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How did the world's greatest entrepreneurs find their way to such prominent positions of success? I'm Jeff Rosenthal and in Out of the Hustle, my podcast from my heart radio.

[00:00:10]

I sit down to chat with the cultural innovators and Magnate's Shaping Our Future from the co-founder of the Black Lives Matter movement to the former CEO of Twitter. Join us each week as we discuss the insights and critical advice that shaped all of their lives. Listen to the Art of the Hustle on the radio app, Apple podcast, wherever you get your podcasts.

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What if you could learn from one hundred of the world's most inspiring women? Now you can. Introducing Senecas 100 women to hear a new podcast brought to you by Seneca Women and I Heart Radio. I'm Kim Mazzarelli. In celebration of the 100th anniversary of American women getting the vote, we're bringing you the voices of a hundred groundbreaking and history making women listen to Senecas 100 women to hear on the radio app Apple podcasts wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, fam, I'm Jada Pinkett Smith, and this is the Red Tablecloth podcast, all your favorite episodes from the Facebook Watch show in audio produced by Westbrooke Audio and I Heart Radio.

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Please don't forget to write and review on Apple podcasts.

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I knew that my mother and my father had a very violent relationship early on. She has a couple scars on our body that as a child, I was just curious as to why she was that was that. And she's like, oh well, you know, my mother wasn't one to not tell the truth. This will be the first time that Willow's actually heard these stories about her grandfather, who she knew. Domestic violence is something that affects so many women.

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And this was one of the most requested topics from our red table talk families.

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Here we are.

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I read Table Talk Family, how are you doing today? We're talking about a pretty serious subject matter, domestic violence and abuse and relationships. Jamie had at least one abusive relationship before I was born and even a bit after I was born with my father.

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What was the worst incident that you experienced with. My father oh, there was so many really, like I have a scar on my back, that's when you know what when I asked you about that years ago, that's when I first heard, because that's the scar when he threw you over the banister. Yeah. Wow.

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And that to make this like an excuse, as I'm getting ready to make it sound like it's an excuse for him, but he was typically in an altered state when he was abusive like that.

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He was typically a violent drug cartels, a violent drug, too. That's why I had to stop doing.

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Yeah, he was a violent drunk.

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He gave me a black eye once and I tried to hide it from Mommy, but she saw it the first time she ever met Rob, she said.

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You need to stay away from this guy, because I can see in his eyes something is wrong with him, something is wrong at home. My mother was a social worker. Yes.

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Yeah. But I do know when enough gets to be enough. DAP hurry up and you got to get out of there. Yeah.

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And I actually ran for my life while you ran for your life. Well what happened was he was angry about something. He came home angry. You and I were at Mommy and Daddy's house and he came over there and he was pissed off about something. I want to remember what the argument was about, but he started hitting me and he was in a rage. I was backing out of daddy's den into the master bedroom. Right. And you were still in the den.

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And I said, oh, my God, we left Jada and I knew that he wasn't going to hurt you. He left the room to go get you. And I went through the bedroom, out the master bath and down the steps and ran across the street to the neighbor.

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Got it. Right across the street, neighbor. Yeah, for them to get me some help. And yeah, they call the police and I stayed over there because I knew that you were going to be OK. I knew he wasn't going to harm you. Right. When the when the police arrived, they were coming in and that was it. Right. You know, my mommy was like, that's that's enough of that, right. We're done.

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Well, kudos to her. We're done here. Yeah. And I was in full agreement. I wasn't trying to, you know, I just wasn't trying to deal with anymore because he was just out of control. His addiction just he just wasn't rational. I feel like, once again, I'm trying to make excuses for him.

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And I think that's what people do. But whatever the reasons were, you have to I mean, end of the day, I just think that's an excuse. I think that's you giving a complete picture, because I know that once he did get sober, he was really a gentle. I had some experiences with him that are very good. Yeah, but I mean, he had his problems. We all know that he had issues and he did not have a pleasant upbringing.

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But I do know that when we decided.

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Now. So, OK. OK, sweetie, that's the only thing about this table being relaxed, it's OK to do so.

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OK, well, you know, it's not easy for a lot of different reasons. It's not easy to hear. That. Your parents experienced that together. And also for me to the fact that he's gone and can't you see his side? And that's the other thing. Now that I'm older, I have so much more compassion right now and knowing what he had gone through. Right. You know, because I was pretty harsh on him. Well, I think we all were.

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Yeah, it's hard not to be. But, you know, that's why I try to learn to have more understanding, you know, can we get some tissue? I have some. You have some. Yes, some are here. But why do you think women stay? I think women stay because they think that they're in love.

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That's what it was for me. I thought that it was love. But I also think that women are afraid and for whatever reason, maybe they feel like they can't make it on their own without the person.

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Yeah, not having any place to go is scary. And you just don't think that you can do better. You and Karen, your sister, both were very abusive relationships. And I just find that interesting because we didn't see that and see that and say that mommy and daddy weren't like that at all. Like in your home.

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Yeah, I was young, but I don't know where I got the concept in my head that to hit you was a sign of love.

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So if he if he's hitting you, then that means he loves you because he wouldn't bother you if he didn't love you.

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So that means he loves you. I've never really had any personal experience in regards to lack of physical abuse. I've definitely been in relationships that have been emotionally abusive. Yeah, big time. Yeah. I think emotional violence is really prevalent because most of us, once we get into relationships, we're really trying to learn how to love him. And most of us are very insecure about it. And our defense mechanisms tend to be a bit violent and harsh and controlling.

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Yeah, and if you're controlling somebody, you're not really loving them because the gift of love encompasses freedom. Yes, exactly.

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I just think it's so interesting because, you know, the idea is that if you grow up in an abusive home, then that's kind of what creates that cycle.

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And I know for me, I've never witnessed any guys that you were dealing with when I was around. I was yeah. There was no physical.

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No, because once I had that experience with Rob, I wouldn't accept it from anybody else.

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So that you only had it with Rob, was it? Yeah. Yeah.

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Because I know for me you remember that one incident I had. With that one guy that I was dating when I had to pull a knife out on him, right, we were coming from a restaurant. He had been drinking and he was driving and he started getting really aggressive in the car, and this is why I always tell you, pay attention to your surroundings just in case you got to make a quick exit.

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And thank goodness I knew where I was and I knew how to get out the car and get to the house. And I ran to the house. I had to take my clothes off, take off my heels. And I always travel with a black Russell hoodie and black Russell sweats just in case something, first of all, is my favorite outfit goals popping off. And I remember jumping in NSW, grabbing a big ol knife from the kitchen and hiding in his son's room.

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And I never forget he came through the back sliding door like on a creepy creep creep, like he was going to like, sneak up on me or something like that.

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And I heard him and I came out of his son's bedroom and I was at the bottom of the hallway and I was like. Don't come near me, and he said the quintessential line that you hear in movies all the time. You think I would hurt you?

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Yeah, I would never do I would never do that. And I mean, I was like, oh, my God, I'm in trouble.

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L'Escalier trouble. And you know what? Spike Lee saved me from that one. Why? Spike had been calling me about girl six. I use Spike as an excuse to get on that plane. And he said right then and now, I never see you again. Well, absolutely. We're going we're going to figure this out. We're going to work this out. You know, I got on that plane and he never saw back until I was with Will Smith.

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That's when I saw we were at a wedding and he was at the same resort. And I happened to be with you and that was it.

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And not a bad guy at all. Very sweet guy, but just has those tendencies of violence. But. Right. You know, that was all the sign I need. Exactly. That was all the sign I needed. Wow.

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Hi, I'm Heidi Murkoff, host of What to Expect, a new podcast from My Heart Radio when I first wrote What to Expect When You're Expecting. My mission was simple to help parents know what to expect every step of the way on what to expect will answer your biggest pregnancy and parenting questions about everything from preconception planning to birth plan. Newborns sleep to toddler tantrums. Motherhood is the ultimate sisterhood, but it can be overwhelming if you don't know what to expect.

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Listen to what to expect on the I Heart radio app, Apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. What if we reimagine the word citizen not as a weapon to divide us, but as a verb, inviting us all to wield our collective power pretty dull Ponte in this time of pandemic and revolution, you may find yourself frustrated at high levels of corruption and inequality, at our inability to get basic things done at the persistence of systemic racism. You are not alone.

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I'm Baratunde Thurston. I've produced for The Daily Show, advised the Obama White House and screamed way too much at my screen.

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Now I've made a show for us. In it we highlight people mobilizing their communities, having an impact on some of the biggest challenges we face. We offer you ways to get involved and we remind you that we, the people, have the collective power to change how our society works and for whom. Listen to how a citizen with Baratunde on the I Heart radio app, Apple podcast or wherever you listen to podcast.

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Have you ever willo encountered. Anything or I've never encountered anything myself, because you've always told me, like, don't be I don't know, guys don't be going in that house. So I'm very cautious about all of those things. I just try to tell her to be vigilant in regards to how she spends time with my company.

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Exactly. I know that when we decided to talk about this, we also decided to bring a friend of yours, Crystal, and her daughter, who has some recent experience with domestic violence.

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Can we get Krystal, please? Hey.

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Crystal, thank you so much for joining us, because I know it ain't easy getting easy, but one thing about this red table is that our testimonies help others. So let's start first with how you two know each other. Crystal is one of the most popular hairstylists in Baltimore. She's my hair stylist.

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And I went into the salon one day and her eye, it was messed up.

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And I was like, what the hell happened to your eye?

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My. And she didn't say right away. You see, she was like, oh.

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And I knew right then it was something that she didn't really want to talk about.

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Right. I was just like, oh, my God. Like, I can't lie. Right. It's like lying to my mom. Right. I just love this man so much. Yeah. And I had to leave the situation. It was toxic. We were just back and forth. It was so much cheating and lying. And I knew I had to get away. And so I left him and he called me and he said, I need to see you.

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I need to see you. It's always the same story. I need to see you. And I'm like, I don't want to talk. I don't we can't talk. He ended up meeting up with me. He got in the car kind of like forces hours. And he was just like, I told you that you can be without me or you can't be with anybody. And I'm like, listen, I I'm done. I can't. And then all of a sudden he just like slams me towards the back of the car and he just like punches me.

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All of a sudden, I just felt all of this blood coming down my face and I'm just like, please stop, please stop. And I ended up going to the emergency room. I had to get stitches. And I remember looking at my daughter. She was like, is this what you want me to do when I get older and I'm just like, Oh my God, no. And she's like, well, when are you going to stop?

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Because I'm going to do the same thing. And I'm like, I'm sorry. I just was like, I'm going to stop, I promise. And it was just so hard because I just felt like he loved me and I loved him. And he kept saying he loved me first. He was charming. You know, he was caring. He would just break his neck for me and then the tables just kind of turned. Yeah. How long were you in the relationship for?

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It was on and off for maybe five years. I can only imagine what it feels like to. Love somebody fiercely. And then have them punch you here and have them hit you. I haven't experienced it, but just. Me, I can feel you. My mom went through it when I was a little girl to wear so much makeup, like hide the scars, so I felt like because my mom kept taking my dad back that, you know, he loved her, I should do the same thing.

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And I just kept doing it. And so had this happen more than once with you from day one, you know, the first time when I decided to leave him in the beginning, we got into a big fight. We were just tussling back and forth and we broke up and he was upset about that. So he decided to get me back.

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He released a naked picture of me when everyone saw the picture, even my God, his friends, family, everybody saw the photo. And I was just like, how could you do something like this to me?

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So this part of that, the control, control, control.

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And he felt like in order to keep me, he would threaten to hurt me. He felt like if anyone saw these pictures of me, they wouldn't want to be with me. And he would always say, nobody's going to be with you because of me, like, you're always going to be with me. And I'm like, no, I'm I'm going to leave.

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In all honesty, what gave you the strength this time? To leave, I was in just a dark space, I felt myself at times wanting to, like, kill myself, like I don't want to live. I'm tired, I'm depressed, I'm stressed. My mom is very ill. And I said I was sorry.

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We had a tissue right here.

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I was just always with my mom for everything. There were times where I couldn't go to her because I was so scared. She told me to leave and I always stayed because he loves me. He was calling me and he was like, I need to talk to you. And we had already broken that. And he was like, OK, if you don't want to be with me anymore, I'm going to put this one there. And another was another.

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Nothing that give it to me. It's just like you're going to do that to me again. It's just like, oh, my God. So I just said, you know what? I can't see it. I put myself at this point and that's when I went on my phone. And I see the picture of my black guy and the picture that everyone saw.

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I didn't think it was going to get all of the responses that it was like women reaching out. They were just like, I've been through the same thing. I'm sorry you went through this. What really touched me the most was my daughter had called me and she said my take it down.

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I said no. She said, take it down because you're going to embarrass me and you're going to embarrass yourself because you're going to take a bet. And I was going, I promise you, I want to come back at this point, mental and physical abuse, all of it is just scary.

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It's in the mental part. It's probably the hardest because you hold it in inside. You get into head, Ethan. It's like you want to release it. But it's hard because people will judge you and call you crazy. But you're not crazy. It's hard to deal with. It's really hard. And it just helped me so much when I just released that. And that was finally the first time where he actually said, I'm really gonna leave you alone because he was embarrassed.

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So let me just I want to be clear about something, because you just made a powerful, powerful, powerful point is that when you had the courage to come out and tell your story, other women rallied around you and gave you the strength to keep going. That's powerful. That is powerful, powerful. That just goes to show you what Sister Love will do. And they have no idea how much they have helped me. And I always will say, like, I have to get my power back, not just for myself, but for all the other women.

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And it seems like your daughter has been a strong powerful for you, too. Yes.

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Your fourteen year old daughter, Selena, who's beautiful and wonderful.

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She and Willow got to sit down and have a conversation.

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Hi. Hi. I'm so glad you're here. Glad to. So this is my dad, Selena. Hi, welcome, good. Thank you. Hi, nice to meet you. So nice to have you. Yeah, it doesn't look too good right now to jump in.

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Yes, I definitely used to jump in. I can't even imagine how it must feel to see your mother go through the experiences that she's been through. Yes, it was very stressful because me and my mom didn't have a relationship through all the things because it was like she was putting him first or like I was I was getting pushed back and or she wouldn't listen to me. I was like a ghost. Do you think you were afraid of him? I was always cautious and came over because I didn't want anything to happen.

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There were some times I was just like I just stayed in my room and cried. Do you have any advice for any kids going through what you went through? So I just recommend, like, always be there for your mom and always be made for her first, no matter what she made you go through. Whatever has happened with your relationship, you know, always remember that that is your mom. And, you know, it's been a long journey.

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And I'm just glad that she's finally home with these kids over. That's beautiful. How did the world's greatest entrepreneurs find their way to such prominent positions of success? I'm Jeff Rosenthal and in The Art of the Hustle, my podcast from my Heart Radio, I sit down and chat with cultural innovators and magnates. My friends I've met through my work as the co-founder of Summit Guests, co-founder of the Black Lives Matter movement, Patrice Cullors, former CEO of Twitter.

[00:22:46]

Dick Costolo, leading global conservation scientists in some Jayan and thought leaders like Tim Ferriss and Simon Sinek.

[00:22:55]

Join us each week as we discuss successes, failures, milestone events and, of course, the insights and critical advice that shaped all of their lives. Out of the Hustle, a podcast created to inspire the entrepreneurs shaping our future.

[00:23:10]

Listen to the art of the Hustle on the I Heart radio app, Apple podcasts, wherever you get your podcasts. Citizen Critic is the podcast where we critique the critics and review the reviews of movies and television like Tiger King, The Shining and Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, the movie should have been reduced to 90 minutes. Even then, it would have sucked because there is no tie in with the characters, really, because you can count on something to make a movie and I can edit my own head and have it make sense.

[00:23:46]

Listen to citizen critic on the I Heart radio app, Apple podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

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Yeah, you do.

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That was real cesta love. That was really nice. The song night definitely important. Yeah.

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One of our favorite parts of the red table is getting questions from Red Table Talk Family from the fish bowl.

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Oh, thank you, Todd.

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All right. Let's see Cynthia from Detroit for Jada. My husband followed me to a restaurant the other night because he thinks I'm having an affair. I swear he's just imagining things and he's overly jealous. Is that a warning sign or should I be flattered? He cares so much.

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That's a warning sign that it's not anything to be flattered about. I don't think because you've got to have trust. Exactly. And you've got to have autonomy. Control is not love and fear. Yeah, I used to think stuff like that was sexy when I was young.

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Oh, he followed me and all he saw. Yeah.

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You think it's cute and it's not, you know. Yeah.

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A lot of people crave just to be wanted, you know. And sometimes being wanted is different than being loved, people desiring to feel important. And so when they do something like that, it's like, oh I get it. Exactly.

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I felt like the more I was chased or he was I just suing you? Yes. I just felt like he just loved me so much fun and that it is confusing.

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Next, do you want to pick one? OK, so Francine from Texas for Willow, my boyfriend checks every post that I want to send out. Is that abuse, even though he does hit me?

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He checks every single post before she posted very controlling control, maybe he doesn't want her to show you, but that's her decision and he's got to learn to trust her.

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And that goes back to the autonomy. If she want to post the right and if she post a bikini pic and it makes him, then they can talk about it. Francine, you got to be like I'm doing me for, you know, one more last one.

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Susan from Atlanta for the group.

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Oh. What were some of the excuses you made up to explain any bruises that happened from an abusive relationship? I've run out of lies.

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I've said plenty. Wow. Well, she's run out of lies. That's scary. That's time to go. It's time to go. But I would tell some of my clients, like a cabinet door hit me in the eye or a fellow. And, you know, people are like, that's not what happened. And you do run out eventually. And it's said you could just tell, like, what happened, like because you slipped on ice and it was like not even when it was any ice outside.

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And it was just like, huh, I swear. Right. Where were you? Somebody like this is like you just want to know how to tell them, like, where can they go to school?

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Because at the end of the day, though, the decision is up on them, because I'm saying we're all saying that enough is enough and it's time for you to go. Might not be it may not be enough for her because you've got to be ready. Yeah. Yeah. You got to hit your own bottom. Yeah.

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I just want to say to anybody that is going through any kind of domestic violence, I just hope that this show could give you the courage and the strength and the understanding to know that there's no reason to be ashamed. There is help and you deserve better. And we are sending you love and blessings. On our next red tabletop, I hated being divorced, I hated everything about it, I felt because I was sick to it.

[00:28:03]

Why didn't you fight it? I'm not going to fight to be with someone that doesn't want to be with me. That's when the red table turned upside down and it won't be red no more.

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Maybe I should just. Pressure was me to carry on. Yes. One, two, three. All right, let's go to join the red table, talk family and become a part of the conversation, follow us at Facebook dot com slash red tabletop. Thanks for listening to this episode of Red Tablecloth podcast produced by Facebook Watch Westbrooke Audio and I heart radio.

[00:28:51]

Blood on the Tracks is a new podcast about legendary music producer Phil Spector in the murder of Lana Clarkson. This podcast is hosted by me. Jake Brenan, creator and host of the award winning Music and True Crime podcast is Graceland. Season one features 10 episodes told from the perspective of those who knew Phil Spector best, his so-called friends. Just like Phil Spector. This podcast sounds like nothing you've heard before. Blood on the Tracks contains adult content and explicit language.

[00:29:19]

Listen to Blood on the Tracks and the I Heart Radio Apple podcast wherever you get your podcasts. How did the world's greatest entrepreneurs find their way to such prominent positions of success? I'm Jeff Rosenthal and in Out of the Hustle, my podcast from my heart radio.

[00:29:36]

I sit down to chat with the cultural innovators and Magnate's Shaping Our Future from the co-founder of the Black Lives Matter movement to the former CEO of Twitter. Join us each week as we discuss the insights and critical advice that shaped all of their lives. Listen to the Art of the Hustle on the radio app, Apple podcast, wherever you get your podcasts.