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It's fair to Johnny's podcast, to Johnny's podcast, to Johnny's record in the podcast. Hello, hello, hello, welcome to the two Gianni's podcast, Bringing You All the Mayhem, A News and a World of the two Johnny Oh, Johnny B. re named Johnny Mathis.
Welcome to podcast. One hundred and fifty nine coming to you like Eric Cantona, Kung Fu kicking some Crystal Palace fan. On this week's podcast, we chat to Human about where in too much time traveler call up videos and his recent bomb lift surgery. Yes, I said bomb lift.
He doesn't believe in warm ups because I've never seen a line stretched before. He tackles the zebra. No, not for long. We'll be here with a nose.
Working from home means she gets to live in tracksuit bottoms. She may never leave the house again. Maureen is here with her mystery topic. And as traditional as making your Irish essay sound class by sticking in open every now and then we round up the podcast. What are your thoughts?
And the week before commencement, we proceed and still matters arising from last week's podcast.
Yes, Mr. Chairman. On Funeral Crashers. It's a real thing, says Kieran. Where I live, there are at least two women that will definitely go to the parish hall for the Grob. After a funeral, one woman even brings her child herself. And the child arrived back to the hall. After my grandmother's funeral a few years back, nobody really took much notice. She the child walked up to my aunt and said, Are you the dead woman's daughter?
I am, she said. I never knew her myself. But Mommy said she was a nice woman, lovely spread on here and then walked away. Not a bother on her. She must be really missing the old funerals with the lockdown. She's crazy.
I've never been to a funeral. I've done sandwiches in the parish. In the parish. Normally in the hotel around here. Yeah, yeah. I knew a man who used to love sandwiches so much and I remember once going to the Tipperary Supporters Club line to the manager, someone would come in and make a speech tonight. And I remember him saying on the way up, I'm going to eat some sandwiches at this.
I think he skipped the dinner leave for two days before.
Right, Ricky? Ricky says Down our way is a fella that goes to all local funerals so that he can go to the truth.
He's known by all the local undertakers and clergy, clergy all in there.
I remember at my dad's funeral, he showed up at the church and the priest pulled me aside and said to me, Your man Penny Dinners is here.
He is known by all the local pubs and restaurants as well. They usually tell them to wait until all the mourners are fed and then he can have food if it's left. He gets upset when he turns up to a funeral to discover there's no food. This man doesn't drive, so he hitches the lift to all the funerals. Well, he's a career funeral.
Yes, definitely. In car and on ghosts. Well, yes, Stuart was in touch. Spooky time.
We live a good bit out of town. Ha. And taxi taxis would be hard to get on. On Saturday night. The ferry is home.
After the disco, there'd be five or six of us, including the neighbours. We'd walk home together.
We walk the three miles and then when we reach the first entrance with all tourists and down at the bottom the wall for a. fag and a cheche this one night.
Anyway, what we were talking Gore stories walking home and everyone was a little jumpy by the time we got to our place. Our entrance is to big stonewalls, a long driveway up a hill and two fields either side.
Anyway, six of us down there supported the wall, smoke and fags talk and gore stories making. One of the lads jumped up screaming and took off down the road like a bullet. We all looked at each other. None of us knew what happened him. We kept on shamokin and talk and she, as you do next thing, one of the girls made an absolute Dartford screaming and she fell into a ditch across the road. We all got up to help her and we were all turned around.
And there was this dark figure, long face horns looking at us. We took off down the neighbor's boring and into their house. Next, my mobile rang and it was the other neighbour that sprinted out first. He was freaked out on the phone.
He said, looking up he saw the devil looking down on him, and he took off literally from all the smoke in the smoking room for We get your fucking heart all right. And you cool. OK, now that was all grand.
But the fact was that, I mean, the voters still had to go home and smoke and get past the devil. So we said, fuck had no smoke.
We headed back up the boreen when we got to the top, no sign of the figure.
We walked through the gate and looked back behind us to the wall where the figure had been not the devil, but a donkey the father had let into the field that evening.
The donkey was smoking two. Everyone.
Don't you just walking oh, well, by Congress, everyone who saw silhouette at the donkeys had thought it was the devil because they were listening to Gore stories.
Well, you know what? That just makes me miss the poor lads walking home Schmock and sitting down their trailer in the morning, telephones and Schmock. That never happened to me because none of us ever remember the war.
No. Wake up, baby Jesus.
I think I was talking about a donkey.
That's OK and winning the lotto big Johnny merely said I began by the dream of winning the lotto. As deluded as Cmax may be, I can be worse the times and have genuinely put a lot of thought into what I would do with the money if I won the lotto. I really believe a large amount of money like that could do a lot of damage to a person if not handled right. And I think what it would come down to is happiness.
There's no point in one person being the happiest man in Ireland, sitting on a pile of cash with no debts while his parents and siblings and friends are all slugging it out to pay off the mortgage or get by week to week.
You, John, do if you win that, if you give it to us, yeah, we will be happy. We'll spend it firm managers. You can sit at home, pay and his mortgage safe in the knowledge that we're having some crack. So John says his answer to all this is to share it. I'll share all his winnings. So John says, if I won, say, 50 million in your meetings, I split it down the middle.
Right. Twenty five million for me and twenty five divided evenly amongst my parents, brothers, sisters and maybe the in-laws, etc.. You know, your nearest and dearest. Now, they might end up with two or three million each while you while you will have twenty five million to yourself. But no, you're all on the same level to someone. No one has to work. You can all afford to go off on big holidays together, live in the same standard as each other rather than just me having fifty million.
And my parents can get a week off work to come to the Bahamas with me. Everyone would get to live the dream by sharing it. Oh, I would take one of those shares for my family's half and give it to one charity, not loads of small donations, one massive donation to one charity and really make a difference for them. Also, if I was to become public before doing so, to figure out who your friends really were, I would text the lads individually on a random weeknight and ask, will you go for appointment?
Meet that. I need to talk.
Now, this is genius, John.
The fellas that turn up are your real friends and dig a 10K each and go home and get your passports because we're all going to Vegas.
Really important thing. I would think he he has really thought about this a lot of time. The really important thing I would think to keep in mind is that there is no fun and being super happy. Everyone has been miserable and jealous, shared, outspread the fun. If everyone you care about is happy and debt free and living good, then that would be the real winner.
Some people spend a lot of time thinking what they would do if they won the lotto. Yeah, they can't be healthy.
That that one about texting to friends is good. That's just that is that is genius. But like, he's he's forgotten that he's went public and winning the lotto and like everyone in town is going to be following him around begging him for money all the time. Yeah.
There you go. There you go. Dave reelin Rodney.
Oh, I was listening to Defuse an awesome banter said was listen to your podcast about what you do if you won the lotto.
I usually don't play the lotto, but I listen to the podcast and hear me family go on about it and the WhatsApp group. I thought why not? Especially with the jackpot been two hundred million. So I bought a ticket on Friday evening.
Later that night I received an email from the National Lottery that said I had won a prize.
I was thinking, it's probably for your scratchcard. I logged onto the website, check my numbers.
I had one two thousand euro shared a lot. Vlad couldn't believe it. I was twelve. So thank you guys for the podcast. Who knew you gave me good fortune. I understand if I don't deserve the mug. Dave, Rodney, whatever your name is, you certainly do not.
At the time of recording this, there's been a winning ticket in fan mail. I really feel like we're doing ads for the lottery here.
We should be getting a court, but hundred houses will be appealed, unlike Tipa FM for the winner to check their tickets, overcover tickets at home. I haven't checked yet. Right. Could be me. OK, so if this podcast ends abruptly for any reason, would you not just check them for a minute or so to keep the suspense?
Great. You know what? I'm going to have a few things on Saturday night, so I'll check them on Sunday. And it could it could be the boost I need to over check me out.
Hang on. Yeah. Or else it could be just more misery.
Feltus on this a day, a fight.
OK, on sex education, education. Christy got in touch upby he could be Christian. I recently listened to the episode where Ladd's went back to the hostel with two queer blades. Yeah, players, young man's game, where in the world is that? Oh, it's kind of an ulcer thing, I think. OK. It took me back to my time backpacking around Oz with a few minutes in 07. We left part with a few grand in our pockets and we toured the West Coast and make it to Brisbane to meet the Kosen in a week or two, not realising how Fechner massive the country was.
Before long, we'd pull in and get some work, build and villas Unicco Beach in Broome. The contractor was delighted at four cheapies landed on his doorstep with a little time there even mean AFL legend Ben Cousins. After a month there with money in our pockets, an itch for a drink and a half for the women. So we said our goodbyes and made a way to Darwin for a week session on the source between sneak in a birthday present call-girl into the hostel for one of the lads, another getting caught wanking in the toilets and a fire breaking out was a mad few days.
Oh, that's a session, isn't it? Oh my God. On the second last night, myself and one of the lads nicknamed the wildebeest a shagger of epic proportions, but a man who never rapped his tool, which I always give to him for met two lovely ladies. Mine was Aussie. His was English. I never got lucky, but arranged to meet again the next night, which will be the last before we made our way to Brisbane.
When I told the wildebeest, he totally cracked the shits with me saying No, where are we? Meet those girls again. And that his was the filthiest woman he'd ever came across and he was emotionally scarred from his encounter with her.
To this day, he's never spoken of what she did to him. It must have been shocking. So he came up with a plan to tell her when she arrived, he said he'd made a mistake and that he'd a girlfriend and couldn't be with her for a second night of passion.
Yes. Didn't make him want her. Didn't this make her want him more?
Oh, all right. She was one Randee Blade, and before long, he was getting off, getting defiled by her once more.
Randy played something to grab the big bad Randee Blade, and he was a slave to the ladies. So as he was a lad who never APTA tool and she was a dirty bit of stuff, I had a plan.
I gave the girl I was with the Willoughby's number and told her we'd be in Brisbane in a week and texted him saying you were we'll call her Lisa and that he'd need to get himself tested as she got a bad STD. I know I'm a bad bastard, right?
So a couple of weeks have passed and we settled into our new hostel and then didn't wylder beef wildebeest will repeat.
Oh. And then the wildebeest receive a text, I immediately noticed the color drained from his face. I asked him what's wrong? And he told me the dreaded news. Now, I totally forgotten what I had set in motion and went to town on him saying he got what he deserved and if it fell off, he'd only have themselves to blame. He was sick. He frantically went in search of a clinic to sort itself out, which was hired, found as we cheap backpacker phones with no Internet.
He'd walk the length of the city and found the place.
But it was almost a week before he could get booked in. His head was melted. The lab couldn't eat or sleep and was constantly going to the bathroom to check. His tackle was still there. No joke. He aged about ten years in a week. So after a few days I got a message from my Aussie girl. She asked me how did my prank go with the wildebeest? Then the penny dropped and I burst out laughing. I totally forgotten.
The poor lad for the last three days was worried his tool was going to fall off and was a shell of his former self. I had to put him out of his misery. His lesson would be learned. I decided to let him in on the joke. He'd suffered enough after a stream of fox to or Jack would be proud of, and him near taking the head clean off my shoulders. He settled down the colour on his face, finally returned.
I asked him would he now change his ways? He said he would. As he got up to leave the room, I asked him where he was going and he said to get fucking right the stress of the last few days in Early Pop in an early grave, some lads need to learn the hard way. That's a fucking prank. That's a story. That's that's the way to do it.
Christie by God damn. That's better than any class in school today.
Honest to God, you can talk about it. You can show them pictures of Blue OFL as long as you want.
But until until until you're stared at in the face, he's OK.
Continuing on. You not remember that in school.
No clue. There you go. Just so I just Googled Blue Waffle. Is this something they use to scare people into? Yeah, I know. It used to be like I said, you should Google a blue waffle and you're in a computer class and everybody Googles.
Right, teachers like Crash and tractors, 100 percent just pulling in, gone, I'm going to have to Google is no awkward situation. Sorry lads and ladies don't. Google blew off the front in the car running on like.
Yeah. Oh, Imogene email saying, I have a story for you. It's not exactly related to your podcast topics, but it has to be told. When I was in school, our vice principal was known as Goofy Seniors. He always managed to say or do the wrong thing around us teenage girls. Prime example.
One day he landed into our Leaving CERT math class. He announced somebody had taken a 50 euro note from one of our classmates bags. Apparently, the girl knew around what time it had been taken. He'd check the cameras and he knew who had been in the room at the time and he knew who the culprit was. He was going to give the guilty party a chance to come forward, privately returned the money and nothing more will be said. He was met with muttering and a few hérault.
Then he uttered the words that none of us will forget. Girls, this is a serious situation and I really advise you, come to my office. I don't want to finger any girl in public.
There was complete silence until our maths teacher started snickering and Cofan to cover it up. Of course, this set us all off. He told us off saying he was disappointed in us and it was no laughing matter.
But I can tell you, no girls were fingered publicly or privately. As far as I know, the money was never returned. God damn goofy. You got to do better, man.
Google have have just fucked me. What you Google blew up. Google blew off. Right.
And look like obviously just an actual blue waffle like as in like a Belgian waffle.
Like a breakfast waffle came up and it was blue and then I was like blue waffle vagina and it still didn't come up and it blew off Felsted and it still hasn't. Coming up, I'm still just getting pictures of blue a reckon Google like have been like they have eradicated this from like years of classroom pranks. So come on, Google, there is one.
Ah ha ha ha ha ha.
OK, no more for you, Smash. Who's going to get the two on his podcast sponsored by KC Sports who carry all the lovely to Johnny's Masters.
That's the whole that's all under Tijani. So who's getting them all. Who do you like for the most.
Uh, has to be Kristy and I wrap it up lads. Yeah. Yeah, that's it. You got it. You got it. You got to wrap the tool. Kristy and Willoughby's. Yes. Wonderingly give them to to Willoughby's I doubt. Yeah, I highly doubt. You get in touch, you can email podcasts, attitudes on exactly what all your contact details and more get that started when we get to Mogadishu ASAP.
Now the weekly roundup, swingline to Donelan. People will have seen the time this podcast goes out. You will have seen the two journeys. We hope you will have seen Sudanese appear on Tommy Tiernan, the Tumi here in the show Saturday night, Saturday night television show.
We haven't seen it yet, so we don't know how it went because our chat with Tommy is about an hour long and then they edit it down to about fifteen minutes.
Seventeen minutes. So I have no idea what made it in and what didn't.
But we thought went well. Yeah. Now in fairness, it could happen to us as two absolute bastards. Yeah. So we could be canceled. Y'know it's so and it's so funny.
I ask people in the know and they were like Tommy does interview him and that's it. He's not involved in the edit process, doesn't want to know and he never watches the show back. Yeah. We're snooker so.
So even he doesn't know how it went. Oh wow.
Nobody knows. In case you don't get it, we're recording the podcast on Friday this week and and the show goes on Saturday and you'll be hearing on Monday.
So hopefully it went well, hopefully. And if you missed it, it's on the player, it's on fair.
And internationally you can get on the app.
Yes. Yeah. It was so weird to leave the county. Oh, man. Drives it on. And also the big thing was we pulled into Junction Tree. Normally it's right up there in terms of our garages.
You know, we love our understanded.
Yeah, we know. We normally read how you walked in Delhi.
Corsetry learned their lesson in orders. A pandemic hongbo. I need rolls.
I eyeballed the two women, work my account well, and then I turned on my heels and left.
Yeah, but you made a proper scene. When we walked in, I was like, we sanitize and like got my I went got me nice jacket out the boot now then we're done up a bit like we're on a TV show.
And then Fox said Oh lordy lordy, come on, come on. And I was like every every member of staff and even the staff, a supermax in manners don't hurt us as well.
So I want them. You know, we often paused and then went to Junction 40, it's too early in the day. Yeah, I know where things are for there wasn't much of an uproar knowing in J14 he pulled it out of the bag. It didn't fit. What was your question?
I said, can I get a roll? And then they only had a small selection. So I'd like you to carry over there, get me on Takio recovery. And she's like the extras.
I could go on, run the telly or on the telly. You Kaveri in a sandwich.
I also met a lot in terms of what it was like. I loved the podcast and stuff and he was I'd say he was a bit nervous or whatever, and I didn't know how to act like ask him if you wanted to get four or that would be normally like 12. It's not so. And I also had a mask on and then I was like, look, we're going to record it, meet here.
And the and I said, Johnny, look, I give him a bit of inside scoop there. Hopefully he's happy enough for that now. So, yeah, we're obviously sworn to secrecy that we were on the show.
But Tom, you know, so yeah, it's good track record.
I wanted more. I worked so hard, I pressed Cmax. Could we not go on bought wearing the little woolly hats like Tommy wears?
And I said it was good. I said, that's totally disrespectful. Mara, would you agree?
Yeah. You could have taken it piss the fact that he has to wear a hat to discard disguise as bald spot.
So he's not the edge.
Also, people I don't know if people realize because like Fred Cook, such a small role on the show for cookies. Hilariously funny. We're backstage at him. Have to stay like four metres away from him.
Yeah, it's hilarious. Like the opposing before is in. Oh, we came in the poison separate restrooms, Mara, you know, obviously articulate policy or whatever, like, you know, they were like, oh no, no, you have to be in separate restrooms.
And then as soon as we met Tommy, he was like, well, he's got you two metres away, like I mean, John Urofsky two years. And he's like, I didn't introduce you last week. You were fucking shiftiness.
So anyway, I hope that went well.
Yeah. And it was it was enjoyable. DUNO So it was it was it was a little bit nervous because, you know, most injuries you have an idea what you're going to ask you.
When we were coming up in the car trying to interview each other, like ask me to mental questions, it may or may not have paid off.
We once we see it, we can let you in on the rest of the interview that didn't make the cut. Yeah.
So but also, thank you so much to everybody who signed up to our extra podcast available on Patreon and on last week's extra podcast.
Number forty nine, we discussed breakfast and we remembered Ireland's short lived smoothie. Boom Bastardly. We're going to play because that's Philip Morris selected. The clip we wanted to play was Jauron. Thirty Seconds of Truth, a part of the extra podcast. Mara rated her prowess in the bedroom. I would hit him because you asked her now. I did ask her. Yeah. Yeah. So obviously we can bring you that clip. So here's this talk about fucking smoothies.
You remember the Faceman, the smoothies, smoothies? Oh, it was a true smoothie boom.
And Rostker Jaune, like I would say, or five to always there's a center beside me like and they just blew a one sided shop.
I put in a full smoothie back and fridge is like everyone was just having smoothies and thinking, you know, the Irish people were like, sure, it's fruit, it's very healthy, strong, 800 calories in a smoothie that was full of yogurt.
The whole thing was yogurt.
And I remember, like, having it like for you are going to get some big smoothie then before decaf and what happened after everyone was enjoying them for around a month and then that was it, like a smoothie. I just became a storage unit again after a month.
If you want to hear more is probably in the bedroom.
Listen to the extra podcast. There you go. You can move that fucker. You can you can pay for the privilege to move in next door to her.
Our guest today has appeared on Big Brother and Dancing with the Stars. He's Ireland's most famous gay traveler and is renowned for his tan and is also moonlighting as a Johnny Cmax lookalike. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Heumann to the two Gianni's podcast.
We look so professional. I feel like I'm in a meeting where I do know the CEO of Trump Tower.
I feel like I'm on an audition for The Apprentice to start professional.
You never know. You never know. You know, the guy has to show up for me.
The Apprentice. Well, whatever.
Hey, speaking of shows, you you were on first dates recently and it did trend on Twitter. People saying it was the worst date ever.
But you have to ask how what was it really like? To be very honest, I liked a lot of us up to date with him because of all the bad comments about which I don't actually support and to start, it was anonymous. I didn't really care. But now it's like, oh, forget about it. Last week's news is worse things going on in the world, but it's hard to understand something like it was edited to make it look somewhere.
In fact, if I really started to think about it, I would have been even more uncomfortable watching it live, because just about ten minutes on the telly, because there's like forty five minutes airtime in an hour episode because of odds and ends. I Kapos is not gonna like each for 10, 15 minutes each if you're out of time. But we was on that stage for like two hours. So if you want to watch two hours, can you imagine how bad you would have thought?
And it was like an all time and the whole entire time I was just looking at him going, I knew what was going on. It was stupid. And I was like, I'm not going to walk off a day on TV. I'm not big enough to fight for him and.
I was just asking every question underneath to I just try to have a drinking game out of the way, the dullards recital's I did and I told the lady the nice shirt on, but I'm. I know.
But why is a man supposed to do your software? Imagine you as a gardener.
I don't know what you went to Gahler by rebroadcasts on a date, but some day I did take it all. An Irishman. Right. But if if you want a date, you're just sat there like a wooden sign out front of you.
I'd like to have been forced at knifepoint to come here to fuck you. Are you meant to do I have to ask you, when you're wearing the tan and some people say to us that you look a bit like Johnny Smacks.
I know I don't look pale. I impaled myself as well. Yeah, you're a fan of the ton of keeping yourself glamorous. Like, is that important to you?
Yeah, but I don't look at it perfectly. By the way, I've got a pink actually Pinchao game. I think I my ex wife forgot me and it's full of ton of stuff and just things like that. So I just got me. But lately I've just, just nowhere to go. There's nothing to do. None of us wants to moksha exercise going on runs and stuff every day. So I just feel like I've had to go on strike anyways.
So what's your goal to ten. Um, just asking for a friend. My favorite town of all, but it's actually the most expensive is a more typical. It's the old it's called called Ultracor over there and it comes in a spray bottle. And that's my favorite one of all because it just looks so good. But I only ever put out my first spray. My whole body, which would be like that would be like 50 quid for a whole bottle of everybody and spray tan to cost 50 quid.
So I just put up fence and we're going to we're going to take you back for a sec.
So the first time that people would have ever seen you on television was on Big Brother over in the U.K. So can you tell us about the audition process or like how did you end up on that show?
Right. So a lot of shows nowadays, but the general public don't always know is a lot of people approach. So last year's not no, not about ago by two times in 19 won. Only four of the contestants auditioned the normal way. The rest that was found to Instagram on approach themselves are true agents. And whatever our demand for fame is famous DA like Tyson always puts on a Yeah, my big brother. A lot of reality television is like that now.
Deuterated somebody opened up applications is for legal reasons to have to, for regulation reasons, give everybody the same opportunity. But that's not really like everything in life. That's not really going on the kind of know who you're having. And it might be a few people to find in the houses, look to all the applications.
And my big brother was the same. So I auditioned normal the old fashioned way. And what happened was I was smart enough.
I went online and I Googled, just came into my head one day on a Google. How do you audition for Big Brother? I knew it was a way of doing that, but I wanted to find like a quicker way. So I went online to find a producer's email address, personal email address, and I hunted, hunted till I found it. And I said, I'm not sending in an application to that name, just houses. It was advertised up on my series as if you're going to go through all of them.
One minute clips, eight minutes. And remember, anyone need to go. Trudel So I found this man. It was called, he was called Don and I said, Don Booker. And I said, that's where it started. I'm going to find out afterwards.
It says, Booker is the booker for the show that he has. But then I e-mailed him off an email, an email of all emails. Oh my God, he must look at you right up along the Big Brother house. You are your barefaced liar. Are you need a psych ward.
I just said I was just saying suck dick porn stars. I always have always believed.
I would say I've been McCurdy's have been Matthijs. I'm a traveler, but I'm so different than stereotype of the traveler. I was telling the truth. I kind of exaggerate. So I knew what I was doing. I knew that if I was a producer, what would I like to say? You have to. You're right now. I could never tell the truth fucking lies. Do it anyways. Sometimes the fact that you've done that show initiative, you probably get the job because you know that you're going to do need anything to get the job.
So sorry, but it's the truth. You got nowhere for being straight. I mean, just look at me.
That's why I'm not so and about the whole experience. I mean, like, excuse me, did you always want to be famous? No, it wasn't, because it wasn't just about like being famous. I wanted to wipe off, but I am.
I just wanted to. Do we have a good experience? I came out a few months before it, right, and I said to myself for that year, I'm going to do loads of things I want to do growing up. I always love pop culture. I love reality shows like Survivor Football. I just I love shows that I always read all the magazines, about a million autobiographies. I just love that industry, even though I know a lot of it.
I just I take it because it's not a nosy I'm interested in other people.
I love to figure out stuff about people. OK, so making a big order was like me, me and a fan, almost like I'm a fan of the show and I'm going into something that I've always been a fan of and I'm glad to see it on the other side. It wasn't cause I never do want you to tell me, like Big Brother was in series seventeen. So it wasn't a show. It used to be in terms of making anyone famous or anything.
And and it's not real fair money, but it's real famous bloody Victoria Beckham, not some reality show. It's like sex on the telly, don't know for five minutes. And so because I'm Irish, I've working on it because we don't really have politicians. That's talk to my favorite being Irish. And like there's not really many people in Ireland or even has been on shows really when you think about it. So it was the best experience of my entire life.
It was so hard, so difficult, but so interesting and amazing. And you have to produce it.
But you just so, just so clever. I've worked with psychologists, the producers, and there is researchers that work together and the interior designers are told how to design the house by the psychiatrist because I partly like how the House is designed, will eventually mess with your head if you're kept there for long enough. Oh, they're not asked what what you say. They probably did big you up until you really believe them. Do not believe your own hype.
What am I just stupid enough to believe it? And that's how you I say all this stuff gets booed by the public, don't see you as a human to see what's in the game and you're willingly doing well for me. I understood that before I went in. So it's not something I'd ever complain about. I appreciate what it's about and what you're signing. Orders are so naive. Just you just hold on to huie.
You mentioned you mentioned they're coming out as gay. I mean, a lot of people you can struggle out was gay. And you being a traveler, was that even tougher to come out? Yeah, well, I mean, everyone can only talk from their own experiences, but I definitely do think in general, if you come from an ethnic background, it is more difficult just life in general. Men to show their emotions is probably more suppressed than mainstream society, even though we already know that's the case in society.
But it's even more suppressed. I feel like we're starting religious backgrounds or ethnic backgrounds or racism. And it was very, very hard for me growing up. I never had anyone to relate to when I used to look at the media and watch TV shows. And any time I ever seen a traveller, I never felt like I related to that person. I never, ever felt like, oh, you're similar to me. We get along or we.
I never felt represented at all. At all. I did not consider gay members as no gay problem. And there's nobody I look at as a bit of an inspiration that will give me probably power because a lot of travelers would kind of have the opinion that when they do not travelers, but that stereotype of yourself of a non traveler person wants to stereotype a traveler like not to be racist for a lot of travelers typecast themselves in the media on a tank that they're doing under pressure because they don't want to hear different kinds of worried about what everybody thinks.
Whereas I don't really care what anyone thinks, when to stop paying my bills, they can have an opinion.
But it's fair to say to our oppression of the traveller community that the men will be quite macho, quite manly.
It's kind of so I mean, how was it received you at home? Like telling the family and friends when you were coming?
I find it so hard. I just didn't know what to do, what genuinely didn't what to do. To think Big Brother was a godsend, because I never ended up needing really to have a conversation with many people. Kind of one person told another person that told another person. And then I went to Big Brother, and that was right afterwards. And I kind of just watched me. And by the time I left, it was fine. I just come home and my parents gave me a hug and we then just had a party because I was home and whatever to celebrate was it.
And we've never had a conversation about it. It's just a really. Well, I don't know. No, no, no. I don't know what I would have done if I didn't have Big Brother. I don't know if I ever I don't know where it had to be because I'm very honest. It just sounds dramatic both.
I had disappeared off the face of the earth or something like that. I probably would have eventually my parents never would have come round to that because of all the shock to see what it was doing to me. And I saw, like, the big hype of Big Brother had to come around to as well. Or if it didn't happen, I probably would have ended up really strung out on drugs or something to cover up and are probably probably would have been dead.
I might have killed myself from really honest because I it affected me that bad. I don't know what I would have done if it got to the stage. I just I just wouldn't have understood to live in. I don't know why I'd believe it because it would have been so unhappy.
She wouldn't feel like I could I wouldn't feel like I could ever grow as a person or have a relationship or date. And I was just sick of ducking and dying. And I'm like, I could never do anything because the country like somebody is going to catch me. Ah. I was scared even to be texta by in case I left my phone down in like a moment somebody took off. Not really to believe it is a Oh Jesus man.
Do you think that that view that travelers have about, about someone being gay is nothing to do with like religion or anything?
Because we look from the outside looking in, it seems like travelers are quite religious and we know like the Catholic Church will be against gay marriage in that kind of thing.
Yeah. Would your family be religious?
Definitely. Definitely religious. You look around you, it's like a shrine to statues.
And I say, you know, why can't country just have one order against that? It's not because I am a religious person. I believe I'm very spiritual. I believe in karma. I always blessedness up when it comes to anything. I don't know if that's just an Irish book. I'm like, my family is religious and stuff like that. That might play a factor of my a little bit. Things have moved forward a lot in my family and the troubles that I know and even just society in general.
Look how much bigger social media is. Even five years ago, Instagram wasn't as big as it is now.
The world has opened up and I just felt like, yes, for travelers, like I can't talk for every traveler. But for me growing up, I always felt the pressure probably to be a particular way and I felt more of a judgment some travelers benefited from. Non travelers are like being a traveler, but I still had abuse in school, are racist, homophobic stuff, and then cover it up with the Christian or whatever, when really it's just your view.
We'll have to ask your opinion. You're a man who's quite savvy on social media and television. And if we were to ask you about the kind of the PR for the traveller community, the first thing that a lot of people think are one of the first things that a lot of people think of is the traveler callout videos, which kind of go viral on the Internet. You what's your take on this?
Oh, my God, you're just so disgusting. It's just like anything else that we've been talking about. It's an individual situation. The problem is the society is still prejudice towards travelers in a way that is sort of OK when it wouldn't be if it was a black person, a gay person, Muslim person, even women. If you want to say something to people, damed in any way at all offensive towards a woman, you would be torn to shreds.
And no one in the world thinks that there's a place for homophobia, for racist abuse, anything. But people are very prejudiced towards travelers. And Senaka and Piki like going out of fashion if you can find new meanings for it. Now, people say those words now as a comparison, which is even more insulting to any person. That's a taste of your Piki. It's like your troubles are just coming to them and any person does anything wrong. I'm going to call you as well as insulting you so I know you'll be back to genuinely don't to go on Facebook.
There's a million or so somebody says the house got robbed. Fucking numbers might not even mean that, as in the travelers, what to do in using a derogatory word that if it was about gay people or black people, you'd be banned on Facebook. Yeah, you'd be banned. You'd probably be reported to police, but there's no point in standing up for hate crime.
But do you ever look at the guys doing like the videos and never be thinking to yourself like, oh, my God, what's the stuff like I do?
The thing is, is that my point of expanding my experiment is to stop, because then when people see these sorts of videos, I do see travelers, like I've said, scenario travelers in the media, like Tyson Fury, like poddy Dockerty. These people, even though the are fantastic men. But you have a very much like where we said about people being homophobic and using the religion as an excuse to all the this stuff, like as a traveler man, this is what we do and they're always typecasts and I'm putting everybody into the same book themselves.
So when you have high profile people do want to publicly take all travelers out for good, bad or indifferent, that then strengthens our opinion. And then when you look at these videos and you have people that already have. Bad opinion of travelers because they're not open minded enough to know that not everyone's the same and have to kind of explain these things, you literally look like a bunch of feral humans. I look at some of these people and I think you're a complete and utter disgrace.
But some people, I actually understand what to say and I get where you're coming from. But not everybody is as passionate about things as I am. So they wouldn't think I wouldn't put that off because they've got travelers judged to not first and not people who are too selfish. As I look at it. And I think everyone is going to like typecasts because I just know how many people literally put them on for a laugh. That's even more that's even more sad when you think about it is like literally like a spectacle of everybody's to society.
One of the things we have to ask you about is so you're on first dates, right? Let's pick things up again a bit here. Yeah. You were on first dates. How did you end up? First dates. How were you not Snapdeal, the fine looking man that you are and how have you how we found dating in Ireland. Have you dated members of the traveling community and guys like how has it been for you?
Yeah, I've never really dated my whole life. So I was right. I've never dated. I've never gone on dates in my life. I just haven't gotten first dates. There was one time I met a guy was known as an official date where you got dressed up. You go out and you meet a certain place. I've only ever done that twice, once the first dates with a different guy. And then on Big Brother, I met my ex boyfriend and so we didn't really date, but we had like a makeshift garden and Big Brother, there was no food in the house.
So we're going to shop for Drakkar Flexibles.
I we like this.
Really. You can see on YouTube, actually YouTube and you can watch. I'm really going to the house to be our bottlebrush. Like this is very like an apron and it is from that which is just amazing. I love that. I was like to give any food. I just have dogs.
But I know my point of saying is, is like I've never really take it so far. States I open the box and move around and in July, August, my friend is a comedian is called. So what is really funny.
Yeah. And he messaged me to say to his friend and was is a producer for first day. Would you like to go on to show the one. A few people has been on TV to get publicity, promote an experience and it turned out absolutely psyched to have you even on Tinder.
Yeah. Yeah. But I've already got really all of time. I downloaded Grindr, had a fifty year old man ask me to hold pics.
I was like do some for like Asian man.
And it was like you said to me, do you want to come down and I'll do just that. And the next is like, I don't know you, you've never spoken to me. And I was like, you call me a murderer. I immediately Gurinder took to get off and I'm not a prude. I'm actually not at all. I mean, I had sex on TV. I'm not one bit of a prude. I'm not like you are a porn star.
And in fact, I'm going to be intrigued. I want to ask you about it, because if you don't make porn star to, you know, so Grindr is not for you and no, I'd rather be somebody a person. I'm a man and I like all I've got.
So I'm on the phone. Oh, can call me.
How annoying is a stupid house I live in was how irritated. And you were talking about Tinder. I'd rather I'd rather meet somebody in person, a couple of guys. I'd rather need another shot which I'm have to give him a kiss that you had to do everything else because I shouldn't do what I'm single.
I like. One of the things I want to ask you was one of your your famous TV appearances, Dancing with the Stars, right? Yeah. Honest to God, the ten.
What did you just put on one layer too much or what the fuck.
Right saw spray tan. That wasn't great to have your own spray tan and special makeup on you. Can I just say as well, when they employed me for the day, applied me to be one of those novelties, we spoke about the new what like to call a guy who had sex on television.
A wonder show. Yeah.
So like when you know that you kind of know what you're getting. I know it's a very different environment, but, you know, I was twenty two. It's times when I was a bit nervous. Sometimes I had Des Bishop, a Catholic, sit next to me. Yeah. And I love humor. It's so inappropriate. I was never not going to say or do things probably to old ladies in Connemara. Don't want to be their problem, but I.
Ireland is too reserved, which I wish to do, like an Irish Big Bird or something, and just show everybody. But anyways, my point is right and I always keep my point is in that sense, I think you're right.
That's a temporary thing. And you're aware of the tent, the. But the stars. Right. For God's sake, Tom. So I went into the studios on the Sunday. Right. And we don't a full dress rehearsal and starts sweating and a kind of passion. And every time I put one more time on top of that, I'm then there was like a two not even ten minutes is like a one minute window between the dress rehearsal, which is the same you do to show finish like you would if you were alive today and going on live.
So I had to front to back stage and I looked at the sets in America and it was all part of the must develop. It was quite dark. I couldn't save about a new look viol and the same makeup artist that worked that show worked on device, the same company Mader. And remember, Jimmy, it was obviously black. Yes. Now decided to use to use on Jamelia. And I quickly picked it up because that was an all time.
It was tradition. OK, and that's No. One, really. You and I put all of them in really quickly. Nobody even knew there was no way of a producer even stopping me. I got flame to blame and didn't even know. I quickly went up to states that do the introduction.
And all I seen was this.
I want to say to looks I was getting from the stage manager, the whole audience just kept staring at me for what it actually is now is in the past five, ten years is one of the most talked about moments probably in Irish television and made international headlines. Piers Morgan was talking about on Good Morning Britain. It was discussed on a chat show in America as one of those trending and things on the Internet. That night, it was in every paper between Britain and Ireland, and I never knew it was as dark because as the show continued on the tunnel underneath it was developed and developing and developing on it was just a disaster.
Well, I would never be so naive now. I don't regret it. I find it very funny. Yeah, I got to know what the headlines is. Probably still the most talked about moment. Yeah. That doesn't mean that it has one hundred and seventeen thousand shares savaging housing shares. I shared it so I don't know why you're getting rid of me. Give me those kind of things I was looking at.
We want to ask you about some more. Speaking of cosmetics, is this true that you got a bum job? Yeah, yeah, so I've had it done twice, and what is it exactly? All right, so you got all your stuff taken out and transferred into your bag like syringes or whatever afterwards just to make it bigger.
I just wanted to have a I wanted a bigger, bigger cushion for the pushin. Yes and no. Question for the next man who gets me is if I look at. Is it expensive?
Is a few grand, is a good few grand. But I ever saw them twice, once and once. People would like to see company to just move to Turkey as well.
And how long is it last? Life.
It's a spot. It's fair. Can you work it off? I've no intention of doing that.
But we got an huie before we before we finish up. What's the plan for the future? Just good times, good crack and a big and a big yes.
A good crack can be interpreted to as a good phone and wire.
So can see the future. They don't want to have a boyfriend. Stay away from that. I want to do an aesthetics course which is about trading floors and all because you can just make so much money doing it. OK, I want to do some makeup courses and I want to finally do my driving test because it's a bit embarrassing at this stage.
I'm twenty six am and oh yeah, I'm going to be going on another TV show so I can't tell you what it is, but it's a major show going abroad for MTV and I go and I go for two months in April to Sunni country.
I can't wait and hopefully there's loads of Boyz N to drink and just loads of Huey.
I want to ask one question before you go.
If you are back on first dates, which one of us would you prefer sitting across the table? Leblond is my type of information, yes, yes, yes, huie, it's been an absolute pleasure to talk to you. You're some character man, and we you've made us laugh and that's the main thing. We need lots of laughter in this time.
So I'm going to be to do it soon. I'm going to be on another show. So we already time for Virgin Media talking about like being called animated starts on March Jittered and all the episodes one player that night. And I don't know why I said I'm going to take them in Episode four. So that would be a great watch.
Brilliant stuff, FUI. It's been an absolute pleasure. Thanks so much.
Thank you so much, guys. I'm really thankful to come on and stuff. You brighten up with your legend by Thanksgiving.
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His advice, still struggling with Lockton is to find three or four nice young ones to settle down with. It's time for an old furlong and it's time for Noles News.
No news. Oh, no. Well, no. Oh, God. Well, I'm actually fairly pregnant. No, you might go to the fisherman's daughter is going to hatch.
Yeah, and she managed to put Psychocandy Candy pussy cat. Well, she when she married him, I thought to myself, why didn't you hit it? It him pussy. Yeah.
Yeah, I know. I made him and I said, when should you. And he said, nine months after Halloween. Ours, not mine.
Oh he dressed up as Captain Birdseye and she couldn't resist.
Hello. Hello. Hello. I don't like Halloween and be parties.
OK, I've seen the Grim Reaper Butler man one night. Gois Yeah. And I thought Jesus, like I just thought, you know, he touched you on the shoulder and you die or something. I didn't know that actually had to murder. You know what, I got a show and ward off the back of his head of the Grim Reaper. Yeah, I guess that's me, Mulder. And to gone too soon. All right. I want a whiskey now.
I fucking I rang the undertaker apologized and I'm for ruining your business. No more. No more deaths. You'll have to retrain. Frankie, I said we have to tell the guards. Turns out it was a mechanic from Banjar in costume. But you know, it's like the song says.
Life is a roller coaster. John Lennon wrote that. I don't think it was before your time. I think it was wrong key before your time. John Lennon might be one of. He was the best one in the Rat Pack. And he was a Tapasvi, but he wasn't.
There was Frank Sinatra, Meatloaf, Gerry Adams, all those guys. He was the best up there, he had it like the song says, the hips don't lie. You know who wrote that?
Well, in fact, that's a fact. I thank you for your time. For your time. Now, news. Yes.
This is a subject that makes even the harshest of men curl up like a hedgehog. Women's things. Oh, no, John, right. But you know that woman. And then she has to, you know, every moment and then.
Oh, yes, OK, yes, yes. One day at a time, you know, you get periods, no periods when things so look, you're probably looking at me thinking, OK, this guy has it all ha physique style, making it like a cheeseburger her but.
You and I will be under pressure when it comes to discussing these things.
Now, the first time my daughter Geraldine got her things and drops, I just worked with me on where my good lady wife was going to knock. And obviously, I'm barred from knock.
Yeah, well, you remember we went with the biscuit, you know, you know, biscuits to the whole family, him. So many to talk. And when it comes to a fight, they're not worth Dixie. So everybody's come to biscuits, they come in the pack, but they are far out of hand.
I that's not to be confused with Richard Tierney, who is now a hip hop deejay under the alias Rich T, though different man altogether. Oh, it's not out of the back. No different man. Different. He's a different crew, actually. Yeah, different crew together, but it was our biscuit, Tommy Biscuit was getting married and we went to knock on wood, knock on his door and what we're place to go, what he asked for Bangkok.
But I thought he said knock because I was thinking like Bangkok. Tom, why do I want to go to Denmark each? Anyway, he had 12, 14 large boxes in the box that he was in Bangkok.
Yeah, we got off the bus and he's like, is north to Bangkok. Could be warmer. And I was like, well, you know, Tom, that's the Middle East, you know.
Now, he did ask a nun, was she a lady boy that went down like a fat in a funeral home? No.
And then we were to get carried away like, you know, and this one comes over giving out to us and he starts dancing with, oh, take it off, you know, you drunk. And I was like, she was already, well, a stripper or something, you know. Yeah.
And I had to say, look, very sorry, Reverend Temodar, but he thinks he's in Denmark.
It's not known as a stripper, but we were the only fellow at the end to mass shouting one more tune so that, you know, doing knock.
Holy Mary appeared on the wall at a chapel. Yes.
Well, that night the two casting ins appeared under for the first time with anyone know some apparition.
So look, look, the crack is the crack. But as the song says, I'm a genie in a bottle. You've got to rob me the right way. Christina Aguilera, Van Morrison.
But he's not going to drop any camera lens. Knock without me. OK, and Donna got her address, so I brought it on the chemist down to fill the pill. You know, if you want a pill, you got to go talk to Fred. Yeah.
So I said, look, Phil, daughter is bleeding and I don't know if you need to give her some sort of a jab or something, but he said to me, matter what age she I said nine, 15.
I don't know. What am I?
That guy from Costco was good with numbers. He upstream. Give me Barry Murphy. Any hobbies? Yes.
So I want to nurse and chat with her and they give her to the tadpoles, but they call them. Tampons get by. Yes, what's that? So I took it home and made her a cup of tea and I said, Look, darling, I'll feed the calves this evening. Oh, that was very nice.
You were on his Bookham I. So the news is New Zealand, New Zealand, I in all the schools, they're going to offer students free period parks in every school free because it happens to half the population, should they be should have to pay for the way God made them. You know, like senior Paddy found when he tried to get medics under medical card, he's Bindman. A pint man is going to point a pint in the UK. In fact, they reckon it's about one hundred and thirty thousand girls miss school because they can't afford it.
Tadpoles every year. God, and they don't want to go to school and be cut short. So and they have no money to stay at home until time has passed. And I think that's fucking terrible.
Those days. They're so in that fucking terrible.
So we need we need the government to give out tadpoles and young men who want some tampons and stay in school. Yeah, that is the news all. Now, when I say stay in school, it's because most people do for nothing when they come out of school. OK, best is your life. Don't people who say school is the best day of your life are moochers and bombs?
Oh, don't hold back. Don't hold back.
Who do? And since they left school except walk around town drinking cans of monster.
So maybe now is your life. They've obviously never won a county final. Yeah, that's true.
It's like a combination of that first gulp of a pint of stout. I've fallen in love with my wife, oh, at a time I shut down Dwyer's Conservatory on rolled into one tonight we wanted to count Definer McKee School burned down the library. Well, you know, when you're out, you're out. He said all in history before this event should be addressed. He wanted to change the calendar system and tone, making it to year zero B.C. before county.
OK. Now, the council didn't go over OK and there were sounding runoff over the library. I said, let's go. Don't get dirty, Tony. A bit of an old Gamon. I mean, I mean, we're all out having hearings or burning things down, and I had to go and I got to do my woman unhappy either.
And I said, look, if you'll excuse me, we've just won a county final. So like Elvis used to sing, if you want to be my lover, you've got to go with my friends, taking it too easy. That's the way it is. It is no longer being no longer the king. Good luck. Hello. Yes, you have got to read my oh.
She's going to turn into one of those crazy dog lady soon and she's OK with that. Maureen is here with her mystery shopping. Right, Mara?
Lay it on us, OK? Question for you. Do you think it will be acceptable in Irish society to turn around and say, actually, no, I don't want to have children.
I'd rather just have all my free time to myself, like, hey, do you think your parents and friends would react?
Because the science behind this, like people think having children makes you happier or both. Numerous surveys are sorry. Numerous studies have shown over and over again that having children reduces happiness.
So if you want me to prove, prove this, Anderson. Rowsell 1983 or Cambell 1981. So like there was actually another one, another study done in 2016, and it found that one of the dominant explanations for children increasing or decreasing your happiness is that they means that your parents are exposed to more stressors. So things like there's more, you know, demand on your time, more demand and your energy. You also experienced sleep deprivation, your work life balance, and also there's the financial burden.
So I think there was one study suggested that the cost of rearing a child from birth to their 18 years of age is quarter of a million or two. And it's Enduro.
Yeah, we broke it down. Although, you know, I also think it's probably different attitudes towards men and women when they say that they don't want children. So any Blackstone, she's written a book called Child Free by Choice The Movement Redefining Family and Creating a New Age of Independence. So she interviewed 70 child free men and women. So she said that from speaking to those people, she said men kind of get a sort of pat on the back.
And there's more joking about, aren't you lucky you dodged this bullet? Whereas for women, it's the all you poor thing. I can't believe you're missing out on the most meaningful experience that a woman can have. You must be so sad and lonely now. I did. I am guilty of one thing. I wanted six children, my my friends and my sister. I've recently become an A. And I see how much work that goes into children. So like like Jesus.
Like they are 24 hours a day, like, you know, ten is like twenty minutes in the morning. Like give him his head and he goes off for the day.
Hopefully I turn to the neighbors but any shit in your backyard am but like my poor sister, like she's breastfeeding and hopefully she won't mind me saying this, but like she was saying that she's actually jealous of dairy cows because they get milked twice a day or is like you're on the go the whole time.
If you're breastfeeding it like it's just like, oh, it's like I'm I think if I was to turn around and say it actually like we're locked down and like I say there, I eyes create my little vision board and like I like four or five things I put on it were like traveling trips. I want to do like long, you know, maybe trip across America, go spend a bit of time in Bali so you can't have that done. Kids, you can't drop the grandchild off.
The grandparents be like right away to America for four weeks.
So, yeah, just feed them three times a day there and give them an a wash, like, you know, they'd be like, yeah, I love that.
So I'm kind of wondering, like, would it be acceptable for Irish, do you think I get judged as being selfish and narcissistic for not wanting to have children? And also there is a climate change element to not having children and some people are choosing not to have children because of the climate change. So where is the environmental toll of having even one child is enormous and they can release fifty point six tonnes of carbon each year. Well, they can't release that child the methane problem, but it's just, you know, the feeding them, buying them all their plastic toys and stuff like that.
So what's your thoughts on it, lads?
And would you ever consider not having children every day and times on the Saturday on population?
Yeah, there's often times, you know, those Avengers movies and the bad guy is Tannous and he wants to destroy half the population.
Sometimes I be like, you know, you had a point. I had a point, you know, the to be a much better place if half of us don't, you know, I mean, you'd have to flip a coin.
We just kill. Oh, hi, Neal. No, Neal tomorrow, but they are so, yeah, socially, I think like all the people, like your parents and the kids, grandparents and all that generation will be loving you to have a kid, wouldn't they?
Yeah. Carrying on, I think, family name and all this stuff.
Yeah. That matters to all people.
Um, not you know, what it is in Ireland when you get married or even before you get married. Like if I but I've seen it when people get married is like. To must be something wrong, they obviously can't have kids, you know what I mean? That's what you need to know, how kids. That's the big thing. Yeah. If you get married and you don't have kids or people to start thinking, all the neighbors are like, well, she obviously can't have kids.
Otherwise to have them or else is like not, you know what? Maybe they like going out for meals and having a fucking life.
Like, look, I know couples who are, you know, not going to have kids. Yeah. We've got friends who who don't have kids and have just said we just didn't want them.
And lately I've been like, they've got a fair point. It's grown on you. Yeah, that's terrible saying this.
I will end up having kids. I'd say so if hopefully if I can.
But like I think in Ireland particularly, there's a big like the pressure. There's an onus on you to have kids here in Ireland. Yeah. It's like, you know, I know that's all. We have big families and we have loads of kids and everything. And but the thing is, like when I sit down and think about like last weekend, I mean, Johnny the Koplik handsome, we're sitting on the couch and I think I turn to you.
I was like, imagine if we kids and we can't be doing this. Yeah.
And it was like, oh fuck. Yeah, I know all during the week I've been like, you haven't even read my mind ma'am.
Like Fokine. What. I mean, like imagine being hungover and it's bad enough that all you can get over a hangover and then we'll have some kid been like, Daddy, Daddy.
Oh my God lad.
I honestly I don't I know you conventioneer and that's really bad for you, but you got yourself in this mess and not me.
Have you seen them on the albums I had last night. Have you know you have it, you're like, oh, I've got me back.
Yeah. If you had half that you. Yeah, yeah. You're off having to lega you shit yourself to drink fucking to leaders here last night. I love to see the state you're in. I've talked to Morris.
We need to get rich enough to just hire all payers. Yes.
All the time. Now we're know people look at you funny if you say you've got enough hair.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah we do. But if you do the math on it. Yeah, it's not that expensive. Like I had a friend who was in Dublin and they ended up having like four kids and then they bought a good jobs and they were like the price of childcare is huge, but they waited up and we're like, we should actually just get an au pair.
And it worked out nearly the same amoebae from the country. I was like an old pair of your flashforward, you know, no one down countries that you just have grandparents.
Yeah. And put, like, kids, kids make you happy.
And in Ma, you've just said it's proven to reduce happiness.
It does put a bit of stress on it like, you know, puts a bit of stress on even having a kid, no doubt, whatever. But then the thing that always gets me is people are like, wait, they're bar, you just change.
I actually had this conversation with me more yesterday.
She was like, look, you will have kids on a few years. And I was like, yeah, I would like to stress in kids and the great stress. Yeah. And and she was like, yeah, but wait till you see him now.
Issues like it's different kind of and and I'm like, will I wake up some day. And it's just like, you know, so it's like like I was saying a few weeks ago to work on women just settling down in general. Yeah.
And was like some day switch goes off and you're like, right, I'm ready to settle down to the switch go off. And it's like right. I'm ready to just give up everything and have kids. So I'm just waiting maybe for that day to arrive.
You've got to dedicate my life. This little pink ball. Yeah. Who pulls on itself. Yeah I know, but it's seriously people do say it's a whole different ball and then you feel see once you see, once you see your kids and like, you know you have a special moment and that's probably something we will experience.
We do want kids. I do want kids.
I want to be able to be like but I just want them like when they're like Opta minor in on the like OK, I'm eighteen now Daddy.
You can love me. I'm like no more or less what I do in college, you know, that kind of stuff.
You want to adopt a talented fifteen year old. OK, yeah. Yeah I know. Look, I am looking forward to having kids, raising kids. I'm sure it'll change me as a person or whatever.
But I put listen, listen, listen. I can massively see the benefits to not having kids.
My ex is here more thinking child or runners.
I'm also here thinking like, oh I'm sure. And he's going to listen to this.
He does also the thing of like kids will look after you when you're old.
Yeah. I don't know if you want to found.
Yeah. Yeah. Or no and love you. So nurses, I pay all the bills on the state.
Look after I want to pay you extra to pretend you love me. Tell me I'm great. Yeah.
I think that is the fear if fear like being lonely in life. Yeah. But you ever see some people and you just knew them from both like leaving school like she's an absolute mammy.
That one just can't wait to have kids and start wearing a fleece or on the backs. I thought, I think I told the one before I was on the stag and I was going home.
One of what you do was going to be pizza and all that and just laying on the couch like, you know. And he was like, oh, man. Like, as soon as I go home, I'll have a three year old jumpin on my head. Kohala. Yeah. I remember just be like, oh, yeah, I guess so, but I'm sure I'll get to the stage where I'll want the three year old to jump in my head and just wait for that.
Yeah, I think yeah. I suppose just thinking about it there, I think I would be OK with having children. But it's just the price of childcare though. That's like in Ireland, it's an absolute scandal, like the crash in Auti, even though I don't they say it's subsidized, it's still over nine hundred quid a month. And it's like, that's my bloody mortgage.
Like that is market share. Yeah. So, yes, it is. It is expensive.
I'd say he deodorize mean jollier so, so, so kind of dodgy about having kids hesitant. We have flexible hours.
So if we have kids like, like it's going to be like Neil in here on the PC and me and Johnny just been like Neil honestly just take the kids, take the two kids out for a walk or something. Yeah.
Neil stepping out. I'm doing because like like both our women have like regular jobs. Yeah. Yeah. So like we'd be at home wandering around with like, you know, those slings slings on us.
In fairness though, we did some crack, like it's like we, we have the planet that we bought have kids at the same time. Exact same, same age. Yeah. Yeah.
We want to get it on the job tonight. Yeah. OK, right. Texan. Well I shake and bake at every class of kids the same age and then like we just raised them to do what we did. Mick.
Oh God man. Yeah. You're so naive. I, I've two friends like that and there is the both their partners with you at the same time and they're like say like I because now because we can go off in the car together and put the two kids into the backseat and it's just it doesn't work out like that for whatever.
Oh no, no. It'll work for us more and more. By the time our kids are three, they'll be tap dancing. Yeah, the kids are ten and it's like the two Johnny Junior podcast. They're going to get an education kids program.
They're going to school in a suit being like, well, hello and welcome to fourth class. They're going to learn to play banjo. Yeah. And read music. All that stuff I can't do. My son's first name is going to be Cmax. And if I a girl definitely going to be like singer, hopefully, hopefully you get your voice, let them work or not.
Stern devourers. Come on now. Mix it all up. You know what though?
It's mad, right? I'm talking in a few weeks and they all said things are like, you know, the radar, it's on the radar like and it's so scary like it like like owner who works as I'm sure he won't he won't mind saying he's had a child in the last couple of weeks.
Yeah. Him and his partner. And like I was just thinking like, God, it must be scary.
But mentally destroyed homes are shit. They're my responsibility. Don't drop like not my responsibility at the moment. Yeah.
You know what I even like, you know, it's like, did you pay these people? I told you, don't give me this amount of responsibility.
I'm not ever so like, imagine you've got a dependent then changes everything.
Have you ever been asked that's why the universe needs to fuck off so I can get my last couple of fucking years of living in and it's just going to be like, oh, I'm born, I give up now.
I'll be on here talking about like rice cakes and fucking hummus or bland items like that. Not what kids eat.
Well, Sonnenschein Orange. Malapa Lupa. Yeah. You ever be asked by somebody, do you have any kids.
I'm like, no. Oh my God.
I got asked what was this thing I was filling out forms the restaurant week, restaurant week.
And I was like, do you have any kids of no, jeez, I don't like.
And then I'm like, oh, well, that's probably a legitimate question to ask. An almost two year old, do you have kids? It was almost insulting for young that you to talk. We would have kids, but I think it's not that I know of.
Oh, it's like that.
Oh, no, actually, I don't know. Not that I know of. It's like, well, this guy's a dick. I'd hope to be a parent.
Yeah, I'm I'm like, I want to be like the best dressed parent. And I'm definitely gonna have my kids wearing, like, matching clothes to me. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. Same haircut, whole lot.
He's going to have a fade out woom have blonde highlights. Look I just want to be the cool parent. Yeah. I saw a lot recently from the ghetto and oh yeah I saw those two kids and I know them from coaching. I was like oh well please hurry. And then he turned up and all three of them are wearing the exact same as the fucking green and they all had the tracksuits with ankles out and like a navy puppy.
Sure wasn't me, was new. And I just I knew and I was like, your dad's cool before he comes over. He's wearing the same thing.
Yeah, that's that's that's the goal. But we definitely have to have kids at the time. Or do you know what to seriously workwise. It just wouldn't work. It wouldn't work. If we kids of different ages, because, like if I was having sleepless nights feeding kids and stuff and then like I was coming to you when you were like consecutives and then like, I'm finally finished with that and in your. Yeah, yeah. It's not working.
So we just do it together and just hire someone to look after your kids.
That's why I got the puppy. I thought it was good training. Yeah. For a baby.
But these kids are going to shit. Yeah. Probably eating less or less.
I looked up this morning and he had dug a hole about a foot deep and its head was inside. And I was like, what are you hoping to find in the garage?
There was a mass of turtled in your driveway the other day and out in your yard like another humongous and some stuff that see anywhere away from that morat.
To answer your question, which was. So what was your question?
Well, no, I think it's a friend of ours, a good friend of ours. He's distant and he's in a long term relationship and just said it casually in person. One is like, no, I don't have kids. And we were like, really?
And he's like, yeah, I understand that once a doctor together get the snipped and all. And the doctor was like, Man, you're too young.
I'm not doing it for you. Yeah. And he just hasn't in his head. He's like, fuck that, I need him. We'll have a great life.
I'm like, oh yeah. You know what? If you don't have kids, I'd be able to, like, live in Lanzarote for half a year and just like have the crack.
But it's like you said, like not having kids, like, look at the money. It would save you. You could totally re organize your life. Yeah. But I think I think the problem with not having them is obviously time runs out eventually. Yeah. So you don't want to be like.
No, I mean me Turki's I don't want kids and then you get to like 45 or 50 and you're like shit and I can have kids. Maybe I should have people.
Little people haven't. They are now. Yeah. People are having Wailea and know like my teacher like it's in my blood is starting to run.
Coleman I'm getting a bit scared. Now let's get back to just being like young men with family sizes who are shrinking.
Yeah, but my dad is one of nine. My mom is one of five. Yeah. Like that's very rare.
No, I can categorically go on record to say probably two max twins ideally get in and out.
So I've done. Yeah. See. Depends on how much Kracker having. Like, if you're getting on well with kids are some kids are difficult and some kids are easier. Like I know where we're making laugh and crack, if you like.
I mean, petrifies that like to have a kid and then be looking at going like, fucking hell, you've taken everything from me. I fucking hate you. Yeah. And honestly, you know, maybe like maybe this does it is might this obviously probably doesn't happen.
I haven't but like to be with even like thanks for taking my youth you little fucker. I know you expect me to bat you and feed you and burp you. I should be in the pub. I have nothing dancing on the table to the Macarena. Yeah. So that's that's what I'm worried about.
More a great topic. Really enjoy that. We should probably revisit this at some point maybe in the future.
Yes. When we have kids in 12 years time.
OK, don't forget the read review. Tell your friends what Johnny's podcast if you want to get in touch podcast at the two Johnny Use is the email address. You can get us on Instagram at the two Johnnys and let us know any topics you want to hear. Guests you'd like to see on the whole hour. Get in touch with us now.
We're going to round off the podcast, as usual, with our yards and darts in a week.
John Bernard, you want to kick us off my year to the week as well? You know, the band Daft Punk have retired. Yes, but what I really, really like that that could have been anyone.
Look, if gigs were still going, Daft Punk could retire, send out to young lads in the helmets and just press play and back on track.
There you go. They could have got their only return because there's no gigs. They've missed a beat.
Yeah, literally. Yeah. Oh yeah.
Hundred percent Daft Punk atour Pressplay and like two two lads and fast horses jump around amort succulence don't even jump round.
It's not as if Daft Punk were like, all right, put your hands in the air. You know what I mean? They're not do that.
Not that I know, but so they haven't been touring in ages. And this guy started a Twitter page and he named it his Daft Punk touring. OK, and every day since 2013, he's tweeted first thing in the morning, No. 365 days a year for three years is daft that puncturing no every day.
That's all he does is all he posts every single one of his posts, hundreds of these posts.
And the on the day that have retired, he finally went viral and he's got like a thousand likes. And before that, nobody interacted of them.
Clearly got to know, well, look who's doing that.
You know, I've often seen in our message requests and Instagram is like, I'm going to contact you every day and you send me a video. Yeah.
And it's like so then it's like day one of contact data. No one ever gets past like ten or eleven days.
And you know what? If someone gets past like 100 days, oh, don't bring them on us. OK, ok, forget I said that, but I do see a DC that it's funny is no one like that guy is relentless.
No one, no one's gonna step stop.
Did he like write a piece of software Twitter for him. Or something. Probably OK, anyway, Johnny, if you got your two daughters. Yeah, I do have a I have a daughter. Yes, Eminem, the rapper. Yeah. Where does the name come from? You don't and Ms. That's what I would have thought. I don't know, but it's spelt m m m. It's weird. Yeah. His real name, Marshall Matters.
M and M. A.M.. All you heard this on it was a question on the chase. I was watching the chase during the week, of course, is locked on a watch to chase all those fucking afternoon shows. And I do like the chase in particular.
And the question was, which rapper uses his initials as his stage name?
And I was like, who the fuck is that? And in your arms, like, I don't know. And he was like, Eminem. I was like, oh, my God, Marshall Mathers, Eminem. So instead of writing em and sign Eminem, he spelled it m m m and it's pronounced Eminem. Eminem, yeah. Weird lads from the man who brought you to Missy Elliott. Come on, I've followed it all for an absolute belter that's going to blow people's minds confidence.
I was just normal. The hardest L.L. Cool J. Ladies love cool James. That is pretty cool. It's easy, yeah, yeah, but like he pulls it off and LL Cool J ladies probably do love him. Oh yeah. See, he's done all right. Yeah. OK.
Eminem on M and M. There you go. On my word of the week last week, which is a minor thing.
I'm pronouncing it right.
Which is the whole the whole. I've got me got your share down there on Monagle. Johnny, Johnny, Johnny. The word this week is a monologue.
I think that's the way that's the Irish word for the day after tomorrow, OK. And I was like, isn't that mad? There's no word for the day after tomorrow in English. Well, Simon says there is. It's called overborrow.
Typed it into Apple pages here, typed into my phone and came up with misspelling, not a word, open a dictionary and there it is. Wow, over Marot is an English word for the day after tomorrow, even though word and pages and docs all say it's not dictionary has it. Wow.
And Angus said that that is a hundred percent only a scary word, a that in Connacht they say Uru Amalric, they don't use them a monocle.
And this week I came away looking for mad Irish background. Today I did check in again with I and I wanted to confirm something that I had suspected for a long time that there is no word in common. Irish speak for girlfriend or boyfriend. And if you're in school, I can tell you. So you're saying, like, you know, more controversial. Yeah, but that's that's a school, English, Irish and that's what nobody says that. And then I asked some other speakers, including by and he said, yeah.
That if you were to ask a girl, does she have a boyfriend, you would say, I'm in Bukola. Good. How do you want to be.
Yeah, which is weird because we were out all night with a friend of ours and he met a very famous gay Irishman and said, Is that your boo? And we thought that was a bit mad. But like he was obviously bang on spying on them as she officially got like a parrot on our on our on our show here.
Want me to play it?
Even though he sent me a video. Not here. I'll just say, if you're sending private messages belong to him, I don't know. But it's pretty funny.
Well, Johnny, in a monologue, that's what you'd say for the good of the world in a good. Do you have a boy or do you have a girl? That's what you mean. Do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend or you say, I was a good Australian, but unfortunately, when you were referring to us, it was just us on stage and donkey, not a style. I'm considering a petition for George Bush to start his own podcast, you can call me and come under our umbrella.
Yeah, so that's my that's my thought this week that you could say to somebody having all boucle have your calling of monarchal. I enjoy that.
That is my favorite word so far, because up to now, I'm pretty sure you're just fucking making them up.
And you started a week can us new year. That needs new runners.
Adidas right on sale now. Yeah. One thousand seven hundred and twenty five.
OK, fair price for runners, right? Yeah.
Have you seen them though. They look like rocks. They are fucking across loud in every language, they're crocs. They're like, oh, they're honestly they're crocs. They're one piece of plastic. Yeah. And like you, you know, they look like you look kind of like sandals. But crocs, you've got like little like lions over them and stuff. I could not believe it popped up. I actually got I downloaded the Adidas app to try and get like predators.
Yeah. A while ago. I've got started since, but. I got a notification was like, these are available, so we never look for it, look at ease for the cracking, people will be collecting runners, paying a lot of money, not me, but much the seventeen hundred one thousand seven hundred twenty five euro.
Wow. And Acrux. I don't care if Kanye West licked him. He's done them.
Where is he making them? He's part of a huge market. I do not know. But they are the crux. And I just think like crux of grant for wearing around a house or going out to the bin. A crock of shit. Yeah.
You can get like Cast-Off Croxteth for like a favorite business so that that is my daughter. Too weak to be happy enough. Yeah that sounds familiar. Million.
That's another week, not a week down. Enjoyed it. Not a week back to normality. Closer back home. Everybody's keeping their head. Yeah. So that's it. We'll see you on. Yeah. Yeah. Check us out.
If you hadn't seen it. If it's good we don't know. Well for me.
Johnny Snacks for me. Johnny B for me more. Go on. We'll see you next week. Good luck Lac. The bull stories, the biggest personalities, the best accents enjoy series from across the pond with AMC. Plus looking for romance, a discovery of witches. Is your next obsession ready to raise the stakes? Check out what Entertainment Weekly calls one of the best new series Gangs of London. Want to get weird, doctor, who is definitely for you.
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