Let me tell you a story about a vibrator. It is called the Magic Wand. You probably heard of it. It's been around for over 50 years. I love this toy. Now, you know, I get so many toys in the mail. And when I first got it, oh, gosh, probably 15 years ago, the magic wand used to only plug into the wall. They still make that version. It's great. Well, I had a nightstand and I didn't want to keep unplugging it and plugging it.

So I drilled a hole in the back of my nightstand. So the magic wand vibrator was always ready to go. Well, you don't have to do that anymore. There are three great magic wands. Choose from you can buy the original, which is awesome. Hey, tried and true. You could also get the rechargeable which just cut the cord or get the plus, which is a multispeed plug in. All three once deliver the same pleasure, the same power.

It's a great toy to use with yourself, with a partner to give a massage to a partner. It feels amazing on so many of your erogenous zones. So if you want to check out the magic wand, I highly recommend it. Go to sex with Emily Dotcom magic wand.

Mutual masturbation is such a sexy thing.

It's really hot because watching your partner masturbate, it's sexy as hell if you haven't done that. But also it's educational because you actually get to see how they touch themselves and what turns them on specifically. Look into his eyes, they're the eyes of a man obsessed by six eyes that mock our sacred institutions, bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone. You're listening to sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily, and I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate the conversation around sex.

You all know how I feel about the magic of self-love, well, masterbation has many health benefits, but you're going to hear about in this episode, plus it's a gateway to some serious pleasure and an excellent opportunity to understand your body. That said, there are so many ways to increase your pleasure and explore new ways to play with yourself. So today I break down your questions about self pleasure, including how to do it when you never have what sex toys to use, what to do if you find yourself becoming reliant on a toy.

We also get into the relationship between shame and fantasy and talk about how often to masturbate while in a relationship. And it's probably more than you think intention's dumbly for each episode. Join me in setting intention right now. What do you want to get out of this show? It could be. I want to prove myself loving Rejean. I'm tired of hitting and quitting at the same way. My intention is to help you feel comfortable with your own self love routine and figure out new ways you can give yourself the gift of pleasure.

Oh, also with some great masturbation articles. Try this one out on our Web site. The best masturbation techniques to try to night or check out our articles about mutual masturbation at sex with Emily Dotcom. All right. Enjoy the show, everyone.

Let's talk about masturbation for a minute. Just because masturbation is something that I encourage. I know that a lot of you either are bored with your masturbation routine. You still have some challenges around it. You know, maybe you grew up in an environment where it wasn't accepted or maybe you don't love that your partner masturbates, but you don't masturbate, which is when I think you need to masturbate. But let me just remind you some of the basics here before I go in and answer your questions.

There are health benefits to masturbating. It releases sexual tension. It reduces your stress, can help you sleep better. It improves your self-esteem and your body image. I mean, once you learn how to give yourself an orgasm and what feels good, you look in a mirror, all the things you're going to realize, like my body's pretty amazing. It also relieves menstrual cramps and tension. It can help strengthen your muscle tone in your pelvic and anal areas to natural pain relief when you have an orgasm.

So a lot of you say the why should I masturbate if I have a partner? Well, again, that's why those health benefits and it's a way to stay connected with yourself. It literally is the ultimate definition of self-love. It's a very intimate experience with ourselves. We discover more things about ourselves. We can play, we can make it fun. We can spice it up. And just remember this. Just because your partner masturbates in there with you does not mean that they are not into you and they don't love you or they want something different, just means they need a release and it's part of connecting with themselves.

Also in this episode, I mentioned the G spot a few times, and I just want to clarify that I believe it's more of a G area. I think the name G spot has got a lot of Volvo owners worried that they're they don't have the spot. It's a different place. I believe it's more of an internal clitoral nerves because your clitoris has nerves inside it. Also, it was named after a guy named Rothenburg, and we know that he didn't have a vulva.

So it's an area have fun looking for other ways to orgasm rather than focusing on a spot. Here's our thing I asked on Instagram. I was like, how did you learn to masturbate? We put this in our stories, which is sex with Emily and you practice porn, experimenting, trial and error accidentally. I was in middle school and I started feeling around for what felt good. Someone else said I just started touching myself things the Miss America pageant and mesh shorts through reading Dirty Fanfiction when I was fourteen, apparently your podcast, I was a masturbation virgin.

How that happens. You really doing a podcast for fifteen years at. Some of you grew up listening to this podcast, which is amazing.

The Internet self-taught. The movie American Pie. My mom gave you a book about puberty accidentally in the shower when water pressure gave me an erection. I've heard that a lot. A lot of accidental, incredible feelings with a showerhead. I found a vibrating pen when I was 14 and used that. Here's another common one. I just started humping pillows. A lot of you answer that you were humping mattresses and stuffed animals. Someone else said bloodies makes sense.

You're tensing your pelvic floor the whole time. I ordered a book with my parents back and it taught me how love it usually gets in my hot tub watching Black Swan and someone else said, my therapist at thirty years old, I love when you talk to your therapist about sex, why don't you. All right, let's get into your email questions. This is from Joe Female 52 in Chino Hills, California. I've been listening to you for over a year now, and because of you, I've been thinking more about my needs.

I've been married for thirty one years, but with my husband for thirty seven years. We are parents to three adult children now. We have a good sex life. I. I love him so much, I enjoy pleasing him and giving him blowjobs every day, even twice, if I'm lucky. Wow, he's also very generous with pleasing me. He's gone a lot because of work. So I'm alone a lot. I want to try masturbating, which I've never done.

And I don't know how I don't know where to start. Do I tell my husband I feel a little embarrassed about doing that. You always talk about it and it makes me feel like I'm missing something awesome. Any advice for me? Thanks. Can't wait to hear from you. Well, welcome to masterbation, Joe. Yeah, no time like the present. First off, good news that you also have years of experience with your husband. You've had lots of great sex.

And I'm glad you said that he pleases you. So I'm assuming you already have orgasms and pleasure. And so you do know what feels good to you in relation to your husband's body. But now it's time to get out on your own. So I do have a little recipe here for you to get started. I always recommend taking a bath or a shower and something to just kind of change your state so you're not going for work or wherever, whatever you're doing these days and stressed out.

But get into your body. It's really hard to get started with masturbation just going like now I touch myself, get into a bath. I would try these Fauria bath salts.

I can't stop telling everyone about them because it has Ipsen and Himalayan salt, Kova Cachao hemp and it really gets your body relaxed and in the mood. Bojo, get yourself in the mindset where you're just going to start being present with your body, start to feel the warm water on your skin and scrub and just get into a different state to set the mood as if you're going on a date. But it's with yourself. So what are all the things you would do before a night of sex?

And I want you to give all of that to yourself. Then you can go into your bedroom or wherever you feel comfortable, turn off your phone. And when I want you understand that this is more about curiosity without the goal of orgasm, it's more about what does it feel like to move your hands on your body, something you've never done before. I recommend taking a mirror and taking a look and actually seeing how you how you look and look, checking out your vulva and how you get aroused.

You know how I feel about lube and just experiment with touch and sensations. You could also use a vibrator, but if you've never done it, I recommend just letting your hands figure out what feels good. I mean, you could probably also channel being with your husband and you probably know different body parts that feel good when stimulated. Right. We have this muscle memory. But my main thing for you is just to give yourself twenty minutes. Just see how it feels to touch your whole body, your breasts.

You can start with your labia moving your fingers up and down and around in circles. So there's a light tapping or moving in circular motion like the pads of your fingers just start to breathe. To breath is really important. Focus on how does it feel to be touched by your own hands? What is the sensation you find yourself again still to in your head? I would just breathe deep, move your fingers around. Is it a light tapping, circular motions?

Is there something else that feels good? And I think you should absolutely tell your husband. I think after thirty seven years you guys have a close relationship. But he would probably, since he's so invested in your pleasure, he'd probably be really excited that you're taking matters into your own hands. It's truly the greatest act of self-love. OK, this is from K Thirty in California. Dear Dr. Emily, I've never orgasm with a vibrator before and that's about to change.

But I have no idea where to begin. What should I consider when deciding which vibrator to buy? Is there something that can do clitoris and jeez but I need help. God, I love a sex toy question.

Welcome to the wonderful world of sex toys. K Yes there is is the internal sports and the clitoris. And that would be a rabbit style vibe, which is a dual stimulation vibe. You've never had a vibrator before though. So I think that you should get to vibrators because I always recommend that we start with a clitoral vibe. Starter toys that I always recommend is the touch and I love the tango. I love the Zhu Mimi. But let me tell you why I love the touch.

For example, it covers a lot of surface area so. Well, the tango is a great bullett vibe, probably the one of the most powerful bullet vibrators, which is a style of vibe. The touch covers your labia and not just your clitoris, but you kind of lay it over your entire vulva and then have the tip of it touching your clitoris. And it just it's a wonderful vibrator, touches all the spots literally to touch. So for Internal, though, you get the rave by Reavie, which is an internal vibe, which also I call it the G spot.

But if you want to get a dual SIM like a rabbit, then I would recommend there Nova to. Actually I'm remembering this right now. Now that we're talking my first vibrator would I went to Good Vibrations. Twenty five years ago I bought a book called How to Find Your G Spot and I bought the original rabbit vibrator like the one with the bad. She's the one that was on Sex and the City, and I realize I never used it because I just thought you might as well go for the G spot because I thought it was superior and I thought it was a whole thing.

What I know now is that it really helps to have clitoral orgasms first. And when you're aroused literally like your vulva and everything, it swells and allows you to have an internal orgasm or Gispert orgasm much easier once you're already aroused. So that's why I recommend also get some lube. As long as you're getting some toys, I would recommend a water based lube like Pure because water based lube is best for silicone toys. You can't go wrong with one of these.

We Vibs. All right. So this is from Corra. Twenty six. Hi, Dr. Emily. My question is regarding vibrators and sex. I've climaxed without a vibrator before with just sex and clitoral stimulation. However, I was single for many years and he's my vibrator a lot throughout my time being single. I have a boyfriend now, but from use of my vibrator, I don't seem to be able to go back to climaxing without one. Is there any way I can reprogram myself to climax without a vibrator now?

I love the vibrator. Don't mind using it. I just feel more connected with someone when I don't use it. So here's a think we have like a muscle memory. So it is likely true right now that that is how your body is remembering to orgasm. You know, they say if you're if you're exercising a lot like let's say you were lifting weights and you're doing the same routine every day, eventually our muscles will stagnate. You're going to mix up your routine and, you know, cross train and all that.

So that's exactly what's happening with your vibrator. Your body's used to it. You have your thing with your vibe. You know exactly what you're doing. You're hitting it so much like having to stimulate different muscles group to stay in shape. You have to do this as well with your masturbation routine. So my recommendation is to start masturbating without a vibrator and start to get used to what it feels like with your hands again, because your muscles also remember that they're just more used to the recent vibrator.

I know for a fact that if you actually give yourself permission, you take some time and you say, I might not orgasm this time, or maybe I will bring in my vibrator for ten minutes or I won't spend fifteen minutes exploring again. I'm going to use some lube. I'm going to look in the mirror and have sex. I am going to feel my body. I'm going to, you know, try something new with my partner or maybe my mind is engaged with him like.

So maybe we're doing some dirty talk or some role playing. So you're really feeling connected to your partner and you're not so focused on your own orgasm, you might find that it just comes back. So I recommend a little bit of practicing on your own and trying something new with your partner, because in our mind, some time is in your head and you tell yourself you can have the orgasm. Sometimes that's actually what stops us from having it. You're not broken here and I know you'll get it back.

Laura, this happens.

The good news about this is now you get to learn other ways. You get to relearn your body or maybe learn something new with this new partner, which I always think is exciting. OK, this is from Drew. Twenty eight in Boise, Idaho. Hi, Dr. Emily. I just wondering if there's any other methods of masturbation for men outside of my hand. My wife would prefer me to not get a flashlight or pocket pussy.

All right, Drew, for a lot of men, it does feel good. If you're going to mix up your masturbation, you're not going to use your hand. What? You're going to need something else to stroke your penis. And so maybe your wife doesn't like the idea of the fleshlight, which are often modeled after a vulva, like they're actually someone's real vagina and vulva. But I like the arc wave. The ARC Wave is a brand new product for penises that it's a stroker, as they call it, and you put your penis inside of it and it starts to vibrate.

It actually uses the same kind of suction that you hear we talk about with the womanizer and it stimulates the frenulum and you put some lube in it and it can feel amazing. So I would play with that brand new on the market. You could also get a penis ring like the weave I bourges another one. So the thing about the verge is great is that it actually also stimulates your perineum, which is that sensitive area that's like indirect stimulation to your your prostate.

So the verge is a really cool toy to play with. It just sort of test out the vibrations and you can use it to stimulate yourself and you could also easily use it with your wife. I mean, here's a thing. If you have a penis and you've never tried vibrations or different kinds of lubes, maybe a warming or cooling lube, I say it's time to try. There's so many nerve endings on your penis and we're all so ready to go with doing the same thing over and over again.

I love Drew that you want to try something new. Also recommend switching up your position. If you always use your left hand, use your right hand. If you should do it sitting down, you could try standing up again, try some different loops and different sensations to play with. You could also try some Manel, play yourself, get a butt plug or get something by a narrows, which is actually made for the prostate. It's actually healthy to stimulate a prostate if you have one.

Edging is also a way to mix up your masturbation routine, whether you have a penis. Or a vulva, but it's it's the process of stimulating yourself until you get close to orgasm and then you bring it back down again so you escalate until you're about to orgasm and then you bring it back down. And this is the process of not allowing yourself just to orgasm, but to sort of stay in that area of arousal and stimulation. And the more heightened that becomes, the more times you go up and down with the arousal without orgasming.

When you do orgasm, it can feel a lot more intense, a lot stronger. We have a downloadable guide about aging and you could go to our Web site and check it out at Sex with Emily Dotcom. OK, this is from Lydia, 23, in Nebraska. Hi, Dr. Emily. My name is Lydia. Twenty three. I'm a new masturbator and orgasm experiencer. It's a new term I've coined. My boyfriend is twenty four and I began experimenting with toys two months ago.

We just got a bullet clitoral vibrator and used it in the bedroom together on a vacation. I've never finished full penetration, but I think I faked it a few times. I've taken to using the toy of my own and I've masturbated for the first time ever. I'm doing it every day, but I've read stories. Masturbating too often can negatively impact your sex life with your partner. Any advice? On balance, I'm his first girlfriend and he doesn't have a lot of coverage in the bedroom and doesn't particularly enjoy giving oral, so I hesitate to advise him to help me finish.

All right, Lydia, here's the thing. I love that you're exploring that you got yourself a vibrator and you're playing with it, masturbating too often. Listen, it only becomes a problem when it's a problem. Can you no longer get turned on by your partner? Can you no longer do anything without your vibrator? Are you missing work because all you're doing is staying home and masturbating like that's when it becomes a problem. But I wouldn't worry about the negative impact.

But what I do like here is that what you said is your boyfriend doesn't have a lot of experience. He's in his twenties, you're in your twenties. I think you could give him the greatest gift ever if you say I've been doing a lot of experimenting lately and I in no way want this to come across like I think I know more than you or better than you. I've just been exploring my body. I want to show you this really cool thing that I've learned it.

Let me show you this toy and maybe he could use it on you. But remember, the only reason why, you know, he doesn't a lot of experience, which I find with a lot of people in their twenties, because you just haven't even if you've had sex with a lot of people, doesn't mean you have experience with a partner that is in a healthy place. You're giving and exchanging ideas and information and listening and helping each other. You just said to me, Lydia, that you that you don't want to rock the boat with him, but you'd be doing him a huge favor, huge service to tell him about pleasure and let him see you have an orgasm.

So he knows that it's possible.

So I would recommend that. But also, mutual masturbation is such a sexy thing. I always recommend to couples where you're both masturbating, so you're both doing your thing. It's really hot because watching your partner masturbate is sexy and senior partner. It's always a passion. It's sexy as hell if you haven't done that. But also it's educational because you actually get to see how they touch themselves and what turns them on specifically. Does he put his hand on his balls?

Does he grab the shaft? What does he do? What kind of pressure? And then you could learn when you're going down your partner and then he can learn what you like. So Aurel will become more comfortable to him. But the reason why a lot of guys don't like oral is because they don't really know what they're doing, because they have been with a partner who either enjoyed receiving it or actually knew how to articulate what they want. So if you can make this like a shared experience, Lydia, with your boyfriend, it's like, hey, I'm excited to be exploring together and learning new things.

Let's start with learning about my body together. That's what I recommend.

This is from Rebecca, 23, in Oregon. Hey, Dr. Emily, my name is Rebecca and I'm a new listener to your podcast. After pursuing some articles on your frequently asked questions page, I have a question I want to know more about. How can I overcome the roadblock of shame in masturbating? I grew up in a conservative Christian and in a single parent household where sex, masturbation and men were either not talked about or demonized. Masturbation was seen as a sin, laundry was gross, and sex, as described by my mom, is a way for women to be men's toilets as a result.

I've never solo masturbated. I'm currently married to an amazing, supportive and sex positive man with whom I've done lots of sex. Learning and unlearning with my sex drive has been very low since we got married because of major anxiety, busy schedules. My husband's encouraged me to try masturbating to increased sex drive and has bought me every kind of vibrator under the sun. I have self pleasure during sex a few times with my husband, but I still cannot get myself to do it solo.

I do believe masturbation is healthy and need it, but I can't get myself to do it. It's like there's a huge wall that I just cannot overcome no matter what. I definitely want to increase my sex drive. I think masturbation might be what's needed. Any advice? Oh, Rebecca, thank you so much for your question. First off, I'm going to help you here, but I think this is so relatable and so many people grew up in homes where sex was demonized and they were told it was wrong.

And then they go out and talking about healthy sex life. And it's really hard to get rid of all the messaging that you heard as a as a young child. And it becomes so part of who you are.

And it's hard to separate it also just be kind to yourself and know that this is going to be a journey here. But what I love is that your husband is also encouraging you to explore. So that probably also helps you realize it's not wrong. So we've got a battle here of your mind in your body. So what I would love for you here is to just start to you seem like you're really good writer. I would kind of write about some of your earlier messages to sex and see, do they still serve me?

Do I still believe them? Where did that message come from? But it sounds like you know this, but if you could really sort of write it down and realize, does that still serve me? Is that true? Getting rid of those messages around it and realizing that it really is not what you choose to believe. It sounds like you're there. And it sounds like it's been fairly recent that you are learning that you deserve pleasure. So for let's say for twenty one years, I don't know when you got married, but let's say you're twenty three.

So I'm going to do maybe you were twenty one and maybe for twenty one years you've been hearing that sex is wrong and gross your men's toilets. It makes sense that you're not going to be able to switch on a dime to all of a sudden be in your body and be sexual, be masturbating. You have to undo a lot of that stuff, a lot of that messaging, which I'm glad that you realize is no longer serving you. And so I would replace some of that with some more education that helps a lot.

I love that you're listening to the podcast. That's a huge, huge help for so many people. And the more that you fill your brain and fill your mind with sex, positive information more than your husband telling you it's OK. Got a lot of great blogs on the site. Find some other sex positive books and more content that makes you feel more like yourself. So there's just layers of unlearning. I also recommend that you talk openly to friends that are outside of your, you know, not your family.

It sounds like you've talked to your mom and your husband, but I'll bet if you start talking to your girlfriends, they can tell you about maybe some ways that they've masturbate or maybe they've overcome the shame. But the more we start to normalize sex, which is what my mission is, is to get everybody to talk about sex and to make it less taboo and less shameful. It can start with you getting in the practice of not just masturbating, but the practice of truly being a sex positive woman who respects your own needs and desires in your own pleasure.

And I think the more that you start to make sex information available to you and a part of your life, the old messaging will start to slip away and you'll really be able to step into the rebeccah that you are meant to be as a fully empowered, sexy, incredible woman. Stick around.

After the break, I talked to a woman who's wondering why she fantasized about her neighbors while she masturbates. Do you ever meet someone who hasn't tried your favorite food or watch your favorite TV show and then you get them to try it and their mind is blown? That happens to me all the time. But with lube, specifically lube during oral sex. It's one of my favorite tips. And I'm always amazed when I find someone who hasn't tried it either.

They don't think it's needed or they're afraid of lube tasting bad. Well, thank goodness they're wrong. I mean, not only does Lubic receiving oral sex feel incredible, but now it also tastes amazing. There's a brand new line of flavored leaves from our good friends at Joe. It's called Muse. And it's going to be that mind blowing thing that will change your sex life for ever. And if you haven't heard, my other favorite tip for giving oral is to be enthusiastic.

Well, guess what? When your partner tastes like salted caramel, believe me, that enthusiasm gets real. News comes in three great flavors, mint chocolate, creme brulee and yes, salted caramel. Each one is one hundred percent edible, 100 percent sugar and perren free and 100 percent game changer. Oh, and they come in bottles with pump tops. It's like my dream come true. You got to try Mehos. We're all obsessed with it. Over here to get some for yourself, go to sex with Emily dot com slash muse.

That's my site. Sex with Emily Dotcom Ammu S.E. OK, we have a woman, 55, a California high female caller. You can be anonymous. What would your name be if you if you had your alter ego?

I would say escalator's at the latest with God. Yes, God is. You are you are acolytes to me. Tell me every stone acolyte I'm calling tonight because I'm 55 and I just have these young neighbors and that young couple just moved next door to be probably about a year ago. And I find myself masturbating in the bathroom, in the shower when I know that their home. Is that weird?

Well, what do you mean? So you masturbate in the shower and they're home and they could hear you like hear you masturbating or you're.

So here's the thing. So I you know, I spent a lot of time in the bathroom, just naturally. I like to bathe. I like to shower. I do candles, the whole thing. Right. But they moved next door. I find myself spending a lot more time there with music and candles. And I'm that's super, super loud. But I notice I always kind of check to see if the car is there and then, you know.

Well, yeah, I don't think I need to do that. I think it's what we were saying out loud.

I, I think that's really like so no, I love that you're calling it because we all have rich fantasy lives that if we don't we got to get some because this is it. So are you thinking about them or maybe you're thinking about them hearing you or you thinking about like are you in the bathtub.

I'm in I'm in the bathtub most times. And then I used to bring my my towel in the bathroom with me and then I'll start. But I notice as I start to masturbate, I'll fantasize about the two of them hearing me and I don't get super, super loud. But, you know, once the orgasm starts, you know, I don't really care about the sound. So I hope I'm not being I don't think I'm being loud at least.

Well, I really inspiring that maybe you're a little bit of foreplay for them. Maybe they hear your orgasm and that turns them on.

I'm kind of hoping. Yeah, let's see if they complain. But I think that that's really healthy. I think that you are keeping sex top of mind. You know what? You need itself care, taking a bath set in the atmosphere, me playing music, lighting a candle and giving yourself pleasure and bringing in having a rich fantasy life around your neighbors and hearing or not.

It's all good. I feel like, ladies, it's time to go find the other toy now.

So what? Can we back up for a minute? What is the tool that you bring into the CD? You said I bring my tool, which I love.

It's a right, a vibrator. It's called the Melb. Oh, dude, yes, I love that. It's so good. We're talking about the weave I melt. I tried it.

I thought I've had all the kinds of orgasms. I tried it and then I had a one orgasm and then another one. And it was like this. I don't know what happened. You like something from the inside came out. It was earnings. It was incredible. And I was so excited. They came in the next day and my staff was here and a new intern they were interviewing and I couldn't help it.

I was like, I had this orgasm with this melt anyway.

So, yeah, I love the mouth.

I feel, you know, fortunately I tried it on my first time. I tried it on a Saturday morning in my shower downstairs and everybody was waiting on my family. My husband and my kids were eating breakfast and I literally was on the floor after my stomach was crunching. I was like, oh, my God, they're going to have to call nine one one. And one of my kids knocked on the door. They were like, Mommy, are you OK?

I'm OK.

I have to get out of the shower and I have to like I but I did the fetal position and then I started doing some stretches because my stomach was just like my my my abs were nodding up and I thought, this is it. This is going to be get the fire department is going to have to comment on a bee here in the fetal position. What this milk vibrating next to me. It was awful. I wanted to cry.

Mommy, are you okay?

I'm like, yeah, I'm fine. It'll be OK. It's. It does that, but you've got to put guardrails up or something like you've got to wear knee pads or some kind of padding, like a helmet or something, you need to work. Right, because you can you can go out. Yeah, I use my and my steam shower. I got trust the steam sometimes. You got to I something could happen here. OK, well now do you know which one you have in your garage that you have.

You know, I haven't had it out in so long. I think that's your. Yeah. Your assignment this weekend.

I didn't have a G spot because I was like maybe. Oh you do you have an internal clitoral nerve. I mean, you wait. What about your husband? Does he ever does he ever come to the bathroom with you now that your time? Does he help to find you? That's the other thing.

That's one of the reasons why I'm so quiet, because I think he knows that I masturbate in the bathroom. But I think I have a little bit of guilt because of what he knows that I masturbate. I don't think he knows that I'm fantasizing about the neighbors keep out of my sight.

Yeah, absolutely. And he doesn't need to know it's OK to have fantasies that we listen. There's two kind of fantasies. The ones we want to keep to ourselves and the ones you want to share with our partners, that's it. No judgment. Listen, the time when we feel the most sexually satisfied in the most pleasure is when we are free and we're not worried about what anyone else thinks about our orgasm and what turns us on and what gives us pleasure.

That's why women aren't having orgasms as well, because we just we worry.

But your your G spot orgasm is totally your internal orgasm is totally possible. But I think you just got to get that. Go dig out that Toyia will send you a new one. If you incorporate some internal play into your session, then maybe you'll you'll start to feel more orgasms. Maybe that'll be something you want to bring into your relationship.

Like maybe I'll be like, look at all these nerve endings.

Let's go crazy equality's. Thank you so, so much. You're amazing. Thank you for calling. Stay in touch. OK, I got you. Let's talk to Wendy in Oregon. Hi, Wendy. Hey.

We appreciate your show. I like listening to it, but I do have a question because you were talking about a device called a vibrator from the Melt, and I wanted to know how it compared to the womanizers, so. Oh, OK. Recommendation's great.

Do you like the womanizer? Fuck, yeah. Yes.

So Wendy is that's exactly how we all feel about the womanizer. OK, so here's the deal. Womanizer, but we vibe and they became one company so womanizers one and then and then we VIPR so we took the technology for womanizer that pleasure air technology. You just enjoy it indirectly stimulate your clitoris. It kind of feels like it's the closest thing to oral sex. It sort of gets around your clitoris and sort of has like this sort of a sucking feeling.

And it's just like nothing that's ever been created before.

When it came out six years ago that we've I've made a toy called The Melt and they took that technology. And it just uses it's all silicone material. So it's like the reason why it's a little different than the womanizer. It's the same technology, but it sort of is more uniquely shaped into the toy. So does it come with like a separate, you know, how the women like to separate heads? And it's kind of an external socket. It's an external thing.

This one doesn't have that. But I think they're all I think if you like your womanizer, you're good. But the belt is it? Well, the melted different sensation, because it's also angled and it's a little bit. Which womaniser do you have? I say try it on is something like, I don't know what you're how much you go, but your budget is. But it's pretty awesome. It's a little bit smaller.

It's could keep the womanizer at my boyfriend house and then keeps them out at my house, I guess.

Yes, Wendy, that's it. That's it. And then one day you call your wife and say, guess what, I'm bringing a third tonight.

And then you show up with the with the with the with the melt.

You're like, I got to show you my. Yeah, no, that's that's that's what you should do. I think you I think that listen, why do I need six pairs of black boots. Right. Do I really need them that this, these heels of two inches and this is you know, like do you need the belt. How. Yeah. I mean you don't you don't need it. You have the womanizer. But I say it's all that's why when I came in, Wendy, I've been trying to work vibrators for fifteen years and then I tried and I was like, this is a different kind of orgasm.

So when I talk about exploring nerve endings, try new things, you know, you never know what I could open up for you.

Wonderful, Wendy. Thanks, Wendy. Let me know. Let me know what you think I'd love. Now you've got to tell me your experience with it, OK? I will I will do so much course, Wendy, have a great night. Thanks for calling. I appreciate you. I will take a quick break. But after this word from our sponsors, I'm answering rapid fire questions. Stay with me.

Every once in a while, I hear a story that really inspires me. And this one happens to be about a new brand name, Taboo. So Taboos founder Natalie was talking to her mother, as we do. And for her, the changes of menopause had drastically affected her emotional and physical comfort with sex. And like I hear from all of you, too often, she was not ready to accept any of that. So Natalie set out to create a solution for those who've lost the ability to enjoy intimacy.

So Taboos Offering is the first sexual wellness kit for menopause. It includes a purposely formulated organic lubricant and an extremely unique vibrator. It's slim, it's ergonomic, super easy to use and has a heating system in the tip, which makes everything more comfortable. And the heat is the key here. So when you use the lubricant, it helps stimulate blood flow. It can help women with improved lubrication, stronger vaginal muscles, reduced incontinence. You know, the sneeze and pee, it can help with your libido.

It's really a powerful thing to do. You could do it like few times a week. You just kind of lay back with the massager, which is also like a vibrator. I know that I always talk about vibrators. Maybe you already have some. But what about other people in your life, maybe your mothers or your friends or wives who just aren't enjoying sex the way you know they can? Well, taboo is just a great way to help them return to intimacy.

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That is sex with Emily dot com slash taab you rapid fire questions loud your sliding into my DMS and emails and I wanted to answer as many as I can in a limited amount of time.

So here we go.

How do you talk to your husband of 17 years about our mismatched libidos? This is the old timing, tone and turf. You can go to our website and also check out our guide. But listen, you got to have these conversations honest, open. Just be curious and tell them that you want to talk about how much sex feels right to him and how much sex feels right to you. And then you compromise and you schedule it. All right.

This is from Abby. What is a fun sex position that isn't common? Well, you know, there's a few positions. I'd say there's about four or five that we all know about. But remember, there are alternatives to those positions. You could try a sitting position. Your partner sits on the bed and then you sit on their lap. You could try an alternate positions, Snoop doggy style. Remember, you don't have to be on all fours.

You can lay down, you can use pillows as props when you prop pillows up and you raise up your pelvic floor, that can really kind of enhance the the penetration. And that can it can really enhance the depth of penetration and it can feel that much better. You can also try the cat position, coital alignment technique. You can check it out on our website, and that can also help a vulva owner have more orgasms. All right. Where do I start experimenting with BDM, how to bring up with my wife and how should we start to explore?

Well, if you've ever had a conversation about your sex life, this is a great place to start. Start talking about fantasies. What are three things she's been wanting to try? What are three things you want to try? You can also start to explain to her what you think is hot about Brixham. Do you want to spank her, tie her up? Do you want to talk dirty to her? Let her know what you're into and why, and then see how she feels about it.

Sure. Some scenarios in porn or somewhere that she can understand more about it and what might be pleasurable to her.

This is from Instagram. I want to spice up my masturbation routine. I want to try doing it outside. Thoughts? Yeah, you know, spicing it up. I mean, sometimes if you could just do it with your left hand instead of your right hand. I just read about a guy being arrested doing it in a Wal-Mart parking lot. So I don't really recommend just doing it like outside in your car. But try a vibrator, try different techniques.

If you always masturbate in your back, do it on your stomach. If you're always laying down, try sitting and there's warming gels and cooling gels and you could just try different sensations. Remember our body parts, there's so many nerve endings and so much sensitivity that if you're playing with hot and cold sensations and different vibrators, it's going to mix it up. I promise. All right. This from a female on Instagram, newly dating. He's smaller than me.

I'm insecure as is common. You know, I think that everything's is common. You guys all want to know, am I normal? But if you're attracted to him and he's attracted to you, then just remember that our insecurities are coming from our own deep rooted place of insecurities. And so I think just working and being connected and present in the moment and go with that, because I'm sure this is probably your limiting belief and not your partners.

How can I get my husband to be more confident in the bedroom? OK, you know, we often think that to get our partners you more confident about how. Information and giving them, you know, lots of compliments, but the truth is, I'm going to guess that he's probably insecure in other areas as well. Usually our insecurities have to do with deeply rooted issues in our psyche that we haven't quite tackled yet. So I would you know, confidence ultimately is an inside job.

So I would try to have conversations with him and find out what it is that is driving his insecurities if you want to help them talk it through. But I feel like a lot of it is kind of working and clearing out those demons that are holding us back, OK. Wife loves cunnilingus and doggystyle position. Can she climax from a rim job while I'm there? I don't know. Why don't you try it out and see what happens consensually? Why not let me know if it works?

We're all different. That's the beauty of this.

Let me know so women can. All right. What's your plan of games? We have technology, OK? Games of technology improves blood flow to the penis and so essentially it stimulates the growth of new blood vessels. Yeah, you know, I've heard great things about sound waves. It can help men with erectile dysfunction. It improves blood flow to the penis because remember, we have erectile challenges. Usually it's about blood flow. So it's just using sound waves to stimulate that blood flow.

I've heard great things about it. You can check it out. It has a 75 percent success rate in treating erectile dysfunction. And we've also done a show on that with Dr. Edward Karpman. You can look for that episode. Can you recommend a good blowjob toy? There's some great penis masturbation tools. There's the parkway, which is the newest one that vibrates it. It can stimulate your frenulum. That's a great one. You could just use a vibrator.

You laying around like the tango by we vib the pivot's a great one. I also like their chorus. It's a great one because it's a couple's toy and you can also wrap it around the penis and give it a handjob or a blowjob. So remember, just play with different sensations.

Flavor Loop is also awesome. All right. That's all we have time for.

Thanks, everyone. Some of your questions. Love you. Oh, that's it for today's episode. See you on Tuesday. Thanks for listening to sex with Emily. Be sure to, like, subscribe and give us a review wherever you listen to podcast and share this with a friend or a partner. Believe me, if you got something out of this, they will to find me on Instagram, YouTube, Facebook and Twitter. It's all at sex with Emily.

If you want to ask me a question about sex, dating or relationships, you can email me feedback and sex with Emily Dotcom or sex with Emily dot com slash. Ask Emily and check out my website. We have so many articles on there helping you better sex and you can check out our guides at Sex with Emily dot com slash guides for free guides that will give you expansive tips and activities. Sign up for our weekly emails because, hey, I've been told I get really good emails.

Was it good for you? Email me feedback at Sex with Emily Dotcom.

People have been asking me, so what's changed after 15 years of doing the podcast? Well, a lot has, but to be honest, the orgasm gap still remains a challenge for so many couples. You know what I'm talking about? Men tend to finish before their female partners. So you've heard me talk about it for years. The urologist developed FDA complaint delays. Spray can help men less up to 64 percent longer without loss of sensation. And because medicine is quickly absorbed into the penis, it won't transfer to your partner.

Oh, and speaking of your partner, I think we can all agree that sometimes women, even when alone, still have challenges around reaching orgasm. So now premising has created a new female arousal gel. I love it. It's a clitoral stimulant. You can rub into her clitoris for pleasure and a lot more satisfaction during pretty much any sexual activity you can think of. So now they got Promesse and delays for him, arousal gel for her.

So basically they're closing the orgasm gap on both sides. Trust me. Try this combo. Thank me later. Seriously, right into feedback. It's sex with Emily dot com and tell me how it went. I want to know to try promising today. Go to sex with Emily. Dot com slash enhance. That's my site. Sex with Emily dot com slash n n c e today.