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It's instead to Johnny's podcast, to Jonny's podcast, to Johnny's record in the podcast. Hello, hello, hello, welcome to the two Gianni's podcast, bringing you all the mayhem and news in the world of the two Johnny. Johnny B.. I'm Johnny Cmax. Welcome to the podcast. One hundred and fifty seven coming to you like a manager's half time team.


Pep talk, shake them off, shake them up on this week's podcast, Money, Money, Money.


We ask how well it affects people. What happens when you win the lotto or inherit a hair for money? And do people have a hard time holding onto all that big fat cash?


He was born at eight o'clock in the morning and he was in the ad behalf and been ready for work. Not for long will be here with that news.


How Delimiters hasn't put her in a home for the bewildered yet? We will never know.


But Maureen is here with her mystery topic and as traditional a Scotsman wearing skirts, more classic cuts with badger handbags and calling them kilts.


We run off the podcast with our yards and doors the week before commence and will proceed and still matters arising from last week's podcast.


Yes, Mr. Chairman, on last week's topic of ghosts, Gerry was in touch many years ago.


Can we get some spooky music? Many years ago, on a gear tour of Ireland at Easter, we were down in Dingel. In Kerry.


Oh, no.


After playing a game and spending the night in the pub drinking until I couldn't drink anymore, I decided it was time to walk the mile or so along the dark country road back to the PNB will still be at least.


As I was walking down, I could see something white in the middle of the road. The only light was from the moon and the stars, and there weren't any streetlights because it was Dingle. And all I could hear was the see, the white thing was just floating in the air and was probably about 20 or 30 yards away. I wasn't too sure what it was. And I was in two minds what to do, either carry on to the BMB or return to the pub and tell them I couldn't get back to the BMB due to this white thing on the road.


So been full of Dutch courage, I decided to carry on. The nearer I got, it was becoming clear it was a human shape and not a cow or something like that.


Then I could hear wailing in morning to get away in the morning.




Oh. OK, I will. Your dad, I was beginning to rethink my decision to carry on, and I really should go back to the pub, good idea with a cold sweat and thinking to myself, be brave, carry on. Then I got the shock of my life. This white thing was a shirt. The thing wearing the white shirt was our football manager, Willie from Caricature.


Oh, that's the scariest part of the story so far.


Who had left the pub sometime before me and had got lost and decided he would just stay on the side of the road until someone came along.


To clarify, these are scaring off and daily stranger danger by the side of the road. Oh my God.


That was a bit anticlimactic. I taught at staff and Herlitz waiting was a good chance. It's going to end now, which Amane been like. It was a plastic bag. That's honestly where I thought that story was going.


Spooky music for none. Right. Give me more spooky music.


Anyway, Connor has a story here. He says, My brother said himself and the lads were staying in the house in Limerick one night. One of the lads, let's call him Jim, woke up one morning and said he'd seen a woman on the stairs holding a gun. The guy was quite freaked out, but my brother and the other lads laughed and said the guy was just drunk. Roll on. A few weeks later, my auntie told him about a crime that happened in that same house back in the 70s.


Now, every so often, the Irish Daily Star brings out a little crime book about Ireland, some of the crimes that happen all over the country in years gone by. My brother read the little crime book and it turns out the house that he lived in, in Limerick was a crime scene back in the 70s where a woman was brutally murdered and the guy was never caught as he did a runner and died before he was caught. My brother laughed and said it was grand.


She wasn't killed in his room. It was in his housemates room. Grand.


That's fucked up if you're walking alone in the dark. We just really want to apologise for scaring if you have a lot of student accommodation, like, oh, yeah, there's probably worse things have happened.


The student days so young, one on the stairs, you know, we're Yagur bomb.


Lee was in touch and he claims much was made of Biddy early. You know, everyone in Ireland has heard of Biddy Early and her curse over the player hurling team in the lead up to the 1995 All Ireland final. So she's fairly well known at this stage.


Her house are the ruins of her cottage was bought by a blowing businessman, and he began renovating the property not long into the project. And the 22 ton digger proceeded to spontaneously burst into flames as the lads arrived on site one morning for work.


The burnt out digger is still there and the place has been left to itself since.


This is a true story and the only reason Claire broke the course in 1995 is because Sherlock Mann is himself a practising wizard. Both on and off the field is Bedier.


And he was out with the Petrelis right so early.


Yeah, come on, come on. Give me some skin care. He was Acento.


She says I'm a nurse and I've seen my fair share of weird things around all hospitals. But the strangest thing that ever happened to me happened a few weeks after my nanny died.


This was years ago. So I was still a student at the time and I had to do a placement in a different hospital. Then I worked in before on my first shift. It was quiet and there wasn't a whole pile for me to do so. The staff asked me to tidy up some of the patient's room for them. They sent me into one room where there was a very elderly lady who was blind and very confused.


The staff one warned me that due to her confusion, she could become quite agitated and aggressive. So to try not disturb her too much and to call the nurse if I had any problems, I went into the room. She was sleeping. So I quietly tidied around the room, tidied who I know that is given loud shivers.


When I got near the side of the bed, I wouldn't know where the woman sat bolt upright, grabbed me by the scruff of the neck and started singing the song.


My nanny and granddad used to always seem to me to get her show me the way to go home. I went, Wow, that is fucking freaky.


You know, when she finished, she said, You're a great garland and lay down a little bit later on that day, I told my mom what happened. She said it was very strange because two letters had come in the door of my nanny's house that day. One was addressed to her, which wasn't too weird because she only recently died. But there was also a letter from my granddad who had been dead ten years. At this stage, let's be honest, was I scared shitless when it happened?


Absolutely. But it was also nice to know that they're probably looking out for me.


Can I stop and say right. It was two letters arrived for a couple who are both. Is it possible the Irish fire from Vodafone or so?


Yeah. Yeah, it's Irish Leaf Lad. What I said was that I think that had the bankrollers Archibold Mitzpe tax or was that fucking you know, I don't have the bank on to me that was that. You know, if you got a loan years ago, PCR, OK? Yeah, she's right back into my mind to pull that off.


I have one correction from last week or I told the story of Danny Sullivan getting thrown into the water by a Gorst in care where he built in the colonel's house.


OK, well, the correction is that it was actually Jimmy's father. Everybody, Disney's father, Jimmy Sullivan, and Jimmy worked as a blacksmith in Burke's Forge, but he was in the fire brigade and responded to the call when the governor's mansion burned down in 1962 and. He was thrown into the river by a ghost while he was fighting the fire.


Now I've been saying like, is it possible there was some sort of a backdraft from like somebody opened the door and was then he got thrown into a river.


But Jimmy sort of care to go.


They said it was haunted and he was thrown into the river. So I'm going with that. But just before we finish up on ghosts, we have to play a golden moment from our favorite TV show, More Haunted, where host Derek Acorah.


So we all know what he ghost is really haunted places. And then sometimes he gets possessed by the spirits that supposedly are in the room, or sometimes he lets on, he gets possessed.


So in this clip I want to start out, he's talking to a woman and the voice you will hear is Derek Acorah. Because basically, I know the name rather well trained and I know Mary does, so that's that's Derek Takamatsu activity there with her, right? It's a.. It's taken if it isn't done right. Mary Lustick, Mary. Mary loves Dick, and you know what, it's perfect that the camera just zooms in on the lovely first shot, so this hasn't been rehearsed at all by Derek Acorah.


God got arrested by some character.


And now let's move on to something a little bit happier. Boy bands on email have a story related to boy bands. Wouldn't really call this group a boy band. But anyway, a few years ago, myself and a few minutes mine went off to the Benny Qasm Festival just south of Barcelona.


Yeah, I could be pronouncing that wrong and up big in the festival scene, that early bird tickets were eighty nine euro for the three days entertainment, which was going to be filled with huge musicians like the Red Hot Chili Peppers, Kassabian, Biffy Urostomy, the All Bazaine, as you can imagine. One other notorious Manchester musician was also making an appearance, who I will mention later to cut expenses myself.


My best make got a cheaper flight to Barcelona, which included a one night stopover in Brussels. The pair of us had a mighty Brussels drink and Belgian beers and chatted to absolu, lent the rope to the locals about this, that and the other two young single lads.


We eventually ended up trying to golos shots were flying in. The crack was 90 until I probably took one too many shots of vodka, which tipped me over the edge. My mate, on the other hand, was flirting the way which one turns me at one stage, describing his new friend as John B.. It's a Russell Carol Kelly reference. I don't I don't get that anyway, while this was going, I had dipped out for fear I was going to spew everywhere all over the girls.


I went stumbling down the street a little bit, looking to bomb a fag off someone while getting a bit of fresh air. I perked up when I saw this lad wearing a chip jersey, having a cigarette with his mates. I walked over, probably more, stumbled over, asked any chance of a fag glads. The group looked at me for a second, probably thinking, who is this sausage coming over here? The fella beside your man from Tip hello his box to me anyway, and gave me a light to as I looked up to see it.


Thanks. I saw your man's face. It was fucking Liam Gallagher from Oasis. No.


Now we're talking growing up. I said my brother loved the to bits. So they're chatting away with your man from tip about Herrlein Paul Simon fella trying to play it cool. Haleem stood there despondent, although he pitched in at one stage and Slagle came off, think his man was Bandler. Eventually it was time to go inside and I thought Focus and Ganapati within Gallaher. Tonight I'm going to buy him a drink. Let's go up then steps. This was going to be unreal.


My master plan all drawn off. Dranoff used cigarettes and alcohol as Leam turned to go inside. I broke my act of trying to play a cool leam. I loved your music grown up. I'm actually going to see you again in a few days. And Benny Kaseem, any chance I could buy you lads a drink? I thought he might have liked me with my forward approach and cheekiness. Really, really trying to bomb a fag off even though I didn't know it was him.


He glanced over at his mate to get his attention. And in turn back to me, Medair, thinking I was about to be knighted in this group for one night, only with a smirk and a partner shoulder Coolidge like he goes, Mommy, fuck off. Yeah, that was that great night.


We got our what do you got out of that class?


And following up on our episode about boy bands three episodes ago, Graham said, We thought we needed some balance on the stories about the lads from Westlife because this thread has been going. We've been getting listener feedback about where people have bumped into Westlife on nights out after gigs in the Chipper in the hardware store.


Can we just say it all?


All these stories are all legit, but that's true. I do want to say also that Westlife I got dropped by to record label during the week. We're not saying it's completely our fault.


We we are. We've washed their hands of this now. We want to listen. When that announcement was made, I got sent around 50 times and it's going to people go and look what you've done.


Well, that's why have fallen out with their company. So maybe the company will listen to the bad guys. A record company actually own a hardware store.


So so Graham has the story for some balance. Right.


He worked in a chipper while in Dublin while he was in college. It was pretty well known as far as Chipper's go along.


All the celebrities would come in and we had a wall of fame from Bruce Springsteen to the cast of Fair City.


In 2012, Westlife had their farewell tour in Croke Park, their first farewell, not their most recent farewell. Anyway, the nation was in mourning because Westlife were breaking up. And any time there's a gig in Kroeker, it's all anyone can talk about. The fact it was their last gig, it was all over the news, etc.. On the Monday after the gig, who comes in? Niki Bourne from Westlife. He pulled up to the shop and was getting Grob while his family were in the car.


He put in his order and he was waiting for it to be cooked. There was a few other customers waiting at the small and off chipper. This there was this awkward silence in the shop. As you could see the other customers in the shop trying to work out, is that your man? So I turned around him. Well, his food was cooking. And I said, well, do you get up to the weekend? Then I then I asked him how was first day of being unemployed was and that we were taking CVS's if he fancied a new career path and fast food, he took it well in fairness to him and seemed to have got a good laugh out of it.


He left he left us a nice tip and came back a few times after that. A top man in my book, although he probably got back into his car and said to his wife, You wouldn't believe what that little prick in the chair said to me.


In fairness to Nicky, we did that. We did he was sound. He was downstairs. He played along with those the comic relief in fairness to him.


And there's Kyle told him to fuck off on television and several times off camera, we had to do that around four or five times. And for for a finish, I was nearly going to just eat my fists.


And that's just like it's a pause.


Neki and he goes, Ginola, fuck off and evicted. Oh my God.


Classic know something nice and wholesome fare. Did Lois James message myself and a few of the college lads have been playing rugby sevens for a few years, mainly for the beer. You know yourself, since we've all gone our separate ways since college, it's become a yearly reunion and the crack is mighty.


For the last few years we've quiet down and got ourselves girlfriends and the women have been coming along to rugby beer tents in the town, in the town rugby club Futuna and of course, a rain.


As you can imagine, there's a fair mix of personalities in this group. This brings me to our good friend. Let's call him Ted and Ted's woman, Daphne. Two very different individuals. Ted is the comedian inter-group and Daphne is a shy, small and reserved girl, a bit of an unlikely match. I'm from the town where the sevens were being held, and because neither Ted or Daphne drive, I said I'd pick them up from the train station and bring them to their BMB to too posh to camp like the rest of us, he says.


Fast forward three days. A two day hangover, one empty bank account, 17 boasted of tents. More injuries than we could count. But a night to remember, Ted and Daphne were gone back to the respective homes and I was bringing my car for a service. Following the events of the Sevan's.


I said I better get the car a quick clean and remove all evidence of the night cans, mukhi boots, chicken filler, all papers, the whole lot, to my horror, on the floor, under the driver's seat.


Peeping out of me was a huge purple diddler.


This walk was the length of my forearm and it was thicker than a tin of beans. I stared in shock at his absolute weapon and called my girlfriend to have a look. It wasn't hers. As we talked, as we thought about it, we realized that only two other people had been in the car, Ted and Daphne, so it had to be theirs.


Small, timid, inside. Daphne was a freak or stood staring at this thing. And then my girlfriend says, What are we going to do with that yawp?


We need to get rid of it. Now we both live with my parents who are very reserved. So it's not like we could crawl into our kitchen bin or wheelie bin for fear to think it was ours. So we did what anyone would do.


We took a spin out the motorway and typical Kanamori style, the Mrs Spin passes the monstrosity of a purple dildo elephant trunk out the window, and with what I can only imagine the sound of a helicopter propellers her soared through the air and onto the bank of the side of the motorway. We laughed about it. But to this day, neither Ted or Daphne have ever mentioned that they did lot. But I bet they're not. The BMB wasn't as exciting as they had planned.


Shout out to the motorway maintenance along the M9 because the lad who found that Daphne erm despaired at the court brings a dildo to look at rugby sevens competition.


She screams. Oh well sounds big if that's the part of the team. The beans like. Daphne Moss. She is. She must just I don't know where she is. I don't know where she's is, but I don't know.


She's Daphne Koller.


My I am sure like we don't condone Liron either, but like is called Dildo Literotica.


Flightplan, what did you do? Big, massive dildo doing the brilliant stuff.


They should be chipped. No, like yeah. Yeah. Like I can on the iPhone app. Where's my dildo.


I like it's got heat sensors on it like Strava I can tell you borrowed it.




Your heat map. Yeah. Right. So be careful.


Don't dumping dildos. Yeah. Don't put nurses back to front line.


Work on you. Good things. Connor said, my mom was a nurse for 25 years and she has some stories, she was working in England just after finishing her training when she gets a call in A&E about a man who's lost his foot. She was working nights now. This was about six o'clock in the morning. And this man was fairly scattered. He was walking home from being out, partying hard. He ended up walking along a railway track.


A train comes along, not seen the man, and it goes past him. Oh, the train goes over his ankle and severed it off. Jesus Christ. The paramedics brought at the hospital with him hoping to be able to be fixed.


Basically, my mom and her fellow nurse decided the foot was no good and they put it in the yellow solution bag to go into the incinerator. After 30 minutes, the man comes in, the surgeon reckons he can reattach the ankle as it hadn't served, severed any arteries rattin and it was put on ice fairly rapidly. In the end, my mum and the other nurses had to search two bags of amputated feet, only to be destroyed.


And after 15 minutes of searching, they found the lucky force and reattached. It got off.


I've seen my dad always told me story when I was young. He was hurt in match, you know, got a slap of hurt in the mouth and a tooth came out to L.A. and there was like a dentist in the crowd and they put his into a glass of milk.


Oh, I've heard this brought into the hospital and they reattached is to still there.


Oh, my God.


Now, what are the milk held tonight? Not I don't know, but it's a good story. Can't imagine the physio. No one ever more display to keep that tooth flat or know who's going to get the TUJ on his podcast. Moag, sponsored by KC Sports who sell all the lovely to Johnnys merchandise to Janisse for more info. Who's going to get it? That's more who you like for the Moag.


I like the story of Liam Gallagher telling someone to fuck off the most coolest of golliher way possible.


Yeah, I do like that. And I also like the Mickey Byrne comment. Did deals like Delors's out of there, great, we've always been a strong week guy get off the fence that we should have liked Udonis dildoes.


Will they be double, double the Chinese, double the deadlock that we need to like Lantau on sex range?


Oh, yeah, your condoms, your face will be on one end. And yours and the other.


Yeah, we actually molds of our release and it'll be pocket sized, travelled a little snack size Swiss army.


All right. Who's winning this mug? Jesus Christ one. Yeah, the arches near Lutie Lake. The deal is gone for Leane, got her OK. Is back, he's been called a test and he's back. He's back in fit as a fiddle. Liam Gallagher, you have won this week's two Chinese podcast, Moag. If you want to send an email to podcast to Genizah, you would all your contact details to get the most out. We get you as quick as we can.


Now, the weekly roundup. There has been a birthday this week. Oh, yes.


Yes, the podcast birthday, the podcast turned three this this week that one hundred and fifty six weeks, let alone did we go out and have a party. Oh my God. We had a cup of tea and a slice of an ice log that Johnny brought on with a Sharpie.


That's you know, we're party animals here to Johnny's HQ. Just had have nice log and there was a baby that no nice dog is a proper like farmer desert.


Yeah. Didn't didn't really didn't really do much for me.


No grand, no displacement, no ice. Áslaug is a good country desert. I don't know if people are very dry yet. Like what you put in is what mr.


Well, when I seen you yesterday that you cannot win over the dry bread, man. Yeah, but like, I'd be ignorant. Yeah, Áslaug is a bit like it was lovely.


I choked on it already. So dry, but it was lovely. It's like late brak. OK, that's a proper farmers and day's work.


Not allowed out there. No driving tractors. And if they have lunch with the man in the van, the dogs and the ice dog patrón.


Oh, lovely. That's a fact. Yeah. So it's mad. It's been a quick three years, hasn't it. Yeah. It's been so quick that we completely forgot until one listener texted us and said, wow, 156 episodes, three years. Well Don and I was like, what are you talking about? Yeah. Then I thought Max. And then our manager was like, do something.


Don't come on. So we posted something.


We'll have a big party. When it's Lockdown's over, we get Fokin. We'll be talking for years about Jesus Christ, we're going crazy. I want to say something.


A lot of people last week, thousands of people have messaged asking who was the panel we're going to write? I think it was the band in the story. Everyone, no. Listen to last week's episode. And elderly famous Irish folk band came up to shenanigans.


I just want to clear the name of the Woolton.


Can we eliminate will eliminate one band? We will eventually reveal this, not the Waltons. It is not the world. So we can or we can confirm that the world tones are just mad for Porter.


Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they are not the band in question know so.


And it's not, not me, it's not the Clancy's right. Because they're all, they've all passed away. So few people asked them. It's definitely not them. All right.


We can eliminate the Clancy saw and the world horns, but the search goes on for who is the band and are we enjoying your guesses? My God, we are. So we might we might eliminate someone next week or it's not Hozier.


Anyway, we got sent a package from the American Embassy.


Oh, this is so weird.


So there's a cop that says Cop or Joe and it's got Joe Biden on it. There's a pair of like aviator sunglasses.


There's a postcard on a barrel, Hershey's, two American chocolates and a postcard with Joe Biden.


And there's a face mask I flaked face mask, Itanium, American seal. On one side, it's got the the American flag on one side of the mask.


And then on the other side, it's got the embassy, the logo, I have to say, award in superagent.


And people took me very seriously.


I was walking around and it's just been like I felt like I was a CIA agent or something.


Did you put your hand to your ear as if you had worn earpiece listening device for the full year?


If he's an aviator, sunglasses and almost no one at the time he give me looks like, you know, I didn't care. I was winning. You look so important to it on honestly. Yeah.


I felt I, I thought was class. I did have to get in contact with them and ask why did the American embassy send institutions.


Well and they said we sent it to contacts and friends of the embassy to celebrate Presidents Day. So you can say the two Japanese are friends of the embassy. Brilliant. I tell you, we're friends with the embassy.


When you sign off my visa. Yeah, I was gonna the maintenance in their memory come out later. I rang you. I was like a dog because you'd gotten your visa five minutes before midnight or after you were after me.


Yeah, because I forgot my passport and had to go back to the hotel. Yeah, yeah, yeah.


The American embassy is scaring off my security state. Well, the scariest place I've ever been where you have to take the shoes off. No phones. No, not. Hola.


You got in and like I was explaining to and I was like, look like I'm going out with R.T. He was like, does marrows like that?


I mean, I'm going to be coming home here, like after you're kind of a big deal in Ireland.


So anyway, eventually I got I got my visa and we we bought our visas now for America. Yeah.


Friends of the embassy.


Obviously we can't get there, but nonetheless, lockdown down Latinist all on everyone you stressed. Oh, it's an absolute lockdown.


It's become it's a pure Yorio of emotions. I'm up and down that like Fokin, you know, like Saturday nights used to be. But, um.


But no, it's you know, what is I think Irish people just like to know what's going on.


We like to feel like we're in on the conversation. Like we're like at the moment. The way it seems is no one has a fucking clue and there's no Patzer offers.


Right. Right.


No, I'm not going to come on here and have a dig at the government, but it feels like we're training, right? Yeah, we're doing Operation Transformation. Right.


We're training like focus the whole team. So by staying in and doing our bit and, you know, obeying the rules, we're doing all the training.


OK, but then at night, someone sneak in a load of McDonald's into us and we're not losing the weight.


So like and by that I mean the government are letting in planeloads of lads from fucking everywhere.




And are sitting down and half, as you said, the biggest strain at the moment in Ireland to coronavirus is the UK virus. You hear variant, yeah, hey, it didn't fucking come out to lunch. Yeah, they're like, oh, I heard a pop song on Christmas, therefore not no, not everyone coming home fucked it up.


So I just think we just need give us a plan.


Give us at the moment, there's no light at the end of on just lockdown, just fuckin misery. And I for one am getting sick of it now. Yeah.


Give us fuckin a road map and give it as fast and stick to what you miss and most.


Simple things, I really mean shaking hands with people, but it'll be awhile before being there, but like, I just I miss I actually missed a year and actually missed training, which is hard. Never six o'clock on the train. She's now now at Givat. And for some Latsis Mama smokes often Mithran and.


Yeah. Oh, I never miss training. I promise you I give out and have some outlet roarin abuse.


You me put. No I just miss interation.


I miss my friends, I miss Chaton, I miss open fires in pubs and I'd like you know, I do miss sports like everyone but it's just simple things have been able to wake up tomorrow and be like I might go off and do that today.


Yeah. It's fucking Groundhog Day for me every day. I don't do today. Well, cleaned on me runners. Every pair of. That's how fucking is. Yeah, I know, I know it's getting fucking grim, but look, I know there's a lot of people feeling like that out of luck.


We will eventually, I'm sure, get over this.


But, yeah, in government, they are going to need something. I think the week of February 22nd, that's going to be in full containment.


He's going to know something. You're going to know the roadmap. And then after a week and then after a week, we're going to add in a couple of more things into the road map for point one, four point two, four point three. Jesus Christ.


Look at the New Zealand based contemporary concerts. But I feel like they're having a flyover every weekend. Ireland's covid is like and opted for Mac.


You wake up one morning and it's like, oh, covid updated itself around 5.2, didn't accept cookies.


I started out anyway, thanks mainly to everyone who signed up to the Extra podcast as well, which is available on Patreon and that six year amont.


Can I just say lot messages we get about Patrón, stuff like that. So you're getting an extra podcast a week.


It's a different format. It is. It's it's mad as well. It's as crazy as this.


So even if you subscribe multipage and you still get the back catalogue and also this week we don't alive Valentine's Day, we're singing Jigen Act in the Bollocksed, all our songs about Riden and Shagan and all that.


We don't want to live on it this week. And all of those obviously come when you become a patron. You can you can available them. And on last week's extra podcast, number forty seven, we discussed some misheard music lyrics. Johnny V and is cherry chuff six.


I thought like cherry chapstick. Now it's like that's like that's a caramel lobello.


I know, but I thought you was seeing her cherry chopsticks that like she had been like room like this with the fall she had a messed up contorted taste of her cherry chopsticks or using chopsticks as a metaphor for her fanny.


That's that's terrible. What but sure. What you want me to see is women of Spice Girl rephase draw chopsticks. Oh I mean, like her cherry chopsticks.


I thought it was some sort of a thing for like, oh, it is awful.


Do you ever lay back and wonder what you do with a heap of money? What would you do if you won the lottery or if you came from a wealthy family? Well, we've decided to explore what happens to people when they get wealth due to burn short of money. Do they invest it wisely? Would being rich make your act different?


Irish people have been raised on the notion that winning the lotto is the end of Everton. If I won the lotto, I would buy a herd of elephants and I get up. I get up in the back of the biggest one and I paint him white and I go into that crowd.


I hear their pitch and we make it all off shit and go all notes and with the whole lot. And then I'd be one of the big dicks going on town and I'd sit in the square drinking espressos.


Oh yeah.


And whatever else was was going on and a big fancy car, there'd be no stopping me. And then I obviously if you win the lotto or if you get money in Ireland, you have to start wearing a shirt and jumper and then whatever. I don't want to give you the cheque. They give you chinos and brown shoes. Give me to give you a lifetime membership of Gant Gantt.


Here's your money and there's your leather driving gloves and off you go.


So you're a certified wanker. Now, one time I won eight hundred euro on the county draw did. Yeah. Yeah.


He kept that quite a bit. You have it. You still have. It is a lot of years ago I invested it.


Yeah. I was going to say I was interested. We got it in the bank. Long gone but no true story.


There is a fellow in here who apparently won all or quarter of a million.


Yeah, I think I saw something like that. Quarter million three hundred thousand or something. Yeah. Now he's djent. Well he well he acts like a fish. Yes.


He walks around town as far as we all know, he's never worked of tomasic a bit. Always carries. No. Yes.


You know someone's cool. Yeah. They have an umbrella. It's got quite a suave.


He always has an umbrella and even in summer. Yeah. Maybe it's for sun.


I met him in the pub one night and he was drinking sparkling water.


He doesn't drink. I was in the pints and he did tell me that he won a quarter of a million. Did he.


Yeah, but as far as I'm aware, doesn't he still live at home. Yeah. Yeah. In councillor's. Yeah. So I don't know whether to believe him or not.




Unless he's taking the approach of paying himself a wage every week after two. Two hundred and fifty. Yeah. I also met. In a pub one night, no, he didn't admit to me that he won a quarter of a million, but he did show me a lot of vintage videos of Johnny Cash and Elvis Presley.


I was very pleased. I was like, honestly, I was like absolutely hammered. And I was sitting with this lad and he said, You want to see a cool video of Elvis, man?


I said I was going to fuck. Yeah, go on, get out of my show. And on 20 minutes passed and the boys come over like, what the fuck are you doing?


I was like, jeez, it was like, I'll see you later. Get off. It was like that left me.


And they were like, Yeah, but you were sitting there watching them. Wait, what is wrong with you?


I was like, I don't know. I don't know what the word is.


He won the lotto, which are hidden records of Johnny Cash. He drinks better tomorrow. And then like I did before, and he's not drinking. There was only thing I took away from it.


Yeah, never mind that notes I live here. Probably went to over. You know, we're not even in the pub. I lived with a man who never cooked and never did his own washing did he will know he was a professional gambler. OK. It was tremendous fun, though. Well, but he every day will go to there was a nice like kind of gastropod Kaveri Yeah.


And he get that maybe twice a day. And then outside that would just be maybe toreson cornflakes all of the laundrette. That was that was his thing. He definitely secretly won the lotto. I did suspect that he had loads of money. I don't know what can we talk about? What got us going? Yes, there is an amazing documentary on the art player. If you're in Ireland, you can get this. It's called We Won the Lotto.


Yeah, I don't know if it's if it's on the worldwide player, but it's definitely we'll find out some due diligence. We should have found out.


And it follows the story of several Irish people who have won the lotto and gone public. Now, hardly anyone from Ireland goes public.


This is five percent of lotto winners in Ireland go public.


Some 95 percent remain anonymous.


Yeah, 95 percent are just tied up in lies trying to tell their neighbor that best.


Like, of course, I can afford a Range Rover, you know, working in the ribbon factory.


Why couldn't I like I've been saving, like, mad and they're like they did. They definitely want to know what you don't want locally is all the stories going around.


Did you hear what I already had, two point six million. And that that's worse than actually well after ten. Right. Hands up. I won the lotto because the rumors are really worse than for you.


But it's such a small place. Right?


If you do like if you're in the 40 percent who go public, refer to the 95 percent are like constantly looking over the shoulder because you get the check and your logic in the bank and you tell them like some teller and the bank isn't like Jesus Christ.


Martin was in his overdraft last week. Nelda's eight point six million in his bank account.


You telling me, like that lad sitting down doing his nine to five in the bank isn't going to take one of his friends because a large amount of income wasn't that one in law? Someone's going to know. That's all I'm saying.


I do think they can do that.


Like legally, I you should put your doctors can't either, like a priest, Bertrand Russell and Gustman to told.


Yeah, allegedly. I know they're both priests, doctors.


We're all like that now.


Or sports. What are you talking about. Oh it's a.. It's for breakfast. On the other hand, are US counterparts hundred percent of people who win the lotto in the USA go public because you have to go public in the US.


It's great promotion, Firdaus. It is, yeah. The ultimate promotion. All the top jackpots in the world.


The first ten are American. There's like the Powerball, the big game, the national lottery to have some.


Here's here's a little insight into the lotto in Ireland. Right. Seventy percent of lotto winners in Ireland are male. Seventy percent are forty five years or older.


So like you just start playing the lotto when you get to the age where you're like, fuck, the end is coming.


I know I don't want to work forever. And I'm not saying forty four years old, but like, you know, you probably you probably are thinking like retirement in twenty years.


Like imagine when the law know that's going to be that's retirement started. You know, where is at the moment.


I'm thinking like week to week. Yeah.


And Kimberley's keep you'll get to the end of the month and if we're in plus we're going. Well, it's like dreaming about a new pair of football boots.


I'll get on to that later in the podcast. But 70 percent are forty five years old and one in four winners.


Occupation is a driver. Yeah.


So are you saying this is Johnny, like one of four drivers and he's said, yeah, and it was like a wreck and that's because they're in the shop the most.


So if you're a driver, you're on the road, you're probably going into the deli, you're getting your petrol, you know, the hauler.


And while you're in the shop, paying for your petrol may as well get the law. That's way to stick a big lotto sign in front of you at all.


The checkout's buying by the law.


That's why we probably won and fought our driver. But the good thing about this documentary gives you a little behind the scenes look on the lotto. And if you win the Irish lottery, you also got to collect your check and then they bring you into a place called the Winners Suite, which is nice, you know, the champagne and there's cool couches.


And in the play you an instructional video of how you should handle winning the lotto.


And it's Craig Doyle presented by Craig Doyle. Yeah.


And he's like, hey, so you've won the lotto.


First of all, congratulations. It's like you're on Simpsons. Like, Hi, I'm trying Maclure. Now you've won the lotto. So it's Craig Delaney or whatever. But they sure to contrast in in the UK one.


Right. You win the UK Lotto Dissinger on a course.


Right. And I was like, that's very clever. Like, you know, sending people on a course.


And, you know, these are all things you can go through. Yeah.


How to handle your money. That's actually, you know quite well lot. That's helpful. It's yet.


And the English courses and later on, one module of it is like some lab comes in with a lot of supercars.


And course I'm going to give you a quick rundown of supercars and you can see a lot of people going who've just won millions going, haha, I'm definitely getting a Ferrari like an underlying module to bring in the celebrity stylist. And she's like, I'm going to show you how to dress like a celeb.


And like I'm thinking, don't do that but don't want. Obviously, then the fucking cherry on it on a very sweet cake is they bring in some champagne both. Yeah. And he's like, I'm going to tell you the difference between good and bad champagne and how to travel first class to the class on how to travel in first class when you win the UK lottery.


So basically, what do you get?


God forbid that you would embarrass yourself in front of the airplane staff?


Yeah, I actually traveled first class in a pair of shorts. They want to compete there.


But anyway, I reckon the UK lottery wants you to lose all your money.


Why? Because you just buy more tickets than chase the dream again. Or if you see merit on the road driving like a Ferrari, you and it's like Mary, you won the lottery.


Then you're going to start buying lottery tickets, aren't you? It's like how to be flash and advertise on. Yes, that's it.


It's all a big advertisement for the Eucla. So, like, I'm not surprised that loads of people lose their money, because when I see that you hear that it's crazy. They basically bring you like super cash up.


In all fairness, like. Yeah. Maddis, can we want to pick on one person, especially who was on the documentary, and his name was Vincent Karenni from Kov in County Cork.


He won one point one million all Irish pound ponts back in the 90s and he bought the local dole office. He used to sign on.


He was signing on while he won the lotto. So I do give him kudos for that.


He bought the Dole office and Corvax is famous for one thing, like the Titanic stopped there and he turned the Dole office into a restaurant that was an exact replica of the dining area of the Titanic and the smoking room from the Titanic.


And the restaurant didn't last long because Godlove Vincent, he went broke and he actually lost the house he was living in before he won the lotto.


And I say his original house that he saw, he put his house up as collateral. It's nice. Yes.


It was a really nice house on the kind, of course, call. I said the house is worth a million like nowadays.


One hundred percent like, wow, that's good. Good house. Yeah, it's a good house. Like but he lost all that poor old Vincent.


But I think you've got to be hired because one thing we've learned from talking to people who want a lot of ways you're getting a job done, whatever, you get the house payments and everyone is like Paul Volcker won the lotto.


Yeah. Ten grand.


Yeah. One lab was on and he was like, I got me tarmacked or I got me the driveway, I got my driveway done, you know, here I got a few slabs and a bit of time like 60 grand to charge me and I was just like some lady came along now and it's hard.


You are one the only scrooged, the same Ladd one of the guys in the documentary. We got that rifle, he bought two pubs at home. Yeah.


And he said people sure wouldn't even pay for a drink unless you want a lot. Yeah.


I have three point forty five. Yeah. And he said between free pints and.


He had a big bag and then he empties out the table and watches letters from people asking for money. That would be hard. Yeah, like if people were called into your garbage, been like, oh, please, you know, I'm talking to the child after losing its two arms and his left ear like I need money, you know?


And what are you going to do? Barnham What's hard? Keep people away.


First thing you do electric.


Yeah, I want to more like the castle castling care is more you have James is at the gate, your manager.


It's just a big machine gun, you know.


You know what's in my most crocodiles. Oh yeah. I've got the money to do it now. We're talking they're surviving like fresh and saltwater.


You're going to have to win. You're going to have to win a lot of money meant to be important crocodiles like you're going full of your exotic, you know, maybe like if you tigers.


Yeah, they could meet with crocodiles. I'd have like I definitely play James Haslet at the door, but James.


Yeah. Have him reading the post and it was like begging letters. He just Barnham like.


In front of the policemen, don't bring them here no more, you know, no, James is a nice guy. He'd really have to develop quite, quite a thick skin, thick skin and a bad side.


But like this documentary and listen, this isn't a fucking ad for Artie here or anything like that, but it is just a good documentary. It's nice you and Handy View, and it's very uniquely Irish, but it follows people who have won the lotto and some who went public and and actually all went public with it.


There's one interesting woman who won a million more into the English Channel. You live in Northern Ireland?


Yeah, she won a million. And she had planned on stretching this million last year. The rest of her life, she has done the maths on how much of a wage she can draw every year. As far as I understand, she hasn't invested any of it.


Not now. She is a self proclaimed. Inventor, this woman is an inventor, and it's just as well she won the law because she she she flagged a couple of her inventions on the actual documentary, and one of them was a snot blotter, which is basically to try and try and picture this.


But is this great? Yeah, I'm going to try and I'm going to try and paint a little plastic.


It's a plastic kind of it's like a mini school bag tinker relating to small school baykeeper ever scenery. But you put it around your wrist to remember, like you used to get like you could hold like like a wallet on your wrist. It's like that. But you put a tissue in it and then like you obviously like, you know, wipe your nose or blow your nose and you put the tissue back in. It's basically a hankie holder that you put on your wrist.


And I looked at and I said, God, happy girl. I'm kind of glad you want to laugh because you're not gonna make much money that it's not blah.


Well, I feel like her second million is going to be a lot harder. My first lesson, if you want.


No, you know, the best the best invention she had was the glasses.


Find her. I'll never lose your glasses.


And you know what? It was a and hook on the wall. Yeah. You should put your glasses on. She's like, see, you never lose them.


Got to be fair, that was only a prototype. Yeah. A million euro. So you win at age thirty. Yeah. And you're hoping to live to eighty. Well that's fifty years. Yeah. That's only 20 grand a year.


Mm. Also, we. Sure, for one 400, we week not even say that's what the law will be, and I'm sure that's what you get at all is, well, happy the party having a laugh when you don't have to pay tax, Nurdin, you do in America if you win the lottery to hand it over.


And yeah, that's that's an absolute dorce. But just just go back to some of the people who, who won the lottery.


One guy who won that, he won one point one million. Gabriel is his name and he was an asylum seeker from Romania. Yes. And he was afraid to come forward and claim his ticket because he was like, I'm an asylum seeker. He came here illegally on a truck.


Yeah. And he was like, I don't have any papers.


But the Irish rules are like, if you win the law, we'll give you the money.


So anyway, he got the one point one million and then he moved back to Romania.


Obviously, standard living is low, is cheaper and cheaper and stuff like that. And he now runs like two massive car garages selling Schauder on one side and awful on the other, and employs like over 150 people.


And he looks he's got the killer suits and drives like a sports car. It's like he has done well with the law.


But that isn't always the case for people because I'm. A lot of people go broke, a lot of people go broke, yeah, in America, that's crazy. Is it? Almost 70 percent of people, 70 percent of us, a lot of winners declare bankruptcy within 20 years.


It's insane. Yeah, but like in North America, we will not have Americans listening. How are you? We love you all, but to be fair, your fuckin mental delante, you're mad. All the Americans, your baby.


We will no longer be friends of the American embassy here.


But the American Embassy sent us out sunglasses in about Hershey's that. Yeah, that is true. They're all mad, the Americans. But your great prank. Yes, it is.


So they go, they go broke and they call it three to five year curse. It's been years. Three to five of winning is when most people go bankrupt from spending mad shit, not being aware the taxes given away too much to friends and family. That obviously wouldn't affect you if you we get it.


We get on to that that good investments don't like. A lot of people just make investments and like you trust some foreign financial adviser and then bang a shotgun in things you have no clue about.




And no sign of their of their financial advisor. Can you just mention real quickly one of the things on the documentary?


I know I keep going back to documentary, but to me it is probably the greatest thing I've ever seen. There's a syndicate called the Scruffy Murphy Syndicate.


Yeah. Back in the mid 90s, they basically rigged the lorem, didn't rigged the law. They basically rigged the lotto.


A lot of guys got together. This had done done the maths on probabilities. So this is back when the there was only forty numbers in lotto. Yeah. It's thirty something numbers and lotto.


And he was like if we get ten lads to pay thirty pontes each week, we can buy so many tickets that it'll increase our probability of winning lotto like tenfold.


So like you can never really get to like well I'm guaranteed to win the lottery this weekend. Yeah.


But also there's a formula for it at the numbers he chose is like a big wheel and you choose one number from each.


So he said it's a fella and your mama's like, I tell you, I'll get your ten lads to Pantheris. And then Bankim Aquitaine Ladd's 30 points each week, five weeks into Bayou's Manila. Oh, my God, he was the and everything.


You can see the documentary like he's Armageddon is like. And you regularities. Oh, no, no, no. I didn't recognize him as Eugène. He's like, oh, no, no, I didn't. Ringgits.


But that is probably one of the reasons why there's no forty seven numbers in Yaroslavl. Yeah. It's almost impossible when it's almost impossible to win. Yeah. So I don't even want to win the Irish.


I don't know what, what, what are you after 20 minutes. You're ah you want to go full. Delores McNamara like 150 million.


She won and she never spoke and never spoke in her press conference is brilliant in the documentary.


Shows it like she's her solicitors' sister.


Whatever they say to you, just nod and smile. And she's asked about 40 questions. Yeah, he just nodded and he excited to get back to Limerick.


She just smiles, yet smiled the way I like. And it's great.


Look, she's one hundred fifty papers now. I would have loved to catch her. Oh. Oh yeah. A hundred percent more. We're on our way up to meet now. I'd love to know what you would do if you want the law.


And I created a vision board during the week. Have you ever heard of these. They're like like little montages though. Honest is like your goals and stuff you want to like, you know, you get your life. And so I think my first purchase would be a Ford Ranger in Orange.


That's the thing that I'm looking at. I have my vision board in the wall and that's yeah, it's just like a big fuck off jeep.


Yeah. That you can't miss, like, you know, with, like, pull, you know, a horsebox. No bother or an orange.


Yeah. Cheeses like burnt orange juice have one appeared to foreign fighters myself. Oh, it doesn't look too bad on the phone though. I was just picturing, like, the only orange Carol I ever seen was a lad from Alaska. I had a starless and it was orange. And I was like, Oh, no more. Please, please, please.


This is tasteful. It's more kind of The Dukes of Hazzard or Dukes of Hazard. Orange.


Would you known for being tasteful, would you like. Oh yeah. You don't want that.


Would you keep quiet more or would you go public?


I would definitely keep quiet. Yeah. Like, oh, look how quiet.


No, Eataly, like you tell you tell your your family and no, I wouldn't tell my family, but I'd certainly be like, you know, here's 20 grand.


Please fix up your driveway like. Yeah, you know, I got 40 know teeth. Kastrup, they gave me a boat.


It's like, yeah. Your family, your family go on as a podcast. Mara's doing what she's after buying me she's after buying me Mercedes Jersey.


She don't know my driver smacks pulling training with a stretch Hummer. Just this woman.


They're not. You know what I know we touched on this years ago. Now I can say at this point when we don't the Sugar Club life, we had done a really quick bit on what we do if we won the lotto. But watching this documentary and knowing the way the world is now has definitely changed my view on what I would do with the law.


Go on. First of all, no way I'm going public, really? Yeah, I would be like setting up a bank account, like not in this country. So like that some like some German lad when I deposit the money will be like, oh, my God, he has large six million and he won't know who I am.


You see, that's the problem.


Local banks, local people. You know, if you go to the credit union, la la la land, you're going to be a big, big trouble because they're gonna tell everyone that sound.


They won't tell everyone, right? So I'm keeping it quiet. First of all. Yeah, and then, like you see, we're into two Gianni's now and no one knows how well or Badruddin.


Yeah. So if I was to get a Range Rover, look, at this stage, even we can't remember which is lies.


So if I was to get a Range Rover which Mowrer that would be my version of a vision board, I would, I, you know, I'd, I'd have to try and justify it.


But like I think, I think I could pull it off, but I wouldn't I wouldn't go crazy and start playing Labruzzo. And I tell you what I wouldn't do.


I wouldn't invest because I don't trust anyone like I have sat down with a financial advisor before.


Can I just say I don't have any money and I'm not worth one point four million like it says on the Internet. I fucking wish I was.


And I sat down with relatives from Cork. And he talks about so much shit after only a minute.


I was like, Right, I don't trust you, not just because he was from Cork, but he was like, you give me you know, if you pay the money into this, then I'll follow. I don't Japan. No, he's running his own interests.


And I was like, he left the house and I want to be friends with me. And it's hard to have a story like that. He's like he's a bit over the top. And he was like, yeah, don't ever bring him near me again. Are you trying to set a pension up?


Right. To secure a bit my future. I wasn't trying to buy stocks in Japan. I was like, can I put like thirty could a week into a pension and decided here are trying to get me to invest in folk in all sorts of stuff. By the end of it, I thought I was going to be like running oil on Jesus Christ.


I know a man in South Africa mining for rare metals. Yeah. So I don't think I'd be investing.


I think I'd be just holding on to the money and every morning then I just get up, check my bank account and more about like you kids give them loads of money. No, I don't really want to give out to my kids. Not not nothin.


But like I'd hate to win the lotto and your kids just grow up just thinking like, oh, I want a free ride. Like I can do I want. And that is that he's going to pay for it.


Yeah, but you as a good parent could instill different beliefs in them. I don't have time for the good parents and stuff. I just feel like through your own shit and you're like, yeah, but you've Range Rover and I drive in the microRNA has no flaw in it and going, listen, you have to learn son.


You know what I mean. You don't like the Flintstones. Yeah. This is all part of the letter. I passed it three years ago. A car is perfect. I yeah.


I'd be careful.


I'd be really careful because I think people grow, although people who grow up in wealth know what to do with money.


I think I think it's someone I think it's someone like me who gets the ball in money and in a year's time I'm ringing.


Ma, I got you one of the lend of a tenner. Ma, would you want to.


You won't be able get me ten 087.


I'm going back to pay as you go on the phone. That's the difference my friend.


Sending people call me the difference between people who are used to having money or getting money and then people who come from not having money getting money.


I think this is I think we need to get an actual financial expert reach out to like someone. Maura? Yeah.


Yes, we're on the podcast because unconscious time and in order so much more to this before we finish on you, what would you do with the lotto Caren's shrewdest man? What would you do with Barbaria under your mattress and how much now give you?


How much are we winning? OK, yeah, ok.


No, I didn't have a number but raise two million. Two million. Yeah. First of all, how much am I going to win. Two million euro.


I know. How much are you getting. No, no, no. You want to million. I'm asking. Yeah. How much would you give to you. Yeah. Which way. Me. Karen. Honestly no I give a hundred grand.


And again, you know what you give me you like I thought if I won two million, I'd probably put like 500000 into the two Johnnys bullet points. Yeah.


So like, when we pull up to, like, a gig, we'd have like a massive stretch over her, like a transformer.


That's cool shit that we'd have a chopper.


Is that Garth Brooks and his entire band goes to Johnny's.


Yeah. It would be anywhere. You've got two million, right? I can get 100 grand SSD and that's not bad.


But depends like what are you going to do with the grand. I suppose if I give it, it's up to you, isn't it. Yeah, exactly. Oh no, no, that's not how it works. You don't go. Here's what you do with that. I say, hey, thanks, fuck off. I have to see how you get on with it.


And then let me give you another one. Are you going to drip feed me money? Well, if I keep you on a grind and then I come back a month later and you're like your man Hastings pirated Max, is there a crown and called Adidas monosodium.


And it's like that I me new table tennis. It's made out of diamonds. I've got grilles in my teeth.


OK, your two million. Right. What else you do?


I'd probably do something mental for the guy. How much would like a full size already cost.


Oh it'll be a million dollars for a cracker wouldn't you call it after yourself.


John O'Brien Arena. Mm. I have to think of something funny heard like that every time they read it on the radio to be like yeah that's how many commercials. Ten Archil Shilan in all for a long party.


Yeah. And tonight's action in the big Mekki Stadium and I sure you have to give an old charity.


Not like I would honestly. Honestly. Yeah. I'm not sure they'd you who it'd be oten I sure it's libitum. Listen, St Vincent de Paul going to run their Molalla, you you know, if we're giving money to charity. I want front page coverage. Oh yeah, that's the news headline to dunnies are so on. The Great Men gave a lot of money to charity and we trained it on Twitter. Johnnys owned.


Would you would you do if the household like simple stuff and all this kind of stuff I'd be doing if you dropped your house. I need to do up the house. Yeah. But like I choose to do things like buy table tennis table because it's great crash. Yes. The house can wait. That was a joint venture now obviously. Yeah.


But you know, I'm saying yeah. I'm getting that idea that we could do up the house. That would be sensible. That's a lot of people would do. Yeah. But like the main thing on take out is happiness. There's a big study done. Does win in the lotto make you happier?


Fifty five percent, a lot of winners said yes, 43 said 43 percent of people who won the lotto said it made no difference to their happiness and two percent of people said they were worse off after enlarges our pressure.


Yeah, money isn't the answer. No, I don't know. I don't know. This money doesn't give happiness, but it does give freedom. Yeah, but now if I had to be crying, I'd rather be doing it in a Lambo.


Yeah. Like, you know, if someone's if someone's going to break up with you and leave you alone like you're out of luck and just get into a Ferrari and take off, wouldn't you like rather than be like, I'm going to go home to my personal cinema.




I'm going to have Geeves make me prawn toasts, going to get a head massage from that Indian guy I employed.


You know, it's going to be a great and after we'll wrap this up now.


But I think this is a topic we'll have to revisit and maybe, maybe we can get an expert in Witters and we can give give our financial advice because I know like listen, don't worry, it won't be like that from Cork.


I've had him assassinated. We can give some financial cause because I could do with some money changes people. Man. Yeah. Does 100 percent. 100 percent.


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OK, claims the CACO brain played full forward while sitting on a high stool and was lethal. It's time for Naglfar along and it's time for an old news.


No old news. And although there are things you guys know. A small bit, yeah, that I is know what I was. You never got to know. You know, I remember Hajnal Snow, 65. Oh, it was January. I was on his mind and there was no me fact. And with Hajnal, it didn't go down in flames at all. It was like slitter from God. In fact, God was leveled off. Let's see.


The American man thought he was micropower.


I didn't know. A lot of people don't notice I was the best man in the county to throw snowballs. In fact, you can bet your skinny jeans I.


I could knock the paint out of a present from 100 yards. Oh yes. I never missed, but I missed once.


But I never missed. I went to the party, didn't have to root for the creamery because he wouldn't serve me, I need to buy a tractor and and he wouldn't serve me.


Oh, boy. Well, I was only nine and I had no money for him.


He was a in pigeon eggs on the roof and creamery. I wasn't in government borrowing and borrowing bees.


Well, you know, I spotted Dylan and Hennessey was with him. No, I blew it for Gadhafi's pop.


I just about a mile away, a reminder of how they war. But I got 88 when I was young. Neal Hawkwind. All you do is call me Frankie Barry. You know, Frankie Barry.


I thought he was the only man who could see as far as me and the fact and his nickname was Eagly Barry.


I understand.


I traditional by and this was the one time I ever missed a never missed one this day I missed, some people say that nobody's still going possibly responsible for global warming, warning it never.


People are very worried about this now with global warming warning, global warming, it sounds fucking scaring off.


I don't know, you know, I hope it never turns out so anyway, right, no warning, it's for sure.


Spoken like the KGB burnoose by the KGB and not here in town to kick out her brigade.


And that fucking crowd horse, but not the KGB is they come yet got Dahlstrom Monov Baize or Pazz Nazi, which is Russian for the Yanks or something like that.


Only that. OK, so the KGB is the Russian Secret Service. Not to be confused with the commercial Secret Service, which I'm fairly sure is prostitutes, shiksas.


If you're going to takeaway and asked for a Secret Service, I think you get a hand chandy and a famous burger.


Yeah, well, some Cumbo. Well, the double burger and Joe to women. I was talking to Gary Johnson. He said he was looking he was looking to come out with leave.


I've revealed to him, I'll tell you one thing, I wouldn't be Ardern at all.


KGB, the Russians, they used to be our spy in an America where what here are he actually? Right. And a Russian Boy Scouts, they once gave out a carved wooden statue to the American ambassador abroad in Russia. You talk about embassy. What an American embassy in Russia. And the Boy Scouts gave him a wooden statue and inside it was a listening device.


They'd be spying in America, listening to what he ate, what he done. So the Russian Boy Scouts gave a wooden statue to the American embassy abroad in Russia and inside it was a listening device. And they could listen to what American press. And the Yanks only found out they were listening.


15 years later when the Russians shot down an American spy plane. Oh, and what was that type of spy plane called a youtu? Well, and that's where Bono and the like.


That's where Bono and the boys got to name. But a group type of spy plane. Yes. On. We cannot we cannot do whatever it is by being ourselves in town here, hear who moved into town. Who did you hear who moved into town? No. The drug man who was that drug man, the drug that that drug man is in town. Oh, my God. Cameron heard it in shop. There's a man, he got a house and he's dead.


And he from the city and he's a drug man. He's supposed to be selling drugs. How? This is what people are saying. He's a drug man.


I heard he's knocking off one in town. OK, that's true, but the government is not going to want. Right, right. You know, one to Sweeneys, right. And no surprise that our knickers are on and off like a Portmans indicator.


Oh, yes, yes, yes. She's made. Snow White car. One house with seven and one woman, just Washita Benanti you actually Snow White.


I knew all them white crowd by desperate. So I said, we're going to start with just Druckman right now to start out with Druckman. I sent John Paul in to do a sting operation.


OK, now when I say sting operation, that doesn't mean sing a song and become a vegetarian.


If we had the guards on standby and I said to John Paul, do you know where to run Sweeneys lives?


And he said, Oh, I do know if I can there he's seen more boxes than Jeff Bezos.


And he went in. He went in anyway. And he and he said he can make it. And he said, your man had no drugs.


And I said, the ignorant bastard refused to sell my son drugs.


I went in and I cut him and I said, listen here, you cheeky punk doesn't here your cheeky punk. I know you're selling drugs and we don't want any crime in this town.


Outrate you, you scumbag. I'm not afraid, punk. Galata telling you punk. But it turns out he was selling power to us our day stolen. I don't know.


But I did get a battery drill for in New York over in another part of Brooklyn. Well I don't know the guards. Come on in. And they said, no, you can't because you have to go home because the virus oh yeah, yeah, this is very hard.


And all people, they said, like, what would you do if you got sick? And I said, no. Were you ever bedridden? I said several times. And once in a van.


What if and trying to make is very good.


There's a museum to all this Russian KGB stuff. Yeah. Without cold water and cold water. And it's in New York but had no tourists. So they're selling off all the stuff. All right. So if you want to buy a recorder that looks like a pack of cigarettes are a ring, did have a camera in it from the 70s, you can buy that if you go on to Julien's auctions, put it into Google and you can buy all the Russian spy equipment.


Well, now keep you interested in lockdown. Just to follow up on last week. Yes. I will tell you about the first time I ever went to your fan. Yeah. Did he ever tell you about the first match I played at?


You know, I'm sure you're going to tell us some teams who would have been going back at time was I was in the back and then I was I was kind of automobile I.


OK, who was it? Me with Blackburn.


You know, the old man now know he's a ginger, but he's big fucking stink on our own.


Then Brian had a song about him, Jong Blackbelt Belt, because he loves Bama Lamb, Black Beauty, Jaylen Brown said to me, a lockdown goes any longer, he'd have to start talking to the wife.


OK, woman never stops. Yeah. He once said he went six months without saying a word to her, so I said, why?


And he said, I didn't want to interrupt her like Bill. Right. But later then they had a great team for black Bill was replaced by pettifogging. And when he'd be up and down, he'd say, they're going out of here pretty fast.


I'm a.. Did you know Paddy Fong was in a band? No. Called No Hassle.


They were a tribute band to NoDoz.


I was young at the time, and again, I hit a bump on the pitch, I was like a hairdresser running from the revenue I owe, but I was young when I got in front of all, I'd say I had all the accuracy of a rising inflation.


So I would feel I was I was hopin. Yeah. There was only five minutes left in the game and decide whether to keep or when to kick out the bar up into the air. I jumped up so high for the ball.


I jumped up, so I heard the kicker, they were shouting, come down, the game is over.


If I. I'm known Rihanna's over. And I would I would fall back into all these different I must run up to a quarter of an hour, know nowadays can't John Brown.


You in. Job they gave around in.


That's right. I need to thank you for having me on every week now, every three years. Yeah. Could you owe me some point, hopefully within the law.


Good luck. See you there. Thanks a million.


All right.


We let her ask us anything as long as it doesn't have anything got to do with periods. Maureen, what is your mystery topic this week?


I asked nearby, period, sex, whoever. I'm going to ask you about anal sex. What's the big deal with that? Ladd's Zenati thing.


We have Jesus. Can we just say if you're in the car with your parents, just crash it, crash right now and just set fire and and your parents will be easier to bury.


Several of your loved ones and have to listen to what this is yet.


OK, so while you're thinking what the fuck do I say to that question, I'm going to give you some background on this behavior and some interesting statistics about it.


So back in the US, apparently 36 percent of women and 44 percent of men age 25 to 44 have tried it. And I'm talking about heterosexual couples here. I'm talking about anal sex and heterosexual. If you're in a homosexual couple, like, obviously, you know, that's different. But it seems to be the kind of thing that's getting more popular between women and men. Now, you know, Gwyneth Paltrow website goup.


Have you heard of it? You know, does it have something to do with Nazzal? Oh, no, Goup is Gwyneth Paltrow lifestyle website and she looks into all different types of things like but she did look into when did heterosexual anal sex start to become a thing? And they asked research psychoanalyst and author Paul Joannides, I hope I'm saying that right about this. And he said in the 80s, I remember hearing from a friend that he had a videotape of anal porn.


It seemed the same shocking at the time. Since porn has become as easy to access as YouTube, porn producers have to fight for clicks. So porn has become more extreme. I'd say that by 2005, porn had blurred the distinction between a woman's anus and vagina. This wasn't because women were begging their lovers for it because porn producers were afraid you'd click on someone else's porn if they weren't upping the ante in terms of shock value. And he also says that anal sex is something that a lot of research done tend to.


Between 10 and 15 percent of straight couples do it. And if you ask them how often they do it, they say that maybe they'll have anal once for every five to ten times that they have vaginal intercourse. Now, you might be wondering why women participated in an eight year 2014 research paper from the Archives of Sexual Behavior.


Lots and women reported negative physical experiences of EHI. That's what they're calling anal intercourse here, such as farmers assume bakin.


Yeah, so were pain and disliking the sense that sensation and uncomfortable side effects such as bleeding of the rectum like sex, negative emotional experiences of AAII included feelings of shame, disgust and being offended by something her male partner did, such as spitting on his penis for lubrication, positive fees. The physical experiences included liking the sensation. Many of the women also endorsed positive experiences of EHI, including it was more intimate than vaginal sex and that it was something that the only reserved for special partners.


The majority of episodes were unplanned and were pain was mitigated by the use of lubricant or illicit drugs.


Bush and women who found II, who did who did find pleasure.


And I did express a preference for vaginal for a year and the normal way.


So I'm wondering, why do men it seems to be a thing that's gotten more popular. Why are men interested? If they're into females, why are they into anal sex? Right, sorry, honey, you watching the lake again? Jenny Pilkington during the week, no. Is that my phone ringing That's my phone. Hello, ma'am. She's at it again.


Hello, John. You're my expert on the marriage. Why don't wash on American Pie? Yeah, he's he's a pilot.


But isn't there a bit in that where someone wants oral pleasure or, you know, someone gets a finger of the bomb is a Stiffler or someone or an American pie two or three.


He gets the finger of the bomb and says he loves it.


I know that's road trip. He gets his prostrate milks by nurses it. Right, the same actor, but it's not American Pie, it's road trip. Anyway. So much, Dr. Shirzai, I'm not talking any law going to be totally honest now and say I've never tried it and it wouldn't bother me at all. I'm happy. Never change it. But obviously, more and more said, a lot of people do.


I never go in the back door, so never go in the back door. There's a lie down here. You score like Monday, drink. And he'd say to us, I never go in the back door.


And then he got up and walked straight in the back door and back back to back doors.


I mean, obviously, a lot of people do it and wanting to pick up on there. I don't think it's nothing to be ashamed about. And if a certain percentage of women did feel ashamed about it, it must be like, you know, it's not what he said. It's the way he said it.


So most of it maybe he did it in a disrespectful manner. Obviously, all these things should be agreed upon. I can only imagine that men are doing it for variety.


I just thought maybe the term of it is just like it looks.


There's not great terms on riden, like, you know, it's like riden, you know, Shagan, whatever.


But like, I want to beaumier is it's just a whole different way of looking at it. Oh, he bombed me. It just doesn't sound great. You'll be fine with it.


Well, she's not she's not noninterest. Listen, I'm just happy to be at it at all. Yeah, listen, her family listens.


Yeah, but on the pardon thing, though, I guess it became a time when when porn had to become more wide ranging, as Mara said, like the iPad's gone fucking rapist on each other on all sorts of matches.


Jesus Christ, what's next? Honestly, I guarantee you can watch ones like Wehrli.


They're fucking doing we're surely bit insurance to go, oh, yeah, where'd you hear that one last time? We don't try and farmers in oil, so I'm sorry. Yeah, I did. But watch that live with your documentary and porn, and it seems like it's just going to get wilder and less.


Probably watch more of it. It's worth.


Yeah. I'd say it's the kind of thing that if you watch some of it, you become kind of immune to it or just doesn't stimulation off. So you start looking for madder and madder stuff.


So, um, I'm going to have to talk to somebody who's mad about being on the scene, who's big on bowmen, because I said, honest to God, no, I've never tried it.


I just I don't briden like normal, right? Yeah.


So I've never gone like, oh, you know, that's not doing it for me.


Now, that's going to be you know, that's never at me.


I must talk to somebody who loves it and get them to explain why you treat waiters, waitresses at all.


Well, it's actually like some people like try it and it goes badly wrong for them, like because it's actually really hard to do.


So like Paul, you are the hope is that his name has some advice for attempting it.


So he said so the first thing a woman needs to do if they're on thieving end is to teach their sphincter muscles to relax enough so that a penis can get past their gates.


And that takes a lot of practice, apparently, and unlike the vagina and the anus has no lubrication. So in addition to teaching the sphincters to relax, I need gas and getting the angle right so you don't poke the receiver in the wall of the rectum. You need to use lots of lube.


They show none of this in porn now, nor do they show communication, feedback or trust couples who do not have excellent sexual communication or who don't feel free to give and receive feedback about what feels good and what doesn't.


And those who don't have a high level of trust should not be having anal sex. He also says don't use numbing lube either.


Do it while you're drunk or stoned. And because and pain is an important indicator and you don't want to do it damage.


So continue what we know. We need season two of normal people to tactfully explain this marijan from each other.


Yeah, well, not each other.


You don't know it's freely available to.


Yeah it will be weird to. They did brought sex so well in the first series.


Will they get into sex toys and be like, no, Marianne, I just you know, I just like the big purple one. I don't know why.


Just listen. I don't know if the he doesn't fit in the door. Don't, don't, don't, don't try and squash it.


Can I, can I say one thing? Just picking up the point that Johnny there said about women feeling shame. I am someone that I think could do with the way Lansberg So I know one guy.


Right. Who got with this girl and then went around telling the office I got deep with her yet double penetration like and it's just like clasper.


Oh yeah. We were all like, why would you tell anybody that, like, you know, so it's like refracted or like refracted so badly on him, like so everybody not all in the same.


Yeah. I just see the men out there, everybody who's formerly worked.


Morra's like that.


So we're just going to have to ask you if I was the Farmers Journal, no more since you brought it up, have you tried it yourself, tried it unsuccessfully, but then did try it successfully, but was very, very drunk.


So like, yeah, it's I don't you know, you'd have to be like that for that to be a good idea. But like, you know, with your boyfriend, it's probably the kind of thing when you're with someone a while, you're like, should we try it for the crack?


Like, you know, at the same time wouldn't be something that you'd be like, oh, definitely. Good to try that again, Zober.


It's, you know, it's, you know. Right. Like nowadays the things me it's Max them drunk, like the mistakes we make are like, oh, I got garlic chips like I can't believe I kabab last thing.


Right. I'm off to have a shower. I feel dirty after that.


Don't forget it's important. Jiefu Nazeer don't forget the RET review and tell your friends about it. Two Johnny's podcast. Use the hashtag to Johnny's pod, the number two to get in touch. You can email us podcast at the two Johnny Cianni correspondence or any future topics you want to hear discussed. And you can get an Instagram at the two Johnnys and you can still watch our television show Two Journeys to America on the Air to you player. If you if you just want to get visual, Johnny's in your life now.


Time to end the podcast, as is tradition. John, what are your thoughts and darts in a week?


I just want to say, because I know you're. Feel a bit uncomfortable about that. Yeah, but isn't that what we do here, like anal sex happens, people are like afraid to talk about it. So we take the plunge and we talk about it 110 percent. Thank you.


More just makes didn't say it, but I'm going to say thank you more.


Thanks more for the integrity that I was thinking that my morals. Yeah. Mine does too. But she's used to my shit.


You go on one of the bombers, I tell you, bomber's out there of bombing type of bombing. That's a good name for the fact this is not possible for me. She's right. Johnny, Yats, Doris, what have you got?


Last week you were talking about Missy Elliott. Yes. And her rap. So the line is I put my thing down, flip it and reverse it. Yeah. And then they play it backwards.


And it's all like you're not a fan of famous one of them. Call me Al.


Did it the that at the moment, based on the myth that baseball is like almost impossible to get right, because he does this run on the bass guitar for, like, whatever it is, eight hours, then in the studio, they reversed it and added onto the end of it.


Well, so that's the first half is normal. And then the second half is the tape backwards added on because every cover band you've ever seen phrases it trapped in the basement like, fuck it, because it's impossible to do.


I got a great one from someone. I replying to my Missy Elliott from last week's podcast where a girl said for thanks for there for the Missy Elliott hack because for years she thought it was.


Did the girls get their knickers wet yet?


Yeah, it does. It does does sound like that. So I really I really enjoy that one. That's a good one.


Well, John, of small order your shout out to a. Hewson, does this, David, send us a lovely Tony Goalkeeper's jersey that doesn't fit either of us, but it's proudly on the walls on display and I am a bit jealous in Sydney this week, there is a big herrlein tournament.


Oh, yeah. Yeah. Michael Cusack's year and all the boys out there.


It's just it's lovely to see you all out there hurling heartbreak and having to crack and you're all having such fun there on the beach. Not too late for the party. Actually, he said that through gritted teeth.


Obviously, you hope you are enjoying it out in Sydney and the rest of Australia, New Zealand whole.


You're going well, as you say, your two week or three quick want new boots during the week. Hiking boots, Norman got me so like I always call them soccer boots.


I will be playing in them and not soccer ball football boots. Got predators from the year 2000.


Well, got them on and on retro boots. So I've been checking it, checking their website for a couple of weeks.


I keeping an email because they'll also pop up like, you know, old boots and it'll be gone because a lot of people looking for him like they're quite collector's items.


So one popped up and I just bought it straight away and, you know, said nothing. And then retro boots then obviously caught the name and the delivery address and sent me a couple of hours and a can of Guinness and hopefully Gaelic football gloves, perfume as well.


No. Yeah. So show and restorable.


Sorry about the boots. This isn't an ad. Right.


But yeah, I reckon I reckon I definitely want to score like one for every game you're guaranteed with those dairymaid made in the year 2000 in good condition.


They're yeah. They're second hand. Yes. They're in unbelievable condition.


And when you put them on, did it feel different to modern boots like twenty one years later?


They feel a bit heavier already. But that's that's probably like boots have gotten lighter. But I like good heavy Bupa.


What Stojan them. They're blades. Multi-stop blades. Blades. Yeah. Oh.


Does anyone use blades anymore today. Yeah. Yeah. And can I ask how much you paid for. I pay two hundred fifty quid worth it. Yeah.


100 percent worth the unbelievable condition. A brand new pair of predator boots now all pretty obvious now you're probably looking at two hundred. When I said I mean.


Yeah so I only have like the new boots have like big ankles on like socks and stuff like.


Yeah. See new boots. Yeah. Yeah. But I can hear more sharks on down the line and I want to say it like football boots are expensive anyway.


Yeah. Yeah. For real ones. Yeah.


Yeah. For pay for. Have you always say good boots. Yeah. I used to have my name on my boots. Well embroidered. Yeah. OK, yeah, they used to they used they used to get me a really good kicking. Yeah. What would be my original idea.


Oh yeah. Like fancy boots. Yeah. Oh great man. With your boots like kicked off. Shoot me then. If I got plenty of both what was the worst.


And Sakuragi. Oh, I never wore the embroidered ones in you may as well go around with it with a sticker on your back saying, hey, better show me the only word in Pensacola had your flashy ones or like a gold mercury vapours at one stage with G g m nine on them.


That was when I went to the Kennedy court. And then I had a 50s blooey 50s with the Ireland flag.


And there's an icon, no Adidas. And they were blue and they had an Australian flag and GMC.


Yeah, well, yeah, I yeah, you and you had them probably from 13 to like 16 my age when you had the gold ones.


I had them when I was 13 and I got their 50s after them. So that three year period had those two pairs of boots. And then by the time I got 16, I was like, start wearing black boots. I want to bring in less attention to yourself.


So, yeah, no, no, we've got a predators, so probably be probably get me legs taken off.


I know they don't look that flashy. That was just a class. You reckon they're the best movie of all time?


I would say so, yeah. Any any of your school predators are definitely the best. Who ordered Beckham's Udaan Jerrard all the great work and Johnny Max.


And I'll admit that admittedly quick, short and Instagram page only screens.


Right, like in the UK, if you like food porn like me, I mean stay away from the bombing and maybe get on the only screens that this lad just he puts up recipes and cool.


Like I seen a picture of the kebab last week and obviously not trying to eat healthy. I get onto my Yorketown second and I see the I was like, oh my God. And then I went locally and got a kabab. It doesn't look anything like the fault line on the screen, so if you like getting cool food ideas and looking at that, it's cool. It's going to. This isn't an ad. I just like that Instagram page.


I have to say that like Kabab porn is probably like the food equivalent of Bollman.


I often feel ashamed.


I like a certain percentage. Get off on it. Yeah. Yeah I do. Get off on the grass and dirt. My dirt of the week is so many Max are trying to do a bit of running lately for gays. Eventually going to happen. And so we had to do this target of of like a certain distance. And I have a watch like an Apple Watch and I can't get the Shagan thing to stop. I don't know. Strava, can you.


Can somebody tell me can you program distance? Because I'm trying to stop at an exact distance and I'm running with the watch.


And then I overrun by 60 meters and I didn't have the legs to do another one, so I just had to go with that one.


Yeah, that's all right. I've already done two of these time trails and like I've seen what the other lads have put into group time wise. And I'm and I have, like, not saved my run twice because I haven't hit like I don't want to put in a scandalous time, like where I'm like 50 seconds out from everyone else. So I know we're going to have to attempt it.


For a third time this morning, I almost punched myself in anger, so it hasn't been going well for me.


My dirt is also right. I'm trying to be healthy. Yeah.


And I was like, you know what I've seen on some program that, like Lenthall, turtles are eating like lentil crisps. No way. Yeah. So I was like automative. You like forkball calories and still have a bitter taste.


I got dirt go. You may see that box. Let's see the cardboard box.


There would be no coke or flavored is supposed to be meant to be like don't you like sour cream and onion which is like the green Pringles that I really like.


And then I got these lentil crisps and it's like someone got their salt poured on the fucking end of my shoe and put it in the bag and gave it to me.


So fish for the lentil back to the spots. Yeah, I'm going. Yeah, I was only going to have as a treat some different.


Yeah. But it wasn't a treat. So if anybody knows of any like it jacks and although I know they're kind of quite low in calories, they're not retail.


So if anybody knows of any alternatives to do, let me know. Show her to all the Spode farmers out.


There you go. Buy Mac back on O'Donnells next week. Don't hardly buy back on you hard. I was just trying something new.


It didn't work out. You know, I'm not going to make a bomb in reference. Yeah.


All the men in tractors out there is for you.


This re by sports on the sports. That's it for this week. We hope you're keeping well and you're in good ol farm. And look, someday we'll all be back in the big tent.


And for anyone asking is about the maracay. It is still sold out. Is it going ahead? Your guess is as good as mine. If you were to ask me, I'd say probably not considering asking you a red card.


Myanmar, considering we're in a level five lockdown and it's the end of February or February with four and a half thousand seater gate, go ahead and make your guess is as good as ours. But we don't know. We don't have any information as soon as we do which area you're talking about.


Uh, Lenthall Crisp's Maura said she had a quick your you want to tell us about.


Oh, alcohol free prosecco. It's called No, Sekal. Very tasty. And it's nice waking up with a hangover.


So, yeah. Thumbs up. Could you tell the difference? Um, it was a little bit sweeter and but like, really, I like the only thing that I didn't know was that I didn't start getting fat slurring my words after three glasses so bad I didn't start slurring my words.


And Duberman. So I win, win, win, win all around from all around the door circle. So for me Giannis Max for me Johnny we you are. We'll see you next week.


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