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The following podcast is a dear media production. Hello, everybody, I'm back, and I'm a Somalia. I just got back from Napa yesterday, we did a full wine tasting fiasco and yes, I know I said last week I am really tickety tickety turn this week. I've had like eighty five glasses of vodka.

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My serotonin levels are boosting.

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The skin is glowing. I had my first bowel movement. I feel just alive and rejuvenated.

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So I know last week I said that I was having guests and I am recording those episodes tomorrow. I hate to break the fourth wall and ruin the magic. So it's just little me this week. But honestly, it's probably for the best because I have a lot to say.

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So I have never gone wine tasting. I mean, I like to think I'm a sophisticated person. I'm clearly not a sophisticated person. It's a little bit of a facade and the lie that I tell myself every day.

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But the truth of the matter is that, you know, as far as my wine education goes, if it's in the price range of, you know, twenty dollars to twenty six dollars, then I buy it and enjoy it and nurse it like a motherfucker.

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But I wouldn't say that I have a deep, complex understanding of winemaking and the fruits of the juice or the juice of the fruits or Jesus juice or whatever the fuck it is.

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Now, please understand that from the ages of 18 to probably twenty one, the only wine I was consuming was out of a super jug or a box, and that's just how I rolled. So like, you know, I don't understand tasting notes. I don't know what legs are. I don't I just I don't fucking know. Now I could sniff out a well vodka from six miles away. I don't fuck like that.

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I don't care what your alcoholic uncle tells you all sky vodka is the best in a blind taste test. No, it's not because I've done that because I've had those conversations with distant family members who swear that the Kirkland brand vodka that comes in a ton gallon that costs eight ninety nine. That shit ain't fuckin Grey Goose. So try it again. Maybe next Christmas it will work, Todd, but not on this bitch. So I am definitely you know, I lean to the vodka.

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I love vodka, I like sipping vodka.

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I drink it plain. It stings the trachea, but like in the right way. I really do know the difference with wine.

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Not a fucking clue.

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However, I surround myself with friends who are all of a sudden very into not I shouldn't say all of a sudden they're just really, really, really into wine.

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They are swirling, they are sniffing, they are inhaling, they are getting notes of OK and they want to know what is it, a French barrel, is it in steel, what age is it? What temperature should they I mean, I'm sorry. I'm just like, is this shit going to give me rosacea is the label. Q And are we going to get Ticketek returned, turned without a ticket, tickly fucking headache tomorrow.

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So, you know, my knowledge is let's say not vast, but we were on a god damn wine tasting hamster wheel. A I would just like to say before people tried to spear me in the rectum, me and all my friends have been getting tested very, very regularly. I have been tested three times in the past month. I take this pandemic very seriously. I am the Glorias personal postma it, so I'm not fucking around. The people we traveled with are in my covid-19 cult pact so we don't fuck around.

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The only people we are seeing is each other.

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Period, just had to get that out of the way. But the experience was so fun.

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I mean we really it's crazy because Andrew and I have never actually been in the country and or at home or even in California this long, the entirety of our relationship.

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We have never been home for five months ever. And honestly, there are so many parts of California that I have never seen.

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So we did a full road trip up the central coast to Napa and then came back down, stopped in the central coast, saw the sights.

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I took Andrew to San Luis Obispo, where I went to community college for literally like two and a half hours.

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That was the extent of my college education.

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Obviously, it paid off greatly. I just, you know, it wasn't for me, it's not for everybody.

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You know, a college is really great for getting fat, getting slutty, getting poor and delaying adulthood. Stay in school kids. It was really fun to go back, though, I have to say, just because I mean, I hadn't been back there in so long and I took Andrew to like the place where I showed my vagina, the place where I got my fake ID, taken away the food four less down the road where I would literally buy discount shark meat and make tacos because it was it was like seventy five cents a pound and it was all I could afford.

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I would show him the market where I would go get my little minute maid juices and my grenadine that would mix with my pop off vodka. I mean just the darkest, darkest of times. And it was so fun to go back and be like, oh my God, I'm so happy that I didn't become a professional escort or like, you know, I'm not doing heroin in a back alley at this point in my life because I could have really been a massive, massive fuckup given the trajectory of my poor decision making.

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But, you know, hutzpah gets you everywhere in this life. And that is where I got my goddamn degree really fun.

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Nappa was just fucking amazing.

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And I don't talk about this a lot, but when I talk about my brief stint in college the first day, I knew it wasn't for me.

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I dropped out of every academic class. My parents were relatively hands off. They were like, as long as she's like not on the pole or on the rock, then like, you know, do you boo? So I was fiercely independent.

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And probably the reason why I didn't become such a fuckup is that my parents were like the opposite of helicopter parents.

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They were like, you know, are you doing hard drugs? Are you contracting STDs?

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If not, we're good.

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Like, just don't be a total fuck up and weathered the storm beautifully of life, which I have.

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So they didn't take much interest in what classes I was taking, where I was going to college report cards.

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My mother would always say, I don't care about grades. I just care that you're a good person. Well, joke's on her because she failed at both, however.

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So year one, I was just like, I don't I'm not a good listener.

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I also learned this about myself during winetasting because after my third tasting, once the cabernet started to take hold of me, I can't listen to other people talk about things that I'm not interested in.

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I pick up every one out of twelve words and then I can kind of string them together together and I can look at someone, but I'm not looking at them. I'm actually looking through them and thinking about a million different things while processing just the most miniscule information I can take from what they're saying so that I, you know, in a pinch or in a pickle could pretend I know what I'm talking about and that I have in some way, shape or form received and processed the information that these experts and people are telling me without actually being present, interested or involved.

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That is a gift, by the way. It's a gift that I have nourished, nurtured and harnessed throughout my existence.

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So by three pm, I mean, I was just a hologram. I was like Tupac at Coachella a couple of years ago. Like, I'm just barely fuckin there, just nodding through it, looking through it, swirling, sniffing shell of a human. But, you know, at the tender age of 18, I didn't know how to appropriately channel that aspect of my personality. And instead I just dropped out of every single class that I had enrolled in.

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So I wasn't taking math. I wasn't taking my psychology, I wasn't taking journalism. None of the things, all cooking classes. So that's kind of how I learned how to cook.

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I would literally just come home and cry, watch Barefoot Contessa. It was the story of my life. So which, by the way, Barefoot Contessa is the funniest show on television after The Real Housewives of New York Ayna and Gay Jeffrey.

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I mean, Nicholas Sparks wishes. And if if Jeffrey is not getting anally fisted by that goddamn floras in the Hamptons, then I don't know anything about anything.

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And I think they're adorable and I cherish them and I celebrate them.

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So this is incredibly cranky and unlikable. But I have to talk about the experience because it truly was such a bucket list for me. I have been obsessed with Thomas Keller for fucking years.

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At the beginning of this pandemic of the lockdown, I bought a master class, which I highly recommend.

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If anyone is looking to just really expand your mental horizons, master class is to die for the next one that I'm taking is about mirroring. It's like psychological warfare. Andrew, I fucking dare you.

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I will mention. You like the shit out of you, it's a whole thing, it's like what people do to psychopaths and criminals and like investigators, I don't know, but that's my next one. So I took the Thomas Keller master class because he's like the top chef in the world in this restaurant. The French Laundry is actually just a few days ago rated the number one restaurant.

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I don't remember if it was the country or the world in my head, it was the world. The experience was a rousing, titillating orgasmic. It was just I mean, I, I slip and slide when I even reminisce about it.

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And it was just a couple of days ago, it was un fucking believable. Thomas Keller was there that night.

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He came and chatted with us at our table. We got the tour of the kitchen. I was so drunk by the time we made it into the kitchen because we're talking about like a six hour meal. I mean, it is it is a marathon, not a sprint. I went back into the kitchen and Thomas Keller was there and I looked at him and I said, if you're ever hiring interns, I'm available. I'm not a great team player, but I can chop like a motherfucker.

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And and he just looked at me and, like, slowly shook his head and I was like, OK, check, please.

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He did not laugh.

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He did not laugh. But nobody laughed really, except me. And I was like, nailed it. Let's break down Thomas Keller.

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He's like, get the fuck out of here, you little street rat.

[00:11:38]

Health and wellness has never been more important. In one way that I check the box every single morning is by taking my ritual vitamins. Now, ritual vitamins were created for a cynic by a cynic. They have left out any mystery additives, synthetic fillers, shady extras that can be found in so many other traditional multivitamins. They call it traceability. So you can see everything you're putting in your body, where it came from and why they chose it. The reason I started taking ritual vitamins is because I have a very, very sensitive stomach.

[00:12:12]

And the ritual vitamins, you don't have to worry about taking them with food. I leave them right next to my bed. You pop them. They're coated in like a minty type of thing. So it's like very easy to take no nausea, no upset stomach. I used to say about ritual vitamins, if you have a vagina and you're not taking these vitamins, you're a fucking idiot. And I stand by that. But guess what? Ritual is expanding for the whole damn family.

[00:12:38]

So if you're listening to this and you're married to someone with a vagina or a penis and they're not taking these vitamins, then you're really fucking it up. Because guess what? They now have a multivitamin for men. I just ordered them from Andrew. We wake up every single morning and we cheers and take our fucking vitamins.

[00:12:55]

Daily changes can lead to big results. So start small today. Ritual is offering my listeners ten percent off your first three months. Try it out. Satisfaction guaranteed. Go to ritual dotcom for Bible to start your ritual today. That's ten percent off during your first three months at ritual dotcom. The Bible. Get it for yourself. Get him for your parents. Get them for your husband. Get them now.

[00:13:25]

Is Donald Trump banning tick tock?

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What will we do with ourselves? I was talking to someone from Dear Media and I was making a tick tock joke and they said Charlie could never and I'm like, who the fuck is Charlie? And then like, if you don't know who Charlie is, you don't you're not allowed to be on tick tock. And I'm like, oh, no, twist my arm. How will I go on, kill me?

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I guess tick tock is on the verge of being banned in America or something like that. This is allegedly a just skimmed the headline.

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You know, it might not be the worst thing besides taking our basic human rights and pursuit of entertainment away. I don't get it.

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I so I ultimately found out who Charlie was. Someone sent me there like the biggest tech talker in the world. I'd like to say that I'm not impressed.

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And then there's that other girl who's been hanging out with Kourtney Kardashian, who's also a big talker.

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Like what what what are they doing that's so unbelievably exceptional?

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Like, I don't understand what they're dancing. So Julianne Hough, where's she on Tock? I don't think she has a tick tock, something that me and her have in common. Good morning.

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I was, as a joke, going to do a hair tutorial. Tick tock. Here's the deal. My hair is my worst thing about me. It is Glenn Close mates, JonBenet Ramsey meets electrocution, meets Judaism, meets Brillo pad meets Tumbleweed, meets just despair and sadness and regret.

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It's not good. I if it was if it was even decent, I would sing it from the fucking rooftops. Sound of Music Cell, you know, skipping through the goddamn hills like I am a delusional human being. Give me an inch and I will take 100 fucking miles. I don't even have an. Inch of grace coming out of my scalp. It truly it's at the point now where I'm like, should I just shave it and start over?

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I understand Britney circa twenty seven in a way that I cannot even express. Like maybe I should just give it a go.

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And I put a picture of myself on Instagram today and I got to tell you, I there's not a photo of me that exists in the world that would embarrass me there. There's not a lot that would embarrass me in general, but like a photo of me looking like shit or my hair looking crazy or my face looking that's or anything looking a little busted, not going to fucking embarrass me.

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So this is 50 percent of the messages I got were, wow, you're so brave.

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Thank you for abolishing stereo beauty stereotypes and and and showing, you know, your flaws.

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And I was like, thank you.

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I'm so brave. Like, Oprah is going to have me on a speaking tour, like I'm just so brave, like, fuck off.

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And then the other 50 percent were girls named Katie from fucking Milwaukee who have the most ushcc, not Ashkenazy Gentile Strand's in the Western Hemisphere, asking me if I've ever tried a hair mask before. Let me tell you something about Jackie motherfucking Simmel. I was getting Brazillian blowout's when I was eight years old ofthe market in a back alley while they were illegal because they still had formaldehyde in it. So if there's a treatment that exists on the fucking planet or off the planet, both legal and illegal, I have tried it not once, not twice, but at least 14 times.

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Do you think I enjoy spending my life savings trying to get my hair somewhat mediocre through a blow dry?

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Do you think that I enjoy that? I don't. I don't. I don't. Katie, I don't. Katie, have you ever tried it? The ten here mask? Yeah. When I was six, I've been using that shit like on a fucking semi daily basis my entire fucking life. Carotene treatment, Japanese straightening recently. And I've done it all.

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Get the Dyson. Guess what, Nikkie with two KS, I don't want to learn how to fucking blow dry my hair because I'd like to keep my shoulder in its fucking socket and b it's too fucking late in the game. It's too late in the game. Have you tried MacCracken Oil. No, never. What's Moroccan oil? Sarah, shut the fuck up. I get enraged. I dare you.

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Tips and tricks from a gentile don't you don't know.

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My hair is like ramen noodles. OK, it could break in fucking half.

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Have you tried a satin pillowcase? No, never. Thank you so much. I'm sure I'm going to wake up looking like fucking Blake Lively thinks Katie.

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The other night at dinner we were talking about how shitty my hair was and Andrew goes, It's not that bad. We got in a massive fight over this, by the way. I was like, what are you talking about?

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He's like, it's really not that bad. I'm like, A, you're undermining me. B, you're lying. And C, you're making it seem like I'm exaggerating when I couldn't exaggerate the atrocity of my hair.

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If if I tried, I am follicles fucked.

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And now you're minimizing my despair and my and my burdens by telling people it's not that bad. I'm like, you felt it.

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So what I thought about doing today, actually, Andrew and I were going to go get some lunch alfresco with masks, social distancing.

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And I thought about, well, if what if I just rocked it natural just to spite him and look at it and be like, well, I thought I thought you said it wasn't that bad, Andrew.

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Remember, you said it was pretty. You thought it was good. Right.

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And just see, like, how he could take it. Of course, he would never give me the satisfaction of being like a bitch and going outside like that.

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You'd be like he's like it's pretty. It's kind of eighties. That's what he said. I mean, it's so 80s.

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I'm like like the early 80s when you were still a fetus and didn't have eyeballs, because if this is what the eighties is like, like I we got home that night.

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This is post French Laundry dinner. So we did the whole wine. I mean we probably consumed eighty five bottles of wine. It was atrocious.

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We get home and I'm like, don't undermine me. At a dinner party for her again, or you'll be fucking sorry, Andrew, and he's like, what?

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No, I was just, you know, I don't want you to think anything about yourself is ugly. I'm like, Andrew, my hair is not who I am. It is an extension of my Judaism. And when you downplay my struggles that I have encountered my entire life, do you know what it was like for me going through middle school and having to take showers in between classes to keep my hair wet so that I could wear it down without scaring people so I might have the chance of getting finger banged at a bat mitzvah?

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Andrew, do you know what that was like for me?

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I'm such a fucking moron.

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I was like, Andrew, do you know how much I love swimming? I fucking love to swim. I get so hard and I can't go in the fucking pool and I haven't been able to go in the pool my entire fucking life. When we were in the Bahamas, I couldn't even fucking swim. It is we're so fucking ugly. And everyone who fucking throw up and lose their appetite if they see what my really fucking looks like, it's disgusting.

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It is quintessentially white girl problems and I am repulsed by myself.

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I woke up the next morning and I was like, Jackie, you really are some kind of a cunt, some kind of a stupid, stupid, stupid cunt.

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And that is my burden to bear.

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So I woke up, punished myself for twenty minutes and then had a gorgeous cabernet franc for breakfast.

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Disgraceful.

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I said to Andrew at the end of the trip, I was like, it's Betty Ford or bust. Like I can't think about wine, I can't smell wine, I can't say wine. I think I have some type of a fracture in the wrist from excess Swerling Like no more Jesus juice for Jackie.

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We got home last night. I mean, the second I got into my garage, I started stripping, taking my clothes off. I ran into the shower.

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I just needed to detox my my body, my mind and my soul, because from going being kind of locked down, not really socializing to going on a trip and having group meals and excess socialization, I needed to go into full hibernation mode. So I took off all my clothes.

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I put a hair mask and you turned it into ten here with my back and all the garbage. Done it all. Thank you. Once more, time for the people in the fucking back.

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So I did my facemasks, I did my facial steaming, I did my reiki, my rakita to myself.

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I just rub my testicles.

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I had a green juice and then I showcased the highest performance of self care.

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And I watch The Real Housewives of New York, followed by The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. And once I finished, my mouth was so agape, my heart chakras so open, my vagina so wet that I had to watch them all over again for the second time in the same goddamn setting.

[00:23:00]

We are going to break down all of the Real Housewives drama. But first, to satiate the palate. I want to talk to you guys about Daily Harvest. Now, I'm fucking obsessed with Daily Harvest.

[00:23:13]

I have had a personal cyberbullying campaign trying to get them to sponsor this podcast for years and years because I love the product so much.

[00:23:24]

Their smoothies, the ice creams, the flatbreads, they're not ice creams. They're called Scoop's. Let me just talk about the scoop's really quick, because a anyone from Daily Harvest, if you're listening to this, could you please send me more? Because I'm going through it like it's fucking water and I live in the desert. Scoop's are free of additives, preservatives and fillers because they're made with whole nourishing organic ingredients like black sesame, coconut cream and dragonfruit.

[00:23:50]

They have four incredible fucking flavors.

[00:23:52]

The berry compote scoops. It's like faux ice cream is the best thing that I have ever put in my goddamn mouth. I need more ice. I oh, it's so good. You have to try it. All of their products are so clean and delicious. They're farm frozen to lock and pick nutrients and taste. And there's just tons of options. It's not just smoothies and scoops. That's their version of ice cream. They have like harvest bowls that you can put a fried egg on top of.

[00:24:25]

You can like add some Saroja you can add like some whatever you're feeling.

[00:24:30]

The flatbreads are incredible. It's all ready to enjoy in minutes. Eat and clean food with daily. Service is easy and effortless, whether you're having a night at home or you need a quick bite on the go. Everything stays fresh in your freezer until you're ready to enjoy it. Like I said, you guys have to try the scoops. You will fucking lose your goddamn mind.

[00:24:52]

Keep it simple. This summer, with daily harvest, go to daily harvest dotcom and enter promo code Bible to get twenty five dollars off your first box. That's promo code Bible for twenty five dollars off your first box at Daily Harvest Dotcom Daily Harvest's Dotcom Promo Code Bible. Please send me more scoops please. This is a plea. Help me help you. Let's just get into the Housewives. Let's start with New York. There are not enough words or actions of gratitude that I could showcase to these women for getting me through just the darkest of times consistently for a large portion of my life, The Real Housewives of New York.

[00:25:36]

The fact that this show is not nominated and sweeping the Golden Globes every single year is baffling to me because the performance and the entertainment value that they give us is unfair. Fucking paralleled how I met your mother. Could never the Big Bang Theory wishes wishes.

[00:26:01]

By the way, I don't understand that show. I don't understand a lot of shows. I don't understand friends. I get it. It's light. It's fluffy. If I'm in a foreign country and it's the only thing on that I can understand in English, then I will watch it and I will dabble. But do I enjoy myself? Not particularly.

[00:26:18]

Am I laughing? Not particularly. I think Phoebe is kind of funny. The rest of it.

[00:26:23]

I hate a laugh track. It makes me super uncomfortable. Like, is it a it's not it's not my genre.

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How I met your mother, not my genre. Big Bang Theory. Not my genre. I don't fucking understand it. Real Housewives of New York. Take everything I have, take my organs, take my limbs, take my neighbors, other arm. I don't care. It's the best goddamn show on television and it should be respected and appreciated accordingly.

[00:26:57]

So they go to Mexico and ride off the jump.

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Ramona says a classic Ramona line that is so jilting that I had to rewind it and listen sixty five times to make sure I heard her correctly. She refers to the staff, the house staff in Mexico as servants, and I almost took a bat to my television because I just I don't understand how anybody could be so. Like tone deaf, myopic, unaware, it's it's crazy to me, it's crazy to me, we expect this level of what the fuck from Ramona this is right off the jump.

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Now, she also is kind of refusing to speak to Leah because she says that Leah disrespected her at her birthday party with her 50 girlfriends.

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Not sure if you knew that Ramona Singer has not 49. Well, maybe forty nine now.

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Not forty eight, not 50 to 50 close girlfriends that she talks to four times a week because she loves her girlfriends. They're like family to her. It's there are there's nothing to say. Clearly she got her sister to kind of get in on the action at her birthday party. Leah was dancing. She was gyrating.

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Mind you, Ramona's counterpart, Sonya was channeling Reagan from The Exorcist breaking glass with a toilet paper roll on her head or something.

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It's the hypocrisy is pretty wild. Obviously, Leah agrees. I'm glad that Lee is off the sauce enough to defend herself.

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I always talk about one thing that triggers me when I watch these Real Housewives is that when they get too fucked up and New York, there's something in the water this season, last season, the season before these bitches are drinking the juice.

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And, you know, while I don't encourage overindulgence in any capacity, as someone bored as fuck sitting on the sofa, also partaking in the sauce moderately and responsibly, it is great entertainment value. Like I can't deny it. These women are unhinged. They are beacons of just complete.

[00:29:17]

Like, fuck Lewis untethering, you know, and the bounce back rate for these women, in particular New York, never seen a show be so dark and so light at the same time, the rebound rate is flawless. As women, we should all strive to have the rebound rate of a real housewife of New York. You know, buck the fuck up, buttercup. I've been saying this a lot to girlfriends and friends.

[00:29:45]

It's a big, bad world out there. Perspective is everything. Extract your head out of your asshole. Take a look around. It's Groundhog's Day and think about the bigger scope of the world and its problems. And buck the fuck up, buttercup.

[00:30:03]

And don't you dare sit at a table from me and complain about something that you're in full control of.

[00:30:08]

Ever see the life lessons that we learn on this podcast, Que the Motherfucking Rainbow?

[00:30:15]

I think that when Leah is off the sauce, she's so intelligent and well-spoken and articulate and it's so nice to actually see her in that way because the worst and hardest thing as a viewer is watching for me, a woman, not be able to defend themselves. I get like Rashi and Reiji and I want to jump in the screen. It's why I kind of lean into the likes of, like a Bethenny Frankel housewife, like I support Bethenny because whether she's being, I don't know, she's gaslighting or she's vitriolic or I don't even know if that's a real word, vitriolic.

[00:30:56]

I'm going to roll with it. The thing about Leah McSweeny is that she's not trying too hard, which is why she is being so accepted by viewers. And people love her so much. It's because she's really not working the show. And there is something to be said for that. The second that these women start working the show, all bets are off.

[00:31:19]

It's it's breaking the fourth wall in not the right kind of way. It reads desperate and tragic and nobody roots for them because you feel like you're being fucked with as a viewer, like you're being manipulated.

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And I find that The Real Housewives of New York, despite maybe with the exception of like an Aviva Drescher type who is just tragic to watch in her last season because it was so forced and so inauthentic, all of these women are being themselves. And whether we love them or hate them, it's fascinating to fucking watch.

[00:31:55]

So, I mean, I love Sonya Morgan so much. I root for Sonya Morgan. She is a rising phoenix. We don't deserve her. And I am a little bit worried about her. She is gave us the line every fucking episode. By the way, we get a line from Sonya and she is a comedic relief.

[00:32:18]

Even at her lowest gear in her lowest functioning gear, she's still purring like a vintage nineteen sixty five classic Mustang pristine condition. What did she say? This episode? She goes, I'm so fucking fucking hell. I have the champion pussy or like superstar pussy or whatever she says and she's got a fuckin sunhat from nineteen eighty five. That makes her look like a goddamn living Beanie Baby and a wrap dress that is just one gust away from showing her us her chubby pussy.

[00:32:53]

And I love her. Speaking of chubby pussy. Sorry I had to, had to. It just presented itself.

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[00:33:21]

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[00:33:47]

OK, I'm not sure if I'm allowed to say this, but I also use the love oil under Leo's armpits because he has really bad yeast infections and it totally works.

[00:33:59]

I mean, I'm not a doctor, but this shit works and it's such a great gift to get like, you know, if you're not able to do that, your friend's bachelorette parties, if you want to spice up your relationship, it is let me just tell you firsthand.

[00:34:15]

It's so sexy. It's. Spicy, it's got the most beautiful packaging, even the way that it arrives at your front door is just like so fucking hot and you're going to love it. And once you try will, you will never go back.

[00:34:31]

That is a bitch Bible guarantee. Oh, I should also mention they also now have the coconut love oil and like little single serve packets called quickies. So if you're looking to have a little quarantine romp wherever the fuck you want, great to take on vacation, slip in your husband's back pocket. All the products are fuckin unbelievable.

[00:34:54]

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[00:35:19]

This Ellen DeGeneres Show shit that hit the media this past week is it's a wild ride.

[00:35:26]

I wasn't going to talk about it because, you know, it's just none of my current business. But I you know, I've worked in television, and all I will say is that transparency is a dying breed.

[00:35:41]

Authenticity is a dying breed. Self-awareness is a dying breed. And this is not the first time I have heard or experienced, you know, these allegations behind the scenes of a television show.

[00:35:56]

And, you know, I think, you know, maybe she should just hang out in Montecito with Portia and tend to her animals and, you know, live in her truth. And maybe the best version of her truth is off camera without the montera be kind to one another.

[00:36:19]

I think that's probably a good idea. You know, sometimes the curtains need to close, sometimes the lights need to dim.

[00:36:27]

And maybe we should make room for people on television who are what they appear.

[00:36:35]

I don't know. That's just allegedly. What do I know? Right. Maybe maybe that's just me.

[00:36:41]

I don't really talk about this because I'm not someone that likes to. I just don't think it's like appropriate or it's just so transparent to align myself with people who are more successful than me. And I try not to talk about anybody that I know personally.

[00:36:58]

That is a famous person, quote unquote, because I just think it's kind of gross and rocky.

[00:37:03]

And honestly, I would just rather talk about myself, Leah season bitches.

[00:37:07]

But I did work at Chelsea lately for two years, and I worked on after lately and I worked on a bunch of pilots that she produced for different comedians and everyone was exactly as they appeared. And it was so refreshing. And, you know, kind of what you saw on camera was what you got off camera.

[00:37:28]

And it's unfortunate and disappointing that that's not a lot of people's experience working in in the industry as they fucking say.

[00:37:41]

So, yeah, just take that with a grain of salt. Let it marinate in the mouth. Let's talk about The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. They're going to roam the outfits, the outfits, the outfits. I will say that I think Derek Hemsley is having the best season of her Housewives career. I love the looks she's giving us. I like that she defended Denise. Here's my stance on the Denise Brandy fiasco.

[00:38:08]

Who do I believe? Brandy?

[00:38:11]

Who am I siding with?

[00:38:14]

Denise, I do think that Denise originally was being hypocritical about having a problem with the women, talking about threesomes, being that she was the first person to talk about threesomes, happy endings, her husband's genitalia size, their sex life like that was all out there.

[00:38:34]

Also, you were married to Charlie Sheen.

[00:38:37]

So, you know, it's a little pot calling the kettle black. I just I don't really understand how you're going to turn around. This is what happens with a lot of these housewives. They get on the show. It's their second season. Then they start manipulating storylines and they want a good edit and they start pivoting their behavior to appear a certain way, maybe because it's backlash from family, from publicists, from whoever, from children.

[00:39:07]

But it just never works out, because the second that the cast feels like you're pretending to be something you're not, LA Camille Grammer, Lisa Vanderpump, everybody turns on you and then you're fucked. I do think that waiting for Denise to get to Rome with her messy Britney Spears influence bun and then kind of bringing it up was.

[00:39:34]

Yeah, it felt a little icky, really loving Sutton, I think Sutton is she's a slow burn, as Kacey Musgraves once said. At first, I didn't really understand what she was contributing to the show. I do think that if we give her time to blossom, she will be a beautiful juxtaposition to the rest of the women.

[00:39:58]

I think she's she's kind of cool and kind of diffusive in the right way.

[00:40:04]

And like I said earlier, so I watched New York and Beverly Hills back to back. The juxtaposition of these trips is absolutely jilting.

[00:40:15]

You've got Derek Hemsley in head to toe Versace and Eric Jane in her, you know, Chanel paralysis. Look, don't come out for that one.

[00:40:31]

So it's it's just funny to see, like, just two groups of sophisticated women. I do think New York is more real and raw. And I think Beverly Hills is obviously more of an aspirational like lifestyle show at this point.

[00:40:44]

Both delicious to watch as far as the Brandy and Denise drama goes.

[00:40:49]

Like I said, I believe Brandi. I trust what she's saying, I do not trust her intentions, I think the only reason that this was said on camera was for camera time. And anyone that disagrees, you're a fucking idiot like there's otherwise it would have stayed private. She could have contacted Deniece. I mean, the whole fraudulence of her crying because she's the cheater and she you know, she can't believe that she's it's a facade. It's a joke.

[00:41:18]

Like, I can't subscribe to bullshit storylines.

[00:41:21]

I don't play that fucking game. I do think that I mean, the Bravo Bravo fucking Bravo shit kills me.

[00:41:31]

It's hilarious. It's so Valerie Cherish all of the come back and I support it. I think the women, the reason that they brought it up is because they're pissed that Denise Richards is not cooperating and that she's not doing the thing. And then they show the flashback in last week's episode of Denise continually breaking the fourth wall, saying she's going to start filming. Bravo, bravo, bravo. Time out. Very Val chair, very Val chair, which I love.

[00:42:02]

And Erika kind of whispering like they're totally going to use this as they leave.

[00:42:08]

I love the fourth wall being broken. I said this in my episode last week with Jill Zarin.

[00:42:12]

I think so it's it provides like a level of. Authenticity to the franchise and there's if we could go back in time to the Early Housewives seasons, we would understand so much more between Melissa and Teresa, between Bethenny and Jill, between Lori Peterson and Viki, all these different things would have so much more light shed on it if if they were able to break the fourth wall early on.

[00:42:42]

And, you know, with the times the show's been on nearly a decade, you kind of have to evolve.

[00:42:47]

We know more now than we know that knew then. OK, let that fuckin simmer in your Grundon.

[00:42:55]

Anyways, I'm very excited to see next week's episode. I hope Denise has the opportunity to be honest and.

[00:43:05]

Whatever that looks like, I'm fucking looking forward to it. I can't wait, I'm counting down the days. It's all we have in this world.

[00:43:11]

Thank you so much for listening to this podcast. Next week's episode, we will be with Alex Cooper from Call Her Daddy.

[00:43:18]

And then the week after that, we've got Caroline Stanbury from former Lady of London and new podcast host.

[00:43:25]

So make sure you are subscribed. Give us five stars on iTunes.

[00:43:30]

And in the interim, follow me at Jackie Schimel on diagram, but not on Tic-Tac. Love you. And I will see you next motherfucking Tuesday.