Transcribe your podcast
[00:00:01]

Let me buy you a drink. Oh, we take you home with me. Oh, oh. I'm disgusted, guys, usual wines, everybody listening to this show knows that I love to get my drink on, not drink, drink, usual wines.

[00:00:32]

I'm doing a lot of partying in my day and I already am starting to age like shit, which I'm totally fine with. But with that said, I am starting to pay way more attention to the products in my wine.

[00:00:46]

And how fattening the lines are, it's all about being low carb, Kaito, whatever you're doing, usual wines is a single serve wine subscription service. It is low carb and has zero grams of sugar. Guys, this wine has zero grams of sugar and is low carb. I've tasted it. I'm drinking it right now. I'm having the rosé. I know it's not rosé season, but please just give me a break and it is fucking delicious.

[00:01:16]

I think my most favorite thing about unusual wines though, is every single serve container is a heavy fucking pour. It actually equals to about a glass and a half of wine.

[00:01:34]

Thank you. Who is actually just having one single glass of wine anymore? Nobody usual wines last. I'm going to say about them.

[00:01:45]

Did you know that in the United States there are over 60 additives allowed by law to be used in wine making? That is disgusting. Usual wines does not use any chemical or sugar additives to enhance the flavors or stability of their wine. They are truly a clean wine brand, I'm telling you, trying to eat clean, trying to drink clean, trying to look clean, trying to use clean products. This ship matters and the older you get, the more you're going to care.

[00:02:17]

Usual wines you can pick a red blend, a rosé and a sparkling white wine called Brud. I've tried all three. They're all fucking incredible. So right now, go check out their website at w w w dot usual wines dot com and use my discount code Sophea for eight dollars off your first order and to try your first glass free. That is usual wines dotcom discount code Sophea as Sophi a for eight dollars off your first order and get your first glass free.

[00:02:53]

The following content may be triggering for those of you who are homophobic or that the Confederate flag waving in your front yard, please be advised.

[00:03:13]

Hi, everybody, it's me. Welcome to Sophea with an F. I can't wait to get into this episode. I have one of my top, top, top favorite guests on. I mean, not really like besides all the celebrities I could think of. You're not coming in yet because I have something to say.

[00:03:32]

I feel so annoying saying this, but if you could please, please, please, please rate and subscribe to the podcast.

[00:03:42]

I have all five star reviews because I'm fucking amazing. And then almost equally as much one star reviews.

[00:03:52]

I love for new people that are like, OK, click out. It's funny because the one star reviews happen before I even released an episode.

[00:04:01]

So that tells you something.

[00:04:03]

Let's combat the haters. I hate calling them haters, but please help me out. If you listen and you genuinely fucking hate the content and me and the people I bring on, that's one thing.

[00:04:15]

And then absolutely leave me one star or at least try to make it two or three.

[00:04:21]

But that's all I have to say to them and say one more thing. I released merch. I'm wearing it right now. It is genuinely the cutest, comfiest shit ever.

[00:04:32]

I said that I would be donating a certain percentage to a certain charity and a lot of you guys were like, OK, what the fuck does that mean?

[00:04:42]

Because I was very vague about it. I will be giving away five percent of the proceeds to.

[00:04:49]

I really wish I could see their name.

[00:04:51]

The thing is, there is so much legal shit that goes into this type of thing that I can't announce it yet. I promise you, it's not into my bank account, it's not into my wallet. It is something I feel very passionately about. Women based. My mom actually worked there for ten years, so I will let you guys know exactly what that is soon.

[00:05:14]

Please bear with me.

[00:05:16]

OK, I think that they also follow me on all my social sophea for you to figure that enough, frankly, with a Y. Oh my God, I just lost everybody. Let's move on. Let's get into the episode. I have one of my best fucking friends on. Jon is doing my best friend since high school. I'm so excited to have you. I don't know her.

[00:05:42]

Who is this girl? She doesn't go here. Where do we start? I don't even know. First of all, you used to live in L.A.. I did.

[00:05:53]

I used to live in L.A.. Well, seven years I used to live. So it's like a hot sack. And now we're both back in our parents basement, which I feel like I feel like a lot of people during Corona can relate.

[00:06:06]

Yeah. I mean, like we love it. Like we we love I love families. I feel like I love it.

[00:06:11]

You don't love fucking hate and like losing my goddamn mind. My dad's like, oh, I'm like, how are you? What are you doing. Where are you up to literally born even knock you know, get the one knock come in.

[00:06:21]

Oh my God. It's like why even not I'm like hi. Like what can I help. You walked in on me twice jerking off. Thank God. He's like, shut up dude.

[00:06:30]

Thank God he does it. He, he hasn't has no clue.

[00:06:34]

Every time I'm going to masturbate I like I don't do it on my back the door. Yeah. Like do I have to look at you.

[00:06:41]

Oh my God. Can we just have a moment of silence. Do you have to lock the door if you're going to masturbate. I didn't think I had to, but now I have to.

[00:06:48]

Oh, OK. So that's really what this episode is about.

[00:06:52]

If you're going to masturbate, which we fully, fully support it with your dad, lock the fucking door.

[00:07:02]

Lock it. Yes, lock the door. I learned my lesson.

[00:07:06]

OK, so I think it was middle school. High school that yeah, we met each other and I feel like from that day on. Best friends.

[00:07:14]

Yes. I always wanted to know you. Yes.

[00:07:17]

You had a swimming pool. So I was like, I mean to be best friends, it's such a big thing. But we hit it off immediately.

[00:07:29]

And then I think ever since then we have been getting a swimming pool since I had a swimming pool. So that shit when the ground you ran off, since it was installed, blossom the Friendship High School.

[00:07:42]

What a fucking wild time.

[00:07:45]

Ceruzzi Like, I don't even know how that was a school, you know, but it so is.

[00:07:49]

I know I think I actually want to clarify this.

[00:07:53]

I think that when you go to school in Utah, people are like turning it off. They're like, you don't. A lot of public schools are LDS.

[00:08:06]

Oh, yeah, most of them. So if you go to a private Catholic school, the people tend to be. Wild, crazy, but like a classy, crazy kind of, but it's like a counterculture for sure.

[00:08:22]

It's like you're either Mormon and if you're not, you're going to this private school, which means you're doing X, Y, Z. But what I'm saying is I think that certain I think it's middle America states, states. I don't have a lot going on. We didn't have a museum to look at art.

[00:08:40]

I mean, unless we're like going to the timpano is K and we've looked at grass.

[00:08:47]

That grass is Kentucky blue grass.

[00:08:50]

That grass is fucking way greener than X, Y, Z. Right. But exactly. Of course. So I think states that don't have a lot going on, people tend to go to drugs. It's like a boredom thing.

[00:09:02]

But like also to put it into perspective. Yes. To put it into perspective, I do feel that our school is a little bit crazy.

[00:09:11]

I mean, for example, girls, after, what, sophomore year, you weren't allowed to wear skirts because girls weren't wearing underwear with their skirts.

[00:09:24]

And when these teachers were like measuring the skirts.

[00:09:27]

Right. They weren't wearing underwear.

[00:09:29]

So like there were girls just like. Right. So that girls were had to wear pants after that. So I remember were just like so crazy.

[00:09:37]

And I remember one day I pants we were all crazy but yeah. But I remember one day I was wearing the pants, the uniform pants and I got called in to the principal's office because I had my pants tailored to fit me tighter.

[00:09:52]

Is that the time you had your period? Because I literally like you, made me like put you on your back and carry you to your car.

[00:10:01]

I got my period twice. OK, twice, I promise you that. I promise. Was that a homecoming?

[00:10:08]

You got my period on my leg and I was like, it's tomato sauce.

[00:10:14]

I protected you so many times for that from that goddamn vagina oozing, oozing pus.

[00:10:22]

Actually, this is a great PSA. Women have their periods and sometimes you cannot control your period and no one cares. You think. You think so?

[00:10:34]

John's like, yeah, no, Cher, obviously.

[00:10:38]

I just think this topic, we're not going to go into it. But the fact that women have a bleeding vagina once a month is terrifying.

[00:10:49]

It's OK. That's how I know you're gay. Well, yeah.

[00:10:52]

I mean, actually, straight lines are open wounds. It's a real I love like. Yeah, they're beautiful. No I hate them like that.

[00:11:00]

Terrifying. Don't want to touch it or look at it like I go on to pornhub and I'm just like how do you like how do I get out of here.

[00:11:06]

Like that brings you straight to like the straight. Yes, but give me to my home page.

[00:11:11]

I think every single girl listening right now, you have had a high school bleeding period vagina experience that is so embarrassing. Why do we have to be embarrassed?

[00:11:23]

You just need a gay to save you.

[00:11:26]

Well, you didn't really help. You were like, what is that like? Oh, my God, if you bleed on my back, I'm going to fuck you up, send help.

[00:11:36]

However, the real reason I think that we started being best, best friends. Your swimming pool. No, no, shut up.

[00:11:47]

It was not about my swimming pool. It was about me. Well, coming out. OK, so what people a lot of people don't know is that Sofia was the first person that I ever came out to when I was 15 years old.

[00:12:01]

The very first the absolute very best parents for your sister. Very fondly. I love you.

[00:12:09]

But I mean, after that, I mean, it was a terrifying experience. But I think that the first person you come out to you is kind of like the first person you have sex with. So it's kind of like you lost your virginity. Right. But you pick that person that you're you know, you're going to tell them this huge secret.

[00:12:31]

And I was terrified to tell you I was like, holy shit, night.

[00:12:35]

The first words they said to you was, please do not hate me.

[00:12:39]

Don't hate me. Did I hate you? You said, I'm not going to fucking hate you.

[00:12:43]

You could be like I murdered someone. Like eating your dinner.

[00:12:46]

And you're like, I'm hating you right now because I'm trying to fucking eat. No, but I was just like I told you, no, Sophie. I said, I'm gay.

[00:12:53]

And you I am pretty sure I like her. Do you like set up? You're like, I don't give a fuck that you're gay, right?

[00:13:00]

Like you are totally fine. And I think after that it was bliss from there. And I just trusted you and we had so many secrets after then do that is huge coming out.

[00:13:13]

Yeah. I mean you. To me, I felt the most comfortable telling you because I, you know, felt that you were my companion and I felt like we were so much on the same wavelength. I really didn't think that you would care, although I did start the conversation off by saying, please don't hate me.

[00:13:32]

I remember that.

[00:13:33]

Yeah, but I mean, I knew you were right, but I think that's totally understandable when you're about to tell someone something so deep, dark, you're that's your first concern.

[00:13:46]

And you knew I was totally open, whatever.

[00:13:48]

Yeah, of course. Actually, I want to capitalize on this moment because there and I promise to everyone listening, we are about to get into raunchy, crazy sex wild.

[00:14:02]

But there are people listening who have not come out yet and they're struggling with that. What advice can we give them?

[00:14:13]

I would say that my biggest advice to at least keep in the back of your head, if you are, you know, battling with this whatsoever in the community, I would just say to keep in the back of your mind that there is a light at the end of the tunnel whether you decide to come out now or you decide to come out at a later time, just know that there is that light. And I think that, like the biggest advice I can tell somebody, I don't want anybody to, you know, listen to this and think that I'm saying, oh, my gosh, you need to come out of the closet.

[00:14:50]

You're going to be so much happier that life is going to be bliss. I just want to say everybody has their time. Let them do it at their own pace. You have your own pace. You have your own path and do it when you're comfortable and when you think that you are in the best environment to do it when you feel safe.

[00:15:09]

Because not every household I mean, I'm fortunate enough to have come out in a household that was accepting of it, you know, to the point where I'm not getting kicked out of my house. But that does happen to a lot of, you know, the community, whether it's gay or lesbian. Right. Friends, you know, especially black. Trans. Yeah, yeah.

[00:15:31]

It's a huge what a creep fucking point. Yeah. It's different for every single household, every household.

[00:15:38]

And you said some people get kicked out, some people have worse, right.

[00:15:43]

Yeah. I mean we'll get fucking physically abuse murder.

[00:15:48]

Like you better do it when you feel comfortable. I do not want to put anyone in danger. That's what I have to say. But I do think that it's there's a light at the end of the tunnel and that light is happiness. And I think that once you do, you will be happier.

[00:16:02]

Right. Did you feel relieved when you said it or not? Really, no.

[00:16:06]

Because there were so much. Yes.

[00:16:08]

And let me just add that and it takes a while to get there. I love this is real shit. That's why I love this.

[00:16:16]

It's not. It's not. It's at the end of the tunnel, like we're still in the tunnel. Even though you're coming out, you're still in the fucking tunnel. Right.

[00:16:23]

It takes a while.

[00:16:24]

It's not like I say the magic words and then it's rainbows. Butterflies. I wish, but it's not like that. But I'm here. It's worth it. Yeah, it's worth it. Took a couple of years, took a lot of, you know, resilience and absolutely power and a lot of motivation.

[00:16:43]

And I think self encouragement, encouragement from, you know, even you and others to feel as comfortable as I do now and did after that. Damn. Roman, you and I, we have some Viking memories together, different podcast, different days, and here we are back at it again. Roman, if you guys don't know what Roman is, do as the Romans do and figure it the fuck out because you need to be using this shit. Roman swipes are clinically proven to make you last longer in bed.

[00:17:21]

They're effective, easy to use and fast acting, and they do not require prescription.

[00:17:27]

I tried to use these. We tried them the other day. He actually does not have a problem with lasting long, but I thought it would be fun to see just how fucking long he could last. And I just want to say it really, truly works. And it was some of the best sex ever. I mean, not so Roman swipes these shipped to you in discreet unmarked packaging and each swipe packet is small enough to hide in your wallet for whenever you need it.

[00:17:55]

If you're a man listening or, you know, a man that should be listening, if you have a hard time lasting a while in bed, that is totally fine. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Sometimes I have a hard time having an orgasm. OK, we all have our difficulties. You should try using Roman. It is the best. And like I've said before, if he's going to be a little bitch boy about it and he doesn't want to use it because he wants to live in denial, just tell him that his dick is dirty and you need to give it a good wipe down and use Roman swipes.

[00:18:28]

OK, so when you go to get Roman dot com slash Sofia, you can get your first month of swipes for just five dollars when you choose a monthly plan that's get Roman dot com slash Sofia. And I know this is always annoying, but it's s o f ay ay.

[00:18:47]

Here's a new one. Purple mattress, why the fuck is it called purple? Who cares what the color of your mattresses? I'm going to tell you why. Number one, if you've ever slept with me sexually, I got to say consensually or not.

[00:19:04]

What is wrong with me, if you've ever slept with me sexually or non sexually, we've just slept in the same bed together. My number one pet peeve when going to sleep is if I'm hot, if I feel like I'm hot, the temperature is above 63 degrees. I'm not going to sleep. I hate it and I can't stand it. This is where Purple Matters comes in. They use what's called the purple grid. It is a patented comfort technology that instantly adapts to your body's natural shape and sleep style.

[00:19:38]

But more importantly, if you're crazy like me, what the purple grid also does is it provides a cooling effect. Other mattresses can't replicate as over eighteen thousand open air channels designed to neutralize body heat. That's the shit I'm talking about. And you know what? I'm going to go ahead and say this second thing that bothers me the most is when I wake up from sleeping like twenty hours, which sometimes I do, because, I mean, lazy piece of shit.

[00:20:07]

Check, check, check. I get so annoyed when I wake up and my back hurts and I always get paranoid. I'm like, what am I sleeping on right now. A spring mattress I was living at my mom's sleeping on a spring mattress and I was like, Sweetheart, Mommy, I love you. That shit cannot continue on purple mattress.

[00:20:30]

Every purple product ships free and is delivered right to your door, if you're not completely satisfied, you return it for a full refund. I mean, why not just order it, try it out and then just if I can order a different mattress the next month to trial. I'm kidding. But honestly, what is the harm in just trying? Because Purple is so confident in what they do.

[00:20:54]

Every product comes with a risk free trial. They also have financing available as low as zero percent APR.

[00:21:01]

So experience the purple grid and you will sleep like you never have before. Go to purple dot com, slash Sofia 10 and use promo code Sofia 10. For a limited time. You will get 10 percent off any order of two hundred bucks or more. That's purple dot com slash Sufia 10 promo code Sufia 10 for 10 percent of any order of two hundred dollars or more terms apply that Sofia 10 as Sophi A and the number 10 one zero. Let's move on most of the guys I've dated in the past, like 10 years, I met all of a dating up.

[00:21:48]

Going on dating apps when you're gay? Completely different, 100 percent like completely different in seven different realms.

[00:21:58]

Different. Oh, like times hundred dollar.

[00:22:02]

Like if it were like that for straight people, they would be like it would be baby boomers like guy. Oh, people would be pregnant here. Right. But yeah, send her. You don't have to be Mormon. But here's a baby.

[00:22:15]

You don't have to because 100 percent men would be like shooting off sperm. So use Grindr the most.

[00:22:23]

I have a bit of everything.

[00:22:26]

I have great not to brag. Right.

[00:22:30]

I do have RIAB, but I am not a huge fan of Reya.

[00:22:33]

I think it's a little bit pompous. The guys on there are I don't know, it's a little it's too much.

[00:22:40]

I don't have Tinder. I have Grindr scruff for the older so.

[00:22:46]

Right. Yeah. I have to get a little diversity.

[00:22:49]

You have to get all age groups in there. We I've never heard of Scruffier described basically. Oh well it's basically like Grindr Grinder's very intense.

[00:22:59]

I don't know if anybody knows but s.m Grindr for sure.

[00:23:03]

I don't know if they know how it I just know like first straight people.

[00:23:08]

Grindr is a very like huge hookup app.

[00:23:11]

It's like literally tells you how far away the person next to you is. It seems like you're 300 feet away. So it's like you could be like, oh, OK. Three hundred feet away from like a fuck.

[00:23:21]

I'm like, oh hey, you're in the bathroom in the goddamn bathroom. So yeah. So then it's just kind of crazy. But it's it's a great app because I get I get lonely. So it's like very it's very social.

[00:23:33]

It's a lonely thing. It's a lonely it's a I'm horny thing. I'm it really depends on me.

[00:23:40]

OK, obviously the main one, Grindr, some of this shit you guys John has told me about Grindr is fucking astronomical.

[00:23:49]

It's shocking.

[00:23:50]

It's insane. OK, I actually OK, there is one thing you told me the tea. It's the capital tea.

[00:23:58]

OK, tell them we're not talking about tea, as it were, about to spill tea. We're talking about literally the letter tea. Right.

[00:24:05]

So there's different lingo for Grindr. It's a whole different platform. It is not available to straight women, to lesbians, to, you know, any other.

[00:24:15]

It's gay males.

[00:24:17]

So there is, you know, the lingo that goes on in the app.

[00:24:21]

It's a different language. There is you have a bio, you have a display name, like the same thing like you would Tinder. But it's a different layout for sure.

[00:24:30]

But if there is a capital T that is sitting in the middle of nowhere, like it would say, like, hi, you know how I'm the best. How is your day today in the and the tea on the.

[00:24:43]

Today is the only capital letter. That means math.

[00:24:47]

That means that they want to do party and fucking play. And I can't tell you how many times I've been asked to do a fucking math and have sex. I have said no, of course, every time. But it happens on the daily.

[00:25:03]

They're like, oh, do you party, do you party to party? That's huge.

[00:25:06]

And if you say, what are you into what that means, like, are you top bottom furse.

[00:25:11]

Oh, that's what that question means. What are you into?

[00:25:15]

Do you display that in the bio. That's how the conversation would. Sometimes they even just start with that. Oh my God. OK, yeah. So a capital T in the bio means they have meth on hand and they're ready to fuck.

[00:25:28]

I mean they want to do drugs and have sex and t typically stands for Tina and that stands for meth.

[00:25:34]

Tina. Tina. Oh my fucking God.

[00:25:38]

And then you. What's the question.

[00:25:41]

Oh what are you into. And to me that's very common.

[00:25:47]

And then I would say it's just crazy in the fact that it's this app where you can see people all around you, different profiles, and you'll click on it. And the first thing at the bottom left will say how many feet away they are from you. And it will be and Miles, it can be 10 feet.

[00:26:04]

And I swear to God, there's inches on there because there are some goddamn times that I'm like, are you literally on my foot right now?

[00:26:12]

But I'm just like, shit.

[00:26:15]

So, I mean, yeah, grinder's you're like, there's no way that you were in my apartment right now. Very slutty. Great app though for social.

[00:26:23]

I buy Aristos. Oh my God.

[00:26:26]

I'm really bad at following through on Grindr but oh it's just so easy to bill. What was it Mr. Fallone.

[00:26:35]

I actually completely understand that and I'm sure a lot of women listening understand what was the thing you told me where you what you're supposed to do is you are down. Up wherever, and the guy is supposed to come in and you're not supposed to even look at him, can you? What is that called? Yeah, I sound like that.

[00:26:57]

Baby, baby, baby.

[00:27:01]

That is fucking called anon anonymous, which means that a man sits up like a.. Like hind legs like a fucking dog, OK, on all fours.

[00:27:12]

Because he is typically do there could it's kind of like a glory hole, but like you're going to go and like fuck someone but you're not allowed to look at the guy that's going to fuck you.

[00:27:23]

They're anonymous because typically these people are straight in the closet.

[00:27:29]

Oh my God. That's why they like to do anonymous.

[00:27:33]

Oh my God. Yeah. So. Oh, my God. So what you're supposed to do, I'm saying this just not you directly.

[00:27:44]

You're supposed to do it all the time, every fucking judge at all. It's kind of hot in a way.

[00:27:51]

I would never do it. I never do.

[00:27:54]

They wear a kind of intimacy issues like, oh, we can talk about that for there.

[00:27:58]

And I just like fucking cum like on a blouse or like if you have intimacy issues, this should be like your jam.

[00:28:06]

Or you like to have some intimacy. I need intimacy, OK, like I have that, yeah, I need intimacy. Like there's no connection. I'm not just going to have sex with you.

[00:28:16]

Oh, absolutely. OK, I can't do that. I might, I might. Dick has a mind of its own and it will say, why am I here? Give me the fuck out of here.

[00:28:24]

So this is it is goes flat. It's like bye. I'm like, all right. See, like, are we not done here? Like there's someone in my goddamn apartment.

[00:28:30]

This is so interesting because this is another misconception. People just assume gay guys just fuck, fuck, fuck. There's there's nothing about intimacy you see there.

[00:28:43]

I think that I wanted to know, you know, I'm sure there are like there are, but I feel like I a lot of the people, at least on Grindr, are very, very intense.

[00:28:54]

Please explain what Scruffier Scruff is basically the same thing. However, you it's for older men and it's like I don't know, it's typically for older men wanting to seek or seeking.

[00:29:08]

Oh my God. It's like right up my alley. I know. Is it just for gay guys.

[00:29:12]

Of course I know these guys. So why don't they have that for. I don't I ask that all the time.

[00:29:18]

I'm just like if they were to have us it would bill it would be a huge thing.

[00:29:22]

It would be hit, I guess, because you can hear me like typing. I'm not to be like surveille profile. It's not that I like older guys, but you like older guys. I like them because I'm twenty. If I dated a guy that's twenty. His mentality is an eighteen year old. Of course, that's how they are, of course.

[00:29:43]

And like you want someone like establish how you advocate for women looking for older guys. It's only sugar daddy based. It's like what guy can like take care of my lifestyle.

[00:29:54]

Did y I just think what he was attracted to. Exactly.

[00:30:00]

You don't have to pay for my lifestyle. I just want a fuckin eight year old. I wanted to come up with my feet. Yeah I know.

[00:30:07]

I just, I feel like with the gay community or like I like there's just so much more open. Yeah. I mean, I mean just think about it.

[00:30:14]

Like guys with a girl like guys are always like I feel like way more horny or like they're always more fun and then it's like put two and two together. It's like OK, you're done and boom data.

[00:30:26]

I'm gonna take you off the podcast because you've been too inappropriate. I apologize.

[00:30:32]

The school setting, it's on drugs.

[00:30:37]

Can we talk about first game because you were telling me this the other day. Massages. Oh my God. We all love a massage, back massage, front massage, leg massage, foot massage, head massage. I paid for massages.

[00:30:57]

I apologize, my family is being loud because a recording of my mom's closet. Look, I'm telling you, my brother, please be quiet, OK? Massages, I've heard of happy endings. I have not had one before. I kind of want to I've heard Cuba is the place to go because the men are so hot and they do it don't have to go.

[00:31:20]

They're sex workers. Great.

[00:31:22]

No shame. People don't want to give a happy ending during a massage. No shame at all.

[00:31:30]

When I went to Thailand, I think a lady kind of tried to crash and I almost lost her. But my mom and my brother were there too, so I didn't let her free range massages.

[00:31:42]

Tell me, what were you telling me the other day?

[00:31:45]

I was in a huge massage phase.

[00:31:49]

OK, but like these mistresses, like, were not misusage, right? They have like an alternate motive.

[00:31:57]

So, like, you're not hiring an escort, you're hiring a misuse that might turn into an escort that will.

[00:32:05]

Yeah, yeah. No, that like fully you're like it's not my it will pay well.

[00:32:09]

And I went through like this huge phase of like the fact that like I would just like hire someone or like have someone like come with a massage table.

[00:32:17]

I would go over to their house. Where do you find them? That's the sketchy part.

[00:32:22]

I would find a lot of them on Craigslist, which I'm pretty sure could have definitely murdered me. Craigslist.

[00:32:29]

Oh, Craig's List OK site. No, we do not support this. Anyone listening at all?

[00:32:37]

Don't do that. I'm mortified.

[00:32:39]

The stories like it's all I mortified. Like it's getting.

[00:32:44]

That's like actually one of my fantasies is to get a massage from a guy.

[00:32:50]

Yeah.

[00:32:50]

And there's a girl honestly somewhere and then I'm like just laying there and they start kind of moving their hand please. They shut it and then they give me an orgasm. And like Bill, that is one of my fantasy. So I don't judge you. Right.

[00:33:05]

And there's like also like there's like this under ground app for gay men.

[00:33:11]

I know that's not Craigslist personals. It is. It's called Misuzu Finder dot com. And you literally go on there. You click on, like, find in my area and there's people which don't know if they're straight or gay, OK, like it's for that.

[00:33:30]

And what what is it called? Misuzu Finder dot com. And this is for men and women.

[00:33:36]

It's for gay men. Where is it? Do sex for women. They don't have it. I don't understand why women are kinky too.

[00:33:46]

It's almost like people don't like they don't think that they are.

[00:33:49]

I think exactly. Because we're women and we should be sexual mind boggled anyways. So there's the whole thing you post on it. Yes.

[00:34:00]

So they come over or you go there and they start with a massage, they start with a massage.

[00:34:05]

It acts like a completely professional massage and.

[00:34:11]

Well, I yes. Yeah.

[00:34:14]

I mean, you know, it gets a little sexual. It's OK. What's the craziest experience? The craziest massage. I mean, how many have you done on there on which one.

[00:34:26]

I mean I think I've had thirty, forty plus massage on top.

[00:34:32]

Oh my. Not just on that app like in general OK. But like on that app I would say like ten plus beautiful.

[00:34:40]

So I mean the craziest massage experience that I had or have had was when the masseur asked me just he said How dirty are you?

[00:34:53]

And I was like, like, what do you mean you're like sexually I'm so dirty.

[00:34:59]

Yeah, but he asked me, you know, how dirty are you in?

[00:35:04]

Like, the general areas of like actual basic like hygiene, hygiene. And I was like, well, I take two hours a day. I'm like very clean. Was like, I want you to be as dirty as possible.

[00:35:19]

I kind of like that.

[00:35:21]

I mean, it was a turn on, but I took I take two hours a day so I could roll around in the dirt maybe what am I going to handle this on? But he basically said, you know, after the gym, like, whatever you do, just like hit me up and we will like I'll give you a massage. I go from there.

[00:35:41]

And one day after the gym, I was feeling spontaneous, very confident, and I said, fuck it, I'm going to text him.

[00:35:49]

So I texted him, went over to his house, multi millionaire.

[00:35:54]

I was in a mansion.

[00:35:56]

We we we we we. Can I just take over for ten seconds? Absolutely. This guy was on Craigslist and he. I wanted you to come over to give you a massage, and he's a multi multimillionaire for free. You're like Craigslist. I used to like a cardboard box in an alleyway.

[00:36:16]

And they are you are doing a massage and they get stolen home.

[00:36:19]

But like also the thing is, as I said, text me when you get here. So he texted him and he said, perfect, the door's open, come in, go straight to the right and then lay on the the massage table, OK? And I was like, OK, cool.

[00:36:36]

Did I think I was going to get murdered or like rape? You know what?

[00:36:40]

That was a risk I was willing to take. We've been in those points in life where we're just like, I don't give a fuck.

[00:36:46]

I see my guy. By the way, we're not condoning risky sex. This was like that's just what John did.

[00:36:55]

I'm like, Bill and I went lay down, face down pitch black room. And he just comes in and starts to massage me. Great massage, might I add.

[00:37:06]

But the craziest thing, this isn't the craziest thing, OK? The massage is he literally started to eat the but love story and he told me to come in.

[00:37:23]

I come over as dirty as possible.

[00:37:25]

And I was just like, OK, this is like getting crazy starts eating the butt. And he says, guess. Guess for. Push. Oh, I wish I was the Ívar push, my push, like, do I need to get people?

[00:37:44]

Like, what do you mean push?

[00:37:46]

He is like, push the bat. And I'm like, oh, you're like, so pill God. OK, I just want to say for a guy to be like, I want you to be as dirty, disgusting, sweaty as possible and shit my mouth.

[00:38:04]

Yes, I genuinely love that as a woman, I am always so self-conscious, I'm like, am I sweaty? Do I smell bad? Which is ridiculous for a guy to be like, I want it to be disgusting. That just makes me feel better. Maybe I'm the only girl listening that relates. I feel like a lot of women and men maybe actually feel like men usually don't care. But I feel like for women listening, imagine if a guy said I wanted to be as disgusting as possible.

[00:38:39]

That is amazing. Dream come true. I mean, yeah, any time a guy goes down there, I get a little tiny bit self-conscious. And if I had a guy like that. Amazing Misuari Entercom subheads only for gays, unfortunate as it is, I mean, bigger mustaches, ladies, I mean, who gives a fuck?

[00:39:05]

Calm, calm, calm, calm, even just saying the word calm calms me down, unless it's a fucking guy telling me to calm down when we're in the middle of a fight.

[00:39:18]

But besides that, I want to talk about this app because it really, truly is one of the most powerful ways to improve your overall health and happiness, because it's going to help you get a good night's sleep.

[00:39:31]

And I don't know about you guys, but I have had some dark fucking nights in the last few months where I just knew that there was no way I was going to be able to fall asleep.

[00:39:42]

Either I needed a Xanax or I needed the calm app. And half the time I can't get my Xanax. OK, so calm up. There were some nights where I was laying in bed and I just could not stand to lay there with my own thoughts. I know that sounds really unhealthy. I know no one likes to say that out loud, but it's true. I've had those nights where.

[00:40:05]

I just feel a sense of dread and I feel sad and I feel anxious and I just need something to kind of help me get that sleep. And then I start getting super, super anxious because I can't fall asleep. And then I'm like, oh, my God, I have a huge day tomorrow and I'm gonna have to do it off of two hours of sleep. And how am I to do this?

[00:40:24]

I think we've all been there. Calm Up has genuinely helped me on so many sleepless nights I can't even put into words. They have a whole library of programs designed for healthy sleep soundscapes, guided meditations, my favorite and over a hundred sleep stories narrated by soothing voices like Stephen Fry, Kelly Rowland and Laura Dern.

[00:40:49]

Over eighty five million people around the world use Khan to take care of their minds and get better sleep.

[00:40:55]

And right now, if you go to Kamkar, Sophia, you will get a limited time offer of 40 percent off a calm premium subscription, which includes hundreds of hours of programming guys. That is 40 percent off a calm premium subscription at calm dotcom slash Sophia again, Sophia Sophi, a calm dotcom slash. Sufia, let's all get some fucking sleep. Holy shit. OK. Amazing. Let's move on to questions, OK? You're going to do the listener question stories advice with me.

[00:41:43]

Oh my God. Are you ready? I am so ready. Right.

[00:41:47]

So the number one question and my add, I do not know these questions yet. Absolutely not.

[00:41:54]

So why would I tell you I just fucking came up if I knew I'd never make a break about me.

[00:42:00]

No, you're fine then. Number one question is how to tell if my boyfriend is gay.

[00:42:09]

I'm going to take this one over, so just be quiet disclaims gadio go. I'm kidding.

[00:42:15]

The reason I say that is because I have been in this situation. I may have talked about it before I had a boyfriend. I was beyond in love with him. Pretty sure he was gay. Pretty sure I know that because you guys fucking made out well. He had good lips.

[00:42:33]

He was really good.

[00:42:34]

You might do you a favor. My boyfriend made out with you, John. Well, you have to say for that.

[00:42:40]

Well, first of all, I don't think if you make out with a guy, you're gay.

[00:42:43]

That's true. But I think there were other signs and I was just like the cherry on top. Yeah, but no. Was it fun?

[00:42:50]

Because there were like in. I told you right after it happened. It's I know. That's why I was even more shocking. You came in. We were at a party, you guys out and Dokes I came in with the show.

[00:43:02]

I was like, wow, I just made out with your boyfriend. And I started crying. But I also went out that night. He had had sex with a bunch of girls and cheat on me. I'm totally fine to me too.

[00:43:18]

Oh, OK.

[00:43:19]

So and I just want to take this over, because when I was going through that relationship, I spiraled and I started researching all of this shit.

[00:43:29]

How do you know if he's gay? How do you know? How do you know? How do you know? I came across this book.

[00:43:33]

Oh, my God. I was about to say the name of the book. I don't fucking have it. I think it's called the Gay Husband Checklist, something like that. This lady interviewed over thirty thousand people in this situation and she came up with this checklist. And I just want to be a little paranoid.

[00:43:54]

But OK, I mean, you've never been in the situations. You don't know, Drew. I'm going to quickly read them off. I just want to preface by saying this is not the end all. Be all. Maybe your boyfriend does all of these things and he's not. It's just things to look out for. And, John, you can tell me if you agree. OK, so one of them is normal sexual appetite.

[00:44:18]

If he is if you're trying to have sex and he's calling you a nymphomaniac or says you're too pushy, etc..

[00:44:25]

Brian, why, Brian, what is he like if he's calling you Brian? You're probably screaming Brian while you guys are fucking Dave. He's doing all of those things.

[00:44:37]

I, I mean, unless he has a low sex drive, which is possible, great men like to fuck.

[00:44:44]

Right, exactly. Yes.

[00:44:47]

Which is also a question. Are gay men more promiscuous or is that a stereotype? Oh, no, that's a totally thing. OK, I think it's yeah, definitely OK. It's definitely a thing. Men are definitely more sexual typically. Yeah. And just two and two together like that makes one.

[00:45:03]

OK, so that's one number two. So well I don't know if I.

[00:45:07]

OK, can I say like I don't know if I agree with that. I think that there are plenty of men that may not want to just have sex with, you know, their partner. So like they're they're cheating.

[00:45:19]

Well, maybe they're not cheating, but maybe they're like jerking off the bathroom. Maybe they're just not true.

[00:45:23]

Attracted to there's something about I mean, OK, so this is the thing. OK, if you just look at one of these, it you can come up with a million things, OK?

[00:45:32]

I just like play devil's advocate, but like. Yes, but that was a great point. Your boyfriend or husband or whatever, they need to check off multiple things in this list.

[00:45:42]

If they just check off one, they're not OK. Of course. OK, homophobic comments. If he's constantly making them.

[00:45:49]

Oh, this is a huge one. OK, I think that if a man is straight, man is using homophobic slurs or putting gay people down in any way, shape or form, whether that's verbally, I would hope to God it's not physically.

[00:46:10]

But I think that is a sign of like being scared and trying to find somebody to embrace, like who they are.

[00:46:18]

It's like they're trying to shove that. It's like a whole persona that is so out of pocket and it's so unnecessary that it's like, what are you hiding?

[00:46:27]

They're overcontrolled compensating. Right. It's like a tiny man in a large truck.

[00:46:33]

It's a mass that was the best fucking analogy. Yes, this is the last one ego building by gay men, they're genuinely flattered when gay men give them compliments, not joking about it, but excited. I don't agree with this one at all.

[00:46:50]

I don't really get every boyfriend I've had that's not a gay guy. Give them a compliment. They get genuinely excited and they weren't gay.

[00:46:57]

You know, I also read that there's a prototype of a woman that they look for, which I also don't agree with you because it's just I'm listing off things about myself. They look for women that have a low self-esteem, limited sexual experiences, abusive sexual relationships, have tolerance and acceptance and informed women, women seeking gay husbands. OK, great.

[00:47:21]

I would that would mean that would make sense for women with their own sexual identity problems. I kind of call bullshit on this. I mean, all we're all women at the core.

[00:47:34]

OK, well, I just want to give them facts. All women are some of these things. I'm probably fucking all of these, to be honest, except looking for a gay husband.

[00:47:43]

We've talked about it before. So actually I'm let's just say like 30 and now we're like, we're going to push that up to 45. I got all my eggs, all freeze them. Yeah, we have two. Who cares? Kids would be so cute.

[00:47:56]

We're taking you to the doctor. I think, bottom line, if he has his dick in another guy's asshole and you walk in on it, probably gay. I would assume so, right?

[00:48:05]

Yeah. That's one point you would like if you walk in and your boyfriend's having sex with the guy. Yeah, yeah. I think that's definitely you. Can you close that chapter?

[00:48:16]

I put it to bed and you can get your Uber and go home or he's eating Cheerios for breakfast. OK, he's looking good. He's gay. Cinema does great.

[00:48:26]

Come on. What do you read. No. Yeah. If he's having sex with. Yeah. Yeah definitely. Exit the room.

[00:48:34]

Absolutely. OK, so these questions I'm going to read, these are not we like dive into discussion, it's quick just one liners from both of us.

[00:48:44]

OK, I'm going to pull them up. All right. OK. Mormon smoking in Utah. Smoking is when a man, because they're LDS and they can't on sex, they will come up with excuses and a guy will put his dick in a woman's vagina. But he won't hump. He won't gyrate. He won't move his body. It's literally just sitting there marinating, smoking.

[00:49:09]

What do gay men do this like? Could a guy just put his dick in your asshole and it soaks or is that just a straight thing?

[00:49:18]

I don't think I don't think I've ever heard of that happening. I damn well know that. No, gays are definitely not spoken up. Yeah, we can move on.

[00:49:31]

Yeah, they just put it there and it just hangs out. Yes. OK, worst sexual experience. I mean, John and I could talk about this for seven hours.

[00:49:42]

Do you have one just quick off the top of your head?

[00:49:45]

Off the top of my head, I think one of the worst sexually. Yeah.

[00:49:50]

Experienced sexual experiences that I've ever had.

[00:49:54]

Yeah, that would be me hooking up with a guy. And I was not a girl and I was 19 at the time.

[00:50:03]

I was in Atlanta, Georgia, in the fucking hotel.

[00:50:06]

And I invited this man over off of Grindr. You no, I think it was scrapped because he was an older guy. But I invited him over and he was like petting my head. And he was like like cuddling me. And he was like, you remind me so much of your son. Oh, of his son. My son. And you're the same age as my son. You look so much like my son.

[00:50:30]

So it was like kind of it got like, OK, like I'm kind of down for like, you know, for sure, maybe that was like it got like very intense to the point where I felt like this.

[00:50:40]

There's something wrong. Yeah. That was a definitely a weird one.

[00:50:43]

That is nuts. Yeah it was. It was. It's got a little too real.

[00:50:47]

I was like, OK, this is like like yeah. Yeah it's weird.

[00:50:53]

OK, or I could like also it's like the time that I jerked some man off my feet because he told me he was going to give me a thousand dollars. Did he give it to you. He didn't give me the fucking money so I just jerked him off like fucking filings.

[00:51:10]

It was your fee. But I try to do it more. It's like I had fee cramps for cramps.

[00:51:18]

Charley Horse is Avenir. So what, you finish and then you said, where's my money? And then why?

[00:51:24]

No, he like literally sat me down. I like talk to me like pork wine. And I was like, OK, like I need get the fuck out of here. And I like ran, I ate.

[00:51:32]

I would do the same shit. Yeah. OK, next question. How do you recover from being ghosted. Like what should I do next. Have you been ghosted before.

[00:51:40]

I am the ghost or you ok. Yes.

[00:51:45]

I have never been ghosted ever. I've been ghosted after I have been I big sister.

[00:51:52]

Yeah I'm the go star and then they have blocked me after to the point where I'm like, OK, I'm ready to talk to you and you can of this question.

[00:52:01]

Well you can't help with this question. I been ghosty before. One time it was kind of crazy because I went into psychosis mode and I would talk about this guy for twenty four hours a day.

[00:52:14]

The only thing you can do is let time heal it and do not text him. Do not do anything you text him makes it worse. You have to just talk to your friends about it, vent about it and move the fuck on.

[00:52:27]

It is the worst feeling I've experienced it before. OK, last question. And this is going to be great for us.

[00:52:35]

Two years ago I smoked laced weed and jumped out of a moving car because I thought I was being kidnapped.

[00:52:42]

Hey girl, you good?

[00:52:44]

OK, we laced with what? She didn't say it was laced with that.

[00:52:50]

Had you ever done drugs and they took different drugs. Oh then you thought I've done it multiple.

[00:52:58]

Multiple and what's OK and what's your crazy. Crazy. What is your craziest experience and what drug.

[00:53:06]

Oh I would say there was a spice experience that was like insane.

[00:53:11]

And I like shoved my feet in the back of this girl's like, you know, that pouch like in the car in the back of the seat, like threw my feet in there because I was having an out of body experience and I just ripped this girl's like back leather seat with my feet.

[00:53:29]

So there was that. And then there was also powder puff, which is like cocaine on top of weed.

[00:53:38]

So I was like I went through a huge weed phase. I was like, yeah, let's smoke, let's smoke.

[00:53:41]

There was at this sketchy party like, don't get me wrong.

[00:53:43]

But I was like, you're not going to, like, drug me, of course. Well, it was called they told me afterwards.

[00:53:48]

Powerpuff and I had I was three here, the fuck out, away, running everywhere.

[00:53:55]

Why is this one? Yeah, I can't handle weed by itself. I didn't blow to that. I would freak the fuck out. No. And I like Halo.

[00:54:04]

So it's like not until being. It's always it's just so funny you said the car thing, I swear to God, if you take drugs and go in a vehicle, not a smart move being an open setting, cars are the worst.

[00:54:21]

Have you ever done shrooms and drove a car? No, dude, you're in a spaceship.

[00:54:28]

You're not even you're not even in a car anymore, by the way, because we don't condone this.

[00:54:32]

We don't condone I say do not do it because it is like the most terrifying if you're driving the opposite way on the freeway, we do this.

[00:54:40]

Holy shit. There's so many lights in this car. What do these go to?

[00:54:44]

OK, I think that was amazing. You are going to come back on. Thank you. And I am so fucking happy.

[00:54:54]

You are my first fucking friend to come on this new show. And that's about it. Guys, I hate saying this, but I have to say it.

[00:55:04]

Please, please follow Jon like the Bible on Instagram and Twitter. I don't have Twitter. Tick tock, tick, tick tock.

[00:55:14]

It's the same, Jon, like the Bible. All I have. That's a great name. Thank you. And follow me, Sophia. Franklyn's fewer than half. Franklyn with a y. My merch is fucking bomb. John can you attest to that?

[00:55:26]

It is so comfy. I have to say it is so comfy.

[00:55:29]

I never tried the other stuff on. Yes.

[00:55:33]

Yeah, but I did try this one. I have a couple of things so comfy and it fits so cool.

[00:55:39]

I yeah. No it's perfect. It's mean, it's good quality. Right. And you can wear it unisex obviously. I love it.

[00:55:46]

I love it. So the merch please subscribe and read me five stars or else I'm going to be kicked off and I won't have a job which is fine. But if you want to hear my voice then please do.

[00:55:59]

And that's about it. Go vote dude please.

[00:56:03]

Can I say it because like I said, vote blue. Oh my God. Vote whatever you want, but especially if it's OK.

[00:56:13]

So if you say I'll keep my mouth shut. I love you guys so much and maybe be less evil. Make an appearance next week. I don't know. For those of you who have no idea what that is, you'll see. I love you guys so much. Talk to you next week, every Thursday.