DHS talks, DHS is my very, very dear friend. I pulled an all nighter last night, I was up late working. I was on my third glass of wine. My cousin came over to help and suggested that I take a detox package. It was sitting on the desk and I'm not going to get into how many glasses of wine were consumed in total.

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Hi, everybody, welcome to Sofia with an F. I am so excited to have you here by a raise of hands. Who's excited to be here? OK, so before we go into the episode, I just want to quickly go down a list of shit that I need you to do. For me, it's really everyone's favorite part of the episode.

If you could please, please, please, please, Ray and subscribe the show. Five stars or four or four and a half or five, and it's going to be any lower than don't even worry about it.

But it really helps me so much. The subscribing to the show. I don't care if you have to grab your grandma's android and do it on there.

I don't care about to be your sister's android. I don't know. It has to be your boyfriend's just kidding you. He would fucking flop that shit right out of your hand because, you know, there's some shady shit on there, men.

OK, so besides that, what else? Sophia Franklin Dotcom, to send me your stories and any questions you have for me and my merchandise, which I feel confident enough to say it's the best in the game. So last week I did my very first collaboration. It was the funnest fucking thing ever. And I can't wait to do plenty, plenty more in the future. And by the future, I mean, next week I'm going to have a very special guest on it is somebody that I have seen a lot of requests for.

So I think you guys will be very pleased with that.

Dating, dating, dating, dating. Sensitive topic for me. I used to talk about my personal dating life a lot, and that blew up in my face like two insane proportions, as in millions of people got involved in my personal relationship. And it was not a good time, not a good time at all. But with that said, I feel like I've been doing this show for a few months now and I'm easing into this. And I think it's about that time that I start talking about it.

I just ask that people can be a little bit considerate because I love you guys and I know you love me.

I mean, I don't know that. But hopefully you guys could be considerate at the very least. Manners, table manners.

Let's get into the fucking episode. So every single week, I like to start with a update, a mental health update, because I think it's very important to check in with yourself and see how you're feeling and what you're thinking. And a lot of us are out of touch with our emotions. And I know I am because I was about to tell you what my update is. And I was like, what the fuck is it?

Hmm? If I had to say on a one through 10 scale. I was six, I would say I'm a hard six right now, and I think there are multiple reasons for that.

A Christmas presents. Oh, is that sound so fucking superficial that please hear me out. I purchased a total of two presents that were off of Amazon Prime.

I have about forty eight more to go and it's stressing me out and it just kind of makes me feel like I'm not good enough. And I think that that absolutely can affect your mental health. That's a B.. I haven't been sleeping. I am exhausted. And it's not because I've been up journaling or partying or anything of that nature.

It's because I have had straight up insomnia. And when you have insomnia with your cell phone, you end up in some black hole on the Internet.

So I've pretty much been sleeping, I don't know, four hours a night during the week. And then during the weekend, I try to catch up on my sleep and I sleep quite literally 14 to 16 hours.

And I know it's not healthy, but actually it is kind of fucking healthy because my friend who I was talking to about this, sent me an article that said billionaires do this. So I'm not saying like, I have the same characteristics or qualities as a billionaire or a very, very successful person at all. But have you ever seen Jeff Bezos tonight in the same room?

I don't think about it, just kidding, I obviously have no similarities with them because I'm fucking gorgeous and Jeff Bezos will never know what that feels like.

Wow. But, Jeff, you know what? It's completely fine, because if you wanted to slide into Indians' right now, I would take everything that publicly and marry you in two seconds.

So anyways, a few nights ago, I got into a hotel looking at it was either a k hole imaginal hole or a hole looking up before and after plastic surgery pictures.

I know that every one thinks that I've had something done, I mean, not everyone, but every single time I post a picture, someone comments something like, Hi, Michael Jackson, who did your nose tag?

Your surgeon? Trust me. Trust me. You guys will know when I do get something done, because I will absolutely be using all of my clout for discounts on filler specifically. But while I was in this Internet black hole session, I found this forum with this girl saying some outrageous shit and I need to pull it up right now for you guys.

This girl claims that filler will ruin your face, and she said, I'm not saying that like, oh, plastic surgery is bad, everyone's beautiful. I'm saying that from fucking science. They tell you it dissolves. It does not dissolve. It just disperses throughout your entire face. And then you need to get more. Eventually, it rounds out your face and you get that.

And this was the trigger Hollywood moonface you see on all of those you tubers look up filler MRI on YouTube and find the plastic surgeon talking about the long term impacts of fillers on your face shape.

Then she does give a few examples of people that look like that.

One of them I won't mention. But then she says the cast of Jersey Shore. So I know plenty of people personally that have gotten filler, and when I ask them for advice, they have told me it completely dissolves. It's not a big deal within six or 12 months. If you didn't like it, it's gone.

Liars, liars, obviously liars. Because I soon had an epiphany after seeing this fucking forum, I have seen the Blue Corn Moon on Instagram several times. I have seen like Crescent Moon face multiple times. And I used to think it was just these women getting older or maybe gaining a little bit of weight. I just never associate it with getting filler. And I'm just completely in shock and I'm now petrified of getting this, but I still probably get it.

Absolutely.

Farrah Abraham would be a perfect example of this more power to her. I fully support the journey. I'm just saying, like all of us gather round crystals charged. We have a full moon tonight.

And I'm not being a bitch, I feel like she owns her plastic surgery, but guys, I'm just like realizing how much I do this and how fucked up my sleep schedule is. And then I just get, like, obsessive compulsive about it and I start adding up the hours I didn't get and how much I need to get the next day. And then I never get there. And like, it's just a bunch of numbers in my head. Beautiful mind status, OK?

It's not simple math.

It's like calculus with how fucked up my sleep schedule is, because the night before that I just happened to stumble upon Jay Alvarez and his gallons of coconut oil and his sex tape.

And that's what we really, truly need to talk about. I don't know if CNN has covered it. I don't know if Fox News has covered it. I know Tick-Tock is covered it, which apparently Tick-Tock covers everything and that's where everything is leaked. And kids don't even need to go to college anymore because Tick-Tock teaches you everything.

Holy shit, this tape, excuse me. Holy shit, that Dick that Dick Doe, he has a big penis. It is a beautiful penis. The head, the shaft, the shape, the color, everything about it was very appealing.

I felt like such a Viking Creve. Before we get into this fucking masterpiece, Martin Scorsese, who is Jay Alvarez, who is he really? I mean, he's an influencer. He has a ton of followers. The only reason I really know him is because he dated Alexis run. And she tweeted that he had a small penis, and now I'm kind of thinking about all the other things that Lexy's Ren said and I don't know how reputable they are.

No offense, Alexis. I mean, she is probably out of anger, like we've all forgiven there. So the sex tape, I want to hit on it so bad, and I will because that's what this podcast is. But I have to give him props because I've been watching it all day. I have been thinking about it all day and I have been thinking about him and specifically one of his body parts all day. He did a great job.

But the sex tape. A few things, this is not your average run of the mill dune buggy sex tapes. This is a one minute clip. It is filmed in a style that I have never seen porn filmed in. And that style is blogging YouTube. Blogging is filmed like a Davido Brigg, Jake, Paul, super quick cuts type of thing. So you see his penis for a millisecond, her vagina for a millisecond, her tits for two seconds, and it's just all over the place.

And I just want to say that not every style of filming is transferrable. And that's it. That wasn't what stood out to me, there were two other things that, like, really fucking shook me.

The first thing the soundtrack to this video is none other than Missy Elliott's past, the Dutch.

You guys know the fucking song? Who hoo who? I find that so fascinating. I don't know if anyone would want to have sex to that song, if that's a turn on. I don't know if they are to license that out because I know I've tried to license a popular song before and it costs me 50 G's. Excuse me. It was supposed to cost me 50 G's, but I did not pay for that.

And I'm just like, holy shit. I mean, maybe because it got leaked, they didn't have to pay for it, which in that case, every single piece of content I put out from now on has been leaked.

This second thing, the coconut oil. So this is the scene he shows a bottle of coconut oil to the camera and I mean the cameraman, I would die to trade fucking careers with him.

He shows the bottle of coconut oil to the camera. It was a very generic thing with coconut oil. He pours it out into a tea kettle of sorts, then pours it back into the bottle and then pours it all over this gorgeous girl laying on the bed naked.

I have multiple questions.

A, did that coconut oil sponsor the video?

Because this video is probably going to get millions of views. And I just don't know if you can sponsor porn.

Oh, great question. I'm going to fucking look into that. Secondly. I just hope and pray that he checked the temperature of this coconut oil, did he use a thermometer at least? Did he put it in his elbow and test it like you do with a little baby when you're feeding them milk? Because it just it freaked me out. I was seeing a whole Phantom of the Opera on her pussy type thing, and it freaked me out.

And I get that he was trying to warm it up because I've been there before. When you're hooking up with someone and then they just grab the lube off the nightstand and it's freezing and they slap it on your vagina and then you slap them in the face because like that doesn't feel good. I know anyone listening. Warm it up, rub your hands together. And thirdly, why is he trying to rip off Britney Spears? I'm a slave for you.

Music video. Very, very apparent.

Copycat, except with Logan, Paul, vlog style editing and an Instagram filter on top. But I mean, I got to hand it to you.

I don't know, Jay. I'm talking you directly. I don't know if you were feeling irrelevant before. And so you purposefully leaked this to become relevant. You're fucking relevant, baby, because you are living in my mind.

Rat free guys. I am disgusted, like how many times I watch this video and I'm disgusted at the fact that it turned me on.

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That's a function of beauty. Dot com slash Sofia. OK, guys, we're going to do a little bit of a pivot here, and I want to welcome you guys to something I like to call SLU University, SLU University. This is a new one. This is a new segment. But I just think it makes sense. I started my own company show and I've opened up a fucking school.

I'm basically Donald Trump starting Trump University, except hopefully you guys got your money back and it's not horrible and it's not a scam and a pyramid scheme or a Ponzi scheme or whatever the fuck it was.

OK, so luckily for all of you, Fluty Pebble's out there, you're already admitted to this school and you score.

It just needs to be above a four welcomeness. Louis University. I'm going to be your professor or your roommate or your sorority sister or the fucking lady in the food hall swiping your meal card, whatever I am to you. Let's go ahead and get started and get educated.

And the first thing I want to talk about is squirting squirt squirt. We're going to have a little bit of a squirting seminar because a I was sent this video a couple of days ago that really switched some shit up for me.

And B, I have had my own experiences with it.

I would not call myself a squirter, quote unquote, by any means, but it is an extremely polarizing topic people like to hate on it.

I mean, tell me the girls I have never heard it and want to are the ones that always feel a need to claim, oh my God, it's just pee.

It very well could be. But there is this weird thing where girls feel like they have not become the ultimate sex goddess until they have been able to squirm.

Why? They feel some inadequacy.

And then there are women who squirm every time without fail. So the bed and feel ashamed or feel like an annoyance because they flooded the apartment. And it's like whether you do or you don't, it really does not define your sexual prowess.

You could say, and more importantly, no one ever mentions. Sometimes it just takes a certain guy to make it happen. It's not even you.

It's the guy. And that's really what this is about. So much of the video that my friend sent me, this is very, very funny because he sent it to me and he kind of thought he had discovered something super special and unique. And he was like, holy shit, we need to be talking about this guy. This guy's name is Kenneth, and this guy does tutorials and he teaches different sex techniques while on video. This actually is my second favorite type of porn tutorials, literally starting like eight, nine years ago.

That is what I would watch. There was one where a guy like is teaching you how to finger a girl or something like that. She's laying on a massage table. And from that moment on, those really fucking turn me on for some reason. I don't know why.

It just is what it is. So that would be like my second.

My first would be tentacle porn. Restack poured. That's something bigger talk about another episode. Those things are real.

So this guy's name is Kenneth and. The reason I really enjoyed this video is because usually when we're talking about squirting, it's always directed at females and it's trying to teach women how to make themselves squirm. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Excuse me.

Kenneth is here to teach men how to make a woman swear like fucking O.J. with his O.J. Simpson gloves.

He's literally wearing these black latex gloves to make it professional. OK, number one, you guessed it.

Touch the vagina. Just kidding. Touch the G spot. And I know that we have both beginners and advanced people listening. So just quickly, the G spot feels like this little spongy, soft spot that is point five to two inches above. And if you go up in the come hither motion, you will feel I mean, I don't want to say it's the pelvic bone, but you will feel a hard bone. And it's like right above that.

That's where the Giesbert is. Again, it's different for every single woman. Some might have it near their belly button, some might have it directly above their clit. You just seen a fish around and I really think you'll be able to find it. I really do have faith.

So that's the first thing. So then the next thing and this is actually something I found very interesting is that when he first enters her vagina, he enters it at the very bottom, like almost adjacent to her butthole.

And I think that that's important to point out, because a lot of men.

Or women or she they them. I don't want to give pronouns, whoever is fucking fingering someone, they go to the vagina and they're like poking around doing God knows what. You don't need to poke around looking for an opening and ending up like inside her butthole.

You can just slide your fingers all the way down her pussy and start from the very bottom.

And he started with one finger and then he upgraded.

Let me upgrade you, he upgraded to two fingers and another interesting thing is he staggered them so they weren't side by side. It wasn't like read between the lines.

It was like we are taking a nap on top of each other. One finger is resting on the other finger and taking a nap. I mean, why didn't they employ me to make this video? I don't know. He is so fucking descriptive in this tutorial that he even talks about how to use your arm muscles the most effectively.

He said the straighter that your arm is, the better and that the forearm can get super tired and so that you can switch back and forth between your body positioning, but also the positioning of your hands.

So at one point he's doing and this is and I quote the rock star hand sign, which like, I don't want to die inside even saying that, but that's actually what he calls it.

And then in another position, he is just doing two fingers in.

And I personally have had sex before and I have never had a guy switch up his body positioning the amount of times Kenneth does. So he starts on his side and he's like using the forearm muscles the most. Then he gets directly in front of her vagina so he can, like, use his entire arm muscle.

Then he does some really crazy Cirque du Soleil shit and he gets on both knees using one arm to hold his body over her and the other one doing the work. And he also positions her legs a little bit like a turkey. So she is now more spread out, her legs are more spread and they are closer to her chest instead of laying out in front of her or they're just propped up and both of her feet are on the bed.

They're up in the air. This is the next thing. And this is where I am ashamed that I'm twenty eight years old and I've never had a man who's tried to do this on me, especially considering that I've dated older men.

While his fingers are in her vagina and he's playing with her G spot, he repositions his body over her to get more leverage and accessibility, blah, blah, blah, but he simultaneously rubs his palm on her clit. So while he's playing with the G spot, the Palm is rubbing on her clit.

And I'm like, hello, anyone that I've ever hooked up with, why has this never been done to me?

I'm very upset about it, but I'm so glad I'm talking about it now, because I think this is a huge thing. We need clits stimulation, most of us women to have an orgasm anyways.

Then you got this girl blowing old faithful type water pressure power.

He rocks her entire body up and down. You guys are like, what does that mean through her vagina?

He is doing the come hither and doing the clit thing and everything we just talked about.

But he's rocking her entire body up and down very aggressively and very vigorously, but in a safe, comfortable way that she obviously is enjoying because she's moaning and she has an orgasm.

And I think that's very important to point out, is like you can be super aggressive about this. I mean, not right off the bat. But I think that is kind of the key a lot of times to making a girl squirt like this girl.

Her butt is moving up and down off of the bed. That's how much he's rocking her and moving her.

He's actually says, do not hold back, and if you combine all of these moves until the final explosion and then she fucking squirts everywhere and it's extremely hot, and there is your squirting tutorial squirting one on one SLU University.

I can't wait to meet, you know, someone do this to me, who knows me will be my happy ending massage. They'll be like, Oh hey, that's going to be a thousand dollars extra. It's a workout.

But there you guys go. OK, so that's homework next week.

On tazers, I used to carry pepper spray. What a waste of fucking time when you can just straight up tase a bitch from up to 15 feet away, it immobilizes attackers for up to 30 seconds, allowing you time to escape and send emergency dispatch to your GPS location. So if you feel like walking through a parking garage at three a.m. because you just need, I don't know, fresh air, you can walk without a worry. And you know what else?

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They would love it. I really should have done in unboxing because this thing comes with a glove sock water shoe holster type thing.

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He Sophea, I just need to know if you think this is weird or not. I have been with my boyfriend for more than three years now.

We are both twenty three and still living at home, thinks covid. Whenever we hang out, our only option is to go to one of our parents houses. When I'm at his house, I notice that his mom kisses him on the lips. This has literally happened after he has gone down on me.

It personally makes me uncomfortable, but I also don't have a very touchy family. We don't even hug often. Is this weird or do we just have different family values and heritage and it's normal?

Thank you, God, Dale, I'm a little incest, OK. Wow. That was so insensitive. I apologize. Um, so you know what? Just from my background, being Latin ex, my Latin ex, you know, we tend to be very affectionate as well. You know, we're not saying hello with a handshake or a hug. You kiss random strangers on the cheek. I still kind of have to say I would think it's weird, I mean, my mom and my brother definitely don't do that.

And I really don't want to judge, but I just think if you're over a certain age, it's a no no. Oh, my God, like that fucking video, the Tom Brady video, please tell me you guys have seen that he's getting a massage. He's shirtless on a massage table. It's totally fine. And his 11 year old son comes in and I am not going to lie. I think that that age, it's probably totally fine for your parents to do that.

It was the way it was done. It was a little bit alarming.

Like he gave him a pack.

Fine. And then he told him to come back and do another pack, which is fine. But I think he said, like, do it longer or something. And it was like a lingering kiss. And I don't know, it just freaked me out. But maybe that is because society has, like, sexualized fucking everything. So I don't know girlfriend. I don't necessarily think it's a heritage family values thing. And I personally would find it weird.

I mean, he's twenty three and he just say your pussy. So his mom has and your pussy. Have a great day. OK, moving on, this is a more serious one. Hi, Sophia. Currently going through a friend breakup right now and I'm not doing so well. I know this is a bit of a touchy subject, but I honestly don't know where else to ask. How do I cope with losing someone and getting past this time, especially when I was the toxic friend and said some things I didn't mean.

Love you.

A loyal sleuthed. OK, first and foremost friend breakups are similar to any type of breakup, sometimes even worse than a boyfriend breakup. Because, I mean the way that I am with my closest friends, we're talking all day. We're sharing everything with each other. We are talking about stuff that I couldn't talk about with a boyfriend. So it's fucking hard. I think that the way. Well, hold on. I want to actually just back up for two seconds because you said some things.

That you didn't mean and you guys can't be friends anymore, like, what the fuck did you say? Because I said some fucked up shit to friends, not really so much anymore.

But I remember I've I've gotten drunk a few times and said some shit I shouldn't have said. I called Ali. You guys know her? I called her a cunt one time.

That was very rude.

I feel like if you're very, very close with your friends, that's something you can move past. But I mean, what did you fucking say, like, I'm going to kill your family and like, fuck your dog as in fuck him up. That would be a little bit scary, so then I would say in that instance, if you're really that toxic, maybe you got to do a little self evaluation.

Maybe it's time to kind of be like, OK, well, why am I the toxic friend and why am I saying mean shit to the point that I can't even be friends with these people and work on yourself a little bit. That's how you can pass. The time is working on yourself.

But you know what? You will make new friends if this relationship is not salvageable and the way to cope is really the way you cope with most things in life, you time will heal all wounds. I truly believe that and focus on yourself and getting healthy and self care and all of those amazing things. OK, also definitely reach out to old friends that you haven't talked to in a while.

All right, moving on.

Hey, Sophia, I'm a huge fan of your show and super proud of you things.

Girlfriend, I wanted to share something with you because I personally have never heard of it. So I've been dating my boyfriend for two years and the entire time he never came or so we thought. He always said I was really good and that he always came close and even felt like he had orgasms. But no come ever came out.

This has been going on for two years. Only now did he decide to go to the urologist who told him that it is possible for a man to climax without actually ejaculating. Personally, I never heard of this and thought it was extremely weird. Did you know this was a thing? I'm kind of worried about it, but also kind of relieved that I don't actually suck in bed. Love you so much.

I did not know this was a thing. I have never encountered it. When I read this message, I went down a rabbit hole researching. It's called a dry orgasm. And apparently it is something that absolutely exists. And I mean, I know when kids like before their balls drop or whatever, like they don't ejaculate. But I'm assuming I'm assuming obviously this lady is writing in.

They're old enough and his balls have dropped. OK, so that does happen in adults, too, apparently here and there. And I read that one of the reasons sometimes is when the man is having multiple orgasms in a short period of time.

So, like, his semen can't replenish.

And that I actually feel like I have experience before because this boyfriend of mine, I am not exaggerating and people don't believe me. Like, I think the most we ever got to was eight times. And I think there were a few times where I didn't see any cum coming out and I was like, bitch.

I thought we were doing this so that you could come and so that I could go to sleep because now we're on the fucking seventh round and I didn't see any semen get out of my pussy at my house.

But I guess this is the thing. Who knew? I think, you know, if you say I'm kind of worried about it, but also kind of relieved that I don't actually suck in bed, a women do this all the time. If a guy doesn't come, if a guy does fucking anything, we automatically feel self-conscious and we're like, oh, my God.

Like, was I not hot enough or did I do something to turn him off or do I suck or blah, blah, blah, blah?

And we really need to start, like, stop doing that immediately. You need to go in there and get your nut. That's really what matters. And secondly, she's kind of worried about it. I think the only reason that you need to be worried about it is if you're trying to have kids. But with modern medicine, I'm sure there are plenty of options, OK?

Hello, so I have been with my boyfriend for two years. It's absolute shit, I wasn't expecting that. But since the timing kind of sucks and I'm comfortable, I'm staying in it for now. I've cheated in the past, but want to do it again with someone better. How can I meet a guy in this current circumstance? Parentheses covid without making a dating profile. We're in California, so we're under state homeworkers.

Cheater, cheater, pumpkin eater. As a fellow cheater, as someone who has cheated in almost every single relationship I've been in, I think I could be someone to answer this question for you. There's just so many different ways to cheat. I think if you don't want to make a dating profile because you don't want him to, obviously we hold on a second. I would not say so. He won't see you on there. I guess maybe his friends could see you.

You could make a dating profile with a different name and then tell him that you think someone is using your pictures. That's a B. You can just go directly through Instagram, throw up a sexy pic. I'm sure any guy that, like, responds is wanting to fuck slide into any guy's DMS that you think would be good. Reach out to past hook ups, people that you didn't even think about, pull out that Rolodex and scroll through your contact list and just are reaching out to dudes that you've never tried it with.

And that potentially could be getting good and bad, because I'm just going to let you know right now, nine times out of ten men are ready and willing to fuck. So you're under a stay at home order. So you're saying you can't just go to a fucking bar or a club and meet a guy?

Obviously, you can go on a fucking walk and you can walk up and down the busiest street in L.A. I don't even know what that is. Rodeo Drive. Just kidding. If you're looking for a 90 year old man with skin that looks like leather, then you should go to Rodeo Drive.

But if you just want a better hook up for your cheating rendezvous, walk up and down that street. Hopefully you have a dog and you can walk the dog. And I promise you, if you do it for long enough and if you're wearing a sexy outfit and you look cute, you will have someone approach you.

And. I guess the last one is you said you couldn't go on dating profiles, honey, there are 40 dating sites, so I don't know, is he on farmers dot com?

Is he on due date dot com? Is he on Catholic singles dot com? Is he on Ashley Madison Dotcom, which is exactly what you're looking for? I don't think so.

And I think that's where you need to be going. So you know what?

Don't let covid and don't let your boyfriend get in the way of you doing your fucking cheating and doing what's right for you.

Female empowerment, boom, and that is it for today, people, congrats, class 20 20 didn't fucking count. So get ready for 20 21 SLU University. We have a lot of learning to do, a lot more slutting to do. Don't forget to read and subscribe and follow me at Sufia Franklin, Sophi, a Franklin, F.R. and Kallweit and classes in session. And I will see you next week.