the first CVRD movies. That's a that's actually a really decent action straight to video action movie, just like funny stuff like that.
And, you know, he's kind of a legend for what he does.
And I'm looking through his IMDB here and I feel like, you know, Pray for Death, which a lot of people online have mentioned is one of his better ones, nine deaths of the ninja.
And it's funny because I recognize the cover, all of these all of these movies, you know, I'm like, oh, it's that one. Oh, that one. But this is so this is the reason I picked and enter the ninja. This is the reason I picked Ninja three.
The domination is because all those movies I remember, I've seen every single one of them with my buddy Robby.
I don't remember a single one of them, or I probably would if I saw them, but I can't differentiate any of them in my head. But I can differentiate this one. And it's because of Lucinda Dickey, obviously, because I was a different thing, having the a female lead sort of be the ninja that was obviously makes that stand out.
But I'm with you. I will say that the cover for this movie, I'm not trying to steal your jive or whatever, but it kind of freaked me out, too, because I was like I was and I kind of didn't understand the movie. Like even when I watched it as a kid, I was like, but she's the good guy, but yet she's killing. But I don't kind of understand. And I think that was the same issue I had with the key member when I was when I was younger.
I was like, so so the good guys are the Nazis. But then, you know, we obviously dig into it and we realize that the German soldiers that are not the Nazis, but when you're you know, when you're like 10, 11, 12, you're like, what is I don't understand, you know? And when you don't understand, do you get a little freaked out by it?
And so this movie did kind of freak me out as a kid, but not so much that I, you know, turn it off.
I was always kind of like and I don't really need to watch this, although that's a mistake. I should have been watching this my entire life. Me too.
I totally agree. I feel like that box cover kind of ruined it, ruined the opportunity. And it's a perfect example of a misleading box cover because it yeah.
It shows her all aggressive on the front, looking demonic.
And while she was a little bit.
That's not all this movie's about.
No, but I do have to point out a movie from the 80s that reminded me while I was watching this, a Chinese horror film from the 80s.
And if you've never I know you haven't seen this, but maybe some of our audience members have. I had the honor and privilege of seeing this film at the Aero Theater a couple of years back for their horror on their all night horror on. And if you're not familiar with that is back when we used to go to movie theaters, the aero theater in Santa Monica would put on a like from seven o'clock at night until 7:00 in the morning, 12 hour horror and show well known movies like The Blob and Halloween three.
But then they show really obscure films as well. And one of them that they showed was a movie called Devil's Fetus.
And it's a possession movie.
And that's why I thought it says like, oh, there's like a possession film and it's really creepy and bizarre. Came out around the same time. And it was the plot of that movie is this woman goes to a flea market and and she buys a face and she sticks to face up her hooyah. And the face is possessed and the demon goes inside her body and then it goes around and hopping in different people throughout the movie. At one point it goes into a dog and it goes into the dog because the dog is licking the woman under her dress and the demon goes from the woman's.
Is this like is this like like hentai if you watch and. No, dude, it's a straight up eighties Chinese horror film. And I remember like, jaw dropped watching this. I think Dialo might have actually gone and watched it with us as well. David, I Morato did. I know that. And we were like, look at each other going to holy shit, this is bizarre. But there were just moments in this in Ninja three that I was like other reminds me of Devil's Fetus.
So Devil's Fetus. I've never seen it. Enjoy and you're welcome.
Oh, man. I need to see that. Oh, I love it. Let's let's dig into the rest of the cast. We've already talked about Lucinda Dickey and the show.
So who else is left for us to even talk about James Hong?
Yeah, right. Right. Who I, of course, love, we all love as low pan, obviously, but he is also the reason behind, you know, my my Seinfeld podcast being called Cartwright because of the the Chinese restaurant episode. And I always loved him. Him yelling Cartwright.
So, yeah, I mean, he if you look up his resume, I thought Eric Roberts was in more movies. This guy, James Hong. I think I think it should be he should be called James.
I will not turn down any role as long as it's not X rated Hong because he's been in every thing you can think of and the guy is like 90 years old or close to that. And he's been in just his resume. I know you probably look at his resume up right now. I'm actually looking at David Chang's resume. But OK, well, the thing is, with James Hong, there's actually I saw an article circulating the social media threads, I think, the last week.
And I think people are talking about him having he's like has one of the most like the highest count resume IMDB credits like ever. He's got the most he's he's pushing it like he's getting the most credits out there. So and I think somebody is pushing for him to get a star on the Walk of Fame. And I'm like, he doesn't have one already. Well, what the fuck?
First off, Hollywood is trash, but it's just it's amazing that he doesn't have a walk of fame star yet.
But yeah, dude, he's and it's funny because he's playing he's a Chinese he's a Chinese actor who is playing a Japanese person in this movie, which I can imagine to James Hong at the time, might have been a little bit like, OK, do we all just look the same or something?
Yeah, there's a couple of moments in this movie where I'm like, I'd really like to know if they're really speaking Japanese or if they're just making up a bunch of shit because the subtitles just say foreign language spoken.
So it doesn't even say Japanese language spoken. Now, Sho Kosugi, I believe, is Japanese. So I would imagine it is all correct. But but yeah, it's definitely yeah. It's not PC, that's for sure. But nothing from Canon probably ever is, you know.
And we need to remind and I think people appreciated the last time when we talked about trading places, you got to put this movie into context like. Yeah. And again, if you're listening to this podcast, hopefully you're not offended by any of the things that we talk about because like the 80s were a wild time.
And there was it was the Wild West, the Wild West. Brahe, like you can do no wrong in any direction.
And then and look, there's going to.
Is it it's. Yeah, yeah.
I'm I want to hold my tongue a little bit because I there's scenes coming up in the movie where I'm like, oh, I'll get to that feeling when we get there. But yeah, I do like I know you're going to talk about the other cast member in the movie.
But but this is one of the few films that we can point out that the cast is it's not it's not well stacked in the like who's who department. It's more like now, like I said, who department.
Yeah, but that's the thing. Like, you watch a movie like this and in a weird way, it almost makes you realize, oh, what why do we put so much stock in these big names when so many other actors can deliver the goods just fine and they don't have to be a big name, you know. Yeah. Like me, damn it.
I mean. I mean a cartoon. Come on, boys, you don't even see the person's face.
Put me in, coach. I'm ready to play. Seriously, let's obviously, like as we said earlier, Jordan Bennett plays Billy Secord and yeah, he doesn't he doesn't have much that I particularly know and he doesn't actually like have a lot period.
Although he was in two episodes of Too Close for Comfort, which was a TV show that I did watch. And he was also in B.J. and the Bear, which is another good one.
But it's just it does it alone.
It says a lot also when that that Jordan Bennett does not have an IMDB picture.
So that's yeah, that's that's. And then, of course, David Chung is using his Ninja three picture as well. Unfortunately, David Young passed away back in 2006, but it is Ninja three picture that's that's up there.
But he was actually in Repo Man is the sheriff.
Oh. I love you. I'm going to go further. I love. I love when you're like you're right about to set up a joke and you're like, oh, but he's dead. So I'm not going to do that.
I know. It's like, oh, let me let me roll that back, because I'm criticizing the man for having for having a shitty picture. And I'm like, oh, he passed away a few years ago.
Let's cut him some slack. It's like saying Wings Howser is dead when he's not, people don't listen to everything Twitter tells you guys. And let's let's finish off with the the director, Sam Furstenburg. Sammy, Sammy.
I mean, Braken, Braken, dude, like, you know, Braken is one of those movies that that doesn't get a lot of attention. But Sam Furstenburg is he's probably one of the godfathers of canon films.
Yeah, dude, it's. Well, first off, I think he only did break in to not the first one.
That's right. Breaking two electric.
But he did he did do Revenge of the Ninja. He did direct American Ninja and Avenging Force and American Ninja two. So I believe that it was you know, he didn't write the movie, but like he I think it was his idea to kind of keep doing ninja movies like moving forward, whether he was the one that changed the ending to Ninja three or not, or if it was, you know, the the producers or whatever.
But I believe that that he he had an idea of where he wanted to go and he had to retool it with American Ninja, which is kind of weirdly the fourth one in the series, even though none of them are at all connected.
They're not there. None of them are really connected at all. It's so funny that this is called Ninja three. It's like house four, which is not even really a house movie. But yeah, it's just so weird, man. Like, they're just action movies, you know.
Mike Yeah. Michael, due to cough became the face plate of cannon for a while, rightfully so, because the guy's a kick ass actor and killer martial artist for what he does. He's he's so good at what he does.
But yeah, man, like this movie, this is a stand alone, you know, martial arts flick and it's cheesy as fuck. And it's but it's super entertaining and and I'm excited to jump into it. Yeah, me too.
And just real quick to tag on what you're saying. It should have just been called ninja the domination, right? Like Ninja Colen, the domination.
Yeah. Because in the first one, neither of the other two were called Ninja one, ninja two.
And just just just don't put a bunch of don't put Roman numerals on anything anymore.
Just just let it be a standalone follow John Carpenter route and just go straight up standalone film.
It almost reminds me of that Bill Cosby movie, Leonard Part six, where there were no parts one through five in front of it.
And as a kid, I was always perplexed by that. Oh, Bill Cosby. Oh, Bill Cosby goes, Dad. Oh, let me see what's going on over here. Gostin I'm gonna be a daddy to your ghost in general and the pudding.
And, you know, and I don't know, I'm here because I just ghosted your home and the sleeping pills on the roof. And a denial. Denial is not an island and not a river. Oh, oh, Bill.
Bill Cosby again. 80S, eighties. I clearly have to point out on many, many times we have a painting of Chuck Norris on our wall and people are like, oh, you like Chuck Norris? I go, I like 80s, Chuck Norris, 80s Chuck. Yes. I don't like Niños in post 90s. I'm just it's a Chuck Norris period.
Hey, man, I still love The Cosby Show. I think it's a great show and it's a goddamn shame that it's going to just get, you know, fade away into into the history books. And, you know, a lot of talented people worked on that show and it had a lot of good messages and a very positive show. And it's sad that it's it's marred by one person, you know, and and the entire cast, you know what I mean?
Like, it's it's sad.
So all that shit, man, look at like look at Fat Albert and picture pages and, you know, all that great content for for kids and families. And now it's got a big asterisks next to it.
It's like, you know, Mark McGuire. OK, now, you know, he had I think it was me with, like St. Louis when he won the World Series and like but then you got no I don't know.
I don't watch baseball. All right, guys, where are you coming back? Back to come back to finish. All right, buddy. You ready to jump into this ship? Oh, I'm so ready.
I know you actually, this discussion is perfect for Ninja three because it's all over the place.
It's that is you are. Let's do this.
He is the most feared and powerful warrior, a ninja who breaks from ancient tradition and explodes onto America.
His sole possessions, the body of an innocent woman, and transformed her into a lethal set. I can only hope the Mestinon. Where Revenge of the Ninja Left Ninja three begins an epic struggle of superhuman strength and supernatural forces. Ninja Creed, the domination. Buddy, can I just say every single time that that Cannon Group logo pops up, my heart is just full of joy. Did you do?
Oh, so good. So good, man.
So, you know, I guess like that, that that's since artists gunship, you know, uses their they do a variation on that logo. That logo is just so dope. It's so dope, it's so good.
And I've seen people with shirts that we, we both need can ensure it's bro.
Yeah. I mean there's a lapel company. I forget what they're called, but if you go on Etsy and you just type in Cannan logo lapel, they make a little Cannoned logo pin so cool they like make a Vestron one too. I think it's Vestre. Yeah, I think it's Vestron.
That's another great logo is Vestron Vestron Lightning video. But Cannan. Yeah. I mean we've talked about it before in previous episodes. If you have a listen to those, we encourage you to go back and listen to all of our episodes and become a Patriot subscriber.
I think we I think every movie that we do from Canon starts the same way. I already did reminisce on how much we love it. And then we both talk about other Loga.
It's the exact same conversation every time.
And it's not Cut-and-paste folks. And yeah, invariably one of us will go.
Did you do did you do.
I love it so much. All right.
So actually getting into the movie, the movie opens with a car driving through what I thought was maybe Simi Valley or Palm Springs. But I found out later that the movie was pretty much shot in Phoenix, Arizona. Yeah.
So I thought I thought this was like Palm Springs, the the golf course or whatever it was.
But Phoenix, Arizona, on the way to Tecoma. Is that what I said there? No, it's a lyric from. Take It Easy by the Eagles. Phoenix, Arizona.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
I hate that song. Actually, the car pulls over and a guy in a white suit gets out and sort of like walks into the rocks, you know, basically into like a cave.
Yeah, it's inside the cave. He finds a treasure chest of sorts, some some sort of chest that's kind of built into the cave ground. And as he opens it, like it's like a light is coming out, very reminiscent of what repo man right.
With the trunk and everything and lights coming out. And he's basically has a whole cache of weapons available to him right there and including his his ninja dress and right out of the gate, man, I think this is fucking cool as shit.
Yeah, it's cool. It's like supernatural. Freaky, you know, it's again, you got to let go of the cheese factor. Yeah. It's like a it's a it's a table light. It's silly but. But you know what, it's cool. The concept is cool. Yeah.
I mean like what is the alternative here. So they, they say OK, he just opens his trunk and gets everything out great. I mean that would have worked too. And that I believe is something that we would have seen probably in the nineties or something. But they went with the more interesting and exciting option to go with this weird, fantastical sort of thing. And I think it's the better choice. I think it's the one of the reasons this movie holds up so well is because they go with the crazy instead of the normal, you know, and agree right out of the gate.
You're like, oh, OK. So we're already dealing with, like, fantastic ideas here. You know, it's it's not just going to be your run of the Mill Ninja movie, like what is a run of the mill ninja movie. Right.
This is going to be a supernatural, super, super duper, just like Gary Cooper that was made by Young Frankenstein, super duper.
I was going like an 80s toy reference. And you're bringing back to a movie I've actually never seen. Oh. Oh, my.
OK, wow. That's my choice. That's well, you know, like go OK. All right.
I know I don't like it. I'm just like if I got a choice of Mel Brooks movies, it's not on the top of my list. That's me personally.
But, you know, OK, ironically enough, that is my favorite Mel Gibson. I know Mel Brooks movie.
And what's your favorite Mel Gibson movie? Mad Max cause.
Oh, Lethal Weapon. Next, I'm joking. Guys, guys, we are 40 minutes in and we are off the rails already.
We welcome to welcome to the podcast.
After dark we go up to a a golf course and we see like a guy getting ready to play and I guess he's with his wife or something. She's pretty hot, by the way.
And in some green, some guards, guards around him. So he must be you must be somebody you know, somebody special.
The guy playing golf is kind of it must be something, you know, hot guards. He's somebody. Right. You don't need to know. Well, we do find out that he's a scientist.
I love that. We found out later that he's a scientist. He looks nothing like he looks like a linebacker, former football player, slash, you know, senator.
And he's like so he's playing golf and he hits like the ball into the rough. And he's like, hey, guys, can you can someone help me find it?
So his security guards are out there looking for the golf ball. It's like, oh, man, you're supposed to be doing this as a golfer. You're supposed to be doing that, buddy. Not your security guards.
But scientists wouldn't be that big of a dick. No, I don't think so either.
But I love the security guard who finds the ball and the ninja finds the golf ball and there's a ninja right there.
But I love that that security guards mustache.
He looks like he was, I guarantee you, no clue who that guy was.
But I guarantee you that first security guard is an ex football player because he looks like a football player. The ninja picks up the ball and the guy's like, hey, give it back.
And Mr. Ninja crushes it in his hand. I love that. As a year, you take that golf ball, you get crushed.
Did you ever have you ever tried to do that? Have you ever tried to crack a golf ball open? No. Have you? Yeah. Yeah.
They've got like there's like poisonous, poisonous liquid inside it. Yeah. So are you poisoned now? Maybe.
I mean, I'm still alive. And that was when I was a kid, you know. Meanwhile, all the little shits in my neighborhood were like doing horrible things to animals and creatures like, you know, pulling legs off of of of pulling the legs off of a body called daddy, long legs or sticking a firecracker in a lizard's mouth. And I was like, repulsed by all that pouring salt on a snail. But, you know, I would do other weird things like crack open golf balls and try to explode baseballs.
And, you know, I think the craziest thing we did was put like something in a Coke bottle and, you know, make the make the make it explode essentially, you know, doing like a science experiment with that.
I mean, we we did it in the woods. So, you know, but I'm surrounded by the Balkan finger man.
I was surrounded by all. Yeah. Torturous weirdos. Thank God I didn't. I mean, because, like, that's like a serial killer thing.
Like if you're killing, like, animals as a kid, like you were surrounded by serial killers.
I was. And I survived. You did. She survived. And now forty years later, to podcasting after dark and unlock unpacking all of this drama that you had.
I love it.
I love the ninja. Quickly dispatches that guard dispatches another guard and then the the scientist and his wife try to get away. The ninja grabs the golf cart and kind of holds it.
I did like how the scientists tell it, like tells his wife, like, run, run. I was like, that's nice.
You know, he didn't just push her into the way or something, but, you know, spoiler or she doesn't get very far.
She kind of gets sliced down, which I again, I was like, oh, this movie's starting out strong, like killing the killing the innocent bystander.
And everything was like, yeah, do it, man. Do it, ninja dude. And literally he kills everyone in his path. Yeah, everyone. Everyone.
He is a true bad guy, which is honestly really fucking cool. Man, this, this, this movie really doesn't hold back. The only thing that holds it back is its budget and things like that. But this movie wants to do everything and you know, it wants to push the envelope. And then now he kills the scientist guy and then kind of, you know, goes off and runs off.
But two security guards find the bodies and call the cops. Now, this is supposed to take place in L.A., right?
This is not supposed to be Phoenix. I don't know.
I mean, because you can see the license plate clears day three. That is true. So they don't and they don't name it, you know, so.
Well, they do at some point go to the Glendale cemetery.
They'll be attacked.
By which I mean, is there Glendale, Arizona? I'm not familiar, but exactly that mean there's an Oakland, California, and there is an Oakland, Michigan.
So there's there's a Hollywood, Florida. So, yeah. You know, just trash, too. But no offense.
Yeah. So I love the fact that. That, you know, if it is L.A. and I thought that was Palm Springs, I love the fact that the cops from L.A. are like driving all the way out there. But, you know, it's OK. Sure.
The cops, they they kind of start converging on the golf course and start chasing the ninja down in their cars and motorcycles. The ninja jumps on the roof of one car and kills the passenger cop by slicing his sword down. And then he frickin punches the driver through the ceiling of the cop car and punches him like, yeah, dude, it's hit after hit.
It's frickin awesome. You like the ninja thing kills like one of the motorcycle cops and he kicks the other one off his bike. Now there's a helicopter flying overhead. And I mean, it's it's like escalating. You know, the ninja climbs up a tree and kind of like he's at the top of like a palm tree, sort of like near the helicopters under what are those like the landing skids or whatever they are.
And it's a really cool stunt because he climbs onto it. He climbs onto the skids underneath and he he let's see.
First off, he throws one guy off like there's so there's two there's one pilot and then two other cops in the helicopter.
He throws one guy off.
Then while the other guy's looking for him, he takes a throwing star in his boot and throws it into the pilot's head.
But I love when he does that. The other cop says, hold on, I'll get him as like a frickin throwing stars sticking right out of his friend's head.
I mean, that guy's dead, you know, and then he stabs that cop and throws him into the water, too.
And then the helicopter kind of like spins off and blows up behind a mountain. They didn't they didn't crash a real helicopter.
But the thing is, I was never expecting them to in this scene, you know, but other than that, so far, the stunt work has been very, very solid.
Like the only thing holding it back is the budget.
Yeah. A couple of things I noticed during the scene during these the scene is. The motorcycle, the scene where he punched the hole into the cop car, the camera sped up almost like Benny Hill style, where it's like like or Mad Max style, I always refer to it as, oh, yeah, sure.
Or Benny Hill style. But depending on if you want to go serious or not serious. Right.
And then the amount of guy liner that the ninja has on is it's very sexy. It's very sexy. Yeah.
Yeah. So so the bad ninja right now. And it's weird because he's called the Black Ninja and that's what he's credited as.
Yet his outfit is kind of like a tannish gray. And then the good guy show Kazuki is wearing black. So but yet he's not the Black Ninja. So they're kind of just referring to this.
Ninja's heart is black and evil, but he does his eyeliner game is very, very strong in this movie and Garena.
And apparently, if they're calling a black ninja and he's bad, then they are racist. All that's racist. So now, like, so he's in you know, he's in this pond area. I love how there's people, other golfers in the background, just like watching all of this transpire.
You know, for males, there's a shot of two cops floating in the water face down. Look like this is ridiculous.
Guys like, come on, I'm on the back nine. I need to finish my game.
I need to finish my game so I can get back to whatever the hell I'm doing. So he's he's in the water now and the cops are kind of checking the water.
And one cops kind of sees like a read one of those reads in the water move. And he's like, oh, let me investigate. And then boom, the Reid shoots out like some kind of dart and it hits him right in the eye. The cop kills him right in the eye.
And let me tell you everything in this movie, it's like the the Encyclopedia of Ninjas, like everything in it is, is shit that I've read about or seen. I'm like, oh, I know this. The Reid trick and the water breathing through the Reid and everything. Like it's like they took every single thing you could possibly do with ninjas and just do it all, like at least once, you know.
Yeah. And he has every weapon and tool that was in the back of every Kung Fu magazine back in the day that you could order for, you know, for cheap like I wanted all that shit. I'm one of those boots with the with the toe. I didn't even know you got a throwing star between your toes. Like, that is so dope. And I want to go climbing claws and I want to, you know, all that good shit.
And dude, I'm with you is like even though I didn't love ninja movies as a kid, I didn't go out of my way to watch them. I still thought ninjas were cool.
Like I obviously I always love snake eyes. I love Storm Shadow. Honestly, I liked how they looked. I like their little booties with the toe. I thought that was cool as shit. You know, I thought everything about a ninja was cool. I just didn't love ninja movies, you know? And I think that's why I sort of gravitated towards the hunted in the nineties because it was a little bit more realistic, but it still didn't sort of satisfy any kind of any kind of itch.
But now that I'm watching this, I realized there is no need to satisfy niche ninja through the domination, satisfies everything. So, like, I again, I should have just been watching this the entire fucking time.
So the ninja sort of runs into an opening like like a field. And this is like, you know, this is desert sort of fields type of stuff. So there's like brushes and cactuses and stuff around. But he gets surrounded by a ton of cops. They just start like shooting him and gunning them down. And but he's also, like, slicing them up to like he seems to be able to take a ton of damage, you know, and cops just keep showing up and they keep dying.
He just he just kills all of them. And then the they finally, like, sort of unload on him and he finally drops his body, sort of the middle pile of a bunch of dead cops. You know, the remaining cops converge on on the ninja. And this is also including like the cops that are going to become the targets later, Billy Secord, all the rest of them, like all the ones that we're going to sort of see, are now the guys that are sort of there.
And, you know, the the the black one with the cigar and everything, the the bike shop and everything. And, you know, they he starts killing some people. They start shooting him and he throws down like a smoke bomb and disappears. And the cops say, oh, no, you know, where is he? Because, like, right in the middle of them, he throws it down, you know, and so the cops all kind of disperse and then the ninja crawls out of a hole in the dirt where he threw down the smoke bomb.
I was like, that was cool as shit, to be honest with you.
Yeah. I and I want to point out the fact that the one motorcycle cop has his cigar in his mouth the whole time when he's shooting. Yeah. And I'm like, oh, that's pretty amazing.
I wonder if. APEN was I was thinking that or I was thinking cigar face from Toxic Avenger, they call me Cigar Face. Yeah.
Why do you have a pirate's voice and why do they call you? Oh, sure. Our God, this guy is not a pirate. This guy is a motorcycle cop. Yeah.
And I will point out, like, I actually have a lot of sympathy for all these cops. They're trying to kill this fuck and he won't die.
And I'm like, you know, what ends up happening later to all of these characters? Like, that's not cool. Is that cool?
Is that cool? Yeah. I mean, honestly, they were only doing their job. Again, it's kind of like following orders.
Yeah, well well, I mean and it's again, it's kind of a weird movie because, you know, like, we're we're going to look at these cops as sort of the bad guys later through someone else's eyes.
But they're not technically, you know, and that's that's bad. No, it's not. They're not. It's just we see them through the eyes of the Black Ninja who is going to soon go inside of of Christie. He's going to show up inside Christie.
Yeah, but so but that one scene, though, that we just saw, they're going to keep cutting back to it. And one thing to note is that Billy, like so you can see all the cops that are going to eventually become targets. It's all the cops that are left that that didn't get killed by him. But you do not see through his eyes. You can't see Billy Secord because he's kind of in shadows. And that's good plot wise.
That's going to be what allows sort of Billy to get close to to Christie. But they're going to constantly come back to this scene and reference it and be like, oh, this is the guy from that scene. So he's going to get killed, you know? But we do cut to Christie.
She's kind of getting ready to climb a telephone pole because she is a what? A utility personal accountability person.
Yeah. And she she legit trained how to do that, which is very bad ass.
You know, I wasn't sure if that was her when they are showing the backside of her climbing, but they she said that, yeah, they took her downtown, downtown L.A. and trained her. I think I actually know where the school where you where you learn that it's over on Lake Washington and Hill like right around the courthouse down there. Oh really? Because I have a bunch of just, you know, telephone poles like a bunch of them in like a yard.
And then that's where they learn how to clean them. It's actually pretty cool. I've seen them do it before. And honestly, I came in props to people who do that because that looks dangerous as fuck and I couldn't do that. So props to anyone who can do that.
I totally agree. And I love how like she wanted to do. Like you said earlier, she wanted to do a ton of her own stunts. And the producers were like, no, no, no, no country. Yeah, no, we're not going to have you to do your stunts.
We're going to have this guy do your stunts who looks nothing like you even when you drive a van, a guy with facial hair.
I saw the guy with the haircut of a woman jumping out of the window. And I'm like, later on I'll call it out again.
But I was like, yeah, that's no Lucinda Dickey. That's just a dude. Like, you're just straight up trying to pass off a dude as he's jumping towards the camera.
I'm like, OK, OK, it's OK. Yeah, but as she's, you know, up on the pole doing her thing, she looks down.
And much to her surprise, because you would expect this, she's a ninja style stumbling through the brush, you know, like, oh, that's a that's a ninja down there.
We could do about that, you know, how do you process that? That's like seeing a Sasquatch or something like a ninja.
OK, cool ninja.
I do like this. She goes down to help them though. You know, that's kind of nice of her.
Yeah. You know, if you just see, you know, what would you see in the desert?
You might see, you know, a homeless person, a drifter, you know, coyote, coyote and or, you know, a ninja or or a ninja that's been shot to shit.
True. But she so she goes kind of to to investigate, you know, and he gets a little bit of a jump on her and they do like a little bit of tussle. And he seems like he he wants to kind of killer he's kind of strangling her, but she breaks free and starts to run away. But as he's on his knees, he kind of calls out to her.
Speaking Japanese He doesn't speak any English, which I like because, like, he gets the point across in the scene, but he calls out to her, like, kind of like pleading.
You know, you can tell he's sort of pleading and she's she stops and she's like, OK, and sort of goes back to him, you know, and kind of like like what's what's this all about?
Yeah. And when she walks over to him, she kind of goes down on her knees and they're having like this moment, which I actually really, really like.
And, you know, he has a sword in his hand and he kind of hands it off to her.
And while while he's still holding it and everything and they look at each other and their eyes, and then you can tell that something gets transferred, you know, you can tell that there's something that happens there. And he kind of falls down, but she's still holding the sword. Yeah. And then, like, kind of like a strong wind kind of hits her. So a demon wind, as it were, so that's why, you know, something's happening to her and she sees the faces of all those cops that that killed her and that's how the first act ends.
And that's at the 17 minute mark.
So that whole first act of the ninja killing a bunch of cops and shit, that's like almost almost, what, a quarter of the entire movie, maybe even a shit, maybe even like a third of it.
It's crazy the way it's my math. Wrong. It doesn't matter.
You get the point. I have an hour and a half movie, 20 minutes is this opening part.
And that's wild, dude. Yeah.
It's like it's not the it's not the best overall fight scene, but it's comedic and bonkers and everything you would want in a B level movie. So it's got that. And then, you know, when Christie pops up on the scene, you're like, she's cool. She's really cool.
Well, and she's really hot too.
So we see her right now and we're at we're at basically cut to the police station and Christie's at the police station giving her statement to a detective. And she says she's you know, she's the one that found the dead body and love how he's like, how do you know it was dead or he was dead?
She was like, I didn't check the pulse. Like, I'm not a paramedic.
It's terrible, terrible dialogue. Oh, he's the worst. The guy playing the detective is the worst.
He's the least worse than she is. And she admittedly, the actress herself, admittedly has like no acting experience at this point.
Yes. Like in her life, this is her first role. And she's got terrible dialogue that a good actor would be like, oh, my God, this dialogue is terrible.
And honestly, she's crushing it. She's crushing the terrible dialogue.
She will say, yeah, I thought her arms looked amazing.
She has some guns on her.
Yeah. I mean, yeah. If this was like 1990s, she would be a diva, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, yeah, I see what you mean. She kind of had that sort of fit style body to her and everything, but I mean, which is not a bad thing.
No, no, no, no.
And we're looking I'm looking at her through, you know, my eyes of me as a teenager, a kid when I'm watching this. And while there's no nudity in this movie, I find her to be incredibly sexy and there to be some incredibly sexy scenes in this movie.
Yeah, I don't think I'll ever look at a VA again. Oh, God. We're going to get to that, buddy. We going to get there.
So, Billy Billy Secord, he walks over and he lays it on thick. You know, he tells the lieutenant to cut him some slack.
You know, he's like he's like hands or a coke, which is weird because it was already open, you know? And she says she's like, no thanks. I don't use soft drinks.
I don't use a weird sort of choice.
Words, dialogue. Right. There she goes to leave. And Billy, he really lays on the the charm extra hard right now.
And he's really trying to get her number and everything, but she doesn't bite. And she says she doesn't date cops. And so she leaves the precinct. And let's just say real quick.
Dude, the guy the guy who plays Billy Secord, I think he's got it right, he's got the look, I think he like face wise. I think he can act.
But, man, when he takes off his shirt and that hair comes out, you realize that's what held him back the entire time from being a star, because it was like, if you just look at his head, I'm like, this guy's got leading man.
Or like maybe like low budget leading man abilities. But he's he's got it. He's got something. But, man, when that shirt comes off and that hair comes out, whoo! Boy, I'm going to I'm going to 180 beg to differ on you.
I think the only thing he's got going for him is the the obscene body hair. And he's got the generic like, you know, sitcom look face. He looks like Marcy Darcy's husband on and married with children. But I like that guy more.
That guy was also one of the first first one to not not not not the later one. Right.
Not Ted. I kill every sitcom. McGinley you the guy had the original Marcy Darcy husband. I forget his name, but yeah, he was also on a show called It's Your Move, Jason Bateman's first sitcom that he was ever on. It's really bad ass starring this chick who is in a movie called She's My Tutor, which was a great 80s kind of sex comedy. So not sex sex comedy, I guess, anyways. Yeah. Speaking of Jason Bateman, I totally forgot he was on Hogan family, the Hogan family, and before that he was called, he was on it.
It's your move, which was a great show, great sitcom.
But now this guy has like to me, he's got that generic look just like he looks like everybody.
And he yeah, he comes on, he's so toolbag man and he's got a he's got his you know, his clincher with her coming up in the car where I'm like, your scumbag dude. You are you are the epitome of the metoo movement man. And yes.
And we we are definitely going to talk about that scene when we get to it. And yeah, his character is very lame. I think I was just kind of going off on, like, the actor himself.
But he's Billy Secord has a lot of problems that they're trying to shove into like a love interest and. Wow. Yeah, I mean, the character, Billy Secord has a lot of problems. So he's got it wrong there.
No, he's got some moments where he kind of redeems himself. Yeah, yeah, we'll get to see, you know, we'll get through that so. So Kristy Parks, her van isn't like an alley sort of downtown. You don't really at first really know what it is, but it's like it's in an alley in like an industrial area, almost. Yeah. And she she parks the van, opens it up and takes out the gear out of the back, including the sword.
But you find out that this is actually her apartment that she's going into.
And I could honestly do a three hour podcast just on the awesomeness that is her apartment, dude.
I mean, where do we even begin? It's like it's got levels to it, but yet it's not like, you know, a multi it's not like a two story apartment, but it's got some kind of like up like walkway levels to it.
It's got an arcade machine in it. It's got an 80s. What does that artist named Nate Nagel. Nagel.
Yeah, he has got one one of those prints in there. I'm like, well you know, it's nineteen eighty four if you have a nail print in there.
And by the way, by the way, as an artist I always like Nergal style and I still think his artwork looks amazing.
Well his I, I didn't have that specific Nagel print, but I had some Nagel's back in the day. I wish I still had those. That's a long story for another podcast. But her naegele is dope dude like that. The, the, the lenses on the if you don't know who Naegele is, just look up. He, he designed a lot of Duran Duran album covers but but the model on the print has like these cool reflective lenses.
The video game which is called like bouncer I think which was a real game that that, that didn't actually get mass produced. They the company who made it, I guess it went out of business or something, but it was going to be a real game, but it didn't get mass produced.
It's so dope that she has that I wrote down like, oh, she's got a cinder block walled apartment. It looks like a concrete jungle.
It's yeah. Yeah. Like if you take everything down and just be like, oh, this place is this place sucks. But yeah, the eighties are all over this place. It's beautiful. Those are I think those are the CU Tigra, the arcade machine in the Neagle for sure. Yeah.
And it's like, I mean I like the like you said, the concrete and everything. When I lived in downtown L.A. for a stint, I had a friend who had, you know, an apartment with, like the brick walls and everything. I was like, that's I wish I always I always wanted that. I always wanted the apartment with, like, the the actual brick wall and everything. I feel like I just feel like that's very downtown L.A., you know.
Yeah. I think I feel like they probably shot this in downtown L.A. or on a soundstage or something.
You know, I do believe this is a soundstage because later when she gets sucked into the closet, that is hydraulics that it's on. So I do think that this is the soundstage, or at least that scene was maybe they just did that for the bedroom or something.
But regardless, guys, I would say I would honestly say, as crazy as this movie is, if you've never seen it, it's literally worth watching just for her apartment. Oh, no doubt. No doubt.
It's it's almost like it should have an IMT B credit of its own, but also in her apartment, she's playing an arcade game.
So some time has passed. You can tell she's playing her arcade game. She is her friend are both dressed up in the most eighties looking leotards you could ever imagine. I mean, it's like I mean, this is this was made in the 80s, but it looks like someone from the future made it and said, OK, we got to hit every single 80s trope in theme visually that we can do. And that's why I think this movie is such a great example of this time frame and canon movies in general, because it just it has so much you know, it's it's just packed wall to wall with Xanadu, not the movie, unfortunately.
Well, yeah, it's so she's playing the arcade game. Her friends on the couch, they're both wearing awesome 80s leotard outfits. You know, the phone rings, her friend picks it up before Christie can. And she kind of like you see there's an exchange. She hands the phone to Christie and she shoots down the guy. We know it's Secord, but you don't ever, like, see, you know, him talking or anything like that.
Christie's friends, she's the sword. But Christie puts it in the cause and she's like, all right.
You know, it's got time for this type of thing cut to.
A gym with carpet, a carpet, a gym. Yeah, disgusting, disgusting thing.
First I have my first note is carpet in a gym. Questionmark.
That's that's almost as disgusting as the meatheads that are checking out all the chicks.
Yeah. So so Kristy is teaching aerobics and it's one of the worst gyms I've ever seen because it's the the Rovics area is like on display. It's right there in the middle and everyone is like working out on machines around it, but they're all just a bunch of meatheads and they're all just staring. And I feel like this is what I like.
Women's worst fear about going to the gym would be is just a bunch of goons just going to her being all like just grossly alpha, you know, and just like pumping iron and just like staring and sweating and while these beautiful looking ladies are working out. But I'm like, why would they even want to go to that gym? Are there no other options whatsoever?
And who the fuck allows these goombahs to even have a membership, especially after what happens?
You know, and a little bit. But, dude, back to the carpet. Gross.
Take a look like that shit. But now I want to take the blacklight to that. Oh. Oh, God.
Oh, man. But as she's doing her dance thing, we do see Billy. Billy's there. He's dancing. He's doing his thing with his hairy legs. Oh, man.
I love your hands and legs, though, you know, bro.
And he's wearing like a sweatshirt now. So they're really just they're like they're building up to the hair, you know what I mean? They're like it's like we can't just give, you know, can't give the audience full Billy Secord right away. Like we got this up.
It's a tease it before they really get in there. Yeah.
And so, like, as he's like working out, he can't kind of keep up with her routine, you know, so he kind of lays down on the carpeted floor while everything's still going on around him.
But, you know, she's she's a little bit you can she smiles like she go after the class. She kind of walks over to him and smiles. And Billy tells her that the guy she found was a professional Japanese assassin.
It's like, OK, just sharing, you know, investigation, you know, information with with the with somebody. So sure. That doesn't seem at all like normal police procedure to me.
But, you know, whatever this is leaving anything to to get little action, that's a that's that's Nobilis. He's going to he's going to play his cards, you know, by the way, I guess, to use the carpet as a towel to wipe off his sweat.
Oh, God. I mean, that makes me literally want to vomit brow that carpet. Oh, my God. Carpeted a chair.
What's disgusting and I love it is like it is like a rip off on the 80s movie Perfect. John Travolta and Jamie Lee Curtis kind of riff where she's the aerobics instructor. If you don't know, just type in perfect, Jeff, and you'll you'll get a sample of that.
I mean, honestly, if you type in Jamie Lee Curtis, Jeff, you usually get that. And I know because I was looking for, you know, stuff with trading places to post on the Instagram and that one with her dancing and flirting with John Travolta.
I kind of just like I'm like, I know this isn't the right thing, but I'm going to watch this whole Jenny and I'm going to watch it a couple of times because Jamie Lee Curtis is looking hot in that movie.
So, Billy, you know, she asked Billy if if he came all the way there to tell her that and he's like, I asked her out for coffee and she says, coffee's bad for your health.
And again, she's kind of like shooting him down.
And he looks he looks a little bit perturbed by that. He's kind of seems to be getting a little bit pissed right now. But she goes to leave the gym and as she's leaving the gym with a bunch of other people. So it's not like she's leaving by herself.
She's like she's like leaving with her class.
And then she kind of hears a girl sort of struggling.
And there's the meatheads from the gym are kind of like doing the high school thing of like, let's pick on you. You know, I never weirdly, I never got the sense that they were going to do anything more, mainly because it was broad daylight and a billion people are around.
I kind of got the sense that while they were goons, there were a smidge a little bit more harmless, you know, but but again, they not at all like like good, you know, at all.
Oh, dude, it's I mean, it's it is it is one step away from a rape. It's it is. No. And you're right.
It is. And I'm not trying to downplay it or anything like that, but there's there's some weirdness to it. But maybe just because the actors are a little bit wonky or whatever, but it just for some reason it played a little bit more zany than scary, I guess, say.
Right. Because like you want it, you want to like a potential rape scene to sort of be scary. Right. Because that's not something that should be, you know, taken lightly or joked about. But this one was felt like it was a little bit a little bit tongue in cheek, a little bit too lighthearted, you know.
Yeah. Yeah. Because they were like, hey, what's in your bag? The less you do.
And it's also because she handles it like, come on, guys, leave her alone. And, you know, she takes the bag, gives gives it back to the girl and she's like, they're harmless.
Just, you know, it's like almost like it almost had the sense that she had dealt with them before. But then I was a little bit yeah.
It kind of goes a little bit too too far this time, I think.
And that's why she's got to unleash Unleashed the Fury, the ninja do so they now start to, you know, pick on Christy because she intervened and she just straight up.
Woops, all of their asses, like every single one of them, even the guy that clearly had cold sores on his mouth. And I felt bad for that actor, you know, like I felt that I don't I was like, you're an actor and you have cold sores in your mouth.
I feel bad that that's now memorialized in this movie forever.
He's like, I got him from the porn shoot I was on last week. He looked like a porn actor.
He really, really did.
And at the five year, I was going to point out to the fact that all this all his ass kicking is going on and you got, you know, Detective dipshit over here, like observing the whole thing, just like I'm a cop.
And I could be, you know, intervening, but I'm not going to. Right.
And that's what I was going to come to next.
So the whole time Billy records watching it and I'm like, are you going to, like, intervene because you are a fucking cop?
You know, he uses this opportunity to mock arrest Christie. She's like he's like, you're coming with me, you know? And I'm like, all of this seems wrong.
First off, he's using his power as a police officer to to do things that aren't appropriate that a police officer should do.
And it's played very much for I'm just I'm just a normal guy having a good time over here.
But if you look at it and as much as I love this movie and as much as I don't hate Billy Secord, his character never really looks good in this movie.
No, man, like, honestly, this movie does not do the boys in blue service. If anything, it's a major disservice. Yeah, he looks bad.
He just first of all. Yeah, he arrests her quote unquote. And after doing jack shit to protect her, which is what he should have done. The whole thing's weird man.
The whole scene is weird. It's just it it, it doesn't establish him as a positive, you know, eventual boyfriend character to her. Just weird things.
Weird we get spoiler alert she's going to fall in love with them because because that's what the script forced to ponder.
Certainly I get reminded of of oh man. What I forget her name but she was the. Therapists or whatever on Star Trek and and The Dark, Dayna Troy. Yeah, and she was on that electric boogaloo and she's like, Yeah, basically I sat around. They wanted me to be nude in the scene. And even though it didn't call for nudity, I did it anyways. And I sat around a cold set while I was totally naked. And everyone else on the set was like, you know, taking a break while I just lay there on the mattress naked.
Yeah, fun day, a fun day at the office. Yeah, good, good, good times, I guess. Right.
I mean, I will say that that Lucinda Dickey did not have anything negative to say about her time on this movie. And everyone had really positive things to say about the director.
He said apparently he was very laid back and sort of along with he didn't do Deathwish to. Yeah. And I don't know quite what now.
He didn't do deathwish to whoever that guy who did deathwish to that. I think that was the writer. I might have been one of the Cannon guys, you know. I mean, the producers like, no, no, no, no, no.
We're doing great scene. Know this is going to be good. It's contextual. It makes sense.
Yeah, it does. OK, yeah.
Wow. Guys, watch that documentary.
We're not, you know, like we're not like making shit up here guys, you know.
So, you know, they're in the car together and he's got like this like sports convertible car. It almost looks like a Miata type of thing. A little small little thing convertible. And she's, you know, she's in the passenger seat.
She's like, if you're you know, if you're going to arrest me, arrest me. And he's like, oh, I'm not going to arrest you. I'm taking you to my old neighborhood. There's a guy there I want you to beat up.
And he does like the worst fucking laugh that I've ever fucking seen in my entire life. Yeah, yeah. Totally terrible. It's insane. And so Christie isn't amused by this and tells him to pull the car over. And this is yeah. This is this doesn't look good. So Billy gets pissed off and he's like he's like, you know, I'm getting tired of you, you know, basically hating on cops and everything. He's like, if you don't want to date me, that's fine.
You can just get out right here. So let's think about that. Let's roll that back for a second. So he drove her somewhere. You don't know where, right?
We don't know if it's anywhere near her house and pretending like he was going to arrest her. He doesn't.
He's asking her out. And when she rejects him, he throws a temper tantrum and pulls over and just tells you to leave. Now, this is 1984.
There's no there's no Uber. There's no cell phones. There's nothing.
So she's got to just figure out a way to get home because he's a dick hole. So, yeah, man. And, you know, she's like, oh, OK.
She gets all like a little bit like, oh, it's turned out I'm intrigued by him now because he's he's fired up or whatever.
And I'm like, why you don't he doesn't deserve his character, does not deserve like your affection or anything, you know. Yeah.
So he's a little bitch. He's a little bitch and that shit would never fly.
I just would never fly and so fucked up. No. And like I said earlier, as much as I like actually kind of enjoy the actor, I don't mind him like I don't want to look away. It's the character. I'm not a big fan of Billy Secord. I mean, he's just he's he's just a Ruffa loofa, right?
The guy is like he's in some ways he's good comic fodder. Like, he kind of lightens up a scene, but. Yeah, man, he's he's got nothing going on that makes you say, oh, it's more like, oh yeah.
And we're going to find out why there's a lot more. Oh, so she's like a little bit like, you know, I don't know, she's turned on or I guess she is but yeah she's like I don't have any coffee in my apartment but I do have views. Would you like to take me home. And then Billy smiles. So you know, he's he's like, oh I'm going to get some because my bitchy pouting move worked, I guess.
So note to kids watching this film, if you really want to score with chicks, be a little asshole to them and you'll get laid.
No, that might have worked in nineteen eighty four, but that does not work in twenty twenty. I hope it doesn't. I sure as shit hope it doesn't for all or all you dudes and dudes. Let's listen.
And that's it. Don't fly. No, no. You'd be honorable guys.
Be honorable today. It goes far. Exactly.
Back at her apartment buildings kind of looking around the apartment while ocracy showers you know. Right. Yeah, sure.
Well she just she did just teach aerobics. So she does need to shower.
I mean, I will admit that.
Do you think he took a shower now? Did you just wipe his body waste off on the rug? Yes.
That what you. The ladder. The ladder. Yes. Oh, God.
On that on that carpet at the gym.
He just added his sweat that literally thinking about that carpet makes me wonder what his dead skin just flayed off.
God, no God. Actually it's collected in his in his body hair and his hair.
I know it didn't, it didn't go anywhere. It's right there. We're about to see it. Kristy comes out of the shower, but she's in her towel, you know, and she puts she puts it down and then she kind of does like a little bit sexy thing with her back, you know, and puts on like a button down shirt and she pushes Billy on the couch and kind of like straddles.
And I'm like Jesus and and says and says he's sexy when he gets angry and they start to make out. And I'm like, man, you're just you're. What reinforcing his bad behavior is right there. Just slap a slap of Brazzers logo on this at this point, because that's exactly what this scene is, you know, right now.
Well, if this is. Yeah, go there. Yes, exactly. It's like it's like because it's like these two characters are going to have sex no matter what we do to them. They're going to get to this, you know, and the actors have to sell it.
And producers like, look, guys, this is going to be sexy. We need sexy scene. We need a sexy scene where this is going to happen. Look, you need to understand this is going to be so sexy. Body hair and vate. It goes together.
It goes together like peanut butter and chocolate.
Vegas, as you know, because I like baklava.
So so she does this, the famous move that that we all know from this movie, even if you've never seen this movie, chances are you've seen this. She puts the veil to her neck and lets the VA like kind of like the juice roll down. And then Billy does this thing where he kind of grabs her and puts her down on the ground and like licks the the juice off of her and man, oh, man.
I mean, I just know that that's sticky, dude. I'm like, that's so sticky and gross.
First of all, VA, it's disgusting. Yeah, I understand. It's always been like the the like that's the healthy drink. It's disgusting. It's disgusting. Drink. Yeah. The only time vate goes down decently is if you add vodka to it, if you cut it with vodka.
Good point. Very good point.
Cut to later in the night and Christy and Billie are sort of in bed together. Not sort of, they are I don't know, I said sort of and they're asleep and a gust of wind blows in and wakes Christy up. She sees light start coming out of her closet where the sword is. Then then then the she opens the closet and the sword is is hovering there and it floats down into her hands. And you can tell that she's like being possessed.
And there's like that famous, like, shot of like her her eyes and everything. And she's holding the sword. And Billy wakes up and sees her with the sword. But it's kind of like over now. And she says that she was she says one day she's like, oh, I'm going to you know, I'm going to hang this one day. And it's and there's also this, like, supposedly subplot where she's obsessed with Japanese culture that her psychiatrist says later.
But I don't really get the sense of that, you know, here other than them telling us that, you know what I mean? Like, it's you're supposed to show things like good writing is to show something and not say it. Whereas here they have to tell you later on, like, oh, and you're obsessed with Japanese culture.
What is up with that, you know? Yeah. Yeah, I just realized something too. Yeah. Once she has nothing on her walls that any tapestries or any sort of thing and the Nakul is on, it's not even on the wall, it's on an easel like.
Yes. So random. Yeah.
It's really, really weird. And on top of a refrigerator has a giant air conditioning like spindle thing on the very top of her refrigerator.
That's that's really weird too. But yeah, it is what it is.
And Billy says you're full of surprises. Cut to the airport. I assumed it was lax, but, you know, who knows? It might have been Phoenix, whatever. Burbank, perhaps they're Burbank or, you know, something. Who the hell knows?
We see a Japanese man with an eye patch get off the plane. And he is greeted by three Japanese monk type of people. And he received their letter in Japan, he says, and they have bad news. But we'll discuss later.
I have to point out to the eyepatch. Because the eyepatch is it's got a big hole in it in the center and I'm like, so show Kazuki you could see through it. Yes, apparently it was his idea to wear the eye patch, but I'm I'm looking at the eye patch. I'm like, why does that eye patch look familiar to me?
It is the base. It is the top of the handle right before the blade of a samurai sword.
It's built. It's like the hilt of it. Yeah, I know what you mean. Yeah.
So I'm like, OK, that's cool. On one hand, on the other hand I'm like, that's a choice. No, I think that's cool bro.
I think that's fucking diesel man. I got the hilt of a sword right on my eyeball.
That's cool, but it is convenient. So that show Kazuki can see through it. It does have a slit like right in the middle.
And I'm going to go into your world building with this. I'm going to say that the guy that he lost, that was the hilt of the sword that caused that damage. I love you.
But unfortunately they show later that what causes the damage is a throwing star. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
So I'm going to say that I'm going to alter this now. It was the sword that he was going to use to block the star, but he unfortunately was not able to use it.
And you know what? I love it. Yeah, I'll take that, buddy. I'll take it, bro.
I got I got no problem with that with that reckoning whatsoever that I will build hashtags like world building.
I think I will support your world building any day, my friend. Thank you. Thank you very much. I'll be here all week.
Yes, I will be here. I will be gone. I will be. Oh God no. It's enough. Kristie's we got to like of course he's on a job with another dude and but she's kind of like working in the sewer. I guess it happens right. Yeah. Utility worker will well climb poles and go into sewers too. Right.
They've got to do all that shit. Yeah. So the alligators and such. Oh yeah. Look for alligators. Good. Kaveri Orchard's. You know they got to look for Chud too. Yeah.
I'm going to go with alligators though. Or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Hey. Yeah. Even better. Or sewer sharks guys or guys. We could do this all day and the next day or blade. Yeah. Yeah.
Mimics or vampires. I hate that movie minute by the way. I think that movie sucks and I love Garima del Toro but I run into like it.
I watch, I watch. It's weirdly I watch mimic like once every five years hoping that I'll like it every time. I'm like nope, still don't like it.
He's still trying to find his way. Yeah. Like Peter Jackson's Early Show. It's not that great either so. Yeah. Yeah exactly. I know. I know.
But Billy pulls up in his squad car to tell her he has to break their date tonight, he's got to take his partner home or something like that. And she gets out of the sewer to talk to Billy but sees the partner and has a flashback to when, you know, when the partner killed the ninja. So she knows that he is one of the guys and that partner.
Did you recognise him at all? And I don't have an answer for you because I'm legit asking. Did you recognize this guy?
Yeah, he's he's one of the few guys that is he's been in a ton of things, probably every canon movie.
But looking in his like IMDB, he does I don't think he has a picture either. And I couldn't figure out who he was. But dude, I recognize the shit out of them and I can't place it and I can't figure it out at all.
He always plays like a bad guy, kind of thuggish.
That's why I like in a way, he's kind of a sympathetic character, just doing his job earlier, trying to defeat this maniac, homicidal maniac and get he pays for it.
But yeah, no, he's he's been in a ton of shit ton of shit.
I just, I just.
Yeah. I couldn't track him. I couldn't track him either. And of course.
But of course he's also chomping on a cigar too, you know, and and like ironer up and down. But you know, Billy's taking are going to take her home, take take his partner home and Christie kind of just right when they leave. Christie just kind of jumps into the van and like sort of peels away and leaves her partner behind her coworker behind and follows the safety of Christie.
Christie, know how to get it. How am I getting home?
We cut to Christie's apartment, which is kind of weird because she didn't. I thought she was just going to go right after them. But from this scene, we cut to Christie's apartment and this is where we get the first example of her trying to Flashdance out the demon.
And people do, you know, like this movie everyone refers to it is as Flashdance meets, Exorcist meets, you know, a ninja movie. Yeah, and it's true. So she she tries to dance out the demon, I guess.
Right. She's trying to dance out the demon. It's a great song title, man. Really. Is it. Yeah.
But legit. Like what is she trying to do here. Center herself type of thing.
Yeah I think so. She's trying to like. Yeah. You know, when you're, when you're a little kid you're like lalala.
I don't hear you just kind of like, like doing something to sort of block out probably the voice of the ninja in her head, you know, trying to take control or are we all trying to block the voice of the ninja?
Yeah, yeah. Every every secretary. David needs to be talking, baby.
Oh, God, no.
Billy calls and Christie says that she's feeling weird. And Billy's like, just go to sleep.
I'll be there in the morning, go to sleep again.
Nothing. He's this guy's got no game whatsoever. And Christie looks a little bit perturbed by him and kind of kind of blows him off.
And then he's and then, you know, Billy looks all perturbed and I whoa, what did I do wrong?
Well, maybe it's because you're a jackass. But, you know, she hangs up the phone, the lights start flickering in her apartment and mis starts coming out of the video game cabinet screen and then lasers start coming out. The video game can screen and sort of like shooting her in the face, sort of Tron style a little bit.
I got I got vibes of Tron right there. But but but yeah. It's like it's weird. It's like, yeah, it's doing like the scan lines or something on her face, but it's coming out of the of the video game stand up console like out of the screen of that. Yeah. Simple, simple.
Seen like a very simple use of special effects. Obviously the screen to the arcade is not there and they're shooting the laser through the screen, but it works so damn good to me. I think it looks so badass. It's my favorite scene in the movie.
Honestly, as she's getting zapped in the eyes, the sword comes out of the closet, kind of circles around her and good old high def you can see the cord holding the sword. Oh, yeah. You know, I didn't hate it.
I was like, that's the court. That's cool. That's cool.
I think it's glowing and like, that's the best glowing looking sword. Yeah.
No, I mean, honestly, I was like, I don't I'm like, I'm not even mad about that cause everything else about the scene is so fucking good. I ain't even mad about it, you know.
Look, you know, I forgive boom mikes when I see them pop down strings when I pop because it's it's filmmaking baby.
It's film filmmaking for No. One film this movie in nine weeks. I think they did it in nine weeks, which is kind of fast unheard of. Yeah. I think it was nine weeks. It might have been even shorter than that anyways. Short short to the point where she like apparently Lucinda Dickey had had to get to get to the set. Very little time to prepare and then get to get to the shoot, like fly out to Arizona to make the movie so, you know, bingo bango, you fly by the seat of our pants here.
We fly by the seat of events.
And while you say it's like eight or nine weeks to shoot it. Yeah, but then there's also like after that, then there's going to be, I think, about a nine to 10 month like gap where she's shooting, I think, electric boogaloo. And then she has to go back and shoot, shoot the end of this, like reshoot the end of this. So, yeah, it's it's it gets extended, unfortunately for her and you can see it in her wig later on, but at least they kind of I felt like they kind of shot it in order.
So at least the wig scenes are at the end, you know.
Yeah. No, that's cool. Yeah. So now it's Kristie's turn to drive out to what I thought was Palm Springs, but now knows Arizona. But out to the Ninja Cave.
And I love her, her pre ninja outfit where she's got like the leggings on and the summerlike bottom on. But then she's got like this like sort of baggy top thing. It's hard to describe guys, but I like it. I like it a lot. But she does go into the ninja cave. She does gear up and then she comes out full on, decked out as the ninja.
She is the ninja at that point with eyeliner and everything with eyeliner and everything which works perfectly for her. For her. Yeah, sure.
Cut to Billy's partner's house and he's playing pool in his underwear in his like he's at his pool table in his living room with a naked painting on the wall. Clearly, he is a professional bachelor.
He is not married at all places.
A dump, it's a dump. And so is he. But that I mean, that's that's his character. Supposed to be a Christie kind of like sneaks in and then sort of attacks him. He fights back and they say he starts throwing like like pool balls at her. She catches one of the pool balls and crushes in her hand.
Kind of nice little parallel to the golf ball thing on her back. Yep.
We'll throw back to that. And then it's nice little you know, it's got some a couple of cool moves that she does.
You know, she kicks him back. He kind of attacks with the pool cube and she sort of, you know, sort of slices it up and everything. But then she eventually like slices him and then kicks him out the window. I thought that was a really decent stunt, to be honest with you.
There's there's a funny little continuity scene because at one point, like, they're battling on one side of the pool table and then suddenly she's like right next to the on the other side of the pool table. And and it's a funny moment. Yeah.
Continuity in this movie. Like I mean, you can see when it switches from her to like a female stunt performer or a male stunt performer, like, it's just it's continuity is out the fucking window in this.
Yeah, that's for damn sure. The next day Billy is is there and a bunch of people are there, the police are there corners. They're they're rolling out his body and Billy's, you know, there to kind of oversee it. And in the crowd we see the good ninja Sho Kosugi standing there. Now did you notice to screen left his right shoulder? Is the director standing there in the crowd?
Oh yeah. OK, cool little Hitchcock moment. Yeah, why not. Right. Especially if it's a crowd scene. The second unit director can can shoot the crowd scene.
You know, it just had a small little tracking Dolly shot in who gives a shit, you know, kind of got to kind of get your screen time in show.
Kazuki doesn't do anything but just sort of stand there. So of all the places the director could insert himself, that's probably the easiest moment. Yeah.
Back at Christie's apartment, Billy is at Christie's place and she's telling him that she she thinks something is wrong with her. She can sense things before they happen. She has extrasensory abilities and Christie has a mysterious bruise on her shoulder. She just doesn't remember how it got there. And she feels she says it feels like someone is making her do something.
And Billy says, then do something about it. That's helpful, Billy. That's really, really helpful.
It's this one. She hugs him. This is when she hugs him and her face goes right into his fur patch.
And I'm just like his sweaty fur patch. Oh, God, I feel so bad for the guys I got.
I'm I'm going to be straight up high. And if I'm wrong, please, someone let us know.
But I don't know one chick that would ever be down to be like smothered in sweaty chest for I mean, he has the the exact thing we talk about like like hair sweaters, like his neck, you know, like you can tell he has to shave down to like his collarbone. Yeah. And then you take off his top and it's just like just he's like a chia pet. And I remember my my step. Dad was like that, but my stepdad had burns because when I was a kid, he pulled down the pot, you know, off the stove and got burned on his body.
So had he had a hairy body like like Billy Secord did. But then he had patches of like burn skin is is pretty gnarly, but yeah.
Man in 20, 20 dudes would shave that shit. Like, I don't think I know dudes walking around with that much hair on their body anymore. Especially not actors. No actors.
No, no, no, no, no, no foul. Foul at the doctor's.
So Christie kind of has to go see a doctor.
It's a short scene. This is when the doctor says she's fine, she's fine, except for her extrasensory abilities and her obsession with Japanese culture.
I was like, OK, that's. Yep, that's that's good, right?
She doesn't have a tumor. She has no tumor now. But but she has extrasensory abilities. Yeah. So Kristi kind of goes to the police station to see if Billy's around and he isn't because she's talking to the front desk guy, but one of the other cops.
This is wild. One of the other cops from the shootout, one of the targets, he's he walks by her, but he has to do what?
I can only assume her escorts. And he I mean, he's in full his full uniform police uniform walking out of the police station by his fellow police officers with two women around his arms.
And, you know, you can tell he's supposed to be the ladies man because first off, he's like 50, but he's got the mustache and he's got the tan. So, you know, they cast him as the ladies man, but he's as much of a ladies man as Larry Dallas' was from Three's Company. Oh, come on now. He looks like a sleazy ladies man.
You know, by the way, by the way, guys, Larry Dallas is one of my favorite characters of all time. But he's a sleazeball, you know. He is. Yeah, he is. This guy. This guy is like this guy is like the dude that Dirk Diggler is based on in Boogie Nights. John Holmes. He's a John Holmes looking motherfucker.
Yeah. Yeah. He's got the mustache and everything.
He's got the long and he's older too. So like, yeah, I feel like he's almost like, you know, Larry, you know, because, you know, was well through Skype. He was in the seventies. Right. Late 70s. But this is like this is Larry, but like later, you know, and he's still trying to schmooze on the women. They weren't ugly. I'll say that they were definitely younger than him. But dude, so question for real.
These are they escort's? Is that what they are there? I would assume they're ladies, the ladies of the night.
Did he just pull them out of holding and take them? That's that's where I'm going with my world, Bill.
Wow. Wow. And everyone is just fine with that. Like, he just walks past, like winking and smiling at all these other cops, you know, and they're just fine with it. But, yeah, that was my that was my question. I go, I go. The cop is leaving the station with two hookers.
Yeah, but so Christie follows him out of the police station because she recognizes him. She, you know, the digital flashback thing and she follows him to an international spot.
Sure. Right. Sure. OK, to two escorts to an international spot inside the spa, as one does, you know, as one would do.
The cop is in a like a Jacuzzi.
He's got his Jacuzzi. Is it a private J'accuse room with these two chicks and hot chicks?
I mean, they hot. They're hot. They they look good.
I love their eighties swimming suits. I mean, it is this movie is just. Oh, it's God.
It's so wonderfully 80s, you know, it's absolutely amazingly 80s. But, you know, they're kind of doing their thing. And Christie walks in and she disrobed and she has a bathing suit on. First off, where did she get that bathing suit? Right.
Who cares? Does it matter? Does not matter. And like. All right, let me take this as an example of the producers.
Can you tell us their names again real quick?
Oh, Golden Globes. Yes. So. Lucinda Dickie was talking about first time she met them and they were having a discussion with somebody, you know, while she was meeting them, they were having a discussion with somebody about a movie poster that they for a movie for them. Right. And the movie movie's about like the Brooklyn Bridge and everything. And the poster is supposed to have the Brooklyn Bridge. And and it's not it's not the Brooklyn Bridge.
It's a different bridge. And the person was trying to tell them, like, look, it's not the Brooklyn Bridge, different bridge. And they their response was a bridge is a bridge. Who cares? So that's right away.
I mean, that's the kind of like level of detail that they care to put into their movie. So where does Christie get her bathing suit? It doesn't matter in the slightest.
She wears bathing suit because she's a dancer. You know, not dancers don't wear bathing suits and none of them know she's dancer. So they were bathing suit. Yeah, just go with it. Just go with it.
Does she look great in that bathing suit? Oh, that's so frickin Lulea.
So she gets in there and just really turns up the heat on that guy and that guy is picking up everything she's putting down. But the two girls are like, fuck you.
Oh, no, no, no, no. They're you know, they're like doing they're bitchy thing or whatever. But like one of them says, like like wants to leave. But the other ones, they go, I want to watch. But she's like bitchy about it.
It's so, it's so weird. It's so fucking weird. I just can't even you know, I wrote, I wrote down.
I wrote down. I want a threesome but not an orgy.
Oh she said that. No, no, no. But that's like their response. Oh yeah. Yeah.
She's going in to do that and yeah.
And she said yes to party and it's like, you know, it's like, it's like oh I was down for a threesome but no now there's too many people involved.
Oh you mean we got to kiss some random girl.
Gross. But she's not a hooker. Gross.
She doesn't have she doesn't have a wart on her upper lip.
Oh gross. So Christie's making out with the dude, which is also gross and she's got this ring on and she can pop off the top of it and it's got like a needle on it.
And she spins it around so that the needles on the inside of her of her hand and she stabs the guy in the back.
And it's that's a fast acting to act and that's a fast acting poison because he's pretty much like Ronia goes to, you know, starting to die and everything. And I love how the the other two girls, you know, they start like, you know, screaming and stuff.
And she slices one of the girls across the chest with that that poison blades, you know, that kills her because she got much more of a dose than the guy got.
And then the other girls try to get the fuck out of there and Christy fucking pulls her back in and drowns her.
I was like, oh, my God.
Yeah, she she slaughtered everybody. I was blown away by that slaughterhouse five right there. For real. For real.
And so she leaves and then there's a little bit of a weird time jump. But then after Christie leaves show Kazuki comes in. I mean I just call Eyepatch Ninja. He doesn't really have a name in the movie, so I would just call him show. But he enters and examines the dead body. So, you know, he knows something. Something's up.
Back at Christie's place, Billy pulls up to her place with his convertible and he has groceries or something.
And he comes in and again, Christie is jazzercise in the demons away and her underwear, she is absolutely just drenched in sweat.
Christie says the doctors are wrong. There is something wrong with her and she's trying to find out what it is. You know, Billy says that there's an officer in the Asiatic division.
Yeah. That has added division that has a Japanese guy he swears by.
So, yeah, the Asiatic division, I guess, is the Asian Crimes Division, I guess.
Yeah, I guess nineteen eighty four guys in nineteen eighty four.
Context, context, context.
Always have context. Yes please. Christie says she doesn't believe in ghosts and goblins.
We cut to like a Japanese shop. Billie and Christy talk to the cashier and you know, she takes him to the back room.
In the back room we are greeted by James Hung Low Pennicott right so great. And he's so young. He's so young.
I love it. It's for that big fake mole on his face.
Yeah. Why not just put a big fake smile on his face. It's like fuck you know here take this Moissac like. Sure why not. I don't care how much I'm a Chinese actor playing a Japanese person. What the fuck do I care. I'm James.
I will take any fucking part. Hong and I will own it. I will own the scene. He does own the scene. He's great. He does, that's the thing, he kills everything he said and one of my personal favorites is, is Balls of Fury.
Have you ever seen that?
I never saw Balls of Fury, but I'm assuming it's very similar to his role in Revenge of the Nerds, part two. Yeah, yeah.
It's like the the silly the Mr. Miyagi that's super silly and gets beat up.
Yes. I love it. I got have to check it out. It's I mean, Christopher Walken is in it, too. I mean, it's it's a great show.
James Hong tells her to take a seat. The girl brings out some chains and cuffs. OK, this is getting weird town to party in case the spirit gets angry. That's the that's that's the reasoning.
Christie is chained up with her arms out. So imagine she's standing there, her arms are straight out. And then there's another like another chain around her waist, but her arms aren't chained up. They're more tied up.
So she's going to be able to break free of that and a little bit. And but she's just put her arms like kind of straight out to the side.
Christie smokes out of a pipe there. Who at this point is Lappin gives her and he starts chanting. And then, of course, they do the tried and true wind. The wind comes in, you know, the wind blows in. And yes, that's when, you know, the demon is there. Right. And it starts blowing all around the room, the candles starts shooting up and everything. James Hong starts talking to the evil ninja in Japanese and Christie responds in Japanese.
We don't know if she's actually speaking Japanese. It just says, you know, foreign language spoken weirdly, doesn't say Japanese spoken. And she says foreign language.
I really doubt, highly doubt. That's scary. That's scary. I do hope that at least it's Japanese. I just swear to God. I hope it is.
But when she responds, her eyes are like all red and shit. There's gray in her hair. I dug that. I thought that was really fucking cool. Yeah, I love that when they whenever they do the gray streak because she has that for the rest of the movie, which is really cool, like dancing from Frighted There Tiara from Nightmare on Elm Street or Ash in Evil Dead. Yeah. Yeah, it's really fucking cool.
Jo Beth Williams and Poltergeist.
Oh yeah. Good call. I always forget about that. Her hair goes gray too. Yeah but but yes, her hair. It's really cool continuity until they need to put the wig on her and then they forget about the, the, the gray, they forget about the gray and they forget about what the hairstyle is.
This is if they didn't have pictures to look at, which is really fucking weird, but OK. Kristy breaks her arms free of the ropes, but like her waist is still bound. You know, Billy wrestles with her and tries to try, tries, ties her arms to her body. So now she's standing straight up with her arms tied to her body. But that thing is still like around her waist. And so she starts screaming and spinning in the air while James Hong is sort of gets pushed up against the wall.
I mean, shit is going crazy. And I do like how James Hong is his character. I like how right away he knows he's in over his head. He's like, oh, this is out of my league completely. And he wants to call it off. Yeah, I love that.
I love that. He's like, OK, I'm done. I'm done. Yeah.
He's like, no, no. Right away. He's like a real nice one. It's out of it. He's in over his head and she's like, You fool, you cannot stop me.
I am a ninja and I love how like I am a ninja supposed to mean that. Like she's unstoppable. You know, I am a ninja.
Oh man. She passes out and the spirit leaves her body. Billy wants answers. You know, he heard the word ninja, but James Hong says that he better better that he doesn't know Billy sort of like threatens him. And he says she's possessed by a black ninja. And this is why, you know, he's the the villain is referred to a black ninja in this, even though he doesn't wear black. But it's you know, that's, I guess, his soul.
With all the power of the nine hand cutting. I had subtitles on OK.
And James Hong says, with all the power of the nine hand cutting, I do not know what that means.
But he did like he said it, like we were supposed to know what that means, you know, you don't you don't know what all the power, the nine hand cutting means. I mean, come on, that's like textbook.
I said ninja ninja one on one. Now we do find out ninja one on one right here where he does say only a ninja can destroy a ninja.
By the way, multiple times they say it in the movie, only a ninja can destroy a ninja. But yet on the cover of the movie, it says only a ninja can kill a ninja. Destroy, kill. Come see, come saw your daughter, like, of all the things you're going to hone in on, you're going to hone in on that one.
I just want to point out the discrepancy with the box cover art and the dyno.
Don't give me that three boys, Jake.
Well, but he does say he can't help her, but he knows someone who can. We cut to I could not figure out at first what the location was, but it's the hospital, you know, but it's weird because it's shot from like the backside and it looks like the hospital just looks out to like an open field or something. Did not feel like a hospital.
But the the the the Good Ninja show. Kazuki it's broad daylight. He is. We got to talk about it buddy. He's wearing his ninja outfits. It's like, it's like his casual ninja outfit. It's black slacks with like black shoes. But he has this sweater that's like this, it's nice formfitting sweater black with these weird patterns and these like subtle blue patterns in it.
And when I watched it with my wife, I paused and I was like, that fucking sweaters baller. Like, I'm saying like I would wear the fuck out of that sweater in twenty twenty. It is fucking hot. And then I texted a picture to Zach and I was like, I fucking love this sweater. And what was your response.
Mine was that's exactly what I was thinking because yeah it is, it's beyond radical. It's almost like there's blue underneath it with like these little cutouts like little slices throughout. So you can just see the hint of the blue peeking through on, you know, like a checkerboard. But it's all in black and it's really. Yeah, it is. It is beyond radically awesome. And it makes this movie in my opinion. You do.
Dude, this sweater literally elevates this movie for me, really because of all the movies we've watched. This is the one article of clothing that I was like, oh, I want that shirt hands down.
Yeah, yeah. They too. So good guys and gals out there. If you wanna know what to get us for Christmas, get us both that sweater.
Yeah. If you can find that sweater, we will give you a Blu ray copy of this movie. Yes.
There you go. We will give you we exchange a Blu ray copy of this movie for that sweater, man. Oh, my God, it's so awesome. But so he kind of, you know, he breaks into the to the the hospital, but he takes out a bunch of cops, but he does it non-lethal. So and I like that they don't go out of their way to show that to you. You sort of have to be paying attention.
But yeah, he even at one point throws like a throwing star, but it just it kind of just bounces off the gun. So right away you're like, OK, he's the good guy.
He's not trying to hurt anybody, but he he gets to to the morgue, dispatches the two orderlies and they're humorously and you find out that the whole time he was basically trying to get the body back of the evil ninja, the Black Ninja. So he pulls open the little more door and then the body, you know, is in there full of holes, like riddled with holes.
You know, we flash now, this is when we get the flashback.
So we flashback to show Kosugi with both of his eyes and have the eyepatch. And he's being kind of tied up the exact same way Christie is. Like his arms are sort of out straight to the side and the evil ninja is in front of him with a bunch of other ninjas. They're all wearing black, but he's wearing that tan once. You know, it's you know, it's him.
It's the same outfit from before he throws the fucking throwing star into the into show. Kazuki I and they just like laughs and like runs away and then that's it. You don't know like any more of what happens. But like does he think that he killed them. Did you leave him to like you know to, to, you know, get killed by the, the lesser ninjas and show Miccosukee fought his way out of it. But you know that's like another movie.
I like a whole nother fucking movie to watch right there.
Yeah. I want to see that movie.
I buy that for dollar, buy that for a dollar an hour. Rising garbage.
So basically he has the body. So show Kazuki flashes and that's all the flashback there is. It's real short and goes back to the hospital and he takes the, the black ninjas body cuts to this Japanese temple that's that clearly is blue like blue screen or matte painted onto the the hills of Arizona.
Is this a Japanese temple. And you can just see him. He just drives up and he brings the body to the temple. And that's that's all we see at this point. Back at the police station, Kristie's eating yogurt. She looks like shit, but I like her. She's pale. She's got the the the white, you know, the white in her hair. But she's enjoying that yogurt, like, very childlike. She's like, hmm.
You know, you always got time for your play. Yeah, I do. That was did yo play man. I remember that from the eighties bro. I remember yo play.
I love me some yo play. Yeah. Did she doesn't remember what happened to of the cops from the from the golf course, the, the two motorcycle police officers. One of them I believe is Hispanic, the other one's the African-American gentleman with the, the cigar in his mouth and he's. Does the cigar in his mouth, I mean, it's it's he is a one trick pony, you know, and he walks up to to Christy and Billie and Christy recognizes them, you know, of course, right away.
And they're like sort of standing staring at each other. And Billy's like, Christy, you know, you want to like sort of say hi, you know?
But yeah. Anyway, so I was I was like, she doesn't need to say hi to them. She doesn't barely even know you, Billy, even though, like, we're supposed to be told that that your boyfriend or girlfriend. But, you know, it's like we've only hung out, like, once.
Yeah. I want to point out the fact that. Yeah. He says that to her. So just 24 hours prior, she was chained up, possessed and acting demonic. And then he's like looking at her like, what's wrong with you? You know, come on, say hi to my.
So they had my buddies here say hi to my buddies, you know, and they're giving her a little bit of like, who was this girl? You know? But they say they're I just want to remind you that the funeral is at four thirty. And Billy's like, I'll try to make it. I'm like, whose funeral is it?
His partner? Is it his partner's funeral?
Yeah, it's the it's the guy she killed in the it's the guy the the the bachelor.
But like, why was Billy, like, not, you know, planning on going to the funeral.
I don't know man.
Like yeah, he has no redeeming qualities at all. He fucks up even trying to get the sword later in the movie, you know, simple task.
He's a cop. He can't go in and do his detective thing.
Yeah, no, this is this is a perfect example of, like, a character that, like, everything happens. He doesn't deserve anything. But yeah, you'll still get the girl, he'll still get the kiss and he'll still be the winner at the end, because that is what the writing gods have dictated. And, you know, like nowadays I feel like the audience is a little bit more discerning. And, you know, people would have been like, oh, that doesn't really make sense.
But back in the 80s, I didn't really give a shit. You sort of fly by your seat of your pants. And if this movie is entertaining, it was entertaining. And you also have to realize, like the mentality, especially early 80s, like VHS stuff wasn't really readily available. You know, like people weren't thinking that in the future we were going to have HD that, like, people could watch movies on a frickin 60 inch screen and, like, pause it and stare at it as much as they want.
You know, I didn't have any of that concept back then. It was like, OK, it's going to be fun. Great. Is this going to hold up under scrutiny? It doesn't matter because this movie was never intended to be scrutinized.
No, no. And let's be honest, for we've all been there where chicks love their bad boys.
They love their dicks. Of course. Of course. I mean, you know, it's true. It's like it's true. Part of me, it was like this guy is such a douche and like, well, actually, but this is the guy that got chicks like this back in the day. Yes, exactly. Exactly.
Make yourself more unavailable. Hmm. But we do also find out that the cops tell Billy in front of her that the body of that ninja was stolen from the morgue by some kind of Japanese mafia or something. So I love how they're just openly talking about open cases right in front of, you know, civilians.
But, yeah, sure, whatever. That's all good. But Kristie's now like, you know, so she saw them. So, you know, she knows something's up and she goes back to her apartment and everything starts going crazy again. And she's like, no, no, you don't. Not again. And she closes the cabinet and she tries to to to leave the apartment, but she can't. And it kind of like the door opens and, you know, she goes to leave like the doors open.
Like all this wind is sort of like keeping her in there and she starts, like, moving around. Oh, I'm sorry. Things start moving around in the apartment and like, you know, like her fridge and stuffs are flying out, lights explode. The phone has like an evil voice on the other end and the closet kind of explodes open. And she turns up her music and she's trying to dance the evil way while all of this is happening, which is really the craziest thing you could possibly do, is just try to dance it away as it's happening.
It's almost as if you know what Mary Beth Williams is that her name from or Jo Beth Williams from Poltergeist? Yeah. Jo Beth Williams. Yeah.
It's almost as if like while the room was going crazy, were the kids, you know, got sucked in the closet. She just decides to go in the middle and you start dancing like that would just make everything, you know, go away. Right.
It's it's it's insane. It's insane that they expect us to buy that. But I love that they do expect us to buy that, you know what I mean? Like the fact that that like they gave us this is what is amazing.
I want to point out to the fact that this goes back to Billy, like your girl just went through this traumatic experience and you're leaving her alone back at her place by herself. When do you want to keep an eye on her for at least another day or so? Fuck that guy. And then on top of it, the music throughout this movie that is like. Actually has like lyrics and stuff, it's some of the worst, you know, music around the 80s were ripe with just the most, like, low budget, low budget.
They could have got a more decent songs for this found of slightly better artists. No offense to the people that they did have on this because they're not good at all.
It's not like I mean, it's yeah, it's not a classic score. You know, it's it's silly. And I believe, like, it adds to the fun or I should say it doesn't take away from the fun. No, but I don't think it doesn't add much value to it.
Yeah. Agree. Agree how the sword flies out and cuts the stereo in half. It's like I do like that. It's sort of like fuck you stereo, fuck your music. You got shitty taste girl. Here's what I think about it. Yeah. And then it kind of a cool effect. They did one of those effect where, where they put the room on hydraulics and they slowly start shifting it and the room starts, everything starts sliding to one end.
I mean, they did this in Poltergeist as well when everything slid into the closet. But this is not as good as that. But you get it the same idea. And you know what? It's it was more than I ever expected them to to put into it, you know, like that much of an effort.
Spielberg furstenburg birds, the birds, it's feel like they're moving platform stuff.
One of the you have no idea.
Right after I said that, I'm sure someone's like, no. Toby Hooper directed Poltergeist.
Yeah. That's a podcast for another day. Yes, but I. I do like shit.
I don't. Oh here. I know. I do. I did write down. OK, so earlier on one of the two cops I think was a cigar.
One says that the the cemetery is at the city cemetery and then I love immediately they pull into or Billy drives up to the Glendale Memorial Park and I'm like, yeah, you didn't even have to you didn't have to show, you know, have to have a crane shot showing the name. And you didn't have to have him say it earlier. But yet here we are, here we are having a character tell us that it's Cork City Cemetery. And yet the movie showing us Glendale Memorial Park, it doesn't matter because it's produced by two guys who didn't give a shit about the Brooklyn Bridge.
So, you know, and the bridge is a bridge.
I want to point out this is a funeral and the Secord is dressed. Very casually for a funeral, I'll leave it at that. Well, it's stress for for a funeral he didn't want to go to. Yeah, yeah.
He looks like he's auditioning for, you know, Matthew Fox character and party of five or some shit like that, like, you know. Yeah, exactly. Right. Come on, man.
We're we're we're all black at least, right. Yeah, I know. Right. Be like at least appropriate.
You know, he wore a fucking tie when he went over to Jamie Hongs house. He was wearing a when they when they go when they when they visited the Asiatic aquatic divisions, you know, lead Japanese dude, he's wearing a tie and a sport coat. He couldn't wear that to the funeral. No.
Because Billy Secord, he's a dick guy. So you think a a dick he's going to listen to this someday.
She'd be like, oh, you'd be so harsh on him. No, I'm sure. And I know, like, they're apparently friends to this day. The guy they were being harsh on the character. Yes.
The character Jeff and Rossow being harsh on his on his hairy body. Well, yeah, that was that was to be expected. We might not let that slide, guys. There's no way we could let it slide.
It's like you can grip that shit with handles.
I mean, dude, guys, it's worth watching this movie just for Billy Secord.
I remember in the 80s when certain like wrestlers in the ring, there's a guy, Michael Hayes, wrestle for the free birds and stood for purely sexy Michael, purely sexy Hayes and his his chest hair look like just massive pubes all over his chest. Yeah. Oh, God. Those old eighties wrestling mags that I had and this is before this is Raewyn Hogan was coming out and, you know, the von Erich's were looking really, you know, they were they were hairless too.
Well, dude, I so just let everybody out there. No, I have the reverse.
So like if you see like my elbows down and then like my legs are all like very blonde and very thick hair, but then from my elbows up and then my entire back and chest are as smooth as a baby's behind, I could I grow in hair to save my life.
But like I am like the reverse. I have like a skin sweater on, whereas because he has like a hair, you know what I mean.
Like it's like, you bastard, you lucky bastard. Oh, man.
Hey, everybody, Corey here, I just want to let you know that we'll be right back after these short messages. Hey, everybody, welcome to Talking Back, the podcast where we like to chat about past achievements in movies, comics, video games and more.
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And we'll catch you next time. All. Hello, everybody, I'm Adam.
I'm John, and every week we are giving you a blast from our past, we are the podcast that brings you full on movie breakdowns, TV show reviews, our reviews top tens and more, all from the things of our nostalgic past.
So please join us every single week on the blast from our Past podcast. You can find us on Spotify, Stitcher, Apple podcasts. However you listen to podcasts, you can find us. And we would love to have you take a trip with us to the land of nostalgia. La, la, la, la. I'm Adam and I'm Corey, and we are the hosts of Cartwright, a Seinfeld podcast, we are breaking down every single episode of Seinfeld as we watch it, reliving this amazing show.
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And now back to the show.
Back to the funeral that Billy doesn't want to attend. He's driving through the cemetery and he sees Christie's van. She sees he sees her van. So he knows that she's there somewhere. We see Christie and her ninja costume climbing a tree while while the service is happening. Billy is kind of like searching around, kind of looking for she's kind of jumping from tree to tree. I kind of like those little things. Like, sure.
I like of all the stuff that they do in this movie, that's insane. I feel like they show the ninja stuff in the best light, you know what I mean? Like, like and yes, it's weird. It's like, OK, but it's insane that he digs himself into a hole in the ground and covers himself up with dirt and everything.
But like those are like I don't want to say real things that ninjas did, but they are things that that people said ninjas did, you know what I mean?
Or they always try to make the ninja shit work, OK, is what I'm trying to say.
I respect the art of the Ninja Ninja Ninja. So she's hopping from tree to tree, kind of getting the best position with her bow and arrow. You know, the two motorcycle cops are there. They have their helmet on. I mean, their helmets on. I'm always like, thank you. Why do they always have their helmets on even at the funeral? Take the helmet off, you know. Right. Like you're supposed to be dressed in, like, your best.
I thought, at least from everything that I've seen. Right.
You're not you're not fucking man in arms from, you know, masters of the Universe. Like, yeah. No helmet on all the time. Exactly.
Although most of the cops in this movie have a mustache like man. Yes. And I just want to drop a man in arms reference for fun. Hey, man, I will always take a man in arms reference. He was my favorite human hero.
Me too. We'll see you next time. By the way, there's a you know how they always had the moral message at the end. I forget what episode it was. It might be the spell St. Curse of the spell St.. But he's like, we all love fun and games, but sometimes they can get out of control. You can accidents can happen. You can honestly say he goes, you can lose an arm, you can lose a finger even.
And I should just be careful out there.
We'll see you next time.
He should have said or you can lose your face like Skeletor today.
Oh, dear, it is so great. I remember watching with Bodie when he was like three and somebody goes. And lose an arm, go, yeah, I don't know how you like it can happen, I don't know what he meant at Arms is referencing, but I mean, as a human being, we are capable of losing our arms and our fingers and our eyes, but usually not our face.
So at the funeral, they have the whole honor guard thing, right? The people who are going to go fire fire the rifles into the air. First off, it should be noted that they never fire live rounds. They only fire blanks.
So in a few seconds, won't make any sense when when one of the cops grabs the gun, but before that.
So I loved this. This was awesome. So right. When they shoot, do the honor guard shoot?
She releases her arrow and kills the one of the two cops, the Hispanic one, and I mean dead shot right in his chest.
And I'm like, well, that was that was fucking awesome. And I like that she timed it, you know, with the with the guns. But I did write. I did right on here. Chaos ensues because that is what happens very much does ensue.
I love how the other cop, the African-American gentleman with the scar in his mouth, he just starts panicking.
He's like going to have guns with a gun and he grabs one of the honor guards gun. Right. As she releases her next like arrow and it kills that honor guard. I'm like, no, you killed that honor guard. It wasn't. And it was by mistake, you know? But then he starts shooting wildly into the trees. But guess what? Those things have blanks, man. Like those aren't like bullets in those things. Like, there's no point to that.
But everyone is shooting wildly into the trees, you know? But then she shoots and shoots the African-American guy in the throat.
That was actually kind of cool. I like that. She's like, oh, so he's down. He's out. He's he's over. And hey, I'm sure there is some kind of like throat cancer cigar joke there, you know, with him getting shot in the throat with an arrow. But but, you know, whatever, he should have had the cigar still in his mouth when he died. That would have been great.
That would have that would have made this movie a fucking ten. Not that we ever rate our movies, but this would be a ten if he still had his cigar in his mouth.
Everyone is shooting wildly into the trees now, you know, and she's kind of she's kind of like jumping around and everything. And then she jumps out of the tree and takes out three motorcycle cops. And I like how she kicks one in the head and breaks his helmet in half. It's not it's not like a well done shot. But I like that they tried to give it that that extra bit of, you know, like you don't really notice that his helmet breaks apart.
But I saw it.
I was like, oh, I it wasn't the best shot scene, but I appreciated that you tried to make it kind of cool.
Yeah, I agree. I agree with that assessment. And then Christie fights off five guys with nightsticks. Now, I will say one of those cops with the nightstick just destroys a headstone, you know, like straight up, like, you know, concrete. I'm like, wow, he's he's pretty strong.
He just knocks it in pieces, but she kind of makes short work of all of them. And then she climbs up into into the trees. The cops are shooting her and she lands on the other side of the trees. So she kind of like is out of the cemetery and away from the cops. But when she lands on the other side of the tree, she sees show is there and he starts basically chasing her and chasing chases her over a fence.
She jumps over the fence and he chases her over the fence.
This is one of those times where she I'm using air quotes. She Chris Christie's character is running at the camera.
But boy, oh, boy, is that a dude. I mean, you can tell it's a guy. It is. It is like in I'm Going To Get You Sucka when they make fun of the stunt doubles being so painfully obvious that it's not the actor in they parody that or Spaceballs WDW when they catch the stunt, the stunt doubles.
Yeah, totally. This is this is one of those cases. It's hilarious. This is not intentional.
This is what like movies like Spaceballs are making fun of. This is exactly what they're making fun of. And I'm going to get you sucka.
God, I love that movie. I mean, I haven't watched I movie You Suck In Forever. That's a great movie.
She runs into an abandoned house and show chasers are there. They do it like a little bit of a of a cat and mouse sort of thing. He follows her up to the second floor. The house is kind of abandoned and decrepit and everything. Christie sort of surprises them and kicks him like she jumps down, sort of kicking him downwards, knocks him through the that floor and then through the second floor and into the basement. And that stunt was actually pretty fucking cool.
He does land on sort of he gets a little bit impaled. And I say a little bit I mean, I imagine getting impaled is never a good thing, but it doesn't seem to slow him down to the point of like, yeah, why do they even bother with even doing, in effect, shot like that?
You know, because he's a ninja. He's a ninja. And so he tries to get back out of the basement, but she's like third trashed out at him. So again, she's like, I fuckin I'm just going to jump through the floor. And that's what he does. He jumps through the floor up to the main floor, basically does a little fight with her and then takes her mask off. So, you know, he sees who she is and he knows that, you know, he seizes Christy.
It's obviously not the other ninja, but he knew that because, you know, he already had that body and everything. But now he I guess he actually knows who she is, you know, and cops kind of show up and Christie jumps out the window and this is the shot, guys.
It is a guy with the same haircut. And which is weird because the guy kind of looked normal with her haircut.
So that haircut is, I guess, unisex, but they don't even she doesn't have a mask on or I say she again, her character does not have a mask on.
So that is just a dude in slow motion with her haircut jumping out of a window. And you're just like, I'm just looking around like this. That's a guy. I mean, that's just a guy right there.
Yeah, it's it's hilarious. It's definitely a freeze frame. Obscene you.
Oh, yeah. It's it's definitely is. Definitely freeze frame of the show gets caught by the police and Billy arrives on the scene and you know, Billy.
Of course. Of course. Why not. The cops let Billy sort of get in the back of the cop car to talk to show because of course, why not? He's a fellow cop and of course, yeah.
This show says he was waiting for Billy to talk to him. So he's kind of because he's been tracking Billy and he sort of knows, you know, and he says he says to get to get the sword and the girl and take them to the old temple and wait for him. They're like, oh, this is like old temple on the mountain, you know, like like Billy supposed to know that. And of course, Billy, like, looks down at the handcuffs and she gives them like this little sly look like.
Don't you worry about that.
Yeah, I got this. I got this. And we cut to it again in a cop car. Now he's being driven shows in the back. There's another cop in the back next to him. Then there's two cops in the front, one driving, one in the passenger seat.
So this is cool show takes out a little a little tube out of his eyepatch and it has like a little dart and it shoots it in the guy in the neck in the next to him. So that kind of that guy kind of slumps over. But but it's not like loud or anything. So the driver's still driving show then does like a neck, a volcanic pinch on the on the passenger car.
A cop in the passenger seat knocks him out and still the driver doesn't know. I kind of like that. I was like, oh, that's very ninja.
And then eventually the driver was like, hey, wait a minute, what's what's going on here? You know, like, how did this happen? And, like, how show is just like I don't know how this happened. I just watched. And then, you know, it takes takes the guy out.
It was I thought that was a fun little scene that I that I really enjoyed.
I actually would have liked to see more of that to make that kind of stuff. Right. Yeah, that was cool. Yeah, me too.
Me too. Like, there's some as much as I love this movie as a whole, there is some gold in it, some like actual legit good shit in it.
Yeah. But there's a lot of other shit around that.
And then of course they, they show them uncuffing the handcuffs which that's nice that they show that, you know, I just realized what they could have done when my shit analogy early on in this thing, if the shit had corn in it and and the corn is like the good kernels and the rest is just shit, you know, because corn known digest, like Brodie says in Mallrats, I talk out of my ass a lot of the times, but occasionally a nugget of truth will slip through.
You know, it's right. And that's that nugget right there.
I don't know what that has to do with Mallrats, but I just thought nuggets, you know, back at Christie's apartment, Christie's look in a mirror and examining like her new wounds and everything.
I mean, she looks beat the fuck up and she's got no problems with that. She's like, OK, I guess this is my new life now. I just get mysterious wounds. You know, Billy kind of sneaks into the apartment and he finds her ninja outfit there. He's he's looking sweaty.
By the way, did you notice he's real sweaty in the scene and he finds the sword in the closet. Christie walks out of the bathroom area and Billy draws the gun on her. She's like, why? You know? And he says that she killed everyone and he's taking her to the temple to see show. Billy tells her to put her hands out so he can cover. And she says she loves him.
My God. But he did he does his character deserve that, do you think?
Oh, I know the answer, first of all.
First of all, I want to go back just a smidge when before she gets to the house and she drives away in her van. And it's clearly that male stunt double driving the van. Yes. And I'm like, wait a minute, was that a reshot scene? Perhaps.
So what I'm thinking is that that day that they shot it, she wasn't there that day, they probably only shot. Yeah. The stunt. Person jumping out the window and then they shot probably the billy in the show, the show stuff that day, but they're like, oh shit, we need we need Lucinda Dickey for just literally like a nanosecond. So they're like, you know what?
This guy over here has got the hair for it. Let's just put him in the driver's seat and send him on his way. And you know what? It didn't work. You could tell it to dude right away.
Like guys, you're not fooling nobody here. Jesus.
So, yeah. So there's that. And then and then, yeah, he he's showing up all sweaty. And I'm like, first of all, what. Like the scent of sweat. Everyone is sweaty here, right? And just just that liquid. No, he does not deserve an iota of I love you. What is he showing her? Nothing. Nothing. Nothing that is deserving.
He's been he's been an asset the entire time. So when she says that, she then gets a flashback, she sees she we finally get, you know, like a full clear shot of Billy at the scene. So it's kind of like now the Black Ninja really has confirmation that the body that he's inhabited, the guy that his body has been fucking, you know, is actually one of the guys that he wants to kill. So, yeah. So now he knows that for sure, you know, and she she beats the shit out of them.
She does a a cool ass move on them and kind of like kicks him, kicks him in the ass and everything. And then she grabs the sword and she's about to kill him and he screams and he's like Christina, you know, and she's she she's pulling that sword down quickly on him. But she stops breaking its breakneck speed and kind of like stops it when he screams screams out her name, she gets in her van and drives off. Billy chases after her in his car.
And this is one of the worst things I've ever seen in any movie ever. And he Billy and his little like like street car cannot keep up with a with a van probably full of gear and stuff.
And then Billy's the one that fucking wipes out, you know, he's a cop, he's in and you're assuming he's trained to drive a certain way and. Yeah. He doesn't know how to drive. He doesn't know how to drive at all, at all. He's a dipshit. Nuff said. Yeah, yeah, and honestly, he's not really even in it much more after this, you know. So thank God I just what I love I love her.
You know, she's she's awesome. I do, too.
And again, like I said earlier, man, I don't like I don't dislike the actor that played Billy, but man oh, man, do they just like really not do that character justice at all. Like they really shit all over that character and then try to feed it to us that he's the love interest, you know.
Yeah. They do this a lot. And like the like I was thinking of like movies, not of this Earth with Traci Lords where, you know, the super hot chick and like like a kind of a turd supporting actor love interest where you're like, there's no way in hell this would ever go down this way.
But it's the fantasy of the writer, the producer, the director.
Yeah. Yeah. It's it's a very male, fantastic film.
You know, here's one attention to detail that I actually enjoyed. So show Kosugi pulls up to the temple and he's driving the squad car that he stole.
I love that. I love that.
Inside a bunch of monks are training. Then Christie pulls up to the temple in her van show, dismisses the monks. Chris Christie enters the temple and finds the body of the Black Ninja. She walks out, she walks out.
And Chris in my chicken scratch handwriting is sometimes hard for me to discern show versus she, you know. But her show, show, show, she show walks out and Christie asks him for help. She doesn't want to kill anybody any more. Show promises to help her, but they need to get the Black Ninja to sort of leave her body then because we know that they are we're working with a chopped up ending for no reason whatsoever. Christie has to now fight show and, you know, like why write like when she's just, like, pleading for it.
But, yeah, it's it's I feel like there is because she has her mask on. She's like the ninja. You would think she would take it off, but I think they had to keep continuity there for for what they had to chop up and reshoot with, you know.
Yeah. Makes sense. Yeah.
Showing, showing Kristi fight. But he, but he kind of easily beats her and then very bad special effects of the evil spirit leaving your body flying up into the air and kind of going into the the black ninjas body and thus forward. I refer to him as a zombie ninja and they fight for a for a good bit. And the zombie ninjas at this point, his movements are very sort of robotic. There isn't there's a lot of inconsistencies later with what they're shooting.
But right now, zombie ninjas movements are weirdly robotic and he's got white makeup on to make him look zombie esque, which will, of course, not be replicated later in the reshoot scenes.
You know, because why? Why would it. Right. Why would it be replicated if they can't even do this?
It's it's it's not the Brooklyn Bridge. It's a bridge is a bridge. They're not going to notice her her hair. Who cares? She's got this guy, you know. I mean, shit, I don't matter, guys. So the zombie ninja sort of does like a weird magical thing and possesses the monks. And so now they all start attacking show.
There's a you know, it's it's a good little decent action scene and it's got like this weird gym. We're training gym that's in the middle of their temple to kind of, you know, give give there some give the actors something to do. And, you know, he fights them off and everything and eventually non-lethal, he subdues them, you know, and by throwing them like a smoke grenade or something. But it's fun. It's a fun little scene.
I'm glad there is a good amount of action there. You know, it's not bad.
It's kind of a cool scene. I agree.
After show dispatches, all the monks non-lethal. Like I said, he escapes the temple in pursuit of the bad ninja.
Billy just you know, he knows it well. He bumped because show told him where you know where to meet him. Billy enters the temple and finds Christie.
Of course, they kiss Billy and Christie like here, the fighting outside and leave the temple to go see what's going on so they can go be a part of the climax of the movie that they were actually in and like barely participate in the climax.
Sadly, Christie and Billy walk out of the temple and see show in Zombie Ninja fighting on the mountainside. This is what I noticed. Sometimes the zombie ninja has the make up. Sometimes he doesn't have the makeup on. Yeah, it's bad. Yeah, it really is. So they're fighting like on top of the mountain show eventually loses his sword. They fight some more. It's got there again.
It's like the whole the scene as a whole. You could say, you know, it's not great, yada, yada, yada.
But if you watch it, there are like little moments of cool shit that I feel like that is. Encompasses this entire movie. It's there's this whole movie is crazy, bonkers and bad shit, but there are microscopic moments of greatness in it. I mean, the movie's great, don't get me wrong, but there are microscopic moments where it's legit. Great. You know, like there's some karate movie that actually turns out really well because they shoot it well as they're fighting.
Eventually show disarms the zombie ninja and Christie picks up the sword and stabs him in the gut. It's like, OK, good. I mean, you needed your protagonist to have some sort of, you know, climax.
Right. Like, it's it's really weird that our protagonist is not involved in this climax. But this is all part of the reshoot. Originally, it was supposed to be Christie was supposed to overcome the dark ninja and then like sort of become a good ninja movie before. But now she knows, like, all the ninjas moves and stuff. But so now he gets stabbed in the gut and then the zombie ninja does this like weird spins into the ground, like he starts spinning like a top, spins into the ground, the mountain starts, ninja mountain starts shaking and it breaks, you know, it breaks open, you know, and show almost falls into it.
Like into the Qasm, which weirdly didn't look like that bad of a fall, but OK, sure. And so he's hanging there kind of like on his grappling hook rope and the zombie ninja comes up behind him and tries to sort of drag him down the cliff. I think I feel like they wanted in the script for, like, when it all opened for there to be like lava and shit down there somewhere. It's just ground, you know. But as the zombie ninjas wrestling with them, I do love the fact that show pulls out his little like ninja knife and just like fucking sinks it right into his brain pan like right to the top of his head.
That was a good that was a nice climax. Yeah. Yeah.
That that was like that felt satisfying. Now, granted, I wish Christy did that, but it still felt satisfying when he got his revenge.
You know. He did. He really did. And and so show climbs up and and tells Billie and Christy that it's it's over now. They they kiss because they're in love and the ninjas body vanishes and then show kind of stands on a on a rock and looks out over the horizon while the credits roll.
And he's a gentleman that is Ninja three, the domination.
I'm going to rewind a little bit back to that kissing scene between the two of them, where he's going full on, mouth open, mouth open, trying to basically molest her face and she don't reciprocate at all in that kiss. You look at that scene, she's not having it. So I love the fact that they're friends now, but it looks like that was a little uncomfortable for her. It's always yeah. I love just watching these moments where it's like clearly someone did not want to kiss in the sea, you know.
Yeah, I know. Is that he had full on mouth open and she was full on mouth like pursed together.
Oh man. Yeah dude.
Ninja three the domination by man. So what did you think. Would you recommend this to people. Of course I would.
You know, this is like a party movie. This is, this is a this is a post covid get your homies together party movie where this is not anything to be taken seriously. This is not an Academy Award winning. You know, this is not the keep where you say, man, it could have been so much better. Now this is as good as it's going to get. And it's been it's entertaining as hell. This is entertaining as hell.
Yeah. It's it's just fun.
It's a silly laugh your ass off movie. You know, we going into this you and I both talked about how this lost the shit on on this movie.
But there's also lots to just overall be entertained by. It's it's it's fun. Like, that's the whole point, I think of our podcast is that finding the silver linings in movies that maybe don't even have a silver lining, you know, like what can we find into that that is redeemable?
I think this movie definitely passes the test. So. Yeah, yeah. That's my two cents.
Yeah. Dude, I'm I'm with you there. And to tack on to what you're saying about being a party movie, I completely agree. And but but it's a party movie in the best case scenario because it's awesome. If you could actually just watch so you can either put it on the background and be entertained or you can watch it and be entertained. And I guarantee you, if you put it on in a party, I think people will gravitate over to it and sit there and start watching it.
To to your point about not wanting to shit on the movie. So why I didn't mention at the beginning, but one of the reasons I picked this movie was because how did this get made? You did it, I think, by a couple of months ago at this point. And, you know, I had a good time listening to their, you know, their review of it. Not a review, but whatever it is they do, you know, and it's funny.
It's snarky. It's what they do. Right. But I was like, oh, yeah, I love this movie. But like, you know, after listening to their to their conversation, I was like, I want us to present a counterbalance to that because, you know, they mostly just shat on it the whole time. And that's what how did this get made does. And that's fine. They're funny. They're fucking amazing. But I wanted us to have an example of like like like like just a counterpoint to their to their podcast.
I want this I want people to listen to this and listen to that, like both of them together. And you'll get kind of like two sides of the coin, you know, but it's there's so much to shit on this movie. And we mention a lot of it, you know, and Billy Secord is a big part of it. But this movie is so much fun.
Lucinda Dickie is so amazing. I and I've never seen either of the break ins. So this is kind of my main sort of not introduction because, you know, I've seen this movie before, but this is my my what I know her from. And man, I just like I wish I had more movies with her, you know, growing up, I wish she did more movies so we could see more of her. But what she did do is frickin amazing.
And this movie is amazing. I've seen it what like I think three times in the past as many weeks. And man, after I broke it down today, finished breaking it down today, I could have watched it again. I can watch this movie over and over. It is it is it is the one of the best examples of why we love Canon so, so much. And just these movies of this ilk. This is this is the one of the best examples of it.
It's because there's so much shit. But for some reason, the end product is so charming. The end product is so much fun. Every choice that they make in this movie, they choose fun over over logic. They choose one over things that make sense. And it's the reason this movie is still talked about today. You know that the vaccine is the reason this movie still talked about to this day. And it's so it's so good, dude.
And knowing that you're just sort of like I feel like this always happens with us, but it's always me who had has never seen the movie before. And this is my first time. So I'm really happy that you enjoyed it, even though, you know, Billy Secord sucks.
Yeah, no, dude, I was entertained thoroughly.
Thoroughly, thoroughly and Shout Factory did a great Blu ray disc, and, you know, yeah, you know, and I think to maybe one of the reasons again, I know I know for a fact people have said this on our on our Instagram.
We don't we don't talk about how cool we are and like, you know, take this like kind of somewhat hipster approach of like, oh, man, this shit sort of cheese ball from the 80s.
Like, yeah, it is. It isn't. But but it's real. Yeah. And so if you don't like it, don't fucking watch it. And but our audience is the audience that actually does watch this stuff and appreciates it. So I know everybody's going to kick back and be like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And if they don't then that's fine to go roll around in Biloxi cause chest hair.
I don't foresee getting a lot of negative feedback on this one. I do know for a fact that a lot of people have seen it and they're waiting for our review of it.
So if you haven't seen it, the only thing I can say is I would just I would just buy it like I wouldn't even care. Man, if you can find this thing on Blu ray, you know, for like less than twenty bucks, I think it's on Amazon for like fifteen or something.
Yeah. Just buy it. It's the best money you're going to spend. There's a lot of worse things. You can spend 15 to 20 dollars on. I guarantee you you will watch it multiple times. I guarantee you you will let people borrow it to show them how crazy it is. I guarantee you you're going to put it on in the background at a party just to have it plain because it's fucking awesome.
So, yeah, this this this gets this gets all of my praise. And, you know, I don't know if it necessarily makes me like want to go and watch ninja movies, you know, like it's it's still like I feel like I'm still not like a ninja movie guy, but I'm a ninja three, the domination guy that's for sure. This movie is is its own it's own animal. It really is. This isn't I don't even I wouldn't even lump this into the ninja film, you know, genre.
It's just it's own bonkers film. So. Yeah. So bonkers, huh.
Oh man. Oh buddy. That was fun man. I could not wait to do this one with you. Like I couldn't wait to talk to you about it with with you and I had so much fun did. This is awesome. But before we go where Mamon where else can we find you out there in the pod sphere.
I'm going to find out. I'm going to be really easy about it. You can just go on my my brand spanking new website, Zac Shafer, VO Dotcom, or you can go to two dollars late fee dotcom. And that's where eighties retro podcast. Good times to be had interviewed. Celebrities, we don't break down movies. We just kind of reminisce and talk about movies that we love, soundtracks that we love of the 80s.
And yeah, I mean, like, it's it's it's a good time to be had. It's just a it's a nice companion piece to podcasting after dark. We're not a part of the beef up network, but it's nice to, you know, share the love of things that might have been forgotten. Case in point, the the latest interview we have is with an actor named Hart Bochner. Most people will know him from as Alice from Die Hard, but the guy has a pretty substantial resumé.
So, yeah, check it out. It's a great interview, in my opinion. I loved it. I love talking to the guy and heard some stories that I never heard before about Die Hard and Pictou because he directed that.
And yeah, that's where you can find me. I'm I'm around. How about you, Corey, where can we find you at Yemen? Well, right, yes, right. As James Hong would say. Yeah. You can listen to me talk to our pal Adam every week on Cartwright, a Seinfeld podcast. We're basically going through the entire series.
And as of right now, if you're listen to this sort of in real time, we are wrapping up we've wrapped up season four. The the wrap up episode just dropped last week. So we're taking a week off and coming back with season five. So we we only have four more seasons of Seinfeld to go.
So it's all it's been a lot of fun cranking and rocking and rolling. And as you mentioned earlier, the beef network, if you guys get a chance, check out Talking Back podcast. Tim and Dean are fantastic.
They actually just a couple of weeks ago is the time you listening? This dropped an awesome episode on Mad Max.
Go check that one out or go check out the Predator two episode.
It's really fucking good as well. And I recommend those because I think that would be very well. I think you guys would like that. Those episodes, those guys are great. Those guys. Yeah, they really are.
They're super fucking cool. And of course, check out the blast from our past throwback trivia. Take down all that good shit. And, you know, if you like what we do and I'm assuming that you do because you've been listening to us for about two and a half hours.
We have about one third of the content we produce on the free feed so everything else can be found over a patriot. And we have a couple of extra shows there. We have interviews after dark is sort of our meat and potatoes, and that's where we talk to people like Tom Holland. And we're going to have our Jonathan Stark interview dropping very, very soon. And who play? He played Billy Cole in Fright Night.
And at this point we have about 10 or 11 interviews up there. So some really good stuff. Jeanette Goldstein, you know Vázquez from Aliens and yeah, it's it's a it's a lot of fun.
And we also have video reveals on there. We have another show called Wrapup After Dark. We've all kinds of stuff.
And we actually have a couple more shows that Zach and I are putting together. I mean, they're all part of podcast after dark, but there are a couple of little like sub shows. And, you know, some of them might live on on Patriota exclusively. Some of them might come out on the free feed. So, I mean, we're cranking out content. But if you're listen on Apple podcast or Spotify, we appreciate it. But you're really only getting about a third of what we produce.
So you can swing on by Patriot and check us out. And that's Patrón Dotcom slash podcasting after dark patriae on dotcom slash podcasting after dark.
And yeah, everything's all over there. And all proceeds just go towards the show helping us out. We we used you know, we made that one year anniversary poster. We commissioned that through the proceeds that we got from Patreon and everything. So it's we appreciate it guys who really, really do. And we also know that that, you know, your time and your money is valuable, especially with the economy the way it is and the way it's going to be going soon.
So, you know, a free way to help the show out is still leaving a five star review on Apple podcast or sharing it with your friend.
It's it's as easy as that. Share with a buddy, right? Please do.
Please, please do. And as always, we'll catch you on the dark side.
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