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So about 12 years ago, I interviewed the sweetest married couple, they just invented the vibe, the world's first sex toy designed to be worn during intercourse and to bring couples closer together. Of course. Well, a lot's changed for Bob, but the basic design of their first couple's toy remains the same. The latest version is called Coarse, and it's pretty incredible. Like the first wave, of course, is shaped with one wig for internal stimulation and one for external.

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Because if you've been listening or, you know, been there yourself, orgasms don't always come as easily devolve owners during penetration and plus penises like vibrations. To you, it's a win win. So you've got your external pleasure, you've got your internal pleasure, and there's still room for penetration. So there's always two happy customers. But of course, is new features. Take the whole concept to the next level. First, there's the squeeze. Sensitive, remote, the how do you squeeze it?

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The stronger the vibration. Next, there's touch sensitive mode that detects the natural rise and fall of your body's motion and adjust the intensity automatically, which is so cool. And then there's we connect the easy to use mobile app that does just so much. They really pulled out all the stops on this one course is waterproof, adjusts to fit any body shape and is crazy powerful. Just add a little aqua lube from pure to both sides and enjoy the ride because it works in any position and offers endless vibration patterns.

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Course is the easiest way to spice up your routine and reignite that spark with your partner. To learn more about course by We Vibe and the We Connect app, go to sex with Emily Dotcom. We vibe today that sex with Emily Dotcom w e VIP.

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Because what if you're like on your deathbed and someone goes by for a second to, like, touch your nipple and you're like, oh my God, that was amazing.

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I want you to be on your deathbed and have a nipple orgasm. Have it now. Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed with five, six eyes that mock our secret bedroom eyes. They call them into, my God, you're listening to sex with Emily.

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I'm Dr. Emily. And I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex.

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Today, we're talking about something that gets so overlooked, I mean, more than it should breasts. No, I'm serious. Like you used to hear that I was all about the breasts. But then sometimes we just skip right over everything and go right for penetration. Did you know that so many women can have nipple orgasms? It's a real thing. In fact, when you stimulate the clitoris and the nipples, it stimulates the same part of your brain.

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Even men can reach orgasm through nipple play. So I get into it. I give you all my tips and tricks to help you explore this really underappreciated erogenous zones. So many erogenous zones. Let's have some fun. Take your questions, including a very interesting call from a misuse whose business has recently taken an interesting and sexy turn. Intention's with Emily. All right. Each episode join me in setting an intention. It really helps you kind of think about what I want to get out of this episode.

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It could be. Yeah, I want to know how out of a nipple orgasm. My intention is to just reignite your love for breasts and nipples by giving you new things to try no matter what gender you identify as. All right. Enjoy the show.

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Let's talk to John and his wife in Illinois. They've called in before. Hi. Hi, Emily. How are you? Good. How are you? Oh, not too bad.

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Not too bad. So last time we spoke, I was bragging to you about your advice of Just Take It Down, which worked with the blow job after we've been together quite a long time and my wife has a wicked gag reflex. So anyway, that I said just take it down, just have to swallow it, just take it down.

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Is that what I said? Take one. No, it was a combination of the salt and tumbleweed. And then your advice is also like, you know, at some point you just got to take it down. And that's exactly what she said after I was like, holy shit, yeah, that happened. And she's like, you know, I just took it down. I was like, oh, OK. And the muse lived talking about that to you.

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But I did tell you the one thing I want to follow up, because she was at work at the time and now she's here. And so I wanted to follow up on the orgasm gap because that's the thing that kind of stresses me out, like, OK, I come each and every time and I'm like very happy about that. But sometimes I feel guilty because I'm happy to give. A lot of times they get shot down because it's like, no, it's not the right time.

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And also, two, we've bought all these kind of different vibrators and things like that. But like I said, I don't really think she takes time for the whole masturbation thing and all that. So and I mean, we have sex probably three to four times a week. And I bang out a couple of solo sessions to on top of that. So I'm all good, but I really wanted to focus more on her. So I set that up and here she is.

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I'm OK. This little A got home from work and I was like, we're calling Emily tonight because the kids are here and I want to get this out. I'm so happy.

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You know, this will be good. We can just talk here and chat to tell me your name if you want to, or you can change your name. Hi. So I'm Julie.

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Hi, Julie. Julie, let's talk. Hi. I want to hear from you. What do you what do you think is going on? Like do you how do you feel about this orgasm gap that John comes every time?

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And, you know, I mean, honestly, I to me it's kind of like, no, I think it's just like the like the norm. Like, I don't really I guess I don't really think it's anything strange because it's just how, you know, is and I've I've kind of told him, like, I love being with you and all that. And I just personally don't know how I could have an orgasm sexually. And so I can't help myself.

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When I started listening to you two years ago, I was floored that only 20 percent of women have that because I was always like, oh, shit, I wish I could give her an orgasm with sex, but I didn't know that. So that was one thing that was like so unbelievably helpful to every most males on the planet.

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Yes, I'm trying to get out there, John. I literally if I could buy a billboard here in Hollywood, I would buy billboard that says only 20 percent of women are going to orgasm with your penis.

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So that's why I keep interrupting. But I had a huge smile on my face because the cleaning lady came today and before they did the there's like four lubes on our nightstand. There's there's what's the coconut one I'm driving. Oh, one more play. Yep. And in the warming one that you recommended. We haven't tried that yet, but it's sitting on the nightstand and then there's pure and there was something else. I was like, we like a kind of lube.

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You have all my favorite lives. I've little we have matching nightstands. That's amazing, you guys. Exactly. So ok, ok, so now you have a lot of lykketoft. You guys are adorable. OK, so Julie, you know, it's kind of how I felt about me too. Not to go all political here, but I was like, oh yeah, men are going to hit on you. Be inappropriate married man. That's just what it is.

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I have to play the game and flirt with guys and and not say anything about guys being inappropriate. But now we found out, oh no, that's not OK in the workplace.

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I feel the same way about the orgasm cab because Julie, I used to think, well, you know, I'm just not going have an orgasm every time or most times. I'll never know something's wrong with me because it doesn't happen with a penis, but I'll just fake it or whatever. And then I start to realize all this information that, OK, most women aren't orgasm with a penis, but they do orgasm. The majority of women will orgasm with a mouth, with fingers, with a toy.

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Right. Yeah.

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I basically won't orgasm pretty much any other way unless I have a lot of foreplay. Like someone goes down on me and they do other things. I'm in the mood. I have enough time. And then maybe during penetrative sex I'll have an orgasm. But it's not every time. So that's why I think what might be good for you guys is some she comes first action where John is using a toy and you using his mouth. And he said that you weren't always in the mood for it or it wasn't the right time.

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Is that are you like, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I do for sure.

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Very much so. It's just that I think, you know, I think it's one of those things too, where I'm like, you know, I don't have time. Yeah. Like like I'm stressed out or whatever. Like, you know, I have to get up for work or the kids are home or those kind of things that are very common. I know. But I just feel like. No, no, you know, I don't know why, but I just.

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And if we do, I like I'm glad we did and it was, you know, a good thing. Sometimes I'll like practically beg and then I will give it all. It's had a great orgasm. I'll be like, that was the best. And she's like, I know, right? And like, I know like I like getting her to the party is a lot of the. Yes, because it's more it's not easier.

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And then sometimes I track it in my head and like, see, Jesus, I've had like 15 orgasms to her one. And Emily talking about the gap and like, I feel like I'm contributing to it.

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Yeah, well, let's let's end that right now. It sounds to me like you're talking about having some stress, Julie, which a lot of us do. I'm telling you, that's why so many of us and men, too. But I hear more from women like I don't have time to to to come down after work. And I've gotten so stressed out and there's so much more to do in the laundry. We get home, women take on more of the house, the homework as well, the household work and kids.

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So I think what might be good is a grounding exercise. John Wood, maybe, Julie, if you'd be into this, what if he gave you a massage for fifteen minutes or massage your feet and you put down your phone and he got you in the mood and used the massage oil or just.

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Yeah. You know, or took a bath. Is there a reset? Because I know the suck. If I'm with somebody and they just like rub my back for like ten minutes, I'll be like, OK, I'm in. There's a change of state and you already have the accent. I think you said you the accent, which is the warming, Lou, but they also have a warming massage oil. Yeah. I mean, I think that that's you need the change of state, right?

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You need the like. Let me get into the mindset for sex, which is what the majority of women need. We do. And we just sort of. But then they feel like you did you like once I got going that wasn't so bad. Kind of like going to the gym, right. When we you don't want to go to the gym and then we get our shoot. The hardest part is getting our shoes on and we get out the door.

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That's hard, too. But then we get there and we're like, oh, OK, not so bad. It sucks like that. But how do we get you to link up that amazing feeling afterwards with just getting started? And so I'm trying to think of some hack's here to speed it along for you. Some of those things I don't I do try.

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The one complaint I think you have to is like usually I have a boner with the massage. I'm given TMI here, but and yeah, I'm trying to slip in wherever I can because I'm just I'm so turned on well that maybe you need to give her her legs then, because women I think Julie's like me.

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Probably she's a giver pleaser. She has she's like, oh I'm not there yet. But you really want to go and you so maybe you got to take the take out of her back, you know.

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Amen. Sister, preach here. Yes. Right. Like leave your boxers and leave your underwear on while you're doing it. Just make it about Julie and then Julie will feel your tension. She'll feel the love. She'll feel the connection she'll get. She's like, you're going to be literally a massage isn't just a light. Oh, this is a nice thing to do. It really are calming. Her nerve endings were getting stimulated. Our, you know, her oxytocin, her serotonin are dope.

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All those feel good hormones are getting stimulated by the touch. That's why we all love massage so much. It releases stress. That means so we have to bring her out. We to get the stress out so you can get in. John, I had to commit to it because I thought that I wasn't able to have an orgasm either that way until I took it. It didn't happen the first time. It took me like months.

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Oh, wow. OK, it's not that where I'm at. Like, well, not in my my body, like it's just not how I'm built or something.

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If you are, I believe you can't. I believe that most women can have most kinds of orgasms if they commit to trying it and not giving up and trying the process. But I thought I couldn't because I bought a toy like years earlier that was a rabbit vibrator, like literally the rabbit that came out. And I and I used it once, didn't do anything, never went back to it because I thought it was the kind of thing where, oh, you just try it once and it works.

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Right. Like it just it should just work. Like I've just not built that way. But I realize I had to learn my own baby. I would be that way too. OK, so we're the same. There you go. We're like twins. We figure it out.

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But I'm telling you, I think it's possible. And John is a very enthusiastic partner.

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And so you could you could, you know, use some toys together. You could do mutual masturbation together. But I would I would just plan and I would be patient and I would pay attention to what you're feeling. And I think it's all possible.

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But I can't tell you for sure that you'll be able to have it during penetration. Maybe if you look clitoral vibrator on your clitoris, sometimes that helps to have the internal. But just play with it. Get curious, John.

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You got to keep your penis in your pants for a little bit and well, one other. I actually I have a question and a comment. Is that OK? Yeah. Obviously the question is I'm struggling a little with the Kevin method to she I that and she kind of is not totally into it and I feel like I'm doing it wrong.

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OK, how are you doing it? We're talking about the oral sex method that's called the Kebir method.

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So so tip. I start tomorrow with just the clitoris, and she always is like lighter, lighter, and I feel like my tongue is barely touching. That's one of the shows I like. Yeah. So, like, super sensitive. And after she has an orgasm, she's like won't allow any touching, which is fine. Although I did tell you I did the cupping of the vulva which you liked so that.

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I love the cutting of the. All right. Yes. So think about that.

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OK, I tried the whole I tried to Kevin and maybe it wasn't long enough as now after hearing you tell Emily about. Not really giving it a full go, like, you know, I think it is going to work instantly. Maybe that's it. Yeah, I do. Yeah, probably give up too easily sometimes. Yes, I do, too.

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But I think that you could just kind of stop and go to other go around and tease other play with her nipples and play with her breasts, do other things and then come back to the clitoris. But the covid method is from the side to side. So you're not going you never should with oral sex go right for the clitoris. I think it's about teasing and kissing the inner thighs and licking around the clitoris, licking around the pubic mound in all the areas around the labia, and then you get to the clitoris.

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But there's also the the Kevin method. Is it about stimulating those nerve endings from side to side, so thigh to thigh, those like you're going up at your perpendicular line between her legs, thigh to thigh, not not toes to head, so that then you're covering more nerve endings. You're going like outer labor in your labia order. You know, inner labia are back and forth that way. So you're hitting all the nerve endings.

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This makes little sense because the only other time I gave her a clear orgasm from behind, but I gave like a massage with the news loop. Yes. Rubbed all around, which I was unable to do previously. But with the lube, you were fine with it. Then I looked all over the place, then got to the clitoris, and then we were all good.

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So that is hot from behind is so hot. That is underrated. We should talk about that. More to the bass. You're reminding me of all these good things, cupping the vulva, just putting your hand on the vulva after orgasm or just starting to warm it up, then you're like warming up the whole area, but then licking from behind is so freaking hot because you're stimulating different nerve endings. You're coming at it differently and then you get to the clitoris.

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Yes. Do you really have an orgasm on your back?

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That was the first time she had one for which I was in heaven. Yeah. There you go. By the way, we were like walking. The dogs will be like. So we're outside the bedroom. Emily, what happens with it? I tell you, I'm like, okay, Jesus, that's good.

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I said, OK, yeah. My last thing, I was walking the dogs the other day and neighbor like friend, neighbor like someone who you know pretty well stopped was like, hey, how are you? I'm sorry. Are you on a conference call like, oh no. Am I can I just decide to be super honest? I was like. It's just explosive devices device, and I'm not saying with Emily. It is so good, I'm like, I don't know where you guys are.

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I know nothing about it. But this time I listen to sex with Emily.

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Oh, thank you. You guys are fabulous. I appreciate it. We should send him a T-shirt or getting your T-shirt. OK, we're going to put you guys on hold. All right. Oh, my God. You guys keep me posted.

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I love hearing from both of you. Thank you for calling.

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Really. All right. We're going to take a break. You guys be right back with more sex with Emily.

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[00:17:19]

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I'm thinking a lot about breasts lately, and I believe that the most underappreciated erogenous zones I've talked about this before growing up, you kept thinking like, oh, they're going to remember when you started fooling around people, they would first touch your breasts and then they would go down your pants, you know, all the bases. Right. But it was so there was so much focus on the breasts and people loving the breasts and all these things. But then I realized what happened is at least for me and maybe some of you, I've heard that it just kind of skip right over them and you go right to sex, right?

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That's that whole IT relationships. When you stop kissing and you go right to the sex, I think we stop playing with the breasts as well. We stop realizing that they are these incredible sources of pleasure. Now, I am talking about women right now, but I think that for many men, your nipples, your breasts can feel great, too. I don't think that it's every man, but it's kind of like straight men with their prostate that a lot of guys like, no way, no girl makes me gay.

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But now I think that men are realizing that, no, the sex act does not make you gay. And you this incredible rodgerson on your body, you might as well explore it. And I think that men are opening up to that more. I'm not sure of breast plays the same that maybe men, if they let themselves go and didn't think it was too feminine thing, that it would feel great. But I have asked a lot of my gay friends, too.

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And it is I think it's more of a case by case basis. I just don't think we can underestimate the power of it. Because, first of all, to repeat what I said earlier in the show is that. The same region of your brain lights up, activates when your clitoris and your breasts, when they're stimulated and a lot of women can have breast orgasms, you can have an orgasm through breast touch, which makes sense. You know, if you want to know the specific term, it's the genital sensory cortex, the same region of stimulation by the vagina and the clitoris is activated through nipple play.

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So it can happen to maybe you could already be aroused. You could already be having, you know, being turned on with like some playing around, some foreplay, some oral sex. And then you could start playing with the breasts. But you could also, you know, they might be more more receptive at that point because you have all the receptors firing and the breasts just like the clitoris, you know, the clitoris expands and the clitoris grows. And for women who have a clitoral hood, it can kind of when you're turned on, it retracts a little bit.

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Well, the same thing happens with your breasts. They temporarily change in size and sensitivity as you get more aroused. So it's really fun to experiment with different strokes. The first thing is just like the clitoris, you don't want to go right for the nipples really hard twisting. You should never really twist them unless your partner's into that kind of thing. But make sure that your partner is ready to receive the stimulation, because that's the key to making nipple play really hot because they are a sensitive erogenous zone.

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Another tip is to just start with a scalp massage. I should tell this to John and Julie earlier. If you play with the scalp, that can also stimulate blood flow throughout the body and then you can move down and pay attention to the neck and the shoulders, collarbone, kiss down their body. Another great thing that I'm using tonight is a massage candle. I'm obsessed with massage candles. Just so you know, they warm you light them. They're not like regular candles.

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They're made of like coconut oil or soybean oil. And then you light them for five minutes, twenty minutes, an hour, and then you blow it out and you just wait a few minutes and then you pour it on your partner's body.

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And that would feel amazing on the nipples because we're talking about heat play to your whole body becomes covered in this like beautiful oily oil, though, like it's that oily, messy, it's just massage oil and it's from the candle that was hot. It's warm, it won't burn you. And then your body's really warm. And then your partner could even lay on top of you. And it becomes it's like slippy, slighty super sexy experience. But then you could also, like, leave a bowl of ice cubes by the bed and then you could put an ice cube in your mouth and like, use that trace it over her nipples.

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The areola is a very sensitive part to and they say that the top part of the areola, which is the ring around the nipple, that is also sensitive. So, again, it's not just a one size fits all. There's not a blueprint for every for every breast. But that could work. So also, you want to take your time. You could even you know, we are talking about the vulval cupping earlier with our guy, John.

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What he meant by vulval cupping is take your hand and like the palm of your hand can start right where her, like, vaginal opening is. And then it comes up in your fingers go around like the top of RIDGY. Or you could do it the other way, too, just like a cupping and your hand just resting right there. And it really can help sort of start to stimulate nerve, ending all the nerve endings at once. And it feels really good.

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It's a very safe feeling. It's a very grounding feeling. Well, the same thing can happen with the nipples. You can just put your warm hands, like over the breasts to build anticipation and then you could like the sides of the breasts are also really sensitive, taking your fingers and brushing them over the side, using your tongue and just sort of teasing all around and the folds like underneath it, especially by wearing a bra all day that feels really good to like.

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Don't you always focus on the clitoris and the vulva? But I think the breasts, there's a lot there. I hope that this is sparking some of you like, oh yeah, my partner is breasts. Totally forgot about that. Start slow, build up. Let's talk to Fred in Texas, 60, he's got some comments on Pressplay, tell me everything, Fred. How are you tonight, Emily? Great, how are you, Fred? Thanks for calling.

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What's going on? Well, I just a couple of quick comments, one about about the breast by side, my wife is my second wife. Both my wife and her husband had passed away and we met afterwards. And so we're kind of going through a second round of learning about each other and ourselves. But anyway, she she has relatively small breasts. And I have found it somewhat difficult to get them to be sensitive and to have her focus and like like them being, you know, had attention paid to them.

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But I have found that sometimes when she does it herself and we're in the act, that it actually is more effective that the new.

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Yes, I actually would talk about that. Yeah, absolutely. I think that playing with our own breast can also be really stimulating for many women, I think. Absolutely. Yeah, that makes sense. I think that many women do that as well as the other.

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The other comment I'll make is that she has learned to in my nipples. And that's an amazing turn on that I've never experienced before. And it's me envisioning her sucking another woman's breast. But at the same time, the sensation of it and knowing that she likes to do it is it's really a big turn on for me. Oh, yeah.

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That's what I think, Fred. For many men it is, but they just never had anyone try it. Are you saying that it feels good because you're picturing her be with another woman?

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Well, there's kind of that that that particular visual impression that I get. But at the same time, having the physical sensation to go with it is is all pretty amazing.

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That sounds really fun, Fred. I love that you guys are exploring now in your second chapter, you know, second marriage and your six. I love this. Yeah. There's this is when I say there's so many erogenous zones on our body and we often don't even pay attention to him. We spend our whole lives not like with all this pleasure right. On our bodies.

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So and section 60 is better than ever was at 30. So don't give up hope.

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OK, Fred, it's super inspiring. Thank you, Fred. I love it. Thanks for those comments. Really helpful because it just gets better. I think that everything that we pay attention to, that we spend time on, that we care about that we want to get good at takes a little bit of time, takes us prioritizing, takes us focusing. But that's how it happens. That's how it happens better at 60, whose sex life is getting better and better, I want that for all of you.

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I want that for everyone. I mean, I know from my sex life gets better every single year since I've been in this career. Not before that I was like a lot of you.

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I thought that I couldn't have orgasms in certain ways and that I was never going to be turned on. I was never going to like sex again. But I've learned that it's a practice just like everything that we care about, that we prioritize. It's a sex is not a destination. It is a journey. We are all on a path. I welcome you to join us on the sexiest sex path here on sex. Emily, maybe try that tonight.

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Like, just see how it goes. Go slow. Maybe your partner hasn't felt it before, but you want to just kind of check in and see how it feels because what if you're like on your deathbed and someone like goes by for a second to, like, touch your nipple and you're like, oh my God, that was amazing. I had no idea it felt so good to get my nipples touch. No. To die. I don't want that to happen to you.

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I don't want you to be on your deathbed and have a nipple orgasm.

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Have it now. Try this one, tracing a swirl from the outside and trace the tip of your finger from the outside edges of the breast and slowly circle your way to the center. And then when you're doing this and you could do things, you could do this on your own when you're masturbating, just like Fred said, his wife, his partner gets off on that, too. I know that. That's for me, too. When I touch my eyebrows, when I'm already, like, turned on, that feels really good.

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So either you or your partner can do this and you take your finger and you just move from circles from the outside of the breast to the inside. You could have some lube on your finger. You could wet your finger. And then when you're doing that, slow down and just pay attention to the moment, like, what are you feeling, what's the texture, what's the control, what's the sensations that you're feeling as you're moving your finger in towards the nipple?

[00:28:39]

022 New York City says she started seeing someone new, we're running some sexual difficulties, he hasn't been able to maintain erection. We tried a number of times. He loses direction as soon as it looks like things are heading toward sex. He also won't attempt any other sexual acts, won't touch my breasts or but without his hands being moved to those areas, I want to initiate sexual activities and sex with me. I've expressed my interest in having been more sexually aggressive.

[00:29:05]

I wonder if he's interested in me or in sex. He assured me that that's not the case. He's been sexually active before, says he. He actually has a high sex drive, but I think he's in his head now. Any suggestions? Are we just sexually incompatible? He also indicated a desire to get into a relationship, but I don't feel comfortable doing so without seeing whether we're sexually compatible. Any suggestions on having the talk without putting more pressure on the performance?

[00:29:29]

It's a great question. So this is something I wish I could go off on this forever. But she's 22. I'm going to assume her partner is about in his 20s, that men are losing erections now more frequently at a younger age than ever heard from people before. Now, a lot of times it's because of anxiety, a repeated pattern of losing an erection. So then you're like, oh, I'm going to lose an erection. And usually it's because you're really in your head.

[00:29:58]

And for some men, there's a lot of different reasons why this could happen. It could be happening because he's watching a lot of porn. You know, maybe when there's not the stimulation of porn, I mean, think about it. When you're twenty two, you essentially grew up with porn. You grew up with it on your phone, you and iPad when you were you grew up with it. And so that's how you picture sex. So so porn is always the precursor to sex, right?

[00:30:21]

Every time you masturbate, you watch porn, watch porn, much masturbate, and then you're in a real life and you're having sex with a real human. And it might just feel like your body isn't isn't ready. It isn't prepared for it. It's sort of off because you're not having that porn precursor. That's one theory I would recommend that you just talked about is porn watching and if that's part of it, or there could be some pressure, some anxiety around it, maybe it's happened before.

[00:30:45]

He might be on medications that could cause that if he's drinking a lot, that could also cause it. There's also studies that have shown lately that this generation of people, like in the younger, in their 20s and teens are maybe born with less testosterone, could be a hormone issue where they're saying it's because of our foods and and certain things.

[00:31:06]

This is the newer theory. But it could be that because I'm hearing it more and more often in ways that don't actually used, it didn't make sense, but it could be porn. It could be anxiety medications. So I think that that's what's happening is that Sarah, he's getting anxious because he's losing his erection. So he can't think of anything else. He can't think about your breast. He can't think about going down on you. But I think we need to let him know that it's OK, because what I've also found is that once you give men something to do and you take the pressure off their penis and you're like, hello, have you met my clitoris?

[00:31:37]

Have you seen my nipples? This is what I like. Then they're focused on another project, another thing, and sometimes they're erections magically come back because they're focused on your pleasure. They're they're engaged in that task and they they want to please you. I you know, I believe that most of our partners want to please us.

[00:31:55]

And so I would just tell them, like, well, this is what I really like.

[00:31:58]

I think you got to talk to them. So I don't know if you had the conversation outside the bedroom where you say, you know what, let's talk about our sex life. I understand sometimes you lose direction. That's totally you know, I don't think we should trip on it comes back eventually because it does usually come back. But you could say, here's what I love and I know I've mentioned this to you before, but sometimes I think maybe you don't know what I like.

[00:32:20]

So let me show you what I like. Like show him how you like to be touched. Show him what kind of touch feels good. Your nipples showing what feels good in your body. I think a lot. And remember, you're in your early 20s. I'm going to assume that neither one of you have a lot of sexual experience. Yet with sexually healthy relationships, you might have had a lot of sex, but doesn't mean they were healthy and communicative.

[00:32:40]

So I agree. Do not commit to anybody until you find out if you're sexually compatible. But the only way you're going to find that out is if you talk about it and you experiment and see if he's receptive to it and that if he's not, he's like, I don't want to work on it. I don't want to talk about it. Well, then you have your answer. All right, sir. All right. We're going to a quick break and then we're going to come back and get into our call.

[00:33:00]

I really want Dr. Billy. That is a very interesting call. We'll be back.

[00:33:08]

I'm going to draw back the curtain for a second on what it's like to be famous first.

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[00:34:27]

I cannot wait to talk to Billy.

[00:34:30]

Hi Billy. Thanks for calling. Hi, Emily. Hi. I, I've been thinking this would be happening. Tell me everything. So I'm 42, single, and I've been working as a massage therapist and I work in hotels and resorts for many, many years, and there's definitely been issues maybe because of the different type of location that I'm in. But during covid, I used to do this. Most of them have closed down or don't have services to do with my own services, just posting in different areas to kind of build up my business.

[00:35:07]

And lately I've been having more women who want me to bring them to orgasm. And it's now I've done to penetration. I think of myself, I'm fully clothed. And at first I kind of took me by surprise, shocked by it. But after a while, you kind of I mean, it's kind of like very well of the power of doing it. And it's just kind of odd at this point just what your thoughts were. Wow. So, Billy, you're actually doing it.

[00:35:38]

So I have a question. So you're going into their homes and you're beginning to orgasm by rubbing their clitoris?

[00:35:43]

Is that they all had its own. I had nothing else. I mean, I said fully in my ego what I wear, which is, you know, just a shirt and a white, you know, some kind of pants or something. But, yeah, I mean, it's I think where I'm doing anything more than using my hands. But it's funny how you kind of tell when they want it to be done. And I think some of it has been.

[00:36:09]

You know, it's you of pick up the sentences, you kind of just but but it's enjoyable, right? Being able to do that for other people. But I'm just concerned that it just becomes, you know, not really my industry. I know it's really not.

[00:36:27]

I mean, we always hear men do this all the time and and now women and so. So and you're actually doing it. So is it is it repeat people or is it just you're just finding that women are not all the time, obviously.

[00:36:40]

But as I have got a little bit of a repeat business, then other people call me say that, that with, you know, a certain person and I come over, wow, it's funny. They all have the same same kind of like the way they get to tell. They want you to touch them. And you try to hold back and then it's just, I think, really just a feeling of doing it, and I know if you call it power, it doesn't work and there doesn't because they're enjoying it is pretty cool.

[00:37:11]

Yeah, no, it is pretty cool. So you sound like how long does it take for the average woman to have an orgasm with your pants?

[00:37:18]

You know, it's it's it's a four hour massage. And generally most of them are about halfway through the belly. And when you're working the body and the size, you could tell that just the way they try to move that they want to do more. OK, you have recently they just finished a massage. As you know, there was no relaxation.

[00:37:41]

But do you think you're doing anything?

[00:37:42]

Maybe that's a little bit more leaning in towards their, you know, their clitoris, their inner thighs, because now.

[00:37:51]

OK, Ramone called in a caller and he has a message saying that he's a criminal defense attorney. And he says to make sure that you have consent written and verbal from your clients.

[00:38:01]

That's actually a great idea. Yes, I would do that, Billy, because it could get you just don't know. It could get messy. And I just want you to lose your massage license and it is still illegal in this country. But I get it. Oh, it says here someone said that speed to a through 233 past January 21st, 2020, solicitation and other sex work related offenses are still illegal in the state of California, maybe punishable by up to six months in jail and a thousand dollar fine.

[00:38:29]

So you don't know these women. You don't know what they might someone might fall in love with you. They might start texting, you know what I mean? Like, it could get messy, especially because they're telling all of their friends now the way to go around that.

[00:38:41]

If you want to go to if you want to go to school for it, you could become a sex illogical body worker, which is what some of my friends do here. And that's where you can actually work with people, women and help them with arousal and help them with orgasm. You know, they wear gloves and it's a whole process. I thought this has been happening and I even had friends a few years ago, say to me at a few married friends saying why, where women get happy endings all the time and where can women go?

[00:39:08]

And I honestly think that it's a good service to do. I think that. But it's it's. Yeah, I think you got to cover your ass here. And is there anyone that you're attracted to with most of the people who want it? I don't think there's anything more, quite honestly. And it's just just the desire. You know, maybe it's just the personal, really. No. And it's over and it's gone. There's nothing any more than my head.

[00:39:35]

Yeah, it's really. I mean, I know, but that's pretty good. And no lube. And you're just like rubbing them, do they. All once.

[00:39:40]

I'm just curious about, you know, there's always two sides. So for it I've always it. Yeah, right.

[00:39:48]

Is there does it ever take a while or to take this quick. How long. I'm just curious how long it takes and external.

[00:39:54]

Most of the time. Yeah. It's always, most of the time it's fairly quick OK. Because it's part of our life if you will. The foreplay I guess we'll call it. Yeah they are. And the case of getting closer to the uh to that build up of arousal and then the actual it takes don't want to be honest about people. Yeah.

[00:40:21]

That's what we're talking about. When there's a delay or when there's a for like a build up or there's tension because it's something you shouldn't do, which is why yeah. The anticipation is what's really hot.

[00:40:31]

But some questions are first off, do you like it? First off, an angry partner like a woman could tell her partner, like, oh, this Mitsuse did something and then he could come after you. Right. Like they could ruin your try to ruin your life for your business. Yeah.

[00:40:45]

And also some other questions here for my team are like, do you get more money or better business from doing it? Like, is it growing your business and are you getting good tips?

[00:40:52]

You know, business as much as I would say, but you do get extra dollars for doing it. And I don't think in this season, I think it's more the fact that I I don't really feel like I'm helping somebody like you are. They need that. And it's helping them achieve that without breaking certain barriers of actual so to speak.

[00:41:14]

Yeah, no, I mean, it's it really it really is a service that I wish that we could legalize it. Sex work with sex work here. So, so we could just have some you know, it's clearly isn't Neill's oldest profession in the world. Right. And it sounds like you right now, you're having pretty good boundaries, although I would kind of tighten the step up by getting consent, especially if it's someone who's hitting you up. They said, oh, Jane sent me, then you know what that means.

[00:41:35]

Now it's a code word for happy ending. And so, you know, but it also makes sense during covid that women are kind of like, I'm don't I need this. I need to I need a release. I need human contact.

[00:41:48]

And it just I wish that we had. Yeah, they do. They miss intimacy. You know, really. It's just funny because I've gotten so many massage in my lifetime, a lot different countries and I've. Never had anybody do that, I've never had anybody suggestively do anything that felt inappropriate. I know that many women have. I just haven't. So it's like there must be something that, you know, you are suggestively doing that's encouraging it, because I would never come on to.

[00:42:14]

I mean, actually, I did hook up with a therapist once, but I ran into him that night and I was like, that was a great massage. And then we had sex. So but I wasn't on the table. He wasn't touching me in any way I wished he would have. At the time, I was like always, oh, what a good massage.

[00:42:28]

So I think it's about boundaries. And I get that. It's also really powerful, too. And I understand that. I'm wondering if there are other ways you could explore this. You know, you do a partner now, are you with anybody? No, no, no, no, no. OK. I mean, it sounds like I should kind of pull back from this because I feel that there's no way that I want to get in trouble for it.

[00:42:51]

You really don't.

[00:42:51]

I mean, that's the thing. I just don't mean, you know, you never you see, someone seems like a nice person and they tell their partner, I wish you were as good as the massage. I wish you were as good as Billy, my massage therapist, and then you know what I'm saying. And then there goes your career. I don't think it's worth it if you really like being a massage therapist, but I think almost any would be better for you if there was more kind of consent around it and you set it up in a way that people were consenting and you had him sign something.

[00:43:15]

I mean, I would do some research because I'm sure this exists. But the way you're going now, you have a good streak. And I just think, you know, if you do it legally in a way where it's a consensual relationship, you you know, you might have a booming business right now. Yeah.

[00:43:31]

Yeah. It's nothing I would ever do back in a hotel because will be there. But right before I fell into it, doing it on my own in people's homes. Yeah.

[00:43:39]

No, that makes that totally makes sense. I, I heard women asking for this in the last few years, more so but definitely during covid it's a thing so.

[00:43:49]

Well thanks for sharing that Billy. I would just try to do some research and of course. Thank you, Billy. Appreciate it.

[00:43:55]

Remember dating a boyfriend once in like my 20s and I used to go see this massage therapist once a week. And I remember finding I don't remember how he told me, but he was getting a happy ending from her every week.

[00:44:05]

And I was he kept his list of all the women he slept with next to his nights, next to his table. And I was grabbing to get a piece of paper one day that he'd gone to work and I opened up. But it was literally everyone he slept with. And then we'd been dating for two years. So my name was not the last name on the list. It was like your massage therapist, Stacy.

[00:44:24]

I'm your boss, Trixie, like all these names of people that he had met since we were dating.

[00:44:31]

Yeah, I'd love to hear your stories about this. I mean, there is something called sex, the logical body work, and that makes it legal to have one way touch with a person.

[00:44:40]

You need to do some training around it. But. All right, I got to go. But don't worry, I'll be back soon with more sex with Emily. And thanks for listening to sex with Emily. Be sure to, like, subscribe and give us a review and tell all your friends, your partners, your lovers about the show. If it's helped you, I promise it'll help them to rerelease shows on Tuesdays and Fridays and look out for a bonus episode every now and then.

[00:45:06]

You can also find me on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. It's all sex with Emily. Oh, and I give a really good newsletter, sign up at Sex with Emily Dotcom. If you'd like to ask me about your sex life dating life relationships, message me on Instagram or call into my Sirius XM show Monday through Friday, five to seven p.m. Pacific, eight to 10 Eastern. And you can just call me there. Save this number, triple eight ninety four stars or triple eight nine four seven eight two seven seven.

[00:45:38]

And get a free 30 day trial at sex with Emily that Congress. What's good for you, Emami feedback at sex with Emily Dotcom. You know what, I'm ready for a spa day. Sadly, that's not going to happen just yet, but instead I give my everyday routine to make it extra special. Specifically, I give myself permission to slow down and enjoy a pampering ritual. And I encourage you to do the same. Makes a huge difference.

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