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It's to Johnny's podcast, to Johnny's podcast, to Johnny's record, the podcast. Hello, hello, hello, you're welcome to the two Gianni's podcast, bringing you all the mayhem and news from the world of the two, Johnny Johnny B. and Johnny Cmax, welcome to podcast. One hundred and thirty three coming to you like a group of employees descended on a free at the work Christmas party on this week's podcast. There's a saying what happens on tour stays on tour.


Not so in this case, though. We bring you behind the scenes of our trip to America that's going to air on our T as a TV series.


He once stole an ostrich after 15 creamy pints. That is a fact. Not for long. We'll be here with the news.


She has no interest in running the bulls in Pamplona. Anyone who has spent the day bringing in cattle for her test and will understand Mora is here with her mystery topic and as traditional as parents posting pictures on Facebook of their children on their first day back to school.


And nobody gives a shit.


We run off the podcast with their yards and darts a week before commencing proceedings for matters arising from last week's podcast.


Yes, Mr. Chairman, Luke emailed the podcast and said, Allow me to set the scene. I had just returned from lunch.


A very nice lunch, I might add, as I had my maths mock exam that afternoon.


Back when I was in school, I had managed to stomach a SUPERVALU chicken infinite role for your student. Students deal with a bottle of water, which, thinking back now was exceptional value. I returned to school a bit earlier so I could go over a couple of notes and before I knew it, I was in the exam hall waiting for the paper to be dished out.


The teacher standard started handing them out and the minute it landed on my desk, I quickly scanned through it to see how I was looking.


I was bollocksed. A couple of questions I had no idea about and panic started to ensue. We were about fifteen minutes into the exam and I had maybe one or two questions done. Then it hit me. I needed to strain the spots. I said to myself I'd see how I go and if I could hold out, I would.


Another half an hour passed and I realised I wasn't going to be able to hold in much longer. So the hand went up. I got the teacher's attention and asked, could I go to the toilet? She didn't even entertain me and told me to hush. I was thinking to myself, It's a mock exam. Will you chill out and let me relieve myself? If a man's got to go, he's got to go. Five minutes later, we were in serious border.


I asked her again, got the same response. At this stage, the maths exam was out the window. We had more important things to focus on. I had to keep it cool and not let it turn into something really embarrassing. My whole school life was on the line. My reputation, the red alerts were going off. I was trying to consider all my options. And let me tell you something. I did not have many options.


Could I just run to the room, run out of the room and run to the toilet? No, because this teacher would probably rip up my paper and fail me. I might actually probably be doing me a favor. But anyway, I decided that wasn't an option.


Option number two, and this is how bad I needed to go, was just letting a little bit of piss out just enough that it might be noticeable.


Come on.


It might leave me of the order pay. And I was in I waited for a couple of minutes longer and that was it. I decided to go with option number two.


I focused and said, let's just let a small bit out and I might be OK. I relax the bladder and things started to flow. I had intended to stop after about two seconds, but my God, she did not stop flowing.


I then started to realize this was a terrible idea. I couldn't stop it. It just kept coming and coming. A pool began to form around my chair. I thought to myself, Here it is. This is the end of me. I'm going to have to leave the country and never show my face again. I was ruined while this was happening. The teacher who refused to let me go to the toilet had swapped out with another teacher. This made things even more of a nightmare.


If I had just waited a couple of minutes, this new teacher would have probably let me go. But it was too late to think like that. The damage was well and truly done. My survival instincts kicked in. What options did I have? I looked down at my bag and there it was, the empty bottle of water from my chicken rural Cambodia. This was my way out. I quickly picked up the bottle, open the lid and called the teacher over.


She walked over to me and noticed the pool of water surrounding my chair and pants.


I said, Miss, I'm after spilling my bottle of water all over me, can I run to the toilet and get cleaned up? She said absolutely no problem.


I returned from the toilet and what I saw next was horrific.


The teacher was down on her hands and knees cleaning up my purse on paper towel. I couldn't help but think to myself, if only it was the teacher who didn't let me go to the toilet, the first place was clean that up, I would have had a right laugh.


Anyway, we cleaned up the mess and I sat back down in my chair and finished the exam. I had done it. Nobody caught on at all that I had pissed myself in the exam and I was clear from all the embarrassment. I do wonder how different the following three years of school would have been if I had been caught and that water bottle wasn't there. Well, I suppose there's only one thing to be thankful for, and that's the for your or chicken rule deal with a bottle of water.


Moral of the story. A well priced, chicken filled role saved my whole school life.


This is why chicken rules are so important, literally.


And it's funny because they said, like, I don't think anyone knows you're buying a piece off you.


There is a distinct sense that there was the cheap bottled water smells like piss.


I did not know when to use mopping up the water that it was warm, like, yeah, bang of ammonia off. And I mean, we had another anonymous message in and it says, well, lads and more listening to this week's podcast. And I hear your man on about getting the bitch slapped. And Chandy, to be honest, it give me some form of PTSD and unlocked a hidden memory I hadn't thought of in a very long time.


To be fair, Cmax analogy of, well, you don't know how to drive a car the first time you see it into it, do you? This is apparently evident in sex life. I had this girlfriend back in first year in W8 who was in competition with this other one from home as to who went the furthest with her fella at the weekend. Trivial, I know, but sure. What can you do? Anyway, we're at the house one night and she says to her friend Amy is going to give her fella a blow of the tin whistle the coming weekend, and she wanted to take it off the list herself.


First Happy days.


As I. I'd seen the movies, I'd done the research. I knew what to expect.


So she decides there and then she's going to do it even better.


Sabzi, anyway, next thing, the tug's are off, I'm ready and win. And she says to me, don't look at me. Finds a go under the blanket under she goes blanket is whipped back over and then a breeze creeps in from agap foxes to myself that's called I took in the blankets. I don't want to get in chilling given out and me ultimately losing out. So I did just that and she's like, what are you doing? And I said, None to mind me, I'm just fixing the blanket, OK?


She says, I'm going to do it.


Great things. I love you back. I close my eyes and then a breeze again. Something's not right here. I said to myself, whips back the blanket, saying out loud, What is that breeze? Well, lads, I shit you not there. She was laid hand blowing on it like you would a hot fa.


Oh, what in God's name are you doing. What's it fucking look like. I'm giving you a blowjob. She says I couldn't even I don't even know how the fuck do you get to college and not know what a blow job is. I was lost for words. I just had to say. I don't think tonight's the night.




And we watch an old film Lost for Words Anonymous. That is one of the best.


Where did she go to school today? And he must've been an all girls school.


Oh my God. What was she studying?


Oh, I said I got up this morning at about half six to go to work and decided to go for a shower.


I said I just go quickly down the hall to the bathroom, fully in the nip since it was early and nobody would be awake.


My house, me and her two girlfriends had been up late drinking. Anyway, as I opened the bathroom door, there's one of her friends sat on the toilet.


I level two, I let me fluked.


And to make matters worse, it is worth nothing at this point.


The reason I decided to run down in the NIPP was because I had treated myself to a wake up wank and my belly was called.


Come on, come on. No, manja. Come on, man.


Juice on his belly. A sight to behold, I'm sure. Anyway, as Noel would say, let the dog see the rabbit. Love the show up.


Meet up Blanken this oh this podcast is gone to Potlatch. Some people do this.


Yeah. What do you know.


What I was I was we used to have Nick heartens in the house and I was always on to and even like we need to get rid of nicknames like they're gone with the float. And then like finally one weekend they took them down but had forgotten.


I talked them down. So like I was able to shower and I was like, let's go and get me Forn. And I ran into the sitting room and we no curtains to replace the net curtains. And I look out in and the neighbors just walking down the road, I didn't know whether to wave or what. I just hit the deck.


It's just literally just went from a standing position to like on the ground within. It was the fastest like a. I'd say she was wondering, like, is something wrong with that fellow crawl that the Army Army job on the elbow? So on last week's topic of boy racers, Jack emails, he says, well, lads and Maura around where I live, about two years ago, Dundalk was the area for the kerosine, few laps of our D, then flat for Taseko in Dundalk.


After Taseko, all the lads with heads would head to Johns Jonesborough just just across the border where the defense would go on. Some crack was had the Garity would sit one side of the border and PSNI on the other and just leave the boys at it. You would see all sorts of mortars under the sun. What young bookstall lads are sliding around? It's mad to think how strict it is now with barely any of these rare GDM cars on the Irish road.


I'm going to guess that's like. Is that what you don't hear, say, like Jap imports? I don't know. That's a guess. Gone are the days of the kerosene, though. All of these now as young lads wonder, all the er trees are mkdir seven in Canada, goose jackets. Take us back to the crosshatch, brown boots and pink Superdrug Paulose. Jack is reminiscent of the past er that I'm just trying to Google.


What gdm saria sports cars for sale.


Japan Jaff Imports. I was right. I am a petrolhead now Cherie's said.


I remember a lad asking me for red nail varnish to paint the eye on his Golf GTI because of red. I meant the car was bigger horsepower or something. The lads would think the golf was better than it actually was. Car flex and let your hair flex. And another listener said, Well, lad, just listen to your Boy Racer podcast. I'm over here in Southampton and there still is a big boy racer seen regular caromed of meet ups plan with easily fifty cars turning up and about a hundred people.


The thing is during covid lockdown to plan to caromed but had to cancel. So they came up with a genius idea.


They went on Grand Theft Auto five online and had a car meet in the game class, upper class, the small car.


Is there an option in GTA to give yourself a neighbour up?


Here's the address. Your manager, GTN, a Superdrug T-shirt, which I know scan your jackets.


That's gas is cracka and ranty was in touch. That could be an error. That could be Rinty anyway.


Ranty I was in touch to see cars turned into a lifestyle for me. A bit like the guy for you that I spent all my time building and fixing and modifying cars. Montello Park is like Croke Park for me. I got into Driftin in a big way. It's very dear to participate. My car stuns me about twenty thousand.


Your own Pozzallo are weekends drifting. Could easily cost north of a grand. So as you can imagine, there's not a lot left over for anything else. I love it all. The insurance, cost and tax and all associated costs have made it difficult to keep these cars on the road. But I'll keep out a lot of people in touch saying Berezan is still a big thing. I was of the country Slagle Mail and I have to say I saw more of it up there than down here than down here.


And one last thing before we leave it. People listen to the term boy racer. Is that offensive? Is that like a slang term? All you boys are or are people who are into it happy to be called by racers? Yeah, please let us know. The lady racers. Girl racers. Yeah.


What's the what's the term known as now car enthusiast.


I suppose maybe what they would say that's slightly different. OK, like people who are into like, you know, performance cars.


OK, and petrolhead is probably probably. Yeah it's OK. Yeah. I don't know. Let us know.


At last week's mystery topic, Pets in the Bedroom, we had another anonymous email says myself and my missus have the pleasure of having four dogs in the room with us every night, three of which take up most of the bed nine times out of ten. It isn't an issue. Until the fateful day that this story occurred, myself and the missus decided to do the deed. She decided to be on top. I obliged, like the gentleman that I am.


All was going great until about one minute in when the missus let out an almighty screech that would give the old Banshee a run for her money. Shocked, terrified and confused, I lifted my head up to find the source of the commotion. And what did I see?


But my mini Australian shepherd standing behind a wife, happy as Larry seen the confused look on my face, my wife could hardly explain to her laughter what had happened. Eventually, it all fell into place. The dog ate her Dorcas on the bed and decided she needed to investigate. Unfortunately for us, she decided her investigation needed to begin right at my wife's ears and still kurnos right between the cheeks.


Needless to say, the two of us broke down laughing and the mood was instantly killed. There was no coming back from this one. Would she take the chance to do it again? Yes, well, in the words of the great Noel Furlong himself. But yes, she would if she was Cmax. Don't let the story put you off. Get. A small dog couldn't recommend the mini Aussie breeding of class dogs as long as you keep them out of the sack, got an anonymous email to say.


I say get them a nice comfy bed downstairs and close all the doors.


I was dog sitting once and my new boyfriend was over.


Now, I had to watch the dogs because he was quite sick and actually died a few months after he was so friend or the poor dog.


Well, I thought that was the boyfriend for a second there that said, that's taken a sinister turn. I'm going to read on I hope it's the dog. We should really read this before we go.


Let him sleep on the landing upstairs.


Is this the first time? And I left the door slowly open, but not in the bedroom with us. It's the dog. However, that didn't stop him completely ruining the vibe. My boyfriend and I were still living at home at this stage and we were taking advantage of a free house. So at around three a.m. I got a wake up call.


Once everything was in full swing, I started to hear heavy breathing coming from the corner of the room. Sounded like a creepy old man, to be honest. So we kind of stopped to check it out. And I looked over and making direct eye contact with me was this small ill dog vigorously humping a cushion. As he watched us get busy, as Mara would say, fakin Søgaard was pretty creeped out by the dog from then on.


Wouldn't lie, though.


We still finished at night.


Oh, so the dog was getting horny looking at me and in between her circusy that like nearly a whole episode, just trying to get rid of this dog so that he can have a Tommy tank. And Dylan was in touch.


After listening to this week's podcast, I thought I'd share my experience of dogs in the bedroom. When I was first going out with my now wife, she rang to see if she had a free house. And we all know what that means.


The best three minutes of her week or so after I ran nearly seven care out to her house, we got down to business.


That's fair for her.


Just I mean, after seven K, I'd be on a defibrillator.


I ran seven K, then only four hours later I was ready to go. I did.


Dylan, Arza says here, obviously I never took any notice of the family dog because we were too busy. She was on top and going for it when next thing I felt something at my balls and yes you can guess it.


The dog was licking my jewels in the middle of the drawers of passion to say finally true.


It should have Celan is an understatement. I got one of the biggest fights in my life when I realized it was the dog. That day when we put the dog over the room, somehow I was still standing to attention and was able to finish to deal.


A lot of lot of bedroom flexing going on here. I always be wary of the family. Dog friend of ours had a fight with his missus and didn't see the dog. And when he drove off the driveway, it may have killed the dog. So, you know, always be wary of family dogs and accidentally killed the family's dog.


It had for well over a decade. Yeah, that's some scare.


Imagine mean in the bedroom and like, someone's licking your balls, like, well, I thought your dad was on a football jersey.


John is email saying this week I was going through the podcast archives and I was listening to podcast episode sixty 68.


And in that episode Cmax and said He's Ondrej soccer team or full Burnley kids for two years.


Yeah, which is amazing. But he said this reminds me of my underage Socrates. When I was around fifteen or sixteen years of age, my soccer team was playing the match. It was a Sunday morning and all the team members, coaches and physios were there except for our Kitman who had our jerseys.


At first we thought he was running late, but they came to kickoff time and there was still no sign of the kettmann.


The referee was getting impatient and wanted to know why we had no jerseys. He said if we don't have our jerseys in the next 30 minutes, he would give the other team a walk over.


Our coaches rang our kitman to know where was he. Our Kitman said he was off hiking in the Gouty Mountains and I totally forgot about the match. Our coach told this to the referee and it was fair to say the ref was not impressed, of course, then got a brainwave and decided to drive to the nearest Penneys and he would buy loads of these two euro white t shirts that we could use as jerseys. He went into town and about half an hour later he ran back with a bag full of white t shirts.


He asked the referee, could we wear these white t shirts as jerseys for the match?


The referee, who was now extremely angry with our team for delaying him for so long, said, well, you can play in the white t shirts as long as you have a number on the back at him. Our coach cut out his permanent marker and gave it to everyone on the team to write a number on the back of the t shirt that didn't turn out to be a good idea was nearly half the team had written. Sixty nine.


He came over and asked, are we ready to start when we said we were ready and then five players on my team walked onto the pitch with 69 on their jerseys. The referee was absolutely fuming and said, you can't read the match or five players at the same number. Our coach had to drive back into pennies to buy more of these white t shirts. He came back and this time he made sure that none of us had to know the same number on our shirt.


The lads with the number 69 on their shirts put on these new ones and we finally got the game started. We won two nil and decided we would wear these t shirts until we lost a game. We went on a seven game unbeaten run, so we got good value out of our two euro T-shirts, up tip operating.


John, please get in touch and let me know what team that was. That is that is some story.


Scioscia was in touch about the boom. Zamora, a long time listener, first time email or Trauner back to the topic of the boom.


And I've got two stories.


In 2001, we went on a family holiday to Gozo in Malta to celebrate my parents' 10th wedding anniversary to get to ghiorso.


At the time, you had to fly into Malta International Airport, get a helicopter out to the island that is Boom Halli been for at the time, I thought this was the best thing in the world. It is. Fast forward to a year later to our family holiday in Spain. We just gotten off the plane, start walking towards the buses to take you into the terminal terminal. When I started bawling, I then proceeded to lay down face first on the runway and throw a massive tantrum, demanding to know where my helicopter was.


Everyone else looked at my parents with disgust as they had raised such a spoiled little dickhead.


How my parents didn't abandon me and run away that day, I'll never know. About two years later, we were visiting my auntie in London. It be the height of the boom and we're truly bored kids to deal with. My mam and auntie decided that the best thing to do would be to take us to Disneyland.


Of course, for today, just just for today, we literally got the train to Paris after breakfast, went to Disneyland and arrived back to my aunt's house at 11:00 that night. Those were the days I absolutely love in the podcast. It's keeping me somewhat sane during my tiss.


How much would that be to get the train from London to Paris tonight? Probably not that bad. Well, you never know.


But a chopper. Yeah, that shit's expensive. We've looked at it.


You can definitely get the ferry to all hashtag save our chicken rolls. Rob was in touch saying I was working in Radmila last summer covering a colleague. I wonder down to SUPERVALU on my lunch break for a lovely chicken roll.


To my horror, they only carried spicy chicken. This was no good to me. I'm a fiend for the plain chicken in the end.


Chicken Rollcast six. And and. Yeah, I know.


I know. You're struggling to even get it out, John. I know. I can see the pain in your face.


Euro and fifty cents for chicken, cheese and a touch of ketchup. If you don't mind me saying so outrageous.


Koner emailed. Well lads she chicken roll here in Switzerland costs seven Swiss franc, which is six euro fifty. Again, chicken's pure rubbery and overall size is smaller than a large would be back home course. This is how the Swiss they're rich. The people of Switzerland need your help.


We need to take this international absolutely outrageous. Can they be brought to The Hague for war? War crimes against chicken rolls, Your Honor.


Seven Swiss franc. Dun dun dun.


All right, lads. Opposite ends of the chicken roll scandal. SUPERVALU and y'all do a large chicken roll with two toppings, four to twenty five wind, two days in a row just to make sure it wasn't a mistake. How is that.


That's Baragon. Got it. I'm going to question the quality of the chicken there.


Just went to my local SUPERVALU Paddy Leary's tower and chicken and cheese alone was four twenty. I can't understand two stores operating under the same name can have such varying prices down.


You're absolutely right and we think that is all right. This column, lastly, was in Tormore highlighted small correspondence in relation to, say, my chicken roll campaign. I am a fourth year intern, nursing student working full time on the front line since January. There is a deli here in the West which is offering 50 percent off for frontline workers. Popped in one day on my lunch break, showed my badge and my swipe card. I was told you're not entitled to the discount.


This says you're only a student nurse. And plus she you could have made that bad yourself.


I want to know where that shop is, because we're going to take the take matters into our own hand column, column said he even offered to show me payslip to prove that he worked for the agency.


No, look, he proceeded to be charged a full five year or 60 for a check and roll with just his letters column column.




We are calling this the end of this. This isn't the end. But listen, who's going to get the two Johnnys podcast Moag that sponsored by KC Sports who sell the lovely to Johnnys merchandise, which you can see it Kansi Sports dorahy that I can't even think.


I mean, shock. There are so many so much good correspondant. I want to find that shop and kick down. Ready. Yeah. Come on, respect the front line anywhere more.


Who do you fancy for mug the poor lad who literally got a blowjob.


Uh, yeah.


That yeah I'm, I, I it's, I agree more and I'm a little bit biased towards the guys in the white T-shirt as well. I did like that one, but I like that. Mr. Little. Mr. literally blowjob if you could e-mail Polke said to Johnny thought of you with all your contact details more. I will get on it and we'll get that mug sent out in the next couple of weeks.


And remember, ladies and gentlemen, if you tune in today for the first time, go back. Go back to Episode one. I came across somebody on Twitter during the week who was listening backwards.


If this is you, your mentor, thank you for listening. But there's a lot of running jokes and you will enjoy it more.


If you go back to the stack, it'll just make more sense that way. Yeah, especially.


No, not that he makes particular sense anyway, but yeah, you'll understand more about North, you know, get the background story on him now. The weekly roundup. What's been going on? I had to get up early during the week to my absolute horror that my horror.


Yeah, I had one woman and I didn't get you out of bed early. Yeah. Rosana personal rozz we we you know, she was on the radio.


She wasn't in the bedroom. Nah nah nah nah nah.


She paid us Emara any quiz about Tipperary and can and can I just say there was a good second hour delay in the phone line.


I was shouting the answer and then I was here in myself back in DeLay like we were robbed.


Yeah. And they put us in separate rooms as well, saying, like all the connections bad or some day we're trying to screw was over the quiz.


It was a fix to a FM national broadcasters.


Now you don't listen. We're in Marathi at the moments. We're not we're not going to pursue this too far. Put the boot in now. Yeah, but like a little bit outrageous.


We know what was going on. We know what was going on. But why were we on the radio? John, that is the thing.


We were promoting our new television show. Yes. Which we'll get more on to. But also we announced that our new book is out.


That's right. It's called Kamiar.


And I Tell You and I tell You, and it is its last book.


We we when we mentioned a while ago that we are we're working on a project we contant mentioned. That was it. We wrote that book, Jörn Lockdown. Yeah.


When we got home for America, we would love to have mentioned it, but like the publishers and I have a say in these things, the rules seem leaders rules around these kind of things. But it's a book. It's basically our take on life.


Yeah. And there's a lot of really funny stories that you haven't heard before. It was kind of therapy for you, John, I have to say. Oh, man.


It was so sitting down with you. I just felt like, to be honest today is I nearly cried then Tuesday as I tried to laugh. And it was an emotional roller coaster. But it's all there on paper for you. And if you can preorder it now and everybody who preorders it in the next month will get a signed copy, buy yours and will personally sign it. That's right.


And you go through to Johnny sorry. And our pretty there. Now let's get straight to Johnny. Your millionaire team won the title.


Yeah, listen, I wasn't I wasn't going to bring it up, but I put my name forward for for, you know, every job at the moment. I'm going to be like the CEO of every company.


As soon as the final whistle went, I thought maybe I might get a couple of gigs doing motivational speeches, because I'll tell you, at that water break in the second half, I was very close to losing my cool to getting fixed.


Yeah, but we pulled it together and, you know, it's mad.


It's it's it's actually quite rewarding because I have I've lost ten finals that I've played in and bad record. So I was like, I hope this doesn't follow me into my fledgling career.


If you ever want to fail. Yeah.


I've won two finals and lost him and then yeah, you're not exactly the best wrecker.


So working with what was it like working with young lads. It's mad. You know what. Like I taught my perception young lads was like Adderall and blockers like, you know, as in they've changed since we were eighteen or whatever, like, you know.


But I think our lads particularly I can only speak for our group. They're quite quiet lads and they're actually nice lads and they listen, which is which is a plus.


And yeah, they're all throughout sound.


And you couldn't go celebratin nor call the guidelines. It's awfully it's it was a bit of an anticlimax.


Like we try to give them a guard of honour back into the town. But like more I mean Johnny went, yeah, we.


The two of us in the car, Johnny was driving around and I was like, and he was like, stop, will you stop? Come on. And like, we didn't have anyone else in the carriage as being Johnny. He's going to buy by ourselves. But we invaded the club needed. And Johnny didn't livestream the game from Caregivers Facebook page.


So he was commenting on it and I was on the sideline. So it was it was Gastly was like something Johnny was interviewing random lads in the stand like trophies.


Yeah. Yeah.


We might do the next day again and I'll do a better job. Yeah. But it was, it was, it was lovely and I was late for the young lads, like listening to guys kept people going during this, this lockdown and stuff like that.


And I hope we don't get closed down. Yeah.


Hopefully we go on to win the county. That was just a championship, you know. Well look, one match at a time, John.


That's the game to have T-shirts.


So thanks to everybody who has signed up to our extra podcast, it's out on Thursdays with loads of extra extra mayhem.


Are you going to play this clip? I disagree with this on this week's Extra. Oh, yes.


No, the thing said on the extra podcast that are only for those people, we have a segment called 30 Seconds of Truth and more. Put the boot in their sleeves to let people subscribe to one here.


OK, so you're not allowing them that slip? No. Yeah, they're like eight years. OK, yeah, that's enough. That's enough. Right. Listen, all I'm going to say is it was almost enough to bring this whole podcast empire crumbling to the ground.


Let's move on more. You know, the wheel goes around circular Lifemark, like wait till next week. Yeah, I might have an accident break my leg during the week, so.


All right.


Artie, have handed over some of your license fee and what have we done with it? Let us tell you, the TUJ honeys do America will be coming to your TV box, screen, laptop, whatever you want to watch it on. We don't care once you watch it. This common Thursday at nine thirty two.


We've all seen television. Right, but we're going to try and be honest with you about things that happen behind the scenes. It was our first time making a television show. We had made little bits and bobs before, but they weren't a professional setup to Johnny's to America first.


I know what people are thinking, like when you're mad at the TV show because I know what I thought it was all going to be. Limousines, champagne, getting langers, having to stand in fancy hotels. Not the case.


Oh, you're thinking of Mike Murphy winning streak.


That wasn't the case.


So before we went, we had all these ideas about what we were going to do.


And stage one, I guess, is you need a production company that anyone out there thinking of making a TV show.


So, you know, they were dealing with much. We never actually spoke to anyone in our team, probably, you know, a decision on the production companies side.


I would say it's not let us into those meetings. Don't let these two fools ruin this whole thing.


But, yeah, I know that that's the thing. So although it's an independent production company making the network are kind of hands on.


Yeah, it's commissioned by Artie. So it's it's their name over the door.


And basically they get to say, really. Yeah. Like more of a say and we do. Yeah.


Like we came up with the idea. Yeah.


And then, then like we pitch it to production company and production company pitches to Artie and then eventually somebody releases some funds and tells you you're on because we've been there before a good few times we'd like different projects or whatever.


And then like, like this actual show is probably a year and a half ago when we first came up with it.


Yeah. So it's a long process and they're like, you have it, you don't have it.


I was talking to the head of you have it. Do we have it. No, we don't have it.


And it was literally like when when we got a phone call, it was like Artie have commissioned it.


I was like, yeah, I believe that when I'm in America and I swear to God, even when we went, we went to Dublin Airport and we're checking into bags. And I was like, I still have my doubts about this. Do we have. Yeah. Do we still have it?


But I look especially for a public service broadcaster, you're going to be slow to hand out taxpayers money. Yeah.


To two lads, you know, who haven't made a TV show before. So thanks for taking the point on us. Yes, we hope that we can repay you. But OK, first thing that stands out in America, a lot of driving.




So when you see people drive on screen, normally, if if you're watching something on Fox like NCIS or one of these big budget American TV shows, they're not really driving James Corden carpool karaoke yet.


He's on what's called a low rider trailer. Yeah, basically. And he's a flatbed trailer. He's letting on to drive us now.


We don't have the budget for it. All right.


So when you see us driving, that's me driving a massive jeep that's worth more than anything I. On and everything I own to get her praise of a house, yeah, it's basically a place and I remember getting the keys in, like when we got to the airport in L.A., it was like which one he wants to drive? And it was like, I'll drive, like because I rather drive in anyway. And they're like, right, we're rolling.


Put money on the insurance and then it's a grand whatever.


Let it be me threw me the keys to this jeep.


I swear to God it was like a caravan, it was massive. And then the producer like don't crash. I was like he's like no, don't crash.


Like this whole production was like, don't crash it, it will be canceled.


And I was so nervous then everything we got in the car. So we're in the characters like scenes where we're in the car and that'll be in the TV show.


And the director, what you can see is there's a soundman in the booth lying flat out like Phedon because he's got to get the signal and then the director's crouched down behind the back seat. So everybody's hidenori and a cameraman and a cameraman is like, and then all we can hear is like, right. Just act natural and just drive along. And it's like grand Orkan or whatever. And then you're trying to do the satnav because we're really driving and your man's like some special air force and make wlad listen.


I don't know where it is turness.


And it looked as a loud beeping at me from behind and a sweat be Noémie me like there's some, there's some parts will seem cool but underneath it we are bubbling over, stressed out me hair driving and then we just, we forget they're there then and we just, we chat and I'd say it is about an hour of footage just talking about Caird.


Yeah, yeah, yeah. Guys, just, just bring you back to L.A. real sorry. OK, I'll just get there about ten to twelve then. We were like putting on music like in the car black completely. Forget it. Temperament and TV show your mindset. Can you turn down the music.


Can you say. Oh yeah. Yeah. Sorry about that. Yeah. We drove a half an hour to Fort Lauderdale one day and like when we got out to carry music, listen, that's none of that was usable, all right. And know but we were Boffano taught.


We were taught. We were on a road trip. Like forgetting there's a full camera crew accommodation.


Yeah, we are. I don't know what we were expecting. The two of us and our tour manager, James Moore, tomorrow. He was with us. Yeah. We don't have a big writer. We just insist that we all have different rooms.


Yeah. That's all we ever ask for. But it was I would have to say it was tougher than I thought it'd to be longer days than I thought it'd be.


Like it's class. It's such a good experience. It's like we ended all getting to do this.


But yeah, it was brilliant. But I swear and I'm not just saying it's only when I when I used to see people say in interviews like it was really tough work, I was in SUPERVALU going Tawafuq. That was tough for me.


It meant you're making your big Hollywood fucking blockbuster film that was tougher after only two days in L.A..


I actually want to nearly come on, this can be gone like 18 hour days. And it's like when they turn on the camera, it costs money.


Yeah, right. When that cameraman picks up that massive camera, listen, TV cameras fear heavy. Forty five pounds that camera.


Wait, so when he picked that up, turned it on the clock, was run, it was money being spent and then it's like to be funny.


So every time they turn on the camera, we have to be on the top of our game, which I don't know what that game is.


And if you spend like nine hours already doing it, it's it's tough going like like we got off the plane.


They won about nine o'clock at night and then the producer's like, oh yeah.


The guy you wanted to interview, he'll be at your Airbnb.


They're not Häfner. Yeah. And we just flew from Ireland to L.A. So we got there and then it was for our own podcast. So we had to set up cameras, lights and prep soon as we got there. So they draft plan and you're not getting better like midnight.


And then we said to them, oh yeah, this is where the whole TV show nearly came crumbling down.


They said, everybody call time, have seven in the morning.


And we're like, are we are we going to breakfast or will we have a breakfast before we get there? Yeah, because, you know, I mean, food marre. Yeah, yeah.


And the question, I'm a bitch. And he laughed and patted me on the shoulder and said, don't worry, we'll feed you.


So we were at half seven the next morning and we're all like, definitely going to get some avocado toast.


I'm looking forward to getting eggs Benedict.


We get in the car and I'm like, well, lads, where are we going for breakfast? And they're all like, Oh, we already had breakfast.


We got you. Oh, oh, oh. I wanted to stop everyone.


So we don't want to be the ones given out. So we look at James and James is like, oh no.


I mean your mom's like, listen, we'll pull into a filling station, get you something to eat. You know what has that morning a bit of a beef sandwich that had been in the fridge, I'd say, in this shit filling station for four days and I sold.


The hallway, James, is like, listen, we get you some property, he's trying to calm down Johnny, he's nearly hyperventilating into Caroline, freaking out garages and delis in America, dirty under sheet dirt.


You pull into like a gas station filling station. And it is like the movies. It's owned by some 80 year old couple with barely any English. And they all the only food they sell comes in rappers with like cartoon characters on it, maybe beef jerky.


I was going to buy an apples and like, yeah, they might have a premade sandwich made by, like, some, I don't know, somebody in prison.


Maybe that's how much like how anal Johnny B is about food is. There was one day during a TV show where we're going to film two food segments like they was train like food back to back. And we were like ten minutes away from the first restaurant.


And Johnny was like stopped a car, stopped the car, pull over somewhere.


I need a sandwich, I need something to eat. And then like the producer, like got help and was like you.


We're ten minutes away from doing the food segment. Johnny was like, listen, I'm going in here to this shopping center and I'm getting something to eat.


And then he cued up like, did you queue up in the wrong place or something?


And he'd knock Johnny Lakdawalla schedule back for 40 minutes to get to get. But tell me the Rolet were in the restaurant in Compton.


Yeah, I was. Oh my God.


So I was trying to get a chicken or so like the Americans obviously do a lot of fried chicken. So Ma, I got this big thing. It was like five dollars of like chicken pieces.


Then I bought like a foot long roll and then I bought a tub of water, was trying to make my own chicken or and then the queue at the deli.


There was a lot in front of me who had icon like he must have had like 40 liters of cranberry juice open the conveyor belt. And I was like, well, what if you got a kidney infection or what, like last crack? And he couldn't hear understand anything.


What? And then and then he puts up a lot of whiskey.


All right. He must be mixing the cranberry juice. Odd combo, but I don't see people doing that on here anyway.


And then, like, the manager has to come over because not like that table can't sell that amount of whiskey and your man with kidney infection, like, is freaking out. There's going to be war. I was there. I mean, chicken and butter and Raul and behind's and I cried. All I wanted was a chicken raw. And I got into the car and the cameraman is from New York. So, like, they're big in sandwiches, whatever.


And he just stared at me.


Tolba a bucket of chicken and a roll.


And I'm trying to I mean, I got a knife now I'm trying to make homemade chicken all in the car in the car park in Compton and has a crew of eleven people staring at.


I the chicken in. Yes. So just answer the question, are we divas? Not really. Sorry, just hungry. And our team was like they kept referring to us as the talent.




So like the crew were American and like Americans are quite straight to the point. So like the regimental. So it's like I will meet you at the vehicle at 9:00 a.m. and it's like, you know, like where's in Ireland.


We see it, Karenin, we'll be more conversational. Yeah.


Whereas they're very straight to the point and then it's like we jumped into it like we're two identical jeeps almost and we just jumped into the first jeep we saw and they were like, no, no, no, no, guys, this is production. The talent the talent car will pick you up in a second.


I was like, we're both going to the same place.


Let's go. Can drive that you're now and get us there like so being called the talent didn't sit well with us.


We're like, just call us by our names and automate those I guess is how loose it is, because we put in for some guests that were a bit hard to get.


And a lot of people, you know, Liam Neeson, you stood us up. Yeah, well, you know, you're in America and some people don't care about Irish television is not a big deal to them. So they're like, yeah, yeah. Like will fit it in. And then, like, you know, it's ten o'clock at night and we're like, oh, it's tomorrow happening.


Or I'd like to still think things are still fluid, which we didn't expect.


And the amount of like close calls. At one stage we were filming in Venice Beach and somebody walked over and was like, hey, let's picture this, a recording of the road. You're going to come in and like, sing a song with you. So we're like, what? Really? Yeah, never happened.


But that's that's the name. And like, it doesn't always go right.


So like, what you will spot right in one of the episodes is Johnny B would miraculously what'll happen is his lips will get bigger or particularly one lip will get bigger.


I think it's in episode two, we finish show in L.A. and we have a fairly heavy nice OK, so we've been in the studio and not giving too much away whatever.


We had been working with a Latino rapper and he kept talking about like, you know, shots up Trone.


Yeah, Sedin. We finish our gig and we were like, let's get some pachon. How bad can it be?


I was in bed two hours later, wiped out after paying a massive bar bill. I'd say half L.A. got a shot.


Petrine on that smoke. I thought it was Kanye West with the pressure on the few pound. I got paid for a TV show, I'd say last night on Patrón, honest to God.


So. Oh, OK. Long story short, I was trying to get back into the hotel complex on my own and didn't have a key.


And then I was climbing one of these security gates after a couple of shots and patrol after 40 points of American Guinness man around the Butler drone, which is like tequila mixed with petrol.


And I, I kind of I must have slipped. I must have lost my footing momentarily and dinged my my lovely face. And so I have a fat lip. Yeah.


Let me let me put that in respect. Johnny was Langer's tried to jump over, get smashed his head off to get now he's got a big fat lip. And where was our tour manager James. Entertaining.


Huh. Entertaining. So episode for the second half. Episode two an episode three.


I have a busted fat lip and you will constantly see me making faces like I'm sucking on a soggy, sweet and munhall soother.


I'm trying to hide my lip before thing. I'm so embarrassed.


It was on some Zoopla. Hey, let's go to America and just stand in front of the camera, you know, butter bang. Yeah. And another thing, another thing people probably won't realize when you met in TV shows, everybody that appears on camera has to sign a form to say it's OK to be on camera, however.


Yeah. Yeah. So like that that was a bit of a nightmare because some bits we got in and we couldn't get them sign it. So if anybody seen we posted a clip on our social media, we're like this British girl. It's like there's a trick in front of the camera on a skateboard. Yeah.


And she's like, I can't, I can't be on Irish TV and in like janitors back to the BBC. But her face is pixilate because she wouldn't sign an NDA. So that that kind of stuff is tricky. That's that's like stuff you don't realize is going to happen during making a TV show.


But it was an unbelievable experience. Moratti, would you how do you think you would have handled going on the road with us when I've done it before?


And yeah, you've been to America for three weeks, but I was actually. Yeah, I still speak. Yeah.


No, no. Think if you go on. I don't think people realize that like film and you know, you could spend four hours trying to get five minutes worth of footage, you know, that's actually usable and that TV quality.


So I feel your pain and I just. You know, I think yeah, I think you to be grounded, just make sure that you're fed and that then yeah, it was it was definitely the best experience I've ever had in my life.


Like at the time, we were sort of switched on to, like, you know, getting it right and making sure that the TV show was going to be good, that I think we didn't really like taking what was happening to us. And like we've obviously watched edits of the show since stuff like that.


But I reckon last night when I sat down to watch it, I reckon I'm just going to be blubbering ball in my eyes like, well, it's like I ordered bits and pieces to be ma'am, like, and she was like nearly crying, just going, I can't believe you done that. Like, I can't believe you were in L.A..


And I was like, jeez, I can't think of it. I can't believe her in L.A.. I'd like to be honest, like doing Soth talking about food more.


Another thing was trying to plan our coffee. There's only so much coffee we can drink without getting sick. And when you need to kind of peak for like a couple of interviews or something, we're trying to plan our coffee.


And one morning we went to like a podcast house where they had cold brew coffee on tap like it was beer. We drank it and I'm not going to lie.


I thought I could fly this and the following segment. It hits Max pretty hard. Yeah. So I've I've I've mentioned mentioned before on the podcast and stuff that I saw for migrants.


So if my blood pressure goes too high or too low, that's when I'm susceptible to getting the migrant this coffee that I never seen before and I hope I never see it again. Johnny like I was like filter out Big Magavern. I was like, oh, I need a coffee. Very tired and we're going to do this. Podcasting, you see it. It's crazy. So we need it to be high energy. And I drank this. Your coffee got through to podcasting.


No butter. Nexon get out of the car bang. The biggest whopper of a migraine. It was like having a stroke. My vision went my arm went numb and I was like, I need to get me painkillers or tablets.


And I swear to God, like there was no such thing as Cmax Yarrie.


Like I was I said, Yeah, yeah, you asked me, but like Decru were like, will he be OK for the next scene?


Man, I can't see and are like, maybe, maybe we just stand him in the corner. OK, maybe you know what we'll do will act will say like we say he like he he's hung over.


So I was like, no, you can't say that like I mean what are we watching this. So we did film a scene where I'm just slumped in the back of the car. I don't know if it made that it didn't make the TV show. I don't think. But like, I got my green and straight after that in literally got an hour to rest cottony. Not in like Swabi Noami. It was like we have this thing blocked. It costs a lot of money.


You're going to have to do it. So for one scene, I'm just pure smashed. I don't think I speak. I'm standing there.


No one thing I hadn't anticipated was Claw's.


So you're wearing clothes on screen and obviously I just brought fifteen G jerseys and they're like, so we might want to move scenes around afterwards and we edit them so we might not actually play them all chronologically exactly as you filmed them.


So your clothes are going to have to match up. So we could be wearing something on day one and then on day three, but like, oh, where's the thing? You're wearing a day one. You need to wear it again because this would fit in. And I'm like, it's in a bag covered in sweat in my room.


What do you mean? I have to put it on again. And then one night when they said to us, you're going to need all those clothes again.


So we got home eyes. Ten o'clock. Yeah, 10 a.m. and we went on Google looking for a launderette and we walked and we just walked six miles.


It's definitely two miles anywhere to a launderette. We found a Google map with two bags of clothes in our hands, like really, really poor old homeless like Geremek. And it was closed.


More on oh. So we woke up the next morning and put on our old sweaty clothes like this is in Miami.


It's Raulston, it is Raulston. My eyes were welling up, went in when the launderette was closed. I was exhausted like all the food in Miami. All right. Miss Cuban sandwiches, if I like, which is basically glorified ham and cheese sandwich. We lived off that for a week, like walked to this laundromat.


I used to say to Johnny, I don't know if I'm ever Friesland anymore. You know, get a taxi.


I go back to SUPERVALU, Jesus Christ.


I did some voiceovers on it.


And when they rang and when I look at you, you're going to have to come to Dublin and do the voiceovers in the studio.


And we're like, but we have a studio right here. Yeah, OK. All right, OK, send us a test.




We put a duvet over our heads and in complete darkness, sat on the microphone and just said a few words and send it to them and they're like, oh, that sounds good.


We can work with that. Yeah. So then we actually had to build the studio because we knew like four is under a blanket, wasn't going to work.


So we dismantled a lot of shelves out in my shed and put them together with all sheets and soundproof.


And we could find yeah, we actually bought soundproofing and unfairness like it wasn't a complete botch job.


But like when we got there, we got there and we built a little sound booth in the front room. And it's Frank Sinatra said, like, we did it our way, you know, we did it all right. But we like credit to their crew who worked on a weird it's like they were breathing with our cameraman was Gasiewicz from New York, and then our soundman was Ukraine, Ukrainian, Russian.


But she's going to be highly insulted. No, sorry. Whatever we've done. He was funny like and by the end of it, he was nearly speaking like.


Well, that's what is Grec.


He was so funny like but like the one thing about working on a TV show and working with new people like that is just have to be sound. We were lucky that there were some even our director, like he was from England and we were looking at CDV like before it started, it was like he's worked with Bear Grylls and we were like, well, Bear Grylls drinks is one piece of it that he should be fine with us.


You know, we're we're not that much of a degenerate. Yeah, I think fosters fun. But it was crazy.


It was it was it was a crazy experience and something so so looking forward to everyone seeing it because I feel like everyone else in this podcast has come along on the journey with us. Yeah. Yeah. And it's because of that we have a TV show. Yeah.


That they listen that when we're on telly to each union.


Yeah. It makes it, it all matters. That's, that's, that's why we are where we are like. And then it's to get abortion. Abortion.


Yeah. So this is from when we're in Miami and we met a very interesting lady.


She goes by Irish Sarah on Instagram if you want to check her up, a.k.a. the butcher's daughter.


And she's that's what she calls herself. She's got an amazing story. So she was from Mallo, isn't it? Yeah. And you're going to hear it here.


She was working in bars and Ireland went to Miami. And now she's basically the queen of Miami nightlife. If they own a whole string of clubs, they get big performers, come and play. They're like Drake will come and do a couple of songs.


They'll look after the Kardashians, leave your shoes on first name basis.


Yeah, she referred to DiCaprio as Leo, not Leo from the Saw doctors. Now, Leonardo DiCaprio, we thought he was God. So this is a little clip of of Sarah explaining how she does it, how she got to where she is in all the Irish people are like, how do you do what I'm like?


You'll rein in the drinking a bit instead of going out every night in the pace you get up on Sunday, Monday and go after it if you 12 wants to do anything you wanted. Look at Suzanne Jackson with our 10. Look at Conor McGregor. What he's fighting there all the top. Look, she because he wanted yeah, that's it, there's no secret sauce. Do you think Irish people drink too much? I do. Because you never see messy Americans, yeah, they don't seem to like get a lot like, why would you spend?


I have clients that come in the most was a client for two hundred and fifty grand. One person spent British boys from London. Great crack with such a good laugh with them. Chelsea with all the production was Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea when you could buy a pub in Ireland.


And I was like, you know, let's go drink it. So they bought two hundred and fifty grand worth of alcohol. So when you buy a table in Miami, you're buying real estate for your table of 10 rent. And with that then you get security to walk you in VIP and you get ten thousand dollars worth of alcohol. OK, that's a lot of booze. Yeah, but even the British boys were like, why would I want to black out after I spent 250 grand?




And the Irish mentality was like, I have to black out because I spent two hundred and fifty years ago next month, next meeting I Irish, there was gas and she kept like she was like, I'll get you a cocktail, I'll get you these cocktails. Lovely bride I like that's one hundred and eighty dollars. I was nearly free and put the straw into my mouth. I now it did taste unbelievable.


I get you it. Trying to sell it. It was lovely. Thanks. Er now she was really nice, a lovely girl and she brought out like 120 dollars for a salad.


I was like oh Christ no I never had smoked salmon before so I didn't want to tell her when it came out that it was a smoked salmon salad. I never had it. And I was like, just eat it. No, like cameras rolling just like it. And ah, yeah. And I was like, I don't know what that is. That is incredible.


One of the nice things I ever tasted was the salad that much.


Yeah, it was incredible. That was for AirLand Place. I was afraid to sit in the chairs in there to be honest.


No. So she was talking about some whisky and it came out and she gave us these shots of whiskey. And I was like, right, here we go.


And you think Jesus danced, was knocked out of the head. It's eighty dollars.


The shot severed. I was we were like, all right. Yeah. We thought like it was like a tequila slammers leave it off.


But just anyone who's thinking, like this was a complete flop. It wasn't put on the first night. It very nearly took a sinister turn. We finished filming on the first day in a brewery to Johnny's in a brewery, free drink, free drink. And like we had a couple of points. And then it was like we were mad, mad for Road. And I think they sensed it and were like, we're going to finish up and I'll bring you all home, Thibet.


But it was a mad experience and we're so glad that we took you along with us under. We hope you all tune in and enjoy it. I'm going to do the Otranto and I can't believe I'm doing our own outroar for a TV show because we've done this for so many other people.


I couldn't watch whoever's you share with me. They're literally like, now I'm going to do the two genies do. America airs on two on Thursday, September 3rd at nine thirty pm. It will also be available internationally. A.R.T. Player. Hopefully we've got to confirm that, but hopefully. But please do tune in and watch it. It runs for four weeks every Thursday for four weeks starting September 3rd. We love it.


Thanks a million. If you're looking for a good greyhound or a powerful sheep dip that's only available on the black market, contact this man. It's time for Noel Furlan and it's time for those news.


No news. Well, know know you have a television show. We do indeed, country fucked. You're telling me that we're not me, but is paying tax for this? Yeah. Yeah. I met the tax man once.


Well, I gave him a score, a game 20 bob.


And I said, Deputy, you never know. How did that go down?


I said, look, I suggest you use your legs while you fucking have to carry it. Right?


I said cocker spaniel here and he don't look like much, but he's trained by intruders, right, in the Johnson case. It was tough training. Yeah. We had we tighten our pipe on the scarecrow and we trained the dog to bite his code. Word to attack was Brian McFadden.


I when you heard that when you heard that you knew you were getting bitten tonight without a fight, we had to rub it back and finish the dog, OK?


And then we moved on to real people, had to roll back in front of you and take come in what? They didn't quite know what was happening and I didn't particularly enjoy it.


But Dog learned how he got there in the end. Yeah. Now I had nightmares for a couple of years.


Who are you. Can you come in? Passman They remain. However, what did you think was happening? All right. Nobody got Falconbridge.


I got paid. I could be gone for a dog knows noted observation talking over lunch. Has anyone seen the guards breathalyzed since the coronavirus started?


No, I haven't been back.


And he says when a certain driver I know is delighted. British Karyne made the fatal mistake. A pen Paddy found in cash.


No, the never pay him cash.


He loves wearing a mask, he said. No one could smell the alcohol off his bread. He was like, I know I read this.


You can smell like me, Retno. And I was like, Petie, you're not wearing any pants.


I might give it away.


He was like, No, no, no. I've been drinking. And Astrobee stuck inside the fountain down messages. Everywhere he's been, he's been in the box, very liquid into the fountain, kill all the fish straight with Shindou.


And I would listen to that song.


You were talking about a song last week like How to Be.


Yeah, what I was listen to well, disgraceful disgrace, but lyrics.


Why do you see the lyrics? I don't cook.


I don't clean.


She says, Listen girl, I don't care how many cats you have, but everyone has to do their bit. How cute first, Heidi. Right, ok, ok. Say she's not your type of woman. Bad role models for young ones. This bit of news. No old news. Here we go. The king has left the building, not Elvis, the king of rock and roll and not the king. Kelly, number one handyman in town.


If he can't fix it, he can't be fixed.


Actually do a lovely job on the chapel. Did he paint the whole thing, Magnolia? They were married. You probably wouldn't see you wouldn't be in Atlanta, but there was own holy paintings on the wall. They were there about 500 years.


But he rolled over and he said they were fed and it is stained glass.


My dear God is ready put in for an aluminum I heard on the plane's cargo stand as soon as we stink. And there was no that you don't back how long before our time. Now he doesn't love Japan statue.


Did he give the Virgin Mary red hair painted her. Nance gave her lipstick.


It's trying to get young people back to mass transit. Sex.


Yeah. No, they don't want to hear about virgins. They want our booty call is not this, John. We're trying to get him back.


No, King. The King was left is one careless king of Spain. I have heard this story.


No. Well, he has handed in his crown and he's living in the. You are dead, do you? He's living our farm, OK? Are you a. It could be debt to job. How do you how do to pronounce it the UAE, you know, it's down to one word. People forget who you are. That span have a king.


Yeah, but like the English monarchy, don't do take on it that way and get pregnant, which is actually, coincidentally, the name of the latest album from Dan Brown Wave and Get Pregnant, a concept about the career of Makkawi King of Spain, because, man, he was tipping this one on the side for about five years.


Then her father. Right. Her father got sick and she'd killed it down. Cool down on his mind after he passed away and after the after the funeral, king of Spain rang her and said, you're on the scrap heap. I'm tipping another one.


And I thought you were mad at me and Mr. King, you money, whatever, he's 27 years older than her, not to mention he married to the queen of trained women undergo some go at you, never having to work for you.


Don't want anyone to be houses.


Keep them busy. She did want to be dusting and doing the breasts and rest Brasso.


But when I hear I hear that men are doing housework now too.


Yeah. So that's always been the way I know. Yeah. She's a commuter today. John Howard was watching the film and it was a fella, a male fella, Hoover, you know, Hoover around the house. They tried an old workshop and I said, gee, that's real Hollywood stuff.


I can make believe when I was growing up, men did outside work and women didn't intend to work with that unfair.


Well, that's what used to be. I mean, you know, everything's different now.


Oh, OK.


Which is bigger outside or inside. I would say it's OK.


I look after Turkey hectares.


She has 800 square feet that I can do no more.


I look after the calves. She looked after the children. OK, all right.


Oh, that's unfair. Is it?


Have you ever tried to do the shopping with a calf on your arm, huh. That is tough.


Have you ever tried to meet your friends for coffee with a calf in the dysphagia? I'm starting to think she's taking advantage of me. She went to the LED college graduation.


I went with the coach to the factory. Right thing. Sam can now get a bit awkward time. My daughter Sheila was getting married and we're going to the break. Supposed to walk down the aisle and I said she sure nothing to do with me.


I Camerata don't look at me. I want to me I don't even to cash.


She had a daughter flew. She had liver fluke. I admired her.


She was a flower, not a parasite in the liver. No, I did not know it.


It's great to have a finish until we were on the road with myself, Camer, Sheila Noufal and half of the cat's name, right?


No, I'm not. I'm not I don't get weird, you know what I mean? No need to be strange about it. So the king of Spain, you wanted him and he gave her a gift.


Not now. You know, Maitri. He gave her 65 million euros.




That news that is you know, I said he must have been mad to get back at her. Yes.


He asked her back and then she was kind of nor should know.


And then he asked for the money back, but she doesn't carry on and probably went mad. People is being found out. And they obviously were fairly fixed. They were vexed. You don't want to see the people of Spain back.


So she still has the money.


And the king obviously had done a runner to why and the money you want you want to have your money in cash in a Swiss bank account.


And they're investigating her to see if the Spanish taxpayers can get it back off her, as they obviously could do with the money now to bad dos or Terena.


So he's no longer king and no one has heard from him lately. Wow.


And it just goes to show beware the horn to horn gets many men in trouble.


Sixty five million euro for a ride. Thanks, Lindsay.


She'd want to be guy. She wanted me to go for just a quick no locally.


I am here, but the guy obviously is going on and congratulations yourself.


Yeah. Thanks very much for all the work.


I know Madam Yong legendary on and off. Oh. Hmm, I see John Dwyer pulling out that quick elbow I showed him and did not move a lot of talk about a footballer. A name is Leo Messi. He's looking to move club. Yeah, leave Barcelona. Now, could we get him?


I don't know.


The financial cloak. Yeah, OK. I know Jan, like, I'm sure the big clubs want him to St. Vincent's, the Nimar Rangers, but there's no reason we can't put in our stake.


I mean, I'm a firm I don't I think he's an international soccer player.


Like Dan said, we have to sweeten them all. Well, OK, where is he from? Argentina. And he'd want milage. Right.


Couldn't we get him a job in the creamery and or drapery? And Drapers are looking for a new seamstress. Our Latin store. Yeah, I hear he smiled like you need to put him in the corner.


He anything.


But now I am prepared to offer him three days a week in Creamery and he'd be in the store with Christie Baker.


You're getting a ten year old voucher for Duty's butchers and his dinner in Shamrock on match days and the cake. O'Brien has a spare room. He offered to give an digs.


And that is our offer. So get it. Get it.


You get a phone number for this young man. Yeah. How widely?


Widely Blasco. What's wrong with Ortal?


No. It could be over expenses that could be written. They might have be paying him or he wanted. It's just everybody is stuck on the.


They don't let her know she might have. Physically, I want to go in, I have a car from the passenger train.


I honestly don't know enough or something in mind.


I so there's something about Maureen that something may be burning hatred of her ex-boyfriend that inspires her to work extra hard to be successful in life, despite the pretty.


Who are we to judge? Maura, it's over to you. What's your mystery topic?


My mystery shopping. This is a question. Would you ever get off with a work colleague? Now, I'm not asking this because I want to get off or Neil the intern.


I ask this because James is big.


James, I know you may find everything and island girl so cool.


I'm actually asking this question about would you get off to work, colleague? Because podcast scented with the Lover Club Breakfast Club could straighten up snacks.


Come on now.


I think it's a cautionary tale as to why you should never dip your Knibb in the office.


Think OK, Jerry said I work in an office with ten to twelve people and last year a very good looking girl started in her office. Now at the time I was in a relationship so didn't pass much remarks when the relationship ended.


After a few months, the slagging started in her office about us being the only two single people in the office.


Come January, twenty twenty chats started increase.


I asked her to meet up and she obliged. So this all took off in secret to our work buddies. But in the meantime, the slagging from them persisted. Fast forward a couple of months, all good multiple dates.


I met her family. She met mine, made a big effort from my thirties again.


Hid from the work buddies was all good. However, come Lockton, we're all working from home. And then the ghosting started. After two weeks I had communication. I finally called research and Q A story of her being just out of a long term relationship. And I was a lovely lad, but I wasn't for her.


I overreacted and was very blunt in my tack back to her and that was the end of it.


I did text a couple of months later apologizing for my blunt attacks and hope she was keeping well in the lockdown come August.


We are both back in the office and to say the first few days were awkward is an understatement. She then texted me looking to meet up, throwing me into a complete mindfuck. What did she want?


Did she want to get this far going again?


I initially said no way to meeting up, but after a few messages we did, she explained that she had gone through a tough time in the weeks that she was in ghost mode and was sorry for the way things had ended. At this stage, though, it was too little, too late for me tonight. My dilemma how do I deal with an ex and work and how do I get through all this awkwardness? She was adamant about staying friends because I was quote, a nice guy, but I zero.


He is not a sociable mark. I say hello, good morning. And I have to but do not want to have a conversation with this girl.


Nevertheless, being friends, what do I do about my period? This, Jerry, is quite simple.


Get a new job because this is never not going to be awkward.


So just like never ever dip your nebe in the office ink unless it's like, you know, a person that unique and come into contact every two months, you know, then the traveling salesperson type person that maybe, OK, you can like, go hide in the toilet while they're there, you know.


But what's your thought, hmm? Mara, what about true love? What about meeting someone in the office and then growing on you, getting to know them, getting friendly, kind of always kind of fancied them and taken the chance.


Are you seeing more that if the man of your dreams, you know, was, let's just say, hosting The Late Late Show or something, you know, but and you were always in meetings and bounce ideas off each other and people would say, God more always has great ideas and you could cut the sexual tension with the shovel that you would never take a chance that you would say, oh, no, don't want to be awkward at work, Maura.


Like, well, I know because I did my name in the office thing before and it didn't end well. It was like like gossip around the office. I'm not going to say on the location, but there was a lot of male editorial staff and I my.


Have shifted somebody who worked there and next thing was all gossip, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and it just made things really awkward because, you know.


Lads love to gossip and they love to slag each other off, and I was just like, I knew. Plus, I would want to be seen as a really professional person in a quite highly male atmosphere. And I really did like working in that environment.


But it was like a kind of wish that I didn't do that, even though I like the person, you know.


But yeah, I you know, I just don't think if your career matters. Last year. But there's other people that I know have gotten together and they didn't go public to their work colleagues until like, you know, there are three months off getting engaged and I think that's probably a safe way to do it.


Or, you know, the office only found out because they were seen coming out of the cinema and Liffey Valley.


So, yeah, you know, in America, I mean, so in some big businesses over there, you can't work for the same company if you're married. Hmm.


So I know a guy who works in New York and he works at the NHL, the hockey and him and his wife both worked for the same organization. And when they got married, he wanted to leave. Oh, my God.


Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a tough conversation. That's. Yeah. Who earns the most.


I feel like there is no way more. You'd be even you like Jordan Belfort, the wolf of Wall Street.


I mean, I think I can hear what you're saying. More like if you were the only woman in an all male industry. I knew a man who was a rare commodity.


He was a man in an almost all female industry, a man who never followed his own advice.


He said to us that he will be calling round to these businesses that were 99 percent female.


And it was great to have the chat to give the guy a bit of a flirt. It helped him with the sales.


And then we were like, God, would you ever. And he was like, no, no. That's exactly where you want to keep it. A friendly to a point of earthier flirting, you know, is good for business. And then you walk away. Eventually he cracked in a big way and had to leave the industry. Yeah.


For a while there he was on fire. He always said the same thing, which was don't screw the crew, which is something we're going to make everyone who works for us now on wear T-shirts and don't screw up.


But that was his thing was like don't screw the crew. And then eventually he screwed several crews and then had to leave the industry.


But I do think.


Officer, listen, it's as old as Taluk, you know, people in the office getting together, Christmas party, a prime example of that. I'm sure everybody's been there over the years. It does only complicate things. But then like what harm? Like, shouldn't we all be adult enough if you're if you're something's going on in the office that, like, it doesn't affect work or doesn't affect your personal well-being. Can I throw something at you?


I do think Gerry has been very harsh on this girl because. You know, she has been very forthright in her apology about ghosting him, and she's made the effort to meet up with him and explain what was going on like last time was tough for everyone, like people.


And she kind of wants to maybe give things another go again. Do you think maybe it's worth him letting down his guard a little bit and saying no?


Oh, really? No, no, ma, ma, what age are we to people who know each other and then are working and then are like kind of going out and she's going to go see him.


They're adults like. Yeah. How does she think that was going to end?


I'm going to go to Jerry and I'll just any time he comes into the office, I'll just continue to go see him.


Yeah, I'm a little bit more lenient than Johnny. I think like if she was over a long term relationship, wouldn't she just listen to what he has to wait? And she says, Jerry, at the start here, Jerry, a little bit of fun here. We're going to have a bit of crack, you know what I mean? Meenu Let's not get into relationship things.


I'm just I would one rather than like have sex in the bedroom with my dog watching, people seem to be doing, you know, she kind of strung along a little bit. I can feel, I can feel Jerry's pain. But at the same time, you know, should Jerry Jerry maybe, you know, love could be staring you right in the face. Maybe give it a second go. I'm all romantic.


I do. Yeah. I do think Jerry needs to accept the fact that, OK, even if you really, really don't want to be friends with this girl, you have to be work colleagues. And that involves talking to her and you just have to suck it up.


I don't have any better advice for him other than to get a new job. Do you guys to wrap this up, have any words of wisdom?


What about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie? They were filming Mr. and Mrs. Smith.


Yeah, and he was was he not, like, hanging around Jennifer Aniston? A team, but that's still going on.


They were married. Yeah. And OK, OK.


He shouldn't have done that. Then he was married. I'm pretty sure he had an affair with Angelina Jolie. Yeah, that's rumored.


Rumored, rumored.


But anyone but they got to know each other by filming a movie together, working in close quarters together, long hours, filming as tough as we just said. And they're still together now, aren't they. No, they're divorced.


Divorced. Yeah, but they got they had a couple of good years. Acrimonious divorce. I dated children together.


But yeah, that will end tomorrow because there's no better way for you to tee off by saying any wise words.


And Johnny goes on to promote a divorce, so he's got to go to bed with Angelina Jolie is a great result for everybody.


This guy's name's Jerry, isn't it? Yes. Yeah. Run for your life.


I think he can stay in the job, but I wouldn't give back her if she goes to jail under pressure. Come on, make her put on your terms, Jerry. Make her want you men, you know. I mean, give it a vibe. We'll leave it there. Splitting hair, splitting the vote. Thanks, Ma. I enjoyed that.


Yeah. Don't forget to read review. Tell your friends what the two Johnnys podcast and you can use the hashtag to Johnny's podcast. Number two, Johnny's Pod to get in touch. You can email us podcast at the two Johnny startY followers on Instagram and Facebook and you can just direct messages there. We're always on it now. Finally, it's your time. Don't forget your dirt. This week is brought to you by the good people as far as the year they are changing mobile.


And you can find out how on 48 Daudzai. And the best news is you're given five lucky listeners each week the chance to win a six months free. Forty eight mobile SIM six months free mobile. What more do you want to be in with a chance of winning? All you have to do is send us your thoughts using the hashtag your 48. That's hashtag Y. You are T for it on any of your favorite social media platforms. Instead, Twitter, Facebook, the whole hour.


Just put up a status. Use the hashtag your party and you are in with a chance. Johnny B.. What have you got.


My dirt is funny enough. I was talking to some hoteliers when I was on my travels during the week on the west of Ireland.


People run in smaller places and they said, Ladds, is it just me or are people getting ruder?


Oh, I said, what do you mean?


And they said, people late 30s, 40s, 50s. Coleman out here to the west of Ireland. We've got a slow paced life. We're used to a certain kind of clientele, to surfers, to hikers, the cyclists, the sightseers.


And they reckon that these people at this time of year are normally in Spain or Greece taking their fingers.


More sangria, por favor. Yeah. And they said that attitude won't work and it be in Akeel Island.


Yeah, it is.


And just sand people. Chilblains.


Yeah, it's it's a whole different kettle of fish going to be me and then it is like a two. Stires art in Santa Monica. Yeah, yeah, you know, it's creepy, but you like it or not, you probably treat people a bit differently like, you know, just saying that's me darte that I was here in that back a bit that.


So your advice is up, your manners up the line is a bit bizarre and people are wearing masks all day and having the distance and, you know, give me a break.


Oh yeah. I had a great time.


Fabrazyme, let's start with me. Dirt and I once again have been. I falling for the trick of marketing. Why did you buy? What did you buy this week? I think I could have mentioned a couple of weeks ago these little ads that pop up on Instagram and Facebook. Right. I'm I'm not afraid to see if they get me. Sometimes they drag me in there like a Dyson. They just hoover me off.


I seen this video.


It was like, you want to open cans, you know, use your a glass. So it's like basically like a glorified bottle opener. But you put it on the top of a can and then you twist it and then like you can drink the can lick it glass. And it's real smooth, like they put a balloon inside the can and we're like, look, it doesn't even burst a balloon. That's how smooth it is. I saw the ad.


It looked so cool.


They had a kind of corona put this thing, this thing on top, twisted it. And it's the kind of corona I was like at last, a slice of lemon on the side, a line on the side. And it looks so cool.


It looked unbelievable. Saw it. So they sucked me in. OK, now didn't just buy one of these things I bought for it or I did it.


If it doesn't do what it did in the video for I went through trying to get it, I passed every single one of the cans.


It's basically just like a tin opener and you have to like, twist it around. But the thing is, as soon as you break the seal, the can loses all farm. So basically, like you squeeze the candy and it just boom, what actual integrity implodes.


It doesn't work.


And it cost me a few pounds, which I think was like 70 or. Oh yeah.


And then really take two million euro for delivery. I don't know where it came from, but I look I use my PayPal anyway, so it wasn't, you know, just so it wasn't a scam or anything like that. But they arrived. I'm deeply dissatisfied. Two of my already broke unaware of went through forehands and haven't actually drank out of hand yet.


So it's still a work in progress.


But if anybody has invented one that does remove that bit of the can, you know freely what you do, get out of it and you're of the story because they really want to see how this works.


I haven't seen this ad, so but it sounds like it would never work anyway.


Yeah, I'll try it up. Hopefully by the time you're listening to this, I have done that at that memo and it'll be redundant but stressful. Time for me.


Just a quick word for me as I follow on this page and they put up a video or they dress Arnold Schwarzenegger off and send him into Gold's Gym undercover. Have you seen this?




So they put like a moustache, long hair and a hat on Arnold Schwarzenegger and send them in to try and poke people.


You know, you seem like they put Niemeier as an all goes into Sakhrani.


So Arnold Schwarzenegger goes in with a mustache and he's like, hi, how are you doing? And everyone's like, hi, Arnold Schwarzenegger in the wake.


It's so obviously. And yet you mean you're going to have to share that on social media.


And they put him into Gold's Gym where everyone is gym head.


And he made that gym famous, just standing there with a T-shirt on pretending he's working and he's like, have you got your key card?


I was like, Hello, Arnold Schwarzenegger knows that.


And that's really the shoddiest video I've ever seen.


It's got it. Got to put that.


You're going to put that on your side. You know, it's been a bad week for me, been one of the best weeks ever. TV show, a book announcement and winning a championship. It doesn't get any better than that. Treat him there. My thoughts and just thanks to everyone, listen to a podcast, because as we said earlier on with the one we're talking about, a TV show, there's no way we've got a TV show. There's no way we'd be doing what we're doing if it wasn't for all your listeners.


So thanks a million. You big, right? Yeah. So for me, Johnny smokes for me.


Johnny B, I hope you all get the right me.


We'll see you next week. Tune in Thursday night, 1930. Artie to the to Johnny. To America all my life to you. We're going to do Facebook and Instagram lives right after to explain it all. Yeah. So your best bet is to watch it live on terrestrial television on the night. Don't be like oh I'll get it on player, watch it live then tune into Instagram and Facebook or we'll be going like explaining.


Yeah. There you go. We'll talk to you next week. Good luck.