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This is a cast recommends every week we pick one of our favorite shows, and this is one we think you're going to love.


In each episode of the Dublin Storyline podcast, we bring you three personal, true stories that will hopefully make you laugh, because I knew Marad had done it with the deep sea diver, maybe even cry.


The adrenaline hits her system and she cries. And I've never been so happy to hear her cry, but always make you feel closer.


He hadn't been fooled by my clever lie. He was the first person I'd ever told the truth to the Dublin Storyland podcast available now on ACRS.


A cast is home to the biggest podcast from Ireland and around the world. Subscribe to this show and hundreds more now via cast or wherever you get your podcast.


48 are the mobile network that's questioned how mobile is done, so we're asking, what are your weirdest questions this week making? Wexford asks, Would you rather have the power of light or the power of invisibility, invisibility before hand?


Elastica finally know what people are thinking about, might just sneak up on them.


And here to give an me, I would sneak into the cookie dressing room. Oh, I hear crazy things go on in their power flight before hundy on holidays.


Yeah. Where are you going. Wherever I want. Yeah. And then you don't have to queue up. No need for passport. You probably don't have to go through security and you don't have to try and ram that carry on suitcase into little thing that they say it's meant to fit in, that it doesn't really fit in. That is all just a lie.


Well, what are you going to do with your luggage when you're flying? I'll just strap it onto me. Let's get a good rucksack. I'll invest in a good rucksack.


And what about if you have someone going with you, Mrs. or something? She's going to hold hands with her lot, which is ratchet her on to me like the snowman, you know, I mean, flying through the air, walking.


Oh yeah. Yeah, she worked for him class. Do I have wings. Well, if you want, I'd rather have an engine.


Check out how far delayed are changing up mobile plans starting from nine ninety nine to let you do more with your data. You can donate it, share it, save it and more trade for yourself.


Get your free gigabyte on forty eight today and check out your dirt later in the podcast for a chance to win cool prizes thanks to 48.


Instead, to Johnny's podcast, to Johnny's podcast, to Johnny's record, the podcast. Hello, hello, hello, welcome to the two Johnnys podcast, bringing you all the news from the World Today to Johnny Johnny B.. I'm Johnny Cmax. Welcome to podcast. One hundred and twenty nine coming to you like the undertaker about to deliver his signature move, WWE style did Tombstone Piledriver? On this week's podcast, we chat to Karch funny man and voice of the Irish Mammy column, Aurecon.


He was devastated to learn during the week that this year's Staat World Cup may have to be postponed until 2021 because of the coronavirus, but not for long will be here with.


I know she keeps those in line, but she never filters out word that comes over on Mount Maureen is here with our mystery topic. And as traditional as your crazy and Sharon posts on Facebook about Bill Gates being a lizard and trying to implant chips into everyone's heads, we run off after podcast with your thoughts and or so a we.


I don't know what been going on in drum current Mara for commencement proceedings. Matters arising from last week's podcast.


Yes, Mr Chairman. Anonymous listener emailed the pod a few years back. Me and my friends are doing DJ ones in San Francisco. We were working as furniture movers and survived on a diet of beer and Chappellet, despite the harm it was, do on our bodies. One morning I woke up for work with some bad stomach pains because I'd been eating Chipotle three days in a row. I got up and went to work anyway because I only had about seven dollars to my name.


The house we were moving people into was a mansion in the suburbs that were still under renovation. So there were a good few construction workers there. It was a big family too. They had about five kids running around the place. And in case you're wondering, as Chipotle is the Mexican joint and stuff, yeah, the work was extremely tough and my stomach pains were getting gradually worse and they started to turn into bowel pains. I badly needed a shit, but I didn't want to use the brand new bathroom of rich customers that I was trying to get good tips off.


So I headed out. After about six hours of heavy labor, the job was nearly done. All that was left was a piano we had to bring up to the second floor of the House.


There were four of us carrying the piano, one at each corner up the stairs. I was on the bottom pushing off and I have never had to push so hard in my life. The difficult part was that we couldn't take a break as the piano would slide back down the stairs. So halfway off it was getting really, really tough. My muscles got weaker and my sweat got heavier, my bowels got noisier. I could feel something coming because this was a big job.


Everyone on the premises was watching us. At this stage, the pain of holding in the shit was excruciating. I needed it to end, but I couldn't let go of the piano. I ended up shitting myself right there in front of a dozen construction workers, a man, his wife and their five kids.


The shit was completely liquid, like thick gravy trickling down my legs. I'm not sure if it was the smell or the sound that was worse.


Either way, everyone around me was absolutely horrified, including one of the family's daughters who burst out crying at the sight of this construction worker, jumped in and helped us push the piano up to the top.


The family then let me have a shower and gave me some fresh clothes. And I was lucky. It was the end of my shift that this happened before we left the house to go home. The husband came over to me, shook my hand and gave me one hundred dollar bill. He told me he had never seen somebody work so hard that they shot themselves. I left the house without a shred of dignity, but I was a hundred dollars richer, so it was worth it in the end.


As soon as I heard that Chipotle, Chipotle for three days, I instantly knew where that story was going.


That is rough. And why do people feel the need? Like on this podcast, there's been a lot of shit related topics. Let Yeah.


But like, you know, I like that it can open up well, but literally in this case go on another listener and said well that Zamora a few months ago I had to go for a colonoscopy.


My God, it gets worse. Here we go. Fairly grim.


Ladds can't exactly see how many how some gals are into the whole dark alley crack anywhere this.


Seriously, seriously. Come on.


This we are. And how are we ever going to win an award on this podcast anyway? This idiot you for the procedure. But me being the absolute tank that I am, I didn't really get the full effects of it and can remember the whole shebang. Even the nurse asked me about Brexit as Decameron was being inserted and the doctor was chatting away anyway, all was said and done and got the all clear. But a few weeks ago I was sweeping away on Tinder and I got a match of a doctor.


From Dublin and I casually asked, what area of medicine do you study gastroenterology?


He tells me, and not given an absolute fuck said I'd mentioned that I had a score done anywhere. Conversation continues and he asks where I'm from, Karcsi yourself. And he replies, or interesting. I was working down there for a bit. What hospital did you have that scored on it? See you here as a.


And who's your consultant anyway? Long story short, he asked me, did I remember what the doctor who did the camerawork looked like? And after a quick glance back through his proffer, the penny dropped.


Samrat, he said, If I'm ever in Dublin, he'll buy me dinner. But in fairness, I think more salads would buy you a maxillary or courage of first, at least before that kind of a rendezvous in the land down under. Anyway, keep up the good work.


Imagine that they're going to go on a date or like, well, he's seen everything else.


He's already got his whole oh. To absolute crackers to get us started here on this bank. We're back where we live.


We have to think of our own. I know we did. I did ask you about your shares of Under Extirpate.


Yeah. Yeah. Akunin for the banks.


Last week's topic of LGBTQ spoiler. I did.


Evan emailed regarding the two of you talking about the rules about what happens when the likes of the F word are the N-word are said during gay matches. I played for a small enough club in North Dublin and last year before to start a championship, we organized a friendly during one of the games. During the game, one of our main players got in a bit of a tussle with one of the lads on the other team. He knew him as they were both involved in Dublin hurling underage at the time.


The lad off our team called the other fellow at the F word and ended up getting a straight read. Our player thought no more. That left the field, but it was only after the game the ref called him and our manager's over to explain to him that he was lucky. It was only a friendly because if it was competitive, the ref would have had to file a match report and our player would have received a one year ban from any involvement in GTA activity.


So looking back on it, he was lucky since he will be playing hurling with Dublin this year, not senior. I'm not going to give away his age group and he would have missed out. Yeah, I did not know that there was a full year ban and scores on the effort are the N-word.


Another listener said Gianni's long time listener, first time correspondent. And after hearing you lads talk about the pressures of coming out, I thought I may as well tell you about mine. Back in January, I came out as bisexual to my best mate in a very bizarre manner I was really nervous about because I had no idea how he or any of my friends would react. And I was apprehensive about using the word bisexual. So I remember he once said that his mam used to call bisexuals greedy bastards as a joke because they liked both men and women.


So when I met up with him on the unwelcome back at his house, I couldn't say it a word bisexual.


So I took a deep breath and said, Jamie, I think I'm a greedy bastard to the very confused look on my mates face.


Until I explained that I meant to say that I'm bisexual. Now, after being a little less confused, he just asked me a few questions about it and then thanked me for coming out to him. Since then, I thought a lot more on it and as more so elegantly put it, I prefer cock to Fanny and came out again as gay back in May. I haven't looked back since and I've never felt more comfortable and more proud of my support of friends.


And also on the topic of LGBTQ plus role models in sport, Rob Karenni, not the rugby player, is an American strongman and holder of the world press record and an only openly gay competing strongman, barabino and all legend. He also has a brilliant Instagram tag of world's strongest gear.


I love the podcast, lads, and I wish David the best of luck in coming out to his junior team.


Regards Andrius and it's like spelt kind of with fathers. But he also put in here pronounced like Andrius, if you're struggling to pronounce it that world's strongest gay.


Why that is that is that is a great tag.


Another listener has said lads on big fan of the podcast, been it during this lockdown fiasco. So keep up the good work. I thought I'd try to use an email on my small bit of experience of being Irish, playing GTA and coming out as BI, if that's OK. It is.


I'm currently twenty years old and going into third year of uni in September, all going well.


I went to an all boys school and when I was there there was, as could be expected, quite a lot of homophobic slagging and language used and based off this, I decided that it would be best if nobody knew that I liked boys.


This, however, got harder and harder, pardon the pun, as the years went on and I still hadn't come out to anyone as I left home for university. First year of uni was class grade crack and I love living away from home and meet new people and party every day. But during the week I would feel quite. A lot of the time, especially, was on my own, I was on Grindr, but I was too afraid to meet up with anyone.


Eventually I met up with a guy, but it didn't have a great experience, i.e. the ride wasn't great, lol. And and and it was shite not being able to talk to any of the lads about it. When I had pulled a girl, me and the boys would always be gaspin the next day about it. And so being gay it was a bit different in that way. By the end of the first year, I think one of my friends had started to get an inkling that I was interested in lads and even asked me after a night out.


But I denied it and went on to bed. By the summer time, me and him were on a night out one weekend and we went down, sat in a quiet corner of the pub and he brought it up again. At this stage, I was sick of people not knowing and feeling down about it. So I told him I was interested in lads as well as girls, and we chatted about it for about an hour and a half.


After that, he was a hundred percent where he was really supportive and brought it up really thoughtfully in ways so I would never be nervous or anything. And he even helped me tell the rest of our group of friends that we are told two of my older best mates individually. And while it will be fair to say they were surprised, they both supported me and sent me really class messages on Snapchat. And I actually even saved those. And I look back at them from time to time to remind me of the great mates I have.


It must have been the first time I cried in a few years that week, but it was great to get it off my chest. And I actually think I was very lucky that I had this to tell my friends because of their support and nice messages. It reaffirmed our friendship and we spoke more openly than most lads would typically ever do to each other.


It was weird at first talking about flirting with other boys to the lads. But like anything, the more we did it, the easier it got. And when I went back to uni in September, some of the lads from school that I thought were quite uncomfortable with things that were very dead on and surprised me with their reaction. I suppose I had thought that because just a few people used homophobic language in school that everyone would share that opinion. But that's not really the case, especially when you're talking to somebody one on one.


They are really supportive in class, which is class. And I've talked to lads very openly, which is great. And as I've said, typically lads don't do that too often. Obviously, there are still homophobic people out there, but it's good to see they're becoming more and more of a minority.


I also play senior football for a rural club and to my knowledge, I am the only LGBTQ plus player in the club.


To be honest, I didn't go down the route of making a big change erm announcement, but instead I just told one or two of the lads around my age that it was coursework and I let it go from there. I didn't think it was worth the big announcement because personally I don't think, you know, I'm not one for giving speeches and changing rooms to at the end of the day when you can swing points like me, that's all the boys really care about.


Surprisingly, I'm not a great ball handler, though I know this lets good cracking.


I think that we could always do more to support the LGBTQ plus community. Even small things like the rainbow laces and rainbow gloves do mean a lot. And obviously if anyone called me the effort on the field, I'd be liable to lose the rag. So I think it should get the same treatment as racial abuse. Even if the players, the ward aimed at that isn't gay. Whoever said it, you get the line and any of the lads on our team would have my back on this.


Largely, I've had a very positive experience of being bisexual and Irish, and it's good to see more acceptance everywhere you look in Ireland. Just thought you might be interested in my point of view and hopefully equals other lads and girls in a similar position to me. Good to see you men tackling the issue. Many thanks from somebody who would rather stay anonymous. I am Recht after reading your large email, but that is Grace.


That is Grace. Listen, Ireland's change. Maybe it's good to know that people are talking about it, and yet that's one positive that's come from just the language.


They're like in school, I will say that kind of stuff. But that's just lads being er they're, they're probably not actually homophobic or if they're just using language that they shouldn't be using and as they get older somebody will slip them on the air and go, hey, you don't believe that, stop Zanda. Yeah. And you don't realise the effect is having a lot of people. Yeah.


Definitely an immaturity thing, but I think clearly we we have got good in my language can and can be said. Yeah, yeah.


But also he's taken the right approach that like if if he, if he hears that language and say it, he doesn't assume that like all those people think, yeah, yeah, yeah.


Fair play that. Thanks very much for that.


Last week's mystery topic post and bikini pics. A listener got in touch and said, lads, I dunno if you can buy it on Twitter last week, but a medical journal printed an article suggesting female surgeons post in bikini pics under social media made them appear unprofessional.


In an ideal world, we could all post whatever we wanted to our social media. I don't think judgement by men or women will ever go away at all. It's you. A natural would you look at this? Would you look at it this way that if you had a good looking girlfriend, she posted pictures of herself looking very well on social media that you would be proud and all the lads can look and admire, but you're the one that takes her home?


Or does that come with maturity and being secure in yourself? I've got a link to the article there.


Can I just say that hot doctors in bikinis were in favor? I don't know. Hygienic it is. Maybe everybody has to take a shower after surgery. So that's like I'm in favor.


So in American, I would just just glancing over this article, a lot of doctors and nurses have actually started posting bikini pics of them drinking because they said, like, if you post a picture online, it seems less professional if you're drinking whatever, like but I guess people have to have a social life.


So in response, like Dr. Victoria Duli here has has just put a photo of her in a bikini drinking what looks like a cocktail, looks fairly like strawberry daiquiri. Could be a daiquiri, actually. Yeah, she's El-Ashry. She's got bikini pics. There's a lot of lads who are raped. Yeah.


I guess they're all just trying to make their point that don't judge a book by its cover, but humans will.


Yeah, but if I went to consultant and then someone was like or she posted a bikini pic is it a well I'm not going back to her then.


I don't think, I don't think we I don't think this is art. And you will be lucky to get seen by a doctor at all.


Conor said on the topic of bikini pics and relationships, I learned the hard way, but not in the way you might think. I met a girl online a few years back and I noticed that she had a recent bikini pick up on her Facebook page and immediately thought, This girl is one hundred percent out of my league. She was also five years older and appeared super confident, totally convinced she wouldn't lands twice at me. I sent a message on in because she had the bikini pick up.


I presumed she had already received plenty of WhatsApp on real sawhorse type messages and of course, the occasional dick pic. I decided to take an alternative approach and addressed some personality traits in her biography. I went full of nice guy.


OK, good approach, good approach. Worked out well and she went on a date with me a week later, sitting in the bar 21 years of age. Three more dogs you've been attacked by dogs, are that is that a positive thing? No, it's just that I said that moving sheep and one of the dogs is jealous that he's being left inside. OK, we might mute your channel for the next minute. So here's our boy.


Yes. You get this you get this on your Dolfi. OK, I'm Sitt. I'm sitting at the bar at 21 years of age, looking at and making conversation with this older woman who was beautiful, funny and career driven. It was difficult enough considering I was complete gobshite, but it was made even harder or easier knowing that she had a bangin body underneath her little black dress with small swallows dotted around us. Was she sending a message or was it just a sex obsessed twenty one year old?


Yeah, I don't think swallows are.


Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I haven't read through this correspondence, but it's getting a little bit.


Fifty Shades of Grey, you know, for me, anyway, after a few dates, we got around to a particular issue she was having a member having with a member of her family who had deleted her on Facebook because of the picture. Her brother, he was adamant it would only attract the wrong kind of attention and a particular sort of bloke. She was clearly upset with the whole situation. And I wasn't too chuffed to what he had said, considering we were getting more serious every day and I didn't want to be classed as that sort of bloke.


So I decided to put the foot down. It started well. I began telling her about how the picture made me see her as confident and beautiful, not promiscuous, and that I wouldn't care if she posted a pic like that every day because she's free to do what she likes for her own body. She was loving it. He's really got nice guys.


Yeah, he's in fifth year now and then he's got the cruise control on here that he's really going for it. He's going down. Nice highway.


He's breaking the nice limit there. Then I fucked up big time attempting to punctuate my point. I brought my rant to an end, but taking a dig at her brother who was carrying a bit of weight and I said something along the lines of it's rich coming from him, talking about where he should focus on losing the few pounds before he opens his mouth. Well, if the Greens didn't hit the pan, her face dropped so fast, I had to immediately start backpedaling.


Don't ever speak about my family like that was said multiple times. And a right that night was completely off the cards. I was losing any chance of a handjob fast. I kept backpedaling and kept making it worse. At one point I was getting kicked out of her house, but in the end I spent the night on the couch. In hindsight, I have incredible admiration for how she handled it and put me back in my box very quickly. I was only around a wet day.


Who was I to give my opinion on her brother? That was seven years ago and we got married in December. I think for the most part, it's projected insecurity on our end and ultimately supply and demand. If lads don't like it, then stop looking. By the way, Spa on Talbot Street is offering a chicken roll, crisps and a drink for a fiver. Not bad in this current climate. Hashtag save our chicken rolls. It's not bad.


It's not bad in the current climate. Yeah, I do. He's got a point there. Yeah we are.


We are. Men particularly are very insecure human beings.


But he messaged her because she put up a bikini pic. Mm.


So you have to accept that it does draw attention. Yeah. He's obviously a great guy. Ah, you know, he sells himself as guy. He's Elwood himself here. Yeah, no, he seems so. And he seems that right. And it's all worked out there together to help him out. But it did attract attention. Yeah, but it was the right or wrong type.


Well, it ended up being a good time. Yeah. Yeah. She probably did get loads of Brotton messages. Rachel emailed the part, highlighted Zamora on the topic of girls posting bikini pics from a 29 year old females point of view who pours lots of bikini pics personally as well, turns up a pass on to personally.


Any time I feel like I'm looking unreal, I'll post a picture. I'm looking for attention. Of course part of me is. But when you think about it, a majority of people are posting anything on social media for attention or likes. Of course, I know that men could be wanking over to pictures, but at the end of the day, that's their business. It was my choice to put the picture up publicly in the first place. And what I don't know won't hurt me.


And if I do know, I'd probably be flattered. Mara mentioned the post and bikini pictures might influence future jobs or change how a man sees you. But to be honest, if a company or a man that has an opinion or view about women, then they're not for me anyway. But of course, everyone's different. I think if you have a bit of cap on when it comes to social media, there is no harm in posting a picture for a few likes and a bit of a confidence boost.


But of course it can go the other way. I know a lot of people who obsess over followers and leaks and will let these apps affect their mental health and that's where it can be dangerous. If I have advice for anyone, it would be if you're feeling confident and want to flaunt it, then on you go. But if social media is making you feel worse about yourself instead of better, you should probably have a think about what kind of people you're following and the reasons you really post.


Thanks for getting me through. Working from home for the past few months or Briden and bikini pics.


She does have a point that people say your post in a bikini pic for attention. Yeah, but like you're posting a pic of you and your granny. Happy birthday, grandma, who's not on Instagram.


Isn't that also for attention. Yeah. Is enforced in a pic of you op Steve Newman for attention. Yeah.


Is it isn't all social media. Yeah. But isn't all social media. It is. You could argue.


Yeah. No I do. Yeah.


And a whole social media is like this is a whole topic. Whatever it is you're, you're, you're portraying your best life on, on social media.


No one, no one's put it up just being like Jesus. I look like Shay today.


Janani Well actually some people I do not know as well as those that yeah I'm having a bad day but she knows she's busy. Yeah. She can do whatever she wants.


Taking your partner's name, she listens.


Is she going to hear this now. I think we're dwarf's again. She's on the ground with Madoff. We're taking your partner's name. Clara said my mom took my father's name. He's called Patrick and she's Patricia. They go go by Pat. It can get confusing from time to time. One of them, once they both did the local lotto and one of them won fifty quid. But at the time, neither of them knew what numbers there thought it was before mobiles.


And they don't give home addresses.


And now Mam wishes she'd kept her double barrel now for fifty pound they bought the same name on and they're both going to spend it anyway.


It's gone. It's gone. And messages are still on workplace disasters. Rachel was in touch with Lads and Moree new listener to the podcast since after lockdown. Oh you're welcome on board Rachel. She wishes she started listening lockdown. She says she'd have had them all done by now. Anyway, just after listening to podcast one off I even Mars mystery topic of a work. Disasters are one fee in relation to a parent teacher. I mean, one of my colleagues had a first year class and it was time for the parent teacher means many teachers will agree with me here.


When I say sometimes it's hard to remember every first year students name and who they are. Sometimes the parent teacher meetings are a bit of a guessing game. Plus some students can often have the same first name. Anyway, my colleague had a young lad in his class who happened to have a false eye and his name was on. He also happened to have another lad in his class called on spelt E or G here and to nothing unusual there.


A moderate came up to him at the parent teacher meeting and politely says, Hi, I'm Sean's mam to make sure he had the right on.


He said, or is that on with night or on without no oh oh oh.


The mother was disgusted and stormed off. My colleague was left completely confused as to why she got up and left. Then he realised the motor taht he was asking, Is that on Whiton? Are you like as in eyeball? Yeah. Turns out she was the motor of the poor young lad with a file. Say, please don't read out my full name piece on the topic of Chicken Roar's. My boyfriend told me he used to measure his life by chicken rolls when he was in college because he loved them that much.


If he'd seen a pair of shoes or football boots for six euro that he wanted, he'd tell himself now.


Don't get the shoes, there were 20 chicken funerals, which would do me for 20 days a lunch. I think he's on to something. Let's make chicken fill rolls into some sort of new age currency. Love to. Sure. Keep up the good work. You make my drives across the county on the way to play matches much shorter.


Rachel claque instead of bitcoin. Yeah, she can fit a coin and you can just walk into a shop with like a special debit card that it only works if she can pull it off like a call card.


Yeah. Much it would make it happen. Speaking of it presents.


So if you are like my cousins in college, well, I'll give you like 40 euro worth of chicken class genius. You know, they won't waste it. Rachel, you've hit on something.


There are disgruntled Ross Greyman said chicken royals' kid. It's about time someone called him out. It's gala here at home. The smaller one, not the big one. Does he mean he means the rule, not the shop with two johns called bacon and cheese. That's it. Five euro or 80. It has happened to me twice now. So it can't be a mistake on real bonds and cakes and er. But baskets for food. Have you got the balls to call out a shop in your own home.


I know all the people who work there as well like that shop. Yeah. You know I love that shop because I always like going home and I'm going to Galla.


The rewards are unbelievable for a small role with two gudgeons, bacon and cheese. Five Euro eighty Gianni. I'm going to say it lad. Outrageous.


I am dreading the next time I'm home because I will be going in there for a role and they listen. I like to be there course as well and they do listen out there. But listen, I know who owns that shop.


I going to be having a star and were short, you know, five year if you won't do, and especially not for a small role.


You know, I understand that they like bacon would be extra, but still.


Yeah. Come on. Five thirty. Yeah, I'm I'm sending my daughter in for a roll next time. And Paul was in lastly cost Cutter in arm in Dublin, charging a fiver for a chicken roll to top tier and a can of coke. That's not bad. Not bad. That is not bad. No, that that that doesn't deserve an outrage. That's good value. So who's going to get the two Giannis podcast Moag this week sponsored by KC Sports Who do all of our two Giannis March Check that out.


I would like to give it to the man who shot himself. Oh yeah yeah. Who do you like first.


I concur that maybe you know a mogul restore his dignity because Yeah and he is hundred dollars.


He probably didn't last that long but I mean the embarrassment of shitting on a rich person stairs will last a lifetime.


So Mr. Piano Man you can e-mail podcast's at the two Johnnys in e-mail box at the Tijani study with all your contact details and we'll get your mug sent out as quick as possible. There is a bit delay on Morgellons because of a Corvette bought out. We will get them out here.


Thank you. Know the weekly roundup. What's going on in to Jan Egeland this week, John?


Boy, yeah, I had two days off and I went on tour around. Kerry climbed the highest mountain in Ireland down to no big deal, no big deal.


Nobody got up and nobody strolled up. You're an animal and very straightforward.


Can't get lost. OK, yeah. If you like, don't go down. You get lost and die and blame me. Whatever. No, no, no, no.


I want let's get that clear. I want anyway, I was out West French Island and there is a signpost saying Kerry's more spectacular cliffs. Well I've got I've got to go for a look.


You know me mean cliffs, Cliff Richard. And then the last thing is there's no name on the cliffs. Like if you're in there, you'll see a big sign for the cliff some more. But here it's just like spectacular cliffs, like lords of signs. And then I pull up and there's a little hotch and there's a Polish guy charging for euro to get in or whatever. Like to see the cliffs.


Yeah, well, cliffs more important is it. Yeah.


Anyway, what's beside the sign saying welcome to carries more spectacular cliffs.


There's a big blackboard saying stop for Kerry's best cup of hot chocolate.


They're so cute down there. Yeah, very nice lives. Possibly better than that.


So small. Oh my God. Yeah.


How is the chocolate you are paying for your for a hot chocolate. Get real. Get real. Yeah I with two days after I enjoyed them as well.


We were talking about a new thing. Yeah well I've nothing else to talk about. I did hurt my leg during the week. Big news. Yeah. Big news. Strained a hamstring that it, you know, I taught in my career up to date, I had never gained enough pace to actually strained a hamstring. But turns out junior football will do that.


If everyone had the same joke training, first time Cmax run for a ball.


I went home then and expected loads of sympathy. Didn't get did not get it.


What you did get is a number one signal in Ireland. Yeah, yeah. Come on. I know. Wouldn't that another. A one and not the one we are we're delighted we were actually on the motorway just passing ness when we when we figured it out. The great news, we're unaware we're doing an interview with Fergerson today, FM.


And I had checked, like I said to Johnny, check it, check it there, check it. And he checked it three times. And we were still at number three. And I just heard yes, yes.


Daisy and I started punching the roof of the car, which isn't advised.


Yeah, it was great. You know, a number six in the charts is Harry Styles, Watermelon Sugar.


Hey, George Curry, Savage Love. And number three was Dermot Kennedy, then Kesi and then to Johnny's.


Yes, yes. Stopping the you are both on a boat on a lake. So the song is called Dancing in My Kitchen. And to explain the lyrics, I have to say in the chorus it says, Dancing in my kitchen.


How does choose this sound? Because I won't be around so well on Sunday.


Tell them John. I'll tell them why we were drinking drinking in the beer garden, Erwin's Paul Care and a good friend of ours who shall remain nameless.


But now and then he would be fond of a pint. We had decided that Sunday was happening big time. You know what it's like already and Sunday already. And now it's Sunday was on and his boss, of course, knew the crack and started ringing him and their phone would ring and he'd just turn over one of those phones that was suffering. And when you turn over and this happened like three or four, five times, six times, seven times.


And like the bonder on now we're rocking it.


And eventually he answers the phone ring, ring, ring. How does choose that sound? So so that's where the lyric in the chorus. How does Tuesday sound come from. Yeah.


And some other lyrics extender will never be no one will ever find an explanation is there. Try.


There was a lyric about scene side boob and then we had to decide. Yeah.


Was it, was it going to have the explicit tag or not. So we removed side boob reference. We'll never tell the story behind that door on the podcast, trying to get the song on the radio.


And I was like this place.


I do want some access like now so hard it is to get in radio on. I have to take slide the song for the start.


So yeah. Thanks a million to everyone. Listen to that. And if you haven't listened to it. Yeah it's on Spotify. It's everywhere, it's on YouTube dancing to my kitchen. The videos on YouTube was filmed right here in to Johnny Studio. And just like when you're watching the video, you're not hallucinating or like you haven't taken drugs. That is the real video. Maybe you have.


That's up to you. We don't condone that, but not that's bad.


And also, thanks to everyone who signed up to the Extra podcast, it's oh on Thursdays you can double your dose of two Giannis and on this week's podcast is episode nineteen and Johnny B somehow managed to like in his ex-girlfriend.


No no look just to his Oh he likened his ex girlfriend to his old Berlin Gauvin.


Is it OK to sleep with a friend's ex. Yes. Thanks a million Johnny. Yeah cheers then. Next. No is it OK to sleep with a friend's ex. Right. Here's here's the issue for me. In this scenario, if it's like, oh, yeah, we had like a one night stand. That's cool. An ex who you've been going out with for like over a year, I would say. I think then we're into a bit of blurred territory there.


You're broken up because. No way. You know what I mean.


When girlfriends in the past, I go with them, obviously, I won't be able to live up to you, you know, in some departments. But like blood comedy. OK, remember like that Capolingua I used to have.


It's gone like it's not mine anymore. Yeah. I don't care who drives us. You can't see it.


Don't care. I was obviously a fan for years like you know what I mean. Let's not talk about fans here, but I mean I, I wish that van the best and I hope that whoever is driving, you know, is looking after us. Yeah. I heard it got scrapped. OK, our guest is the moral of the story is go on YouTube and watch the video for a new song. Yeah, go on Spotify, the music that's all out there.


Text your local radio station. It's really radio friendly song and they better play it. I'm going to lose.


Right now, our guest this week is comedian, author, broadcaster and most importantly, a Corkman column, Oregan. Thanks for coming on the two Gianni's podcast. My pleasure.


You have a new book about it's like it's kind of creepy. Like. My pleasure. What do you do with your hands that you have, you know, going after? OK, let's not unpack any.


Well, your new book, Right to Life in rural Ireland. In Ireland. So why is it set in a post office? This is my first question.


Well, the the one of the big parts of the book. So this is the second and divine adventure. And in this one, the it's the town is called Suchan. So it's a small town. I describe it as recovering from a bypass. It's somewhere somewhere in the motorway land. You know, it's there on the lookout for gangs and high powered cars, right? Yes. They're worried about all sorts. There is. You know, it's the kind of place where you see it around the country.


The pitch is either sponsored by a security firm or whoever is promising broadband this year. Yeah. They moralise, you know, whatever. Everybody, the other 15 broadband providers, we're bringing it in on in and satellites with Haas's like, you know, like it's the Holy Grail. So it's that kind of that's where it's happening. And contagion is one of these towns that's always just like one triumph or one like one county final victory or loss away from just good mood or bad mood or one close or, you know, just the kind of so many times like that kind of on the fringe.


Yeah. So on the post office closes down or isn't closing down, then that's that's what kicks off kind of a panic and protests and drives some of the kind of place and post offices like they they're there to kind of hold because you don't have to buy anything. Yeah. It's like you get a lot of shots out of being in there for not spending a whole lot of money or even just collecting the pension. And, you know, a lot of it is like the old people going hold.


We go online like, you know, people protesting about 5G.


We don't even know who's G. G is. Gerry. They bring the Internet in and about. You know, every Sunday we get the Internet. Yeah. But like the and often the post of the postmaster or postmistress. No. Has all the knowledge. But in this book, no, they're not a big character, but the postmaster isn't that bothered about the post office is tired of listening to people, giving them like their yarns, like, you know, for half an hour when they just want to get their pension.


So but it's sort of one of the bits of the past that kind of drives it like what is it? It causes like in the first book, the thing that came in was they were filming so in and divine ready for a close up, they were filming. What would it be like? And we'll say a deal's version of Game of Thrones and such. And it was called Kelts Hound of Destiny. And it was one of these things like, you know, like Spartacus Blood and Sand, our neighborhood where everybody's like running around England, like with their tops off that kind of, you know, that type of history that you see on McCoole and calling around at the same time, like we all know that aren't like, you know, they never met like Steve Collins said.


Yeah, yeah, yeah. So like and I always think that small towns have a life of their own. But when something comes when something happens from there, I was vulnerable to someone coming in or leaving, you know, something big from the outside. And it's just funny to see interesting to see what people do in a kind of a crisis like and this was obviously I wrote this long before the current the covid shit I was reading that's creating all sorts of news stories now in rural Ireland and the kind of things you wouldn't you wouldn't expect like suspicion of Dublin.


Reges Oh, because, you know, that's that's a new car. No, they're not local.


And any Dublin reg that's in Tipperary is an unmarked cop car. It just always, always like derange. Follow me there, you know, gangland. Yeah. It could be stolen. Yeah. Stolen mostly guards, yes. Like you grew up in Gypsy, is it in car? That's right. I have to see the name straight away. It sounds fairly bleak.


No trips like it's not as bleak as it sounds, but it's I know know it's one of those places where the translation doesn't do justice to the original. Irish is the Irish means muddy river. I can't wait to go. Yeah, Gypsy. Although it sounds like something you'd catch. It's actually it's famous enough like you'd like to snow. It was in the Guinness Book of Records on the chart of St. Patrick's Day Parade.


And then you know who is in the brain. Nineteen ninety nine. Nineteen ninety nine. I tell you those things in the parade. So 1999, it was a great idea because it got coverage all over the place because in order to do their parades, round ups, and they'll have like and that's what all the art correspondents get trotted out like. You know, it was a blustery day here in Utah, but that doesn't dampen the spirit. That does like what it's like to say that ice cream, an umbrella over an ice cream, it's like it's just winter.


And, you know, the March parades like this, they'll have lots of attractors and then they'll have they'll be protesting something that nobody else knows what they're protesting like. It'll be like, oh, they're missing a teacher. Yeah, the primary school, the same amount is. Yeah. They'll have like one like pure biology headmaster will have like will be protesting against something like very local and like three small children going around with like practically like a communist sort of book on them.


You know, that kind of just doesn't match stuff. I love that. Then it'll go to New York level or the homophobes or you know, ah, Tokyo Embassy to Tokyo. There's one parade and like some small town in Tokyo where it was just some Irish lad breakdancer. But in that roundup, nineteen ninety nine like item number five, it might have been long enough ago that it wasn't even Pascall Sheehy. It might even have been, might have been like Tom Sweeney's last year or whoever is you know and well most important parade of the day is and see the shortest day locals are claiming it's a sort of St Patrick's Day parade in the world.


And it's like it was gone from two pubs all the way in across the crossroads to to the tavern or to leave in as it was, as it's called. And so everything went along kind of between those two things and love about kind of rural Ireland as people think rural Ireland, like we don't know what we're at as we know, or digital. You know what I mean? Like, we know we're all in on it. Yeah, we're all in on it.


And we laugh at city people who think that we don't know the job for the job twice. You know, we know the joke we're making. We know the joke. You think we don't know what you know, but like, you know, just they just did it purely for the cameras, like there was one. Because when you're in a small village, you're not many things can be float's. You know, they'll be like the pony, the pony club for the hunt.


And it just bought a horse, like out of one pub into. How long it's going into a pub is funny in any language like that's just, you know, and but I like St. Patrick with local master with a beard and he had a beard and I like just lads and tractor lawnmowers for no reason.


Authors make it just because it's like it's everybody just that's the crack, like everybody pitching in, you know, that's what that's what keeps the place together. But my favorite one was the twenty fifth floor because we had twenty five different things, but it was Dennis Sludge. Dispose of the septic tank cleaner.


How do you view balloons. Her unthaw.


No balloons and bunting the whole. But it's just like when you're it's just that resourcefulness of the small town. Like if you took that population and put it into Blanchard's town are still argan. They wouldn't. They wouldn't it wouldn't be that many people would know each other enough to come up with something that would have a bit of crack about it.


I'm pretty sure it didn't care. One year, local fella dressed up as Donald Trump and another lad dressed up as King Kim Jong un, and he just beat each other up and down the street from the left, like wrestling on the main street. And everyone's like, go on or not. Not sure who to shout for, does it doesn't surprise me at all because a story once you know, it's the odd story would be a direct thing I'd heard and put into the book.


And in the first book, there's one there's a parade to welcome the TV people. And that's where the mad principle has them all like protesting about something. But. Somebody was telling me a story of hope and Donegal, they had a float with Donald Trump and then a wall and Donald Trump like fellas trying to climb over the wall and Donald Trump the back. But it's like what happens when he's no PR, when you have no spin, like these are the ideas that get published, when there is nobody to say.


And I don't think that's going to play well.


But I love it because there's no point to it. No, it's there's no it's all part of a series like if you did a podcast and never did a podcast, just tried it out. It was three hours long. Get everybody on it. And then and then you couldn't upload it because there was no Internet like it was just on your hard drive like that is that is the beauty of the parade. They just happen. They just disappear like some parades are doubling as the big stuff.


And God will just have MacInnes do nothing like to go and. What about this year. Oh and modernise. The team was, you know, dogs or something like 80 foot dogs made of plasticine or whatever like but it's just the small towns are the. I love that.


I got to ask you in the book you hit on some big stuff as well, not just important stuff like sharp but like the Pope's visit is an important part of the book. So why did you choose to include that like.


Well, it was the summer like that summer 2013, because it said I picked like an island, I think does its leader before 2018. Ah, it's after, you know, because of the repeal referendum in May and the pope in August. So that summer is like two sides of Ireland. OK, the easy way to to describe will be said. It's like, well, there was nobody voted yes at the poll. But it's not enough. It's not the way like it's like people you know, the mixture is like people who hate the pope and voted no on people who voted yes and went to the pope as well.


And that kind of and that's the kind of when you're trying to race what happens in families when big stuff happen and what are the discussions, the views that people have that you wouldn't expect? Yeah. And also the pope like like, I don't know, there might be another papal visit, like the way Ireland has changed. If you look at the numbers, it was a million and a half went to see him and seventy nine. Yeah. And almost a ten percent to that.


So it might be the last time. So I went, I went up to because I live near enough to the finish. Where did you go.


I went and it was so surreal to go to surreal things like, like people were ordering pizza in the mass because it's catered like it's a giant mass occasion and and like you're like he's there getting to the proper parts of the, you know, the of the mass, the consecration and the sea level going across it for for dominoes know he's always merrily Parakey was just the vans and the vans are raging because they're expecting way more people if they're a bit of a hard sell on the pizza, like the boats trying to make up their last money.


It was yeah, well, it was given up like I was as I was leaving people. So it was the first of all, it was soldiers with nothing to do. And then there was people handing out sandwiches like that hadn't been eaten. And it was just such a surreal, such a surreal occasion. And the other thing which I wrote directly in the book is, so everybody's waiting, right? And they're all in their paddocks. And it's like but nobody knows in the one that they're booked for because half of them are empty.


Right. So they're all moving up to the top. And so there's a lot of preamble. So when's the pope going to appear? And so I'm kind of watching and I see it like movement after the left and the next in the vic, the the Popemobile shoots out of out of an area that nobody was. There was no guards or anything. Right. So that he came out driving across the field, people running towards us. I swear, like I heard one guard said to Foxconn, it's the guards didn't even know.


It just came up like he went on like Obama's day walk about like but in the van. And I have the van. But the scholder like and nobody nobody knew what was going on. It was like you said, I suppose I go and say hello to these, what he said to me and sort of the there was a time when the pull because everything was supposed to be cordoned off, but for about five minutes it was just plowing through the back who had run across the grass to.


So I got within like from me to this wall behind me. I've probably just by running over and and I took a small video. It's just so weird what you find yourself. Doing in in like when you were faced with, like one of the most famous people in the world, but playing back to video, listen to this. And I'm shouting, Frances, that this is what when I tried to write stuff, it's like Florida to surreal things that happen to ordinary people when a big thing comes to town or like, how do you react when you're faced with a big choice?


All that we don't like, you know, know the way of watching a film like zombie thing. I thought it was never fired. A gun suddenly picks up a gun. Yeah, no problem with the safety catch and then boom, head shot headshot. You know, you've never held one. It was the first time I ever fired a shot with a rifle up near, like, shoulder taken off your pigeon, staring at me, you know, going, give me the finger.


So it's like it's it's what do people do, you know, like in those kind of situations? I always find that fascinating. And it's also like and then you throw in, like, the stuff, the stuff you hear, like just one. You never hear a line from a conversation. Yeah. And just go, what was the rest of it. I mean, like I was walking, I was walking down to town. One bank holiday weekend was at the Cutlass and Kilkenny and just what I was early enough and the Sunday morning.


It was a Monday morning, so it'd be the heavy sun of a bank holiday like that's that's as heavy a night as he gets ready to peak at the festival. As I was walking down the town with two lads walking towards me. And the only line I heard as they were talking to each other back to that CMHC walked towards me. And all I heard was one say to the other, I mean, like, for fuck's sake, who brings a glass bottle to mass?


The story, how heavy a Sunday night the Democrats have.


Was that the last thing they remembered? I just I like to see some of the chapter names in the book. You have some type of an Iraqi that's a nasty gatepost written sideways with the price a bit. Schook, to be honest, the NCT man's daughter now the kind of sound like the tracks of a sold out. So to us like does this translate to not Irish people?


I don't know. It's intriguing them. Yeah.


And just before we finish off the column, I just want to ask you about Comic Relief. Oh, yeah. You're doing Comic Relief.


And you were you were quizzing Roy Keane and Dolnick and and Hilary from the young offenders.


How was it dealing with Rakeem like he is sound out and I tell, you know, why he is sound out because there was a mix up and he hadn't been given the right link to log in. So he was waiting for like 40 minutes. And we were terrified when we found out. Oh my God, Liz. Yeah. And like I'm hearing them call them and then, you know, and she's now because because they're all we're all so spoiler alert.


We did them all individually because you couldn't get them all together at the same time. But he like you think, what do I kenwright? And this is and like if you see him now on punditry, you know the crack is having it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like that's the crack. Like that's the to and fro. He's been waiting ten years for somebody with a sense of humor to work with him because like Alan Shearer, like absolute crack fucking you know what I mean.


Like there's no because the kind of sense of humor that, you know, that's the sort of sporting kind of sense of humor sometimes can be a bit like, oh well so, you know, I was really looking at his hair cut, to be honest. Will you relax, like, you know what I mean? Very wooden. Yeah, you know what? Yeah, just like a bit of that, you know, and it's like just having the crack.


And Roy Keane is like, you know, may feel it's about city humor, boom. You have your five seconds of space, get your gag in. Yeah. Like I always say, like I went to I'm from the country. I went to school in the city, learned how to tell a story in the country from being in the country, learning how to tell a joke from the city. It's just different. Yeah, different skills right there.


I can't it's just like the crack he doesn't like he loves the questions because they were just he he obviously hasn't been asked about Tanagra, you know, like, you know, BTE sort of nasty. I like there was there was I was raised and they cut it out because I was asking about the first shift, you know, and, you know, because he went in with somebody else's bossart, but sort of with your heart into it, you know, and and the idea of it was just a shot in the dark because I didn't even know he smoked.


Yeah. Back in the day. But he really did give up smoking at eleven. But the with the shift thing I was saying like and they caught it, I was ready and I said, I said, was it a bit like the league clubs to do. Right. Every Ondrej just going Oh yeah, yeah you do that. And if you're desperate, you know, but he's just just gentlemanlike. He's like, he likes like he's an entertainer and he's just it's just like version of him.


He's he roles. That's for other people to get a bit of, you know, to get the notoriety. I'd say he's itching to get it and get back in. But it's so hard. It's so hard for him to manage a team he'd be better off taking can wear down. Yeah. Stevenage level and just build them up, you know, build them up like. But no, he's he was sound out and he is a funny guy.


He knows the crack and knows how to deliver a line and because he never like went that's a stupid question. Ah yeah. Just answered.


He knows we need to make a ten columns book and the vine handle with care is out now in all good bookshops and some bad ones. And he will be doing a socially decent comedy gig in the To Royal in Waterford on August twenty. And for more details, you can see the Theatre Royal Diary and you'll find column on all social media to.


This is a cast recommends every week we pick one of our favorite shows, and this is one we think you're going to love in each episode of the Dublin Stories podcast, we bring you three personal, true stories that will hopefully make you laugh, because I knew Marad had done it, but the deep sea diver maybe even cry.


The adrenaline hits her system and she cries. And I've never been so happy to hear her cry, but always make you feel closer. He hadn't been fooled by my clever lie.


He was the first person I'd ever told the truth to the Dublin Story Slam podcast available now on accosts a cast his home to the biggest podcast from Ireland and around the world.


Subscribe to this show and hundreds more now via cast or wherever you get your podcasts.


If you're at a Harlem match and you hear somebody shouting Love it off from a cherry picker in a neighboring field, it's more than likely this man. It's time for an old furlong and it's time for Noles News.


No old news. I don't want to well know your new song, new song, did you listen to our date? Of course. Well, chondrite I genderen very her name is really very like yeah, I'd be expecting a phone call very often from Duran.


Yeah. We can't go on doing that tonight. Damn that song. I'm caught in the kitchen. Didn't do that, wanted him to read liberal, to read liberal, Larry, I think that was the theory behind you. I think those days you had to tell me, when did you have him? I don't know who wanted him to be you. You can anyone. I have been busy. Have you? Yes, I have been home schooling the grandchildren or good for history.


I, of course, told them about Adam and Eve. The story. Who? Adam and Eve. I think it's no, it's Adam and Eve, the first two people in Ireland.


Adam, Adam was a guard, OK? And he was an Irish teacher, OK? They were the first two people to inhabit Ireland, Adam and Eve.


But now the Irish language, of course, was invented by Pat McGrath. He didn't want to talk to the woman at the time, but before that they spoke Garriga.


Yeah, OK. Yeah, so I'm familiar with that. Yeah.


We don't go home and asked him about that at Geography for Geography where I got to stick it out, Google Maps and they have to point out every prec in town, their house and what land they own then for maths class.


Erm I, I get a little miking right and making and I spinning round but I might catch my queen and I spin around in circles for eleven and a half minutes and then I punch him right in the kidney and then he's out. How many calories in the crush while hanging upside down neck and cider.


Well I'm preparing him for a job and Bank of Ireland seems to be what we do. Then we did p e he carried seventeen cans from Dwyer's back to my place, really in his arms, like a new ride from where the Lincoln we transfer boxes broke down to fix the.


So they were fine.


But he reminded the gorillas while their mother was doing man she's your granddaughter riding my can keep track of these things.


Oh Granddaddy. That's her name and that's his name and came to be known and remember names. OK guys they go can we get a drink of water. Can I have a sandwich. Like this was happening every five or six hours. Like I said, you're going to get a rude awakening when you go to secondary school.




After we go after WACs, I once went for weeks without even knowing where I was.


Find I don't see the big fuss. Surviving hard work. Chris, good luck sometimes being everyday normal dickeys.


Now it's on coleslaw for breakfast and orange juice. Yes, I remember the first time I saw an orange, it's called a priest.


Well, Hope and Shop. I taught everyone that a black magic little bag.


Look, I burned down the place just to be sure.


Now, they said to me after that was a fruit. I said to the fruit after fruit and and I bought help and I painted Christmas. And I said, look, no hard feelings. I know I did. I buy my mind. Fair is fair. I burned down his shop as I feel. And we should warn people you might be frail anyway. Them young queen and the doctors, they better eat their dinner because I want them back.


So I have a bit of local news for you. Oh, fantastic.


I am taken back to Gibby's nowhere. Yes. Fact another year.


In the words of the Terminator. You son of a gun.


You. Yes, that's right.


The Terminator said, you son of a gun. So Dan then was the manager and they wouldn't give him the money you wanted. He wanted to pay for Bolds physio after the game and a sneck box full of cash, all legitimate expenses. And he's gone now. And he asked me to step in and I said, Dan can die hard, can die hard. He said, no. He said, you're useless, but there will be a recession.


I said, You son of a bitch.


I mean, you son of a bitch, you had me session. I'm going to do my own fundraiser. OK, well, I start a few calves.


Each calf is worth about three dozen balls. So if we get to our final, I have a few sheep lined up and pay for a stripper for Devizes.


They we haven't. What do you want to get loose? As Kenny Loggins used to say, I can't get no satisfaction. So I don't know, I, I rang the Lion King. Oh, the Lion King.


You know, the Lion King. He paints the roads.


White lines, yellow lines are double yellow lines, linking the man with the best hands in the parish. He is my number one choice goalkeeper. Now, he hasn't played since they brought in helmets and head to big ticket for the pat.


At least could at least afford have had at least Pattie's waiting for a new skullcap.


So we're going to return The Lion King.


Sounds like a Disney film. It would be over 18, 19. Did you have to truck and have it borrowed a trailer now to talk about rights, but I want to get them a few dog tablets. So whenever there's a pochoda, I'm just going to show fetch.


I have Chunky Wallace for a bit of past ullas and the fringe on the fringe is coming in and I'd give him a bit of panache.


Is he. I know when he's old now he's bald. Like I said, the fringe to me style is permanent.


No class permanent. Sorry for the fringe. I also have two Polish lads who work for Dwyre now. They cannot put a stop.


A good friend on stabbed a man. Oh God. I saw him fighting on the street outside the chipper and I pulled in. I said, that's your fucking talent wasted here. I get in to Hurleys. Well, they fucking warm up. And I said, Pablo, you're the man I went looking for.


And I not him that I called them board Pablo, Pablo Torre, Paul to tell him. Anyway, I put you back and tell him that I called out to the house, abdicate Colbran.


Oh my God. And I said, kick. Will you dust off your stool now? I'm not too up to date and modern rules, but if they let that man put his student under 21 yard line, he will hurt all around him, you know.


Thirty six inch radius from the steel, from the steel. He hasn't stood up since the pope closed. He now eats, sleeps and shakes at the kitchen table. His home, herup she married this woman.


She said he has been eating only cake in protest at the government's decision to close the post. But I am confident he has the stuff for one more year.


But the kid, the kid I told the club, I am told that the Club Underminer last year and a pretty good young lads.


Yeah, but this is not babysitting. I want men. Real Men also is trying to find John Paul's old collection of fake passports.


We sort of blasted him for the shit from children's allowance and underage football. But he be a difference.


John Paul, if we could get John Paul, he even better striker of Ireland, Tiger Woods, as far as a fact.


That is a fact he paid in gold one time he was injured in two broken legs. He didn't know he was taking you, taking out in front of him to you.


And now I'm going to figure out what that man would that young lady, good hearted, young enough to know he would hold America back into account, that he would hold the balls out of God's underpants, that he'd hold.


He he'd he'd heard a few round. He might be I don't know, I never find him.


He's a bit loose now. I am appealing for the fixture list to be released immediately because the fitness of the O'Brien is a time sensitive issue.


How long do you think it will take him to get this year? Anything is possible, and his team will have great fucking great. You do not want to meet our championship o championship is championship. No one else thinks. Tears streaming down her face.


I get emotional now she makes a brief cameo in our music video on all sorts of shifts more. What is your mystery topic this week? And can I just say, first of all, we were actually tempted to just put the three minutes that you sent answers in the entire song.


I'm just going to keep it all, Yula. We may release a more edits.


You know, most people send in most people tune in about 10 or 20 seconds, Mara. We appreciate the four minutes you sent us. You want to interact at the end of your song over more.


I've never seen you dance when I'm sober. Oh, God. I was like, dude in the kitchen at 12 o'clock during the day. And I was just praying that, like, please, God, let Olwyn find 10 seconds here where I'm not looking like a fucking anywhere, anywhere. Don't worry, Fairplay, you should never slag me at the beginning of a mystery topic, lad.


Oh, OK. I'm going very high tech this week have gone very fancy. I have a clip to illustrate my mystery topic. Are you ready? Yes. OK, let's see if this happens. If the.


It's not that common in that regard. And I think. Do you know what I'm talking about, is that an episode of Friends? Yes. Do you know what Rachel is referencing there?


Ross is third nipple.


No, it's premature ejaculation. So what are you saying there? It's not that common. It doesn't happen to every guy and it is a big deal. So my question to you is, if a man was to prematurely blow his load, how do you think he'd want his lady companion to respond, deal with the situation, think, oh, OK, it's happened to me.


Just says that that's absolutely fine. You're a great guy and then gives you a neck massage.


Lovely hair.


It's happened to me twice when I've been with loved and supposed to give you a like the perspective of a woman in that situation. First off, well, she's got mixed feelings. OK, first of all, she's flattered she got you so sexually aroused that you blew your load quickly. She probably bit jealous that you could come so quickly. And she's also very, very annoyed if she hasn't had an orgasm by the time you come. So you better do something about it.


So just so I'll give you a little bit of science here, OK? Right. International guidelines define premature ejaculation as regularly ejaculating within one minute of entering your partner. A study involving five hundred couples find that the average time for ejaculation was five and a half minutes after starting sex. It's actually quite common. It's the most common sexual condition affecting men under the age of 40, and it affects approximately one in five men aged between 18 and fifty nine.


So it actually is way more common than you can think now. It can be caused by a multitude of things, but things such as drinking, too much stress, nervousness are being with the new partner. So lads, how do you think a girl should deal with the situation when I'm for a guy as well? Because it does seem to be quite common. And I'd love to hear the listener's point of view on this as well.


Oh, dear. I'm sure you're going to get lots of listener correspondence on this.


Morar, you said it affects one in five men, so that is like the condition premature ejaculation. But how often does it have to happen for it to be regular.


It says regularly. So like I'm pretty much most of the time that you have sex. But it sure doesn't this year. Yeah, now the DNA test has a number of self-help techniques that you can try, so they're quite interesting, actually. So one is Tinchy your grandmother? Yeah. What is that? One or two hours before having sex and using a fake condom to help to create sensation and taking a deep breath to briefly shut down the jacket.


Hillary reflex having sex that your partner on top and then taking breaks during sex and distracting yourself by thinking about something completely different. But taking taking a break.


Taking a break. What do you hold on there? And all of us do a few stretches. Now let's you know, it's like it's like the ads incarnations. Let's get along. Let's not get carried away. Now, here's a camomile tea. Just relax.


I've seen those condoms in the shop, all right? And when you're 18, like you looking through all this stuff, like there are condoms there that say for longer lasting pleasure or something like that, Wellingtons.


Well, I've never tried them, but never had that problem.


John, have you as a skilled lover when like when you're young forever, when you're 18, going in, buying condoms, if you like. Should I get to. We don't know what to get like John. Yeah, but I wonder, would it kill the sensation altogether?


Well, I don't know any more.


How should a girl react. I mean, I think like if if it happens once a year, like, you know, with your partner, you can I think you can kind of forgive them, like and if they're embarrassed is kind of. Yeah, look, don't worry about it like your own whatever.


But if it is an ongoing problem, you're going to have to talk about Ladds. You're going to have to you're going to have to practice some of the techniques or you just going to have to get rid of them.


Yeah, well, the first time it happened to me, I was very, very inexperienced to the stage and it happened before he even like just as he was like coming near me, like, you know, I was just like, oh, look at my leg. Like, I was pure disgust. I could not get out of there fast enough. And then the second time it happened, it was with the and that I was like, you know, seeing or whatever.


But like, I don't he lasted like two pumps and then was done.


And I was pure like, oh, you know, you're going to have to do something else now and take a little rest there and get back in the game because, you know, but I don't know if I reacted, maybe I reacted more selfishly in those situations because it can be I imagine it's quite damaging to a man's ego if he doesn't satisfy a girl or both is low, dirty.


Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I think, like, you know, men feel embarrassed enough about it, and if it is if it is like, you know, just happening for the first time or whatever, like, I think you give them a bit of breathing space and don't go too hard on put like fillers.


You know, there's two people in this takes two to tango. Right. So there's two people need to get their kicks from this.


So if the fella, you know, goes, let's say and the girl doesn't, it's I think the onus is still on the man to make sure that she has equal pleasure.


You know what I mean? If you're were to go a long term with it.


Yeah, but is that you're not going on at an average like. No, I'm not saying that or no. I'm saying look, to put it in like to put it in a team analogy, I'd be saying, listen, we've been under pressure for a while.


We need to regroup, you know, and go again.


Yeah. And go again for a rematch. Yeah. Change our tactics and go again.


Yeah, that's OK. That's grand. Yeah.


But like the like there's no point.


Just been like ah sorry about that same time next week, you know what I mean.


You can't do that. No. It's got to be like all cheese on we can say with that, give us a few minutes or else like you know. Do something as well, that's the old expression, ladies first. Yeah, exactly, you know what I mean? I don't think it's about holding doors, to be honest.


Well, that I think that's where it comes from.


Wow. Oh, yeah.


Look, more women, if it does happen to you, but like you say, you don't break his balls. Pardon the pun. You know, you just have cool regroup, go at it again. Then when he leaves, you can cut the back off.


But at least this way you've had an orgasm. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Listen, I think what's what's worse than this is impotence. You know, at least at least he's getting the award and. All right. He you know, he's living it off, but like, at least he's getting it.


If he works, if you if you're laying there and he can get there is nothing worth it. It's actually Reedsburg that is bruising to a girl's ego. Like if a guy's had too much to drink and, you know, she's getting carpal tunnel syndrome from trying to get stuff go.


And it's my my advice would be don't don't break their balls. You know, men and women will feel bad enough as it is, but make sure to keep the pressure on them that that, you know, they get the job done eventually. Don't leave Mufid. Yeah. Or else Ladds will be just going over and being like, oh, sorry. That job done. Siller Yeah.


No, no, no, no, no. It's like, you know, when Garth Brooks plays friends in high places. Yeah.


And then he comes back out with the guitar player for an encore and he says, I don't think we're done yet.


That's what's going on. Yeah. OK, women. Oh, I don't know what to say to men like you, man. If it's happening, you're going to have to do some research, do some reading.


You have to look into that if it's a problem. And you go to your GP, though, because I like people feel weird about going to their GP for those type things. But like your GP, you're probably the have heard person into his surgery that day talking about that problem. It's so common. So relax, you're not you're not alone in this. So men of Ireland don't do not be ashamed.


Get this. If this is a problem, don't suffer in silence. Get it sorted would be like with any problem down there.


It's not that bad. Like no, I think it's going to happen to young fella. Yeah.


Like one day I went into like I actually had like a urinary tract infection.


I'm oversharing here and I didn't think the doctor would want to look at I mean, really. So I was like, I have to call in sick. And I went in and I had my pyjamas on and I just pulled protracts bombs over it.


But for some reason I had not had my pajamas. And so I went into doctrine's like, look, I say I have some sort of urinary tract. She's like, oh, I'm going to have to do a test or whatever. And I was like, Yeah, no, that's all right. Is it. I was like, yeah. And then she said, Okay, so if you want to pull your pants.


And I had to get like the pajamas off.


So I was like regal and like a little worm in there. I was like, yeah, just getting there, not knowing full. And I literally pulled Entourage's bumps. I had full lente like, you know, the clad kind of like the pattern. Yeah. The pattern pants on pyjamas. And I had to really actually in the end had to just burst the string. I was mortified, like how he got the day off work. Yeah, it was great.


It was she gave me a couple of tablets so it wasn't an STD. It just like to say that, yeah, the doctor has to look at your mouth.


You're going to get checked. Yeah, I know. I didn't. I totally just like you hear a lot drink cranberry juice or something, you know.


No, I know. It's weird like getting your clothes off at local GP, but. Sure. Yeah, it's got to be done. Like that's life. That's why I'm sharing.


And there's no you know, we're all friends here probably. Yeah. Thinking about that. Probably cut it out.


No, I'm not gonna believe that it would listen to it to some of these subject women, you know, don't break the balls. Like make sure they make it up to you and feel as if it is a persistent problem gets out that.


All right, Ma? I'm happy with that. There you go. We didn't leave you unfulfilled your mood. We'll make it up to you next week. Don't forget the River Review. Don't forget to read, review and tell your friends about a two Gianni's podcast. Use the hashtag to Johnnys father. That's the number two Johnnys fight to get in touch.


You can messages on Instagram, Facebook, YouTube, subscribe to our YouTube so you get a little ding every time you upload a new video and you can email us a podcast at the two Johnny's Dorahy to get in touch and suggest future topics or any correspondence you want.


Finally, it's your turn.


And don't forget, your concert this week is brought to you by the good people of Partya. They are changing on mobile and you can find out how on air today. And the best news is they're given away to give them five lucky listeners each week. The chance to win a six month free. Forty eight mobile SIM card. That's fair sound. That is pure sound them to be in with a chance to win an all you have to do is send us your report using the hashtag your favorite.


So basically, let me spell this out. We go on to your social media platforms, Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, whatever. Write your yata the week on your profile and use the hashtag your favorite year while you are ready for that hashtag and then you are in the pot for a price.


Ladds I'm just going to say it. There's no favoritism. But our podcast listeners, I got a great chance of winning. So do it. Yeah. Now Johnny B.. You want to kick us off. Have you got a thought.


Well yeah. Somebody said this to me. Oh here we go. I said this to me. Go on.


OK, let's just say take a pirate.


Right. Or if you were to dress up as a pirate. Yeah. What would you have on your face? An eye patch and eye patch pirates known for wear an eye patch. Yes. Do you think that many pirates lost an eye? It's quite an unusual injury. Yeah, a fella said to me that Pirate's War and eyepatch during the day, so when it got dark at night, they could flick up the eyepatch and one of their eyes would already be adjusted to nighttime vision.


And they could see shit better in the dark on all ships. Who told you? I can't remember. Well, in your conversations, you have. It's just that's that's class, I imagine, like all the effort, pirates go through that all day going on one, I just so they could see better at night.


I feel like Miyata the week is just going to pale into complete insignificance.


No. Off the back of that.


Isn't that mad. Let's let listeners of the pod. If you're a pirate, any relations who are pirates know if someone can confirm this, then cool.


If not, I'm sorry.


I did a bit of Googling like in this game, but like there's no proof.


OK, so that's true. Your pirates. Yeah. Unbelievable. Miyata the week is the fact that one of my favorite shows is back on Netflix. Last chance you was back. Yeah, yeah. But the only problem is obviously, you know, Coach Brown has been, you know, I don't like years.


He's been removed. He's a dangerous do.


But I did enjoy him in the last couple of years, you know, going around the corner, never on like, you know, bad men, bad names that we won't use because this is sponsored, but it's good television.


He was good television. He was box office. And this year they've got a fella in who resembles an orgy. Of course, we had here in care. Yes.


And that, I must say, the one thing that I have taken from it is I'm already after buying merch again, I have succumbed to it to the marketing power of documentaries.


Murchú what sort of college that is focused on this year.


And last he was Laney College in Oakland. In California. Yeah. And you've gone and bought their gear, bought two t shirts during the week.


I noticed. I've got a problem. You're now a Laynie fan. Yeah.


Yeah. It's GasLog, isn't it? This how many episodes were you before you bought the year? I've only seen one episode for Fox years classic, but that just goes on.


I watched a Dr. Dre documentary about Beats the Michael Jordan one about a basketball hoop last year about the NBA independence stuff from last chance.


You know, we've got Laney College.


It's good thing you don't watch Magic Mike. Well, OK, Johnny Dirt, we've got a double draft this week.


I know. Yeah, it just it's about food. But first I went and got pizza, Iranian pizza and carrots, even. Very nice pizza, but was a V galavanting when they collected the pizza from the character man. And he says, now that's not sliced. I was like, well. Well, Slice, it seems like you would like me to be very good, like because lovely people, but who sells pizzas and dozens and dozens? Why is he not.


I don't know. I was I was I was in too much shock to ask him. And even if I was going home to my house to eat it, not everyone has a pizza roller. Yeah, I assumed that if you wanted to slice that would have you have to opt in for that.


Yeah, I didn't think it would be the norm if there's any pizza experts out there on Slice. Now, our double date of the week is we were in a bridal shop in Dublin today.


We're doing a bit of promo for a single anomaly in British shops. You walk up, you're like, I'll have a brioche. Yeah, what meat you want Grande. And then it's like it's like similar to like, say, the likes of subway where you walk up and then someone goes, what toppings do you want. Yeah.


And you should you meet. Yeah. And you get your rice. Yeah. Your salads. Don't try and salsa cheese.


You can look at them, you see, you can see what you want. Whereas we went into this brioche place and they were like, okay can I have a brilliant. And she was like what you want on it.


I was like or she drew me straight away and they had all like, you know, the toppings covered up the lids on them. Yeah. With tin lids. So I didn't know what they were offering. Yeah. Completely panicked and got to like that happens. I didn't even want I need to set on an embryo and just sulks that this wasn't how bright I shall be served. So that's, that's our, that's our daughter's week. So we just like to say if Pablo Kantor did their burrito shop, if they could get in touch and let us know why this is, why are they doing this?


Why don't they do it like a deli? Yeah. Can I get some with a bit of that? That looks like some of that.


Well, you I'm guessing blind, so like we really like your burritos, Pablo Vacanti. And we are often, you know, deep down I also like Bozsum.


Yeah. Yeah. But yeah. But we just want to know, we want to try it. If you can get in touch and let us know why this is done, we'd really appreciate it.


That's it for this week. Another in another crazy podcast.


We hope we've left you all satisfied. Yeah hope you've got your fill of to Giannis for me Giannis Max for me Jollibee for me more.


Oh you hope you've enjoyed the bank holiday weekend as much as we have gone. Good luck.


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