Happy Scribe

Hey there, we learned here from Smart List, it's the podcast where Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes and I interviewed somebody. Two of us don't know who that person is because one of us has brought on a surprise guest. That's the whole conceit. I wish I could describe it better, but I'm I'm not that smart. So it's smart list and it's starting now. Smart. Smart, smart list is brought to you by AutoZone, got an issue with your car battery visit AutoZone, America's number one battery destination, buy online at AutoZone Dotcom and pick up your battery today.


Get in the zone.


AutoZone Well, with the little tiny coati we have going on, you look a little like Gomez from The Addams Family.


Thank you. You're welcome. I can't tell.


I take everything as a couple. It's a great way to go through life. You just constantly go. Thank you.


Can you guys tell that I've got a little bit of a goatee going here? I got eight weeks of growth and barely see it.


That's not true. You can you can get a nice little beard going.


Sometimes it's a little little. Ginji, did you.


So some of the mustache period stuff from the hair on your head is you like glue it together, like make a we're going to get Fortey on here one time because Fortey apparently when he was a writer on that 70s show we were working on Brother Solman Will Wilfork was a writer on that 70s Show.


Yeah. Yeah, sure. And I'll let him know that. Yeah. And he goes and she goes, oh I remember.


Well, he made her give him one of those Styrofoam heads that you have that you put a wig on to keep its shape. I have hundreds of them because for all my various weight and forte over the course of a year would get his hair cut by hair.


And he saved his clippings and he put hair on the Styrofoam thing and then he made a face. And then for facial hair, he used he used his hair short and curlies. And then he gave it to John Solomon as a president at the end of the year, as a representation of himself, a pubic hair wig.


And the wig was real hair. And then the and it was so gross.


And that's just for today. We got to get him on here.


And speaking of hair, I want you to know that I've showered, I've shampooed and I've conditioned my hair for today's guest. It looks like I'm not messing around today at all. It's incredible. This is this is a top shelf guest. Sure. You both might want to just kind of maybe take a break and watch a friend's rerun or something like that. Will, I know you're partial to Canadian sports? Sure, Sean. I know that you're not allergic to sports, but it's not up front on you.


Don't let me sort of like sports screen savers or anything like that.


Not this anymore. This this this gentleman. Has played 12 seasons in the major leagues, debuted in 2008. He's an eight time All-Star. He's a three time National League Cy Young Award winner. He's a 2014 National League Most Valuable Player. His two point four career earned run average and one point zero one walks per hits per innings pitched his whip. That's the lowest among starters in the live ball era, Kevin Costner.


We have Mr. Clayton Kershaw with us today.


OK, well, this guy I've heard of look at look at that. Look, that's a beer. That's a man. That is a beard. Thank you. Look, it's really not good, though, but. Yeah. Hi, pal.


Very nice of you to say yes to this.


Thanks for having me, guys. I'm excited. It was fun to listen to our banter. Yeah.


Do you do you guys know each other slightly. I went to the ping pong tournament a couple of years. He has a ping pong tournament on the field at Dodger Stadium, which is pretty awesome. How many years have you guys done that?


Man, we've done it for probably six or seven years now. It's pretty fun. This year, obviously had to get canceled, but it is a good time. And I mean, Jason, you come to quite a few games. I mean, you're there quite a bit.


Well, I used to go to every game I've dragged. We'll do a couple. I had to explain that, you know, stop waiting for the horn and the puck.


The other period breaks. But I used to go to every game. Then I got a wife and a couple of children and a job. And so now I just come to 20 games a year or something like that. But I watch every single game. Wow.


You only go to twenty now ish. Do you still have that dumb license plate frame that you like? No, I never got a license. I mean the Dodger blue. I don't. How dare you. Not in front of Claytons. You remember you had that.


How many games does your wife Allen watches you watch every game.


Yeah, she so they have child care at Dodger Stadium. So that's kind of like a break almost for the game. You know, she can I don't know if she actually watches the game, but she goes she goes to every home game.


Just about. Yeah, just about when you're not pitching. Yeah, well, it's not like she's going to watch the game, but she's there with the other wives and they hang out, you know, maybe have a glass of wine or something. It's kind of like, you know, just hanging out.


It's like Amanda and Ozark A is not going to watch every I know. But she will drink when she's playing with the kids. Right. I do know that Allen is up to the same thing for sure.


Wade, so clean. So a couple of things. First of all, how many how many kids you got? A couple.


I have three now. Yeah. Wow. Three. Yeah, same. Yeah. We just had Cooper's our youngest now he's he just got to be six months so we're in the trenches for sure right now.


Wow. Dude, I'm right behind you. We're at where you are, you're late. You're like five now before I have three and and a step.


Oh it's we're talking about kids, not nannies.


We're not paying for nannies or nannies. Yeah, I guess we're on four. Yeah. We're on full men coverage over here. Wait, so you've got three kids.


You're right in that. You're right in the zone with their little you know and it requires a lot of energy.


Well it's a zone defense. Right at three to you guys were man to man and it was manageable. How old are the other ones? Yeah.


So Callies, our oldest, she's five and a half and then Charlie's three and a half. So girl, boy, boy like five, three and six months and yeah.


Zone defense. It's different you know.


Please tell me you had some help. You know those parents that can do it all on your own and you don't need any help. I need help.


I don't know if Ellen needs help. I need help and I think I can handle it. But with the season and stuff, we do have somebody help us. So it's good.


And how when you travel the way like I go away when we do Ozark, but I'm back every weekend, you guys are gone for two weeks at a time often is that it's going to be tough to get an honest answer out of you here. But I mean, it's there's a there's a couple of days of those two weeks where it is peaceful and enjoyable. Yes. You can admit to question I don't know if I'm allowed to admit to that.


Isn't want some validation for his own feelings. Admit to 48 hours of like at least how about how about the plane ride out of Los Angeles?


I will say this. I think the first day that you get to like sleep and not wake up when the kid wakes you up is is a glorious thing. And that is that is awesome. But then I do find myself like, you're just so busy until you go to the field. You just like you're just doing stuff constantly, whether jump on the trampoline or, you know, whatever it is. And you're just going. But then like you don't see him and you're in the road at a hotel, you're like, what am I supposed to do?


I have no idea. There's only so much Ozark I can watch.


You know, it's like I'm done after that. Yeah. Because it'll put you right back to bed and you'll miss it.


Bus Now, I have to tell you, when one of these guys brings a sports person on, I'm fascinated by the fact that you you're like the most famous pitcher in the world.


Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you don't need to answer that. I don't know. Yeah, I know you are.


And I'm fascinated by the talent. I mean, I grew up playing baseball and basketball and football and all. That stuff, so I'm not like a talk loser about all of it, I'm actually fascinated by and so impressed with your history and your success.


I mean, it's there's nobody there's nobody on Earth that can touch you.


It's crazy. Well, likewise with you guys. Yeah. It's just acting is a whole different level, too.


Here's the thing that I. I love these kinds of stories. So, Clayton, you and Matthew Stafford have known each other since high school. I do love this, right.


The Sharna who Matthew is, though, Matthew Stafford is a quarterback for the Detroit Lions. Is he still with the Lions? Yes.


So they're still with the Lions. He's still under one of the if you look, nobody has earned more money in the last 10 years throwing a football than Matt Stafford.


Is that true? Come on. Yes.


Matthew, Matthew, you know, I know I'm saying that to make him so he'll get mad and then want to come on and then we can have him on. But wait, does he correct you if you introduce him, as Matt does? He's here, Matthew.


So I think I think what happened was when he became famous, they just started calling them Matt. But he's never been a Matt. He's always been Matthew.


I don't know. I don't I don't talk to him regularly anymore that often, but I don't know if he changed it on purpose.


But to me, he's always is, Matthew.


But he's an incredible quarterback. He's an incredible athlete as well. So walk us through a little bit how you and Matthew Stafford know each other.


But Clayton was his center. Sean Clayton snapped him the ball a lot. Do I have that right? Yeah.


I mean, you just skip the head like the whole story, but basically that's the end of it. So, yeah, we don't have to go. Yeah, good.


So how did it happen? How do you and Matthew Stafford know?


We grew up together. I mean, we we grew up together, starting like we played like we played soccer together. Where what part of Dallas, Dallas and Texas. And yeah, I mean we played all the sports. Matthew played baseball, basketball, football. And he was way better at baseball than I ever was at football. And yeah. Good buddies all through high school. And then, you know, he, you know, he went to Georgia to play football there and.


Yeah, but he's great. He's a great guy, obviously.


And but before he went to college, since you did not you you came right out of high school into baseball. Yes. Well, I didn't even graduate high school.


So you're head. Yeah, I dropped out of college. So you're fine in this room.


You made a decision. I'm still you made a decision to stop playing football and throw the baseball one hundred percent of the time.


Yeah, that was freshman year of high school. I just I wasn't very good at football. I was was never. And then, you know, you said I was the center. I was playing offensive line. I was just getting beat up and just wasn't it wasn't it wasn't fun. So I, I love football. I love watching football, but I wasn't fast enough to do anything fun. So they put me on the line and I was a little chunky and I was my spot.


So but yeah, I started just playing baseball after that because you can be a heavy dude playing, playing baseball, you can look like a softball player and be pretty good at. But you could look at the Red Sox. They're just a bunch of softball players. They just rake and rake and rake.


There's some interesting body types in baseball for sure, and that's for you. It's so much better than what Jason was saying. Yeah, we got to go.


Emax Max Munsie, a guy's solid. Hey, he's a sneaky athlete.


He really is. He can like he can jump out of the gym, to which you would not. He's faster than you. Right. He's really fast. Like, seriously, one of the faster guys on our team. It's crazy.


He's so good luck. Hey, Sean, what are you got there? Oh, this is my shopping list for AutoZone. It's America's number one battery destination. But I'm going to get a bunch of other stuff I need, like blinker fluid, a bucket of steam, a seven ten cap. How do you decide that you need those things? Well, I saw a thing online about blinker fluid and I thought, you know, but blinker fluid is not a thing.


Brake fluid is a thing. Transmission fluid, power steering fluid, antifreeze. When you wash your fluid, all real things, you can get it auto zone to help your car. Blinker fluid. No. Well, if there's no blinker fluid, how does the blinker know when to blink and when not to electricity? You know, it's a light bulb that you can also get at AutoZone. They got they got all kinds of bulbs, headlights, tail lights, fog lights.


All right. All right.


Well, then what about this one? A bucket of steam. Where do I get that?


You know, it's just that's an empty bucket. And they do have some good buckets at AutoZone. We've we've talked about that. All right.


Well, OK, I find the seven ten cap. That's a real thing. I didn't see that online. That's something I found on my car. Look.


Yeah, it was. Sean, why don't you rotate the cap all the way around now? Do you see what kind of cap it is right there or the oil? It's not seven, ten. It's OK. Well, it's just upside down. You got that now. They've got oil caps at AutoZone as well. All you can handle.


OK, so what about this idea 10 form when someone said you have to fill this out before you work on it.


Twenty spells, idiot. You see, it's not a ten, it's an Io that someone's been pulling you that that's not very nice. No, but the good news is that you don't need a form to work on your car. You just need to head AutoZone. You need to talk to the people there about what you need or look it up and order yourself on AutoZone dotcom. You can pick it up in the store that same day or get it delivered as fast as the next day.


Get in the zone, AutoZone. Jason, I'm going to get real insistent here, I believe in this wholeheartedly. It doesn't matter if you're a stay at home parent, if you spend eight hours a day in an uncomfortable office chair or if you're a professional athlete like me, everyone needs support to make it through the day.


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So you're playing all the different sports, and I'm sure you're doing well at all of them, and then are you in your 30s now? Thirty to say so. So you're you're you're playing all these different sports. What is the moment? So you said you stop playing football. So you're a freshman in high school.


I'm always interested by like, it's so hard to pitch a baseball. Well, anybody can throw a ball, but to pitch a baseball when you actually start having control over pitches, when you're executing the thing that you want to do, whether it's whatever it is, whether it's a curve ball or whatever, what is that moment where you start executing, where you're pitching, you're not just throwing in.


Somebody sees it and says, hey, kid, you know, like what does that age, though?


Like, are you in your backyard when you first do that? Are you playing for high school or I mean, I don't know.


I just always loved baseball. I was always I was always playing, you know, I started playing when I was six or seven and started pitching probably when I was 10 or 11.


And I was always I was always OK, you know, and then junior year of high school hit and I really grew. I got a lot bigger and I started throwing a lot harder. And I was like, man, I might get to go to college to do this. And then senior year, sure enough, I started throwing a little bit harder and pitching a little bit better and I got to get drafted by the Dodgers. So it was just how it happened so fast.


But it was I was it was really cool.


And then that decision to not go to Texas A&M and go right into the minors, that was a risky decision because like, what if it doesn't work out in the minors? And now did you think, well, I can always just defer enrollment and I can go to Texas A&M later? How does that work?


No, just I mean, just financial. They just paid me money to go play baseball. So I was I was going on that.


Right. But if it didn't work out, like if tons of guys go to the minors and never make it up to the big game, would you have gone back to college?


Yeah. Some of those contracts, thankfully, that the teams do, they they they set aside a little money for you to go to college. Like, if it if you play a certain amount of years and don't make it, they set aside a little money for you to go to college. So I think that's great. And they still do that, which is awesome. Wow, that's cool.


And what do you think you would have studied man at school was not I don't know.


Well A&M so you were going to you were going to do some sort of farming, harvesting mainly in agriculture and mechanical. Know, my my girlfriend at the time and wife now went to A&M, so she committed to them. So I was like, oh, I'll, I'll jump on board. You said wife now. Yeah. And wife now she's. Yeah. Same one. So she, she went to A&M.


What she study their communication. She was a car major. Yeah. She's very good public speaker. That's great.


Now before we leave the football end of your life, are you one of those big fantasy football guys on the Dodgers that you guys do the big draft and all that stuff?


Thank you for bringing that up. We got to start prepping, right? Yeah. We were back to back fantasy football champions might want to say we Ross Stripling is my fantasy. Nice.


So back to back. That's as a trophy. We have a trophy and I have a base. I'm commissioner of my baseball fantasy league and we have a trophy.


We ship it around the country for the winners. Thank you. We do have a trophy. You do have a trophy. Who fell asleep?


I did because Jason talking about being a commissioner of his league. He's multi commissioner. Are you still doing you. So are you, Commissioner. No, I knocked it down to one. I've got a job now. Yeah.


Are you serious, Jason? You're commissioner of a team. That's right. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's right. And I don't take any nonsense about it. Obermann out of the league for mouthing off too much about some of the rules that I like to throw in there.


Oh, how many arguments have you and Obermann have? We're going to get them on here to so he can like tell his side. But you and Keith Olbermann have had a number of arguments over fantasy.


Baseball argument implies that there's a winner and a loser. You can't there's no competition when you argue with them. You just you're right out of the gate. You're going to lose. So the best thing to do is just boot them out of the league.


And unless he wins all the time till I told you that when I used to play fantasy football in that same league and he did and I tried to make a couple, he claimed to somebody recently that I wouldn't make trades with him. And I'm like, no, no, no. I tried to get him to make trades and then he wouldn't answer me at all.


And I was like, well, there were offensively beneficial to to you probably. Well, yeah.


Why do you think I wanted to make them. Yeah.


So, Clayton, I have a question. You're a left hander right on the left handers, right? Yes. What's that like.


No, I'm kidding. Tell me about like God it hard with a walker because, you know, most people are right. And so I know.


But back to what Bill was saying and a little bit of was saying, like, if you went to school, there has to be something else that you would have maybe tried at least or other interests or, you know, what was your what's the dream other than that, OK, can we go back to the left hand thing?


Because it's just kind of yeah, this is important to me. So there's these scissors, so. Oh, boy, none of y'all are left handed.


I am ambidextrous. I write with my left, but I throw with my right cutting paper.


You'll fail kindergarten if you're left handed. They don't supply you with the necessary left handed scissors that you need. And so recently I stumbled upon recently, like within the last year of my life, I stumbled upon left handed scissors. And it's been an absolute. Game changer, as well as spiral notebooks with the spirals on the other side. Yeah, so you don't hurt your arm or would you send me one of those? Yeah, I get pissed off all the time with the spiral rings and the three ring binders.


Yeah, the spirals on the other side. So when you're writing like this, you know, oh that looks like you have a problem and you get and you get the pencil lead all over your hand.


When you, when you write you just see, you get it, you get it.


It's going to be in the podcast. Not a no. Come on. This is good. Yeah.


So you're a left hander, which is been an issue by virtue of the fact that you were almost held back because of scissors.


Thank you. How much cutting with scissors do they do? The schools in the Dallas area is a lot of stuff to remember.


Exactly. But based on my oldest, it's a lot.


It's a lot now.


But my question, what I'm trying to avoid so I don't have to answer that one. OK, so it's baseball. Baseball. It was this or nothing?


Yeah, I think so. I love that. I love an all or nothing person too, because I can't do anything else either. I have no other skills.


So for our listener out there that doesn't know anything about baseball or Sean, usually you have a left handed pitcher come in and pitch against a left handed hitter because it's harder because the ball's coming from the side of the plate that you're standing on. So you would think, well, if I really want to make a lot of money in baseball as a pitcher, I'd teach myself how to throw with both hands. Right. So you guys had a guy last year.


I forget his name now.


I vendetti Patman Deti. Yeah.


So this guy threw professionally with both arms. So you have a batter come up and he just take his glove and he put it on the other hand, what was it like a thumos glove or something weird like that. I guess we go now.


Why aren't there more pitchers like that and and why was he so like he just came up for a cup of coffee and that was it. Right?


I mean, I don't I don't know. It's so hard. I mean, not many people are ambidextrous, so.


But you had to learn how to throw with your left hand when you were, you know, have to learn, though. Are you just know. Yeah. Yeah. You just picked up the ball and started throwing. You just know.


But if your parents had just been thinking a little bit more like Vendetti parents and put the ball in your other hand every once in a while, Klayton.


But if you're if you're Jim Abbott, you have no choice. Hey, you know, now that I was pretty impressive, was that pretty impressive, but not your deep cut on that name. But so, Sean, this was a guy with one arm being serious. Yeah. And he was a professional pitcher. He threw for the angels.


Very successful as a pitcher. Yeah.


Next, I want to move to Clayton. I've got a very important question here. I sweat a great deal when I when I exercise. Apparently, it's it's the mark of somebody who's in very good shape or on drugs. I told you, I watch every game, so I've watched you sweat for years. You're a great, great sweater. Appreciate that.


I have a question about the material that you men are forced to play in. Now, I know that the wicking under material that you guys wear has really made great strides over the years. So I'm assuming the answer is question is it doesn't bother you, but it looks like the uniform material is about the the last thing in the world I'd want to sweat in that thick polyester scratchy day game nightmare. Can can you talk to me a little bit about the comfort level in major league uniforms?


They've come a long way. Thank you for asking about this, by the way. They've come a long way. I am probably on the excessive side of sweating, so I know that it doesn't work as much as you need it, too. So there's there's plenty of uniform changes for me, especially in a day game situation. And as fortunate as I am to play in L.A., I can't imagine, you know, going to St. Louis and trying to pitch in the summer, like, I think I don't I have to pitch with no uniform.


I mean, there's just no way to do it.


So you would veto a trade to Atlanta, St. Louis, any of any of your hotter, thicker climates? Right. You'd have to. Otherwise you're going to dehydrate. You're going to cramp up. It would be tough.


I would probably lose some weight, though. It'd be good. So wait a minute.


Playing sports and a big arena and on television with all these millions of people watching you is very similar to performing. I was trying to relate it back to what I do because I'm a narcissist.


Is is do you have any crazy rituals or, you know, like preparations or anything like that before a game like that? You do. I have tons of them before like I do a Broadway show or something.


Yeah, we do. I think I think my teammates would probably say that I have quite a few as well. I just consider myself to be very routine oriented. They would say that I'm a little crazy.


But yes, I do know that you've had some teammates that I think beat you to that, but we won't talk about them. Yeah, yeah.


But we'll do that during the commercial break.


What would you say is your is your weirdest thing, that you wouldn't blame some of your teammates that they're not used to? Well, it's just the it's just my timing.


Like I have I have everything down. Like if it's a game at seven, ten, starting at about like one thirty seven, I know exactly what I need to do. You're joking, you're joking. Is it that precise? It's yeah, it's yeah, it is. Yeah, I'm not ashamed. I love Routine's too. Now, I don't know how honest you can answer this question, but to the extent that you can, how do you where do you put this season in your head?


I mean, like I mean, I know there's there's a competition happening and you guys are competitive people, so let's win it no matter what the competition is. But in your mind, do you see it as a true season, as a true world championship, as a true or you guys looking at it uniquely and sort of strategizing differently? And in retrospect, what do you think you'll look back at it differently or is it still too soon?


Yeah, well, I think I think you could probably answer that as a fan, just like where do you rank it? For me, it's kind of like, you know, it's different. It's not a it's not an asterisk. You know, it's not like it's not like that. But it's definitely different than every other year, obviously. So like, I don't know, it's like it's own separate category. It doesn't mean that it's not going to be meaningful and we're not going to enjoy, you know, the chance to win or the opportunity to play in the playoffs or things like that.


But it's definitely like it's own. I mean, no fans is so is so weird. Like it's so weird. It's so weird.


And how does this affect contracts? Like, they just prorate it, right. Yeah, just prorate it. Yeah. So you divide your salary up in 162 games, you just, you know, per game average and I just make those for the sixty games, you know. Got it.


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Well, I was about to say that Neum also connects you with a personally assigned goal specialist. And that's what was really cool for me, Shawn. Being able to get that one on one personal touch has been super easy.


Totally. I love that, too. And with Neum, it's about more than just weight loss. I've been really focused on trying to make more healthy choices, you know, and more easily understand my thought patterns behind those choices.


You hear this a lot, but this is true. The app is super, super easy to use. I found it just gives you like really specific lessons every day so that you can learn about your habits. And it's super easy to keep track your calories and what you eat. And honestly, the best part is it takes about ten minutes a day and Neum is in a diet.


It's a healthy and different way of creating a path toward success. Right.


It teaches moderation and can be used with lots of other pre-existing popular diets. If you want, you don't have to. But if you want, here's what I love. No food is good or bad or off limits. And if you go off track, it's not like it's a big deal.


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That's n o o m dotcom's martellus. Right, so, Clayton, I want to ask you a question that's a little bit of a third rail, but I'm not going to ask you the part that you probably don't want to answer. I want to talk about cheating in baseball now. The mouth covering on mound Huddle's. OK, well, you guys put your mitts up in front of your face so that people can't read your lips when you're talking to each other, that you've been in league 12 years.


And I feel like it's only been going on for maybe 10 years. So I'm asking you as somebody who has been a part of the game before it and now after, is lip reading really that pervasive where everyone's got to cover their G damn mouth when they're talking like is cheating that bad?


I cover my face with my hand when Will talks to me because I don't want to see them.


That's really all it is. Yeah.


It's so like, listen, gang, like this isn't the CIA. Let's just talk about we're going to change a sign from this to that and get back to the plate. You know what's going on with with the with the club?


Well, I mean, if you're inside the stadium or if you're in the locker room and you see the coach talking to the catcher or the pitcher and he says, hey, change the signs to second sign and they see that on the TV, are you not going to go tell your teammates that it's second sign you're going to do it?


But that's just that the assumption is that whoever's watching the TV in the clubhouse can read lips. Can people like it? You can read that, but you're not going to do it like that.


He's not going to enunciate so that the lip readers can it's not charades where they have to guess, but like, they didn't do it back in the old days.


Two words starts with first.


Yeah. Second, I just I'd love to see somebody just say screw it and challenge the lip readers and just stop with the men.


I mean, I didn't realize I was such a big issue for you. I'll talk to him. Well, now it's spreading to other sports, Clayton.


It's a real international football to football. They have the big like. Oh, yeah, yeah.


But what about coaches do it in football on the sidelines all the time. Are there. Hold the play. You know. Yeah. The little card in front of their face. Yeah. You hate that. I do. I just think they're all so you know. Well yeah. Now you know our friends in Houston gave gave cause to a little concern, but I'm not this is not in question form and we'll just let it rest statement.


OK, let me see if somebody else can ask a question so much.


OK, so I have a question now. This is going to this may I have to get cut? Because this is going to really show how smart this I am and stupid I am.


What's baseball?


So when the Chicago Cubs finally won the World Series after 800 years, they were playing the Dodgers, right?


Yeah, I let them win the series before they won the World Series. Yeah.


OK, OK. Got it. Ready. Go. Sean, thanks for that. No, no, no.


Well no, because just because I'm from Chicago and like great city tears are rolling down my face. And I was like, oh my God, I can't believe the White Sox won the White Sox.


I can't believe they scored a three pointer. In the end, it was just unbelievable.


But no, but closing in on a question, weren't the Dodgers a little bit kind of like.


I get it. Go ahead. Obviously, you try to win, but once the Cubs won, weren't you kind of like it's pretty awesome that they won? No, no. All right, my no, no.


I maybe looking back, I see where you're going with that.


Like, do you think the Dodgers just said, well, if we're going to lose, let's lose to the biggest losers in baseball.


That makes us. Yeah, right. No, but I mean, of course, you try to win. Of course, you played your best. Of course you shined.


It was incredible game. It was unbelievable. But come on, the Cubs hadn't won in like, you know, centuries.


I mean, I think the only thing I think when a team beats you, I think subconsciously it's like, well, if they end up winning the World Series, then like we always lost to the best team.


It makes you guys look better. Yeah, we lost to the world's best.


So playing in Wrigley, playing in Fenway Dodger Stadium, third oldest. I'm sure you have some favorite stadiums. Is there a consensus amongst the players of what the best? Because I heard the Dodgers won this for a few years by the groundskeepers. What field has is in the best shape. Oh, usually constantly, like gets the best, the truest rolls. There's no hard spots. There's no is Dodger Stadium still listens into gardening.


Jason's right. You know, covering everything around the green thumb. I've got some hydrangeas that are cheesy today who die.


Who's got the best field.


Yeah. So every guy kind of has their favorite spot. Right. Like favorite city to go to, but usually not their favorite city to play in. You know, like you want to go to New York, you want to go to Chicago to, you know, hang out, go to dinner and all that stuff.


And like favorite playing surface is usually like California because it's just the best weather. So most of the California fields, our field is unbelievable. San Diego is really nice. Anaheim, although they have perfect weather. So I. I think that and then all love the way he didn't mention the Giants. I love it. Keep going. See, I don't I don't know. They don't even exist. They don't even exist.


I think I think I think L.A. and San Diego are the two.


But, yeah, I got it now. You're not going out at night, though. You said some cities you like to go, you're not going out after the game and getting all crazy, right?


Well, not this year. Right.


But I mean, any year you can't go to dinner.


You go you go hang out, go to dinner. Have you ever played with a hangover? You know the answer that you have to answer, that 48 hour rule, it's part of my routine. No, no drinking two days before. Is there any truth to one Uribe and Yasiel Puig having matching white Rolls Royces, doing doughnuts in the parking lot at Dodger Stadium?


Way to say I've never heard this before. Did they have matching white Rolls Royce, Rolls Royces? Our true. That's true. They both had those. But you never heard about them doing doughnuts.


They must have love. They had matching. I love that.


That's true what you do in that car because Rolls Royces can get up and get after it.


Oh, I didn't know that. It's what I understand. All right. Beyond ping pong, what is your what's your best other sport?


Football, ping pong. I wish you didn't say besides ping pong. I don't really have another best. By the way, I play Keiller ping pong.


I'm not even kidding. And I'm going to do you really. Yamhill whacks you. I played it since I was a kid. I don't mess with him. He'll feel really embarrassed. I'll fuck you up. I will follow that ping pong.


Did you? So I know you hosted the Ellen Show for a little bit and I got to be on the Ellen show and play with Ellen a little bit. And she's super competitive about that too.


Is she any good at that word on the street? Yeah. Yeah, she's not really. Yeah, no, but I'm serious.


I want to chase and I want to do that. I want to do the ping pong thing. I would love to have you.


Well, the next year if you're nice to Clayton, he'll invite you. Yeah. I love it. I love that. And Kimmel hosts it every once in a while.


Yeah. It's hosted before for sure. And what's what's the charity. So it's our charity.


Kershaw's challenge is the name of it and. Right. Every year we have kind of different beneficiaries and just kind of raise money for different places here in L.A. and Dallas and kind of everywhere. Really. That's great.


You guys still have a facility and an effort down in Zambia? I think it is. Is that right?


Yeah, that's kind of where it got started. My wife's been going to Africa. She's been nine or ten times now. And yeah, long story short, that's kind of how the charity got started with one girl over there named Hope who's who's doing great now, which is which is cool to see.


Do you guys keep your eyes open for other areas around the world or even domestically here that that could benefit from money or attention? Like, is that kind of an ongoing effort or do you guys focus on the one place and in Africa?


Yeah. So every year we have like grant applications come in, but basically we're trying to focus on, you know, our hometowns, which is L.A. and Dallas. And then we have something with international justice mission in the Dominican Republic that I've been down there a few times and just really love what they're doing. And then Zambia is kind of every year. So we always do something with the rise of Africa in Zambia. But the local nonprofits in L.A. and Dallas are always changing, is trying to meet tangible needs wherever we see it.


That's so awesome. You guys are going to skip a bunch of lines upstairs when you're all done with this.


Jason, would you say that you ever miss an opportunity to skip a line? He wants to talk about the iPhone again. Oh, right now you're a long ways away from retiring, but what would your ideal post baseball career look like? Is it you think just generally? Is it is it in baseball? Is it like broadcasting? Is it coaching? Is it, you know, ping pong? There's a lot of money and champion ping pong is there really?


I think that's what it's called.


Two ping pong champion ping pong. Yeah.


I need you know, when I was a kid, I played a game called Canet, picking up where the balls go through this little thing. And just a year ago, I realized I was ping pong backwards.


Go ahead, Shawn. Oh, yeah. You okay, buddy? I'm okay.


Do you? I'll bet whatever it is, it's going to be something that's going to keep you home. So it's probably not going to be being a bench coach or manager or any sort of traveling with the team.


Yeah, I wouldn't expect to travel much once I retire. I still love to, like, be involved somehow. You know, there's this role that every team has called a special assistant, which is awesome. Yeah. They just let guys come and hang out for a few days at a time.


And now who's got that right now? Because Sandy Koufax or Chase Utley is a special assistant and Chase has got to maid. It's a great gig. The Dodgers have so many. I can't even tell you I never see them. But they're special assistants. But they're they're around all the time.


What are the job requirements of that special assistant? They do. That's I don't know, you know, special assistance, a great gig, that's why it's such a great gig, you get a few laminates, a check a little bit.


You had to be good when you played and you had people had to like you when you played. So like Chase was obviously the man. And we love Chase. And so he's got a great gig with us now.


He's he's got a very dry sense of humor, doesn't he? I mean, I only met him a couple of times, but that's what I we didn't talk much.


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Has there been any really great new clubhouse prank over the years because like hot foot and bubble gum on the hat and all that, there's some good ones, but it's been done. Yeah, well, but I mean, I don't mean to ridicule them because I'm doing it well, I'm sure is probably a fine art. But have you been impressed with any of these these young whippersnappers coming up out of the minor leagues with some new kind of. Wow, never thought of that man.


You know, we don't to be the short answer is no, we don't have any great pranks. I think sometimes with like when we have famous people come in the clubhouse and things like that, we try to think of some different things that we can do.


Here we go. Yeah, you know, just some things to make them feel maybe a little bit uncomfortable or things like that.


But so so go ahead and tell tell Sean the story.


And Will, if you're still awake, I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah. I want to hear this really bad go out.


Jason thought I made a bad decision to go down. You know, I've never it wasn't a bad decision. Well, it was colorful and I'll never forget it. Stan Carson, who is president of the team, is a very, very nice man and does me a huge, huge favor of talking to me when he sees me every once in a while. And he offered to take me and my buddy down to the clubhouse after a win one game.


He said, You got to see this. What buddy? What, buddy?


I believe it. Does it. No, it's going to come there. One of us. So so Stan brings me and my buddy, I think I think it was Steve Brill actually down to the clubhouse. And there was so sure enough that they had one. All the lights are out in the clubhouse. And I just see these like a flash of flash every once in a while, kind of goes through a pool of light. And then and then I look a little closer.


The door's kind of open. And sure enough, there's a buttock. And and I I'm not sure if a strike goes by or not, but there's dancing going on, a lot of bouncing, a lot of pink bouncing. And and Stan kicks the door open. And sure enough, there is there's a disco ball going. I think there was a smoke machine maybe or maybe that was just steam coming out of the shower. So these are clean bodies that are naked and dancing.


Come on. But they're all super happy and they're all and they're all holding one another and bouncing around in a huddle. I think I had that movie and somebody maybe it was you, Clayton, but I was somebody said somebody said, Bateman, get in here.


I was so thrilled that somebody on the Los Angeles Dodgers actually knew my name. I sprinted in luckily I didn't start peeling my clothes off, but but I did get grabbed, I will say, and not a pejorative term, but I partook in the bouncing a little bit.


But that's hilarious. Is this like a Clinton? Is this a normal thing?


Is that that was an interesting year. I was an interesting year. We haven't had too many. You know, you always try to celebrate wins, obviously, because that's hard to do early.


Who is a ringleader in there for the naked bounces? It was a Joshel. Was it Grondahl? Maybe was Grondahl.


I think I probably go PWG. I think Yoshii was probably the ringleader in that. If I had to guess, it was probably a bit weak. I can't remember exactly.


That's a festive room. Do you guys really you guys don't really party after every single win?


No, but just for like a brief minute, you know, turn on the music and. Sure don't have the disco ball anymore. I don't know what happened to that, but that was a great ad.


I need to bring that back this year. Who gets to pick the music? Every question, every clubhouse is different. Sometimes you kind of like guys, you know, take turns. But I would say our clubhouse is pretty. You know, we just kind of let JT, I would say JT kind of runs it. And he Timberlake, he does a great job, mixes it up.


Well, yeah. He seems like a real, real good dude. I'm great. I just want to know, like, I'm sorry to keep harping on this. I'm trying to picture what your life is when you're not playing baseball.


And all I've got is you're running around with kids, but like, that's it. How do you fill the space if there's no space?


I mean, there's no space. I have I have three kids, so that's like literally 24/7. That's yeah.


That's what I'm doing. I get it. Never been busier just running around with three kiddos. But to your point, I will try to figure something out post post baseball. I think that will be healthy to figure that out.


Is there any chance that you could become like a locker room choreographer? Yeah, there you go.


If that is a job I'm I'm in I mean that my senior with your headbands on.


I mean, you got the headband already. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, maybe you just need leg warmers and you're done. Yeah.


And my hair's I kind of like to go a ponytail at times. So tankful ponytail headband choreography.


No one does a man bun like klayton. You get a top not going there. Oh yeah.


That could you maybe when I retire I'm going to come back on if you all guys will have me and nothing but wicking material and a topknot.


Can't wait. You bring up wicking material quite a lot. Do you think you have an issue? He's right. He's right. I'm not ashamed. You need to Wickett, I'm going to tell you this.


I had a friend I mentioned this to the guys before. I had a friend. This girl, I probably I could say her name isn't going to care. Rosa Blasi and Rosa was married to.


Oh, shit. I just got served by Rosa Blasi. And she was she was married. She got married to Jim Finn of the Giants. New York Giants. OK, yeah, OK. But no.


And so I was at their wedding in Hawaii and she likes to embarrass me and there's tons of football players there.


So she walks me up to this guy. She goes, you know, this is I'm like, of course I noticed Peyton Manning. I know Peyton Manning and I'm not an idiot.


And she goes, I give you ten bucks if you can tell me who he plays for.


And I'm like, no, I have no idea.


But here's the point of the story. I know exactly who Clayton Kershaw is and I know exactly who you play for. And you're fantastic.


I'm honored. Thank you so much. That's amazing.


Clayton, thank you. Thank you very, very, very, very much. Thanks for having me, guys. Is a blast. I appreciate it. Thanks for coming to see me. OK, buddy.


All right, bye. What a great guest. Oh, my God, how cool. I was so stoked. Can I say that? Am I allowed same to really unless you're in a time machine.


OK, so I loved him. I loved him.


Clayton Kershaw, I, I don't know a lot of sports people, but I definitely know who he is.


He's a get is a major get definite get probably best pitcher in quite some time if not forever. And clearly the one of the best baseball names ever. I mean Clayton Kershaw is too hard syllables right there.


Do you think I'm a better right handed pitcher than he is? Yes, I think so, yeah. Thank you. That's a great question.


You should ask him that. I know I should have. I like to think of the questions after they've gone. You're the best. But what I guess, Jason, thank you.


And I sincerely mean this. I mentioned this to Jason earlier that I genuinely love when sports people come on because I, I learn something, I that's it. I learn something that I didn't know.


And I like when you guys quiz me about shit, I think that's. Yeah. Because I'm genuinely interested.


Well it's interesting when a guy makes it the way that he has and is so successful at doing that. It's so impressive and fascinating and interesting. How did you become the best pitcher in the world. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, so good. Great.


And then we'll talk, we'll talk on the on the next one.


On the flip side, we'll get you on the flip side, they probably don't even flip sides anymore. But guys I would be like so I didn't say baby, you can hear me not saying it right.


I'm not smart. Smart bombs.