Hey, it's Lauren Dragon from Wirecutter, the product recommendation service from the New York Times, and I test headphones.

We basically make our own fake sweat and spray it over and over on these headphones to see what happens to them over time. We're going to put on some noise canceling headphones and see how well they actually block out the sounds. I have 3,136 entries in my database.

Kids, workout.

What version of Bluetooth- At Wirecutter, we do the work so you don't have to. For independent product reviews and recommendations for the real world, come visit us at nytimes. Com/wirecutter. Hey, it's Michael.

For our final episode of 2024, guest host, Melissa Kirsch is back, talking with some of our Times colleagues about the year's best advice for living well. I think this one's really special.

Take a listen.

From the New York Times, this is The Daily. I'm Melissa Kirsch, Deputy Editor of Culture and Lifestyle. 2024 is coming to a close. This is traditionally a time of reflection when we look back on the year that was and look ahead to the year to come. I'm talking with three of my colleagues whose jobs, in part, are to think about how we live and to think about how we can all live better. Today, the Year in Wisdom. It's Tuesday, December 31st. Philip Galanis, welcome.

Hi, Melissa. How are you? Good.

How are you doing?

I'm just terrific. It's the last day of the year.

Yes, it is. So, Philip, for the past 16 years, you've been writing an advice column for the Times called Social Cues. Every week, you answer questions from readers on a pretty wide array of subjects. Give me a sense of that range.

Well, there's a ton about money. There is a lot about parenting and a lot about marriage, pets, your family's finances, the way your parents divide the money between siblings, the way your siblings treat you at Thanksgiving, the way your boss speaks to you in meetings. I can't think of a human relationship that I have not gotten a question about. It's everything.

It seems like you need to be an expert on everything.

Oh, but that is where you were You really don't need to be an expert about anything, and I am standing here as living proof of it. I really think it is not telling people, but instead listening to what they are telling you and starting at that point, helping to guide them to what might be the best outcome that we both can envision for them.

Are there qualities that all good advice has in common? What makes advice good advice?

The mark of really great advice is listening so closely that you're almost the same person with the person who is asking for the advice. In my experience, the best way to do it is not to think, What should I do? But really listening to Melissa telling me about her situation and thinking Melissa and I have this problem. We share it now. What's the most helpful thing I can say to her to help her march toward a solution that's going to work for her? Because the other thing about advice is the thing that works for me may well not work for you. It really is about rethinking the idea that we have inside of us the right answer. We just need you to hear it. Really, you know the right answer. The best advice that I can give is one that makes you hear what you know already is the right answer.

Just turning up the volume on that voice inside of me.

Yes. I don't give advice to anyone unless I hear them asking me for it, because often you end up hurting people's feelings inadvertently because they hear, You're doing this wrong, so I am going to tell you how to do it right. That's about as unproductive as it gets.

It's New Year's Eve. This is the time of year when people are making resolutions, deciding how they're going to be better next year. Do you have thoughts about New Year's resolutions?

I do. I think for the most part, if we had the imagination to come up with resolutions that weren't so crushingly banal, getting our steps in, going to the gym more, eating fewer carbs, I mean, things that are joyless Punishing.

Punishing. Self-punishing.

Yeah, very puritanical. The most common one that I hear is about diet. If you eat 10 crappy cookies, rather than saying, Let's reduce those cookies to zero. Let's instead find the best cookie you can possibly find at the best bakery, Let's do the legwork. Let's find the cookie that is really going to turn you on and eat two of those in a week. I think if we could incorporate some more joy into our resolutions and less drudge, then the gyms wouldn't all be ghost towns on January 15th. If our resolution was, I want to find somebody whom I will love to talk to on the treadmill for 30 minutes at the gym three times a week, and you make the project finding that person, that's a fun resolution. You're deepening a friendship or finding somebody out of thin air. That's a good one. But it's not about the stupid steps. It's about finding the joy in whatever we need to do in order to make ourselves, I don't know, thinner, whatever silly thing we decide we need to be, which is generally not what we need anyway.

That is good advice. This is why you are the authority. Any advice for humanity for 2025?

Let's make 2025 the year of listening. Less talking, more listening. I think it really pays off, and it also pays dividends. I'm going to try to listen more.

Thank you so much for talking with me, Philip.

Oh, thank you for having me in. It was really fun.

My colleague Jancy Dunn writes a weekly column about wellness. She consults doctors and researchers and other experts on topics like how to sleep better, how to apologize like you mean it, and perfect timing for anyone who's traveling for the holidays, how to avoid getting sick on a flight. She's here with me today to share some of the most useful things she's learned this year. Hi, Jancy.

Hi, Melissa.

Okay, so I asked you to look back on your year-on reporting. I'm very excited to hear what you found. What have you got?

The first one is, if you're feeling lonely, try reaching out to a mentor from your past.

A mentor from your past, someone who has given you guidance in a previous job or when you were a child?

Yes, somebody who has helped you in your life, and maybe they don't even know how much they helped you. It can be a coach, a teacher, a neighbor. If they're still around, contact them and tell them how they've helped you, and you may reestablish that connection. You already have that shared past. I have done this with my fourth-grade teacher Mrs. Manley, she's in her 90s, and my parents had given me a box of crap. You know when they're cleaning out their house and they say to you, Here's your box of crap. I'm not keeping this anymore? Oh, yes. My fourth grade report card was in there, and Mrs. Manley had said, Oh, I think Jancy can write. She may grow up and be a writer someday. She called it. I wrote her a letter, and I basically just thanked her for encouraging me because when you get encouragement like that, it put in my head Oh, wait, could I be a writer? Is that even a job? I didn't know. I told her all that, and I said, You really shaped the course of my life. She did. Now I'm a writer, and I thank you, and you were a wonderful teacher.

She wrote back immediately with this stationery with a puppy with a letter in its mouth. Now she's my surrogate grandmother. You just don't know what can happen if you contact somebody. It can be really fulfilling.

Is there some wisdom there in reaching out to someone who knew you so long ago, like they know the essential you?

Yes, precisely. There's a shorthand there. There's a comfort there. The person that you are now may also connect with the person that they are now. It's just, especially when you get older, she's in her 90s, I'm in my 50s, we're the same age in a weird way. You're both adults.

We're both adults.

We have a lot more in common than we did when I was a fourth grader and she was my teacher.

Okay, what's next?

Okay, next we have Don't Chew Ice, ever.

Don't Chew Ice, ever. Okay. As someone who very rarely chews ice, I'm going to guess that the reason why one should not chew ice ever is because one may break a tooth. Is that correct?

You have a dental background, or how did you know that?

No, I just have a really good gut instinct about things having to do with teeth.

I interviewed eight dentists, and the majority I think six out of eight, first thing out of their mouths. I said, What do you want people to know? They said, Don't chew ice. It was overwhelmingly their number one tip. Chewing ice is notorious for causing, as you mentioned, small chips in your tooth enamel, the outer layer of your tooth. These chips can develop into larger cracks that may require treatments like root canals, crowns, even surgical removal of the tooth. There's a terrifying raise, right? This all comes from chewing ice, which so many people do.

Okay, what else do you have?

This is about decluttering, always a hit in the early part of the year. Let go of that dusty box or bag of mystery chargers and cords. We all have it.

Oh, my God.

I feel seen. Let it out. How so?

That bag is the most ridiculous bag of cords.

Do you ever subtract from the bag? That's what a couple of the experts said to me. Or do you just add to it? Does it just get bigger and bigger?

Well, I always think like, Well, I'm going to need these things, or someone's going to need a cord. I don't want to be caught without a cord. Yes.

It's cords, it's chargers, it's remote controls from the Clinton administration.

It's a bag of obsolete technology. Yes.

We have no idea what any of those cords are for, but we are very, very afraid to throw them out.

So I should just throw this bag away.

Okay, well, first, separate everything into piles and think of all the things in your house that have cords or chargers. Go through and try them. If they don't work, it's likely that If I don't, I don't want to be presumptuous, then it's time to drop them off at a place that accepts electronic waste.

Nice. Okay, what's next?

Okay, I loved this one. It's, if you're feeling cynical take 15 minutes and collect moments of moral beauty.

Moral beauty. Okay. Tell me what moral beauty is.

That is a concept that was created by a researcher named Docker Keltner, and he wrote a book called Awe. It's basically, if you're losing faith in people, the world, politics, whatever, he says to take 15 minutes out of your day and pay attention to the moments of kindness all around you. I mean, it can be the tiniest moment. It can be when you're at a store and you see two people joking around in the checkout line, or when you are in traffic and somebody waves you in and you get that little rush of pleasure like, Oh, thanks, and you hold up your hand. You're like, Oh. There's a lot of that out there if you pay attention. You really only need about 15 minutes and you can collect 10 things, and they reset you and remind you that a lot of people are good.

I think that I walk around a lot like a cop looking for social infractions, just like the tiny ways in which people are being rude to one another, and my antennae are always up for that. That idea of resetting and reorienting myself of looking for those moments of beauty or where people are being kind and not paying so much attention to these tiny injustices, that seems like a really worthy pursuit.

Yes, even this morning when I was walking to work and I was in Penn Station, and someone ahead of me had held the door open with their elbow so they don't get germs. But it's an awkward thing to stick your elbow out like that for somebody. I thought, That's nice. I do it without even thinking about it now, record those moments.

Thank you so much. This is really great. My pleasure. Happy New Year.

Happy New Year to you.

We're going to take a little break, and when we return, Lessons from 20 Years of the Times's Modern Love column.

The New York Times app has all this stuff that you may not have seen.

The way the tabs are at the top with all of the different sections. I could immediately navigate to something that matches what I'm feeling. Play Wordle or Connections and then swipe over to read today's headlines. There's an article next to a recipe, next to games, and it's just easy to get everything in one place.

This app is essential.

The New York Times app All of the Times, all in one place. Download it now at nytimes. Com/app. Twenty years ago, Daniel Jones helped create the Times's Modern Love column. Every week, Modern Love publishes personal essays on love in all its forms, not just romantic love, but love between parents and children, siblings, love between friends, love that's lost or unrequited. Dan has read thousands of these love stories, and today, he's here to tell us what he's learned.

Hi, Dan. Hi, Melissa. Good to be here.

Dan, I imagine over all the years of doing this work, your perspective on love has probably changed. How has this work changed the way you think about love?

I get asked that a lot, and I think about it a lot. I think mostly I've seen in essays, but ones that seem that are successful in terms of what happens in them and not, is there's a dividing line between people who continue to open their hearts and those who shut down. When is the path to happiness and when is the path to unhappiness and regret. It's not always easy when something ends or when you suffer a real loss. To see people who continue to put themselves out there and say, This is my one life. I'm going to make something of it. I admire that, and I feel like it's changed my life.

You published a piece earlier this year about what you've learned from reading and editing all these love stories. One of the takeaways that stayed with me is the line, Love is more like a basketball than a vase. Talk about that.

Well, that line comes from an essay by a writer named Thomas Houven. Actually, I call him a writer, but he's a doctor and was a medical resident. He'd come from a difficult childhood. His fiancé at the time had similarly come from a difficult childhood. They found each other, and their relationship was a refuge from their past their lives and their childhoods. Any conflict they would have was like apocalyptic threatening to that love. His whole concept of love was peace. She, perhaps sensing the fragility of that, broke off their engagement just a few weeks before they were to get married. He was just not long before starting his medical residency He went off to this medical residency just devastated, and how am I going to get through this? It was lonely, but it turned out to be a boot camp for him in what real love means, and that real love involves conflict and disappointment, and it has to be able to absorb and hold all of those feelings. It can't just be about peace and comfort. During his residency, he learns that and comes out the other end of it. What he says as a more full human being and a better doctor than meets a woman where they are able to have a full relationship that he describes as being more like a basketball than a vase.

One is durable and can bounce and can take a beating, a vase is something that breaks the first time you drop it, but looks beautiful from the outside. It resonated so deeply with me because I felt so similarly to him in my life of wanting to avoid conflict, of feeling like love should not... If you fight, that means you're not meant to be together. On the contrary, to be able to manage a fight and grow from it and know someone more deeply because of it is one of the main keys to a durable and lasting relationship.

Looking back over the archive, so many of the stories that you publish are about love that doesn't last. They're about breakups, they're about one-night stands, or they're about chance encounters with people that you never see again. It's about the loss of love or a very fleeting love more than it's about an enduring love. I'd love to talk about what you take away from pieces like that.

There's a popular conception that a relationship that ends is a failed relationship. Every relationship relationship can have its value. To think of something as a failure because it ended, it's not fair and it's not wise, and it's not productive, and it's not true.

Maybe it's what movies and fairytales maybe tell us about what a successful relationship looks like, right?

Yeah. At one point, I remember noticing, especially among young people, college students, sophisticated college students, they still referred to Disney movies as being their inspiration in a way for what romantic love is, which all those movies end in a wedding. A wedding is the achievement instead of the beginning of a deepening relationship. That's part of that misconcession, these scripts that we seem to play in our lives or that we feel like we need to stick to. It's not that. It's the beginning conflict. It's the beginning of something that is deeper.

My favorite Modern Love essays tend to be about tiny, quiet moments instead of grand gestures. I'm thinking about essays like learning to measure time in Love and Loss. Talk to me about that piece.

Yeah, and this is an essay by a writer named Chris Huntington. He talks about this ritual with his son, where they also talk each day about the best moments and the worst moments of their day. One night, he's reading with his son, and he's feeling distracted, and probably checking his phone, and just all those things where you're not in the moment. He says, Oh, wait, we forgot to talk about our best moment and worst moment. What's the best moment of your day? And his son says, This is Daddy, this is. I actually start to get teary just thinking about it. When I read that, tears sprung to my eyes, and I thought about my own experiences with my reading to my son and to my daughter and the distraction that I used to feel and what am I going to do tomorrow and what do I have to do for work? Just that reminder, that small moment of like, this is your life. These are the important moments of your life. Be in them.

Well, thank you so much, Dan, for talking with me today. Thank you, Melissa. Happy New Year to you.

Happy New Year to you.

We're going to take a short break, and when we return, New York Times readers share the best advice they received this year. The best advice I've been given this year. The best advice I've received this year.

The best advice I got all year.

The best piece The best piece of advice I got this year. My name is Zack Rosen. I'm from Detroit, Michigan, and I'm currently living in Amsterdam. The best piece of advice I got this year is from my friend Daniel Eshtren, and the advice is this. When someone says thank you, just say you're welcome. This is not as easy as it seems. We usually say, Oh, no, thank you, or no problem. But when we actually accept a thank you with a you're welcome, I find it deeply satisfying satisfying for both parties. I think it's just a really good practice to accept thanks from someone sincerely. Instead of trying harder, try softer.

Best advice I got all year was from a Texan who said, Never crouch with spurs on.

What other people think of you is none of your business. Surrender to the darkness. You don't need to know how it's going to turn out.

Hi, this is Dave Brosheer in New Orleans, Louisiana. My best advice I got this year, had to bury my wife after 40 years of marriage, and the bedroom has been very difficult. My therapist suggested bringing the dog into the bedroom. I'm allergic, so it had to be in his crate, but he's happier, and it's transformed my bedroom into a place I can feel comfortable.

My best advice when helping somebody get through chemo was not one day at a time, but five minutes at a time.

The The smartest piece of advice I've gotten is that everything is temporary. I hope that applies to the head cult that I have right now. But mostly, I hope it applies to how I feel about what happened one day, which was my husband came downstairs at breakfast time and said, I owe you an apology. I've treated you badly. I've been seeing someone else, and I love and I want to be with her. And he got in his car and drove away, and I haven't seen him since. We've been married for 34 years, and I thought we were both happy, but apparently, only one of us was. So it turns out that even marriage is temporary. But I'm hoping that a whole lot of other things happen that couldn't have happened unless this bad thing What happened?

I'm Stan Perry in Houston, Texas.

One piece of advice I received in 2024 and that I followed all year is each day keep a list of wins.

I'm an attorney, so sometimes it's work-related. For example, a ruling from a court that was significant for a lawsuit. Other times, it's something that may not be that significant for my career, but is very significant on a personal level. For example, my parents are in their 80s, and each time I talk to them, I consider it a win just to be able to hear their voice and talk to them.

Hi, my name is Gina Luongo, and I live in Toronto, Canada. The best piece of advice I got this year, quite simply, is when you put on your lipstick, use your finger to spread it over your lips. It gives a very fresh, natural, and pouty look.

It's what French women do, apparently. I can't believe it. I've lived over five decades and I've never tried this before.

It has softened the look of my face while adding some much-needed color. I love it.

Who knew? My brother's advice, never pass up free food or drink.

If you focus on the wound, you will continue to hurt.

If you focus on the lesson, you'll continue to grow.

My name is Mel Foster, and I live in West Bloomfield, Michigan. A recent client, Bernie, shared this advice.

Never be afraid to enter into a new venture, but always be aware that you're going to pay a dumb tax.

You are going to try to figure out every possible roadblock that there is to your effort. But when you actually get into it and actually pursue it, you're going to find there are problems that you never foresaw, and it's going to cost you money, and that your dumb tacks.

I had back trouble for most of the year.

My physical therapist gave me some helpful exercises, but the best advice was a simple slogan, Motion is lotion.

The more active I am, the less my back bothers me. Magic. My name is Len DeCessa. I live in Dresher, Pennsylvania. Well, the best advice I received in 2024 was from my therapist. I was talking about issues I was having in my relationship with my wife, and he said to me, You can be the safe harbor or you can be the storm, but you cannot be both.

And that really impacted me.

Matter of fact, it's on my wall in my office.

My best advice of the year is keep swimming, and that is from Finding Nemo.

My friend shared that with me after the tornado that Hurricane Milton set off in my area, and I got a direct hit, and then the insanity of the election time and now holidays. And so my new term is just keep swimming.

Just keep swimming.

My name is Tamara, and I live in Edinburgh in Scotland. The best piece of advice I've got this year, and maybe ever, is from my friend Helen, who told me, Don't borrow trouble. Annoyingly, I've shortened this to DBT. Dbt is all about not getting yourself in bits or knots or catastrophizing about things in the future that are outside of your control. This is Nina Miller from Portland, Maine, reporting the most sage advice I received in 2024. It's pretty simple.

Practice makes better.

For me, as a professional French Horn player in an orchestra, playing the horn is really an imperfect instrument, yet we strive for perfection, which is unobtainable. So having the permission to know that practice makes better was extremely liberating for me and just changed the whole way I look at my life, my work, and the playing of my French Horn. The best advice that I received this year was from my husband. We are an old couple who have decades of harmony and conflict between us. When Whenever we are arguing, usually over something petty, like who left the light on or put a pink shirt in the whitewash, he will remind me that we will die soon.

We are at that age where our conversations are peppered with sciatica and weak knee stories, and the next day is not guaranteed. So when we have flareups, he reminds me of our mortality and the importance of appreciating every given moment. My husband and I became first-time parents this year after quite a bout with infertility and had to go through several rounds of IVF. So this child was very much a journey. Of course, people want to give parents, new parents, tons of advice, and so much of it is so kooky. Sleep when they sleep, or you must have this toy, or this developmental But I think the best piece of advice we've received was raise the child you have, not raise the child you want.

My name is Nina Kaliden, and I currently live in Amsterdam, the Netherlands, but I'm from New York State. This piece of advice that I received from my Auntie, she wrote me in a card, and I want to directly quote this to make sure I get it right. Such chaos that we are living in now, but nature continues in all of her glory. And I just found it to be the most beautiful sentiment around, well, society in life can feel so challenging and the leak on the day to day that our natural world is what grounds us to a greater being, and it's something I'm profoundly grateful for and something that I want to carry with me. Today's episode was produced by Sarah Curtis with help from Kate Lopresti. It was edited by Wendy Dore, with production support by Frannie Carthoff, and original music by Diane Wong, Dan Powell, Alicia Eitupe, Marion Lozano, and Sophia Landman. It was engineered by Daniel Ramirez. Special thanks to Sam Sipton, Lauren Manley, Ben Calhoun, Claire Tennisgetter, Alexandra Lee Young, Alex Baron, Elissa Dudley, John White, Tina Antalini, Maddie Macielo, nick Pitman, Kyle Grandillo, Mahima Chablani, Isabella Anderson, Jacob Meshke, Paula Schumann, and Sam Dolnik.

That's it for The Daily. I'm Melissa Kirsch. Michael and Sabrina will be back on Thursday after the holiday. Happy New Year.