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Thanks for listening to sex with Emily. I'm Dr. Emily, and on today's show I'm talking with author and sexologist Carol Queen. We talk about how to live out your exhibitionist fantasies, sex parties, positions for when you're injured, glory and Carol's favorite new vibrators. All this and more. Thanks for listening. And if people are like, I could never have sex with a mask, just pretend you're being kinky, pretend you're doing it on purpose.

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Look into his eyes. They're the eyes of a man obsessed with five, six eyes that block our sacred institutions. Bedroom eyes. They call them into. My God, you're listening to sex with Emily.

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I'm Dr. Emily. And I'm here to help you prioritize your pleasure and liberate conversation around sex.

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Today, I'm talking with Carol Queen, she's an author, editor, sociologist, sexologist who's been speaking publicly about sexuality for 40 years, Carol was on one of my very first podcasts.

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She's done so much. She's the co-founder for the Center for Sex and Culture in San Francisco. She's the staff sexologists, company historian, a Good Vibrations since 1990. She's also an accomplished writer. Her work has been widely published. Carol and I have a great conversation.

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We also take some calls together, calls about how to date an older woman, how to make oral sex fun again, and what the hell to do about UTIs.

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All right. Intention's with Emily. Join me in setting an intention for the show. When I set an intention before doing something, it's much more likely to happen. So think about what do you want to get out of it?

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Maybe it's I want to learn how to expand my sexual repertoire and knowledge around sex.

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My intention was to bring your mentor and friend who will liberate you to live your sex life to the fullest. All right. Enjoy the show.

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Let's talk to you just in California. Emily, how are you? Hi, I'm good. How are you? What's going on?

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I just actually I talked to the that sometimes I'm a dad, I'm a gay male, OK?

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And during this covid and actually before the it, I had this thing where I like to like subject, you know, Malique sex on brands, the guys like it. And so yeah, I have like but I didn't get too carried away lately because I like I have the house by myself. Not many gay men have a house and a car and a job. And so I need some help because I do over like two or three times and I, I start to get bored.

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I got to like spice it up a little bit. I need some input. What can I do. Wow.

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What are you saying? You want to spice up your blowjobs with these guys.

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It's like two or three to move all the time. Like consistently we have sex, we hook up and it gets bored. I get bored easily. OK, well, I've got some.

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I mean, you've come to the right place. Let's make them interesting. Let's make sex interesting. I mean, here's the thing. We all know how to give a blowjob. Not all of us, but many of us know how to give blowjobs. But you're right why we keep doing the same things over and over again. So have you ever done anything with, like, temperature play? Have you ever, like, used a blindfold? I want and they come in, you blindfold them, because when you take away one sense with a blindfold, everything else becomes more heightened.

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And then you can have like a bowl of ice by the bed. You can have an ice cube in your mouth, and then you could take the ice cube and, like, drip it over their body. And, you know, when you put his penis in your mouth, you could your mouth will be cold. Then there's some incredible warming lubes that we have. There's one by extends. They make some great tech temperature sometimes like temperature play playing with like warming or cooling products.

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You could also do teasing. You could use a toy if you ever used a toy or a conquering.

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I love cock rings, girl. We love those. Yes, I love cock rings. Yeah, they're the best. The vibrating ones are spectacular. Yes. Is it wrong to have someone like, say, a guy comes over and I feel love it if tell you know, there's some guys have a little romance there. I'm not going to lie to you gets here. I mean, for the first time I'm like, hey buddy, jump in the shower room.

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Well, OK, hygiene is such an interesting question because this is something that how do you do it? We all it's awkward. We all know it is. But I think that we all know what it means. Right. Like, Hey buddy, jump in the shower. I'll be like, oh shit. But you would say one shot, you could say, hey, I haven't showered yet. Want to shower together because then you guarantee that it's that you're both clean going into it.

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But it is a little bit awkward. But I think you also have to be honest. I mean I think that especially that with covid you could use a covid excuse. I think you need to have a shower.

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But yeah, but I but I do think that that's just sort of one of the best ways I found is like baby shower for hours or let's shower together or I think it's the way you say it, you could even like kind of like instead of like that shower, you could just say, look at my profile.

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Is that OK? I put up my profile. Yes, yes, yes. You could say, but shower together and have a cocktail, like let's shower together and hang out. Do you have a great shower in your in your in your fancy house. I mean you could say like let's shower. You could even after the shower. What would be fun is if you shower together, you got the candles going and then you could use some like of this war like warming oil and then you could like lie down, you could give them a massage, put it all over their body.

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You know, you could make that part of the ritual because they could extend its X, C and S and they have this. Oh, my God, they had this raspberry flavored lube that is going to blow your mind. And I never thought I need raspberry lube, but they said to me, like, oh, raspberry, it is friggin delicious. They also have eight different I think to eight or nine different flavor because they kept pulling him out of the box.

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I was like, they have coconut oil, they have avocado flavor, they have pina colada, but they smell amazing and they warm. So here's a cool thing. They're not really oils. I'm just sort of obsessed with that. So you they smell great and then you put your hands and so you could also use them as a lube, but they turn into a oily substance, but they don't stay in your sheets, you know what I mean?

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Like it's an oil, but not in oil. All I'm telling you is massage is so underrated. And then if you get something that could kind of make it fun, like oil up his body and then use a vibrator. Right. Teasing him, you don't need a vibrating Cochran doesn't just have to be on the cock, if you will. You could use it all over their body. Right. You could tease him. You could kiss him.

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It's just play with them while you're wearing. He's not wearing it yet.

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Well, it's holding in your hand. No. Well, yes. You could tease it while you're wearing it as well.

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You could, but you can also use your hand, like use it on down there back, use it all over, like literally tease them with it in your hand and just drag it all over their body with the oil, with a blindfold. You could do prostate play. David, do any prostate play. Absolutely. Yeah. There you go. Fingers and hands free. Yeah. Listen, you know, all the things I think a lot of the stuff about Spice Giddap or keeping it interesting is atmosphere and just doing one thing different and that could be showering together.

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It could be a new toy. It could be just something smelling amazing. When they come into the room, the bed's made. It's a different location. I love the fact about even the reasons that story. Now, believe it or not, I go have let me know how it goes.

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What do you think of them? Have fun. Now you're. Yeah. Yeah. You got to girl. Thank you. OK. Of course I'm here for you.

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Just amazing. All right. I think we all have to spice it up right now. Am I right? Listen, he's just seeing someone three times a week, Jeff. Seeing someone that gets a little dull. How is the sex in your relationship right now?

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We'll be right back with. Have you ever seen those ads for over the counter male supplements that are supposed to fix low testosterone? You often call me about them, we talk about it.

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OK, we have a question from Tommy thirty two in Michigan. I would like to have sex with older women, but don't know how to go about talking with them so much easier these days. I just start talking. That's how all great relationships start, Tommy, if you find someone that you're interested in, I think you strike up a conversation. What's your intent for wanting to have sex with an older woman? Is it a good experience or are you looking for a relationship?

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We are not clear what we actually want from relationships.

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And I don't think that finding someone to have sex with her to date is any different than if she was your age or she wasn't your age, it's the practice of communicating. I think a lot of us think it's like this whole secret, like, what do I do? What do I say? And I think the more planned we are, we try to think about, like, what's my pick up line and what I'm going to say. It's like be yourself and just strike up a conversation, see where someone's at.

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And if you've never done this before and have this sense that people, you know, who kind of grew up with cell phones and kind of being on their phones, being on laptops, it's less comfortable perhaps to actually approach someone and to initiate a conversation. But it is a practice, and the more you practice it, the easier you'll get. And my suggestion for everybody who is looking to date someone right now who's single is to it is National Singles Day is to practice just talking to people when you're out, even people you don't want to sleep with, just conversation having it.

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I mean, the people are really good at conversations. Typically had a life where they were maybe they were in a family where they're always talking or they were in a job where they always had to communicate and they had practice. Right. We don't come out of the womb being excellent communicators, but sort of takes some of the fear out of it when you just kind of practice talk to people that you don't even find attractive, you just kind of work there to say, noticed something and a girl, great.

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A great tip for talking to people, observe something in the room that's commonality and then ask the questions. So if you're like staring at the coffee shop, Tommy, you see the woman that you're interested or you could just say, oh, well, I've got the pumpkin spice back lattes here. I love them. Have you had the pumpkin spice latte? I mean, that's just kind of like observed something going on the room. Ask a question.

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You could even observe and say, I love them. I've been counting down the days. Are you and what are you going to get? I mean, it's really just that that's your commonality. You're in line, you're waiting, have coffee and you ask a question and you engage. It's all practice and it's all like letting go of fears. And yeah, you get rid of fears as you just kind of move through it. Try the things that you think you can't do.

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Because if we're not growing in life for not like challenging ourselves and growing and trying new things, we're dying. It's true, I can't think of a better way to say it. We got a few questions, you know, I love trends in questions and emails. Got a few of these today, so I'm just going to cover it all, Madison says, hey, Dr. Emily, I seem to get a lot of UTIs, urinary tract infections.

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Any tips on how to prevent from getting them? So this is a really common question and a common occurrence for so many women who just get UTIs over and over again. And we just don't know why. There are a few things that you can do to avoid this, because really, it's it's essentially when bacteria finds their way into the urinary tract, that's how you get a UTI. And then once the bacteria gets into the urethra, it travels up the track and then it can multiply.

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And then you get this like inflammatory response in your body. You can go into your kidneys. The higher that it moves up, the more severe the infection becomes. I can tell you once this happened to me and I ended up in the hospital and I was like 20 and I was an intern in D.C. for the summer and I stupidly I don't remember what I did that was do I probably didn't I probably didn't like pee after sex or it was like with a new partner.

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And I kept I got to work. I got to work. And then what happens if they're untreated? If you don't treat a UTI, you can actually get an infection and end up in the hospital.

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This happens to women all the time. So make sure that you get checked. You know, that you get checked out by your gynecologist. You get a pap smear. Twice a year is very, very helpful. But if they keep happening, there's this really cool company that I recently heard of that actually would be awesome for you. And that is you, Cora. And I was like, why didn't I think of this? So Ucore is so check this out.

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You should also think this is another stupid. OK, this happened to me twice. I'll admit this happens to me with another guy I was dating and he was like, you know, I don't think you should take because that sort of thing that happened is you have to go on antibiotics. Would you go on antibiotics? It's like then your immune system down.

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You got to get seems like I don't he was like super healthy. He was like a normal like a vegan. Didn't believe in Eastern medicine. Like you should drink a lot of cranberry juice and we drink a ton of cranberry juice. And I was like, OK, and and it got worse. Can't just drink cranberry juice to get rid of it, but it helps to to regularly drink cranberry juice. So this this company Ucore check this out, it's UCU Ohara and they have products and supplements that you could take daily or as needed to essentially help flesh out your urinary tract and each of their their products.

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They support you in different ways. So there's one that's like and it tastes, it tastes really good. It's like this one tastes like pink lemonade and you could drink it every day. There's other ones that they have, like supplements that are really good for probiotics. There's one report that you can promote your vaginal microbiome. So they have you on this like regimen and they send it to you. You can just order it online.

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Because I know that there's so many of us who. Who kind of worry about our fragile health, but we're like, oh, God, I want to go to a doctor and I don't want to take time. And and so so remember this. Even if you empty your bladder before sex or after sex, shower before and after, you can still keep getting UTIs. So you take supplements like you, Kaura, I mean, check it out. I think it'll help you out.

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You can find more at Ucore Dotcom UCU OIRA.

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All right, we're going take a quick break. When we come back, I'll be talking to Carole Queen. So stick around. Have you seen my sex then we just forget it's an elegant little vibrator, he wears a necklace and it can be your little secret or a sexy conversation starter. It's totally up to you. My best comes engraved with your choice of three limited edition phrases. I can first turn me on or meditate. Masturbate manifests its superstrong USP rechargeable and include a 26 inch chain.

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Hello, Carol Queen, thanks for joining me, and we were at your kitchen table all the way back there or your dining room table or whatever table it was one table we were actually going through because we had our 15 year anniversary thinking about those early shows. And I was thinking about the last time I saw you was at the Vibrator Museum, the good vibes in San Francisco.

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You took us on a tour that I won at a wonderful room full of antique vibrators. What could be better?

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You can't believe the vibrator is in there. You're like it looks like a mixer, like a mixing bowl. I just remember that the big. Anyway, that was last time I saw you, Carol. How are you doing?

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How have you been? I am doing OK. It's of course twenty twenty now. And instead of running around the world and talking about sex wherever I can, I hop on Zoome relatively frequently to talk about sex in various contexts and mostly stay in my apartment working from home. And I thought, oh, I'm going to have so much free time, I'll start my memoir, I'll start. I'm taking some notes. That's about all I have found time for.

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What on earth is going on here? I thought I was going to have hours and hours of extra time.

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I don't know, saying why is it especially now people need more information about sex and communication and relationships. We know that sex toy sales have been on the rise. I can't stop seeing reports about that for a home. Might as well be masturbating. Thank goodness.

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For those of us who need the relaxation, you need to keep their job selling people's sex toys and all of the other people who are going to benefit from people being a little more relaxed, a little more than this, because it's self care if we don't think in terms of masturbation is self care already, I bet a bunch of people have had their minds changed or blown or opened up this year because there's stress everywhere. Even if people feel pretty safe, it's still stress, it's still stressful.

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People who have never experienced anxiety before are now experiencing it. So it's just like they don't know what and they've never had any mental health challenges. So not saying masturbation is a cure for everything, but you can get that little serotonin, dopamine, oxytocin rush, which is a good cocktail. It's not Astrachan to find out what are the things in your life that give you pleasure and relaxation and masturbation happens to put both of those things together for most people.

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So exactly.

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They really do. Carol, you've been talking about this for forty five years, but in some ways I've found that things haven't changed that much. I don't know, Carol, like as far as people still shameful about masturbation and that we still can't talk about it in certain places. But what do you see as some changes? What's been the most remarkable to you or interesting to you right now since you've started? I know it's a long journey, but I'm curious.

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It's a long journey. And let me just clarify for people who may not know much about my history that tell them everything. I started out as a young person trying to figure out about sexuality, as one does, unless one waits until they're old to do that, which also happens. Whatever you do, it's a it's a good time to start, I guess. And I started my first year of college, I guess, or second one of the first gay youth groups in the nation, along with a couple of my young gay male friends.

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So I started doing LGBT panels and things when I was very young and doing and doing various kinds of organizing. So the really huge difference is that it is mainstream news now. It is part of what we're talking about all the time in almost all venues, even the venues that are cranky about these things are talking about them. And it took me it came out of the subcultural self published feminist rag that you had to get at the feminist cap situation into The Washington Post in The New York Times, in the Atlantic and all of the all of the media names that we've known for a whole lot.

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Right.

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That's the biggest, biggest, the biggest difference, that we're more open now culturally to all the changes that are happening. And people are more to talk about these things. Yeah, and I think I'm also saying we know as a culture now that this is not sort of side material. This is underground. I mean, many people still have to live underground. I don't mean that. But the discourse is, oh, this has been going on for decades.

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This is part of what we have to grapple with as a culture. And that's one of the things that brings these various reckonings together in my mind. Right, because they're not the same thing. Right. But the fact that we have to have reckonings, that's how we wake up.

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Right. I guess that's how we how we wake up and how we make change. Now, what about in the sex space? I mean, I or maybe it's just the shame and the embarrassment that we're still not teaching sex ed in schools. Aren't as comfortable talking about it, I mean, I think there are more resources now, but the information isn't accurate and then there's more porn. So then that gets confusing.

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There's more porn is certainly the availability and sort of mainstreaming of porn. That's that's made a jump, too, although for a minute in the 70s, it looked like it was going to be that moment. Right. And then it wasn't. But now it sort of is only there's still plenty of anti porn people. And I mean, I think the fact that porn has stepped up this way is fascinating. But I always want to remind people that it's not a documentary film.

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We're not watching Richard Attenborough bird movies here. We're not watching sex ed here. We're watching constructed, designed, directed, scripted entertainment, even if it doesn't really look like it is what you just made me think about because you've done so many things.

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I was going to name all your books here and things, but I just had a flash. Tell me if I'm correct. We talked about educational, not porn is not where people should be learning how to have sex play by play. But didn't you create bend over boyfriend?

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Yes. I want to differentiate between porn and explicit sex education material and there's an overlap porn site and I call that X ad for short think and Carrolls of legs. Speaking of a word that didn't exist when we made Bend Over Boyfriend, which was an educational explicit movie about women giving men anal pleasure with strap on, some of the people there will go. That's kind of binary in the way that you're talking. And yes, we did this in the nineties and the non binary discourse had not stepped up to the point that it is now.

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And I'm so glad that so glad we don't only have two to choose from. That's not very many and especially. But the word that I'm picking up here is picking. So it was a movie about pegging, but the term pegging didn't exist. Yeah, he's right. That's right. Because Dan Savage, his team of people who read his column, did this. He did this. Let's make a name for this sex act as a sex act will have a name.

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It you have to describe it in a phrase. Can't have that. Let's make a name. And pegging was what they came up with.

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So now that was Dan Savage with Dan and his and his merry readers who were very creative in terms of the language. So that came directly out of our experience. It Good Vibrations in the 90s.

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Can we still see Bend Over Boyfriend? Because I still sometimes was recommending it up until recently. But I mean, that was so advanced that you at the time were like and this is how you wear a strap on him.

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And because people would come into Good Vibrations and say that they were interested in doing this and many of them thought they'd invented the idea and others were like, my boyfriend is BI and he wants to do this. Not that all the boyfriends want to do this. Some might. And some of the heterosexual sexual orientation and the sex acts you desire are not there's not a straight line between them necessarily. Right. So we would we would describe and talk and talk all around.

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And the idea was that watching the sex acts is, as we talked about them and gave information, would be a way for people to really wrap their brain around how to do it themselves. And we could get into all of the you know, the specific sex ed stuff. You've got to have lube. You've got to relax your that a clean. Here's how to choose the right size, all of the things. Right, because there are a lot of moving parts to doing any new sex thing, especially something like pegging.

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I know. I just said don't watch porn for sex ed, but the point is porn might cut some corners. Porn is is performed by professional athletes of sex or porno or mostly there are often who know the way to do what they need to depict to make it hot and exciting and actually mostly use the armatures and bend over boyfriend. But they were people who really wanted to learn and enlighten other people. One couple had never done it before and another one wasn't a couple, but they were pretty frisky and they knew that they could make it happen.

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And so they did. And so it was a way to take a kind of sexuality that wasn't much discussed, that there wasn't a book about. There wasn't a whole lot of information about it anywhere, so that if somebody wanted to do it, they had a bit of a climb. They had a hunch that they had to go on to figure out how to find a person who wanted to do it with them, how to talk about it, how to do it, how to do it safely, how to pleasurably all the things that many of your listeners have have had their own sexual mountains to climb, even if it wasn't that one.

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Right.

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But there there's a mountain to seen. Carol, have you seen this, too? That I feel like. It used to be that men who identified as straight that it was a hurdle we'd have like maybe try out your prostate, try it out, but then they were like, nope, but I have felt a shift in the last five years, or I think that straight men are more open to it, says gender. Men are like saying, yes, I want to try it.

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They're coming to me. It's not like they're girlfriends coming or whoever they're actually are. I get it and I want to try it.

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So that kind of delights me that they're like, OK, I get it. It's very delightful for a couple of reasons.

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One, if somebody got a pleasure part on their body, it makes sense that they would want to figure out whether it's fun. I mean, they don't have to if it's not going to be. And and and someone's sexual orientation doesn't equal the kind of sex acts that they will want to do. I think our culture has done a little growing as far as understanding that in the last, say, 10 to 20 years, there's a real sense that I notice of people understanding and maybe partly it's sort of the challenges of non binary communities helping people think outside the box.

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Maybe it's just much greater discourse that more people can hear about sexual orientation issues and marriage equality. And there's so many different things that have gotten more high profile and acceptable to talk about and think about in the old days that good vibes. When we talk to people about this, sometimes it was men who knew about prostate pleasure who were hoping that they could convince girlfriends to go there with them. Sometimes it was women who were like, they need to know what it's like to be penetrated and who can argue with that.

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It's interesting to know what it's like to have that kind of experience of someone sliding into your body and know whether it's always awesome or whether it's sometimes challenging, whether, no, I don't want anybody coming in here. I mean, because that's part of the assumptions that we've had to overcome to write is these gendered ideas about what is normal, what is the way that all men are, all women are. You can't make those kinds of judgments. And anybody who thinks you can is is not living in the twenty first century.

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Exactly. It's exactly right, Carol.

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You know, we've got some calls coming in. And I want to answer because I'd love that you're here because you have one you have two sexologists here to help you. And this next question I would love to get your take on this. Let's talk to Jake. Twenty five in Ohio. Hi, Jake. Thanks for calling.

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I just got a call because I have this fetish or fantasy. I'm just I'm in the masturbating in public and I'm just wanting to save sports, maybe do it even though it's illegal.

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But we can, Carol, what would be a safe spot for him to say? I don't know why I thought Carol would be good at this. I mean, not that we can say it because it is illegal, but like I said, I mean, in your car, maybe with the.

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Well, let's brainstorm. So so there's so there's two there's two real challenges. And one is where will you not get caught? Because public showing yourself off is pretty much illegal almost everywhere. And where can you do this? Where the people who might get a glimpse of you consent to do that? So my initial thought is swingers parties, sex clubs, sort of sexualized environments. I don't know if there are still any gloryhole type sex shops around where you talk about them.

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Yeah, yeah.

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But I don't know if they are still open because it's been a minute since I've been to Ohio, but I, I might have committed a sexual crime in Ohio. Everyone there want to see the demonstration.

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I don't want to give the wrong impression and look there some sexual acts and sexual deviants in your day.

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How do I know. Good. I mean, it probably wasn't legal to do so. We jumped in the rental car and just floored.

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It is there like a sex toy shop in your area. I mean, nothing's open. I would find like a meet up or go on, like, what are the sites right now, like Phet Life? Or try to find a local party where you can go with other like minded people because I could really buy bigger companies them I, I like to have them somewhere. I like that people watch and get weird at all as long as the people want to watch.

[00:31:37]

It's just it's a fabulous form of exhibitionism. I wrote a book about it. And what book is that. Exhibitionism for the shy. And it will be watched. Right. It's there's so there's the two kinds of exhibitionist, the kind that the kind that everybody thinks like, oh, we got to lock them up, are the ones who want to shock and freak other people out, make them scared. Make them what would. I want to look at that thing.

[00:32:06]

I don't want to see anybody. And moving on it either, that's nonconsensual. Right? And then there's the people who sort of sit with their chin on their hand, like we used to watch TV. Right.

[00:32:17]

Go you know, go a little slower, go a little faster. And who like to watch and hear the words. So take what you've got to find is voyeurs. And again, I think that in the in the swinger sex club world, if you can find any of those kinds of venues, do you still find swingers via the lifestyle or. I think you do.

[00:32:44]

Maybe the lifestyle there. There's like Cassidys, another one. There's a fat life. I would try to find some parties on there, Jake, that you go to meet with like minded people. The hashtag open actually is a free app. Hashtag open is all genders. Also, you just use the hashtag of what you're looking for. So you could go there, Jake, and say hashtag public masturbation, good luck finding the right people, because it's it's really a delightful kind of sexual play.

[00:33:13]

It's especially relevant right now in the era of covid when we're not supposed to be right on top of each other, breeding each other's ear. Right. But if you're across the room from each other, that's a little different and could be safer if you find a safe place to do it outside all the more.

[00:33:31]

So I do wish you the best because, yes, it's true that this is not the sort of thing that you want to get busted doing. But if you can find the right way to find the right people and you can have a lot of fun.

[00:33:43]

Yeah, find your people, Jake. I think you can find them. It just takes one party where you meet people and you like. Then you'll be invited to other parties. You just every town has their people, so you just got to find your people. And I think that would be very satisfying to you, you know.

[00:33:58]

Yeah, I just I've been in jail once over it already. I just don't want to go again.

[00:34:03]

That's why you got to find your people in a consensual atmosphere. OK, OK, Jake, check out those sites that I talked about. Go to my website. We've got a lot of different sites on there that you could find. We could put in the show notes. I think we have a blog about how to find a third and that has all the websites in it. But you can find it people at go to jail either. Thanks, Jake.

[00:34:21]

I appreciate you. Thanks for calling, Carol. You want to hang out for a second? We're going to take a quick break. There'll be more sex with Emily. Thanks, everyone, for supporting our sponsors. You know, we only work with sponsors that we enjoy ourselves, and I hope you do, too.

[00:34:38]

People have been asking me, so what's changed after 15 years of doing the podcast? Well, a lot has. But to be honest, the orgasm gap still remains a challenge for so many couples. You know what I'm talking about? Men tend to finish before their female partners. So you've heard me talk about progress in four years. So urologists developed FDA compliant delays. Spray can help men less up to sixty four percent longer without loss of sensation. And because medicine is quickly absorbed into the penis, it won't transfer to your partner.

[00:35:05]

Oh, and speaking of your partner, I think we can all agree that sometimes women, even when alone, still have challenges around reaching orgasm. So now premising has created a new female arousal gel. I love it. It's a clitoral stimulant. She can rub into her clitoris for Greece pleasure and a lot more satisfaction during pretty much any sexual activity you can think of. So now they got Promesse in DeLay's favor, him arousal gel for her.

[00:35:29]

So basically they're closing the orgasm gap on both sides. Trust me. Try this combo. Thank me later. Seriously, right into feedback. It's sex with Emily Dotcom and tell me how it went. I want to know to try for my son today. Go to sex with Emily Dotcom Session Hants. That's my site. Sex with Emily dot com slash N and C today.

[00:35:51]

Let's talk to John. Fifty four in Virginia.

[00:35:55]

I don't feel like I know my wife could no longer get on top because of issues with their knees and arthritis, and that was the position she was in that she could have an orgasm with. And now, you know, can't do that and just trying to figure out other positions. But this theory that we could do. Yeah, that's a really good question.

[00:36:20]

I'm trying to think so. Her knee, she just can't be on her knees at all.

[00:36:24]

No, not at all. I'm trying to think if she was on top, I'm thinking about like a sex swing or something she could do or like she could maybe use sex for to turn your face to face in a sturdy chair. Maybe. I mean, if you're going to do up for any kind of furniture situation, you got to really make sure it's not rickety.

[00:36:40]

You've got to make sure that you're not well, you're not guilty or anything. Yeah, but if the reason that she gets off that way is that she's able to move her body, because sometimes that's the reason specifically. Sometimes it's somebody can't concentrate and focus with so much weight on them, but sometimes. That's because it's easier for her to move her pelvis and I wonder if there are maybe stimulation.

[00:37:12]

Yeah, I wonder if there are any side to side positions that you two could try. There's a position where you sit on the bed and then she sits on your lap facing you so that you can get inside of her. But she doesn't have to bend your knees. She could just sort of wrap them around the small of your back. That might work.

[00:37:32]

Yeah.

[00:37:34]

And you could move her back and forth to if she can't really move as much in that position. Right. Or grab a leg more to the bed as long as it's sturdy, again, the furniture, etc.. I've broken so many beds in my leg in San Fran. I remember having this like a kiya bed and it would break.

[00:37:49]

I love the positions where one partner is on the bed and one partner standing. Those are great positions.

[00:37:54]

Or the other thing is we finally don't have kids in the house, so it's not a nice to be able to be somewhat spontaneous. OK, great.

[00:38:03]

So let's think of what else I mean, I said sex swing just because I don't always think about elevation, but I wonder if she'd still get the leverage from that and then even like something like the Liberator that would still hurt her knee. I'm thinking about like elevation sex furniture. So I like the idea of on the bed or using a chair because then she could also if you're on with a big comfy chair or the couch, even the edge of the couch, she could use leverage.

[00:38:27]

She could put her hands on the on the armrest and then behind it and kind of move herself back and forth. But her legs could still be out, like if she's longways on the couch, modified switching position or the modified spoon position. Carol, we were saying the lamed something where she's laying down. But, you know, I wonder if that would really hurt her clitoris, modify lying on your sides, facing each other and want to have your leg over the other.

[00:38:57]

And that way you can sort of use your leg to thrust together. But she would also have some of her own ability to thrust her pelvis, as would you. You might try that, too. Sometimes it's a little hard to straighten your sides and it's kind of hard to give it a try to be funny. Do it. The old college try.

[00:39:20]

Yeah, I would I would recommend that as well. And there are some great position books. My friend El Chase wrote a book called Curvy Girl Sex, and she's got some really interesting sex positions in that book for people who have just different challenges around positions. And they're are incredible. I recommend it to so many people and they really enjoy it. So check that out and see how those work.

[00:39:42]

I'll let you know you're my guest, but when I drive, I drive a lot with work. I'm so glad.

[00:39:50]

Thank you, John. So good to hear from you. And thanks for listening and for calling. So appreciate you, Carol. Looking at your face like trying to figure it out like a mathematician, like her brain's going to all the positions and like, what does she know? She's got lots of knowledge in that brain. Carol, you've done so much written so, so many, so many books. You've been speaking. You've been really you've made such a huge difference in the that you paved the way for me to be able to do what I do.

[00:40:15]

Thank you for that. I'm grateful for you really, really and truly.

[00:40:19]

So let's talk about so you amazingly, you've been a good vibrations for thirty years. You're still so I don't know what you do. Your staff sexologist. You do. I like just company historian and curator, the vibrator museum. That's it. OK, companies store it. Sorry, I didn't mean to. I just feel like Carol is good to me when I think a good vibrations I think of Carol. So it's hard to sort of delineate that.

[00:40:39]

But I'm curious about is there anything new you got you or anything fun with toys right now? You know, we have our subscription box from Good Vibrations. You can find it on our website Sectarianly dot com, which has been a really fun thing to kind of curate that box every month for people to get it four times a year.

[00:40:57]

And you just get like it's a six shows up in a box, like six ideas. And it's kind of fun to curate that.

[00:41:03]

Is there anything that you're into right now, something new that's sort of fun. They're like, oh wow, they think of it. I never thought they'd think of this. What do they think of next? I know that's one of the wonderful things about being in a place like this for thirty years is you see some some shifts in technology and so forth. So what I'm excited about right now, these are these are just new in the last month or so as a little three item line called cute little fuckers and little fuckers are designed by non binary and queer people, but they're designed for everyone and anyone who wants to get a vibrating gizmo that's cute and put it on their body somewhere and see how they like it.

[00:41:49]

So that that includes most people except the people who don't like vibration. Right. There are some and or maybe they have found the right vibrator yet. I don't know. And no pressure to vibrate. But but cute little fuckers has three different ones. One looks like they're so cute. So a lot of non binary ish toys that have been designed so far have been a little austere and they're like they're gray or they're top colored, sometimes they want to avoid the the pink and blue boy and girl and all of that.

[00:42:19]

Well, cute little fuckers just pick some different colors and that may make them cute and bright. They're adorable. Want to looks like a little starfish and you can put it on the clitoris and falvo. You could stroke a penis with it or whatever you got, whatever you call it. Basically, it doesn't matter if you thought that the parts of the body parts that we have gendered names for or you maybe you do. So that's a cute one.

[00:42:43]

And then there's one that looks like three little sea monsters stuck together that I'm pretty sure could be used as a dildo if somebody wanted to motor those cute little sea monsters.

[00:42:54]

I'd love to see. OK, see, this is what's so cool that I love toys that are just you don't even have to name the body, but just vibrations feel can feel great everywhere. And so why do we decide this is for, for any gender. Then you get one toy, you can share it, get a bunch, play around with it. I think this is great. That's great innovation. So, Carol, essentially, you were there when the talks happened about creating masturbation month.

[00:43:17]

I wish we had social media then we could have documented that moment because that was a big moment.

[00:43:22]

We were trying to make sure that Clinton firing Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders for saying one tiny, sensible thing about masturbation did not go unchallenged. We were like, this is outrageous. So that's what made us created in the first place.

[00:43:37]

That's right. Something to the effect of masturbation should be taught in schools. And then he did not appoint or something to that effect. And good for Good Vibrations for doing that.

[00:43:47]

And you mean we should teach them to masturbate? We should teach them there is a thing? Yeah, we teach them, but we should give them sex education.

[00:43:55]

That's accurate.

[00:43:56]

So, OK, so, Carol, let's talk about these CDC guidelines right now for covid wear masks, avoid exchanging, kissing and glory holes at the height of the AIDS epidemic.

[00:44:09]

Everybody in the US going a surgeon general's brochure from C. Everett Koop that said all kinds of things. So this is actually not all that new.

[00:44:19]

When the CDC and the health departments have to step up and talk about sex, they will do so as we see this time. Yeah, gloryhole, some people may not even know it. Gloryhole tell them that is a wall with a hole in it and you can put your body parts through the hole. Often it will be a penis, but you could put a hand through there and reach for somebody else's genitals, whatever they might be.

[00:44:44]

And you can do all kinds of things through gloryhole and there's a wall in the way. So you're not breathing each other's air. And that's what makes it a safe thing for covid. Now, of course, people can mask up real well. And if people are like, I could never have sex with a mask, just pretend you're being kinky, pretend you're doing it on purpose. Plenty of people do wild things when they have sex. This is really unusual.

[00:45:11]

Let's try it. It might be fun. So you don't want to get face to face and breathe in the exhale, even though it's such a sexy, intimate thing to do right now, it's not safe. So we either put a wall in the way. We mask up real good, of course, making sure we wash up when we're done.

[00:45:30]

It's a multimeter haven't tried so much about sex is variety and trying something new. So why not try that if you want to have safe sex? Carol, we're coming to the end here. I got to ask you our five quickie questions.

[00:45:42]

We ask all of our guests, what is your biggest turn on brains?

[00:45:47]

I'm one of those Tapio sexualise biggest turnoff people being really pushy about assuming they know what the right thing to do is and knowing what I want, which they might not know what makes good sex, wanting to be there in communication, something you would tell your younger self about sex.

[00:46:07]

It gets better, what's the number one thing you wish everyone knew about sex, that there is no such thing as a normal sex life that you have to follow or you're abnormal? All right. I love it.

[00:46:25]

Thank you so much, Dr. Carole Queen, for being here. It's at an Instagram. Thank you, Carol. Queen on Twitter. You can also find more good vibes, dot com. Well, that's it for today's episode. I'll see you on Friday. And thanks for listening to sex with Emily. Be sure to, like, subscribe and give us a review and tell all your friends, your partners, your lovers about the show. If it's helped you, I promise it'll help them to rerelease shows on Tuesdays and Fridays and look out for a bonus episode every now and then.

[00:46:58]

You can also find me on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. It's all sex with Emily. Oh, and I can't really good newsletter sign up and sex with Emily Dotcom. If you'd like to ask me about your sex life dating life relationships messaged me on Instagram or call into my Sirius XM show Monday through Friday, five to seven p.m. Pacific, 8:00 to 10:00 Eastern. And you can just call me there. Save this number eight ninety four stars or triple eight nine four seven eight two seven seven.

[00:47:30]

And get a free 30 day trial at sex with Emily. Dot com slash s x. Was it good for you? Email me feedback and sex with Emily. Here's some history, it's been over 20 years since Charlotte on Sex and the City locked herself in a room with her rabbit vibrator, which was the first time many of us were introduced to this awesome vibe, which essentially means it has internal and external stimulators. Well, rabbit style vibrators have come a long way since then.

[00:47:59]

And one in particular, change the rabbit game. The We Vive Nova, which has recently been revamped to the NOVA to weave a nova, is still unique because the external stimulator or the vibrator curves inward. So you have consistent clitoral stimulation. I mean, the first time I tried it, I was blown away. Well, now we vibin reduced the number two, which is truly next level. It's packed with new features. So now when you insert the NOVA, it bends and locks into shape to fit your body perfectly.

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Then the new external stimulator is extra wide, which means you get even more vibe's to your vulva and your clitoris.

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But forget about the tech details. Let me tell you how it feels. Or you can have a truly awesome blended orgasm and even reshape the handle so you can move exactly where you need it. Check it out. It's sex with Emily dot com slash vibe. Then you'll get why I'm loving the Nova to check it out today. That sex with Emily dot com slash WIVB.