Hey, gang, welcome to Smart Lists, we are a sweet new podcast starring myself, Sean Hayes, Jason Bateman and Will Arnett, and we are complete idiots. So what we do is we bring on a guest and we ask them stuff and they make us smarter. Hopefully it's super cool. So please come with us. Enjoy the show, Swami.

Smart, smart list is presented by AutoZone, America's number one battery destination. Make a donation to St. Jude Children's Research Hospital next time you visit AutoZone during the St. Jude thanks and giving campaign going on November and December, let alone alone.

Yeah. Yeah. All by yourself. You got to find your own food, make your own shelter. You have 10 items you can take into the wild with you and you're all by yourself. You've got to film the whole thing. Where's this? It's a it's a survival show called Alone that I am super addicted to right now. And it's also making our situation seem pretty.

Lux, you know you know, now, Hillary, is that you're addicted to a show that's called alone.

Yeah. Well, you know, it's making me feel better about the fact that you want to be alone all the time. It makes you feel like you have company.

Now, the these people have serious introvert problems. Mine's more functional.

We beyman be honest. Did you start coronavirus just so that you could be alone just so I could wear my these plaid pants for four months straight. Oh God I smell so bad.

Jason, do you like being alone. Our do you like being. I am surrounded. I am, I'm a full blown introvert and. Yeah but I mean I'll come on out and party like, like the rest of them but I need to go back inside and refill my tank.

Do you think it's because you've been around people all your life just surrounded by people constantly your whole life.

No, I don't think so. Although I bet you if I was honest and I was sitting on land down on the couch in the doctor's office, I'd probably say that a portion of my introvert ness is as a bit of a stay away from me mechanism. You know, it's a I want my boundaries up and my privacy and all that crap.

What do you think it is that you're hiding about yourself? We're rolling, right, doctor?

Eye doctor. You know what? Here's here's the thing I want to talk about hiding.

This is a perfect segue way into introducing our guest this week. This is a person who has been hiding in plain sight for a long time.

It's very difficult for this person actually to hide because they they demand a lot of attention, not only because of their physical appearance, because of their size, but also because of their.

Well, you'll see this person I remember we've said before, like, this person needs no introduction. Shaquille O'Neal. I refuse to give this person an introduction because you know who this person is, Kevin McHale, they're very, very well known. I hate to say talented, because it makes me mad to say that this person is talented as that Shakira is Shakira.

It's so close to Shakira.

It's so close. I'm Babilonia, almost as good a dancer as Shakira.

This person was once known for doing a dance that was involved, kind of like a string attached to their waist. And they would kind of do this like thing with their pockets. It was like the distance.

Oh, yes, this is Conan O'Brien.

Oh, people. Oh, my God.

Got it like this close. Oh, man, yes, just under the wire. Yes, yes. Do you like sitting there listening to us before you come on.

Are you like, let's just get this over with? I thought there was some time wasting. I will tighten it up later.

I didn't need to hear Jason go on for, I think, 11 minutes about his current favorite reality show that he's bingeing.

I am long winded. That is some of my life. I'll never get back.

But now you've got a real tasty new show to watch. I know you're looking for things to do with all your free time.

I binge watch my show, just what I do in my spare time. Repeats, repeats.

You know what's really funny? If you guys came over and it doesn't even have to be because I have a back catalog, I just save a lot of them on. You know, we I record them.

So you come over to my house at any time that I'm here, you'll hear a loud laugh out loud laughing, and you'd come up to my room and you'd see me watching my show from 2004.

Right. So say, did you hear what I just said? Yeah. Get in here. Oh, the kids are all tied up in their force. To what? If you want any more iPad time, you have to watch Daddy's show. I do.

I will say once it's true story. I was once skiing somewhere out out west, not west of where we are now. Let's not get into that. You know what I mean is that we're going to do we're going to cut in care.

We don't care. We're not going to judge you for going to Deer Park. Deer Valley? You mean Deer Valley? Deer Park. What do I know? What an idiot. Yeah, I went to the park where you can look at deer. What a great park that would be.

How's our Deer Park doing? Not so good.

Again, nobody came to look at the deer. Let me tell you this story.

So I'm skiing with my family in Deer Valley and then I hear someone say, dude, Colpeper is on the other, Stephen Colbert is on the other slope.

You guys must be here together. And I said no. And they just assume that talk show hosts call each other and make a plan.

But anyway, then shortly afterwards, I get a text from Stephen Colbert saying, I hear everyone says that a tall Belgian woman who looks like you is here.

I immediately said I said, yes, I'm here. So we ski together and we ski for a bit. And at one point the two of us and we're skiing with his kids who are great, his family, his kids are now much older. Now, this story took a few days, a few years old, but his kids are now, I think, in their 50s.

And thanks for bringing all the old stories.

Sorry, but anyway, we were on the ski lift together, just the two of us, and it's deadly quiet. And then he starts telling me a story about how when his show comes on, he goes in the other room while the his wife and his kids watch it.

And he was like, and then I hear them laugh. And then we talk about the show afterwards.

And I thought my kids and my wife have never watched my show.

It's the last thing that is that anybody wants to do.

No, they will watch no, they will watch my show. If I say if one of their heroes is on and I say, oh, Lin, Manuel Miranda was on the show or in ads on the show or whatever.

No, no. Yeah. Or whatever.

And, you know, and then they'll watch that much of it and they'll really pay attention to the other person talking. They have no interest in watching my show. And I think that's very healthy.

I'm in the same boat. My kids hate me.

When we're going to get to that Jason Dory every episode we talk about how much his kids hate him. But Sean has never seen Arrested Development, which is great because two of his you know, I didn't know that or maybe I did know that and I just poured cement over it.

It's too hurtful to really think about that.

I know. You know what? You guys you assholes, I'm going to I'm going to watch it. I'm going to watch it now. I'm going to start watching tonight. Sean, it doesn't hold up. It does.

So you know what it did?

It was it was a moment in comedy. I saw every episode of the Hogan family. I've seen every episode that holds up. Yeah.

No, listen, I'll tell you a funny story. Actually, I went to never say it's a funny story up front.

Just say I'll tell you a story and you'll be the.

Oh, no, no. I meant funny, like kind of weird. Kind of funny.

Like when milk goes funny or like you, I'm going to go for Uncle Mike.

Uncle Mike went funny, but I, I was in I went to a friend's house, a friend of a friend, and they were renting Johnny Hallyday. Do you know that is the French singer.

Yes, yes. French, the French, Elvis, the French Elvis. He passed away a couple of years ago, but he was huge in France, like massive and he sold out. So we went somebody a friend of a friend. We were on vacation. They were renting his house down in the Caribbean. And he we go and he's got one of these, like home theater things. And he's got like, what's that thing where it's like a.

Digital DVR, almost like you just got movies and stuff that used to load it up with restaurant sort of these days to load it up Ghil'ad Escaper.

Oh, yeah. Scope or something like that. Yeah.

So you so you can have five thousand movies loaded into it or whatever.

He had like 25 things available for viewing and they were all concert footage of his of his own concerts. So you have this home theater with theater seating really nice, especially a place in the Caribbean. And then it was all like his concert, like Johnny Holiday Returns at the belly, you know, you know, the stadium, the whatever DP like crazy like video of him coming off a helicopter, you know, with a hard cut. And then all of a sudden he's on stage because there's no way he you know, he needed eight people to help him off the helicopter.

And you'd be able to stack your top five episodes or interviews. You could rattle those of my show.

Yeah, well, the gun to your head right now, I could. No, no, come on. I could not. I've been doing my show since September of 1993. Who's counting?

There have been there's there's something like 4000 hours, but I won six out.

What about when you interviewed Richard Nixon? I mean, wouldn't that stick out in your head? He wasn't. You know what?

His stories didn't have a strong finish. The thing about Nixon was you feel like he was lying. No. No, it's not. He was lying. It's just that he would tell. I mean, first of all, everyone thought, oh, this is great. Conan's going to get the only late night interview ever with with Richard Nixon.

And this is Nixon died, as we all know, in 94. So he didn't have long to live.

I had him on the show and we he was pissed because he was second on the show.

He was sure it was one of the kids in the hall was first. And I don't remember which one. Yeah.

And then he was I don't remember which kids in the hall, but he was second and he came out and then he had these stories that he wanted to do and he had this whole bit he wanted to do about I love to Sharon, which last time I was here and it didn't pay off.

And the audience know what this is. Do you are you are the best Olympics. I mean, he gave us three minutes of podcast time on just that little tiny hook I threw him. I know the way he did, though.

Let me ask you this. You've done for whatever you said, 4000 hours. Is that right?

Yeah, it feels like. Yes. What, six of them. Oh, God. I was about to slam myself and he slammed me. You know, that's the toughest thing about being around Arnet.

He'll kill you before you can kill who's who's the better skier, you or Cobbora. Well, I'll say right now, he was terrified and he does that kind of pizza thing where he puts his glass and he went to French fries, pizza, French fries, pizza, French fries, and he was saying pizza, French fries, pizza, French fries.

And he went down the hill and it was going really slow. And at one point he just sat down and we were on a green. We were on a green.

Was he shitting himself at the time? Well, I couldn't tell. He said there was shit underneath his bottom where he landed before he'd lost the battle.

So he sat down and then there was shit. And then he said, that's someone else's shit. I just happened to sit here and I said, that's fresh. That is fresh shit. Steam is coming off that shit. Pizza, French fries, fudge.

And then he said, yeah, he said, get me a stretcher. And he wasn't hurt at all and then line it with plastic. Yes. And so it took about an hour to get a stretcher there and they had to wipe the shit off of him and he was yelling it. They had to defrost it first. Right. It was yelling at them. Yes. Yes. And he was yelling at them and being very rude. And then I had to ski down with him.

And whenever they went above, like three miles an hour, this is on a stretcher.

He would go too far, too fast, too fast, because this is so inflammatory. Yes. Stephen asked if this is true and he will tell you it's true. Ask him. I also love the fact that his family does a focus group after every episode that that that's a family that loves you.

I think that was back in the day. I don't think they do that anymore. This was this was back probably earlier when his show was, you know, newer and he was excited about it.

Then we all die inside. We all die clearly.

Oh, so wait, I want to get back to the mike, was my question.

You've done for over 4000 hours of television. Here's one of the dumbest questions. Do you still like doing it? No. OK, great. So my next good night, everybody, I'm so jealous, it is the one thing one of the things I would love to do, I would love you.

Be very good at it. I don't I don't know about that. I know it's very, very difficult. But it is one thing I don't know, always covid you're doing it now.

No, no. I think I'm being honest. I think you would be very good at it. I think Sean would be very good at it. Will would do an attitude all the time.

And he'd be hard to like, you know, people wouldn't people when it would all be like, oh, hello, it's so good to see the audience.

But he Bookpeople like crazy because it would look so good next to him.

But you know what I say. I'll take that Conan. I'll take that because you are an expert on hard to like, so I am going to take that.

You know what? OK, you know what? Even for you, that was a sloppy swing. That was. And you're a surgeon. You're a surgeon, but you just threw the scalpel.

You know what I'm these days, I'm just trying to get on base, man. I'm just, you know, whatever.

So the. No, I really do. I do like it. I enjoy I mean, this is fun. I mean, getting to talk to you guys. And it's the same thing when you have a show. I've interviewed you all on the program and people think, oh, it must be kind of it's a job.

And I think it is not a job. It is not a job to talk to really funny people who I would happily have dinner with and we would laugh our asses off. That's a joy. The job part comes in when you have to talk to some people who shouldn't be out there.

There are people who are booked by publicists because I think he means Andy, you know, me and Andy Richter.

I don't I don't get it. He's a fools fool. Well, and look, trust me, I love Andy because I've been taught that that's the thing to say.

But I know I know what you mean about it's a chore.

It's a job to get through some of those episodes.

That's why I asked if you still enjoy it, because does that not outweigh the fun, I guess that make it not a job.

But but, you know, it's great is enough time has gone by and I'm in a nice place, you know, knock wood. In my career, I've been around long enough where I don't if there's someone who I think is going to be really unpleasant to talk to, I just say let's let's just not do that person good.

When I couldn't have done that in 93, 94, 95. And, you know, now I can say, yeah, we just did Sean Hayes like a year ago.

Yeah. Yeah. Do you want to know? That's pretty recent. Let's let's do one is too much. Well, you know, that was the staff talking, not me.

The consensus. Right. Of course. And you don't want it.

You don't need the you don't want your audience. Of course it comes on late at night, but you don't want them going to bed during the show, you know what I mean. So I have a Hayes on. Like, that's the that's the risk that you run like so much better for like a Rippa or. Oh, he'd be a great ryba like like a rip off. They are you guys. Thanks.

If you have a very you have a powerful powerful Rippa energy. Thanks. Is that, is that the first name or the last name. We're not sure. She's not even no one. Sure.

They've looked at her birth certificate many times and it seems to just there's multiple copies.

No, wait a second. So they're were coming to me.

That's not how you interview people. You don't go. Wait a second. You don't. Oh, wait, hang on. Can I ask you a question? Do it like that. Well, yeah. Yeah, like that. Jason's got the idea. Go ahead.

I don't think I've ever seen your degree from fucking journalism school, man. So listen, how about that? How about look, Conan, do you deal with this?

What what do you think your show had?

So many we talked a little bit about when I came and did your podcast. We talked about all the different kind of phases that you went through a little bit on your show, like you started out. You were new at doing it. Then you guys kind of created this comedy sort of sketch factory over there, really, and a lot of ways. And you were doing so many bits all the time. And it really was a place for guys we talked about is that guys like me, like I tuned in because I loved watching you guys do that Bedzin and it was you and Stack and you and Brian McCann and Jon Glazer and all those guys.

And that was so like there's been like it feels like there have been like so many different kind of phases to you being a a host of a show I don't even write.

Calling you a host is weird. I remember listening to you talk. I forget who you were talking about talking to on your podcast, talking about your dad and about how you describe what it is that you do. It's hard to describe because there have been your host, but you're also you're also you kind of do you're in the bits yourself, like you're doing all this stuff.

So, yeah, I never it's funny, I never wanted to be a host and I never when people say, oh, you're a talk show host host, that always sounded lame to me.

And it was not something I wanted to do. I didn't just want to be a friendly presence. I always wanted us to be coming up with aggressively weird, multidimensional stuff.

And I. You know, Robert Smith, when I used to talk even before the show went on the air, we had a very specific idea of what the show could be and we thought it sort of CTV and Pee wee's Playhouse and it's post Letterman because Letterman is irony and detachment. This is going to be very silly and have like children show elements, but also be kind of avant garde and just ruthlessly, like, pack as much comedy as we can into each hour and then go do it again.

So the idea that being just a guy who was like, well, welcome to the show, I'm a pleasant fellow and I'm I go down easy. And that was our show. That was never what I wanted to do.

And so and you came off, you'd written on SNL and then and then you'd gone and written on The Simpsons. It went that way.

Yeah, it was. Yeah. SNL and then Simpsons. Yeah. And then.

So you did Simpsons, which again like that was a very sort of you know, obviously the time that you were there was really at the the infancy of of it the surreal era of The Simpsons that kind of made The Simpsons what they are today. And you brought that kind of energy or that kind of vibe to late night in a way like you made it kind of surreal.

Well, I'm very I mean, you know, it's hard not to be boring when talking about your own work, but I'll and I probably already have been. But it just like seeing it live. My sketches were always very cartoony and silly. And then I went to an actual cartoon, The Simpsons, and really felt comfortable there. And then I think when I got my late night show, I there was a lot of Warner Brothers cartoon influence that I wanted to bring into late night.

And yeah, because, you know, when they promote late night talk shows, not just late night, any talk shows, it's almost like the thing that leads the promotion is the guest.

And right when they would promote your show, I would always tune in because of you. Because of all that was more like a show.

It was a sketch show was a variety show you and Mr. T writing, you know, going out to pick apples.

And there was a thing we did where, like, to me, it was what we did with the guest. So, you know, years and years ago we had Tom Selleck on and, you know, Tom Selleck. That's a still a good that's still a great booking. But then it was just like, oh, my God, it's Tom Selleck. And we talked him into he had just shaved his mustache, had shaved it like a year before.

And it was sort of a thing like for Quigley down under that I don't know what do I swear to God? I don't know what it was for. It wasn't for a movie, I don't think. But he had no reason to think that.

Are you impressed with Quigley down. Under. Yeah, that was a great pull deep cut. So there was a bit before you guys did this. I bet I can work in Quigley Down Under and you did it.

Nicely done. Nicely done.

Remember when you did that, when you were interviewing Obama and he was just about to say, I think the way to save race relations in America and you went, is Quigley down under anyway?

What do you want? I won the bet, Bateman.

I won the bet and then lost his train of thought. And you guys said, we're out of time.

Remember that?

Well, the worst part was that Obama lost his train of thought. Well, because of your idiocy.

No, no. Just credit to the great man himself. A good friend of mine, by the way. Of course he's here.

He's he's she's downstairs. He's making a protein shake. So anyway, we did this whole thing, like I didn't want to talk to Tom Selleck about his career.

And we just did a whole thing where we said, we found your mustache and your mustache misses you and we reunited him.

I remember that. I remember that.

And then he came out. Then he came back a second time and he still didn't have the mustache. And we said, we reunited you last time. And he's like, Yeah, yeah, I remember that.

And then we said, well, we got bad news for you. The mustache is terminally ill. We cut to a little miniature hospital bed and the mustache was dying. And we said, if you have anything else you want to say to the mustache. And there was a nurse there and a doctor. And then, of course, we had Tom Selleck went over to say goodbye to the mustache. And then when he looked both ways and he picked up, he did a really well, he's very funny, picked up a pillow and uses the mustache.

What's happening? How is this a celebrity interview? But now was that cleared with it? Was that part of like the pre interview? And also afterwards you just kind of spring that on him.

You weren't. I'm going to say I'm going to say we probably told him about it when he got there and he's a good sport and he went along with it.

There have been many we had a lot of times where it's gone very badly. Ringo Starr was on the show one boy, and the writers had a funny idea, which was I say, Ringo, do you want to sit in with the Hey, Ringo, I want you to sit in with the band. No, no, I possibly could. No, come on, Ringo, do it. All right.

And he walks over there and picks up a saxophone and just starts to wail, which I thought that's a funny idea.

And the band plays out and that would be like a a funny clip. And the writers came to me and I said, you know what? They said, it's a Beatle. You got to go pitch it to him. And I said, I'll pitch it to him. And I the writers were like, you know, Conan's going to stand up for us and he's going to really pitch it and sell it. And I went into Ringo's dressing room and I said, Oh, Ringo, we have a nice.

For bit, he said, let's hear it. And I said, so anyway, the idea is I say, hey, Ringo is going to sit in with the band and you cross over, but instead you pick up a saxophone. And without missing a bit, Ringo went, I won't do it. And I, without missing a beat, said, And I don't blame you and I won't do it.

And I said, And I don't blame you. It's not worthy of you. And it's not a good idea. And the writers like, Fuck you, man. And I'm like, hey, it's not Ringo quality, so forget it.

And so I love selling them out. What about antifreeze, though, huh? Oh, is this the AutoZone and how are we doing AutoZone now? That's right. Sean AutoZone, America's number one battery destination, said we need to start looking at our coolant. They have some from peak. OK, but what about antifreeze? That's what you just said. And you said the first any freeze and coolant do the same thing. What? OK, and that's like saying a fire in a fridge are the same thing.

No, it's.

Yeah, antifreeze obviously keeps your car from freezing. Yeah. So you need that in the winter. Right. And keeps your car cool. So look for that in the I see where you're coming from. But here's a reality. Coolant, antifreeze. It's one thing with two names because it does multiple things. It's there to cool the engine. Hence coolant also needs to not freeze ever.

So antifreeze, this is like why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway kind of thing?

That gets weirder, actually, because after cooling cools the engine, your car uses the hot coolant to heat your heater, hot coolant for the heater heat. And one other thing about coolant are antifreeze or antifreeze is that it's a really good at protecting against corrosion.

So anti-trust, heat or coolant antifreeze. Yeah. Is really important for your vehicle. With winter coming up, everyone should pick up some peak antifreeze from AutoZone and top off if your levels are low parts, accessories, batteries, antiracist heat and coolant, antifreeze advice products and more. Get it at AutoZone and AutoZone. Get in the zone. AutoZone.

Do you ever lose track of the days, maybe you just get sick of the same old routine and those tired old recipes, I guess?

Yeah, I mean, I imagine that happens to everyone just, you know, need to get too depressed. But a blue apron meal kit is one way to keep dinner. Interesting and refresh your routine.

Yeah, I do have to say, well, I have been loving the meal kits that they've been sending us.

Oh I know.

We just tried this seared chicken and kale salad, which you might want to move into more of a salad based meal plan. It was seriously delicious.

Well, I've always wanted to try beyond meat. So we got the beyond beef and quinoa enchiladas up in our grill and this blue apron kit. It was incredible. It was fun to make, too.

Let me ask you a question. Noncommittal. What are your plans for Thanksgiving? This busy? OK, just let me and you don't have to be so quick on that because. Because I'm going to guess that you're going to need a little. Well, a lot of help with that. Right. Right.

Well, whatever my plan is, you know, I've no I've no clue what the plan is, OK, but let's just say we are spending it together and over the house because listen up, Blue Apron is going to be offering a full Thanksgiving feast. It serves up to eight people. And you can get your classic turkey dinner complete with sides and dessert or just mix and match any of the dishes that you want.

Sounds great. And I don't sound like I need you for that again. Can I order it?

It's going to be available to all customers for delivery by Thanksgiving week. And it's the perfect setup. If you're still stressing about your Thanksgiving plans, you just order your fees from Blue Apron.

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And now back to the show.

Have you ever had a guest on the show that would through the publicist said this is particularly off limits. Do not touch this. You do not ask this question. And you said screw it and you went ahead with it anyway, as a result of that not being a great guest or basically they kind of brought it on themselves. No, I am. You know what?

I would not. Do that, and I'm what I would have been just a terrible to you. You can tell they're not trying at all. They're giving yes no answers, not hitting the ball back. And you just you just unload the noise on them. You know what?

I'm I'm very I'm not I'm going to be really serious about this. I it's not even a moral choice.

It's not.

Some people are really funny, you know, when they like, I think David Letterman one.

And it's I think part of his brilliance is he can be this incredibly, he can be this wit that eviscerates people and and and really brilliantly and really brilliant and people that deserve it.

I don't have I'm not good at that. I can actually do it with my friends when I'm kidding. And I know that their feelings won't really be hurt. I can be incredibly I can really unload on them and I think be artfully mean or artfully sarcastic when they know the deal with me and it's safe. There's a safe word.

You're afraid that doesn't transfer on TV or with people that you don't know.

And I whenever I've done this is true, whenever I do bits where I commit 100 percent and I'm a complete asshole, I can feel the crowd.

They don't love it. They don't love it because I do think they are seeing mostly me, even though I'm also participating in bits, they are seeing mostly me.

And you have such a great, you know, vulnerable Bakhtin vulnerability and like non asshole leanness that you could probably get away with being a whole lot more. But what are you watching?

Which I'd love to see you try to be super duper asshole to one.

You should just pick one and just give us a text. Just give us a little heads up. Tune in tonight. I'm going to tell you what I know I could find.

There have been one there have been sketches where I'm a complete, over-the-top creep and it has worked.

But I think it took a long time. People had to get to know the real me to then.

I mean, early in the show, I think we had the gymnast Mary Lou Retton on.

This is how long the show's back crazy Mary Lou Retton on.

And and we did a we did a a bit where I just completely unload on her.

And I committed a hundred and ten percent America's sweetheart. Yes.

And we thought only really funny and I completely well that was the whole idea is that she just said something really innocent.

It was one of those things we taped in a commercial break and then we saved it. And then, you know, a week later, Andy went, yeah, we're getting some you know, I'll do Andy sorry.

And when I get back and I went, What do you mean? You were kind of rough on Mary Lou Retton. I wasn't. Yeah, you are. Take a look at the clip. And I completely unload on her.

And I had people on the street saying, you know what? I am never watching you again. Yeah.

Why do you hate America the way you treated her?

And I'm like, it's clearly a bit it's you know, when you get arrested, I think I've told you before, one of my favorite laughs unarrested ever was. When you're on it and Andy is standing next to you, getting your makeup done backstage or something like that, I forget why Michael Bluth is there to talk to your anyway, you're getting your makeup done and Andy walks by and he stops. He's looking at you and you finish talking to me and you say to him, you say, hey, Andy, by the way, next time I stop talking, it's not that's not your cue to talk.

It was the biggest.

It was so dry. It was without any cover whatsoever. It was the biggest asshole thing. It's fun. It's fun.

It is fun to be incredibly just with anyone. It's really fun to turn it. As you guys know, fat. We had a one of our writers is just brilliant, brilliant writer and really brilliant comic, Laurie Kilmartin. She's just fantastic. And she's one of my favorite people and this is a little heavy. But she lost her mom recently to covid and she wrote these tweets about it that were funny and powerful at the same time and just sort of perfect.

And we decided to talk to her on the show we just did a couple of days ago. And I talked to her about it. And it was this really powerful segment. And she's talking about losing her mom. But she's also, you know, she's being funny, but she's also she's walking this razor's edge. And then finally, it got a little emotional and she said, I really miss my mom.

And I said, well, Larry, I'm a huge fan and you're fired, you know?

And I just I just and it it was it was it was such the wrong thing to do at the wrong moment that firing her at that moment was just so much fun.

She laughed, Yeah, no, very upset. Come on. And then I had to fire her and he did.

Here's the thing. He always follows through on his bit. So he fired her.

I did let her go because a fucking monster, she didn't laugh immediately and that I won't have.

So how do you like doing the show from home? Would you do it that way forever and for always if you could? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I think I think we can all agree here, gentlemen, that one must I maybe you guys won't agree.

I believe that the way a salmon swims upstream to spawn in the morning, I have to get in a car.

Beautiful. Thank you. Keep going. I have to get in a car just like a salmon does and drive the electric car.

You got to go too far. The salmon has an electric car and live on the west side of L.A. It's just so I can understand the rules.

So there's a salmon that lives on the west side of L.A..

Yeah, yes. And it has an electric car beloved, its beloved and very hard to book on a podcast. And it's really the exception when it does someone else's podcast because it has its own podcast, why would it do someone else's?

But anyway, the point is the salmon is and the salmon had an eye job recently and it hasn't gone well.

Wow. Salmon's busy. Yeah, the salmon name is Cronyn.

And anyway, I believe you've got to get up in the morning like the salmon in the car with the job and you have to go to work.

Does the salmon look like it's combed his hair with a pork chop too, or what is the deal. Will, this is our guest or what is what?

You know, that's not what what does that mean? Comb your hair? I will say there's not as much body in the pork chop with your home version of Conan as there is in.

And, you know, why don't you tell me ask any engineer. I have not had a haircut in quite a while. What happens when the upper shell is pure weight? It's pure weight. The shelf collapsed about three weeks ago and it happened in the night.

It happened in the night. And three workmen were killed and it happened in the night. And it woke everyone up. And at I came running out and people said, what was that? And I suddenly had bangs.

And you came running out in your nightshirt and you're like, I did, yeah. I look like Moe Howard circa 1968 in a night shirt. And I came running out and I said, what happened? What happened? And they went your hair. It fell for the first time since ninety three. And I no longer had that iconic Koenen pump.

And there's nothing I can do right now. I now I'm sort of have like a Sean Cassidy.

It's feathery, it blows back. I need to carry a fan around. I'm very popular with the ladies. It's, it's a whole new life.

That hair and that face and that height and the shoulders and everything as well.

The shoulders. What's the show. Build houses on the weekends. Right. I mean, thank you. Thank you. So thank you. What was saying at the beginning. Thank you. Hide, how do you how do you like when you're out amongst your people and you know they come up and they, and they got they got compliments or they got notes or whatever the hell they've got for you. You like talking to America? Are you are you a shy guy or.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. I need to quote the great Lorne Michaels. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I mean, it's ridiculous.

They tire, they approach me and say, hey, I'm really happy, mija. I start talking and then they give me a clear.

Well, anyway, it was a thrill to meet you. And I say, but you said that you're from Florida. Would that be the panhandle or the coast? And they're like and they're actually walking away and I'm walking towards them.

And he's got a T-shirt that says Ask to take a selfie with me. Yeah.

Someone rated celebrities on friendliness that come in. And this is a book that came out like, you know, like fifteen years ago, some autograph hounds. I think two guys wrote a book. And I think I I'm not bragging here because I think it's more sad than anything else. But I got like one of the highest ratings for just, oh, this guy will walk you to your car and clean them out as you feel about that.

And how do your kids feel about that? Do they get weirded out when people come up and start talking to their dad? No, they're they're very cool.

My wife is very nice. And she will often offer to take the picture to make it better. I mean, she's I'm very lucky because I know, you know, some people have a spouse that's like, oh, my God, why is it about you, Sean? Yeah, well, yes.

You've met Scotty, right? I mean. Oh, my God. Did I meet you right in the neck? But I just changed his batteries.

He's right back up and running, baby. Does Amanda take a lot of photos for other?

Her favorite trick is she'll say, let me take it and then she'll flip the camera around, should take a couple of headshots of herself and hand it back and go good ones throw.

You should do that with when he was like running with Ben Stiller, he told me that people would have to take a photo with Ben. So and you go, yeah, I'll take it.

And he'd frame Ben out back and then they keep walking. That's great. That's great.

OK, I actually had happened to me in New York, the biggest cliche ever, somebody there's a big family. And they came up to me and they said, would you mind taking a photo? And I was like, sure. And then they handed me the camera.

Yes. Yes. What happened to me a week ago on the beach in Carpinteria, a bunch of people from Phoenix, Arizona, walked up and said, oh, my God, would you mind? I went no, and they held up and then they asked me to take a picture of them. Now I was wearing a mask, sure. But the mask said, I am Conan O'Brien. So I.

I was hurt. I have that, too. I have that same mask.

I did a mask. I did it with this Sharpie last week for a meeting on Zouma.

I wrote my name on the mask and then I got worried because we went to pick up some takeout and I said to my girlfriend, I went out of the car, I got out of the car for a second. I was about to pick it up. And I came back and I go, I'm not wearing the one that says I've no, you're good. I to let you out of the car.

That's a quick question. I can I'm a master at painting a verbal picture.

I know what shoulders and arms today. And that's those legs and back.

I don't know. That's what I'm talking about. Me again. OK, my question is most the three of us, three of us of the four of us are in just a natural environment hanging out in our homes. Will, you are in clearly you are at Abbey Road Studios in in London and you are in a professional booth. What's your deal? What's your problem?

The deal is you don't have to go into voice because you're in a video room going, were you doing a Ford truck ad GMC careful coming out.

Sorry, I'm sorry.

GMC, we are professional grade friends. Don't let friends drive Fords. Listen, here's the thing.

This is just really I wanted to ask you, because you're one of the funniest people on the face of the earth you ever like.

Are you still contributing every single day to thinking of a thousand bits for your show, or do you solely rely at this point on your writers and you occasionally chime in?

Are you like walking around your house thinking of pets?

You want me to admit to being a rotted husk? You know I don't give a shit anymore.

Yeah. Do you have like a little bit book in your pocket?

I don't have a bit book, but I do remember I think of things a lot of times and I'll just act them out. And that's how some of my favorite things that are really stupid that I've done. I want to give it up to my writers.

They they write the lion's share of the of this stuff and they've written a lot the lion's share of the stuff that's iconic over the years. And so but I had a bit in my back pocket that I love, which is always called Who Stole the Fudge. And it was just me saying, like, now we're going to do a segment called Who Stole the Fudge?

And I and I did this actually during the first early covid shows because I'm sitting right where I'm sitting now. I have no writer's. Initially, I had no idea what I was going to do. And I was just saying, like, oh, I just I'll do this bit that I thought of. And so I literally just had some melted chocolate fudge frosting behind me and a little cup. And I just went, well, there's a little bit called Who Stole the Fudge?

Hold on a second. And then I just turn around and I say, Who stole the fudge? And I whip around and my face is smeared with this.

And I go, Huh? I just someone took fudge and then I just totally do. I didn't know. I know I've not seen fudge. And then the thing is like, I'll help you look, I'll help you.

And it's so you network immediately stop payment on the check.

You know what's so crazy about that story? This is absolutely true, Batman. I'm not sure if you were there, Sean. I'm pretty sure you were there.

We used the three of you to play cards together for years and years ago. Andy would often play with us. And one time in my old place in Venice, remember, I was in that place and Bradley was right in the next room.

Well, used to live right next to Bradley Cooper. Yeah. Who do you live above? A Ron Rifkin? Yeah, Ron Rifkin and his wife from the front. Bradley Cooper and I were in the back. We had the backhouse was such a threesome.

The three of you guys ever do stuff together? So we go down to Santa Monica Pier, professional stuff or stuff. You mean stuff? Stuff in italics. We never did stuff together, man.

You mean at night, like when the lights are out and continue with your welcome to the podcast.

So anyway, so one night we're playing cards and and I'm not kidding. Very similarly so.

Yeah, but some I think Pete Giles had but some, some cookies were fudge or something. Andy, somebody said, hey Andy, when you're up there can you bring that down and the same. But it's a fucking classic. I don't know why I'm telling this will cut this part out.

We'll just leave yours. That's good. No, no, no.

It's but Andy came down, we had fudge and he goes, I couldn't find you know, Andy did Andy did a thing.

I remember one of the first things he did. We were in some I think we were taping a show and the lights just suddenly went out, which was I mean, there was some power surge or failure at 30 Rock. And the lights went out. And without missing a beat, Andy shrieked my pearls.

And I was like this this classic sort of Marx Brothers, Three Stooges, my I love they're gone, you know? And I was like, OK. He's got a great fastball.

Hey, what do you know, you've been doing this for so long, you've been at a talk show and a podcast and it seems like you're never not interviewing somebody or in that world, is there anything else you want to do or you're doing it or, you know, do you want to just keep doing this for the rest of your life?

Well, I you know, I don't think you can ever say I want to keep doing this. It just keeps changing and evolving. And I think when it's time to I think show business has changed.

It used to be that you had to say, well, farewell.

I've you know, and people used to announce like think of it's not 1992. Johnny Carson says, well, that's it. Goodbye and farewell and waves goodbye to America. And then literally ascends on a beam of light and rides a unicorn into the sunset.

And now I feel like it's just for me. That's for you.

Yeah.

You're you're the only one that has Karsten's stature today. But no, I'm I just feel like my answer to that is I like to make things.

And I know when I'm if I'm involved in something I don't like to do, I have the luxury of saying, you know what, this doesn't feel good and I don't want to do this. But if something if I like something and I like to do it and I'm enjoying it, then I'll keep doing it. And I don't know when that runs out. So it may just keep morphing.

I mean, I do think with the Internet and with the world right now, there will be 100 million talk shows within like five years.

So it's not like it's and I'm not saying this to be humble, but if I went away tomorrow and wasn't doing a show, America would have no withdrawal.

There'd be no like what happened because there's so much out there, so much turnover.

But the other thing is they have no withdraw from anybody or anything anymore. So there's no right. Everything's so disposable. And so you produce quite a lot of stuff where you've had a production company for a long time and you've produced various things. Do you see and you produce a lot of stuff with Jeff Ross, right? He's your partner. Yeah. Yeah. What's that relationship like, by the way?

Because you guys started he was the producer of the show. Did you guys know each other before?

No. Lorne put us together. Lorne Michaels alive. He was the one. And he said, you're going to be working with Jeff Ross. And so Jeff Ross was the guy who I was sort of partnered with. That's all, Lorne. And it was just sort of peanut butter, not peanut butter and jelly, something not quite as good as that.

Stand up, Jeff Ross. The thing. Yeah, I know. Not that Jeff Ross.

That's Jeffrey Ross and he's the postmaster general.

Jeff Ross is our executive producer. And, yeah, he's we sort of do everything together and it just works.

His my heart rate my resting heart rate is like, you know to twenty five and his is like fifteen beats an hour. He's like a tortoise that will be alive in six hundred years.

You know Jason, businesses have had to be flexible this year from working remotely to pivoting their business models for long term survival and growth. Yeah, I've seen so many retailers selling masks and hand sanitizer. I mean they never sell products like that before.

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And now back to the show. So with that heart rate, does that go into your social life as well, or do you find that you kind of automatically click into the opposite? In other words, I've been doing this all day. I've been asking questions all day. I've been coming up with this all day. And now when I go out to dinner with my wife and another couple, do you find that you just instinctually you just would rather answer questions than ask them, like, how are you?

So so I.

I think I have a hard time slowing it down.

I'm constantly I do bits all the time. I do bits in the mirror. I do bits when no one's there. Yeah.

Do your kids think you're funny? Yeah, they do. They do. You know now that they're teenagers that the joke is that I'm lame and I'm a boomer and an idiot and I think that that's only going to last another 40 years.

But, you know, my trick for that is I actually say to my nine year, I've said to my nine year old within the last two days, OK, Boomer, to my nine year old. And I just I go on the offensive with them. Right, right.

Right. That's very good. That's very good. And probably blocking some real creative growth for your child.

It's not me, it's them. What about your wife? Does she think you're funny or do you have to you find that your material is just. No, no.

She's genuinely I can generally make her laugh. She's great. We've been together 20 years, been married for 18, and she still laughs and finds me amusing.

And I can get her because it's just she loves silly stuff, but she will hear me in the bathroom like I'm going to brush my teeth or sometimes I'll get up at night to like, just, you know, urinate and then I'll be she'll just hear like, oh, you think so, you know.

And you see like what? There's no one in there that's not for anybody. And I it doesn't turn off.

And when I was at The Simpsons, there's a great one of the great Simpsons writers, Mike Reese, once, just when I had done like a long run and people were laughing in the room, he just looked at me and he just went, what would it be like to be you, like at night?

And it was this missile.

And what is it? He wasn't trying to be me. And he was just curious, like, what's the pathology of that?

Like when you're trying to calm down? And it it's problematic at times.

You know, I had I had the other day. So I have a young baby boy.

And the other day yesterday I was he was sort of crying and I was holding hands, walking around with him and my girlfriend.

I could hear her coming around the corner. So I just started doing this bit knowing that she would eventually come up. But she thought, like, what are you doing? And as she comes around, I'm going.

And the question you always want to find out who did let the dogs out because nobody knows who was really quietly around the corner.

Yeah. She was like, the fuck are you doing? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This is this is a bit for if she hadn't come it would have been a bit for none and it was maybe going to be a bit for one. But I understand that same inclination, which is like you can't stop. Yeah.

I'm going to say this about everybody on this call, which is we all were a certain way and then we were lucky enough to find an industry that would pay us to be that way.

Yeah, for sure. That's my that's my feeling about it. It's not.

Oh, my God, we've got to work so hard to contort ourselves to be the person who can then be in that industry. Yeah, I really do think any other I very humble because I think of all of human history and in any other point in human history, my job would have been probably in Ireland to move a stone from one part of the field to the other.

And people would have just hated me. You would have gotten fired with bits. He's not good at it. Yeah, his haste spends time on his hair. He's you know, he's using a pork chop to comb his hair.

He's being a that's a classic joke. Yeah, I don't know.

You know, it's interesting you said that, you know, because I have my heart rate as fast as yours, I think. And I have I'm high anxiety almost all the time.

And I actually found a job in the character I played on Will and Grace that all of that energy, that's actually anxiety. And I found an outlet for it.

You know, I just happen to find the right part to let out all my anxiety.

So if I go, oh, my God, you so much energy when you come through the door on the show and you do, you know, you jump around like like a ferret, like a ferret.

And I'm like, yeah, you know, it's it's all my, like, anxiety, like I can't, you know, calm down.

And what is Will and Grace. Yeah. So it's it's scary why.

You see, you know what this is again, why I think I'm talking to two great natural hosts and then I'm talking to Will as well.

Will you interrupt with your hateful bits and sarcastic and there's an oily kind of cool and you've got that Canadian.

There's a lot of stuff going on there and no one's going to attach to that. Really like Sean, and they really like they really do. They like Sean and they know I'm going to get to Jason, but they like Sean, they feel a warmth there and they feel like Jason is like a human being.

And then will, you've just like you never let anybody and I've never seen you look me in the eye.

You've got the eyes of a doll, a doll sized shark eyes full of short guys, because I don't want anybody to see that how dead it is in here. But Sean.

But Sean, truly, you you do have you are like a high octane person as well. Like, you can't and you you can't sit still ever. Yeah, I know.

You know, I want to say something, which is that and I think I have a right to be heard. Finally, finally, a little airtime on this show. No, I have to speak once at least to earn the check, I guess.

But I had a meal not long ago, but pre covid with with Sean. And Scotty was there and my wife was there and it was we were all paid to do.

It was a paid appearance Scotty paid yesterday and he had to pay Sean as well. But he paid Sean. He paid as he paid me.

It comes out in the wash. Yeah, whatever. But now we had this meal and afterwards and lots of laughing and really delightful.

And then afterwards we're just like driving home my wife. It's like it's you know, I was just commenting.

I forget exactly how she said it, but just like, oh, to watch the two of two of you meeting two of the same kind that came from the same part of the factory that were made the same year that have the same engine in the right opposite each other, is it was really fun.

And I thought, oh, my God, I felt it, too.

I felt like, oh, he's got that hummingbird thing going on in his head. And yeah.

And guys like Jason and me, we're much we're kind of cooler and realer. Yeah. So we kind of got that kind of yin yang.

But but on that, like your wife you find is the opposite of you. And like with Chung, with Scotty, he's, he's sort of the opposite too. Is that sort of like the right balance with the because. Absolutely. Yeah. We're on the opposite with with Amanda. Amanda, she goes a mile a minute and I just sit there kind of half, you know, alive. And I'll just I'll throw a bomb every once in a while, just kind of cherry pick some sort of snarky thing that I think that's why we're all in long term relationships.

Right, is because it's the end of the day.

Yeah. Right. Yeah. No, I think why it's why all four of us are. Well yeah. Very successful.

Yeah I know. Right. I'll tell you a funny a true story which is that Amy used to always roll her eyes when Conor and I went oh my God bets.

And she would get mad and she'd be like she'd be like exhausted by us fucking around.

And then when I saw Conan, right after Amy and I split up, we ran into each other at the Beverly Hills Hotel. We were going to talk about this before.

And then he came back and was like, oh, thank God we can finally she's gone and we can finally get to our bit.

And yeah, you know, I love Amy, but she you know, I love Amy.

But she would the problem is there are certain people who I cannot I and I and I think I just cannot be I have to do bits like first time I met.

It's well, yeah. Well, the first time I met well I never met him before and I just knew him from Arrested Development. And it was you know, everyone was raving about the show. And I go to the Emmys and I walk into the room and way across the room. I see. Well, and he's over on the other side of the big ballroom at the Governor's Ball after the Emmys. And I see him way across the room and he sees me and our eyes look.

He starts to slowly retreat.

I start to advance, and then he's running and I'm running after I've done that bit a million times. Yeah. And it's like we've never met. We've never met.

And there are people like like you, Jack Jack McBrayer of 30 Rock fame.

I've never in my life had a real whenever I see and I've known Jack for fifteen years and he's a lovely guy.

But whenever he would come by the show, when we tape the show in Rockefeller Center, he would like just come by and I'd immediately go into we will wear country and I'd become the city slicker asshole to his country bumpkin.

And I'd be like, I didn't know they stack shit that boy. And he and he would get at real hurt and go. Now, sir, you stop and I go, Did you get scared in the elevator?

Was the room moved?

And so what happened was people would he was in on it because he was totally playing the part of. Sir, I resent that.

You think I've never written it, you know, but everyone else, we committed to it so much that the crew had a talk with me at one point, said, you know what, Jack's a good guy.

And he comes by and he does bits. And the way and and the way you treat him. And I'm like, what? And I told Jack the. And he was howling, but to this day, I think if if Jack was in a terrible car accident or vice versa, if I was in a terrible car accident and Jack visited me in the hospital and I was there with tubes going into me and he went, Hello? He'd call me Mr.

O'Brien and go, Hello there, Mr. O'Brien. And I'd be on literally on life support.

And I'd go like, well, where would you put did they like your donkey in the E.R.? Is your donkey in the E.R. their country feller?

And he'd go, Sir, I don't appreciate you know, could you excuse me once if you were in the middle of China and you needed help and you ran across me, that I would just do a bit and not help you. So, yes.

And I would go along with the bit and you'd go along with the bit and be, you know, what's crazy and some of the stuff we will keep in so we don't have to. But what's crazy is when I went in doing 30 Rock and I'd known Jack for years because he used to he was at UCB all the time. And, you know, he started doing Askhat on Saturday nights and whatever.

So I knew him and I we had a similar sort of adversarial, faux adversarial relationship, always like I'd see McBirney like. Jesus, what? McBrayer.

Yes. You know, so I take it to set. So we're on set and Alec is there and then Jack comes on the set and I'm like, oh, fucking Jackson.

This is like, you know, whatever. Yeah, yeah. It's there in those guys. And I'm fucking around. And Alec says to me, hey, you know, Jack's very sensitive. You might want to take it easy. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, man, I got this. You're I'm OK.

I told I got on a years and years ago, and it was when Will Ferrell had been on stand out live for, like, I don't know, maybe two years, three years. And he was his star was on the rise. He was well known. And he was really starting to click. And I had to take a flight. I think it was from L.A. to New York or New York to L.A. somewhere. And I get on the flight and I sit in my seat and I knew well, just because he would sometimes come down and do bits, he'd literally be up at seven, eight live.

It's the middle of the week. He'd have an idea for a bit. He'd come down. He said, I have this idea of this guy and we'd be like, great, and we'd do it. And it would be hilarious. So this was, you know, before he was even on much as a guest, he would do these bits for us.

So Will Will Ferrell sits down in the seat next to me, just total chance.

And I go, oh, hey, hey, hey. Within seconds, I'm doing a bit.

I had a big book in my lap and I was like books, books.

And I kept rubbing the book and he'd go and then he just went into the improv thing of, oh, you like, oh, books, books, books in My Life Will books.

And it was a whole bit about how the more he talked to me, the more it became clear that I can't even read and I've never read a book and I'm overcompensating.

The flight, as you all know, is a five and a half hour flight. I never, ever asked him, how are you?

He never asked me, are you married? What's this? The whole thing was like but books. And then he'd get up and come to the back and, you know, and then I'm reading it upside down and he's saying, you know, you might want to turn it off.

Don't you talk to me. It's so funny.

It's funny, but there's something wrong. But he didn't ask you. He didn't ask you married. He probably thought you were a confirmed bachelor. That was kind of the thing, right? You were it was confirmed that you were a bachelor at the time.

I used to make very public appearances with Tippi Hedren and there'd be photographs and stuff.

But there's a nice coziness when you meet somebody like that. There's a nice familiarity, right? I think so.

There's like, you know, it's why I think we're all kindred spirits in that. And the thing is, it's we all have friends like this, too. This is not like some showbusiness club. There's a million people out there in the world who don't happen to be in show business, who are orthopedic surgeons or, you know, they landscape or they you know, they're they drive a trash truck and they do the same thing.

It's a kind of spirit that I really love, are people that are just and you pick it up. I mean, I've done we've all like you've been at a Costco or like I've been to a school.

Ha ha ha. I'm sorry. I that's just guys that I love. Sorry.

I'm living in a house made of gold anyway. I haven't I have a no no.

I want to break in for a second and bring up a point here, which is that I happen to know for a fact that Will Arnett only flies private and did long before he could afford it.

He has his own plane and this is a true story.

Two years ago, he had the Rolling Stones tongue logo painted on the back of the plane, which is just fucking confusing. Why would you? It's confusing.

People think the Rolling Stones are in town and then. You get off the plane and people are like, oh, yeah, from the show and the voice of the truck, but yeah, why why do you why did you do that?

The voice of the truck driver. But why did you do that?

Why did you feel the need to do that? Here's the thing. First of all, you know, I'm a huge Stones fan. I've never disguised that. I've always been really upfront. I love ever since I saw Apocalypse Now. That was the first time I heard. And then I was a big I saw them. That's the doors. And I saw the Steel Wheels tour with the greatest Stones tour.

I don't know if you guys happen to see the it you know, it's Steel Wheels is their best album is their best. And I saw them in 1993, Skydome in Toronto. I saw them at Skydome. I don't know if you've ever been there. Incredible place to see you want to talk about Ambiens. So that's why I did that. And also, I got the Rolling Stones asked me to paint it on my plane.

Is that true? That's a true story. Mick Jagger. Are you kidding me? No. So Keith Richards owed me 11 million dollars because I had gone into receivership.

OK, so, you know, in the Palisades, if you're going west on Sunset, that's the part of every story where, you know, it's a lie whenever someone's going says, OK, wait a minute, you know, when you're in the Palisades, you're going west on Sunset, then, you know, because when they were interrogating Oswald, there was about 28 hours before Oswald was killed when they have him in custody.

And he was like, I didn't do it. I didn't do it. I didn't do it. And they go, but you work in the building. You bought the gun.

You and at one point he went, you know, when you're in the Palisades going west on Sunset, and that's when they knew they had him. And just then Jack Ruby shot him.

And so that's a fact, too. That's that's gold. And that's a fact.

That's a fact. Koenen out of really out of left field. Did you always want to go to Harvard? Was it a fait accompli that you were going to get into Harvard? Did you. Was that like a done deal.

Did you how could it be a done deal. How could it. I don't know. Like did you did you have I thought about did you have crazy good grades?

No, I was I was the, you know, so funny because I get this reputation as, oh, you went to Harvard. So, you know, that's not out there.

Yeah, I never heard that. Yeah. It always comes up and people think, oh, you were just really smart.

And I think, wow, my experience of being a kid was No.

One in my family, my my parents are very smart people, but no one had gone to Harvard College and I was in the middle of the family and I was very anxious. I had a lot of anxiety.

And I decided, I think around the fourth or fifth grade, I've just got to be a great student.

And so I was a grind. I was it was nothing funny about it. I it was funny with my friends. But then I would take impeccable notes.

I would go up to my little room in the attic and I would grind and I go my way and I just decided I'm going.

I didn't know exactly what I was going to Harvard. But then when I got in, I thought, OK, I'm going there.

And it was only when I got there that I realized, oh, they've got this comedy magazine, that seminal and amazing The Lampoon.

And I, I went, that was just like a that was not the reason for going there, but that's what changed my life. So I was a total grind who ended up working really hard to get into this great college and then found comedy by doing that.

And so that was it's it's kind of a weird showbiz entrance into show business, I think when you think about it, what did you think you were going to study there?

When I got there, I studied I was a pretty serious student. I studied history and literature of America. But I thought I'd be either a very serious writer or I'd get into government and and I'd probably get a law degree.

And I just I would follow some kind of track.

And it was only I mean, I knew immediately when people in the Lampoon sort of said to me when I was 18 and they were 21 or 22, you're a very funny young fellow. That meant a lot to me and that changed my life. I didn't I thought I knew I was a funny guy with my friends, but suddenly people that seemed like full grown adults to me who are headed off into the world were telling me, you've got something, kid.

And that just changed everything for me. So it's the same.

So I used to run into you at Harvard.

I remember that all the time. I loved her. I used to. Yeah. And it was so good. And just around with all the buildings and stuff and it was so cool.

You know, I didn't think you went, but when you mentioned buildings, I knew you had sealed the deal, only you knew about. What dorm did you stay in?

John F. Kennedy International Center for Dormitories. OK, it was unbelievable. Again, I'll take your word for it.

No arguing with this guy. No. I do wish I do wish one thing, which is I mean, I'm very proud that I went there and I worked hard and I met a lot of really amazing people.

And but I wish no one knew because I do think there are times on the talk show over the years where people can just say, well, I didn't go to Harvard and you just feel like, oh, shit.

Like, I don't know. I don't I think suddenly that maybe that's off-putting to other people. And I know because I went there that like any other school, it's a very flawed place. I met some very smart people, some incredibly stupid people.

And yeah, well, there are a lot of people who lead with it. Right. That's sort of their thing that they, of course, for the rest of their life with a question mark.

At the end of it, though, I went to Harvard. Harvard. Yeah. Yeah. We don't know. Well so I didn't go but my dad went to Harvard and he never he never talks about it. He never mentions it. Right. And it's just not a thing. That's the first time I've heard of that. Yeah.

Yeah. You know, what's interesting is I went to first lady Michelle Obama, had some event to get kids to really get excited about registering for college or trying to go to college. And she had this event and she asked a lot of people and I was one of them, I'm sure I was the first call, but there wasn't a call sheet, but I would have been pretty high.

But she asked a lot of people to show up at UCLA and do this thing, and she said, oh, and everyone wear your sweatshirt from your college. Like, that'll be a fun thing.

And I, I just couldn't I can never do that. So I didn't I just I just wore a jean jacket and a shirt.

You are not you you are a sweatshirt from your college, from when you went there.

You're supposed to wear a car or just or if you don't have it, go out and buy one supposed to wear. And I just didn't, you know, obviously I don't want to walk or I'm not going to walk around. I spent it's funny. I worked so hard to get into the place and then I got in and then I graduate.

And the minute I graduated, I started backtracking on that's where I went to see that if Jason and his sweatshirt would have said Teen Wolf two.

Yeah.

Timal, to you, you know, to you.

So that stigma you talk about of having Harvard on your back, you know, it's I know you mean like so what does it makes you feel extra pressure that you don't want to, you know, because would you have felt the same way if you went to a state school?

No, I don't. I mean, I don't know. I can't answer that question. I just think it gets I don't like I hate being put in any kind of box in any way, even if it's a box that other people would think, oh, I would love to be in that box. I resent it. And I know that sounds strange because there are probably a lot of people out there that think like, well, that's a it's a good thing that you went there.

And I am proud of it.

But I remember before when I was announced as this guy named Conan O'Brien is going to replace David Letterman and everyone's wondering, who is this guy? All they knew about me is that I had gone to Harvard and I kept reading.

Oh, so it's going to be this Urbain, right?

You know, it's like you can't can't be funny and have a six pack. Exactly.

This is Will's problem. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Check this out in Conan. When do you think that you're going to get into comedy? You know, like when do you think that will happen?

Good question, because we talk a lot about it.

Well, I've been a long time fan and it's just working up the nerve to just say, I think I'm ready and to go ahead and do it and just just say, like, do it.

And I was like, hang on, I'm going to write down a couple of numbers. I know some people you can call, OK, and then you can just, you know, OK, OK, this is fantastic.

I really appreciate this cause dude, you're such a good guy. Now who is I'm looking at who is Richard Kind.

I'm supposed to call Richard God. I love him the way I love Richard Pryor. At eight one eight, he lives deep in the valley.

I'll call this Richard time, but I want to do it and I think I'm ready to do it. So I you know, the nice thing is you guys encouraging me. That's the nice thing.

He's got to know he's got eight one eight. And he's also in New York because he's also seven one eight. So he's OK.

He's never at the center of things, is he? No, he's just now I feel like we're being real greedy with him, you know, we're being greedy with our time.

Koenen you've been so generous, incredibly kind of you. Listen, I'm going to be very honest with you. I try to avoid other podcasts like The Plague. And then when they told me that you three had a podcast, I said I will, I will pay to do that. That's three of the now seriously three of the of the funniest people I know. And just getting to hang out with you guys was incredibly funny. So thanks for having me.

I really knew my friend. Very nice of you to say. You're a lovely people. So great having No. Two of you just to be here with with Bateman and and Sean to be there.

The two of you mean so much to me and there's one I'll never know. And I don't think anyone will ever know him because he'd make a terrible host.

He's unknowable. He's a shell with a voice. Well, I'm going to get out on that note. Thank you. And we and we love you. We thank you.

Really fun, you guys. Thank you so much. Thanks. That was a joy. And I'll see you all later, OK?

It was fun. Goodbye, pal. Thank you. Killers. Murderers, murderers. Murderers.

That Conan I do like that Conan is so he's so funny, you know, I didn't want to get into The Tonight Show stuff because I'm sure he's sick of talking about it.

But he was the best on that. I mean, it's hilarious.

He handled himself so well in that whole thing to it was amazing. And I was thinking about it today before we did the show, I was thinking, like, we've all known him a long time. And he was, you know, I got to know him from doing the show. We became friends and hung out a bunch. And then he goes and he does The Tonight Show. And it was like such a great kind of crowning moment for him that he got given that gig.

Yeah.

And then to have that whole thing kind of soured and kind of robbed from him in the way that it was was so particularly cruel. And I tell you, man, he handled it with such grace.

And, you know, the silver lining about all that is that you root for him. You just don't never stop calling for him because of not just because of that, because he's brilliant.

But, you know, you I just wish for him to succeed, to continue succeeding because he deserves it.

Sam, Sam, Jason says anything because Jason's not a fan. Yeah.

Yeah. No, I've got notes on him. I always have. Can we call him back. Yeah. Yeah, let's get him back.

No, I'm a huge fan of his. I'm glad what he said about how because of the Internet and what like he's never going to go away. I love that there's a guarantee that there's so much turnover in this business and I love that he's that he's not over it, that that that he doesn't run out of bits that he's going to be around forever.

I love that he is just a naturally funny guy. Yeah, that's it. And he has no choice about it for sure. Yeah. It's not a skill, it's not a thing, a muscle. It's just that he's just.

Ah yeah. You just. Ah yeah I agree.

And he is kind and personable. Is a perfect host. I love it. He says he doesn't consider himself a host but he's like you by definition. Somebody you want to hang out with even at your quietest moment in your home at night, you know at eleven thirty like there's not a lot of people I want there you know. Yeah. For sure.

OK, guys, so that was great, right. Having having Conan one of the best times.

So great. So sorry. Yeah. I mean I could talk to him forever. I knew you guys would be excited about Conan. I love. Yeah, yeah.

Great, great great great guest. What's his last name. I never got it. I never got it. You don't need it. The last one when you got a first one like that. When your name is Conan. Right. Yeah. I remember when he first came on everyone's like is it Conan or Conan number that I do remember that no one knew how to pronounce. I still sometimes do.

When I go on a show, I'll go. I'll go. Well, good to see you, Conal. And he'll go. It's Conan and I go. It is.

I've done a bunch of times. What? That's your name?

I went in with an N Konoe went, wow. OK, good guest Willy.

Thanks, boys. Great episode. Hey, listen, I guess it goes without saying, but maybe smart.

Smart bombs.