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[00:00:01]

Hello, I'm Spencer Matthies, and I'm VOC Williams, and welcome to our podcast, Spencer Invoke. This is the podcast that lets you into our lives, what we're doing, thinking and what's been getting on your nerves.

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Right.

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Many these are things that have happened in the last week that the intro will always be the intro. What do we just say? Cool. Welcome to the podcast. And we just click. Welcome to the podcast. Welcome. And also remember last week that you've got to bring your own topic, whether you've done the same this week.

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And I've got a topic now because I've already given it so much of his life to give given any topic.

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So now I've had to do it in the office. And I said, let's talk about this topic. I don't know why you're so obsessed to talk about.

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I don't know where this new obsession with James Bond has come from. It's an old obsession. So it's funny.

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And I are very, very different taste in music. And I went into the bedroom the other day and he is blasting James Blunt's screw squealing along in the shower.

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Just so that's what I've heard from the madam. You know, what do you give me so much shit when I'm listening to my own music and I just leave you because you listen to crap. Now, I don't listen to legends like James Blunt.

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I wouldn't care. Now I listen to grime and rap and hip hop.

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And that's why it's so cool.

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All these crime artists would roll over dead if they knew that that demographic had become middle aged white women easily.

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I think that they were pretty happy when they find out that I was into them. I'm not convinced that you fit the crime scene.

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Yes, I did. They're happy to have me now. They're not. They are. I've been not. I've been to a grim gig as well.

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Honestly, if you met these grime artists, they would literally be like, oh, God, another another one who thinks they're cool, indirect.

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That is unfair because you're basically saying that SAPTA, who's on my laminated list, would not fancy me. And that's not that's about me.

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I never said they wouldn't fancy you. I mean, if they didn't fancy you. I mean, I've made a shit decision.

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You reckon Schefter would want to I'm not going to say go out with me. That's a bit far track. And he would defocused me.

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If the majority of men didn't fancy you, I would think less of myself.

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So I would hope that he would fancy.

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Oh, that's really nice of you that I know.

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Well, I set myself high goals so that others are jealous.

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That's good. I was kind of annoyed with Adele for a while because she was going out with him. What?

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Yeah, James. I will give it to him. He is very funny.

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Ginder, James Brown and I are like two peas in a pod. He just doesn't care. We've both got great voices. We would be seeing what you were saying.

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I know do and I know it's actually pointless. I want to hear your real singing maybe at the end of the episode. I'll try know do you a line of your of your real singing voice.

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No, because it sounds too similar to where I just do the way you name it, where that James Bond and I sound to you like the audience, to be confused as to who is singing. They'll think we've got him on as a guest. Not sound very different in your own head. Sort of what it does when I hear. Anyway, listen, let's move on.

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James Blunt is is a hero and I and I and I love him.

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OK, well, let's talk about friends overstaying their welcome because Spencer so my little brother has come to live with us, which we're delighted about because he actually is he's a legend. He's a legend. He's really good company. He's he's scarce. He's not annoying. He is a bit dirty, but dirty. Yeah.

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I mean, I'm trying to teach him how I like things done and he's just not picking up on that.

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But no one picks up on it's your honesty, your, your, your clean up before the cleaner gets out, which is just so I don't I just can't stand mess. You see, the cleaner is a houseguest 100 percent. Oh bloody. Where she lived.

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You know, what I have offered to move her in countless is not just money. Where is this where is this endless amount of room coming from?

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You want to move lesbian, you want to move to India? No, there's no space for anyone.

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I want absolutely no housework to do zero.

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Simone doesn't understand that, like after you cook. And so if you've got a you've just got to clean up your own crap. You know, I do that open dishwasher. That's fine. So anyway, back to the story. My brothers moved in. We're delighted about it. He's working with Spencer now. I can't really ever see him moving out, to be honest.

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But he has a girlfriend for Spencer working for Spencer.

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OK, Grant. So which was very kind of you to give him my job, but I actually love him.

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I'm only joking. We all we're all we're all the team I Glynco Shahryar and says Alex, I keep calling Theodore and Winston and Alexander.

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It makes everyone's names.

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Of course she calls me Theodore. Sometimes I'm surprised I haven't been able to be honest.

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I'll walk into the room and she'll go.

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Theodore Winston, also Spencer and I know somewhere in the list I keep them to you. I'm like, you're the best boy. You're the best. I'm very tired at the moment.

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So, Alexander, back to the story. Let me just get the main story. It's Alexander has moved in. He has a girlfriend called Lou that lives over here and Lou never stays. So I sat down. I was like, why does Lou never stay here? And he's and she said, well, Spencer made it very obvious that he doesn't like houseguests and he doesn't like people overstaying their welcome. But this is. Like people, they could call over to us to say hello and he'll make it so obvious.

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I had friends over one day and they were here to see the baby and somebody else arrived and Spencer turned around and goes, oh, great, more people.

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And it was obviously I wanted the ground to swallow me. It was so embarrassing.

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I wish the ground had swallowed your friends that I guarantee they found it funny. I do it. They did. Because you were genuinely rude. You know, it's not rude. It isn't rude. And I am trying to be funny in in in any way.

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You're frightened. You frightened them off. She won't stay here. News about the only person I wouldn't mind being here.

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She's a smart, young, ambitious woman who's actually really cool. I don't mind being here. It's just all the others.

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Well, I am someone who likes to have a house kind of fall. I love having guests over with an open door policy.

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I don't really like. We definitely don't have we do. So if anyone would like to come over, you are welcome. And pardon me, you can come you can come over if you're interesting.

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Okay.

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Don't come over if you have no value add at the. How are you doing here then. Great. Pardon.

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Yeah, I have enormous value in every situation.

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You kind of, you're like, you're like a pirate. He just repeats things.

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Life is too short to spend time with like unremorseful people. He said that. I'm Jeff Bezos. Oh, my God. You know what, actually? Guess what coronavirus is going to be over in 2021?

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You know how I know that? Because Bill Gates said so. Bill Gates, an absolute legend. He is. I absolutely. If he told me an exact day, I would take it as gospel. He's like psychic. He knew it was going to happen.

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And now he's told us it's going to be over in 2021. So guys just ride off 2020. Who cares? Doesn't matter. Twenty twenty one is going to be our year bill.

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A massive business in 2020, so I won't write it off. But thanks. I had a lovely baby as well. Yeah, exactly. Right after 2020 was the year 2020 has been one of the best years of my life.

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I've quite liked 2020 as well. I mean, it's not been great for for everybody does matter, but everybody talks about us. Yeah. So that's quite nice news about coronavirus, even though I don't want to talk to you about coronavirus, but we let's let's make it one of our topics now. No, let's talk about coronavirus now, because many actually know because we're going to have to go. Right. Because you've got us in trouble.

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Just want I'll make one point. I'll make one point. If you are similar to us or, you know, under 50 and have no existing pre-existing health conditions, you are more likely to trip up.

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In a puddle and drown facedown in that puddle. GSV Elocutionist would be someone like you wouldn't let them die of coronavirus, so she drowned in a puddle. Yeah, I tripped, I tripped, fell face first into a puddle.

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And actually, even though I have use of both my hands and legs, I was unable to to move my face out of the puddle and somehow managed to asphyxiate me. And my my cause of death was was drowning in that puddle.

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Okay. That was a lovely chat. That's more likely than me dying of coronavirus. Now let's go. There's a lovely chat about coronavirus. I'm glad it's over.

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Spencer and I had a meeting with our management yesterday because they say the day before yesterday, yesterday or yesterday, that I went to the gym after is absolutely ripped up.

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Iron Chef, Jim, he's he's training for something in particular. But we've had a bit we've had well, that's men's health.

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Now, I'd give it to you if you had the cover on the inside from Lesula might be worth mentioning that our friend Chris Hemsworth, a.k.a. Thor, A-list Australian actor Chris Hemsworth, happens to be gracing the cover he has.

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He's he's gracing his grace in the cover for one month. You're telling me out of 12 months of the year you can't even get a cover under Spencer?

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I have a call with the editorial director of Men's Health this evening. Not about your cover. Yeah. What do you think I'm going to talk about?

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I'm going to say to and I'm going to say, listen, I appreciate the 11 pages in the magazine, which is more than you've ever given anyone else, including Chris Hemsworth. But what I really want is the cover.

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OK, well, Spencer is now trying to have a little fight with me because actually before he even got his little inside package, which is the of its largest, you know, people have people have mailed me when I ask them questions and they said that they wish you'd stop talking over me and so do I. They did. OK, perfect. Yeah, that's nice. Silence. So Spencer was talking about his inside cover job and I mentioned to my manager I was like, Oh yeah, when are we doing the cover?

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Because I had an email from the editor, Claire Sanderson, and she said that she was going to give me another cover. And now Spencer has flung all of his toys at the prom and he's not even crying about it. And he's practically banned me from taking my glorious cover. You can get lost. I'm trying I'm trying desperately hard not to try to get my cover before you.

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Tough luck on that email came in before your email.

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So it's mine. I am trying not to talk over you. Allow me to retort.

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Ah, Vogue obviously being a little bit behind me in terms of her career path wants everything that I have, including.

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So when I, when, when I hung my glorious men's health cover in the bathroom, Vogue had to have one.

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So they went on this mad right now we did each campaign I got asked to do to get one, then you got one.

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And I like you scratching at the door trying to get a cover, one that only give you the insight.

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But Winston's buttons or it's for like for since we moved in painters you painted. I'm not organizing a painter as well. Fine.

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I'll organize it on top of everything else anyway. Anyway, I'm going to be doing the cover before Spencer. You went OK. Well, OK.

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I'm going to say it's me or her and I'm going to say if they'll be like, OK, well, we can drop you because you're only on the inside monitor.

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Maybe I'll identify as a woman for the day and be the female men's health cover. Women's health cover. That's it. Women's health cover. Yeah, fine.

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Yeah. Listen, you are not having it. I am OK. The first person to get the cover wins.

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And by the way, Louisa, she's our agent. If you're listening, if Vogue wins, you are fired.

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You're so right at the end of it. OK, well, I'm going to get the cover so you might as well fire them now. OK, bye. I'll take the not Louise's fault, but you have gone down.

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You're not you're not as high up as you used to be.

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I don't care about you falling off. You're like, if I am if I am a bee for a start, you're an F for a start.

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I am definitely more recognizable than you and for being an asshole. Now, that's why you're recognized, because there's that. And, you know, I actually got like I got one. I said when I got in the H is the same as love. I got in a taxi the other day and the taxi driver goes, Me? Oh, I've dropped your husband off a few times. He was that he was that arsehole for me. And I said, yes, yes.

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He was guaranteed. He didn't say that.

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Oh, he did. Yeah. Listen, black cabs are my boys. Yeah. I've got thousands of them who absolutely lapped me up them and prisoners.

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Oh. When they told me as well, they told me about somebody who had a fight in the black.

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As prisoners love me, I get I get approached quite often about by people who've served time and apparently made in Chelsea a megahit in jail. And because I was a bit of an asshole, I'm in Chelsea, I'm their favorite. So they're fine.

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I would rather I don't want to be known for something like Made in Chelsea anyway. I'm like trying to get away from you, you know.

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I mean, I'm back back paddling away from that. Made you mean back pedaling.

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Yeah. Okay, well, maybe I'm on a boat. Listen, we can all agree that times change and people grow up. And I also see made in Chelsea as a bit of a tragedy, if I'm honest. But my role in that show was nothing short of perfect. I actually I didn't watch enough.

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My little brother started watching it from episode one and I was tempted. But I didn't want to have to get a divorce and despise Spencer.

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So I decided for a family second one.

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Oh, that would look shit to.

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Yeah, I still do it.

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I wouldn't care if you really if we if we had to get a divorce, do you think I'd just be really embarrassed. But I wouldn't. I be like see you later. Move on on to the next perfect stepto.

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OK, we were entering a topic each the podcast this week but I feel like the topics that we've just spoken about, we're kind of the topics that I had brought. I brought James Blunt.

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Yeah, that's that is in there too. Music is in there. Cool music. James Blunt is is a hero. There's no two ways about it. Legend. I can't believe you think future is cooler than James Blunt.

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Like you lost your mind.

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I'm pretty sure I've had a drink not like this, but it's been in a situation where I've had drinks with James Bond. I have a couple of times and actually he is a lovely person, but it wouldn't be my first choice of music.

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OK, yeah, so you like James Bond, but you like I only like Eminem, I only listen to James Blunt and 12 and you like Red Hot Chili Peppers, Red Hot. I. You know, I'm here to hear this war legends. I love that kind of era with them.

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Limp Bizkit, my so called Linkin Park. Yeah. No, not as much as them. What were those people?

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Amra looks like the lead singer Nickelback and Amber looks like Matt Damon. Oh, my sister. Is this like you've never seen someone look more like a person? It's frightening.

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Honestly, sometimes I get out of the car at the house and I'm like, well, fuck is Matt Damon. The owner is Amber like she I think she is Jesus Christ by sleeping with Matt Damon on It's Amber.

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She is the spitting image of Matt Damon. And also, do you ever remember Beethoven? She looks like rice.

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You remember the sister rice and they Beethoven.

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Beethoven, the dog, the dog. Maybe the Saint Bernard. The Saint Bernard. The Saint Bernard. Saint Bernard.

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Bernard. No, Saint Bernard. Yeah, he was high end. That that was an asshole.

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Yeah. They're very drooly. Those dogs. If we were to get a new dog, I would I would be voting for a Doberman.

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Branwen a Doberman. Yeah, a Doberman. A Doberman. It's funny.

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And I have these fights, it annoys him that I call the shock Waitrose instead of Waitrose. God like, why wait, wait, Rose, when you know it's white?

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Because I walk by and I say, wait, there's white rose. White rose like yeah.

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It's just like you sound illiterate white rose. Wait Rose. We do a bit of shopping in White Rose the t silent white silent t white. Yeah. To Rose Rank.

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Well, thanks loads people have that accent that I listen to the podcast and you've just cost them. Yeah, so they probably didn't like me anyway.

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Yeah, we'll just have to take it on board. And there's a bit of a snob. It's OK. There's anything wrong with being very real. Yeah.

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Yeah. You will, you will get a pretty straight view of life from me. Um and it might be worth mentioning I am northen so.

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OK, now our next game, and I like this game. For some reason you're not mad for us. I'm just like the whole thing, to be honest. I feel like if left to our own devices, you just have a nice chat, you know, 40 minutes a week. Done. Now, we'd like to do that.

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And you just playing games a bit organized fun. I don't like organized fun. I think it's a little bit forced. I don't really care for it.

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But what we've seen here and organized life, according to Google. Right.

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Every week we're going to start typing our names and together and see what autofill questions appear. First up this week is does Vogue Williams where does Vogue Williams come from? Dublin, Hoath, to be exact.

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Where I absolutely adore. I miss her. I can't wait to go back to her home in Hoath Vogue.

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Loving Hoath would be the same as me having an obsession with Grantham where I was born.

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Why Weekend spent a weekend in Grantham.

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It's not the same because you have never you've lived in Grantham when you were like five for a year. I grew up in health and I've lived there for my whole life. So it's a completely different and it's actually kind of stupid when you say that and try and compare them because they're not.

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And granted, it's not as nice as her where I spent my. How do you know? Because I know it. I've Googled it. You have not been to Grantham. I've Googled it. Grantham is.

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I have been. I have been. I have been to Grantham.

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Grantham is the beating heart of the UK. No, it's not. When I used to when I used to go horse riding up in Yorkshire, I went to Grantham. Grantham is the motherland.

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Well, it's it's no health. Where does Vogue Williams shop? Everywhere I do.

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I've been spending a lot of money the last couple of days actually. Erm food shop. We do Acardo. I'm, I'm very excited because actually Marketplace is again this is not an ad Marks and Spencer, I've been waiting a year for this. I heard the news a year ago. Marks and Spencer is coming to Acardo marks in September.

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Just fabulous. And you know what else I was looking at some of the stuff that is so much better than I do.

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I wouldn't say, because I'm trying to get a listing and quotes. Come here. What's your favourite thing to buy from Marks and Spencer?

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Well, if we're talking about our roots and where we creme fruit excuse me, a lot of people write in to me and ask you not to speak over me. So would you mind just coming down for a second as I answer your question?

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I like cheese and pickle sandwich from Marks and Spencer, but not when I'm training for the cover of Men's Health. Well, you stock up now because you're not trying for any cover, babe. My favorite thing, Bill Marks Spencer, is the phrase, I find it very long lasting. The flu is my favorite thing from Marks and Spencers for you to come home when the fridge is always full and you don't know how any of that stuff got there.

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Yeah, I wouldn't want to it just like as long as it's full. That's great. I've obviously bagged myself a wildcat who does the show. Guess. Yeah. Perfect.

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What does Vogue Williams do. Tumbleweeds, because I have a radio show on heart, I do some TV presenting work, and I've just got a new presenting job done several days and I'll say it, and I know I do a lot of online things.

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I'm a lot of brand ambassadors, so I kind of keep myself very busy. I'm also a mother of two Vogues work talking to me again and I'm actually trying to be nice.

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Do you want me to say nothing? No, I think I'll continue to carry the podcast then. Vogues work ethic is second to none. She loves having a lot on. She's the most fantastic mother of two, which does keep her quite busy at this time. But I'm always very impressed with how hard she works. Her radio show is a big success. She's constantly being approached by world famous brands to lead the men to to to better because it's just a bit more.

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Am I right in the post about it later and then quickly follow it up with. And she looks like she got clean like a dot com.

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What kind of dog does Bo Williams have? I have a beagle Cavalier. He's called a be clear Winston. He's nine. I got him in Australia. I brought him home.

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Poor thing's probably only got a few days left now. He thinks Winston is going to die in the next year or so. He can no longer deal out of the park with me.

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Yeah, I just I bronto that there last week and the that was like, wow, he looks magnificent.

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Well, as opposed to your dog, looks like a sack of shit, I'd say Wensing could be with us another 10 years now if I have anything to do with it. Eli Quinson actually do.

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I'm only joking. Winston's actually the easiest dog to have around to the point. I often forget these here. The other day we had roast chicken and I put the kind of carcass in his bowl thinking I was being like, absolutely lovely. He wasn't even here for the weekend.

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Like he had actually gone away two days before he'd gone away two days before I hadn't noticed. And the rotting chicken carcass just was collecting on the carcass because dogs can't eat chicken bones or whatever. I don't even know that.

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So it's like he has a fan club, though. He has groups of people that ask, can they borrow them?

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So, yes. Is the answer you can borrow. No. Now I like to have money at home too, because I would actually miss them, especially Europe next to Spencer. This is a good one actually, because people do say this mean does what does Spencer do all day to Spencer work.

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Spencer works all day, five days a week and then he is a dad all weekend.

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Thank you darling. But you do you work with you kind of annoys me.

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What does Spencer do?

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It's like he literally goes to work at 8:00 in the morning and he finishes sometimes at seven o'clock at night because you work really hard with your business that we prefer it if it actually being like a dotcom.

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OK, just Spencer Matthews drink.

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He used to drink like I used to drink so much.

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I've never seen someone take away the booze the way you did. Yeah. To be fair, it was very unhelpful.

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I was able to drink as much as I could. So yeah, no, I never got hung over. I used to drink like a fish. I was never really hung over. I would drink every day, uh, whether that be just like a couple of beers or a bit more.

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Even when I drink to excess, it wouldn't really be like I'd never stumble into bed. I'd never like lose my phone in a car. But like, you know, I was always actually had had quite good control over myself, but definitely it did get in the way. So now I don't drink alcohol in the traditional sense anymore. I mean, a lot of day to day products contain alcohol. Bananas have alcohol in them like allsorts. Bread has alcohol in it.

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What we make has a little bit of alcohol in it, but I don't get drunk. So I haven't I haven't been even remotely tipsy in over two years. But you couldn't really call me teetotal like I cook with wine and stuff. Yeah, but you wouldn't catch me having a glass of wine or a beer or anything ever. True. OK, how many siblings have Spencer Matthew have.

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I have an older sister and an older brother and I had another brother but we lost him a few years back so we were three brothers and a sister.

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We're now two brothers and a sister is still are three. Well we were three brothers.

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Yeah, I had two brothers and a sister. OK, next one. What languages does transformative speak.

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What I thought someone would never ask.

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Oh, I speak absolutely fluent, perfect French.

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So my French is exactly the same as my English. Say something nice and French sherry a check for conservation. Then I quoted lucratively Jamadi. Just three, Dailymotion said of the family it was Haemophilus Courtois. But er to me, what does that mean, said every morning that I wake up next to you, I feel so lucky and I think to myself, how has my life turned out this perfectly. I shake like that. Okay. An Italian.

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Italian.

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Yeah. I speak Italian as well. Italians remarkably similar to French. Um yeah.

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Or Sujata Italian one that's been our law means that you know I studied Italian at school but I don't speak that well. Italian is a kind of language, you know, that I can get away with if I have the use of my hands. So, like, I wouldn't be able to have a meeting in Italian over the phone, but I would be able to have a meeting in Italian over Zoome.

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OK, what car dispenser? Mathew's drive. God, I've had loads of stuff I don't know that's within a Range Rover. I don't really like a Range Rover. I do like I love it.

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It's okay. I don't get attached to any material goods. So I constantly if I if I if I invest in a car, I see it as that. So I'll move the car on and use that cash to buy something else. I'm constantly kind of evolving your possessions. Well, we don't own the car.

[00:24:41]

We lease it. I leasing that car. Yeah. But I would I'd get myself on a list for a car that was very difficult to get and then buy that car. And then when I got bored of the car, I'll sell it for a profit and then buy a different car. I don't have a car. I'll sell that.

[00:24:55]

You know, it's like I don't see things as, oh, wow, that's an expensive car. How do you afford it?

[00:25:00]

I see the money going from my bank account into the car and then when I get out of the car, I get the money back and I put it into a different car.

[00:25:06]

So actually, it's the same as a savings account.

[00:25:10]

Well, I drive, though, that leasing a car is clever. It's not like when you have renting a house, you kind of throw money down the drain if you can afford to rent or buy a house. But if you lease a car, Carlos is value so much it's just one.

[00:25:23]

I would never buy a car if you're looking at cars that lose value. Yeah, but it's like watches if you buy watches that increase in value because you know what you're doing, then when you do get bored of it and you move on, you've essentially been paid for wearing the watch, which a lot of people don't understand.

[00:25:37]

But you can do that with cars just annoying because obviously you've got to keep the car. You got to clean the car. You've got cars.

[00:25:42]

A more irritating you probably shouldn't drive it either because you're always giving. No, thanks.

[00:25:52]

Right, writes, It's time to go to the people, and this week I asked Instagram because you didn't because you weren't getting any financial gain out of it.

[00:26:01]

I asked Instagram what it is that really annoys them. Now, I chose this one because I like to Ambre, not my sister.

[00:26:09]

A different Amber. How is Amber in both episodes? She was in that one. Was there an amber enough for hammerheads, good things? I always wonder. So Amber hates seeing Christmas already in shops and I couldn't disagree with you more. I adore Christmas. It could be Christmas all year round. And I'd be delighted.

[00:26:29]

It is for you. You buy baubles all year round. Now, I don't know. Spencer and I write, so I buy really gorgeous Christmas decorations. But like, I like to wait until the sale because these ones are like ones from Harrods and they're so expensive stuff before the sale. They're like 25 quid a bubble. No, thank you. Wait until the sale and you'll get them for like six quid a bubble.

[00:26:50]

The sale is often after Christmas.

[00:26:53]

I don't because I use them for the Christmas after. So so Vogue will will fill the tree full of useless crap, all of which don't say my decorations. They're gorgeous.

[00:27:03]

They're fine, you know. I mean, I'm not I'm going to have a tree two trees this year, one on one in Ireland, like I had most of my Christmases growing up on a beach.

[00:27:13]

The last thing I cared about was the Christmas decorations.

[00:27:17]

I love Christmas decorations. I could I just find them. They're like gorgeous little ornaments and they bring me back memories. But you buy them in January. Yeah, because I got them for like 75 percent off.

[00:27:30]

I'm a bargain hunter.

[00:27:31]

You're talking about like the most minor saves. What are you saving a couple of hundred quid over the course of? You know, I'd say it depends. I mean, today it is saving like 30 and I cannot bring myself to spend 25, 30 quid on a bauble.

[00:27:46]

There's no way and it's impossible that I read one bauble. Yeah. So if I wait, I'll get it for a price that I'm happy with.

[00:27:52]

And I feel like I've won one of these really looking at it like in the same way in an operational sense, you then have to sit on the board for a year. Yeah, we've got a storage room now, so I'm going to stock up on bubbles again in January because I'm here. There's a Christmas shop in the shop at home and my wife comes to December and you go, I don't want the gold and silver wants because you do a theme.

[00:28:13]

That's why I don't have a second tree, because one is going to be like a colorful team and then the next one. No, I hope I hope you realise that you've started this.

[00:28:21]

So Christmas already and shops are just great. You are absolutely. No, actually, I actually quite agree with and I think that it's too early for Christmas.

[00:28:28]

Jamie Lang sent round a Christmas promotion for Candy Kittens the other day. And I was just like, I think it's kind of September.

[00:28:36]

It's unacceptable. If you do it before Halloween, you have to let Halloween have its moment and then you do it. What are we going to dress Theodore in it for Halloween?

[00:28:44]

I want to dress up as a lobster and carrying them or carry them around in the pot. OK, we can do that. No can be a lobster because she can't be she can be a lobster because we her in that big pot and put in the middle of the table.

[00:28:55]

Yeah. Otherwise you can't move. Theodore can be a crab.

[00:28:58]

The crustaceans. I don't think there were any crustaceans present at the birth of Jesus, I have to say. I just never really understood. Halloween is nothing to do with Jesus has got nothing to do. What were you talking about then? Just then Halloween. Why a crustacean like Halloween? Or do you want to dress up as a lobster? Because it's cool Halloween outfit. Yeah. So that's who's he's going to be for Halloween. OK, not Christmas.

[00:29:21]

OK, Rose. Yes. Rose. Oh no, I agree. Spencer Well, you're always trying to talk. Spencer's dad has tried to teach him on numerous occasions that it's impolite to talk over people while they're talking. And I sometimes watch him doing it. And it makes me cringe a little bit because he just does it to everybody.

[00:29:41]

And it's so rude and you lack self-awareness.

[00:29:44]

Listen, when your view matters more than the view of others, it's handy just to get it out there.

[00:29:50]

There were also a lot of these Stephanie Rice.

[00:29:53]

She doesn't like her mother in law. I really love my mother in law, but is like this is a golden egg, this isn't about you. But I couldn't I'd hate to be selfish.

[00:30:05]

It's very hard to be married to somebody if their mother in law is tough work.

[00:30:10]

But I wouldn't marry you if you had a tough time. If your mother was an asshole, I would marry you.

[00:30:15]

What with my mom was Lazor. Yeah. So I wouldn't be worth having an arsehole. Mom.

[00:30:19]

No, that's no one with me. That's a weird thing to say. No, it isn't. You're marrying into the family. Like, if I hated your family, I would struggle.

[00:30:26]

I know it's not. People don't spend as much time as we do with our families. You know me, I wouldn't spend a single Christmas with your family if I didn't like the Spanish moms coming over this weekend.

[00:30:37]

And she makes. I'm sorry, Mom. If my mom I think she makes the best roast beef you've ever eaten in your whole life.

[00:30:45]

Yeah, 100 percent. Oh, I know.

[00:30:48]

It's delicious, but like, I'd never choose a restaurant over her her roast, apart from maybe the Hawksmoor.

[00:30:58]

No appetite, Misael. Delicious.

[00:31:01]

I do a roast. We're going there tomorrow. I know, but they don't do a roast. So we're talking about roasts.

[00:31:08]

Anyway, you were saying something about Toby Carvery or something the other day. Oh, I love a carvery. I love I didn't even know it was like a rotten thing to be into.

[00:31:16]

But I love a car just out of interest.

[00:31:20]

I'm not talking over you, but you have like the most basic taste, like Vogue loves like Twister's and Dip Dabbs. I like Diet Coke and like fish fingers and just disgusting crap that like you used to eat when you were eight and a Kaveri.

[00:31:36]

Oh, a carvery drowning in gravy.

[00:31:39]

And then I porchetta follow your where are these Tobi places.

[00:31:45]

Because we went to this, we went to this fancy this fancy place for a roast.

[00:31:49]

So be places. They're all over the UK.

[00:31:53]

I've never seen a Dovi and I love Ikari.

[00:31:56]

Toby Kaveri, Toby Avrich. Toby where are these Toby places. Why have you not taken me to a Dovi which is. I think you'd be disappointed I think OK mother in law.

[00:32:08]

So I get that some people don't like theirs but. But what was the question that she this people that things that really annoy them. Life's too short. Spend any time. If you don't like. If you don't like your mother in law.

[00:32:16]

Issacharoff off off. Grace said adults on scooters kids agat. But adults just now think that.

[00:32:25]

Yeah I agree. Yeah, yeah. My sister wanted to buy a scooter and I just said Now now why don't I throw you in the sea. Are you talking about those like like a micro scooter or the rest.

[00:32:34]

I think no, Avast was fine. You're saying that because you have a Vosper. I do have a vest.

[00:32:39]

I love that vest, but you don't tell the story.

[00:32:43]

Okay, so back when I was I know it's hard to believe, but there was a period when I had hardly any money and and Vogue I was dating Vogue at the time and I certainly wasn't swimming in any kind of liquid cash at the time.

[00:32:57]

And and Vogue was always all over this. Vosper She really wanted a Vosper for her birthday.

[00:33:03]

So I bought it for her and it pretty much broke the bank.

[00:33:07]

And she has never written it, not once.

[00:33:11]

So.

[00:33:12]

So I sat downstairs collecting dust for years now, three years. And that's it. That's the end of the story. No, that's not the end of the story. So why ever been written? In fact, I wrote it back from the shop.

[00:33:24]

I yeah it's got, it's got twenty four kilometres on it. It's the nicest FASFA though.

[00:33:32]

It's so nice. It's really nice. I wouldn't want to get rid of it. I wouldn't want to see the back of it. Our neighbor actually wanted to buy it and I said no, you wouldn't want to see the back of it.

[00:33:39]

It's now an island. Your sister Matt Damon is Satyal.

[00:33:44]

It's living its best life in Ireland. I actually went. So basically you have to get a special license for a which I didn't know about and I went to get the license.

[00:33:53]

We did a full day and we were filming for a TV show, a full day filming and I had gotten through and I only had to do a couple more hours. And then the fella said to me, he said, Oh, give me your license.

[00:34:04]

Should have asked me that at the start of the day.

[00:34:06]

And then he was like, Oh, you've got an Irish license. So I actually can't you can't do the test. And then I just was like, you know, you can piss off. I'm not doing this again, waiting a whole day.

[00:34:16]

This is where natural dealing ability and charm would come in. I would I would have absolutely.

[00:34:22]

Just got you literally can't just break government rules. I would have slapped in I slapped him a hundred quid in his back pocket and he said, turn a blind eye, pal. Anyway, the vast was having a lovely time in Ireland and that's just where it's going to stay. And I will eventually get maybe one day.

[00:34:36]

Amber hasn't turned it on either because she can't process the place or something stupid.

[00:34:41]

The easiest thing in the world have lost.

[00:34:43]

So you buy of asthma. Yeah. And for you, you get these forms that go with the vast but say you own the vast. Spencer's lost them.

[00:34:50]

Well, why didn't you handle it all, given that it was your Vosper? Well, because it's you gave me half a present.

[00:34:54]

What can I do it. Have asked for it. No. There are films in it 100 percent. There's not OK, Alexandra. My husband and kids constantly asking me where things are.

[00:35:05]

Is this things that annoy other people? Yeah, what annoys me, too. Who does that? It's more of an open dialogue. So kind of like you do move my stuff around.

[00:35:14]

I don't I don't move. I think, for example, my motorcycle helmet and the keys to my motorcycle live on the table by the door. That's where they are. This is where I never and sometimes I go to the door and they're not there, so I have to say, where's my where's my motorcycle helmet and the keys? And you're like, I don't fucking know. And then I've got to run around looking for it. So who's moved?

[00:35:37]

Well, I will tell you one thing. First of all, what I've actually gotten wrong there is your motorcycle helmet does not live in the hall table. It looks messy. I don't like it. So you do move it then?

[00:35:45]

Yes. OK, so tell me, what is the only thing I move I move it around the corner on you.

[00:35:50]

I have a dumping spot for Spencer's stuff because he lives so much crap everywhere.

[00:35:53]

Sometimes you really passively, aggressively throws stuff onto the spare bedroom bed.

[00:35:57]

So instead of instead of just like, for example, if I leave a jacket here instead of hanging the jacket with the other jacket, she will, like, sprawled it across the spare room so that when I'm looking for, I'll go into the spare room and it's like half hanging on the bed, half dangling off the bed.

[00:36:11]

And I'm like, that looks like it's been thrown there really aggressively. And it turns out it has.

[00:36:16]

Yeah, it has.

[00:36:18]

But I feel like you've got to be passive aggressive in these situations, otherwise you'll keep leaving your stuff everywhere. So for me, I like to pile it all up in the most annoying way possible so that then you'll maybe learn some point that it's been a few years that you haven't really instead of just started hanging out, which of course would be neater.

[00:36:34]

You hang it, Joyce. I feel tired, I feel tired, I just like to go to bed, I've got meetings to get to any global domination. We're not finished. Innovation and innovation that global. That is it. All right. There you go. That's good, because I was just getting tired of it. But don't worry. We're going to be back next Tuesday so you can find out.

[00:37:04]

See you next Tuesday situation. Is that what our podcast called? See you next Tuesday. Spouse and naughty word.

[00:37:11]

But don't worry, we'll be back next Tuesday so you can find out what we've been up to. What's annoying us. UNEF Spencer has stopped asking me where things are. We would love you to get involved in the podcast or send in your emails, your questions and what the next big debate spending and I should have to spend to invoke parred at Gmail dot com. Please subscribe to the podcast wherever you're listening. Andropov's was five stars because no one wants any less than five and a review, but only if it's a good review that is worth mentioning.

[00:37:38]

To be honest, if you if you are the kind of person that would leave a negative review down all five stars, you just don't keep your negativity and your crap negative is in the war zone home.

[00:37:49]

Yeah. Stop talking everything.

[00:37:51]

See you next week. See you next Tuesday. The next Tuesday. Any.