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Instead, to Johnny's podcast, to Johnny's podcast, to Johnny's record, the podcast. Hello, hello, hello, you're welcome to the two Johnnys podcast, bringing you all the mayhem news in the world of the two Johnny. Johnny B.. I'm Johnny Cmax. Welcome to podcast. One hundred and twenty seven coming to you like Prince Philip behind the wheel of his Range Rover, Fast and Furious.


We went there on this week's podcast. We are talking about private schools and asking hard questions like does everyone who goes to private school on a pair of cream jeans?


He's advocating that we close the airports and open the pubs because he's going to drink more Guinness than any busload of tourists. Nor Furlong has some news. She's delivered many alarm and says it's the warmest place to put your hand on a cold winter's night.


Oh, Maureen is here with winter mystery topic and has traditional drunk texting your ex and then smashing your phone with embarrassment. The next morning, we run off the podcast.


What are your standards? Little we we soon before commencing proceedings, matters arising from this week's podcast. Mr. Chairman, a lady was in touch to say a few years ago.


My friends and I were out in a night out in Galway around Halloween time. Most of the girls were dressing up and me being the lazy fucker that I am, I just wore all black and threw on a pair of cat ears.


Catwoman tut, tut, tut, tut, tut, tut.


It's pretty simple. Anyways, I ended up meeting this lad dressed as a priest and before long we were shift at the back of the nightclub.


Let's hope he was in fancy dress turns.


Turns out he was lazy to just put a white collar on being the good Christian girl that I am.


I didn't let him touch my two angels, if you know what I mean. After I'd been gone a little too long, my friends decided to look for me. Luckily for them, it didn't take much effort to find me, or so they thought I was in the confessional box.


Unfortunately for them, there was more than one cat eared woman in the nightclub and more than one man looking for the pussy. My friends pulled some young one off. A lad dressed his wares while only to be horrified. It wasn't me. I'm glad it wasn't me, they found, because the priest is now my boyfriend of two years.


Pass on the topic of names. My name is Phelim. If I'd l I am. I'm a girl. My parents really hate me.


I never. I've never heard a girl called before. Not I feel them now. I was hoping like I hadn't read this correspondence.


I was hoping at the end it was going to be like he's now my parish priest and he does a lovely eulogy. OK, on last week's mystery topic, taking your partner's name. This was caused a bit of a divide in my house during the week. Rachel said, good morning, gents. More on Morra's Mr topic. When I was living in Toronto, I knew a couple and when they got married, decided to combine their surnames. His surname was Farabaugh and hers was Brown.


So of combined it to. F brown. Have a good day, Rachel f brown, brown.


That's shocking. Like, why don't they just call themselves Barbe is like, you know, Feyerabend Brown like Barabba or some or like frown.


That's terrible. Thanks, Rachel. Thanks, Rachel. Yes. Your friends need to do, of course, in creative writing.


David said so many in the woman were supposed to be getting married in Chile. Remember when the attacks that happened on the Mayan and all the news readers started saying Chile? Yeah. Before that, everyone called a Chile and then it was like Chilean miners. Anyway, next April and the talk of what our kids names will be, you know, what surname the kids are going to take? My surname is Burn and hers is Javier Ramirez. In fairness, hopefully if we have kids, they will have a better chance of making it in sport with the name Schamus Havilah Ramirez.


Oh, yes, there will be a few dodgy Irish Chileans floating around Melbourne in a couple of years.


But ALAC Magin like a carnival was an under 14 team is like, you know, Shamis Javiera Ramirez class. Marty, I'd love that one.


Yeah, yeah, yes. Oh, Marky Mark is praying that young uncle mixes. John was in touch. She says his mother was from Chile. John was in touch.


He said, Lads, great chat about your partner taking your name myself. My wife had this chat two years ago before we got married. I wanted her to take mine because I am the only son of my family, so I want to keep the name going. Very similar to me. I said that last week. You only by my wife wanted to keep our name for a couple of reasons. One, she worked hard to get a PhD and has a lot of publications to her name.


So for career reasons it made sense. And to her brother, married girl with the same name as my wife, which meant if she took my name, then her sister in law would have taken her name notaries to her name in the family.


Her mother and father only got married a few years ago for tax purposes after 40 years together, so she's grown up with a different surname to her mother. So it wasn't a big deal. Our kids, our first one is due in October. Any chance of mortgages? And Brackett's? If you call the child Johnny, there's every chance of Johnny.


Man Yeah, full name was called by my full name. And so he says our kids will have my surname. The sort of surname will carry on in that way. Hasn't caused any issues. And overall I don't really care. But it is interesting how protective people get when I say it didn't cause any issues. That's a bit of a lie. One of my cousins from Cavan gives a cheque for the wedding. However, it was made out to Mr and Mrs or Share so we couldn't lodge it or cash it.


Your cousins from Cavan, he knew the bank, which will remain nameless, told us to scratch out the name and see what rerated correctly like the writing, so basically forged it. We managed to lodge it in our bank back in the UK. The lady behind the counter was second generation Irish and got us a sign the back as Mr and Mrs Usher and wrote on the account that name change is in process went through no border. I'm aware we committed some kind of fraud.


Heather messaged on InStr in college, a male professor and his wife both hyphenated their names. Kenning both Boldon to be Alwi Antione, not Baynton.


I would say. Not easy to say. We just call him HBI. Yes. I also know a couple who came up with a new name together as some sort of symbol of their togetherness.


It should be noted that they are no longer together. Not surprisingly, what have both kept the name now from me? I probably wouldn't. I probably would take my husband's name, but it does depend on what it is. I have an ex whose last name is bogus, not kidding BRG. US definitely would not have taken that. Also, I'm still not used to my sister's married name. She got married six years ago.


Thanks, Heather. Heather, if you could get in touch and let us know where in the world are you from with these names. That is interesting. Yeah. Baugus never heard of it.


Never heard. It's not a strong definition. I don't know, it's a con or email to say, well, that's how, you know, me and my wife got married four years ago and before the wedding we spoke about her not taking my name. I was originally thinking, isn't that the daunting? But she asked me what I take hers. And I was like, Jase is not. She used the argument that she liked her last name. And why would you spend nine months carrying a child?


And for me to get to stick my name on it when all the hard work is over, when all I did was the easy part, I and I tended to agree in terms of kids, the solution we reached was to have them legally name that bought our names and for them to only use hers in their day to day life.


As I'm not that pushed on the idea of like a legacy because I'd be dead. And you can't admire your last name from the ground. We're an American. I think that helps a little because a lot of our friends are the same way inclined, have an already attached their names to work and agrees they have done. And the idea of change is a bit of a hassle.


Just my thoughts on it all.


So the kids are going to take the mother's name. And even though they're married, yeah, that is unusual. Yeah, people are going to think their parents aren't married, I think. Yeah, those are that matters.


That doesn't matter. You don't have to be married. This was. We still haven't come to a conclusion in our house.


Yes. No deeply unhappy woman at home who was put in the podcast last week without her consent.


Is she going to sign a consent form you choose? There was a little bit sticky in my house. She listens.


Hey, well, what? You get up to the drink? The drink. Kiran was in touch on the topic of drink. There's an old council worker up here in Kalven. For years, he was a staunch pint of Guinness and a whiskey sort of man. A few of the lads went to the pub one day and there he was drinking a bottle of Heineken. One lad says, make it on the Heineken. He replies, Yeah, I'm off the drink for Lent.


He didn't consider lager a drink.


Really. My man on Irish Geographe, an anonymous person, was in touch and Snapchat and says, I'm going to get my correspondence in early on the West, meeting my college roommates from Westmead and two or three people, mainly from Dublin or the commuter belt areas, have asked him in a dismissive tone, Why don't you just say you're from Mede? What's so special about the west of Moeed? They didn't know where Smead was, a county, bearing in mind we're in a medicine course, not Jamaica.


And this is all more shocking. Back in Daubs, sorry to say, but it is mainly girls. And similarly, girls have said to my other friend they have either never heard of a commonplace Leitrim on a map. Outrageous Hovey never heard of Leitrim.


It's like these people to do medicine. This this will probably come up in our debate later on, Leam said.


On the subject of changing place names on signs. There is a tiny village in male called Ross for a period of a couple of years. If you approached it from the Selt design, read Los Angeles and if you approached from the North, it said Ross Vegas. Ross Anjali's is classic. Yeah, there's only one Las Vegas.


That's arthroscope. Oh there you go round Dodgers leme email the pot. Well Gianni's Amara's going back to your round dodgin bastards topic. It pains me to say that one of my dearest friends, Tommy, he gives his real name, which I'm not going to read out, is quite possibly the greatest rounder of all time passed a few examples you ask. Well, well well. One night myself and a gang of lads wrote Drinking in my local and my woman was the designated driver.


She was on Cork Liquid. No, not the powder. She obviously wasn't nicking them into her. I got the first round, another friend got the next and asked Mrs if she fancied another one, to which she declined. It was the famous Tommy round next and he landed down with the round minus to Cork to which we ask Why didn't he get her one time he said, Well fuck that. If he didn't get her one, you hardly expect me to get her one too.


Said Man would be notorious to be pulling the classic. Oh, lads, I forgot my card. Will you pay and I'll give it back to me without saying. Without saying you'd never see the cash añejo enough rambling on. I feel like you're going to enjoy this as you have a lot. I love for equality nicknames. We call them Tommy because he's a lot like Tommy from Love here after Nage battered him and turned him into a welcome vegetable.


He's not a bad lad. He's just a bit, you know, special up Leitrim or Braiden. Fuji's. That's a harsh nickname. That is a very, very I almost like. That's shocking.


It's shocking. Shocking six year pranks. Jack, email saying, I have a story about a six year prank. Ah. Mock up day, as it was known in our school. That happened about nine years ago during my brother's year.


I won't name names for the school, but it's an all boys school in Monster if you know, you know. So just so you know, I don't know.


Nigel Mark-Up, do you happen every year during the last week of school? So every sixth year group tried to do one better than the last. This group of six years consisted of eight lads, six cars and one pitch. Our school was a very big holding school and the pitch was almost as important as the school itself. And there was one teacher that took it upon himself to maintain this pristine, luscious piece of land all by himself. And he took pride in it.


Modern day bull McCabe, if you will, God forbid anything would happen to it. Well, on Mock Up Day 2011, the unthinkable happened before lunch break. The group of lads got out early from class, went down the road, got the cars, turned on the tunes and proceeded to drive into the school grounds and casually onto the pitch. At this stage, it was lunchtime and a crowd of students were gathered to witness the absolute madness madness.


Needless to say, the teachers caught on pretty quick. After about a minute of completely tearing up the majority of the pitch, they headed to the exit for a quick getaway, only to find the man himself, Paul McCabe. With his car blocking their escape route, I never saw a man so angry and upset at the same time in my life and he would not let this go unpunished.


It was fine, though, because the lads had protected their identities by putting t shirts over their faces. Really shouldn't be driving like that, but they wouldn't surrender that easily.


They quickly reversed back onto the pitch, causing more havoc and headed for the far off exit, which they abandoned their cars and ran into the school to blend in with the other students straight into the toilets. A master plan I was in first year at the time, and I can vividly remember the intercom coming on as soon as they got into the school and the principal saying, could the students that just ran into the school and are in the toilets get to the office immediately?


We have you all on CCTV running into the school, and the lads exited the toilets into the hallway and through a guard of honour as if they were on their way to be shot. In the end, they were all suspended. And we're not allowed to attend their grad's debs or graduation in the school. Or one of the lads involved tried to organise a debs independent of the school.


But that failed miserably, Jack. Pretty shiting to do. Why did you run Harlem for you? I know this is a dream that is actually getting to say I was like if I was in the school or the Hamidaddin would not want you to read something else.


Going to wreck the science lab. Yeah. Fuck science live the Harlem alone. Alone.


We nobody uses chemistry, you know what I mean? Come on, Jones, we need Harlem. But Untransformed may have sent us this one two years ago and myself and my family were going to Spain. We boarded the flight in Dublin and there didn't seem to be much happening after about 20 minutes and people started to get suspicious. Then about an hour later, there was an announcement. I won't name and shame the airline that they had gotten one of the three engines running, which we later found out that two of the three engines have to be run and to fly safely.


Yeah, or just you have to have two engines running to fly. Then you wonder what the three engines on it.


Yeah, well, I'd rather have all three running, to be honest.


I know, but it can work on one, but they're always like, well, just in case anything happens, we spare one. She's OK. So we took off after an hour and a half of sitting in the plane, the flight was rocking off, which was a bit odd given that it was the middle of July. Then out of nowhere, it was a huge bang. The plane jerked forward. I think what really scared people was how loud the bang was.


The er horse and horses didn't seem to pass any remarks and there was no announcements from the pilot. So obviously people were they panic. My mom, who is from Galway, was sitting beside this man from Dublin and they started chatting. They were speculating about what it was that happened. Your man who had a really strong Dublin accent cause maybe it was a board. Now you can probably guess this man man bird. But his accent was so strong that my mother thought he meant like a board of wood.


My mam was really confused. So she was like, what would a board be doing up in the sky? The man looked at her like she was half man, says Florian. Probably my mam still hadn't come to what he was saying and then said completely out of confusion. I didn't know there was such a thing as flying boards. Now, the man thought she was taking the piss out of his accent, and he seemed a bit annoyed. So not more was said for the rest of the flight.


We landed safely in Spain and had a good holiday and thankfully all was good on the flight, on boards, boards and boards, on waxing. We were talking about male grooming. Johnny, our one listener, said, I work in a waxing salon, salon. Things have happened like leaving out disposable underwear and coming back into the room. The client would be stark naked and the underwear on their head because they thought it was a hat.


Client's getting their bomb waxed and farting in my face. I even had one guy get an erection while I was tweezing hair, left stock on his balls and I was hit in the face by his lad. I know. Like, how fast can someone get an erection? Sorry. No, sorry, sorry.


What animal is going to get his balls to e?


It's a good question, in all fairness, even if you want if he is a male stripper and he's getting his Ariston, surely Wax or Bletch or something like tweezing it outlet, imagine how painful that is after Bagla Matthews tweezing the hair left stuck to his balls.


So it's like she had wax it and missed a bit. I don't care to leave it there tweezing. Oh yeah.


Oh Jesus. No I get my unibrow like any tweezers, my unibrow. And that is so sore I cannot imagine what it will be like from your scrotum anyway.


Can I just come back to how quickly this I get an erection that slap in the face. Is it like that video? You know, I see that video here. It's like Bruno Mars, the song like Uptown Funk.


And it's like and then it's like, you really know, it's in the letter.


I send it off camera. People ask me, how can you do this job with speed release I like nobody can get in less than ten seconds.


That doesn't really is fine, but I just focus on the hair, not the bits. Otherwise I'd be scared for life. Plus the dollar is pretty good. And a little note for the future. Yes, ladds balls do get bigger and leterrier when you're out lads that is a fact.


In fairness, I've met some outrageous people of all types and have learned so much because I never shut up talking while waxing. I can't handle awkward silence.


But you can handle speed. Lied to the face. Is that if you, if you do decide to do a skit again, even with all my salons are open for your business, that would be gas. Oh my God.


I can't look around. Let's go. Getting waxed and all alone be literally bald.


Apparently I think some men do it. If they're cycliste, that hair down there can cause friction when you're spending so long on the bicycle saddle so they get it removed.


Uh. Yeah, you got to be careful with the time you're spending in the saddle. Yeah, disappointingly sensible. Some shit going on up there now. Hashtag save our chicken rolls. I am sitting here wearing my two Gianni's Save our chicken roll t shirt looks green. Looks great. Yeah. An anonymous person was in touch to say just listening to your most recent podcast and I may have a tip for chicken rollovers on how to get an extra few cents after chicken roll or some extra toppings drawn in for cost price like yourself.


Johnny smacks. I worked in a deli in SUPERVALU for five years and another well-known deli in County Wexford, on and off for another few years to fund my college and saucily anyway. There is nothing more anay deli worker hates than someone who has no manners and a confused nadr. I'm pretty sure while working in butcher shops I made up my own prices by judging the person's manners and I can't be the only deli person who has done this. I agree.


If you were an absolute prequel to confuse nadr, you can be pretty sure the person making your role is going to charge you for every last onion they're put in it, or even better give you a role which you know is a bit stale or has hit the floor maybe once, maybe twice. Yes, that does happen. Roles do fall on the floor and deli people do use the 10 second rule, wipe the dirt off, pretend nothing's happened.


I used to go into work, absolutely steam. And it's a miracle I never killed anyone with food poisoning sometimes as well. If you are really busy, you can make a mistake while printing off the sticker for it all. I've often sent people up to the table with a real price for a couple of thousand by pressing the wrong buttons on the sticker machine.


This could be the reason why some people have morat are ridiculously priced rolls, on the other hand, and are fine looking. Tradesmen are farmers who had good manners and were a bit of crack, got their chicken rolls for a standard price with as many fillings as they please. So this listener reckons be nice. You get the reward for cheaper 100 percent does help your son Manchanda teleworkers. That's not an act.


I enjoy conversing with teleworkers. Yeah, you are. The more polite they are the backbone of this country here. A good deli worker can make your day and a bad one. But I remember like that. William, you remember the Latin Cerca here.


You make the wrap. Yeah. Ruined my my week.


He was he was walking a tight long enough alibi. I didn't know whether to jump the counter and attack him or. Yeah.


Or just wait until he finished work and kidnap you to run and find out which one we did an angry email from a Maine farmer just went to Zhongxun fourteen for a cure of a chicken roll for myself and my girlfriend.


All of a sudden I see a label for five euro fifty, no less.


I almost fell down with a sick head paying eleven euro. Please call them out for their shameful actions from sound more outrageous.


I'll tell you one thing. What? Tell me one thing. We always had a soft spot for junction fourteen. I would say it was almost our first love when it came to Deli's under road.


Yeah, sure. This is Haroen, you know, piece of correspondence to be told.


Leave your fifty four. We get back on the road, recall an injunction. Fourteen and if we got one for five fifty I'm going to take it over. Trapper, I'm want to kick it around, dash up the roll and I'm not going to pay for it. I'm going to walk out.


So beware lads. I might eat a ten second rule. He'll eat. After I bought it, I bought into his mouth. And lastly, Anonymous. I said, well, that's all this chick chicken. All talk brought me back to Tardieu in the caravan where every day for lunch we'd go to the Amber garage for our lunch and you get a chicken roll with me or cheese and lettuce and a side of wedges.


And to top it off, you could get curry sauce and no extra cost and a can of coke for for your safe to say. I gained a few pounds that year. I mean, the boys were going into class after lunch in a food coma. Amber finally coughed on and got rid of the deal after a few months. But I can safely say that was the best year of our life.


That is good value, man. But they've stopped it since we used to have a chicken every day in school. And Raschka did. Yeah, every day. Wow.


So it was a shop down from the school and it just on chicken rolls and encourage ships or cargo ships. And you used to get curry sauce on your chicken. Yeah. Which is very nice. Try that.


Honestly, people try that on who's going to win the two Giannis podcast Mogg more. Who do you like.


For the most part that poor girl named Phelim or else the beautician who accidentally took a cock to the face. Yeah I got to go off refutations.


She really she really broke the mold on the correspondence this week. That was, that was quite an interesting one. And maybe she should give the mug to some poor fellow who comes in and gets his balls to his table.


I wonder, you know, she's probably wearing a shield around her face, like for covid.


Yeah, she'd want a Microland helmet on it. I mean, from the sounds of it, it's a dangerous job. I didn't know being a beautician was that. Then you could get idea. No. God Almighty. OK, Mrs.. And lady, she said that in on Instagram, we'll get it there, yeah, we'll find our email Pakzad to Johnny's done. You would like contact details. We get the mug out here, the weekly roundup.


What's been going on? The Chicken Filiatrault T-shirt. The merchandise has been flying out as model by myself am currently.


Thanks so much to everybody who's bought them. It's absolutely it's brilliant crack to see people wearing them around like.


Yeah, no, no. Like the next time we go on press we'll be doing probably a press tour and coming up around the song or else like when the TV show launches, we're going to actually get on the late Late Show and start talking about like the chicken roll campaign. It'll be a first, but we will do it. We'll drive this campaign. We will get reasonably priced chicken.


Just don't put us on like Hozier talking about women's rights. You know, something will come on. Yeah, yeah.


But like chicken or not, I mean, you know, it'll be like, yeah. You know, summertime or something real sincere. And it'll be like and you're heading up your own campaign. Yes.


Rain check and rolls at four euro one asking everyone to get behind this.


I know we're in a pandemic and I know, you know, money isn't what it used to be, but four euro is a reasonable price.


John, can I ask you, people want an update on your coaching career going well? Yeah, not a good week.


Training with a match call after the week, but our first round the championship, we're hard in this podcast on the Saturday. First round is tomorrow night. Sunday night. Well prepared.


Are you going to be on the line? Yes, I'm going to be under I. Oh, how are you going to dress this door? You're a coach now. Honestly, I felt like obliged to almost go into life style or a similar sports shop.


Orders are available and get like a pea cap because like, you know, every coach seems to wear a cap like Brian Cordie. Anthony Daley. Yes. Like I've never seen and usually wear a hat except when he's a manager.


Have you got a like a polo shirt or what are you wearing? I did buy a caregiver polo shirt during the week on body armor.


I stopped short of a but if we get to the latter rounds, the championship and it becomes chilly, I will be purchasing the caregiver.


Zilly, I can assure you that I didn't go for the pick up in the end, but what I did buy was some care shorts. No, not the shorts as in like playing wing ones as in like your zip pockets, zip pockets and stuff. So that's what I will be sporting, a polo shirt and my Carragher, you know, proper shorts on the sideline.


I feel like the coach now did have an instant the training in Detroit where I managed to get injured, trained in the minors, that that that's difficult.


I knew you were soft. You got injured looking at what you do in this possession. I was doing this possession game with the young lads and I was explaining something to one of the lads. But the game was still going on. Yeah.


And then wanted to play like a Phizer of a pass and lapped it like law.


And it just ball hit me right in the catch and like everyone just went Oh and then I had to like I kind of went into like Teacher Moore, you know, if you're teaching a class and like you trip over something or you bang into something or drop like your pen and like the kids in the classroom or wait for your reaction, everyone's wait for my reaction.


So I just mean, come on, let's fucking get on with it. Don't worry about. And then, like, I went over and walked around five hours and one of the other coaches were there and I like legs hanging off me.


Train has been going, well, I'll give you an up there and let you know how the first round goes. No feeling confident, no good.


I went for a little bit of eighteen down to the old head of Kinsale, tried to get out but it's a private golf course and I could not charm my way past security.


What? What do you mean you tried to get on the golf course? Yeah.


So they all had a concern as a peninsula. All right. Yeah, but the end of it is private. You can't get out to the left like, all right, it's a golf course. So you start like I just got to be to enjoy their meal for.


Look, he didn't deny what he said. You just is not an advantage.


I went kayaking at night time.


Yeah. That was I couldn't believe that when I see Instagram like that. You were going kayaking at that time, was it. This man must have a death warrant out on kayaking in the dark.


It's very relaxing. Slow down in West Cork around Castle Townsend is bioluminescence.


I'm pronouncing that wrong. But anyway, little plankton soak up light and then at nighttime, if you disturbed them, the last battle off like sparks, like an angle grinder. Fireflies. Fireflies.


Yeah, like underwater fireflies. Man didn't know it existed until you might give it an owl like he was. He was very close. Yeah. But you see he was on a stimulant use their charts and.


Well did you know he was OK.


He hadn't washed his hair in twenty seven years. Seemed like a cool guy but I would recommend it. I would recommend it now. It's all ye signing up for the extra podcast on page on every Thursday. Thank you so much everybody for signing up. And you get your Thursday podcast, you get lots of extra to Giannis content and of course a discount for merch and. This week's podcast, Johnny Cmax, got roasted by his own mother when Trish told us about his swimming exploits.


You know, you saw his girlfriend looking to refer to endless bars around the river and her husband might have got stuck, but Kananaskis Head was stuck in between the bars. One day we broke down. Oh, my God. Oh, no. I mean, it was so scary. I was crying and those people got into the pool. I was like, oh, I wasn't trying to grab my get out. And he said, a fire brigade going to school.


And eventually two of the lads from inside the swimming pool come out and like the bars were kind of rusty.


So they were able to kind of pull them through what it is, Johnny, at this stage, I'd say it's about seven. I'd a big head on me. Could you imagine the panic of it? Oh, my God.


How long was stuck in defense? I think it's nearly ten minutes. I sat on it and it was terrifying.


OK, in Ireland there are over 50 fee paying schools with approximately 25000 students. But is a private education worth the cost? Does it give you an advantage in life? And what about single sex schools? Do you get a better, better education if you're educated around people of the same gender as you?


Right, Johnny Facts is here, honey. Facts lay it on. As I was reading the Irish Times and they reported in December that not too long ago many private schools were struggling to retain pupils and were contemplating entering the free secondary school scheme.


But now enrolments for fee paying schools have bounced back well back baby to boom time levels, and many in the Dobbyn area are heavily oversubscribed and are turning away pupils.


Also, the cost of going to a private school has now reached a record high.


The most expensive schools are charging up to eight thousand six hundred euro a year for pupils. And then if you're boarding, they can go well over 20 G's baby.


Here is something from Mark. Bu beer to have a go with that name. Yeah, bu byroade he's warden or prince but what do you call him. Warden. It's not a jail. I've seen Colombo's near Whitechurch in Dublin. You don't know that.


Which holds the distinction of being the most expensive private school in Ireland. And he told the papers that fees are well worth it because of the smaller pupil teacher ratios as well as meals supervised study Saturday morning education and transport.


And he said we have an average of about 15 students per class, or Steffanie about twenty seven to thirty nine jurors and twenty five minutes.


It's an environment where about half of our pupils are getting over 500 points. Johnnys Max. He said to me, he said, Do you think it's worth our private schools better? You see the statistics there, over half the pupils getting 500 points, I would say definitely not in my year. Did anybody, you know, half? Definitely not half. I would say if like six or seven got over 500 points were going well in my year. And that's not a slight in my school.


Like, that's just I don't think we put as much emphasis on a leaving certificate as the private schools do.


Are they better? Yes. In that regard. Like if you want to be a doctor. Yeah. Are you more likely to be a doctor if you go to a private school than if you go to see a vocational school or just a normal secondary? You probably are.


But hear me now. If you know that you want to be a doctor as a teenager, then you know what's in front of you. You know, you have to get six hundred or whatever it is points. You know, you have to pass that medical exam.


So then you're focusing and you're not saying I going to play for Liverpool and Jeff Lord's words in school. You know, listen, listen, listen.


That was the dream, alright? Don't you, don't you, don't you cut me down.


But what they say about private schools is the connections you make and the people you mingle with right now. I was told a few friends of mine who went to private school and they reckon that it's not so much that later in life you're going to meet these people again and be like, oh, you went to see Micki's boarding school. So today it's more that you're in an environment and a culture of kind of people who are driven, people who are ambitious, and they say that ambition is contagious.


So you talked about your school like how many of the lads in your gang we're talking about, like going to go to college, going to be an architect, going to be your sister?


Yeah, I don't think we had much direction. Whereas if you were in a class if they had dropped you into a private school fifth and sixth year and everyone in your class was talking about where they're going to go to college, yeah, I'm still proud to be deludes, but.


Yeah, no, I might have had an effect on you.


Yeah, I know. I do agree.


I think, I think like back back to when I was that age was like we didn't really know, we were kind of like yeah, we go to college but like we weren't sure of what we even wanted to do in college. I think like but I think in private school a lot a lot of that comes from the parents as well. I hear the parents are in a financial like, you know, they're green light.


If you're talking in terms of traffic lights, they've got the money so they can send their kids. So they're obviously doing well in their lives. But it's not like your parents are like, yeah, well, we're broke now. Like like, you know, you're going to go to private school, but the parents have the money so they can send you. So they've obviously done well. So that's infectious as well. Your parents have a good job.


So growing up, you're like, oh, well, I need to get a good job.


Like, you know, me.


I mean, that was I think my mam was just like, you don't wanna end up like me, you know what I mean? No, she's perfectly OK. But, like, that's the way a lot of parents are in in our town.


Anyway, it was like you should want to do better for yourself, but then you rarely, rarely kind of do you know, I've been blown away or research in that kind of a sidetrack here.


The amount of the private schools are always known about like that points Johnny, you know, I mean and rugby and stuff. Yeah, but the arts is a place that's kind of surprised me as well. Like, would it surprise you to learn that Hozier went to a private school? You know, he speaks pretty well, he talks of buying a private school. I mean, I like him, but like, yeah, you know what? If a private school offered him, I would have had a fair idea.


He wasn't like, you know, try and bomb at the bank bangers in bins at lunchtime. Yeah.


He doesn't like he wasn't tripping up Delta Airlines. He wasn't like glue to your ass, to the floor and waiting for people to come up and try and get them off or should oppose you, you prick, and sellotape around doors and lads walking into. No, that was, that was what we did.


We had fuck all of an education, one in our good schools, man, make some difference. Like I was looking at where you two went to school, so all them went to the same school and then also did like Damien Dempsey and I have a fever. Now that's not technically a private school, but it's like an academy where they can control who comes in.


OK, OK, so yeah. You're not actually paying a fee then. Like I'm from Rostker obviously. And we have the vocational school is where I went. Yeah. There is a private school in Rusko called the Cistercian College.


Yeah. Know it's a source in college in Australia or the monasteries. It's not to that's one of the most expensive private schools in the country outside of Dublin. Yeah. What the hell goes on there. The Nordic Spring went there.


Oh yeah. But I'm not like again it's quite elitist.


I would say it's pretty expensive. Yeah. What's what's your impression. So of the lads who went to private school in Rusko, it's an ordeal. That's where the cream jean thing came from. Didn't dress like girls, didn't talk like girls, didn't walk like us. They were basically like a whole different breed of people. And like, you know, at the time we were like, dear fucking freaks like and but that is what we all like genuinely.


But there we were walking around in tracksuits and thinking we were shorts going around this, like, where's these lads? Actually, if you look at it, had a plan with their life, knew pretty much what they wanted to do, had their shit together, like.


Yeah, they all had that Brian O'Driscoll here. Cos not the blunt if not the blunt. If so I'm talking about that darrowby lot. So yeah, I liked it.


They played rugby, we played Harlem. So you'd meet them in town on like a Saturday. So they were boarders. So that's a boarding school. Yeah. I think you can go nowadays, I think you can do as a day student. But at that time.


But he was pretty much all borders and from all over the country. Yeah. So like I knew a couple of lads from Rostker who went there and played Harlem with and you'd meet him at the weekend.


Yeah. But they weren't a yeah. But you'd meet the boys. Yeah. You'd meet the boys from from, from the monastery at the weekend on a Saturday.


So like we play soccer on a Saturday and then we kind of just hang around the street mainly in lifestyle in Rusko which was to meet with these lads, would come into town in their chino's and there'd be a group of them would go into their local Italian restaurant and sit down and have a big meal like and like we we really wanted to look, you know, having the meal like they were pretty much like grown ups, you know, at sixteen.


Yeah. And at sixteen, we were walking around town with a bag of chips in our hand with, like red sauce piece and at the bottom of it and the plastic for eating it while these lads sat down and like drank wine and conversed and had a meal.


How very, very adult of them. I wonder whether drinking wine. Oh probably wouldn't surprise me.


They're probably drinking like more er champagne. They had the money. God say more.


Can we ask you, do you think the kind of stereotypes about private schools are warranted.


Yeah, I think so.


I definitely know what like private girls school like the not all but some of the girls would have a very maybe bitchy elitist attitude.


I remember going to the Gaeltacht with a couple of girls who went to this Alexandra College or something like that.


And I remember them telling me where they went to school. And I was like, right, well, I like I've never heard of it. And like, they expected me to be impressed by it. And I was like, why do I care what you went to school? There's only afterwards I found out it was like an elite college or whatever, but it was just like they expected it to say something. Are you to be impressed by it and be like, oh, was like, I don't care where you go, like, you know, speak Irish, you know?


But I did I did actually want to go to a kind of private school. At one stage for my last year in secondary school, I wanted to go to green school, you know, like Leith and Street, the Institute of Education. I think it was my sixth grade year.


My parents were like and they just didn't have. But why did you want to go to I one to. I did not very good teachers for some of my subjects in the cycle secondary school.


I had one nun who was my Irish teacher, but she'd spent 25 years on the missions and actually couldn't speak Irish.


So yeah. So I ended up like now. We will send you there, but will pay for Grind's, so they just kind of did a cost benefit analysis from right? Yeah, that's a good deal.


My mother used to threaten me with sending me to private school. How does that work?


So obviously, the monastery was in Korea, like the Cistercian, and she'd be like when I was in sixth exact an apprenticeship, like, I'm telling you now, I'll send you to boarding school. Yeah. And I like at the time of the I was like, oh, no, baby, please. Like and then like, just thinking back, there was no way we were afford the fees.


She's called her blowfly. Yeah, well I should have like one so and I actually like might get decent points with even thought to go well in school.


It gets I think Ireland is the only country in the world where the state actually pays teachers wages and subsidizes them.


So like in Ireland, there's not that big a class called for, like private school versus public school.


You wouldn't necessarily know, like it's worse in England than America. So in England, the fees are paying the teacher's wages sort of price of private school has to be way higher. Oh, yeah.


So hence the bigger gap in private school, public school in England. But looking it up, I'm fairly sure now that England has never had a prime minister who went to public school.


So you could be right there.


Yeah, I was looking at Theresa May as hers says that it's a state school, but I looked it up. They all wear blazers and it has a lake.


OK, that's a state school ring. Yeah, it's not claustrophobic. Yeah. I mean, there was no one doing donuts under her door.


And in Ireland, TDs are twice as likely to have gone to private schools than average Irish person.


Yes, it's like how many lads in your class in school could have been teachers like, oh, just definitely one really high school. Well, I don't know. I'd say I'd say you will be that he is involved. I think you don't.


I think he's doing politics. And what about it? Made you think like, oh, he could be teacher.


He organised the debs and it was like ran to military precision. It's not the same thing. Yeah, but I guarantee you one of these days he's going to be given the health service seal he gets on the debs.


Was Grace Bakerman the depths. One hundred percent? No, but can we can we try and banish some of the the things I guess are stereotypes that we have with private school?


Go on, lads. Like we did ask on Twitter, do they all wear or do dollar on cream genos? It came back. Yes, I knew where bought shoes and chinos. Well, Osama, a mate of mine, went to boarding school and he said no. Tonight there was more sessions on campus. He said it was all one. Wow. Yeah. He said he was never late for school until he lived on the school grounds.


So it was right back here. Here's one for you. He started boarding school in transition here. Are doing right. But he said he was in a dorm of about 25 lads, all in one room. And I said, you're going to be like, what, 14, 15?


I said, what did you do when you wanted a wank? And he said, Honestly, all the noises around me, I just couldn't get in the zone. And I said, Well, you didn't go a full year without putting yourself off at 15. He said, no, I'd save it up for the weekend and then let it all out. Wow.


You must be great at the weekend. He said there was one South African lad in the dorm who used to just he was up against the wall and they reckoned like he was not a bastard. I could just hear him. And he said what he wanted when he wanted to blow Lord, he would still up against the wall. It was No one. It was like his nickname became the.


Oh, my God. You're not you're not selling this.


I'm serious now. I was asking him. So in sixth year, he got a private room and in fifth year he was sharing with a Spanish lad who couldn't speak English. So not great. Reycraft, not sure what he was doing in the school, but the one that drive me mental was food. So they get breakfast in the morning and it was like toast, cereal. And that kind of cracked. Not hectic, right? At twelve o'clock and they got a full dinner, sports beef meat, veg to Veja pretty good 5pm.


They got supper as they called it. Could be a stir-fry curry. Pretty decent again, but that was it. So the kitchen claws had faith and I was like, well what if you wanted a snack at like eight or nine o'clock at night? Said, you really have to go down and break into the priest's quarters and rob some of their biscuits or have your own stash in your room. Wow.


And on Thursdays, the college did a salad. Thursday was like salad supper.


So everybody ordered Domino's on Thursday and their punishment, if you were bad, was not being allowed to go home.


Jesus. Like, if you got the tension to keep in. Yeah, that's tough, isn't it?


That's the one thing like when when I was thinking about this topic for today, I was chatting at home and I was like, you know, if we ever had kids, like, would you would you send them?


Yeah, it's a no brainer because I went to public school and I turned it were.


Yeah. All right.


I went to I went to public school and I think it turned out fairly alright, like sort of an issue in the public school bully.


I think I think I'd like I don't know.


What's your issue, what's going to go wrong, a little shit and want to feel entitled, I want them to work for everything, like even even if that means like working harder than everyone else.


Like, I I'm I'm willing to take that chance because of that perceived confidence.




Private schools have you know, they do like the do you know the amount of people we know who are private school and are just it's brilliant to have this confidence and think that, like, they don't care about any boundaries. They don't care about, like, you know, somebody like that's very hard to Diabolik. Do I know how to do that?


Like, ah, you know, I figure this out or especially like when it comes to business, a lot of people we meet in business, our private school and ah, just to find a spoof and yeah, they definitely have an accent.


Oh yeah. There's a college heterogenous Rockwell College, private school and Lidstrom Care went there and they came home with an accent.


Yeah. It's, it's an eight minute drive from here to there for an accent. Yeah. And a haircut. Yeah. And they meet up at Christmas with like the Rockwells. Yeah. I would never say. I mean I'll put the collage Disneyesque that. Yes we did. The girls are just people that I know.




Well there seems to be a sense of brotherhood now you see I can't talk about like all girls schools because I don't know, I just know about the of schools from talking to the boys who went there and stuff like that.


It's like a brotherhood. It's like we're all kind of like we're all went through this thing together. Yeah. I'd like to make it out to be great. I'd say it was fucking shit. I have not eaten that past five o'clock.


That's not good. I wouldn't be able to send whatever will send my kids to private school. I won't I would send them to public school. Right. Let's get that.


OK, on record boarding school on the other hand. Yeah, 100 percent. I wouldn't even dream of it if it was the great school ever know where.


But what if they were pricks and you want to hold your hair. I wouldn't be, I would. My kids will not be pricks. I can assure you that.


I know you said you wanted them. Are you mad you send your kid away?


It's thirty. Yeah, you know, you'll be off in Dubai. I know you've been there, I know, but seriously, like you, it would have to fracture your relationship with your kids.


Honestly, on a serious note, yeah, I think you feel like you wouldn't even know him. Like to be coming on weekends. Well, how would you go to school?


Like, that was brilliant. I mean, he said he hated for a couple months and then he grew to love it. But he said it definitely kind of toughens you up a bit. Oh, me definitely makes you more independent. Like like being in boarding school is pretty much like being in college.


I know it makes you part of a group, I think. So, no, I would not be able to wave goodbye to my kid at 13 years of age like the other weekend.


It would be lovely in theory, but like I think you want to be there. You want to be able to pick them up from school and have a crack at them, do the homework.


That's all part of like being a parent and forging a good relationship with your kid, want to be like want to be afraid of stuff and only want.


Yeah, especially that edge. But Mark, can we ask you about did you go to an all girls secondary school? I did, yeah. And I mean, do you reckon that that had an effect on you or are you glad that you went to an all girls secondary school?


Or would you have preferred a mixed one and definitely would have preferred a mixed school? So the school I went to had a reputation of being fairly good and quite academic. And so I thought that, you know, it was just like I was like, right, I want to be a got loads points in the third quarter what the perceived as the best actors go. But I don't know, I just find that being an all girls school, maybe a little bit more bitchy, not as much, you know, bitchy kind of bullying, especially in second and third year when the hormones are really kicking in and not as much emphasis on sports and then a lack of diverse subjects.


Do you know what I'm saying? So there is no metalwork, no graphics, no taqwacore or no woodwork. And because it is perceived that none of the girls wanted to do it, whereas the girls who went to the mixed school and they got to do a much wider choice of subject. So yeah, I think yeah, I think it's just better to have mixed gender schools because quite a lot of the girls in my secondary school went to an all girls primary school as well.


So they find like having the right male friendships and will be quite close to guys. What I you know, there being any kind of like, romantic kind of notion of us, they find that a bit weird.


And they're a bit shy around boys, though. Yeah, I think it's important. I just think mixed girls are better for developing social skills and having a wider range of interests and activities. Cmax, I wonder how you would have performed in school if you didn't spend every waking minute trying to impress girls five, nine, five, six months, doctors slice.


Yeah, you do.


You spend a lot of time showing off to girls. I did in secondary school trying to impress me. Do that's natural.


But they are not knees. Oh, yeah. Would you be staring at like honestly like I remember one of them is missing an entire Tayib class and Irish staring at.


It was just I knew there was like then Shalika August vacation that I got. And I was like, I don't know what's going on here. I am fixated on this bird.


And like the end of it I was like, it was like Dingding like the bell went like and I was like this is not no page completely missed.


Thirty five minutes of failed Irish but not I've actually done well.


But no I think look I went to a mixed primary and secondary so I don't really know any different. Yeah. But I think like it helps like even though it is like I'm friends with girls like and stuff like that and I always, always had a respect for girls and I never, I never really, you know, primary school.


It's obvious you don't really care about girls like girls or Yoky and get them away from you or whatever, like. Yeah, you don't want to be joining in your soccer game because they're bruening the pace and tempo. Still, it's not recommended that is there. But I'm like, you get secondary school, then you want to get inaugural's, you want to pal around with girls.


And you know, it's nice to have I think it's nice to have friends of both sexes, you know, because they can give you different sets of advice and gone to an all boys school.


I don't I think I would have just become more boisterous in that environment.


Yeah, I have like, laddish not given a shit. Yeah. I had friends who went to an all boys school and they bullied each other over the stupidest things and everything was nearly like a Mekki measuring contest. I remember them saying that there was this one guy and his nickname was fast and they absolutely tortured him. And I like like they had this little rhyme fast Zarzis green as grass. That's why we call them fast. And they keep saying to this lad and like his parents ended up having come to school, you know, to kind of talk about, like all the bullying that was going on.


So I don't know. I think I think girls, if that had happen, rankers girls would have called them and be like, look, these are being horrible coppers thousand.


I think like for the development of of of the young lad anywhere for me, like being around girls, definitely.


Well, I think it's important to learn how to interact with women. Like if you're going to work in an office. Women, I think you may be. Yeah. Subconsciously, even there's different ways to work with different people. Yeah.


It's like anything you learn to treat different people different ways. Like, you know, everyone has a different way of being treated, like I would treat you differently than I treat Neil or whatever. I mean, because I know that you don't have any boundaries.


We get to find meals. We're going to find your ages, Neal. Yeah. What happens now in a single sex school if a pupil identifies as the other sex? That can be tough and it is happening now. It is more common. Like I know that from from you know, I have a little sister in school and stuff like that. And it's happening. Yeah. Yeah. So it's it's tough.


It's, you know, because like all male, you know, private schools would have a rep as being, you know, kind of wound up a bit aggressive or impishly macho. Yeah. Yeah.


Quite macho and everything, you know. Yeah. That's it. Yeah.


I do know somebody who is transitioning from one gender to the other. And I think she said that even though she was born a male, that the school secondary school is quite good, that they let her use female toilets. They and you know, I don't know if they had a change around where she and her friends could change together, like for support in that, though. And it just it just depends on the teachers in the school willing to be fair.


Yeah, I think you can beat the the middle school good for good for integration and good for, you know, developing, I would say developing. Can I say one thing on private schools? Yeah. Stricter on fashion. Yeah, it's not like they all have to wear DeBerry's. No, I mean, like I had long hair in school. Oh yeah. And I was talking to a guy who went to private school and he was going to choir one time and they wouldn't let him get on the bus until he went up to his dorm and shaved.


OK, yeah, I've heard of that. And like a certain pledge or not, I would like to take you there. Yeah. Stuff like that. Yeah. Yeah. That is, that is a big thing that would break my heart with my Bletch Mohican.


Did you know that Boris Johnson and David Cameron went to the same secondary school.


Wow. Boris Mustard on elsea some scanner's hair.


I hope he didn't have that haircut in school. I would have voted him. If anyone's looking for for Boris. Yeah, if anyone's looking for a.. A good reference on a single sex school. There's a piece written by Megan Lewis in the Irish Times. And it's brilliant if you want to check that out. We read that during the week. We were very impressed by some of it, some stories that you will be able to pull back from your from your school as well.


Um, just just before we finish on a few kids where you said because I've answered I've given my thoughts, like, I would have definitely said public school.


And then the more I read about private schools, I am tempted, OK? I just I couldn't hack it if they had that accent or. Yeah. Or that haircut. Hello, Father.


Why more. Where would you send yours. I'd actually send them to wherever they want to go.


I think if they're, if they want to go to particular school because all their friends are going there, then that's fine with me. So as long as they're happy I don't care, but they'll find their own way.


Isn't it just the price of a mortgage? Yeah, yeah. That's the one thing I'm not saying that.


Like, I was like if even if I had the money, I wouldn't send them there. I'd be like, no way I'm going to let you off that money.


Yeah. Each child is like a hot tub a year for private school.


Tried to listeners, listeners of the podcast. If you went to private school, if you've taught some private school, single sex schools, whatever, give us your correspondence. I think this is going to be yes, it's going to blow up into correspondence. I want to I want to really get the insight on what it was like if you were in a boarding school or whatever. So let us know email as a podcast to Tanizaki or get in touch.


You know how rumors are rife around the town that Noel is on a staycation, but Paddy Fong reckons Carmel has them held captive following his antics in the Shamrock Lounge last weekend. There's been no sightings of Noel for the last four days, and he's not arrived on today. So we're going to bring you back in time. What a classic Nords news at a time when Caronna was something that you just got pissed on. We're heading back to Episode thirty one because it's time for Noel Furlong and it's time for a classic Knaus news.


No news. I know for a well known. How are you? I'm fine. It's good to have you back. Did you miss us like a stone? I miss you. Hey, I see somebody was under there.


The dead. Let me turn water. Yeah. For a moment. There was somebody in touch on Twitter to on our TV.


What are you looking for in a woman. But I'm not looking to be debt you just a casual thing.


Nor is a don't. Did you let a fish see the chips? I sit by and let the dog see the rabbit.


So I'm going into the news now. One of your food I didn't.


So this week gunmen. Right. Where did I get the joke?


This week, gunmen dressed as traditional mariachi musicians have killed three people and wounded seven left mariachi musicians.


They killed three people and wounded seven in Sligo.


I know it is, of course, Mexico City, OK, but no mariachi band in Lagos Antirecession and no musicians have killed anyone in Lagos since Koeneke and left, OK.


Oh, well, you know, Westlife, awesome player. Yeah.


Well, before they became manikins, they were they were they used to be a rebel band that I don't mean that's true. But before they were Westlife, they were rebel band, they were called a Ballymore.


Militants give a funeral all day made world look like s top seven.


Tenley We once got invited and he changed our name to Westlife. He kind of wanted to go in a bit. Oh, well, I guess you might. Yeah. But before we got involved, they used to do a lovely version of the Badger during the snare and they had a lovely song called.


They had a hit song, of course, called I Hope the Queen Dies For.


Oh, that's a good idea. Oh, oh, oh oh oh.


I did, however, offer some powers of mine and they had a guitar player called the Hedge Debbie Evans with his name now.


But Louis said he was Cadden given to both them and they used to play in the courthouse in Ballymore.


I was on them. I know I'm in the end of this day playing the music I want. I never heard of you and I never heard him again, so. But you had a lovely little band.


So anyway, Mexica, right now, the three boys dressed as mariachi musicians.


Hey, do you ever see Mariachi, you don't have the big hat. Yeah, sombreros.


No, that's 17, if that's the hit, that's hip hop and Mariachi's anyway, so they opened fire on the public at the Plaza Garibaldi shut up and named after the famous general Giuseppe Garibaldi, not the Biscuit Kabali or there is actually I heard this today.


It is a festival in England for biscuits and bacon. They're Greenville's.


Oh my God.


So anyway, Plaza Garibaldi and it borders the notorious Teeple district.


It's kind of like a South American corridor and it's home to the violent like union drugs gang.


Now the place has gone mad because their leader, Roberto Miyata espera that was arrested. If the leaders in Speranza for him are under 14, he wouldn't need to feel any better or they call him out and he was arrested anyway.


So now Mexico City is, by the way, that last year there were 25000 people murdered. You to tell that's what you get when you gay, huh? Oh, my lines are holding. I they never murdered anyone.


And one time. He wouldn't go to jail if you'd miss training, along with Unpatched did once said to me that it probably easier live in jail than harder for me.


That was after one day I made him run home from Harvard.


He was giving me golf, but, you know, I was good at it anyway, so.


Plus, if you kill a man on the field, it's not murder. It's a free.


So they said there were twenty five thousand people killed from organized crime.


I'd focus here on organized crime.


So that's Mexico City at a good spot for the crack, apparently. Now, my second story of the week is a man by the name of Godwyn on Asado.


In Nigeria, the country, OK? He is Arain Pusha. No. Well, no, I never heard of it either until I heard of a drug pusher, you know, but these are the no drugs you can't even afford.


When I heard of a pedal pusher course, dirty bastard showing you his arse going a fucking dangerous teven disgraceful, otherwise known as cyclists.


Oh, so Godwyn now in Nigeria, he's in the village of.


If in Tendu Village. Or just don't talk to anybody in 10 minutes. Don't get me started on if Hindu Village Tipiloura junior football last year and we have we don't plan.


You couldn't feel the team could be.


I couldn't field field.


They haven't had rain since the 70s. So this this lad, he claims that he makes a living from being able to control the arraignment arrangement.


You know, an old shaman now you're laughing, you make a living making a fool on Facebook. So the Nigerians have obviously never heard of the title track, huh? You know what you could put.


Yeah, I could tell them what God went out of business one time.


But the title track is strange when right people put it outside the house. Keep the rain away. You heard the story.


Little statue of Jesus, little wooden statue of Jesus, a covered wax, but five hundred years old. It's actually a trailer exactly. Jesus, I didn't know that. I thought it was just some young lad from the Czech Republic, from Prague. Yeah. I was like, why is Brigitte O'Gorman put in your mouth? I don't know.


And Kevin's wedding, huh?


So the statue of a baby. Couldn't be any worse than here anyway, so a Godwyn for keeping the place, WRGA, whatever you wanted his fee, he asked for some call Arnotts not Offertory to create a beer and a specific gin. So this is what, you know, Meanjin, yeah, is only for fucking hairdressers. And old women who are dry or maybe Godwyn has an old what he's trying to sweeten the pot, just trying to bring a bit of moisture to the situation.


So anyway, the process involves I have a sample here.


This is a new a new level of technology we're getting to. The process involves Godwyn lighting candles, lighting a few herbs, and then he starts playing this nice, ridiculous.


Ted, of course, was the new single from Rianna.


So he says he can keep it dry.


You might hire him if you wanted to find a for a wedding or whatever for King County Board game has been moved all over this Falcon mattress. Don't get me started on the support staff.


Don't get me don't want to see you. You wouldn't like me when I'm vexed, you ask for some day off, more matches, you might have a wedding or whatever. You can be fucking sure it'll be too much on the south board are as bad as I can tell you right now.


So anyway, that's the crack in Nigeria and local news.


And of course, you were aware. Yeah. Missed out on all the local news you had really fell. I'd say that. All right. Is that is your call rebuttal?


Oh, no, no, it's real. Thank our singing ability.


Oh, where did you go? I Winterland anybody. Oh yeah. Do you know what I do over there several Times Square? Yeah, you get the ferry out from the scanner. No, I was Adam Lanza, Teneriffe Inishmaan. I was out all the island.


Yeah. Did you see the stone cottages, you know, and the volcano.


The volcano. Yeah, I think it was there once. Anyway, in local news, Tresa Maher's dog is dead.


I was going to text you while you were away, but I don't want to ruin your life. That's it. She got the photo and the dog, she not have had that.


They only had one photo. What? Her mother knew her way around it and what I mean, but she got the dog when the father died. A lovely little Baojun freeze. And she named a dog after that.


So our happy little geraud. And the funny thing is documented in the sitcom and used to do his business, used to piss all over the couch. I couldn't. Yeah. I didn't have to say.


I'm sure we can only go down right here. And I said, do we get you a new dog?


And it just so happens I know a fella setting it up and nothing to do with the fact that my dog got to the fence and impregnated the neighbor's dog.


And I you know, I have a cocker spaniel. English.


Yeah. Yes.


And the neighbors have a little Pomeranian. So cocker spaniel and a Pomeranian. Some sort of cranium. Anyway, the neighbors want me to the Pops and I only charge Tresa 80 Bob for the pops up.


But I said to one thing, we're getting rid of the couch.


Because the smell of his death, I swear to God, I thought I was back in the. So I said, Tracy, if you don't give it to the coach, I'm not calling on no more.


Now, why I'd be calling on a system that's that Mallea that's nobody's business just treats its fairly well a.. She should try because no husband.


I look after the elderly women around town.


You don't know. But you do. I do more for the elderly people in the town, any politician.


I swear to God and I don't know who I heard in radio today and it affects me.


Gerry Adams. And he went on about audio for the community.


Many people have a short memory.


I heard him tried several times. But I know that Gerry Adams was a member of Spandau Ballet.


He was a and member.


Nobody pays for it. You are gold. Yeah, he did win. And I am green. You are orange. But they took that bit of green data.


So looked at the death. The local news this week and I must go now. I might take Bonnen for Pat Cashman.


Thank you all. Let's hope you enjoyed Knaus news. My God, that's a fact.


Now for the woman who scares us. Not just because of what? Yes, we did see her once chalk a guy out after fifteen bottles of Coors Light. We're not even joking. Maura, what is your mystery topic this week?


Oh, God, I will tell that story, but not today.


And yet keep that keep that for the memory. OK, my question this week, Ladds, is if you're in a restaurant and you're unhappy with a meal, would you give advice? Because I did. I know my family basically will never go out for a meal with me again.


So how are you going to tell us? What did you do? OK, we went to I'm not going to name the restaurant, OK? One died for my brother's thirtieth or more straight away.


If you're unhappy with me, why you're very Irish have you to not name them even though you're unhappy about it.


Because they were saying devices and I don't want to give them a bad reputation. I am actually, because they handled it so well that I'm actually like, I'll give them another shot. I will go back there for another minute because I had a reputation of being a really nice restaurant. So I was really looking forward to this.


Johnny V is looking for blood, but I've just so I ordered for my main it was a stuffed chicken Kiev, Chateau Marche broccoli in a mushroom sauce. Really nice.


Look, I'm so hungry. Yeah. So then we my mother ordered it as well and every us ordered their means or whatever. So it was the age is coming. I think we were like the last to me, mommy, we're the last two people to get their twenty talked into us and wasn't nice. Like the chicken didn't taste. There was no garlic off whatsoever. The chateau didn't taste of them is like overcooked. It was really dry. The mash was under seasoned, the broccoli was nice.


But then the sauce where it just didn't taste of anything with both the taste of mushrooms and didn't have anything. So I didn't eat mine and then was like, right, I'm not going to order anything else because we still have birthday cake anyway, so I'll just eat that. It'll be fine. And then a man came with their wish, come over to clear the plates. The tables are like, I, you know, my family had I said it, my family, I'm not mine, it's not nice.


And then the waiter come over and was like, everybody, OK, we're happy with their meal. Everybody's like, oh yeah, it's lovely. Really, really nice. And I was like a normal peasant. So when he came back over this back in time to take the rest of the plates, he was like, I explained it to him and he was like, so nice.


Welcome comfort that meal. But my brother was like more. Tell me what you ordered for dessert, because I don't want to order the same thing as you thought the kitchen was going to do something to my dessert.


So, yeah.


And they were like, oh, you shouldn't have given a prize. Like, why would I pay twenty euro for a chicken Kiev? That was absolutely horrible. Just taste. And it was overdone on that. And even my mother, my mother had been at the toilet when I done all this giving out and I came back and I said, ask mommy's mommy was my chicken Kiev not nice? And she's like, yeah, it was very dry. And it's like, um, didn't the mushroom sauce not change of mushrooms?


You know, I think with pepper sauce as like, no, it was meant to be mushrooms, but just didn't taste of anything. So I was justified in that. So but the thing is, the fact that they can't I just think it's better to be upfront and honest about it. If you're not. The meal is not nice. I don't like people who write online reviews given out bad. It's like just set the bar staff or the managers that, you know, that wasn't good, rather than going off and write your review, that potentially is really going to damage their business.


Like, I think anybody who owns a restaurant would rather direct feedback because I know, like, I do feel bad because, you know, restaurants are under so much pressure and they're, after all, over covid under strict regulations and stuff like that. But still, it's not that hard to cook a chicken Kiev properly. So I don't know. What would you have done if you were in my shoes?


They said that somebody who likes a restaurant tells one person and someone who doesn't like it tells three or four people. So I think you're dead right. More to say to them rather than going on trip advisor and the whole world. Yeah. I've never written a review.


Have you never know. Never. Never. Never.


I did a couple of places that really surprised me that I really liked. I went on and give them a good review. Yeah, reviews can be a mixed bag sometimes. Like that place we went to.


And how, Johnny, that you picked up some of the worst ones I have ever been in my entire life.


Just just because you really got realistic about them.


When I said I just because they had a pool table restaurant, honestly, I couldn't believe it. Nobody said that because they're afraid satins. Johnny, he didn't pick it up. I didn't.


We were driving past in the taxi about eight of us. Nine of us. And he's like, oh, that looks all right. And then we went to church place, couldn't get in. I was like, you would give that place to go. And at this stage, I was so hungry. I was like, Oh, you don't give a damn. Give me the blasted food and smacks of pure takes that are playing the honor and a game of pool drinking coke cans of coke.


It looked like like a bad Irish chipper run by lads who were like smuggled into the country. That's why I had a bang of now. So it was cash but like we were going on the lash. Who cares what I had for my main course. I Gammons instead.


Yeah. Was it throwback guy. I was expecting my dead grandmother at the kitchen having served it up throwback Wednesday. Anyway, Emara, I've never ever complained in a restaurant nor never we're not even though truly had a bad experience.


Johnny, you've been with me before when we've been to the deli like and like I've asked for something on a roll and so, like, they've left it out and and I just they're not interested either. All right. Let's put the wrong toppin on it or something.


I just I hate confrontations of any type like fakin. Yeah. But you either lose the plot or I don't complain, you know what I mean. There's one or the other. There's no there's no like second or third gear. It's like one and but yeah.


So I just don't complain even in a restaurant if it's cash. I probably still eat it anyway, because if I'm in a restaurant, I'm hungry, even if it's shit, I'm like, I don't care, I'm hungry after you. And I very rarely complain.


And like, if if I wanted to complain, I would tell Annie and she and she would complain for me, you know what I mean? So if I like if I went to a restaurant and I was like, can I get me steak medium? And a completely, completely rare.


Yeah. Like, I'd probably be like, oh, it's all really in any big no, no, no.


I'd say it and I would bring it back a bit more the like and then she would be like here that's like you know she, she.


Yeah she does not butter. Yeah. Not butter but for me. No no never complain. Even liquid haircuts when I used to get be like do you want that knife.


The French just a tiny bit bang. All French gone. Is that all right. Lovely. Yeah. Thanks. A smashing look like an egg.


I mean how are people to learn. How was the restaurant going after a game like chef might be having a bad day and he might know subconsciously that's not the best way for it to do. And if somebody called gone, look, that wasn't great, then he might not like. I know. I know. I should. I should I should.


I tell you what, I'll make a vow that if I get bad service, I will.


I will. I will complain.


Plus, I'm unconscious now. People know who we are. Yes. Wouldn't want to be like dad. Let some dick thinks he knows everything will fool you also. Just sayin that'd be me.


If I got something in a restaurant that I didn't like, I would probably be thinking, what do I know about food?


This is probably flat. Yeah, I would say can get me I Illinoisans.


What is the rhubarb or what it could be French or you know.


You do. You would Commander. I know you would. Yeah. But not as much as you think. Yeah.


Yeah. Don't stake is cash. It's harder.


I have no problem complaining abroad or the wooden horse. Yeah that that's, that's different.


Now let's walk into this whole cocktail chef's kitchen door. Yeah I it's very hard to complain.


Irish people here complain at the best of times. No food is the one where I feel like I wouldn't know enough about it. Yeah.


But I would say I would be on your side in that if it was cat you'd say to them rather than write your review because people do read reviews I would like, particularly on holidays now I would review and be like, oh, what's this place like.


Yeah. And then like it's like, it's like food was lovely, but waiter was ignorant.


I'm like, I'll put up with the ignorance first class meal, you know what I mean. So some people you can just never please put a fair play tomorrow.


We'll make sure we're not going for a meal with your class things. Right. Don't forget the RET review. Tell your friends about the Two Journeys podcast. Use the hashtag to Johnnys Pod. That's the number two Johnnys pod to get in touch.


You can follow us on Instagram at the two journeys and email us podcast at the two journeys that are now time to round off the podcast as we love doing with our yours and darts all week.


And don't forget your dart this week is brought to you by the good people at forty eight. They are changing of mobile and you can find out how over on forty eight i.e. so we're asking you to send in your yard. You can just tweet using the hashtag Uruk for the. Yes. You don't have to do it in an accent because it's just text. Yeah. And the best one. They've got class prizes to give away as well as like Lords mobile data.


So let's check it out. OK, can I give mine.


Yeah. You can give yours work with. It's one of a series ureter dirt but I do want to pick up more on them misspelled mispronounced players names. OK in Inka. Got a bit of feedback about No last week. So in a city, a car everybody knows there's a place called Hawker. Yeah. To yoghurt. Yeah yeah yeah. But there's an order Togue H.E.R in WCR and they pronounce it Toha. OK, two places in the same county spelled the exact same, pronounced completely differently, so pronounced first one talker and into her, OK.


A new definition of at the same place, definitely. Well warning Kakhaber to her silence as well.


Did you see her silent car sold for five and a half million Chinese that bought and he wants to be like his covid-19 getaway. Wow. Yeah he bought and of course five 1/2 million bet his kids are in private school.


Definitely they won't be going to talk.


You got to talk John.


Um, I've got a Dorchak so you know, I have a kind of cat. I want to see a kind of cat like it's our cat.


It's definitely a cat. Yeah.


But it's quite wild and it kind of does its own thing, but it comes into the house and, you know, we let in our time and it sits down, watched it tell you whatever, especially in winter.


We let in what's called it's not the most affectionate cat you should approach with care if you ever do. See, the cats do never try to pick it up.


It will do you in. Right.


But we live beside Annie's parents house. We're in the house next door. And during the week the cat was in or whatever like and her mom ran the cat like him off sweetners get out, you know, and they were like Jesus and then any sister with yesterday.


And the cat ran upstairs and she was like, oh God. She was off then trying to like, you know, she woke the cat. Yeah. She was like, what's that underneath the bed? The cat was under the bed. Cat ran down the stairs anyway, and she looked in under the bed rabbit. Full rabbit. But, yeah, sort of cast dead, dead flies all over.


Oh, so he's in the spare room, so no one was using the spare room. Yeah. So they require the cat. Yeah.


Bayada Cat sort of cat had brought it up like maybe four or five days ago.


Hid it under the bed. Yeah. And was coming back up to get it because obviously like it wasn't hungry at the time, but it's come back up there when it was hungry. Take it back and eat the rabbit. OK, some smell in the room. Yeah.


Disasters but like not my responsibility.


I take my cat so Arriaga. Yeah. Or my house.


So I didn't know anything about this. I was down and then like Annie rang me was like, oh give us a hand. We have to move the bed in the spare room. I know Ed there and I don't like dead things. So like even rabbits, mice, anything that's dead like that bird's not my thing. I would be scared and afraid. So I went off and Annie was like, I grabbed Gwinn and grab the bed and lift this with me, like.


And then I went in.


I was like, Oh, well, it's the rabbit.


And then like, yeah, I got given out because it was technically our cat was. So how big was the rabbit that honestly like it wasn't a baby rabbit? It was a fair size, but it was good. A little bit smaller, but 10 inches, yeah, around like some strength from the cat dragged out of a flight stairs. Yeah. How big is the at that big Nords cat's nimble like but like some must have some like strength.


It must have picked it up in its mount carry though.


I wonder, did the cat kill the rabbit or did something else kill the rabbit. I'm not a cat would kill other cats. Good luck, killer of cats are sick seeing the cat today with a mouse in the garden for 15 minutes like cat and mouse and let Nick Gordon catch in again, playing time with us, then kill their evil by the cats.


So I'm on the hunt for a dog.


Cats and killer whales are the only two animals to play with their food. Yeah. So I'm. I was looking for a dog to get a dog. Yep.


What are going to go big or small? Discussions are ongoing and he wants a large dog to be kept in the garden in the dog run that we have in your hand. Possibly a miniature deckhand. Oh man. Nice little house dog laying in around me.


Like when when I'm hungover I want to be laying on the couch with the dog like a newborn baby on my chest. You know, it's handier. The baby.


Yeah. No nappies, Rovenia. Our night changes. Yeah.


So I'm thinking about maybe a miniature Dashon. Oh. Smiling at you when you come home.


Yeah. Just hello. What are you gonna call it, Pat. OK, let's called Pat Box on a register. The is Pat Fox even if it's still going to be hyper class. Yeah. So that's what I'm thinking.


And it's ongoing at the moment. Talks are going on between himself and his agent.


Isn't that weird when men like women are called Pat? Yeah. Pat Neeson. Pat, Pat. Pat never. Yeah.


I'm sorry. Another I've got another draft as well. Go on. Because my Mohawk's just really quick.


We can't get tickets gear so we're back in action after the Corvette. A long layoff. Everybody is desperate for sport.


I understand there is government guidelines and we have to keep it to two hundred people and, you know, put so it's what's annoying me is like I seen someone had on Facebook yesterday and it was like our club got given thirty tickets and someone was like, there's more than thirty people in Penny's right now.


Yeah, inside in a shop, yeah, and like we're at a gaffield out in the open, like candles, surely we can like I know they're present present.


Mr. Horn has asked for events to be separate than the government thing. But it was look, you can have double standards, I understand. But like that pitch for the game is on tonight. So care plan for on championship tonight in our Finnan. That's a big pitch, really open to resist.


And Botha's banks all around. Yeah, you get six, seven hundred of people in their socialist's and no problem. And it's going to be thirty from each can be thirty from each club.


And it's a disaster for the club as well. Yeah.


Because well for you, you're not playing football this year for the first year ever, so you're not on the panel. So I can see it again, which is the main link.


Obviously I wasn't going to be in one of the thirty like you're from the club, even though, you know, good club man.


But still I should be. But listen, we won't go into that. But I think it's point clubs in a bad place. And I think if we can't have, you know, a good, decent amount, like if there was no socialist's in a place or probably treat three hundred at that game tonight, I would say, yeah. You know, but and that's easily done in that pitch with socialists. So I think I'd have them all completely behind closed doors and let the gear properly stream all the games or else don't bother having like Takiyama can use that to just create trouble.


Oh you want a behind closed doors because you couldn't get a ticket. Yes, yes I do. If you had a ticket this would be fine. Yeah. And have we tried to hire a cherry picker to put in the farmer's field beside the pitch and look at it from there. Yes we have yeah.


Is it wrong if I climb a tree to look in. I don't know. We will be.


Transponder's on after this podcast. Let's get on also my daughter the week draw the Joker, our club Lato is back.


We have been asked by the powers that be under committee who you know, to be fair, the good supporters of us and some of our characters may or may not be based on them over the years, but they've always been good to us. And to draw the Joker is back. You can download the club for Sape type in caregiver and you can buy your tickets there. You win a lot of money. Let the jackpot over eleven grand.


Yeah. Gork they've been asking us to do a video for a while and we keep forgetting. So this is going to have to do.


Yes we will do the video at some stage. Right. That's it for this week. Don't forget as well. Tweet, Facebook, Instagram, hashtag UAT 48 if you want to win a lot of prizes thanks to party three. So that's it for this week. Thanks to everyone for listening for me.


Johnny Cmax for me, Johnny B for me, Maurice. See you next week.


Good. Good.