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On today's show, I'm joined by TV personality and host of the limited podcast series Dying for Sex, Nikki Boyer. And we're talking about how even when things seem grim, it may actually spark a sexual awakening. Plus, I'm asking your sex and relationship questions. Topics include why, during times of uncertainty, a sexual awakening can do wonders for your self-esteem. Maybe you can't go out on a date right now, but some inspiration to open your mind to new sexual possibilities.

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Sex toys for penises that allow for some easy cleanup and some tips to keep things spicy in a long distance relationship. All this and more. Thanks for listening.

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The other day I heard from an old friend and to be honest, I've been neglecting the relationship a bit. I mean, I want to keep up with her, but life gets crazy. You know what? She sent me a message that I couldn't ignore. She was dealing with the old sneezing pea. And this wasn't the first time a friend or a listener has reached out about the same thing. So, yes, I'm talking about my pelvic floor.

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For years, I tried to keep up with my Cagle's on my own. But let's be honest, we're all busy and I just got challenged. How can I remember to do them all the time? Well, that's why I'm beyond thankful for the lab. The your lab is the only clinically proven FDA cleared device designed to tone and strengthen your pelvic floor using auto kegl technology. Essentially, it's this small, discrete device you use at home and it does your Cagle's for you.

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Look into his eyes now, the eyes of a man obsessed by sex, eyes that mock our sacred institutions, bedroom eyes, they call them in a bygone family. You got a boyfriend? Because my many here, he just got his heart broken. He thinks you're kind of cute. Girls going to have a standard. Oh, my. The women know about shrinkage, isn't it? Common knowledge? What do you mean? Like laundry, but shrink.

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Can we not talk about sex so much. Are you kidding me. Oh my god. You're so grumpy in bed. Feels pretty good. You know, Emily, he's not the kind of girl you just play with. You're listening to sex with Emily, we're talking about sex, relationships and everything in between. For more information, check out sex with Emily Dotcom, intentions with Emily for each show. And we start out by setting your attention, as you know, and it helps you guys do the same.

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So what I mean is like, what do you want to get out of listening to this particular episode? It could be, wow, things are so uncertain now. Maybe sprucing up my sex life could be healing. My intention for the show is to show you that even when times are tough, things aren't necessarily going the way you want them to. You can always work on your pleasure. All right. Enjoy the show. Nikki Boyer. Hi.

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Three time Emmy Award winning TV host. You've done a lot of fascinating things in your career, journalist. But right now we are talking about your new podcast. You're the host of Dying for Sex. Yes. And I just I mean, really the topic of it, I mean, essentially, your friend had a sexual awakening after being diagnosed with cancer and you thought, well, yeah, that's that's first of all, it's like like death, like it.

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Or like death is like the antithesis of sex. Right. Like I'm going to die and I will learn to live. So amazing. So, yeah. How did this all come together? Tell me what you're like. Oh yeah. That's sad but amazing. And then a podcast. I know. Kind of. But that's it. Thank you for having me and thank you for like opening up the conversation about this because I'm so excited about this project when Molly was diagnosed with stage four, is that, for lack of a better word, is terminal.

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So when she got that news, she decided it was time to do something really bold. And so she left her marriage of 15 years and moved out and moved very close to where I was living at the time now. Mind you, this was the second time that she had been diagnosed. So she went through it the first time, double mastectomy, chemo, loss of everything, really, that felt like her and her womanhood. So when she got diagnosed, she was like, I can't I can't do it again like that.

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So she left her relationship, moved really close to me and she was going on all these sexual journeys. So when I'd pick her up because you never know, like she hates driving. So I'd pick her up and she'd be like, I got to tell you what happened. And I just I remember there was a moment we were at a stoplight and I was like, there's something here. This is not the normal thing that people do when they get cancer and they don't leave their husband.

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Sexual awakening. That is hopefully like, if anything, I want to stay with them and I'm going to accept the fact that this is not working out. I need someone said I'm out. She's amazing. And then I said, I think this is a show. And in that moment I said, and I think it's called dying for sex. Like all this. What? I mean, talk about one of the best. Yes, exactly. So we yeah, we just went for it and then started recording it.

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But so actually we came up with the idea, we came up with an idea. We started pitching it to people. And then finally, friends of mine at this production company called Bold Soul said we should we should pitch this, but we should actually record some recordings. And then I brought those recordings to one degree, who is amazing at storytelling. Right. Like really digs in and goes there. And my producers, they're just they're just so awesome.

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And and then we have the six episode series now called Dying for Sex in Episode five. Just came out OK, did adulations. And wherever you listen to podcast, which is also nice. Yes. OK, so this is where that's backup. So you are driving the car stoplight and you're like, wow, she's having a sexual awakening. What does that look like. Like how did you how do you define sexual awakening? Because I think that so many people, you know, they were saying earlier, like, you don't have to be get a diagnosis to decide that you want to have sexual awakening.

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I think that that was that's really important to know. It's like, why are we waiting for bad news? Why are we waiting for something horrible and terminal to happen? I think that's part of what we're saying in this podcast is let's not wait for that and let's give ourselves, like permission to just go for it. And what I love about Molly, she does that. And she also lets you in on the messiness of it like it's not always pretty and it's not always nice and it doesn't always fill her up the way she thinks it's going to.

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But she's really open about that in our process, which I think is healing and part of the sexual awakening, don't you think? Yeah, absolutely. So what would you say? Because you've known her for a while. You want to come here? Yeah. OK, so, you know, we're in the marriage. So so, you know, I like. What did that look like. Like what? What were the things that maybe surprised you?

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The first sex thing we were like, oh wow. This is a story like, what was she telling you? This is it. So I think that moment that I realized this was like not the normal, like I'm just going to go on dates and make out with guys and have sex. It's when she started dipping into the fetish world and she was like, so there's a guy. He wants to come over and worship my feet. Like, that's it.

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She's like, yes. So there's this guy he's really interested in, like, you know, dressing up as a clown and then having sex with me. And I was like, what? Like, I just remember my brain was it was making sense. But I kept thinking, is this normal? Like, is this is this what happens? So that's when I realized it was not just not was just sex, it was like fetishes and things that she was really open to.

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Because why not? Like she said, look, what's the worst thing that's going to happen? Like, I was like, be careful. Are they going to kill me? And know one guy like she went over to the house and he just wanted to tickle like he wanted her to tickle him? She didn't really know that was happening until it started happening. Yeah, that's it. So how did she do you feel like her? Was was it filling her up?

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I know not every situation turned out amazing, but how did you see the sexual connections, like, fill her up in a way?

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Well, I think people can look at this a little bit and say, well, gosh, she was pleasing them. Was it really about her? That's right. And I get that part of it. But I think for her, it was a way of gaining control, a way of using her body in a way that it kind of had been robbed from her. When they take your breasts away and they take your you just things that make you feel like a woman and the parts of you that make you feel sexy.

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I think for her it was like she wanted to use that. And so she did discover that through some of, you know, her escapades, that sometimes it would feel it would fill her up and sometimes she would feel empty. And she kind of tried to navigate that to see what it really was that she was looking for. So it wasn't just about the sex, even though that's kind of the entry point, for lack of a better word.

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Literally, she used that to kind of figure other things and heal some old wounds from. Yeah, you say she healed some trauma, too. Like, well, how would you explain that process? Well, she worked through I think she was working. I think she she was raw. I don't want to give too much away, but I think she was kind of robbed of that thing that most of us get, which is exploring sexuality and sex on our terms.

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As a young woman, she didn't really get that process. So I think this, in a way, was her sort of reclaiming that time that she didn't get in her youth. And she digs into that and a little bit in the episode that was released today. So she goes into that.

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And so it was, you know, people are getting a little bit judging because they're like, well, how could she do this and why? And I think where I go is to don't draw your line so deeply in the sand like you never know what you're capable or what you're going to want to do when things get really intense and hard.

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Yeah, you're so right. People put out the hair, sex and the like, put up so many ways, so many protectors around that, like, oh, that's wrong. This is wrong. I can't listen anymore. So so to really say no, I would actually suspend belief, suspend my judgment, go into the podcast and listen, like maybe I'll be inspired for something, maybe something like I feel like that could be a lot of it.

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Right. I mean, you must have been.

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How about you, Nikki Boyer, your sex life. It'll be like I'm going to go home to my partner and I'm super actually.

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I wish you had a foot fetish, but rather than anything like that, it kind of just sort of widened my idea of what is what people get to do. I I did get a little Jaji here and there on the podcast with certain things.

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Like I was like, oh, but I think now looking back at it, I'm like, you know what? To each their own. I mean, certain things are a little too much, but everybody's got their way of expressing themselves. So what it did for me that just sort of broadened my spectrum of, like, possibilities. So I haven't really changed much of what I'm doing. But but I'm open to it. I do have to be honest, like my boyfriend would kill me if he knew I was saying that.

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I want to show. But there's a part of me now that's kind of interested and maybe we can talk about this first.

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I guess I would love your opinion. I kind of like the idea now of like, where is the voyeur?

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Like watching, like not even being involved and not being in the room. But there's and I know porn does that and chatter does watching like I'm watching someone else. I don't know. I think if you're with your husband. My partner. Oh, my boyfriend. You know, that's really, really common view. It's absolutely fascinating. Back to family. Yeah, I know everything's fine. You're all good. We all have fantasies and we're we're not going to shame you or blame you.

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We're actually going to help you have that make that fantasy come true. If you want to name that fantasy right now. But yeah, I mean, it is common because first off, it's just in general. In general, you with your husband is. Yeah. I like to watch it with him.

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Oh. And I like to play party. OK, see I never done and I've never been to any of this five welcoming. Yeah. Do it. Yeah. We could help you.

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There's a lot of different websites, parties. I'm serious. I literally want everybody's like fantasies to come true. I want to, I want to help everyone I knew or to enable. But that's such a negative connotation. But I want to like in a in a very healthy fashion, horseback. So is there anything that you sort of had a fantasy about that you indulged in and in and it didn't kind of meet up to the right thing?

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I said, like, I'm afraid of boys collecting away from the voyeurism, because before you leave, I'm going to help you take the next right step towards the voyeurism fantasy. Has there been anything that I've wanted that I've been like, take it or leave it? No, you were like, oh, I'm interested. And then when it comes to fruition, you're like, well, that was way better in my head, right? That's what I'm afraid of.

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With the voyeurism, we're going to see two bodies and maybe like nip, we're go.

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That's the best thing about it is that if you go to a play party, there's which meaning it's like they used to call them swinger parties. OK, you can get an invite or you can sign up and go on like a Saturday night. And there's usually rules like only couples can come and single women and there's not an obligation to have sex. So you and your partner could decide to go and just kind of show up and just see how it is and kind of ease into it.

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I find a lot of these parties are a lot like a regular party, but then eventually you look over and someone's having sex. Like, at first, you're like, nice to meet you. My name's Nikki Boyer, I'm Emily Morse. How's it going? Clothes are on and then like an hour and you're like giving a blowjob is going on in this book.

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I know in my brain this exists, but to go is a whole different experience. And no one in the thing is these parties are like there's anonymity because no one wants it, like I saw Nikki.

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So I'm not going to go like I don't want to see my boss there. But then you're like, well, your boss was there and you're all in a sex party. So anyway.

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Yeah. So I think that's that's kind of how it all works. Then you could leave. I guess my question is what sexual fantasies of mine did I happen? And I was like, check your bucket list. Don't do it again. You know, it's really hard.

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I mean, I think that's the second sexual spot I've been put on today. Like, oh, really sexual question that someone's asked me that I was like, yeah, it was what this guy going to this retreat. And we think about what would I be embarrassed to ask a partner for sexually in bed? Like, what would I what do I want to fulfill sexually that I'm afraid to ask and like. Well, I don't know. I really can't think of anything that went wrong.

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Like, I've had threesomes. But then I bought it on before. It was a bad threesome. So like but I've had really good threesomes and then I've had like an almost threesome. I was like, oh, this isn't going to be hot. And I ended it. Oh, that's smart. Yes. I hate this so much.

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Either of you had this Nicki. In my life, I've had relationships, I've had sex with people that I it was easier to keep going than to say no.

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Yes, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, I might as well give him a blowjob. I might have sex because I don't wanna explain why I don't want to have sex.

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Right. Which is I mean, I don't want to do those things anymore. And I encourage all of you not to kind of not do that anymore, because once you learn what you want in bed, what feels good and you're really in touch with your body, you won't be able to just kind of pacify someone just because you don't want them to feel better. Like what about our own sexual needs? But I think in the past, I've just followed through with things actually like that.

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I wouldn't. But yeah, no, I can't think of anything that I did that. Yeah.

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I'm just I'm just wondering about where you're I'm wondering if the voyeurism thing is just more of like a like a like a juicy thing to have in my head, but maybe in real life I would be. So what I'd like to know what the best way to find out. Right. Here's the best way to find out. First, dirty talk it when you're in bed. Like right now I'm picturing us. We're at a party tonight, like you're looking at this couple and she looks over at you and we're watching them.

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And then, you know, you start grabbing me, we're making out and just sort of talk it back and forth to see, like a role play. See how if that's hot, I think my boyfriend will be very happy.

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You could send him this. So, yeah, it's kind of like right now you dip your toe in the water because, you know, many people are like, I don't know that I want to go all the way there because a lot of people do have like the threesome fantasies and stuff.

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And I'm like, well past. Don't just go out finding a third person tonight, right? Me, me plan. We'll play it. That's good. That's really good advice. Thank you.

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So that's that. OK, so. So what out. So any more sex questions from you. I'm thinking about my own sex. I'm thinking, well, how is your sexual communication with your partner? Do you think it's made you more like open?

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That's a great question. Actually, doing this this podcast with Molly has sort of allowed me to go, oh, I hadn't even thought of that. Or let me let me kind of push the envelope a little bit. So it has increased our sex. It has increased the communication around and asking for things. But I'm I'm so exhausted right now from working so much that I come home and sometimes, like, my version of sex is like a hot bath.

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And he rubs my feet like, that's OK, too. That is sex, right? Yes. We're all we all get to decide what connection looks like with our partner. Intimacy, that is intimacy. But isn't it funny?

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I get what you mean, like being exhausted all day because you're working on a sexy topic and then you come home and it's like the cobbler's kids have no shoes, you know, it's like, yeah, this guy, he's like, no shoes, right? Because I'm always like, I'm tired. I don't have time for sex in the past anyway. I mean, it ebbs and flows, but yeah. And that's totally fine as long as you both get your needs met.

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Yeah. So when you talk about it then it sounds like your sexual communication. I think it's pretty good.

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I mean we've been together for almost eleven years and going through this with Molly, I would bring things to him. I saw a lot of photos and masturbation videos and things that Molly would share with me. So I think there was a part of me that was like, whoa, like that's a lot. There's a lot to take in there from many, many different men. So coming home, you know, I would I would be like, oh, I saw this today.

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I experienced this day and it would kind of fuel things. Are you like do you talk to him about it? Are you like. Yeah, I said, you know, it's funny, though.

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It's it's I didn't find I didn't find those videos and those pictures to be that hot, OK, because there was a little bit of like that's going to sound there's a little bit of desperation underneath it. Right when you come here, like the dick pic was just a desperate looking dick.

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Just had this look like I help me like trepidation.

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Do I really want this to be right like that or something you're saying?

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I look horrible. It's amazing. Everything's great. There was everything gets cleaned out a little bit of like, oh God, they're trying so hard.

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Like, literally like this is so like is it really. Are you holding up so much happening here, like like ease into it, boys, like relax, so there's a little bit of like, whoa, I don't we don't we don't there's no foreplay anymore. It's just a giant wiener in your face. Like, give it a minute. Right. I don't know. You know, we mean, this is the thing women we've love. We're not waiting we're not going out right now.

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But I just love to get Dick. Let me scroll through all night like we keep on maybe in our phone to show our friend we delete them from our website or damson Instagram. But yeah, there's something about women we want a little bit of you want to turn on. We want to warm up just to bring there's a day I did not choose to see. And and I think Molly did that like she learned through doing it through trial and error, like a whiner right off the bat isn't my thing.

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Like I like a little conversation. She loves verbal foreplay and texting and photos of of creases of bodies and things like that. So interesting. Yeah. So she figured out what she wanted, which is kind of the process of dating. I think we kind of put yourself on a path. You're like, OK, I do like sexting, I don't like dirty talk or I don't want a dick pic ever. But what I like is that in the in your podcast, Dying for Sex, that you you use all the real like the texts and the images or the video or that the audio itself.

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It's I think that's such a great. Do you feel like you're with. Yeah. Yeah. And I feel like it's the real deal. It's a real story. It's not like a fabrication or an idea, like it's the real story of Molly and her journey. And it's messy and it's beautiful. And it's not just about sex, it's about healing and it's about female friendships. And just also figuring out what you want to do with the time you have left.

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And when I keep saying to people is it's morbid, but we're all kind of dying, right?

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Like, yeah, we don't know when someone's going to go. So why are we waiting for that diagnosis to sort of live our fullest life? So what are you dying for? What do you want to live for? Like, what is that in you? So I hope that this podcast is not only fun and titillating, but kind of makes you sort of look at your life and go, what am I doing?

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What do I want to ask for? No, Nikki, I think that is such a great point. And I feel like when something like that happens, I was going to ask you to because having someone so close to you who who's been sick, does it have you re-examined your life to in ways has it kind of made you like. I don't I don't have time for this worry because who knows when you know, with life or.

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Well, I think I just am naturally a kind of like I thrive on control and anxiety and I'm trying to figure out how to let go of that.

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I think sometimes my brain and my body aren't quite synched up with, like, let's relax. But I realize that the best way to practice that is just to be super present where you are really mindful of where you are. Like when you're with people just take a deep breath and really be with them and try to just quiet the noise. And if we could practice that, yeah, that's like the that's like the punch line of every spiritual journey, every therapy.

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Everything is like, well, at the end of the day we need to breathe more and be present. Not crazy though. That's the answer. We're so used to it. Yeah. Love it's true. Like connection, love and intimacy and presence. Yeah. I believe at the the punch line in life like at the end of the day, the end of our day or the end of our life. It's like oh I wish. Oh I oh how about this.

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Not in the past tense. I'm so glad. I loved, I had sex. I gave that I was as present as I could be with these precious moments I had on this planet. Yeah. And it's also a little bit freaky. This podcast is a little bit about forgiveness, forgiving ourselves, forgiving other people and healing those things that are holding on to that that I guess anger, frustration and resentment is just killing you. Right? Right.

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It's a good life process to learn to release that stuff because it just stacks up and carries carries us around. So I think the story is super inspiring work so they can check out the rest of it. It's Nikki Boyer and I, K.K I, Baier and Instagram and Twitter. Nikki Bergkamp put it in the show. No to sex with Emily Dotcom. I have to ask you the five questions we ask all of our guests. I love this.

[00:21:53]

Are you ready? Ready.

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Biggest turn on confidence. Biggest turnoff. Oh, ego. What makes good sex? Oh, lube.

[00:22:08]

Nice may be something you would tell your younger self about sex and relationships. Be a little safer. Be a little safer. No one sex to go for. If you're thinking about doing some awesome like toys and play like just buy the toy, bring it home and just go for it. Just do it or order it on Amazon or something.

[00:22:32]

Dot com. Thank you for coming on. I can't just get a vibrator. You're right. We said wherever we find it, we're going to give you one before you leave. You get a parting gift. I know it really. I think it's a gift. You a vibrator and you get a vibrator. I'm Dr. Emily. This is sex with Emily.

[00:22:47]

We're take a quick break and we come back. We're going to get into your calls. And thank you again for supporting our sponsors. We've got some great products to keep you connected right now. And we would not be connected to you if not for them. And they wouldn't be in business if not for you. So thank you, everybody, for supporting that. And we'll be right back.

[00:23:07]

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Do you ever meet someone who hasn't tried your favorite food or watch your favorite TV show and then you get them to try it and their mind is blown? That happens to me all the time, but with lube, specifically lube during oral sex. It's one of my favorite tips and I'm always amazed when I find someone who hasn't tried it either they don't think it's needed or they're afraid of lube tasting bad. Well, thank goodness they're wrong. I mean, not only does Lubic receiving oral sex feel incredible, but now it also tastes amazing.

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All right.

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Hey, Stacey. Hello. Hi, Stacey. Thanks for calling. Hello. Hello. You're on.

[00:26:08]

So I had a total shock me about six weeks ago. I did keep my ovaries, OK, but I'm just kind of nervous getting back in the sack because my doctor didn't explain any differences or they wouldn't. But oh, really, that's just. Oh, yeah. OK, I'm so glad you called. So OK, so it's you know, it takes a while to get back into it, to get back into sex. It could take you know, you're going to I mean the doctor says, OK, between four and six weeks is what they'll say.

[00:26:40]

And that allows time for like scars to heal, like discharge and bleeding and all of that stuff to to stop. But don't put that. I don't want you to have that. Like, women after childbirth are like, yeah, six weeks. It's not always the same. So just really pay attention to your body and, like, see how you're feeling.

[00:26:57]

So I also think, you know, if you noticed bleeding and all that, you should go back and see your doctor. You might get a little bit, you know, do they tell you anything like side effects, like you might get?

[00:27:06]

I mean, like that I feel pretty good right now. I've just more questions about like I didn't know this until I researched on the Internet, like the marginal cost that they make for you, how that affects, like your sex life and orgasms and stuff like that. I don't I don't understand that.

[00:27:23]

All right. Vaginal cuff. Yeah, because when I take your cervix out. Right.

[00:27:28]

No, no, no. I know. I mean, but she's. But you're saying that they didn't and they were like there was nothing that you were told to like. I mean, here's a thing. No, not a lot. OK, so you might have less interest in sex. You might, you know, do you have to see what happens? But I feel like you still have orgasms. You have your clitoris that your your labia, you could be a little bit dryer.

[00:27:49]

You definitely want to use lube. You'll have sensations. I mean, I feel like in how old you are, I'm thirty five. So I mean the most important thing is to I think I mean I to stay in touch right now with your whole, your sex life, your vulva, your vagina. I like to still masturbate. Doing your kegel exercises and working your pelvic floor is really important part of the recovery process. So do they tell you to do what did the exercises?

[00:28:15]

No. OK, so pelvic floor exercises are really and most women, we kind of do them wrong. We don't really know, you know. So I would recommend that you check out like there's like apps and suffer from that political camp. You can look how to do them online, but they're kind of like your your stopping muscles, like when you stop. And so the the start of urine, it's like you tense and you relax. And so I would do those and then I would just wait and see.

[00:28:38]

Because the thing is for many women, like, I think it's important to like you just want to take it slow and really you want to keep your mind engaged. So I even think for you doing your Cagle's and keeping in touch, even if you're not feeling sad, are you in a relationship? Yeah, I'm married. OK, so I think just like continuing to be intimate with your partner and not making, like, sex is off the table because there's still things that you guys can do to stay connected.

[00:29:02]

So I still like, you know, you know, kissing, massages, playing with each other. When you start to feel it again, you know, maybe you'd want to do, you know, maybe not. Now, the first how are you feeling right now? Like the next, you know, week? You know, it's been how I mean. Yeah, six week six. Well, I'm feeling pretty good. Oh, you're at the six weeks.

[00:29:18]

OK, so have you been connected with your partner? Because here's the thing. Have you tried to have sex again yet? Not yet.

[00:29:23]

I'm nervous about that. So that's why I was calling to see because I didn't explain anything so.

[00:29:28]

Right. That's what I mean. OK, I know. I know. And I've tried it like I feel like that to go slow with your partner. I mean, here's a thing. You might not feel anything different. How do you feel? Have you had any do you have any changes if you looked in a mirror, do you feel have you felt turned on? Have you connected to your husband since then? Yes.

[00:29:44]

OK, I have not you know, what I would do is because I don't want to like I want you to see how you feel. This is what I want you to do. I would love it if you do you ever masturbate on your own. That's what masturbation is. I guess I love me. OK, so I would recommend that you, like, take a bath, get yourself into a comfortable place where you're feeling relaxed and you masturbate.

[00:30:04]

You take some time and you see like because it's kind of like getting to know you guys like what is happening down there. And I think you're going to find that probably not much different. Like you're not feeling any pain right now.

[00:30:13]

You think you've recovered and then feel that sexual like the sexual Stacy that you are, you know, and do that. And then that's how it feels. And then when you're with your partner, again, your husband, you can just kind of take it slow and have them, you know, see how it feels for him to touch you, use his fingers. And just like everything, I always think, you know, it helps to go slow with everything.

[00:30:30]

So getting back into it again. But I think that what you could expect is definitely have some lube because you might be a little bit dryer, a good silicone lube and let him know and communicate with him, because this is the most important thing, Stacy. And actually, you know, you can always call back, you know, talk to your doctor if there are any side effects after you've sex.

[00:30:47]

But it sounds like, you know, once you masturbate, do this, keep him in the loop like you don't want him to be. Like you come back in. You're all. Go a mile healed, right, let them know this process that you're going through, because I also think if you have expectations in yourself right now, like, oh, what if I can't orgasm or what if I'm not, you know, that's going to be defeatist.

[00:31:04]

But if you let them know that, like, I want to take it slow and here's what I'm going do, I think that that process alone of being transparent with him will allow you to truly relax into your body and just connect again and everything will go smoother. OK, thank you so much. You're so welcome. Stacy, keep me posted and let me know how it goes. All right. Well, we have Ryan twenty nine from California who wants to talk about sex robots.

[00:31:26]

All right. Hey, Ryan, what's going on? Let's talk about it.

[00:31:29]

Hey, not much. Just, you know, excited. I'm living in the future. Yeah. Where all this stuff is existing. Right. You know, I thought it was interesting growing up as a guy. You hear about girls having dildos and all these options. And years ago, you really just kind of have your hands. And but eventually I. I kind of discovered the flashlight. Oh, OK. Yeah. I think it's kind of like like a discount one or two.

[00:31:56]

Right. OK, but I tried it and I thought it was really thrilling. It was like kinky and almost like it was like a different. You can use your imagination. Yeah. But and so it was great. But afterwards I, you know, you feel great, but then you're like, I got to clean this thing up.

[00:32:15]

You were going to say that I thought you were saying you felt shame like some men have orgasms and they like slept like they're watching porn or the like. I felt dirty. But what you're saying is you had to clean it.

[00:32:25]

Yeah, I guess it's like a task in my mind. I'm like, OK, I can't clean it. Like tomorrow. I have to kind of pay attention to this now. It's kind of a mess that needs to be. Yeah, that's true. Which, you know, I guess it's kind of like sex. You kind of have that. You always have that clean up crews afterwards. It's just. Yeah, but it was worth it.

[00:32:44]

We have to clean up our toys, you guys. Women have to clean up our toys after every time we use them too, because then it get back gets bacteria heard like true.

[00:32:51]

This thing had like cracks and crevices and like I, I honestly it didn't come with instructions. I was like I don't want to to be forever. Oh my God.

[00:32:59]

It will be an option. As a guy like that, I'm not going to have to feel like it's more of a chore than. Yeah.

[00:33:08]

What else do we have been. There are disposable ones. There's just Tenga T and they make disposable masterbation sleeves that you just might want to buy. They're cheaper and you can just kind of throw it away after you. That's the easy fix. And then yeah, they just don't know what the flashlight is, is it's like it kind of like they say it out of a penis, but it simulates like the real deal, like it feels like with the ridges in the bumps, it's like they're special patented material developed by NASA.

[00:33:34]

That's the whole thing with fleshlight. That just feels like because yeah, men have their hands, like what do I need? I got my hand. But Brian, I love that you that you checked it.

[00:33:41]

They tried it and you're like, yeah, that was kind of the thing is moved to yukata because at first I, I couldn't do it without I was like, yeah, I gotta use lube.

[00:33:50]

Yeah. And actually the fleshlight. Yeah. You got to use lube. I understand why men don't use lube every time they masturbate. We don't understand it. I would, I would want it every time. Isn't just hard days like ever. Yeah.

[00:34:04]

It's not a drive, it's not a dry rub. You know, it's not a dry rub. It is a dry rub though. But some men don't use love. They don't use anything. I guess you could use lotion, but I think you should use lube instead. Just sand. But also, Ryan, the other thing is the fleshlight makes a quick shot. It's called a quick shot. And it's a little smaller, but it's open on both sides.

[00:34:23]

So you can just clean it up the old fashioned way. All right. Right, right, right. Yeah, yeah. There you go. I'm I'm full of things for you. Also have octopus is a cool toy. It's a little more pricey, but it's a hot octopus upholstery. It's like a half masterbation. It goes around you. It's a toy. It oscillates on your frenulum. I love that Ryan's getting curious your fellow toys, so I'm just throwing them all out.

[00:34:43]

All right. Thanks, Ryan. Thanks for calling me. We've talked about the fleshlight in a while. I feel like five years ago The Fleshlight was we talked about a lot more on the show, but like I love it, fleshlight is cool for men to mix it up. If you're on the road a lot, you want to try something different than your hand. Like women. We've got so many toys, right? We can try different sensations.

[00:34:59]

We've got all those nerve endings stimulate. Well, men, just because we have eight thousand and they have four thousand, they still that's still a lot of nerve endings to stimulate. Yeah. I mean, it's a lot. And the cool thing about like the quick shot or I think they have like the flesh question for the I don't know, it's escaping the flesh skin. Yeah. Flesh skin. It's like you can use it with your partner and it just like makes it's like the hand hand up helper.

[00:35:22]

Yeah it is right. Tanjug helper. Yeah. Usually we use the handy hand job helper. I don't we talk about. Yeah I think of the quick shot was also a Hamburger Helper.

[00:35:31]

Yeah. Why not have something to help speed with. Do we think that sex has to be this whole like natural like nothings. We don't need anything. Condoms, lube toy like it's just be our bodies together and erotic bliss. Sometimes that works but not always. Which is also funny because there's always like these random stories that you see where guys are sticking their dicks in like vacuums or like other random things I don't like in their dicks. Everything they can, so might as well get a toy that it was meant for your dick and told you to stick your dick in, not the vacuum.

[00:36:01]

Yes. Let's talk to Sarah, who's twenty four in Pennsylvania. She must know how to keep a sex life going in a long distance relationship.

[00:36:09]

Hey, Sarah, thanks for calling. How can I help? Hi. All right. I find myself getting frustrated. I understand. Yeah. How long you guys been together? Four years. Four years. Long distance. You're twenty four. So since you're 20, you've been in a long distance relationship.

[00:36:25]

Well, we were together for three years and then he went to med school. OK, got it.

[00:36:32]

OK, so of course you're frustrated. You miss him, right. Yeah. Is there an end date where you know you're going to be in the same city? We have one more year distance. OK, so you're trying to keep it interesting while he's away? Yes. OK, well, I have to say that it's a good time if you're at a long distance relationship and you know, there's an end, which I like because I don't mind at all these long distance things and we don't know what we're going to do.

[00:36:54]

We might just be long distance forever. But it's great time to do this because there's so much great like technology now that can actually keep you more connected. So do you guys ever do any, like, phone sex or sexting or FaceTime, anything? Do you ever do any that we've done a couple times and it's been good. OK, I mean, there hasn't been like that much to it. Right. OK, well, I think it'd be fun to set a date night with him when you're on FaceTime or Skype and then you, you know, you have a date where you're actually like having dinner together or you're each having a glass of wine and then you could have some you guys could have some intimate conversations there, like about your sex life.

[00:37:34]

You could play a game. There's some really great games you could pick. You could there's some online games or there's some card like there's one called actually called monogamy, which we love. It's like monopoly. But monogamy, even though you're not in the same place where there's some trivia questions you could ask, don't just get to know each other. There's like Mad Libs for sex. There's other things we have. There's just fun board games. There's fun questions that you could get to know each other and ask intimate things about your sex life.

[00:37:59]

You guys could fill out a yes no maybe list and figure out what you guys both like to do in bed. You know, get get more intimate, like get start talking about things that you desire, maybe talking about things that you really love from your past and just kind of. Yeah. Have a real date. You could also use toys. You guys ever use toys because there's we've I makes toys that you could actually use something called the We Connect app and so he could be long distance and be controlling the toy with you in the another city.

[00:38:30]

Another country. Oh yeah. That's no I didn't know that was a thing. I know.

[00:38:35]

Right. There's one other moxey and it's so cool and it's like a wearable vibe. I mean you could be wearing it out and about and he could control it from anywhere on his phone, you guys. And they actually in their app that we connect up, it's kind of like a FaceTime thing. There's video, too, so you don't have to use the video function, but you can you could, like, call each other and you could be controlling it.

[00:38:56]

But I feel like you're probably missing him because you miss the intimacy. And so there's a way you could, like, look into each other's. I have a conversation. Maybe you could. Yeah. Have some good conversations about your sex life touch. Yeah, well, that's that's what's hard because you're not in the same room. So I mean, what would you how often do you see him? About once a month. OK, so I think it'd be fun to kind of like anticipation is so hot.

[00:39:20]

Like that's the thing about long distance relationships is it is already is hot because you've that built in like missing the person and then the build up. But maybe if you start to kind of plan your next sex session together, like what would it look like, maybe you're dressing up, maybe you're role playing, maybe you're using some toys together, then you both have something to look forward to. Would you feel comfortable talking to him about any of this stuff?

[00:39:41]

Yeah, he's really open. OK, well, that's helpful for you. Thanks, Sara. Thanks for calling Algoma. So thank you so welcome. I think we've a blog too long distance sex.

[00:39:51]

Do we have our site. Yeah, there was like a few things. So just search long distance search, long distance sex, a long distance on our website. Sarah, we've got a great post for you blog there that will help you out as well. It's a good time to have the conversations. Yeah, I think I mean, it's good, though, to see each other at least once a month like that is good. Yeah. And then plan for the sex plan for something.

[00:40:13]

Yeah. Make it like an escapade. Yeah. I've always I've never like I don't do that enough. I actually like plan out a whole sex session. Yeah. I think you should. I'm going. Well I mean I know but eventually. But how would you put it out. I would like to figure out exactly my scenario would have all the toys out. Yes. Rolled up and have laundry ready to go and be like OK, our one.

[00:40:41]

Right. Like all no penetration, all the other stuff and then our two. Then let's get in, get into that and then our three. Let's like take a snack break and then let's go. Adventures I love, just like having sex and then eating something naked and then just going back to the sex, me too.

[00:41:03]

And never leaving your house all weekend. Oh, it's been so long. I'll say. That's it for today's episode. See you on Tuesday. Thanks for letting the sex family be sure to, like, subscribe and give us a review wherever you listen to the podcast and share this with a friend or partner. Believe me, if you get something out of it, they will too. We release shows on Tuesdays and Fridays and look out for a bonus episode every now and then.

[00:41:28]

Find me on Instagram, YouTube, Facebook and Twitter. It's all at sex with Emily and I've been told I give a really good newsletter. So sign up at sex with Emily Dotcom and don't forget to check out our blogs. If you want to talk to me, ask your questions about your sex life, dating or relationships. Email me feedback at Sex with Emily dot com or call in to my Sirius XM show Monday through Friday, five to seven p.m. Pacific and call me Triple eight.

[00:41:55]

Ninety four stars. That's Triple eight nine four seven eight two seven seven. Get a free 30 day trial at sex with Emily dot com slash s XM. You can watch my master class on master class dotcom. Emily Morse. Was it good for you. Email me feedback at sex with Emily Dotcom. I'm going to draw back the curtain for a second on what it's like to be famous first. Everyone knows your name. They're constantly talking and writing about how great you make them feel and everyone wants to get super intimate with you.

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