Happy Scribe Logo

Transcript

Proofread by 0 readers
Proofread
[00:00:00]

The following podcast is a dear media production. Ladies and gentlemen, I am sitting here amidst a global pandemic with the one and only Alex Cooper from Call her Daddy podcast's, I cannot tell you how honored I am. You are the queen of solo podcasting, and I am just like I'm honored.

[00:00:29]

Thank you for how well, I'm so honored that you came here to do this with me in the flesh. This is like my first conversation that I'm not having with myself in the flesh. I think in all of twenty twenty it is becoming very isolating. And then when you add that like you have a podcast, you start to really question like, so what did I upload this week, like what was that episode that I just did because there's no human interaction.

[00:00:54]

So you kind of just like are relying on the podcast. So I'm going to get my feelings out, but it's like what I just say. So I'm happy that we're like doing this together. It's like refreshing. It is really refreshing. We were talking about this earlier because you were once a duo and now you are a solo solo daddy.

[00:01:10]

Why is it weird hearing you like? I feel like that is something you on the Internet, you're like, why the fuck are you calling yourself daddy?

[00:01:16]

You loser out of questions for you? Because like I told you earlier, I am a reclusive moron. Like I don't my finger is so far off the pulse that I don't even know. I couldn't find the pulse if it was six feet. But I think that's I think that's like why so many people love you is because you sit in your house with your dog and your husband who let me just say, the reason I knew we would get along is I'm like, not only do you rip people's assholes on the Internet, but you constantly are threatening your husband of divorce.

[00:01:48]

And I'm like that to me. I know you're so in love because if you know, because I I was saying this in the car to my sister and she was like, okay, that doesn't sound normal. But I'm like, if you can joke with your husband about divorce, that means you are so fucking competent in that relationship. You can't talk about divorce then, but you're getting a divorce. It's like the Alexis Bellino, Jim Bellino, like it's doth protest too much.

[00:02:12]

I'm not worried about making divorce jokes because I'm fairly certain we're not going to get a divorce.

[00:02:17]

Right, right. Right. But if we did, that would be to legalize it. Then I'm also a genius. Yeah, exactly. So it's a win win situation. I think it's weird like that. You know, people say, oh, you're not supposed to say the D word. Well, it's kind of funny.

[00:02:31]

It is kind of hilarious. And I don't believe in unconditional love. What kind of bullshit basis of a relationship is that? No, it's not it. No, what no one has that. So if you can address it in the beginning and just be like there could be divorce on the horizon, who knows? Let's live in the moment what your life story is exactly. It seems like it's working for you.

[00:02:50]

Thank you. I think so. I think we were going to make it, but you never know. No snap. Keep me updated. I will let you know if there's trouble in paradise. I will send you a text. Perfect. Or you'll just podcast about it in your rankings will go up.

[00:03:01]

That honestly would be great for ratings divorce. I just went through it so I'm like, wait, unfortunately it's so sad. But sometimes the drama, you know, it propels things. So.

[00:03:11]

So how I found you. Yes. Tell me. Oh God.

[00:03:14]

I had a bunch of girlfriends just fucking start rampaging me being like, what the fuck is going on with the collar daddy girls? What happened? Do you have any inside scoop? And obviously I see your gorgeous face on the top of the fucking podcast charts every single week. So I totally know the show. I know kind of like the gist or whatever.

[00:03:33]

And then I realized that both of you followed me on Instagram and I felt so included.

[00:03:40]

I felt like I had some type of intel despite literally it's like all of your friends that are bringing this up to you. Tjokkie like I don't follow them and yet I follow you and you're like, well like I don't know what's going on with the drama. And they're like, well we thought you would you stupid bitch, because they follow you on Instagram. You're like, I didn't know this but thank you.

[00:03:58]

It was just like a true narcissist immediately inserted myself because I'm like, oh my God, I'm like a part of it. They both follow me on Instagram. They don't really follow that many people. So I really do have some type of something. You've got something. I've got something. We don't know what it is. Mental illness. Something. Yes, we're pulling menstrual cramps. No, it's great. I don't know.

[00:04:18]

So my friends are like, you should message them and try to get them both on your podcast. And I'm like, what kind of cheap, desperate road is that? Like this she got to walk in. Oh, oh. Or like it's like, oh, you already have interviewed her. Now you're interviewing me and there's like cameras everywhere. I can imagine. No, I literally can't. I'm like terrified, like the way I know a lot of fucking podcasters that would do that shit because it's roach territory.

[00:04:44]

No, no. I let the dust settle.

[00:04:46]

Saw you were in L.A. and I was like, let's get that bitch on this podcast. Do you guys speak at all?

[00:04:51]

No, no, no. Not even a text. Nothing since shit hit the fan.

[00:04:55]

No, literally, it was like a a divorce because the show was our child, essentially.

[00:05:01]

I watched your entire YouTube statement. Oh, my God. Thank you.

[00:05:04]

By the way, my take away from the statement was that I need to invest in more light shades of purple.

[00:05:10]

We literally every every one of. So where's the suit from, like, did you guys hear anything I was saying there, like, where the fuck is your outfit from? I'm like, well, you know, I'm glad you guys at least, like, clicked and watched something. No, literally, the amount of people that were like that outfit, I mean, it just slapped girlfriend like, wow, it really did because it was demure and it was really showcasing, like a beautiful pastel.

[00:05:32]

So it was like it felt conservative and just like just like I was like, yeah. Like the colors were right.

[00:05:38]

Everything was looking good. Yeah. Like it was really great. It was really solid choice. Thank you. And that was my take away you.

[00:05:46]

It's actually kind of crazy because I love how many people cared about that color and wanted it. And I was like I woke up that morning and had worn that to bed and I just sat down in the chair with it and I'm like, I'm so happy I wore that. I have I didn't know it would be such a hit, but it was a hit.

[00:06:01]

I didn't want to talk about it. Show that you were both reflective, but also like hopeful for the future. Right, right. Right. I like little that makes no sense, but like. Absolutely, totally. See where you're going with this one thousand percent.

[00:06:12]

So you're not talking you're never going to be friends again.

[00:06:15]

It was hard in the end because we had lived together. Oh I miss that. Oh yeah. We lived in the same apartment while this was going was happening. So you fucking she left and she was with her boyfriend and I went home to Pennsylvania.

[00:06:27]

Oh, Jesus Christ. And then it got difficult because like at first I was like she going to pay rent and like it got kind of. Yeah. And so but eventually we both had moved out at different times and I kind of was like left to just do like all the heavy lifting of getting stuff out.

[00:06:44]

And then she was gone and I was gone.

[00:06:46]

And she's the one that introduced you to my podcast. She did. So there's that.

[00:06:51]

They've got to give her some fuck. Like, how fucking morbid is this? She's the reason we're sitting here together. I hope she's listening. Skip this one. This is going to be a tough skip a couple of hits. Yeah, no, she introduced me to you. And I listen to if you that's when I was like, this bitch is hilarious. Like you. You're you're amazing.

[00:07:16]

And I think now being a podcast that's doing it alone, I have so much more respect for anyone that's podcasting alone because I'm like, I don't know what that is like. Who wants to podcast alone? Who wants to listen to someone podcasting alone? I don't know.

[00:07:30]

By the way, you know, how sick I am is that I prefer like I said earlier, it's easy to podcast with a podcast because you get flow of conversation and you know when to keep it moving and you know when to shut the fuck up and you know when to not tell people about your fucking dream that you had last week. Like, no one cares. Nobody fucking care. Nobody cares. Nobody cares. Don't tell us about, like, your Aunt Gertrude.

[00:07:50]

Like, shut the fuck. Gertrude needs to be fucking kept in the diary. Write the fuck on. All right. Damn journal your little Moleskine and just it around and shut the fuck up forever. But are you about to tell me you like podcasting alone.

[00:08:01]

Better do.

[00:08:02]

I was about to say, Jackie, on the beginning of this journey, I was having mental breakdowns which I sold to tell my listeners about because I haven't been open about it. You're single journey. Yes. OK, you're single pod full blown. Like I. I'm not a person that has anxiety. Yeah. And I had like, my first anxiety attack in my life when I was putting out my third episode. I was going to tell my listeners about this.

[00:08:21]

But here you on your show, it was like the pressure of everything that happened. I care so fucking much about the show that I was wanting to make it perfect for them, even though it's going to be different and there's no it will be the same. I wanted it to just be a different level of perfection for my listeners and I care so much. And when I did my first solo episode, I was literally like shitting my brains out the night before being like, oh my God, they're going to hate it now that I've had guests on.

[00:08:46]

No, yeah. I kind of like the solo episodes.

[00:08:49]

Well, I'm getting used to it just from a financial standpoint. You get to keep all the money. I listen, we've been through a lot, all the fucking drama with financials. It is a lot easier doing it as a solo. I'm not going to front. All right. It's just lead with that. Secondly, you kind of get to control the entire narrative. You get to reap all the benefits also.

[00:09:09]

I mean, I can understand how you'd be having so much anxiety, but because after, like, the press in the build up and you finally get to use your platform and it's like phase two of this baby that you built, like, that's a lot of fucking pressure, especially if you're used to having a co-host or like a crutch or someone to lean on or take up for you when you're, like, in a weird fucking mood. Totally. It was also hard because I think people fell so in love with both of our characters.

[00:09:37]

Right. And I think it was hard because I never fully shared this, but like the characters had really almost gotten to the point of, like, we couldn't shift and really be fully, truly ourselves, like we were being authentic, but it had gotten so big that like she was this one and then I was this one. And like we had kind of our roles and I felt kind of stuck, honestly, content wise, because the roles we were playing, I remember people used to be like, oh, my God, like that one's the more mature one.

[00:10:06]

And she seems like and I'm like behind the scenes, people had no idea what was going on of like and you couldn't say. I couldn't say that. And then it comes home with you. Yes. And then we live together and then the business side of things was a disaster. And that's where it was just like it just got it got bad. Yeah. They say don't do business with friends.

[00:10:22]

Are you listening guys. Hello. Don't do it.

[00:10:24]

Which is crazy because as we sit here in my husband's studio, he works with all of his best friends every single day. Never fucking dementor. I hate them.

[00:10:33]

I know they're just lower drama. And it's not nice to say people get all hyped up. Don't biologically we're fucking different. It's so true. I, I like I watch men interact and men when they have a problem they'll just confront it straight on and be like you're being fucking annoying, like what are you doing. And they just like throw it out and then they're fine. Two minutes later, girl, you're going to go home, you're going to think about it, you're gonna tell your mom about it, your other best friend talk shit and then you don't confront them and you're passive aggressive.

[00:10:57]

And it's like this never ending thing with women. And so, yeah, don't do don't get in business with anyone. No, it's just I mean, I totally understand. It's interesting that you said earlier that about playing like a role and a character. Do you feel like you're different off the podcast or do you think that you're pretty much the same person when you're on or off prior to this new era of being alone?

[00:11:20]

I think that I was playing like the most I was being the most exaggerated version of myself, totally. I think that I am the girl, though, like at a party like I'm fucking out of my mind like I am. Twenty four, seven people think I'm on cocaine. They're like, what is wrong with this girl? Like, I have so much energy. I'm a huge extrovert. However, I think when you're on a podcast, you're obviously picking what you want to talk about.

[00:11:41]

So naturally I'm putting that part of my personality on display rather than showing like I like I actually have real feelings and like, oh, by the way, like Alex Cooper has like a very normal family and like, I like exactly who the fuck wants to hear about that.

[00:11:55]

So the. I just ramp up the other side of it, but I do feel like now I'm being more authentic in my show because I'm I'm having to.

[00:12:03]

Because you are the nucleus, right? Right. Literally, like now it's becoming like a reality dating show. And I'm just every week I just go on my show and I give an update on my dating life. And the men that I'm dating are like, you need to stop. Like, please, like literally like, why are you doing that? And then I'm like, I'm sorry, it's my fucking job, bitch. Check the charts and shut the fuck.

[00:12:26]

And then it kind of is amazing because I, I do it where I'm like, if you if you don't wanna be a part of it, I totally understand. But then they're like, well what I really like you and I'm like, OK, and then get on board and shut the fuck up. I'm not using your name. You've like a cute little nickname that I give you and like, be OK with it.

[00:12:38]

Do you collaborate on the nickname or you just you know what, it there's a guy who just started hooking up with in L.A. while I'm here.

[00:12:45]

What's your name? His name is Mr. Sexy Zoom.

[00:12:48]

I was hoping so. His name is this is Social Security number and Zoom man because I. OK, so I had a business meeting. OK, it was a yeah. And there was like five men on the Zoome call and me and he specifically I was like obsessed and like you are so my type you look amazing. So hot. And then he asked me to get dinner when I came out to L.A. and had to go. It was amazing.

[00:13:11]

Have you guys had penetration yet? We just did.

[00:13:14]

Oh, mazel. You took me to Santa Barbara last night and you did like a little getaway and it was like super hot.

[00:13:21]

Let's talk about Woo Woo is the all natural sexual wellness brand that's going to give you the best sex of your goddamn life there. Coconut love, oil and fresh towelettes are a must have in the bedroom, in the car, in your suitcase, in every little nook and cranny of your house.

[00:13:39]

These fresh keys are such a game changer.

[00:13:43]

I always say, if you really want to pop a boner in my household, you got to hit him with the big A and that's antibacterial.

[00:13:52]

So both the love oil and the freshness are antifungal. They smell amazing. They're one hundred percent natural. They're so natural that you could fucking eat it. It's edible.

[00:14:05]

OK, I'm not sure if I'm allowed to say this, but I also use the love oil under Leo's armpits because he has really bad yeast infections and it totally works.

[00:14:17]

I mean, I'm not a doctor, but this shit works and it's such a great gift to get like, you know, if you're not able to do that, your friend's bachelorette parties, if you want to spice up your relationship, it is let me just tell you firsthand. It's so sexy. It's so spicy. It's got the most beautiful packaging. Even the way that it arrives at your front door is just like so fucking hot and you're going to love it.

[00:14:45]

And once you try will, you will never go back.

[00:14:49]

That is a bitch Bible guarantee. Oh, I should also mention they also now have the coconut love oil and like little single serve pack. It's called quickies. So if you're looking to have a little quarantine romp wherever the fuck you want, great to take on vacation, slip in your husband's back pocket. All the products are fucking unbelievable.

[00:15:12]

So you need to head over to woo more, play dotcom, enter code Bible for twenty percent off your order of woo. That's twenty percent off coconut love oil cookies and fresh at will more play dotcom code Bible. Trust me, you'll keep coming back for more and more and more and more and more your dirty little whore. Amazing. Pretty amazing.

[00:15:38]

How did you come to L.A. to see him know. So I had this trip planned. Oh so just cosmically work. Totally, yeah. And he was supposed to leave the country and then he couldn't because someone on his team got Korona. So he is just like hanging out by himself and then like this worked out. Oh amazing.

[00:15:52]

I mean you love to see it. I do like to see it. What is the craziest thing you've ever done in a relationship? Like have you ever had a psychotic break moment?

[00:16:02]

Because I have them daily and I live for them. And, you know, you said that you're like an amplified version on the podcast. I'm crazier in real life.

[00:16:12]

Oh, my junkie. Like one hundred percent. Like, I have to keep it to a bare minimum because I don't want to frighten my listener.

[00:16:19]

You have that voice where it seems like you're on the verge of an absolute episode like twenty four, seven years.

[00:16:27]

Yeah. And you're like you're like I am keeping it together because Andrew and it's like she's about to break down by the way. That's the scariest shit you can do. No, you have to be a screamer. And I used to like be really theatrical.

[00:16:38]

And I have learned in my age that it is so much more it really penetrates the soul and the psyche to just stay very monotone, hold eye contact. When you get the urge to scream, go quieter, literally scares the shit out of especially.

[00:16:56]

Terrifying look, he's terrified. There's a guy in the room, guys, he's kind of tensing up. What have I done that's crazy? I think I think with my personality, I get extremely bored in relationships. Same I am my own best friend. He's saying I love myself. I have so much fun. I literally my favorite person to hang out with. I think I'm such a hoot and a half and sometimes I feel burdened by companionship. Yes, you're like you are not me and like you're not giving me what I give myself.

[00:17:26]

Yes, it's kind of I yeah. I guess it is narcissism that is blocking you from yourself. I have never thought of it that way. And that is so right. So right. It's unnecessary companionship. And I think it's fucked up though because I think that can significantly affect when you're like trying to find a companion, because I want someone and then I get them and I'm like, you seem to like, shut the fuck up.

[00:17:47]

So I think my crazy, I totally get what I'm saying.

[00:17:53]

I think that my craziness is how I am in relationships. I truly believe it's why, like, I've had success of, like, guys falling in love with me, but it's not healthy. What I do is I'm not going to say I have two personalities when I'm with them, but like what? A lot of moments I'll just be, like, so happy with them. And then the next I'm quiet and they're like, so what did I do?

[00:18:12]

And you do. I'm just constantly changing the flow of a relationship and the guy psychological warfare and warfare. And he just never he never can feel fully safe.

[00:18:23]

And I've had that said multiple times, like I've never, ever felt like I fully have you, Alex. And I'm like, because you don't.

[00:18:29]

And I think that's kind of like the craziness on a day to day. That's that's what I bring. It's like you never know who you're going to get when you wake up in the morning.

[00:18:36]

It's terrifying, but it's also brilliant. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so hot. I always say to Andrew, like, I want him to wake, like think that he could wake up one morning and all of my shit would be gone.

[00:18:49]

Never speak to him again. And he'd never know why you're saying this. And you. I'm sorry. That's your husband. You're like I want him to not know. But I believe you're right. And that's why you have a healthy relationship is because it kind of seems like you're almost still dating the way that you act towards your husband. And I think that's like goals because like I'm like, I don't know when I'm going to get fucking married, but I love the way yours looks, so I want that.

[00:19:11]

But like, obviously everything on social media can look different, but like it looks like it's healthy. I think it's it's probably healthier than I even allow people to know.

[00:19:18]

Right. You're like I actually, like, make it look like I fucking hate him 24/7. No, but you're doing a good job. You look like happy.

[00:19:26]

I just like to torture him like, no, it's not right. And I know that it might be emasculating on social media, but.

[00:19:32]

Oh yeah. Do you get that a lot.

[00:19:34]

Like, I feel like when you call your husband Ashie, I could see things maybe getting upsetting because I feel like if I did that to a boyfriend, he'd be like, you need to shut the fuck up and stop calling me a sheave. But I call every guy, OK, OK, I didn't call my datasheet. OK, so we love that.

[00:19:52]

So everyone's ashik and I just think, like, I don't know, he's a very masculine, cheekier human being. And if he had a problem with that, I'd be like, really like, do you need a fucking tampon or your big bad wife is referring to you as she. You know, that's a great point.

[00:20:06]

It's like big whoop. It makes him almost more masculine that it doesn't bother him, whereas a guy that's not as confident in his sexuality is going to be like, hey, stop doing that. And it's like, keep your name. I posted you as it like said you or she. Yeah. Like, OK, MicroTech. You're fine. Yeah. Like relax. I think I think that's true. I think you've got something there. So your psycho is just kind of an overall everyday psychological warfare psycho, which is the best kind in my opinion.

[00:20:32]

Yes.

[00:20:33]

I think that I'm not really the type of chick that's like like I do my crazy shit. But listen, I think if I need to get to the bottom of something and I think a lot of women in today's age can do this, like the stalking in me is FBI level because I had my mom and my mom is so involved in my dating life, she loves every second of it. So I will send my mom a guy and be like, do research and get back to me.

[00:20:56]

And my mom will literally send me a full paragraph of like. So this is where he went to college is now tall. He is this new sibling. Get your one sheet by one sheet from my fucking mother who's a psychologist. I'm like, this is fucked, but it works. Oh, it's so yeah. I think it's every day with me. It's just a constant battle and we love it. And I think that that's what I think that's kind of like you a little bit.

[00:21:16]

One hundred percent is actually entertained and I think it's so funny and I'm very untethered to what people think or say. That is why I think when every woman is like Aleksic, why do you play so many games?

[00:21:29]

I'm like, I think it keeps it so fun. Like, why the fuck would I want to be in a boring, stable, like, very healthy relationship? I don't want it don't care for it. Like, I just know couples like that. I'm like, no, I don't want that.

[00:21:46]

You know, every Katie with her fuckin Mr and Mrs White Katie, you know, you're out there.

[00:21:53]

It's miserable, miserable, miserable. Strolling through her husband's fuckin browser history and a our way, she gets her smooth move to and she's like, you know, no, it doesn't work, Katie. And I think that those are the girls that like maybe if you throw in the occasional like, oh, I'm going out for a girls night. And he's like, what?

[00:22:12]

Because so many bitches just sit on the couch and wait for their man. And it's like, why don't you go do something and like, make him feel a little uneasy.

[00:22:19]

Get more fucking interesting. Yeah. You fucking loser.

[00:22:24]

You fucking beat the shit, Katie.

[00:22:28]

Everyone's so mad that I started calling the Karen 2.0 or 3.0 or 4.0. It used to be Brenda Leigh.

[00:22:34]

I love the Brenda.

[00:22:36]

I like the Brenda because I think I mean, Karen is just too Karen is so strong right now. Everyone's using it. The Brenda hits home like I like that. It hits. It clicks. It's a good one. Like you got me, Brenda. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I know who Brenda is. We all know who Brenda is. Little your name is Brenda and you listen to Jackie's podcast. Every time you say that word, they clench up like, fuck when I change my name to baby or Brenda or something.

[00:23:02]

Be Yeah, no.

[00:23:04]

A rite of passage on this podcast is talking about adult sharding. Have you ever shat your pants, Daddy?

[00:23:14]

This is really the hard hitting things that we need to talk about. I'm going to get a Peabody, so I just have to ask the hard questions.

[00:23:20]

This is the thing. I have never had a difficult time going to the bathroom like I like my sister's always like I like I, I can never do anal for the first time.

[00:23:31]

Anal I pass out the first time. Never done a sense.

[00:23:34]

I'm the guy that I was just hooking up with, wanted to put a butt plug in my butt and I was like, oh god, don't you just want to see Barbara.

[00:23:39]

You've known for a week. We literally need to tell you about this. So I think like you think, oh my God, OK, I so I'm like hooking up with this guy and like, it's fun or whatever. And he was like, I drove by a sex shop and I don't know why. Zoom, zoom, zoom. It just literally just met him and he was like, I don't know why, but I just like bought this box for us, like we don't have to use it.

[00:23:58]

But like, I thought it would be funny. Like I feel like you're that type of girl that it's like down but like you also like wouldn't be insulted that I brought this box and it part of me is like my podcast is fucking me, like these men thing. I'm just like, is she going to say that to you by your podcast?

[00:24:11]

Is this is why like I'm like I've never done, you know, like, what are you talking about? But I've only literally done it once and I passed out from it. Why did you pass out. So they got so OK. So I had been cheating on my boyfriend in college and he found it so he comes over. Love that for me too. I mean college like who cares. He cheated on every basically every single boyfriend except Andrew.

[00:24:30]

OK, that is the truth. And I've never said that on the podcast, but I literally, whether emotionally or vaginally, have cheated on every single boyfriend pre.

[00:24:37]

And I think that's like what you need to do to, like, get yourself where you need to be with, like an Andrew and all. You needed to get it out of your sails.

[00:24:43]

Zero remorse about it, literally psycho like dead in the eyes.

[00:24:47]

Jackie's like and I felt nothing.

[00:24:50]

It was liberating. I felt amazing. I knew and I felt like I was sticking it to the man and everyone was getting what they wanted out of the deal. I was getting meals. They were getting me I was having fun. I think that's kind of so amazing, Jackie. And I think that, like, I love you for because I think it's funny to talk about cheating. I literally think it's so funny. And I I made a shirt that says cheat on him and America is so upset at me.

[00:25:14]

They're like, this is like literally so fucked up. And I'm like, I don't care. Like, cheat on him. She orby cheated on like cheat. Just obviously don't mean it. Right. Like, I mean that's why it's funny. Right. I think it's funny. Like we're talking about college so like yes, I cheated on my college.

[00:25:28]

You can't be faithful to anyone but your fucking self literally. You even know how to have good sex in college. What are we talking about? So it's not that everyone likes to calm down.

[00:25:37]

So I'm in college. I cheated on my boyfriend. He found out. And it was just a funny situation because I was like living in this little house thing and my bedroom was in the front of the house.

[00:25:46]

And you could see through my window with your ex partner on the podcast. Oh, no, no, no. This is Sofia. Yes.

[00:25:52]

I don't even know her name. OK, so you're like, I don't know what's going on, so you know where I am.

[00:25:56]

I told him I was taking a nap. He goes by my house, sees I'm not taking a nap. I'm not in my bed because you can see it through the window. I was on a date. It was like my first date with a professional hockey player. So I was like masturbating everywhere. And and then he found out that I was lying. So later he comes over, I cry to him and I'm sitting there on the bed and I'm trying to get him to like, forgive me, because he was on the hockey team at Boston.

[00:26:15]

So he had status, like whatever.

[00:26:17]

And I realized that moment. I need to let him put his penis to my ass, OK?

[00:26:23]

I just cheated. I need to fix it anal. I don't want to do it.

[00:26:27]

It's a perfect time. So we start hooking up in, like, do you want to put it in my ass? Perfect.

[00:26:31]

Amazing, isn't it? How does one breach doing anal for the first time do you obviously offered it on the table in a moment of guilt.

[00:26:38]

It was a moment of guilt. I never was really like, oh, I want the anal. But I knew he wanted it and I knew anybody really feel that way.

[00:26:45]

Are you missing from this episode? Need not worry. I have the solution for you. It's native deodorant. I have been using native deodorant for probably three. Years now, it's so important to make the switch to natural deodorant, it's so much better for you. I tried so many kinds before landing on Native and most of them actually just made you smell worse, like a sweaty back. Burning Man native is my favorite favorite deodorant. The smells are amazing.

[00:27:14]

It's vegan. It's not tested on animals. It's got ingredients that you've heard of, like coconut oil, shea butter, tapioca starch, native deodorant is aluminum free.

[00:27:26]

Perriman Free's sulfate free, talc free. It's so important that everybody switches to an aluminum free deodorant and you shouldn't have to sacrifice smelling like a stank ass bitch in the process. Native deodorant is going to keep you smelling and feeling fresh all day long. They have over ten cents super unisex. They also have like rotating seasonal scents. The most popular Sencer, the coconut, vanilla, lavender, rose, cucumber, mint and citrus and herbal. My personal favorite is the cucumber and mint.

[00:28:00]

You're going to smell fresh as a daisy native is risk free to try. Every product comes with free shipping within the United States, plus a free 30 day return in exchange. See why so many people love native.

[00:28:13]

And check out the over fourteen thousand five star motherfucking reviews. Do what I did and make the switch to Native today by going to native DEO Dotcom Bible or use promo code Bible at checkout.

[00:28:28]

You're going to get twenty percent off your first order.

[00:28:31]

That's native deo dot com slash bible or use promo code Bible at checkout for twenty percent off your first order.

[00:28:41]

You know I don't think so, but there are girls I know that love it. But I think that to want to even start it, it's such an interesting angel, such an interesting concept. So he sticks it in no lube, no forewarning and nothing puts the whole thing in.

[00:28:53]

And I like freak the fuck out. And I push him, I get off me, get off me. He falls back and I pass out on to the ground. I wake up to water being poured on my face and he's Googling what to do. And girl passes out for me.

[00:29:05]

No, I'm like, what the fuck are you doing? He's like, you passed out. He's like, looks like he's crying.

[00:29:10]

And then that was it. And then he forgave me. He obviously got back together him like I just passed out from anal sex. You got to take me back. I could never, never do your job. I wish it literally. So those were like little manipulative things that I would do. I'm like, give him anal. He'll forgive me for the cheating. So that was my personal experience to have you. Have you ever double?

[00:29:29]

No, no, absolutely not. It is a no. I don't think I'm ever going to do not like not even a concept.

[00:29:36]

Not even thought you're like it's never happening. I kind of don't think it's ever going. Do you think Andrew cares? He says he doesn't and he's not interested in it. But he could also be a dirty fucking liar. Right. But like, honestly, if that's what he's saying, then like, you go with that and it's like you're then you're a fucking loser. If you want to speak up, speak now and come back up. Do you want to have it?

[00:29:56]

No, I don't think I think it is overrated. I do think there are certain women that love anal sex, dirty little whores.

[00:30:03]

Yeah, I know all of you whores out there to stop trying to get fucked in the ass. You're making us stop. Stop. But I also think it's like men think they want to do it. Then once they have it, it's like it's nothing. It's like, OK, I just they just want it for the story.

[00:30:16]

Like, how many holes are you supposed to offer. You are supposed to offer all of them and then they can pick. I always joke, I'm like, you're just a whole bitch. So just like lay down and let him pick, put a fucking paper bag over. You had your really ugly just stop but do like a finger and you're like Kagi. He's like, no, no, no, keep going. What do you like a finger in there?

[00:30:35]

No, it's like nothing now. I don't want anything even close to my body. I'm not going to lie like I. I feel like some guys would be like too scared to do it. But the guy that I'm hooking up with, like just kind of like his finger and or his thumb and I was like, OK, I could fuck around with this.

[00:30:49]

I never thought I would, but I was like because I've always been like, get away from my asshole. Just like, stop it. It's such a trouble zone. It's like, yeah, because because we're always pooping and we don't. You don't. Oh, you don't have your constipation when I was instantly constipated is the title of my memoir. I hate to see that that.

[00:31:06]

OK, so you're like constantly just like hoping for like it to come. Oh yeah. I mean every morning I'm like, is this going to happen? Because if it doesn't happen by eleven, it ain't.

[00:31:15]

Do you have like do you feel like you're like bloated all the time because you can't get it out. Alex. Oh my God. Constantly.

[00:31:23]

Constantly like it is. What a shame. The story of my goddamn life. And I talk about it constantly. And I said that I wasn't even going to talk about my digestive system in twenty twenty.

[00:31:32]

But here we are. So this morning, talk about like Jackie, like New Year new you like listen like we don't care. You're like the podcast. Like we're so sick and tired of hearing about how constipating you are. And I'm like, well you know what, it's really hard with just grappling with me and the voices in my head and it's troubling me and I'm in pain. Let me lay the burden. It kind of seems like it's. Also, like it's on the forefront of your mind all the time, so obviously it's going to make it to your fucking show.

[00:31:59]

Yeah, everyone shut the fuck up. Laughter Have I ever started? Yeah. I mean, I actually with that same boyfriend, I literally remember I faked a fight with him in his apartment because I had to literally shit your pants. What I like to call it is code red rumball. You know, when you get the rumble and you're like, it's coming and it's soup, when you're like, you're like whoa and you like, hold on to a chair and you're like sweating a little.

[00:32:25]

There's like a little bit of sweat coming down. You're like, oh, this one's going to be literally a disaster. So I like talking to God. And it goes in waves like sometimes like, oh no, we're good. We're good. Oh. And then he comes back. No, no. So I figure if I make him drive me home, he's like, what the fuck?

[00:32:42]

I'm like, give me the fucking good, Kabuli. Good. You're like ready to tuck and roll out of his fucking car, literally. And so I'm like putting the window down, like trying to breathe air. Like, I'm like having I'm sweating, I'm losing my shit. I'm like sweating. I can feel it like it's like it's out like I know it's happening. I run into my house.

[00:33:00]

I was living with this upperclassman at the time. I run to go to the bathroom. The door's locked. She's having a shower, sex with her fucking boyfriend in the shower. And I had to literally go literally everywhere. I run out to the back of the house and I sat my ass down. I literally just like shit on the floor, shat on the grass and I wipe with the leaf glass.

[00:33:19]

You mean like a experience? It was one of those moments where, like, nothing mattered. Like I was like, I am I am empty. I am here. I'm vulnerable with my with the world literally in a backyard, pants on the floor, just shitting my brains out of nature. I am just disgusting. So yeah, don't worry, I've been there many times.

[00:33:38]

That's so burning man of yell. Oh wait, wait. I don't know.

[00:33:42]

Shitting outside without a good one. I didn't even. Yeah. Have you been to Burning Man.

[00:33:47]

I would sooner go to an ISIS prison camp. You're not like raging at Coachella every year. I do go to Coachella all the way. But what is this, my husband. Oh, wait, that's actually do you have like an out? I just feel like every girl in Coachella, it literally makes me I hate it.

[00:34:07]

I think it's just so dumb because it's like, what are you day one outfit, day one to do part the revolve party needs to be shut. The fuck do we have to call. We need to start a change, dawg. It's awful.

[00:34:23]

And they get the houses and they get the flowers on their head. I just I now I'm just like I could never go to Coachella just because of how much I shit on it. This is what I wanted to ask you.

[00:34:31]

Yes, you and I have very similar brands in which we shit on a lot of things share. I have no idea what you're talking like.

[00:34:41]

You're like, what are you talking about? I mean, let's talk to me. I have literally shit on like you don't bang energy is no.

[00:34:48]

Hey, Jackie, wake up, bitch, you know, but you know what, like, OK, Instagram influencers, obviously swipe ups, all that shit, of course. Yes, we know that. Yes. So, yes, my job is giving them a chance. Yeah. Like like come on. Like whatever the project. Oh my God. Is your secret project another photo shoot that you paid for. No, literally that you paid for like you.

[00:35:10]

You're going to return later. Nobody cares.

[00:35:12]

So do you ever worry that you talk so much shit on specific brands that you'll never get sponsors?

[00:35:19]

No, because you're too successful.

[00:35:20]

Do you know what I'm saying? Like, then when you have to do a swipe up, like I have such anxiety because I have shit on show, like this is me being real, like I have shit on so many brands and I really, really try to like only work with ones that I like actually fuck with.

[00:35:33]

Like I have got in like a lot of offers where I'm like it would literally just mean my career's over. If I go on the Internet and I look into that camera with my eye and I'm like, you guys, hey guys, you know, I have collabs and now you've got this Sparkhill top, like it's over. So like I feel like it's hard for me to I don't know, it's hard like to make money because I'm also like, wait, guys like I have to have sponsors on my show.

[00:35:56]

I think that there is a threshold and I think that people do understand that this is how we make money. And as long as I'm not, like, shamelessly and atrociously whoring yourself out in a self-indulgent manner, that is cringe if you acknowledge the cringe. Yeah, it's good. It's OK. That I have to do is swipe up once in a while with a brand that I fucking like that God damn pays me. No, we're not doing skipping through the streets, talking.

[00:36:26]

I have straight hair behind my ear making my husband get on the floor and like shoot videos of me and some fucking new shit like you. I know that that's true. That's actually brilliant because I was I'm like, oh, God. Like, I don't I don't want to be an asshole. And I wanted to call this person out because, like, I sure. She's like an amazing girl.

[00:36:43]

OK, we're not maybe she's a fucking fucking loser.

[00:36:48]

Do you watch The Real Housewives of Atlanta? Yes. The daughter, Kim Chorlton, Manock, whatever the.

[00:36:55]

Our name is Brielle Biermann Bayamon. Yeah, I have been following her on Snapchat for quite some time now and I still on Snapchat. Oh I know. I'm like, I'm in this bitch. And I hate that I just said that. Take that out. OK, we're not taking anything out. I'm no edit, no edit. I started following her a while ago.

[00:37:13]

What perplexed you to do that, Alex.

[00:37:15]

I think I hate follow a lot of people like me.

[00:37:20]

Yes. No, no. I actually like following you, but like, you know, those people that like you can't stop watching.

[00:37:28]

Yes. And and she was it started. Is that because I was like, this girl's a walking advertisement and I can't I just can't I can't figure it out. Like, I'm like, this is so embarrassing. Her Snapchat every single day this girl has a new product and and it's not even like a product that you can you can, like, fuck with, like she's holding the thing and she's like, this took away my cellulite and it's like this little wand and she starts rubbing it on her thigh.

[00:37:55]

And just like that, you're 18. You don't have no you like what are we doing? So I think like people like that, if I could if you're listening to us, listen, like sweetheart, baby face, honey, show anybody.

[00:38:05]

It's so inauthentic when you go to someone's page and every single day she has a new product that she is doing a swipe up for.

[00:38:12]

And also, can I just go on another round, please? Do. What she does is she uploads the video from her camera roll. And if you ever see someone upload from camera roll jockeys like, I don't know, I don't even know what this means that.

[00:38:25]

So she films the video with a filter, saves it, and then uploads it from her camera. Also, it doesn't say she took it with the filter.

[00:38:33]

This bitch's eyes are like glass. Her skin looks perfect and she's filled with that. OK, that pisses me the fuck off.

[00:38:39]

I have a problem with, like, I don't care use filters, but but to post something about your skin that you're doing and you have a filter on, I'm like this is, this is insanity. Fluence are police that shubat legal. It should. It should. That's fucked. Like I'm like no, no, no. You can use filters but to be selling a product that first of all I know you don't even fucking you, I'm pretty sure you're holding upside down.

[00:39:01]

And second of all, you, you have a filter on.

[00:39:04]

You know what we were drinking during the recording of this episode. Motherfucking Vizi hard zeltzer. It's so delicious. Anyone who's in my Facebook page Bible official group like there are so many threads about this fizzy drink. To be totally honest, I was kind of a. hard seltzer until I tried vizi. I thought all the other ones just kind of tasted like nail polish remover and it was just so not my vibe. I found vizi. I fell in love.

[00:39:32]

It is such an easy decision when picking hard seltzer's obviously there's a million out there. This is the only hard zeltzer that has the added benefit of vitamin C. It's from the Assar Rolet Cherry. It's a motherfucking super fruit.

[00:39:46]

So you're getting your happy juice and you're getting antioxidants.

[00:39:50]

What's better during this time in our lives than vitamins and a little bit of a buzz and they just taste better. There's no chemically bullshit. They taste like fresh and hydrating and delicious. So they have four flavors. They've got the pineapple. Mango. That's my current fave. The Black Cherry lime. That's Andrew's fave. The strawberry, kiwi and blueberry pine and pomegranate. I flip flop in between those also being my favorite. It's a constant rotation. Every day is a winding road.

[00:40:22]

So what I do is I take my vizi, I put it in a wine glass over ice, and then I'll put like fresh fruit or like an umbrella or something fun, a swirly straw. I pretend I'm on vacation while I'm in the confines of these four fucking walls. OK, it never hurts to add some vitamins into your cocktails.

[00:40:43]

Am I right? It's five percent alcohol content. It's 100 calories. It's less than one gram of real cane sugar per can. Every step of Izzy is just more exhilarating than the next. Upgrade your hard zeltzer with visit to find out where you can purchase vizi go to visit hard seltzer dotcom that's vizi hard seltzer dotcom must be twenty one or over to purchase also. Vizi I'ma need another refill. Thank you so much less. That's so not fair.

[00:41:13]

It's stupid making a true today as I was getting ready and just like admiring my skin.

[00:41:18]

I like you really nice skin. Thank you.

[00:41:22]

I said him like I feel like I should lead with looks more often because I think I'm much prettier than I let on on social media.

[00:41:29]

No you literally I'm not going to lie. Everybody listening because we Alex, give us the tip. I walk into the where we're podcasting right now and Jackie is like literally tiny cute. How tall are you. Five. Seven. OK is great. High. She looks amazing. She's got the bun down like I'm like, oh I wonder how I like I have phrases in my hair. I know but like I'm like listen, how do I would I would sell all of my internal organs to have your hair.

[00:41:52]

You have no idea what's going on. I know we I actually love. That you're so open about your journey towards knowing you're never going to, like, get your hair to where you want it to be like like, oh my God, the Dyson hair rap and like, shut the fuck up. I know I could get one I don't want. Exactly. I'm not going to use it. I don't know how to do this shit back up.

[00:42:08]

But you look you look really good with the bun.

[00:42:11]

Thank you so much. Thank you so much. And I will say to you that you are very beautiful and just as pretty in person as you are on Instagram, because I think that's important to say. I thank you. It's actually really interesting because the guy that I was just hooking up with was like who tried to put something in your butt plug. I mean, like, yeah, he could be saying this because he's like, really just trying to get some.

[00:42:30]

But he did make an interesting comment and I think I got it a lot where people are like, you look so fucking fake on social media and then in person, like you don't look as like dolled up Barbie fake. Like, I don't think that.

[00:42:41]

Oh, really? Oh. So you think I look like and on Instagram and in person, I think it is fake. No. OK, thank you. Yeah.

[00:42:49]

I can't get down with like the top model and the blue eyes and the butterfly. I'm like, yeah, yeah it's going on. I'm like the problem is you have to leave your house eventually you're going to have to have face to face contact. And my biggest fear in life is someone's going to be like, oh, God, you don't look like that in person.

[00:43:03]

I think that in today's generation, that could single handedly be one of the biggest fears of women is like she looks so good on her Instagram because I think I genuinely think, like, girls are getting so wrapped up in wanting to Photoshop and do all this stuff. And then, like, you're showing up to a party and he's like, no, that's her.

[00:43:22]

And by the way, no, people should be more fucking concerned about being able to have a conversation and be funny and have an opinion and be interesting then making their eyes fucking blue and their cheeks God damn chiseled. Thank you. Like, I just I just wish girls would because I think what happens is it's almost like it's like body dysmorphia. Like you start to fix your shit and then slowly you're like, I can't turn back now. Like, they think that I have this type of nose and it's like, wait a second, what are you doing?

[00:43:48]

Like hair? It makes me it makes me mad. Yeah, I know. I hate it. Like one should be way more focused on just being funny like us.

[00:43:56]

Do you hear that. No, it is, it's true. If you've a good personality, like I always say, I like joke on my show, but I'm like if you are like a four or a five and you're feeling down on yourself, sweetheart, if you have a good personality, you outweigh the fucking ninth and tenth, ninth and tenth any day of the week.

[00:44:10]

I have so many guy friends and it is so plain to see, like when you trace their patterns, their dating patterns, the ones that stick around are always the ones that are like a great hang. You get along in a crowd can do the fucking thing, not the bitches with perfect bone structure taking selfies.

[00:44:30]

Twenty four people. And he's like, do you have an original thought? And that's the guy just told me he was dating this model girl and he was like, it just got to the point where I'd come home and she'd be taking pictures.

[00:44:40]

And I wanted to be like, What are you doing? Why? What are you doing? How embarrassing, so embarrassing.

[00:44:45]

The most like humiliating. What is the word human? In the humiliating moments of my home life are when Andrew will walk in from a different room and I'm like doing something on Instagram when I see him see me looking into a camera, talking to people, to strangers on the Internet, it is soul crushing and it makes me hate myself.

[00:45:09]

That is so amazing, though. Like like do you know how a normal day like. No, you're like, I wasn't doing that. What was I doing? I usually got face timing my grandma, you know, literally. Like I think though that's why you are so successful, because your brand is like you aren't involved in social media, like how everyone is so consumed by it today.

[00:45:32]

And I just can't do it. It's all I don't it's like embarrassing to me. I think it's literally like I hate that I'm in this generation. Like, I wish like I didn't I really wish I didn't have to have an Instagram, like, do. That's what I also know it's my job. Sorry.

[00:45:43]

Yeah, well, I mean, I've been deleted off Instagram so many times. I go chateaubriand Jackie for a minute. What the fuck.

[00:45:50]

It's just, it's just my life. It's just what happens. Everybody that gives a fuck that Jackie is constantly talking about getting fucked or wanting to fuck her dog.

[00:45:58]

And I was so mad for so long. But then I you know, I had I was winetasting last week, so I looked at my gorgeous schutze. The light hit him just in the right way with a little tipsy and all of a sudden the juice was flowing. And you're like and for the first time, I did think about anal when I looked at my dog and there I am saving my butt. And it's for a ten pound shiatsu with his little Tic TAC fifteen.

[00:46:23]

I actually get to really love that you have your I usually shit on people that like over poster dogs, but I think your relationship, how you sexualize dog is the only one that I support. I'm like, yeah, I'm like OK. Like she's talking about like wanting to fuck her dog like I'm good with that. That's fine.

[00:46:39]

When he rolls over and his puppy is just out for the world to see, you're wet.

[00:46:45]

You're like Andrew, you can never make it this morning. It's like slipping and sliding. I slide off my fucking mattress. I love that for you. So hot. Your dog is really cute. I have to give you that like a rugged sex appeal that could only rival Jude Law, in my opinion. Wee wee. How old is your dog?

[00:47:02]

He will be seven on August 22nd. Oh, my God. Yes. So I will give him my butt for his birthday. So that's what we're doing on his birthday. Yes. And I am I think I'm a shadow band now, actually, which is breaking news. It's like, why? Because I. Because in the midnight hour after my bubble bath and I saw him in the right light, I said, he's so fucking dull and I don't care who knows it.

[00:47:26]

And I put it on Instagram and then the next day, boom.

[00:47:29]

How does one I don't get why what do we chateaubriand for. I call her daddy. Is Chateaubriand really for life. Yeah. Why.

[00:47:36]

I mean I don't know. I'm always like shovelhead head into the fucking drywall and fuck the shit out of her asshole. Like like I'm like what. And like I don't get it. Like why what they're like. So no you're like an online porn site. I'm like, oh OK. I could see that being an issue.

[00:47:50]

Well at least you didn't get an email from Instagram support saying that you encourage bestiality and terrorist activity. Because I said something about an ISIS prison camp. I think I just said it again in this episode.

[00:48:00]

You did? What were we talking about? Oh, you said you would rather you'd rather go there, which is true.

[00:48:07]

Yes. Yes. Oh, I agree that a woman in twenty twenty you can't voice her fucking opinion, right? Like, fuck Burning Man ISIS for the win. I think that totally makes sense. Jackie, think. OK, so your shadow band.

[00:48:18]

I think I am to it's fine. Whatever. Listen, the sisterhood just keeps going and going and going.

[00:48:24]

I know. What else should we talk about? What do people want to hear us talk about.

[00:48:26]

Oh my God. I wrote some notes. I love that. Well, don't get too excited. It's like three lines. She's like, wait, I know it's like I never took notes, but I was like, you might be a little rusty. You haven't like, actually been with anyone in a solid eight months. So maybe you should just jot down and it's a total of five words. This is what it says, by the way. Alex Cooper Sharding Virginity Siko.

[00:48:50]

Tell her about the leg humper. That's all.

[00:48:53]

OK, that was a really amazing thank you. So what is it like? No, I'll frame this for you and you could take this like these. So these are my notes. Well, I was so happy that you have those, at least because I was saying to Jackie before I came on, I was like, I have not been on a show solo yet.

[00:49:07]

So you're like literally my popping my cherry like, I don't know I'm doing here. How does it feel? It feels it's weird being on someone else's show. I feel like I only call her daddy. So like having someone kind of narrate for me, like I'm usually always the one that's like, oh yeah. I'm kind of relax. I know. Like, what else is so, so nice.

[00:49:25]

Yeah. I'm going to tell you a story because I feel like you'll appreciate it. OK, before I met Andrea I dated someone.

[00:49:31]

It's a short story. You dated someone. That's amazing to know. I dated over and then I want to cheat on him. That's not true. It's true.

[00:49:40]

But now you'll understand why he we went out on like our third date, OK? And everything was going great on paper. Like such a catch.

[00:49:48]

Great job, great face. Great like every everything working so funny. Like we had like a perfect banter rapport. Wow.

[00:49:58]

Yeah. And then we went to the valet, he was getting the car and he like whisked me off like kind of behind a plant or whatever and we were making out and then he gets down low and he holds eye contact with me, looks up at me and he goes, Is this OK? And I was like, Yeah, what? I didn't know what the fuck I was going to do.

[00:50:16]

He braced his genitalia, his soft limp dick against my kneecap denim on denim and humped my leg till he came in his pants.

[00:50:28]

Thank you, everyone, for listening to. What do you want? I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I, I just needed to tell you this. I feel like you're the appropriate person to tell. OK, there's a couple of things going through my mind. So first and foremost, like if he was down there at first, I was like, did he drop something? That's what I thought. Right, right, right. You're like, you're good, bro.

[00:50:52]

Like come back up. Like, why are you down there?

[00:50:54]

And then when he latches on, by the way, the lower body strength that it takes to squat down and hump somebody's leg to fruition, literally like you got to be.

[00:51:03]

So Senad, gravity wise, like getting it, but also checking my core strength. Who knew? Because I was definitely in heels. Oh yeah. You having to kind of like like hold the boat down as it rocks a little because he's jamming his soft dig into your leg. So the stabilizer muscles. Who knew. Who knew, like amazing opportunity for you, but also like kind of like rape.

[00:51:25]

Yeah. So you did kind of get leg raped. That's that's an interesting concept.

[00:51:29]

But it was I wanted to do. Yes. What did you do while he was doing not I don't know if I think I, like, knee him in the head like I do. What the fuck are you doing?

[00:51:37]

Well, he I mean, the thing was, what does one do? Because your hands free, you've got your hands to yourself, you've got your whole upper body to yourself.

[00:51:45]

Feel like are you do you like caress the hair feeling of being a little back tickle like hey. Are you doing down there? Well, I went full hands off, I got my he got on my phone, I called my grandma, I did. I texted my roommate and I was like, you'll never believe what's happening.

[00:52:04]

And you take a picture, you're like, look, what he's doing should have videotape. I should have I would have been a wild viral sensation, but I didn't know what to do. And I was also like, listen, he just bought me a beautiful meal. I had my own appetizer. I got my own salad. I got to drink.

[00:52:22]

I mean, my God, that definitely wasn't the leg rape. Can you explain to me after he came?

[00:52:27]

Because I'm assuming did he have, like, a disgusting like, oh, it was so quick to like it was so quick that I kind of thought the next day I'm like, did that he did like did it happen like was I blacking out for a second there we and then he came and then what did he was like.

[00:52:43]

Yeah, yeah.

[00:52:45]

It was like I'm sorry to some men but like when they orgasm I'm like I wish you would not go, oh you're like you really need to reel that in.

[00:52:54]

Like figure that out because it's disgusting. Yeah. What did you do when he came up to your face after he ejaculated. I don't do that kind of blacked out.

[00:53:02]

I was probably like, how old were you.

[00:53:06]

Like twenty because I started dating Andrew when I was twenty one white. Yeah.

[00:53:10]

So I had this really bomb fake ID. Her name was Mikhaila Edwards. I think she was probably on heroin. She was thirty six, so I used it everywhere.

[00:53:17]

Kayla. God she sounds hot. Yeah. OK, so she was on heroin and then you met Andrew right.

[00:53:23]

When I was twenty. After I dated that guy like around the same time. That must have been also such a mindfuck because you were having like a good time with that guy. That was the problem. And then you're and that's why it's like hard sometimes when you have those moments where everything was working perfectly and then he goes down, he starts like jacking off basically like with his own body, like onto your leg. And you're like, I want to pretend this isn't happening because everything else was perfect, but it's happening.

[00:53:44]

But then it's happening. Did you hang out with him again after that?

[00:53:47]

A hundred times. Yeah, I know you want to say 100 percent. No. Oh, my God. We what? Did you ever do it again?

[00:53:54]

OK, so I thought maybe he was hammered and maybe things just got you are really giving him an out there and he was having a stroke and I don't know. Right. And then he got down there and he was forty one after the stroke.

[00:54:04]

So, you know, it happened again a couple of times. And I just you know, once you weather the storm you're prepared. Yeah. You're like give it a go, just get crafty.

[00:54:15]

And and did you ever adjust your routine when you were up there?

[00:54:19]

Like, did you keep it secret or were you the first time it was ill prepared? I didn't know it was happening. So you're like in public. I was like, oh, my God, what the hell does one do with their hands the second time it was under his roof? So, like, you know, I like rubbing your clit. You're like, this is so I was always fully clothed. OK, yeah. Which is like on the outside of your pants, like I guess like this is what I should be.

[00:54:43]

What do you do. You do nothing. You just you know, I would take a sip of my drink. I would maybe like a little a little tickle. Felt like I'm sorry. You like you go down there buddy. Enough you good. Like, no, Jackie, I don't I, I think the most fascinating thing, by the way, take a look at her. Oh, I can tell she glistens a little different. She's she's so much.

[00:55:05]

She's been fucked. Right. Yeah. How I think the most interesting concept to me is the moment he comes up and you you're for your first words, you remember it.

[00:55:15]

Was it so awkward or was he would like kiss like you like kiss me on the cheek or something? And I was just like he said things that was great.

[00:55:22]

I'm just like and it really made me judge myself. So I'm like, how desperate are you for, like, a fucking chopped salad?

[00:55:29]

Because when you were like and I was just because you had just bought me, I'm like, oh, it was he like kind of like a sugar daddy. Like she's like he just bought me a Birkin. Jackie's like he just bought me dinner. I was in twenty and I had like four dollars. Right. I was working as a P.A. and I was just so excited to get my own fucking appetizer. I'll give you that. And stimulating conversation.

[00:55:48]

That is where it's fucked because you were like having a good emotional conversation. Can you tell me how you met Andrew? Yes, I met him.

[00:55:55]

So I snuck into a bar with my fake I.D. because obviously heroin addict and yes, my heroin addicts, they killed my best friend.

[00:56:03]

Dan went to Berkeley with Andrew and saw him at the bar and was like, oh, Andrew has is here. And I knew who he was because he had gone to my high school. He's older than me, but I was friends with his younger sister.

[00:56:17]

We went to see my high school not together, like we didn't know each other, but I knew who he was like. He was like in a band. He was like the music guy. And everyone kind of knew who he was. Yeah, he was just, you know, he's the guy. Yeah. He was like hot and had gages and drove like a green Mustang, had gages and black hair.

[00:56:36]

Yeah. He had black hair. Isn't that disgusting weed.

[00:56:39]

That's literally repulsive. Disgusting. We, his hair is naturally blonde, that's his natural hair. So we're like we're we're back to the natural so we're back to the current. And my friends, I'm at the bar and was like, hey, you want me to introduce you? And I was like, yeah. And then. He introduced us and we went out like three days later, and we've been completely together ever since we were like boyfriend girlfriend and three days really annoying.

[00:57:01]

Can you explain to me, like, how you have such a healthy relationship? I don't know. I mean, Andrew just gets my breed of crazy. We just totally get each other. He is good at all the things I'm really bad at. OK, yeah. So you, like, balance each other well? Very well.

[00:57:16]

But the thing is, he's very calm. He's super chill, he's humble, he's kind, but he gets my sense of humor and that is so key. That is so the way that you're describing that. I think it's interesting because as I'm coming into my own and I'm like trying to figure out because like my entire life, I've just like, loved dating professional athletes because I think it's like a fun game. Like I enjoy trying to like I'm going to make this man fall in love with me because, like, the ultimate challenge and now I'm getting bored of them.

[00:57:40]

I'm like, yeah, your life is going to be over in your 30s and like, I have no interest in you and like, I probably won't ever, like, end up with one. But it was like a fun thing for me. And now I know I'm twenty five, but I, I'm starting to look at relationships very differently. Yeah. And like wanting something a little bit more terrifying for the daddy and they're like, please, I'll stop.

[00:57:58]

You need to keep being a whore for like a couple more years to enjoy it. But I think for a very long time I didn't know like if I had a type. Yeah.

[00:58:05]

And it's not looks wise, but I need a guy that is calm, is so fucking secure within himself that when we walk into a room and I'm like the crazy like outgoing extrovert, he's like, yeah, that's my bitch.

[00:58:19]

But like, he's not it kind of reminds me of you and Andrew because you're saying, like, you're out there, you're crazy and he's just like so chill and he's so good with balancing you and he supports the fuck out.

[00:58:29]

He's like amused but not to amuse you. I mean, like he's not like and he's just like, oh, like me attractive for you because I feel like you kind of probably like like I don't want a guy that's so obsessed me to point like where he's like, oh my God. Go sweetheart. Yeah. Like like please stop, relax. Like I like that too much self-love. Like we don't need someone that's like you're the you know. Yeah.

[00:58:51]

He's supportive and like loves me and thinks I'm funny but he's not like yeah. He's not like hyping you up 24/7 like. Cokely let me take your pick and it's like, it's like you with your fucking singing thing that you're doing to him literally. I'm like, so that's me. I need to get one of those things and you annoy them. Oh my God. I'm going to send you one. OK, thank you. I need this like it.

[00:59:12]

It is the epitome of everything that I love, of like doing to a man like annoy the fucking shit out of him. You also know he's so obsessed with you that you can push him to the point of like, I want him to be like, no, I'm actually thinking about divorcing you because you're getting so annoying. But it's fun to get so fun. It's so fun.

[00:59:28]

And then it shows that they have boundaries. And we like to push those boundaries, like literally to the brink, to the very brink and back again and then back. Now, let's try it again. I'm trying this way today. And then can we just relax for a minute? Like, no, I have something on my sleeve. Hold on, watch.

[00:59:44]

And I'm just going to be like, do you ever shut the fuck up? And I'll be like, no, bitch. I get paid to talk you like, actually, I was about to and now I'm going to keep going. Thank you.

[00:59:55]

I will kick it up a couple fucking notches. Here we go. That you want to play. That's amazing.

[01:00:02]

I think so. You talk a lot like me too. I can't stop like like we said, we are our own best friend and it's and it is just an amazing time being with myself. I love it. And you have to find someone that can tune you out.

[01:00:14]

That's really important.

[01:00:16]

Soki selective hearing just so that they don't lose their shit because we will never get bored of this. Yeah, I could do this for the I mean the entire day by myself, just like talking about everything. And then you need a partner that's able to be like, I didn't hear one thing you just said, and it's right. They just pick and choose what they hear. And then when you start getting crazy and you start picking fights, which is something I love to do.

[01:00:36]

Oh, you do? I like to keep my weapons sharp.

[01:00:38]

Oh, OK. I go. I'm scared of her. Well, you said that one too. Well what what's a fight.

[01:00:44]

You pack. Oh just whatever like thing. Just a damn day. Oh my God. What did I do the other night. It was so great.

[01:00:51]

It was like midnight and then that's when, you know, it's midnight. Time to go to bed. No time to ramp it up.

[01:00:57]

I had I had fallen asleep. I had been asleep for like an hour and a half. OK, then I resurrected in the midnight hour.

[01:01:04]

Andrew was still up and I was working on some song and he had his headphones on. He was in the bed next to me and I was like, Andrew, could you give me water? Andrew, could you give me water? He couldn't hear me because obviously it his fucking headphones in. And I was like, It's fine. You just don't listen to me. You're just the worst listener. And I start picking a fight and he he puts his headphones off.

[01:01:22]

He's like, what the fuck are you talking yourself? He's like, you were asleep. I was like, you drank the rest of my water. OK, I'm dehydrated.

[01:01:30]

I need to like and I just started going and he's like, why are you trying to pick a fight right now?

[01:01:33]

And I'm like, I don't know, Andrew, maybe you should ask yourself that question. You're like, you know, what aren't you drinking? I think he's like, so you want to water. You're like, it's not about that now. It's the fact that you drank. It didn't replenish me. Now you're listening. You're not even listening. And he's like, headphones on, Andrew, what do you keep drowning out the music? And he's like, well.

[01:01:52]

It's literally my job I waited for you to follow this lead that I'm doing my job now, you just woke up and you're talking to yourself, but you're talking to me, you could just, like, tap, tap, like, hey, can you take your headphones up? Meanwhile, Jacky's like Andrew, it's just so amazing you won't even give me water. I'm like motoric. Oh my God is shaking. I guess Andrew at midnight has to be slamming and while his wife is sleeping.

[01:02:12]

The fact that you say that is this shit I respect and I love and I do, I really think it keeps things so fresh.

[01:02:20]

I think it's the way to do relationships constantly slept like a baby that you're like he got his fucking ass up and he went and got me a motherfucking water because we didn't touch it, went right back to sleep, popped in Advil, PM and woke up Fresh Dog and Daisy.

[01:02:37]

You're like, and that, folks, is how you have an amazing night.

[01:02:39]

Piss them off. He's up all night, sound asleep.

[01:02:42]

He's tossing and turning like, why did I marry a full psychopathic like I'll rest my head just fine, Andrew. That's what I say.

[01:02:48]

And when I start picking fights, I'll be like, watch me lull myself to sleep in two point five seconds. This means nothing.

[01:02:54]

He's like, So you're a psychopath. So he doesn't mind.

[01:02:58]

You like talking about him on your podcast or he does? Well, he doesn't listen to the podcast, so he doesn't really know really.

[01:03:04]

How do you how did he. He wouldn't care. How does that can you kind of like give me some tips on like how did you get them Notley's. And because the guy that I want to date with sent his mom the clip of me talking about him. He was like, this is the girl I'm taking to Santa Barbara. And I'm like, so let's not like let's maybe, I don't know, send her a pic and and just be like, hey, she has a show.

[01:03:22]

You send her the audio clip, Rob, saying that I put on a huge fucking broad to make my tits look amazing for our zoom date. I don't think so. I don't think that's what your your mom needs to know about me. And he was like, why? It's funny. I'm like, I don't think it's funny. I talk about wanting to bang the shit out of you like night one.

[01:03:36]

I don't think that's unbelievable.

[01:03:38]

How did how do you how does he not listen? Do you think he does though know.

[01:03:42]

I know for sure he doesn't know you're like trust me because I said something.

[01:03:47]

He doesn't listen for so long that I was trying to play him like one clip recently. And he's subscribed but they haven't downloaded since, like 2016.

[01:03:56]

He's not even helping your download ratio. Andrew, mother fucker. Why my friends don't listen either. They're also sick of me. They're like and we don't need it. But you can go. You've been doing this for six years. So you're like on the path to London. Yeah, they're done. They're just fucking over me at this point. Right. I know. And I'm just getting started again. Your own best friend. Like, I can keep it going.

[01:04:18]

Like you're like you. Good. So so he just doesn't listen. No, he doesn't listen. OK, he really cares now.

[01:04:26]

His sister listens and she thinks it's funny. I and her close. Well I think it's so clear that it is a lot of it is comedy. You know, it's just a good time. It's a good time. It makes you it makes you self reflect on a lot of things. It makes when you talk about divorce 24/7, you're like, I will play this podcast for our children. Yeah, there you go. And I think that's an amazing thing to say that, like, he's probably like, so we're not going to do that, you know, like it will be their first lullaby, like, shut the fuck up.

[01:04:49]

We're playing it Pressplay. And the first episode is going to be me literally talking about divorcing. You're out. So he's like, OK, they should know. They should know. Sixty percent of marriages end in divorce. So like let's just get them tuned into it and like, let them know it could be their future. I think that's that's beautiful.

[01:05:03]

It's super healthy. And you know what? Maybe one day when you plug Zoome man get married, then you'll have podcasts to listen back to as well. They could be your vows. I think they're a little different than yours. Some of the content is a little wait till they're eighteen to hear even then maybe not. But I mean, I'm pretty sure one of the episodes was like double penetration and a happy new year. And I'm like, I think we could do without.

[01:05:26]

And then maybe when they're like twenty one like I could dabble but like yeah hopefully it'll please invite me over when you have like a listening party guys here we go. And like I like scarred my kids for the rest of their lives.

[01:05:37]

Yeah. Yeah. Alex Cooper, you're the best. Thank you for having me. I wish you lived in L.A. We could do this all the fucking time.

[01:05:44]

You know what? The last statement I will say is I came in here being like I just genuinely could never live in L.A. I think it gives me anxiety being here. I feel like everyone is so beautiful and they're also like fake, like like everyone tells me, like you can't have a real relationship in L.A. and it scares those are the people that aren't from L.A. Where are the plants?

[01:06:01]

OK, that's what I figured. And then I got here and I genuinely actually like it. And I also think it's like there's not a lot of people doing what I'm doing in New York. Yeah. And so it's hard to collaborate. Yeah.

[01:06:12]

So I'm kind of like maybe I'm going out to become like a bicoastal bitch.

[01:06:16]

I like the ring of that. Oh my God. Me too. I love an alliteration, little bicoastal bitch.

[01:06:20]

And so like maybe I'll come here more and then we can do this more. You should. And everyone you're probably already listening to call her daddy. So just continue listening to call her daddy.

[01:06:30]

Thank you so much for having me on. I'm like literally honored.

[01:06:33]

I'm honored this we are so low podcasting queen sitting in front of me.

[01:06:38]

Thank you so much. I appreciate it. Thank you for having me. And make sure you give us five stars on iTunes if you feel like it. And follow me at Jacky's Schimel me.

[01:06:50]

Oh please try really hard. Yeah. Go to. Bottom line, type in the name and then go to the very just working through it. Yeah, it'll it'll show up eventually. Just figure it out, get crafty, get resourceful. And I will see you guys next week. Thank you.