Transcribe your podcast
[00:00:00]

I think we can all agree that we need help, some people don't want to admit it, but deep down we can all agree on that and we need better help. Therapy has changed my life. I've talked about it before and I still absolutely need more of it in a good way because we should always be working on our best selves and now it is easier than ever. Better helpful, assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist.

[00:00:33]

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I want you to start living a happier life today. I mean that as my listener, you will get 10 percent off your first month by visiting my sponsor at better help dot com slash Sophea join over one million people who have taken charge of their mental health. Again, that is better help h as in Harry E as an Edgar L. is a Larry P as in Paul Dotcom slash Sophia. Better help dot com Sophia. Hi, everybody, welcome to Sophia with the Knife, I am about to dive into this episode, but I just have to start with some housekeeping shit, which I kind of feel like is everybody's favorite part.

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So don't even try to deny it. Please, please, please. If you enjoy the show, rate it. Five stars leave a review and it helps me so fucking much. Follow me on social media so than Franklyn with a Y suck my dick. Go look at Sophia ringland dot com. I have Mirch on there and yeah guys that's pretty much it. Let's get into the episode.

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I am joined by a producer and I know you guys have heard of her. She's producing the episode. Her name is Alex Franco. Hi. Hi. She is my cousin. She also works for Sloup Media. She's also funnier than me, but we're not going to get into that. And once again, she will be here just making sure I don't say outlandish shit and I stay on top.

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Yeah, and not only that, thank God I'm fucking here because at least I made sure the mic was turned on this time. So that being said, let's get into the episode once again.

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You're supposed to make me look better, not worse. I thought honesty was the best policy. Not when it comes to this. OK, OK. I want to settle something because Alex and I were just talking about this. How are you supposed to pronounce groceries? How I say growe. Sure, I say groceries.

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Every single person that I've talked to that I know from Utah says groceries. One person that I know from the East Coast said groceries. But I was talking to my friend the other day and she was like, why the fuck are you saying groceries with that? Like, it's groceries? And I am just shook now because now every single person I've asked has something different to say.

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So there's groceries, groceries and groceries.

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Either way, two of them both have the word gross and it's OK.

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Well, I'm fucking sticking with groceries. Let's move on. Mental health check. I don't even fucking know, Alex, what is my mental health? OK. The psych ward, guys, there will be a new producer.

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She said, you know, I'll also be in the psych ward. OK, so maybe I'm not like, you know, someone to look up to for mental health. But the thing is, is I'm a ten out of ten when it comes to potential mental health. And what I mean by that is I know the second I start taking care of myself and I do all the right things, I will be a ten out of ten. And I just find comfort in knowing that, you know what I mean.

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Yeah.

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Guys, stay tuned for twenty, twenty two. So he actually reaches above six.

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But it's good to know that if I were to do certain things I could be like scoring high on the happiness scale. That's my fucking mental health. Let's tell them about this past weekend, please. Or two weekends ago, whenever the fuck it was, I went out. Let me just walk you through the chain of events. OK, so I'd assume call set up for Friday night and I had a guest cancel on me last minute. She is the star of this really big reality show.

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I was so fucking excited. She's like fifteen minutes late. I'm sitting on the Zoome with this producer guy Phil, who sets it up and I'm like looking at him telling him, oh my God, she's just running late. Any minute now she's going to be here. And I remember he was like, looking back at me, thinking to himself, like, I don't have the fucking heart to tell this girl that she's getting ditched. And this is so pathetic.

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Yes, I realize I'm probably projecting, but I was I was just feeling so desperate. I almost asked Phil, the producer, to come and be on the show, like that's how bad it was. But you give these producers some air time and they just let it get to their exhibit A to my right out, OK, for you. So I was feeling defeated and I just wanted to let loose the real catalyst to me. Deciding to actually leave my house for the first time in six months was the fact that I had a full face of makeup on.

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OK, like my face was beet. I had a smoky I, I did a winged eyeliner. I kind toward highlight on the whole thing. And there is nothing worse than wasting a full face of makeup. There was like a hundred dollars worth of makeup on my fucking face. Do you know how much foundation I need to cover this for?

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It's a lot like you're walking on thin ice, sister.

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So Alex drags me to this dive bar and my dive bar like dive bar, like walk with your shoes, get stuck to the floor.

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You can't tell if it's someone's drink that spilled or if it's like literally like graffiti everywhere.

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Dive bar. And you know what? Word of advice. Get yourself a girl who can do both. I can roll up to a dive bar in my fucking convers and a hoodie. And then you can also take me to car bone and I can look like a classy ass Ivanka Trump bitch. OK, at least in my mind I do. So I get to the bar and not even five minutes in, this guy comes up to me and I'm like, your girl still got it.

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Like the men can't keep their hands off me. It's like, honey, do a fucking bee. And I'm standing there and I'm ready for his pickup line and he goes way, I know who you are. Your name is Sophia Richardson, Sophia Richardson. And I am just standing there like how much of a D list celebrity am I? I try to explain to him, like, you got the wrong girl. That is not my name. He doesn't drop it, guys.

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He does not drop it. And he's like, you're fucking lying. I'm going to pull you up on Instagram right now. Sophia Richardson. I know it. Finally, I convince him my name is Sophia Franklin.

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After twenty minutes, I almost called my mom to drop off my passport like there was literally a line of people waiting to talk to you, but no one knew the fuck you were.

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He probably told his brother was so Viareggio. There's no fucking way. So I have all these dudes. Surrounding me and for the next two hours, I have complete random strangers telling me how to do my job legitimately. Alex, you were there. You witnessed it. Yes, one of the guys was like, I, like, switched over to Zofia with an F.. I love your podcast at it, but I do have to say the first episode you did, it was super shaky.

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It was a little hard to listen to. And I'm like, no shit. Like, I bet it was I was like, not in the right headspace. And it's just it's fun when you have a job that is literally for public consumption and every single person is like, you could do this and you can do this better.

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Yeah. And it's like, OK, Brad, you got in here with a fake ID like, don't tell us how to run our fucking podcast. Exactly. OK, the cherry on top though is the next day because I'm laying on my couch, I'm hungover as fuck on my phone scrolling and I get a message and I open it. And it is a picture of me from that night that someone had taken of me without me knowing. And this picture was like submitted to some fucking website or a page titled Sophia Franklin citing said Sophie Richardson, citing fucking died.

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But I just don't need to relive that night. I already suppressed that memory. I was intoxicated. I probably told four different girls that they're my fucking best friend in the bathroom like it was one of those nights. And I don't need documentation of it floating around. Maybe if it was a good picture for me, I wouldn't be complaining. But this is not a good picture of me and I don't even know how to describe it to you guys other than I look like a fucking sewer.

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You do? Oh, my God. You didn't do it was it was taken from far away. I'm sitting alone across the bar with my beer in my baggy jeans and a pink puffer jacket by myself, like a loser by myself. Where the fuck was everybody like? Where were you guys?

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We wanted you to experience your first celebrity moment.

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I hate you. Just kidding. He is a strong word. No, you guys. You know what I look like? I look like one of those overworked husbands who stop at the bar to get their buzz on before heading home because they hate their wife and kids and they're just like crying into their fucking whiskey on the rocks. Like, that's exactly what I look like. It's just, you know what it really is? It's my facial expression.

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You literally look like a fucking me.

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I do. I do. So that was my night out. Let's move on to something more interesting. Let's talk about the galactic cap, Alex. Yeah, Alex brought the galactic up to my attention. Where the fuck did you hear about this thing read? I thought you were going to say to talk kids these days, like GenZE. I swear to God, all of you guys get all of your info from Tick Tock and read it. And it's I'm really excited for the future of our country.

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OK, back to galactic hop. The galactic hop is the world's first condom that fits safely and securely on the head of the penis. And I looked this shit up. It's basically a fucking sticker that you put on your wiener hole, like really what it looks like a fucking Band-Aid. Actually, one of the things that made it so fucking hilarious is the way that you're supposed to take it off because, yes, you have to imagine this thing is like gorilla glued on to like the head of your dick.

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And in the directions, it says that the best way to take it off is to urinate into it until it blows up like a balloon. I'm being dead serious. I'm all for, you know, something else that can be a form of contraception. I think that's cool. I just I have to say, like, it gives men like another fucking excuse to not wear an actual condom. Do you know what I mean? This obviously does not protect you from at all.

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And I just this thing was created for the dude that's like I fucking hate condoms.

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And then he raw dogs you and then he gets mad when you ask for, like, the pansy money kind of sex is as awesome as eating candy with the wrapper on. I like you.

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Side are you on? You know, it's the dude that's like he like tries to tell you like, oh my God, sorry, like I can't wear condoms, like I'm just so big. Or he's like, I'm allergic. Like, it's just it's one it just is reminding me of one of those do it's like I'm allergic to babies so.

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Exactly. So get your Galactic Cup. But Alex, you're going to be really excited with this transition.

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Also, get your cap and gown because you're heading into SLU University guys class. Considering this course is a pass fail situation. I just want to let all of you guys know that you are on a one way street to a big fat fucking F for fail. And I don't give a fuck if it messes with your GPA. I'm really, really concerned. OK, and I'm not grading on a curve, a curve deck.

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I'll show my way out. I'll show.

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It's not dance, dance, revolution, OK? Dieter stands for Define the Relationship. You Sloots you want to go to his house, you want to have a glass of wine or two so you can get the liquid courage to look up at him and say, babe, what are we are the most famous last words as Shakespeare. You're digging yourself a grave when you say that. And I have just noticed because I see it from you guys all the time, a girl is never as crazy or as desperate is when she really, really likes a guy and he does not reciprocate the seriousness or exclusiveness that you want or that she wants.

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And I've been there. So I'm not like sitting here being like, oh, my God, like fucking losers. No, not by any means. I have been there consistently, fucking the same guy for like four months, secretly hoping it's going to turn into something. But the key word is secretly, because I would never ask a guy or tell a guy that I want to be with him unless he did it first. I think I'm going to get a lot of shit for this segment, Alex, but it needs to be said.

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Yeah, I personally would rather be labeled as the fun slut. Excuse me, SLU. Yeah, this is a slow university or anything, I would rather be labeled as the fun SLU than the I want a boyfriend girl and I think it's worked out really well for me.

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I'm not going to lie.

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And I want you guys to all aspire to be the fun sluts, too. And not that I want to boyfriend girls. OK, so before I tell you what I think you should do and how you should handle a situation like this, I'm going to tell you the things that I do not think that you should do. And I was giving this a lot of thought last night, and I was talking to Alex about this for like an hour. And you guys, you sloots listening and four women listening, you fall into like three categories.

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And I just happened to fall into one of them as well.

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But you guys are going to have to, you know, Sherlock Holmes, that one. Alex, I love the honesty. Category one is the I don't play games, bitch. It's the girl who thinks that she should be up front about what she wants. And I see this a lot, especially in older women. Women think asking a man to commit is them being brave and speaking up for themselves. It's not who people are going to be mad.

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It's it's just it's not it's fine to speak up and ask for what you want. Trust me, I am an advocate for that. Through and through is you guys all know.

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But it's just delusional to think that he doesn't know already. He knows what you want. He just doesn't want it to. And you voicing it is not going to make a difference. Yeah. Like just because you deleted your tinder does not mean he's going to delete his. Yes.

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Oh my God. When girls are like I deleted my dating, I deleted all of the dating apps on my phone and they're like waiting for him to be like me too.

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Crickets. Yeah, not going to work. Category two is the this one's my favorite.

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The I'm going to make him jealous bitch.

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When I was younger, this is probably the type of shit I tried to pull, but it's the girl and Friday night rolls around and you haven't heard from him all day. So you decide that you're going to text him and you want to really ruffle his feathers and say something that's going to make him a little upset or say something that will make him show he cares. And you text him and you're like, oh, my God darn. Bill Zarian just asked you to go to his party in L.A. and I just don't know if I should go.

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I love how you try to say that. And like a different voice, even though you were like talking Muzak's because it's something I would say and do. But you know what? The student became the teacher guys.

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And now I'm here to teach Alex. What is that quote from School of Rock? Those who can't do teach and those who can't teach, teach. And it was so stupid. But like, tell me, I saw the best movie ever.

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But you texting him, asking him if you should go to fucking Danville's Syrians party, why the fuck would you ask him that? He is not your babysitter. He's going to see, like, right through that shit. And, you know, there's also. Oh, my God. Then there's the women who try to be subtle about it and they don't say anything directly to him, but they fucking like max out all their credit cards to get a one way ticket to go to Miami so they can post a video of themselves, block out one OK with their pussy.

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You go find enough guys enough. OK, you do not need to max out your credit card and go to one, OK, and kill all your brain cells to get back at this guy because he chances are he didn't even look at your fucking story. Which brings me to the last category. The I'm taking this street to social media, bitch. It's the girl who gets in her feels and she posts a blog screen saying, taking a break from social media.

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Don't know when I'll be back like a fucking huge cry for help thinking that he is going to respond and be worried about her, when in reality, literally all of her friends and family are doing her, asking her what's wrong except the dude that it was directed. He's not even looking at your fucking story, probably. Or if he does, he's not. Look, he's not reading that and he has anything to do with him because he's a fucking idiot.

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Which brings me to my next point. The fucking quotes, the fucking quotes, the girls that post these like cryptic quotes on their story or in their Twitter. And they're just so embarrassing, like, oh, my God, I saw this on the other day and I knew this girl is going through a breakup. And she was like, one good girl is worth a thousand bitch.

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Please, I'm not hard to love. I'm just not easy to play.

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Oh, my God. It's just so transparent to him as well as the rest of the world. And you know what? None of these things are going to work. You know why? Because he doesn't want to be in a committed relationship with you. Ouch. It hurts, but like, you know, I've been there and survived, Alex. Have you been there and survived? Oh, I'm in it right now, baby. OK, and you know what she's doing fucking amazing.

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I haven't seen one social media post. No, I take your phone. You're not in Miami. And I know you better than to go up to a guy and ask him what are we.

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I know you fuck now, so I'm proud of you for that. I want all of this sloots to be doing what Alex is doing. So what should you do? The number one thing is I live by this and I want all of my sloots to live by this, to go into dates and hookups, knowing that there is a 99 percent chance that nothing is coming from it. You know, all the if I can just listen, you're like the one percent, but, you know, there's there's one chance.

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So you're saying there's a chance?

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Know, it's like when you give a mouse a cookie. Yes.

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If you give a mouse a cookie, he's going to ask for a glass of milk and you guys are taking fucking crumbs.

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You're eating crumbs and you're running with it. Don't it's a 100 percent chance he nothing is going to come from the day or the fuck. OK, fine. I'll say one hundred percent. You have to be tough. You know, I run a tight ship in my class. No, to be honest with yourself about the situation. Just because he bought you lunch and brought it to your house, just because he said he wants to take you to Mexico does not mean he wants to be serious.

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Like it really, truly does not. And I've been fooled by this one before. I remember there was this very wealthy, very good looking, really amazing dude that I was dating, which already right there was like, why was I doing that? If you super wealthy and super high, he's going to, like, fuck up some shit.

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OK, so that was my bad, but it was also my bad because this guy would literally text me when he was on vacation and be like, I miss you. And I remember one time he was like, OK, what are you doing for your birthday? Like, I want to take you to fucking like Bali or some shit. And those little things I like latched on to. Like, I was like, oh my God. If he's saying he misses me, like when he's out, like he's thinking about me, he wasn't fucking thinking about me.

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He was not like he was just doing enough to keep me along for the ride. And I should've paid attention to his actions. Yes. Actions speak louder than words. That's number three. I just fucking threw that went in there. OK, and the last one and this is how I think that the majority of people listening should deal with a situation like this is to just move on. And that sounds super fucking harsh, but the chances are that you either need to move on or at least like the bare minimum is to keep all of your options open and go on other dates because the D.

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TR moment means he's probably not that into it because a guy will make it known and you won't even have to worry about a TR situation because you'll know because he told you girls, remember, if he wanted to, he would think he was he would he.

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He really, really would. So oh I'm like sweating. I just really, I needed, I needed to let the women know listening and the men to make class is dismissed. This might be hard to take in, but your life is just going to be so much better off understanding these things from the get go. And if it quacks like a duck and walks like a duck, it's a fucking duck.

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What I'm done with the analogy is, guys, let's move on.

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[00:31:30]

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[00:32:03]

Learn how to eat again with Neum. Sign up for your child today at Neum dot com slash Sophia. Are you ready to learn how to live healthier? Sign up for Neum today RN Oh and dotcom slash Sofia. Function of beauty, we've all got goals, at least I know I do. You have goals? Yes, I have fucking hair goals. And let me tell you, your hair can make all of the difference in your look. L e W.K. The hair can make the face.

[00:32:42]

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[00:33:52]

Let's go into questions and advice from my fellow Sloots, and we have quite the fucking round up of questions and advice.

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Let me just tell you guys right now, number one, I had an old voodoo doll someone gave me from New Orleans. I never had a use for it until I met my current boyfriend. His nearly ex-wife would not stop harassing us to the point of threatening our new relationship. I decided to put the doll to use and burned it with the intention that she would release her hold and stop interfering. No purposeful bad juju, I swear. I even cleansed it and used neutral colored pens.

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Thank you for clarifying a couple months later, and for everyone, listening is a trigger warning. She committed suicide. Was it me or was it her history of death? At times we will never know. My question is, should I test it?

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Who is OK as someone who is a firm believer in magical forces? No, I'm invested and I've even like tried doing like speller to it. You, Alex Escutia last palletize beat us.

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But must you guys ignore that I I'm going to out of its own. Do you think that this is a coincidence or do you think this bitch that wrote in has legit powers. I don't know. But like can you perform some plastic surgery on my or like throw some money on it or something.

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Yes. If you are listening, can you please give Alex is all plastic surgery of money?

[00:35:43]

If you are asking me home girl, if you think you should test it just for my own conscience, I think if you're going to you need to make sure that it's someone who deserves it. Like the lady at Nordstrom who doesn't let you return your boots.

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Guys, I had an altercation with a lady at Nordstrom earlier today, but use it on someone who actually deserves it. Day Portnoy and, um, report back and let me know, OK? Oh, never underestimate the voodoo doll or the power of a scorned woman. You heard it here first. Next question. I just learned that there are people who are sexually attracted to car crashes. They go out and try to find car crashes to get their dick hard or some shit.

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Let's explore this idea a little more.

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I hope that this person is just referring to a fender bender and not some like explosive Princess Diana. Wow, we're coming a hard at the questions. All right, Princess Diana. She's an idol. Rest in peace. I love her, but for real, there is nothing more that I hate than sitting in fucking traffic, because now I know that there's all of these little rubberneckers in front of me needing to slow all the way down when they drive past the car accident and they're literally driving two miles per hour so they can turn their little rubber necks and see what's going on at the fucking scene of the crime.

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And now I know it's because they're jacking off. Yeah.

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And like, how the fuck does that, like, does the orgasm happen at the same time, the airbag supply or is it after? I would I would love.

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So I think that they're turning around like fucking little squirmy, wormy pea brained rooster neck pieces of shit and making me wait three hours in traffic because they want to get a mental image so they can go home and wincott and I'm done. So fuck you, I'm not consuming, but like, fuck you, maybe I am OK. So well, the more you know, the more next question. The guy that I've been fucking told me that he has never come inside anyone without a condom.

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And I just realized no one has ever come inside me without.

[00:38:36]

A round of applause because the amount of pregnancy's that you have avoided girlfriend, I am relieved that you had that realization back to the question. So naturally, like the bad bitch I am, I bought three Plan B's to surprise him and tell him to come inside of me the next time we fucked. After that, I told him to come inside me and he ghosted the other girl almost immediately. Can't wait to use the other two plan BS.

[00:39:07]

OK, so I love the surprise element to this. I really, really do. I could see why that's super hot. I think everyone listening try this at least once. However, I don't know if taking the plan B like it's a fuckin Tic TAC is the best for your body. I think if you're that desperate for him to come inside of you, then maybe just offer up your asshole instead, give your hormones a break and have your asshole do the heavy lifting.

[00:39:44]

And I honestly think he needs to be paying for the next round if you're just going to keep fucking taking him down. Yeah. Or like, bitch, can you just get on birth control like the rest of us? Like, OK, I wonder this as well, because I have a lot of friends.

[00:39:59]

It's like one of my really good friends. Fuck.

[00:40:02]

I was going to give her a shout out so I don't know. She would want to know. I went with her to the doctor and he prescribed her plan B because she was taking it so much. OK, next, this was written in Alex by a male listener. So I love that he said Love the show. It's one of only three podcasts I actually enjoy. My question is, can you discuss the friendzone and how to get out of it?

[00:40:31]

I keep getting friends owned by girls. I mean, and I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong or what to change. Is it at all possible to get out of it or do I just have to start over with someone new? Oh, OK.

[00:40:45]

First off, take it over. First off, what's wrong with being in the friendzone? You know, I fuck my guy friends all the time. They're in the friendzone.

[00:40:58]

Are we going to answer one question that's like not going to offend anyone? I don't know. It's just a certain type of Thursday.

[00:41:03]

You guys let me have, like, my toxic time every once in a while.

[00:41:07]

Listen, looks don't matter when it comes to men. For women, it's a different story. But men do not need to be attractive to get pussy. You just need to carry yourself in a certain way. Like look at Jeff Bezos. He looks like a fucking bridge troll.

[00:41:27]

It's true. And OK, he's also like the richest man on planet Earth. Not a good example, but I know a ton of guys who don't have money and they don't have the looks and they get any girl they want anytime they want. And it's because they carry themselves a certain way. They have confidence. And B, they just give off this vibe that the girl they're talking to couldn't suck his dick if they wanted to do that. Makes sense.

[00:42:03]

Yes. Yes. Like it's he he he gives off this vibe that he's not fucking just any girl. He wants nothing to do with you. He's not interested in you and girls because we are programmed so fucked up because of society. It gets to us and it's kind of like this reverse psychology and it makes us want to be sluts and suck your dick. It's just it's kind of true. It's similar to girls who like and get turned on when a guy has a girlfriend who is married, which I'm not like that.

[00:42:36]

I mean, either and fucked those girls. But we're not. I'm not I'm not OK. Yes, we're not. But you guys get the fucking point. So, dude, I would just tell you to lower your fucking standards.

[00:42:52]

So rude or start acting a certain way because what you're giving off is not bringing in pussy and you just need to give off something else, fake it till you become a baby.

[00:43:06]

All right.

[00:43:07]

Next, recently single hot bitch over here just trying to get decent dick. Anyways, I fucked this guy who was into some weird shit. By weird, I mean sticking my pinky into his tiny pee hole, literally half my pinky was in and he'd tell me to put it in slowly and pull it out slowly. He kept saying, slower, slower. I might as. Well, put on a strap on, because I got fucked for literally 20 seconds and the majority of the time I was fucking him and my pinky and his dick hole is not even a thing.

[00:43:46]

I like trying to like picture. Curious if anyone else has fucked a guy's dick hole. Let me know. Love your show in the way you said.

[00:43:54]

And I love your loyal listener. Wow, OK. No, I have never done this before, have you? Fuck no. OK, it's this guy's world and we are just fucking living in it like he is on some different type shit. I don't even know how to give advice here. You do it, OK. What I really actually am curious about is if it's not a girl's finger in his pee hole, is he using me?

[00:44:28]

Is it a pencil, a cotton a what? Is it a Q to a Q Do they make dildos that size.

[00:44:36]

Please tell me. I'm thinking of those like bachelorette parties like this astrocytes come on its way.

[00:44:45]

That's terrifying. Does he use what the fuck fits in a wiener hole. Apparently a pinkie.

[00:44:52]

We actually I'm so glad you brought that up. Is his wiener whole legs stretched out to the what leg did he just have a baby through his dick hole? Like what? Like, why is his dick hold that fucking large? And honestly, I think if I had a guy ask me this. It's too weird, it's so clear I could do it for me personally, no, you know, I mean, to each their own. Well, I bet you any piece it just like falls out.

[00:45:22]

He's probably, like, constantly urinating on himself wearing a diaper.

[00:45:26]

Absolutely.

[00:45:27]

Good luck, girlfriends. Slower shit like that. He's slower. OK, guys, that is it for today. As always, follow me on social media savvy enough, Frank. The why, Alex, where can they find you? Follow me on Instagram. Alex Franco underscore yo yo and Sophia Franklin dot com is where you can submit your questions and stories and I have merchandise on there. And what else, Alex? Subscribe and write. So this is the first time I've done this before.

[00:46:05]

I love you so much, Sloots and I will see you next fucking week.