Transcribe your podcast

You're listening to Comedy Central now. Hey, what's going on, everybody? Welcome to The Daily Social Distancing Show. I'm Trevor Noah. Today is Tuesday, July the 28th. And here's a tip for all of you who are trying to eat out. If you want to go to a restaurant, but you worry about removing your mosque just on a soup, it'll seep right through. Anyway, on tonight's episode, Senate Republicans are helping fighter jets get back to work.


Lewis Black would rather die than try outdoor dining. And President Trump finally found someone to replace Dr. Fauci. So let's do this, people.


Welcome to the daily social distancing show from Trevor's Koch in New York City to your couch somewhere in the world. This is the Daily Social Decency Show with driven years of. The big news today is about helping people to survive the coronavirus shutdowns that have now forced them out of work because remember, Corona isn't just stopping you from going to the gym to take selfies. It's also decimated the world economy. Now, countries have been taking different approaches to help workers during this pandemic.


Many countries in Europe are paying businesses to keep their employees on the payroll, even during shutdowns. Japan has suspended most tax collection for a year, and Russia is even allowing all of the election bots to medal from home. Very sweet. And here in the US, Congress passed a big three trillion dollar relief package back in March. But with the benefits of a package about to run out, Congress has been struggling to put together something new. Now, Democrats have been asking for another three trillion dollars to extend and expand the benefits that have been helping people.


And now Republicans have finally responded with something a little less generous this morning with tens of millions of Americans out of work.


Senate Republicans are proposing to slash emergency unemployment benefits by four hundred dollars, a plan that would cut that extra federal payment from six hundred to two hundred dollars a week, with Republicans arguing additional payouts would discourage jobless Americans from returning to work.


In certain cases, people were paid more to stay home than they were to work. And I think that's something that the American public understands. We're not going to use taxpayer money to pay people more to stay home.


Man, I know Steven Mnuchin speaks like a ventriloquist dummy, but sometimes I wish someone would shove their hand up his ass and make him say the right things, because, look, it is true that some people have been earning more from these extra benefits than they were making at their jobs. But that's only because a lot of people in America don't make a living wage at their jobs. Like, I'm honestly surprised this White House is so against paying people not to work.


I mean, they've been fine doing it for the past four years. Guys, if anything, going back to work too soon is what spreads coronavirus, which then makes it harder for everyone to go back to work. So the best way to go back to work is to not go back to work. If anything, the government should be sending everyone an HBO max password in a giant bag of weed. It's the responsible thing to do. And here's the thing.


You can always argue about whether it's good policy or bad policy to just give people money. I mean, it's good policy, but you can argue about it if you feel like it. But one thing that's raising eyebrows is that while the Republicans are saying they can't afford to give more money to laid off workers, they are managing to open up their wallets for some way more questionable expenses.


The bill is also coming under intense criticism for one point seventy five billion dollars allocated for a new FBI building, something McConnell said was included at the request of the White House.


The president has called for the rebuilding of the FBI building in downtown D.C. to occur on the same plot of land in which it currently exists. And why that's significant because the Trump Hotel is right across the street from the FBI building. So the concerns are that the president is trying to keep that property controlled by the federal government to prevent another hotel from coming in there, potentially and taking away business from the Trump Hotel.


Yes. While unemployment benefits are being cut, Republicans have managed to find one point seventy five billion dollars to rebuild the FBI headquarters in its current location instead of allowing it to move. And all of this was a direct request from Donald Trump, because Trump knows that as long as the FBI stays across the street from his hotel in D.C., nobody can build a competing hotel next to his.


And, you know, this is what's so frustrating about Trump. When you tell him you can stop Korona by putting on a mosque, he can't follow the logic. It's too complicated. I can't. I don't even. But then when he's working on a grift that'll make himself money, suddenly he can see the matrix. You put that one there, the hotel, get it to carry the five billions of dollars. Like I find it so bizarre that Trump is president, but he's still constantly pulling all of these scams, like what does he need the money for?


The man lives rent free. He only eats stuff off the dollar menu. And his favorite hobby is staying inside watching TV. Trump could finance his whole lifestyle with lemonade stand money. Either way, at this point, Trump has done so many corrupt schemes, eventually he's going to run out of lines to cross. Yeah, he's going to need to seduce Mike Pence just to keep things interesting. Come, Mike. I don't even want it. I just want them to talk about something else.


We need to take a quick break. But when we come back, we'll introduce you to the revolutionary doctor that Trump trusts more than Dr. Fauci.


So don't go away. Welcome back to the daily social distancing show, despite efforts to defeat its coronavirus, continues to be the biggest viral sensation. That isn't a tick tock. So let's catch up on all the latest in our ongoing segment, Keeping Up with Korona.


For months now, the world has been dealing with the coronavirus pandemic, and the good news is that many places are doing much better now than they were in March and April.


The bad news is they're also doing worse than they were last week, two European countries who thought they had the virus under control and now seeing cases rise in France, cases were up by a daily average of eight hundred and fifty over the last three days, a higher number than when the country eased its lockdown.


Today's numbers do show covid cases going up. Spain's infection rate remains high, with 47 cases in every 100000. Italy and Germany's numbers remain lower, but also on the rise.


Australia has reported its highest ever single day rise in cases. Hong Kong has reported another record daily spike of one hundred and forty five new coronavirus cases.


Yes, people of the largely defeating the virus. Many countries around the world are now facing the possibility of a second wave. It just goes to show you that coronavirus does not want to go away. Sort of like that weird party guest who won't take your hints, man.


It's so late and I've got to get up real early tomorrow, so I'll give you one hundred dollars to get out of my house.


Also, it's pretty wild how places like Hong Kong have so few cases and they call it the second wave because you could fit all their Korona cases on a school bus in America, which, by the way, is better.


The buses back to school plan. But I don't know what's more depressing, the idea of a second wave or the fact that America has handled the first wave so badly that it's going to have to deal with the second wave at the same time, you know, sort of like when you didn't finish your vegetables as a kid. So then your parents save those vegetables for the next meal and force you to eat both. I told you, Mom, I'm not coming home.


If you're going to force me to eat 30 years worth of vegetables, it's not humanly possible. In fact, as much as every country has struggled with covid-19, America is one of the only developed nations that never got the virus under control to begin with. Over the past week, the US has had 15 times as many new cases per capita as Canada and 12 times as many as Europe. And one reason why it's still out of control here is because of stuff like this.


New this morning, Governor Cuomo is blasting a chain smokers concert that happened in the Hamptons because there was no social distancing. Video posted on social media shows massive crowds gathered shoulder to shoulder in front of the stage and no space between people. A church in Huntington Beach defies officials and holds a service on the beach. Hundreds of people gathered for the meeting last night. The group's website encouraged people to wear a mask and social distance. But as you'd see this video, people were not wearing masks and they were definitely not able to social distance.


Police in New Jersey busted a massive house party with seven hundred people. It took officers five hours to disperse hundreds of people from the packed Airbnb.


It was advertised on Instagram as a mansion party with free booze, food and a cash prize for a twerking contest.


Guys. I can understand getting Korona because you want to see your grandmother or something, but getting Korona because you wanted to watch a twerking contest, there is no reason to risk your health for that unless your grandmother was in the twerking contest. I mean, then I can understand. You've got to support your nana's dreams. You know what I mean? Then you do.


You girl also. I understand that people need to go to church, but please, people don't hold church in a tight, massive crowd. Jesus is supposed to die for you, not the other way round. So obviously, ordinary Americans should be taking this pandemic more seriously, and they could be. But in their defense, it's hard to do that when this is the guy who's setting the tone from the top.


Overnight, the president went on a Twitter spree among the things that he shared with his more than eighty four million Twitter followers, a doctor saying you don't need to wear masks. She touted hydroxy chloroquine instead. That video has since been removed and flagged by Twitter as a violation.


Dr. Emmanuel here has a large number of baseless claims. She has hailed hydroxy chloroquine as the so-called cure for the coronavirus. The Daily Beast has also identified her as a pediatrician with a history of making, quote, bizarre claims about medical topics and other issues, often claiming very questionable things.


Sex is a spiritual transaction. So when you're doing it by yourself, demons come and join you. When you're doing it in the right way in marriage watches over it.


OK, both of those situations are not ideal. I mean, obviously, I don't want demons joining me in sex, but I also want God watching me have sex. What if he's judging me?


Come on. Trouble. I know I didn't give you much, but you can work harder than that.


But yes, despite having the world's top doctors at his disposal, Trump has decided instead to trust a doctor who believes that people get sick because they masturbate and that vaccines are made from alien DNA. And by the way, whatever you do, please don't start running around saying that African doctors are crazy, OK? This doctor who's from Africa happens to be crazy. You can't use her to judge all African doctors the same way. You wouldn't want the world to judge America's presidents based on one guy, would you?


So, look, America has two choices right now. Limit the spread of Corona by following the science or listen to the advice of Internet. Randle's like Dr. Demon Sperm. Coming up after the break, I'll try to take Lewis Black out for dinner you don't want to miss.


Welcome back to the daily social distancing show in New York City and around the country, restaurants are opening back up for outdoor dining. So I checked in with my good friend Lewis Black to see what he thinks about all of it. Check it out.


Yo, Lewis, I've missed you, man. What have you been up to? You picked up any cool quarantined hobbies?


Not sure if you count lying on the floor moaning a hobby. And I've been knitting.


Lewis, it sounds like you just need to get out of the house, man. You know, the New York restaurants actually have outdoor dining now, like maybe maybe we should meet up for lunch this week after I'm touched.


And all the people you're willing to risk your health for. You thought of me, your one friend most likely to spray spit when he talks.


Great. So you're in. Course I'm not. And that's the dumbest idea you've ever had where I don't understand.


First off, I'd have to put my pants on and that's become exhausting. And if you're looking for another reason, I don't want to eat outside. Even before the pandemic, outdoor dining suck and now it's worse than ever.


As part of New York City's phase two reopening plan, restaurants have gotten the green light to welcome customers to dine outside. However, some business owners have complained that it's drawing rodents. Now owners are asking city officials to step up sanitation efforts during the busy summer season.


We're told massive size rats have invaded Father Feighan Park. Nearby restaurants offering outdoor dining are concerned they're trying to keep their dining area clean. That includes trying to get rid of these rats.


We have like this big limitation of like just only outdoor seating. They needed to say to me they should do it.


Can you believe that? I don't want to eat at a restaurant next to rats? They're filthy. They carry disease and, you know, they talk too loud about their personal lives.


Wait, did you just have that video clip ready to go? Don't change the subject, Trevor. I'm trying to warn you that your next meal out will be fettuccini al applique.


Louie, come on, man. They've always been rats in New York. We can still enjoy a nice meal together. Wow.


Someone's watch that rat that do a movie one too many times. I've had it up to here with Pixar pro-government propaganda, but OK, fine. Trever if ratch don't tell you how about the rest of Mother Nature.


But the biggest challenge outdoor venues may face is the weather.


Either it's an overcast day and nobody dares to go out or it rains while they're out. When it rains, while they're out, we can't let them inside.


You hear that? There's no where to go if it rains during your meal. So I'm supposed to eat a burger with one hand while holding an umbrella in the other. And that's not lunch. That's an Olympic event.


What if you're on a date? You'll have to decide between covering your fries and covering your girlfriend. She's not going to like the answer to that because in a pandemic is when every time. Well, actually, Prizren, every time. No, thanks. The only time I want to get wet while I'm eating is when I'm having my usual shower bacon.


I'm assuming that's when you eat bacon in the shower.


Don't act like you haven't done it forever. OK, but Lewis, come on, man. Who cares about a little rain? It's fresh air. We're stuck inside. We get to go out. Honestly, I think it's worth the risk.


Look, this virus isn't the only reason that eating outside is dangerous. It also comes with your more traditional hazards.


With indoor dining postponed in the city, outdoor seating is one of the few options for restaurants to stay in business. But some places are serving customers in the street without any protection from traffic sipping cocktails in the street.


This is curbside dining on 9th Avenue and Hell's Kitchen. 9TH Avenue is no Paris. Some restaurants have wooden barricades around their tables, but others have less stable barriers. And then there are the restaurants without anything separating their chairs from traffic.


Typically, drivers are pretty good about being cognizant of pedestrians.


You hear that typically typically cars are good at avoiding pedestrians. How reassuring to know I can have brunch with just a 40 percent chance of getting deboned by a Honda Civic. I like those odds. Makes Sunday morning more special.


OK, look, I hear what you're saying, but I think a lot of restaurants are putting up barriers to street traffic. No way.


I mean, look at these barriers. What a match up a potted plant versus an 18 wheeler. I wonder who will win.


All right, Louis, you know what? Forget dinner. How about we just grab a drink?


Oh, great idea, Trevor. That sounds fun. And apparently illegal.


Governor Cuomo announcing stepped up social distancing enforcement. That includes making it illegal for bars, restaurants to serve people alcohol unless they are also ordering a meal.


If you're not eating a meal and you're just drinking, then it's just an outdoor bar and people are mingling and they're not isolated in individual tables. And that's what we're saying.


You can't have alcohol without a meal. Alcohol is a meal.


Yeah, but Lewis, I understand that. I mean, if you're just drinking, then you can be wandering around talking to people, spreading germs.


Look, it's this simple. We could reopen the bars if everyone drank the way I do, stealing a bottle and locking myself in the bathroom.


OK, well, then how about this? Forget drinks and forget dinner. How about this? You and me, we'll just get on a zoo meeting and play some fun games. How about that, huh?


We can play apples to apples who I'd love to trouble, but I'm busy that day and I didn't tell you the day.


Lewis even better by. Wait, Lewis. Thanks anyway for that, Lewis. When we come back, I'll be talking to Beyonce's mom about voting rights. I did not misspeak. Stay tuned.


Welcome back to the Daily Social Distancing Show. Earlier today, I spoke with Tina Knowles, Lawson and Leigh Chapman from the Leadership Conference on Civil and Human Rights. They wrote an open letter urging Congress to ensure a safe and accessible elections in November for all Americans. We spoke about that letter, the hope for voting rights and more. So check it out. Mrs. Tina Lee Chapman, welcome to The Daily Social Distancing Show.


Thank you. Thank you for having us. Thank you, Mrs. Tina.


I'm going to start with you. You penned an open letter to some of the most powerful people in this country. And in it, you shared so many emotions that many Americans share, many mothers share and many black mothers share specifically. It was emotional, it was powerful. And the gist of it was the government needs to dedicate money to making sure that everybody has access to voting in the November general election. That was a big step for you to take, what did you hope to achieve from an open letter?


Well, I was hoping with the help, the help of the mothers of the movement and the leadership conference and some of my friends who signed on to the letter to just make some noise about it and bring attention and awareness to it, because quite honestly, until I started working with the leadership conference on and I still vote, I didn't even realize that there was a bill on the table and that it had been approved way back in May by the House of Representatives, but that it was sitting on Mitch McConnell's desk.


And I just feel like it's our right to that money to create a safe environment for people to go out and do their civic duty. You shouldn't have to choose between the two. So it is really important. And hopefully it brought it shined a light on that for poor people and connected the dots.


Yeah, that was one of the lines from your letter that really struck a chord with so many people. And that was we should not have to choose between public health and a functioning democracy. Many people do feel like that is going to be the choice that people need to make. It feels like that struck a chord with you on a very personal level. Tell me why. Absolutely.


Because of all the voter suppression, the recent elections that they held and people waiting for five hours know six hundred fifty thousand people were registered to vote and they have one voting location. I mean, it's just ridiculous. We're in America and a lot of people contact contracted kulp it from being out. Why do you have to decide between the two when the government is giving funds to companies to big business to to help them out? And then you don't want to spend the money to help create a safe environment for us to vote?


It's just like a no brainer. I don't understand it.


Lee, you've been instrumental in pushing this cause forward yourself. Cell phone Tina have become a power duo in moving this idea through the halls of Congress and hopefully through the Senate as well. What do you think people miss about this conversation? You know, there's a lot of people who say, like, oh, I don't think there's an issue. If you want to wait to vote you if you want to vote, you wait to vote. I don't know why people are complaining.


What do you think they're missing in the conversation or voting really needs to be safe and accessible. And we need to have a democracy where everyone can participate. And that's why we're calling on Congress to pass the Heroes Act, because it would provide an essential three point six billion dollars in funding during this pandemic so states can mail absentee ballots to voters. So so voters can have at least two weeks of early voting where they can safely social justice and cast their ballot.


It's so critical that voters have all options to cast their ballot this November. And it's really a travesty because yesterday the Senate introduced the Heel's Act, which actually allocated zero funding for elections. And the next two weeks are going to be critical when it comes to making sure that this election funding is in the final stimulus package that actually passes Congress. So that's why, Miss Tina, the leadership conference and our insta vote campaign is doing everything we can to drive calls to the Senate, texts and tweets to make sure that voters don't have to choose between their health and their vote this year.


There are a lot of people in America who are really concerned about the idea of mailing voting. Obviously, the president doesn't help with his tweets and his messages. But but there are many Americans on the ground who say, I just don't feel safe with this idea. Surely we should go there to deliver our ballots in person. Are we setting ourselves up for some disaster votes going missing, votes being tampered with? How do you respond to that concern?


Vote by mail is safe. It's secure. Over five states exclusively use vote by mail. So it's something that one in four Americans use to cast their ballot in twenty eighteen. So we're advocating for increased vote by mail, but also increased ways where people can drop the drop it off. Like Miss Tina said, their absentee ballot drop boxes all across Washington and California has it. So we really need all options for voters to cast their ballot this year.


As you said, so many so many states have done it. Well, I guess it's a small amount relative to the larger number. But are you worried at all that these states will be able to implement it properly? I mean, we've seen how how how American states can botch a new election or a new idea with it, whether it be for the primaries or anything else. Are you worried that trying to do something new may lead to a disaster that then adds even more sparks to the flame that's already burning in this country?


We're a hundred days.


Fewer than one hundred days out from the election. And so it's essential that states receive this funding now because time is running out. So that's why we've been pushing on Congress, because states need to be able to hire more poll workers. States need to be actually able to purchase more machines, more absentee ballot scanners. So all this takes time and money. And so that's why time is of the essence when it comes to making sure that states are ramping up vote by mail so voters can cast their ballot this year.


It is going to be a contentious year. It is going to be a year where everyone is watching the polls even closer than ever before. And it feels like people are going to be in a place where when the election comes around, we may not know the results for a day or two days, maybe three days, maybe even longer. Are you worried at all about what that might do to the country when you have a president who has already started planting the seeds for the idea that in voting is fraud?


Well, you know what the president is saying through his tweets and through Facebook, it's really a scare tactic, plain and simple. Turnout's going to be very large this year. And so but is going to take time for local election officials to process those ballots. So it's we all need to get comfortable with the fact that we may not know the election results for at least a week after Election Day. I think Americans are used to watching the news on election night and getting those instant results.


But we need to let the process play out, let a local election officials do their job and count those ballots.


I have to ask you a question about what happened in Louisville that became like a very strange point of contention for people in talking around about elections. Everyone saw the lines. Everyone saw people stuck outside. They saw how they extend voting hours. But at the same time, officials in Louisville said, hey, we had one of the largest turnouts and our mail in voting worked. And really we had to compromise between mainland voting and having polling stations open. Do you think that it has to be a choice?


Does America have to choose between mail in voting and having enough polling stations?


Not if it's funded, which is exactly what we're talking about. If there is funding available, then there is we just don't want to give them any excuses. But I don't think that you should have to that one should affect the other. They should both be available because it's our right as Americans to have that choice. Yeah.


And in Louisville, Kentucky, there was one polling place for over six hundred thousand voters, as I mentioned earlier. And when those polls close, we saw images of voters banging on the doors to get in. I know when you're in line, when the polls close, you're entitled to vote. So they eventually did get in. But we shouldn't have long lines. We shouldn't have voters having to bend down the doors in order to cast their constitutional and fundamental right to vote you both on the front lines, pushing this message in Congress throughout the halls.


Is that something that people at home can do if they want to help out? Yes.


If you go to and still vote, it will just put you through the process to call the senators. And we need to bombard them with phone calls and don't give up. Just keep going, because this is just so important. It is important to to all people, but especially black and brown people. There has to be a change, guys.


And I would just add a register to vote check to make sure that you're registered. Over 17 million voters were purged from the rolls between twenty sixteen and twenty eighteen alone. So double check to make sure you're still on the voter rolls. Make a plan to vote. Whether that's requesting an absentee ballot or vote by mail ballot, whether it's voting early, in-person or on Election Day, know how you're going to get there, know where your polling place is, because it's critically important that we all participate this year and have your I.D., the proper I.D., make sure that you have your I.D. with you.


Give them no excuses. Thank you so much both for joining me today. Mrs. Tina Lee Chapman. I appreciate you both.


Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you very much.


Thank you so much, Mrs. Tina and Lee. Well, that's our show for tonight. But before we go, I just wanted to remind you that America is facing a nationwide poll worker shortage. And because most poll workers are over 60 and with covid still in the air, they are understandably not showing up. But fewer poll workers means fewer polling stations are open. And that means there's going to be longer lines that not everybody can afford to stay and waiting, especially in communities of color.


The good news is, though, most people working as paid and in some states you can be as young as 16 to do the job. So if you're interested and you have the time, this is your chance to save your granny, protect democracy and make some paper at the same time until tomorrow. Stay safe out there. Wash your hands. And if you are able to. Please work from home. The Daily Show with Criminal Ears Edition, watch The Daily Show weeknights at 11:00, 10:00 Central on Comedy Central and the Comedy Central and watch full episodes and videos at The Daily Show Datong.


Follow us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram and subscribe to The Daily Show on YouTube for exclusive content and more. This has been a Comedy Central podcast now.