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[00:00:00]

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[00:00:35]

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[00:01:01]

This is the down hour show with this two got Sparkasse. The NCAA hides under a table, hopes nobody notices all of the Cylons will get to that in a second. Why do we hide under a table?

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Would seem like it's a pretty easy place to find someone if they're just hiding, merely hiding under a table.

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I think it's it comes from videos in the advent of television where it is that people in classrooms should hide, although that's hiding under a desk, which the NCAA can also be accused of doing right now.

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I believe those video routes are what you would do in the case of a nuclear apocalypse. And you're right when you say it, hiding under table is not going to do you any good. And the parallel works here, as Lou holds talks about storming Normandy. The NCAA right now is absolutely hiding under a desk or a table as the apocalypse bursts out in all air, all places and everyone is fighting. We'll get back to the anarchy of college sports because rarely is the money laid this bear on the table.

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I'm telling you to got. The stuff that's happening right now can't be unseen, like this stuff will stick to Manfred, the greed on it will stick to Manfred. What's happening in college football? You will not be able to unsee the idea that, yeah, you thought the SEC was mercenary, but now, you know, the S.E.C. is mercenary like it should be. The issue should be for expendible body, like it should be for expendable or disposable, you know, because what's happening here that doesn't really work disposable.

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But you understand what I mean.

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That would make it the SDC, which doesn't feel is as good or as strong in any way.

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And yet I think we all agree that as long as the FCC plays football, it'll feel like a full college football season. The SDC playing that doesn't feel the same.

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Also expendable bodies also changes the press conference. You're absolutely right. It does make the construct of what you were trying to say was flawed from the get go. It really was. Thank you for that. I appreciate it. And I should have postponed it toward later in the show like I intended, but I got caught up in the air as a social issue all of a sudden. It's amazing because you know how I gravitate toward the anarchy at every point.

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I'm still trying to recover from your Big 12 defense joke in regards to social distancing.

[00:03:33]

I I texted Mike last night what a dad joke I threw in the middle of the show there with the Big 12 conference will be safe on different no matter how much they play because of all the social distance that there always is between the defenders. Put it on the pole, Tony, at 11:00 to get longer. A good joke or not a good joke. The Big 12 on defense, socially distance is a good joke or bad joke, but we've got conflicting opinions here.

[00:04:04]

And much like first take, we've got to foment argument. And I feel like and I don't know who else has seen it from Tony and Stu Gods and Roy, but Mike and Chris have both seen hard knocks, hard knocks returned to HBO. HBO does everything well. We're both episodes. Last night, was it both the Raiders and the Chargers?

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Well, it's the Rams and the Chargers. Fine. And they're not the highlight highlighted in different episodes. And each episode focuses on both teams. A historic first for the Hard Knocks franchise.

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And how did you feel about it, having watched it? I loved it. I loved it because look from the jump. Two teams being covered in hard knocks, obviously better than one, because I think one of the problems with certain hard knocks seasons is they may be for storylines. It might get a little slow in periods. Now you have two teams to choose from, so you're getting the best cut from each side because you have to fill out an hour of programming and now you have two teams to shoulder that content burden.

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Also to do this during a pandemic, to be able to actually see the protocols rather than just have them reported on in a tweet you saw is fascinating. It makes it unlike any other hard knocks. That actually is something that I would be interested in. As you see what's happening in college football, as Dabo says to God, that there is no question that these players are safer under our rules and rigidities than they would be elsewhere. Thirty seven positives a couple of weeks ago.

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Yes, but he is claiming that there's no question they're safer. Nick Saban is claiming there's no question they're safer. I'm not even here to argue with that. But the part that I find interesting about the layers of finance here is that some schools will be able to afford these protocols and some schools will not be able to afford these products.

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By the way, the counter argument to me saying that they had thirty seven positives, that's all intake. Once we get them within our structure, they're all clean because I have the antibodies because they all had it. Yeah, that's well first of all, first of all, there is no proof you can get it a second time.

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That is, people have had positives multiple times. There are certain baseball players that can shake negative tests even though they felt totally asymptomatic and they had their first positive result two months ago. It's it's we're still learning about it. It's very confusing. OK, and so while I don't want to sit here and talk about the the argument of whether or not Dabo and Nick Saban are right, that if you totally limit the freedom of players by putting them under the dictator coaches, that those coaches can indeed keep them safe.

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Let's not argue that for the moment. I am just interested at someone's got Disney is a big company. We're all learning about this as we go through this. Mike Ryan and I and you, before you were quarantined, have been coming into a totally abandoned hotel, a hotel that is abandoned entirely. It used to have a temperature checker out front, but that guy has fled the premises. So thankfully, we take our own temperature. Dan. That's right.

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Well, he's still not back. That guy's not back. Yeah, well, you haven't been back, so you wouldn't know that. And there's a lock on that door. So when I tried to get in there while using my shirt around my hand, usually my knee that I'm using these days, but as I put my hand in there, I just started jostling it and it was locked. And I'm like, oh, look, the apocalypse is such that the temperature guy is gone now.

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And, you know, we got a couple of hand sanitizers that Disney sent us and some sort of machine that smells bad that I'm afraid to go to because I feel like it has the coronavirus in it.

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Forget about the placards that tell you on the floor exactly where you should stand. I can't wait to return in a week.

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I mean, but, Chris, that part had to be interesting to you, even if you didn't like hard knocks, seeing the lengths that a professional football team with all the money in the world has to go to in order to make sure to keep its players safe, well, that's all we got.

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We got an hour infomercial about how safe the NFL is making it, which I'm going to give them one episode. They just need to set the table that they're going to be really safe. If I see any more B roll of his hand sanitizer, though, I'm going to lose my mind. I'm telling you, this is just an hour straight of them telling you how clean it was. I didn't get any. They didn't set any. Storylines of a guy they're going to cut four episodes from now, I didn't get the opening scene, the opening scene of Hard Knocks is like historic.

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You wait for it every year. It's like Christmas morning where you wait to see how they're going to start it with the music coming in at the end of it. But this was just Anthony Lynn talking into his room. Oh, no.

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This is a very soukous take from you. OK, I'm sorry. You're already sick of watching the NFL deal with a pandemic for the first time in its history. Sorry that got boring for you. 40 minutes in. And they already laid the groundwork for players getting cut and you saw one player get cut and he went to Anthony Linson. What the bleep are you doing? You're making a huge mistake with Mike. You're willing to give them a pass, the NFL, because you're allowing them that first episode where they're basically showing you, hey, we could do this even with a world pandemic going out.

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You're giving them you're giving them a break and assuming it will get back to a more traditional hard Chris.

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Chris, that's Chris take I'm happy seeing all these protocols because I had so many questions about how it worked and how you executed and how painful it is to get the test. I learned a lot watching you on a whole season of that.

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Like, I got it after twenty minutes. I get it before they enter every room. They're going to get their their temperature checked. They're going to sanitize like I don't need it. Like it was all we got was then like every meeting that they were having about oh we got a separate oh you guys are sitting too close like we get it.

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But position meetings are fascinating over Zoom and you see all the technical difficulties that they have where someone's voice gets super echoey. I always wondered all the same zoom mistakes that pop up when we do the show. That's going to happen in positional meetings. Right. And Sean McVay out there trying to teach people offense without the ability to actually throw the ball because it breaks some sort of protocol. It was fascinating, Chris.

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I think he got to give them an episode to establish that and show that. I know they'll continue to show it throughout the entire season. I didn't watch last night. I watched it today. I was busy watching Barry Trotz and those boys get it done for the islanders out of that. Well, from the sound of your voice, you were screening entire cigarette machine like it is unbelievable. I believe that you have consumed an entire Marlboro factory. Now it is your your voice sounds so bad.

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This first segment that is me screaming for my Islander's and Barry Trotz. Let's go Islander's ba ba ba ba ba. That's what you heard last night coming out of my house. Out of the aisles. Oh, one of the late. Negative, Nancy, there were some bright spots, we got shirtless mikveh in a pool, we got to see his view, man, what a spot he has in L.A. So there were a couple of bright spots. But overall, I was disappointed.

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Also, McVeigh would totally crush it on Monday Night Football. Oh, totally. He is as likable as I thought he would be headed into this.

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That dude loves football, though, and he's got some Marty Smith and him where his hair is always perfect. Like you never see Mikveh. He wakes up with his hair just like.

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Tony, put it on the poll, does the song Tainted Love hold up at Libertador show the song that Mike Ryan just played coming in? Yeah, but we're of a certain age. Got not everybody. Not everybody's going to agree with that. Yes, you and I are. People of a certain age will say that that song holds up, but we're always surprised by what young people say to these things. So at Libertador Show is where you vote.

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TJ Warren is going to join us on the show today. What are you looking forward to about that? Just playing the sound where I disrespect him for him so that he can make fun of me and treat me the way Damian Lillard is treating Skip Bayless right now.

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Yeah, that's about it. Looking forward to that. Why do you sound so bad to God, like honest to God, it's it's destroying me. Sound great. What are you talking about? Why did you sound say you soon? You sound like it's bad. You just you sound like every thought you're having is soaked in some sort of mucus. I don't know what to tell you guys, like the throat feels fine, I screamed a little bit because I was watching the playoff hockey yesterday, but my my throat feels fine.

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I feel fine. You were shouting earlier.

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I heard your flim flam. So shouts of more Zaca drunkie, please. Why are you spending your morning shouting more Zack Greinke, please.

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Well, I love with Zack Ronke, who pitches for the Astros did last night. And what he did was he was telling he was barking.

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He was telling players batters, hey, here's what's coming, hit it. And I beat the Astros should do that for the remainder of this year. How do you think it's so easy to know what's coming and you could just hit it out of the park. OK, here's what's coming. Hit it out of the park. I want to see more of that. I think the air is you do that for an entire season.

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I agree. I think they should do that for the remainder of the year. One of my favorite things with regards to the remainder of the year, why are you just thought you got it?

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Because he doesn't want me cutting in and taking the microphone from him. So if he stops the word in an unpredictable place, he could just keep it moving and press the guys so he can get his heartache out there. What do you mean you don't understand?

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I'm a little annoyed with how good you guys thinks he's been so far.

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Well, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. You say that. But the perpetual tension that I have with Greg Cody and I don't know how many of you experienced this the way Dominique Foxworth does. I don't think many of you do. But Dominique Foxworth, based on Cody's Tuesday appearance, has texted me the following. And this is an actual exchange that just happened not only on my text, but wait till I tell you what happened when I read it to Chris Cody, his son.

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The text from Dominique Foxworth is, I hate Greg Cody.

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He no, no, wait, wait, wait, wait. He expects more respect with no work. And he doesn't understand that he's not interesting. And you all make fun of him in order to make him fit for your radio show. His qualifications are being your friend. He is the epitome of privilege. I read that to Chris Cody during the break. Chris Cody said, Dominick has sent that to me to work for work.

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I paid that man his money.

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It is a constant exasperation. If we let you just look a little peek behind the curtain at the formula, you will find that I always lose the fights is the straight man to the gods and Greg, Cody and Poppy, people who do this formulaically formulaically awful, allowing us to all profit from it. While I'm always the bleep hole, I thank you. Advance auto parts. You're welcome. America from the bleep hole. You're welcome. It's its own economy that Formule just have everyone next to you be terrible.

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You get strident and angry about it. Boom. Media empire. All gassed on the day of Avatar, Joe appear via the Shell Pennzoil performance on Pennzoil, synthetic motor oils are made from natural gas. It gives you an unbeatable edge of protection. The proof is in the Pennzoil based on squid's for a where test using Essawi five w dash 30. Here's your SportsCenter update. The Cowboys have signed Everson Griffin to a one year deal that's worth six million dollars, three million in base salary, three million in roster bonuses.

[00:16:42]

A group of U.S. senators on Thursday morning released a list of items they see as important rights belonging to college athletes that they hope to protect or enforce with federal laws called the College Athletes Bill of Rights.

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And finally, a German circus that has been closed for months due to the covid-19 pandemic is making some extra money by selling lion poop.

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The Crown Circus said it is selling jars filled with big cat droppings, which officials, officials excuse me, said can be spread in a home garden to keep pets and wild animals from damaging plants. The circus that customers could visit the Pop-Up store during special business hours Monday through Friday, and the jars of lion feces could also be purchased for shipment online. Stucchi.

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Have you been drinking? What do you mean have you been drinking? The very obvious, like slurring of words there.

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Now, are you OK? Are you having a seizure? Yeah, fine. Why? OK, because you.

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Because it sounded like you were electrocuted in the middle of that. The Tasered you. Are you ok. All right.

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You're not drinking. Everything's fine.

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It seems pretty chilled me little tip on why I don't I don't know what tell you guys a little too chill sounding a little phlegmy.

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I don't know. Did you go for a stroll this morning? I'm still trying to put this one together. I mean, perhaps the circus erected a large sculpture dubbed Mr. Poo outside the business to celebrate the new venture pop up store poop.

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Pop up today on ESPN Daily, Daniel Cormier squares off this weekend for the UFC heavyweight title Protect that right side, Cormie. Protect that right side. Thanks, Bert. After a rocky career, can the aging fighter cement his legacy? That's ESPN Daly. Subscribe wherever you get your podcast for all the latest headlines of information to the Sports Center on ESPN Radio all throughout the day.

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Tony, please put this on the pole. This is from a tweeter. Should the FCC change its name to some expendable children? Should the SEC now go buy some expendable children?

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So much better.

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I found and so much worse. I have a quote here. You got that? I, I believe I'm being fooled by the Internet on, OK, I need somebody to authenticate this code because I simply don't believe that the quote I'm about to read to you is real, but I'm going to read it anyway.

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And we will figure out on the back end if this is a real thing that was said by a real human being. Our love busked in the conversation about the canceled football season, OK?

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UMass coach Walt Bell says allegedly, reportedly, I do not believe it, quote, you know, my dad passed away in 2008. My biological mom OD'd in 2012. And to be honest with you, this is probably a tougher day than both of those days, end quote. Your thoughts there, because I have one immediate thought that jumps out to me above all others beyond even like holy bleep. Is that a lack of perspective or sound like a lack of perspective?

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Your thoughts here to God says you hear that quote, he got caught up in the moment.

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There is no way he feels like that, that that this day was worse than the day of the death of his mom and his dad. There is no way he's caught up in the moment. He's caught up in the emotion he wants in college football season so badly. He's going to regret saying that if he doesn't already regret saying that, that would be that would be my guess as to what happened there.

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All right. What it makes me wonder, OK, let's just say it's not a staggering lack of perspective. Let's say there are some mitigating circumstances and perhaps he wasn't that close to his family. So the death of his parent isn't something that affected him the way the death of a football season has. The thing that jumped out at me beyond all other things, though, is. You miss your you miss work. Did you miss playing important football game?

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What would Chris look up? You miss this season by season, record year like what were they last year when an 11 like what the hell is this man talking about? You, miss, has not like you thought things were bad in Colorado states you got to where they abuse the players in all sorts of ways, reportedly for a nowhere program that has never played a meaningful down. But Colorado State is Alabama compared to you guys. Like how is this the perspective of the U.S. coach?

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They were one in 11 last season. What about before that? Oh, you nailed it.

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Thank you. I'm an expert on UMass football, one and 11. First of all, smoke out the one and tell us who we should shame there who kept us from a UMass open 12 season being more important to this guy than the death of his parents.

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That is the third one in 11 season they've had since 2011.

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All right. Give it to me year by year. I want to read the quote again, and then I just want you to give it to me year by year here. This was not planned out. Have we found out, Mike, whether this is a real quote? Because I get fooled by the Internet all the time and this is how you would do it if you were running the onion, you would go to a program like UMass that exists only to get trampled by others.

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UMass exists to play college football and simply lose. They are the Washington generals of college football. So UMass coach Walt Bell on the canceled football season, quote, My dad passed away in 2008. My biological mom died in 2012. And to be honest with you, this is probably a tougher day than both of those days. So go ahead. Last year, the Minutemen were one in 11.

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Real quote from the athletic. All right. It is a real quote from the athletic. Unbelievable. The year before that. What were they? They were foreign aid the year before that, what were they?

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Four and eight the year before that, what were they to add to that the year before that they had back to back three or nine seasons at 14 and 15 before that, back to back one and 11 seasons in 2012, 12 to 13.

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All right. So now I'm going to read this quote to you again. And I don't know if my math is bad, but I think the best seasons they've had this decade, they've won. Let's see a third of their games. That's that's the best seasons that they have had, the four win seasons. But my dad passed away in 2008, biological mom who died in 2012. And to be honest with you, this is probably a tougher day than both of those days.

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When is the last time you. And are they indeed the Minutemen also in football? They are, because I don't know if they have one of those strange deals where nobody wants to be associated with this particular program. So they have a different nickname. When is the last time they had a winning season? It looks like 2010, they put together a big six and five season.

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They are indeed the Minutemen.

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Thank you, Mike. I appreciate it. This is staggering. I can't believe that this quote is coming out of the mouth of this man.

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The team that they beat last season was ACRON. All right, tell me more about ACRON, please, and I mean, I think the right coach's name is Tom Orth. OK, Tom Arth, you should be ashamed of yourself for publicly smoking you out or denying. How do I know who you know the answer.

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I mean, this is just unbelievable. Hold on, synagog, just back back backtrack for just a second, Mike. The segment started with a student not being anywhere in the camera frame and was the first sound we heard on the air. Really, his hairy ass hitting the chair there with a thud. Was that the first sound of this segment as he sort of rolled into the shot to do his job poorly? He was out of the frame. And, yes, he has a bit of a whoopee cushion effect in his office chair.

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So the first sound was something replicating a fart. I don't think he's muted his computer screen, playing total defense here. This just minutes after he called me on the phone to assure me he's totally fine. He doesn't know what we're talking about. He is not drunk. He is not high. He is just simply incompetent.

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Got some I'm begging you right now, please mute your your computer screen because we're getting an echo effect. Can you also please, Mike, while we are at this, would you do me the favor of seeing if you can isolate the sound at the beginning of this segment so that people can hear for themselves the sound of Stewart's landing in his chair with a thud that made us all think that he was gassy? I would like to hear that again. So feel free to read.

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Plug yourself in whenever you go.

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Don't don't let up. What do you want me to do? I'm having issues with your job.

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Your job. I can't hear anything. What do you want from me? I find it very hard to believe that you can't hear anything, considering I can hear the speakers from your microphone. ESPN Radio is presented by Progressive Insurance. Check out ESPN audio at home by telling Alexa to play ESPN News from ESPN. ESPN audio at home is brought to you by Mercedes Benz Van's driver, Mercedes Benz van. And find out how far an extra mile really goes for customization and service to financial assistance.

[00:27:07]

Mercedes Benz vans are ready for anything. Are you aware, Strogatz and I don't know how much of this I'm allowed to say because I just got an email from Roy this morning.

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But are you aware that in general, the unprofessionalism associated with this show, like the unprofessionalism you just displayed, while vital to everything we do and always a content producer and part of our formula, you know, ESPN is trying to eradicate that, right. That on August 17th, ESPN is going to be professional. It's going to be greedy. Professional broadcaster Kellerman, professional broadcaster ESPN is going to a homogenized thing on ESPN Radio. You do realize they're trying to eradicate that kind of unprofessionalism, which by extension is also and I'm sorry to break this to you, if you hadn't considered it, also trying to eradicate you.

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Yeah, I mean, I guess I get that. Thank you for the encouragement and the encouraging words. I appreciate it. Luckily, I have two years left on my contract. I mean, so.

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OK, well, there is that I'm just and I need it. I like trust me. Like I need you reading everything at this point. We love your misread things. They put things in. Look at him. He's wrapped up in his headset. He's all tied in the wires.

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He's very clearly just following the show along in the Zoome at this point because he's not wearing his headphones. And yeah, the foundation has been laid to remove what just happened from our show, because I got an email a couple of days ago suggesting that our updates aren't up to the production quality that ESPN has established over these decades as the leader in the industry. And it's hard to buck against that at this point.

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Quite honestly, it's been particularly bad lately. I will not say that I agree with ESPN because I love the content that forever spills out of new. Because of that incompetence, I have ruined it all my life. Force Stewart to never get better. And it's one of the great gifts and prayers that's been answered for me because everyone being terrible allows me to rail and run around. And it's only been a part of American comedy since Laurel and Hardy, the fat guy chasing around the court jester that everyone loves.

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Like what age is Laurel and Hardy? Because it was was Abbott and Costello also fat guy Penn and Teller? Is it always fat guy chasing around Skinny Jester and the public sides with the gesture? The gesture? It is it's formulaic. American comedy and ESPN doesn't want it. They want more. Mike Greenberg, the professionalism you get from Greaney, they want more Greaney, less weening. Laurel and Hardy had an amazing run, nineteen twenty seven to nineteen fifty five.

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That's a good run. I have to stigmatises chair for you if you want it.

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OK, wait a minute, hold on a second. Let's build up to that. I'm very excited about this. You've got a giant smile on your face. Let me set it up again real quick. And also I just saw this. My brother, I want to talk to Mike about this because he's been on paternity leave and haven't gotten to talk to him. But that fight with Dana White that I'm supposed to have, my brother just made some really cool fight posters, Libo art dot com.

[00:30:31]

I just saw a fight poster he put up there. Evidently, I'm fighting under the name Fredo Ortiz. We will we will get to Mike Ryan update. I'm hoping he has one in paternity. But if you're just joining us, Stukas has been incompetent. ESPN Radio next week on Monday becomes much more professional radio lineup that has no room for the jester's incompetent antics. The sports reads are being taken away from Stewart. Here is Stewart's reacting to that in real time by being late to this segment, not being ready for this segment.

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And the first sound you heard on air was him launching himself. Harry s first Plummers, but on display in the chair.

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Why would they want to replace that, that's comedy genius right there, Laurel and Hardy, Laurel and Hardy.