Stitch fix, guys, if you're going to outfit in twenty twenty one has become sweatshirts or yoga pants or if I can link it, you might feel a little bit out of touch with what clothes to actually wear out. I was going out to dinner the other night and I had no clue what to dress my body. And I was like, Hels haven't heard of them. No clue. Stitch. Fix is your answer.

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Fix has free shipping, easy returns and exchanges and a prepaid return envelope is included and no subscription required. So get started today at Stitch Fix Dotcom Slash Sophea and you will get twenty five percent off when you keep everything in your fix that stitch fix dotcom slash Sophea for twenty five percent off when you keep everything in your fixed stitch fix dotcom SFI a. Hi, everybody, welcome to Sophia with enough, we have a lot to talk about this week, like the fact that Howard Stern apparently was talking shit about me.

We'll get into that in a second. Before we get into the episode, let's go down the checklist. I know it's everyone's favorite part. You can I can turn it off after this and after you do all of these things and subscribe to the show, please. I think I have like seventy thousand something ratings. A half of them hate me. Half of them love me. Half of them were done before I even had a fucking show. You guys know the whole background with that.

If you can read the show five stars and subscribe, it helps me so much. It helps me continue making a podcast. Besides that, you can follow me on all my social zofia than Franklin when the why I have Mirch that dropped a few weeks ago. It is the cutest, comfiest thing. Zofia Franklin Dotcom and I'm out of breath so let's get into the show. This week is just going to be you and I Sloots. Except not really because I have my cousin Alex here playing producer.

The reason is I just did an entire episode, OK? I recorded four, I think it was an hour and a half, maybe even two hours. And I went to upload it and I realized I wasn't even fucking recording, just saying if I was in the picture, that wouldn't have happened.

So not only am I this person's producer assistant, your lifeline mail man at this point, Alex, you weren't supposed to talk yet. So just please you could speak at the end of the episode. I'm just kidding, guys. I've got my stage mom here, Kris Jenner. Watch the fuck out. Alex Franco's in town. I'm Kris Jenner. And you're Khloe.

I'm just kidding. I'm obviously Kylie. OK, I'm Kendall.

We'll see. So, guys, let's get into it. Apparently, Howard Stern, you may know him, which Alex, by the way, that's our grandmas last name.

Stern. Yeah. OK, so we might be related to him, so she's going to be really excited when he takes me out on Valentine's Day. He's like fucking 70s fuck Howard. I will.

Howard, I don't know what you're doing. February 14th, my schedule's wide open, and that's not the only thing.

That's why. Oh, my God. He talked about an episode I have done previously. It was with Paige Llorens where she talks about Armie Hammer and he was talking about it. And my name was brought up and he was talking shit like it wasn't like a positive thing. But honestly, I would rather Howard Stern talking shit about me than not talking about me at all. Do you agree? 100 percent?

Absolutely. Oh, my God. I sound like those bitches in, like, abusive relationships. And they're like, I'd rather he's ruining my life than not view it. That's yeah. That's too close to home. But we'll keep it. That's on a domestic violence joke.

I you know, I've been in an abusive relationship before, you guys. I'm just making light of the situation anyways. Let's move the fuck on before I get taken off air. Let's start with a mental health check. I know what you guys are expecting for me.

You guys are expecting me to say, guys, I'm really down. I'm not feeling too well. I'm probably out of six. I'm sad for whatever reason or have anxiety or the list goes on and on.

Nope. No, this week I am I want to say like an eight or nine. Truly, I'm telling you, I have not felt this amazing in a long time, so. Well, the amount of times my doctor or my therapist have told me to just try to move my body for thirty minutes a day and eat healthy, you would think I would have listened to them. But no, it took a very scary health issue for me to do it.

But it works. They weren't lying.

So Happy New Year, no doubt. Speaking of working out, I went for a hike the other day.

I'm a workout queen and I was walking past this like neighborhood. I have to walk through to go to this trail. And I walked past Lisa Barlow's house. And for those of you who don't know who that is, she is one of the stars of The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. I did what any millennial would do. I grabbed my phone and I started filming myself outside of her house. And I made like a joke. And it was like really fucking funny, but I can't remember what it was.

Anyways, I'm filming myself on Instagram and I'm like, guys, Lisa Barlow's house, like just having a blast in her front yard playing with her dog. That's where they're getting her mail, getting her mail rolling around in the grass. And I had this flash of consciousness where I was like, why the fuck would you film yourself in front of somebody's house? Like, literally publicizing where they live. Like that is so beyond fucked up. If someone not.

I'm trying to think with Lisa Barlow do that in front of Sophia Franklin's house. Can someone comment on that? I would love to know. Absolutely fucking no. Dude, if someone did decide to do that in front of my house, I would call the police. I'd be so pissed. Like, just don't let's Segway because we are going to discuss some hacks right now. They are hacks that I have been hoarding. They have to do with your phone.

They have to do with catching someone cheating and they have to do with me, most importantly, me. And some bullshit that happened to me the other day. I'm getting fucking furious, just talking about it. I'm going to call myself down. I am sitting with one of my friends and she gets a notification from this app called Telegram. And for those of you who don't know what telegram is time for a fucking wake up call? Telegram is an app that's similar to what's up in that you can text on it and talk on it.

But the thing is, with telegram is that it's fully encrypted messaging, meaning it can't be traced at all. And I'm trying to think of the people that I know that use it. They're always using it for reasons that could be considered unethical. Let's just put it that way. Drug dealers, hitmen, the mafia, politicians and fucking cheaters, OK, they're all congregating on this little stupid app called Telegram and they're all being shady together. And I'm pissed back to my story, my friend gets a notification saying that the guy that I am currently seeing, let's just fucking call him Greg.

Greg, old Greg, shut up.

Like the fucking YouTube video, because I'm really I can see him if you guys haven't seen that YouTube video. Old Greg, you need to stop this fucking podcast and go.

OK, old Greg has joined a fucking telegram. When my friend told me that Greg joined Telegram, I was like, hold the fuck on. You need to talk me through this. You need to help me come up with a game plan. I was freaking the fuck out and I still kind of am. Now, listen, like the toxic queen KW and I am I started plotting an elaborate ruse to catch this motherfucker. I was like, my mind was racing a million miles per minute.

I'm thinking of when and how I'm going to get into his phone and catch him and eat him alive and collect his life insurance and fucking destroying conquer the world. And while I'm fucking fuming, my friend is like, Girl, I love you. Catch him, ruin him. I've got your back. But the thing is, Telegram has this feature where the messages disappear. It's called like self-destruct mode or some bullshit. And the second someone reads the message, the message will disappear from both of the phones.

So then I'm in a little bit of a predicament and I just don't know what the fuck to do because now I realize it would be fucking pointless to go through his phone. And then five minutes passed by and then I realized that I didn't even care. And this is going to sound so bad. I'm just at a point in my life where I don't care to find out if someone is cheating on me. That sounds really sad and cynical. I just don't have the time or energy to spend playing how to catch a cheater.

In my mind. I just think do your thing. If you want to go cheat GOCE, it will eventually surface. So with that said, it doesn't mean I'm not going to confront him though, because that is one of my favorite fucking things to do. Stir up the pot. I confront him and he says, Sophia, honey, baby, darling, sweetie, my angel.

My God. Any time a guy uses that line, it's like they are doing some shady ass fucking share thing. He's cheating on me.

I mean, in my defense, that's usually what follows the perfect thank you. He says, baby, I joined Telegram because it is just so easy to hack into people's phones these days. It's a safety precaution. I think you should get it on your phone and you have the password to my phone so you can look through everything anytime you want. And you know that. And that was it. And I was just like, I love you so much.

Thank you for indulging me. I don't believe you for even two fucking seconds. Catch me on telegram and signal. By the way, signal is another one of these apps. I'll be on there. You'll be getting plenty of notifications, fucking asshole. You can take the toxic out of the girl. You can't take the girl out of toxic. What mean nothing.

Nothing he could have said would have put me at ease. So I don't even know why I confronted him. Probably because I just like to be like I know everything. I have eyes everywhere. I have spies everywhere. So I will just keep you updated on my relationship status because right now I'm single. So men listening to fly, OK, I've got another hack and this one is paramount. So listen the fuck up. If you are sitting at home like me and you're on your phone and you are texting lonely, horny dudes, aren't we all make some fucking money?

OK, make some money doing it. My mom actually showed me a tick tock and this girl mentions all of these sites that you can apply to.

And pretty much your fucking job would be to sit on your couch with a glass of wine and a taco and text back these dudes. If I would have known this shit existed when I graduated college at, what, 21, 20, 21, 22, two.

I'm twenty three. I'm still in college. What are you trying to prove? Show me the apps, man. Show me the tick tock. No, but I would have known about this. I would have never gotten my economics degree and worked in a financial firm for four years because that got me so far.

That was sarcasm, none of that shit made me money. This makes me money, what I'm doing right now, talking about sex. So texting dudes back for however much they pay, I would love to find that out. If anyone does this for a living, please reach out to me. But guys, gals specifically or dudes who want to pretend they're girls, all of these sites are going to be like, fuck you. You should not have said that.

But whoever wants to do this or try this, you should let me tell you what they are. Sheffler bucks.

That's such a good name. Cheap flirt, bugs friendly. But that's spelled not with an F, not like Sophea with an F with a p h friendly with a p h.

Hmm.

Chat recruit our little secret. Holy shit. I almost knee my Shobha our little secret and then I was like, it's too close to Pretty Little Liars and like too cheesy.

I think there's this show called but you know we can go off. You're the big little lies.

Oh whatever. Our little secret. And the last one is my girl fund. So fucking get rich and get them hard and make your money and all you have to do is fucking tax shit that bread.

Get that head then leave out. Exactly. Think about everything you have ever learned about getting healthy. There is so much shit on the Internet, so much contradictory information out there, things like fat free, carb free, grain free, fucking food free, not much help enter Neum. It's based in psychology. Noone teaches you how to eat so you can accomplish your personal health goals and stick with them long term because you don't need rules to lose weight.

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You'll be back on track tomorrow. That's probably one of my favorite things about them. So learn how to eat again with Neum. Sign up for your child today at Neum. That's and is in Hancey Osen Oscar oh is an old off as in mom dot com slash. Sophia, are you ready to learn how to live healthier. Sign up for Neum today at Neum Dotcom slash Sofia me INDs. I am a boring bitch when it comes to undergarments but me undies sent me a matching thong and bralette and this is about to sound so fucking juvenile, but it was space themed.

There were astronauts and there were spaceships and it was the cutest fucking thing ever. Alex, you see me. Watch it. I love it. The cutest. I even had my guy compliment me on it. So that's how I know it was fucking good. Me Ondes has underwear loungewear and more. And if your boyfriend doesn't think that you're clean up already, why not buy matching underwear for the both of you?

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For any first time purchasers you get fifteen percent off and free shipping. Me Ondes also has their problem free philosophy. If you are not satisfied with any product for any reason, they will refund or exchange it. No caveats, no questions. Me undies dot com slash Sofia just go to me. Undies dot com slash Sofia. Let's get dressed and let's get undressed.

SLU University High students, I have a lot on the agenda excuse me, curriculum, because we're in Slue University, it's the only degree that fucking matters. Just ask Ivanka Trump.

Do you mean you?

Excuse me, drugs? Just kidding, I actually idolize her, but regardless, this university segment is going to be extremely important and might ruffle some feathers. I'm about to give you some tips and techniques you can use, but I have gotten in trouble in the past for making content catered to men, OK? And I am the first person to come on here and say that sex is not about pleasing your dude or your man by any means. You should always go into a sexual experience caring about your orgasm.

It's not about the destination. It's about the journey. You should always go into sex focused on your enjoyment, but also his. But yours is priority, ok. Ever. I think women should be able to discuss things that they have done in the bedroom that has worked wonders and made their guy cum explode on their face instantly and fucking rocked their guy's world. I think that women should be able to discuss that and not be called antifeminist or pickney or, you know, whatever the fuck would be called, whatever.

OK, you guys get my point. And honestly, I can only hope that dudes are out there having sex and then talking to their brose when they get back to their place and talking about what they did in the bedroom to make a girl come so we can just all share the knowledge and we can all be having more orgasms. So that's all I have to say. Let's get into it.

I have a slew Turrill senatorial mode, senatorial.

I'm making the big bucks, baby. SLU Turrill for everyone I love. How about to go into this?

I'm going to start with, like, the most controversial thing ever.

First, it shouldn't be, though. OK, I go. I go. Is a term used in Japanese pornography for an exaggerated facial expression of characters, usually female during sex. Let me explain what the fuck that means in layman's terms, because this is what I do. I am a professor and I wish you guys could like I can see my face because I would just show you. But basically what it is, is you cross your eyes literally.

You go cross-eyed, stick your tongue all the way out, like touching your chin type shit, and then your eyes roll into the back of your head. OK, that is essentially the face it's supposed to represent an orgasm or a super exaggerated face of pleasure, some porn hub, thumbnail type shit. They use it a lot in anime, I believe will actually have an anime expert. Yes. Yes, you do.

And I would like to correct you. Actually, it's hentai. Hentai is what they call anime porn, basically.

OK, so it's hentai from here on out. Got it. The reason this face has gotten so much flak and has a bad rep is because BHEL Delphin has made this face insanely popular to the mainstream. For those of you guys who don't know who BHEL Delfina is, she is a highly, highly controversial sex worker.

And the reason she's so controversial, I mean, there's like fucking seven hundred million reasons. Yeah. But she fully resembles and embodies a little girl. She has braces, pigtails. She's also just like her body type, super petite and little, just all of it. She looks like a young girl and she does the fucking head gal face literally all day, every day all over Instagram. It's everywhere. But if you separate the face from that and the face existed way before she did, the face is purely a sexual expression and has nothing to do with being a little girl.

I'm not going to lie. I've done it before and I just want to say it works. The results don't lie.

Let's just put it that way, I felt awkward doing it at first 100 percent, but there's like an art form as to how to go about it. I just I dirty talk my way into it like I do with everything in life. Stupid. But I started off by dirty talk. I will say something along the lines of you make me come so hard, my eyes roll back. Can I show you.

Yeah. Or like you know, like oh my God. Like I'm so close like I'm about to come and then make the face ok.

Yes. Yes. I mean either way my suggestion is don't just make the face out of nowhere and set it up, set yourself up for success. I don't know what the fuck it is that sends dudes into overdrive. Go in front of the mirror and practice this shit tongue out all the way, overly exaggerated, eyes crossed and proceed to roll your eyes into the back of your head.

I think personally, it's empowering. Like any time a woman can claim pleasure for themselves, I think it's a good thing. I mean, like, obviously the face has been extremely exaggerated through things like tick tock, Belle Delphin. But I think any time a woman can express an orgasm is something we're talking about.

Yes. Yes. I fucking love that. So with that said, go home and try this because I have seen it work. I know it works. Belle Delfi knows it works because she's making like one point two million dollars a month and that's her signature. Go do some. I go. I'm telling you, your sex life is about to go into a whirlwind of ecstasy tonight. Try it tonight and get back to me and just tell me how hard your guy came, because I love nothing more than waking up to morning, D.M. seeing that.

All right. Let's get into Valentine's Day. I know this is what you have all been waiting for. And trust me, I know what the fuck is coming up, but we are going to remix it a little this year. We are celebrating Galán Tienes day because fuck Valentine's Day. It is about the girls, the girls and the gays and the they I love a pissy bitch and the sloots boom boom bitch. We're so self-indulgent. Listen, every Valentine's Day I've spent with a boyfriend has either been a let down or it's just been plain stupid.

Like I OK, the hotel room and you go back to the room and there's rose petals in the shape of a heart laying on your bed and there's candles lit, like it's so cheesy, like it makes me want to cringe. The whole thing honestly is just stupid to me. Every Valentine's excuse me, Valentine's that I have spent with my girlfriends getting fucked up. Talking shit has been a hundred times more fun than an actual Valentine's Day, and I mean that sincerely.

Like for real. For real. Just look at the entire concept of the day. It is fucking stupid. And I know I sound bitter because I'm getting fucking cheated on, but I really mean this. You get super excited because you think Brad is going to finally stop being a piece of shit and become Prince Charming and pick you up on his horse. No, he is going to get you shitty Stael, 90 percent milk chocolate bullshit and a teddy bear he found on the floor kvas maybe a balloon if you're lucky.

If you suck the dick good that night. Unless he is paying your rent, buying you a new diaper bag or funding your fucking business, you are probably going to be disappointed. I know I'm going to be disappointed. This is why we are doing things differently this year. So in honor of Valentine's, I put together a little goody bag of shit for under 50 bucks. Live it the fuck up with your best girlfriends or gay friends. Are they friends, number one?

And this is the universal step to anything in life, whether it be Valentine's Day, Presidents Day, take your kids to work day, you name it, cheap wine do it. Sounds like you're about to do an ad. I'm not literally cheap wine, guys. You can find some good cheap wine for around twelve bucks, get two bottles, forget eight bottles and chug that shit. No to a drinking game. Literally anything can be a drinking game if you are creative enough.

Like just take a shot every time Sophie and I say the word light and you'll be absolutely belligerent.

But seriously, cards against humanity. Any of those fucking games will be so much fun to play while you're getting drunk and talking shit about all of the shitty guys in your life, all of the Gregs drugs that you've had to deal with.

Number three, food, usually candy when it comes to Valentine's Day, Kit Kat, Starburst, sweetheart robe's the cherry ones. That's the best candy in the entire world.

Snickers Reese's pussy. It all tastes the same number for anything. Self care guys go into Marshals' or TJ. Max there is endless good shit for under five bucks. I am serious body scrub, facemask, lotion, all of it cheap by it. Number five, this is my favorite one masterbation. This can be free because maybe you don't have any toys available. And I think this is an amazing fucking day to explore your sexuality. Valentine's Day is the day to do this.

You and Rebecca have been best friends for years and your two bottles deep into that Pinot Grigio, and she's looking hotter than Brad ever has. And maybe this is the day you finally leave men for good wink, wink. Who knows? So that is your instructional with that side. I just want to touch on the topic of gifts. I have had some people right in asking if they should get presents for someone they just started dating or are just hooking up with.

No. Fuck, no, no, no, no, no. Bottom line, if women are listening to this and you are the girl that is just fucking a guy or just started dating a guy, you should absolutely not under any circumstances. I don't care what the fuck they are. I don't care if he's has two days to live or he asks you to listen to a Nickelback album or pulls out a fucking ukulele or a guitar to sing Oasis.

Where's that fucking song?

So maybe I wonder where you go lately. I don't care what the circumstances are. Women don't get him a present. Men are still under the impression that they rule the world and not any girl that gives them even the slightest bit of attention or show for a second that they like him. They will run for the hills. So keep the little present in your pocket if I can give it to your dad. That being said, I'd give it to your dad for Valentine's Day.

It's kind of sweet. I mean, depends on the present.

That being said, OK, when it comes to giving your man a Valentine's gift, I do think it should be 50/50.

OK, you give your man a blowjob and he gives you Valentino.

Yezid Valentino, I fucking love that. That's actually what I used to say. Alex, he, on the other hand, should absolutely be getting you something, even if you're just fucking even if you guys just started dating flowers at the very least. But also, I mean, if you want to be like a real bitch and like a woak bitch, Valentino shoes wouldn't hurt Lubetkin. I mean, something red bottoms. Let's go.

Oh, you're like hurting my whole. I'm not greedy. Just kidding. I am fucking greedy. That's the brand.

Yeah, I agree. Is your name Sophia with an afro. Yeah.

But if you are in a situation where you have a boyfriend or a husband or someone you know is for real, then there are some presents that you can give them and let's talk about it. Anything sexual, literally, anything sexual. A dude wants you in lingerie over a watch. Yes, he wants you naked sucking his dick over cologne. Like that's just always how it's going to be. Men are disgusting. And so keep that in mind, OK?

I remember one time I did a threesome with my ex-boyfriend and I framed a picture of me, him and the girl. The threesome with you do that, to be honest. Oh.

My God. So if you want to be that crazy bitch, then do that. What are the gifts that girls would give dudes that would make them run for the fucking hills?

A promise, I promise you, I was going to say that, girls, if you're thinking about being super sweet with the guy you're dating and you give him a promise ring or a letter, a poem like if you give this dude anything hand written, expressing your love to him, he's gone out of your life. Future plans like getting him tickets to go to Bali in 2022 is like he will literally get a restraining order. I know it sucks.

Society should not work this way. But like, those are the presence you shouldn't give. You know what another amazing president is for Valentine's Day, Roman numerals.

I love Roman.

Roman swipes are clinically proven way to last longer and bad men can try their hardest to not come. They do all of these mental gymnastics trying to picture fucking grass growing so they don't splurge all up in that bitch. Excuse me, that was sounding derogatory. But you guys understand what the fuck I'm saying. No need. Roman is effective, easy to use and fast acting and doesn't require a prescription. All you have to do is take the swipe out of the pocket, wipe it on the dick, let it dry and you are good to go.

That is it. Good to go for hours. Women should be buying this for their dude. Even if they last long, they can always last longer. And men. You know why you would need to purchase it. OK, so guys, when you go to get Roman dotcom slash Sophea, you can get your first month of swipes for just five dollars when you choose a monthly plan that's get Roman dotcom s o f ay ay. Let's last longer.

Frame bridge flow moj French for Frame Bridge If you guys didn't know I have this amazing painting sitting in a storage closet in New York City right now and I dream about it every fucking day and I had it framed by Frame Bridge and I just have to start off by telling you the frame can make a painting, but a painting cannot make a frame.

But you know who can frame bridge? Guy's frame bridge literally made the experience so easy. As we all know, I'm a lazy piece of shit. I would never, ever, ever get in my car, drive to an arts and crafts store and talk to the lady wearing an apron with a tampon string hanging out and try to figure out the best way to frame a portrait or a picture.

That is where Frame Bridge comes in and no one has time for that to go to the store. But with Frame Bridge, you never have to leave your house.

The process is so easy, it's so easy. All you have to do is go to their website, upload whatever photo you want framed, or if you need to send in the photo because it's already in your hands. Bracebridge will send you packaging to safely mail in your physical pieces. That's what I ended up doing and feeling so overwhelmed and they just made it again, so easy. You can also preview your picture in the frame online. They have dozens of frame styles and gallery wall layouts and the experts at Frame Bridge will custom frame your item and deliver your finished piece directly to your door, ready to hang on your wall or whatever the fuck you want to hang it.

So instead of the hundreds of dollars Mrs. Tampon String would make you pay the arts and crafts store guys, you should be using frame bridge. Their prices start at thirty nine dollars and all shipping is free.

So free one of your nudes and give it to your boyfriend to hang over the fireplace sink you. Plus all my listeners will get fifteen percent off their first order frame bridge dotcom when they use my code. Sophea So get started today. Frame your photos or send someone the perfect gift a.k.a. your nude frame bridge dotcom use promo code. Zofia So if I say and save an additional 15 percent off your first order.

All right, let's go in to questions slash advice, the shit that you guys submitted this week, I'm flabbergasted. I'm in shock. It's absolutely insane. So let's get into it. No. One, Sloots, my boyfriend of two years, did something game changing in bed tonight. It might seem like a small thing, but it was just enough to add a new level of seduction. We got those trendy color changing room lights over quarantine. And when I got home today, after being gone for a few days, he turned the color to a hot pink and told me to put on my lingerie.

Then we fucked and it was some of the most memorable sex we have had yet and we have had a lot of sex. Go, girl, try something new, even if it's simple and seems minimal because it is a totally fun way to spice up sex, especially when it's during a long term relationship.

Who? This is phenomenal. I am picturing fucking when the entire room is like a neon pink, it's a little bit darker, it just makes it feel like you're fucking on the set of a music video. That's what I got for you. Yes. And I could see how just this little thing would change up the entire game. I also think this is an amazing thing to do for Valentine's Day. This is a simple, cheap, easy thing that you could just be like, hi, honey, come into the bedroom.

And he's like, holy shit, where am I? What planet am I on? I don't know what it is, but shit looks fun. Yeah.

And like I've totally seen the red light thing, like I see all of our tech talk. Like when you're trying to make a thirst trough, you do the red light.

You know, I dabble in the red light but hot pink way. I did not know that was a trend. Yes, it is. So what you like do like a selfie?

No, it's like a thirst trap with the red lights. Like supposed to be sexual.

Oh my. But hot pink I would be next level mainly in my own with hot paint.

Me I love. Oh I love that. Also I feel like it would make your body look hot.

Should we try it. Just one hundred percent. Two cousins one way. Two because one light. Yes. PornHub if you want two million hits don't contact us. Is never going to happen.

All right. Let's do the next question. We can I read one.

Yes, you can. OK, number two, my ex made me wait one year to have sex with him.

He didn't have an STD. He was not gay. He was not a virgin and he was not a weirdo. He never said no. He just never initiated and could never get it up. Once we realized it was about to go down, I literally forgot I was not having sex with my own boyfriend.

It was that long. He was dead scared of me. Then the same thing happened to my best friend for even longer than a year. Why is this a thing and why are we not talking about it?

Mm. OK.

First off, I just want to say he is not scared of you. Women tend to blame anything that goes wrong during sex on themselves, like literally a guy could have an aneurysm or a heart attack balls deep in your pussy. And a girl would be like, oh, my God. Like, did he have that heart attack because my pussy smells. That's literally how we are. I mean, I know I've done it. So that's the first thing he's not scared of.

You do not make it about you. Second, I could be wrong, but I have a sneaking suspicion that he has been trying to avoid sex that long because he knew that when it came down to it, he would not be able to get it up. And that could be for a ton of reasons. You said he's not gay, so check that one off. He could be on medication. He could just suffer from impotence. There are so many reasons, but it just seems a little too coincidental that he tries to push sex off for a year and then when it comes down to it, he can't get hard.

With that said, I mean, did you was that like the first time you guys tried to do it after one year? Because maybe you could blame the on nerves that I get, but if it's happening every single time, there's something else going on there. OK, and last thing, moral of the story is when it comes down to it, it doesn't matter. It matters if you are happy with your sex life with him, if you are OK with maybe just oral or not having sex frequently or I guess or not having sex at all, if you're cool with that, because I know there are women that are totally fine with that.

I mean, again, women a lot of times cannot come just by sex. If you're cool with it, then it doesn't fucking matter if it's an issue, you need to bring it up to him. OK, next, this is a quick story that had me rolling on the floor because what the actual fuck. OK, hi there. I just thought you would find some entertainment from the story of the time. I almost got shot while in the tanning bed.

Basically, I was a senior in high school and going to the tanning bed like I did every single day after school, I stripped down and lay in the tanning bed. I'm in there for a few minutes when I hear the loudest bang and then the lights start flickering in the tanning bed and the bed starts smoking. Oh, my God, I'm like, terrified. I immediately hear some man yelling at the door, if I was OK, my naked ass got dressed as fast as possible and I got outside.

This is when I find out that the old man in the tanning bed in the room next to mine had a gun that had accidentally went off and went through the wall into my tanning bed. Hence the smoke. We also found the bullet lodged into the tanning bed like six inches. Oh, my God, I don't remember this part. Six inches under where my head was. The police had to open an investigation to make sure he wasn't trying to kill me or himself, but nothing ever came of it.

On the bright side, I got free standing there for a month. Bottom line, I guess I should have just listened when people told me that tanning beds are dangerous.

What the fuck? Like as if being in a tanning bed in general wasn't terrifying enough. Like, I swear, every time that door comes down, I was like, this is it.

We mean, this is where this is where it ends. Oh, my God. I thought that was just me being like, neurotic, crazy.

Something that was like, this is a tombstone. I'm like, right, oh my fucking God. This OK, tanning beds terrifying the fact that it was six inches away from her head. And also the tanning salon gave her free tanning for one month. By I mean, it doesn't cost them that much to run the fucking bed. She should have had like a lifetime supply of free tanning.

Yeah. What please tell me. I got some more form of tanning lotion. Yeah. I mean, I throw on a tan should come on. All right.

Last but certainly not least, everyone needs to loosen the fuck up. Hi, Sophia. I have a trick tip. Every time I would start seeing a guy and it started getting spicy, I would only initiate a nude if I knew he was going to be hanging out with his friends so that when he opens it, his mind is now occupied on me because I just. Gave the dog a bone, usually he ends up going into the bathroom and then I'll send a couple more TS pictures, then completely ghost damn, who is this girl, if I can salvage until he was alone or begging me to come over.

OK, so she would gozde until he was begging. Love that if you do this often enough, you are basically conditioning him to think about you every time he goes out. I have been with my boyfriend for about two years and I still do this a little nude. It goes a long way. I love you.

OK, have love with the classical conditioning. I see you.

Yes. Big fucking psychology 101. Yes. That is so good. I think I subconsciously have done this in a really toxic way. We're like if I feel like he's like out with the boys being shady, I'm like, let me remind him of me. That's kind of some shit I would do. But this is like coming from a place of power, if you want to go out with your boys, you will not forget about me for two fucking seconds.

Here are my tits and my ass. Am I? Well, yeah.

And then on top of that, every single time that you go out with the guys, you're going to be feeling that boner. Exactly.

Literally the boner thinking like, damn, you know, like, yes, my girl has a real nice body.

And that way, you know, if he has, like, fucking Miss Arizona while he's out with the boys in Tucson, if he has Miss Arizona, go up to him flirting with him, like rubbing on his shoulder and his dick.

OK, Miss Arizona, I would never go up on deck. I fully apologize to the pageant. That's what it's called. But you get what I'm saying. If a girl goes up to him and is flirting, the only thing he's thinking about is the pussy shot. You saw him two minutes earlier. This is brilliant. Amazing. Anyone listening? Send the nudes only and only if he is out trying to get drunk with his boys. Right. He doesn't get the nude otherwise known.

All right. That is it for this lovely Thursday. Thank you guys so much for tuning in. I think there was a lot to take in on this episode. Lots of shit to try. I love you guys so much.

Alex, if you guys want to hear more from me or see Seemore, you can follow me on Instagram at Alex Franco.

Underscore Meow, Meow, Love, and you can follow me. You guys know those of you that I frankly wonder why I'm on all the social media channels. Snapchat, tick tock, Instagram, LinkedIn. Just kidding. I'm actually not on fucking LinkedIn because that would be quite the resume in a bad way. Not a good way, guys.

Something like employment. Go to Sophia Franklin Dotcom. I've supercute merging. You can find my episodes there. But the most important thing and the biggest takeaway is please, please, please read the show Five Stars and subscribe, because that is how I continue being a fucking sloots. OK, I love you guys so much. Happy Valentine's Day. Does not matter if you're single, if you're married, if you're getting cheated on like me, we're all going to have a blast.

I love you. Bye bye.